Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
22. Unlocking Authentic Confidence with Mindset Coach Kirsten Kemp
87 Plays1 month ago
Kirsten Kemp is a former full-time professional ballet dancer turned High-Performance Mindset Coach for dancers, International Speaker, and Founder of The Confident Dancer specializing in helping dancers break through the mental blocks that have been holding them back and build a confident mindset that allows them to feel and perform their best consistently.
Kirsten and I dive into all things confidence in this episode. What confidence truly is (and misconceptions you might have) as well as how your rigid expectations might be fueling your self-doubt. Kirsten gives us lots of tangible strategies for building authentic confidence, especially for dancers struggling in the audition space. This is one my my most requested topics - get ready for a drastic shift in your mindset!
Key Moments:
- Early dance training [2:04]
- Her transition to a professional dance career (and why she chose to go to college for dance instead of going straight into a company) [5:49]
- Why Kirsten chose to leave her professional dance career [9:13]
- Kirsten’s struggle with confidence as a young dancer [10:50]
- When you should leave a dance environment that isn’t serving you [19:17]
- What is authentic confidence? [22:19]
- Misconceptions about confidence [24:07]
- How rigid expectations fuel self-doubt [36:14]
- Strategies for dancers struggling with confidence in auditions [40:14]
- Her biggest piece of advice for dancers pursuing a career [49:26]
Connect with Kirsten:
KIRSTEN’S WEBSITE: https://kirstenkemp.com
INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/kirsten_theconfidentdancer
YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@TheConfidentDancer/videos
THE CONFIDENT DANCER PODCAST ON SPOTIFY: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/the-confident-dancer
THE CONFIDENT DANCER PODCAST ON APPLE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-confident-dancer-podcast/id1719883279
Links and Resources:
Get your copy of The Intentional Career Handbook
Get your copy of The Ultimate Audition Guide
Let’s connect!
My WEBSITE: thebrainyballerina.com
INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/thebrainyballerina
1-1 CAREER MENTORING: book your complimentary career call
Questions/comments? Email me at [email protected]
Recommended
Transcript
Building Confidence in Performance
00:00:00
Speaker
With the expectations, sometimes when they're so high, it gets us very, very aware of all these doubts in our head of like, wait, but can I do that? Oh my gosh, what if I don't? It gets you focusing on what you hope won't happen compared to, all right, I might mess up, but here's what I can do. Here are the qualities I do want to dance with.
00:00:21
Speaker
To start building confidence now, you need to focus more on what you can be sure about, but also how do you want to dance? What are the qualities that you do want to incorporate into each performance, each combination, each run in rehearsals? When we're focusing on what we do want and what we can do to accomplish that, that will start to retrain your brain from focusing on all the negative what ifs.
00:00:46
Speaker
to start to actually focus on what you can do. And that's going to build in that sense of self trust, that sense of safety and security that then forms a foundation to be able to start to build that authentic confidence in yourself.
Introduction to Brainy Ballerina Podcast
00:01:01
Speaker
I'm Caitlin, a former professional ballerina turned dance educator and career mentor. And this is the brand new ballerina podcast. I am here for the aspiring professional ballerina who wants to learn what it really takes to build a smart and sustainable career in the dance industry. I'm peeling back the curtain of professional dance world with open and honest conversations about the realities of becoming a professional dancer. Come along to gain the knowledge and inspiration you need succeed in a dance career on your turns.
00:01:36
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the Brainy Ballerina podcast.
Kirsten Kup's Journey from Dancer to Mindset Coach
00:01:39
Speaker
I'm your host, Caitlin Sloan, and I am joined today by Kirsten Kup. Kirsten is a former full-time professional ballet dancer turned high performance mindset coach for dancers.
00:01:49
Speaker
international speaker and founder of The Confident Dancer, specializing in helping dancers break through the mental blocks I've been holding them back and build a confident mindset that allows them to feel and perform their best consistently. Kirsten, I am so thrilled to chat with you today. I would love to start off by talking about your dance journey and how you got to where you are, and I would love to hear why you took your very first dance class.
00:02:12
Speaker
That's a good question. I'm pretty sure that I saw some movie, maybe it was like a Barbie movie where she was doing ballet or something when I was around six years old. And I remember that my mom saw me do what I would now call a soutenu in the kitchen. I had no idea what that was. And she said, Oh, that's a ballet move. And I was like, what?
00:02:34
Speaker
is, what is ballet? I was so enthralled. And so she said, I can sign you up for a class. And then the rest was kind of history. Is your mom a dancer? No, I think she would have much preferred to be a sports mom. Like that person yelling in the bleachers like, oh, you've got this. And so for me to really get into ballet after that was kind of a sharp left turn from what she expected. But I'm really thankful both of my parents were very supportive. So yeah, that's how I got started.
00:03:04
Speaker
What was your training like growing up?
Training and Challenges in Ballet
00:03:06
Speaker
Yeah, so I was dancing at a very small recreational ballet school. And I didn't even know until I was about 12 or 13 years old, that you could do ballet professionally. I didn't know what a summer program was. I had no idea how you could even get into a professional company, even a year round program. I had this idea that maybe people get scouted. So that's like how clueless I was and of course I was before Instagram was really a thing and there weren't as many widely spread resources like what you provide, career resources, career guidance, mentorship, I had no clue. But after dancing for many years at that recreational school and just falling in love with ballet, And my twin sister as well, she was dancing with me and we both became so passionate about it, especially as the classes became more challenging. We both had a friend who got into a summer program and I learned about what summer intensives were through her. From there, I got Point magazine. Both my sister and I just decided ballet is life. This is going to be it for us.
00:04:17
Speaker
Yeah, we ended up going to better and better summer programs every year. That was our strategy. I learned about year round programs probably when I was about 13 or 14 years old. But of course, my parents were like, no, no, no, no, we're not sending you across the country at a young age. Like we want you to be home and prioritize your education, but they still supported us in training as best we could during that time. So the compromise was that we could go to summer programs. So every year we just tried to audition for bigger and bigger schools. And I ended up getting to train at the Houston Ballet Academy and San Francisco Ballet and a couple other schools as well. And so my senior year of high school, both my sister and I ended up attending Houston Ballet year round.
00:05:03
Speaker
And that's really where I got an overhaul in my technique. you know I'm so thankful, though I probably went to a pre-professional school much later than most who ended up dancing professionally. I was just so hungry and so ready to change everything, to learn, to be a sponge. And I worked, of course, really, really hard. So I spent two years at the Houston Ballet Academy, graduated from the top levels of the school. Then I ended up going to the University of Utah.
00:05:30
Speaker
being a ballet major there, I had a great experience there. I graduated a year early, so I was there three years and then I ended up dancing professionally with Oklahoma City Ballet after that. What was your transition from student professional like?
University Experience and Career Transition
00:05:43
Speaker
yeah I was so ready, honestly, because at that point, I was 22.
00:05:48
Speaker
And I had almost made that transition when I was 19 and I was finishing up at the Houston Ballet Academy. And actually it was kind of a, it was a quick and somewhat impulsive decision to even go to a university. I was experiencing a knee injury at the time.
00:06:06
Speaker
which would later come back. We'll get to that part of my story. And I had also experienced just a really tough year. My second year in Houston, my confidence was really at an all time low. I was just surrounded by honestly, some of the world's top talent. Some of my classmates are now internationally recognized ballet dancers that you've probably seen or seen on like the cover point magazine. That's where I was around and I just had so many issues with my own confidence. I was experiencing
00:06:37
Speaker
really bad performance anxiety, low self-confidence, low self-esteem, self-trust issues, everything, basically. And combined with needing to physically heal and needing an emotional break from how intense that environment was,
00:06:54
Speaker
I did audition for some companies my last year in Houston Ballet, but I decided, you know what, along with my mom's encouragement, I'm gonna look into some different university programs for dance and just see what happens there.
00:07:09
Speaker
And I ended up being really pleasantly surprised with the options that are out there. I ended up choosing the University of Utah. I got a good scholarship and it just made sense. So I just went with it and it ended up being the perfect step for me that even though I knew I could have maybe done a traineeship or a second company or something, right after my experience at Houston Ballet. In a way, you could say I was ready for it, but I'd say mentally, emotionally, perhaps even physically, I was not in the place where that would have been the best step for me. So though I knew and I had prepared to make that step
00:07:46
Speaker
into a professional company when I was 19. I'm so grateful I took that detour, so to speak, to go to a university. It was actually a really confidence building and healing experience for me, mentally, emotionally, and physically. So by the time I was ready to graduate from the University of Utah, I was very, very familiar with what I was going to be walking into. In terms of what company environments are like, I was in company rehearsals at Houston Ballet, which is pretty intense.
00:08:14
Speaker
So I knew, I knew what that would be like. And I also knew what company auditions were like. I knew what my competition was going to look like, everything. So I was like, okay, let's go. I almost did this three years ago. Now's the time. And I'm i'm so grateful. So it was a really, really good transition. I was so happy to be in a company and to have this shift from going from student to finally being a professional. And I love the change of pace too, because, you know, when classes are geared towards students, there's typically more talking, more instruction, more guidance, which can be useful, but there's just truly nothing like getting in and doing the work. And I love how the classes were faster paced, so I found that I improved. So it was so exciting.
00:09:01
Speaker
How long did you dance professionally?
Overcoming Injury and Fear-Based Decisions
00:09:03
Speaker
So it was actually less than two years because I ended up having this knee injury come back with vengeance, unfortunately, towards the end of my first season. And so though it was totally a dream come true and things were going really well. I was so happy. Unfortunately, this knee injury came back. There are so many things I would do differently if I went back and lived that time again, but one of the things that contributed to me deciding to leave the pursuit of a professional career and one of those things was just that out of fear kept pushing. I thought, oh, I can't miss the show. Oh, I can't miss this. I can't step out or
00:09:39
Speaker
you know, they're going to stop considering me for that next contract. And of course, by having such a fear based short sighted decision making process, I ended up of course, kind of creating this self fulfilling prophecy where it was so hard to recover from the knee injury. And I ended up going through multiple rounds of PRP injections, and a surgery and I just got to a point where I needed to really reckon with How I couldn't keep going in that same way anymore and I didn't want to lose dance forever so I needed to take a step back. And even though I had no idea what that would look like like how would I ever get back into dancing I couldn't imagine myself ever dancing professionally again.
00:10:23
Speaker
I'm so thankful that there was a way and it did come together eventually. But yeah, and that ended up of course leading me into what I'm doing now. So, but I'll let you lead and we could get into it. why but Yeah. I mean, you kind of answered my next question. I was going to ask you if you struggle with confidence as a young dancer, but you said you did experience that, but can you talk more about how that felt for you?
Regaining Confidence Through Supportive Environments
00:10:45
Speaker
Oh yeah, for sure. It was so strange because growing up.
00:10:49
Speaker
I was that dancer who actually was very ambitious, very confident. I loved performing. I was that dancer who was like, I'm going to go again. I'm going to stand at the front. I'm going to do a pirouette competition with myself after class. And I had this why not me kind of attitude.
00:11:08
Speaker
instead of why would anyone ever take me and I'm so grateful I had that confidence that honestly was coming partially from being in a bubble and having a lack of experience but I feel like that was such a great gift that I had to be in this little bubble in South Texas where I had the ah freedom to dream and to believe in myself and what's possible and I was so passionate and so focused on my growth that I I honestly didn't experience a lot of insecurity, a lot of what I might now generally refer to as mental blocks, no anxiety around performing. I was just excited. Oh, and I also felt like I was a very, I would identify myself as a smart dancer back then. I knew the combinations. I picked up things quickly. I was aware of my surroundings, all those things.
00:11:56
Speaker
And yet, specifically my second year at Houston Ballet, I had a strained relationship with one of my main teachers and there were just some aspects to her teaching style to say it in a very like diplomatic way.
00:12:13
Speaker
ah There were some aspects of her teaching style that really, really worked hard on me. very, very unhealthy for me. She used a lot of shame and fear and humiliation to motivate her students. And though she was really, I think, trying to promote discipline and show us how to work and how to think and how to really advocate for ourselves and all those things. I ultimately really and felt that my my confidence and my spirit were crushed and they were at an all-time low under her instruction and you know now I've moved forward from that. I've really processed that experience and even though I might not agree
00:12:57
Speaker
with her approach and what happened. I might not think it's right. I'm ultimately grateful that I went through that because it gave me such an awareness first of the power of my own mind. So to answer your question, I experienced such a dramatic switch in myself from being that dancer who felt confident, who had a lot of self-belief, a lot of drive. I felt like a smart dancer. All those things I described I was excited about performing to truly embodying the exact opposite. I had so little trust in myself and I was so in my head in fear of what if I mess up. I was pushing myself so hard to live up to these extremely perfectionistic ideals that the expectations felt so high that all I could see was the gap between where I felt I was and where I felt I should be, it felt impossible to get there. So my self-belief and self-trust were at such an all-time low that you could literally see the tension in my body as I danced. There are videos um of me from back then. There was so much stiffness and you could tell I was in my head. I would make the weirdest little mistakes. I remember messing up a tombé pas beret in a grande de legre.
00:14:14
Speaker
I just became unrecognizable to myself. Like, why am I such a mess? And then it just led to this shame spiral of feeling like, what's wrong with me? Why can't I cope with all this? Am I just not strong enough to deal with the pressure? Am I not cut out for this? Instead of me feeling like I had solutions and just seeing this as, okay, this is a result of my environment. If I maybe get some support, I can overcome this.
00:14:40
Speaker
Instead of that, since I didn't see solutions or even believe like, how could I ever get out of this? I had a lot of doubt that I could. Cause again, things like the anxiety I felt around performing, it was so bad. I felt such intense dread that my body would just go numb. I'd have like no energy in my body to go perform. Cause now I know my subconscious mind was like, you're not safe. Get the heck out of there. You can't do this danger, danger, danger. And so that was like my body's coping mechanism. My body's self protective response. I didn't know any of that. So I just thought I'm the problem.
00:15:16
Speaker
Why I say I'm grateful I wouldn't do that experience is because once I went to the University of Utah and I was suddenly in this supportive environment where I felt free to make mistakes without it being this life or death situation. And I felt that I had the belief and support from my instructors. I felt safe to start believing in myself again. It rebuilt my confidence very quickly.
00:15:42
Speaker
And I noticed a dramatic change, not only in my performance, my mental wellbeing, but also my physical health completely turned around. I was experiencing so many back-to-back injuries. It started to get obnoxious. I was like, it was so embarrassing to feel like I always had a weird injury. And now I know I was just under so much mental and emotional stress that it was manifesting in these physical issues. All that led me to really think, wow,
00:16:12
Speaker
If I can experience such a change like that, and it really had to do with my mind, how powerful is the mind? And is there a way to work with it, specifically within a dancer's context, within their needs, their goals, their desires? like Is there something that dancers can be doing to, number one, get out of situations like that?
00:16:34
Speaker
You know, to resolve that extreme performance anxiety, self-doubt, insecurities, fears, all those things. Is there a way to resolve that? But also can we optimize the power of our minds to really help us perform to our fullest potential consistently? I became really interested in that just because that experience was so rough that it really got my attention and caused me to ask a lot of questions.
00:16:57
Speaker
There is so much dancers need to learn as they pursue a professional dance career.
Tools for Career Success in Dance
00:17:01
Speaker
It can be completely overwhelming. Where do you even start? With your intention. To me, this is the first step in defining success on your terms. Once you have an intention for your career based on your core values, you can begin to hone in on a strategy to make your goals a reality. But without it, you will always feel out of alignment, out of control, and ultimately unfulfilled in your career.
00:17:27
Speaker
So how do you figure out what success means to you? With the Brainy Ballerina Intentional Career Handbook. This is not just your ordinary book. The intentional career handbook walks you through it everything you need to think about as you embark on your dance career. With over 50 guided question prompts, you will dive deep into determining what really matters to you in a dance career based on your individual core values. By the end of this handbook, you will not only be crystal clear on your goals, but in the mindset you need to make it happen. Tap the link in the show notes to download your copy today and start pursuing your dance career with intention.
00:18:06
Speaker
I can relate to everything you're are saying. So many of my own stories are coming up as you're explaining this. I went through that exact same thing. The making really weird mistakes yeah and performances. It would always happen to me during a ballet where I was in the core and I had to stand on the side for a very long time. And I would be like in my head, like stressing, stressing, stressing, standing in there. And then I would be like, I haven't been paying attention.
00:18:30
Speaker
When do I go? Oh my gosh, I have to go to the next thing. And I have no idea when it's happening now because I stopped counting or like, I don't know where we are in the valley. And I'm always in the front because I'm five feet tall. And I'm just like freaking out like these things that they should not have been so hard. It was like, I've done this a million times and I never stressed about it before. But now in this scenario, it's overcoming me. In my mind, it was like, I just got to get out of this scenario. I didn't cross my mind at the time as the undancer to be like, I can find strategies. Yeah.
00:19:00
Speaker
I was just like, I gotta get out of the situation. How much do you think it's based on your atmosphere and where you are and how much is it inside of you? Like, I guess, how do you know when you need to leave
Changing Environments vs. Coping Strategies
00:19:11
Speaker
a situation? yeah or when you can work through it with better strategies? Yeah, that is a really great question. And there are a lot of clients I work with now where we end up having that discussion because we start working on the things that they can control. And for some dancers, that really is enough for them to feel like, yeah, I can actually do well in this environment. I can enjoy dancing. I can perform the way I want while still staying in their environment.
00:19:41
Speaker
And then there are some dancers that they keep coming back to me week after week. They'll make some progress. They'll be like, wow, yeah, this tool makes so much sense. This is great. I can totally see how it works. And they're just constantly feeling like they're in this uphill battle that no matter how much they use these mental tools to embody authentic confidence and really help them get in the flow, perform to their fullest potential, all that stuff, they can experience some progress, but they continue to experience the pressures, limitations and challenges of the environment that they're in. Usually it's a director or a teacher and in particular. This is going to be familiar for a lot of dancers, maybe like in my experience, the teacher really relies on fear-based
00:20:31
Speaker
tactics to motivate students. Maybe it's that no matter how hard you're trying as a dancer, your growth is never rewarded or recognized or almost never. Okay, that's extremely demotivating for any anyone. And we can sit here and be like, okay, the powerful mind, you can, you can feel better. But you know what, your career and your time are precious. And so sometimes One of the most empowered decisions you can make is to say, you know what? I'm going to give myself a chance to have better. Is it fair that I have to move cities to do that, leave this life that I know? No, you know it's not. And sometimes we really have to look at what is and say, even though I have made the changes that I can make, I've taken responsibility for my own mind
00:21:27
Speaker
Do I want to continue to put myself in a situation that is constantly feeling like I am working against it? Okay, that's a choice that every dancer is free to make. And though I like to say, is it fun? No. Is it fair? No. Is it hard? Yes. We still get to make that choice of is this environment worth it to us to continue to endure? Are these small benefits we feel we might be getting worth it compared to the challenges? If no, you don't have to stay. And I don't encourage that, to be honest. Yeah. You said the term earlier, authentic confidence. Can you define what authentic confidence is?
Cultivating Authentic Confidence
00:22:13
Speaker
Yeah. So it's a state of assuredness in yourself and in your abilities.
00:22:17
Speaker
And basically when I say assuredness, I mean that the simple working definition of confidence in general that I use is that confidence is just a feeling of being sure about something. Now, when we say I am a confident person, usually we have built up enough evidence to support empowering belief systems about ourselves, our abilities, our potential, the value we're able to offer in our space to where it now this belief system of beliefs like I can handle a challenge. I might not be perfect, but I have value to offer. I can trust myself, things like this. Usually when the things we're sure about are in line with or they support beliefs like that, or you're sure of those beliefs in yourself, that's when that confidence really soaks into your self concept or your sense of identity. Like I am a confident dancer.
00:23:12
Speaker
But truly anyone can tap into the feeling of confidence and it's something you can practice more and more consistently until it gets to the point where you then start to feel like this is actually just a part of who I am. This is something I can easily access when I need it. And so to come back to that very simple definition, it's a feeling of being sure about something. And so typically when I talk about authentic confidence for dancers, the way I would define that is Authentic confidence for dancers is a state of assuredness in what you can do, what you have to offer, and we can even say who you are as a dancer and as a person. I'd like to also clarify the difference between what I'd call authentic, healthy confidence and some misconceptions or this false
00:24:03
Speaker
confidence that is often portrayed, especially in media, or by maybe the most outgoing, rah, rah, look at me, kind of dancer in our class that we're like, if that's confidence, I can see how many people don't like that dancer. I don't want it. No, thanks. so Typically, the views of confidence that we might pick up on, which I don't believe are traits of authentic confidence, are that confidence is arrogance.
00:24:33
Speaker
And really, arrogance is quite different than authentic confidence because authentic confidence to contrast the two really allows us to be humble without having an extremely low and insecure view of ourselves. Humility is a state that's available to us when we feel okay, like we can acknowledge, yeah, I could have done that better without making it mean, I'm a piece of trash and I can't do anything and I don't belong to be here. you know ah When a dancer is actually confident, truly, in themselves and what they have to offer, it helps us to actually be able to receive feedback without taking it so personally.
00:25:15
Speaker
And going into the spiral of like imposter syndrome, insecurity, worry about what others think, caring too much about what other people think. And so to contrast it to this misconception that confidence is arrogance, or if I start to embody confidence, will people think I'm super full of myself? Arrogance is actually coming from a deep place of insecurity. In order for an arrogant person to feel confident, they're getting their confidence from this feeling that I'm sure I'm better than other people. That's not a very secure thing to try to be sure about. Because what if Svetlana is secure about walks in your class? There goes your confidence. And that's actually quite an instable and insecure place to try to get your confidence from. So arrogance and authentic confidence are actually quite different. And there are so many other misconceptions about it, like as well. Maybe if you're an introvert, that you're just not a competent person.
00:26:13
Speaker
Actually, confidence is it's just an emotional state, like sadness, happiness, frustration. We know that anyone, any human, can experience the spectrum of human emotion.
00:26:30
Speaker
And we don't have hangups around that for a lot of other emotions, but for some reason, confidence, we seem to, especially in the media, get this view of what confidence is. And it's this loud and proud, outgoing, highly extroverted, look at me kind of attitude. That's often how confidence is portrayed in the media, which does us a great disservice because those of us who value humility, those of us who value having a balanced view of Yes, what we have to offer, but also what we want to work on. We feel like, oh well, I guess I just can't be like that confident. Or those who are maybe more introverted, more quiet, maybe they don't prefer to always be seen, always be heard. That's okay. Confidence is just, ah like I said, in an emotional state. It does not belong to any single personality type. And the way you experience it on the inside might look slightly different
00:27:28
Speaker
on the outside, depending on what your personality type is. Now, personality, that's another topic. it is more flexible than we give it credit for. I don't believe it's as innate and fixed as most people think it is, but yeah, I can just go on many but of on that. i'll I'll stop there. Well, I do i do agree. like Arrogance can be very loud and confidence true confidence is often very quiet because you're not trying to prove yourself. The person who's really trying to prove themselves, like you said, often has more insecurities.
00:28:01
Speaker
I will always think of my jazz teacher in high school. His name was Michael Hicks, and he was an incredible teacher. And one of the best lessons I learned from him was confidence. And he'd always talk about like, you're not being cocky, you're just being confident when you come on the stage. And he would have us sit, we would, in our warmup, we would sit in our middle splits, not like in a masochistic way, just like, you know, sitting on your bottom with your legs to the side, like in a fairly comfortable position, whatever.
00:28:25
Speaker
And you know, sit up tall, hands on your thighs, and we would just have to sit there very still for like 10 minutes. And he would just be like, just sit there. Don't fix your hair. Don't fix your leotard.
00:28:39
Speaker
don't like look around and at first everyone's so uncomfortable. We're all just like really fidgety. And you just be like, stop moving. And we would all just have to sit there so still. And it was just the value of being fully present and just having to like look at yourself in the mirror. Yes. I don't know something about it. And if you looked into our classroom, you'd be like, are they even doing anything? Because we would just sit there for so long. But it was a lesson that I will remember in my entire life, because it just was like, how often in dance are we having to be still? Yeah.
00:29:08
Speaker
and being fully present, I will never forget that moment of learning that from him. That's so good because it gives you the space to become aware of, I'd say, how many conditions you put on your confidence. What I mean by that is so many of us say, I'll feel confident when I do a good job. Okay. Are you going to not feel confident until after the combination's over? Or I can feel confident if I look this way. Okay. You're putting your confidence.
00:29:37
Speaker
behind a ah barrier to entry or I'll feel confident when I finally get the contract or when I know I get that good job from the teacher and I know I'm on track or when I get that role. When we actually start tapping into confidence while we also embrace the reality that of course we have things to work on, when did that become such a problem?
00:30:05
Speaker
course. We have some things that sometimes we think, oh, I'd like to change this about the way I look. Okay, welcome to humanity. When we adopt this view of confidence and know how to tap into it in the midst of our own humanity and our own imperfections, then it becomes accessible in the process to those mountaintop moments we want to achieve. So I like to say, since confidence is just a feeling of being sure about something, I used to think, oh, I can only be confident if I'm like 100% sure that I can do this combination well or do the performance well, or as soon as I'm 100% sure that I can do this, I'll be confident enough to raise my hand and volunteer.
00:30:50
Speaker
As we know, the moment never comes. So it's a huge misconception that we need 100% perfection or 100% certainty to start embodying and tapping into the emotional state of confidence.
Fostering Confidence by Control and Focus
00:31:06
Speaker
Instead, what each dancer, and I encourage any dancer listening to try this out, what you can do to start tapping into confidence now, as you are, where you are,
00:31:18
Speaker
In the midst of what you're doing is to simply just identify what can I be sure about in this moment. And it might sound like I'm sure that even if I make one or two mistakes in this combination that I can learn to be better at those things or I'm sure that even if I make one or two mistakes.
00:31:37
Speaker
That doesn't take away from the rest of the things I did well. Or one thing that used to bring me a lot of comfort as I was recovering from the extreme performance anxiety I used to have is I used to tell myself, you know what? I can be sure.
00:31:54
Speaker
And this might sound weird to some people that I probably will make a mistake. And that helped me with the acceptance. I was giving mistakes so much power in my mind. I was putting them on this pedestal as if they could have the power to single-handedly ruin the whole performance. Then I realized, oh my gosh, wait, only have as much power as I give them. So I can be sure that even though I will probably make a mistake, I can move forward from that mistake.
00:32:24
Speaker
and make something beautiful out of the rest of my performance. I am also sure that even though my performance will have imperfections and there will be things that I could improve, sure, the most valuable aspect of my performance is the feeling that I share with the audience, which I want to share my joy. And I know I can do that. So see, I'm focusing on the things that I can do, that I do know. And part of healthy confidence is like I was alluding to earlier,
00:32:54
Speaker
A healthy acceptance and acknowledgement for the things you don't know, the things that could change, the things you could do better. A truly confident dancer is able to look at those things and be like, yep, that is true. And it is simultaneously true that I can do this, this, and this, that I have this, this, and this going for me. And even if this happens, it'll be okay because here's how I'm going to move forward. There's this healthy balance of Being able to look at, honestly, that's reality, is a mixed bag. And as soon as we start getting into this very rigid mentality of, I can only accept perfection. I can only be proud of perfection. I can only be comfortable going into maybe understudying a role. If I'm 100% certain that I'm gonna do a great job and they're gonna like it, then they're gonna cast me in the piece, you'll be like me years ago. Waiting on the sidelines, losing more and more self-respect every single day.
00:33:52
Speaker
Does the mere thought of a audition season make your palms start to sweat? Do you feel completely overwhelmed with getting everything together on top of your regular dancing schedule? I've been there and I totally get it. As dancers, we spend hundreds of hours honing our technique and artistry. But when it comes to figuring out how to put together a resume or what to expect in a professional audition, we're often left to figure it out ourselves. That's why I put together the ultimate audition guide.
00:34:20
Speaker
This is your one-stop shop for everything you need to tackle professional company auditions with ease. No more spending hours Googling and trying to piece together a somewhat coherent audition package. With this guide, you'll be ready to conquer audition season like a true professional.
00:34:36
Speaker
We're talking resumes, headshots, dance photos, dance reels, plus info on how to find auditions, what to wear, what to expect, how to budget, mindset tips, you name it, it is in this guide. You are ready for this moment. Head to the show notes, grab your copy of the Ultimate Audition Guide and empower yourself with the knowledge to approach audition season like a true professional. Yeah, I feel like that was a big part of my jump from student professional was like, well, now I'm a professional, so now I have to be perfect. Before I was a student, like I was allowed to be learning. I was allowed to be making mistakes because I'm a student. That's the definition. and Then all of a sudden it was like, in my mind, I'm a professional now and I have to always do things perfectly. And I can look back on my nine year professional career and I can't think of a single show that I didn't make a mistake. Some are obviously more glaring than others, but I'm not watching a single video back and being like, wow, everything I did in that entire video was perfect. I wouldn't change a thing.
00:35:34
Speaker
Like there's always gonna be something. Being a professional doesn't mean that you're not learning anymore. We can get in our heads about that. sir And as soon as you do that, for me, dancing became not fun anymore. Yes. Our expectations are honestly a huge source of our self-doubt, which then reduces our confidence, of course. I like to say that if your expectations are so, so, so high and so rigid, just like I shared as a part of my own story,
00:36:02
Speaker
What you'll be focusing on are these thoughts like, oh my gosh, I i have to do this. I can't mess up. And implicit in those expectations are the sense of consequence as if there's this or else that's missing from the rest of that thought.
00:36:18
Speaker
Or else what? Now I understand, especially in the professional ballet world, there are consequences. I'm not at all blind to that. This is something I'm really passionate about and how I support dancers. I want to support them in a way that acknowledges the realities and imperfections of the dance world, but still allows them a way to tap into the confidence they desire in the midst of that imperfect environment. Because I know, yes,
00:36:44
Speaker
We do experience consequences for our mistakes oftentimes. I understand that, but sometimes when we have super high expectations, like, I can never mess up. I have to be perfect. Everyone has to approve of my dancing, whatever it is, I have to look like this. Those rigid and high expectations will lead you to doubt yourself, to get into a state of fear and stress, to get in your head. They will disrupt your focus. They will mess with your ability to perform your personal best.
00:37:12
Speaker
they will definitely diminish your confidence. And so even though we often feel like we have to hold on to these super high expectations or else, how would I work hard? How would I be motivated? This is the most normal way to think. I encounter it all the time when I work with dancers. And I used to feel this way too. I bought into that system of thinking. I like to say, if someone comes to work with me and they hear everything that they've already heard before, then why would you expect different results?
00:37:41
Speaker
ah Oftentimes, the things I share with dancers do seem like, oh, that's different or maybe counterintuitive, but that's actually why it works because what's normal in the dance world. I mean, if it worked, then people wouldn't be flooding into my Zoom room. You'd be out of a job. Yeah, I'd be out of work. So we know it doesn't work. With the expectations, sometimes when they're so high, it gets us very, very aware of all these doubts in our head of like, wait,
00:38:08
Speaker
But can I do that? Oh my gosh, what if I don't? It gets you focusing on what you hope won't happen compared to, all right, I might mess up, but here's what I can do. Here are the qualities I do want to dance with. To start building confidence now, like I said earlier, you need to focus more on what you can be sure about, but also how do you want to dance? What are the qualities that you do want to incorporate into each performance, each combination, each run?
00:38:35
Speaker
in rehearsals, when we're focusing on what we do want and what we can do to accomplish that, that will start to retrain your brain from focusing on, oh my gosh, what if this happens? What if I can't do that? All the negative what ifs to start to actually focus on what you can do. And that's going to build in that sense of self trust.
00:38:56
Speaker
that sense of safety and security that then forms a foundation to be able to start to build that authentic confidence in yourself. So it's really about starting to become aware of how are your expectations actually the enemy of your confidence and question them, challenge them. Are they reasonable? Are they working for you? Are they realistic? And see if you could start to switch them to a much more intentions-based way of thinking like, okay, of course I don't want to mess up.
00:39:26
Speaker
But how do I want to perform? That's going to help you set intentions for, like I said, what qualities you do want to incorporate, how you do want to dance, what things you do want to improve and what you can do to get there. That's going to be a much more productive and confidence building way.
00:39:43
Speaker
to think compared to just, oh, I don't want this, I don't want that. And that's what my expectations often breed. Let's talk specifics. you know Audition season's coming up. The stakes are high. Can you give us some really tangible strategies for dancers who are struggling with their confidence when it comes to auditions?
Defining Success and Sharing Strengths
00:40:01
Speaker
Absolutely. First, I am but such a proponent for asking yourself specific questions.
00:40:12
Speaker
Like, for example, here's a specific strategy as well. I'd recommend that dancers set a definition of success that's actually within their control. By the way, that won't be getting a contract. When we focus on, I hope I get the contract, I hope I get it. Of course you do, doesn't everybody. But if you set your definition of success,
00:40:35
Speaker
in a way that's outside of your control, that will get you focusing more again on things that you can't control, which creates stress, fear, anxiety. I recommend instead of even just say, okay, Kristen, I'm going to focus on dancing my best. This is where the specificity comes in. What does that even mean? If you start to think in specific terms,
00:40:57
Speaker
You were already have such a competitive advantage over so many dancers who are walking in. They're going to be nervous just like you. It's so normal. And a lot of us are going to feel more stress and more anxiety if we're thinking, okay, I hope I get it. I hope I get it. Okay. I just want to do my best and show myself off.
00:41:16
Speaker
Instead of if you're that dancer who has already decided before you go in, here is specifically what aspects of my dancing I think provide a lot of value. Here is why I think they matter. Here is the tangible impact that is created when I share these specific gifts of mine.
00:41:36
Speaker
And I'm going to go into that audition and you have already formulated a specific mental picture of exactly what it will look like for you to, and I'm going to word this specifically, generously share your strengths and gifts. When you have a specific picture in your head of what that will look like, your mission going into those auditions isn't just to stand out, get the contract, do your best. Your mission is to go in there And you see yourself as someone who is giving a sample. Like, you know, you are giving a sample to the people who are watching you and you can leave that audition feeling really proud of yourself if you know you went in there and you shared your really expansive movement quality. And you gave them a taste of your really great attitude for how nice you are to work with.
00:42:32
Speaker
If you showed your attention to detail in your footwork, in your musicality, which are qualities you've already decided ahead of time, those are my standout qualities. By the way, standout qualities, that does not mean you are defining your strengths as the things that are better than everyone else. No, no, no. You define your strengths, and this is how you can be confident no matter your skill level.
00:42:58
Speaker
define your strengths by choosing what qualities are standout qualities for you compared to your other qualities. What are the qualities of your dancing you like, you enjoy, you appreciate, you like focusing on them because they're fun. What are the qualities that you think provide value? And a lot of dancers get in their head about that, oh, provide value. Most dancers I talk to before we really get into this, when I say, okay, what do you think your strengths are?
00:43:25
Speaker
90% of the time, here's what I hear. ah Uncomfortable laughter, sitting in the chair, um nervous sweat. And then they say, I have a really good work ethic. Hey, I get it. When my self-belief was at an all-time low, I was there too. I was like, well, what do I really have to offer? Because I could have a thought like, oh, maybe it's my artistry. And then I think,
00:43:55
Speaker
That's not special. A lot of people have artistry. And then I'd go down the list in my mind of like, maybe it's my musicality. That's not special. I'm sure other people are better at that. And if we measure our strengths as I can only qualify it as a strength, if I think it's better than other people, then you're going to have nothing left on your list.
00:44:18
Speaker
So when you identify what are those strengths that are standout qualities for you, and when I say identify specifically what value they have to offer, like why do they matter? What does it do for others when you share this? Notice I'm using the language share, not prove. Proving energy is desperate. It's stressful. This is why the mindset around auditioning literally changed the trajectory of your career.
00:44:46
Speaker
Because when I used the exact strategies I'm talking about now and several others, I noticed that compared to other audition seasons, even in audition seasons where I was in really good shape and I felt like technically I danced quite well.
00:45:02
Speaker
I got radically different results. I saw attention was consistently coming my way, even in big rooms, even when I wasn't the best technical dancer. Out of six company auditions I did, I got two offers. Those are great. That's big. That's one third.
00:45:20
Speaker
Again, I was not the best technical dancer ever, but by embodying that confidence, it literally is magnetic to watch. So I was thinking, not just, okay, I want to prove myself. I was thinking, sharing my unique strengths and genuinely sharing it. Like, hey, I'm excited to offer this to you. Whether it's a fit or not, you know, I'm just here to see if this is a mutual fit. I'm going to share my gifts. If you're picking the fit I'm putting down, cool.
00:45:48
Speaker
If I'm different than what you're looking for, that does not mean that what I have to offer isn't valuable. It's just not what you're looking for. That's a super confident mindset to have. By the way, it's not arrogant because you can just acknowledge like, okay, I'm not for everybody. It doesn't mean what I have to offer doesn't have value. I'm just looking for the place that is ready to receive the kind of value that I have to offer. It's okay that it's not for every company, but I was thinking, yeah, you know what? I'm so excited to go in there and share my joy and my confidence and my assuredness because I know that when I go and I share that, it makes other people feel really good and really calm when they watch me and I know that matters. So see, I was thinking about more than just myself and that's a mindset that it's very confidence building and it's so useful for audition. So I can recommend that truly to any dancer, no matter what you think your strengths are, even if you only feel comfortable identifying one or two,
00:46:47
Speaker
That's okay. Really get clear on what would it look like for you to fully embody those qualities in the auditions and start practicing in your classes, amplifying those. That's going to get you so much more confident, even leading up to the audition because you now have a very narrow, specific targeted focus in your classes. That's motivating and it's even comforting compared to if you're just like,
00:47:13
Speaker
Man, I hope I'm good enough. I mean, Caitlin, I'm sure you've felt this before. When I used to have this mentality, I would take my classes and be so critical of myself, weeks leading up to auditions, because any mistake I'd be like,
00:47:28
Speaker
I'd get cut from in an audition. Oh my gosh, that was so stressful. So yeah, this is such a mental game. And I love what you said. One key thing is the qualities versus I'm good at pirouettes or I'm good at like this specific set, because I feel like a lot of teachers when I ask them, like, what are your strengths? It's like, I have high extensions. I'm a good turner, whatever. And that's what I would do. Like, I would be like, I'm so good at the TLA girl. That is my thing.
00:47:54
Speaker
I just got to get to Petite Allegro and I would kind of like try to hide during pirouettes because I was like, I'm a bad Turner. I had this belief about myself and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy, you know, because I believed it so strongly. So I like try to hide during pirouettes.
00:48:09
Speaker
and be like, I just need to get to Petey Allegro and then they'll see what I can do. And it's like, no, I got caught because that doesn't work. So having like these qualities you're embodying that you can do from the very beginning that we're going to go the whole way through as opposed to just being like, if they could just see me jump, then they would know. like That's not going to work for you. So I think that that's a really key part of what you're talking about too. Yeah.
00:48:32
Speaker
Totally. yeah That's a pretty scary feeling to be like, man, I hope they keep me to the end so I can show that this one and then there's gonna be so much pressure on that one combination too. You might exactly. Yes, that is a really, really great tool. And I think it can translate to so many different situations. So that is something that I hope dancers can really embody in their auditions, their performances, everything coming up. Before we wrap up today, I would just love if you could tell me if you could give dancers pursuing a professional career, one piece of advice, what would you tell them?
Self-Support and Progress in Dance
00:49:06
Speaker
Be on your own team ferociously. I don't mean like don't care about anybody else at all. I don't believe in that. But so many dancers abandon themselves, you know, without knowing it.
00:49:19
Speaker
Sometimes it's modeled for us. And what I mean by that is we'll be the most critical of ourselves. We will act like our successes are a fluke.
00:49:30
Speaker
instead of being like, wow, look, I did that well. So that means it's possible and I could keep doing it. We won't give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. Like maybe I can do this. We will prioritize more what a certain person at the front of the room thinks about us compared to asking, well, what do I think about my dancing? So that's why I say, be on your own team. Be so committed to that. It doesn't mean you're not a team player.
00:49:59
Speaker
it just means you don't get left out of that mental equation. So I think that can be such a beautiful guiding principle to just check in like, am I being on my own team here? Is this self talk in line with the idea of being on my own team? Am I giving myself the opportunity to advance even if I don't feel like I'm being given that hand up by someone else? Am I raising my hand? Am I asking for opportunities? Am I thinking maybe I can do better, have better,
00:50:33
Speaker
and looking into different opportunities. It's just such an overarching concept that can really apply in so many different ways. So that's my final encouragement. I love that. I'm sure that what you're saying today is resonating with a lot of the dancers out there. So for anyone who wants to follow you on Instagram or reach out to you and work with you, can you tell us how to find you?
The Confident Dancer Platform
00:50:54
Speaker
Yeah, of course. So I'm the confident dancer everywhere. Well, on Instagram it's Kirsten underscore the confident dancer, but I have a YouTube channel and a podcast called the confident dancer where I share free content almost every week. I'm definitely on Instagram almost every day, really sharing practical strategies for how you can overcome certain mental challenges like self-doubt, performance anxiety, comparison perfectionism. I give lots of practical tools for free online about how to start working through those things. So definitely take advantage of that. And if anyone hasn't really been resonating with what I'm saying, and you'd really like that individual support to overcome those challenges and build a very authentically confident mindset,
00:51:35
Speaker
then you can visit thecompetentdancer.com and learn more about my individual coaching services. Amazing. Thank you so much, Kirsten. This has been very eye-opening and just wonderful to chat with you. Thank you. Thank you. It's been so fun to talk to you, and I hope it's been really helpful for everyone listening, so thanks. Oh, definitely. Thank you.
00:51:57
Speaker
Thank you for tuning into the Brainy Ballerina podcast. If you found this episode insightful, entertaining, or maybe a bit of both, I would so appreciate you taking a moment to leave a rating and hit subscribe. By subscribing, you'll never miss an episode. And you'll join our community of dancers passionate about building a smart and sustainable career in the dance industry. Plus, your ratings help others discover the show too.
00:52:23
Speaker
I'll be back with a new episode next week. In the meantime, be sure to follow along on Instagram at The Brainy Valorina for your daily dose of dance career guidance.