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#2 - Winnie's Birth Story
178 Plays3 months ago
In today's episode, we share the heartfelt and emotional story of our beautiful angel, Winnie.
This episode carries a trigger warning as we discuss the loss of our precious baby girl. We understand this topic can be deeply sensitive, so please feel free to listen at your own pace.
In this episode, we share her birth story, discuss the aftermath, including the beautiful ways we chose to remember Winnie and how we navigated the healing process as a family.
This episode is a source of support for anyone who has experienced a similar loss. We hope that by sharing our story, we can comfort and understand those who need it.
Join our conversation on Instagram at @mungbean_health.
New episodes drop every second Monday.
If you want to book an appointment with one of our incredible naturopaths, visit our website https://mungbeanhealth.com/.
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Transcript
Introduction and Trigger Warning
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to The Bean Talk with me, Rhiannon, your fertility fairy godmother, joined by my trusted partner in life and in the mission of Mung Bean Health, Jeremy. Here at Mung Bean Health, we're on a mission to unlock the secrets of fertility and natural wellbeing one episode at a time.
00:00:19
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to our podcast. Today is going to be a heavy one. We're going to talk about our beautiful Winnie's birth story. Now I always like to preface it with a trigger warning even though A lot of people in the community don't like to do that about their babies, but I feel like we have a lot of beautiful moms and dads that listen to us, whether it's on Instagram, that can be triggered by listening to a birth story that ends in an angel, not a living baby.
Emotional Struggles and Therapy
00:00:55
Speaker
but It's absolutely fine if you feel that this is too much to listen to now, you can come back and listen to it at it a different time, whatever works for you, because it is obviously a lot to digest.
00:01:07
Speaker
Yeah it can be quite traumatic. Absolutely. So we have both together, we've done some like psychology appointments after we just lost Winnie. Essentially it wasn't that we couldn't get ourselves out of bed or were struggling really badly in that sort of way. We were still like getting on with it but it was more that it was something that we wanted to do to just avoid us falling in a heap later on or coming back to bite us. So We really did do some work there in the start which I don't know if you've spoken to a psychologist before and gone through those traumatic times. It's a lot to unpack and heal and get through. Really good on the other side but it's just a lot. Yeah we wanted to be in a place where we could talk about winning without getting too emotional and I feel like
00:01:54
Speaker
Normally, yes, I feel like probably when we talk about a birth story, yeah I don't know. I'm probably going to cry today, but yes, I feel like normally in like normal conversations and things, like we can bring her up. And if someone asks, how many kids do you have? I'm happy to say four without breaking down. And then if someone asks, Oh, I didn't know you had four, then obviously one of them is a beautiful little angel. So we're not in a stage where it's, we can't even bring it up and talk about her at all. But yeah, when we get into the nitty gritty. Probably gonna cry. So
Unexpected Waters Breaking
00:02:25
Speaker
let's get into it. i First up, how it all came about was my waters broke. Essentially, if my waters didn't break, we wouldn't have known anything was wrong, which was and traumatic in itself. I remember we were just at home. It was just like a Tuesday. It was around like two o'clock in the afternoon and I was sitting down doing some work on my laptop and I stood up and I got like a gush and I thought, oh, did I just wean myself a little bit?
00:02:53
Speaker
And then I obviously knew deep down that it wasn't because I haven't weighed myself before like that. but Your mind searches for anything other than the worst possible thing that it could be. And I went into the toilet and then I like checked my undies and it was just like watery and I was like, oh okay, that's weird. And then it happened again. So I was like, okay, let's call the midwife. Did I call the midwife or did you? Yeah, I think I called the midwife and she said, let's not start thinking about anything. Let's just come in and do a test. and She asked some questions first actually on the phone. I remember she said, what does it smell like? Does it smell like urine or does it smell like it has a spermy smell?
00:03:33
Speaker
And it smelled like it had ah that spermy smell. And I was like, Oh God. But it just seems like we almost like, and when you're in the moment, you just like, I don't know like what it is. Anyway, she said, it's all right. Just come in, come down. And I remember we had just Tate. It was, it must've been a daycare. yeah And we just had Tatey and we took him down with us and he was asleep in the car the whole way down. It was like a 45 minute drive to the hospital.
Hospital Anxiety and Waiting
00:03:59
Speaker
And it was the worst. trip ever. I just remember being yet so anxious about it and just thinking like how I remember saying to you this might go terribly.
00:04:15
Speaker
yeah Your mind starts to wander and think about worst case, but then you try and bring yourself back and be like, hey, we don't know yet what's happening. I know. And I just remember being like silent. Yeah. Tati was asleep in the back and we were just like not talking to each other. It was just like, let's just get in there and see what happens. And then we got there and we waited in the waiting room. My waters just kept gushing out. It just, there would be like a gush and then stop and like, I don't know, 20 minutes or 10 minutes later, like a gush and stop. And I remember we were in the waiting room and they weren't like, there was no urgency and I was like, are they gonna let us in? So I remember going over to the guy and I was like, my waters are breaking. I think my waters are breaking. I don't know what's happening. Can we get in there? And then the guy was like, yeah, we'll come soon. I know they're so busy in there, but I was just like, oh my God, get us in there. What the hell? And then I remember we got put into one of the first waiting rooms and we had Tady there and he was like, what, one and a half at the time.
00:05:09
Speaker
and he was just like running amok and you're not meant to have kids in the birthing suite anyway they obviously let him in and he was just we were just trying to entertain him but i remember i she wanted to do like a swab to check if it was the my water's breaking and i went took her into the bathroom she told me to put a pad on when i was at home and she could see like the pad was just like full of just like wet no blood or anything and she did a swab and that comes back within but i don't know half an hour or something so she took a swab and then she and she was like the most beautiful midwife ever she ended up delivering our beautiful Romy which was so nice but she was just so beautiful in that space and what we needed yeah and she she's dealt with it before so she knew how to handle the situation and
00:05:58
Speaker
tell us to yeah Tell us what it was. Cause our normal midwife was away at the time when it happened. The one who we were meant to like birth Winnie with at the end. I remember being in that room and just waiting and they put the cannula in to do some blood tests and stuff and sent that away. And then she came in and confirmed that it was the amniotic fluid. And the essentially then she couldn't really say anything else because the nurses can't say too much. They have to send in like an OB or a doctor. So then they, she said, we'll just have to wait and see. The doctors will be around to talk to you soon. And in that time, my sister came and picked up Tate and I just waited in the room and they picked up Evie as well from daycare. Was she in the car when you went out there? Anyway, Jeremy went and took Tatey out.
Devastating News
00:06:46
Speaker
And then the doctors came around and because when he was only 20 weeks gestation, I think I was 19 plus six. So it was just the day under at that point. There's nothing that they can do. And she came in and pretty much just told us that only wasn't going to make it. Yeah. Which is a really hard pill to swallow. And then, yeah, the doctors come and talk to you and go through the situation and how it's going to play out. They try and find answers. for it but they just couldn't at the time yeah they couldn't find anything they said that my white blood cells were a little bit elevated so like showing some type of infection but um nothing that was like crazy and how bad that it actually was
00:07:30
Speaker
So, um, we ended up getting taken to the, they said like you're not going home because the white blood cells are up and something's going on. We're going to take it as if it's like an infection and we'll start you on IV antibiotics and oral antibiotics. Yay. For ages, for three days. I think I was on a really high dose. It was like too much. But anyway, obviously life saving. I wanted to and had to do it. They took us up to the life saving for me. They took us up to the maternity ward. It was so horrible because you just hear the other babies being born, which is so shit when you know you're gonna lose your baby. um They really need to change that in hospitals. There should be a separate section because that was absolutely a hell. And we waited in there. We were just essentially waiting for me to go into labor.
00:08:26
Speaker
And that night, I remember I had some blood loss and I thought, okay, maybe it's starting, but we didn't, I didn't actually go into labor for the three days I think we're in there. And being in that maternity ward, like in those four walls, like we're in a room for those three days was the worst time of my life. Yeah. It was pretty bad to go through that, but yeah, we got through it and yeah, we had a beautiful little rainbow baby, but it's still, yeah. Yeah, it still sucks. Yeah, it sucks
Birth and Coping with Loss
00:08:59
Speaker
thinking about it. We had a beautiful lady that took care of us. There was a couple of nurses, but I remember that one, Karen. Of all names, Karen. She's so beautiful though. She's not like a normal Karen. And she actually just works with people that are like, have lost or are losing their babies. And she just was like so lovely with us. We ended up ended up giving birth five
00:09:22
Speaker
26 I think it was on the Friday morning and essentially I just woke up in the middle of the night or I guess early hours in the morning and I had pains and I've been through labour before so I knew when it was progressing and it started to come on and they brought me in a heat back I was like that ain't gonna cut it so with Winnie one thing I wanted was the epi-drawal I did not want to feel any physical pain because I was obviously going through a lot of mental pain so we were like fighting for the epidural which is so frustrating because they kept trying to give me the this is us talking about it before it happened like I was like I need to make sure I'm getting the epidural like they're happy to give it to anyone I don't know why they were like resistant they tried to give us this like PCP or PR some like remember it's like a opioid that you press the button but
00:10:15
Speaker
I just essentially wanted to be like blocked out. Like I was like, no pain. Give me all the drugs. It's got nothing to do with Winnie's health now. It's just on me. And at that point I was like, I don't care. I just don't want to feel any pain. We ended up getting them to agree. That's where the midwives were really beautiful at helping them too. We essentially got up there and we were just back to the birth suite when I was getting those pains and it happened quite fast.
Complications and Surgery
00:10:40
Speaker
I'm going to say an hour or so. and then we got down there it was like 5 20 in the morning I remember us both being so nauseous and we went in there the birthing suite and there was like that really nice doctor on oh or he was yeah he was like an OB and they gave me the epidural as soon as they gave me that like the pain like stopped so I'm really glad that it worked on me I know some people it doesn't work fully on gave me the epi and then
00:11:08
Speaker
we just waited but he felt like he did a check and he said baby is like in my vagina so she was already down there which is great didn't have to go through like waiting that prolonged time and then i started to push she was actually born breech because i guess they're so small like you can just be born however so she was born feet first and then the fun started my so the placenta is obviously meant to come out after but because she's way they're way too little and young the placenta is still super sticky so it's not meant to come off so they gave me some like a needle i don't know if it was the oxytocin that they gave me like the synthetic oxytocin or maybe it was a tablet or something as well to help release that placenta but it didn't work and i started to lose a lot of blood
00:11:57
Speaker
I was losing like clots like seriously like the size of a liver like it was huge she thought it was the placenta and was like oh yes it's coming out and then she's like oh no and I was feeling really faint and I remember her being like are you feeling okay she must have seen how I was feeling and I was like not really I'm feeling a bit faint so she like laid me down anyway they the doctor tried to like pull the placenta you're not meant to but he's obviously a doctor so he knew what he was doing an OB and Then I had to go into theatre because, yeah, it wasn't happening. removal yeah they He said I didn't have to, if I didn't want to, but again, I was just like, I just do not want to feel any of this anymore. So they took Wilme up to theatre, put me under and just like,
00:12:38
Speaker
manually scraped out the placenta fun but glad it was out so I was losing a lot of blood like my hemoglobin went down to 76 which is terrible I couldn't actually get up for three another two days I think it was another two days on the last day they were like let letting me stand up While Rhiannon was in theatre having her little procedure, I stayed back with Winnie and did the normal skin to skin and yeah, cut the umbilical cord when she came out. Very different experience from our other live babies. It was very hard to deal with at the time.
00:13:12
Speaker
but yeah and then waited for Rihanna to come back and yeah we spent two two more days in there
Bittersweet Coincidence
00:13:18
Speaker
with Winnie. We had one of those cold cots where they're like if you haven't lost a baby great but you just have these little cold cots which are like a fan or air con little cot so then you can put them in it and it like prolongs them which is just so sad yeah but so nice because obviously Baby, people are losing babies at all gestations and even closer to that 38, 40 weeks and they decompose. It's like us, if we were to pass away, you start to decompose. So it just gets you to prolong and the crazy thing. So the morning that Winnie was born, my sister, there's only two of us, her baby was also born on that day. So she had a little girl.
00:14:05
Speaker
that was and so sad. ah So my niece was born at I think it was like 8am and Winnie was born at 5.30. Like what are the chances of that? Winnie came on her own and my sister had a book in C-section from like weeks before, long before we knew. So they both have the same birthday, which is just so bittersweet, unfortunately. But it's crazy how there's those little things that can happen in life. What are the chances? And there's only two of our sisters.
00:14:42
Speaker
So there's eight kids and it's like the chances are higher. It's the same day. It's just crazy. Crazy coincidence. And then
Treasuring Memories
00:14:51
Speaker
we... We got a photography in Laura. Yeah, Laura. She's so beautiful. She came and took photos of Winnie, which I'm so thankful for that we did that because I really cherish those photos now because you... Yeah, don't forget but... You don't remember as clearly as when you look at the photos again and it all comes back. So it is really beautiful to have those or keep those forever. And Evie likes looking at them as well. Evie really struggled with the loss of Winnie. She still talks about it all the time. Whenever she gets upset, she talks about Winnie.
00:15:27
Speaker
And she, yeah, she really wants her little sister, which is when we've just given her another front. Because when he was 20... Weeks. Yeah, so she was born just a bit after the 20 weeks. Yep, so at that gestation you do require a...
Funeral and Ashes
00:15:42
Speaker
a funeral or a service. Yeah, so we had to prepare a funeral for her and we got her cremated. Yeah, if you haven't had that experience before either, it is a lot when they come over. So when I say they like the funeral service, we went through like cretins or something. They come over and they give you like a booklet which has got all the baby coffins in it. Which design would you like? Which is just so confronting.
00:16:12
Speaker
But we just went with a white little one yeah and yeah, we ended up getting a cremated. So after we had our little ceremony, it's just in the, one of the rooms there and they have her in there ready in the coffin. And we go in and Jeremy and I just had this set of speech like a tour, just i spoke to her. And then we had just really close family come along as well. And we all put some sunflowers on our coffin before we left. And they ended up, they say, wait on the, if you'd like to wait on the grounds and they cremate her while we're there.
00:16:46
Speaker
So we just waited around for a little bit and it took a couple of months, I think to get all maybe weeks. Yeah. I don't know. It took us a while to go in and get them. And when we went in, I see I wasn't even ready for that. You just have no idea. I remember we went in to pick them up and I thought it'd just be a quick, they give it to you. And they like sat us down in the room and like the lady, she was so nice. And she was just like bawling her eyes out. And she was like, whenever we have like a baby that's been Lost, we always like to sit down with the parents and take a moment and they had to go and they went and got her ashes from wherever they keep them and bought them up to the office. And she was just like balding her eyes out, I remember. I was like, have you lost a baby before? It seemed like it was like really raw. And she was like, no.
00:17:33
Speaker
I haven't, but we just get really upset when we know people have. I was like, that's so sweet. So empathetic, such a hard role to be in when you're so empathetic, because you're dealing with the death all the time. Yeah. The things that stick out, like core memory unlocked, unfortunately. Yeah. And then we wanted to do something really special with Winnie's Ashes. We didn't want to just put her in an urn. on have her on the wall yeah we want to take her with us we decided to get her ashes turned into a diamond which is pretty cool which is so cool we're just waiting on that to come back now i've just it will be like the ring that i wear all the time which i cannot wait to have her back
00:18:11
Speaker
She's gone to, where is it? Switzerland? Yeah. Switzerland. She's traveled more than us. She's gone to Switzerland to be made and they use the ashes. Plus also you can put in some extra hair. So if you want it to be like a bigger diamond, she's also, she was tiny. She was like 200, 300 grams. And I wanted like a nice sized diamond. So we put in some hair. So we put in both the kids hair, both mine and Jeremy's hair. And then I also got a little bit of Charlie's hair because he's our first baby. That's our golden retriever. Just took in a couple of strands, popped them in and they use the carbon out of them. I said, make sure you use the ashes first and then the hair after, but it's actually quite hard to get as much hair and stuff as they needed. My beautiful hairdresser, I was told her exactly what we were doing and she would put down like a catchment to catch the hair. She's so sweet. And she gave the kids their first haircut as well.
00:19:03
Speaker
Which is so cute. So yeah, I'm hoping that'll come back like soon. I think it was like last September we put it in. So God paying that off for the rest of our lives, but it'll be really beautiful to just have her and be able to take her around with us wherever we go. Yeah. Yeah.
Infection and Future Pregnancies
00:19:20
Speaker
And then after all the ordeal with everything, we got a um phone call from the hospital to have another meeting. Yeah, to go over like they, we sent Winnie umbilical cord and her body away to get um examined to try and find some answers. Yes.
00:19:35
Speaker
she passed, um and they came back. Yes, they came back with influenza hypoth... hypothermos? Hypothermos is its a hard word to say, but it's an influenza H, which is the one that causes pneumonia out in the like public. And essentially they said it was very noticeable on in the placenta and in her. So it was like really bad and it had gotten to her. So that's essentially what had caused the waters to break, that infection, and then for her to She was born sleeping. yeah She was born sleeping. And they, what else did they say? They said, oh yeah, they said, there's no reason for you guys to stop and take time to wait to have another baby. Even though we were planning on it.
00:20:20
Speaker
I was actually really pregnant at that meeting that I didn't know. And I remember the midwives that came up with us to give us support. They were like, oh, that's great. We'll see you soon, I'm sure. I'll see you when you're ready to have an another baby. And I was like, yeah, probably not soon. But then a couple of weeks later, I was like, oh, my God. Here we go again. Look, amazing. I'm so happy the way it's all worked out. But the naturopath in me was just like, oh, gosh, I wish I had more time to get my iron levels back up and that sort of thing. but Yeah, look by the way exactly. It's so beautiful to have Rome definitely sent down from the stars because he we've been together for such a long time and we've obviously had
00:21:00
Speaker
mean intimate a lot during that
Quick Conception and Support
00:21:02
Speaker
time. We were together when we were like 16, 17, all the way until I'm 31. I'm 30. Yeah. sures thirty So it's been like a long time and over that time it's been fine. There hasn't been issues with us just like falling without us wanting to. So it's crazy that this time it just happened so quickly when there wasn't that plan and we were careful and But anyway, that just goes to show how much he's meant to be here and. How fertile we are. Yeah, seriously. and How fertile we are. We definitely did a lot of that pre-work for Winnie. We didn't for Rome, but it was a quick turnaround. That's for sure. Yeah. And that's, yeah, I think that's pretty much sums up our beautiful little girls. Yeah. Winnie's story. She's amazing. I wish she could have stayed. She's forever our little guardian angel.
00:21:53
Speaker
If you guys are like going through loss yourself, just know it's hard. And forever, I'm sure you'll be emotional about it, but it does get easier. It is obviously when you're in the thick of it, those times when you're like getting ready to give birth or you've just spanned out or you've just given birth and like planning the funeral, that sucks so bad and you don't know how you'll get through it. but We're living proof that lord and you'll still cry about it. Yeah, absolutely. and And to know that there is support out there and there's um things you can do to try and relieve some of that.
00:22:28
Speaker
that pain and sorrow. Absolutely. Psychologist was a big one for us. That helped. Plus also talking about it together, not shying away from it. Um, just sort of deep with it and moving through it rather than just ignoring it. And also really making sure that in that time between Winnie and Rome, like I did a lot of work to try and heal my body because I was planning on having a longer time so making sure I was doing like my iron and liver and but like liver supplements supporting my liver after all of the medications and things I was on. We did do some like high antioxidants just to get ourselves feeling better again but obviously that worked on the fertility run but make sure you really take care of your body after it.
00:23:11
Speaker
Even if there is a quick turnaround of pregnancy make sure you're doing all the right things because it's yeah it's a lot not only mentally but physically to have a baby. A lot of women their milk comes in. I was lucky if you can say that enough to not have that issue because I was already breast I was still breastfeeding Tate. But at that finished our journey because we were in hospital for five days and I was having lots of medications. I didn't want to spread that onto him. And he was like 18 months old anyway, or 17 months or 16. God, somewhere around there. So I just took that as a time to say it's been beautiful bud, but that's it. Yeah. And yeah, just know it gets better. And we're always here to chat to you guys if you need support.
00:23:54
Speaker
We will cry with you. So if you've ever got any questions or you ever need that support, just know that our inbox is always open. So just reach out. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening.
00:24:09
Speaker
And that's a wrap on today's dose of wellness. I'm Rhiannon, your fertility fairy godmother. Thank you for joining us. Stay connected with us on Instagram at mungbin underscore health.