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Relationship Chat With My Husband
95 Plays1 year ago
Relationship chats with Jon are one of my favorite topics. In today's episode we tag team answering Relationship Q&As from Instagram. From Independent 'I don't trust men' mindset to communication styles, we're covering a lot of ground in this episode.
Learning how to cultivate healthy relationships is a skill that we ALL need, and it's one that takes a lot of practice and failing--And boy have we failed A LOT.
Find Jon on the gram @thegeneraljon
Connect with Jozi and learn how to work with her!
on IG @jozilinn
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Transcript
Josie's Mission to Replace Perfectionism with Progress
00:00:14
Speaker
Listen sis, if you're not on fire for your life right now then I am not okay with that. Better is possible. I'm Josie Soriano, a mindset coach and I'll be your big sister boldly speaking life, wisdom, challenge and truth into you so you can get better one percent at a time. Together we'll ditch perfectionism for progress and dismiss complacency with fearless finesse.
00:00:39
Speaker
We'll be talking about mindset, motherhood, femininity, and faith with practical tips and tricks to help you follow through. If you're not in love with your life right now, tune into today's episode and I promise you'll know how to take it from there.
Thriving Relationships Amidst Societal Skepticism
00:01:01
Speaker
Well, that is because I think everyone on this planet needs to understand how to have thriving relationships
00:01:09
Speaker
whether that's friendships, family, but most importantly, the person you do most life with, right? And the truth is, is that all of us are up against a lot of bad statistics. You know, when you look at the divorce race, for example, in America, it's like 50%, right? That means that whenever anyone gets married, it's literally a coin toss as to whether you'll stay married or not, right? And we're also starting to see that society is leaning towards this kind of narrative of like, oh, what's the point of finding romance? What's the point?
00:01:37
Speaker
of being married, right? Men are saying like, oh, what's the point? Women only are after men with money. And then women are like, what's the point of trusting a man? He's just going to abuse me or cheat on me or whatever. And we are up against a lot of narratives. And so we do this because we find that this resonates with most people.
Personal Marriage Experiences and Advice
00:01:55
Speaker
And our goal, okay, our goal in life
00:01:59
Speaker
One thing that Josie and I are both really passionate in is helping couples have thriving marriages, right? Because Josie and I have been through our own sort of challenges both before we were married and then now that we are married,
00:02:11
Speaker
And although we've been only married three and a half years, we've been together over five years, but we do believe we have good insight to share with people to where people can really learn from our experiences so that ultimately we can all have a thriving marriage. Because who doesn't want a thriving relationship, a thriving marriage? We all want that. And I promise you too, from my experience, from Josie's experience, your life becomes so much more rich
00:02:40
Speaker
Okay, so rich when you do life with the person you love on purpose, on fire. And that's our goal, right? Our goal is like, hey, how can we create passion? How can we create more fire, more intimacy into our marriage? Because I do believe the marriage cup or the relationship cup
00:02:57
Speaker
Pours into all the other cups right whether that's your fitness one your work one your your friends cup And so that's what we do this so I know Josie did some questions and her following And so we're gonna dive into them and also I want to say something that you just said Really? changing the narrative
Sustaining Passion Beyond the Honeymoon Phase
00:03:16
Speaker
around Being married being in a relationship holds you back John. I love it when you say this you tell me that when we got married and
00:03:27
Speaker
Like, and I actually had somebody say this this week to me, our income exploded when we joined together, when we got married. Our sex life exploded when we got married. So I really think there's this narrative that we're seeing where it's like, like, oh, let's go, let's go to the bachelor party because you know, this is your last hurrah. It's like,
00:03:53
Speaker
Okay, what marriage are you wanting to go into? Because our goal is to keep our marriage a constant hoorah. And not waving your single life by with regret, but like throwing it a peace sign, like, yeah, bye, see ya, I'm gonna go create something even more powerful. Is there something you wanna say on that?
00:04:13
Speaker
No, I mean, I'm reminded of Andy Elliott. He says, you know, if you treat your relationship like there's, uh, if you treat your relationship like the beginning, there will never be an end. And I think, you know, one of the, I think keys to a thriving marriage or thriving relationship. And again, this can apply literally anywhere, right? This can apply with a relationship with your best friend.
00:04:32
Speaker
with your parents, with your brothers, your sisters. If you treat every relationship like there's no end, I'm sorry, like there's no, like it's the beginning, then there will never be an end. Doing the small things. Doing the small things, yeah. And so that's me and Josie's relationship and that's what we try to accomplish is like, hey, let's treat it like it's the beginning because all of us can remember a time
00:04:52
Speaker
whenever you started your relationship. In the beginning, I'm gonna assume it was on fire, it was passionate, right? Otherwise, why did you get married to this person? I'm gonna assume that if you're married, the very beginning of that was probably like on fire, it was purposeful, it was like you did everything possible to look good, to smell good, but somewhere along the way, we lose that. Somewhere along the way, we stop treating it like it's the beginning, and then that's when the end comes, right?
00:05:21
Speaker
but if you never treat it, if you never stop treating it like it's the beginning, there will never be an end. So let's get into some of these questions,
Independent Women and Traditional Roles
00:05:28
Speaker
babe. Okay, cool. So one of my favorite questions, and I can go first or we can let you go first, is letting him be the man. It says, I'm so independent and I'm learning how to let go of that. So this is obviously from a woman.
00:05:47
Speaker
What's the question exactly so the question is what is the challenge for you in the relationship and her response is my challenge is allowing him to be the man so she's like in that independent woman
00:06:03
Speaker
Like, I don't need no man, which please be careful. The words that you speak over your life, women. And I also want to tell you, you absolutely need a man. One of the commandments, a command that we are supposed to do is be fruitful and multiply. You cannot multiply by yourself. You cannot create a legacy by yourself. You need to come into agreement with a partner and you guys can multiply together. You need a man. A man will multiply you.
00:06:29
Speaker
A man can do so much more than you can do by yourself. So I just
Trust and Complementary Roles in Relationships
00:06:34
Speaker
want to say that. So that's the question. Yeah. And it goes both ways, right? We need women too, right? I mean, for the men out here, imagine a world without women. That's a very scary world, right? I don't want the world as much as I like my guy time.
00:06:46
Speaker
As much as I enjoy, you know, having my poker nights with the guys and pickleball with the guys, as much as I love that, I never would want a world where that's all I do, right? So I think part of that is number one, understanding one basic fundamental principle in a marriage, right? That is that two halves do not make a whole person, right? Like two halves don't make a full person, okay? In a marriage, it should be two
00:07:09
Speaker
completely healed, full people is what makes one full marriage, right? And so, and now that's a journey. Okay. So I know for us, when we started, we had to go on a journey of really understanding what it means for Josie to be a feminine wife and what it means for me to be a masculine husband, right? And that's a journey in itself. That's a journey where you never get there, right? It's an ongoing journey.
00:07:33
Speaker
But I do think in the beginning, I think for a marriage to really take deep roots, the man needs to understand what his role is. And the woman needs to understand what her role is. Because when you get to that place, that's when you can start building. You start building from that foundation. So to your question of like, I don't need a man, I would say that's a woman that has built the narrative that men are out to hurt me, men can't be trusted. And now that may have been true in certain parts of their lives, but
00:08:02
Speaker
if you keep that narrative up, you will always put a ceiling on your relationship. So to that woman that says, hey, I don't need no man, or how can I let the man be the man?
Masculinity and Unconditional Trust
00:08:13
Speaker
Right. First, it begins with this certain level of you got to give unconditional trust. Okay. And I know that's risky, right? Because when you give unconditional anything, you're putting yourself out there, right? You are literally putting yourself in potential harm's way. And I know that's hard to do, but marriage, a marriage calls,
00:08:28
Speaker
for unconditional love. And what is it we say? High risk, high reward, you know, below risk or we're right. Like for me, I have a principle in all my life, hey, I would rather go through life trusting, trusting people. And yes, I may get hurt from time to time versus being guarded, not trusting people, but then I might miss out on really rich relationships. So I would say that and then to the man,
00:08:53
Speaker
I think the man needs to discover also his masculinity. I believe there's a roar inside every man, right? But society also suppresses men to believe things like, you know, men don't cry or hey, men can show emotion and all that's BS, right? Because that is not what defines a man.
00:09:12
Speaker
I do believe what defines a man is his ability to sacrifice, his ability to go after his goals. That's why men are meant to be conquerors. Men are meant to be the hunters. That's what we're wired to do. That's why biologically, we're the stronger species. Not that we're stronger overall. I'm just saying biologically, we're the stronger species. I definitely have more muscle mass than Josie biologically. I think the man also needs to understand his place
00:09:39
Speaker
in the relationship because i really think that what i see happen sometimes is either a the woman has trauma from previous relationships and that's why she doesn't want let the man be the man because her patterns in the past of showing the men can be trusted or whatever but then also
00:09:56
Speaker
the man hasn't yet discovered his true masculinity. And so he doesn't operate in his true masculine. He operates, he walks through lives like walking on eggshells and like, Oh, I don't want to upset my wife. You know, this whole saying of happy wife, happy life, it's a bunch of bullshit. Okay. Because it's because happy wife, happy life implies
00:10:15
Speaker
that the wife needs always comes before the man's need and that's not true. Both your needs, right? Because Josie and I operate from a place of, hey listen, your needs are my utmost priorities and my needs are her utmost priorities.
00:10:32
Speaker
And when both of us get to that place and always our needs are met which then leads to instead of happy wife happy life It's happy us happy life, right? Because I know I don't want to be the I don't want to be the guy in the marriage That's like where she's happy, but I'm miserable right or vice versa where I'm happy I'm doing what I want to do, but then she's miserable. So it's happy us happy life So that's what I
Balancing Energies and Trusting in Marriage
00:10:53
Speaker
would say about us. That's really good and from a like from a practical
00:10:58
Speaker
point because the question was, is letting him be the man. I'm so independent, learning to let go of that mentality. We hear a lot of talk and chatter around feminine and masculine energy, but the truth is, is you can't really relax into your feminine as a woman.
00:11:20
Speaker
until you learn how to trust your man. John can attest to this. I was the epitome of the independent woman when we first got married. I did not want to share bank account. I was like one foot in, one foot out. Like I didn't want to close my bank account because what if I need it? You know, maybe I shouldn't let my license go because what if I need it? Just always like just having that card in my back pocket.
00:11:45
Speaker
And my coach told me, she's like, you need to take that card and you need to throw it out the window and just stop having that like plan B mentality. Well, what if it doesn't work out? But what if it does? Because if you play with one foot in, one foot out and you're lukewarm, you're going to have a lukewarm marriage. You're never going to trust your man. You're never going to, you're never, and like women will say, I could never let a man financially provide for me. Well, let me tell you something sis. I said the same.
00:12:15
Speaker
thing. But as I have grown in my journey and healed from past hurts, healed from my father wound and really allowed John to take care of me,
00:12:31
Speaker
I absolutely love being provided for. I love being the feminine housemaker. It is so wonderful to be able to ... Have you guys seen that practice where you put your arms out and somebody stands behind you and you just fall? That's what marriage is supposed to be. It's supposed to be that I ...
00:12:51
Speaker
trust you. It's supposed to be, I really want to hope all and trust all and look for the best in you. In order for a woman to let him be the man, she needs to come out, learn how to come out, and it's a job out of that masculine energy that
00:13:14
Speaker
she has been operating in for probably her whole life. I was operating in masculine energy forever and it's still good. Masculine energy is not something negative for women, but when you are always in that role, you're always in that very assertive, just that energy, that masculine energy, what it lets your man know is that
00:13:37
Speaker
you don't need his masculine energy because you got it handled. And so naturally, what does a man want? A man wants to be needed. A man wants to be the man, but if he has no role, if he has no person to love and take care of and save because you don't need no man to save you, he's going to sink into his feminine. He's going to be a
00:13:59
Speaker
Cowardly man because you have told him over and over again I don't need no man and so really changing the narrative and saying you know what like do I need you to survive no I don't but like I want you like I I want you and I want to be able to trust you and I want to need you and so one thing that me and John reflect back on is in the garden of Eden Adam and Eve were naked
00:14:22
Speaker
And what was that a representation of that was a representation of their vulnerability with each other they were naked in front of each other. That's like as vulnerable as you can get is your nakedness and so really learning how to remove those fig leaves.
00:14:39
Speaker
in marriage and learning how to truly be naked in front of each other and saying, hey, listen, I'm so scared to trust you, but I know that that's what it's going to take to have that high level marriage. That is what I would want to speak to the independent women.
00:14:54
Speaker
And it is a hard program to rewire, but it can be done. So let's move on to the next question.
Communication Challenges and Ego in Relationships
00:15:02
Speaker
So I really love this one. So going back to what is the biggest marriage relationship conflict that you have? So this one says, communication. Putting aside ego and pride and realizing there is no who's right and who's wrong.
00:15:23
Speaker
And anytime I see the word ego, I'm always reminded like your ego is not your amigo. Your ego is the one that comes in to try to protect you. And why are we looking at our spouse as somebody that we need to be protected from? Because we do life with them. And it has taken me and John many conversations, many fights to finally come to a place where we say it is not
00:15:49
Speaker
You and I verse each other. It is you and I verse the problem. Oh, I said the world. The world. The problem. Go ahead. No, that's great. I mean, that's really great. It reminds me of one of the best books I've read. It's called The Four Agreements. There's actually a new one called The Fifth Agreement. But it's essentially four agreements you need to make with yourself that will set you up really for success and joy in life. And the first one is, it's simple. Don't take anything personal.
00:16:18
Speaker
That's the first agreement. The book talks about it for a while, and it's simple. It's like, don't take anything personal. We're in this world right now where everyone wants to see who the bigger victim is. Everyone wants to see who can have the biggest pity party and all that. And I think in a marriage, that can, or in a relationship, that can really rob you of a lot of joy if you take everything personal. So on the topic of communication, I think both parties need to come to an agreement. And I understand this is easier said than done.
00:16:47
Speaker
I also have my moments where I do take it personal. I have my moments where I'm not strong enough to take what the feedback she's given me and I take it personal. But if you can try every single day to come to an agreement where you're like, you know what? It doesn't matter what you say to me. I will do my best to not take it personal because the moment any form of communication becomes personal,
00:17:07
Speaker
That's when your fight or flight kicks in. We have to understand the human wiring of us is that the brain is built for survival. The main purpose of the brain is for survival. Now, luckily, we don't live in a world where we have to worry about a lion popping out of the woods and trying to kill us. That's not the world we live in now. But for thousands of years, that is how humans
00:17:27
Speaker
Function right they their brains were built for like survival. They had a like if a line popped out It was like all right. Am I gonna fight you or am I gonna you know, am I gonna run away? And so but nowadays this when when I feel like I'm being verbally attacked Right, and if I'm taking a personal then my fight or flight kicks in and then now I'm like, all right Do I fight you or do I run away? And so some men are
00:17:51
Speaker
they fight right with their words right now when I say fight I'm not saying physically fight but some men they will choose to fight by then verbally attacking back or saying well you did x y and z and I've been there okay and then also some men or women whatever will fight by running which looks like you're retreating
00:18:08
Speaker
or what's called stonewalling, right? I've been there too where she'll say to me and then I just shut down. I just look at her but really nothing she's saying is going in. I'm just like, I'm just waiting for her to be done talking. And then that's it. But also that doesn't work, right? So we have to number one, agree that or understand that when it comes to communication, you have to have this kind of foundational ground that says, hey, listen, we will do our best to not take it personal. And again, from time to time, I do take it personal or she does take it personal.
00:18:37
Speaker
And then we try to also have certain call it procedures that when we are starting to see when she's seeing red, when I'm seeing red, whatever, to maybe take a break and then reconvene because it's really hard to communicate effectively if one of the parties take it personal. So don't take it personal. And then the last thing I would add to that too is there's another book, How to Win Friends and
Empathy in Conflict Resolution
00:19:02
Speaker
Influence People.
00:19:02
Speaker
One of the first things in the book it talks about is that everybody in their minds believes that they're right. Actually, it's funny, the Four Agreements also talks about this too, where it essentially says everybody in their own world, in their own inner world, believes that they're right. They actually interviewed this killer, I think it was Al Capone or something, one of the greatest killers in the early 1900s.
00:19:26
Speaker
And when they caught him, right, they like interviewed him and essentially this guy felt justified in the killings that he did. And it's like crazy because this is a guy that killed a lot of people, but yet even he felt justified in his actions. And so what the book tries to talk about is if you want to influence people, you have to understand that everybody believes they're right in their own world, right? Now there is subjective truth and then there's objective truth, right? Objective truth is, hey, gravity exists, right? That's an objective truth. Nothing I do can change that.
00:19:56
Speaker
subjective truth will say, well, I'm going to jump off anyways. And guess what? Objective truth doesn't care about your subjective truth. And so I say that because a lot of the times what we do in a relationship when we communicate is we think that our subjective truth, which is our perspective, is the objective truth. And it's not. 98% of the time, it's not. There are very few objective truths in this world, but millions of subjective truths.
00:20:26
Speaker
I think when it comes to communication, you have to understand, again, number one, don't take it personal. And number two, understand that the other person in their world, their experience, whatever it is, is very real. Okay. It's really happening. And you can't take the perspective of like, well, you're wrong because my truth is this. We have to understand that, hey, my experience is very real and it's true to me.
00:20:47
Speaker
But her experience is also very real and true to her. And I'm not right. She's not right. But I'm also not wrong. And she's not wrong. We have to find a common ground, which is why we always say, hey, it's us versus the problem. Because I think that's how you have effective communication, especially when it's in the area of conflict resolution.
00:21:09
Speaker
Yeah and you know that's so good what you said. It's like we until we have this realization we don't understand that.
00:21:20
Speaker
you are a person with a perspective and I am a person with a perspective and how I experienced the conflict was very real to me. And so when we come in and try to say, you're wrong, what we're doing is we are invalidating our partners experience. And the truth is, is they may be wrong, but we don't have a right to say that. Right. So
00:21:48
Speaker
If somebody went out and cheated, that's a different story, right? That's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about just two perspectives clashing. Something that I used to do in our marriage and I have stopped doing it is I would straight up look at John and be like, well, you're wrong. One of my mentors was like, okay, but why are you trying to be God?
00:22:09
Speaker
Why are you trying to be God and tell Him what is right and what is wrong? How do you know what is right and what is wrong? So we're all just having a life experience, not to get too hippy, but we're all having an experience and learning to come together and saying, you know what, I really don't agree with that, but I'm trying to see where you're coming from.
00:22:33
Speaker
and I love you and I wanna play on the same team with you. So let's try to merge our experiences and learn from it instead of playing God and saying who's right and who's wrong. And another thing that's really good is using I statements instead of you statements. So instead of me saying, John, you made me so mad. Well, let's just take ownership. Nobody can make Josie mad except for Josie.
00:23:02
Speaker
And so by me saying you, I'm already attacking him. You did this. You made me so mad. A good way to change it up and it's so micro. It's a micro action that can make a huge difference to who you're speaking with. You could say, I felt very upset when you blank. So what you're saying is I am taking ownership for how I feel.
00:23:26
Speaker
No, and that's great. I was just going to add, it goes back to the fire flight. Honestly, once we learn our human wiring, it really makes life a lot simpler because you understand why people react a certain way. Everybody, male or female, has a fight or flight. And so yes, if you say, well, you did this automatically, that's a verbal attack.
00:23:49
Speaker
Okay, and so most people when they feel like they're being attacked, whether it's a physical attack or a verbal attack, they go instantly in their fight or flight. And so where when you say the I statement, right, that doesn't come off as an attack. That's more like, hey, I'm just giving you feedback.
00:24:06
Speaker
Right. I think it's important that we give each other feedback. But I always tell Josie, it's always in like for me on these as a man, because, you know, men have egos. Right. And our egos can easily be built up, but they can also be easily tore down. Right. That's why most men, words of affirmation, it's one of their most top love languages.
00:24:25
Speaker
And I always tell her, hey, it's not it's not what you tell me. It's usually how you in the manner you tell me, right? I'm open to feedback all the time. But if Josie says it in a way where I'm feeling attacked, it's more challenging for me to truly hear it.
00:24:41
Speaker
because, again, that fight or flight kicks in and you can't necessarily operate out of reason and logic when you're in that flight or flight state. But if she comes to me and says, hey, you know, I felt this way when this happened, it's more like it's easier for me than to practice empathy and compassion and truly seek to understand whatever it is that, you know, she went through. That's so good. And I want to say one last thing and then we'll move on to another question.
00:25:11
Speaker
When you have something that is eating your soul, like you just want to, like maybe your husband leaves his socks in the living room floor every single day like mine does and you silly, right? Silly example, but let's say that you really just want to say something.
00:25:29
Speaker
Having the awareness of your partner's day. Is this early morning? Is he about to go into correlation? Is he about to go into a sales meeting like my husband does? Probably not a good idea to bring that up then. Maybe we should wait for a time when maybe the children are asleep or he doesn't have to mentally
00:25:50
Speaker
go deal with other people, give him a space where he can really listen to what you're saying. And then also one thing that we do is we will ask each other if we are in a place to receive feedback. So if John is a very heightened state, he's frustrated, he's had a stressful day, probably not a good idea for me to just come in and say, oh, by the way, why do you keep leaving your socks on the floor? No.
00:26:13
Speaker
So what we do, and this is, you know, feedback is like an art. It's very, it's hard and it takes practice, but something that we do that we find helpful is we will say,
00:26:23
Speaker
My love, are you in a place right now where you can receive the feedback that I really wanna give you? And sometimes the answer is no. Sometimes the answer is nope, I'm not in a place where I wanna hear any type of constructive criticism. Maybe we can save that for later. Okay, great. Or yes, you know what? I feel really peaceful right now in my body. I feel good. Yeah, I wanna hear what you have to say. So now what we've done is we have turned the green light on for both people have consented that they are in a mental state to be able to give and receive feedback
00:26:52
Speaker
This is how we open up the door to strong communication. Because sometimes we don't have the awareness that our partners had a very hard day. They're tired. They're stressed out. And oh, by the way, you're just piling more stuff on top. So creating that awareness and having intentionality around, okay, let me see if this is the appropriate time to bring that up.
00:27:13
Speaker
I really liked this question. So a challenge in this couple's marriage was it says physical touch and finding time to date each other.
Love Languages and Intimacy Time
00:27:25
Speaker
Like she struggles giving physical touch. Yeah.
00:27:31
Speaker
Yeah. Well, first of all, you're going to do things in the marriage that you don't want to do. Okay. Like you don't. Josie loves when I talk to her while she's showering. I actually like low key really don't, I was going to say hate, but he's a strong. No, it's like the closest thing. It's like the closest thing to hate that you.
00:27:46
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know. I just find it like the way my brain operates. It's like I'm all about efficiency. I just I like I view the shower as a place where it's like getting get out and it's not a place where like I want to like enjoy it for 30 minutes. I'm just like dude get in shower like my showers are like less than five minutes max right where she takes like 30 minutes showers and I'm like that doesn't make sense. Why would it but anyways, that's that's her. So I say that because you're gonna first of all do things that you don't want to do. Okay.
00:28:16
Speaker
And so understand that you're not gonna wanna do it, okay? I don't want to sometimes talk to Josie while she's in the shower. I really don't. And there's times where I'm sitting there and I'm literally like having to fight like every urge to just wanna leave. Because I don't know why. I just happen to have resistance in that area, right? I just do. Why? I don't know. It doesn't really matter. Why? I just do.
00:28:34
Speaker
But I do it anyway sometimes because I know that when I do it, she feels loved. She feels like, okay, my husband cares about me. And so on physical touch, understand that if you don't want to do physical touch, but that's a need that your husband has or your wife has, whatever, it's important to do it because again, that's one of their needs. I can't control how God wired me and made me, but for whatever reason,
00:28:59
Speaker
I am wired to feel loved when I feel respect. I think that's almost every man wants to feel respect from their partner. But also, words of affirmation. For me, words of affirmation isn't like, oh, you're so awesome. It's deeper than that. And we can get into that maybe a different time. But for me, it's also a physical touch. I like having my back rubbed and tickled and massages and all that. That's how I feel loved as a man. And I can't control. That's just how I am.
00:29:28
Speaker
No different than Josie can't control that she feels loved when through acts of service and quality time. She loves the one-on-one, eye-to-eye, phones completely away interaction. I can't control it. That's how she is. Nor should I try to change that. Nor should I try to be like, well, be more like me. If anything, I don't want her to be more like me. That's boring. I didn't marry. I don't want to marry.
00:29:50
Speaker
a version of me, that's boring, right? So understand that like there's no way around it other than just like you're going to have to do some things that you just don't want to do because that's what a marriage is supposed to be sacrificial. Come on. Right. That's why you know, Josie and I are big Christians and that's why the Bible says the two become one.
00:30:08
Speaker
right? Because it's no longer about the John show or the Josie show. Now it's the Soriano show right now. It's about both of us. Both of us are one, right? And we have a role to play in that. So I mean, that's what I would say. There's just, there's going to be some things. And, and also you said making time. Oh, finding, right? Okay. Finding. I think the verbiage is wrong. Don't find it. Make it. Create it. Right. Create it. Okay. We are human beings, right? We're meant to create.
00:30:33
Speaker
okay and with your words you can create stuff okay with words lies the power of starting a war or ending a war right that's what the bible says with you know through the power of the tongue you can give life or death and so create it right it's not about finding it understand that there's there's priorities right right now if
00:30:53
Speaker
Like, I don't know, let's say, you know, Jeff Bezos, right, one of the richest men in the world, all of a sudden invited you last minute to his yacht. I best, I guarantee you will create the time to be on that boat, right? You're not going to hit him up and say, Oh, sorry, Jeff. I know you're a multi-billionaire. I know you probably have the sickest yacht on the planet, but I got work tomorrow, so I can't be there. Promise you, you won't say that.
00:31:18
Speaker
because you recognize priorities, right? You recognize that man, this man is of high value. He's probably not asking any person to be on his boat. So it's the same thing in a relationship. You have to put, you have to understand that your partner should be the most important person in your life. And it's not about finding time. It's about creating it. It's about being like, nope, this is my priority.
Creating Time and Acting with Discipline
00:31:39
Speaker
And I will like, like another example, there are sometimes times where I will show up late to a meeting.
00:31:45
Speaker
Right. Because for whatever reason, maybe she wants more of my time or maybe we start getting some topic and I have a choice to make. I'm like, do I upset my wife or do I, do I upset the people that are maybe waiting on me for a meeting? And it's a tough choice. Right. It is like.
00:32:01
Speaker
There's not right or wrong, but if I ultimately have to choose between my wife being upset that maybe I left too early, right, or my sales guys being upset that I'm like five, ten minutes late, like I'm sorry, but I'm going to choose my wife ten out of ten times, right, because I would much, because in my list of priorities is I would rather attend to my wife's needs
00:32:22
Speaker
than my sales people's needs, right? And yes, I could probably, maybe I could have managed my time better, all that, but it doesn't matter. The whole point is, if you're left with a choice, who will you choose? And I create, I try to do my best to create the time, not find it, right? Because when you're finding something, what that is implying is, you're looking for it. No, no, no, I'm not looking for it. I already possess it. I just got to go create it.
00:32:49
Speaker
That's an episode all in and of itself is about being the creator of your own life and not falling victim. There's that word again to the circumstances because like he said, and also let me ask you, if you're having to find the time, where else are you having to find the time?
00:33:10
Speaker
I'm sure that's showing up in your relationship with your parents. It's showing up in your relationship with your work or with your business. We are creators of our own lives and I love what John said when he started this off. He said that marriage is not about what you want and we so live in a world right now where we see, I don't feel like having sex.
00:33:32
Speaker
I don't feel like going to the gym. John doesn't feel like going to the gym. We don't feel like doing a lot of things. But in order to create a big life, you do things that you don't always want to do. And I'm not saying you should be forced into having sex. That's not what I'm saying. But what I'm saying is we can't just be people that operate in our feelings. We need to operate out of discipline. We need to operate out of honor. Like John was saying, we are going to do things that we don't necessarily always
00:34:00
Speaker
Feel like doing and then she also said physical touch So I don't know if physical touch is his love language or is her love language But we need to get very dialed in on what our love language is as a couple if you have never
00:34:16
Speaker
Okay, I don't have the book here. If you've never read it, it's the five love languages and it essentially talks about how you give and receive love. John is physical touch. I am not. I do not need my back rub. I do not need my hair touched and none of that, but he does. And so when we're in bed at night, I will tickle his back. I will play with his hair because that communicates to him that I love him.
00:34:38
Speaker
I know that's what he likes. I know that's how he feels loved. And like he said, I'm quality time. He knows if he looks me in the eyes and has that deep conversation with me, he is filling my cup up. Now why this is important is because when we first got married, before we knew this about each other, I am acts of service. I want you to do things for me and take the trash out. And so I didn't know that that wasn't John's love language. So I was doing all of these things for him.
00:35:08
Speaker
But that's not how he receives love. He doesn't care if I take the trash out for him. He doesn't care if I fold his socks. I know you do care, but I'm just saying he receives love by me telling him how freaking awesome he is and by rubbing his back. That's how he receives love. Do I always want to go like this? No, I don't, but I'm not doing it for me. I'm doing it. I really do always want to do that, by the way.
00:35:33
Speaker
I'm doing it for him. I'm doing it for him. And so I love what you said, having that sacrificial type of love and not just always going off. This is how I feel. I love that. Okay, so what about this one, John?
Forgiveness and Empathy
00:35:49
Speaker
So this was a challenge, getting over a fight, forgiveness and trust. So let's just dial in on the forgiveness part.
00:35:59
Speaker
Yeah, I go back to what I said earlier about don't take things personal. Understand that hurt people, hurt people.
00:36:07
Speaker
So I think when you have to forgive, then that implies that you were hurt, right? And so, but if you kind of develop this philosophy of like, you know what? I will never take things personal. That's why I think it's important to have empathy because when you practice empathy, then forgiveness does become a little bit easier to do. And empathy just means, empathy is this, empathy is, hey, if I was you and had the same exact upbringings, values, experiences,
00:36:34
Speaker
and paradigms, then I would have done the same thing you did. For example, early on in our marriage, Josie had a hard time maybe fully trusting me. And the reason for that was because the men prior to me, both in relationships and even her biological father, kind of showed that, hey,
00:36:57
Speaker
They hurt her in some way, right? She had relationships where it wasn't good, right? Where they were actually physically abusive. And so the narrative in her mind was, hey, men can't be trusted.
00:37:09
Speaker
so when we would fight she would sometimes say things to me that were hurtful right say things to me about You know that would maybe not make me feel like the leader in the in the relationship or less of a man or sometimes she would put me maybe in in the Category of those same men right and so both but for me to practice empathy I had to enter this place of like, you know what if I was Josie and also had a
00:37:33
Speaker
People hurt me I would probably react the same way and so when I when you get to that place It's simpler or it becomes easier to practice true empathy which then leads to forgiveness Right because when it's hard to forgive someone that's when you feel that your way is right and their way is wrong exactly
00:37:51
Speaker
And like Josie said, it's like, listen, like only God can judge truly what's right or wrong, right? At the end of the day, only He can. So who am I to say that, hey, how Josie responded is right or wrong? Because I haven't lived her life. I haven't walked in her shoes. Right now, it doesn't also mean that she can do whatever she wants or I can do whatever I want and I have like open reigns to do what I want to do.
00:38:11
Speaker
I do believe when it comes to conflict resolution, someone has to go first all the time. And for whoever that person is, that is unlocked through empathy, right? Practicing true empathy. And yeah, it's easier said than done. I don't want to do it sometimes, right? I don't, I don't. Sometimes I want to stay in my narrative. Sometimes I want to stay in my kind of like pity party and be like, no, you did this to me. I'm not, I'm going to stay. But I have to be able to relinquish that and be like, you know what? If I was Josie, if I was her,
00:38:40
Speaker
exactly her, like 100% her, I probably would have done the same exact thing. I probably would have reacted the same way. I probably would have said the same thing. And when you get to that place, then you realize that, hey, you know what? People were imperfect, right? I think sometimes also we enter relationships thinking that this person, like society teaches us, right? That like the person you marry, you know, you marry and you live happily ever after, right? We learned this in Disney movies growing up, like happily ever after and that's a bunch of bullshit.
00:39:10
Speaker
There is no happily ever after, right? There isn't. I believe actually true joy and happiness is found through going through the grind, right? Going through the mud sometimes. I believe our best moments are actually created after we went through a tough, maybe argument or fight or season or chapter, whatever you want to call it.
00:39:29
Speaker
So I'm understanding that no one's perfect right Josie's not perfect. I'm not perfect. I'm human I entered I entered this marriage with certain amount of baggage so did Josie and so both of us understand Hey, we're human and because we're human. Let's give each other empathy. Let's give each other grace Let's give each other ultimate forgiveness because forgiveness is gonna be required in a marriage over and over again
00:39:53
Speaker
because I will let Josie down time and time again. I will let her down probably tomorrow, maybe next week, next month, next year, and she's gonna let me down probably tomorrow, probably next week, next year, right? It's because we're humans, right? Humans are messy, okay? Every relationship is supposed to be a little bit messy.
00:40:12
Speaker
And so, but when you get to a place where you recognize, you know what, you're a human, I'm going to choose to practice empathy, it makes forgiveness and true forgiveness a lot easier because again, you're able to operate from that place.
00:40:28
Speaker
Okay, so we're going to do like one or two more. But this is one thing that I want to touch on because I know we are talking about relationships, but there is a wide group of people who are not in relationships.
Attracting the Right Partner
00:40:42
Speaker
They are single and they are looking for their spouse. They are looking for that special person. So we want to speak to you guys too because we were in a season of singleness. We have friends who are in seasons of singleness. And so somebody on here, the challenge that they put was that they
00:40:54
Speaker
are the challenge is finding a wife. So finding a wife, finding a spouse. What is it that you need to be doing? What is the mindset that you need to have? Most importantly, who is it that you need to become to attract and to bring in your spouse? The person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. This is incredibly important. This season of singleness is incredibly important. And so that's why I want to take a minute to pour into that.
00:41:22
Speaker
that group of people i just wanna say cuz i know you're about to just let loose i just wanna say you don't attract what you want you attract what you are and so if you are someone and this is this was the mindset that i had i had no idea i was gonna be partnered with
00:41:40
Speaker
with John. But when I was in my season of singleness, something that I would say to myself is, these were just my values. These don't have to be yours. But I wanted a man who was Christian. I wanted a man who would pray for me. I wanted a man who would take us to church. I wanted a man who would be faithful and loyal. You should be your values. Yeah, right.
00:41:58
Speaker
Those are the things that I wanted and so I had to ask myself, okay, if I don't want a man who's out here sleeping around and going to the club because we were like 25, right? Like 26 when we started dating. So some people are still like in the club and doing all those things. I had to ask myself, if I don't want that in a spouse, I cannot be out here doing it.
00:42:19
Speaker
And far too often are people out here living this single life, they're out here going to the clubs, they're on all the dating apps, talking to multiple, multiple people, but they want somebody who's gonna be loyal, but they want somebody who's gonna be, no, no, you need to become what you want, because if you are attracting people into your life who you do not like, that is on you. Hurt people attract hurt people.
00:42:48
Speaker
abundance-minded people, attractive, abundance-minded people. So you need to embody who you want. John said something so powerful this morning, and he said, you don't, you say it. You act like the person you want to be, not the person you are. And it's the same with looking for a spouse. Be the wife that you want to be.
00:43:15
Speaker
Be the wife to the husband that you want, not the woman that you currently are. So I just wanted to say that and then you can go ahead and say it.
00:43:23
Speaker
Yeah, no, that's really great. And actually I want to offer even a different perspective on this season of singleness because I actually think you always stay in a season of singleness, right? And by singleness, what I mean is in the season of singleness, what's supposed to be happening is you're working on you, right? Because before I had Josie, then I was the only responsibility in my life, right? So cool. I could go 100% on me and me only because I had no one else to take care of, right?
00:43:48
Speaker
what happens though is you get married and people actually lose that right the purpose of singleness is not just to go out there and live life to the fullest no the reason singleness should be i need to be working on me i need to be i need to keep on working on becoming that best version of me right and so you know for the people are looking for a husband or wife simply ask yourself okay what caliber
00:44:11
Speaker
Of a man or woman is this husband or wife looking for so if I want a woman that is beautiful in shape Um, you know compassionate christian values loyal right all that well, then okay What caliber of a man is that woman looking for?
00:44:27
Speaker
I would say, cool, that woman is also looking for a man that also takes care of himself, right? You know, is ambitious in his goals, is planted in church, serving his church as a leader within his community. And so, but when we got married, that singleness doesn't technically end. It just switches, right? It goes now from, I'm still working on me, I have just simply added somebody else now to partner with. So I think singleness should always be going on in a sense that I still need to be working on me,
00:44:56
Speaker
I still need to make sure that I'm becoming the version of myself and the man that she deserves. She deserves a man that is in the best shape of his life, that can provide financial stability, that can provide emotional security, that can provide physical security, that is also a great father. And that season never ends for me. It's always becoming that. So I just want to offer a different perspective of if you're single right now, great, your main focus should be
00:45:26
Speaker
Who am I trying to become? Because like Josie said, there are many people who literally guys will be like, oh, there's no good girls out there. There's no loyal girls. But then they're like a Coachella for the weekend. And listen, I'm nothing against that. Okay. But high caliber women, I'm sorry, are not looking for men at Coachella.
00:45:44
Speaker
They're not. They're not. They're not at the bars. They're not at the clubs, right? Like the kind of woman you're looking for is just not there, right?
Self-Improvement After Marriage
00:45:50
Speaker
And so then you got to ask yourself, okay, well, if I want to attract a extremely loyal, loving, compassionate, beautiful woman, those aren't the places, right? You should be looking for, right? You know, a woman like that will probably be found at the gym or, you know, at a church, right? Or at Starbucks working or at
00:46:08
Speaker
or like working or you're out of business or a business networking event, whatever. But the goal isn't to search for them necessarily. The goal is be that person because, you know, I go back to the brain, right? We have to understand our brain is a transmitter and a receiver, right? It sends messages and it also receives messages.
00:46:26
Speaker
And so if you become that person first, then you start putting out that frequency in the world, and then that thing that you're looking for comes looking for you. And that's what happened with me and Josie. I wasn't necessarily looking, I just, she entered my life, I entered her life, and then the rest is history.
00:46:45
Speaker
Always be working on you whether you're single or not. That's where some couples get a wrong, right? They got married and then they stopped working on themselves, right? Hey, that was something that happened to me You know, like when Josie and I were dating I was in great shape But I'll be honest like the first two years I kind of let go of my fitness because there was a part of my brain I was like, well, I'm married. So what's the point maybe of like looking good, right?
00:47:07
Speaker
And then I started gaining weight, right? And then like end of last year, I had this kind of like, man, like massive revelation. I'm like, dude, no, that can't, my wife doesn't deserve an overweight man. And my wife doesn't deserve a man that doesn't take care of himself, right? So, you know, lately I've been putting in a lot more work. And anyways, it's, I'm still in this journey and it's awesome, but I wanted to get ahead of it because what happens a lot happens a lot in America.
00:47:32
Speaker
Okay, people get together and then five years, 10 years, 20 years later, they're both overweight. And we refuse for that to be our story. And listen, I just had a baby 10 months ago. You will never see me be that woman that's like, well, you know, I had a baby. No sis. You get like a year, two years max, and then you better jump back into it. You need to look good for you. You need to look good for him.
00:47:54
Speaker
Like we don't play games when it comes to... And that's that season of singleness of like, remember, the season is I'm working on me and it never ends. It just simply like maybe the purpose changes a little bit, right? Because right now I still need to have a season where I'm always working on me for myself, for her and for my children. Because right, I also, as our children get older, I also want them to look at their dad and be like, man, I'm proud of my dad. Come on.
00:48:19
Speaker
I want them to be like, when they're five years old to be proud of me, when they're 10 years old to be proud of me, when they're 20 years old, I want them to see like, man, my dad is always leveling up. But what happens is people get married and then they plateau, right? And then that's where the, Oh, I remember the good old days. You know, I remember like, dude, listen,
00:48:36
Speaker
Listen, the best days are ahead. How do you know if you're still truly working on yourself? A couple questions, right? Is your income growing? Is your sex life getting better? Like, Josie and I have better sex today than we did, you know, our first year in marriage, right? Where most people is like, oh, yep, we had great sex the first year during the honeymoon. And now it's like boring. It's like, dude, just three nights. Look, whatever, we'll get it right. Just three nights ago, we literally had probably the, what? No? Can't say that. I'm just saying, keep it PG.
00:49:05
Speaker
No, I'm saying we just had the best sex that we've had, I think ever, like three nights ago. I think that was like, we both agree that that was like the most intimate, passionate sex. And listen, for the people that are single and maybe you don't believe in marriage or whatever, like I want you to know God made it so that the best sex you can ever freaking have is with a husband and a wife.
00:49:25
Speaker
Right. So, you know, for the record, right, sex is more spiritual, more emotional than it is physical. And when you get to this level where there's like deep emotional connection, deep spiritual connection, then that physical becomes way more better. So anyway, kind of, I know we got a little sidetracked there, but just plug for that. I mean, it's good. It's good. It's good. Okay. That's so good. So there was a really good question that popped up and I just wanted to answer it. Maybe you have time for one more.
00:49:52
Speaker
So, shared bank account were separate. So, I understand to each their own what works for us may not work for you, but we operate in biblical principles. And the Bible says that a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.
00:50:17
Speaker
And when I think of separate bank accounts, I know I'm taking it to a little extreme, but just ride with me here. Why do you need separate bank accounts? That's the first one. Why do you need separate bank accounts?
Financial Unity in Marriage
00:50:29
Speaker
Because for me, when I hear somebody struggling to marry bank accounts, and I know because I was there, what I hear is, I'm going to just keep the plan B over here. Just in case that doesn't work out, I'm just going to keep my bank account. When you become married, you are one. You are one.
00:50:47
Speaker
You are two separate people coming together. And why should the bank account not reflect that as well?
00:50:57
Speaker
So we're together and everything, just not here, just not in our finances. No, no. And if there's anything that I want to buy for John by surprise, I can like tell him like, Hey, I'm going to go like take X amount of money out. I want to get something. I want to surprise you, but I don't want you to know. So like, I can understand people wanting to have, you know, a way that they can maybe spoil their spouse without the spouse knowing, but I would ask the question of why do you need separate bank accounts?
00:51:25
Speaker
That's good. I mean, yeah, because if you truly are one, and I think for me, like, you know, Josie and I were called traditional, right, where, hey, you know, I take care of the financial provision, she takes care of the emotional, I'm sorry, the home needs and
00:51:39
Speaker
the raising the kid needs, and hey, both of those are a full-time job in itself, right? There's different responsibilities for it. And so for me, Elise is the man, is the one that's bringing home the money, the bread, whatever. It gives me a certain level of accountability if she has access to everything, right? Because yeah, it's like Josie says, what's the intent? It becomes a little bit easier to hide stuff
00:52:06
Speaker
Keep things away right and remember we as humans we
00:52:10
Speaker
There's a reason why when we're kids, we have tantrums and the kids usually lie. These things don't have to be taught to children. You don't have to teach your children how to smack someone in the face. They just, for whatever reason, are born with it. But you do have to teach children how to be kind. You do have to teach children how to share. You do have to teach children how to properly talk to people. So understand, human nature is that we gravitate towards more
00:52:37
Speaker
maybe like living in the gray area, because again, look at children, right? Children have to be taught these things, like kindness and all that. And so I don't want to put myself in a scenario where I'm more likely to want to admit certain things. I need that level of accountability to where I know in the back of my head that she has access to everything I have access to and vice versa. Let's use it as an example. Let's say we have a husband who watches porn. We'll just use porn as an example.
00:53:06
Speaker
It's much easier
00:53:22
Speaker
accountable. And what I was going back to saying, the Bible says a double-minded man, a double-minded man is somebody who is this way and this way. They're one foot in, one foot out. I mean, I'm in the marriage, but I'm not. I'm in the marriage, but I have a separate bank account. I'm in the marriage, but it's like, no, are you in or are you out? Are you hot or are you cold? What are you? So just freaking plant your feet, both feet on the ground and trust it, right?
00:53:48
Speaker
That was a really good question. 100%. Yeah. And, you know, marriage goes back to like that. Again, that's sacrificial love, right? It's like, you know, that's why biblically the Bible calls a marriage a covenant, right? To where a covenant says, hey, I'm going to do A even if you don't do B right now, I'm expecting you to do B, but I'm still going to do A even if you don't do B.
00:54:10
Speaker
And then, hey, Josie, hey, I'm going to do B even if you don't do A. How most people treat a marriage is like a contract. A contract says, hey, if I do A, then I expect you to do B. And then, hey, if you do B, I expect you to do A, right? That's a contract, right? You don't have a contract marriage, right? It's a covenant marriage. A covenant marriage says, I will do A even if you don't do B. And especially if you don't do B, I will still do it.
00:54:35
Speaker
So we really just have this, you know, I think we have we don't have a worldly perspective on marriage and I know that that's why that we're building something so great is because we are rooted in our faith and we just take these like these biblical principles that have been around since forever and they work and so I just want to end on one last thing and then we are going to end the podcast and then we'll end our life and that is
00:55:01
Speaker
how does a man lead a woman and how does a woman respect and follow a man?
Respect and Love in Marriage
00:55:10
Speaker
And I have a really good book right here that I recommend you read and it's called Love and Respect because men want to be respected and women want to be loved.
00:55:23
Speaker
Men don't necessarily need to be loved. Of course, they want to be. Men want respect. And we are very much in a culture and a society where women are like, I'm not following you. I'm not subduing to you. I'm not going to submit to you. I'm not going to respect you. And that's the narrative that
00:55:43
Speaker
that goes around. But what I've discovered is as we get deeper into our marriage, the more that I honor John and I respect John, the tighter our bond becomes. And so John, do you have any good wisdom on how a man should lead his wife?
00:56:02
Speaker
Yeah, number one, have a mission, okay? Have a mission, right? I mean, every man, Duffy wants a woman that will submit them. And listen, let's define submit. Submit doesn't mean that I'm a dictator, right? And I just do whatever I want, right? Respect, right? When I think of respect, I think of this like my, that Josie has this reverence towards me, that she's like, man, like, I will follow you anywhere, right? Every man wants to feel like a superhero.
00:56:28
Speaker
Right that's why all the guys if you ask him if they like Avengers you won't find a single guy that's like no I don't like Avengers the movie right like the endgame right like I think all the guys when they saw the Avengers endgame right and when they saw Iron Man freaking like sacrifice himself at the end I think every guy deep down inside
00:56:46
Speaker
View themselves in that right now you ask women do they like Avengers like yeah, that was a cool movie But they don't resonate with it right that's why we as men we resonate with the superheroes with Superman and Batman and Iron Man because in a way we have this fantasy of like man I want that to be us we we want to be the heroes right we want everyone to be like oh my gosh Iron Man yay right and we want that from our wives and
00:57:10
Speaker
right so submission or respect is that they have this reverence towards me of like man you're like you're my leader like i trust you however to get there though it's earned it's not given right it's earned respect and love is earned well respect is earned okay and i would say have a mission it's called submission for a reason sub mission but you can't you can't have submission without a mission so men have a mission for your
00:57:39
Speaker
For your marriage like have a mission. Okay, what happens or if you're single you believe you're single, right? Like It's very easy when you're dating or when you're engaged. Okay, the mission is marriage, right? But what happens is you get there and then that's it you end them. There's no longer a mission
00:57:55
Speaker
Right it's like okay cool what's the mission always have a mission because it's a lot simpler for a woman to submit to respect if she knows the mission if she knows okay where are we heading right you look at every superhero they have a mission.
00:58:11
Speaker
right? Namely one Avengers movie where there wasn't a single mission where like the movie was just Iron Man or Spider-Man. They're just like doing random stuff and like, oh dude, you know, I'm just doing random stuff. No, there's a mission right there. They have a purpose. They know where they're going. Okay. And so men get that mission as well. Right. And when you do
00:58:35
Speaker
then your woman will respect you and then she feels love. I think every woman wants security, whether that be financial, emotional, physical security. They want to feel secure with their man because, again, biologically, we're wired stronger and I think there's a purpose for that because we're supposed to be the one that protect
00:58:57
Speaker
our women protect our children. Every woman wants to feel that way. Have a mission. I would say that question. That's going to definitely spark your woman wanting to respect you. Remember, a covenant says, I'll do A even if you don't do B. But yes, should my wife respect me regardless? Yeah, of course. However, I need to give her also a reason to respect. I've realized that
00:59:23
Speaker
Usually when I don't communicate our mission or don't have one at all to where we're just kind of drifting through our marriage, that's usually when we're more likely to argue or fight. But if I have a clear mission and I update her on it, I tell her, hey, this is where we're going. This is what I'm doing. This is why I'm doing it. If me going to work is just my thing, then she'll build resentment because she's like, oh, John's out there doing his thing. But I need to communicate. No, this is not my thing. This is our thing, right?
00:59:50
Speaker
I need to find ways to include her in that mission, right? To show her how her actions are also impacting the bigger mission that we have. So you can't have
01:00:02
Speaker
You can't expect submission without a mission. Just remember that. Yeah. And the Bible says that where there is no vision, the people perish. And that is such a good word. That's good for you as an individual, not just as you as a couple. There has to be vision. There has to be
01:00:24
Speaker
to mission minded people because so many men want a woman to submit, but what do you want me to submit to? You're not creating anything for me to come under. I am his helper, but what am I helping you with?
01:00:39
Speaker
So you need to make sure that you give the woman direction and that security. And if you don't have a mission, if you don't have a vision, that is not secure. That does not feel secure to a woman. And so one thing that I want to remind you women is that
01:00:56
Speaker
You have, women are wise, most of us at least, all of us, but women are wise. And so learning how when your man does have that mission and he has that vision, you are beside him just
01:01:11
Speaker
nudging him wisely, kindly, respectfully to stay on the path. He can create the path, but you're behind him and you're helping him with your wisdom and your kindness and your respect for him. And you two doing that dance together
01:01:28
Speaker
will multiply what you're doing. And so I know that there's just so much up in the air like, what is a masculine man? What is that? So I just thought that would be a good note to end on.
Commitment to Sharing Marriage Insights
01:01:40
Speaker
But this has been wonderful. And we will absolutely be doing more Q&A because me and John are not marriage experts by any stretch.
01:01:51
Speaker
But we have went through a lot in our short time of being married together. We've had some just unique experiences that we've walked through as a couple. And so we know that we have some really cool experiences to share. So thank you for your time. And we're so grateful that we got to pour into some of you singles, some of you married couples. And we very much look forward to hearing from you. If you guys want to connect with us, then
01:02:19
Speaker
Obviously send us a DM. I'm at Josie Lynn. He is the General John at the General John on Instagram. And yeah, we will chat with you guys soon.
01:02:32
Speaker
So thanks for joining me today in this conversation. Hey, listen, I love listening and hearing all of the stories that you guys tell me over on Instagram. So if there's anything that you want me to talk about or something that came up for you, please send me a DM. I love hearing the feedback. I love hearing how this work is helping you in your lives. So I look forward to hearing from you guys. And until next time.
01:02:57
Speaker
Class dismissed, sis. I hope you feel fueled and inspired to start taking messy action starting now. By the way, what would you like me to talk about on the show? I'd love to hear from you over on my Instagram. You can find me at Josie Lynn, J-O-Z-I-L-I-N-N. And let me know. Till next time.