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Brenda McGregor on Breaking Through “If Onlys,” Reclaiming Dreams & Creating a Life You Love
21 Plays1 month ago
To book a session with James contact Journey Mindfulness.
On this episode we have a delightful conversation with the wonderful Life & Career Coach Brenda McGregor. We dive into her inspiration for being of service to others and how she is helping people discover (or rediscover) their passion, joy, and life force by dreaming big and helping and nudging them along to achieve their life & career goals. She had a very successful career in HR before starting her coaching business and has a lot of wisdom to offer in this episode to help people unlock their potential. She is the Team Mom for the Championship DeMatha Stags Football Team and also hosts a popular podcast for women, “If Only…” on Spotify & Apple.
To learn more about Brenda & her services please visit BrendaMcGregor.com.
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Transcript
Introduction to Journey Mindfulness Podcast
00:00:13
Speaker
Welcome to the Journey Mindfulness Podcast, where we explore the expansion of consciousness, human experience, and the mysteries of life and human potential.
Meet Brenda McGregor: Career Transition and Coaching
00:00:23
Speaker
Today, we're thrilled to introduce Brenda McGregor, a life and career coach who's all about helping people unlock their potential.
00:00:31
Speaker
After a successful 30-year career in the corporate world, but Brenda founded Brenda McGregor Life and Career Coaching to guide others toward fulfilling their lives with purpose and balance.
00:00:43
Speaker
She creates a welcoming, inclusive space for her clients to chase their goals and, well, I'd say achieve their goals and share their unique perspectives. Outside her practice, Brenda's heart is with her vibrant family of five children and nine grandchildren, cheering on her husband's Demetha Staggs as team mom and diving into a good book whenever she gets the chance.
Inspiration and Values: Family's Influence
00:01:06
Speaker
And she also hosts the wildly popular If Only podcast, which is the if only's that are stopping women from having a life they love. So we will dive into her story now. Welcome, Brenda. Thank you very much for being here.
00:01:22
Speaker
Well, thank you so much for having me. I'm honored to be here. Well, there's so much to get into. ah
00:01:31
Speaker
You talk about unlocking potential and helping your clients achieve success. um But I was curious, maybe starting out, who inspired you in your life?
00:01:44
Speaker
Well, I have a line of people that have inspired me. um um Starting with my wonderful parents, my mom is still alive, and we were raised to be of service to others.
00:01:58
Speaker
And my mom was always known, like my friends growing up would say to me, your mom is so easy to talk to. And she was born-to-serve counselor, and she became a social worker at 60.
00:02:13
Speaker
And my dad was a police officer, and he was known for his mantra to meet people where they are and accept people for who they
Community Involvement and Mentorship
00:02:23
Speaker
are. So I was very, very fortunate.
00:02:26
Speaker
to be raised in that type of family culture. Okay. Because I was going to ask you, know, what, what event um happened that made you want to help others? But it sounds like it was sort of baked into your value system from your, from your parents.
00:02:45
Speaker
Yes, it was. And i remember being a very young girl. I wasn't ever into dolls so much, but I remember, um,
00:02:56
Speaker
Dolls that had been put away. I had two sisters, a twin and a younger sister. And I went through this period of imagining me adopting them all. And I would put them in the bed with me before I'd go to sleep and go to sleep imagining that I was taking care of these children who needed mom.
00:03:17
Speaker
ah So I do think it was intrinsic part of just who I was and how I was raised to want to help others.
00:03:30
Speaker
Fascinating. i was, you know, as of preparing for the show, just visualizing how many people that you have probably come across in your life that you have been a sort of maternal and caretaker to, given, you know, your position in the community.
00:03:54
Speaker
Just the the number is staggering to me. Oh, that's so nice. Well, you and I know each other from, you know, my son, Bill, that graduated with you from DeMatha. that community is so rich. And then I ended up marrying his football coach.
00:04:14
Speaker
And my world expanded massively with the DeMatha community and the young men that Bill coaches, my husband Bill coaches from the football team.
00:04:25
Speaker
And as i as many people know, i have a keynote that is specific about these young men.
Vision and Manifestation Workshops
00:04:33
Speaker
They have poured into me far more than I could ever imagine pouring into them.
00:04:38
Speaker
Who they are in the world and the dreams they have and the possibilities they see helped me to continue to step forward into, okay, what is truly possible?
00:04:52
Speaker
Yeah, no, I know you did a good job, uh, muttering bill. He's ah ah a great guy. Uh, Bill Sutton. He is, he's a great guy. I just talked to him last night. He's someone too.
00:05:05
Speaker
That has a huge heart for giving in the world. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's, it's interesting. And so you talked about this keynote and this potential, um, you know, one of the things, um,
00:05:20
Speaker
That is inspiring. Well, you, I did a vision board workshop with you recently. It was the first time I've ever done a vision board workshop. um And so it's, it really was this invitation, which you, you know, created space for and guided, but to, to dream big.
00:05:41
Speaker
um So maybe touching on that, you know, how do you, how do you see people you know you work with a lot of kinds of people but when they dream like sometimes we dream too small um how do you coax that out of them or where do you see people um kind of stumble with that well i'm known for for my expertise with people who are in a position that they've lost connection to their dreams And they typically hire me when they're, I had my most recent clients say, I'm lost.
00:06:18
Speaker
Where they may have things working in certain areas of their life, but there's other things that they just don't believe possible anymore. And it may not look like their original dream, but they've become where their thinking is small because of what's occurred in their past.
00:06:40
Speaker
And, you know, just like anybody else, we have negative things happen and that starts to beat us down and we start to feel like, okay, well, that's no longer possible. I'm not even going to try anymore.
00:06:54
Speaker
And my commitment to them and to everybody I encounter, including the boys at DeMatha, is to help reveal for them through their own steps, taking them forward,
00:07:10
Speaker
that maybe, yes, something is possible that I've given up on. And i work with people to see path forward. And it happens pretty quickly um because people are, weight I have seen that that dream is right under the surface.
00:07:31
Speaker
And it just takes a little, someone outside of themselves to see it clearly that it's possible. You know this, right? We can see it more clearly than our clients. From the outside, yeah. and when you start to break it down in a practical way, to say, okay, well, what if you called the college and said, what would it take for me to become an adjunct professor?
00:08:00
Speaker
And then they see, okay, I can do that. I can make a phone call. Yeah. What's the worst that could happen? What's the worst that could happen? And it's, there's nothing more thrilling to me than someone taking steps towards their goal and starting to achieve them and having a life they never imagined possible.
00:08:25
Speaker
Interesting that you say that. It was just a guest on a podcast on manifestation and someone was sharing a story about how they were praying to win the lottery and nothing was happening and nothing was happening. And finally, you know, they they got a message, you know, from in their prayers, you know, you're going to have to help us out a little bit. You're going to have to buy a ticket.
00:08:53
Speaker
You know, and it was like this, you, these things are here for you, but action is the language of the universe. You're gonna have to take a step and sometimes it's just not knowing maybe where to to take that to initiate it.
00:09:09
Speaker
Yes. Speaking of manifestation, i don't know if I told you about, I always have a class with the varsity team at DeMatha at the beginning of the season.
00:09:20
Speaker
And I usually do a workshop type event where I have them look at what's not working in an area that's important to you and then have them work through some questions.
00:09:31
Speaker
But this year I did a little something different around manifestation. And I'm still a little shocked at how well they took it on. You know, 70 boys from freshmen up to seniors sitting in ah the cafeteria to math.
00:09:47
Speaker
And I introduced manifestation to them and visualization. And I asked them, i had pre-printed a letter for them to complete to themselves as though the season were over.
00:10:03
Speaker
And I wanted them to write to themselves what happened during the season and and tell yourself, okay. And I then had them fold that up, put it in a sealed envelope, write their name on it and hand it in to me. And I held it unopened. I never looked at them.
00:10:23
Speaker
ah wow. Until the week after the championship game, which we won. wow. We went in Bill went in to collect uniforms the following Thursday, and I brought the letters.
00:10:38
Speaker
And I handed them out, and all of them read that to themselves their letters. and And then I asked them, would you get out, anybody be willing to read your letter? It was mind-blowing that these young men had written the letters the way I had er asked, as though the season were over.
00:10:59
Speaker
And our starting quarterback, Denzel Gardner, read his. And I want to actually make a copy of it to use for my um all of them, the four that read to me to use for some of my keynotes.
00:11:14
Speaker
He wrote that it wasn't an easy season. We had our ups and downs. But I achieved and he listed how many touchdowns he would have, how many interceptions, which was zero, how many yards.
00:11:29
Speaker
And he was on the money on every single one. Wow. It, uh, everybody in the room gasped. What's this young man's name? Denzel Gardner.
00:11:41
Speaker
All right. We paid attention to him. Yes. And then another young man um who had not started, was not a starter at the beginning of the season, and it didn't look good for him.
00:11:55
Speaker
He wrote in his letter that I don't start for a number of games, but I end up getting the spot and I become, I'm recognized by WCAC. We win the championship.
00:12:09
Speaker
And it all happened in the fifth game of the season. The young man ahead of him had to leave the school and he got the starting spot and he delivered in every way. since And so i I was honestly shocked that these teenagers got it as well as they did.
Coaching Philosophy: Openness and Trust
00:12:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:28
Speaker
And I wanted them to recognize this is a tool you can use the rest of your life in every area of your life. Yeah. So the young man got a shot and seized the moment.
00:12:41
Speaker
Yes, he did. It's fascinating that they resonated with that and... I suppose, you know, in my youth, if we had talked about this, I might've blown it off.
00:12:54
Speaker
So there's that, that's the one perspective I have is you know, that you're saying that they took it serious, but at the same time, there's a lot of inspirational figures around that community in that group.
00:13:09
Speaker
Um, and to cultivate a belief in a desire and, um, knowing that those things are possible, you know, and I would imagine that gets conveyed to them.
00:13:22
Speaker
Uh, but that's a really, really cool, uh, exercise that you had them do. And then to go back and relook at it and see, like, that's just a, that, late that time capsule of this is where my head was in this moment.
00:13:35
Speaker
And then this is what happened. Yes. Yeah. Very powerful. ah Yeah. That visual visualization, the visual the i went blanket on the manifestation.
00:13:51
Speaker
Yeah. It's just the belief, right? That things are possible. So many times we I think I said, you know, we we think small, but we don't realize just what we're capable of.
00:14:05
Speaker
ah You know, we can and we can get stuck, which I guess is kind of what you you see some of your clients coming to you with. Yes. ah What are some common maybe roadblocks that and people hit or themes that are sort of common that you you notice among your clients help?
00:14:29
Speaker
Well, the biggest theme, and it's true, I believe, for all human beings, is that our identity, who we become, is all formed by experiences we have from our past.
00:14:45
Speaker
And that all those experiences, good or bad, help define our identity. And that's wonderful. And there's a lot of times that identity has facets of it that are what allow us to be successful.
00:15:01
Speaker
But then there are facets of it that prevent some possibilities because they have killed off a possibility. You know, like we've I talk about a client, my very first client out of the corporate world, originally hired me to help her get a promotion.
00:15:24
Speaker
And within two weeks, she said, you know, I'm in my 50s and I gave up on having a relationship over 20 years ago. And part of our identity had become this woman who didn't need a partner.
00:15:40
Speaker
because she had been so badly hurt in her 30s by this partner she'd had that that experience then shut off the possibility of having a partner.
00:15:55
Speaker
She was so deeply wounded. And she then lived a life of being very successful professionally, having good relationships with her friends and her family, but having given up on a partner.
00:16:10
Speaker
And I'm sure anyone who hears this can recognize there are things in their past where they've been hurt or they lost a promotion or got fired or had a major breakdown in a relationship.
00:16:26
Speaker
And you can recognize that in that moment and when that occurred, that you shut off any future possibility in that area or you started to behave in a way, to your point, that was small versus anything's possible.
00:16:46
Speaker
Yeah. Avoiding pain, the potential for pain. Yes.
Empathy and Growth in Coaching
00:16:51
Speaker
And so i worked with my client to peel that away because oftentimes we don't see it.
00:16:59
Speaker
We don't see that that's in our lens, in our view, that that's ah playing a part. We just think it makes sense. This is, I'm doing fine. I have good friends.
00:17:11
Speaker
We justify it.
00:17:15
Speaker
And yet there's something missing in the background that is there. And I'm so grateful. She took the coaching. She was open. She was willing.
00:17:27
Speaker
Wasn't easy. Wasn't easy. But she was willing. And she's in a very long-term relationship now. I tell her and joke with her all the time. i I'm waiting for the wedding invitation. Amen.
00:17:44
Speaker
So you you've touched on a number of themes that I want to point out because I think they're helpful, but one is part of your work is getting people to trust you and also for them to trust themselves, believe in themselves and then, uh, being open.
00:18:05
Speaker
Uh, it's a big concept in mindfulness is being open to a, perhaps a new story or, you know, rewriting the story, um, because we close off, you know, you talked about, I got hurt maybe in a relationship in my thirties. And so to ah avoid that pain and suffering in the future, I'm going to close that part of myself off to the world. I'm not going to allow it to, to be heard again.
00:18:34
Speaker
it So it's to say safe, really. Right. But in the but then you're you're you're cutting off that part of yourself that could be fulfilled in a way that you you know may not entertain.
00:18:45
Speaker
So walking people down that path, which can be scary. Yes, it is scary. And I have to be mindful and I'm grateful for my own growth. If if you knew me even back when I was a mom at DeMarathon.
00:19:02
Speaker
ah to Bill and I was much more read rigid in my thinking and people would tell you know They struggled with me, and I had to do a lot of my own work, my own personal development, to be able to see my ability of being with people wherever they are and meeting them where they are and recognizing I can be with that.
00:19:30
Speaker
I can be with someone who's suffering, and I can be with someone who
00:19:37
Speaker
needs someone to partner with them and help. helped them on their journey instead of just, I was known for, you know, people just need to get a grip.
00:19:50
Speaker
This is years ago. Thank you. Well, he, he, And there is some level of coaching, which is very different than other forms of supporting others.
00:20:02
Speaker
Sure. Part of my job is to nudge them along. um But recognizing there are times that it's most appropriate for me to just listen.
00:20:13
Speaker
And to your point, that helps them develop trust for me. Yeah, that that's...
00:20:23
Speaker
coactive ah co-active approach or you know dancing with somebody to help lead them to to the path that they're on, ah for sure. Yes. And it sounds like you you did some work. I know you know it's one of the things that you're very intentional about and how you work with people is being empathic.
00:20:45
Speaker
Yes. Very much so. Very much so. I wasn't always...
00:20:55
Speaker
Well, it's hard.
00:20:58
Speaker
You talked about, you know, having the values instilled in you of being in service to others. But part of that is, you know, we go through our own evolution and our own growth um and we overcome our own issues.
00:21:13
Speaker
And part of that is learning. And then part of it is when we, you know, the wounded healer, we've we've learned this skill. So now we are the teacher. one And a lot of times I'm sure you would probably agree with this, that, you know, I learned from my clients just as much as they might learn from me. Like I'm always learning.
00:21:33
Speaker
A hundred percent. It's an honor to be with people. And like I said about the Dematha kids, my clients pour into me more than I believe I pour into them. think I learned so much from them. Yeah.
00:21:50
Speaker
Mm-hmm. So you're a life and career coach. We're at a time in the world where there is um a lot of uncertainty and people are going through career changes.
Navigating Career Changes
00:22:07
Speaker
What, how, what is the advice that you would give to those people now that are maybe in the throes or, you know, when we get stressed out, you go through these periods of fight, flight, or freeze.
00:22:22
Speaker
It seems to me kind of what I'm seeing is that people are kind of in this frozen standpoint um at, so you know, at the moment, but there's going to be a point where they come out of it.
00:22:34
Speaker
ah how are you seeing things um kind of play out in your world? Well, I agree with you. There's so much un unrest as it were with people losing their jobs, um being unsure, having to, especially in our area in the DMV. I mean, they, they've moved here for their jobs and now they're losing their jobs.
00:23:01
Speaker
And everything they know. and to your point, there's an initial period of fear and panic and what do i do And my first suggestion is to be gentle with yourself and to be recognized that this is temporary and that whatever skills and ability they had before this catastrophic period,
00:23:27
Speaker
they're still there. They're not gone. Everything that they had that allowed them to be where they were is still present. And then there are so many people, such as myself, I've put this out there on LinkedIn, I am more than happy to help people. My background is in human resources. I've actually had a couple people reach out with their resume. I'm happy at no cost to support people that are looking for that.
00:23:55
Speaker
And I have seen a groundswell of that, of people such as myself or professionals in industries willing to put out their hand and say, let me see how I can help you connect with someone else for a job.
00:24:12
Speaker
And not being small in that way, being willing and courageous enough to say, okay, there are people out there I can reach out to. yeah They're not alone.
00:24:24
Speaker
And there are a lot of people I've spoken to that would be more than happy to help in whatever way they can to look at a resume or connect them with people.
00:24:37
Speaker
I think we live in a time where there are people like you and i that I think we've grown. I mean, there's more coaches in the world that I can even imagine, but we're all here to make ah difference.
00:24:54
Speaker
So let us, let us make a difference for you. And it might just be in a small way. Yeah. I mean, it's, i think big for people to know that there are people out there that are able, you know, that have expertise that have skills that That are able to listen and see you where you are and and help guide you yeah um to the next thing, whatever that is.
00:25:22
Speaker
Yes. And I do like what you said. i appreciate about being gentle to yourself because that's incredibly important. Yes. Incredibly important. And also, i mean, I think we saw this during COVID to ah large degree.
00:25:39
Speaker
This might be a period where you look at a dream you gave up on. ah I'm glad you brought that up. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yes. That it's almost, you know, I was laid off after 37 years. I wasn't ready for that.
00:25:56
Speaker
And now during COVID. Yeah. After COVID in 2022, our company was acquired. Okay. Okay. But I had planned on retiring with them. And luckily in the corporate world, I was coaching too, but I wasn't ready for that.
00:26:13
Speaker
And i look back on that now, three years later, it was the greatest thing that ever happened. The greatest thing that ever happened and it gave me what I did was I hired my own coach knowing the value they bring and said, okay, what's next for me?
00:26:28
Speaker
And I started my own business. So for every one that you're referencing, there's a number of you that this is the prime opportunity to start to create a dream that you maybe have had and you've been nursing and waiting for the right moment. And maybe right now is the right moment.
00:26:49
Speaker
That is a very positive way and hopeful way of looking at it. um and And you're exactly right. um You know, when COVID started, i had just started my my solo practice.
00:27:03
Speaker
Pretty much coincided with it, which... was probably the best time in the world to start a counseling practice. um But people, I remember I got a phone call and it it was a wave of people who are like, you know, I'm sitting at home and I realize I've been doing a job 20 years.
00:27:26
Speaker
that I've hated or I just didn't like or I've just been doing this job and I want to do something else. Like I have X amount of time left because like people were faced with that existential type of fear. Like, OK, well, if I'm only going be around for a little bit longer, like what do i actually want to do um And so it ended up becoming this sort of empowering moment that a lot of people seized.
Empowerment Through Storytelling on Podcast
00:27:51
Speaker
um So in any tragedy, just you know so you know, like people come together and there is ah opportunity to to grow if you allow it.
00:28:03
Speaker
Yes. Yeah, you have to be willing. Yeah, absolutely. I'm glad you brought that up. ah Gosh.
00:28:14
Speaker
So tell, maybe tell us a little bit about just the podcast. that you I know that it's had a ah very big impact on people. how How are you finding it?
00:28:24
Speaker
Because I know that I learn a lot by doing this and talking to really interesting people. too. Yeah. Well, I have said this before. don't even know why I was so driven to have it initially, but I knew right out the gate when I decided to have my own business.
00:28:45
Speaker
While I had a very good career, I did have the experience a lot of women have, a lot of people of color have, where I wasn't really heard.
00:28:58
Speaker
And I wasn't really allowed to use my voice unless it was what they wanted to hear. And I wanted to have a podcast where women would have an experience of telling their story without interruption. And I really didn't like somebody that would be on like a Kelly Clarkson show. And I know it's due to timing restrictions, but...
00:29:26
Speaker
they would be in the middle of answering a question, they would get interrupted. And I, I said, I want to be able to just have an experience for a woman, offer the experience where they can share their story through an if only through, because I had lived my life with a lot of if onlys. And I know if only, you know, my boss has heard me or if only,
00:29:51
Speaker
um I made more money, then I would be happy. And so I came up with the idea of if only, and I wanted it to be women telling their stories for other people, other women to hear something possible for themselves.
00:30:11
Speaker
Because most of my guests are not, you know, celebrities or the top of the top in their industry.
00:30:23
Speaker
But they're women like me. They're women who have successful businesses, who have achieved. And they have all had an if only in their past. And if only i were more confident. If only I trusted myself. If only i you know, my mom was my first guest. If only I were smart enough, I would go to college.
00:30:47
Speaker
And it's such a rich experience for me to hear these women. I'm honored that they trust me and feel comfortable to the point I've noticed a shift this year where people are being very vulnerable on my show, more so than they were.
00:31:07
Speaker
had one guest who has a very rich life. And she said, oh, I'm not going to talk about that. I'm not going to talk about that because that's too personal. That's too personal. This was in our prequel.
00:31:18
Speaker
Yeah. And then the the show came and she shared every single thing she was scared to share about. And she called me afterwards in tears just saying how cathartic that was for her.
00:31:31
Speaker
And then since then, I've gotten a lot of calls about her her episode. And she has told me how it was a watershed moment for her in being authentic in the world with who she was. Wow. And who she is.
00:31:47
Speaker
Mm-hmm. It's very, you know, I had one guest, an attorney that I know. The one that just touched me so much, she told me afterwards, you know, my brother and I have grown so far apart.
00:32:01
Speaker
And he called me, had listened to it and told me how proud he was of me. And i mean, even if that's all that she got out of that experience, it's well worth it.
00:32:14
Speaker
Yeah. This, uh, like beautiful moment happened after that, like it allowed that to happen. Well, I would say that that was very, uh, a very special synchronicity.
00:32:29
Speaker
Yes, a very special synchronicity. i I agree. There's so many lovely synchronicities that ah occur in our life. It's amazing. If we if we're present.
00:32:40
Speaker
but but Yes. ah You know, the more, know, I've learned about mindfulness and being present, you know, a lot of times I learn how not present I am.
00:32:53
Speaker
um But that, you know, part of the practice is to come back to the present. and ah allow moments. The idea being that you can, you know, like we are giving, you know, our attention to each other in this moment, in this conversation, and that it's possible to find, you know, a state of flow in psychology where these, the sort of magic or synchronicities can happen in life.
00:33:19
Speaker
you know, where someone in their mind says, listen, I'm closed off to sharing these things because I don't want to appear, you know, this is just my own speculation, like weak or vulnerable or that kind of thing.
00:33:30
Speaker
But in that moment where I feel safe, I allow myself to be seen, which takes a lot of courage. And then people hear that. And then that allows us them to maybe show up more fully in their own life.
Mindfulness and its Role in Fulfillment
00:33:45
Speaker
Absolutely. And that's That's the intention. I want people to learn from my guests and see something for themselves that they can take forward.
00:33:59
Speaker
Well, it's I know it's had a big impact on a lot of people. ah and just had a guest on my show and she talked about betting on herself. And then I realized around the same time you had a ah similar episode on um betting on yourself. So these universal themes that show up people. Mm-hmm.
00:34:21
Speaker
you know that show up for people
00:34:25
Speaker
And I will say, um I did one month where I did the three men who have impacted me the greatest, and Bill Sutton was one, and his was, if only I could be present.
00:34:38
Speaker
And he talked about that journey of... really causing himself to be present and recognizing that he wasn't always present and it had a ah negative impact on him and the people around him.
00:34:53
Speaker
But yet he recognized that he had broken through that if only, but like a lot of people,
00:35:02
Speaker
if we're not present to it, it will creep back in.
00:35:09
Speaker
The best mindfulness teachers will tell you it is a practice. It's not something you learn about and you learn the value of one time.
00:35:20
Speaker
you You will lose it if you don't practice. um it's It's just something that you have to bake into your daily life. um Otherwise, you can disconnect from yourself and other people rather quickly and easily. Mm-hmm.
00:35:38
Speaker
Just to to note that, though, ah you were talking about, Bill, becoming aware of that. A lot of people are not present in their lives. It's a huge problem. It is.
00:35:52
Speaker
totally is. you know and so What do you see with that?
00:35:59
Speaker
I see a lot of people living in their head. or, you know, fantasizing about life or just to sleep. They are going through the motions of life.
00:36:12
Speaker
You know, this is where I'm at and this is, um, my lot in the world and it can be uh slightly apathetic or anxious or depressing and i think part of my work or what inspires me and you know really in talking to someone like you and who who gets people to dream big is you know you're you don't have to settle for that
00:36:39
Speaker
Once you become present in your life and you understand, so a lot of it you know understand, okay, how, how am I manifesting this now?
00:36:50
Speaker
Cause I am, I'm creating it. How can, if I want it to be different, if I'm not happy with my life right now, how can i change it? How can i bring more joy into my life?
00:37:04
Speaker
Being present and asking that question. Not everyone is willing to introspect in that way. But for the people that are, who are willing or recognize, hey, my life could be different.
00:37:19
Speaker
Well, where do I start? you know And sometimes that might be making a phone call to me or to someone like you where it's like, okay, I'm in this career. Maybe it's come to an end or maybe I just realized I would imagine you have this happen to you where someone's like, I, I, I want out. I'm not happy in this job and I want to see how I can get out of this and find something better.
00:37:43
Speaker
Yeah. no One of my clients that I'm still working with, um his wife is a good friend of mine and he had started his own business a few years before. So about four years ago.
00:37:58
Speaker
And he was miserable. Miserable. And it showed up in all the ways that you just conveyed apathy and just resignation and cynicism on about it all. and Burnout.
00:38:13
Speaker
Yep. And she said, would you be willing to talk to him? And... and He's been a great client because he is willing and he's coachable, but he quickly got present to when he was a young man in college.
00:38:29
Speaker
And after college, he had this dream of being a professor. And he went, I remember when we first started to talk about it, he was all about, there's just not possible.
00:38:40
Speaker
I'm 60 years old. I'm, you know, I have this obligation. i own this business. I spent a ton of money on it. I can't just close this business down. i have to, have to have to do this, have to do that.
00:38:58
Speaker
And it was baby steps. But he, was an adjunct professor. He is right now. He started in January. Wow. Teaching business courses.
00:39:10
Speaker
And he closed his business. He dealt with all of that that he had to deal with. He also is now executive coaching sales professionals, which is what he did in the world. And he was great at it.
00:39:25
Speaker
And he marvels all the time. My whole life has changed. My whole life in less than a year is completely different. He's lit up about life. He's excited to wake up in the morning.
00:39:39
Speaker
And that's possible for anyone.
00:39:43
Speaker
That's what I want people to know. Yes. You know, when they when you essentially, we we kind of hinted at it before, but when you shut off that part of you that believes that that is possible, when you open things up and explore them and consciously put things into alignment, like this is something that I would enjoy, and then you start doing it, like you you get your life force back.
00:40:12
Speaker
Yes, you I love that way you put that. You get your life force back. You do. Totally. Versus the the burnout and just, you know, being depleted all the time.
00:40:24
Speaker
And just going through the motions of life. Yeah. no Yeah, that's a big a big deal. And it's, of course, it's wonderful to have that success story, right? Like that that gives that gives me tremendous amount of joy when I...
00:40:43
Speaker
I don't do it for them. But when someone walks down that path and they go from I can't to I can and I will. Yes. That that line of thinking and they they believe it and then they make it happen. And then that's almost like a surprise. Like, can't believe that happened. It's like you did it.
00:41:04
Speaker
Yes. Yes. You have that power. It's the you it's a very empowering um path to walk through. it And I emphasize that with all my clients.
00:41:16
Speaker
Number one, that they did it. They're the one who created it. I'm just in the background providing a little bit of a push or a little bit of guidance here and there, but that they will always have that tool in their toolkit.
00:41:33
Speaker
that they now see that they can turn their life around and start to create their life to look just how they want. And that's always going to be available to them.
00:41:46
Speaker
Yeah. And then, and then that gets paid forward, right? Like they go off into their world and they come into, you know, relationships and share that possibility with others. And so it multiplies. so Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.
00:42:03
Speaker
Yeah, people, people have so many, um, you know, what I call self-defeating core beliefs where it's like, I can't do that, or that's not possible. And we just limit ourselves in so many ways that we're not aware of wall because so often we're not present. And so part of being present is, is when you kind of get back into the the body, you're asking how to do that.
00:42:28
Speaker
But really the fundamental practice of the but ah of mindfulness is the body scan. Because that's where you hold all of your stress. And that's where you'll start to kind of find those lingering self-doubts or those core beliefs that are ailing you, right? Because the body is where stress is is held.
00:42:50
Speaker
um And that connects you to the present moment. So getting out of your head where a lot of people live in you know, and they're disconnected, I mean, one way to think about it is, you know, just kind of walk around and look at people, right? Like they're they're on their phone, scrolling through, you know social media, you know, looking at other people's lives or something like that.
00:43:11
Speaker
They're living elsewhere. They're not connected to themselves. I was reading something recently where it's like, you know, just having your phone near you, now it doesn't get to be off.
00:43:24
Speaker
It's just, but near you and face down, it impacts your your attention. And your attention is such a gift. It's the most precious thing you have. It is. Yeah.
00:43:37
Speaker
And I love how you point to something that I wasn't connected to until I started my own journey with coaching is that whole mind-body.
00:43:48
Speaker
you know, I did a lot of learning. it was all in my head, in my thinking. And until I connected the two, and then of course there's our spirituality, but so many people I'm sure you see I see they deal with health issues you know back issues neck issues headaches whatever it is and that many of my guests have been healers acupuncturists etc and they all are famous for saying the body tells the story right and I know you deal in that world too and that's
00:44:30
Speaker
in some ways almost more difficult for people to grasp.
Connection Between Mental and Physical Health
00:44:35
Speaker
um Yes. They have it that it's a health issue, you know, that it's really, it's, it's a solid issue that needs to be fixed, you know, in normal medical ways, um, where,
00:44:54
Speaker
I just told this story of going to an osteopath for um a chiropractor told me I had to have surgery on my neck. This is many years ago. isn Bill Sutton, I think was in middle school.
00:45:06
Speaker
And I didn't want to have surgery. I i knew that. And I went to my brother's apa a PA and he said, go see this osteopath. And I went and saw him and I went to him for about two years and I would go every few months or whatever. And One time I went in and he looked at me and he said, Brenda, until you deal with whatever's going on in your mind, you're going to keep coming to me.
00:45:35
Speaker
You need to deal with whatever's going on in your mind. And I was so angry. and You mean you can't fix this? I was like, you can't say it has anything to with my mind.
00:45:47
Speaker
I mean, when were leaving there, it was so resentful and angry. And how could he do that? and And then I thankfully said, okay, Brenda, what is he trying to tell you?
00:45:59
Speaker
so I started doing my own work. And all of that was just stress and anxiety about my job. And it jacked up my neck and my back. And I would sit at work all day in pain.
00:46:13
Speaker
And once I dealt with that and dealt with what the root of my stress and anxiety was, I have never had another minute of problem in my neck and back, ever.
00:46:24
Speaker
Yeah. It's an uncomfortable truth for people to discover that. Yeah. bluew with and But in the only way to learn, right, like I could hear you tell me that in the past and I might, and might believe it, I might not.
00:46:40
Speaker
But until I actually peer into my body, doing a body scan, which I mean, that's really what happened to me is I went on a meditation retreat and Was just scanning my body, going through the physical sensations and all the aches and pains and numbness and good feelings and whatever in stories and thoughts and emotions are popping up.
00:47:07
Speaker
And then when you try to sit still for a couple hours, you realize you can find a lot of pain. um And the practice really is tuning into your pain and seeing what is there.
00:47:19
Speaker
And once you do that, you start to see your stuff. you know, your thoughts about things, you know, for me, you know, for example, but with back pain, it was, you know, what is this pain? Oh, it's just pain. But when I looked into it, it was anger.
00:47:39
Speaker
And at the time it was frustration, that I wasn't where I wanted to be in life. And so it was almost this like self-hatred where it's like you're beating yourself up.
00:47:52
Speaker
And that was the pain. And once I brought awareness to that and saw it, the pain went away. And it's the craziest thing in the world where you have this excruciating pain, one second, debilitating, and then it's gone.
00:48:08
Speaker
And you're like, wait, that was, I resolved it. Right. like It's almost, it's hard to believe. And then I'm sure there are people that will listen to this that, they I mean, I know there are legitimate health conditions and and that need medical intervention, standard medical intervention, but
00:48:31
Speaker
It does blow your mind. i I can't tell you. I've been going to an acupuncturist for over 30 years because they help move things through me and yeah feel like I'm getting sick as a dog and have a sore throat and then I can go get treated that day and I wake up the next day and I feel 100% better. Yeah.
00:48:53
Speaker
And I then look at, you know, what am what am I stressed about or what am I... taking on that showing up like I have a sore throat. Yeah.
00:49:05
Speaker
So I just had a ah mindfulness teacher on recently and he you were joking about how, you know, the quantum physicist would say everything is energy, but it's when there's a block in that energy that it's not flowing, that it's stuck in the body, that it starts to create potentially chronic pain, you know, diseases, cancer, things like that, that you, if you haven't heard about that that you may want to look into if you have something that's going on but people that work with the body figure this out pretty quick there's one a story that I heard from a ah massage therapist where she's ah working with somebody and she gets into the glutes the glute area and the woman that she's working on goes did I tell you that my husband had an affair
00:49:59
Speaker
Oh, my gosh. And she's like, ah no. But she that energy it was something she was sitting on, which always like stuck in my mind. Like, oh my gosh. Like, you know, there's these things that happen that stress us out, that we inhibit, that stick in our bodies somewhere.
00:50:21
Speaker
And it just happened to get nudged, right? Like, and they got released, like this secret that she had been holding onto. it was like, oh, this is something I need to to maybe deal with.
Encouragement to Pursue Dreams
00:50:32
Speaker
And that's kind of where with mindfulness, where the attention goes, the energy flows, right? Like you're bringing your your attention kindly and gently to your body and to your stuff, which is where that can be valuable and connecting to it all in the present moment.
00:50:48
Speaker
Yes. Yes. So yeah, fascinating things. Very fascinating. But you can become aware of the blocks that, um you know, it's we all face these things, right? Like no one's immune from them.
00:51:03
Speaker
Absolutely. You know, on this period of self-discovery.
00:51:09
Speaker
So... So, yeah, so you have all these interesting guests. you're you're I'm going to link to your show, if only. Well, thank you. Because I want people to to check it out. and You have a lot of, well, you are an awesome person, but you have a lot of good people on your show as well.
00:51:27
Speaker
Yeah, I really do. I enjoy it. And I'd love to link to yours. And when I have another month of men in my life, I will definitely have you on as guests.
00:51:39
Speaker
Um, where can people find you, Brenda, that would like to check you out and work with you? Well, um, my website is brendamcgregor.com and it's Brenda and M C G R E G O R.com.
00:51:56
Speaker
You can email me bmcgregor.coaching at gmail.com. Or should I leave my phone? I can also leave my phone if people want. Sure. My cell is 240-418-6726. And I'd love to hear from anyone.
00:52:14
Speaker
And I'm always looking for amazing women who want to tell their story of breaking through. And if only they had. Yeah. Yeah. ah Would you like to leave our listeners with one last positive message?
00:52:30
Speaker
Well, thank you for that opportunity.
00:52:35
Speaker
um The only thing I would offer in the moment, of course, I want to say something so valuable, but more than anything, know that you already have what you need inside you and use some of these things that Jimmy especially pointed out, you know, look within and be mindful, set some time aside to really explore what is it you want.
00:53:00
Speaker
And then find those people that are here to support you and take, even if it's just a tiny step forward, it will help move you towards your dreams come true.
00:53:13
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, Brenda, for that wonderful message and, you know, sharing your time with us and your wisdom. And we really appreciate it I know i am very grateful for you in the work that you do and looking forward to manifesting my vision board this year.
00:53:37
Speaker
Awesome. Well, I'm so glad. It was so wonderful to see your face come in that room to the vision board workshop. And as you hear, there's nothing like my to math of family. And it meant so much to me that you were there. And I'm so glad we reconnected and appreciate you so much for having me on your show.
00:53:56
Speaker
Well, thank you, and we will see Thank you so much for tuning in today and being with us. May you find joy, flow, and adventure on your journey.
00:54:07
Speaker
And if you got something from it, please like, share, and subscribe and or comment. It means a lot. Thank you.