Transcript
Speaker: What determines success? And millennials in video games? We gonna get into it. Let's get it.
Speaker: Welcome. First of all, welcome. This is Unsolicited Perspectives. I'm your host, Bruce Anthony, here to lead the conversation in important off events and topics that are shaping today's society. Join the conversation and follow us wherever you get your audio podcasts. Subscribe to our YouTube channel for our video podcasts, YouTube exclusive content, and our YouTube membership.
Speaker: rate, review, like, comment, share. Share it with your friends, share with your family, hell, even share with your enemies. On today's episode, it's a sibling happy hour. I'm here with my sis, Jay Andrea. We're gonna be dilly-dadding a little bit. Then we're gonna be talking about what does success mean? And did you know the video games we played back in the day taught us a lot?
Speaker: But that's enough of the intro. Let's get to the show.
Speaker: What up, sis? What up, brother? I can call it. Oh. All right. I am exhausted. Mm-hmm. I woke up.
Speaker: First of all, i went to bed late because I needed, i was craving me time. Even though I had me time all day yesterday, i was craving more me time at the end of the night. Yeah. So I stayed up later than I should have, but not too late. Like, I went to bed just a little after midnight. The alarm was supposed to go after go out go off at 7. So I was like, you know, 6 hours would be good.
Speaker: People are thinking 12 to 7 to 7 hours, Bruce. I don't go to sleep right away. Right. Well, I woke up at 4 to go to the bathroom, much like a middle-aged person would have to. Sure.
Speaker: Then could not go back to sleep at all. I was both exhausted physically and wide awake. Yeah, that's the worst feeling. It's the worst feeling in the world. And you're like, all right, if I go to sleep, if I can fall asleep now, I'll get a solid I'll get that hour. i'll get We have all had that conversation with ourselves. When you look at the clock, you're like, look, if I fall asleep right now...
Speaker: I could still get 52 minutes who before I got to get up for real, for real. And you know what? You know what I've learned? Even though I didn't exercise this option last night or this morning, is that just get the hell up.
Speaker: Because what's going to end up happening is you will fall back asleep. And you'll yeah fall right back to sleep right before your alarm is supposed to go off. Deeply asleep. Yeah. Yeah. And you're going oversleep. And that's what happens. ah That's what happens to me all the time. Because I'm like, no, I still got a little time.
Speaker: Because I purposely set my alarm early so that I can dilly-dally before I have to get up for real. But just depending on how tired I am, i might fall back to sleep deeply. And then I wake up and I'm like, well, now it's time to work.
Speaker: And I still got to yeah have some coffee. Let the dogs out. So now I'm rushing around when I had plenty of time. So a lot of times I'll just say, girl, just get up.
Speaker: If I could harness that sleep that I get when I'm not supposed to be getting that sleep. Mm-hmm. It's the best sleep you can have. The best sleep that you can have. it's so minimal. I... i I envy, and I rarely andv envy anybody. I envy those people. They're like, yeah, as soon as my head hits the pillow, I fall right out. You fall right out. I sleep through the night. No, I ever wake up.
Speaker: You don't? hate them. And you know what's crazy? I'm still a morning person. I'm not. I'm midday, midday person. i'm not at night I'm not a night owl and I'm not a boring person. Midday. Midday, that's when a kick in for you?
Speaker: Between 10 a.m. 5 p.m. that's that's That's when I shine. That's midday. Well, I mean, most work 9 to 5. So it's perfect for me. and that i'm I'm no good before and I'm no good after.
Speaker: That's yeah that midday. That's where I'm, that's where I was like, oh, John is on it. I've learned since I've gotten older, my mind is nowhere near as sharp.
Speaker: until until around 11, 12. eleven twelve i do not make important decisions before noon anymore. you know None. Because it used to be I would wake up in the morning, sharp as a tack, ready to go. Now it's like, why did I do that dumb shit?
Speaker: Yeah. You know, like brushing your teeth without putting water on the toothpaste. Why am I not focusing right now? Right. And now my gums... Bristles just hard as hell. Raw dog in a toothbrush. You know? Gums bleeding.
Speaker: What was it that I did the other day that it was dumb as hell? And I was like, why did I do this? This is what I did. I wear socks when I'm in the bed. Yeah. However, I'm always getting up, and I don't care if I wear my socks from here to my bathroom, because it's all connected in my room, right? Like right right like it's okay.
Speaker: yeah But I'm not going out into the main room and my bed socks. Yeah, yeah, right fair. So i I take off my socks. to refreshing my drink.
Speaker: I remembered this. In the dead of the night, I remembered, hey, don't forget to take off your socks, right? Because I routinely forget and then I got to put the socks in the dirty and the dirty clothes and get a new pair of socks out because yeah outside socks can't touch bed.
Speaker: Nah. did I come back in, put my socks back on, lay back down, be like, oh, I forgot something.
Speaker: And walk right back out into the damn kitchen with the socks on. I'm going to tell you, you need to invest in some slippers. I do have slippers. Wear them. But once again, I've got two pairs slippers.
Speaker: But once again, the slippers can't roam all throughout the house. Oh, we're wait a minute. now i don't i don't like I don't like the living room and and kitchen floor particles to touch the bedroom particles.
Speaker: So everybody's like, Bruce, there is something wrong with you. Yes. Yeah, that's extreme. So my slippers don't go outside.
Speaker: They are strictly indoor slippers. If I go outside, i put my Crocs on. Like if I let the dog out, go get the mail, anything like that, the Crocs go on. My slippers never touch the outdoors. If they touch the outdoors, they go in the garage.
Speaker: So, but... They're going to be around the house. It's the same... ah It's the same floor. I would have to have them in every room. And I guarantee you that even if I had the slippers right by the bed, when I wake up in the middle of the night to go get something and out of the kitchen, I'm going to forget to put them on.
Speaker: Because it's not going habit. They're right to the bed. It's not going to habit. It's a habit. I cannot walk around barefoot. Well, I have indoor and outdoor slippers. And everybody's like, outdoor slippers? Because I live in a building.
Speaker: There'll be times where I go downstairs and get the mail or packages or whatever. Talk to the front desk assistant and I'll use those are my outdoor slippers. They don't go past the entryway of my of my apartment.
Speaker: Right. OK. They stay in the entryway, the kitchen a little bit and then outside. And then I got my regular slippers, which, by the way, actually don't. To me, that's outside. To me, that's outside.
Speaker: Because that's regular public traffic. Yeah. So if I step out from my home, I got to put the outside shoes on.
Speaker: and So for me, even if the moment you step out of your place, like it doesn't matter if you're still in the building, general people's foot traffic is,
Speaker: It's going through there. Yes. And you know what's even worse? Dog pee. This is happening the other morning. I'm downstairs. It's like 9 o'clock in the morning. I'm going to the gym.
Speaker: And this lady, she has two little dogs, but she's cleaning up yeah a giant puddle of pee. And she was right by the elevator, which lets me know that she was he she was trying to get them out in time and couldn't get them out.
Speaker: And my boy who I met in the gym was like, did you see the lady cleaning up the dog pee? I was like, yeah. It seemed like it was a lot. And I walked right on past because I got some place I need to be. She need clean that up herself. He was like, yeah.
Speaker: I saw it all when it happened. She almost beat the hell out of that dog.
Speaker: It's a fury hit him because we're almost there. We're almost outside. You couldn't hold it another three seconds. She said. We were almost there. So we almost beat the hell out of that dog. And I was just like, i get I've been there. I've yeah been there. I've been in this building where i'm like you know what?
Speaker: Crypto, I should have taken you out sooner. Come on, buddy, let's go. And I know he's holding it. Yeah. And sometimes you don't make it because you get on these elevators, all that motion for these dogs. extra stuff. See me, I just opened the front door. Like you got all that extra travel before they can actually get outside. Right. So, yeah, I get that. But no, at the same time, though, we were almost there. Like you can see outside from the no yeah elevators. No, you can't. You can't. You can lean You got to go all way around the corner. But I know that she was probably running late that morning. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And this incident, because we got cameras and you get penalized if your dog has an accident you don't clean it up. And the cleaner lady was trying to help her, giving her little paper towels. And the lady was like, can I use your mop? And I would have said no.
Speaker: Yeah, no. Because that's a lot of dog pee. Yeah, We need to get some of that up first and then we use the mop. But, uh, yeah. Anyway, you were going to say something. you probably lost your train of thought. Oh, it's gone. It's been gone.
Speaker: You said, I'm going to save it for the show. Yeah. It's been gone.
Speaker: It wasn't you almost burning your eyelashes?
Speaker: No, that wasn't it. That was a side comment. No, it's almost, no, it's been gone. I don't know what it was. No idea. But I was like, oh, this will be good for Dilly Dally. Let me wait.
Speaker: Right. That was a mistake. yeah Don't know what it was. It'll come back eventually. I don't know. It will. Your ADHD brain will definitely come back. I saw something. There's this woman on Instagram and, you know, all these people on Instagram say they're expert on something. Says she's an expert on ADHD.
Speaker: And she made this comment to to these men. And the men was like, oh you thought you got yourself a little baddie. No, Shorty has ADHD. You did something that was enticing to her for the moment.
Speaker: Then she became really interested in in it. And then she disappeared on you. Yeah, that's dealing with a woman that has ADHD. And I was like, lier you know what?
Speaker: That's not just women. That's men. Because that is me too. I have had women. i have had women Contact me and be like, what happened to you? I'm like, what's yeah talking about? The novelty wore off. yeah you just You just disappeared.
Speaker: And I was like, I did? Didn't we just talk the other day? bruce that was a month ago. Oh. Also, time blindness. You forget how much time passes. I don't have time blindness. Also, object permanence. You don't miss anyone. do have that. It's very difficult. Yeah.
Speaker: You have to live intentionally. oh yeah You know what? and And this is a common problem that I have in relationships. I'm trying to do better at it. don't make no plans.
Speaker: but What do you mean? I don't remember the last time I asked a woman out on a date.
Speaker: They say, hey, do you want to get together? You want to hang out? Yeah, sure. Cool. Well, how does this day work for you? That didn't work. This day does. what do you want to do? I don't know. It's whatever you want to do. It's all good. Okay, I was thinking about doing this. All right, I guess that'll work. Because, you know, I'm mean easily, as long as I can have a drink, I can do just about anything.
Speaker: Right. And then it goes, when are going see each other again? don't know. I mean, you know, whenever. for I don't ask women out. Yeah. but that it Yeah, I don't think you like them. So that's probably what that is. That's what somebody said to me.
Speaker: or Yeah, you just didn't like her. But there was something about them that I at least entertained the idea. There was something novel about it.
Speaker: An ADHD brain, it like, it craves novelty. And so if there's something unique about somebody, I'll zero in on it. But once i once the novelty wears off.
Speaker: yeah not great they're so quirky and and spontaneous and then you realize yeah they flighty as hell and this is not the way I want to live my life I need a little bit more structure Or is I just like like i got used to it and it's no longer exciting interesting or anymore. And so, like, my mind moves on. And it's not it's not great, but that's how it is. And my mind just moves on. You know what I've learned with people that have been in long-term relationships?
Speaker: Mm-hmm. They love their partner, but they're bored. They're bored. You know, it's mundane. And part of reason why I never got an office job, I swore to my dad when I was, our dad, when I was like 13 or 14, I was like, I'm never going to work in an office that just seems like I would just die in a cubicle.
Speaker: And I haven't. I haven't. Relationships almost feel like the same thing. It felt like a cubicle. It's like, I can't, it's not like I want to go out there and do what I, where you know, I'm not not out here running the streets no more. I'm too old for that. yeah But it's like, man, this kind of feel like a I'm getting trapped. ah Yeah. You want to see me on this thing? Don't into the trap that I fell into, which is you're always chosen and you never choose. So like, that's another thing of like, when you don't want to set up the meat, you
Speaker: Don't just go along with it because this person wants to hang out. Like, you should be actively actively participating in it. If you're not actively participating in it's because you don't really want to do it. Well, when you say choose and not just be chosen, that that really falls along. Heterosexual relationships is what I'm talking about right now. Women get to choose.
Speaker: Men are chosen.
Speaker: I don't think generally speak generally speaking. Women are being hit on all the time. Men are being hit on all the time. Not at frequency of what I'm saying is like you're making the act of choice. It's not somebody coming to you and saying, hey, let's get together. And you just saying, OK, instead of that.
Speaker: It's you making the action. wos a lot That's what I mean by choosing. My last girlfriend, I did that. I guess. No, she asked me out on the first date. But I did say, no, she said something about the second date. I i sent her a picture of of this restaurant or this something. And she was like, is that what we're doing next? And I i was just sending it to her. I wasn't asking her. And I was like, oh, I guess we could do that. And then after the second date, I was like, hey, can I see you again?
Speaker: Yeah. But that was the last time. I don't be asking, can I see you again? i'd just be like, okay. Yeah, so I'm trying to be more intentional about not just letting myself be chosen and like I actually participate in the process because typically I'm just like, all right, I'm not doing anything. Sure.
Speaker: nah And then I get into a relationship. i be like oh lot I don't really have a good way out of this. ah Quote, quote, younger Bruce. And I forgot about this until one of my main boys said, remember you say this all the time? Younger Bruce, I'm talking about college.
Speaker: He's always say, man, get into these situations with women and never wanted to be direct because didn't want i hurt nobody's feelings. And he's always coming with these schemes. And I would say, I need to find some way to wiggle my way out the situation.
Speaker: yeah I was like, I need to wiggle my way out the situation. Gotta to wiggle my way out the situation. And sometimes i just say, oh, you know, I just don't. see a future for this i don't know if I've ever said that that's just my catch all answer when I really don't have a reason i've just was never really interested in the first place i just did it when I was bored and now the novel the little bit of novelty there was has been wore off and I need to make a nice you know clean exit yeah sometimes that's what you gotta do but I like to wiggle my way out the situation
Speaker: That's it and I'm not gonna lie. Like, I'm not gonna lie. But, ah you know, I'm not gonna work hard to make up something palatable. I'm just gonna say, hey, I just don't see a future with this.
Speaker: yeah I mean, that's the the moreless adult way to do that. You know, speaking of that. And the segue is, I already screwed it up. Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, that's enough of the dilly-dally. was going to attempt to make a segue, and I was like, i don't know how to connect this. That's enough of the dilly-dally. We're going to get into what defines success.
Speaker: we're going to get into that next.
Speaker: I just want to ask you one question. What were we told a successful adult looked like growing up? Success used to be external.
Speaker: A job title, money, marriage, house, kids. Very little conversation about mental health, joy, alignment, or sustainability.
Speaker: Yeah. i have come to this point in my life. where I'm trying so desperately to appreciate the successes that I have in my life.
Speaker: Here's a prime example. I had a friend not too long ago that I was talking to, and I got pitched a person to interview him.
Speaker: And I was like, no, want to interview this person. And these are the reasons why I don't want to interview this person. Like, the the the material that they were going to be presenting, i I couldn't connect with. And if I can't connect with it, the audience won't connect with it because it'll be inauthentic. yeah And so I was like, I'm going to to tell this publicist that I'm just not interested. And this is like the second or third time that I've told the person that they pitched that I'm not interested in. And my friend was like, what?
Speaker: your podcast is really successful. And I'm like, no, you know, when I look at the metrics and I compare it to other people, you know, we, we all right. We in the middle of the road. Sometimes, you know, it's, it's a lot of streams. Sometimes it's not now whatever. Like we're still not, we're still not generating a ton of money. It's like, whatever. It's like, we do. Okay. She was like, Bruce, you can literally, you literally have, know,
Speaker: companies pitch their clients to you to come on your show and you say no more than you say yes.
Speaker: was like, yeah, but you know, that just doesn't fit with the show. She was like, do you understand that that people are coming to you to come on? People see the value in their clients coming on your show. was like, oh, she's like, that's successful.
Speaker: Yeah. I was like, oh, oh, okay. I never thought about it. And I need to be more intentional about yeah what success is. But you said you had a conversation with a person recently about this topic.
Speaker: And I feel like it's important because so many people out there are like, i don't feel successful. And you are. You just might not be seeing it the way that you should be. Yeah, and basically what the conversation boiled down to is that you have to define what success looks like for yourself.
Speaker: It cannot be these external drivers because there are over 7 billion people in the world. There is no way that these specific things, these five or six things are going to make all of us happy.
Speaker: That is not... First of all, i also wouldn't equate success with happiness. Just because you're successful doesn't mean that you'll be happy. So I wouldn't conflate the two of them. You can you can be what other people would deem not successful, but be perfectly content with your life. So i wouldn't conflate the two. But it's but it's also about...
Speaker: deciding for yourself what success looks like. It's got to come from you because what you'll find is if if your metrics are coming from other people, if we're coming from these external sources, of society, whatever,
Speaker: When you hit them, it will be hollow because you're not connected to these things at all. None of this came from you. So earning things, gaining material things, fame, fortune, all of this stuff. if If for you as a person, those things were never really important, then but they're important to other people. And so you get them and then you realize, I hate this.
Speaker: Right? Like how many people in entertainment are miserable? How many people that were rich are miserable? Rich are miserable. Absolutely miserable. ah But we're saying, no, you're rich and famous.
Speaker: You're successful. But how many of them was on drugs and can't can't cope and can't like because that stuff was never actually important to you in the first place. So you have to figure out what is important to you.
Speaker: What do you actually care about? What what would bring you joy? If you were to accomplish that goal and then start defining success by those metrics, because otherwise it's just not ever going to feel good the way it's supposed to or the way you think it should.
Speaker: i love that what you said, success doesn't equal happiness, because we were always told if you hit these markers, markers, happiness will follow. Right. And then we have to ask ou ourselves, does does that script really work? As you get older in life, as you hit those markers, you can hit those markers and be like, well, does that really work? Because I don't feel fulfilled even though, quote unquote, I'm successful.
Speaker: And part of that has to do with like your job. right yeah And a lot of people tend to look down at Gen Z at jobs and say they nobody sticks to their job anymore. Well, actually, statistically, the younger adults haven't changed the rate of moving around in jobs. they stand They tend to stick in jobs just as long as older people.
Speaker: But what has changed is the economy. right So going out and getting where people will talk about you get that dream job, you'll be happy. And maybe you get it. But then these jobs now don't offer long term security, don't offer pensions, you know, offer loyalty in return.
Speaker: So we'll we move for better pay, better mental health and better boundaries. So jo is job happeningpping hopping irresponsible or strategic? I would say.
Speaker: depends, right? yeah It depends on what you deem to be happiness in your eyes. But I can say it's staying at a miserable job is no bueno.
Speaker: No. If you're miserable, if you hate waking up in the morning, going to that job every day, look for a new job. Don't quit it. Look for a new job because you might need that job because you got support a family. But...
Speaker: get the hell up out of You did that. And changed your entire life. Yeah. Sometimes you do have to bet on yourself. And it was funny. ah The conversation ended up ah venturing into them,
Speaker: this person like wondering, you know, should I step out on faith and do something different or should I stay where I'm at and be secure and not really being on the fence about it? And I'm saying to them, it's like, it's not really...
Speaker: you suddenly changing things or switching things up. It's just as you get older or as life dictates circumstances change, your appetite for risk can increase or decrease. And right now your appetite for risk is open. And so that is why you're feeling that itch to try something new, to kind of bet on yourself and try something new. I was in a position where my appetite for risk had increased. And I was like, I can take on more risk to do, to for the end result to be much better than what I'm doing right now.
Speaker: And so i wouldn't look at, you know, quitting your job or ending that relationship or, you know, stepping out on faith or anything as like irresponsible or reckless.
Speaker: um You just are willing to take on more risk to do something new. i would say make sure it's a calculated risk. Well, yeah. So that's why it's all so it's all strategic, right? Like that you you had asked, you know, is is job hopping responsible or strategic irresponsible or strategic? I think it's strategic. Job hopping statistically results in higher salaries. Right.
Speaker: More opportunities to develop and move up the ladder. it These jobs, like you said, they're not offering that pension anymore. A lot of times older folks is like, I i worked here 30, 40 years. Yeah, because you knew when you retired, you had some money coming to you. Mm hmm.
Speaker: We don't have that. We got what we saved and a little bit the government may give us and when the time comes. I don't know if it'll still be around. But like companies aren't prioritizing their people the same way that they used to.
Speaker: The middle class was created because those things existed. right Now they don't. So y'all asking why we still live at home or we're in apartments with a bunch of roommates or we job hop and this that. Because it's like you said, the the economy changed. We didn't change. right We're just trying to adapt to it.
Speaker: And when we talk about this idea of success and happiness, because they're kind of intertwined. you' You're looking for happiness through success.
Speaker: You are. Success in some form or fashion, you're looking for the happiness through success. At least satisfaction. Hey, look, the grade should be peace.
Speaker: Right? That happiness should equal peace. if yeah If you got peace, everything else will fall into place. But peace is the most important thing. And a lot of times people will stay somewhere out of fear, whether it's relationships or jobs. I know of a person and they listen to the show and watch the show. so they And they're always like, I know that story. That's my story. And I'm like, yes, I'm telling your story. Yeah.
Speaker: um They were at a job, and I was like, hey, look, your boss talks at you out the side of their mouth. First of all, that's a problem for me. I was around them when they got a phone call from their boss, and the first few words were cuss words, and I was like, yeah you a check you ain't check them for that?
Speaker: there's no way. Yeah. ain't nope I don't care if you my boss, you ain't going to come out your mouth wrong. yeah But then again, I'm notorious for quitting jobs, so maybe I'm not right one. No, it's absolutely unacceptable in the workplace, period.
Speaker: And then they were they were working under this constant pressure. They were having you know health problems, they checking their heart, and they were a young person. And I was like, why are you still with this job?
Speaker: And it was because of the security. It was a guaranteed check. They didn't have to worry about it. They were going deal with the strikes because most people will take prestige over peace.
Speaker: Yeah. You know, I got this job title. So what? You got all that stress that's along with it. Are you enjoying it? Are you happy? Are you putting on for the Joneses? And are you scared to leave because you'd be judged for it?
Speaker: I have left some cushy situations where people will be like, why did you do that? ah You had it made over there. It was like, because I wasn't happy. Yeah. I didn't have peace. I had to get up out of there. so I was not satisfied with where I was.
Speaker: so So these are interesting conversations. And social media has... a lot to do with part of the unhappiness that people have because social media people will show you the the good stuff. They'll show you the wins, not the process. They'll show you the highlights, not the burnout.
Speaker: But a stable life has its ebbs and flows. It has its failures and successes. And a lot of people on social media aren't going to show their failures.
Speaker: Right. Right. You know what I'm saying? They only show the successes. And then you sitting there watching it, you trying to compare yourself and you can't compare. Right. Because it's a curated life that you're seeing. Right.
Speaker: It is a perfectly crafted, curated life that you're seeing. You are not seeing... The times this... you All you're seeing is, like, the trips around the world. You're not seeing them with the credit card bills after right trying to figure out the budget plan to figure... No, you're just seeing in the highlights.
Speaker: You're not seeing... It's just like you say, you're not seeing the process. Very few people let you in on how the sausage is made, right? Because it's ugly,
Speaker: To get to what everyone deems is successful is an ugly process. And sometimes you're an ugly person. You try not to be, but sometimes you gotta be.
Speaker: That's just the nature of the beast, especially if you're in corporate. Like like me, I always try to lead with kindness, but some I've had to take people to the side and be like, hey, we need a conversation. Let me put 15 minutes on your calendar because I got something we got to talk. You know, like it is' it's not pretty all time.
Speaker: pretty all the time No, ah really no journey is like I was just talking to somebody the other day about the healing journey. It's ugly it's painful and you're going to grieve and you're going to be depressed and all all of these things like.
Speaker: Nobody's going to see that. So don't take it all with a grain of salt. Don't let social media and the the curation of life let you make you feel like you're missing out on something.
Speaker: Or you're not where you're supposed to be. Yeah, i I this this phrase doesn't quite fit here. but I'm going to make it fit somehow, some way. You can't compete where you can't compare, right?
Speaker: Yeah. That's typically reserved for, hey, you can't compete with me because you can't compare, right? but But in this regard, when it comes to social media, you can't compare because you're not seeing the full story. So you can't compete with what you can't compare. I made it work somehow, some way. Somehow. I'm following you. Right. I hope the people listening in and watching and following me. But... yeah Another thing about this happiness is success. And and we it what always gets talked about is the midlife crisis.
Speaker: if No one ever talks about the quarter life. yeah And there is a thing. I remember i remember remember it being 25, 26, 27 years old.
Speaker: yeah And i was doing I was doing financially really well. I had left ah restaurant management and decided just to be a bartender.
Speaker: But i was du I was making money. i was happy. But I started comparing myself to... my peers who all went to college and they all had these job jobs. That's what I call them, yeah job jobs.
Speaker: Right? Yes, they had careers. Well, you could still be in a restaurant and you could be a bartender and that could be a career. I mean, but the in the traditional sense. In the traditional sense. Right. Yes. And I was like, I need to do I need to quit this and do something else.
Speaker: And I really enjoyed bartending, but then that mindset started to creep into my mind where I was like, I'm better than this. I didn't need to be better than that. I could have done that for the rest of my life, found my land and been happy as hell. Some of my friends yeah that I was bartending with 20 years ago are still bartending and they're happy as hell.
Speaker: But it was a quarter life crisis. And i I was like, ooh, Life is approaching. Right. I'm going to hit 30 soon. I need to settle down. i need to find a woman. I need to settle down because I need to get married. And I'm not saying I found the wrong woman. I think she is a great woman.
Speaker: We just were not right for each other. But it it worked well for a long time because we were both of that mindset. Right. mindset of this is what success and happiness is supposed to be.
Speaker: And it was all a lie. Achievement does not equal fulfillment. Nope. It doesn't. But people don't talk about it. All these Gen Z people and boomers like, if i when I was your age, I had this and that. And when you were their age, you were going through it too.
Speaker: yeah You turned and you decided to become what you became because life said that's what you're supposed to become at this age now. yeah And these kids are like, well, maybe I don't have to do that.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Quarter life crisis is real. You'll crash out at 25 like you've accomplished nothing. But let me please like I mean, you see it on these Reddits all the time. Like you are just start like you. There's no plan. There's no timeline. No clock is ticking.
Speaker: It's not there. There is a clock ticking. Yeah, I mean, there's a clock ticking ultimately for all of us. Yes. But God willing, that clock don't chime for a while. Right. You are 25. It's
Speaker: okay. You're okay. Because if you think it's going to become clear in your 30s, no. If you think it's going to become clear in your 40s, no. I ain't hit the 50s yet, but I'm thinking...
Speaker: It's not going to become clear then either. look i don't know. It just... We all just doing the best we can. And listen, there's no timeline. There could not possibly be one timeline for every single person in this world.
Speaker: Yeah, this ain't Loki. Yeah, that we all... ah But you know what I'm saying? That we all got to... Go to college, graduate, get a job, find somebody, get married, buy a house, have a kid, 2.5 kids and a dog, white picket fence. This whole timeline thing and all of this before you're 30.
Speaker: First of all, the way this economy set up, you ain't finna do that anyway. I'm getting into that next. Yeah. Number one. Number two, that can't possibly be the life plan for every single billions of us.
Speaker: That doesn't make any sense. No sense.
Speaker: And so when people ask me now that I'm thinking in my 40s about children, do I have any regrets about not having children sooner? No. Even if it doesn't happen, I still don't have any regrets because I was not ready to be a mom in my 20s and 30s.
Speaker: Could I have done it? Sure. We all, did did most of us figure it out. Figure it out, yeah. Some of us don't, but most of us do. Like, a lot of parenting is just figuring it out. There's never a time where you're ready. Right. But like, I would not have been a good parent. Sorry. Something got my eye. Probably because of burnt eyelashes.
Speaker: It's probably because I burnt my eyelashes, but something got, it is in there. So I just want y'all to know I'm not crying. There's literally something my This is emotional that we're talking about. This is emotional. yeah Um, but yeah, you're, you're doing, you're, you're doing on all right.
Speaker: You all right. It's okay. You know, a lot of people experience burnout because, once again, you go off of these tent poles of what is success, you get these benchmarks, you'll get the happiness, and you accomplish these successes, quote unquote, and you don't get the happiness, and then you burn out. And burnout comes from chasing goals that don't align with your values. And I'm not talking about your moral values or your Christian values or whatever religious values have. That's not what i'm talking about.
Speaker: I'm talking about your values of how you want to experience life, which is different yeah than other type of values, right? I know that I have always beat my head up against my values because my values have always been, whether I knew it explicitly or not, peace. That's all I've ever wanted was peace, right? yes I will consistently put myself in situations that do not give me peace.
Speaker: And yeah because i think there's some goal or success that I want to attain. Attain it and be like, this... It's created more of a headache than I really wanted it to. but People are like, Bruce, you say that you're an entrepreneur. You don't have no businesses right now. at One, somebody pointed it out to me, this podcast is a business, so there you go. It is But I have started several businesses, and then I quit.
Speaker: The dog walking business was a prime example. I had that for a good month, and people was like, that's not a business. business. You can't tell a me it wasn't because within the first week, I made $1,000 walking dogs. Okay? Yeah. so And it wasn't like I was walking dogs all day, all night.
Speaker: It wasn't. It was during my free times. And then I just got to the point where I was like, wait a minute. As long as the weather is nice, I don't mind this. But don't want to do this in the rain and the cold and extreme heat. I was like, oh, okay.
Speaker: It's cool. I did it. I accomplished it. I'm off it now. yeah and And then there was a sense of, yeah, I did that. But at the same time, it was just like, that it?
Speaker: Right? And sometimes people can accomplish those successes, those goals, looking for happiness, get there, and then just be like, that's it? That's all it was? yeah um But when you talk about, as we as we wrap this up, what successes are, we were taught, like, money, right?
Speaker: and and And what those goalposts were and success and how you're supposed to build a life. But how are you supposed to build a life right now in this day and age without drown drowning drowning financially? yeah You got everybody that that is somewhat successful that that's a millennial or Gen Xer because Gen Z is They've learned how to be entrepreneurs through technology and not even have to go to college. Not all of them, but some of them are getting that money, right? Yeah, yeah. But a lot of us have student loan. And you know what student loan debt does to you? It delays home ownership, marriage, kids, and health care.
Speaker: It can lead to financial stress because financial stress isn't solely just about poor choices, right? Debt creates anxiety, anxiety shame, and survival thinking.
Speaker: Yeah. So, like, it it all, these things that we were told that you need to achieve to become successful, when houses were $13,000 and a box of gum, thanks yes.
Speaker: Yes. But when I look in this area and I look at a condo right down the road that's a one-bedroom, one-bath, and it's $400,000 for this one-bedroom, one-bath condo.
Speaker: Yeah. This is the world that we're living in. Yeah. um Finishing grad school, I essentially pay two mortgages.
Speaker: Yeah. A mortgage for my home and my student loans because my student loans amount to essentially home. So that's, that's, that's the reality. Luckily i bought my home at a good time.
Speaker: It was just a good time in the market and a good place, you know, good area, everything. So like I'm locked in, but like it's, it's, Financial stress is demoralizing because you're working.
Speaker: And if you're in a corporate space, it's more than 40 hours you're working in a week. oh yeah But you're in if you're an entrepreneur, it's way more than 40 hours that you're working a week. OK, it's constant work for very little to survive. Like I say this all the time that we're the stupidest species on this planet because we're the only ones dumb enough to pay to be here. Everybody else is living on this mug for free.
Speaker: Okay, just taking the resources that's available. We don't even have fruit trees but in this country, just naturally occurring fruit trees, which used to exist because they don't want go do naturally occurring fruit trees. No, it's all they're all aggregated onto orchards. Oh, yeah.
Speaker: You can't just walk down the street, take an apple off a tree and and have a little snack for yourself. That's possible in other countries. like they do have But that's how much we have commodified everything in this country. And so just to stay a...
Speaker: ah Not even afloat. Just to not drown completely. Like, you don't have no air in your lungs. And you're definitely under the water. But you're not dead yet. and Like, that's what we're working for. And people are tired. Yeah.
Speaker: People are tired. So, ladies and gentlemen, this whole segment was to get you to rethink. I know this is going to hit home for some people because they're either hitting that quarter-life crisis or the mid-life crisis. And both of them are a thing where you start to think heavily about your life.
Speaker: Right? Both of them. yeah And I want to just leave you with this. Enough is greater than more. Freedom, peace, and alignment matter.
Speaker: Impact matters more than image. And with these questions that I'm going to leave you with, I want you to really take them in and think about it.
Speaker: What would success look like for you if nobody was watching? What would you stop chasing if you weren't afraid of judgment?
Speaker: And is set is success a destination or something that you need to keep redefining. Success might not be one big moment.
Speaker: It might be a series of choices that make life livable.
Speaker: Jay, you sent me something and it was a reel on Instagram and I was like, yo, this is really interesting. So of course, me being who I am, i was like, let me research this a little bit more because you can't take what people go off for social media, even us, right? yeah Like we, everything that we do is very well researched because you're talking to to researchers.
Speaker: However, if we give you a kernel of something that piques your interest, go do your own yeah real research. Real research with real sites. yeah Oh, my God. People don't know how to research. But anyway, you sent me something.
Speaker: And it was about video games. And it was comparing video games when we were growing up, millennials, maybe some Gen Xers, right? To video games that Gen Z and Gen Alpha have been dealing with and how it affects our brains.
Speaker: yeah And i was like, this is a really interesting concept because the games that we play do affect how we move in life.
Speaker: Yeah, for sure. I think that people was playing Monopoly and Life and Risk, that led, those games were popular in the 60s and 70s, that led to the decadence and greed of the 80s.
Speaker: Mm-hmm. Our video games led to technology boom. Yeah. Social media, dot-coms, because of the way these games were designed. So what am I talking about?
Speaker: Recently, mental health experts and psychologists have argued that the 90s kids learned to think and feel their way through games differently than kids raised on today's titles. 90 games were finite and skill-based. They had clear endings, tough levels, and no constant auto-save. Beating a game meant sustained focus, memorizing patterns, and tolerating frustration, which built patience, problem solving, and a strong sense of accomplishment.
Speaker: This is against today's modern games, where modern popular games are endless and monetized. Big current titles like Fortnite and Rublox are designed around... I have the damnedest time pronouncing that, too. Roblox? Rublox? Rublox. Rublox? Parents know. Parents, y'all know what i'm talking about because kids tell you what it is. Yeah. Those games are designed around retention and microtransactions with battle pauses, cosmetic purchases, and time-limited events that keep kids in a constant loop instead of a beat the boss and stop arc.
Speaker: And I thought this was brilliant because, yes, in the 2000s, that's when we got memory cards, right? yeah That's when we could actually save games. Before that...
Speaker: If you wanted to be Super Mario Brothers, you was playing that game for hours because there was no pause. There was no, I'll turn this off and I'll stop back at this point again tomorrow or an hour or two. And you only had three lives. You lost them. You had to start from the beginning all over again.
Speaker: Yes. From the beginning. Until until Sonic, like, introduced... I don't know if Sonic introduced this. or Probably some some other game introduced this, but it was my first introduction to it.
Speaker: ah Where you could pass a checkpoint. And then when you die, you would go back to that checkpoint. You wouldn't have to start all the way over. But, yes, so our our games... and And if you use cheat codes...
Speaker: You were lame. light But now it's like you watch YouTubes of people playing the game to figure out how to get through the game And that's not to say that there aren't still those finite skill-based games. There still are, but it's the the monetization, I think, is what is the kicker. like That's what keeps...
Speaker: ah kids and young folks in this continuous loop that they're constantly playing the game, this one game, the game, because they they got to buy this. They got to purchase that. They got to, you know, oh, this is a limited event.
Speaker: We've got to participate in that. And so whereas like our games, we, you wasn't, there were no in-app purchases. No, our parents wouldn't have done no N app purchases. They was like, we bought you the game. The game is the purchase. Is the game. That's it. The game is the game. So you just, and, and it was tough. And there, there weren't maps. You know, like a lot of these games now, like I play, like you can hit a button and pull up a map and see where you're supposed to go. Or like I played this one game and a like a little spirit would appear like to lead you on the path you're supposed to go if you've gotten off the path. like and And there wasn't that. You had to just...
Speaker: Figure out the way through that level. And it took several tries. Yes. Before you figure out you need to jump on this platform and then quickly down on this platform and back up on one to miss the thing that dropped down that'll crush you. Like, you had to just remember that. Yes. Yes.
Speaker: Yes. And and i was talking to a friend. Because they were like, hey, you I got an interesting topic for your show. And then they told me about this. And I was like, that yeah, already already had that plan. but But thank you. Thank you for helping me produce the show. already had that plan. Because this is a new thing that has gone somewhat viral.
Speaker: yeah And we were talking about how, yo, you would get to a certain part. and you would leave the video game system on, because you couldn't save, yeah and turn off the TV, like if you was playing before school or something, pray.
Speaker: Pray wait that when you got home, nothing had happened because you didn't want to have to start from the beginning all over again. yeah And it's true. I remember when the maps first started, I think it was Grand Theft Auto.
Speaker: Grand Theft Auto 3, that's the game that I remember where I was like, I'm driving all around the city and it's a map. You need to get here. But even in that map, you were still, you learned the streets. Yeah.
Speaker: right So eventually you wouldn't have to pull up that mat. You would learn the streets and the side roads and how to get in and out because you would have time you had to beat a specific time to get to a location.
Speaker: um And and i'm I'm sure they'd still have those type of games, but those aren't the popular games and definitely not the popular games for the younger kids. Yes. Especially like Gen Alpha. They're playing Fortnite. They're playing Roblox. Roblox. Robots. robots Robox.
Speaker: I don't care. yes They're playing it. It's that. It's that. You know. And ah because I just sent our little cousin. He wanted Rob... So there's money...
Speaker: with it like within robbux robbux and that and that helps you pop buy in-app purchases and all that stuff, so I sent him some... Roblox or whatever. Roblox, yeah, whatever. Yeah, like and I'm just like, you've been playing this game for a number of years. yeah but Like, when do you get to the end? What's the What's the goal?
Speaker: right where's the Where's the end of this? But I guess it started with Sims because there was no real end. But there's yeah these games have taken on tutorials and guidance changed like your thinking demands. Right. Like older games often dropped you in with minimal explanation. Right. As as to what you were talking about, forcing um you to experiment and a critical think. Right.
Speaker: Whereas many of the new games hold your hand with long force tutorials or spirits guiding you away, glowing path, GPS-style navigation, and instant online walkthroughs, which means that the reward patterns have shifted.
Speaker: From a slow burn to a junk food dopamine. Yes. Clinicians describe 90s games as giving deep, delayed satisfaction after hard challenges versus today's systems that provide quick, frequent dopamine hits that disappear fast, pushing kids to chase constant stimulation. And you know where else you see this?
Speaker: In all forms of entertainment. Yeah. Everything is shorter now, quick quicker now. Even when we do these, I have been told you got throw in hooks and reels and hooks and captions and hooks. I'm not talking about the stuff that actually pops up on YouTube.
Speaker: shorts videos. I'm talking about like in the podcast. And I'm like, I'm not going to do that. No, you got to do it You got to have these code phrases that bring people back in. Yeah, I bring people back in because they're listening to me. And I'm making a point. i don't yes I'm not going to do that because then people aren't listening to everything else I'm saying. They're waiting for the hook.
Speaker: huh And exact songs are shorter, TV. like get do kids... People can watch, can binge shows because it begins and ends, right? So there's a, there's a something that happens with the end and then there's almost kind kind of like a little letdown, but you know, ooh, starts in five.
Speaker: Yes. Next episode. And then you can keep on watching, but try to sit down and watch a long movie. I can't. You can't do it. I've been struggling. It's so hard for me to sit and watch a film.
Speaker: And it's crazy because it's it' I even skipped through songs to get to the part that I like. yeah And I used to, like as by Stevie Wonder, it's 45 minutes long.
Speaker: And we would listen to that song and repeat. like These songs used to be ah much longer than what they are. i mean, even when I was a teenager, it was typically three, three and a half minutes. Now they're down to two, two and a half minutes. Sometimes 90 seconds.
Speaker: Yes! sometimes Sometimes a minute. ah A friend of mine has a son that's a rapper, and she sent me some of his music, and i was like, oh, he can spit. was like, but this is like an excerpt. Like, I remember yes those things being like in an album, like it like a quick little spit, like a quick 16 bars that wasn't a song. It was just like a little... It was an interlude. It was an interlude. Thank you. I was looking for the word. It was interlude, but now this is what these kids are doing. yeah But back to the video games.
Speaker: So what these clinicians and psychologists are saying is that the argument isn't that ninety s cartridges magically rewired a different generation, but that the design goals, completion and skill versus retention and monetization encourage different habits of attention, frustration tolerance, yeah and reward seeking. Yeah. You didn't learn that, but other people did. But wait, hold the hell up a second.
Speaker: Why am I getting shots right now? What did I not learn? I've seen you throw a throw a controller your day. Now, hold on. Now, what they didn't say about these video games, both yesteryear and today, is that they cheat.
Speaker: I knew you was going to say that. I knew you were going to say that. And everybody that's played video games know video games be cheating. No, they don't. Yeah. No. i the The only thing I yell, scream, and cuss, some of my neighbors must think I have Tourette's because I'm in there playing Madden or NBA 2K and the game be cheating.
Speaker: it does Game don't cheat. The game be cheating. yes It's the same algorithm that it's been programmed with from day one. Right. And the algorithm is to make sure that the game is competitive.
Speaker: So yeah if you are so good, the game will make it so that it's competitive by cheating you. No. Yes. It just increases the difficulty.
Speaker: Exactly. Cheating That's cheating you. If me and you playing poker and we playing five card stud, but you keep winning every hand and then I say, you know what?
Speaker: I'm going to do 10 cards to your five cards. That's cheating. That's not, that's not what's happening. No, that's exactly what's happening. What's happening they are what's called pool shark. Yeah.
Speaker: You thought you was doing good. And they was like, oh, you didn't know we still have more in the tank. Video games be cheating. Okay. But through video games and sports, I will say my ability to overcome yeah is learn through those type of losses.
Speaker: yeah and ah and And I'm not knocking the younger generation. They got their own different type of losses. The recovery and the reaction to it is just different because the things that we were into when we were younger.
Speaker: yeah We weren't handed nothing when it came to these video games. no And video games are handing you everything except for money. Right? Yeah. So we had to pay one time. Y'all got to continuously pay to even yeah enjoy the game, which would make me stop playing the game.
Speaker: but Yes. But that, for so for people out there that are like, these young kids don't know how to work through things and and and and you give up so easily. Well, you know, blame it on the adults who created these games to make life a lot easier. Also blame yourself, parents. Right. Because a friend of mine told me,
Speaker: There is a team of eighth graders that play AAU basketball and they're 15 years old. Now, back in my day when we played AAU basketball, it was ages. It was 15 and under, 16 and under, 17 and under. If you were good enough and you were 15 and you could play on the 17 and under team, you would do that. But a 17-year-old would never play on a 15 and under team. And that didn't change the rules. Yeah.
Speaker: where they're doing it by grade level and these kids are reclassifying so that they could be good. And I'm like, no, compete with your peers. Either you're good enough or you're not good enough. You live with that.
Speaker: What? Why you give me that look? Because you just in the same breath said these video games be cheating you. But the video video games be cheating. good enough. and Compete with your peers.
Speaker: So if it ups the ante on the difficulty, that's because it's in response to your skill. Compete where you compare. Look.
Speaker: Shut up. Hey, on that note, Jay, you want to leave the people with anything or was that it? Because that was pretty good. i would leave it on that. I think that's fine. I didn't write it. I didn't know. it Perfect. I'm bad. didn't even say anything. But on that note, ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you for listening.
Speaker: I want to thank you for watching. And until next time, as always, I'll holler.
Speaker: That was a hell of a show. Thank you for rocking with us here on Unsolicited Perspectives with Bruce Anthony. Now, before you go, don't forget to follow, subscribe, like, comment, and share our podcast wherever you're listening or watching it to it. Pass it along to your friends. If you enjoy it, that means the people that you rock will will enjoy it also. So share the wealth, share the knowledge, share the noise.
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Speaker: But the real party is on our Patreon page. After Hours Uncensored and Talking Straight-ish. After Hours Uncensored is another show with my sister. And once again, the key word there is uncensored. Those are exclusively on our Patreon page. Jump onto our website at unsolicitperspective.com. dot com for all things us that's where you can get all of our audio video our blogs and even buy our merch and if you really feel generous and want to help us out you can donate on our donations page donations go strictly to improving our software and hardware so we can keep giving you guys good content that you can clearly listened to and that you can clearly see. So any donation would be appreciative. Most importantly, I want to say thank you.
Speaker: Thank you. Thank you for listening and watching and supporting us. And I'll catch you next time. Audi 5000. Peace.
