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Life After the Military: Identity, Purpose & Survival With Garret Biss
23 Plays13 days ago
We say “support the troops” all the time. But what happens when the uniform comes off?
In this episode of Unsolicited Perspectives, Bruce Anthony sits down with former Marine Corps pilot Garret Biss to talk about the part of service most people never see — the transition home. We get into the loss of tribe, the identity shift from Marine to civilian, the “internal void,” and how survival-mode thinking can follow you long after you’re back in regular life. Garret shares the moment he realized his thoughts were changing, why asking a friend to remove a firearm from his home may have saved his life, and what real support looks like beyond slogans. This conversation isn’t about politics — it’s about identity, purpose, recovery, and rebuilding meaning after service.
Explore Garret’s work + resources:
*Garret’s site: https://GarretBiss.com
*CAM Framework™️: https://GarretBiss.com/cam
*TEDx “Unspoken Trauma”: https://GarretBiss.com/tedx
*Free audience gift: https://TheWarriorReset.com
*Veteran programming: https://ValiantPath.vet
*Veterans in Recovery series: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUXBEMt_gGWhaYv_W6DxXDg_PMBoTwiHB&si=BaZwhlNkjUaE_XiS
*Book (The Spheres Approach): https://amzn.to/3Oh9uZu
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🔓 YouTube Memberships: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCL4HuzYPchKvoajwR9MLxSQ/join
💸 Patreon: patreon.com/unsolicitedperspectives
🌐 Everything in one place: www.unsolicitedperspectives.com
🎧 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unsolicited-perspectives/id1653664166?mt=2&ls=1
🎧 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/32BCYx7YltZYsW9gTe9dtd
Chapters:
00:00:00 — From Tribe to Void: The Hardest Part Isn’t Deployment 🪖🕳️🌍
00:00:17 — Welcome to Unsolicited Perspectives 🎙️✨📢
00:00:45 — How Veterans Rebuild Identity, Meaning, and Mission 🧠🎯🔥
00:01:33 — Supporting Troops Means More Than Patriotic Slogans 🪖🧠📣
00:04:20 — Trauma Isn’t a Competition Between People 🧩❤️🩹⚖️
00:08:00 — Why I Chose to Join the Marine Corps 🫡🧭🔥
00:10:47 — How Boot Camp Turns Strangers Into Family 🤝🪖🏠
00:14:10 — When Civilian Life Suddenly Feels Foreign 🌍😶🌫️🧳
00:22:45 — When Drinking Becomes a Coping Mechanism 🍺🕳️🚨
00:27:00 — The Night I Asked Him to Take the Gun 🔫🧊🛑
00:29:42 — When Suffering Becomes Tied to Self-Worth 🧱😬🏅
00:37:57 — The Power of Writing 100 Personal Wins 📝🏆✨
00:43:30 — What Civilians Misunderstand About Veterans 🎭🧠🚫
00:45:11 — How Honest Conversations Break Bias 🗣️🔍🤝
00:46:54 — Why Veteran Programs Must Be Veteran-Centered 🧩🪖🛠️
00:52:00 — Why Meaning Is Essential for Survival and Healing 🔥🎯🧠
00:56:36 — A Message to Veterans Sitting in the Dark 🕯️❤️🪖
00:59:13 — Garret’s Book + Where to Learn More 📚🔗✅
This isn’t just content — it’s a conversation. See you in the next episode.
#podcast #mentalhealth #veterans #recovery #SocialCommentary #fyp #trending
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Transcript
Introduction to Veterans' Post-Service Challenges
00:00:00
Speaker
Supporting the troops means caring beyond the uniform. We gonna get into it. Let's get it!
00:00:17
Speaker
Welcome. First of all, welcome. This is Unsolicited Perspectives. I'm your host, Bruce Anthony, here to lead the conversation in important events and topics that are shaping today's society. Join the conversation to follow us wherever you get your audio podcasts. Subscribe to our YouTube channel for our video podcasts, YouTube exclusive content, and our YouTube membership.
00:00:35
Speaker
Rate, review, like, comment, share. Share with your friends, share with your family, hell, even share with your enemies.
Meeting Garrett Biss: Veteran and Advocate
00:00:43
Speaker
On today's episode, I'll be interviewing Garrett Biss.
00:00:47
Speaker
We're going to be talking about veterans and life after service. But that's enough of the intro. Let's get to the show.
00:01:01
Speaker
We hear a lot in this country about supporting the military and supporting the troops. And on paper, that sounds like a shared value, something everyone agrees on. But most of the time, that support gets translated into defense budgets, slogans, and symbolic gestures.
00:01:16
Speaker
What doesn't get enough attention is what happens after service, when people come home and have to figure out how to live a completely different life in a world that doesn't always know what to do with them.
00:01:28
Speaker
Because real support doesn't end with a uniform or deployment. It shows up in how we help people transition, how we talk about mental health, and whether we're willing to look at the parts of service that don't fit neatly into patriotic soundbites.
00:01:43
Speaker
That's what today's conversation is about. My guest is Garrett Biss. He's a former Marine Corps pilot who spent years working with veterans around recovery, identity, and life after service.
00:01:55
Speaker
His work focuses less on labels and more on helping people reconnect with themselves, their sense of purpose, and what comes next.
Transition from Military to Civilian Life
00:02:03
Speaker
Today, we're talking about the transition out of the military, the quiet struggles that don't always get named, and what meaningful support actually looks like beyond the gratitude and beyond surface-level solutions.
00:02:16
Speaker
This isn't about easy answers. It's about listening, understanding, and creating space for conversations we don't have often enough. And without further ado, here's my interview with Garrett.
00:02:30
Speaker
As I said at the top, I'm here with Garrett Biss. Biss is a a veteran, somebody who was in the military, a Marine on top of that. Garrett, when we get off air, I'll tell you the time i accidentally took the wrong train station and ended up in Quantico. But we're here talking- That's easy to do. A lot of people do that. you wouldn't You'd be surprised.
00:02:48
Speaker
I was scared to death. But we're here to talk about you and your work. And this is a conversation I told you off air. is So very, very important to me. People talk so much about supporting the troops and supporting military. But when it comes to veteran support, that's where I feel this country is really lacking.
00:03:09
Speaker
And so this conversation is important because it's important for everybody to realize that when you say supporting the troops, it's not just the uniform, the deployments. It's about when they come home,
00:03:24
Speaker
And they're no longer active and they're civilians and recognizing that life is a little bit difficult
Universal Human Experiences and Military Life
00:03:31
Speaker
for them. So we're going to talk about that and I'm excited. So thank you for coming on the show.
00:03:36
Speaker
I'm excited to be here and appreciate you for hosting conversations like this. You know, there's a lot of people that suffer with some darkness and and hard and challenging times and everyone has their own life experiences, their own journey that they're going through. So those challenges might look different. They might present differently.
00:03:51
Speaker
But I love bringing a conversation just back to the human elements. You know, there's only so many emotions that we feel as humans and there's many common dark and positive emotions that we all feel. They just show up differently and at different times. But I love the opportunity to kind of bring this conversation back, not just to talk about the veterans. That's extremely important to me and always want to serve veterans.
00:04:09
Speaker
But I always try to share things in every conversation that people can apply to their own life, gain some insight that can be helpful in their own life. So I'm looking forward to digging into that as well. Yeah, i I think that's an interesting point because too often in our society, we get in trauma comparison. And obviously, when it comes to veterans and people in the military and then civilians, like the trauma is different, but that doesn't mean that the trauma different.
00:04:35
Speaker
it isn't still extremely traumatic to that particular individual. And the human element and compassion needs to be shared across the board. yeah So I love that you brought that up. But- Because that's the thing is that the worst thing that happened to somebody is the worst thing
Garrett's Early Life and Military Motivation
00:04:49
Speaker
that happened to them. So when you have your whole kind of calibration for where you are in your life and the darkest thing, like the worst thing that's happened to you is the worst thing that's happened to you. So that kind of sets, ah you know for for one, it it has implications you know emotionally and psychologically that you know for things that might linger,
00:05:05
Speaker
But it's also, you know, your unique framework for the obstacles and challenges that you face. And if your hardest thing was different than my hardest thing, it doesn't mean that the challenges or the complications that come from that is going to be different. So I think, you know, that's an important thing to remember, especially as we're interacting with others and as we're trauma comparing or experience comparing. Yeah, your your situation might have been different, but that was your worst situation. And my worst situation is also affecting me in ah in a certain way.
00:05:33
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely right. Okay, i always love to start every interview with let's go back. All right. When you think back to when you were ah the young, the young year before you got into uniform before you were in the cockpit before you got the rank. What parts of your upbringing or early life do you think shaped the man you eventually became.
00:05:56
Speaker
Yeah, it's a great question. So I don't know. It'd be fun to get my mom on here for a little while to gain her insight on it. But I think, let's see, I think she would say that I was a little bit mischievous, a little bit of ah encouraged to test boundaries and and see what I could get away with, which terrifies me because I have a 16-year-old daughter, but we recently had a four-year-old boy and now a four-month-old child. So for one, I think that boys and girls are of a different species. I mean, trying to deal with a four-year-old running around the house is a lot different than than what a girl was like. But I think that I'm going to get ah get some retribution for my my childhood behavior. I see some early indicators in my son. But, i would yeah, constantly testing boundaries and exploring. I mean, I go outside all the time, just want to be lost in the woods or creating things and and, you know, playing with friends or testing the boundaries of maybe how far away I could go from the house before it would it would cause some problems. There was one time when I –
00:06:49
Speaker
I'll have to ask my mom again. I think it was, I don't know, five, six years old or something. I rode my bike about a mile and a half away from the house to go to an ice cream store. So she wasn't very pleased with me when I got home. But I think that's, you know, maybe I tempered that a little bit to conform to adult expectations, but I still think there's an element of that that that lingers, this kind of curiosity on, you know, what are the boundaries? what are you know what And generally, what does the world say we should or shouldn't do We should or shouldn't have? what What kind of outcomes should we expect?
00:07:20
Speaker
And today, anytime I hear the word should, either when I'm thinking it myself or when I hear somebody tell me that either you should have or you have to have, it now it triggers in me this like inquisitive nature like, okay, where where does that come from? Is that true? Is that valid? Before I conform to it, let me at least test it and experiment with it to see if that's something that I need to guide my life by.
00:07:43
Speaker
It kind of sounds like, you know, pushing boundaries, also pushing yourself. And do you think that that led you to the military? What led you to decide to join a Marine Corps?
00:07:55
Speaker
Yeah, that's a great question. So couple of different things, really, don't know, three or four different reasons I joined the Marines. One, had no idea what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. So at 17, 18 years old, I figured, well, let me go serve for a couple of years in the Marine Corps and maybe I'll figure it out. I did have some inclinations to go to college, but I had no idea how I'd pay for it. So I thought, all right, there's a bonus. Maybe they'll give me some some money to help pay for college.
00:08:16
Speaker
And also there was this interesting thing. I noticed that anytime I spoke with, you know this is when I was 13 up through high school, anytime I spoke with somebody that was a veteran, whether it was Vietnam or World War two I realized as they're expressing their experience, you know something seemed to change about their about their affect, about their attitude. And I remember so often somebody would share stories about their time in uniform And recall them with such vivid detail that I realized I didn't really understand what it was about that experience that that that created such an imprint on that individual. But I realized the only way to really figure that out for myself was to to you know put on the uniform and go go find out. And then back to the testing boundaries piece, I also realized that...
00:09:00
Speaker
I graduated high school a couple months early. i went through an adult education program and graduated a little early and then thought maybe I had six or eight months before I went to the Marines. But there were some behaviors and some things that were going on where I realized like, maybe maybe I should go ahead and accelerate that. So I called my recruiter. I was like, hey, can you get me down there in the next couple of weeks? I don't think I can last until August.
00:09:22
Speaker
Where are you originally from? From Wilmington, Delaware. Not that far from me. Okay. I'm a little familiar with Wilmington, Delaware. And you don't need to get into detail. But you said that you were you might have been you might have been getting into a little bit of trouble. That's the reason why you went into the military earlier. Was it healthy, teenage, risky trouble? Or was it something that you think, all right, I might not get to go to the military because I might be someplace else?
00:09:52
Speaker
Yeah, great question. So yeah, in indicators of all of those things. So normal, I guess, child behavior, not not preferred child behavior, but you know normal experimenting with things. Really just you know a bored and idle mind is a terrible thing to have. So you know staying up all hours, doing doing whatever I could, trying to engage with with whoever I could engage with.
00:10:12
Speaker
I think i only went before a judge one time. So I don't know that that you know that there there was some early indicators there that maybe I might take a different path. but so You go into the military, obviously that gives you structure. What was kind of your experience? And you don't need to go into detail because some of it might be, you know, you can't talk about it. But what was your experience climbing up the ranks? So joining and then climbing up the ranks in the Marine Corps.
Community and Belonging in Military Service
00:10:41
Speaker
Yeah, so I think one thing, and and i think a lot of service members will echo this, that very quickly, you notice how profound a sense of belonging and community you have in the military. And within a couple of months, you know that that old version of who you were, once you go through that that basic training or the bootcamp,
00:11:00
Speaker
ah you make a tremendous shift. And the only other people that can understand that shift of what you've gone through, you know some of the struggles, some of the strains, some of the ah exertion that you've put, some of the internal battles or internal obstacles that you've been pushed through as you grow into the service member that you become, the only other individuals that understand that are people that have also been in the uniform.
00:11:21
Speaker
So it's a beautiful thing because it creates this very tight bond, this really tight sense of community But it also separates you from the community that you've come from because now you are something different. You've been through different experiences. So that's that's something that you know that that really sticks with you. you know While I was in the uniform or even now as a veteran, I mean, if I go into an environment and there's some other veteran or there was some other Marine in that environment, in a store, in a restaurant, like even if they're not in uniform, you just kind of get a feel, you get a sense, that you you know that that's, hey, that's somebody that's part of my tribe.
00:11:55
Speaker
So it's a beautiful thing. and then And then with that closeness and with that support and with that brotherhood or sisterhood that develops, it's amazing what people can do, like what what they're willing to do for one another, the kind of hardships that they're willing to lean into, the amount of sacrifice or suffering that they're willing to endure because they know it's in service of something greater than themselves. Of course, the country, of course, the military branch, but all the way down at the myopic level in service of those people that are to my left and my right. So it's it's it's beautiful to to to kind of always see that or always have opportunities where you're experiencing that, where people are kind of pushing beyond the bounds of their limits of exertion or tiredness or hunger, coming up with creative solutions, solving things together, you know, and and doing that in a way that's of service. So it's really neat to be a part of that tribe.
00:12:46
Speaker
And that also sets us up for, which I'm sure we'll get into, sets us up for the consequences of the cost that's paid when you ultimately ah leave that tribe and become a veteran. I don't want to make it simplistic, but it seems like what you're describing is bonding through adversity that makes you family. So family bonding through adversity. Right. only people that have gone through that specific boot camp training the whole the whole run would have that type of bond even if they weren't in it together
00:13:16
Speaker
i know what you went through hey We're family. That's kind of what I'm getting from what you're describing. And then it's for all the comfort that you get and all the things that you can say to another person without having to say a word at all. Like all the things that they get about you and that you get about them creates a real sense of psychological safety that, you know, yeah yeah know I'm surrounded by my tribe. They get me. I know what they're going through. They know what I'm going through. They can look out for me. And I can look out for them as well. Yeah, it's ah it's a beautiful thing.
00:13:44
Speaker
And that's one of the reasons that our our military forces are as lethal and as effective as they are because of all that's done through initial basic training and then through training evolutions throughout service to really reinforce that and build ah build that bond.
00:14:00
Speaker
So after retiring from the Marines, there was clearly a moment where things shifted for you eternally. And we'll get into the details of that now, later, whenever you're ready. When we do. Yeah. What was that period, and when did you realize something deeper needed to change? So you're you're you're retiring.
00:14:22
Speaker
You're out of your tribe. And now you're back into the society that you were in before you joined that tribe. Right.
00:14:32
Speaker
What was that shift like
Challenges of Leaving the Military
00:14:34
Speaker
for you? eternal yeah there's a less ah Yeah, there's a lot of shock there and and a lot of a lot of experiences that were really unexpected. but even even months and you know a year or two leading up to that retirement, there was a lot of concern and and you know kind of contemplation about who will I be and how will I perform? How do I stack up in the civilian world? you know I've been in the Marines. I'd been in the Marines for 16, 17 years at that point.
00:15:00
Speaker
And I knew how to be a Marine. I knew what was expected of me. I knew how to perform to the standards that that were expected. I knew how to get promoted. i got accolades or awards for certain things. So I knew that i you know at least over time, I learned how to function well and be a be ah a good and valuable Marine. But I always questioned, does any of this translate beyond these walls? like Does any of this translate in the in the in the real world? So there was a bit of insecurity even before making that transition of you know, what if this is transferable? What if this maps to the things that I'll experience outside of here and and and what will that journey be like? And then when you transition out of the military, it was also something that was a very unexpected. i didn't I didn't realize that the loss of that that bond and that connection was going to be so abrupt and and so profound.
00:15:46
Speaker
At that point in my career, I was living out in town. So I was living in the city near the base that i that I was stationed. So I was already living in the community. I was shopping in the community. I was going to dinner in the community. I had friends that weren't in the military, so I had connections in the community.
00:16:00
Speaker
So i didn't I didn't realize how awkward it was going to be when I was no longer part of the service member community. Mm-hmm. Because I was still surrounded by the same people doing the same things, but something about it felt different.
00:16:12
Speaker
it took me a little while to realize what that was, but it was that that that loss of sense of belonging. Like now, like even though was in my home community or even in you know in the town that I'd lived in, in some ways, I felt like I was in a foreign land, in a foreign place. Like now I had this different identity and I was still really trying to figure out what this new identity was.
00:16:33
Speaker
So my place in the world and my place in the community wasn't firmly established. And that created a lot of kind of internal struggle.
00:16:49
Speaker
It's funny that you bring up the word internal, because as I was watching your TED Talk, you talk about the internal void, which is what you're just what you just described, that internal void within inside of you that you're like, what what am I now?
00:17:03
Speaker
I used to be this. I was this for so long. I'm not that anymore. I can't be that anymore. I had to become something different, but I don't know what.
00:17:13
Speaker
Yeah. so And then, you know, and and when you go through a transition like that and you lose a, you know, a major foundation. So back that that's what I really wanted to share in the TEDx talk was this understanding from that human experience perspective, like what happens when you transition out of the military and what I what i came to to really understand and appreciate. is that we have fundamental needs for connection. Part of that need for connection is a need for authenticity, to be able to establish and maintain connections and yet show up as we are, ah you know as ah as our true self, not being forced to wear masks and show up as a version of ourself, trying to be accepted. um And we have a real strong sense for meaning or a need for meaning.
00:17:52
Speaker
When that connection is disrupted or any of these basic human needs are not fulfilled, this really puts us or drives us into a survival state. you know, we talk a lot about the fight or flight state. One of the things that happens when you make that shift or if you're stuck in this in this ah heightened state,
00:18:08
Speaker
is that all of your all of your attention, all of your energy goes to survival. I mean, instead of being able to see things more broadly and and and maintain a proper perspective about things, all of your attention is focused on what's the next potential threat that's going to come up? What's something that might take me out? What's something that I need to avoid? How do I need to maneuver so that I can operate in this place and not be threatened?
00:18:32
Speaker
And when that happens, really, it you know, one way to think about is, you know, if you ever use a camera with a little zoom lens on it that you have to twist, when you twist that zoom lens, it really, you know, it zooms in on it. A lot of the field of vision that you had now disappears because you're trying to focus on one thing in the center of the aperture.
00:18:49
Speaker
And that's really a way that I understand our perspective and our attention as we're in that stress state. So now I'm not able to see everything for what it is, good and bad, you know, in in the same frame. All I can see of those, you know, is where I'm trying to focus for specific threats. So this is something I think he gets a lot of people stuck. And if you can't, if you're not aware of this and you're not encouraged or shown how to work on this and you get stuck in that zoomed in state,
00:19:15
Speaker
then your whole world just becomes defined by these negative things that you're trying to, you know, that you're trying to address so that you're trying to battle. And that's a lot what I experienced when I transitioned out. You know, i lost that sense of belonging, that sense of meaning.
00:19:28
Speaker
It created a tremendous void inside of me. And then I was stuck in this fight or flight state and this really high, you know this heightened state of alert. So instead of being able to see everything that was true about me,
00:19:40
Speaker
i I tended to just see the things that I didn't like about me or the fears or the worries or the potential you know threats, whether it was financial relationships, health-related threats. And that's that's what defined my whole perspective. So that seemed like it was the entirety of the world that I was living in.
00:19:56
Speaker
So a lot of the work that I do now with veterans or anybody that's in recovery is helping them come out of that heightened state, know come out of that high stress state and begin to expand that aperture so they can remember. This is not saying that yes is not saying that you don't have defects, that you don't have weaknesses, that you haven't made some mistakes in the past. This is saying that It's also true that there's many beautiful things about you. You've had many wins, many successes. You've developed many strengths and it's fair to you and it's necessary for your recovery journey or your growth or healing journey to be able to see all of that and to be aware of all of that.
00:20:31
Speaker
It seems like what you're describing to me, that tunnel vision, that that horse with blinders on, that even if you have people that are close to you, because you have you're hyper-focused on your flaws, you feel absolutely alone. And that's even compounded by the fact that you used to be a part of this tribe that you were around all the time that you're not around anymore. Am I getting that right? Is is that kind of...
00:20:56
Speaker
how you felt like I'm alone, no matter who's around me right now. Right. Yes. I mean, just imagine, you know, if you're, you know, let's say you're going on a trip and they have to do an emergency landing in a, in a foreign country. And maybe you're there with, a you know, a couple of friends of yours, but you're, You were joking and laughing and everybody was having a great time and feeling a sense of inner peace, but now you land in this foreign zone and you don't know anything around you. You don't know what's a threat. You don't know ah who you can trust. If you can trust anything at all, and you don't know what what might take you out. you know You need to get your basic needs met.
00:21:28
Speaker
So now all the sense of peace and connection and everything that came from those that were around you, now it's, okay, I'm just you know i'm i'm i'm just looking for threats. I'm just trying to survive right now. So even though those things might still be around you, you might have the same clothes on that you were grateful for, you know, two hours prior, you might have, you know, all the things going on at home that that you were grateful for and might be very ah aware of different strengths that you have and things that are going well in your life. But now...
00:21:52
Speaker
You're in survival mode. You're in some you know some foreign place with all these foreign things around you and you and you become hyper-focused on, i just need to survive this moment. So what's the next potential threat that could take me out? What's the next what's the next gap that I need to be aware of so it doesn't become a threat?
00:22:08
Speaker
And that's your training. That's what they teach you in the military because every decision or majority of decisions are life and death. You have to think in that regard. So when you're in in the normal life and these aren't life or death decisions, you're kind you're still placing that thought process on every single decision. And and you talk about the internal void and you're going through a tough transition and you start drinking.
00:22:34
Speaker
more than usual. How big of a problem did your drinking become? So I think, you know, it was a normal behavior that turned into a really a maladaptive coping. I mean, I, I, for many years, I didn't have a healthy relationship with alcohol, but I really saw it.
00:22:52
Speaker
Thank goodness. I had a moment of awareness where I realized that, oh, this is, this is alleviating too much pain. Like there's something in here that this is doing And I don't think it's, you know, I don't think it's good in this nature. It's not something that's adding a little bit of joy or relieving a little bit of stress. It's there's this deep void. There's this tremendous pain and this source of fear inside of me.
00:23:14
Speaker
And numbing that out might not be the best thing right now. Like if you have a broken leg, of course, morphine will help you not feel the pain, but it doesn't mean just take the morphine and everything's okay. Right. I started to understand and appreciate that my relationship, whether it was alcohol or whether it was, you know, spending money or traveling or trying to escape the moment by going and enjoying something.
00:23:34
Speaker
I realized that the... the potential damage and the harm that that could cause was a lot greater than the potential joy that could come from it. So thank goodness i you know i I recognized that and I wanted to test myself and I said, all right, is this a problem or is it not a problem? Well, if I can give it up for 10 days,
00:23:53
Speaker
then that's at least an indicator that maybe it's not a you know too severe of a problem. So let me start here. And then I ended up you know taking some 40-day breaks just to test myself, not just with alcohol, but other things, whether it was, you know ah you know you i don't remember if Netflix was as as big a thing, but whether it was ah you know binging TV or or you know eating sweets or anything else that i that I fortunately recognized had some kind of numbing or some kind of escape effect to it.
00:24:19
Speaker
So I would start to test myself and, you know, and thank goodness I did because I think it slowed the downward spiral. Of course, it didn't alleviate the challenges. Once you really, once you remove that numbing mechanism, well, then you have to, you have to do some work to try to get back to a solid ground or to a better place. But, you know, fortunately for me, I i was encouraged to test myself and, and, uh, and, and, and try that out, see what would happen.
00:24:43
Speaker
In your TEDx talk, you told, you gave a stat that I was floored by.
Coping Mechanisms and Mental Health
00:24:50
Speaker
You said that 22 veterans a day commit suicide?
00:24:57
Speaker
Yeah, that's been the average since the, I believe since the 9-11 or since the GWAT kind of generation of veterans. So we've lost, I hate to mess up the the stat, I think it's five or six times the number of people that have been lost in combat, we've lost to to suicide or to preventable death. And the common number that's been reported for years is 22 a day on average.
00:25:20
Speaker
But what they recently found is that sometimes that number is as high as 40 or 44 a day, especially when you start to include unnecessary or preventable deaths due to accidental overdose or activities, you know, high risk behaviors that resulted in somebody's death where maybe they weren't intentionally going out trying to take their own life, but they were doing something to numb that pain or to try to survive that moment. And it was numbing that pain was the greater priority in their life and you know than than doing something safe. So we see this all the time with people that get in the high speed accidents or they're you know out riding their motorcycle at 120 miles an hour. These are all activities to try to deal with or to escape from something, some battle that they're faced on the inside. And maybe they weren't trying to take their own life, but they certainly weren't trying not to. And I think these are all you know these are all indicators of of very unfortunate, very sad, preventable deaths that that yeah our veteran community shouldn't shouldn't be bearing.
00:26:13
Speaker
And you got to a point where you started to having suicidal thoughts in your TEDx. You told a story of hanging out with your buddy. Y'all were having a good time. And you asked him, hey, man.
00:26:25
Speaker
That gun at the top of the closet, can you go ahead and take that with the bullets? Can you explain to me or or explain to the audience what it was that you were feeling in that time? You've talked about that internal void, but in that moment, what was it that you were feeling and the awareness that you had to be like, you know what?
00:26:44
Speaker
No, buddy, i need you to I need you to take this away from me now. Yeah, the big shift for me was, mean, I don't want to make it sound like this is normal. I don't think it's healthy, but I do think it is normal for individuals to have thoughts of, oh, I wonder if I would ever do that. Or I wonder how maybe how I would do that if I if i were to cross that line.
00:27:04
Speaker
So though I would have those thoughts from time to time. And then what really kind of shook me awake, if you will, was one day I realized that, oh, those thoughts They're becoming more regular and they don't have that kind of emotional, like knee jerk response when I feel that. It's not like something I entertain for a second and then immediately push it out of my mind.
00:27:27
Speaker
It started to feel so normal. And when I think about it or think about how I might do it or where or when I might do it. when it seemed when it started to feel as normal as like, hey, I gotta remember to get milk when I go to the grocery store and have that same kind of you know lack of emotional resonance or emotional response inside, I was i was like, oh no, i don't I don't know what it looks like to be one day or one hour before doing that act, but I know that 22 veterans a day are doing it. I don't know if I'm one day, one week, one month away from crossing that line and not being able to say with certainty that I wouldn't do it was enough to kind of scare me and help me realize that I needed to do something different. So I didn't have the, I don't know, I didn't i guess I didn't have the courage or the wherewithal to, know, to do everything to protect myself. But I saw an opportunity when a buddy came and we were, you know, talking about firearms. And before he left, I was casually and, ah you know, not trying to excite any kind of reaction. I was just like, hey, you know, would you mind, you know is, would you mind going and taking it and taking it with you when you go? And That's all that I said. And this was, you know this wasn't a veteran, but fortunately it was somebody who I had a great relationship with. And he was the kind of guy where you don't need to explain anything. He's not going to ask any questions. He's gone, do it.
00:28:37
Speaker
Yeah. This we're going to get into your recovery, but I want to talk about mentally what point it had to get to for you to seek help because you talk about mentorship and and because you're really big on mentorship.
00:28:52
Speaker
But what was the moment that you were like, OK, I need help. Being a Marine, first of all, which is different than and then every everybody else, Marines, Navy, Army, Air Force, Marines are different, okay? Being a Marine and also being a male, because most males have a difficult time even asking for help.
00:29:13
Speaker
You have those two things compounding each other. At what point did you get to mentally, emotionally, and say to yourself, no, no, no, no I need help now.
00:29:25
Speaker
Right. So, yeah, great question. So one thing, i kind of to preface all this, I do think that there's this interesting relationship that I've become aware of in, especially in the military context.
00:29:36
Speaker
So there's an unfair relationship, I think, that we have between suffering and self-worth. So one of the things that we do or one of the reasons that we develop this sense of self-worth and value as a service member is because of some of that suffering that we've endured in our training and some of the hardships that we've had to go through. And I think even as a society, those service members that we seem to respect or revere the most, like our special operators, the SEALs, the Delta, the Rangers, one of the things that we revere or respect about them so much is that we know that the training that they've had to go through is something that so few people can manage and and successfully navigate.
00:30:12
Speaker
So there's this relationship there between, wow, this person can go so many days without sleep and so many days without food and and work in the most austere and uncomfortable environments, yet they can still perform as the elite operator that they are.
00:30:25
Speaker
But I think, you know, so it's certainly at the extreme at the special operators. But I think that's also a trend that kind of carries through. One of the things that we were very proud of in the Marine Corps was doing things that were uncomfortable intentionally.
00:30:36
Speaker
They said, if it wasn't raining, you weren't really training. So it's like, if it's not cold and and uncomfortable, then you're not really getting the maximum value or benefit out of it. And then a lot of our sense of worth and the value that we have as an individual or as a service member comes from linking back on ah all those hardships that we had to endure.
00:30:52
Speaker
Well, the the challenge or the negative consequence of this is if you can create a relationship in your mind that there's some connection between your ability to suffer and the value that you have as an individual, it's Then this can this the the negative consequence or the cost of this is when you do begin to suffer, you also think, is this somehow representative of the value that I have as an individual? Do I need to just suck it up and push on and try to put a couple more things in my pack and try to push through this?
00:31:21
Speaker
Or do I have to admit to myself or to somebody else that I'm not as valuable as I thought I was? So this in and of itself can be a major barrier to individuals for, you know, for seeking that treatment or for accepting an unnecessary and and and enduring suffering before they're willing to reach out.
00:31:37
Speaker
So I recognize this, you know, it took me a long time to kind of look back and recognize maybe this was something that that was an internal driver to do not reaching out. I also had, you know, I also recognize an unhealthy relationship that I had with drinking with some other behaviors or substances.
00:31:55
Speaker
but I was really avoidant to seeking treatment for that specifically. The way that I felt and you know at the time, and the way that I understood it was there were so things that I was inviting into my life and there were substances that I was using
00:32:11
Speaker
Because the pain or whatever it was I was trying to mask or cover it up was too great for me to fight it myself. So in some way, at least at that time, from that perspective, the thought of letting go of something that was a necessary weapon I was using in this battle against this darkness inside of me.
00:32:28
Speaker
It didn't make sense to me that that was the long-term solution to the problem that I was having. Of course, that you know removing a... so and I work with a lot of people in recovery now, and i always think that you know sobriety or or removing a drug of choice is ah is a fantastic first step and a very important thing to accelerate the journey.
00:32:47
Speaker
But I also recognize that beneath that, there's something that needed to be worked on. There's something that needed to be healed. There was some void inside of me that needed to be filled. so I don't know how I was open to it, just other than being at the right place at the right time and hearing the right thing. You know, sometimes you'll hear something mentioned in a couple of different conversations or in a couple of different ways. And you think, all right, is this a message for me from somewhere beyond? is ah Is God or is our creator trying to share something with me? So kind of with that curiosity, I leaned into and I started investigating something. i was turned on to the work of ah a gentleman who became my mentor and a coach for a period of time.
00:33:23
Speaker
And fortunately I leaned into it. I said, you know, I don't know how to solve these problems. i don't know how to heal this pain, but I'm going going to at least ah escape into something. So maybe an unhealthy behavior in some regards, when we escape the problems that we're, that are present in our life and and focus our attention somewhere. But in this ah specific instance, it really served me. i said, all right, there's all this personal development stuff. There's this positive psychology stuff.
00:33:45
Speaker
I'm sure that somebody out there has an answer to the problems that I'm going through. And and you know as as was evident in the number of ah veterans that we lost every day, i knew that I wasn't the only one. So I was only hoping that there was some solution out there. So I really leaned into this journey of self-discovery and and working with my mentor. And through that process, what he helped me do was he helped me fill that void. So all of these cravings that I had and all this desire I had to escape What I realized was after a period of time, those cravings started to diminish. That void didn't seem as present. Something seemed to be changing or shifting inside of me.
00:34:20
Speaker
And it was through the awareness that I gained, you know, through that personal experience and then the awareness that I gained kind of looking back on it, like, okay, what was that journey all about? How did that help me? And what what what was I introduced into that could be of use to somebody else going through a similar challenge? And a lot of this was based on the the field of positive psychology and what I've come to understand or a way I like to describe traditional psychology, which is what we think of as you know the clinical clinical care or treatment.
Positive Psychology and Recovery
00:34:46
Speaker
And the difference between traditional psychology and positive psychology, I think, is greatly explained in a metaphor. So imagine a hot air balloon as representative of somebody's potential or how well they're doing in their life. So if that hot air balloon is stuck at a certain altitude, there's a couple of things that are affecting the elevation of that that hot air balloon. There's the weights, there's the sandbags, there's whatever is holding that thing down.
00:35:09
Speaker
And then there's also the amount of hot air that's in the hot air balloon. What's the upward lift that's pulling this thing up? So i when I understand a traditional psychology is that it's really a focus on what are the symptoms, what are the diagnosis, the diseases, what is it what are these negative things that are holding somebody down that are creating that extra friction or that extra load in their life? And how do we start to mitigate some of those symptoms or treat some of those things that are holding somebody back? What I was introduced to and really the non-clinical space, and this is what coaching psychology is really based on, is what are the things that are going well? What are the strengths that somebody has? What is the things that are that are already already creating that upward lift? And how do we leverage that to get to a better place? So they can both, you know, they can complement each other extremely well. And that's a lot of the work that I do is trying to find ways to complement what somebody might be going through or introduced to in a treatment setting or in a clinical setting.
00:35:57
Speaker
but there's But there's a lot more that can be done, I think. you know there's a There's an unlimited upside that that you can experience or achieve. So a lot of the coaching that I went through was on these it was on processes and on things that helped me. First, and tying back to the TED Talk, I talk about these three fundamental needs for connection, for authenticity, for meaning. First, it helped me regain that sense of connection, which that connection doesn't start with connection to a new tribe or regaining a sense of belonging. The most important connection that we can have is a connection that we have with ourself.
00:36:26
Speaker
So it's the connection with the positive traits that we have. It's the connection with the strengths that we have. It's recognizing the wins and the successes that we've had in our life so that we can begin to see ourself in a more positive image. when Once we begin to regain ah a sense of self-respect or self-worth,
00:36:43
Speaker
Then we can lean into fostering healthy connections with others, because if we feel terrible about ourself, if that aperture is shrunk in on all the things that we hate or all the weaknesses or all the defects that we've identified in ourself, if you go out and try to foster new connections from that regard, then you're doing it in a very unhealthy way. You're doing it for acceptance. You're doing it because your sense of self-worth is founded on how other people perceive you.
00:37:05
Speaker
So if you can imagine going out in the world, just showing up as a version of yourself, being that chameleon, trying to show up in every environment or every engagement to win somebody else's acceptance or approval.
00:37:16
Speaker
That's a very dynamic, very stressful and very unhealthy place to be. So before we can begin to foster healthy and connections and rebuild that sense of emotional and and psychological foundation for our well-being, we need to first connect with ourself. And that's a lot of the work that he started to introduce me to. so there's some exercises I use now that are really ah you know fundamental to the coaching that I do. one of the first exercises that I'll have somebody do is sit down and write a list of 100 wins and successes that you've had in your life.
00:37:44
Speaker
And if you're in a really dark place, it might be hard to come up with one or two. The biggest litmus test for me is to ask somebody, okay, how how easy would it be for you to list all your defects, all your mistakes, all the losses, all the things that you're embarrassed about? And and for most people, when they're really stuck in that dark place, they're like, oh man, I'm going to need more than one sheet of paper. Like, give me a notebook. I'm going to fill this thing up.
00:38:04
Speaker
Well, that's a litmus test to me, confirming where they were kind of where they are in their journey and where they are in their mindset, where they are in their perspective. So shattering that and just kind of starting to shattering that that negative foundation and just starting to create a little momentum in the right direction.
00:38:20
Speaker
can be profoundly impacted by doing something as simple as writing a list of wins and successes that you've had in your life. This forces you to begin to expand that aperture, not just looking at the things about yourself that you hate, but also recognizing and giving credit to some of the many you know beautiful things about you and the wins and successes that you've had as well.
00:38:39
Speaker
This seems like this form of psychology was perfect for you given where you were. You talked about earlier that that Zoom in focusing on your negative stuff. And this...
00:38:53
Speaker
You described it as escaping into something a little bit more healthier. I would say refocusing, refocusing that those blinders to not look at your negatives, but to focus on your positives. And I would imagine that this form of coaching is tailor made for veterans who were feeling exactly like you were.
00:39:14
Speaker
Yes, a lot of the work I do now specifically with veterans, but I've used this work in in you know in the recovery community and you know in many other communities. and And I see it, it's very similar to anybody that's stuck in their life. Back to that human experience, you know anybody who feels stuck, anybody who's been through a major transition, anybody who feels like, hey, something's missing, something's not in alignment, all these cylinders aren't firing right.
00:39:34
Speaker
A lot of help can be had through, you know, through these kinds of processes. the The mentor that I've worked with the most, he wasn't a veteran either. So, you know, he works, he's he's known as America's number one success coach. He works with a lot of people and these same principles are just as efficacious for for anybody else.
00:39:51
Speaker
I like working with veterans because that's the experience that I know the best. I understand some of the challenges. I understand the repercussions from military service and from that transition. And I know at how it can be, how it can get a lot of veterans stuck.
00:40:04
Speaker
So that's where I really focus my effort the most. Some people still believe in that traditional type of recovery in psychology. Do you face any type of skepticism or pushback for talking about or taking a different path, especially in your veteran spaces?
00:40:21
Speaker
Yeah, certainly. So i I am not for or against any pathway to recovery. So I understand there's about 28 to 30 million adults in America that struggle with some substance or behavior. I also understand that that's 28 to 30 million different life paths. That's 28 to 30 million different combinations of experiences, of environments, of setbacks, of traumas that led that person to a place where the best that they can do to survive emotionally in the moment is a reliance on some substance or behavior. So with that in mind, I also understand there's not one pathway to recovery. There's not 10 pathways to recovery. you know There's not thousands of pathways to recovery. There might be as many as 28 to 30 million different pathways to recovery because everybody took a different journey into that darkness. Everybody's going to need a different combination of tools and resources and treatments and support to get back to or to get to that place that they want to be. So I'm a huge advocate for every form of recovery that's out there so long as it's providing value to that individual. And that's what I always encourage. I work with a lot of civilians now that are in recovery and i always encourage somebody, you know, just just try something, you know, take take what's valuable to you, take the benefit, the gain that you can get from it, And if you feel like it's not helping you as much as you would like, or maybe there's something missing ored or out of alignment with your values and beliefs, then you have to do some serious introspection and ask yourself, is it me that's creating this friction? Am I just not willing to commit and kind of lean into this process? Or is there something about this particular framework or this particular model that's not really addressing my needs? If it's not an internal friction that you're creating, then by all means, go find anything else that you can add to your repertoire of tools and resources and support to make that difference. So I work with people that go through many different kinds of treatments and and recovery modalities. And my aim is never to replace what somebody else is doing that's effective. It's to help fill some gaps or help accelerate their progress, help them be exposed or experience some things that can help accelerate that journey.
00:42:16
Speaker
I love that answer. Absolutely love it.
00:42:27
Speaker
With veterans today entering civilian life, and and you've talked a lot about it during this discussion, but I still feel like there's a lot that civilians have misunderstood about the struggles for veterans. What do you think tends to be oversimplified?
00:42:51
Speaker
And what do you think tends to be ignored? Yeah, that's a great question. So I think a lot of individuals, they have, you know, there's some stereotypes and there's some biases and there's people, you know, anytime we don't know something fully, we make some assumptions to kind of fill in the gaps of what we don't know. And for a lot of individuals that aren't closely connected with military families or service members,
00:43:10
Speaker
They might fill in some of those gaps with just what they see in the movies or hear on TV or hear their friends talking about. So they many times what I've seen is they'll come to some unfair or unrealistic assumptions about what that veteran journey or what that veteran experience might look like. You know, for so for a lot of individuals and there's a lot of mental health professionals also. I do a lot of speaking, a lot of training with mental health professionals on that cultural awareness piece to help them understand the veteran experience.
00:43:35
Speaker
And I think that there's this unfair assumption that if veteran is is experiencing PTSD or substance use disorder, then it must connect back to some trauma that they experienced on the battlefield or maybe some military sexual trauma while they were in the service.
00:43:49
Speaker
And while sadly that's true for a lot of veterans, it's not true for most. Yet most veterans will experience some of these symptoms or some of these effects of post-trauma if for if if for no other reason than because of that transition from military service.
00:44:05
Speaker
So
00:44:09
Speaker
how do how do we make people more aware of their biases when they don't know? and People are always experts on things that they don't know. It seems like that's becoming more and more of an epidemic nowadays. how do we How do we kind of wake those people up to say, hey it's not this, or it's not that simple, right?
00:44:31
Speaker
Right. Well, they're going to, fill you know, people are going to fill in the blanks whatever they have access to or whatever they've heard. So I think having more conversations like this and shining a different light on first helping veterans better understand it. That, you know, the two reasons I did that TEDx talk, which is called the unspoken trauma that all veterans face is one, I wanted veterans to understand when they find themselves in that darkness. I wanted to give them some perspective on what shifts have happened in their life to help them understand and contextualize the challenges that they're going through. One of the hardest things that we can face as a human is to be in pain or experience suffering and have no idea where it came from.
00:45:04
Speaker
You know, if you just wake up one day and everything hurts, but you have no idea where it came from, it can be very hard to have hope or an understanding that things can get better and it can make you feel stuck. And then maybe make it feel like it's all your fault or you're just so defective or damaged that there's no hope out there. So for, you know, that's the biggest message I want for veterans, whether it helps them the day they get out of uniform or whether they remember that that quick message years later, i wanted them to have some context for what they might be going through internally so they can also have some context and some hope that things can get better. And I really wanted to the, you know, the civilian population or non-veterans to understand, you know, oh, this is this is also what's happening through that veteran transition experience. These are some of the internal battles that they might be facing and some of the struggles that So I think the way that we do that is by having more conversations about it so that people have different data and different evidence to fill in some of those assumptions. So, you know, offering those unsolicited perspectives so that people can add some things to their repertoire and and and paint that clearer picture is is a great way to do it.
00:46:04
Speaker
When you, I guess you're never out of recovery, right? Like you you're always kind of end recovery, but when you got to the point that where your mentor and your recovery had helped you so much, you decided to start working with other people. That's what you're doing now. So tell me about what you created.
00:46:26
Speaker
You created a whole system and a whole organization to help people. Yeah, so what ah what ah the work I'm doing now is trying to recreate and trying to offer some of the things that I've found most helpful in my life and in my recovery journey and doing it through a lens of my experience as a veteran.
00:46:42
Speaker
So I see you know there's a couple of challenges that veterans face, especially when they get into treatment or for those veterans that get involved in the justice system and have some some other consequences that they're facing. One of the challenges I see is that they're often pushed into or introduced to programs that weren't really designed with the with the ah the the veteran experience in mind.
00:47:03
Speaker
So I understand that a lot of individuals that have struggled with a substance or behavior or severe mental health challenge Sadly and unfortunately, many times that is because of the life experience that they've had and not being afforded the opportunity and the experiences and the support and the nurturing in order to develop the mental and emotional wellness that they need to deal with life on life's terms. So, you know, this creates a a weak foundation where sometimes substances and behaviors can come in and fill a void or lead to some some problematic challenges.
00:47:35
Speaker
I understand the veteran experience as somebody who has had an experience of tremendous self-worth, of value, of meaning, of connection, of of that strong bond and sense of belonging, and then went through a shift or a transition where they lost it all.
00:47:51
Speaker
So I feel that most individuals, you know, these two different populations, whether it's a civilian that's struggling with with mental health or substances or a veterans, their journey into that place often looks a lot different. So their journey out of that place might also look a lot different. So we see some some real challenges with getting veterans into treatment or into programs or into support.
00:48:13
Speaker
And then we see major challenges in helping keeping them engaged. I've talked to a lot of veterans as coaching clients and they say, you know, the stuff that I'm getting in these treatments or in these groups, it just doesn't resonate with me. It doesn't match to what my experience has been. So it doesn't really feel like it's that helpful.
00:48:27
Speaker
So a lot of what I'm doing now is trying to fill those gaps and align the services and and things that are out there so they can better connect with the veteran experience. I was recently down in Georgia working with some veteran inmates and And one of the things the veteran said after going through you know some of the programming or classes I provided was, now I better understand how I got here and I'm ready to start sharing more. I'm ready to engage more with the you know with my family and with my clinicians and treatment providers because I have a clear understanding of where I am. So helping just provide that context, doing it in a non-clinical way, doing it through recovery coaching, doing it through classes and through training is a very powerful way to get better outcomes from those veterans that are in you know certain kinds of programs so they can get to a better place. And I think a lot of it comes back to that analogy about the hot air balloon, and about the positive psychology. Like if you want somebody to get better, you can't just remove everything from them that is bad. Of course that, you know, of course that can help the progress or help the journey going forward. But if there's not enough emphasis on leveraging and strengthening everything that's good in an individual, then there's only so far that they can go in their recovery journey.
Finding New Purpose After Service
00:49:34
Speaker
This, once again, i don't mean to simplify things, but this might be a simplified way of saying that what you're doing is creating a new mission, but this is a healthier mission. This is something that veterans are trained to do.
00:49:50
Speaker
Go on a mission, accomplish that mission. It seems like when you're doing something, these clinicians that what you're doing is giving these veterans a new mission, that that focus, that tunnel focus on this is this is the mission, this is how we get better. And in that kind of, oh, okay, this is recognizable to me. right I can do this.
00:50:15
Speaker
is that Is that kind of? Yeah, I think there's a lot in there and and and so many different things to unpack. So yes, giving veterans a new mission, but first and foremost, through that reconnection piece,
00:50:27
Speaker
helping them to realize and appreciate that they deserve to feel better. You know, if we've been in a dark place long enough and we've been messing up our own lives through substances, through behaviors, through some challenges, you know, wreaking havoc in our in our relationships, you very quickly get to a place where you feel like you don't deserve to have anything feel better. And this is a major thing that trips a lot of people up in their recovery journey. When they start to make that progress and their life starts to settle down and it's not as chaotic as it used to be, If that self-doubt and that lack of self-worth starts to creep in, then you you know a lot of people think,
00:51:00
Speaker
Maybe I don't deserve this. Maybe I need to go back to my old ways because of the pain and the suffering that I feel there. Like that was a sentence that I deserve. And that's what I, that's what I deserve to experience in my life. So by simply helping veterans reconnect with themselves, you know, provide them the context. What is it that led me into this darkness? And then reminding them, let's turn on that light. Let's turn on that flashlight and remind you of all the beautiful things and the strong things and the, and the things that are worthwhile in you so that you can invest more in your mission to get to a better place. So there's a lot there. And then back to the mission aspect of it, you know, this really ties back to that fundamental need that we have for meaning.
00:51:35
Speaker
So I used to understand meaning as just something that was a nice to have. It provided some context. It was pretty cool if you had it, didn't necessarily, you know, cost anything if you didn't have a strong sense of meaning. But what I've come to understand is that meaning is actually a very profound need that we have for our emotional and mental well-being. It's meaning that provides our capacity to endure suffering. It's meaning that allows us to go through difficult times and really lean into challenges. and And do things that can help promote that growth or help us get to a better place. So without that sense of meaning or without that mission of getting better, you might have a mission. If you don't feel that you deserve the the goal or the end state of that mission, then you're not gonna lean in. You're not gonna invest in it with with everything that you can.
00:52:15
Speaker
But having that mission also provides context for why am I doing these difficult things? Like, what is the reason for doing this? And and back to the you know human experience, we all go through this. If you've ever set a goal and didn't have a reason for that goal, it's next to impossible to accomplish it. If you just say, hey, I'm gonna save $10,000, going to lose pounds,
00:52:35
Speaker
If you don't have a meaning associated with that, then most likely you're not going to achieve that goal. But the minute you say, I need to save $10,000 for my wedding, or I need to save $5,000 to take my family on a vacation, I need to lose 10 pounds because it's going to be ah it's goingnna be a beach vacation. i need to look good when I get there. Once you have that sense of meaning wrapped around this goal that you've set, now you have the capacity to do the difficult things day in and day out so that you can reach that that goal.
00:53:01
Speaker
Also, the sense of meaning is something that helps transmute the pain and the adversity and the suffering from the past and get something good out of it. you know this ah you know the The struggles that we've been through, they cause pain and they cause discomfort in the moment. But within the every struggle that we've been through, there's also seeds for something beautiful and something great to come out on the other side. know somebody i used to get asked a lot, why do you work with people that are in recovery? you know If you're ah a wellness coach or a mindset coach, there's a lot of people that you can work with. Why would you choose to niche down and work with just with people in recovery? And my response is always, you know I think life, the human experience, the human journey can be a lot like a pendulum.
00:53:42
Speaker
And the further that pendulum swings into one direction of pain and despair and adversity and suffering and trauma, the greater the potential it has to swing in the other direction of compassion and determination and self-worth. So there's something beautiful that can happen when you work with people that are coming from the darkest places. The the the heights that they can get to are much greater, much different than others.
00:54:03
Speaker
somebody else that hasn't gone through some of that struggle. But that process of swinging that pendulum is aligning what you're doing, what goals you're setting, what mission you have, and helping you map this adversity or this pain or this trauma from the past to what I'm now going to accomplish. And there's you know there can be many different ways that we can do that. We can do it specifically. So there could be a specific trauma that we lived through. And now we want to dedicate ourselves to helping other people that have lived through that, whether you grew up in poverty or had you know some some trauma in your childhood. There's a lot of people that start organizations or start causes because they want to take their pain and suffering and invest it in something that can be a positive benefit. Or sometimes people map that pain or that adversity a little bit more generally. And they just what they say, you know, i' I've been through some major struggles. I've been through some severe hardships.
00:54:51
Speaker
I want to invest the strength and the wisdom and the determination that I gained going through and living through that experience, but I want to invest it in something else. I want to invest it in a profession, in a career. Maybe I want to start a business. Maybe I want to use that energy. I want to transmute that negative energy to to allow me to create something good. But without that mission, without that sense of meaning that you can derive from that mission, then that's a tremendous um you know path of healing that I think is really lost. And that's where I think real healing occurs. It's not in and lessening or or ah or unburdening yourself of pain from the past.
00:55:27
Speaker
It's in investing that pain into something that provides a positive gain in the future. Just like you doing what you do now gives you meaning.
00:55:38
Speaker
Right. And so you've reinvested the pain into the future. I love that. yeah i love it. I'm going to make it worth something. Like there's going some reason I went through that. I'm not just going to let it be some trivial thing that happened that now I ignore. I'm going to, you know, get all the juice I can from that, from that pain and that suffering.
00:55:55
Speaker
When someone listens to your talk or hears your story, listening, watching on this show, what do you hope unlocks for them? especially for veterans who might still be sitting quietly in that darkness.
00:56:10
Speaker
Yeah. So just know that you know that as a veteran, regardless of what you experienced in the military, that transition from military service can and is often traumatic in and of itself. Through that major transition, you lose the way that you came to meet a lot of your basic fundamental needs. And there's going to be some really severe challenges that come out as a result of that. If you're in the if you're really in the darkness and if you're really struggling, then I want you to know first and foremost that you are deserving of love, of happiness, of joy, of all the good things in your life that you want. You're deserving of it and you can achieve it and you can accomplish those things as well.
00:56:45
Speaker
If you're willing to accept some guidance, some coaching, open your mind, you know that doesn't have to be working with somebody. It could be leaning into some books or some podcasts, trying to gain some new ideas, anything that can help you broaden that perspective and help you remember some of the good things that are within you and start to fill some of those assumptions or fill some of those things that were that might be keeping you stuck and in your place. I do remember one time when I was on deployment where I was There was a unique kind of inflection point in my career where I'd just gotten a major upgrade. So all of the extra time that I had where I was studying and pouring over, you know preparing for this major test for this upgrade, I really found myself with a lot of idle time. And in that idle time, I realized,
00:57:26
Speaker
you know I'm pouring every bit of energy into trying to do and achieve these things that I thought I was supposed to want. you know i've got the I've got the house. I've got the two cars. We're taking nice vacations. I got the wife and kid at home. I've got this great career. I'm traveling around.
00:57:41
Speaker
Why does it feel like my return on investment is so small? If I'm giving 100% of what I've got, then why do I feel like I'm getting 10% joy and 10% fulfillment from this ah from all this effort?
00:57:53
Speaker
And I realized one of two things was happening. Either... Life is supposed to be this cruel experience that we suffer through and then ultimately die at the end. Or maybe there were some like fundamental values and beliefs and perspectives that I had that were just not correct.
00:58:08
Speaker
So hoping it was that and hoping it wasn't, ah you know, the first option. It opened my mind and my curiosity to go and Try to learn some new things, see some different perspectives. And I spent the next couple months, you know, listening to sermons or worship services from many different denominations. um I started watching TED Talks and I think they were doing a thing at the time called Google Talks.
00:58:30
Speaker
Started reading different books and looking for some kind of clarity or some kind of answers.
Collective Responsibility in Supporting Veterans
00:58:35
Speaker
ah ah You know, that process took a period of time, but very quickly I began to see oh, there's something here that's a little different than the way that I see or experience things. There's a perspective here that's a little bit different. And for anybody that's interested and wants to to know a little bit more about this, I wrote a book a while ago called The Spheres Approach to Happiness and Fulfillment. And this really you know shares some of those early ahas or awarenesses or change of perspective that I began to experience, which really altered the way that I that i saw the world, saw my understood myself, understood my my role in the in this life experience.
00:59:11
Speaker
Wow. Garrett, ah this has truly been, you've got an incredible story. And what you're doing now is so very, very important. I said at the top, the care that we need to give to veterans is not being given. And I'm glad to hear people like you, organizations like you are are refocusing to say, look, we need to care for our tribe. Because even though I'm not a part of that tribe,
00:59:41
Speaker
I feel that we all need to care for that tribe. So I want to thank you so much for coming on the show today, sharing your story, sure giving us wisdom of what's going on, the information that we need, what's going on, and the ability to start having conversations civilians to help veterans as well. So I just i just appreciate you coming on the show and having this conversation with me.
01:00:05
Speaker
I really appreciate the opportunity. I thank you so much for not just this conversation, but many of the conversations that you're having, just trying to bring some new perspective and and some new insight to help individuals in their own journey.
01:00:16
Speaker
I appreciate that. Thank you so much. Before we close this out, I want to leave you with this. What really stayed with me in this conversation, how easy it is for someone to look fine on the outside while caring a lot internally.
01:00:31
Speaker
How much of what we talk about today happens quietly? without announcements, without obvious signals, without people knowing what to ask or how to help.
01:00:44
Speaker
One of the most powerful takeaways here is that healing isn't just about removing what's hurting. It's about but remembering what's still there. Strength, capability, value, the parts of yourself that doesn't disappear just because your life changed.
01:01:00
Speaker
Garrick Works lives in a space helping people reconnect with who they are and figure out what comes next on their own terms. If today's conversation gave you something to think about or made you see the topic differently, I encourage you to take a little time to explore his work further. His book and his organization are both linked in the description of this episode for both the audio and video versions of this show.
01:01:27
Speaker
Whether that's for you or for someone that you care about, those resources are there for you. Garrett. Can't stress enough how much I really appreciate you sharing your time, your perspective, and your honesty with us today.
01:01:42
Speaker
And how important this conversation was, not just for veterans, but for civilians as well. I care deeply about this issue.
01:01:54
Speaker
And I want more information. of the public to talk about issues that are important like this than the trivial stuff that we fight and bicker about.
01:02:08
Speaker
There are people that are out there fighting for our freedoms that are dying when they come home. Not dying when they're fighting for our freedoms.
01:02:20
Speaker
They're dying when they come home. We all have a hand on helping them transition better and live a happy, healthy life when they enter the civilian life.
01:02:35
Speaker
preach freedom over fame That's the whole purpose of this entire conversation. We need to wake up. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you for listening.
01:02:47
Speaker
I want to thank you for watching. And until next time, as always, I'll holla.
01:02:57
Speaker
That was a hell of a show. Thank you for rocking with us here on Unsolicited Perspectives with Bruce Anthony. Now, before you go, don't forget to follow, subscribe, like, comment, and share our podcast wherever you're listening or watching it to it. Pass it along to your friends. If you enjoy it, that means the people that you rock will will enjoy it also. So share the wealth, share the knowledge, share the noise.
01:03:20
Speaker
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01:03:31
Speaker
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01:04:00
Speaker
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01:04:14
Speaker
Thank you. Thank you for listening and watching and supporting us. And I'll catch you next time. Audi 5000. Peace.