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How to ask for what you want in bed and get it, with Susan Bratton
155 Plays1 year ago
We kick this episode off with a new game, red, amber or green light. I introduce a sexual experience and you can consider if its on your red, amber or green light list. Let me know your thoughts or experiences with today's act!
This episode features the trusted intimacy advisor to millions and wellness expert Susan Bratton. As the co-founder of both Personal Life Media and The20, she’s an authority in bedroom techniques and communication skills as well as non-invasive treatments that improve vitality for both men and women.
Susan stands firm in the conviction that passion is ageless. We discuss how you can have better sex by improving your communication skills and techniques in the bedroom. A self-proclaimed "Orgasmanaut..." Susan travels to the outer reaches of human orgasmic potential to bring back the map to the territory of pleasure and connection. Imagine that you are capable of way more sexual satisfaction!
Susan has been featured in the New York Times and on CNBC and the TODAY Show. She makes frequent appearances on ABC, CBS, The CW, Fox and NBC. She really is an authority in the sex education space!
You can find The Susan Bratton Show® at BetterLover.com, her personal shares on Instagram @susanbratton, and her lust-for-life supplements, FLOW and DESIRE at The20store.com.
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Enjoy this spicy episode and remember your body is yours and you deserve to enjoy all the pleasurable sensations its capable of experiencing!
Love and light,
Dr Liza
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Transcript
Introduction to Pressing Desires Podcast
00:00:03
Speaker
Welcome to Pressing Desires, the podcast exclusively for women wanting to improve their health by unlocking their mind, body, spirit and sexual wellness.
00:00:19
Speaker
Join us on this transformative journey as we explore topics that touch your soul, invigorate your body, and reignite your passions. From cultivating a resilient mindset, nourishing your physical health, awakening your spirit, and embracing your deepest desires, nothing is off limits.
00:00:45
Speaker
Pressing
Invitation to Subscribe and Embrace Desires
00:00:46
Speaker
desires is your go-to resource, featuring expert interviews, inspiring stories of triumph, and practical tips to help you unlock your true potential. Subscribe now, and together, let's embrace our pressing desires and create a life that exceeds all expectations.
00:01:07
Speaker
Get ready to ignite your passions and live a life with more pleasure. Yes, please. This is Pressing Desires, the podcast that empowers women to improve their health and go on a journey towards mind, body, spirit and don't forget sexual wellness. Hmm, I'm really looking forward to that last bit.
00:01:35
Speaker
OK,
Interview with Susan Bratton: Intimacy Expert
00:01:36
Speaker
so before we dive into today's episode, which I am super excited to share with you because it is with the one and only Susan Bratton, the intimacy expert to millions. But before we get into how wonderful Susan is, I'm going to introduce this new exercise that I'm going to start every podcast episode with, which is called red light, amber light, green light. So red light means a sexual act that you don't want to explore further for now. So remember that our boundaries change as
00:02:05
Speaker
we get more experienced or as we look for new enhanced intimacy and pleasurable activities. So red is no for now but I'll keep my mind open for the future potentially maybe depending. Amber is I'm interested but I would like to know more about this and explore it further, learn more about it and
00:02:29
Speaker
set some more boundaries around it and then green light means hell yes let's do it tonight or this is a staple in my sex life. So I'm going to introduce one new sex technique or experience each podcast episode and I'd love for you to let me know if it is a red light, amber light or green light for you.
Exploring Pegging: Consent and Dynamics
00:02:50
Speaker
So today's one to start off with is all about pegging. So you might not be familiar with what this is or some of you might be really experienced in what this is but pegging is basically where one partner uses a strap-on dildo
00:03:06
Speaker
to penetrate their partner anally so commonly it is women or vulva havers who penetrate their penis owning partners or male partners anally with a dildo and the reasons why people might be interested or enjoy this kind of experience is
00:03:24
Speaker
One for the pleasure of it. So some people find anal stimulation and anal penetration really pleasurable, obviously because there's a lot of our sexual nerve endings in that area. But also because of the mental stimulation of the power dynamics and that role reversal and playing with the stereotypical norms that we see with sexual activity.
00:03:49
Speaker
So some people really find it pleasurable to change up that norm and change up those gender roles and play around with that power dynamics and experience a different side of a sexual experience.
00:04:04
Speaker
So key to these are obviously enthusiastic and ongoing consent, so people can obviously change their mind. Good lubrication and good equipment, so good sex toys to aid with the pegging. So let me know what you think and what your feelings are about pegging if it's something that you're
00:04:27
Speaker
you've never heard of before and if it's a red light, amber light or green light. But let's leave that aside, let me know and let's go into today's episode.
Susan Bratton's Experience and Role
00:04:39
Speaker
I am really excited about sharing this one with you because this one is with Susan Bratton who is an intimacy expert to millions and she is an advocate and a champion to those of us who desire whole lifelong pleasure
00:04:54
Speaker
intimacy and connection. Yeah that's right there is no age limit to desire and pleasure and a good sex life so I'm really excited to dive into this episode with you. Let me just give you her very short bio because she has got extensive experience in this field of sexuality and helping people to embrace a better sex life but let me go through her bio with you. So she is a creator of hundreds of techniques that transform having sex and
00:05:24
Speaker
into making love and is the world's most respected sexual biohacker. Susan is the co-founder and the CEO of two companies, Personal Life Media Inc and the publisher of Better Lover, brand of heart-connected lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills and sexual regenerative therapies.
00:05:45
Speaker
So Susan has created hundreds of techniques that transform having sex into making love and is the world's most well-respected sexual biohacker. So how do you keep your sexual self young and vital? She's the co-founder and the CEO of two companies, Personal Life Media and the publisher of Better Lover. It's a brand of heart connected, love making techniques and bedroom communication skills and sexual regenerative therapies.
00:06:15
Speaker
She's also an active and caring spokesperson for Gaineswave and FemiWave which we talk about in the podcast and that's all about sexual regenerative therapies that are new there in America but also available in the UK as well.
00:06:32
Speaker
and she's the best-selling author and publisher of 44 books and programs including Sexual Soulmates, which we talk about, Relationship Magic, which we talk about, Revive Her Drive, Ravish Him, Steamy Sex Ed, The Passion Patch, Hormone Balancing and Hot To Trot. But yeah, she's done a bit of everything.
00:06:54
Speaker
Susan speaks on stages and frequently appears on ABC, CBS, The CW, NBC, so all those huge American shows and as well as being the number one downloaded episode guest on
00:07:10
Speaker
multiple, multiple podcasts. So you can find
Where to Find Susan Bratton's Content
00:07:14
Speaker
out more about Susan at the Susan Bratton Show. You can join her sex tips newsletter at betterlover.com. Remember to double opt in to her newsletters and get all of her tips. And you can obviously follow her on Instagram
00:07:29
Speaker
threads and on Onlyfans at at Susan Breton and you can check out Flow and Desire at the20store.com so let's dive in and let's hear more from the wonderful Susan Breton. So yeah so Susan welcome, thank you so much for taking the time to come and chat to me I really really appreciate it but why don't you start off first by introducing yourself
00:07:54
Speaker
because I know who you are and all the amazing things you've done and your huge list of credentials, but why don't you tell us in your own words, you and you being this wonderful sex guru that you are. Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me and thank you for choosing to be in the sex coaching and therapy world because more and more people realize that that's what's standing between them and having a life of
00:08:23
Speaker
deeply connected intimacy, satisfying pleasure, and all of the benefits of sex, the rebooting of the nervous system, the cascade of neurotransmitters, the spring in one step, the comfort and co-regulation of having a partner. I often think about
00:08:43
Speaker
sex as a fork in the road where there are people who go down the left fork and they don't really pursue their sexuality. They've maybe had religious repression or trauma. They live in a patriarchal culture that suppresses women's pleasure.
00:09:02
Speaker
we they don't get access through because of censorship to good sex skills and communication skills and over time their sex life just kind of disappears they have this thing in their mind that well you know you really only have sex until you're in middle age anyway once you go through menopause it's kind of over anyway you know that kind of like sex is for procreation only you know old school kind of thinking and
00:09:31
Speaker
Then you've got that other person who takes the other fork in the road and they somehow find a way to learn about how to become a good lover. They understand that it's a series of communication skills and pleasuring techniques and understanding how to keep your genitals in good working order as you age.
00:09:49
Speaker
you know, the sexual biohacking and regenerative therapies that are available and they fight for their sexuality and they work through problems with their partner or partners and they want to keep learning and they learn new skills and they end up being one of those people who the researchers call the super young.
00:10:07
Speaker
the people who look 10 years younger than everyone else their own age, the people who live 10 years longer and have had a long and beautiful life of pleasure and connection. And I'm really there to support those people on the second path. And what I do is not therapy or coaching. I publish lovemaking techniques. I like to say that what I do is I transform having sex into making love.
00:10:35
Speaker
I transform friction, just the rubbing of our genitals together for a release, into connection, into deep and passionate intimacy. And I've written hundreds and hundreds of techniques and communication skills, and I've helped people understand how to keep their genitals in good working order because I feel like good sex is a three-legged stool that is technique, communication, and sexual health.
00:11:04
Speaker
And you really have to understand the dynamics of all of those things to be one of those people who has that fantastic life that fuels them and that makes them vital. And one of the things I liked about what Dr. Patty Britton said, I've been a friend of Patty's for many years as well.
00:11:22
Speaker
She talked about the blue flame, that kind of, you know, flame that she likes to get that pilot light relit in people where the light went out. And yeah, that blue flame is what I'm fanning when I fuel their fire with my not, you know, with my techniques and skills and things that are so easy to learn. And so that's what I've been doing for the last two decades is really writing techniques and communication skills and teaching people how to reverse atrophy and
00:11:52
Speaker
loss of lubrication and how to get rid of painful sex issues and how to have good erectile function and what are the names of all your parts and how do they work and the difference between male and female arousal response systems and the time frames for our desire to build and you know just all of those things that I think ultimately when people hear them and learn them they think oh
00:12:18
Speaker
That was helpful and it worked. And oh, I thought I was broken, but I'm not. I just didn't know. So thank you for having a podcast where you and I can have a conversation about these great skills that people can learn.
00:12:34
Speaker
Yeah, because it's so accessible for everyone, isn't it? You know, like, no matter who you are, no matter your background, no matter how bad you might feel about your own body or your own sex life at the moment, there is huge potential for completely transforming it and making it better than you ever thought possible or you ever dreamed of or you ever imagined. So it's certainly worthwhile people exploring it. And I think that's why I feel so passionate about it, because I see everything these days about wellness, about
00:13:04
Speaker
keeping us young and looking young, feeling young. But my personal belief is unless you look at sexual wellness as well.
00:13:12
Speaker
you're always gonna be not reaching your full potential because we know from the studies that a good sex life does make you live a longer, healthier life. So I just think, well, if we're also interested in health and wellness, then this shouldn't be a taboo topic anymore. Yeah, I agree with you though. All of that religious repression and societal shaming and patriarchal perspectives on sex, it's gonna take a long time to get out from under all of that, but we'll all do what we can do, right, Liza?
00:13:42
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, that's it. One step at a time. Right, so I've got so many questions for you. I'm excited to dive straight in if you're happy to answer these. So let's start off by you explaining what a sexual soulmate is. And what is a sexual soulmate packed? And how can we keep lovemaking connected and heart centered? Because I think
00:14:11
Speaker
You're right in saying that that side of intimacy and connection is so important when it comes to good sex. If that's with a long-term partner or a casual partner, certainly developing that intimacy and connection.
00:14:23
Speaker
will always improve your sexual experience, won't it? Yes. And I think that sexual soulmates, the Six Essentials for Connected Sex is probably one of my best-selling books. And it came from years, so I told you that I'm not a therapist or a coach. I don't work with people one-on-one. I'm a publisher of passionate lovemaking techniques.
00:14:46
Speaker
And so consequently, when people are on my email newsletter, what I really do is I send out a sex tips newsletter with all of my latest musings and thinkings and learnings, because I'm a lifelong learner about sexuality. And so people naturally reply to my newsletter and they say, you know, hey, I've got a problem, or can I ask you a question? Or what do you recommend for this or that? And over the last few decades, I've just been answering everybody's questions as a matter of considering that their gift to me
00:15:16
Speaker
where the opportunity to help them and guide them and get feedback from them makes me better at what I do. And I've helped people in 38 countries around the world, in every religion, of every gender expression, across 18 to 80, 18 to 90, 95. So
00:15:41
Speaker
I think that the sheer volume of people that I've communicated with is just an incredible gift. And what I realized in responding to so many people over so many years, I would always say to them, report back how my advice worked or didn't. Let me know how that advice worked for you.
00:16:01
Speaker
And over time, what I realized is that there are what I would call the six essentials of connected sex that are kind of the foundation of what a couple needs to know for them to essentially turn their mate or a date into their sexual soulmate. My belief is that sexual soulmatery is co-created. It's not something that just occurs. It's something that you can have and create with a lover.
00:16:31
Speaker
And the kinds of things that are the six essentials are things like embodied sexuality, being in your sensual self, the sensation of your senses. You're looking in each other's eyes and connecting your hearts and syncopating your heartbeats and all of the beautiful touch techniques that people can learn and just all those kinds of things.
00:16:56
Speaker
There's the notion of being present because for so many of us, especially those that have had trauma, which is most people, we tend to dissociate during sex. We escape into our own mind. We're not present with our partner. For men with feelings like they don't last long enough, this is a big problem for them where they're
00:17:14
Speaker
you know, they're in their head instead of in their body and their heart connection. For men who are trying to do us rather than be with us, you know, they end up being kind of like strategizing and trying to push the buttons and spin the dials rather than just relax into the pleasure and co-creative energy. So I think that's a big one. Another one is this notion of erotic play dates. The idea that
00:17:42
Speaker
You asked Patty, what do you think the number one, Dr. Patty Britton, one of your mentors in one of your research shows, you said, what do you think is the number one thing that people struggle with? And she said, monotony, the monotony of monogamy. And I think the erotic play dates are this notion that I learned from my mentor, another Dr. Patty, believe it or not, Dr. Patty Taylor.
00:18:06
Speaker
who taught me the expanded orgasm practice and a lot about seducing your partner toward more pleasure. She told me about this notion of sandboxes, she called them, and I renamed them erotic play dates, but it's basically this idea that you don't have to have dates for sex.
00:18:24
Speaker
It's better to have dates where you're learning something new together, where you take that moment or those hours or hour that you have and you try a new thing together. You begin as beginners together and it keeps that new relationship energy really going. So that's another one, the erotic play dates. And I actually took that into something that I call my sex life bucket list.
00:18:48
Speaker
And the sex life bucket list is 48 erotic playdates that couples can do together. Or if you're solo, at least half of them are things that you can do with yourself, whether you're just between partners or you're taking a break from partners or you don't want partners or whatever it might be.
00:19:07
Speaker
And that's at sexlifebucketlist.com, and it's a downloadable PDF that has 48 erotic playdates on it that give you ideas of things you might want to do so that you always have some new things that you're learning. And when a couple does it together, it's really fun. So if you go to Sex Life Bucket List, you enter your name and email, you get all my sex tips newsletter, but you also then get a link to confirm your email
00:19:33
Speaker
and that gets you to a download of a PDF. And that PDF has, it's eight pages long, it has the 48 play dates on it, and it comes with a video. And the video is kind of like your first erotic play date. You can watch it yourself, or you can watch it with your partner. You can print out the PDF, and it has little lines next to each one of the 48 ideas. And what that does is you put an A, a B, or a C next to each of the play dates.
00:20:02
Speaker
As I explain it and walk you through what each one is, you decide, okay, is this something that goes on my sex life bucket list? That's an A. Is this something that I would do with my partner, but it wouldn't necessarily be something that would be an A for me? That's a B.
00:20:15
Speaker
And a C is, oh, that's not something I'm interested in right now, but I always say never say never because, you know, as you mature, your personal growth and your sexual growth are two sides of the same coin. So as you mature and you gain new things, you might think to yourself, well, why would anyone ever want to get a spanking? That sounds horrible. And then five years later, you're like,
00:20:38
Speaker
I think I want to learn the gentle art of spanking. So it's a really nice, I think the sex life bucket list is a good way for a person who says, well, I want more, but I'm not sure what I want.
00:20:51
Speaker
What could I learn? What's available to me? What kinds of things are there? And the 48 ideas really give you a good starting point for the different kinds of orgasms you can practice and experience, to different kinds of fun adventures you can have with your partner, different things you can learn together, positions you can do, you know, there's all kinds of wonderful things in those 48 ideas.
00:21:13
Speaker
So I think that that's, the erotic playdates is another aspect of sexual soulmates where what you're doing as you begin as a beginner is you're creating this foundation of trust, communication, learning, novelty and variety that keeps that monotony of monogamy at bay because desire is actually, I learned this from Dr. Deborah Annipole.
00:21:36
Speaker
She explains that desire is a combination of two things in equal measure. One is variety or novelty, new fun things. The other is trust and safety. You have to feel safe. And in monogamous relationships, you end up with a lot of trust and safety and not enough variety. So to get the desire back, you just amp up the erotic play dates and then you start having fun again. And so I think it's one of the really compelling parts of being a sexual soulmate.
00:22:06
Speaker
Yeah so good and that is such workable tips for people because that's what I hear over and over is that women come to me because they've just lost their desire and they think it's important but they just don't know where to start and when we ask
00:22:24
Speaker
you know, what kind of things do you like? They can't remember. And they can't think of lately seem to have like lost all of that imagination. And I think that's the key thing is that people don't don't
00:22:37
Speaker
necessarily notice how much boredom plays a part of it and actually when they were having really good sex it was because they were trying lots of new things and they were really open-minded and they were experimental and they had more of a fun attitude with it and they felt really attractive and playful with their partners and that's the key isn't it to just bring back that spark into long-term relationships and that in itself brings back the confidence
00:23:07
Speaker
And as you said, the boundaries can just change over time. So as you experiment with one thing, you enjoy that novelty of trying something new and that builds up that intimacy and trust and vulnerability again. And then you want that same experience again. So that's where your boundaries start moving a bit further forward. I think when we start thinking, right, I might have a little look at the list and see
00:23:29
Speaker
if anything has changed letters? I think exactly. I think one of the other things that happens for women who lose their desire is that they've been having sex in what I would consider to be a patriarchal rather than matriarchal way, because all of our pornography and our movies and TV show what I call patriarchal sex, which is, it comes from
00:23:55
Speaker
male-dominated sexual tropes and religious repression. It's a combination of those two things, and that is that
00:24:03
Speaker
It starts out with that sex is for procreation only. So, you know, all that matters is intercourse. Sex means intercourse and everything else is foreplay. And so that's also malarkey because if we didn't have it as foreplay in sex and it was all considered sex,
00:24:26
Speaker
It's really the foreplay that a lot of women need for the intercourse to feel good. And I think that the other issue is that we don't get any education about our genital systems or our arousal patterns. And so women think they're not good at sex because they're trying to keep up with the way men want to have sex.
00:24:49
Speaker
And they've never had sex in the way that it's pleasurable for women. So a couple of examples of that, if you'd like them.
00:24:58
Speaker
A couple of those examples are that I often have a person imagine a banana and say, okay, it's pretty easy to imagine that that's a penis. And the interesting thing about that banana is that half of it sticks out of his body, but half of it goes in and down toward his testicles. So think about the typical penis that you're dealing with and now double the size. It's twice as big as what you see. And imagine that that whole piece of fruit, you could peel the skin off,
00:25:27
Speaker
And what would be left inside is the fruit of the banana. And that's basically what's inside a penis, are these three big erectile tissue chambers. And they are a straight shot and they fill up with blood quickly.
00:25:41
Speaker
He also is testosterone dominant, which is definitely the hormone of lust of desire. And he has erections during the night. He wakes up with a morning erection. He masturbates probably on a daily basis. And so he's always ready to go. And his fast-acting blood flow gets that penis erect within a matter of minutes.
00:26:06
Speaker
However, if you look at the female body and you take that banana's worth of tissue, we have exactly the same amount as our male-bodied partners. It's just in the shape of a teardrop. So take that banana and bring the two ends up into a teardrop shape and take off the skin of your vulva and it
00:26:26
Speaker
Pop that right in there around your vagina. The tip is the tip of the clitoris, the top of the teardrop. But all of that erectile tissue is in our vulva, in three erectile tissue chambers, the clitoral body, the urethral body, and the perineal body. But they are in all these nooks and crannies. And for us, we don't typically masturbate on a daily basis. Some women do, but not most women, not every day, like men do.
00:26:56
Speaker
We don't wake up with a boner. And all of our erectile tissue is in nooks and crannies, so it takes us 20 to 30 minutes to achieve our lady boner.
00:27:10
Speaker
And we've already had sex and our husband is snoring after 20 minutes. We are so rushed to penetration that we literally have flaccid intercourse. And the problem with that is that when we don't get the blood flow, we can't get the engorgement. When we don't get the engorgement or our lady boner and everything is flaccid, it's small and shrunken.
00:27:40
Speaker
And when it's small and shrunken, it has less surface area. So it sends, when it's touched, it sends significantly less pleasure signals to our brain.
00:27:53
Speaker
And our brain is what actually processes the sensory signals to let us know it feels good. I recently read a study of 41 women who were, this was a clinical study done by a nurse practitioner where she touched women.
00:28:10
Speaker
on their breasts, their nipples, their clitoral, shaft and tip, their outer labia, the vestibule, and their entroidal sphincter, the entrance to their vagina, and their perineum, and said, tell me what you feel. What is your experience? Describe the experience when I touch you here, when I touch you here, when I touch you here. And I read all the verbatims.
00:28:36
Speaker
And the clinical study said 53% of women felt some kind of positive pleasure associated with being touched at the entrance to their vagina. Only 40% felt some pleasure being touched in the clitoral area.
00:28:53
Speaker
And that was kind of their conclusion. And I thought, oh, well, I read all the verbatims. And I said, it's so interesting that in all these areas that women were touched, they basically netted out into four categories. They felt shame. They felt pain. They felt numbness. Or they felt pleasure. And that really got me thinking because
00:29:20
Speaker
I've already been thinking a lot about Dr. Nan Wise and Beverly Whipple and Barry Commisorak's work of the MRI machines and mapping the brain to the vulva to the pleasure centers and where does it light up the brain when you touch different parts of the vulva and vagina. And then I read that study about the shame and the pain and the numb and the pleasure and I thought to myself,
00:29:46
Speaker
Really, what's happened is that those women that felt shame or pain or numbness had never actually been safely and pleasurably stimulated in those areas. And I remember that as I began in my mid 40s to pursue my orgasmic potential,
00:30:04
Speaker
I really struggled to even have an orgasm. Then I struggled to have orgasms with intercourse. I struggled to have, but I slowly began to have all these things. I started to have clitoral orgasms and then I started to have, I awakened my G-spot.
00:30:21
Speaker
learned how to ejaculate which is something all women can do all of these things are just all of our bodies have the ability to have these all 20 kinds of orgasms and the 20th is wildcard because I continue to learn new ways that people can experience orgasmic pleasure whether it's locations to touch or techniques to use or objects of desire and
00:30:44
Speaker
I activated my whole vulva. Oh, and vagina. Now I'm massively orgasmic from intercourse. Every part of my vulva that you touch can make me cum. I can cum for hours. I can have extended orgasms, multiple orgasms, expanded orgasms, ejaculatory orgasms, full body orgasms, mind orgasms, hypnogasms, you know, like you can have it all. And I just
00:31:10
Speaker
Took me 20 years to learn it, but I figured them all out and now that's what I do, is I teach people how to have all the orgasms. And I thought about it and I thought, I wish that women would shift their thinking from, and not just women, but people. I'm just not the kind of person who can do that.
00:31:35
Speaker
to, oh, all it is is a learned skill, tell me the steps and I'll do it. And that's really what I want people to take away from our conversation today is that you can transform friction into connection, numb pain and shame into pleasure by simply putting your attention and your intention on expanding your intimate connection and pleasure potential.
00:32:05
Speaker
Well I think this is the difficulty isn't it is people don't know what they don't know and a lot of people don't know that women can orgasm in multiple different ways or they will have heard you know some kind of mystical story about multiple orgasms but a lot of people think that's not reality or you know there's no woman in my street that experiences that but I think well
00:32:26
Speaker
is no one talks about it, you don't actually know who is having orgasms like that. And actually, the most important thing is, like you said, well, it's a skill that anyone can learn. And all of our bodies are actually designed for that, you know, women's bodies are designed for that enhanced pleasure, which I think speaks volumes that actually maybe we're not just here for procreation and having a period once a month. And, you know, once you hit your 30s, because this is what I hear in clinical practice is,
00:32:55
Speaker
the same narrative over and over again of oh well I'm in my 30s now and I've had children so you know I don't expect to have sex anymore and and I just not bothered anymore and that's normal and everyone feels the same so I spend a lot of time going actually you know that's not normal that's not what I hear and speaking to many many people day after day so let's change your beliefs when it comes to that because you're
00:33:20
Speaker
designed for pleasure, it's what your body is, you know, hoping to experience and what will benefit you in so many ways. So is there, is there, have you ever come across someone who can't orgasm? So say if a woman has said to you or emailed into your newsletter to say, I've never experienced an orgasm, do you ever think, oh, this is going to be really difficult to get this person to experience their first orgasm or get them to be multi orgasmic?
00:33:49
Speaker
Well, remember that I don't meet I don't work with people one on one, and I'm not a therapist, nor am I a coach. I am the person who teaches you step by step by step how to have those orgasms. And the very first thing that I do when someone writes me and tells me that, you know,
00:34:07
Speaker
quote unquote, they're an orgasmic, which is also bullshit. You know, that's a pathologizing of someone who just hasn't been awakened yet. I mean, it's ridiculous. It's like making some medical thing about someone who just literally didn't ever, no one ever told them how to do it. You know, it's just like that simple. And what I do is I tell them that my first recommendation is to do what I call orgasmic cross training.
00:34:31
Speaker
Now, I came to this notion of orgasmic cross-training through two people that have really been instrumental in teaching me new areas of sexuality. One is Sherry Winston, who wrote, she's been a friend of mine for a couple decades, and she wrote a seminal book called The Women's Anatomy of Arousal. It was an asect book of the year.
00:34:53
Speaker
And she's the one who originally talked about orgasmic cross training. You know, you've got, if you get one path going, then you can add, you can do that and try new stimulation and then your brain will register that. And then that path will work. And then you can try another one and another one. So you can do, you know, these 20 kinds of orgasms and.
00:35:09
Speaker
Remember that the 20th one is wildcard and there are always more. And also remember that all bodies are capable of 20 kinds of orgasm. It's not women who are multi-orgasmic, it's homo sapiens who are multi-orgasmic. And that doesn't matter what their gender expression or their equipment is, we all have them.
00:35:26
Speaker
There might be slightly different things, like one of us has a G-spot and one of us has a P-spot, but they're all the same. Men can have as many nipple-gasms as women can. It's just being willing to learn how to do it. Or male bodies, let's put it that way.
00:35:42
Speaker
I talk to a woman about understanding that she just has to activate her body, orgasmic activation. And by doing orgasmic cross-training, there are eight types of tools, what I call pleasure tools, that activate different parts of the vulva and four that activate different parts of the penis prostate perineum connection.
00:36:05
Speaker
And so those tools are things such as liquors, thrusters, air stimulators, vibrators, et cetera. There's a rabbit style that I think is a really, really important one. It's often the first one I recommend to women.
00:36:20
Speaker
And I have that at orgasmiccrosstraining.com. And what I say to women is, if you want to come and come really well, the best way to do it is to start to activate all of the areas of your vulva, your vagina, all those three clitoral structures, get all that tissue.
00:36:40
Speaker
to the point where when you're pleasuring it with these different eight different types of tools, you know, slowly start with one, then buy the next one, then buy the next one, then buy the next one. You know, we have closets full of shoes and they're not going to give us the amount of pleasure that a drawer full of the orgasmic cross-training tools will give us.
00:37:04
Speaker
And once a woman or a man or a person with either a penis or a vulva and vagina activates all this tissue, then what's great about it is that they become multi-orgasmic. Their engorgement happens more quickly and easily. The pathways to blood flow flow in more easily. They slip.
00:37:25
Speaker
into their turn on more easily they come into their full arousal more easily because all of these things the more you do them the better you get and then if they're with a partner say you they do all of this in solo pleasuring and then there with a partner they're just gonna come more easily with the partner because all that they're gonna wait for their bodies to get in gorge.
00:37:50
Speaker
I have two non-negotiables in my sexuality with myself. One is that I know it takes me 20 to 30 minutes to get fully aroused, and I don't rush my sex. I know it takes me 20 minutes of yoni massage, kissing, breast play, stroking my partner's penis, having them tell me what they adore and love about me.
00:38:14
Speaker
the lights being nice and the sheets being nice and the, you know, the music being on. I need all of those things no matter how good I am in bed. And I'm damn good in bed. Um, like incredible. I'm having the best sex of my life at 62. Like I am on fire, but, um,
00:38:36
Speaker
I can't rush myself. And I notice that sometimes I'll be like, wow, it's taking me a while to get going. You know, this notion of responsive versus spontaneous desire. I'm sure you've talked about that many times on your show. I am not unusual. And I actually am probably more responsive than the average bear. And yet I still have to tell myself, just be patient. She'll get there. Let her get there.
00:39:04
Speaker
Don't rush, there's no need to rush. You're in no hurry. That's number one. Number two is that if I'm doing anything in my lovemaking with a partner and all of a sudden I'm like, oh, I'm kind of done, I wish he'd be done, I'm done, this is it. I say, they, I'm done now. Let's pick it up again either in a few minutes if we rest and I've got more desire to build or let's pick it up tomorrow or the next day.
00:39:34
Speaker
I don't owe my partner an ejaculation, and my vagina is not a masturbatory tool for them to jack off in. If I am not 110% loving whatever is going on, I call it.
00:39:51
Speaker
My husband can ejaculate. He can masturbate anytime he wants. He's not going to die if he doesn't come inside me. Now, I like him to come inside me because I like the benefits of semen. I like all of the benefits. There are over 20 beneficial components of his semen that are good for me and my longevity. My, you know, menstrual cycle, which by the way, I actually still have a menstrual cycle at 62.
00:40:17
Speaker
because I use bioidentical hormone replacement therapy, and I continue to have a period. And I like it. And I feel great. And all my numbers look good. I do Dutch tests a couple of times a year. I'm under doctor's care. And all my metrics are great. And interestingly enough, I have not entered into my planned obsolescence phase yet. So I feel quite incredibly full of energy and vital. As a matter of fact,
00:40:46
Speaker
One of the things that people often say to me is, I do not know where you get your energy. And I honestly think that a big part of it is that I work out almost every day. These are my workout clothes under here that I'm wearing, right? I'm in my sneakers and I just got back from working out.
00:41:06
Speaker
And I think that gives me energy, but I also think that all of the serotonin and the testosterone and the spermidine and the luteinizing hormone and the zinc and all of those things that come in that semen that I get a nice bolus of every couple days is very, very good for me as well.
00:41:27
Speaker
Yeah as well as that mindset isn't it that age is just another and and actually there are you know a lot of studies that have shown that well actually if you take someone and replicate their life 20 years ago they their aging numbers start to decline and they they physically change to replicate the age that they're living in. I find that side of longevity really fascinating and
00:41:52
Speaker
really dislike the whole concept of asking people's age or saying that things are only set for certain ages. I just think that's a load of rubbish. I agree. Yeah, I think I'm having the best, the best part of my life is happening for me right now. And I don't, I don't actually expect that to ever change. I think I'll always feel like the best of my life is occurring right at this moment.
00:42:18
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, I think that's the attitude everyone should have, isn't it? Just aim to make everything better. And, you know, with that wisdom, it makes sense that things should get better. No, it doesn't make sense that you should not experience things to be better. That's just bizarre to me. Agreed. Anyway, talking about relationships. Tell us a bit about your platinum rule and why we should follow a platinum rule rather than the golden rule when it comes to our relationships.
00:42:46
Speaker
You know, it was really interesting. I was on Lisa Billio's show the other day, The Women of Impact. That's a nice show. She's got a very big audience. And the very, she said, I want to talk, when I interview you, I want to talk about the stages that women go through, because I have women from 20s to 80s that watch my show. So I want to really talk about sexuality through the ages. And the very first question she started with was,
00:43:10
Speaker
What do you do if you're in a relationship with someone where the chemistry is incredible, but you wonder if they'll make a good partner? And my answer was this golden rule versus platinum rule construct, and that is that
00:43:29
Speaker
you have to understand your relationship values. What is it that you're in a relationship for? And what is it that your partner is in the relationship with you for? Because you and your partner, especially if it's a woman and a man, we are very different. You know, estrogen dominant versus testosterone dominant, you know, their testosterone dominance makes them feel very confident. In addition to that,
00:43:57
Speaker
Men are the prey, men are the predators, and women are the prey. And we have to watch out for men. And we're always worried about being hurt. We're worried about walking down the street alone. We're worried about all kinds of safety issues that never dawn on our male-bodied partners. And so for a lot of women, things like security are very, very important to us, keeping us safe.
00:44:23
Speaker
We're in a partnered relationship often because we need some sort of protection from the world. Yet our male body partners don't even think about that. Like that's not why they're in a relationship with us. It's a totally different thing for them. And so I have a little book that's called Relationship Magic and it's probably also one of my top sellers. You're asking me about a lot of the things that are kind of my top sellers today.
00:44:49
Speaker
And it's one of my best sellers. It might be my number one best seller. And it's a little workbook. You can get it on Amazon. You can get the printed workbook. But you can get it for half the price of Amazon, a third the price of Amazon, and a PDF at myrelationshipmagic.com.
00:45:09
Speaker
And since it's a workbook and you're going to write it in any way, you might as well get the cheap thing. MyRelationshipMagic.com, it essentially is a workbook that walks you through and helps you determine what it is most you want out of a relationship. Why are you even in one? What is it that you want from it? And it's based on your value system. And your value system is set in
00:45:32
Speaker
in a very young age in your life and it stays pretty static your whole life. Some things might change over a long period of time, but they hold pretty darn true for people. And just as an example, what it does is it helps you rank order. I give you like a whole bunch of possibilities and you kind of think that might be one and that might be one and that might be one and
00:45:59
Speaker
You write them down on this piece of paper and then you say, okay, what's my number one? What's my number two? What's my number three? Then I take you through a series of questions about it. Like, would I be in a relationship if I couldn't have this one? Like, how important is it? Would I be willing to give up being in a relationship if that wasn't there? That kind of goes way up to the top too, right? Then you're like, oh yeah, I wouldn't even be in a relationship if I couldn't have this. It wouldn't be worth it to me.
00:46:26
Speaker
And then I ask you to think about what are the best relationships you've ever had and what are the qualities of those relationships that really were the best parts. Now look at that list. Okay, which of those are the ones that are really going to make you happy? And then what are the relationships that were bad and what made them bad? What are you trying to avoid? What doesn't work for you? Okay, now how does that impact your list? And over time,
00:46:52
Speaker
You go through this process of rank ordering, you're kind of like non-negotiables. I'm not going to be in a relationship if I can't have these things. And everybody's list is different. But once you understand what your top four relationship values are, and honestly, it's kind of an 80-20, after the fourth or fifth one, the sixth one, it doesn't matter because you've got to hit those top four.
00:47:17
Speaker
And if you get those, you're like 80 to 100% of the way there with a partner who's willing to give it to you. And then the next step is that you actually give specific examples of how your partner could demonstrate or create those feelings for you in that relationship.
00:47:37
Speaker
OK, so it doesn't matter if your values are slightly different. It's fine. As long as your partner is willing to understand what your values are and then willing to work to making you meet those values, I guess. Feel those feelings that those values are being met. And that's why it's the golden rule versus the platinum rule. The golden rule is do unto others as you'd have them do unto you.
00:47:59
Speaker
But that does not work in relationship because you don't want to treat your partner the way you want to be treated. You want to do the Platinum Rule. Treat your partner the way they want to be treated.
00:48:10
Speaker
So if you are lucky, I'm gonna give it to you. And I always say for husbands, I say to them, do you just want to cheat sheet to her happiness? Do you just want the checklist of exactly what you need to do to make her ecstatically happy?
00:48:31
Speaker
And he's like, I do. That's what I want. That's all I want. I just want to know. And so when you can tell your husband, what are those things? And they get up every day and just start doing those things. Wow, is that nice? And vice versa. Then he begins to feel like, oh, OK, yeah, you are really meeting my relationship needs.
00:48:54
Speaker
And so it works for that young woman who's like, wow, the chemistry is there, but is either the right man mate material for me or whatever. And this is how you can judge that. You can say, OK, here's exactly what I need from you. And then if they can create that and do that for you and you make it so simple, it's literally a checklist, then you'll know whether or not they'll be a good mate for you. And I hope if you got lucky on the chemistry, you'll get lucky on giving them your list too.
00:49:24
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, good. I'm definitely going to do that. Right. Okay. So, so we know now that good sex means intimacy, connection, that trust and the vulnerability and avoiding that, that boredom and trying new things with our partner. We're going to do that platinum rule so that we actually understand what makes our partners happy and feel good. So we're all feeling good in the relationship, which is brilliant. So let's move on then to effective bedroom communication and, and
00:49:53
Speaker
how we actually can create that effective bedroom communication, why that's more important than just the techniques or just the toys that we bring into it. How many other questions do you have for me? Where else do you want to go while we're here? I'm gauging my time with you because I can either just give you a link to answer that question or I can go into it.
00:50:18
Speaker
Well, we want to go through aphrodisiacs. So, are aphrodisiacs real and how can we introduce aphrodisiacs? Because a lot of people will often ask me about
00:50:30
Speaker
quick ways to improve their, their desire. So people do look for easy answers, because particularly here in the UK, we do have a bit of a culture of kind of a quick fix, rather than spending time practicing things. So I'd love to ask you your opinion about aphrodisiacs. And what can we do to boost desire? So what are your tips for boosting desires? Those are my other main
00:50:55
Speaker
OK, great. Good. That gives me a good sense of how to pace the rest of the conversation. So I wanted to make sure I get answered all your questions because it sounded like you had quite a list. And there's one more thing that I do also want to want to give people where they might be completely unaware of it right at the end. So I agree with you, Liza, that communication skills are the foundation of a hot sex life.
00:51:19
Speaker
And one of the things, I think about communication, bedroom communication as like a ladder, an ascension model.
00:51:30
Speaker
It's kind of like there's the 101 and the 201 and the 301. There's more and more skill as you learn more and more of these techniques. And the 101 is how do I know what I want when all I know is that what I'm getting isn't it?
00:51:50
Speaker
And how do I ask my partner for what I want without them taking it as failure or without them egoically collapsing or checking out or being defensive or taking it personally or getting butthurt or arguing with, arguing with me. I know what I'm doing. You know, like all that crazy, ridiculous stuff, which our darling male bodied partners do all the frigging time. So
00:52:19
Speaker
They're just so sure they're right all the time because of that testosterone. So what I teach is something that's, it's actually in the Sexual Soulmates book, but I've pulled it out and made it a separate technique so that people can just download that for free. I call it my Sexual Soulmate Pact, P-A-C-T. And it's at sexualsoulmatepact.com.
00:52:47
Speaker
And now we have three URLs we have to remember to put in the show notes. We do sex life bucket list. We've got, what was the second one? Your sexual soul mate and Oh, my relationship magic. And
00:53:04
Speaker
the sexual soulmate pact. Okay, so we've got those three. So remember those at the end. Because people are like, what was that thing again? And I want them to get them, they're free. So the sexual soulmate pact essentially does a couple of things. Number one, it helps you understand what it is you want. It helps you feel confident about asking for it. And it teaches you a ninja technique that allows, especially a male-bodied partner,
00:53:31
Speaker
to receive the information and use it as good feedback to do a better job rather than taking it as something they were doing wrong. And men do, they take it as something they're doing wrong and they have this kind of ego hit because men live in a packing order. Women are community oriented and we work together. Men are competitive and they fight for resources. They have a fixed pie rather than an abundance mindset.
00:53:59
Speaker
And so when they get feedback, if they feel like they did something wrong, they are a loser and they hate that feeling.
00:54:08
Speaker
And so the sexual soulmate pact, instead of going into it deeply, I'll just tell you, go get that, download it, read it, talk to your partner and say, I really believe that we could be having hotter sex if we were better at being able to say anything we needed in the bedroom. I found this technique. I've read it. I like you to read it and I'd like to talk about it. I'd like to start trying it. And Susan Bratton tells me that it's going to take us a few weeks.
00:54:38
Speaker
of practicing it for it to be effortless, but that we should keep trying and not give up because it is literally the thing that opens the portal to super hot sex and that's what I want to have with you. Who's going to say no to that? Nobody. And if they say no to that, then throw them back in the pond and go get a new one.
00:55:01
Speaker
Because that's a dog you cannot teach a new trick to, and that ain't going to be no fun. So that's the sexual soulmate pact. As far as aphrodisiacs, indigenous people for hundreds of thousands of years have found plants and fruits and flowers and roots and all kinds of things that make them feel that horny baby thing, you know? It just gives them that little bit of rrrr.
00:55:29
Speaker
And we love that feeling. There's nothing better than being a turned on person, living in your turn on, feeling your turn on and desire. That fuels the rest of your life and your creativity. So I've studied all of the botanicals.
00:55:52
Speaker
I run a supplement company, so I have a deep bench strength in aphrodisiacs. And there are five that have not only stood the test of time, but they have had many clinical trials done on them on humans, not just on rats in labs.
00:56:14
Speaker
And here are the five. And what's interesting about it is that they are from different parts of the world. So depending on where you lived, this was the thing that you used because it had similar effects. And the effects that these have are on two functions, blood flow and hormone production. They are precursors.
00:56:34
Speaker
and compounds that support blood flow and hormones, which are the two, that's kind of the axis of great sex, right? We talked a lot about blood flow already, getting that blood flowing into our genitals. So the first one is cacao. That's dark chocolate. It's pyrocyanidins. It's blood flow. So cacao is really good
00:56:56
Speaker
The other is from South America. That's maka, maka root, Peruvian maka root. The next is from the Indonesian area, and that is called Tungkat Ali, and it is a root, a tuber, very similar to maka. It's kind of the Indonesian maka. The next is from India, Pakistan, that area, and it's called Fenugreek, and it's a licoricey little, looks like a little piece of pollen.
00:57:22
Speaker
It's also very good for breastfeeding mothers, interestingly enough. It's really good for milk letdown and milk production. And the last is Tribulus terrestris, which is a little pointy puncture vine from the Mediterranean. And so you're really looking at the the things that work well. Now, it does pine pollen work. Sure. Does deer antler work? Sure. All of these things can be excellent additions.
00:57:51
Speaker
They just haven't been studied in human clinical trials to the extent that the other five have. And so one of the things that you must know about aphrodisiacs is that herb cycling is a very important part of it. And so often what I recommend is that you take one for 30 days. It takes about 10 days to come on and feel the effects. And then at the end of the month, you cycle to the next. At the end of the month, you cycle to the next.
00:58:20
Speaker
cacao and maca work well eating pretty consistently, but the other three really benefit from herb cycling, so you could rotate between the three of them.
00:58:30
Speaker
So I think those are some of your best aphrodisiacs. And then of course, the aphrodisiac of semen, if you're a woman, or if you're a partner, partnered with a man, any membrane, any mucous membrane it goes in is good. And that can be very beneficial too. I mean, just the testosterone alone we get from our male body partners is beneficial to us. It gives us courage and balls and all that good stuff as well as sex drive.
00:58:57
Speaker
So that's aphrodisiacs. And then your third question was, remind me. About how, well, we sort of covered this before, just now in your answer, but how do we ask for what we want? Oh, yeah, right, right. Yeah. And then the last one that I wanted to tell you was that there is an area of sexual wellness. Remember how I talked about communication,
00:59:24
Speaker
pleasuring skills and sexual health and wellness. One of the biggest issues is that over time as we age, we begin to atrophy. Just as we begin to see wrinkles on our face and our skin and things like that, that's the beginning of atrophy. That's us shriveling up, which is what atrophy does.
00:59:42
Speaker
And what I recommend for people is to begin to learn about sexual biohacking and regenerative therapies that allow you to reverse the clock on aging of your genitals. So for example, penis pumps for men, most are garbage, and I don't recommend them, but I have a book called The Pumping Guide at pumpingguide.com that explains how to pump the pumping protocol to keep your penis
01:00:10
Speaker
reverse the atrophy, keep the blood carrying capacity, and even make it a little thicker and girthier and a little longer and like really look good. For men, that's helpful. And then if they have more atrophy than a pump can fix, getting acoustic wave therapy, the gains wave and femi-wave for women is excellent for
01:00:34
Speaker
regenerating new tissue growth, new vascularization, new nerves. Because over time, the blood vessels and capillaries retract, and then the nerves retract, and you have difficulty achieving the orgasm you used to have. So when women say to me, man, I'm having a hard time coming, and I used to be able to come better, I'm like, oh, well, that's just loss of blood flow, which means the nerves have retracted.
01:01:02
Speaker
go get a FemiWave or an acoustic wave, depending on where you live. FemiWave is like a branded protocol here in the US, but I think they're coming to Europe.
01:01:13
Speaker
Yeah, they are, actually, because a friend of mine is a gynecologist, is a Eurogynecologist, who's just bought this technology over from America. So she wants to introduce that to the UK. Because this is quite new. It's not brand new, but it's new when it comes to people knowing about it, isn't it? These solutions are actually out there.
01:01:36
Speaker
And I think more and more people will be really interested in this because we do need to stimulate that area. Exactly. And it's much like exercising any other part, you know, like exercising your brain to keep your brain young and develop that neuroplasticity in the brain and exercising your muscles to strengthen them back up. Well, we need to do the same things with our genitals, don't we? You don't just let them shrivel up and disappear. Exactly. Yeah. So for people who often it'll be like,
01:02:04
Speaker
Well, you know, I was in a sexless marriage and now I'm going to start dating again, but my parts don't work. What do I do? A lot of times I'll say, start the orgasmic cross training we talked about earlier and then go get your FemiWave treatments and start taking a nitric oxide booster. And all of that is going to help you get that blood flowing back in so that you become orgasmic.
01:02:24
Speaker
of the parts work so that there's no lubrication issues, no orgasm issues, et cetera. So I really call that either sexual regenerative therapies and treatments
01:02:35
Speaker
But if you also think about it, I also call it sexual biohacking, which is essentially anti-aging and longevity for your genital systems. Yeah, so I did want to talk. So tell us a bit about that FEMI wave, like what, what would, so if I'm booking an appointment to have that, what am I going to experience? Yeah, it's actually really easy. What I like about it is that there's a lot of things that have been, you know, kind of pitched to women like vaginal lasers and RF devices, and they go inside the vagina.
01:03:05
Speaker
But honestly, it's the whole those are created by men who created lasers for skin and things like that that went, oh, well, we could stick this in the vagina and probably fix the vaginal mucosal line. And that's fine if you're just like completely ignoring all the erectile tissue. So those lasers and those intravaginal devices are so frigging patriarchal.
01:03:32
Speaker
because it's like, oh, well, all that matters is where I put my penis. I don't care about any of the other parts. It's like, uh, no, my dude, that is incorrect. And which is why I put my energy behind FemiWave because FemiWave and GainesWave, they're an acoustic wave that is administered externally on the vulva to the mons, the outer labia, the inner labia, the vestibule, the clitoral structure, the perineal area.
01:03:58
Speaker
the introidal sphincter, and it penetrates into all that tissue. So you don't have to go inside the vagina. It's going in anyway. But it's getting the urethral sponge, the perineal sponge, the clitoral legs, the clitoral arms, the clitoral body, the shafts, the glands. A little bit, but we need to be stimulated.
01:04:21
Speaker
and the bladder. It's getting the bladder because women suffer from incontinence. So like putting a laser in my vagina isn't going to do much for my incontinence. You know, so like I just don't like those
01:04:33
Speaker
those 1.0 old-fashioned things that burn your vaginal mucosal lining, and then they think their job is done. So FemiWave is the creme de la creme technology that is in the market today. If there was anything better, I'd be talking about that. It is the best thing you can do because it rejuvenates all of the things that atrophy.
01:04:56
Speaker
And one of the other things I like about it is that as you age, your labia begin to atrophy, your outer labia, and they begin to drop a little bit. And then they kind of look like man balls. They look like little scrotums down there. And what the FemiWave does is it plumps all that up so your yoni looks beautiful. It just fills with blood more easily.
01:05:18
Speaker
Your orgasms happen better because you get all this new innervation into the whole erectile tissue system. So it can't be beat. It is the best thing there is out there. And if you've got it, if you've got kind of erectile atrophy and contraction, so does your male-bodied partner. So you got to get him in for his gains wave and get him his penis pump.
01:05:42
Speaker
because that's what's going to keep all that tissue staying nice and juicy and responsive and orgasmic as you age. Sounds like a great erotic date right there. Part the day out. So does that mean as the female then do you lie on a couch as if you're having a smear test and there's something that's put just in front of you?
01:06:07
Speaker
Yeah, it's just a little wand that's rubbed over your vulva. It's easy peasy. Yeah, so not painful or anything like that. And for men it's a little wand that's, no, it doesn't hurt at all. And for men it's a little wand that is rubbed on his penis and then around the buried shaft and the perineal area to get up into the prostate and all that stuff too. Oh, perfect. So easy, easy for people to experience. Easy, too easy. Brilliant. Right, well, last question then, give us one top tip.
01:06:34
Speaker
if to recommend to people to try tonight just to instantly boost their sexual wellness just as a starting point if someone says right I've listened now I want to improve my pleasure I'm on this mission give us one tip to start other than obviously download all the things that you've said which we will all definitely
01:06:56
Speaker
Probably the idea that you should just slow down and allow your body the time that it needs to warm up. And I like yoni massages. I like vulva and vagina massages.
01:07:07
Speaker
if you're lucky enough to have a partner, it's really nice for them to allow them to give that to you and to allow them to learn how you like to be touched and to stop thinking that it's your job to just do everything as quickly as possible to move to penetration and that that's what sex is. Yeah, to really value your pleasure, isn't it? And value that time that you owe yourself.
01:07:28
Speaker
Yeah and mine would be to get rid of this whole concept of foreplay versus intercourse and one comes before the other and actually like you don't just do this bit at the start and then you move on to intercourse because actually it should be much more interwoven than that and you just listen to what your body needs at the time. So if we could get rid of this whole concept of start with foreplay and then once you've had enough of that then quickly go to the real stuff.
01:07:56
Speaker
know, that would be fine. Exactly. It's all real stuff. Exactly. I agree. Right. So where can where can everyone find you? So give us your website quickly. And then obviously, I'll put in the show notes all those links for all the books and the downloadables that you mentioned. But where can everyone find you?
01:08:14
Speaker
You can find me at betterlover.com. That's where you can get on my sex tips newsletter. Make sure that you look in your email and click the confirmation in your email or you won't be on the newsletter. We use double opt-in to keep the spammers and the bots out. So you must double confirm, betterlover.com. And you can also follow me on Instagram by my name, Susan Bratton.
01:08:37
Speaker
And that'll keep you up with all the goings on of the Susan Bratton land. Thank you so much for having me, Liza. I really appreciate it. It was so nice to speak with you. Yeah, thank you. Thank you so much for taking the time to share that. I know you've got so much to say on this topic, but I really appreciate just you sharing just an introduction to all of your fast knowledge.