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Ep. 44: Figuring it out/Motorcycle diaries
44 Plays1 year ago
Join Stephy Steph and Bobby as they have a debate about the Universe giving you what you need versus what you want whilst on the motorcycles.
#meaning
#life
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Transcript
2024 Plans and Life's Journey
00:00:02
Speaker
Guys, I'm Bobby, uh, there on a motorcyclist, motorcycle diaries. We are between two teeth. What do you want to do in 2024, Steph? I just kind of keep figuring it out. What do you want to do? I'm not telling. Yeah. You know what? I think try to keep figuring it out. I'm going to say keep figuring it
Surgeons' Insights on Life Plans
00:00:27
Speaker
out. Every time in life when I think I've got the world figured out,
00:00:31
Speaker
The forces of the world have a big surprise for me. You know, one of the things, we're both surgeons, we ask patients all the time, what are they going to do with life? And I'm always pretty amused by the answers we get. A lot of people are like, I have no clue, or I don't have it figured out.
Certainty of Youth vs. Complexity of Life
00:00:54
Speaker
Did you have it figured out when you were 18?
00:00:58
Speaker
I felt much more like I had it figured out when I was 18 versus when I was 34, I guess, and how old I am now. Isn't that interesting? Why? Why do you think that is? Simpler life, less complicated, people you know are different. You know, my teenage boys definitely, I think several of them think they've got it really figured out.
00:01:25
Speaker
You know, they call them the salad days when you're green all over.
Health, Future Steps, and Athletic Past
00:01:30
Speaker
Man, we are riding in downtown Dallas. It is absolutely gorgeous. I just cracked my helmet for a second.
00:01:54
Speaker
I think I'm working on a couple things for 2024 to figure out kind of next step kind of stuff. I've been trying to get healthy for a couple of years. How do you just have a healthy way about your stuff?
Aspirations and Age Perceptions
00:02:13
Speaker
Is that kind of the easiest way to say you were an athlete in high school and you just keep going? That's what you do?
00:02:23
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know. I think I'm really healthy in some ways and very unhealthy in others. You know, I've just got high aspirations in life and I haven't been beat down enough in life to have them knocked out of me yet. That should be a title of a book. Yeah. How would you...
00:02:52
Speaker
I've got a whole lot of aspirations in life, and I just haven't had them beat out of me yet. Well, I mean, it's also been something I'm talking to. If I'm talking to a bunch of 50-year-olds, then they're probably going to laugh at that statement. But if I'm talking to some every 20-year-old, they're probably going to take it pretty seriously.
Identity Crisis: Injuries and Divorce
00:03:08
Speaker
Yeah. You know, I think the cool thing is when you're younger, the world hasn't beaten a lot of ideas out of you.
00:03:21
Speaker
Yeah. One of the, one of the big experiences was when I was 18, I hadn't gone through, I hadn't gone through like a major injury that caused me to question my identity just yet. It was common. And your identity, you were a college runner. Yeah. And I hadn't, and I also wasn't, I don't know, like from 2020,
00:03:48
Speaker
Because I went through a divorce, I hadn't been subjected at 18 yet to a lot of just judgment, I guess. At 18, I hadn't gone through with dental school. When I started dental school, I was pretty burnt out as it was.
Dental School Journeys Compared
00:04:08
Speaker
Like I said, coming off an injury that was in my head catastrophic that didn't allow me to compete.
00:04:18
Speaker
You're going through dental school and never drinking your life. Alcohol becomes like this thing that is social glue. Just a crutch? No, I wasn't even the one that was drinking the most. I've never drank before.
00:04:37
Speaker
first year of college or senior year of high school being your first year of dental school. It's just a lot of weird. Delayed on some of the experiences. I came in with a different take on it because I had a hard time getting into dental school. You waltzed in and got into everywhere that you applied
00:04:57
Speaker
I had to leave countries, I had to leave Canada, I did a gap year where I was working all the time, and I was ready to hit it. I wouldn't say I waltzed into dental school. I was accepted, yes, everywhere I applied, but I worked really hard to do that. I was like a fancy waltz. What I learned since is that there's a lot of kids who, you know, in high school and college make a lot of mistakes, and they are...
00:05:25
Speaker
sitting in the chair next to me in dental school. A lot fresher and ready to go with a lot of different experiences.
Growth through Divorce and Friendships
00:05:34
Speaker
It's a blessing and a curse that we have a lot of students come through our office for trying to get into dental school and looking for mentor type relationships and just seeing their journey. It can be great to see a journey turn out well and it can be really tough to see a journey not work.
00:05:55
Speaker
And for me also, at 18, like I said, I hadn't gone through a divorce yet. And that has a way of bringing out the critics. And at 18, I hadn't gone through. You're a senior in high school. You really haven't had major, on average, you haven't had these major friendships that are broken apart, either from distance or
00:06:19
Speaker
Maybe at the age of 18, maybe, or at least for me, I hadn't experienced real loss yet. My first grandparent died when I was in college. So all of these experiences that tend to have the potential to beat you down just were not quite there yet.
Reinventing Identity Post-Challenges
00:06:38
Speaker
And I feel like I was very late on some of those experiences and very early on others.
00:06:43
Speaker
Are you a better person after having some of those experiences that you talk about? After having groups of people loathe you, yes. And to make you a much better human. And also, you know, I'm different. I think about things so differently than everybody else. And it's tough, especially when you have the first 20 years of your life based on, you know, the views of others, which is what an athlete is. We've got cones up ahead here.
00:07:13
Speaker
An athlete, student athlete, I should say, you know, when you're getting good grades and you're winning races, really trying to hone in on what your parents and coaches and teachers want, and then all of a sudden you're just at a... Is it just hard to have your own identity? Yeah, it is, and then you're just in a different spot, you know. Suddenly, you know, with injuries,
00:07:43
Speaker
a layer of that taken away because you can't please coaches anymore when you're in dental school and you're not, you know, you're not top of your class and you're not really pleasing teachers so much anymore. And then, you know, when you go through a divorce, you're definitely not pleasing friends and family very much. And so you really kind of get in a weird spot.
00:08:10
Speaker
And you have to, I guess it's just life's way of making you kind of recalibrate a little bit and kind of, you know, create, you know, a new identity, hopefully a stronger base going forward.
Universe: Needs vs. Wants Debate
00:08:26
Speaker
I'd love to say one of my favorite quotes. The universe gives you what you need, not what you want. Yeah, maybe. Yeah.
00:08:40
Speaker
I don't know about that. I don't know if I agree with that at all, actually. Well, now it doesn't apply at all circumstances, but come on. I don't think people need cancer. I think they just get it. I would describe more to Murphy. So no, no, I'm going to, no, no, no. So I have an experience with a very close friend that unfortunately did get cancer. It was a bad cancer. He responded to chemo. He lived about four years.
00:09:10
Speaker
But it changed his life in such a positive way and it allowed him to look at life differently and it changed all the relationships around him. Yeah, of course. And I also know people who are young parents who, you know, mom died giving, you know, a child a third. Right. Or died of cancer to young kids.
00:09:36
Speaker
I hear you say is my quote doesn't apply in all situations. That's what I'm saying. It's a big generality. It's almost like where, I don't know, if you need to hear that and you want to hear that, I think it's a great quote for someone who wants that. Oh, good.
Rejection, Competition, and Personal Experiences
00:09:53
Speaker
So if you like it, if you want it, if you need it.
00:09:56
Speaker
Yeah, take it, tattoo it on your arm, you know? Okay, so let's hear a quote from you. Give us a quote. I've already given you Murphy's law. If something can happen, it probably won't. Yeah, you're not wrong. You know, putting yourself out there could make some wonderful things happen. Yeah, I think we are, yeah, I don't know.
00:10:27
Speaker
Do you put yourself out there? I try to. I probably don't put myself out there enough. I'm scared of rejection because it hurts when it happens. I'm hopelessly competitive. I love when you say hopelessly. I'm hopelessly competitive. Yeah. It's tough, you know. I feel alive for some reason when I'm competing. Yeah. I love it. I really do.
00:10:57
Speaker
I've dated guys who love that. You know, it's kind of fun. Like that's the thing. That's like the one thing we have in common is that we both love to compete. Has it hurt you? I mean, yeah, everything hurts you. Like, like someone asking, Hey, did tweets hurt you in 2023? Yeah. Like, like that, like that bump I just hit back there, that bump that I hit hurt me from something sweet, but I still like it.
00:11:27
Speaker
I hear you. Humans, our main condition is that we're aware. You know, that's our cross to bear is that we just know, we just know things about ourselves.
Self-Awareness and Forgiveness
00:11:39
Speaker
Animals aren't aware. Can you know too much about yourself and have that be a problem or not really? I don't, I think it's hard to know yourself because you're constantly changing. I think unless you, unless you do like,
00:11:55
Speaker
yearly check-ins, you know, as we try to do or... I think you just got to be okay with loving yourself in the moment and forgiving yourself the you of the past for the decisions you've made and, you know, also giving yourself some credit for the good stuff, good decisions you made. Yeah. Yeah, I hear you on that. I think we're too tough on ourselves.
Friendship Dynamics with Parenthood
00:12:20
Speaker
Yeah, I think we are. I think everyone's really tough on themselves because, I mean,
00:12:26
Speaker
I think everybody in general doesn't want to feel pain and wants to have a good life. A lot of my friends and family that are around my age are having kids and it's been really tough and isolating for me because I'm not the first one going through it, but it's tough. When your friends have a kid, they suddenly are different people.
00:12:55
Speaker
and your friend isn't you know they're not your friend anymore they're a parent that you've never met and it's really tough not that you know you can't be you know friends again with this new person but you almost have to figure out you know redefine your all right anyways well if you like we're talking about hit the subscribe
00:13:25
Speaker
Bye.