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Episode 12 - Dealing with life's challenges, becoming empowered, with Dr Liza
48 Plays9 months ago
This is episode 12 and it’s just me this week (well me and my newborn that I’m baby wearing). I’m discussing how to overcome life’s challenges and becoming empowered and sharing some personal experience. It seems timely given I have a newborn and this time is always challenging even if everything goes well. It has certainly been challenging for me given I have been in hospital with the little one every week since he was born!
Faith is very important for me and I pray daily so this is something I draw on to help me through difficult times. A scripture came through about humility and this has made me contemplate that part of humility is accepting our own limitations and asking for help. This is something I am going to practice more of now that I realise this is part of humble living. I hadn’t considered that before. Have you?
I discuss an exercise called ‘struggles and strengths’ in this episode and hopefully this will help you validate how you feel and accept what you’ve been through but also realise your strength and character. Let me know how you get on as this has been one of the most transformative exercises I have ever done!
I believe asking for help, sharing vulnerabilities is a great way to enhance intimacy. So ultimately this can contribute to sexual wellness too!
As always stay in touch with me via email info@pressing-desires.com or DM via the social media channels Instagram, Facebook or Threads @pressingdesires
Remember to let me know the results of your Red/Amber/Green light act from this show! Lubricants is the topic this week so are they a red, amber or green for you?
You can see my website https://pressingdesires.mykajabi.com/ or www.pressing-desires.com and sign up to my emails and get your free ebook there.
Let me know your thoughts on this show, I’m always keen to hear your views.
Love and light
Dr Liza
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Transcript
Podcast Introduction
00:00:03
Speaker
Welcome to Pressing Desires, the podcast exclusively for women wanting to improve their health by unlocking their mind, body, spirit and sexual wellness.
00:00:19
Speaker
Join us on this transformative journey as we explore topics that touch your soul, invigorate your body, and reignite your passions.
Focus on Resilience and Health
00:00:27
Speaker
From cultivating a resilient mindset, nourishing your physical health, awakening your spirit, and embracing your deepest desires, nothing is off limits.
00:00:45
Speaker
Pressing desires is your go-to resource, featuring expert interviews, inspiring stories of triumph, and practical tips to help you unlock your true potential.
Empowerment Through Holistic Health
00:00:59
Speaker
Subscribe now, and together, let's embrace our pressing desires and create a life that exceeds all expectations.
00:01:07
Speaker
Get ready to ignite your passions and live a life with more pleasure. Yes, please. This is Pressing Desires, the podcast that empowers women to improve their health and go on a journey towards mind, body, spirit and don't forget sexual wellness. Hmm, I'm really looking forward to that last bit.
Introduction to Dr. Lisa and Women's Empowerment
00:01:35
Speaker
Hello and welcome to this episode of the Pressing Desires podcast. It's me here, Dr. Lisa, and well, and my little newborn here who is four weeks old. And today's episode is just me, well, yeah, me and him, him and his hiccups as it seems. So yeah, no guest this week, it's just me as your host.
Comprehensive Wellness Discussion
00:02:01
Speaker
And I'm gonna be talking about
00:02:03
Speaker
overcoming life's challenges and becoming empowered as women. This podcast is, as you know, all about women's wellness and the real way day-to-day that we can improve our wellness while juggling our massively complex lives as women and taking that mind, body, spirit, and sexual wellness approach to our health and well-being, so not leaving any bit of ourselves out.
00:02:33
Speaker
And I think as women, we pride ourselves, don't we, in juggling multiple responsibilities and multiple challenges.
Societal Expectations on Women
00:02:43
Speaker
And sometimes we can really be the martyr of our own lives by listing all the things that we're trying to manage by ourselves.
00:02:52
Speaker
I think society does kind of train us and expect us to be able to take on the responsibility of everything in our lives and being that kind of central point of anchoring everyone else around us. And yeah, particularly after the last four weeks of my life of having this little new one in my life, I thought there's no better time than now of discussing
00:03:21
Speaker
juggling issues and problems and challenges, because it certainly has been a bit of a roller coaster.
Challenges of Motherhood
00:03:29
Speaker
He certainly has brought his own challenges with him, but all worth it, of course, all worth it. But yeah, before we start the episode, as always on this podcast, we do the red, amber, green light game. And this week I wanted to suggest lubrication. So in your sex life,
00:03:50
Speaker
do you use lubricants as part of your intimate lives? Be that by yourself in solo pleasure or with your partner or partners. I certainly discuss lubricants with clients and with patients a lot, but is it something that you discuss?
Sexual Health Insights
00:04:08
Speaker
Have you discussed or thought about it yourself or thought about it with partner or partners? And is it a red, amber or green light? So is it a red? You
00:04:17
Speaker
don't like the thought of using lubricants for whatever reason you may have.
00:04:21
Speaker
Is it something you've never thought about and never discussed? Have you got your own opinions or particular thoughts about it? So some people think that using lubricants is a sign of failure, a sign that you're not turned on enough or not into it, which is not true, by the way. Is it an amber? So does it depend on what you're doing, depend on
00:04:50
Speaker
How you feel at the time, depending on your partner, depending on what you're using. Maybe you just use them for toys, for example. Or is it a green? Is it something that you always use no matter what you're doing? Is it a staple in your sex life?
00:05:07
Speaker
Yeah, let me know. Are lubricants a red, amber or green light for you? And of course, when it comes to lubricants, make sure you only use very good quality and body safe lubricants because lots of the high street ones out there do not suit female intimate health and can cause more problems than good. Anyway, let's move on to today's episode, which is entitled Overcoming Life's Challenges and Becoming Empowered.
Coping Strategies for Women
00:05:37
Speaker
So, as women, we do take pride in
00:05:43
Speaker
juggling multiple responsibilities and facing multiple problems. And often we like the thought of dealing with those alone and overcoming those challenges alone. And that gives us a bit of an ego boost maybe, or maybe you've not thought about it being an ego boost. Maybe you just don't feel like you can ask anyone else for help. Maybe you don't like that thought or feel like no one can help you or your partner can't help you or that it's just your responsibility.
Personal Story: Child's Health Challenges
00:06:13
Speaker
Let me know how you feel about that. But certainly in my life, I've always felt that it's my role to sort out our family problems and that I've got the resilience and capability to manage that stress load. And yeah, maybe I have taken pride in being that resilient. And certainly over my lifetime,
00:06:43
Speaker
learning to be resilient has been a skill that I've cultivated and that started off with started from I guess my daughter's diagnosis with a condition called neurofibromatosis or NF1 for short. So that kind of took me on this road of managing chronic stress. So any mother who has a child with a long-term lifelong condition
00:07:11
Speaker
particularly ones that are unpredictable, will really appreciate what chronic stress feels like. So my story, my background I guess, is that as some of you may know I've always been a family medicine doctor and when I had my daughter she was diagnosed with this condition called
00:07:34
Speaker
NF1 or neurofibromatosis which is an unpredictable and incurable genetic condition which causes tumors to grow on nerves and obviously we have nerves throughout our whole body so you can have tumors anywhere inside the body. At the minute she has one in her brain so she's got a type of brain tumor
00:07:54
Speaker
which can risk her eyesight by the minute that's being monitored by the oncologists and the eye doctors so that's been very stressful to live with but also it causes all sorts of other problems so developmental problems so she's got coordination balance problems and some learning problems
00:08:17
Speaker
but it can is associated with any type of health risk that you can possibly think of and increases your risk of things like cancers, blood pressure problems, heart problems, mental health problems and anything you can think of it increases her risk of that. So it's been very stressful to deal with that because obviously you don't want your child to have any health problems and since she's been born we've been
00:08:45
Speaker
back and forth back and forth to the hospital she's been she initially started off under eight different specialities at the local hospital um so juggling all those appointments was tough in her early years and a change to our schedule um so i'm used to dealing with
00:09:05
Speaker
health problems and being the other side of the desk I guess. So it's definitely different being on the patient side of the doctor's desk as opposed to the doctor's side. It's easier on the doctor's side I feel. Well certainly in my life I feel it's easier being that side of the desk than the other side of the desk.
00:09:25
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So yeah when that happened I obviously found it really overwhelming to start off with because I wanted to take a lifestyle medicine approach to reducing her risk and I've always believed that our genes, our genetics deals us cards but our lifestyle tells us how we play those cards. So by using lifestyle measures and lifestyle medicine approaches we can reduce the risk of our
00:09:55
Speaker
a deck of cards playing negatively in our lives. So by using those lifestyle measures I felt like we were more in control and that I could reduce her risk of having any complications from this condition.
Lifestyle Medicine and Genetic Risks
00:10:11
Speaker
Obviously it's not 100% foolproof so genes still have a huge effect but
00:10:19
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By using those lifestyle measures, it helps us to cope and deal better with whatever negative outcome our genes gives us. So even if it doesn't prevent it 100%, at least it gives us a better quality of life dealing with whatever our genes throws up for us.
Single Motherhood and Isolation
00:10:40
Speaker
So yeah I started off with that as a difficult scenario to deal with and then shortly after that diagnosis I was a single mum to my daughter with her health problems but also I had an eight month old baby brother at the time so being a single mum to two
00:11:01
Speaker
2 under 2 was really hard as well as being a full-time GP back then.
00:11:14
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So I felt certainly quite isolated at the time because I didn't know anyone else who'd been through a divorce. And I felt like that had brought a lot of shame onto my family. A lot of my friends found it really difficult to deal with. Quite a few of them admitted that they found it really awkward. And I actually felt like I lost a lot of friends at the time because they didn't want to pick between me and my ex. So they chose
00:11:45
Speaker
it seemed like they chose neither or more chose him really. So that was really difficult because I basically felt like I was starting my life again but in some ways it was very freeing because once you feel like you brought shame onto your life it means then that you're kind of free to do as you please because you just think oh well
00:12:11
Speaker
You know, everyone's pissed off and you've shamed everyone already, so what more? What more can you do wrong?
Therapeutic Exercises for Growth
00:12:20
Speaker
So it was freeing in some ways. But I wanted to talk about how we can cope with all our life struggles and how freeing it can be to do this exercise, which is like a validation and acceptance exercise.
00:12:41
Speaker
which I learned from a psychologist friend of mine and I found it really useful and I've used it with many, many clients. So it is a struggles and strengths exercise. I've actually still got my pieces of paper that I did ages and ages and ages ago now. So this is my tip for you women out there who have found life really difficult and who have had multiple hurdles to overcome.
00:13:11
Speaker
To see how freeing this exercise might make you feel and how you might realize how strong you are as a woman, but also learn the skill of asking for help.
00:13:25
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because I think that is very difficult for us and takes skill and practice. I'm definitely not very good at this. And interestingly, recently I had this scripture come through on my phone. So every day I've got this app that is
00:13:43
Speaker
It's like a Bible app that sends me short scriptures and things to think about for my spirituality and my faith. And one of the ones in the last few days was about humility and how humility is all about accepting our vulnerabilities and turning to our faith, be that God for you or whoever, whatever entity you feel
00:14:12
Speaker
supports you and guides you. So turning to our divine source to ask for help and passing on our doubts and our
Understanding Humility
00:14:21
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worries and our anxieties onto God or source or divine energy
00:14:33
Speaker
whatever you call your spiritual faith. So turning to that source and passing on our worries and concerns and putting our faith into accepting help from that entity.
00:14:49
Speaker
So I found that very interesting because I didn't realize that that is actually humility. So I feel like I live quite a humble life. I definitely feel like I put others before myself and think of others. And I try and do that regularly every day. But part of humility is actually accepting our limitations and accepting our vulnerabilities and asking for help. And yeah.
00:15:19
Speaker
putting our faith into someone else stepping up to help us. And I don't think I'd appreciate it quite that that is actually part of humility. Let me know if you've ever thought that that was part of humility and whether or not you're
00:15:34
Speaker
willing to accept your limitations and ask for help. Is it something that you do regularly? But it's something that I'm going to start doing more of, I've decided, particularly of my husband. I've decided I'm going to put my faith into him actually being able to help. So I'm going to ask for more help from now on and see how that impacts our relationship.
00:16:03
Speaker
because I think the more we as women do take on the role of sorting everything.
Acknowledging Past Challenges
00:16:09
Speaker
the more that can lead to relationship conflict and certainly then that can often affect our intimate lives and our libido. So that's my plan with humility but I just wanted to go through and share my strengths and stresses. So basically I just got some A4 paper, here it is, and put the title
00:16:41
Speaker
First, the title stressors on the top and then you basically list down. You try and write as fast as you possibly can and you list down everything that you found to stressful or every challenge you've ever felt ever faced in your life and that can be from childhood right up until now and it can be small or little you list everything absolutely everything so it doesn't matter how insignificant you think it is
00:17:07
Speaker
Or if you think, oh, that was just a pathetic little problem, why should that bother me now? You just, anything that pops into your mind, you list. So I've got like two, a four sides of things. I'm sure there's more than that. And there's certainly more than that since he's come along or since I was pregnant. And so the kind of things that I'd written here, and you don't put it in any order either. So write it in whatever order pops to mind.
00:17:33
Speaker
So I have got things like my first miscarriage, so my first late miscarriage, I also added my second late miscarriage, the divorce that I had, Tora's diagnosis,
00:17:45
Speaker
the fact that she had this rare brain tumor and that everyone had told me not to worry about it and why was I worrying about it so much when less than 10% of people with NF get it. So my resentment at having been told not to worry about it when actually that was the problem all along.
00:18:07
Speaker
I've written that I didn't feel like my friends at the time supported me with Tora's diagnosis and that often at the time I felt that she was missing out on socialising because people
00:18:20
Speaker
I felt that people found it awkward that my child had a disability and felt that she was being left out because of her disability. I've also written things like our house extension went wrong so we put in a huge investment into renovating this house and then
00:18:40
Speaker
Halfway through, it went wrong and we had to start all over again. So we lost a huge, huge amount of money to the point where we're still paying that off years later because we had to start it again and the house started falling down. It was a nightmare. I've written some health challenges that I'd had, the fact that I found it very difficult to lose weight after those miscarriages. So I started off this pregnancy,
00:19:10
Speaker
to sound heavier than I wanted to financial difficulties that we've had employment problems that I've had with the with where I've worked in the past and contract problems.
00:19:26
Speaker
I also wrote that I was bullied by some work colleagues in a previous job. I forgot about that. That was a nightmare as well. I actually had a work colleague tell me that as a GP, I would know nothing about pediatric oncology and I would never have come across any children with any type of tumor diagnoses and that that would make me incompetent in this new job.
00:19:52
Speaker
And this colleague clearly didn't know my story with my own daughter and her. She was, you know, her being an oncologist with her tumor. So that was extremely upsetting at the time.
00:20:08
Speaker
What else did I write? Family having health problems and supporting them through health problems. I've written that I went through a period of being bullied in school and I couldn't use our school bus for two years. That I had difficulty making friends when I first went to university.
00:20:36
Speaker
Oh, that I ended up in hospital on Christmas day for a huge ovarian cyst, which I had no idea was there until Christmas day. I thought I was going to die on Christmas day. That's how horrendous the pain was. So I had an emergency laparotomy where I was opened up on Christmas day a couple of years ago. Work stress, having to work too many jobs, feeling overwhelmed by work.
00:21:07
Speaker
and even like really minor things like I had cryotherapy so you know where you go into a freezing freezer essentially for you know cold therapy so you stand in this freezer essentially for four minutes and the temperature is really really cold to give yourself an immune boost multiple benefits and I actually love it but the first time I went in there
00:21:32
Speaker
I didn't put on the little crocs that they recommend so you have to have something on your feet because otherwise the bottom of your feet freeze and the person who was doing my therapy didn't tell me to put something on my feet so I went in there and for the whole four minutes I was fine. My feet were cold obviously but I felt okay but hours later
00:21:57
Speaker
I had freeze burns on my feet so I couldn't walk for days and a friend of mine who is a plastic surgeon had to actually give me advice because the burns were so bad so yeah you can put little things it was it was a little at the time but it's insignificant in my life now
00:22:15
Speaker
So you put any type of challenge that you've had in your life that has pissed you off, that has been overwhelming, that has upset you, or has slowed you down in life, made you frustrated, or ones that have really affected your self-esteem. So however little or big the challenge has been, list them all down on your list.
00:22:41
Speaker
So I can't go through all of them. There's many more. And you can do as many pages as you want. And then once you've listed all of those, you can basically sit there for a minute or two and validate how difficult things have been and why you might have felt overwhelmed at times. So sit there just breathing and recognizing how tough things have been and
00:23:06
Speaker
accept, just acceptance that things have been difficult but that you're still here. But just that acceptance and validating why at times you've been upset or found things difficult and that will often lead to a feeling of comfort to yourself once you've done that. So list them all out
00:23:28
Speaker
then sit there for a minute or two just focusing on your breath and accepting how things have been and validate how you feel. And once you've done that get another piece of paper and write strengths on the top.
Identifying Strengths and Growth
00:23:44
Speaker
See these papers are so old that's why they crumpled up. Write strengths on the top and then you write every single strength that you've got that has made you cope with that list of problems that you've
00:23:56
Speaker
you've overcome and you will have some strengths hence why you're still here now so even though you've gone through all of that you're still here you're still doing well so list down all the strengths that you've drawn on all the characteristics that you have that have allowed you to be able to
00:24:13
Speaker
cope with those individual hurdles. So I've written things like that I'm resilient, that I meditate regularly. I've written things like I've got two well-adjusted children. So even though I've divorced, they're happy, well-adjusted, confident children.
00:24:36
Speaker
I've written that Tora is healthy and happy and her health condition is stable, that my boy Maxin is a strong and happy individual. I've written that I'm married to someone who loves me, I've got a well-paid job, I'm good at my job I've written, I
00:24:58
Speaker
I feel like I do worthwhile work. I've managed to manifest new work opportunities every year and that I'm good at manifesting work opportunities. I've written that I've made new friends and I've got good friends. I've written that my body heals quickly and it's a strong body that adapts.
00:25:20
Speaker
Well, I've written that I'm a conscious manifestor, so I practice law of attraction and that I'm conscious in manifesting the life that I want. I've written that I know how to practice self-care. That doesn't mean I practice it regularly or as regularly as I should, but I know the skills and the tools and how I should be doing that and I think about it regularly.
00:25:44
Speaker
I've written that I've got a beautiful home that has come from that time when I had the extension problem. I've now got a beautiful home that's designed exactly how I want. I've written that as a family we've got everything we need. I've written that I'm nice to people and that I make a lot of effort for the people.
00:26:11
Speaker
I'm spiritual and I have a strong faith and I certainly draw on that in times that are difficult and I do tell myself that things will pass and that everything is for the greater good and that certainly makes me feel better at the time. I enjoy time with my family. I enjoy time with my extended family. I've written that
00:26:36
Speaker
I'm willing to try anything and I'm usually okay at doing it. I can usually take part in anything. I've written things like I'm good at physical things because I've got good coordination, so trying new skills, new activities, new exercises. I'm usually okay average, but at least I can give it a go. I can mix with lots of different people I've written.
00:27:07
Speaker
I've done lots of extra qualifications when it comes to work and I've got endless opportunities when it comes to work. I'm healthy, I'm hardly ever ill, so I'm hardly ever unwell with any infections or anything like that. I've written I've got good common sense.
00:27:26
Speaker
which I think is an essential skill these days. I could write way more than that because I'm certainly more blessed now that this little one has come along which has been a well he is a very precious baby that I've wanted for a really long time so that is certainly something that I feel has been a prayer that's been answered that's how I should put it.
00:27:48
Speaker
But yeah, write down all the strengths, all the characteristics that you have that allows you to draw on them in times of hardship or in times of need. That means that you can pull through those difficult times. And once you write all of those, you can acknowledge how much growth you've had over your life and how well you're doing.
00:28:14
Speaker
And again, it helps you acknowledge and validate your life and how well you're actually doing. Because sometimes you can feel that you're only struggling day to day with really busy lives where every day just rolls into one and you're just trying to keep up with everything. But this allows you to really sit in contemplation about how full you are as a character and how
00:28:40
Speaker
you're truly living your life and how much growth you've had which I think is one of the you know one of the big reasons we come to planet earth is to grow and experience life and it's a fullness so let me know how that goes for you and how it makes you feel
00:29:03
Speaker
So reflect on how you feel before and after and what comes up for you because certainly when I was doing it I had a lot of things come up that I wasn't expecting and both in the struggles and in the strengths. There were little struggles that I hadn't thought about in years and I didn't think
00:29:24
Speaker
I thought I'd forgotten and I didn't think were significant but they came up when I was listing things that were difficult and sometimes I would be surprised that they came
00:29:36
Speaker
early on in the exercise, not when I was just sitting there trying to find a struggle. They would come up quite soon and I would be surprised that my brain had even remembered them. And yeah, I was surprised on some of the strengths that I'd come up with but it really made me feel good at the end of it and I still go back to this from time to time. So when things, when I get a new difficulty
00:30:01
Speaker
like since he's been born. So the end of this pregnancy was really tough. I had to be admitted to hospital and it was very complex and I was worried that I was losing the baby. So it was really, really stressful. So drawing on those strengths and drawing on my faith, my spirituality was essential in those time and prayer was really important to me. So it really allows you to think, what are the things that are really important to me when life is difficult?
00:30:31
Speaker
and allows you then to go and draw on them straight away so that you've got those tools there as second nature makes things easier and certainly since he's been born we've been back and forth to the hospital multiple times because as you might be able to see he's a little bit yellow so he's not as pale as I am so him having lots of blood tests is difficult it's difficult to watch and difficult to deal with and he's
00:31:02
Speaker
feeding is a challenge when you're feeding them yourself in the early weeks and he's only four weeks now so yeah that is always a challenge so yeah any mother who's out there who's got a newborn baby I'm here with you in that early challenge of feeding, feeding, feeding.
00:31:23
Speaker
But yeah, let me know how you get on with the strengths and struggles exercise.
Enhancing Intimacy Through Help
00:31:29
Speaker
And remember that turning to others for help or turning to your faith, your spirituality is an act of humility. So that might make it easier for you to ask for help. It certainly has helped me, which I find
00:31:48
Speaker
quite surprising, it's something that I'm reflecting on quite a bit at the minute, is why just feeling that that being part of humility make it easier for me to want to ask for help. It's something that I'm contemplating and reflecting on at the minute.
00:32:03
Speaker
So yeah, let me know what your thoughts are on becoming empowered when it comes to life's challenges by using this strengths and struggles exercise. And yeah, I'd love to hear your thoughts on that. And also, obviously, let me know about your red, amber, green light opinion on using lubricants for your sex life. And
00:32:29
Speaker
yeah remember the more we can unburden ourselves of our worries and our doubts and our anxieties and life stresses and seek help from others that builds up our intimate connection with others so particularly if you're asking for help from your partner it builds up that
00:32:49
Speaker
intimacy which ultimately improves your sexual wellness. So obviously when it comes to women's wellness, it's all about our whole wellness. So our mind, body, spirit and sexual wellness
00:33:03
Speaker
And that's what we discuss on this podcast. So everything comes back to being our whole selves and enjoying everything that is to be in ourselves and enjoying our life and enjoying our body.
Episode Conclusion and Feedback Request
00:33:17
Speaker
So yeah, let me know how you feel about that episode today. And I would love to hear back from you, but I will see you soon with or without little Eva. Bye.