Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Ep: 45 Should you do what your parents told you to do?
49 Plays1 year ago
Join Bobby and Stephy Steph as they dig deep into values and does what we learned as a child serve us well as we get older?
Check out Steph's article on the topic here:
https://betweentwoteeth.substack.com/p/dont-wait-find-your-values-today
#betweentwoteeth
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction & Setting the Stage
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey there, guys. I'm Bobby. I'm Steffi Stuff. That's right, and we are on location. Well, I guess we didn't say we're between two teeth. We're walking around Dallas. We like to be mobile, so we're on the move with this version of between two teeth.
Exploring Values: Motivation & Meaning
00:00:14
Speaker
Steffi Stuff, what I wanted to talk about, you just wrote an article on Substack about values. What encouraged you to do that?
00:00:22
Speaker
Well, for me, a lot of the decision making in life, it stems off of a value driven life. And I was talking to a colleague on Friday about purpose and values and meaning. And so kind of heavy conversations, of course, for Friday, but that kind of got me thinking and you start to look at the decisions you've made and the consequences from those decisions and you really start to appreciate values.
00:00:49
Speaker
Speaking of decisions, we're walking around and I always get lost in downtown Dallas. You were actually fantastic at navigating. I get lost down here, but I guess that's kind of a, what's that called when you're like, well, what's windy is the Dickens here. It's like, well, which way should we go? Which way should I go in
Personal Values vs. External Influences
00:01:11
Speaker
life? And I really liked your article, how you talked about values in,
00:01:16
Speaker
how you were raised, values that you obtained from your parents or certain schools or institutions or coaches versus when do you figure out is that serving me well or is it not serving me well?
00:01:30
Speaker
Yeah, that's well said. And when I look at my own values, I always, and this is, this is where it gets kind of nuanced. I always look to people, other people or establishments or whatever, my parents, coaches, teachers, to give me my values and to tell me how to, how to lead life kind of. And I think that can work for a touch of time, but Bobby, what happens as you grow up?
00:01:55
Speaker
I don't know. I'm still trying to grow up, I think. But one of the things I like that you talked about, Steph, is being a people pleaser and how that sort of came into play.
00:02:10
Speaker
Right, so when you're a people pleaser, you try to mirror the values of the person you're talking to and you try to real quickly assess what does this person find hyper important in life and how can I please them the best by aligning with those values even temporarily.
00:02:29
Speaker
But what happens is it's okay to have or embody someone else's values even if you go, oh my gosh, I love that idea. That sounds great. It can fall apart though when you're challenged in life. And what I found is the values of others were great when the decisions and the consequences were small. But as they got bigger and bigger,
00:02:53
Speaker
It started to change. You know, you really want to have values that I don't want to be dramatic, not that you would die for, but that you're really impacted by.
Learning from Environment & Past Decisions
00:03:04
Speaker
And I think, I like what you're saying there. The other issue is figuring out when do things serve you well versus when are things not serving you well. And if you're efficiently moving through life, you should be learning things from your environment. And if you're kind of stuck in a spot,
00:03:30
Speaker
and you don't fully understand how am I moving efficiently through life? What I did 15 years ago was that serving me well. What's an example or what was the crux that kind of made you say, are you saying you're too much of a people pleaser and that didn't serve you well?
00:03:53
Speaker
You know, I've had friends tell me to my face, you're too much of a people pleaser. And I look at them and at the time, I just didn't appreciate it. I might have been early 20s at that point. But here's the rub. If you're an athlete, coaches want people pleasers. They want, yes sir, no ma'am. Same thing with teachers. They want you to challenge, of course, but at the end of the day,
00:04:15
Speaker
you know, a team has to share values. And so one of the things I learned at three big decisions for me, you know, kind of going through it, one was the decision on which sport to play and where, and I defaulted to kind of what my parents thought. And I had teachers that would give me opposite or alternative opinions on it, but I couldn't hear them. You loved playing soccer and you were told to run.
00:04:42
Speaker
Well, I love playing soccer, but I enjoyed winning. And so it's hard to win that soccer when you're 5'3". It's not impossible, and I know several amazing women who do it at the professional level who are my height or shorter, but it's definitely the exception and not the rule. I looked at the lay of the land and my odds were higher with running.
Aligning Personal Values for Fulfillment
00:05:04
Speaker
uh for what i wanted to do with it but yeah you know i it comes down to decision making do you want someone else to make decisions for you then yeah you better obtain their values pretty quick so you can align with them and go but i think there is there is something independent and there's something about fulfillment in deciding what your values are going to be at some point in life you really start living your best life i'd argue
00:05:32
Speaker
when your values become a little bit clearer. Yeah. I think you run into trouble when decisions are made that are not consistent with your values. And I think what I hear you say is, hey, maybe hit the pause and reevaluate what is your value system. Is it yours, or are you doing it just because? Because that's the way you were raised.
Navigating Conflicting Values with Loved Ones
00:05:55
Speaker
Yeah, I couldn't agree more. And here's another, another finite point. Some people have said, well, stuff, if your values differ from your spouse or your friend groups or your parents, what happens if they're in staunch opposition? I had a friend I had coffee with last week and
00:06:14
Speaker
She talked about how her values, although she shared several with her family, some of her values, like playing sports and expressing herself in that way, were very inconsistent with what her family thought she should be doing. And when we were talking, I could tell
00:06:35
Speaker
There are inherent challenges when you differ in values with someone you love and someone you're not going to cut out of your life. That's where communication comes in. Probably talking it through and figuring out why you do what you do can be a positive thing indeed.
Creativity & Community Engagement
00:06:53
Speaker
Well, I'm glad you wrote that sub-stack article. You are very creative and you really dig deep into some things that kind of touch your mind and touch your heart.
00:07:05
Speaker
How can people find Substack? I don't even know how to do that. You know, I don't even know either. I just started it. Just research it. Figure it out. Just Google it as my generation would say. Our subscribers, they're brilliant. They'll figure it out. But just watch for things. Follow us on YouTube between two teeth. Follow us on Instagram at be the number two teeth. And check us out. Thanks, guys.