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Unapologetically You: Lessons on Authenticity from Dr. Nicole Bradford
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Authenticity, self-love, and overcoming adversity are at the heart of this episode with Dr. Nicole D. Bradford-dynamic speaker, educator, and author of "My Soul Is Not For Sale." Discover how Dr. Bradford broke free from family expectations, colorism, and the scars of domestic violence to become a first-generation PhD and founder of the empowering Maintain the Flame brand.
We dive deep into the pain of hiding your true self, the struggle with self-esteem in the face of colorism, and the challenge of outgrowing the labels society and family put on you. Dr. Bradford shares her journey from “oops baby” to authenticity architect, revealing how therapy, self-reflection, and courage helped her-and can help you-reclaim your worth and live life on your own terms.
If you’ve ever felt trapped by expectations, doubted your value, or struggled to love yourself, this conversation will inspire you to keep evolving and ignite your inner flame. Tune in for real talk, actionable advice, and stories that prove you can rewrite your story-no matter where you start. #Authenticity
#overcomingadversity #blackexcellence #SelfLoveJourney #breakthemold #unsolicitedperspectives
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Thank you for tuning into Unsolicited Perspectives with Bruce Anthony. Let's continue the conversation in the comments and remember, stay engaged, stay informed, and always keep an open mind. See you in the next episode!
#podcast #mentalhealth #relationships #currentevents #popculture #fyp #trending #socialcommentary
Chapters:
00:00 Unleash Your Inner Flame: Breaking Society’s Grip 🔥✨
00:25 Welcome to Unsolicited Perspectives 🎙️🔥💥
00:51 Meet Dr. Nicole Bradford: The Authenticity Architect 🏗️💡
06:00 From “Oops Baby” to PhD: Dr. Nicole’s Origin Story 👶➡️🎓
09:36 Family Ties & Breaking the Mold: When Success Shakes Up Everything 👨👩👧👦🥇
12:22 Shades of Worth: Conquering Colorism & Self-Doubt 🎨🛡️
15:18 Silent Scars Revealed: Tackling Domestic Violence with Courage 🛡️❤️
21:25 Escaping the Conformity Trap: Stop Dimming Your Light 🕳️➡️💡
24:38 College Chaos: Parties, Boundaries, and Finding Purpose 🎓🚫🍻
27:18 Ignite Your Purpose: The Birth of ‘Maintain the Flame’ 🔥🚀
28:42 Behind the Pages: The Heart of “My Soul Is Not for Sale” ❤️📖
30:15 The Flush Method: Healing, Growth, and Letting Go 🌀🌱
31:58 “Therapy Isn’t Weakness” – Smashing Stigmas 🛋️💬
33:23 Juggling It All: Secrets to Balancing Life’s Many Roles 🤹🏾♀️⏳
35:05 Leading with Purpose: Lessons in Education & Empowerment 🏆📚
36:46 Parenting in 2025: Raising Resilient Kids in a Changing World 👶🏾🌎
40:33 Dream Bigger: Dr. Nicole’s Vision for Community Impact 🌍✨
42:45 Sparks That Stick: Key Takeaways to Fuel Your Journey ✨📌
49:57 Your Turn: Join the Movement & Keep the Flame Alive! 🚀🔥
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Engagement
00:00:00
Speaker
You ever feel trapped by others' expectations? And why do 92% of the people hide their true selves? Discover how to keep your flame alive before society snuffs it out.
00:00:12
Speaker
We gonna get into it. Let's get
00:00:25
Speaker
Welcome. First of all, welcome. This is Unsolicited Perspectives. I'm your host, Bruce Anthony, here to lead the conversation in important events and topics that are shaping today's society. Join the conversation and follow us wherever you get your audio podcasts.
00:00:39
Speaker
Subscribe to our YouTube channel for our video podcast and YouTube exclusive content. Rate, review, like, comment, share. Share with your friends, share it with your family, hell, even share with
Interview with Dr. Nicole D. Bradford
00:00:51
Speaker
enemies.
00:00:51
Speaker
On today's episode, I'll be interviewing Dr. Nicole D. Bradford. Dr. Nicole is a dynamic speaker, educator, entrepreneur, and author.
00:01:02
Speaker
going talking about her life and her work, but that's enough of the intro. Let's get to the show.
00:01:15
Speaker
I'm excited about today's guest because you know how I feel about authenticity and being your true self and becoming your true self, making sure that you don't hide who you are and making sure that you can authentically be who you are. There's nothing more freeing.
00:01:34
Speaker
than being absolutely who you are, not worried about what other people think of you because you're happy with it yourself. And so I'll be talking to Dr. Nicole Bradford today. She's a PhD academic, a dynamic motivational speaker, a visionary founder of Maintain the Flame brand.
00:01:51
Speaker
that's in an empowering apparel line and coaching community built to celebrate authenticity and help you live your life to the fullest and to your terms she's also the author of my soul is not for sale removing the lies the labels and the limitations it's a canon memoir and guide that walks you through overcoming trauma breaking free from formality and speaking your truth even when it costs you look This is what this show is all about.
Authenticity, Growth, and Personal Standards
00:02:20
Speaker
It's all about giving you unique perspectives from people that maybe you wouldn't come across in your life, hearing their story, maybe finding something that you can identify with in their story, picking up something, learning and growing from it.
00:02:39
Speaker
I am of the strongest belief and I live by this creed. that you have to continuously evolve, continuously grow, and to the day that you take your last breath, you are never your full, complete person. You've never completed the journey.
00:02:58
Speaker
There's never gonna be a point in time where in your 40s and you'll just say, I didn't do everything. No, there is always room for growth. There's always room for evolution. There's always room for forgiving yourself. What I mean by that is, sometimes we,
00:03:12
Speaker
hold ourselves to a higher standard than we hold others to. Some of us. Some of us don't hold ourselves to a high enough standard, but some of us hold ourselves to a higher standard and we're really hard on ourselves for making mistakes, for not accomplishing things that we feel like we should accomplish, not completing things in a timely manner, not being where we feel like we should be in our life. I hear that a lot now.
00:03:36
Speaker
from people that are in my peer group that are hitting their 40s is just like, I didn't do what I needed to do. and And I have to remind them, look, you are very successful.
00:03:47
Speaker
You are very accomplished. And you need to stop living your life on other people's expectations and live your life the way you want to live it.
00:03:58
Speaker
And if you take a step back and examine all the things that you've done in your life, you'll realize that I have done a lot. I have accomplished a lot and I should be proud of what I accomplished. I should be proud of who I am.
00:04:13
Speaker
There's nothing more freeing. There's nothing more satisfying than being happy with where you are and happy with how you got there. And Dr. Nicole is gonna help us on that journey because a lot of people are not living their authentic selves.
00:04:30
Speaker
A lot of people are trapped by other people's expectations. And through Dr. Nicole's story, through her work, my hope for you, for those people who are struggling and myself, that I'm not completely the person that I i want to be. As I said, we're all evolving every day.
00:04:52
Speaker
My hope is in this conversation, we all grow. So without further ado, Dr. Nicole D. Bradford. So as I said at the top, I'm here with Dr. Nicole D. Bradford. She's an author, dynamic speaker, an educator, author of My Soul Is Not For Sale. She also leads the Maintain the Flame brand, which is an empowering apparel that celebrates authenticity. You know how much I care about authenticity.
00:05:21
Speaker
Dr. Nicole, thank you so much for coming on the show. i think this is going to be a really interesting conversation today. Well, thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here. I've been looking forward to it. So thank you.
00:05:33
Speaker
Oh, yeah look, it's my pleasure. And I like to start off all interviews with the very first question. And the very first question is, let's go to the beginning. So tell me a little bit about your upbringing, your early years, your family dynamics.
00:05:47
Speaker
And we... are going to get to some of the challenges you faced in your early childhood. But let's just start from the beginning, just a little bit about your background and your family dynamics before we get to some of the more challenges you faced as a youth.
Dr. Nicole's Personal Journey
00:06:02
Speaker
Okay. Well, just a little bit about me. I'm originally from Austin, Texas. And you know how what they say, keep Austin weird. And so growing up, I was the youngest of six kids. My mother had five girls and one boy.
00:06:18
Speaker
So of course, you know, a lot of people always ask me, you know, y'all had so much fun and all those people in the house. How was it? Truth be told, I was an oops baby.
00:06:28
Speaker
My mother had her top tubes tied. So everyone else is kind of back to back to back stair step. And I kind of was on there i'm at the end by myself with my other sister. That was a couple of years ahead of me.
00:06:42
Speaker
So we had a a normal family. um i was very energetic. I've always been super, super energetic and hyper my entire life. I've tried to be someone that looks at a situation with a different perspective, but I've always been different than everyone else. So...
00:06:58
Speaker
I've tried to cheer people up. I wanted to keep people excited, you know, I guess, hence my whole life. I've been a cheerleader on the out other side. And so cheering other people, not only during sports and things of that nature, but in life. And so I try to utilize my energy and excitement in a positive way to make a difference in the lives of others.
00:07:18
Speaker
So we're not going to call that an oops, baby. going to call that a miracle, baby, because the tubes were tied and you came on the scene. So that with that's not an oops. That's a miracle. Because there was a football player that had his, you know, had got the snip snip.
00:07:34
Speaker
So he couldn't have any more children. They had two more children. That's what we call a blessing. That's right. So you're the youngest of six. Yes. Five girls, one boy.
00:07:46
Speaker
Where's the boy in this flow of six? Number two. Okay. So he's not the oldest, not in the middle, only boy, number two.
00:07:58
Speaker
i I've seen so many different scenarios, especially in families that have multiple girls, that those in the middle...
00:08:10
Speaker
tend to have differences of opinions in life and complicated relationships with the oldest and the youngest. Because there was such an age difference, did you experience that or were y'all relatively close?
00:08:26
Speaker
Well, growing up, I think we were really pretty close growing up. And I kind of also grew up with my nieces and nephews because I was so young and I was the the last child. But no, growing up, you know, after church, you'd see this group of people you'd see about 15, 20 people going to eat at a restaurant together.
00:08:45
Speaker
We were very close. we supported each other, activities and things of that nature. I just think it kind of shifted when people started to kind of step outside of the comfort zone, being me, the deciding to go to college, deciding to be different.
00:09:01
Speaker
And, you know, at times some people may think, you know, you you kind of think, you do you think you're better because you're educated? And that never was the case, but it was kind of hard for others to kind of accept. Of course, the first degree, yes, that's great.
00:09:15
Speaker
That's what we wanted. That's wonderful. The second one. OK, I see you. The third, you're doing too much. You need all those extra pieces of papers and letters behind your name. You should stop and just do what you need to do. But you you went too far. So it we started out very strong, very supportive.
00:09:32
Speaker
And then in life, you know, people change and they grow and they evolve. Okay, I'm definitely want to get into that later. I definitely want to get into that dynamic of the relationships changing as you becoming not only older, but you progressing on in life because you are a first generation grad. But before we get into that, you did face some challenges when you were younger. Can you tell my audience a little bit about the challenges you faced as you were that when you were younger and how that shaped you as the person that you are today?
00:10:04
Speaker
Most definitely. um I would say for my me personally, I had the jerry curl and all the juice and the drip drip and I looked like a little boy. And so it was very difficult for me because I always had low self-esteem.
00:10:19
Speaker
I looked at myself as, oh my goodness, why am I always so different? And why do I have to be so dark? And i had to learn to love myself over time. But in addition to that, I grew up in a home that had domestic violence, where I had to witness domestic violence.
00:10:35
Speaker
And that was very difficult for me because you're seeing two individuals that you love so much at odds with each other. And so going and navigating through that whenever there were situations that would pop up, again, i was the youngest of the family. So my siblings were off living their life and with their children. And so I would be the one, hey guys, we gotta have a family meeting. We need to come back together, figure out how we can solve this problem, how we can support our parents.
00:11:01
Speaker
And so I think going through those problems in those trials and tribulations helped me as I grew into becoming an adult, go to therapy and learn that Nicole, you are not where you start.
00:11:15
Speaker
You may have come from a dysfunctional household, but you don't have to continue that on and you don't have to accept that. You get to decide the type of life you want to live.
00:11:25
Speaker
And so I've utilized those trials and tribulations and even the moments where I didn't care so much for myself because of my low self-esteem, to inspire the students and the families that I'm fortunate to work with, to encourage the students that, you know, you don't always have to be like everyone else. You can decide your path in life as long as you have the resources and tools to set you up for success.
00:11:48
Speaker
Yeah. I want to, I'm going to leave the Jared curl alone. I'm not going I'm not going to touch that. I'm not going to touch the Jared curl, but i I want to talk about a couple of things that you said.
00:12:00
Speaker
One about you talking about why am I so dark? And then another thing, because of the age difference of your siblings, obviously, if there is domestic violence in a home and and these are europe that's everybody's parents, they've seen this.
00:12:16
Speaker
And I want to get what their reaction was when you would say we need to bring the family together. But first I wanted to talk about, because there are some members of my audience who are not black.
00:12:27
Speaker
They don't understand colorism in the black community. yeah And if you could just share a little bit about what you faced as far as colorism and your background and your past.
00:12:40
Speaker
Well, I, mean I believe that, you know, if you think back to then, I think it was a movie with Spike Lee and then you had the light skin girls. School days. School days. Yes. School days.
00:12:51
Speaker
And that was just it. That was the environment that I grew up in. Back in the day, that's what we dealt with. The lighter skin individuals were perceived to be more attractive to the younger kids during our generation and growing up and the guys were like, oh, she's yellow. All of that.
00:13:08
Speaker
And then you had this dark skin, but I had to overcome that and know, okay, she might be cute to you, but chocolate is sure always in season, baby. And so it took me some time to learn to love myself and understand, no, I might not be a light skin. No, I might not have long blonde hair.
00:13:26
Speaker
but God created me the way he wanted me to be. And I have so much to offer, not to others, but also to myself. And so it took a lot of time for me to look inside and say, Nicole, stop looking for somebody else to say that you're beautiful. Stop looking for somebody else to tell you who you are and start knowing it for yourself. And so I think by going to therapy and I think starting to evolve and then seeing examples of individuals that were dark skinned, that were beautiful and stunning, and that was doing so much, it changed my perspective that, you know what, there's some great things about Nicole and I need to accept that and be proud of it.
00:14:04
Speaker
Around what age did you gain this acceptance? I would say when I went to Grambling State University. Okay, there you go. and There you go, HBCU. Yes, yes. As soon as you got on the yard, everybody confirmed that, okay, yeah, you all right.
00:14:21
Speaker
And so I was like, wait a minute. Okay, this is how it works. And so then I i became Nicole and i I grew into who I was because not only was I struggling with that, but I was accepting it and starting to love myself.
00:14:35
Speaker
But then when all these people on the yard, it was talking and all these friends, I was like, oh, oh yeah, yeah, okay. And so then I just started to flourish and be very proud of who I was.
00:14:47
Speaker
It's funny how colorism works in the Black community with men and women, right? Because a lot of what you're talking about was absolutely true. It's not the case anymore. Like Meg Thee Stallion is everybody's.
00:15:00
Speaker
Meg, I'm still here. I'm still waiting. um But yes, school days, it was light-skinned and dark-skinned for women. yeah For men, everybody wanted the dark-skinned brother. Nobody wanted the light-skinned brother.
00:15:16
Speaker
Oh. It was the reverse. so you know, I wasn't always in style. Ladies and gentlemen, I wasn't always in style. But so let's transition to the domestic violence in your home. Your experience in that is traumatic because obviously you love your mother.
00:15:32
Speaker
Obviously you love your father. You don't love the fact that your father is hurting your mother. and And your siblings are so much older than you. This is obviously something that date this isn't a brand new thing that all of a sudden happened. This had to be something that they had been experiencing.
00:15:47
Speaker
for decades prior to you even coming into existence. How did they take it when you came to them to say, hey, we need to come together, we need to have a family meeting because this can't be happening?
00:16:00
Speaker
Some wouldn't show up, but then others were there before I could hang up the phone because we were very loving. And not only did I have siblings that was concerned about me in the home, but they were very, of course, like you mentioned, very concerned about our parents.
00:16:14
Speaker
And so we would just sit down and figure out what was going on and how we could is support one another through the process. And ultimately, what came of it? ah We would just come up with like when you get upset, these are some things that you should do.
00:16:29
Speaker
um Leave the house and maybe make better choices. Mom, we want to take you out for a little while maybe so you can get some fresh air. But we would just problem solve together as a family so we could make sure all parties involved were OK at the end of the day. That's good. That's beautiful.
00:16:46
Speaker
So you go to Grambling State. Not only do you go to Grambling State, you go to Grambling State to get your bachelor's degree. Where'd you get your master's degree?
00:16:58
Speaker
Grambling State University. And where'd you get your doctorate? Texas Southern University. Okay. So you said that growing up, you and all your siblings were close.
00:17:13
Speaker
to did your Did some of your other siblings have college degrees? Because you're first generation. You're the first generation. You and your siblings are the first generation to have degrees. How many other siblings out of the other five got degrees?
00:17:28
Speaker
None. Okay, so you are the only one. So you have not the one, not the two, but three. So you are not just Nicole, you are now Dr. Nicole. And you said it caused some tension in the siblings. Can you give me a little bit more detail of how and why it caused tension?
00:17:48
Speaker
Well, you know, just like I think with any family that you have in your dynamics, like I had siblings that attended school, but they didn't finish college. And so with and just any family dynamics, you have individuals that in your home that you may say, oh, okay, well, that's the bougie aunt or that's the down home
Educational Achievements and Family Dynamics
00:18:05
Speaker
aunt.
00:18:05
Speaker
And you sometimes, you know, some people believe education makes you perceive or they have this perception that you think you're better just because you went to college or because you received an education.
00:18:17
Speaker
And that's not always the case. And so there may be situations where we're rear together and I may speak differently or talk like I've always talked as I was growing up and oh my goodness, I can't believe you talking like that you have a degree. We are still humans and we still make mistakes and we still like to be comfortable.
00:18:36
Speaker
So it was just some of those, just some of the comments and then, you know, where you think you live, if you think you're better or your job. And that I think sometimes in life, individuals get stuck in where they see their, and where they are and they look at you and they, that's the belief that they have.
00:18:53
Speaker
It was never the belief that I had. And it wasn't all of my siblings, but I did have siblings that had some concerns and some challenges once I finished my education. little resentment.
00:19:06
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. And I always would say, you know, my parents started from very humble beginnings. And so we all have the exact same opportunity.
00:19:18
Speaker
And it's just what you chose to do with the opportunity you were given. are Dr. Nicole, you brought up ah an interesting thing that I kind of want to examine about how people's perceptions of what you are, what they are, put puts kind of people in a box and they can't really see past that.
00:19:46
Speaker
Now, you're from Austin, Texas, which is a big town now, but maybe not so big in the eighty s ninety s Do you think that has a little something to do with it? The reason why I ask is because I lived in a little town in Virginia called Lynchburg, Virginia.
00:20:01
Speaker
And I lived there for a couple of years in middle school and a couple of years in high school, right? And I was in accelerated classes that meant that I was one of the few Black people in all-white classes.
00:20:15
Speaker
And I would often get looked at as, are you trying to, you think just because you're in those classes that you're better? It was a small town. When I moved up here to Washington, d c that was something that was celebrated.
00:20:27
Speaker
Oh, you're in those classes? Oh, you must be smart. That's cool. You're going be something. So the question that I ask is, even though Austin is a big town, big town now, was a small town back when you were growing up, you think that's a small town thing?
00:20:41
Speaker
Where people from small towns just feel like, what are you trying to do? Get out of here. Who do you think you are? Better? Because maybe they are not going to get out. Yes, but I also think that that um exists in all cultures, in all environment. And I think it more so has to do with the individual and their limiting beliefs.
00:21:01
Speaker
And so those beliefs that they have accepted for their self and they want to apply it to you. But if that applies to you, that's totally fine. But there are no limits to me and where I can go.
00:21:12
Speaker
And so I think it just has to be the individual's mindset and how they perceive this the situation. So this this is funny that, you know, this wasn't on purpose. Ladies and gentlemen, this wasn't on purpose. I'm not that good of a host.
00:21:27
Speaker
But you have this concept of the conformity trap that is sacrificing or sparking to meet others' expectations. Can you give me any general examples for the audience um of what the conformity trap is? I think we just explained it to you guys.
00:21:45
Speaker
But more general examples and then how they were directly applied to you. Well, for me, it's um I think the conformity trap applies a lot to my company Maintain the Flame, and that's why it was established.
00:22:00
Speaker
So I would have an opportunity to work with different individuals that feel stuck or that they have to conform to their environment. Because when we we were young, we had all this excitement and energy. We would dress any kind of way.
00:22:13
Speaker
We loved life. We didn't care what anyone thought, whatever their perception or their thoughts were about us. We weren't concerned about that. We were going to live life anyway. But then we transitioned into the real world and we become an adult and we we tend to start looking around. So, of course, you know,
00:22:30
Speaker
We have that a little bit as children, but then we're adults. Like, should I live in this neighborhood? If I live over here, you know, people think I'm a better off. Or if I drive this type of vehicle and things of that nature, or if I'm at work and I nod and say yes to whatever my supervisor says, knowing that it is not the right thing to do,
00:22:51
Speaker
I'll be accepted and I can ah be promoted. And so I think that when we are individuals and we're going through life, we have to understand and decide what's best for us instead of accepting what the world has decided is best for you.
00:23:06
Speaker
And so if we would do that and stand on our truth, We wouldn't have to worry so much about the conformity trap and trying to be something that you're not. Because at the end of the day, you may do that to fit in, but you still have to go home.
00:23:20
Speaker
You have to sit with yourself and you have to decide, now why did I do that? Why did I say that? I know that wasn't even right. But was it something that was worthy of you compromising who you are just to get that promotion or just to sit at that certain table so you can make that business deal?
00:23:39
Speaker
And is it because over time, it's going to cost more than just that position. It's going to cost a piece of who you are and it starts to chip away. And eventually you're going to look in that mirror and say, who in the world am I?
00:23:51
Speaker
I'm dressing like this. I'm talking like this is not who I am. But are you willing to sell out to fit and but Was there a time period in your own life where you came to the realization that mean I'm not being authentically myself?
00:24:10
Speaker
Who am I right now? What am I doing? Am I conforming? Did you ever have a point where you questioned yourself and that's how you created this concept? And also, did branding maintain your flame?
00:24:24
Speaker
Well, i yes, a lot of that started when I was in college and when I was younger because I've always been different. And I always gravitated to the underdog or the individuals that were overlooked or undervalued.
00:24:38
Speaker
That's where and my passion has always been. But I would go to school and, you know, Everybody has their thing that just wasn't my thing. And I remember one of the first parties I went to when I was in at Grambling back in the day.
00:24:53
Speaker
and And you go into the party and everybody's just passing stuff around. And I'm like, wait a minute. No, ma'am. No, this is not the place for Nicole. Because, um you know, number one, my home, my the way I was raised.
00:25:05
Speaker
And number two, I just didn't feel right. I like, what am I doing? And so I called my mom all the way back in Austin and I said, I need you to help me find a ride back to the yard.
00:25:17
Speaker
I can't be here. And she was like, what is wrong with you? Just have fun. No, ma'am, I need to get out of here. And she understood. it And she was able to help me find a friend from Austin that picked me up and took me back home.
00:25:29
Speaker
But I knew that something just didn't sit right in my spirit. So if i um I didn't ever want to put myself in a situation where I would regret at a later moment. So that worked for them, but it didn't work for me. And so then transitioning and getting married, you know, you have my favorite movie is Meet the Fockers. I love that movie where he talks about you're not in the end circle.
00:25:51
Speaker
And so with my in-laws, you know, I love them and I love my family when I first got married. But we have traditions. We have things that we do. And you're not doing those, Nicole. Well, I want to have my own family.
00:26:04
Speaker
I want to start my own tradition. And that can ruffle a couple of feathers. And so and then moving into the work world, individuals being overlooked, students not being treated fairly and having to speak up in those meetings. And everybody's looking like I'm thinking it. But why are you saying it?
00:26:21
Speaker
And it was just something that said with me that I have to speak up because if I don't, who will? And so dealing with a lot of those situations in life, it just always let me know, Nicole, you may be different, but it's okay. But you must maintain your flame for life because you'll have this flame that you're boring with on the inside.
00:26:43
Speaker
But then you go into these different situations and we allow them to say, oh, Let me dim my flame when I'm around them because, you know, they don't want to hear that. Or let me dim my flame when I walk into this meeting because I don't want to try to start any problems and, you know, I don't want them looking at me.
00:27:00
Speaker
But I have to maintain that flame, even when it's not popular, even when people don't want to hear it. I have to stand in my truth and know that I deserve better and I'm here for a reason.
00:27:12
Speaker
And I have to be passionate about the things I do so that I can make a difference in the lives of others. So Maintain the Flame is almost like a mantra, but it's also a company that you are in charge of. Can you tell my audience a little bit about Maintain the Flame?
00:27:29
Speaker
Maintain ah the Flame is a company designed to help you live an audaciously authentic life. So you get to show up and be authentic with who you are. And so what I do is I connect with individuals, being that I've been in the field of education.
00:27:44
Speaker
I connect with students. I connect with parents to help them navigate and just people that are having some difficulties in life in general. I want to be that cheerleader for you. I want to be your accountability partner and hold you accountable to the goals and the dreams that you have for yourself so you can design a life that you desire and you can live with no regrets.
00:28:08
Speaker
I like that. and And what is what's the type of of apparel that you sell and and what what is everything that people can buy? You can buy anything from greeting card um to fiddies to backpack.
00:28:22
Speaker
And the backpacks on mirror are the individuals that we work with. So you'll see all types of diversity. Individuals that may be overlooked or not represented. And so and then you'll also have an opportunity if you visit the store to purchase my book, My Soul Is Not For Sale.
00:28:38
Speaker
Removing the Lie, the Labels and the Limitations. See, look, this is a perfect transition, because I wanted to talk about the book next. So, your book, My Soul Is Not For Sale.
00:28:52
Speaker
Can you tell my audience a little bit about the book? And what... now How did you get to the point where you were going to write the book?
Overcoming Challenges and Leadership Lessons
00:29:01
Speaker
Life. You know, when you go through so many trials and tribulations and I keep running into these brick wall, the lessons that I had to learn, I had to understand those lessons were not just for you, Nicole.
00:29:12
Speaker
And when I talk to people, I know some people may say, oh, my goodness, she's embarrassing her family or she's embarrassing herself. I can't believe she shared all of that. Well, I believe the trials and the tribulations and the lessons in life that we go through is to help somebody else.
00:29:28
Speaker
And so there is no disrespect or anything negative, but I want people to know that you are not alone. You are not the only person going through things and you can overcome.
00:29:39
Speaker
And so my soul is not for sale talks about being resilient in the workplace, in your relationships and in life in general. And it gives you lots of examples of individuals that have been whistleblowers with company or people that have struggled to tell the truth and stand up for what's right.
00:29:57
Speaker
And it gives people examples to let them know it's OK to speak up. Now, it will come with a cost and there are consequences. But at the end of the day, if you're leaving that place and that environment better than the way that you arrive, then everyone around you would be better off for it.
00:30:15
Speaker
And so in the book, I talk about the flush method. I had a sister that was 48 years old at the time. She passed away abruptly and she was in a car accident.
00:30:27
Speaker
But whenever I had issues in life, she would always tell me, Nicole, if you're dealing you're dealing with anything, I want you to go and get a piece of toilet tissue. You don't necessarily have to do that part, but I want you to write down.
00:30:39
Speaker
everything that you're going through. But while you're writing it down, I want you to talk about the good and the bad in the situation. But most importantly, I want you to focus on your role in that situation.
00:30:52
Speaker
And after you deal with the situation, I want you to ball it up and toss it The FLESH method is facing life's uncomfortable situations so you can heal.
00:31:03
Speaker
Because if you don't deal with the situations you're facing, you're going to carry those problems, that trauma, that anger, that bitterness onto the next relationship, onto the next job or whatever it may be.
00:31:16
Speaker
So the FLESH method allows you to review the situation, be accountable for your actions and move forward. That is, i am a huge fan of accountability.
00:31:30
Speaker
Accountability, accountability, accountability. Because the thing that bothers me the most in life are hypocrites. And typically hypocrites don't hold themselves accountable. That, it it bothers me. So the flush method is really dope.
00:31:45
Speaker
How can somebody... They read your book, they follow these methods. Maybe it registers, maybe doesn't register. What is that smack in the face to wake people up, to let them know, hey, you need some help? Because there are people out here that have trauma who ignore it.
00:32:03
Speaker
who say they don't have trauma. i I know of a person that's a that's a sibling of a friend of mine that said they don't believe in therapy, you don't need therapy. And I said, what?
00:32:14
Speaker
That's one of the dumbest things I think I've ever heard of. You go to a doctor to fix your physical ailment, why wouldn't you go to a doctor to fix your mental and emotional ailment? So what is the thing?
00:32:25
Speaker
that can smack people and wake them up to let them realize, hey, you got some trauma that you can't just say, I'm over it. You have to deal with it. I think when individuals lose things that are important to them, when you hit rock bottom or you're in a relationship and someone walks away that means so much to you or a job that you really enjoy, your mask starts to slip or you're not fitting in. And that feeling that you get on the inside, that should trigger, hey, you need to fix this.
00:32:57
Speaker
Because it can't be everybody else around you. You need to look internally so you can stop walking and running into the same brick walls that you're dealing with. And it's okay to deal with your issues.
00:33:08
Speaker
And you don't have to announce it to the world that I'm going to get help and I've been going to a therapist. But take that and make it a priority for you and your family so that you're able to heal and you can be healthy for yourself and those that are around you.
00:33:24
Speaker
Yeah. You wear... A lot of hats, a lot of hats. You have many diverse roles. You're a professor, you're a campus principal, you're an author, an educator, an entrepreneur.
00:33:38
Speaker
How do you maintain wearing so many hats and maintain your audacious authenticity with maintaining all of those hats? I say connected to the word and my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, has always been important to me.
00:33:55
Speaker
I know I always use the analogy with some of us, we have that cell phone and we're not going to let that cell phone die. We'll charge that phone up. but You can leave the car key. You can leave your purse, your wallet. You can leave everything else, but you're not leave that cell phone.
00:34:11
Speaker
And so that's become, for me, my word of God. I've got charge in every single day because if I don't have enough charge, I'm not going to be able to maintain my flame.
00:34:21
Speaker
And it's it's through my good and my bad times. And so I just encourage people, if you have become discouraged, or you get to a point that, you know, you're not loving life and you're not excited about your experiences, charge up to someone else. Number one, reach out and and get into your word. But there might be a friend or someone else that can help reignite your flame and remind you of the potential you have and who you are so that you can continue to live the life that you desire.
00:34:52
Speaker
are So as I was saying, you have so many diverse roles and, you know, I went through a lot of them, your speaker, author, the educator part, I want to kind of focus on now.
00:35:11
Speaker
What lessons have you learned, varied experiences that you've experienced that have taught you about leadership and the importance of education that that's important in empowering the future generations?
00:35:26
Speaker
For me, with leadership, it's all about relationships and working with our students to understand that we are here to build relationships with you and for you to learn from your mistakes. You know, sometimes maybe in the past when we make mistakes, it was punitive.
00:35:43
Speaker
And you would be ashamed for it. But in the leadership roles that I've been fortunate to be in, I want my students to be able to grow from the experiences that they have and walk away with some lifelong lessons that they can apply.
00:35:57
Speaker
So I've always been a very strong servant leader. I put the needs of my students, my staff, my faculty before my own because you never know. Those kids, our kids nowadays, and I know a lot of people may say negative things about them and what they're going through, but they it is so hard to be a child nowadays.
00:36:18
Speaker
You have distractions from that cell phone. You have social media, every corner you turn. How can you not compare your body and your image and your thoughts with to everybody else that's online?
00:36:31
Speaker
And so with all the distractions, it's easy for them to question themselves. And they're still trying to figure out who I am, trying to compare myself to this woman that's on this Instagram and in also trying to learn.
00:36:44
Speaker
and making sure that they're trying to fit in and in the same amount. So for me, it's just connecting with those babies, letting them know that someone believes in them, being an advocate for them, being a voice for them, but at the same time, applying tough love.
00:37:00
Speaker
And that's the advice that I give to parents that I encounter because I know we wanna be friends, Because some of us may have had it hard as a ah child. I know I was raised that kids are seen and not heard. Don't get in grown folks business.
00:37:15
Speaker
But we have got to check on our children. And it's important that we're not only just saying how was your day, sit down and have a conversation with them. And I know this is not popular. Go through those cell phones.
00:37:27
Speaker
Check their backpacks. Find out who their friends are. And I know that people may say, well, they're in middle school or high school now. They really don't need you. That's when they need you the most.
00:37:39
Speaker
So be connected, be concerned, and be an advocate for your baby. No cell phone should be raising your child. No teacher should be telling you what's best for your child.
00:37:50
Speaker
You brought them into this world. It is your responsibility to be an advocate for them each and every day. Yeah, this this younger generation, i agree with the fact that they have it rougher.
00:38:04
Speaker
I just had a conversation with my sister, and it's funny because they say that every generation, the next generation is always worse than the last generation, and their behavior and things of that nature.
00:38:17
Speaker
And I said, no, I don't think that's necessarily the case. We were bad too. It's just everything is more visible because of technology. But I said what these young kids have now is they have more emotional intelligence than we ever did.
00:38:31
Speaker
And i think it's, I think in some ways, and I don't know if you'll agree with this or not, and I want to hear your perspective on this. In some ways, some of these kids are more emotionally intelligent than their parents.
00:38:44
Speaker
And there it might be tough for their parents to have those type of conversations, because they just didn't develop that emotional intelligence. Because we were taught to be seen, not heard. Mm-hmm.
00:38:57
Speaker
Yeah, I do agree. But that's where we have to go. We're going to have to step out our comfort zone. There are things that you'll do for your baby. But in addition to that, you're still going to have to be able to know when your kids are wrong, to be able to let them know they're wrong and help them to learn from that.
00:39:14
Speaker
Unfortunately, I've run into so many situations in schools and the parent, ah I don't listen to her. And if she tells you that, you car old tell her to call me. You're not helping your child.
00:39:26
Speaker
That's not being a parent. Your children need to understand to respect adults. You may not like that teacher. That is totally fine. But you teach your child.
00:39:36
Speaker
You respect your teacher. You stay in your place. Let me know what's going on and I will handle the situation. But I think we get so caught up in our emotions and I want to give this baby everything that I didn't have and I'm to defend them no matter what.
00:39:51
Speaker
But we're sending the wrong message. So then when they go to school and they disrespect that teacher and go off because my mama doesn't like you and the principal calls and you need to come have a conversation, you're confused. thats So why are we in here?
00:40:05
Speaker
Well, look at the example that you've been living and look at what you taught your child and how you taught your child to handle a situation. So parenting, we all know that it's the good and the bad and the ugly, but we have to be there to tell our kids when they're right and when they're wrong.
Parenting and Teaching Responsibility
00:40:26
Speaker
That's that said accountability that you were talking about. Everybody needs to be accountable, not just the kids, but also the parents. Everybody needs to be accountable. yes Dr. Nicole, what does the future hold for you?
00:40:38
Speaker
There are so many great things. I'm just going to go ahead and speak it into existence. Everyone is going to know, maintain the flame. They're going to be so excited about maintain the flame. I'm going to travel to so many countries and all over the United States, positively impacting families, ah students, companies, so we can reignite that positive flame in our society.
00:41:04
Speaker
So many negative things are going on and so many people choose to be silent instead of speaking up. You know, back in the day when kids would act up in the store and my mama would correct them and I'm looking like, oh my goodness, now I find myself doing that years and years later. But there are so many people that won't do that because, oh, that's not my child. I'm not going to involved with that.
00:41:27
Speaker
But we need more of that in our communities. We need to love on each other. We need to keep each other in control. um in our prayers and in our thoughts and keep each other encouraged, but most importantly, maintain our flame for life.
00:41:42
Speaker
I love that. I love that. Let's plug your book one more time and where they can get it. My soul is not for sale. I'm on social media. So you can ah DM me there and I can get you a copy of the book or you can go to my website, www.maintaintheflame.net.
00:42:02
Speaker
And Amazon, borrowings Barnes & Nobles, all the things. All the things. All the things. Dr. Nicole, I want to thank you for coming on the show and just telling us about your life.
00:42:14
Speaker
how living audaciously authentic is how you do it and how everybody should be doing it. And more importantly, not falling into that conformity trap and holding ourselves accountable. I think my audience really, really learned something. And and that would make sense coming from two educators.
00:42:32
Speaker
That would make sense. But thank you so much. Thank you so much for coming on the show. I really enjoyed this conversation. Well, thank you for the opportunity and continue your great work. I really appreciate it. I enjoyed it.
00:42:45
Speaker
Thank you so much. Authenticity isn't a trend. It's a rebellion. Whether it's ditching societal masks or calling out injustice at work or maintaining your flame, it all means refusing to let others extinguish your truth.
00:43:01
Speaker
In our conversation with Dr. Bradford, she helped us realize how society can trap us and how we can break those societal chains.
00:43:14
Speaker
She took us from being the youngest miracle baby in a big Texas family through the shadows of colorism and domestic violence, all the way to earning her direct doctorate and founding a movement dedicated to authenticity and accountability.
00:43:29
Speaker
We heard how witnessing family hardship didn't break her, it fueled her. How struggling with self-worth and community divided by shade led her to embrace every hue of her identity.
00:43:39
Speaker
How the flush method offers a roadmap to confront and then release our deepest hurts. How our conformity trap tempts us to dim our flame for acceptance and trap she committed to help us all escape.
00:43:54
Speaker
Dr. Bradford reminded us that leadership begins with relationships, that we owe ourselves and those we got the gift of tough love and honest conversations. As an educator and a campus principal, she champions emotional intelligence in our children, holding them and their parents accountable in the name of growth.
00:44:15
Speaker
Pick up her book, My Soul Is Not For Sale, wherever books are sold, bars of normal, Amazon, or directly through her website at maintaintheflame.net. Join the Maintain the Flame community on Instagram and Facebook for daily inspiration, apparel that celebrates your unique spark and opportunities to work with Dr. Bradford herself.
00:44:35
Speaker
Let's not forget that we all have a light that's inside of us. And that light can shine brightest and help other people.
00:44:46
Speaker
You never know what you say in passing, what you do in passing, how that can affect their lives for the rest of their lives, or maybe just a day. But regardless, a single moment, a single interaction can help a person.
00:45:02
Speaker
Hell, it can even help you. I remember I was in a tough, tough situation. I'm not gonna get into specifics, but I was walking my dog. This is when he was still alive, young pup. I had to walk him for a long time.
00:45:16
Speaker
And I guess the worry and stress was on my face because, you know, I mean, I wear my emotions on my face. Everybody knows what I'm thinking. I don't have a poker face.
00:45:28
Speaker
This complete stranger walks up to me and says, everything is gonna be okay. God loves you. Now, whether you're religious, spiritual or not, at that moment, that's what I needed to hear.
00:45:44
Speaker
That's what I needed to hear. That gave me a wind in my sails to let me know, hey, Bruce, what you're going through right now, we done been here before. You done always ways got your way through it.
00:45:56
Speaker
You'll get through this just like you always do. Take a deep breath. and move forward. And it was a single moment. Never saw that lady again. Don't know who she was.
00:46:08
Speaker
Don't even know she lived in the neighborhood because I was walking the dog in my neighborhood. Don't know. But at that moment, at that time, with the immense amount of stress and anxiety that I had because I was going through some things, that moment changed me.
00:46:22
Speaker
Did it change before the rest of my life? I mean, no. I still think about that moment and that moment had have had to have happened 10 to 12 years ago. It was a long time ago when that moment happened. So just remember, everybody has a light.
00:46:37
Speaker
You can inspire great things in people just in passing. And the most important thing, not only can you inspire others, but you can inspire yourself. Don't forget that light helps you keep going.
00:46:53
Speaker
Don't let others dim your flame. Your flame burns bright. We all have a purpose of being here. Some of us know exactly what that purpose is.
00:47:05
Speaker
Some of us don't know what that purpose is. And sometimes we might not find out what that purpose is, but we did have a purpose and we have helped. The world will be a better place because of our interactions with each other when we treat people with kindness.
00:47:20
Speaker
And When we hold ourselves to the accountability of our own actions, that's another thing that's very, very important. Another thing I took from Dr. Nicole's story.
00:47:31
Speaker
We have to maintain some type of accountability for ourselves. I was dating a young lady many years ago, and she was always quick to tell somebody else about their faults and their flaws.
00:47:48
Speaker
Quick, when they did something that she didn't like, quick to tell them. Now, I didn't face this wrath hardly ever, because I'm easy going and don't be doing too much.
00:48:00
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? But when it did get directed to me, I had to check her. Case in point, one time she was cooking something that she loved to make ethnic food.
00:48:13
Speaker
And sometimes ethnic food, eh, looks kind of gross, okay? And so I started scrunching up my face as she was starting to eat. And she was like, don't do that. Don't do that that that. That makes me feel bad about this and that and everything that I'm eating. and And just don't do that.
00:48:30
Speaker
And I was like, you know what? You're absolutely right. I'm wrong for that.
00:48:35
Speaker
No more than a month or two later, I made something for myself. And she started doing the exact same thing that I did to her.
00:48:44
Speaker
And I checked her, I said, look, you called me on it when I did it to you. Don't do the same thing that I did to you to me. And she was like, you're right. You're right. She didn't have that self accountability.
00:48:56
Speaker
I had to show her, look, you need to hold yourself accountable, just like you hold other people accountable. And I would routinely do that with her when she was checking other people. I'm like, hey, look, you'd be doing the same stuff.
00:49:08
Speaker
You need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. Accountability, especially in what's going on in today's world. a lot of people aren't taking accountability for the things that they say or do.
00:49:21
Speaker
Notice that if you don't take accountability for the things that you say to do towards others, you could be dimming their flame. And do you want to be the dimmer? Is that who you want to be?
00:49:32
Speaker
Dr. Nicole opened my eyes to a lot of things ah within myself as well. I learned a lot from this and I hope, freedom I hope that y'all got just as much out of it as I did. I want to thank you for listening. I want to thank you for watching.
00:49:50
Speaker
And until next time, as always, I'll holler.
00:49:58
Speaker
That was a hell of a show. Thank you for rocking with us here on Unsolicited Perspectives with Bruce Anthony. Now, before you go, don't forget to follow, subscribe, like, comment, and share our podcast wherever you're listening or watching it to it. Pass it along to your friends. If you enjoy it, that means the people that you rock will will enjoy it also. So share the wealth, share the knowledge, share the noise.
00:50:21
Speaker
And for all those people that say, well, I don't have a YouTube. If you have a Gmail account, you have a YouTube. Subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can actually watch our video podcast and YouTube exclusive content.
00:50:32
Speaker
But the real party is on our Patreon page. After Hours Uncensored and Talkin' Straight-ish. After Hours Uncensored is another show with my sister. And once again, the key word there is uncensored. Those are exclusively on our Patreon page. Jump onto our website at unsolicitedperspective.com for all things us. That's where you can get all of our audio, video, our blogs, and even buy our merch.
00:50:55
Speaker
And if you really feel generous and want to help us out, you can donate on our donations page. Donations go strictly to improving our software and hardware so we can keep giving you guys good content that you can clearly listened to and that you can clearly see. So any donation would be appreciative. Most importantly, I want to say thank you.
00:51:15
Speaker
Thank you. Thank you for listening and watching and supporting us. And I'll catch you next time. Audi 5000. Peace.