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Ep. 70 Goblin Shank - Bellum Draconis
68 Plays9 months ago
We pick up with our favourite bunch of Goblins in this weeks special episode.
Follow us on our Twitters - @FellowshipTable
Intro written and produced by Joseph McDade
Music kindly provided by Fesliyan Studios
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Transcript
Musk's Achievements: A Personal Comparison
00:00:00
Speaker
To be honest, Musk's done fuck all as well, so... Musk got really big and then did nothing. Yeah. You've all been there. Sorry, my life. Sorry, my life.
00:00:31
Speaker
do
Welcome to Aerith and Sleepguard
00:00:48
Speaker
Hello, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of the Fellowship of the Table Drop. Drop fucks sake already, Jesus. That was five seconds. Well done. This is Goblin Goblin Goblin One Shot. Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back. We're a live play five year D&D podcast set in the magical homebrew world of Aerith back in the kingdom of Sleepguard.
Meet the Goblin Crew
00:01:08
Speaker
Joining us for this week's episode, we have Casey, who plays the Goblin Godboy. All right. We've got Callum, who plays the Goblin Musk.
00:01:16
Speaker
Yay, we're back! Sarah, who placed the goblin, groaner!
00:01:20
Speaker
Yippee, we're back, woo! We have the body of the halfling Bluey that was played by Darren, but Darren is not here because Bluey is bound and gagged. Woo! And we also have Will joining us, who plays the goblin, Shank Clegnuts. Yes, hello. You've permeated yourself into literally every single permeation of this group, Will, I'd say. Like a bad smell. It's like syphilis. Yeah, well, no, no, no, smell was probably bad. I'll take syphilis, yeah.
00:01:49
Speaker
Well, for the STPC, other venereal diseases are available.
00:02:00
Speaker
I like to try to sell them at a bonus package. If you want syphilis, you can tell me. At MPCP. So we unfortunately don't have James with us who is unwell and not able to make our session today. I am also unwell, but I'm obviously more committed than James. So James is feeling unwell. We wish him the right way to recover from his sniffles as soon as he can.
James' Absence and Goblin Adventures Recap
00:02:28
Speaker
I thought you were going to say syphilis.
00:02:31
Speaker
I really want to do edit and just try that again, but no. No, no, shit. That would have been really good though. That would have been really good. We find ourselves back with our goblin crew as they, if you've just been following along as usual, you might want to pause now and go back a couple of months and listen to the cluster fuck that was the last four episodes of the goblin one shotters.
00:02:59
Speaker
Well, I don't know which were spent in one room. Yeah. Yeah. The all of the gold port monster hunters that alpha clan monster hunters or something. I don't know. We'll come up with something. You guys can come up with something. The last episodes of that and the party were greeted by a large human figure. So Tana Barry from the main campaign who invited them to take part in a series of monster hunting quests on the behest of all her as she has a number of contracts up for grabs and that she knew.
00:03:29
Speaker
Alpha had accidentally become the leader of a clan of goblins. She thought no better place than to borrow some rather more intelligent, more able goblins and take them on some adventures around the local fauna and places around local sleep guard, around their home Hessel thought manor to free
Into the Swamp: Atmosphere and Environment
00:03:51
Speaker
up
00:03:51
Speaker
some of the monsters that started to permeate since the destruction of the blight and the return of the power vacuum that kind of returned to Eryth after that has happened. So we start pretty much slap bang where we need to be, guys. You're all together as a group and you are in a nearby swamp, the Swamps of Sleepguard, just to the northwest of Hasselthorpe Manor, not half a day's trek away.
00:04:21
Speaker
The swamp sprawls before you like a festering wound, a labyrinth of twisted waterways and muck-strewn islands. Stagnant water oozes between gnarled trees and their skeletal branches claw up at the fog that hangs like a shroud. The air reeks of decay, a pungent mix of rotting vegetation and the fetid breath of unseen creatures.
00:04:47
Speaker
A soggy grind beneath your boots, if any of you are lucky to be wearing them. A relentless reminder of the muck that clings to everything. As you approach the area in particular, the fog wraps around the surroundings of this place, muting sound and seeming to reduce visibility. Ephemeral whispers echo through the trees, hinting at unseen threats.
00:05:11
Speaker
The water, large bodies of which sits around the swamp lands, is thick and murky and teems with movement and agitation of unseen life. Every ripple sends a shiver down your spine. The vegetation, twisted and warped, seems to cling to the moisture like a parasite. Moss-draped branches droop low, creating almost a claustrophobic canopy around you. Eventually you pass through this into an open area with a less
00:05:41
Speaker
intense shrubbery above you, but the Maya still return, root of remains.
Character Spotlight: Shank Clegnuts
00:05:47
Speaker
It's a sensory assault. You've got the damp chill, the squish of the muck, the putrid scent, the muffled sounds, and the ever-present fog surrounding you.
00:05:57
Speaker
The three of the people who join us from our last adventure through our Goblin times, Godboy, Musk, and Growner, you're joined by a fourth individual, one of which you are only all too familiar from his kind of infamous days in the Alpha Clan. Shank Clegnuts has been leading you on the behest of Orla and Satana Barry to the location of your next target.
00:06:25
Speaker
a bog wraith found to the northwest of Hasselthorpe Manor. Shank suddenly stops and turns to the group, the three of you, along with Bluey, who's held, I believe, by Musk, bound and gagged, or stopped quite quickly. First things first, given that we don't actually know, Shank, what you kind of look like, would you like to, Will, just describe who these four individuals see stood in front of them?
00:06:53
Speaker
Yeah, gladly. As this goblin turns around to face you, you see one of the most fucked up mangled goblinoids you could possibly imagine. There are claw marks down the face. One of the eyes is missing.
00:07:08
Speaker
One of the ears is cleft in two and kind of flapping awkwardly. The other is just completely not on his head anymore. He has three fingers on one hand and four on the other. You notice as you've been following that he walks with a bit of a limp as well. There are very few teeth left in the face and the nose are just two holes where there should perhaps be a nose. This is just someone who has been
00:07:34
Speaker
A bit in the wars is an understatement. It's almost like he's fought every war and only just come out the other side. He is just horrifically fucked up. He's currently clad in leather armor which is
00:07:50
Speaker
really, really tattered. And it points fused to his skin on closer inspection. It looks like he's been burnt horrifically at certain parts of his body and the clothes and skin are just one in those locations. And he also is wearing kind of a belt around his waist just with various sharp implements placed within. I mean, you can see two daggers, but alongside them there are, I don't know, like sharpened toothbrushes, pointed sticks.
00:08:17
Speaker
It's just like he's always wearing a utility belt of sharp and pointy objects. And he turns to the group when we arrive, I suppose.
00:08:29
Speaker
So with that very visceral description there, Will of Shank,
The Quest Begins: Kill the Bograith
00:08:33
Speaker
you turn around and at the same time as you point with one hand over your shoulder to something and then also flourish a letter with your maimed other hand. What you point to with your right hand is a black swirling mist vortex-esque area part of the swamplands. The ground itself is blackened and dead away from the lush vegetation of the
00:08:56
Speaker
dark green vegetation of the swamp lands you currently find yourselves in, rather morbid and ominous as it is, this one area seems to be the central area which really kind of draws this evil energy for it. In the very middle of it you notice just through the fog you see elements of tendrils surfacing around a certain central kind of blob
00:09:21
Speaker
you can assume this is the Bograith and you point to that and then pull out this letter that you've been given which looks rather nice paper compared to everything else you are and you have upon you. Yeah so he just unfurls the letter kind of opens it up in front of him and goes... Subject mission directive Bograith extermination shank
00:09:49
Speaker
Read this letter verbatim to the group. Don't leave a single bit out or I'll reattach your balls just to cut them off. The alpha clan monsters, the ones with potential but the intelligence of a sack of rocks, need to head into the marshes.
00:10:09
Speaker
They're tasked with hunting down a bar growth. A nasty piece of swamp shit that's causing trouble.
00:10:19
Speaker
Once they butcher the Borgraith, tell them to drag their sorry hides back to Goldport Keep. Tana Barry will toss some coins their way, and if they're up for more, he might have another job for them. Get it done, Shank. No heroics. P.S. You are under no circumstances meant to join the- And Shank stops. Stares at you.
00:10:50
Speaker
and eats the letter. Mr Nutty Man, you are very strange. Your body's very... It's hanging off a lot in places. How are you still alive? I'm pretty much invulnerable. I'm pretty sure. I mean, I've been... ...fucked by a lot of things.
00:11:20
Speaker
Sorry, you've been got what by a lot of things? Yeah, I've been pinned down by a tree ant and he'll turn around and kind of show you his breeches. This whole, I was literally fucked by a tree. How did that feel for you? Pretty good, at first. And then... Brings giving word to our own meaning, don't they?
00:11:46
Speaker
The trouble is, some people just won't let you die, and when cure, wounds and healing words are on the table, you just can't stay down. So... If you want to die, Mr Nutty, we can do that for you. I didn't say that, I don't want to die. I thought that's what you meant. Well, have you been fucked by a tree ant? You want to die. I wanted you to share the letter, it looked tasty.
00:12:16
Speaker
Well, give it about three hours. And we returned
Goblin Antics and Strategies
00:12:27
Speaker
to pooing with this group. That didn't take long. It didn't take long. 20 minutes. I think that literally is a skid mark. Very good. Oh, gosh. Well, that's all we got time for.
00:12:48
Speaker
So the rest of you are staring at this half alive goblin that's just half finished a letter, then consumed it. Told you about a bog wraith, told you finish it off, kill it, and then return to gold bookie for your cut of the rewards and then maybe another job or two at the backside of it. Go on now. Did you say the bog wraith was literally right there? Yep.
00:13:11
Speaker
OK, cool, just checking. Well, Shank could point to it and you can very clearly see it. What you can make out, I mean, do you want to roll a perception check? And I can tell you a little bit more if it's good. I will roll. If my online gaming system decides to work, 18. OK, yeah, not too bad, not too bad. So what you notice
00:13:43
Speaker
murky area of the of the swamp lands is this pulsating thing from the waters near it. It stands like a twisted nightmare made manifest. It's kind of grotesque fusion of muck and decay. This kind of hulking silhouette amidst the dark gloom around it. It's got this kind of dark black slime coated tendrils that hang from its large kind of blob like frame resembling kind of dangling entrails.
00:14:05
Speaker
is in the center of this kind of,
00:14:12
Speaker
and already even from this distance where you're probably 50, 60, 70 feet away from it, you can smell something. It kind of just rings up your nostril. You thought for a while this might have been shank, but it seems to be getting stronger the closer you're getting. It seems at the moment to be resting or
00:14:31
Speaker
something whatever at some point and it's it's unaware of your presence because it's it's just moving in a very kind of monotonous and rhythmic fashion not unbeknownst that basically doesn't know you're there they don't know you're there they don't know you're there must be gonna get this kind of raise his nose up just give a big sniff I smell barbecue I smell bogs
00:15:00
Speaker
I smell boggy barbecue. Barbecue bogs? Smell on them all. Well, if it can't see us, can we kill it from here? I've not got me a sword that big. Oh, I could probably get it. And I'm going to turn around and throw one of my daggers.
00:15:21
Speaker
Right, let's have a quick listen. So this is how the Goblin episode ends. This is what happens when we don't have anyone else who cares about tactics, it's just Grona. We've got three idiots that just throw shit. We've got one idiot who throws shit, the other two hit shit.
00:15:43
Speaker
All right, roll to hit. The other just shits. No, you don't need to. You lob your dagger into the air and it flies with quite some dexterity, actually. End over end, as it is supposed to do, through the air, arcing high, high, high, and then just plop into the water, nowhere near where this growth is. You missed. I'll get up. I'm gonna start trundling towards the dagger.
00:16:12
Speaker
unless anyone tells me otherwise. I'm going to tell you otherwise. I think maybe we should have a wee plan for just maybe just lobbing stuff Disney the way you go. He's totally getting his dagger back. All right but then it'll see him probably and at the moment... Can he even swim? Is he tall enough? I don't know, I thought that too. How deep is the bog?
00:16:38
Speaker
Good question. As... Clegg starts... Clegg. Sorry, no. Mystic Clegg. Mystic Clegg. No, Shayne. God damn. I've heard it all before. As...
00:16:51
Speaker
As Shank starts to go in, the water level is quite high. It differs at different moments. But to cross the, I guess, the direct, as the crow flies, as the dragon flies, to where you'd be going, you'd be back onto land and then back into water. As you get close to the mist, the water does deepen quite significantly. So the water on the map will be at goblin waste height.
00:17:15
Speaker
the water around the central portion where this bog wraith is, the water seems to get significantly deeper. I'll fill that in, Granati, your high-perception check as well. So maybe, Dini, it looks a wee bit deep as well. So if you can, you swim. I'd get your armbands, Mr Nutty.
00:17:37
Speaker
i've got an idea what i kind of want to do just momentarily i've still got um bluey that is like tired and gagged and we're gonna hold him in front of me you go get the dagger and i'm just gonna throw him into the uh we're roughly where the dragon dagger dropped and i'm just kind of hanging on to the rope i mean i'm just gonna leave in a few seconds he threw the dagger 60 feet
00:18:02
Speaker
I'm going to go close to where I can do that. It's like a fishing tie. Basically, I am throwing Bluey down in the hopes that he's going to be able to grab the dagger with his mouth, and then I'm going to bring him back to the bathroom. I can take it out for a moment. And when you take it out instantly, please don't put me in the water. Not again. I can't do it again. This is the third time. Stop doing this mask. I can't swim for it. She's over the guy.
Battling the Bograith: Chaos and Humor
00:18:32
Speaker
So first, I'm gonna do two rolls for him. Firstly, I'm gonna roll for perception to see if he can in his panic-stricken state actually see the thing. Then I'm gonna roll for whether or not if he does pass the perception, if he can actually grab it or not. So he's done that, and then he's done that, okay.
00:18:48
Speaker
You lower him down into the water, bubbles in silence for a couple seconds, the zips of flies around you, the squawk of a bird, nothing, the weird, ominous, shambling noise of this bog wraith in the distance. Lovely day, really, for goblins. And you... I saw it, but I didn't have a chance to get it. Please don't do it again. I say leave him down there for longer next time.
00:19:11
Speaker
okay we're gonna put him down again maybe just didn't he pull him up well he's quite useful every now and then this saves me from getting too wet i don't know we've been carrying him all this time and i really think we should have just eaten him at first like so it's all right i'm finding him open and then i'm gonna pull him up now
00:19:39
Speaker
and hanging off his mouth and his cuts in the corners of his mouth with a single incisor and the gap is the end of this, I imagine, relatively rusted, nasty blade. He's got it on his teeth there and he has got the dagger back. I'm going to take the dagger out, put the gag back in. Good, Bluey. Very patronised. I'm going to be tapping him on the head.
00:20:09
Speaker
Here you go. I'm not counting the dagger back to shank. I think I can get it from there. No, I think maybe just lug in a dagger that isn't the best plan. Has anyone thought one of these things before? We've never or I've never seen one before. Have you seen one before, Musk?
00:20:32
Speaker
Um, not to my recollection. I don't think I've seen one before, but if I have seen one before, it looked different to that. If it's been one of those that looks like bluey, then I might have seen one before.
00:20:45
Speaker
I think I've seen hair like that before, maybe on your back. But apart from that, I haven't seen anything like that. Do I have one of those on my back? And you're going to have... I'm just kind of running around in a bit of a panic now as you think she's got all of these things on her back. Sometimes it looks like that when you're getting changed, Musk. Does it look like it now? I was going to lift up the back of my shirt.
00:21:14
Speaker
No, you're nice and shaven. Good. Why are you shaving? Sorry, I'm not in this, I'm sorry. Doric said it might make me look more fisticated if I shaved and fisting's good for me strength. Fisting?
00:21:36
Speaker
Yeah, Doric said it looked more fisticated. Oh, fisticated, yes, yes. I thought he said beasticated at first. I don't know what that is. What supposes what you looked like before you were shaving. Oh, mask. Do you know what the chicks dug? With a shovel? Holes? Scars. Do you want some scars? Yeah. I'm going to shank him.
00:22:06
Speaker
Wow. As in what? As in attack him? Yeah. I'm going to take some damage. Cool. Why not? Kill me. It's only a 14 tip. Oh, miss.
00:22:21
Speaker
Oh, nope. I don't think you did many good wars, did you, Mr Nutty? Well, the trouble is depth perception. A raven bit this all out after it was kind of slashed good and proper. So I'll try again. I'll try again. No, no, no, no. We'll try again when we get you a new eye. Okay. So am I throwing the dagger at it now?
00:22:49
Speaker
I think we need to move closer. Well, we're closer now. Well, maybe we should, like, as anyone... So no one's fought one of these things before. Nobody knows, like, what it's weak to or... No, I'm pretty sure it's weak to stab wounds. I have not met a single thing I've not been able to shank.
00:23:13
Speaker
I bet have you thought something like that before because that doesn't even look like it's got a body like I didn't even know if you could even stab it
00:23:21
Speaker
Well, I'm a firm believer and if you don't try, you'll never know. That is a good model. So much more thinking. Yes, yes. I like that. Okay, so we shank him. Speaking of smart, has anybody noticed, like, Dharik isn't here? Because he might have known what this thingy is, but he seems to have, like, wandered off.
00:23:44
Speaker
He got, you're gonna look at Musk and he's kind of getting a little bit sheepish at the moment. He's just a little bit preoccupied and you're gonna see Musk just kind of put on what you very quickly identify as Doric's coat and glasses just momentarily. Have you eaten him, Musk? No, and I definitely didn't tie him up and steal his clothes.
00:24:10
Speaker
Where did you leave him, Masque? I definitely did not leave him back at the house. I definitely did not leave him in the poo room. Masque, we wanted him on our trip. But I wanted his coat, it was nice. It is very nice. I feel bad we only just noticed, just now he wasn't here. He is a bit of a quiet sort.
00:24:33
Speaker
Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not. Until he's not
00:24:51
Speaker
I have an idea. We could throw Bluey into the boggy thingy and see what happens. I think we need to do fair game, if I'm honest, Musk. It's not fair. He can't speak.
00:25:05
Speaker
But you know, live bait, that might be a good plan. Chunk Bluey over there, and then we come up the other way. So if this thing likes eating, and a lot of things like eating, I could put a couple of holes in him and make him look tastier. So maybe there's a smell of blood if this thing has a nose. Sounds good to me. I'm going to shank Bluey.
00:25:30
Speaker
Literally nobody is going to stop you doing that. In all fairness, I think I'm just going to be holding Bluey in front of Shank at this stage as well. Is this with advantage? Yes, like a halfling pinata. Got a time. Sorry, Darren, your character's not going to make it happen. It's only 14 to hit at advantage. That does hit. Amazing. I mean, I don't have his stat blocks, but I'm going to say it hits.
00:25:55
Speaker
As he takes seven points of piercing damage. Oh, shit. Wow. Wow, that's pretty high. OK, let's give him this many HP because I don't know anything about blowing. OK, I think that's an answer. Spurt, spurt. He'll be fine. Squeech, squeech. Right now must know him in that direction. OK. And I get kind of close to it without going into the.
00:26:21
Speaker
Like dead, dusty ground is what I can do. I just try and heave him over to the bog. Okay, we're aiming five, 10, 15, I'm at 25 feet. You're going to lob this guy. I'm going to try. Give me a athletics check. Yeah. That's athletics. 24. What the fuck?
00:26:44
Speaker
Okay, you throw him further. I mean, I'm sure Will, AKA Clemron, is listening to this at some point and will be turning in his law. Law is great. I'm sure there's an actual dynamic we could pick, but fuck it, I don't care. You overthrow him 25, you get him 35, you throw him deep within the maw of this creature about 10 feet away from it to the right of it, which is still kind of your side of where this creature is.
00:27:12
Speaker
But you managed to toss him a good direction unless you were aiming somewhere else if you look of roll 20 if you can correct me That's pretty much it I kind of want to throw near it just to see what it kind of does But I still see value in bluey as potential future bait So I still want the opportunity to do kind of yanking back on the rope if I need to so you've got my the right as well
00:27:32
Speaker
Yeah, it's tied. It's like 50 foot of rope that I've kind of used and it's kind of looped around so I can unravel it a little bit. So yeah, he's basically on like a fishing line for me. I can imagine him doing the Jack Sparrow response, like the retreat flailing his arms around.
00:27:51
Speaker
He hits the ground with a thud and a groan and he rides there for a little bit on the floor and as you all watch and the silence returns and you can see the creature start to shift and the murkiness of the air around it starts to move slightly. It settles back down again. It returns to its pulsing rhythmic fashion. It doesn't seem to have responded to the bait.
00:28:17
Speaker
I don't think it's working. I think he's got enough holes. Why don't you run in there and give me another wee stab and see what happens. And I'm gonna do exactly that. Oh god. You're supposed to be the smart platter here, Grona. I didn't think he was actually gonna do it. You're dealing with three idiots here, whatever you say they're gonna pretty much do. Alright, so you're shanking him.
00:28:44
Speaker
I'm going to put another hole into Bluey. I'll move you up next to Bluey. You enter into this dark ground, this crunches underfoot, unlike marshlands, which is almost like ash underfoot here.
00:28:59
Speaker
And in this strange kind of three pronged island within the swamp lands where this creature seems to have nestled itself, you notice a series of cobwebs surrounding it. You notice bones of multiple creatures decimated around the space as well, with this pulsating mass of writhing, coiling tendrils around this large gargantuan blob in the middle.
00:29:23
Speaker
You go up and shank a half inch. Do you want to roll with advantage? Yeah, I might as well put another roll in. It was an actual 19 first time. Go for the crit. Go for the crit. But 19 to hit and eight points of piercing damage.
00:29:41
Speaker
Shit nice. Yeah, okay He groans again and continues to and you look up hopefully at this creature It's it's it's still not doing anything I'll just turn back and shout Suddenly suddenly it turns at bats
Intense Battle: Goblins vs. Bograith
00:30:02
Speaker
And it moves with this kind of strange pace. It's almost like a sinister grace. It navigates around like as this small divot in front of it with a kind of complete awareness. Suddenly these dull orbs of eyes open up and glow and fixate, not just upon you, but also upon the three in the distance as well, upon Bluey, upon yourself as they jump between the two of them, ripples in the water.
00:30:25
Speaker
echo out across from its location. It senses in a raw, this raw sound reverberates through the air but through the soil as well, guttural otherworldly sound and the air shivers with each bellow. With this with an unexpected burst of strength there's a nearby tree which it just one of the tendrils kind of extends like and just crushes the broken and dilapidated
00:30:50
Speaker
trunk of one of these trees as it kind of falls to the side. It's deafening, cracking of splintering wood, echoing like a mournful dirge. It turns back to you all. Can we all please roll for initiative? Genius plan. Oh yeah, it can't have gone wrong. It was never going to go wrong. Absolutely not.
00:31:13
Speaker
Okay. This is quick. It's more of a plan than we know. It is actually, I mean, remember last time, how long did it take you to open a door? So yes. Yeah. This is progress with, you know, three quarters of an hour through, I think. And, um, you know, well, we're supposed to be right. And did anyone get more than 20? Yes. Yes. Yeah.
00:31:41
Speaker
What did you get? Rolled 22. And a 23 for Shankety-Shank. Shank. My Clegg. Then we've got Musk. 15 to 20? 19. Ooh, for Godboy, which I think is the best goblin name ever invented. Then we've got Bogboy. And then Greta, what did you get? 13.
00:32:08
Speaker
Oh, that's not bad. Yeah, they just all did really well. Yeah, to the bottom of the order at 13 is really hard going. Wait, have I been beaten by Bluey? Or did he not roll? Oh, he didn't roll. He's... Shanks initiative boost is quite substantial. Yeah, buddy. Did you say God Boy and Bog Boy? I called the Bog Wraith Bog Boy, yeah. Yeah, I like that. That was great. Thank you. Thank you.
00:32:35
Speaker
compliment every now and then. Go as well. Have inspiration. No, don't you can't have that. I'm not that easily bored. All right. Clegg, Nick Clegg, let's start off with you. No, Shank. Let's call you by a proper name. Shank. Shankety Shank. Shank my name, Shank my nature. You are about 15 feet away from this thing. You've got the corpse of blue, not corpse, sorry, the body of bluey groaning in front of you, tied up on the floor with now two shank marks.
00:33:01
Speaker
He's probably going to die of tetanus at some point later in the future anyway, because of the state of your daggers. There is a kind of relatively flat ground, so a couple of divots here and there, but the soil is dead. There's nothing in terms of cover. This is an open space, 15 foot to get in front of the bog wraith, if you would wish to do so. What would you like to do? So I'm very tempted.
00:33:22
Speaker
because I'm building up a bit of a bloodlust in my Shankly Shank. But I'm not gonna do it. No, I will, you'll see Shank with a, almost like a renewed vigor now that a couple of stabs have been made and now that this creature in front of him is raring to go, he's just gonna go charging head first into this bad boy with an unnatural speed from what you've seen him move with before. And he is gonna go ahead and just try and shank a bitch up.
00:33:51
Speaker
That's my intention. Oh God. Natural one. Oh my God. I think you failed on no shanking. On the first hit, my bonus action is going to be to try and shank a bitch up. 16 to hit. 16 hits. And I'm sure there'll be something that you want to do with you. Um,
00:34:18
Speaker
with your uh whatever it's called sorry with the natural one and uh you're about to find out that shank klegnut is a gloomstalker ranger and because this is the first round of combat what i can do is i can make an extra weapon attack against it
00:34:34
Speaker
so a third weapon attack which is for a 24 to hit hits and for that third weapon attack the extra one I get to add an extra d8 on top of it so I'll just tell you the overall was a shitty roll really bad rolls overall but five piercing damage I can't even count all that up my god this is terrible
00:34:59
Speaker
9, 5, that's 14. 14. I think I missed the first one, didn't I? Yeah, yeah, 14. Just 14 overall as he's just shanking away, like, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, Mr. Stabby. The first one, as you go to stab in a tendril, back, back to your hand away. The second one, slamming down, cutting off a tendril. This black smoke pours out. You grab another one and stab in towards the central area.
00:35:22
Speaker
a small cut appears and again a little bit of like almost black steam appears out from this creature but it continues this thrumming rhythmic um uh kind of almost um drum noise you kind of hear almost like blood in your ears as you got closer you kind of hear it pulsating in your ears shank i can't take anything seriously when i don't have to finish it with shank klegnuts anyway um
00:35:46
Speaker
I'm trying to make it as serious as possible so that it seems even more ridiculous the shit that you guys end up doing, which is why. But I can't keep it serious for now. I have to finish it with shank. No, no, it's brilliant. And so that's the end of shank's first turn. Musk, over to you. You just shank, shank, shank, shank a gloom boy. What do you want to do? Can I have a mouthful? Woof. Musk, I think you're going to use his action just to pull back rapidly on the rope that is currently
00:36:16
Speaker
I'm just tying up Bluey. He's still intent on saving him for later. I don't think Bluey's outlived his purposes yet. So when Bluey is just a little bit out of the range of Bogboy, we're also going to see Shank, Shank, Bogboy, wait for me! Always with a smile on his face. And I'm just going to use all my movement and try and get closer to it.
00:36:47
Speaker
Are you going to swim across or are you going to go around because you've got a weird kind of U-turny bit or you could go across the deep murky depth of the water for 10 feet and get you there? Well, I have 35 feet worth of movement. Can you swim?
00:37:05
Speaker
What I'm going to do, and you can tell me if this works, I'm going to start wading out into the water. As soon as it gets a little bit too deep, I'm going to use my bonus action to cast Giant's Mite. So I actually grow large and I'm now 15 feet tall. Nice, yeah. That would work. So your head kind of just gets bigger and your body gets bigger as you get deeper. And then as you step out, you're just like a 15 foot
00:37:34
Speaker
I'm now a 15 foot tall goblin. Terrifying. Amazing. Cool. Nice. And you've avoided any issues with the water. You did just about manage to keep your head above water, like a dog, doggy paddling, even in your large form, which gives you a sense of how deep that part of the water is there without your need to swim. Really good. So can you do anything else now? No, that's, I mean, movement, movement section. Lovely. Thank you very much. Good boy. Your friend Musk is now a bit bigger. Oh my God.
00:38:08
Speaker
You have seen me get bigger before, just saying. Oh, don't stay like Callum. There's so much you could say. Terrible. Oh my God, I've seen that before. Okay, so Godboy is going to move. Not very fucking far, actually. Hold on. Oh, wait a minute. I've just done that without seeing how far that was.
00:38:29
Speaker
5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. That was 30 feet forward that I've just moved. And I think that's as far as I can go. And you're pretty much where Musk was. You could use your action to dash, which would give you another 30 feet of movement. Yeah, let's do that so I can be one step close to the action and I'll go round it. I'm not going to go through the water. I'm scared of the water.
00:38:53
Speaker
What I'll give you is the squares that are half water, half land, you can diagonally use those and we can assume you just skirt along the edge of the water as opposed to... Do you know what I mean? So 5, 10, 15, 20, 25. Can I go over? There's some tree stumps on the way. It's fallen trunk. Yeah, that's fine. You can cross that. Oh, can I cross that? Okay, great. This episode is also brought to you by the Five Times Table as well.
00:39:23
Speaker
Um, I'm quite good at that. So yeah, I'm happy. So yeah, I've gone 30 feet in front, maybe use my movement, use the dash action. I'm going to stay there. Lovely. Which puts you at the same kind of position away from the bog wraith as bluey. So about 20 feet away. So in your next tone, you could definitely engage with it. Okay. Can I, can I bonus action? Of course you can.
00:39:51
Speaker
Can I bonus action rage, please? Yes, of course you can. And we've switched up slightly into you've gone back to your barbarian roots, haven't you? Yes. And he's going to go.
00:40:04
Speaker
as he does it. That was fantastic. Wow, amazing. And that's exactly right. And shame you don't remember that exact noise for every time you age from now on. Yes, please. That's what he's going to do. And the noise you make when you crit as well, I think. Okay, great. You'll see when that comes. Lovely. Thank you very much, Godboy, for getting yourself into this position. It is the bog wraith's turn and two large tandrels
00:40:29
Speaker
are going to lean out and then whack across and one of them is going to aim for shank. Oh that's a 19 to hit. That's gonna hurt. You take five points of bludgeoning damage. I can take it. And the nearest, the next one is going to be to musk and that's going to be a 14 to hit. That's a miss. Oh okay then don't throw any damage for that. That's all it's going to do but
00:40:54
Speaker
Not this at the top of the round, sorry, I've got my little big action things. Then mind, Grona, you're up next. The rest of the party have skedaddled, leaving you kind of in the proverbial dust. What would you like to do?
00:41:07
Speaker
I quite like being in the dust, to be honest. I don't think I want to be getting close. I'm going to go... I can't really move my character very well. To there. I think that's 30 if I go diagonally. I can go there. And then, so I'm staying quite far back because I'm not a melee person. I'm going to do the good old Eldritch Blast.
00:41:29
Speaker
Oh, you can. Nice. Absolutely. So you're a good distance away from the creature, but with a decent line of sight on it as well. It is about 15 foot high as well. So you're in no real risk of smashing shank in the back of the head with an Eldritch Blast. As hilarious that would be. It's not a real concern. So yeah, do you want to roll the hit? It's a 14 to hit.
00:41:51
Speaker
Did that hit? That misses. That misses, unfortunately. Just careens off to the left of the creature, missing. Well, damn. Is there anything else you can do with that? No, nothing I want to do with a bonus action. No, I'm good. Okay, no problem. Sorry about that. It's Bluey's turn. He's going to inchworm.
00:42:14
Speaker
one square back away from the creature. Literally like pulling his bum up and then pushing his body forward. Legs and bum up, body forward. And he's gonna do that for five feet as he traverses over a fallen oak tree and then lands on the other side. That's all he can do.
00:42:34
Speaker
The top of the round, you all experience something. You hear these strange whispers and murmurs as the creature suddenly shudders for a second. It's ominous murmurs. Could you all make a wisdom saving throw, please?
00:42:49
Speaker
This doesn't bode well for me. I'll go in the order. I'll go in the order of initiative just to make sense. So I'll tell you there and then if you've passed or not. So Shaq, what'd you get? 16. Pass. Mask, what'd you get? 15. Pass. Good boy. What'd you get? Saboon. Feel. Growner, what'd you get?
00:43:12
Speaker
So unfortunately for Godboy and Grona, you for this round only will have disadvantage on attack rolls. There's some strange whispers in your mind that put you off and seem to distract you in the next couple of seconds which cause you to roll with disadvantage for your attacks. So you do any spells or anything?
00:43:33
Speaker
that applies to um spells to hit as well but if you have like a consave spell or a wisdom save spell growing up i'm thinking specifically that's fine that that that doesn't affect you okay cool giving you an out because you already missed one here and it's unfair um right i also only have two spell slots because i'm a warlock so this is true this is true this is true you're gonna waste them uh shanked up around two um you're up and shankity shanking like a biatch what would you like to do
00:44:00
Speaker
I want to try and climb this bitch while shanking it, if you'll let me. Basically just, yeah, just basically saying, and he's saying shank because he's trying to stab into it. He's got two daggers in each hand, but what he's going to do with his bonus action is cast Hunter's Mark on the bad boy, which I don't think it even makes a save for. It's just an effect that happens. But if I hit him,
00:44:26
Speaker
If I hit it, I can do a bit more damage to it. And then with my main action, as I'm trying to climb, unless you want me to climb as an action, it's up to you. Right, there's a lot of things there. Are we using the daggers as you shank to kind of pull yourself up the creature? If I need one hand, actually no, Hunter's Mark is verbal, so yes, exactly that.
00:44:46
Speaker
Okay. Then I'm going to say three feet. If, if you, if, all right, give me an athletics athletics or acrobatics check. I'll let you decide. Okay. Uh, if I turn it to acrobatics, it puts up to a 20 non-natural. Okay. So with that, yes, you can do this. So the next thing is, can you, so you're going to climb six feet of this creature.
00:45:08
Speaker
whether you hit it to make damage to it or not. I'm going to consider that even if you miss, in theory, you still make contact in it and you're climbing up, you just don't cause much damage to it. So do you want to roll the two hits? You have two hits, don't you? It's just one this time because I can't use my bonus action to use my offhand and it's only an 11 to try and hit.
00:45:29
Speaker
That does miss, unfortunately, but you still managed to climb. Sorry, it is only going to be like, I'll put four feet, then you can. That's right. Because I thought you get two hits, but obviously you've lost your bonus action. Yeah, exactly. Well, up on that bitch. So yeah, you start to climb this, the creature will have shank very nice. What we'll do is I won't make you roll another athletic check here and I'll just acrobatics check. I'll just consider that pass on through the rounds. Musk, your turn. Shanks climbing this biatch. What do you want to do?
00:45:57
Speaker
I'm going to attempt to attack this biatch. I've still got my lovely scythe from our last little goblin outing. Still, obviously, that's grown with me as well. I'm just going to try and swing down with this colossal scythe through nine. Oh, that misses. Come on, guys, we're all better than that. I'm trying. Fair enough. OK, well, anything else you want to do? Bonus action, movement, cry?
00:46:29
Speaker
You know what, yeah, I'm actually going to use my bonus action to do Nimble Escape so I can disengage and I'm just going to move back away from it just a little bit, just out of reach. Okay, nice, fair enough. Go boy, over to you. Remember you're all in the disadvantage if you get into attack range with it.
00:46:48
Speaker
Yes. So I'm going to hold on a second. Let me just see how far away I am from this creature. Again, let's go five, 10, 15, 20. So is that 20 feet away? Can I move all of that 20 feet please in front of the creature? And I'm going to hit it, if I may, if I can, with disadvantage with my rapier.
00:47:18
Speaker
I'm going to rapier it. Oh, God. Oh, my. Oh, God. Oh, my. Hold on one second. That's. So that's an eight. Yeah, it's 24. So, yeah, it's an eight to hit, please. This is unfortunate. The dissonance sounds in your head is still murmuring away as you lunge forward, even with the hang on a minute.
00:47:49
Speaker
You're raging, aren't you? I am raging, but I thought that would disregard it because of the disadvantage. Because rage cancels out a lot of effects, doesn't it? Only with a frenzying barbarian. There you are. It's a different subclass. Thank you. Sorry, I knew that had something in there with the... Sorry, I thought that had an ad where you could have used the 24Ks, but unfortunately, that's not good. That's okay. It does sound... Yeah, it's fine. Don't worry.
00:48:11
Speaker
what did you what have you got to tell me no it says it says on my character sheet something about frenzy but is that something that I have should have taken it's fine it's a glass if you've got it hold on a sec just because it it says on oh on my bonus action it's got rage and then I can move oh it says up here frenzy attack
00:48:29
Speaker
That sounds like you are the right subclass. While in a frenzy, you can make single melee weapon attack as a bonus action. Yeah, you are. You're the correct subclass. You're what Drago had. I think as well in, in the OG campaign, you can end those. This is me going off memory rather than anything else. It might not be right as a kind of a rental, but be worthwhile having a look. So that means what, that we can cancel out the effects of it, of the wisdom save.
00:48:56
Speaker
Can we? Can I use my 24? I would just say, I've just made a note of this so we can talk what we want and then we'll resume properly. I do think that you cancel out a lot of like charmed or frightened effects when you rage, but if you
00:49:17
Speaker
are put under those while you're raging, they have no effect on you. It's a level six feature. Not a problem. There's so many little loopholes in there, isn't there? It's a brand new character. When we start up again, I'll just say, no, unfortunately, it doesn't apply to you. You missed, unfortunately, and then we'll just move on. If you have got anything with a bonus action you want to do, you can do that then. I'll go at 25.
00:49:50
Speaker
Sorry, I've got to change that now.
00:49:54
Speaker
Unfortunately, no, I think that's a level six thing. It still has its effect on you, so we have to use the eight, unfortunately. No problem. So that does miss. Bonus action, anything else you want to do? No, I think that's fine. I'm probably just going to do a bit of a matrix-y swing around. I don't even know the right action, but as he's stabbing, he's just going to be going after his...
00:50:21
Speaker
He's going to just sort of move his body around and try and stab it, but then obviously goes underneath one of the tentacles, he tendrils, he thinks, and then flips back up again with both of his hands up, ready to go again.
00:50:33
Speaker
Nice. Awesome. Thank you very much. It's the bog boys turn and he is go. It's, I say, Hey, you can't gender this thing. It didn't mean I can't make an assumption. Um, it's going to swing with its two great tens because again, thick tendrils are going to appear and they're both going to go for book boy and shank upon him again. So first one, go boy. It's a 14 against your AC. No, that misses. And, uh, 12 for shank. Nope.
00:51:03
Speaker
Man, we're all rolling like ships. Everyone's rolling. Everyone's missing. Everyone's missing.
00:51:09
Speaker
Yes, pretty much. Don't bring in shit again, Callum. Right. That's the, uh, that's the end of his turn. Uh, he's going to perform. However, at this point, cause I think things are going to start getting a bit worse for it. Uh, missed fail as a bonus action, which I've just made up and I've had it made up for a while now. And this, um, it basically gonna like a sponge kind of increase inside the door, like a spore.
00:51:35
Speaker
It's going to produce a little bit of gas around itself that's starting to hum a light red mist. And what it does is it settles down upon the creature, giving this glistening effect to the pussy skin beneath it, which is going to bump its AC up for one round only from now until the start of the next round.
00:51:55
Speaker
nice okay so everybody just roll crips okay that's um that's all that's going to do for that turn but groan out over to you um you're um hitting with disadvantage if it's a hit or a spell yeah um what do you want to do have you said it has eyes yes yes does it look as though it's using those eyes to decide who it wants to hit very much so yes okay um yeah yeah i'll give that yeah
00:52:23
Speaker
Um, can I move to somewhere where I will be within 30 feet? I think you can. My, my time to do this on my phone is very hard.
00:52:35
Speaker
Five, 10, 15, 20. Yes, I can get you into a position where if you be on the edge of the water about 10 feet away from Bluey, a good 30 feet away from it, exactly 30 feet away from it, in line with Shank and the rest of them kind of on the kind of dirty brown island now, yeah, within range, but at the very edge of your range, yeah, you can get there. In which case, I would like to attempt to cast Blindness on it.
00:53:03
Speaker
Very nice. Okay. What do you need for that? A con save. This is why we have a warlock. Oh shit, that's a two. It fails. The target is blinded for one minute. However, at the end of each turn, you can make another con saving throw to try and end said blindness.
00:53:24
Speaker
Excellent work. Very nice. As of now, it's just blind. Take that AC. Just so everybody knows, that means we all roll with advantage.
00:53:33
Speaker
absolutely, which is going to be very, very useful for killing it. If you didn't know, that's going to be useful. You just see suddenly this orb of, I mean correct me if any of this is wrong, I'm going to make it up as we go, an orb of light approach across you, across and then as it gets close, it's going to split off and splinter off and these small kind of shards and fragments are going to fire off and fling
00:53:59
Speaker
into each of the four eyes of this creature, forcing them to shut. And as they try and open back up again, all that's there is this glaze, this kind of yellow glaze across the eyes. And it doesn't matter how many times the eyes kind of blink and flinch and twitch and rub against the tendrils. And it's just this yellow haze remains. It is blinded. Very good, Growner. Nice.
00:54:19
Speaker
Thank you. It makes up for the missed last time. That's why she's the smart one. Blue's going to inchworm one more square. He's going to be like wide-eyed looking at you going to come nodding. You should not be looking at me. I am not going to be helping him. He's on the edge of the pool of water, but kind of inchworming his way round whilst making eyes
Relentless Assault: Shank's Heroics
00:54:39
Speaker
at you. And that's all. I so want to just kick him into the water. Well, you know, there's always next round. This is only round.
00:54:47
Speaker
The end of that round we fall into the top of a round again and again you feel this rumble in the ground and the ground beneath you starts to become almost a bit like you're treading water as the ground starts to loosen around you all and around each of you quicksand has been kind of formed around you. This creature seems to have control over its dominion and
00:55:13
Speaker
domain all except shank obviously because shank is upon the creature and therefore it can't put quicksand on itself or can it no it can't so um shank you are immune to this but could the other three and bluey actually all make strength saving throws to resist being grappled why is it gotta be strength oh
00:55:36
Speaker
Sorry, that was a lot better than I was expecting. You seem to be rolling pretty well for the saves, but then awful for the hits. My strength is minus one. Wow, not bad then. Musk, what did you get? Dirty 20. Okay, you're absolutely fine. But even if you were grappled, you're up close anyway. Godboy, what did you get?
00:55:56
Speaker
I got six, but I think I get advantage on strength saving throws because of my rage, and I get to add two as well. Sorry, it's just taking me a while to keep going back and forth. I forgot I have advantage, but I don't need it. Sorry. Yeah, so one second. Sorry, I'm just going to roll another. I'll come back around to your case in a second. Okay. And Grona? 17.
00:56:21
Speaker
Nice, that passes as well. And Bluey also got a 15 as well, so he passed as well. Good for him. Casey, what did you, sorry, Godboy, what would you end up getting? My lovely advantage gave me a nine. Do you pick the higher one? Is that the highest you got? That is the highest one. I either got an eight or a nine. Oh, Jesus. You're grappled, you're held to the point, your speed is zero, but you ain't gonna be going anywhere. Well, you're at the creature anyway, so you're not gonna wanna go anywhere, aren't you?
00:56:48
Speaker
no so it only goes up to about your knees everyone else might just rip their feet away from it and it's this the grind seems to settle again around you for you go boy it sinks you down as you try and pull your legs up as his voice gone sorry about that i'm just making that 11 10 at 111 a furious holly puts a
00:57:19
Speaker
Child stand upon me. And as you are stuck in position, we're gonna go back to the top of the round to shank round three. You're upon this creature, four foot up it of its 15 foot form. What would you like to do? I'm pretty sure you can guess. I'm gonna shank a bitch. With advantage, it is a 25 to hit for the first attack. Yeah, that hits.
00:57:47
Speaker
which brings in a 85 points of piercing. Nice. Bonus action, shankity shank. 20 to hit. Yes. And just in case Will's listing goes, wait, how has he got seven damage from a dagger? Because I've got the correct fighting style. I can add that extra plus four to my second shank for a seven point. So 12 points of damage overall. Oh, shit. I'm also Hunter's marking that bitch. You are an extra 1d6. 2d6 because I've hit him twice.
00:58:16
Speaker
fuck yeah right he's gonna take a tasty extra two and an extra six so eight on top of whatever the fuck I just said 12 so 20 points of damage in total fuck yeah he's just climbing going are you still climbing as well yeah I want to get to the top you climb another
00:58:37
Speaker
God, I'm starting to sound like a shank a little bit. You climb another, this time, because you got two good shanks in, because you're climbing up, what did I say last time? Six foot, so your forefoot's a 10 foot up. You know, the five foot before you reach the pinnacle, you know, you're the arc de triomphe, you're at the very peak of this creature. Are you gonna make it better if it's still alive? Yes, it is, because it's got a fuck load of HP. That's nice, really good. Shit has a lot of damage.
00:59:02
Speaker
And yeah, you can do to shank, shank, shank, shank, climb your way up at these tendrils, try and slap you down or kind of grab you and pull you down. You just keep trying to shank your way up this creature as you make your way to the premise. No, to the summit. Masque, over to you. What would you like to do?
00:59:20
Speaker
I've still stepped back a little bit, so I'm running back in, scythe held up high going, a little hop and then plummet down just to try and put all my strength behind a nice downward scythe attack. 15 with advantage to hit.
00:59:42
Speaker
the new round isn't it? Oh no it's not still it's um so that misses but that would have passed anyway. That would have passed if I hadn't done this AC thing. Damn that AC thing. There's kind of bounces off to the side um and unfortunately does no damage. Have you got anything else you want to do bonus action? A lot of my stuff kind of happens when I hit the damn thing yeah so I need kind of need to wait
01:00:03
Speaker
You do. No worries. No, I'll stay there. Okay. No problem. Good boy. You are stuck in the mud, but you are within range. Okay. Does this mean you're going to have to remind me advantage or no? You get advantage. But I'm grappled. Just a straight roll. Just a straight roll. Okay. Thank you. I will straight roll with my rapier.
01:00:28
Speaker
again, and give it another go. Can I say, is it Casey that's grappled? Yeah. Well, that just means she can't move. It doesn't affect attack rolls. Oh, sorry. Not restrained, doesn't it? It's just grappled, yeah. If it's grappled, there's no effect to attack rolls. It is grappled, sorry. So you can still roll with advantage. Oh, with advantage. Yeah, just with advantage. Okay, great. Thank you. So, yeah, 14 to hit, please.
01:00:58
Speaker
Oh, it misses. Fuck off. I'm sorry. I will. I will after this. Don't worry. I'll do much to you in the after this. Okay. Does this mean that my rage is going to stop? Like, does it stay? It'll be hit. It drops if you don't hit or be hit. You've had a round of no damage taken and no damage dealt. And that's been two rounds though, hasn't it?
01:01:22
Speaker
It's the way it works. I think it's technical class as one, but yes, your rage will have subsided now. But you can re-bonus action it, can't you? Oh yeah. Yeah, she absolutely can do. Okay. And I get three chances done. I before a long rest. So yes, I will do that again for my bonus action if you don't mind. If you lose rage, do you get your level of exhaustion now or later? Sorry, to add...
01:01:48
Speaker
to this. Wait, so what does that mean? Because you've gone for a berserker barbarian. When the rage ends, you get a level of exhaustion. I've just made a note of the pause while we just have a look at this thing. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I think you're right there, sir. Well, I think your mic might have moved a little bit or you might have moved back a little bit. That's my fault.
01:02:14
Speaker
Don't want to lose that shank voice, man. The first level of exhaustion won't really matter because it's only ability checks. Good thing we haven't been doing many of those each round.
01:02:27
Speaker
Oh wait, no, ability checks, I didn't realise that meant saving throws as well. Yeah, it's not saving. You're right, you're right, you're right. No, because level three is, it says attack wells and saving throws. So it's only if she wanted to like open a door in the middle of this fight, which hopefully you won't be doing. Yes, unfortunately, when your rage ends, you suffer one level. So you do have a level of exhaustion as well. Just to fuck you over.
01:02:53
Speaker
It's okay, I'm just wondering... Yeah, I know, I've done absolutely fuck all. I'm just wearing the party hat. It's all shank and groan at the moment. To be honest, Musk's done fuck all as well, so... Yeah, I've done jazz shit. Musk got really big and then did nothing. Yeah, let's just go back to the fucking movie. We've all been there in my life. We've all been there in my life. For fuck's sake. Where do I note my level of exhaustion?
01:03:17
Speaker
on some paper maybe maybe just okay i didn't know if you could do that in in in conditions on dnd be honest all right thank you you can you can do it there there's a thing right at the bottom that's good okay well you you put yourself as frightened i yeah i don't i don't want to do that no if you scroll all the way down there's like
01:03:39
Speaker
Okay. Level fucking one level one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just level one. Okay. Problem is if this keeps happening and you like drop rage and get it back again and you get to level three exhaustion, then it will really fuck you. But I'm assuming that's okay. Hopefully you'll actually hit something soon. And it will start hitting you as well. I promise. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Well, maybe not because it's blind.
01:04:05
Speaker
Oh shit, yeah. It's rolling with disadvantage. So it gets disadvantage and we get advantage. Yeah. I still fucking miss grown up. Yeah. Blinded is OG getting, getting something blind. Blinded and whole person and other best things when you've got close quarter fighters. Yeah. 100%. Okay. Um, at 25, no, 25 minutes. I'm just going to go get a, make a D 15. Yeah. Do it at 15.
01:04:39
Speaker
All right then, shifting on from that, it is the bug boy's turn. Bug Wraith is having to have a, he's going to do some smashy-smash on some folks. He's going to go for this time, well, Shank again, because it's climbing his person with a 15 to hit. It's that with disadvantage. Oh shit, no, it isn't. Thank you very much, Brodah. Five to hit.
01:05:04
Speaker
And the other one is going to go for Musk because it's done a little dramatic run at it. That is a six or a 19th fucksake. So a six. No, miss. Okay. And that is all it can do. It can't do its missed fail thing. That's failed. That's dropped now. So the AC has dropped back to where it was. The red kind of film across the creature fades away as well. Growner around back
01:05:29
Speaker
It can roll to try and end the blindness at the end of its tone. At the end of its tone, thank you. Nope, that is a five. Brilliant. Still blind. In which case, I'm going to, well, actually, I'm going to back away a little bit because I don't want to be. I mean, no, it's not going for me at all, but I'm still going to back away like... But Bluey's right there. Oh, yeah, I forgot about Bluey.
01:05:53
Speaker
The thing is, if Darwin was here, I'd feel much better about just killing Bluey, but I feel like it's a bit mean to kill him when he's not here. He wrote the character while the episode was recording. He has no bonding to this. You do what Grona
Victory Amidst Dysfunction: Fiery Shackles
01:06:09
Speaker
wants to do. And if Grona wants to just slowly stick a foot on him and into the ocean, then so be it, you know. They're only saying that he loves him really.
01:06:18
Speaker
Okay, I won't back away yet then, but I'm also not going to kill Bluey just yet. Because this bog thing is more of a threat right now. So what I'm going to do is Eldritch Blast it with advantage. Because it's still blind. Hell yes. Oh, I forgot. Yeah, 19, please. 19 hits.
01:06:46
Speaker
Okay. And someone else apart from Shank is doing damage. This is good. That does 12, uh, whatever Eldritch damage is. Force damage, Eldritch Rona. 12. Oh, that's some bad maths.
01:07:04
Speaker
12 points of damage. This shot pulses in and smashes back through the tendrils, fly off into the waters beyond. It's a really nice bit of damage there, Growner, thank you very much. Bluey is going to then continue to make eyes at you and try and move around you into getting another five feet of inchworming around you. So he's just your right, Growner. That is all he's gonna do. Top of the round.
01:07:31
Speaker
again the creature kind of puffs up and pushes out this liquid this this gas but this time it's low out of these small um kind of aimless looking holes that appear around the base of the body i don't know why anyway it's the second time it's like butt ruffling i'm thinking sphincters i don't know why i don't want to know what you're thinking why am i thinking what you're thinking i was just thinking about buttholes it's been a long week always got buttholes on my nose
01:07:59
Speaker
It's been a long day. I've had a pair of buttholes running around off me all day. This gas bucket I'm poisoning you all, noxious miasma pours out and these little wisps of poisonous gas start to try and get at you. Could you all please make a constitution saving throw? Oh, Bluey failed.
01:08:29
Speaker
All right, let's start with Shankety Shank. What'd you get? It's an almighty 10. 10 passes. Oh, shit. And Musk? I was concerned, but now I'm not. 11. 11 fails.
01:08:48
Speaker
That does pass. Good boy. Natural 20. Shit. So what's that? 20? 25. 25. Wow. Conning L. Yeah. 25. Nice. Yeah, that passes. And Groda? 19. Yep. Passes as well. Bluey's the only one that failed that. Bluey is poisoned.
01:09:07
Speaker
Oh no. Oh no, what a shame. And that's all we need to worry about for that. It doesn't actually affect any of us. Shank top of the round. You're five feet from shank topolus. No, shank topia. Mount Shankalot. Shankville. Shankville. The Burj al-Shanklifa. I like the Burj al-Shanklifa.
01:09:34
Speaker
What noise does it make when I shank it? It's such a queef impression here. Yeah, I'm gonna still climb and shank, please. Okay, shank. I mean, roll the hit. Shank to hit. Roll the shank. Yeah, gladly. It's still an advantage, yeah? Yeah, it's still blind. 16 for the first hit. Hits.
01:09:56
Speaker
and 22 for the second hit. Both hit. Okay, I'm going to pump a Fury of the Small into this, which is an extra four onto whatever I'm about to roll. Oh, I forgot we can all do that. That's eight on the first hit, seven on the second, so that is 15 points of damage plus Hunter's Mark, which brings up to 17 and then brings it up to 19 points of Shinkedy Shank, because I'd like to still climb it.
01:10:24
Speaker
That is a consistent 20 points in the last two rounds each time pretty much you've done there, which is awful amounts of damage. Very nice, very nice, very nice. Oh yeah, I forgot about the fear of the small on top of that 23 overall. For people, had you not added the fear of the small?
01:10:43
Speaker
I added up the overall kind of shanking damage and then 19 was the shankity shank and then fewer of the small extra four. So four more on top of what you've already done. Okay. Wow. Nice. Absolutely. Awesome. Good shit. Wow. 23 damage. Shit. This gloom stalker. I mean, I want to kill him at the same time. All right. Do I see anything new on top of this? Now that I'm, now that I'm kind of assuming I've gotten to the very top of it, is there like,
01:11:14
Speaker
a hole to shit into, I don't know. No, it's just like a carapace pit at the top, like it's like a hardened bit on the top. So you're just avoiding that and shanking the squishy bits really, which seems to be working so far. And each shank hit seems to, the throbbing and rhythmic noise in your ears starts to lessen the slide each. It picks up and then slows down again.
01:11:38
Speaker
You can tell it's working pretty much at the moment. Musk, you're up next. A shank has climbed and is basically sticking a shank flag on the top of this creature. What do you want to do? How high will be shank at the moment? 15 feet up a bog wraith.
01:11:55
Speaker
What I'm going to do quickly, there we go. Ooh, hello. I'm just going to wave to Shank, which is the top of the bog wreath, which is about as tall as me. I was going to lift up my scythe for my last missed attack and do a side swipe with it. Okay, roll to hit with advantage. That is a 25. That does hit. Finally, we've all apart from Casey, done some damage so far.
01:12:23
Speaker
So give me some damage then, musk. Okay, so that's going to take 18 points of slashing damage. Can you also make a strength saving through? I can try. Nine.
01:12:47
Speaker
Cools, you fail. I'm going to use one of my Rune Knight abilities. When you hit a creature with an attack-eating weapon, invoke the fire rune, the target takes an extra 2d6 worth of fire damage, which I'm currently going to roll, so that's an extra three points. And you are restrained for one minute. Wait, what? Are you setting this thing on fire?
01:13:16
Speaker
It's not on fire. Fiery shackles have basically kind of come out of my weapon and just kind of wrap themselves around it. So it's not burning. You're fine. I was like, oh, fuck. It's like really hot metal chain links to just wrap itself around the enemy and just kind of sink in burning the flesh. So this again means I have you have advantage against the creatures attack and the creatures attacks roll with disadvantage.
01:13:44
Speaker
It has disadvantage on deck saving throws. Do I get a chance to break it at the end of each round?
01:13:49
Speaker
Uh, because I guess so. Plus I'm also blind. You can repeat the saving throw at the end of each of its terms. Its terms. Okay. So I'm rolling twice, one to break blinded, one to break these fiery shackles. This is more like it. This is the goblin. And you can't move. This is monster hunting. Not that you have moved yet, but you can't move. This is monster hunting 101 baby. This is what I like. Yeah. I see why you need to hit. Why do the goblins work well better together than our actual kind of main party? Because we're dysfunctional, but it seems to work. Run in check.
01:14:19
Speaker
Shankity shank. And bad rolling and a group that knows what they're doing. Nice. Just to see how many more effects we can stack on top of one another. Quadruple disadvantage, I wish. Right. Very nice,
Weapon Debate and Goblin Health Check
01:14:33
Speaker
Mask. Godboy, over to you. You see these massive fire shackles peer out the ground and kind of pull the creature down whilst you're still stood in rather deep sand. What would you like to do?
01:14:44
Speaker
Okay. Have I raged? Because if I haven't, I'll bonus action and rage now. I thought I did. That's okay. That's great. Thank you. We'll check. Okay. So then I'm going to go for it again. Fucking third time looking. Let's go. Okay. Okay.
01:15:07
Speaker
That will be a 21 to hit, please. That does hit. Hooray. Oh, here we go. Okay. So damage being, now is this plus two to my damage because of my rage? Yes. Okay. So that would be a nine piercing damage then please.
01:15:29
Speaker
Very nice. I'd hate to be a will, but it's a rapier, which is a deck space weapon and rages only for strength. You're joking. It's just because of my first name. Sorry, mate.
01:15:41
Speaker
Can I just ask quickly? Have you kind of got the rapier equipped because it was like on your character beforehand? Well weren't these all special rapiers we got given? We put rapiers on but they're actually size and I don't know if that's a finesse weapon or not. I think it was finesse which is why you told us we could have a size so we could all use them.
01:16:06
Speaker
It's not actually a rapier that you've got, Casey. It's okay. Well, you can have a rapier. It's been a long time, Casey. Is that a finesse weapon? It's still a finesse weapon, yes. Right, so then I can't use it. So seven damage, simply. You just don't get the advantage, but you get all the protections of being underage, though.
01:16:24
Speaker
So half damage, et cetera. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. All that stuff still applies. We can find you another weapon later on. I think that would be great. A tree trunk or something. To splinter the fuckers. Yeah, let's do that then. Okay, seven points of damage. And it bonks and it doesn't like it. You cut off another one of the tendrils, black smoke plumes out from it as well. Okay.
01:16:47
Speaker
and it is the bog wraiths turns it is not a happy bunny it is going to attack or at least attempt to attack folk it's going to as this is round four get three attacks and not just two as the tendrils start to appear on hitter and it's gonna go go boy shank and mask shank first 13
01:17:10
Speaker
Nah. Fuck you. Next up, oh no, this is with disadvantage as well. So are our two 14s against Godboy? No. And then against Musk, it's a five or it's a 14, so it's a five. No. I get to reroll firstly for the blinded, that's a 13. That fails. For fuck's sake, I'm still blind and I have 10 for the restrained.
01:17:39
Speaker
That fails. It's a poor creature. This is good. This is more like it, guys. That's what I'm looking at. Nice. It's still under both effects. Grona, your turn. You see these fiery tendrils pulling it down. You see the eyes still with this yellow glint. Despite your best intentions, this is still working despite them being absolute fucktards you're working with.
01:18:02
Speaker
I'm speaking. I'm proud. How does Bluey look? Because he's poisoned, right? Does he still help? How? Because he already took quite a few stabs. He is looking not well. And he's looking a little bit green around the chaps, chops, chips around the eyes. He rolled his eyes once or twice and he's continuing to slowly inchworm away. But he's still going. He's still okay. He's not like on his last gasping breath.
01:18:33
Speaker
No. No. All right. Well, he inched a little bit further away from me, didn't he? I'm going to go stand next to him again. OK. But I'll just kind of put my foot on him so he knows I'm still there. But I am going to continue hitting this bog race with another Eldritch Blast because I'm a warlock. So, you know, what else am I going to do? Advantage.
01:19:03
Speaker
Ooh, that's a natural 20. Holy shit. A goblin 20 as well. So, I rolled quite poorly on the damage roll though. It's less than last time. 11. I rolled 2 d10s plus 4 because I can add a plus 4 and I rolled a 3 and a 4 on my d10s. Wow, that sucks. That's very sad.
01:19:31
Speaker
Still, that's nice to have a crit though. Crits always make people happy. Very good stuff. Right. It's Bluey's turn. Bluey has to make a few rolls now. It's trying to shake off the poison. Okay. Grown now. You noticed that Bluey goes very still for a second. Very still. Okay.
01:19:54
Speaker
as your foot, because you can feel it with your foot, you're looking towards the creature, but your foot, he stops wriggling, he stops into him and he goes very, very still. And as you look down for a second, he looks up at you, the gag is out, he smiles, two thumbs up, his hands are free, and he pushes your foot off from you, and he's going to try and sprint the fuck away.
01:20:15
Speaker
Of course he is. He's managed to break his restraints. He's been working on that for the last couple of turns, actually, as his want. He almost pushed him in the water. Yeah, he should have had your chance. Because that would have stopped him. Obviously, he would have drowned. But he's going to just try and sprint. See, the issue he has is he needs to get away from you.
01:20:44
Speaker
And so he's going to go north and go five feet out and then dive into the dark murky waters beyond and splash, try and swim under the surface. He disappears from view under the water.
01:20:59
Speaker
because he's trying to get out. He's watched you elders. I'm going to put this one in for Darren here because I know what his class was. I don't know. I had double dash. So no, it's going to be one of his actions was one of his actions was he didn't ever use an action. Every action was to try and cut through, try and cut through. He had to finish cutting through in that last one. So that was one of his action. That was his action. So he only has movement and, you know, to stand up his half movement. So.
01:21:28
Speaker
give you a sense of he's not miles away, okay? Right, that has just happened as well, to add insult to injury.
Skeletons Join the Fray
01:21:37
Speaker
Top of the round, speaking of which, oh, this is good timing, sorry, this was just by chance this happened. This is round four, the start of round four, amphibious assault. The creature lets out three really short spur of noise. And three,
01:21:57
Speaker
It would be, I don't know what you mean actually. The bones around you start to shake and shudder. They start to pull towards, magnetise towards each other and these three skeletons are formed out of the remains of these creatures and they turn to you each.
01:22:13
Speaker
um in turn and are going to join in the battle. One appears just above where Godboy is to the north of the creature, one appears five feet below Musk's to the south, one appears behind um sorry behind oh no I've got moved the wrong thing and now Shank is disappeared from view there he is um behind the
01:22:37
Speaker
group, Godboy, Musk, and Shank, but in front of Growners, kind of in between the two, near where Bluey was originally placed. These three creatures have appeared.
Shanking Rage and Skeletal Struggle
01:22:47
Speaker
They don't enter, just, yeah, you need to roll their initiative. Cool. And, oh God, that's useful. And I've got them now in the initiative order as well. So, top of the round, Shank, you see these bones, these creatures appear from the ground beneath you and around you, but you are still on the top of this creature. What do you want to do?
01:23:07
Speaker
Shank is driven into a shanking rage. He's shanking away, he's having a great time shanking away. So, he's gonna shank. Yeah, yeah, shanking all day, shanking all night. When he feels the need to have a shank. So that's exactly what he's gonna do.
01:23:26
Speaker
squat down and just almost like Drax on the back of that kind of displaced beast-style-y, time-y, warpy thingy, just, ahhh, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, or inside it, isn't it? And Shinkily Shank. Do I still get advantage on my Shinkily Shanks? It's double, it's restrained and blinded, so you still get advantage.
01:23:43
Speaker
Fuck yeah. Shit. 15 to hit on the first one. Hits. Meets a beat. Amazing. Oh shit. Worse roll for 13 to hit on the bonus attack. Misses. Ooh, boobies. So that is five points of piercing plus an extra. Come on, Hunter's Mark.
01:24:03
Speaker
Nice. 11 points overall of Shinkity Shack. You were on max damage for the Hunter's Mark. I did. Very nice. Excellent, excellent work. Yeah, you're shaking. Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab. It continues to, the creature seems to kind of shake and shudder after each run now as the damage gets worse and worse. Nice stuff. Musk up next. The skeletons have appeared. They do not look like they're on your side.
01:24:27
Speaker
Which is perfectly fine. Will I have noticed them approaching me?
01:24:34
Speaker
What's your passive perception? If it's above 39, yes, yes. Yeah, fine. So, as my scythe has kind of got stuck into this creature from the previous one, I go to notice one of these creatures come inside, I go, hey, you, go away. And I'm going to swing at this slightly unfriendly creature that is now to my south, as it were, for a 13 to hit. Do you get advantage with that?
01:25:04
Speaker
I rolled advantage with that. Why? Oh, good point. I don't. My apologies. It's right. Advantage against the thingy, isn't it? It's still a 13 anyway. Yeah, I'll take the first one. The second one was a 10. Yeah, because I saw the two rolls and I thought, oh, you hit. Yeah, no, I've done that. Yeah, that's fine. But the 13 was the first one which we would have taken. And yes, it does hit.
01:25:26
Speaker
Oh, lovely. That's fantastic. Well, I'm still giant, aren't I? You are. So I roll this as well. 18 points of slashing damage from my scythe. And I'm going to use my fury of the small feature as well, just to add an additional four. Wait, isn't that only for a creature that's bigger than you? I thought it was just a goblin thing.
01:25:56
Speaker
I'm pretty sure it's all about it being... Oh yes, the size is larger. Yeah, my apologies. You are now the largest. I am the big boy. I am the big boy. It's enough. It's enough. 18 points of slashing damage anyway. Glad you didn't use it because it is enough. You absolutely literally hammer through this creature. It just explodes into dust and, you know, just...
01:26:16
Speaker
People just dust in cloth pretty much, and a couple of bits of skin and flesh, and just dissipate into the air as this creature has just been absolutely decimated from the realm of the living once again. Yay! Smash that. Quite literally. Anything else you want to do, Musk? No! Fabulous! Moving on, we've got... Good boy!
01:26:40
Speaker
Yes, thank you. Just figuring out my controls for my own computer. All is OK, all is well. I am going to take another hit on the big tentacly thing in front of me, please. I'm not going to shift my attention to the skeletons. In fact, Godboy's not even looked at them.
01:27:05
Speaker
So I'm gonna go with my scythe, not my rapier. And I'm gonna roll to hit for advantage, right? Mm-hmm, still, yep, absolutely. Yep, thank you. Oh my, fuck me in the asshole. That would be a 10 to hit. Oh, no. Oh, fuck off, cunts, sorry. What's your plus to hit? Oh, Jesus Christ. What's my plus to hit? My fucking plus to hit is a five, mate.
01:27:39
Speaker
I've got some really nice ideas as well. Oh well. They're all just up here. It'll come. Be patient. I hate to do this to you, but have you been hit in the last turn? No. Oh no. The second point of exhaustion.
01:27:59
Speaker
That's two levels. That's probably what she sounds like. That's Godboy. Are you going to reactivate it or are you going to... I'm going to fucking reactivate it. Here we go. Can we go for three? The speed is now halved.
01:28:19
Speaker
coffee on extreme. How many times can you age in one? Just three. Oh, so this is your last time. Yeah. Yeah. She ain't going to go to level six. Man, I'm so angry. Godboy is so angry he just dies. Just missed everything and died. Godboy is going to do his little immature thing again and then splash him out in the water a little bit and then stand himself buck up with his
01:28:49
Speaker
I can really picture that as well. I love it. All right, nice. So I'm really sorry, Casey. You've missed everything. Good boys.
The End of the Bograith Threat
01:28:57
Speaker
Done. But Grace, let's see if we can get some sorry. Just as I think as we go into about grace to now my shackles have a nice little thing where you have to take to the six at the start of your turn every turn until you shake them off or you die.
01:29:15
Speaker
So I've taken an additional seven points of fire damage. Just for being? Just for being wrapped around in my shackles and it being your turn. Well, I think that's a bit creature-ist, but okay, whatever. 105. Well, if you don't like it, take them off. I will attempt to. Right. Take them off. Take them off. Take it off. I hate you all, I want to kill one of you. Right, the first, oh yeah, it's with disadvantage. Okay, good boy. 16 to hit.
01:29:46
Speaker
That hits. Hooray, you're not dropping your range this round. So I'm really happy for you. It's already gone past their turn. Oh no, I'm with you. New rage. New rage, new rage. Oh, good. And max damage. So nine points of bludgeoning damage. Okay. Okay. So four. The second one goes, remember it gets three hits now. The second one is aiming for the shankity shank. That's 11 to hit.
01:30:16
Speaker
The final one is towards Musk and it is a fucking six or an eight. Jesus Christ. Six. Ha ha, you missed.
01:30:28
Speaker
It is not happy. Bonus action. It's going to use mist veil again to lift up its AC because it is not looking like a healthy pus bag at the moment, if I do say so myself. So it takes that again to lift its AC. Grona, over to you. You've just seen Chloe dash off. Well, to try and shake off your two afflictions. Oh, yes. Thank you. Thank you for reminding me. The first one. Stop taking your side, Grona. God damn it. I want to be fair. Don't be. It's fine. I feel like I can get picked on, but it's fine. It's my job. The blinders are 15.
01:30:56
Speaker
Ooh, that passes. You are no longer blind. I wish I hadn't mentioned it. The thing is, if I fail the shackles, the save effects are on at the moment. I do fail, I got eight. Hey! So you can see, but you're still... And actually, the shackles is the better one to stay on because that's giving you fire damage every turn as well. And you're still restrained, so we still get advantage on you. Exactly, and I get disadvantage. Right, that's the end of his turn, his turn, their turn. Growner, sorry, over to you.
01:31:26
Speaker
Okay, so Blue is dived off into the North, yes?
01:31:32
Speaker
Can I kind of tell the vague direction that I think he was swimming in? You can see him kind of swan dive awkwardly into the water so you know he's going to be taking him forward. I would like to use Misty Step to teleport myself to where I think he's going to like come back up. So I'll just be like there waiting for him. That's fucking brilliant. That's my last spell slot and I'm using it to mess with Bluey.
01:31:58
Speaker
I think it's worth it. I think it's worth it. He's going to try and swim the 5, 10, 15, 15 feet. And that's not the end of my turn, by the way. That's a bonus action. No worries. Yeah, yeah. So you'll end up, there's a little palintula to the north, with a couple of bones added out. How far can you miss these steps? It's 30 feet. Can I get there? Yes, you can. Perfect. Excellent. So you're waiting there for Bluey, that's a bonus action, yeah?
01:32:26
Speaker
Yes. And with my actual action, I assume I'm still within 120 feet of the big boy. 100%. And I can still Eldritch Blast him. Which is still with advantage, yes, because of the restraint. It is. Let's go then. Oh, I rolled two, I thought there were two ones. There are two sevens. So 13.
01:32:50
Speaker
that misses, unfortunately. The missy step, the effects, the missy step, maybe, you haven't done it often in a while, it kind of throws off your center of balance and the misses, unfortunately. Done. But you set up for a really lovely image if Bluey does appear. And it's Bluey's turn, and Bluey does appear. And you just see this really- Just gonna wait and they're like, hello. Yep, he's really rather pleased for himself, halfling, kind of appear out of the water. Yeah, yeah, look up. Oh bugger.
01:33:21
Speaker
And he's just going to kind of hang his head low and just sit on the bank next to you, cross legged, kind of giving up. Even though he's not bound, just sat there waiting, basically. Oh, that's what I thought, mate. Right, the skeletons, their turns. The first one is going to climb up the bog wraith.
01:33:50
Speaker
and is going to try and hit shank. 17 to hit. Yes. And you take 1d6. Oh yeah. Two points of slashing damage. I rolled the lowest I could possibly roll. That's all I can do, which is really annoying. Okay. That's fine. That's fine. I've got another one. That one is going to,
01:34:19
Speaker
run up to not musk because musk is terrifying fuck it no it's gonna run up to musk it's gonna run up to musk and it's gonna swing and hit musk that is going to be i'm rolling okay with this plus four 18 to hit hang on it either hits or it doesn't it's either hits or it doesn't hang on a second about it it's ac equals your pass or fail come on calum don't bullshit me
01:34:43
Speaker
What I can do, however, is activate my cloud rune.
01:34:50
Speaker
Oh no, I can't use that creature. Ignore me. You just hit me. What are you, the last airbender? I can't do it. Just, you know, the cloud runes. Fucking hell. I love the last airbender. That was amazing. Right. Um, I hit you for, again, two points of slashing damage. I rolled a d6 twice and both times I rolled a one. So, um, Oh no, sorry. I'm really sorry. Uh, shank it's three points of damage because it's plus two. And for you, Musk, you take three points of damage because it's plus two.
01:35:21
Speaker
That's all the skeletons do. It is the end of the round, which gives us, ooh. This worked out really well. I wrote all these out beforehand and I thought, I reckon by this point, this will have happened. And I was fucking spot on.
01:35:36
Speaker
The creature for a second, shank and the skeleton, you notice this, the little node at the top flattens out slightly for a second and it starts to glow a light green colour by pulsing and the creature goes slow for a second and all the tentacles slowly droop down to the sides. It's gone into a rejuvenating slumber and it's going to regain some hit points. Another beach. OK.
01:36:05
Speaker
Not as many as I'd like. It's a really annoying Pokémon that just go to sleep and heal themselves. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Not very much, though. Not half as much. I got 3DA and did not get very much out of that at all, so I'm gutted. Anyway, that is the end of the top of the... So that was the thing at the start of the round of round five. Shank, you got a skeleton up there with you and the creature's doing some weird thing. What would you like to do?
01:36:31
Speaker
Okay, I've succeeded on my con save to keep Hunter's Mark up from the damage I took. I've been shanking this thing in the top for a long time now. Have I made kind of big old wounds within the top of it? Yes, absolutely. Away from the central kind of harder section, you've managed to gouge out quite a decent kind of space in the creature at the top. Yeah. Cool. Okay. What I'm going to do, I'm going to cast an eye upwards. What's directly above me?
01:36:59
Speaker
What's directly above you, the sky? Nothing. Just the sky directly above? Openness above you. Perfect. Shank is going to shout, I'm going in. And I'm going to cast Misty Step directly above me. And I'm going to hold the dagger directly above my head as I fall 30 feet dagger first towards the creature, hopefully towards the knife wounds that I've made within it.
01:37:23
Speaker
That's my intention. Wait, what? I don't understand what's happening. He's trying to teleport 30 feet up in the area and dive down onto a knife wound. I see. Knife first, that's what I want to do. Would you not take your own bludgeoning or falling damage? Yes, I would, but it would be shared between me and the creature. Okay, I think we need to...
01:37:44
Speaker
I have no, yes, yes, let's fucking do it, why not? It's going to hit, but we need to work out how much bludgeoning damage. So how do you know it's shared? 1d6 per 10 feet, so 3d6. So if you fall into a creature, yeah, it's entirely up to you how you want to rule it, but I believe as written, the falling damage is shared. Yeah, so if you want to roll the 3d6 for damage. All right, yeah, that sounds fun.
01:38:08
Speaker
This will be a hell of a way to finish off the creature. Okay, 16 points of damage in total. So halved is eight each. So the creature takes eight and you take eight as well. Shank.
01:38:26
Speaker
Okay, I'm falling knife first, so I wanna try and make an attack as I'm going, like you, you know the intention is to just fall in bed as far as I can into the top of this creature. Knife first, I don't know whether I can make an attack on the way in to see if I can kind of cut my way in, or if not, the knife's out forwards, that's what I wanna do. I see what you mean. Both daggers and they're both crossed as you're falling. It's like, way! And I failed the con save on the hunter's mark as well. That's dropped.
01:38:54
Speaker
Yeah, okay, so what we can do is on the way down then, Shank, you can not only kind of pierce through the creature with one hand going forward, I let the other one kind of swipe one more time as you kind of go in. So you can roll one more time to hit, but I'm going to say with disadvantage because you're falling, but because it's already at advantage, just give me a straight roll.
01:39:16
Speaker
In which case it would be a 12. Okay. That misses. Uh, you're too busy kind of with the other hand and he's splat in. I like to think you go arm, elbow, shoulder, and head into this creature. So you're just like torso at the top of it. Perfect. That's exactly what I want. So long as the daggers there as well, get some internal shankage in a shanker.
01:39:41
Speaker
Lovely, thank you very much for that. A very disturbing image. Masque, over to you. You, in your giant form, as you turn to see this creature, again, just see a tiny shank. Well, it looks like an upside-down person, pretty much. So a tiny body with a massive head, because shank has impaled himself within this bog wraith. What would you like to do?
01:40:04
Speaker
I think out of respect for the attempt I'm just going to kind of pull my scythe back a little bit away from where Shang has actually gone into and just try and cut across
01:40:21
Speaker
Bob boy type of creature in the hopes obviously with it looking a bit weak. I'm basically tempted to cleave it in two In twain. Rolled a hit. Still with advantage. Absolutely. You know it buddy. Fantastic. 25 to hit. Oh damn 25 to hit. Get in the bin. Yes it hits. And I do...
01:40:49
Speaker
13 points of slashing damage with this scythe. Lovely, thank you very much. Lovely number. Cutting through, three more tentacles fall to the ground. Big gash of black smoke pouring out. This creature seems to be leaking this gas. The air seems to build like a small cloud above its head of all this released black gas as you start to do no more damage to it. Anything else you want to do?
01:41:16
Speaker
Yes, I would like to action shurge and go again. Action shurge, do it. Action shurge. Hit it again. Let's see if we can't get one of the bloody crits that seem to be very elusive of me. No, but a 22 to hit. 22 to hit. Nevertheless. And that is...
01:41:36
Speaker
Another nine points of slashing damage with my rapier. Very nice. Not a rapier. Not a rapier. You can rename it custom, custom item rapier. You can, you can make the weapon. I know. It's being lazy. Take it seriously. I definitely spent hours planning this session. It did not do it an hour beforehand when my child had fallen asleep. Finally. I did actually. And so, um,
01:42:03
Speaker
I'm quite happy with that actually, if I'm being honest. Right, so that's done there. So that's the end of your round. Masque, good boy, over to you. This good boy goes, good boy, good boy, good boy, you've got this boy. And then he's going to try and hit this thing with the scythe. Roll to hit with advantage. Go for it. Come on, good boy. You can do it if you good boy it.
01:42:34
Speaker
All the eyebrows are going, that's a good thing. Oh god, it's gone very quiet. Is that another one? Eyebrows are furrowed brow. Did another one come up just now, sorry? I don't know. I'm just looking at your face and watching all these questions. Oh, that was weird. I only had one more. There we go. There we go. See a second roll. Okay, 21 to hit please. 21 hits.
01:42:57
Speaker
Amazing. Godboy is going to say, my scythe is ready, knees weak, creatures heavy. He's smoking. That was awful, but yes, I love it. I love the idea of that already. Godboy is trying to be an amateur rapper. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What the fuck? Come on, give us some good damage. Six points of piercing damage.
01:43:24
Speaker
Nice bit of damage there as you wrap this creature into submission. It's not down. It's not dead. It's still going, unfortunately, as we get into our sixth round. He's then going to go... Wow. I'm loving this. Get a multi-clutch into a bard now. Yeah, I was going to say. Maybe that's the next one. It's the rage that's getting to him.
01:43:52
Speaker
He just sings instead of gets angry. I love it. It is the Bogwraith's turn and it's going to use its three attacks all at the singing one. No, it's not. It's going to go two at you and one at us. Just before it does, it's still got his shackles on. So 2d6 fire damage at the start of your turn, which is a lovely 10 points of fire damage. Noice. Noice. All right, then, Callan, how do the shackles... What? The most anticlimactic way for it to die.
01:44:21
Speaker
I'm gutted. I was really hoping Casey, you were, you were literally two, uh, three, two or three points off killing eight. I think it was eight. You needed to kill it. And, um, and that's how I was like, Oh, you've definitely got on the bag and you got six. I was like, okay, cool, cool, cool, cool. It means that, okay. It means grown or get it. And the fucking shackles take it out. So how do these shackles finally, I imagine they pulse with fire. What do they do? Come on, give me, give me, they literally, you see them start to glow red and hotter.
01:44:50
Speaker
basically and you start to feel the heat emanating from them as they do pulsate and you start to smell the sizzle of this flesh from this creature and these shackles just kind of collapse almost inbound onto this creature as it burns away its flesh just reaching to a pinnacle in the center leaving just nothing but a mound left with still shank just kind of
Bluey's Escape Attempts and Demise
01:45:12
Speaker
trying to shank his way through this half-burnt alive corpse. Like a flake in the top of a 99.
01:45:24
Speaker
creatures no more and with that the skeletons just fall apart again demagnetize almost and become a husk and a heap of bones upon the ground there's a moment of silence and all you can hear again is the buzz of flies and the sizzle and shank continuing to shank into a pile of ash now on top of the group is there anything you want to do groan you're still a little bit away from the rest of the group with bluey is there anything you want to do
01:45:55
Speaker
I'm just, let me just check and see if I have any rope in my inventory. I do indeed, I'm just going to be like, right, you're not running away again. Lie down. I'm going to like just make him lie back down on the ground and I'm going to just start tying him up again. He's going to go, no. No. Yes, no. I'm going to pull out my dagger.
01:46:23
Speaker
Which is the nice shiny one I got from the last session. It's all obsidian and looks quite scary and nasty and she'd be like, are you sure about that meat? Bloody hell. I think this is his voice. I might be making it up. It was Australian, if I recall. No, it certainly wasn't his fake voice. That does sound like his actual voice. That's good. No, I'm running. Fuck you all. And he's going to try to turn and you get, yeah.
01:46:51
Speaker
Can I attempt to shank him then? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shank your time. It is time for some shanking. Lola's going to be the one to kill Bluey. I mean, I gave him a chance to come quietly. I assume this is just a straight hit. Yeah, I don't get it. Oh, you get advantage because he's still poisoned. Really?
01:47:13
Speaker
Have you just made that up? It's disadvantage on attack crawls and ability checks. Sorry, you don't get advantage. Right, well, let's see what happens. I'm gonna guess his AC. It's probably more than 11, isn't it?
01:47:33
Speaker
It is. He takes a few steps and runs to the opposite bank and then looks at the water, looks around and looks back at you. And before he says anything, he takes a breath in and shanks, stops shanking in the top and looks over towards the others. Shank, this is something you wanted to add. I have a passive perception of 16. Would you allow me to see this going on? Yes.
01:48:03
Speaker
You know you're like half in a dead bog race. A lot of it has been burned away now. Burned away and he's finished hanking. He's looking up seeing this, seeing this person run away and he's just going to go, I can't take that. I want to launch a dagger in. Excellent. All right. Roll to hit as it was 30 feet away. So it's not going to be going to make a disadvantage. 22 to hit. That is.
01:48:28
Speaker
Max damage, eight. He's down, he's down. He turns around like he's about to say something like, there's a look in his eye, a sorrowful look in his eye groan as he, and then just a dagger in the side of the neck and he's down on the floor. He will eventually be able to end up making death saving throws unless he is dead.
01:48:50
Speaker
put to rights. Would anyone like to? Would you want to watch him slowly die away like a bunch of sadists? I feel like that would be really mean. In all fairness, it's probably been over about 30 seconds while that's all been going on. So I will have shrunk now because I only had maybe three rounds left of my giant thing remaining.
01:49:11
Speaker
Yeah, I will toddle over. I will also go over. I'll head over as well. I think I'll attempt to take out the dagger and pop my fingers in the hole. Oh, wow. To stop it from bleeding. OK, roll a...
01:49:33
Speaker
Uh, medicine check with disadvantage. Cause I don't think that's happened. No, just give me a medicine check Casey. I can't make you roll even more with disadvantage. It's not fair. It's fine. I've already got a fucking minus one to the fucker. So it's a four anyway. Yeah, obviously fails. You're sticking your fingers in a wound. So actually as he's pulling the dagger out, I think he manages to do that, but his fingers don't go in it and he's kind of just jabbing at it with his fingers and then going,
01:50:02
Speaker
As he's doing it. Oh no, you're doing it wrong! I've never done it before!
01:50:08
Speaker
Despite that, he passes the first death save by chance. Shank, have you been handing out shanks, is that what you're saying? Yeah, I've gathered round. I've pulled off my utility belt, multiple different sharp implements. I mean, there's all sorts of bits and bobs, like one's even a literal shank, like a toothpaste with the head cut off, pass them round, and he's going to go, it's very therapeutic.
01:50:36
Speaker
And I'll hold an action to shank. See, Nary is dying on the ground. He looks so peaceful. It seems a bit mean to shank him to death. I mean, enough. I've got an idea. Doric, dorkiness showed me this. One second. I'm going to walk over to the
01:50:59
Speaker
probably still a hot pile of ash. Just put my scythe into it for a few seconds just to warm up the tip and then stick it on the open wound of bluey. It's slightly medicine-y but it's very primitive medicine-y. Yeah, give me a medicine check. I'll let you have that. I mean, it sounds like an attack, which would surely be... I got a natural one, so that's not gonna go well.
01:51:28
Speaker
And he fails a death save. Is this a good time to say that I know the spell Spare the Dying and could literally stabilise him at any time if I so wanted to? Yep, it would help. We could keep it to yourself. Do we want to? I like the idea of using humans bait, I'm not going to lie. That meat saves for a very long time with salt, so...
01:51:52
Speaker
Why don't we take a vote? Who votes to shank him? Two shanks in the air. I'm going to just hold his face with my very bloody fingers. But who votes to not shank him? I can't vote not to shank him. Me, I'm going to vote not to shank him because I think I'd just like to watch him, but I wouldn't like to participate. That's a big word. Two votes to shank him. One to not shank him. Musk.
01:52:22
Speaker
I don't want to shank, but I don't want to hold either. Can I use my fists? I want to improve my fistication. Are you abstaining from the vote? Well, I just don't like daggers. They're gonna fist him whilst we're shanking. We could shank hand fists. I like that. So basically you're voting for pain and punishment. Well, he did try to get away.
01:52:52
Speaker
was. More than that in the house. That's true. What do you think, Bluey? I'll still hold his face. In that time, I've been, I made another run. Oh, is he dead? We've been talking too long. Oh no!
01:53:14
Speaker
I was going to tell you after each roll, I wasn't going to surprise you with it, so I just made one more roll, and at the time it was one pass, one fail, and then I rolled a natural one.
01:53:25
Speaker
Yes, he was actually dead because we spent too long talking about it. He's died while we've been arguing. That's the best way. Describe on a democratic system, Godboy, as you hold the face of this old halfling man. He died in your hand. His eyes flutter and he passes from this realm into the next and is permanently dead.
01:53:50
Speaker
i'd like to and musky's gonna punch him slowly i'm gonna do like a full-on saving private ride slow shank just place it through it and be like okay i am gonna let all that happen all that lovely calmness the quiet the stillness in the air
01:54:14
Speaker
And then literally, that's when I'm going to punch him in the face. Which Godboy's holding. Yeah, Godboy, he's still holding, I'm just going to... Oh, that was big. Oh well. I think he's gone. He's definitely gone. I've come back from worse, trust me. Try it. Has anyone got any potions? I think it's a wee bit late for potions.
01:54:42
Speaker
No, I knew a lot about potions once. Not anymore. Then you got that hit to the head and you just forgot it all. Yes, better with my hands now. Anyone want to pin the shank on my halfling? I've got a better idea. What's that? I call dibs on the leg. I could build spit roast and just cook you there. I'd be hungry to be fair.
01:55:11
Speaker
Okay. Cooked halfling it is. The musk is going to set about just trying to gather any kind of supports, even if they're from bones around these broken up trees, setting a little bit of a fire, and then just kind of get a little like turning thing going. Rotisserie. Just to roast rotisserie, thank you. While he's doing that. Just to roast the halfling over an open fire. I'm going to cast Create Bonfire. Oh, you!
01:55:41
Speaker
Okay, I got images of Muskman trying to light the fire, having no success. And then he stops and goes... I'm just going to pretend that you did it. Okay, fire's going. The ribs make excellent shanks, so are the ribs. You can have the bones, I want the meat. I'm going to take the cheeks on both sides.
01:56:09
Speaker
Oh, it can't be able to keep towards the cheeks, they're the best bet. That's why I'm going to take them, Grona. It's not very fair, is it? You should, Shank. Shank, we could give him one of your eyes. Give you one of his eyes. We can certainly try. You could have a finger or two as well, just start replacing and rebuilding you.
01:56:33
Speaker
technology. And as the group of four goblins sit around the open fire, with the slowly twisting and turning
Dark Humor Aftermath: Bluey's Rotisserie
01:56:49
Speaker
slightly charred corpse of a halfling, open, rotisserie fire as they sit laughing and lollygagging and sharing body parts as only goblins can possibly do in the murky depths of the swamp of sleep guard. That is we're going to leave this very disturbing end.
01:57:09
Speaker
The best ending. Absolutely ending to this current monster hunting expedition of the Alpha Clan. Thank you very much to you for being the worst. That was awesome. That was so good. Great teamwork. Wonderful. Yeah, actually an incredibly effective monster. Actually quite competent, yeah. There we go. I actually feel quite peaceful.
01:57:34
Speaker
Yeah, it's a nice image. Yeah, it is, isn't it? Minus the halfling and the, you know, you're in literally like a bone graveyard. Apart from all that, it's, yeah.
01:57:44
Speaker
I'm getting jovial vibes. Yeah, friends bonding over a barbecue. Yeah. Shanks galore. It's a lovely end. It's going to be my next Christmas card. There you go. Merry shankness. Merry shankness. And a goblin-y new year. There you go. There you go. Well, there you go. Well, thank you very much everyone for... Oh, I'm sorry I'm doing it here.
01:58:05
Speaker
No, by all means, do the Ian thing. Ian's not here to do the Ian thing. Thank you very much everyone for being on this episode. I don't know what he says actually. And speaking of not knowing what to say, thank you very much for listening, tuning in, making us a part of your everyday week. We appreciate the hell out of you for it. And if you want to keep up to date with the podcast, you can do so on our X page. Thank you, Elon Musk. Throw some love our way, which is what he says every time.
01:58:30
Speaker
Uh, which you can find at fellowship table. If you want to follow us individually, follow us individually, you can just do so. It's on Spotify. You can see the names there, or you can listen to literally end of the episode or, um, we can say them now. I am at, no, I am at a hastily rolled DM. Uh, Will is at.
01:58:49
Speaker
Fellowship NPC PC. Leave Sarah alone, I think is the answer we go for. I do not have an ex, but I just wanted to say thank you for having me back. It's been a lovely time. Oh, I'm more than welcome. And you were the only sane voice, I think, out of all of us. Maybe too sane, though. Too much talking at the end. Could have actually done something about the dead halfling very well.
01:59:19
Speaker
It's quite a nice fitting ending. I like to think that Grona would have gone close to laying a hand on them and they're just whispering it into you. This is what you get for running away. And then pull the hand away. You were going to kick him and dry him in the lake halfway through the combat. I was only thinking about that.
01:59:38
Speaker
I can actually do it. Finally, you can find Callum at... The D20 Gamer. And you can find Casey. Welcome back. Casey at... Unicorn Quit. Thank you for having me. Very, very welcome. Always. For turning, as always, some great voices, great work, guys. Until next time, guys. Farewell. Farewell.