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Stay Sparked #37 "Insecurities"
5 Plays2 years ago
Where do our insecurities come from? How do they affect our lives? And what can we do to minimize their impact? The crew shares personal struggles as well as the tools that help them.
HOSTS
BETSY FINKLEHOO is a healer of massage therapy, CranioSacral and Dharma Coaching. She is an 8 year burner and has spent the last several years seeped in the personal development world, cultivating her passion for transformation and growth. Her recent project, The Power Affirmation Journal and virtual group empowers women to cultivate self awareness and healthy habits so they can live in greater freedom, mind body and spirit.
http://poweraffirmation.com/
Click here to get a FREE affirmation for Stay Sparked Listeners!
HALCYON is full-time Love Ambassador. He is the founder of Hug Nation YouTube channel and daily zoom gratitude circles. He is co-founder of the Pink Heart Burning Man camp and the 1st Saturdays project for people experiencing homelessness. In his free time he coaches individuals on how to live joyfully and authentically. His other podcast is "Hard on the 80's."
http://JohnStyn.com
JANUS REDMOON is a 10-time Burner, and has spent the last several years as an advocate for psychedelic medicine research and treatment. He is the founder and CEO of NuWorld Nutritionals, a nutritional supplement company providing mushroom-based, all-natural products to improve and maintain health for both body and mind. (Use code "SPARKED" for 10% off)
http://www.nuworldnutritionals.com
MASSIVE Thank you to Dub Sutra for their beautiful opening music. Check out their incredible music catalogue online.
https://dubsutra.com
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Focus
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to Stay Sparked.
00:00:04
Speaker
On this show, we explore how to stay inspired in the modern world through the most profound lessons from Burning Man, relationships, entrepreneurship, psychedelics, spirituality, travel, and more.
Insecurities: Impact and Overcoming Strategies
00:00:17
Speaker
On today's episode, we get down and talk about insecurities.
00:00:22
Speaker
We talk about how insecurities have impacted our lives and how we overcome them.
00:00:27
Speaker
And we discuss our processes for how to overcome our insecurities, manage our insecurities so that we, our higher selves, are the ones in the driver's seat.
00:00:37
Speaker
Enjoy the episode.
00:00:40
Speaker
Hello, friends.
00:00:41
Speaker
Thank you for joining us today on Stay Sparked.
00:00:45
Speaker
I'm Betsy.
00:00:46
Speaker
I'm Halcyon.
00:00:47
Speaker
And I am Giannis.
00:00:49
Speaker
We are so happy that you've been listening and enjoying these sparks of inspiration we've been spreading out today.
00:00:55
Speaker
Today, we would love to give a shout out to one of our wonderful Sparked listeners, Shauna.
00:01:01
Speaker
Thank you so much for leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts.
00:01:05
Speaker
She said, some days I feel like the only reason I have my head on straight is because I'm able to get some grounding from these discussions.
00:01:12
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It's easy to get wrapped up in life and forget to do the basic things that allow me to experience life with gratitude and grace.
00:01:18
Speaker
Thank you, Shauna, so much.
00:01:20
Speaker
We are so happy to be a grounding force in your life.
00:01:23
Speaker
Thank you so much for taking a moment to leave us a review that helps spread the sparks far and wide.
Gratitude in Relationships and Experiences
00:01:30
Speaker
So I'd love to start off with some gratitude.
00:01:32
Speaker
What are you grateful for today, Halcyon?
00:01:35
Speaker
I am so grateful for my sister-in-law, Jen, and my brother, Jim.
00:01:38
Speaker
They celebrated their 19th wedding anniversary yesterday, and I'm just so blessed to have witnessed their union, their love, their creation of family and home.
00:01:47
Speaker
I'm just super grateful for them in my life.
00:01:49
Speaker
amazing i love that how about you yonas what are you grateful for today i am grateful for our festival season is in full swing and while i didn't go to burning man and i didn't go to bhakti fest i'm going to uh festival this weekend with some dear friends up in the hills above los angeles looking forward to it's going to be a good little reunion of soul fam amazing
00:02:14
Speaker
My gratitude is for you too.
00:02:18
Speaker
I am so grateful for your friendship and for these conversations.
00:02:22
Speaker
I am absolutely enamored and in love with both of you.
00:02:26
Speaker
You both are my gratitude today.
00:02:27
Speaker
Oh, love you Betsy.
00:02:29
Speaker
Thank you Betsy.
00:02:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:31
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Yeah.
00:02:32
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Love you back.
00:02:33
Speaker
Oh, all right.
Understanding Insecurities
00:02:35
Speaker
So we have an interesting topic today that I'm excited to explore with both of you, two people that I see as beautifully confident souls who are also human.
00:02:46
Speaker
We all are.
00:02:46
Speaker
The topic today is about insecurities.
00:02:49
Speaker
It is something that I think all humans at some point in their life navigate through, whether that's about body or voice or comparison or expression or all kinds of different things.
00:03:01
Speaker
And so love to start us off with a little bit of an inquiry around how does insecurities show up for you in your life?
00:03:09
Speaker
If there's anything that feels relevant to share in regards to
00:03:15
Speaker
into this topic.
00:03:17
Speaker
And also what is insecurities?
00:03:18
Speaker
What are insecurities?
00:03:20
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
00:03:21
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I feel like, I mean, insecurities are when the things about yourself that you're not okay with, like the things that are not enough, the things that you're worried about fitting in or, I mean, for me,
00:03:38
Speaker
I look at the first chapter of my life up until mid-20s as being
00:03:46
Speaker
really commanded by my insecurities and really working so hard to figure out what do I need to do to fit in and feeling like so many things about me were not right.
00:03:56
Speaker
You know, my skin was not right.
00:03:58
Speaker
My hair was not right.
00:03:59
Speaker
My, and just, I was so focused on what do I need to do to, to fit in and to be cool.
00:04:08
Speaker
Um, and, and that kind of voice of is constantly telling me you're not right.
00:04:13
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You're not, you're right.
00:04:14
Speaker
You're not right.
00:04:16
Speaker
And that I'm still, I mean, there's a lot of those voices that I have quieted, but they still come up all the time.
00:04:23
Speaker
And I really have to be aware of when and where those voices are coming from.
00:04:29
Speaker
Sometimes it's, I feel like it's been there all along.
00:04:31
Speaker
Sometimes it's the echo of something that was said to me in high school, you know, somebody making fun of me once.
00:04:38
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And then suddenly I am insecure about the size of my ears for the rest of my life.
00:04:45
Speaker
It's crazy.
00:04:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:48
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It doesn't, it doesn't take much.
00:04:50
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It doesn't, it doesn't take much to, I don't know.
00:04:53
Speaker
I think we're, we're all kind of not born with it, but we're kind of like brought into like an insecure world.
00:05:02
Speaker
I remember being a child being, you know, more or less, you know, the insecurity didn't, didn't really kick in until I got to school.
00:05:11
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And there's this, you know, this whole comparison and these people that you,
00:05:15
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Oh, that person seems cool.
00:05:16
Speaker
When that person says something ran towards me, that means I'm not cool or whatever.
00:05:20
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So it's one of those things that it's like we feel kind of fine when we're by ourselves and then we get out in the world and it's like, oh, all this comparison starts happening.
00:05:29
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Right.
00:05:30
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And then I think that happens throughout school and then into adulthood.
00:05:34
Speaker
And that's when it's like, I think that's when we're finally first able to kind of shake a lot of this off or that's when that's when it first dawns on us that we can shake this off as we become our own person.
00:05:46
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But it can be tricky.
00:05:47
Speaker
It can be, it can be real tough to like those.
00:05:50
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It said, it said that the.
00:05:53
Speaker
The inner voice.
00:05:55
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that we have as an adult is the parents voice to us as a child.
00:06:00
Speaker
And I think that also goes for like our peers voices to us when we were like younger and in school, I think those, those voices kind of echo throughout our lives.
00:06:08
Speaker
And we have to find a way to like, not invalidate them, but to validate our own voice and our own perspective towards
Insecurities and the Primal Need to Belong
00:06:16
Speaker
ourselves.
00:06:16
Speaker
And you know, that whole, I'm good enough.
00:06:18
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I'm smart enough.
00:06:19
Speaker
And gosh, don't have people like me and have that be your default.
00:06:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:24
Speaker
Affirmations.
00:06:24
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Yeah, absolutely.
00:06:25
Speaker
You know, I love affirmations.
00:06:27
Speaker
But it really comes down to some imprinting.
00:06:30
Speaker
You're so right.
00:06:31
Speaker
You know, when we're young, if one thing gets said to us, it sticks with us for a long time.
00:06:36
Speaker
You know, there's even research that shows, you know, if you hear 10 compliments and one negative thing, then we tend to focus on that negative thing.
00:06:46
Speaker
And that is what becomes the dominant focus.
00:06:50
Speaker
And it's a very intense thing, you know?
00:06:54
Speaker
And so to be able to work with those insecurities as adults and to be able to consciously reprogram and shift out of those, it takes work.
00:07:04
Speaker
You know, and then something else that you said, Halcyon, around belonging, right?
00:07:10
Speaker
The sense of belonging is primal in our nature, right?
00:07:13
Speaker
Because, you know, to belong to a tribe is, you know, going to depend on our survival, you know, when we were
00:07:23
Speaker
in primitive days, it's like, if we're not part of the tribe, then we are going to die likely.
00:07:29
Speaker
And so if we don't belong, then it's unsafe, right?
00:07:32
Speaker
And so we do everything that we can to try to belong.
00:07:35
Speaker
And if we don't, then, oh man, you know, even though that's obviously it's not like that now, there's still something in our systems that feels unsafe if we don't belong.
00:07:46
Speaker
And so, yeah, it feels like that could definitely be a part of the core of some of our insecurities.
00:07:51
Speaker
So powerful.
00:07:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:53
Speaker
And that's something that has helped me like reading something along the lines of what you just shared, Betsy, is how we are hardwired to pay attention to like the negative thing, because that can be perceived as a threat.
00:08:06
Speaker
If somebody doesn't like us, that had ramifications back, like way back in the day, but we're still wired for that.
00:08:13
Speaker
So once I kind of, you know, got that knowledge, like, okay, I'm actually wired to pay attention to these negatives.
00:08:20
Speaker
I'm wired to kind of
00:08:22
Speaker
you know, have these insecurities because my, you know, several generations ago, my, my life would depend on it.
00:08:28
Speaker
It doesn't depend on it anymore, but realizing like, okay, I'm wired to like fixate on the negative and then be like, okay, I can, I can overcome that.
00:08:36
Speaker
That's something that, you know, acceptance of that, you know, first acceptance, then you can kind of work with it and overcome it.
00:08:43
Speaker
And that's that, that realization helped me a lot in my process.
Overcoming Insecurities: Personal Journeys
00:08:47
Speaker
I wish that was easy, just recognizing and overcome it.
00:08:51
Speaker
I wish it was something we could just go, oh, cool.
00:08:54
Speaker
I mean, I know that for myself, the second big chapter of my life, which was like the next 25 years up until very recently, it was, you know,
00:09:03
Speaker
I tried to bypass comparison by creating kind of an identity for myself that was unique.
00:09:10
Speaker
You know, so I kind of created a persona of Halcyon that was this unique being, you know, I looked different, I acted different, I tried to just be in a category of one.
00:09:20
Speaker
So, and subconsciously, I can look back and go, I was trying to avoid the comparisons.
00:09:28
Speaker
You know, I'm the best at being pink haired and in good shape and philosophical and all these things.
00:09:35
Speaker
You know, like if I take myself and put myself in the category where I'm next to peers, I suddenly start my insecurities kick in and I start to judge myself.
00:09:46
Speaker
I mean, I can look back at that time in my life when I was younger and looking for careers.
00:09:51
Speaker
Like there's a part of me that wanted to go to Hollywood and try to be a writer.
00:09:55
Speaker
but my insecurity wouldn't let me.
00:09:57
Speaker
Like I was like, the thought of place myself next to people who are good at something.
00:10:03
Speaker
And then that my comparison, my insecurity saying, you're not good.
00:10:06
Speaker
You're not as good at them.
00:10:07
Speaker
You're not as good.
00:10:07
Speaker
You're not as good.
00:10:08
Speaker
Like, I wish I could say I saw that.
00:10:11
Speaker
and then overcame it, I did not.
00:10:14
Speaker
I saw it and said, how can I survive and bypass this?
00:10:18
Speaker
And so I said, okay, I'm going to do something on my own.
00:10:20
Speaker
And so I'm grateful, super grateful for the way the insecurity steered me to a very unique life.
00:10:27
Speaker
But it is now in this next chapter of my life that I have to go back and go, okay, you postponed this process of really becoming okay with yourself and really like
00:10:39
Speaker
taking the power away from these insecurities, but you don't get to skip it.
00:10:43
Speaker
So it's been a big part of my journey recently of going, okay, can I really sink into being good enough and not run from the comparisons?
00:10:55
Speaker
Hmm.
00:10:56
Speaker
That's so powerful.
00:10:57
Speaker
It kind of like the question that I hear pop up is, do I have what it takes to be able to do the thing that I want to do versus I could never do that.
00:11:07
Speaker
Right.
00:11:07
Speaker
And affirmation, I could never do that as debilitating.
00:11:10
Speaker
Like how many times have we stopped ourselves from doing something that we really feel passionate about because we have a,
00:11:17
Speaker
an insecurity about our voice, our body, our whatever, our skill, you know, we just don't do the thing.
00:11:25
Speaker
It's safer to not do the thing because we, you know,
00:11:29
Speaker
just don't want to embarrass ourselves or put in a place of danger.
00:11:33
Speaker
Right.
00:11:34
Speaker
But if we can start to ask that question, do I have what it takes to be able to do that thing?
00:11:39
Speaker
Could I actually be able to do that thing?
00:11:43
Speaker
Starts to open up this whole other level of curiosity versus like never like put putting the, you know, and I think even deeper than that is if
00:11:57
Speaker
If I try this thing and I don't instantly succeed at it, am I still okay?
00:12:02
Speaker
Do I still have worth?
00:12:04
Speaker
And so that part of, if the insecurities are too strong, you avoid anything that will prove them right.
00:12:13
Speaker
I don't want to possibly fail because if I fail, then it's true.
00:12:18
Speaker
I do suck.
00:12:19
Speaker
I am not as good.
00:12:20
Speaker
As opposed to going like, wait, I'm a human.
00:12:22
Speaker
I got to learn stuff.
00:12:23
Speaker
It's like, why not try and get back up?
00:12:26
Speaker
That doesn't make me any less worthy.
00:12:29
Speaker
Let's say I never succeed at the thing.
00:12:31
Speaker
Still, it doesn't make me less worthy.
00:12:35
Speaker
I think that is the antidote to insecurity really is I have worthiness no matter what.
00:12:42
Speaker
Yes.
00:12:43
Speaker
Yes.
00:12:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:45
Speaker
And that's the that's the idea.
00:12:48
Speaker
This is the success is in the trying.
00:12:51
Speaker
The you know, the idea, you know, the idea of like fear of failure and even like things like imposter syndrome, like, you know, they're going to they're going to find out that I'm like I'm a fraud or whatever.
00:13:01
Speaker
This is the root of all this is insecurity.
00:13:04
Speaker
And they, I think the opposite of insecurity isn't necessarily, you know, secure or success.
00:13:10
Speaker
It's courage.
00:13:11
Speaker
It's, you know, doing that thing, regardless, you know, do the thing and don't be attached to the outcome.
00:13:17
Speaker
Like finding a way to like, all right, make this, you know, make this effort to do the thing.
00:13:22
Speaker
And again, the success is in the trying.
00:13:24
Speaker
You might be a screaming success or an utter failure, or you might not do the thing that you're trying to do.
00:13:32
Speaker
You might not accomplish the goal that you're trying to,
00:13:34
Speaker
It's not for yourself.
00:13:36
Speaker
But just the fact that we're trying, that's a win.
00:13:41
Speaker
And so framing it that way for myself helped me to overcome a lot of just inherent insecurities I've brought to a situation.
00:13:51
Speaker
And then you do that enough and you get some evidence for you're going to succeed sometimes.
00:13:56
Speaker
You might not succeed all the time, but you're going to have some successes.
00:13:59
Speaker
And that's something you can draw upon.
00:14:01
Speaker
and look at it be like, yeah, that thing I set out to do that I was scared to death of doing, I actually did that thing.
00:14:06
Speaker
And it was awesome.
00:14:07
Speaker
These other three things were terrible.
00:14:09
Speaker
But this here's a win, here's a win, here's a win.
00:14:11
Speaker
And you start stacking wins.
00:14:13
Speaker
And that helps with the process of overcoming insecurity.
00:14:17
Speaker
Yes, courage.
00:14:19
Speaker
So important.
00:14:20
Speaker
And what is the saying?
00:14:22
Speaker
There is no courage without fear.
00:14:25
Speaker
Right.
00:14:25
Speaker
And so you have to be willing to lean into what you're scared to do.
00:14:30
Speaker
You know, we're right here on this podcast.
00:14:33
Speaker
This is a perfect example for me.
00:14:35
Speaker
I used to have a lot of insecurities around my voice and had this idea that what I had to say didn't matter and that I didn't know how to communicate in a way that was actually going to bring any value.
00:14:49
Speaker
And over many years of leaning in,
00:14:53
Speaker
and being willing to practice using my voice in different ways, learning about different communication tools, nonviolent communication, affirmations, incantations, singing, even really working on developing this part of my expression, my voice, then I've been able to overcome so much of my insecurities around my voice.
00:15:20
Speaker
And now here we are.
00:15:21
Speaker
I would have never thought that I would be
00:15:23
Speaker
confident and courageous enough to be on a podcast, you know, and then watching how, you know, so many times in my life, I have had to cultivate a deep sense of courage in my voice to say things to people that I love in a way that is important or that is, um, that is fiercely compassionate, kind, and, um, real authentic.
00:15:49
Speaker
you know, and to kind of speak to the insecurities, I personally have experienced as well moments where I haven't been confident enough to be able to have a hard conversation with
Communication and Courage in Overcoming Insecurities
00:16:00
Speaker
somebody.
00:16:00
Speaker
And then it just creates so much disconnect, you know, and I've seen that with friends.
00:16:04
Speaker
I've seen that in so many different situations where, you know, people will just shut down.
00:16:08
Speaker
We'll just, you know, not say the thing because I don't have confidence within my own voice to be able to have a conversation with someone about my needs.
00:16:18
Speaker
Right.
00:16:18
Speaker
If I'm insecure about how this person's going to receive what I have to say, then I'm just not going to say the thing at all.
00:16:25
Speaker
And what I've been learning is like, okay, well, if I can develop a skillset within my own self and then know how to communicate with somebody from the training that I've put myself through, then there is so much more availability for connection and love and breakthrough and healing.
00:16:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:49
Speaker
And that speaks to and you brought it, you brought this up.
00:16:52
Speaker
And I think that's, it's an important tool that I think that I personally speak for myself, I forget to use a lot.
00:16:59
Speaker
And that is that is nonviolent communication.
00:17:02
Speaker
Known as NVC, it is so simple, it's one of those deceptively simple things.
00:17:07
Speaker
But when I remember to use it, when there's a conversation that needs to be had or something that is, well, let's just sticking with the conversational piece of it.
00:17:17
Speaker
When there's a conversation that needs to be had that I'm not feeling that great about having, when I remember to just practice NVC and just go into, okay, this is what I'm seeing.
00:17:29
Speaker
This is what I'm
00:17:31
Speaker
Feeling about it.
00:17:31
Speaker
This is what I want.
00:17:33
Speaker
Can you give this to me?
00:17:34
Speaker
Basic framework of NBC.
00:17:36
Speaker
When I do that, the results unanimously are favorable for everybody involved.
00:17:43
Speaker
That's a good tool for me to have that conversation and
00:17:51
Speaker
It just makes it easy.
00:17:52
Speaker
It kind of takes the load off of me, off my heart, off my head to be like, okay, I'm just going to like, just, just basic, just put it out there in this format.
00:18:00
Speaker
And it's, you always received with, it might be received like, but it definitely lightens the load for everybody involved.
00:18:07
Speaker
So, so yeah, for, for a conversational piece, very good in relationship, very good with friendships, work relationships, whatever it's a, that is a, it's an invaluable tool for, uh, for people to use.
00:18:19
Speaker
I think it's facing insecurities of voice and expression with learning.
00:18:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:24
Speaker
Right.
00:18:25
Speaker
Training ourselves and these and receiving the information that's out there.
00:18:29
Speaker
Cause they're there.
Insecurity in Everyday Situations
00:18:30
Speaker
You're right.
00:18:30
Speaker
There's not really a training in school for how to communicate with loved ones.
00:18:35
Speaker
You know, that would be a really wonderful class to take in high school, but not really something that's available.
00:18:41
Speaker
So we get to train ourselves.
00:18:44
Speaker
Yeah, I think there's having insecurity in communication, I think is so common and something I still struggle with in little and big ways.
00:18:53
Speaker
Like I, as I yesterday was calling a contractor to get some my ceiling hole looked at.
00:19:00
Speaker
I started to have these insecure feelings.
00:19:04
Speaker
Without really being fully aware of it, I don't really know what I'm talking about.
00:19:08
Speaker
I'm not fully versed in these areas of this person is going to judge me for being ignorant.
00:19:15
Speaker
And so I start to rehearse what I'm going to say, and I start to then worry about what if they say this?
00:19:21
Speaker
And I fall into this real, like, I lack faith that it's going to be okay.
00:19:27
Speaker
You know, I start to worry that I will be judged.
00:19:32
Speaker
Now, all of this is in my head.
00:19:33
Speaker
And I think that's kind of a big part about most of insecurity.
00:19:36
Speaker
The battle is with yourself and your fear of judgment so much more than it is about any sort of judgment.
00:19:45
Speaker
But it requires a real, like you talked about just
00:19:49
Speaker
I think faith is something that comes into my mind.
00:19:51
Speaker
Like, I just need to get out of my head, be present and just trust and let go of those.
00:19:57
Speaker
The insecure things are have to do with my mind, you know, like these thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, as opposed to any real truth that I'm dealing with.
00:20:06
Speaker
Yes, absolutely.
00:20:07
Speaker
Is a saying that comes to mind often is worry is a, uh, prayer for what we don't want.
00:20:15
Speaker
Right.
00:20:15
Speaker
Like calling it what we don't want.
00:20:17
Speaker
Right.
00:20:18
Speaker
And so one of the places I've been practicing is, um, catching when I'm in the future projection of the worst outcome, right?
00:20:26
Speaker
Like, Oh God, this is going to be so horrible.
00:20:28
Speaker
I don't know how this is going to go.
00:20:30
Speaker
I'm probably going to fail.
00:20:31
Speaker
This is going to really suck.
00:20:32
Speaker
And then catching and going like, wait a second.
00:20:35
Speaker
what would be the highest and best outcome?
00:20:37
Speaker
Right.
00:20:37
Speaker
And I actually, I love doing that in conversations too with friends because sometimes a friend will start to do that, that same thing.
00:20:44
Speaker
Like, oh man, this is a really horrible thing and I'm going to be, this is going to be so hard.
Visualization and Humility in Addressing Insecurities
00:20:49
Speaker
And it's like, wait a second.
00:20:50
Speaker
Well, what if it wasn't, you know, there's a, um,
00:20:54
Speaker
There's a practice that baseball players do.
00:20:58
Speaker
I've heard of this or read it somewhere that before a game, they will sit in the locker room and they will imagine themselves high-fiving at the end of the game and get into that state of emotions, what it feels like to have the games done already and they won and it's an amazing outcome, right?
00:21:18
Speaker
And they get to that like, yes.
00:21:20
Speaker
And so I love that because then I start to practice that with hard conversations or with certain things that I'm going to be doing.
00:21:30
Speaker
Like, for example, I do some performances from time to time.
00:21:33
Speaker
And so I start to imagine what I'm going to feel like after the conversation or after the performance or after the event that I'm going to be doing.
00:21:41
Speaker
And I get into that like, yes, oh yes, I feel so relieved.
00:21:45
Speaker
I feel so happy.
00:21:45
Speaker
I feel so accomplished.
00:21:47
Speaker
I feel like everything just went even better than I planned.
00:21:50
Speaker
Sometimes I even imagine hugging someone at the end of the conversation or even like another one is like, you know, I imagine I get somewhere in my car and I'm going in to have that hard conversation instead of going like, oh, I'm so scared how this conversation is going to go.
00:22:09
Speaker
I don't trust my boys.
00:22:10
Speaker
Okay, let me just take a breath.
00:22:11
Speaker
I'm going to see what it would look like for me to get back in my car with this like sense of, oh, wow, that went amazing.
00:22:23
Speaker
And I will tell you, the more that I'm practicing it, that it works.
00:22:28
Speaker
It absolutely has helped to eradicate so much of my fear and insecurities around my abilities to communicate and to be able to do the things that I once was really scared to do.
00:22:39
Speaker
It's maybe a little woo woo, but I love it.
00:22:41
Speaker
No, it's awesome.
00:22:42
Speaker
I love that.
00:22:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:46
Speaker
For me, um,
00:22:48
Speaker
Yeah, that's great.
00:22:49
Speaker
And for me, something that has helped me a lot, and Halsey, you kind of sparked this memory or this realization, that going into a conversation, the idea of self-deprecating humor is fine, and we can definitely go a little too far with the self-deprecation.
00:23:10
Speaker
But when I go into a conversation with somebody that knows more than me about a topic, and there's plenty of people in our community that know a lot more than me about a lot of topics.
00:23:20
Speaker
But if I want to talk about this thing or I need some help with this thing, I go in to be like, okay,
00:23:26
Speaker
You're the expert and or I know nothing.
00:23:28
Speaker
I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'm going to talk anyway.
00:23:30
Speaker
And just kind of just manage expectations at the beginning.
00:23:33
Speaker
It's like, okay, I need help with this thing.
00:23:36
Speaker
You're the expert.
00:23:37
Speaker
So I'm going to, you know, I clearly don't know what I'm talking about, but here's my issue and bring it up.
00:23:42
Speaker
And then that just kind of sets the table for understanding on the other part of the other person.
00:23:48
Speaker
I don't have to sound like I know
00:23:50
Speaker
what i'm doing because i just told them i know i just told them i don't so that that kind of puts everything at ease and just allows them to kind of be like oh okay so this is what you need this is how i can help you and so on and so forth uh like i just had a meeting with uh some friends of ours on a business um
00:24:07
Speaker
a business thing, they're well steeped in this knowledge.
00:24:09
Speaker
And I know a lot, but I don't know as much about what I need to know about as they do.
00:24:14
Speaker
So I came in with just a beginner's mind and just be like, yes, just allow them to say some things that I did already know about, but there's so much more knowledge there.
00:24:22
Speaker
So I just went in and be like,
00:24:24
Speaker
I know nothing.
00:24:25
Speaker
Tell me what I need to know about this.
00:24:26
Speaker
And then even when they told me something I did know, I was just like nodding.
00:24:29
Speaker
Okay.
00:24:30
Speaker
Okay.
00:24:30
Speaker
Because there's all this other goodness that was coming my way.
00:24:33
Speaker
So, so there's a bit of insecurity I had going into that meeting, but just, just kind of leaning into that being like, yeah, okay.
00:24:41
Speaker
I'm going to, there's a child opportunity for me to learn something.
00:24:43
Speaker
So just kind of put myself in beginner's mind, student's mind helps me to kind of embark on those tricky conversations that I'm not necessarily feeling great about.
00:24:54
Speaker
Hmm, humbleness.
00:24:57
Speaker
And that tactic of speaking the insecurity or speaking the uncertainty, I think is really good.
00:25:03
Speaker
You know, like it gets so much worse when we're trying to defend the facade of confidence, you know, or to pretend like we know what we're doing.
00:25:13
Speaker
I fall into this all the time where, you know, the mechanic says, well, it looks like you got a rabble ruser that's disconnected from the flim flam.
00:25:21
Speaker
And I go,
00:25:24
Speaker
Yeah, I thought it might be that.
00:25:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:26
Speaker
Uh-huh.
00:25:27
Speaker
Totally.
00:25:27
Speaker
You know, I'm like, like, why don't I, but, and I'm, there's something in me deep down that has this fear of, of being stupid, you know, a fear.
00:25:40
Speaker
And so a lot, I really, insecurities really kind of trouble me in those moments where, and there's, there's beautiful opportunities to learn, like you mentioned, where I am scared to, to feel or look stupid.
00:25:52
Speaker
And so I either,
00:25:54
Speaker
or I don't ask the question or I don't acknowledge, or even like, I won't say yes.
00:26:01
Speaker
When someone says, do you want me to explain this to you?
00:26:02
Speaker
I'll be like, yeah.
00:26:05
Speaker
I'm way better now, but I think as there's, there's, if I could just say, could you slow down a little bit or actually, you know, I don't, I don't understand that word or can you say that one again or take it back one more step or before we begin, as you said, yeah, and it's like, uh, I'm an, I'm beginning here.
00:26:24
Speaker
So give me some patience as you explain this to me.
00:26:28
Speaker
But it takes me being really aware of what I'm doing to not fall into that defensiveness of like, careful, don't let yourself
Body Image and Societal Pressures
00:26:38
Speaker
lose your footing.
00:26:38
Speaker
So stay cool.
00:26:39
Speaker
Stay cool.
00:26:42
Speaker
Self-awareness.
00:26:43
Speaker
You had to be able to catch yourself in that moment and see where you're trying to like puff up.
00:26:48
Speaker
and then come back into a place of just staying humble and being willing to not know.
00:26:53
Speaker
One of the things I like to practice now too is asking what certain words mean, whereas maybe in the past, sometimes still, if someone says a word I don't actually know the definition of or understand what that means, then being willing to say, can you explain what that word means?
00:27:12
Speaker
Because I don't actually know.
00:27:14
Speaker
And letting go of the idea that I'm going to look stupid.
00:27:18
Speaker
you know, and to be able to, yeah, be willing.
00:27:21
Speaker
And then the other piece too, that's kind of really alive for me, we're talking a lot about our communication.
00:27:27
Speaker
And I think that one of the big ones that comes up for me and for a lot of women, I know, and I think men too, but is body.
00:27:36
Speaker
you know, insecurities around our bodies.
00:27:39
Speaker
There is just so much in society that shows us what the perfect body is, you know, we need to be tan and fit and, you know, just the right size and the right shape and to be able to fit into these certain, you know, cookie cutter body types.
00:27:57
Speaker
And if we don't, then we don't, you know, we don't, we can't be confident.
00:28:02
Speaker
You know, I was in a women's circle recently and there was about 15 women.
00:28:07
Speaker
And I would say that there was probably at least three or four women that shared in the circle about their body dysmorphia.
00:28:13
Speaker
And these are gorgeous women.
00:28:16
Speaker
One in particular that, um, when she was just about to share, I thought to myself, gosh, she is so gorgeous.
00:28:23
Speaker
She's like 57 and just glowing and just looking so hot and radiant.
00:28:28
Speaker
And then the words that came out of her mouth, you know, she said 24 seven, she has body dysmorphia and how hard she is on herself.
00:28:35
Speaker
And when she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she just says all these horrible things.
00:28:40
Speaker
You know, this is, this is a, unfortunately a very common thing that a lot of people deal with our body image and how we feel.
00:28:48
Speaker
If there's like a little bit of fat rolling over our pants, it's like, Oh God, I can't go out in public.
00:28:54
Speaker
you know, or like makeup, for example, you know, can't go out in public unless I'm looking all, you know, done up.
00:29:01
Speaker
There's like this very deep programming in our society that makes it very difficult to show up authentically in who we are, you know, filters and all of this and stuff on social media that makes it, you know, kind of
00:29:18
Speaker
fans of flames of insecurities, you know?
00:29:21
Speaker
So love to, you know, kind of start to tune into how do we get over that?
00:29:26
Speaker
How do we face our insecurities around our bodies?
00:29:29
Speaker
Well, it's so hard because, I mean, you talked about cookie cutter, but really, does anybody fit perfectly into the cookie cutter?
00:29:36
Speaker
As you said, the most gorgeous people you know have had many thoughts looking in the mirror, were like, oh, that sucks.
00:29:43
Speaker
I don't look good here.
00:29:44
Speaker
I don't look good there.
00:29:44
Speaker
I mean, you hear from like professional models all the time.
00:29:47
Speaker
They're racked with insecurity about whatever's too much here, not enough there.
00:29:53
Speaker
And so it's really kind of a pretty universal thing.
00:29:56
Speaker
Like almost everyone, I would say, you know, the three of us are, most people would say are blessed with the metabolism and lifestyles that we are in shape.
00:30:05
Speaker
I don't know about you guys, I definitely have places where I go, oh, I got to work on that.
00:30:09
Speaker
Oh, this is not quite right.
00:30:10
Speaker
And it's been my, you know, my whole life has been that way.
00:30:13
Speaker
And so it's, it's, there, there is something that culturally about the way we are marketed to the way that social media is the way that there is massive industries based on trying to make us always insecure about things that it takes, it takes a, it's one of the gifts of, of aging,
00:30:34
Speaker
is that you can slowly stop to let go of the expectation that you're supposed to fit into what you see in a airbrushed, literally airbrushed or filtered version of what a human body is supposed to look like.
00:30:47
Speaker
Yeah, that's something that we hear a lot of, especially from older women.
00:30:53
Speaker
like postmenopausal women, I've read this a lot, but I've known, I know a few and they all kind of say the same thing universal.
00:31:00
Speaker
Like, finally, I don't have to care anymore.
00:31:04
Speaker
And I wish I had had this perspective when I was younger.
00:31:08
Speaker
And you kind of just realize what a, what a, what a game it
Aging and Self-Acceptance
00:31:11
Speaker
is.
00:31:11
Speaker
And I think that's true for, that's true for men too.
00:31:13
Speaker
I think men kind of come to that because we don't get as much pressure.
00:31:16
Speaker
Like the dad bod is, the dad bod is celebrated.
00:31:19
Speaker
And there's men like in their thirties being like, yeah, I got my dad bod.
00:31:21
Speaker
I'm like,
00:31:22
Speaker
I'm stoked.
00:31:22
Speaker
And, and it's, it's just fine for men to do this, but not for women.
00:31:28
Speaker
This is another topic for another time.
00:31:30
Speaker
But yeah, as far as overcoming that is, there's a lot to do with just getting older, that wisdom that you, that you, that you just acquire just from living a certain amount of time where you just stop caring what people think and you start not believing what you think all the time as well.
00:31:45
Speaker
That was like a key thing for me.
00:31:46
Speaker
You know, that saying like, you don't have to believe everything you think.
00:31:49
Speaker
And that really kind of hit home for me as well.
00:31:52
Speaker
I was like, oh, because even back in the day in my 20s, when I was like a competitive bodybuilder, it's like spending all this time in the gym, getting super fit, this, any other thing.
00:32:02
Speaker
And even then, yeah, it was always like you had to look for the thing that needed improving.
00:32:07
Speaker
And I'm surrounded by all these people who look like literal specimens in the gym, like both men and women just –
00:32:13
Speaker
And it was always fixating on that little bit of back fat that just couldn't come away with.
00:32:20
Speaker
Everything else was awesome, but it's one little thing.
00:32:23
Speaker
And yeah, it was pretty insidious how society kind of does that to us.
00:32:31
Speaker
And I think it comes, you know, it's, you know, a deep thing.
00:32:35
Speaker
Like housing shirt says, you know, like love more fear and fear less.
00:32:39
Speaker
It's, it's easy.
00:32:40
Speaker
It's easy to say, um, but tough to get to that place of self-love, like to be okay with your, with your wrinkles and your, you know, a little bit of, uh, your body's not quite the ideal.
00:32:52
Speaker
Like you said, nobody fits into that cookie cutter thing.
00:32:54
Speaker
And, you know, that, that self with self-love comes self-acceptance.
00:33:00
Speaker
And you start to just be like, yeah, you know, I'm good.
00:33:03
Speaker
I'm good.
00:33:04
Speaker
I'm not going to be this.
00:33:05
Speaker
I've never been this ideal person.
00:33:07
Speaker
I will never be this ideal person.
00:33:08
Speaker
That is not something worth striving for.
00:33:12
Speaker
And for some people it is.
00:33:13
Speaker
But making that choice for yourself, I think, is super empowering.
00:33:19
Speaker
And you get to that point where you don't care what other people's opinion of your body is.
00:33:23
Speaker
You start to...
00:33:24
Speaker
Become comfortable with who you are.
00:33:27
Speaker
And if you feel good about exercising, by all means, do it.
00:33:30
Speaker
But when it comes, you know, all the things in life that are kind of have to, they don't feel very good.
00:33:36
Speaker
So like, I have to exercise.
00:33:37
Speaker
I have to get this body right.
00:33:40
Speaker
It's like, ah, that's no fun.
00:33:41
Speaker
And, you know, let's, you know, want to have more fun in life.
00:33:44
Speaker
So if you're feeling it, great.
00:33:46
Speaker
If not, you know, work on the self-love and acceptance.
00:33:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:51
Speaker
And it's a balance.
00:33:53
Speaker
You know, to be able to find that place of self-love and self-acceptance and not let that kind of take you to a place of just complacency.
00:34:02
Speaker
Like, well, this is who I am.
00:34:04
Speaker
I'm just going to like sit around and, you know, just not really do anything to tend to my personal growth because I don't really care.
00:34:10
Speaker
Right.
00:34:11
Speaker
There's a balance to be able to have self-acceptance for who I am, wrinkles, fat, you know, whatever it might be.
00:34:20
Speaker
But then also finding ways where I can.
00:34:23
Speaker
boost my diet or boost my self-care routine to be able to actually help to, you know, feel good in my body and feel good when I look in the mirror, you know, for my own self, you know, and then the other spark that comes through is a big magic as Elizabeth Gilbert, I believe.
00:34:43
Speaker
And she speaks about fear and doubt.
00:34:46
Speaker
And she says, whenever we start a new endeavor, new creative project, art project, whatever it might be,
00:34:52
Speaker
It is inevitable that fear and doubt are going to come along with this, this experience.
00:34:58
Speaker
And it's up to us to be able to put them in the backseat, right?
00:35:03
Speaker
If fear and doubt start coming in and we let them drive,
00:35:06
Speaker
right, then it's going to be very difficult.
00:35:08
Speaker
But if we can just put them in the backseat, like some screaming kids, right?
00:35:12
Speaker
Yeah, they I'm going to hear those voices and saying you can't do it.
00:35:15
Speaker
You're not good enough.
00:35:16
Speaker
You're not smart enough.
00:35:17
Speaker
You're not
Managing Insecurities with Compassion
00:35:18
Speaker
pretty enough.
00:35:18
Speaker
You're not this, that there are the other thing and just go, hey, I hear you screaming back there.
00:35:23
Speaker
And guess what?
00:35:23
Speaker
I am going forward anyways.
00:35:26
Speaker
I think that that is a really beautiful way to be able to get into a better relationship with these different parts of ourselves.
00:35:33
Speaker
Because the programs that get imprinted, whether that is from things that people said to us as children or certain things that we've seen or read or all this different imprinting that we receive, to be able to rise up and out of those and know that our true self is whole.
00:35:54
Speaker
is perfect as we are, is, you know, is unique in its own expression, then we can start to be more free from these, from these like painful, sometimes debilitating
00:36:10
Speaker
insecurities right it's one of those insecurities those voices are in the driver's seat and it's up to us to practice when the when they're in the driver's seat and go like actually I'm calling in my higher self you're gonna go ahead and scooch back there or my mom says actually she was quite wise she says she says those are some of her roommates
00:36:29
Speaker
Her old roommate said she has put those voices in the basement.
00:36:35
Speaker
They used to be in the master bedroom.
00:36:37
Speaker
Now those insecure and doubtful, worrisome voices live in the basement.
00:36:44
Speaker
I love that.
00:36:44
Speaker
And I love the idea of putting them in the backseat or the basement as opposed to the idea of...
00:36:49
Speaker
Evicting them or eradicating them, because I think that can be make it so much worse when you have the thoughts and then you feel guilty about it or like you judge yourself, you know, I mean, or or you mentioned, you know, making changes to your diet and then you don't and then you still feel guilty and then you just get the spiraling down.
00:37:08
Speaker
But to recognize that, oh, I'm having those thoughts again.
00:37:11
Speaker
oh, that's that part of me that is trying to remind me of that old thing.
00:37:16
Speaker
And then, as you said, call in the voices that are much more productive and escort the other ones to the rear seat.
00:37:23
Speaker
I think that is so much more helpful than falling into that trap of, man, I suck.
00:37:29
Speaker
I suck.
00:37:30
Speaker
Yeah, consistency and compassion for oneself is such a core important part of it, right?
00:37:37
Speaker
The saying start again is something I use often.
00:37:42
Speaker
It comes from Joe Dispenza.
00:37:44
Speaker
He says, I don't care if you stop.
00:37:45
Speaker
I care if you start again.
00:37:47
Speaker
you know, whether that's a meditation or new habit or, you know, catching ourselves in a program.
00:37:52
Speaker
Same thing, Goinka is a meditation teacher.
00:37:55
Speaker
Start again, just keep starting again.
00:37:58
Speaker
And that's a really powerful way to keep coming back.
00:38:02
Speaker
Keep coming back to that inner kindness.
00:38:04
Speaker
Keep coming back to the new ways that I'm seeing myself, right?
00:38:07
Speaker
Catch myself in a body dysmorphia moment or self-critical.
00:38:11
Speaker
Start again with a little bit of kindness, you know, and it can be very powerful.
00:38:17
Speaker
every day in every way, keep coming back, keep coming back.
00:38:21
Speaker
And it gets easier and easier and easier.
00:38:22
Speaker
The more committed we are to be able to be in right relationship with all parts of ourselves, you know, and what you spoke to is like that inner battle when we try and force these insecurities out and say, get out of here.
00:38:34
Speaker
Why do I keep doing that?
00:38:36
Speaker
And it's this fight inside and it's, yeah, stays in the loop.
00:38:39
Speaker
It's like, yeah,
00:38:42
Speaker
Yeah, that's one of the best gifts I've gotten from my experiences with ayahuasca, if not the best gift, was the knowledge that we're not here to eradicate these parts of ourselves.
00:38:55
Speaker
We're here to befriend them and embrace them and accept them.
00:38:58
Speaker
This insecure nature, these aspects of us that are not our highest version of ourselves.
00:39:05
Speaker
It's not about like evicting them.
00:39:07
Speaker
It's like, yes, you can.
00:39:09
Speaker
Okay, you're here in the house.
00:39:10
Speaker
You get the basement or you get the closet or you get the backseat.
00:39:14
Speaker
I'm not going to get rid of you so that when they pipe up, like you're saying, Halsey, like you don't feel guilty.
00:39:18
Speaker
It's like, oh, I thought I got rid of you.
00:39:20
Speaker
It's like, no, I never got rid of it.
00:39:22
Speaker
I am embracing it.
00:39:23
Speaker
I'm managing it.
00:39:24
Speaker
I am learning and doing my best on a daily basis.
00:39:27
Speaker
Every day, start again.
00:39:28
Speaker
Those voices come up.
00:39:29
Speaker
It's like, all right, I hear that.
00:39:31
Speaker
Or maybe even stop and be like, okay, I'm going to actually let this person, let this insecurity have it say, what do you got to say?
00:39:39
Speaker
You're not good enough.
00:39:40
Speaker
You're not this, anything.
00:39:41
Speaker
Okay.
00:39:41
Speaker
All right.
00:39:42
Speaker
And, you know, however long you want to go on, it's like, okay, still going to do the thing.
00:39:46
Speaker
Heard you.
00:39:46
Speaker
You're good.
00:39:47
Speaker
Have a seat.
00:39:48
Speaker
And let's go.
00:39:49
Speaker
Let's begin.
00:39:49
Speaker
Let's start.
00:39:50
Speaker
And yeah, just be embracing all these aspects of ourselves and don't, and not necessarily thinking or believing that it is the whole or the entirety of who we are.
00:40:00
Speaker
We all contain multitudes.
00:40:02
Speaker
Some days we're awesome.
00:40:03
Speaker
Some days we're less than awesome.
00:40:05
Speaker
That's okay.
00:40:05
Speaker
You know, we're a human every day.
00:40:08
Speaker
catching ourselves.
00:40:09
Speaker
That's it.
00:40:10
Speaker
You know, catching ourselves in the moment too.
00:40:12
Speaker
You know, how often have you looked at a photo of yourself when, you know, someone shows you the photo and you're like, first thing you notice, oh, I don't like that part of me, you know, oh God, delete it.
00:40:23
Speaker
You know, like I can't, I can't even look at myself like, oh, I guess I can.
00:40:27
Speaker
That's not very nice.
00:40:29
Speaker
Do I, is that what I want to focus on?
00:40:31
Speaker
Right?
00:40:31
Speaker
And so it's like practice to be able to notice when we're doing that, when we start to hook on to the negative things about ourselves.
Positive Self-Talk and Empowering Inner Voices
00:40:39
Speaker
It's like, okay, you know what?
00:40:40
Speaker
It's just coming back to the 10 compliments and the one negative review, you know, and how, okay, you know what?
00:40:48
Speaker
I can see how, I don't like how my smile is in that, but like, I can't even see how great my hair looks, right?
00:40:56
Speaker
Catch.
00:40:57
Speaker
ourselves when we want to start going into those negative thought patterns and then start to shift it.
00:41:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:05
Speaker
I had a practice and I haven't done it for a while and I feel like I'm going to bring me bring it back where I would view it as catching butterflies.
00:41:12
Speaker
Like when I had a thought like, oh, you're this other thing.
00:41:15
Speaker
It's like, oh, butterfly.
00:41:16
Speaker
Got
00:41:18
Speaker
Get over here.
00:41:19
Speaker
Back in my pocket.
00:41:20
Speaker
And have it so that you're not viewing it as this like dark cloud or like this, this little demonic voice on your shoulder.
00:41:29
Speaker
It's like, no, it's just a butterfly.
00:41:32
Speaker
Gotcha.
00:41:33
Speaker
Scoop it in the pocket.
00:41:34
Speaker
Moving on.
00:41:35
Speaker
Oh, you just reminded me of a spark.
00:41:37
Speaker
So my friend, Aaron Pine, he does a lot of parts work and he's a quite a magical human being, mystical being.
00:41:44
Speaker
And he talks about empowering some of those voices as the bouncers.
00:41:50
Speaker
He's like, these, these voices are not going anywhere, but I'm going to enroll them into be the bouncers.
00:41:54
Speaker
Cause they're like badasses.
00:41:56
Speaker
And now they like hold this space in his consciousness and like kick out anything that's not welcome.
00:42:03
Speaker
So he's got these, like these,
00:42:05
Speaker
demonic bouncers on his side.
00:42:07
Speaker
They're allies.
00:42:08
Speaker
He's empowered the shadow as allies.
00:42:11
Speaker
Yeah, that's what we're here to do.
00:42:16
Speaker
It's like all these parts of ourselves that we befriend them.
00:42:22
Speaker
It's like we talked before about the shadow, like embracing the shadow or romancing the shadow, becoming friends with all these elements of our personalities and elements of ourselves so that we're not
00:42:34
Speaker
So that we're not our own enemies.
00:42:37
Speaker
There's nothing.
00:42:38
Speaker
I might have these voices, but they're not my enemy.
00:42:40
Speaker
They're just they're parts of me.
00:42:41
Speaker
So everybody's coming along for the ride.
00:42:43
Speaker
But like you said, I get to drive the highest for the highest version of me is the one in the driver's seat.
00:42:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:53
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:42:55
Speaker
So, yeah, I feel like we've yeah, we've we've touched on some.
00:42:59
Speaker
Wonderful, wonderful aspects of insecurities and how to, how we each deal with them.
00:43:04
Speaker
And I got some good, I got some good tools from you guys.
00:43:06
Speaker
Thank you.
00:43:07
Speaker
I'm kind of insecure about what I said today.
00:43:10
Speaker
No, I didn't.
00:43:13
Speaker
Yeah, you're human.
00:43:15
Speaker
Wow.
00:43:15
Speaker
You know, that really actually speaks to something I want to share and I can let this be one of my closing sparks.
00:43:20
Speaker
We can wrap it up.
00:43:21
Speaker
You know, this projection or idea that other people are just so confident and that, you
00:43:27
Speaker
you know, they don't have insecurities, right?
00:43:29
Speaker
It's like somebody I look at you healthy and the way that you put your stuff out into the world, you seem so confident, you seem so radiant, so vibrant, and you're human, right?
00:43:39
Speaker
And the realness of your insecurities actually makes me feel less makes me feel empowered.
00:43:46
Speaker
You know, I had a woman come up to me, who she's so sweet.
00:43:51
Speaker
And she goes, let's see, have you ever been insecure?
00:43:55
Speaker
This idea, like the question in itself made it sound like she thinks I'm not insecure.
00:44:00
Speaker
She sees me as this, you know, very confident all the time person.
00:44:04
Speaker
And I looked at her, I was like, five minutes ago, I was really insecure.
00:44:09
Speaker
You know, this is like, this is a process I think that we all go through.
00:44:12
Speaker
And when we can be compassionate towards others and recognize that comparison, right?
00:44:17
Speaker
We're all human.
00:44:18
Speaker
We all navigate these different levels.
00:44:20
Speaker
You know, some of the most wealthy people can be so deeply insecure about their money.
00:44:25
Speaker
You know, some of the most beautiful people can be so deeply insecure about how they look.
00:44:30
Speaker
You know, this is a journey as humans to be able to find these ways of coming back into the purity and wholeness of who we are.
00:44:38
Speaker
And so I'll close it up with that, that we're all human.
00:44:41
Speaker
We're all doing the best that we can.
00:44:42
Speaker
And it's important for us to keep facing these, um, these inevitable challenges of our consciousness and rise above and find our, our truth and find our light and share it in the best ways that we can live from that place.
00:44:56
Speaker
Mm.
00:44:57
Speaker
Mm.
00:44:58
Speaker
Love that.
00:44:58
Speaker
I see.
00:44:59
Speaker
I, yeah, I, I got nothing to add to that.
00:45:03
Speaker
So that's, that's,
Self-Love and Community Support
00:45:05
Speaker
that's perfect.
00:45:05
Speaker
That's just, yeah, that's, I want to, I want to, uh, you know, add to, and, and, you know, that idea of, um, embracing all of it.
00:45:15
Speaker
And that, you know, I have a sticker that I made that says, I am a massive fuck up and I am a divine being.
00:45:22
Speaker
that you can be totally confident, totally in your power at many times in your life, if not almost all.
00:45:30
Speaker
And then you can have times when, oh my gosh, am I going bald back there?
00:45:35
Speaker
And, you know, oh my gosh, like, is this, did I just do that?
00:45:38
Speaker
Or, and there's nothing wrong with any of that stuff.
00:45:43
Speaker
And the real,
00:45:47
Speaker
objective is not to win the battle over all of your insecurities or all of your weaknesses.
00:45:53
Speaker
The goal is to love it all.
00:45:57
Speaker
Love it all.
00:45:58
Speaker
Love it all.
00:45:59
Speaker
You are perfect as is.
00:46:01
Speaker
And that idea that I don't need to do anything to be worthy of love.
00:46:06
Speaker
I don't need to do anything or become anything or achieve anything.
00:46:10
Speaker
I am fucking perfect as is.
00:46:13
Speaker
And that isn't going to mean that we're going to be complacent and do nothing.
00:46:16
Speaker
It means we're going to be doing everything that we do from this place of lack of neediness, lack of trying to fix without the nagging voices of weaknesses.
00:46:26
Speaker
We're just going to be there.
00:46:28
Speaker
This is it.
00:46:30
Speaker
And I, sometimes I am so in that place and it is such a beautiful experience to be living.
00:46:37
Speaker
And sometimes I totally lose track of that.
00:46:40
Speaker
And I, and that is when community is really, really important.
00:46:43
Speaker
When you get to be reminded that we're not alone, everybody is going through this, everybody.
00:46:48
Speaker
And if you have someone that you look up to and you go, yeah, not them, bullshit.
00:46:54
Speaker
I would, I will challenge any master teacher out there to, to take away the mask and say, yeah, sometimes I have some doubts too.
00:47:04
Speaker
Sometimes I struggle with this too, because that is part of the human inexperience.
00:47:09
Speaker
So my, my final spark is yeah, we're all doing you that are hearing this right now, you're doing awesome.
00:47:18
Speaker
Well done.
00:47:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:47:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:47:23
Speaker
The idea is, as you guys have said, I was, as we said, you know, the idea is not to win, you know, the idea is to play.
00:47:30
Speaker
The idea is to just to do the thing, regardless of the outcome and just doing it is the humaning.
00:47:37
Speaker
And that's what we're here to do.
00:47:39
Speaker
And yeah, it's, we also,
00:47:43
Speaker
It's vital to remember, yeah, you don't have to do this alone.
00:47:47
Speaker
You've got people.
00:47:48
Speaker
You've got friends.
00:47:49
Speaker
Even if you might not feel like it, you've got people who can relate even if you don't believe it.
00:47:55
Speaker
No one can understand.
00:47:57
Speaker
Yes, a lot of people have their very own version of the things that you are dealing with.
00:48:02
Speaker
And it's important to feel, you know, for me, like asking for help was a big thing, still remains a big thing.
00:48:09
Speaker
I just as soon do it myself, whatever.
00:48:11
Speaker
It's like, that's my story.
00:48:13
Speaker
And I always find, I never regret asking somebody for help.
00:48:16
Speaker
I never regret asking somebody to listen.
00:48:19
Speaker
You know, if I feel like I need to be heard,
00:48:21
Speaker
or I want to be heard, I've never regretted asking for that.
00:48:25
Speaker
So it's important to remember that.
00:48:28
Speaker
So, you know, you can feel the thing and that's fine, but please feel free to reach out.
00:48:33
Speaker
And what a perfect segue, because I think all of us here have found some way that we try to offer ways to help because we are all trying to find the tools to figure out our difficult places.
Empowerment and Healing Offerings
00:48:48
Speaker
not alone.
00:48:49
Speaker
And so with that, Betsy, would you tell us how we can find you and what you offer in the world?
00:48:54
Speaker
My pleasure.
00:48:56
Speaker
Yes.
00:48:56
Speaker
I love actually helping people to be able to find their inner best friend and to face their insecurities from that place of empowerment.
00:49:06
Speaker
So my project is called Power Affirmation.
00:49:10
Speaker
It is a journal and soon to have some more affirmation cards and a course
00:49:15
Speaker
to be able to help to create life skills for sustainable happiness, really cultivating a deep sense of self-love and self-confidence and reprogramming those belief systems that are outdated and no longer serving.
00:49:29
Speaker
I also do body work, healing work, energy work in person.
00:49:34
Speaker
I'm here in Southern California and part-time in Asheville.
00:49:38
Speaker
And so I love putting my hands on people and getting people to breathe and have
00:49:43
Speaker
deep restoration and their nervous systems and affirmations out there.
00:49:48
Speaker
You can find on insight timer and on my website.
00:49:52
Speaker
So power affirmation.com.
00:49:54
Speaker
Awesome, Betsy.
00:49:56
Speaker
And there are other tools that help us with our chemistry and our biology.
00:50:00
Speaker
What do you offer in the world?
00:50:01
Speaker
Yanis?
00:50:04
Speaker
I have a nutritional supplement company called New World Nutritionals.
00:50:07
Speaker
And our main product is a microdose product that is designed to improve and elevate your state of mind, getting lots of good results from people who
00:50:18
Speaker
who are managing symptoms of, let's say, ADHD, PTSD, depression, anxiety.
00:50:24
Speaker
It helps people focus.
00:50:26
Speaker
And overall, a lot of people are using it just to kind of have a positive mental attitude throughout the course of their day.
00:50:33
Speaker
And it's great.
00:50:35
Speaker
It's great.
00:50:36
Speaker
And I highly recommend it.
00:50:38
Speaker
Feel free to check out the website, New World Nutritionals, spelled N-U, worldnutritionals.com.
00:50:43
Speaker
And you can use the code SPARK for 10% off of our products.
00:50:48
Speaker
Awesome.
00:50:48
Speaker
I just got a new bottle.
00:50:50
Speaker
Thank you so much.
00:50:52
Speaker
And I am offering and helping with belonging and gratitude.
00:50:59
Speaker
So you can find me three times a day doing broadcasts in Zoom and Facebook and now Instagram and all over the place.
00:51:05
Speaker
And you can find links with all that stuff at johnstyn.com.
00:51:08
Speaker
J-O-H-N-S-T-Y-N.com.
00:51:11
Speaker
Would love to be vulnerable and share some insecurities and also support one another on our journeys.
00:51:24
Speaker
So powerful.
00:51:25
Speaker
I love this conversation so much.
00:51:26
Speaker
And I've got affirmations flowing through me right now that I would love to close up with.
Closing Affirmation Meditation
00:51:33
Speaker
All right.
00:51:33
Speaker
So if you want to close your eyes, maybe place your hand on your heart or your belly and just drop in for a moment and feel these words resonate within you.
00:51:44
Speaker
Every day in every way I am willing to face my fears and do it anyways.
00:51:50
Speaker
Every day in every way I am rising above any insecurities, doubts, or worries and stepping fully into the most empowered version of myself.
00:52:00
Speaker
I am learning.
00:52:02
Speaker
I am growing.
00:52:04
Speaker
I am rising.
00:52:06
Speaker
I am willing to face my fears.
00:52:09
Speaker
I'm willing to rise above insecurities and step fully into the truth of who I am.
00:52:15
Speaker
I am willing to rise above insecurities and stand fully into the truth of who I am.
00:52:20
Speaker
Yes, yes, yes.
00:52:21
Speaker
I am becoming more and more courageous every day.
00:52:25
Speaker
I am becoming more and more courageous every day.
00:52:28
Speaker
I am courageous.
00:52:30
Speaker
I have what it takes.
00:52:31
Speaker
I have what it takes.
00:52:32
Speaker
I have what it takes.
00:52:33
Speaker
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:52:35
Speaker
I believe in myself.
00:52:37
Speaker
Breathing that in, letting it be like a waterfall washing through you every day in every way.
00:52:44
Speaker
Much love to you all out there.
00:52:46
Speaker
Thank you so much for listening, receiving our sparks.
00:52:51
Speaker
Thanks, guys.
00:52:53
Speaker
Stay smart, people.