Transcript
Speaker: Unveiling the secret to passion, purpose, and prosperity with Phil, you're enriched. Do you feel unfulfilled despite your achievements in business or your career? Are you seeking answers to end your frustration, confusion, stress, and overwhelm? In today's episode, we're delighted to have Phil share his insights on personal transformation and the blueprint he has developed to help you live a life full of passion, purpose, and prosperity.
Speaker: Bill is a personal transformation expert who has spent the last 30 years researching and investigating, experimenting to uncover the secret to living a life of passion, purpose, and prosperity. He has walked in your shoes, experiencing the dissatisfaction of emptiness that can come from success that doesn't align with our true selves. Today, Bill works with high -level business executives, teaching them how to embrace an authentic self and to follow his blueprint.
Speaker: for success. Follow our show and bookmark our podcast so you don't miss out on our valuable insights from our Matrix mentors. Can you share with us the turning point in your life that led you to walk away from everything and seek a new path? Well, you know, it's interesting that the truth of the matter is one has to get to a point of unwillingness, unwilling to live a certain way any longer.
Speaker: And the, and the truth of the matter is when you're in that pattern, wherever your attention goes, you go and the energy expands. So over the course of 40 something years, it just, you know, it just got to the point where it was just crazy. Once again, it was, you know, it's like, how the hell is this happening? You know, I mean, in literally.
Speaker: That's what happens. I was talking with a client today who I coach him. I coach his son about a couple of challenges the son has, you know, and it's like we got to give him the facts right now, whether they're pretty or not. So at least you'll hear the truth because one of the problems you have is when you're in that situation, you,
Speaker: don't have a tendency to seek out the truth. You have a tendency to go to associates, friends, relatives, but you're swimming in the same toxic pond and you know, things aren't as bad as they seem. There's a simple way out. However, you've got to get to the point where you're unwilling to live that way anymore, right?
Speaker: You know, moving into personal transformation, moving on a spiritual path, so to speak, requires a lot of responsibility. Like because now you have responsibility for yourself and the choices that you make and the life that you create and the more responsibility you can handle, the better the life. Does that make sense?
Speaker: Well, that sounds like the universal law. Like that sounds like a universal law. Well, it's, it's literally the basis of the universe. Everything's a vibration. So your vibration determines what you have. It's that simple. So if you want to expand your vibration and demonstrate more responsibility, the way you do that is through your energy through vibration.
Speaker: It's not what you know or what you say, it's the energy that you do things with and how you respond to everything. Can we relate the vibrations to our attitude? Well, that's an interesting word, okay? Yes, they're definitely related. However, they're different, okay?
Speaker: And the interesting thing is your vibration might be creating your attitude, or your attitude might be creating your vibration. So if your attitude's creating your vibration, if your attitude is, you know, one of basic survival and always thinking bad things happen to you, that kind of thing,
Speaker: That's what you're going to create. And you have stories inside you that create the belief or the attitude which is creating the emotion. Change the story, you change the emotion. On the other hand, it might just be the emotion. It might be triggered subconsciously. And when I say subconsciously to a story inside you, something, you know,
Speaker: Everything happens like seven seconds before we realize it consciously or something like that scientifically is pretty amazing. So yeah.
Speaker: I love that you brought up in the beginning that you were coaching a father that has a son that's going through a situation where you're giving him advice about waiting to the point of unwillingness for that reality. I usually like actually had an interview right before this one that is synchronizing with this one. And I think it's for a divine reason. So I want to try something new with you today. Usually I ask questions about, you know, the guests experience, et cetera.
Speaker: Right now I'm seeing, I want to take it to the outside perspective. Initially I asked you about what was the emotion or the situation that had you walk away from everything and seek a new path. But this time I want to bring the perspective of
Speaker: Let's say a scenario of a father and a son where the father can see that the son is going down a poor trajectory and the father has a life experience and he wants to help the son and accidentally enables the son to continue walking down this path by trying to overparent.
Speaker: How can you explain in that perspective to the parent about the child? So if someone listening has a situation where let's say they have a kid that's in an abusive relationship and they keep trying to advise the kids and they get money, but it just encourages the kid to stay there. Can you explain the idea of how we can love someone, support someone?
Speaker: but also witness and wait until they're unwilling to go through that problem instead of trying to solve it for them? Well, this is, as you were explaining it, I don't know if you heard me laughing, because it's such a common theme. And the reason it is, is because the parent
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Speaker: is connected and hooked emotionally to that experience in themselves and their judgment of it. I'd love to hear more. I got my attention. Right, right. You can't, anything you judge, you are. And what happens is because of the, you know, number one,
Speaker: I'm of a, I have the notion that we've chosen who we come to earth with in our families so that we can learn the lessons we're here to learn because of that. Our immediate families are the most fertile ground for transformation that you can live in. Cause these are the people that are going to show you what doesn't work for you based upon your reactions and what you do.
Speaker: And it, you know, we've all, I have kids every, you know, they've struggled. Um, you know, but let me tell you about my daughter. Okay. She, for all intensive purposes, um, the years have are flying by now. And so it's a little hard for me to remember the actual years, but I think it was like in 2000 to let's see, only 16, it's 23. So I don't know.
Speaker: 2000 to 2000, somewhere in there, lost contact with her completely for over three years, didn't hear from her, had no idea where she was, knew absolutely nothing. And finally heard from her and we reconnected. And during that time though, I learned something, I was very, very upset, very concerned. But I came to the realization that, huh, when she was born,
Speaker: I don't remember a document that said I had control of her life and that said she had an obligation to me. I didn't see anything like that. And I just came to let her be free and love her even though I had no idea where she was or what was going on. And that helped me tremendously. It helped me tremendously. Then we reconnected in any ways. Long story short,
Speaker: I was in Hawaii at the time and she was, she had moved to Honolulu, went to the University of Hawaii to get her degree, which was great. And I'd see her like once a week and I'd always tell her things and she gets so upset with me. She gets so upset because she was making choices that weren't supporting her and her daughter in different areas. Oh, she'd get upset.
Speaker: Many times I'd leave, she'd be crying. But I would tell her, I'd say, listen, if I don't tell you the truth, nobody else will. You can do whatever you want, but this is the truth. But it's your choice. But you're not gonna create a happy life that way. That's for sure. So if you want, make different choices. But I say, there would be nothing worse to happen to me
Speaker: then to me know what I know and to see this and not say anything and for me to go to the grave with it. Now, the cycle was, she'd get upset, I'd see her the next week, because I was living on a different island and I'd come over anyways, and everything would be fine. Then we'd get into it. Every time it was happening, but she started making choices.
Speaker: eventually. And today lives a life that's amazing. Her life is completely different. It's she's living the epitome of what I described her through free will and choice. And it's just every time I talk to her, it's like, I'm just so proud of what you've accomplished with your life. You know, she lives a nice life. She lives in Hawaii, that used to bother her. Oh, I don't know, I should probably have a job. It's like, if you want to be a mermaid, be one, but
Speaker: Don't be a mermaid with, you know, one pin in Hawaii and one fin in California and be living in Hawaii. Like, there's your choice. Anyway, so parents, you know, it's hard to detach, but if you don't, then you're enabling. And where, you know, where the situation, you know, and there's so many other factors that come into it because, you know, the parents are in there trying to control the situation. I mean, there's, I've seen
Speaker: I've seen them all. We could spend hours just me describing those to you. But it's the greatest place to learn and to learn to detach. And to learn that when your children get to the age of majority, it's time for them to learn their lessons and to live. And they're different. They have different lessons to learn. I mean, look at the difference in the generations now. I mean, I remember when television was invented. Think about that.
Speaker: You have a long way now. Huh? I mean, I was in grade school. We had one of the first TVs in the neighborhood, black and white, rabbit ears, foil on it. And that was in the 50s. You know, I mean, just it's so. The beauty in personal transformation, you know, talking about that, talking about the television, everything in the universe is an expansion.
Speaker: You know, they came out with television. There was maybe one, maybe two channels to begin with. I don't know, but they were only on for a few hours each day and so on and so forth. But, and, you know, there was no cable. There was no, no nothing, no sports, no nothing. Like we know life now and look at what's happened with like the telephone. Everybody's got a phone in their back pocket.
Speaker: But that's what happens when you hook up with the universe, when you decide to stop living this constantly. When you start concentrating, you know, you'd mentioned attitude before, you know, attitude of gratitude, that's where it starts. Have gratitude for what you have in your life and allow other good things to come in. But you can't attract them if you don't appreciate what you have. It's impossible. So to live in, you know,
Speaker: in extreme happiness is achievable anywhere in the world regardless of all the circumstances. I realize that there's just so many different things going on in many places and the truth of the matter is it's all how we respond to it.
Speaker: And that goes back to what you said earlier, responsibility and the capacity of what we can be responsible for determines what kind of metaphysical or physical wealth that we gather. Yeah, you know, it's like a lot of people kind of get, when you use the word metaphysics and all this other woo stuff, they kind of flip out, right? But here, we live, everything you see in front of you in life,
Speaker: is your physical reality everything you can't see or access with your five senses okay is metaphysical everything and metaphysics is really just the reality of your soul we have our physical reality and the reality of our soul they're two entirely different things our energy
Speaker: And our life in front of us are two entirely different things. So we have our own unique energy. We have our own unique purpose. Everyone's different. And the thing about metaphysics is there's no limitation. You can sit and meditate and create. Just go into a space of closing your eyes and just go, I'm creating this. I can feel it.
Speaker: speak in front of 10 ,000 people, whatever. You know, oh, I can feel the audience is out there. You know, you just, you feel that you go to the vibration. I live with, you know, there's so much passive aggressiveness and unhappiness in families. And when you start to choose from a place of peace and not participate in that, believe me, everybody around you will change.
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Speaker: because the two can't be together. And in many cases, to begin with, I found myself leaving just to be out of the situation because I didn't want to participate. And more and more, in my life, it became less and less, you know, less and less. I mean, we all have that power. Here's a simple way to look at it.
Speaker: This is really simple. We are incredibly powerful people if we will allow ourselves the opportunity to be if we will own that. How do we own that? It's very simple. I am me. I am what I speak. I am powerful. I own that. I know that I'm powerful. What I'm concerned about are the things in my life that block my power, the things that I allow in my life.
Speaker: But the most important thing about knowing I am me is I am responsible for everything in my life. Let me repeat that. I am responsible for everything in my life. One night got hit, but this is 20 years ago, got hit by a drunk driver coming home, they rear -ended the car, totaled it, pushed us along, blah, blah, blah. My first question was, how did I call that into my life?
Speaker: What's my message? It wasn't like that dirty SOB, you know, it was like, wow, what's the message here? Like if I don't do that, then I become a victim. And so I give my power over to the person that hit me by criticizing, judging him and whatever, let the law enforcement and courts take care of that.
Speaker: I just want to know why this experience came in my life. And then the next day, my partner and I, um, went to see a chiropractor, but in the morning we're having coffee. We said, okay, we aren't talking about this anymore. Cause when you talk about it, you have to go back into, you keep spreading the energy of it. It wasn't something we wanted in our life. It was too disruptive.
Speaker: I love talking to you because you make me think about my favorite book, and it's called The Master Key System, Charles F. Pinell. And I want to quote it real quick. I'll be right back. It's on my shelf right over there. OK. So what you said about your partner talking at the table, and you said, we're not going to talk about this anymore.
Speaker: It follows that if you deny unsatisfactory conditions, you are withdrawing the creative power of your thought from these conditions.
Speaker: You are cutting them away at the root. You are sapping their vitality. The law of growth necessarily governs every manifestation in the objective so that a denial of the unsatisfactory conditions will not bring about instant change. A plant will remain visible for some time after its roots have been cut, but it will gradually fade away and eventually disappear. So the withdrawal of your thought from contemplation of unsatisfactory conditions will gradually but surely terminate these conditions.
Speaker: When I first read that, I was dumb struck because I was thinking about what is the difference between suppressing our emotions and the difference between suppressing our emotions and not thinking about them, not giving them power. And I would like to hear your perspective on that. What's the difference of us
Speaker: suppressing something to not worry about something versus us acknowledging a problem and addressing it. Well, anything you resist persists. Let me say that again. Anything you resist persists. So if you're suppressing something, if I look at the definition of suppression,
Speaker: It would entail covering up, okay? Using that specific word, okay? And in cases like this, I like to forcibly put an end to. It's suppressed. No, no, no, no, no. No. What's fascinating is the energy of that whole statement was very good.
Speaker: See, but yes, this is how you deal with an issue. When you look at an issue in your life, an issue with your parents, issues with this, issues with that, when you look at them, they're just a vibration. If you'll just look at them as a vibration, because we're talking about victims in power, okay, when you're a victim, you're giving
Speaker: Your energy is being depleted. You cannot build energy as a victim. Be with that for a moment. You can't build energy as a victim. When it's outside of you, you're literally giving your power away. So when you have something like that, yes, it's like, okay,
Speaker: What bothers me about it? What's really bothering me? What's the story inside me? And what's in my power to change? Can I change the situation? Well, you may not be able to reach out and immediately, physically change the situation. However, you can change the situation energetically, instantly, instantly.
Speaker: by going from a place of fear to a place of love, creating a magnet, creating the healing necessary, creating somebody getting the wisdom at the right moment to make the right, whatever it may be, that's away from you, that you have no control over it. You can affect it, definitely affect it energetically with your power. But your emotions, there's nothing in the world. The only thing you see in the world is you.
Speaker: So if you have emotions running, you've got stories in you because you can't have an emotion without a story. You're feeding a story of some sort. And it's fascinating because the only real accuracy, you know, is even in reading that statement, how did you feel? How is that energy resonating with you? Right? It wasn't intellectual.
Speaker: Right. When I first read that and every time I read that statement, I feel like
Speaker: of release. And the first time I read it, it felt like loss. And I know when the ego is attached, when the ego learns that that attachment, like when we actually cut that attachment off that our ego has, if it does feel like mourning something, like we're mourning our pass up, we're mourning the narratives that hold us down, surprisingly comfortable with the weight of our mental anchors. And when I read that, I'm like, wow, so I've been feeding the wrong wolf.
Speaker: or a monkey, however we want to put it. But we think because of how society, our constructs, our preconceived constructs, that the more attention we give a problem is going to push it towards resolve. So hearing that canceled out
Speaker: my ego's attachment to being obsessed with problems because of that desire to solve problems and then me not knowingly misplacing the energy of wanting to solve a problem and me wanting that was creating more perceived problems. But none of these problems exist because they're perceived. So I felt like
Speaker: loss when you read that and now it's starting to feel more like freedom. Well, it's total freedom. You can create your own life and you know the issues and things that we have in our life. We've all come with life lessons. We have penalties with energy. We don't understand. We have many things in our life disturbing it. This is what I teach people. I have a super conscious mastermind.
Speaker: where I teach them how to live their life purpose and it's amazing what happens. The awakening, it's all just about awareness, you see. When you said they have a problem and they put their attention there, that's the problem. The problem isn't looking at the problem. The problem is the energy with which you're looking at it. Let me repeat that.
Speaker: The problem isn't observing the problem. Your challenge isn't observing the problem. Your challenge is the energy with which you're observing it. So, there's a person, whatever, something that's happening with a relative that really can't be changed, and you're looking at it with fear, the energy of fear,
Speaker: How does it look to you? Anxious control, the desire for an anxious control. And what's the level of contentment in your life? Way down. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I have a client that's in another program, a group coaching program I have who
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Speaker: I don't want to be rude. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed anymore, but he can function in life. And his other brother was an attorney and was always protecting him and taking care of him because he was, he was, what he was doing for his brother is what he desperately wanted to do for himself. But he couldn't do him for himself. He couldn't do it.
Speaker: And that's what we do is we get distracted. But if you just look at the energy and if you understand, look, you're not going to figure this all out. In fact, we're never going to figure it out. That's the truth. Because the more you grow, the more you learn, the more you expand, the more choices you have, the more challenges you have, the bigger you want to play, the bigger your challenges. I mean, like,
Speaker: You know, if you have a guitar and you want to go sing on the corner, you can take your bicycle down and go sing on the corner. But if you've got a guitar and you want to play Yankee Stadium, there are some responsible steps that need to be taken in between there to get there. The beauty here is this isn't about Yankee Stadium. What it's really about is you living in contentment. And the only way you can is to understand how you feel
Speaker: Nothing else matters. I love that you say contentment as like the destination because a lot of us think that achieving states of extreme excitement
Speaker: which is almost impossible to maintain. So if we get a huge dopamine rush, we're doing something that motivates us, there's always a crush right after. Yeah, but you have to look at where the energy is coming from though. See, it's coming from outside you. That's the difference.
Speaker: Yes, I would love if you can explain to the audience why you chose the term contentment instead of like extreme excitement or extreme happiness, but like that word contentment. Well, because in the universe, one of the universal laws is the law of polarity. And the law of polarity basically says there's two of everything. That's duality and everything. There's male, female.
Speaker: hot cold and so on throughout the whole universe. So that means that our life is somewhere swinging in that spectrum if you do it on a scale of 1 to 10. Like I always said, you know, balance was the line that I crossed as I went from one extreme to the other, right? That's when I passed balance. Didn't stay there.
Speaker: maybe didn't even wave at it. So if you look at happiness, whatever your levels of happiness, there's going to be an equal amount of sadness. There has to be, which is a okay. There's nothing wrong with that, but happiness is not the answer. You know, when I speak, the first thing I tell people is there's all kinds of speakers. There's speakers for motivation,
Speaker: for inspiration, but that's not me. I'm only about transformation. I don't want to get you excited. What I'm going to do is give you information. If you listen to this carefully, you can change your life this instant. It's so simple and it's your choice. You're the one that gets to choose. And all you have to do is say I'm game and the universal just start sending things your way.
Speaker: to learn what you need to learn, to make the choices you need to make, to live in that level of contentment. So rather than filling people up from a place of motivation on the stage, yeah, yeah, everybody's all... There's no substance to it. It's fun, but there's no substance to it. And it just seems to me everybody's looking for really how to live
Speaker: with more happiness in their life today to start with, to have just a path to happiness. Because remember, whatever your level of suffering has been, in duality, the choices you make are going to take you to that other level of happiness. It has to be. That's the way the universe works. So contentment is, yeah, this is my life. I'm creating it.
Speaker: In this moment, I'm here talking to you and this is all through free will and choice. So if I want to complain about anything in my life, I have to go look in the mirror because I'm the one that I need to speak to because I have complete control. It's never going to be perfect. There's always going to be challenges, but they're exciting when you, when you understand that you have the power, you know, you always, I've got three or four things that appear to be
Speaker: huge obstacles that need to be taken care of in front of me now. It's just my initial reaction to them. But the truth of the matter is, if I sit down, you just take care of it. But the old stories never go away. They will never go away, and they reappear in a different disguise as you expand.
Speaker: same old thing and you're, oh, there you are again. It's like, no, I'm going to choose to go this way. How would you describe the experience of contentment to somebody who let's say the audience is looking for it and they want to find it within themselves? How would you describe it as a visceral feeling like of being content? It's a knowing that
Speaker: I'm where I'm at because of choice. It's literally understanding and owning the fact that you can do what you want, where you want, when you want, with who you want, anytime you want. So if you're someplace right now that you don't want to be,
Speaker: You're the one that chose to be there. And it's good that you don't want to be there. In fact, if you don't want to be there, I have a really good suggestion for you. Stay there for at least another 90 days and bring a journal with you to work every day and keep making notes about the things you don't like. And then go home.
Speaker: and look at the things you don't like and write the story of the other side of it that you like. The answers are right in front of you. That is a fantastic exercise. Yeah, it's, you know, do that with affirmations, you know. It's when you have that thought,
Speaker: I can't do anything right. No, I'm actually perfect and I'm doing the best I can and I'm learning more and more every day. It's pretty cool. Which one feels better? Second one. The more you have you, the less you have to prove.
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Speaker: because you're good with you. I have low self -esteem, so I always had to prove myself. I was measuring myself against other people, you know, measuring your judgment, because I wasn't good enough. So I had to make myself better then, or I'd look and feel less then. And then I would react in a way to try and get approval. I mean, it was just, my life was out of control, literally. And really, it still is today.
Speaker: Because I don't know what's going to happen. All I've got is this moment. And this I know right now. I've got this. I don't know anything else. So living that way makes it even more exciting because I can really make the most of each moment. And that way, I don't know, good things seem to show up. It's the way the universe works. You leave room for it, huh?
Speaker: Why expect it? I don't leave room. How could it be any other way? Right? I mean, how can it be any other way? You know, that's see, that's the thing. You got to be all in. But if you're willing to go all in and have you and believe me, once you start, you don't turn back, do you, Samantha? No.
Speaker: There's no turning back, right? So it just gets more and more fun, the whole exploration and the moments of instant gratification. Oh yeah. And it's like the most savoring one when it's intrinsic.
Speaker: Oh, that's very powerful. When you were mentioning that, the first thing I thought was, wow, this is a great message for people who get very defensive and don't even, aren't aware of it. I used to get super defensive all the time because growing up, I had a parent that was like, oh, you can't do anything right. You're useless. Blah, blah, blah. And so I was like, oh, I can't do anything right. I'm useless. Why bother? Why should I try?
Speaker: And so it would bleed into like me not even wanting to take relationships seriously. Me acting like a class clown in the class that I really want to pass in, but hey, I'm not going to make it. So using this information and what you're revealing to us, can you give a message to those who get defensive, how they can put their guard down and what lies beyond that reaction?
Speaker: Well, defensiveness is the root of all evil. Period. Look at wherever there's conflict and defensiveness is present. Protecting beliefs.
Speaker: It's the root of all evil. There's only two emotions. There's love and there's fear. That's it, like two emotions. Fear, you can only experience fear in your physical life. You cannot experience fear in meditation.
Speaker: You can't go in the non -physical, you can't create fear, it's not possible. Because you can't have fear without a story. Fear can only happen in your physical life. Love can only come from your non -physical life, from your heart. So, when you're
Speaker: Fear, your mind and your ego use fear to protect you. It's a game you've been playing with them for decades. They can only protect you, and your mind is only researching this narrow little piece of history of your past to get its information.
Speaker: If you're protecting a story, if you're defending a story, there's fear and there's problems. There's nothing to defend. You can own your story, Samantha. You can have your story. I don't care what it is. It doesn't matter to me. It would matter to me if you're arguing with me if
Speaker: If you were just like a total skeptic in this place of energy, I'm going to show this guy. I would just excuse myself and leave. I wouldn't even participate. I have a conversation, but it's all the energy behind it. Defensiveness creates an energy that's not pleasant. Now, if there's only two emotions, love and fear can't coexist.
Speaker: Think about that. Fear knocked on the door, love answered, no one was there. Because when love shows up, fear has to vacate. And when you come from a place of love, you come with a different perception. It's not a perception of protection. It's a perception of compassion and empathy.
Speaker: understanding and understanding everybody's different and you understand things happen and you have the right to take care of yourself you're not there to you know be walked on or whatever but it just creates a totally different scenario you know it's like guilt you know I mean when you're responsible I'll give you an example I teach a class on Wednesdays and two weeks ago
Speaker: Something we were doing in the class, we were going to work with artificial intelligence. And I started doing screen share, and we worked with artificial intelligence. It was really great. But there were some people who came to the class that couldn't get in because I couldn't see them, because I had the screen up on screen share in Zoom. So I couldn't see the entry or anything, you know? And the emails finally got forwarded to me after the class, right?
Speaker: And it was like, oh, you know, that's too bad. Wow. And I just sent back said, I am so sorry. Here's what happened. Uh, and here's the recording. Pull up chat GPT and go along and you can do everything that we did in the class. And we'll see you next Wednesday. I'll make sure it never happens again. It happened, but I didn't get in shame on it. I didn't beat myself up. Right. It happened. You know, I don't even feel bad about, you know, um,
Speaker: Yeah, I don't feel bad. I'm sorry that it happened, because I know they wanted to attend the class, but they still got to see the recording. And I'm not perfect, nor do I want to be. So yeah, defensiveness. Just notice what you're defending. There's nothing to defend. When someone speaks to you, you know the thing, people trigger other people when they speak to them.
Speaker: But when somebody's speaking to you, the words that they're speaking, they're really speaking to themselves. So look at it that way. Oh, yeah. That's a big one.
Speaker: That's a big one. I noticed that I used to do that a lot. And the way I caught myself was my boyfriend is like communicates a very different communication style. And in the past, I used to talk about ideas and say, yeah, you know, when you go to the store and you you you and I'm actually talking about a variable, a person using the word you as if I'm talking to myself.
Speaker: But I'm speaking to a guest and the person like my boyfriend would be like, are you talking about me or yourself? Because I don't understand why you keep saying you, you, you and it would make it get offensive. But it was exactly what you said. I was talking to myself. Yes. You know, I have in fact, there's a free book that your listeners can get called Clarity Has No Story.
Speaker: Clarity has no story. Because when you have clarity, there's no story. When you have a story, there's some form of defensiveness. Let me repeat that. You can't have a story without some form of defensiveness. Remember, the other side of defensiveness is seeking approval.
Speaker: is in fact backhanded defensiveness. You want someone to tell you you're right. So you're defending. You are manipulating to get that response. There's a lot of clarity in that alone. Yeah. Yeah. Because when you have clarity, it's, you know, there may be
Speaker: something just for the purposes of description, a story or something like that. But if you listen to people speak, they, you know, yeah, when you do this and you know, and then you take this and then you go there, there's no ownership in that. You speak and own your life and you're going to say a hell of a lot less because you're not going to need that approval. So it's, and
Speaker: For anyone in a relationship, you too, Samantha. Whatever, if there's something bothering you in the relationship that you want to bring up, just speak about yourself. Do not speak about the other person, okay?
Speaker: Maybe sometimes you're in a relationship with somebody who flies off the handle and gets upset, you know? And rather than join it, you know, it's just when they calm down and say, I want to talk to you about that. When you do that, it reminds me, me, when you do that, it reminds me of when I was a child with my father,
Speaker: and it scares the hell out of me. It literally terrifies me. It'd be nice if you didn't do it anymore. You're not blaming them. When you take it on yourself, the whole conversation changes. They aren't responsible for how you feel
Speaker: However, they'll be empathetic to it. It creates a meaningful dialogue. A meaningful dialogue can save the entire world, I believe. I really believe that. Well, that's the reason there's so many divorces. First of all, they aren't in love. They're in.
Speaker: There's a physical sensation that goes with the excitement of it, but most people don't understand what love is because they don't have, they don't even have themselves. And then they step in and step into the world of survival. Oh, there's two of us now. Two people who pay the bills, two people, you know, they're married. Yeah. You know, I, I,
Speaker: coach this couple. Actually, a few of them. I just worked with one. What time is it here? I've got a hard stop here in five minutes. I was coaching a husband and wife separately. And about the third session with the wife, she gets on and says, I want a separation. And I'm sitting there going, oh, man.
Speaker: Have I been set up? What the hell is going on here? Right? Cause she was the one that hired me. And so this is, this obviously was going on with her to begin with. I said, why, why do you want a separation? She went on, rah, rah, rah, rah, told me all about it. I said, okay, here's the deal. I don't care if you get a separation. I just have one request. She said, what's that? I said, I want you to shelve this for 90 days. What do you mean shelve it for 90 days? I said, well,
Speaker: How long have you been married? 15 years. OK. 90 days. Come on. That's all. What's going to get accomplished between now and then otherwise? I can tell you, but I don't even want to go there. I said, OK. 90 days later, I said to her, remember, we'll talk to you again about the separation.
Speaker: We had a conversation and the whole thing began, the whole process began for her. But the difference was her energy. Her energy in the beginning was just fired in reactions and fired in old stories and beliefs. She wasn't in her heart.
Speaker: You come into your heart and tell me that you want a separation. We'll have a conversation and the energies. It's a beautiful conversation. In fact, what they're doing, you know, I was coaching him too, they're going through an uncoupling process. And they've had, I'll be surprised. They rented an apartment and they take turns living there one week on, one week off, something like that.
Speaker: I wouldn't be, they have a better relationship now than they've ever had. It's the most intimate close relationship they've ever had from what they've learned from me and their ability to communicate and their ability to understand that they're two individual separate people and we're here to support each other with love. And it makes it much, much easier that way. There's really something to see. So yeah, it's all about the energy.
Speaker: I love your suggestion. I'm on the note of creating meaningful dialogue in that scenario, like shelter for 90 days. I love that approach because a lot of times when we get that fiery reaction, and I'm someone who's super... There used to be way more out of hand, but I'm working on it, but I'm a fiery person. I fly off the handle.
Speaker: And waiting till that crazy negative type of arousal, waiting for that to simmer down. Sometimes we can even look back and say, I shouldn't have been mad at that at all. We can catch ourselves in our projections. You're getting triggered and going into reaction. And remember,
Speaker: The reaction, the word reaction is really interesting because if you take the C out of it and put it on the front, you go to creation. Isn't that interesting? That's very interesting. Very fascinating. Reaction becomes creation. Well, Bill, I know that you have to go soon.
Speaker: Yeah, I do. I would like if you could give some last words to our audience before we wrap up. Sure. You know, everyone has to realize that they're different. You're different. Acknowledge that and own that. And look for the things that cause disturbances in you because if you follow that energy back to the story, look at how you can make different choices. Don't be defensive.
Speaker: You know, if you really want to get there fast, I have programs. You can go to speak to bill, speak to bill .com and fill out an application. Uh, and we'll take a look at it and see if, um, you're ready. Cause this is very serious work. This isn't one woman said to me that I didn't meet with. You should have met with me and sold me. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. That's not how this works.
Speaker: This isn't a sale. This is about a life purpose. There's a big difference. So treat yourself with love and don't be defensive. Thank you so much, Bill. I'm so grateful for your return on the show. So nice to be here again, Samantha. Thank you.
Speaker: Are you ready to live a life filled with passion, purpose, and prosperity? Make sure you connect with Bill and learn more about his powerful blueprint for success. You can download his book for free at myfreebook .me. Remember to follow our show and bookmark our podcast so you don't miss out on our valuable insights from our Matrix mentors. Thank you so much for joining us and we'll be seeing you on the next download.
