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"Cultivating Joy" #72
14 Plays11 months ago
There are soooo many reasons to be angry and upset. If you let the algorithms steer your mind, you're doomed. It takes a practice of CULTIVATING JOY to avoid wallowing in despair. Betsy and Halcyon share their personal practices that help them to stay happy while remaining engaged with the world.
A fun SPARK pops at minute 12:00!
And Halcyon sings at minute 20:00!!!!
LINKS
Lisa's Song Site
1st Saturdays
HOSTS
BETSY FINKLEHOO is a healer of massage therapy, CranioSacral and Dharma Coaching. She is an 8 year burner and has spent the last several years seeped in the personal development world, cultivating her passion for transformation and growth. Her recent project, The Power Affirmation Journal and virtual group empowers women to cultivate self awareness and healthy habits so they can live in greater freedom, mind body and spirit.
http://poweraffirmation.com/
Click here to get a FREE affirmation for Stay Sparked Listeners!
HALCYON is full-time Love Ambassador. He is the founder of Hug Nation YouTube channel and daily zoom gratitude circles. He is co-founder of the Pink Heart Burning Man camp and the 1st Saturdays project for people experiencing homelessness. In his free time he coaches individuals on how to live joyfully and authentically. His other podcast is "Hard on the 80's."
http://LifeStudent.com
Recommended
Transcript
Cultivating Daily Joy
00:00:03
Speaker
On today's episode, we talk about practices that help us cultivate joy on a daily basis.
00:00:08
Speaker
And how cultivating joy isn't about denying the suffering.
00:00:13
Speaker
It's about finding enough energy so that you can be of service in the world.
00:00:18
Speaker
Enjoy the episode.
Host Introductions and Mission
00:00:20
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Stay Sparked.
00:00:23
Speaker
We are longtime friends here with a mission to share conversations aimed to light you up.
00:00:30
Speaker
I'm Betsy Finkelhoo, the creator of the Power Affirmation Project, tools to help you change your thinking, somatic body worker, and an advocate for grateful living.
00:00:42
Speaker
I am John Halcyon.
00:00:43
Speaker
I am the author of Love More Fear Less, Float More Steer Less.
Gratitude for Yanus
00:00:48
Speaker
We always love starting these conversations with gratitude.
00:00:52
Speaker
And so today we actually have a shared gratitude.
00:00:56
Speaker
We are both just sharing so much gratitude for our Stay Sparked colleague and a love ambassador, Yanus.
00:01:05
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We're so grateful for you, Yanus.
00:01:07
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If you're listening.
00:01:08
Speaker
Happy birthday.
00:01:09
Speaker
Big shout out.
00:01:10
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Happy, happy birthday.
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We love you.
00:01:13
Speaker
For those of you who have not yet met him, you can go back on some of our previous episodes and hear his beautiful voice and his wonderful wisdom.
00:01:24
Speaker
So we are just sending lots of gratitude out to Yanus.
Gratitude in Tumultuous Times
00:01:27
Speaker
All right.
00:01:27
Speaker
So on today's episode, we want to talk about something that both of us are very passionate about and we practice on a regular basis, which is the cultivation of joy.
00:01:40
Speaker
And this has been coming up a lot for me and my own self-reflections because there's just a, the climate of the world right now is somewhat tumultuous.
00:01:50
Speaker
There's just a lot going on in the world and a lot of things that can cause a lot of stress and some fears and tension.
00:01:59
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And I personally feel that the practice of gratitude, practice of joy is
00:02:06
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These kinds of things have really helped me to have greater balance when things are challenging.
00:02:14
Speaker
And I wanted to have a conversation with my dear friend Halcyon, who is also a love ambassador and a sparky who cultivates that joy practice as a way to hopefully uncover some of our own personal practices to share with you today and see what kind of inspiration comes.
00:02:34
Speaker
So let's start off with some curiosity from you around what are some of your dailies that you do to strengthen your joy muscle?
00:02:46
Speaker
I really think a daily practice is so critical and it's been such a huge difference in my life.
Gratitude Circles Practice
00:02:51
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The things that I do every day is at nine o'clock, I do a love ambassador, love morning broadcast on YouTube where people can come in and share gratitude and share wins and share what's alive for them.
00:03:06
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It's not a place where you have to pretend to be happy, but it is a place to acknowledge what's going on in our life and trying to find
00:03:15
Speaker
silver linings or lessons or something to be grateful for.
00:03:19
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And that's, I mean, that is a huge gratitude.
00:03:23
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I mean, a huge joy cultivation practice is gratitude and especially applying it to the things that are not obviously good, like work struggle, you know, or relationship struggle and find like, okay, you know, I'm grateful that I'm
00:03:39
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I have what it takes to get this assignment done.
00:03:43
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I'm grateful that the struggles that I'm having right now in this relationship are ones that older version of me couldn't have been able to handle.
00:03:56
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So I do that at nine.
00:03:57
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And then I do more gratitude at noon.
00:04:00
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At noon, I host a gratitude circle on Zoom, which is open.
00:04:03
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You guys are welcome.
00:04:04
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I'd love to see you there.
00:04:05
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It's free.
00:04:06
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And the same is just sharing gratitude and also hearing other people's gratitude.
00:04:12
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There's something so healing and so helpful about hearing what other people are aware of that is good in their world because so often it sparks our own awareness.
00:04:27
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I mean, the big challenge of our human minds is that they've evolved to be noticers of what's wrong.
00:04:34
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because that is a survival technique that keeps us alive.
00:04:37
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So we have to actively cultivate the practices that help us to also see what's going well.
00:04:46
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Absolutely.
00:04:47
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Yes, yes, yes to all
Strengthening Gratitude
00:04:49
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of that.
00:04:49
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I highly agree with so much of what you shared, but especially when sharing gratitude with other people.
00:04:57
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Yeah.
00:04:58
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It gets stronger.
00:05:00
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We start to see so much more that there is to be thankful for, especially if that muscle or that habit is not as strong.
00:05:09
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When we spend time with people that are actively practicing that, then it's sort of contagious.
00:05:16
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Yeah.
00:05:17
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And I want to be really clear that it's not a bypass.
00:05:24
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If someone says, my house burned down, you don't say, well, aren't you lucky that you get to start over?
00:05:31
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No, that's... If someone says their house burned down, you just listen and say, my God, that sounds terrible.
Joy in Grief
00:05:43
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But if your house burns down,
00:05:46
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Somewhere in your pain and in your grieving, you might take a breath and say, I'm grateful I got out of there alive.
00:05:56
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You know, I'm grateful that what I lost was just stuff.
00:06:01
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I'm grateful that I am reminded of how precious everything I have is because a lot of it I don't have anymore.
00:06:11
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Yeah, they're these ways of like of getting that muscle.
00:06:15
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So like even while I am grieving, I can find some.
00:06:20
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I'll say joy, because I think of joy as something that isn't necessarily like happy, like if you can feel joy when you're in a place of like resonating with your human experience, I think you can do that while you're grieving if you can practice a healthy type of gratitude.
00:06:37
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Yes, absolutely.
00:06:38
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Authentic gratitude.
00:06:40
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Yeah.
00:06:40
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Yeah, I've had a lot of people kind of reflect back to me or ask me, how do you seem to have so much joy in your life and you seem to be happy all the time and grateful all the time.
00:06:52
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And, you know, it's an interesting reflection because I am human and I also feel other emotions like anger and frustration and feeling annoyed at times and grieving and all of these different things.
00:07:07
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And I feel like in my daily life, I practice these types of things like gratitude and breath and movement and these other kinds of things that we'll talk about in a minute to then help me get through those more challenging emotions.
Gratitude Amidst Adversity
00:07:23
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that arise.
00:07:24
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You know, the, the feelings of deep grief that I recently experienced from moving to a town that was just really, um, had a lot of destruction from the hurricane that was really hard and really sad.
00:07:39
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And to get to a place of authentic gratitude during that was much easier because I have
00:07:46
Speaker
think because I had been practicing it because I have like cultivated that strength and the victim mentality didn't really have any room because I was able to start to see all the silver linings much easier.
00:07:59
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Yeah.
00:08:01
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You know, I think like there's nothing wrong with feeling like you're a victim.
00:08:07
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There's nothing wrong with being in pure grief and being overwhelmed with with sadness.
00:08:17
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But I think it's also important to remember that it's not an obligation.
00:08:22
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Sometimes we feel like terrible things are happening.
00:08:25
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So it's irresponsible to not be upset.
00:08:30
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Like it's like somehow not honoring the people who are suffering.
00:08:35
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If I don't join in the misery and if I don't join in the anger, join in
00:08:41
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Like, how dare you be dancing while there's others that are hungry?
00:08:47
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It's like, well, that's not how I believe the human experience works.
00:08:52
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Nobody's belly is filled by me not eating a sandwich.
00:08:59
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And so I think that it's important to feel what you wanna feel and allow yourself to choose how you wanna feel.
Joyful Action vs. Anger
00:09:13
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If I pay attention to social media right now, there are people that are so angry, rightfully so, and it can be tempting to feel like I should be that angry as well.
00:09:29
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But I would say if that anger is going to push me to action, then perhaps that is a worthwhile use of my energy and my focus.
00:09:39
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But just being angry does not serve anything.
00:09:44
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It is not progress.
00:09:45
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It does not lead to change.
00:09:47
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It just makes it kind of stunts your energy.
00:09:51
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Joy that has action behind it is way more beneficial than anger without action.
00:09:59
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So it's okay to be really unhappy with the world or circumstances, but still find gratitude and still allow yourself to dance, to celebrate, to laugh.
00:10:16
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I think it's so important.
00:10:18
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Yes, absolutely.
00:10:19
Speaker
This has been a really big part of my thought process around like, is it okay to feel joy?
00:10:24
Speaker
When there's a lot of things to be sad and mad about.
Balancing Joy and Grief
00:10:27
Speaker
Is it okay for me to still be living my life from a joyful experience while I am also grieving?
00:10:36
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Like that's part of what I get to go through is within my own process and practice is I create the space for myself to feel those feelings.
00:10:44
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feelings of grief.
00:10:45
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You know, I have a friend that's in the hospital and I sit with, you know, the feelings that I have around that and I give myself permission to feel that.
00:10:54
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And then when I feel complete, I wipe my tears and I get up and I dance and I go look for something beautiful or I find something that is actually going to bring
00:11:05
Speaker
that sense of joy within my soul back so that way I can continue to move through my life in a way that feels really good.
00:11:15
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You know, and I've done the opposite before as well where I wallow.
00:11:19
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Wallowing is just like, creates so much dissonance.
00:11:25
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It feels heavy.
00:11:27
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It's really difficult to move and do anything really from that place of wallowing.
00:11:33
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But from a place of cultivated effervescent and bubbling joy, creativity
00:11:39
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flows through.
00:11:41
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Connection is way more available from that place.
00:11:44
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I'm able to reach out to people and connect with my community and to be able to do that is important.
00:11:51
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And so, yeah, I think there's a healthy balance.
00:11:54
Speaker
And for me, it is that creating that safe space to feel the feelings and then also staying committed to the different practices, which I'd love to touch on because before we started recording, I wrote down a list of practices that I believe are joy cultivating practices.
00:12:13
Speaker
that we can do daily.
00:12:15
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And I know that some of these are things that you do too, and probably a lot of you out there.
00:12:20
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So maybe these will be reminders for us.
Joyful Singing Practices
00:12:24
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But I feel that singing is a really important thing for our souls to shine.
00:12:35
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And if you keep on singing, you're a friend of mine.
00:12:42
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It's a wonderful practice to sing.
00:12:46
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You know, in churches, people sing.
00:12:50
Speaker
Gospel churches, they're like singing in devotion.
00:12:53
Speaker
And there's song circles.
00:12:55
Speaker
And there's these people gather around fires and sing together.
00:13:00
Speaker
And there's something that happens in our soul when we sing.
00:13:03
Speaker
And a lot of people feel very edgy.
00:13:07
Speaker
And think that they don't sing or can't sing or would never be caught dead singing or think they sound horrible even when they sing to themselves.
00:13:15
Speaker
And it is, again, a practice to get out of our own way, to learn how to just even tone.
00:13:26
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and make different sounds.
00:13:30
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Sound is so healing.
00:13:31
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Music is so healing.
00:13:33
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And so I find that the consistent practice of singing is really helpful.
00:13:38
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And it can also help other people feel joyful.
00:13:42
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So I'll give an example.
00:13:44
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Last week, my partner and I, we were getting ready to go on this big adventure and we had a lot of different tasks that we are managing, moving around the house, packing, cleaning, making food, all the things, you know, those moments where it's compressed and you got a lot going on.
00:13:58
Speaker
It can be very easy to start to feel stress.
00:14:02
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And the whole time he was singing, he was just like making up some songs and singing through the house.
00:14:08
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And it helped me so much to just stay relaxed and stay in my joy.
00:14:13
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And so sometimes just singing to be silly can really make things move so much more smooth.
00:14:20
Speaker
I'm against silly singing.
00:14:22
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I think it's wrong.
00:14:25
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I make up a song melody and lyrics every morning to start my nine o'clock broadcast.
00:14:31
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And I think there's something I mean, I should say I feel a little out of my my depth talking about singing.
00:14:37
Speaker
My partner is
00:14:39
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a professional song leader.
00:14:41
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She leads choirs and really is a profound believer and teacher of voice as joy instrument, as grief processing.
00:14:54
Speaker
And in fact, if you are in San Diego or
00:14:59
Speaker
Carmel area.
00:15:00
Speaker
She's going to be having a lead in a choir this May.
00:15:02
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There's going to be a new choir series if you'd like to join and kind of really practice.
00:15:07
Speaker
It's a no audition, everyone welcome thing.
00:15:09
Speaker
And I've witnessed the choir and seen how it's like church without religion because there's so much joy cultivation and emotional processing that can happen depending on what's going on in the songs.
00:15:24
Speaker
And
00:15:25
Speaker
I think that there's something, and this is my non-expert awareness that I've started to sing more.
00:15:35
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You have to open up.
00:15:36
Speaker
You have to let things flow through you.
00:15:39
Speaker
I think when you were talking about being stagnant, I think, would you say stagnant?
00:15:44
Speaker
Wallowing, you said.
00:15:44
Speaker
Wallowing.
00:15:45
Speaker
When you're wallowing, you're kind of like...
00:15:48
Speaker
you're not letting the stuff come through you.
00:15:49
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You're not letting it come out.
00:15:50
Speaker
You're sitting in a story or a belief and just stewing, whereas grieving or crying or things are flowing out of you.
00:16:02
Speaker
And
00:16:03
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Why it feels good.
00:16:06
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It feels, it feels like a really alive feeling to have energy flowing through you.
00:16:11
Speaker
And so singing is a way to loosen up your sphincter, loosen up metaphorically, loosen up, you know, the things, the way that you're tightening up.
00:16:21
Speaker
I know that like when I, when I make up a song in the morning, it's like, I feel like it's taking like a shot of, of wheatgrass or something where I'm just like, okay, I'm, I, I,
00:16:30
Speaker
I'm just running and letting things out.
00:16:32
Speaker
And it really changes my whole headspace.
00:16:37
Speaker
And by opening up my vocal cords, I have to allow the energy to flow through.
00:16:45
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:16:46
Speaker
I love your singing and your songs.
00:16:49
Speaker
And it takes something to get out of your own way as well, because I think that if there is that belief that I couldn't do that, I can't sing.
00:16:58
Speaker
Oh, that's healthy.
00:16:59
Speaker
And he's good at that, but I couldn't do that.
00:17:01
Speaker
Or like, I don't know how to rhyme or I'm not willing to try it.
00:17:05
Speaker
Then that will just keep us stuck.
00:17:07
Speaker
But to just get out of the own way and it's okay if it actually doesn't sound that good and just see.
00:17:13
Speaker
Exactly.
00:17:14
Speaker
I was I had.
00:17:15
Speaker
So I grew up thinking I can't sing.
00:17:17
Speaker
I got kicked out of a choir when I was a kid because I was goofing off.
00:17:21
Speaker
But I thought I can't sing.
00:17:23
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I never did karaoke.
00:17:25
Speaker
And then at an ayahuasca ceremony like years ago, people were going around the circle sharing songs and a couple of people had terrible voices.
00:17:35
Speaker
And I was like, you're allowed to do that.
00:17:39
Speaker
You're allowed to sing just because it makes you feel good?
00:17:42
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And it was this epiphany.
00:17:43
Speaker
And so the next night I memorized a song and sang, and it was a total transformation.
00:17:49
Speaker
I was like, I enjoyed it.
00:17:51
Speaker
I happen to sound amazing.
00:17:53
Speaker
But even if I didn't, you know, like you can sing because it's something that humans do.
00:18:01
Speaker
It's like, you don't have to be a good artist to draw.
00:18:03
Speaker
It's a way that we can express and be human.
00:18:06
Speaker
And if we hold it in, we are sacrificing and compromising part of our gift of being alive.
00:18:12
Speaker
Yes.
00:18:13
Speaker
Woo.
00:18:14
Speaker
So good.
00:18:15
Speaker
Yes.
00:18:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:18
Speaker
Well, I'll just, before we move on to the next pillar of cultivating joy, I will share one of my favorite ones to kind of help me cultivate joy and sing.
00:18:28
Speaker
If I don't have a particular song, the scale always does it for me.
00:18:33
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So simple.
00:18:35
Speaker
La, la, la, la, la.
00:18:42
Speaker
la la la and i will do the scale while i'm just doing different things around the house or going for a walk or whatever i might be doing and what it does for me is it actually starts to like take a dry erase um eraser and clear out any of the clutter of the mind and clears out the monkey mind of all my to-do lists
00:19:09
Speaker
And it just has me focusing on the song and it's become sort of like a, like a mantra or like just this melody that goes on repeat.
00:19:19
Speaker
And it just really is so focusing and mantras of course are wonderful.
00:19:24
Speaker
They're ancient texts to help us focus the mind and their specific frequencies that open different parts of our energetic bodies, which that's a whole other episode.
00:19:34
Speaker
But there are songs that are single lines repeated.
00:19:39
Speaker
I'll put in the show notes a link to my partner's website, thebirdsings.com.
00:19:45
Speaker
And she's got all these different songs that she teaches in her trainings.
00:19:49
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But there's some that are just like one line over and over that can be super healing.
00:19:52
Speaker
In fact, I am called to share.
00:19:55
Speaker
I believe the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is.
00:20:05
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I believe the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is.
00:20:14
Speaker
I love that.
00:20:15
Speaker
Thank you.
00:20:17
Speaker
I can't wait to check out her website and some of her music.
00:20:20
Speaker
Oh, so sweet.
00:20:22
Speaker
Yes.
00:20:22
Speaker
Sing, sing, sing, little birds.
Spiritual Practices and Community
00:20:26
Speaker
What's another pillar?
00:20:26
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One of the other pillars.
00:20:29
Speaker
It's kind of related in a way to really recognize that...
00:20:35
Speaker
having some connection to a spiritual practice i think is an essential part of cultivating joy whether that is having a connection to a church or a meditation or a song circle or a community of some kind that fulfills a sense of connection to whatever you want to call god creator source spirit uh
00:21:03
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Just there is something so powerful about having that connection.
00:21:09
Speaker
Maybe it's having a fire ritually.
00:21:12
Speaker
You know, maybe there is some kind of spiritual practice.
00:21:16
Speaker
And I think it's related because a lot of times there's singing involved.
00:21:20
Speaker
And singing in groups is so powerful.
00:21:23
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And we've been doing it for a very, very long time.
00:21:27
Speaker
And these days, church is not as common as it was only just one or two generations ago.
00:21:34
Speaker
And so to be able to have some kind of connection, I think is so important.
00:21:40
Speaker
And so for me, I have, I had been going to SRF when I was in San Diego, the spiritual center, what is it?
00:21:49
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Self-realization.
00:21:50
Speaker
Self-realization fellowship, yep.
00:21:53
Speaker
And that really resonated with me.
00:21:55
Speaker
Here in Asheville, I haven't found my particular church, but I have found a dance community that is no talking on the dance floor.
00:22:05
Speaker
And oftentimes it's on Sundays.
00:22:08
Speaker
And so we go, we dance together, we breathe, we move, we get into an ecstatic state, which feels like a spiritual practice.
00:22:16
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And so I think that that's another really important pillar.
00:22:19
Speaker
That's awesome.
00:22:20
Speaker
And I would...
00:22:23
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say that the God part of it is optional.
00:22:27
Speaker
Like that might be a part of it.
00:22:28
Speaker
But to me, it's more about a community where you feel a sense of belonging.
00:22:34
Speaker
And a belonging not because you wore
00:22:38
Speaker
the right outfit that all the cool bikers are wearing, but belonging in that you are being celebrated for who you truly are.
00:22:45
Speaker
And that that I mean, it happens in a church, it happens in a spiritual community happens in probably a D&D guild, you know, like there's an infinite number of ways that you can feel like you are part of a family, a community.
00:23:02
Speaker
And that that sense of belonging is a huge way to cultivate joy.
00:23:08
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:23:09
Speaker
And it is also on the flip side, a way to feel complete fear and disconnection.
00:23:17
Speaker
Because a sense of belonging in our primal days was essential for survival.
00:23:22
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And so if we don't have a sense of belonging, then there's something in our DNA that's like, I might die if I don't belong, you know, and so to be able to find a place that actually feels right.
00:23:38
Speaker
sometimes it's family sometimes it's the complete opposite of blood family you know and finding a place that we do actually feel welcomed and warm and settled in and we can be ourselves and feel a sense of that belonging it takes something too you know to be able to find your tribe and find your place and sometimes that if that's uh you know in person amazing but these days we even have access to that online you
00:24:07
Speaker
You know, I have a women's group, a virtual women's group, and we come together and we share our breakthroughs and we do journaling and meditation and we just really get a chance to connect.
00:24:17
Speaker
And one of the women shared a reflection afterwards and she said, I feel this is a place that I feel like I belong.
00:24:25
Speaker
And it's like, ah, that's like nervous system relaxes.
00:24:29
Speaker
It's like, ah, yes, yes.
00:24:30
Speaker
Yes, it's so important.
00:24:32
Speaker
And I imagine in your gratitude circles.
00:24:34
Speaker
Totally.
00:24:35
Speaker
And they feel like they belong.
00:24:38
Speaker
Right.
00:24:39
Speaker
And you're so right.
00:24:40
Speaker
I mean, it's an evolutionary need, you know, that the being kicked out of the tribe meant death, you know, for for our ancestors.
00:24:49
Speaker
And so it becomes a double edged sword or a difficult thing, I think, in the modern world where we we crave the feeling of belonging.
00:24:58
Speaker
But until we know that it's possible to find belonging for who we truly are,
00:25:03
Speaker
we will sometimes settle for belonging by pretending what that community is looking for and accepting.
00:25:12
Speaker
And so one of the paths of spiritual growth and hopefully by listening here and
00:25:19
Speaker
on your own journey is you recognize that it's different.
00:25:23
Speaker
It's a different level of joy and the possibility of your own growth is so exponentially greater when you find community that isn't asking you to be anything but authentically you.
00:25:35
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:25:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:37
Speaker
Beautiful.
00:25:38
Speaker
And you know what?
00:25:39
Speaker
This actually kind of leads into this next pillar that I had been thinking about.
00:25:43
Speaker
What are the ways that I cultivate joy in my life?
00:25:46
Speaker
And one of them is actually through boundaries.
Setting Joyful Boundaries
00:25:49
Speaker
And having boundaries with people, first of all, that I might not feel a sense of care or belonging or if there's a lot of judgment or other kinds of things, projections and whatnot.
00:26:03
Speaker
Then I, over the years, have learned that having boundaries with how much time I spend with those types of people is actually going to contribute to my joy.
00:26:14
Speaker
And then also boundaries with other stressful things.
00:26:19
Speaker
having a very strong, clear line for what I'm willing to consume, whether that is media, for example, you know, those social media threads that have the conversations that are just like stress inducing, for example, or different kind of media that might create tension in my system or frustration and anger.
00:26:43
Speaker
And like you said at the beginning, I think that was really wise around
00:26:47
Speaker
Unless this stress inducing thing is going to stir up some action, some positive action, then I'm just going to turn it off.
00:26:58
Speaker
Or I'm just going to go spend time somewhere else and doing something that's going to actually help me feel good.
00:27:03
Speaker
Because I want to feel good.
00:27:05
Speaker
I want to feel healthy.
00:27:06
Speaker
And I know that those kinds of things, especially sustained, is not healthy.
00:27:12
Speaker
Yeah, you have to have boundaries about what you let into your mind.
00:27:17
Speaker
You have to cultivate the input because if you just passively allow media ideas to just flow in as you encounter them, the deck is stacked against you so badly.
00:27:36
Speaker
The algorithms know that outrage and anger and fear
00:27:41
Speaker
get the most attention, draw us in.
00:27:44
Speaker
So you are going to be inundated with that stuff.
00:27:46
Speaker
If you just let it happen, you're just gonna get more and more and more of it.
00:27:49
Speaker
And you're going to think because it's what you're you're being exposed to, that that is what the world is.
00:27:58
Speaker
You know, and it's not it is what the algorithm has determined is the most upsetting things in the world.
00:28:04
Speaker
So that's what we are going to make your reality.
00:28:07
Speaker
So if you just let it in, let it in, let it in, you're gonna be living in a state of this world sucks, everything sucks, everything sucks.
00:28:12
Speaker
Which reminds me of one of my favorite little mantra tools that I use is crap or cone.
Positive Focus Metaphor
00:28:20
Speaker
At every moment in your life, you've got one foot in dog crap and you're holding an ice cream cone in one hand.
00:28:26
Speaker
At every moment in your life, you've got people that don't like you, you got work tests to be done, you got your aching back.
00:28:31
Speaker
The same time, you've got laughing babies and your favorite foods and sunsets.
00:28:37
Speaker
There's always a near infinite amount of things happening in reality, and you have to choose.
00:28:42
Speaker
What am I going to pay attention to?
00:28:45
Speaker
And if you just passively let social media or let Zuckerberg decide what you see, you're going to say, this world sucks.
00:28:52
Speaker
It is filled with horrible people, betrayal.
00:28:57
Speaker
It's terrible.
00:28:59
Speaker
But if you decide to actively focus on the miracles,
00:29:04
Speaker
the love, the triumphs, the courage, then you can go, whoa, this world is amazing, my life is amazing.
00:29:12
Speaker
So the degree in which you
00:29:14
Speaker
experience life as heaven or hell, depends on how you cultivate joy, depends on how you place your focus.
00:29:20
Speaker
And people will say, well, you got to be realistic, or it's irresponsible not to pay attention to all the negative stuff.
00:29:25
Speaker
I'm like, what?
00:29:27
Speaker
There's realistic, it's like this, there's way more things to pay attention to than you could ever have time to.
00:29:33
Speaker
So you have to really discern what am I going to pay attention to?
00:29:36
Speaker
And it's not like at the end of your life, you get to the pearly gates.
00:29:40
Speaker
And you know, God says,
00:29:42
Speaker
Well, you were way too joyful.
00:29:45
Speaker
You know, you, you, you are way too happy.
00:29:47
Speaker
It's like you, you should have squandered your life feeling miserable because there's so much suffering in the world.
00:29:53
Speaker
There's it.
00:29:54
Speaker
How dare you enjoy this gift of life I gave you.
00:29:58
Speaker
It doesn't work that way.
00:29:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:01
Speaker
Yeah, and I don't think other people are thinking that way either, even though sometimes I have felt that.
00:30:07
Speaker
I'm like, is my joy okay here?
00:30:10
Speaker
Some people are like, you should not be so joyful right now.
00:30:14
Speaker
Actually, we all have a choice.
00:30:16
Speaker
We all have a choice on how we want to be.
00:30:19
Speaker
And yeah, I think you are just hitting the nail on the head around what we focus on expands.
00:30:25
Speaker
There's always going to be things to be stressed about and upset about and things to complain about.
00:30:33
Speaker
And there's always things to be grateful for.
00:30:35
Speaker
And we have the choice on what we want to focus on.
00:30:39
Speaker
And we have a choice on what we want to consume as well.
00:30:44
Speaker
media is like food.
00:30:46
Speaker
You know, we choose what kind of food we ingest, right?
00:30:50
Speaker
If we want to ingest microwavable pizzas and highly processed food, that's going to give us a particular type of fuel and thought process and our gut and our microbiome and everything's going to respond to the food that we put in, right?
00:31:07
Speaker
If we eat...
00:31:08
Speaker
fresh organic vegetables and fruits and just quality food on a more regular basis, we're also going to have a different life experience.
00:31:16
Speaker
Our bodies are going to operate differently.
00:31:19
Speaker
Same thing if we're ingesting just stress inducing negative conversations or videos or photos that create a sense of comparison or judgment.
00:31:32
Speaker
That's food.
00:31:34
Speaker
Our system is going to process that and we go to sleep at night, we have all that in our subconscious, you know, and then that's going to really dictate a lot of our reality.
00:31:44
Speaker
But if we are actively choosing to infuse our consciousness with quality conversations, quality music,
00:31:53
Speaker
media, videos, inspiring, uplifting kind of content, audiobooks and whatnot, we're going to have a different experience.
00:32:01
Speaker
We'll likely go to bed feeling inspired, you know?
00:32:05
Speaker
And so I think it's really powerful to take the reins of our choices on our daily practices that we can cultivate joy with.
00:32:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:15
Speaker
And ideally,
00:32:16
Speaker
be energized by that joy so that we can find ways to be of service in the world.
00:32:23
Speaker
You know, that there's crap on your shoe.
00:32:26
Speaker
You don't pretend there's no crap.
00:32:27
Speaker
You acknowledge that there is crap.
00:32:29
Speaker
You try to clean your shoe off, maybe walk around the crap and
00:32:33
Speaker
But don't put down your ice cream cone and just focus on the crap.
Joy in Service
00:32:37
Speaker
Deal with it.
00:32:38
Speaker
And ideally, if you've been eating enough ice cream, you're happy enough that you then have the energy to go deal with some of the stuff in the world that could use your help.
00:32:46
Speaker
And also, it is possible to spread light and not wallow in the dark.
00:32:55
Speaker
You know, I talk about here the First Saturdays organization that we celebrate our 14 year anniversary next week.
00:33:05
Speaker
14 years of monthly outings of gifting to people in need.
00:33:11
Speaker
And it is a joyous event.
00:33:12
Speaker
It is smile filled, celebratory.
00:33:16
Speaker
And it is that way because it is part of this overall practice of cultivating joy.
00:33:23
Speaker
Being energized by joy and taking that energy and being of service and action in the world.
00:33:31
Speaker
I think that is an option.
00:33:33
Speaker
You don't have to be fueled by anger.
00:33:36
Speaker
Oh, yes.
00:33:38
Speaker
I love that.
00:33:38
Speaker
Thank you for doing that work.
00:33:40
Speaker
And I'll just speak to the service piece too.
00:33:43
Speaker
You have been doing this really big project for 14 years where you're putting a lot of energy and effort.
00:33:50
Speaker
It's very clearly a service project.
00:33:52
Speaker
And also service can come in tiny little micro bite-sized pieces daily.
00:33:58
Speaker
You know, that might be waving at your garbage man and saying hello and thank you.
00:34:03
Speaker
That's being in service.
00:34:04
Speaker
Thank you.
00:34:04
Speaker
Right.
00:34:05
Speaker
Gratitude, sharing that gratitude.
00:34:07
Speaker
Maybe that is holding some space for a friend.
00:34:09
Speaker
Maybe that is helping somebody at the grocery store.
00:34:13
Speaker
You know, there's little tiny, small moments of service.
00:34:17
Speaker
can really fuel our sense of joy and purpose as well.
00:34:21
Speaker
Because by the end of the day, it's like, wow, how was I in service today?
00:34:26
Speaker
And if I can look back and even just say, you know, I took my dog for a walk or I reached out to a friend or whatever it might have been, you know, I got to be in a little bit of service, then we start to feel good about ourselves.
00:34:38
Speaker
And there's going to be other days where we're doing a lot more.
00:34:42
Speaker
And I think the more that we all do that, it gets to be a much brighter and more beautiful world.
00:34:48
Speaker
Yes, yes, yes.
00:34:50
Speaker
The world is a whole.
00:34:53
Speaker
It's a terrible, horrible place.
00:34:56
Speaker
And it is miraculous and love filled.
00:34:59
Speaker
And if you think that you have to wait to be happy until all the bad stuff is gone, you will never be happy.
00:35:12
Speaker
But if you instead can say, I am going to be satisfied by turning the dial a little bit towards light and love and warmth.
00:35:22
Speaker
I'm going to just move the dial a little bit by saying hello to my garbage man, by looking the cashier in the eye, by picking up the phone from the friend that is in need, by...
00:35:36
Speaker
What pain for the coffee for the person that was struggling to find enough change in their pocket like these just little bit the actions, then you can go cool like our job is not to end suffering in the world.
00:35:46
Speaker
Our job is to reduce the suffering in the world.
00:35:50
Speaker
And that is totally possible on a daily basis by little bitty actions.
00:35:54
Speaker
Yeah, and you know, I think we can probably start to close it up.
00:36:00
Speaker
And I love this conversation so much.
00:36:02
Speaker
There's always so much more.
00:36:03
Speaker
And we'll probably keep going on this conversation if you haven't noticed, but there's threads of this and probably all of our, all of our stay sparked because that's what this is about, staying sparked.
00:36:15
Speaker
And in tradition, we do a closing spark.
00:36:19
Speaker
And I feel like for me in this moment, it's, um,
00:36:26
Speaker
that daily cultivation of joy whatever it might be it is a commitment it is such a commitment is in service to the whole there is research that shows from heart math institute that our joy is actually contributing to the electromagnetic field of the planet
00:36:50
Speaker
When people come together in large groups and meditate, crime goes down.
00:36:55
Speaker
When people come together and practice coherence meditation, the frequency of the planet changes.
00:37:03
Speaker
So in a way, our joy is in service to a better world.
00:37:08
Speaker
So if we want to see a better world, then it starts inside.
00:37:13
Speaker
It's so cliche at this point, but we've heard it over and over again because it's true.
00:37:18
Speaker
And so that is my closing spark to be in service to the world.
00:37:21
Speaker
I am choosing joy on a regular basis.
00:37:25
Speaker
Amen.
00:37:26
Speaker
I mean, we are each of us a part of this Gaia organism.
00:37:32
Speaker
So if we heal ourself, we are healing the planet.
00:37:36
Speaker
It's a, and it's the part that we have the most effect over.
00:37:39
Speaker
So yeah, we, I,
00:37:42
Speaker
Amen.
00:37:43
Speaker
Michael and Ian Spark, you're right, I feel like I could talk about this forever and ever.
00:37:47
Speaker
And I feel like it overlaps in a lot of our episodes.
00:37:49
Speaker
In fact, even our last episode, 71, we talk about a Ram Dass quote that would be a good follow up to this one.
00:37:59
Speaker
But I guess my closing spark is just to be really clear that we're not talking about bypassing suffering and ignoring pain or injustice.
00:38:14
Speaker
We're saying that the world is both.
00:38:18
Speaker
The world is filled with horror and beauty.
00:38:23
Speaker
And the spiritual path is learning to hold more and more of both.
00:38:30
Speaker
And in your capacity to hold both, you can be of greater service.
00:38:37
Speaker
If you deny the joy, then the suffering overwhelms you.
00:38:43
Speaker
If you deny the suffering,
00:38:46
Speaker
the hedonism makes life shallow.
00:38:49
Speaker
So it is about cultivating both to feel the most alive, the most human and the most of service to this planet.
00:38:59
Speaker
Well said.
00:39:01
Speaker
Thank you so much.
00:39:02
Speaker
Beautiful.
00:39:02
Speaker
Thank you, Betsy.
00:39:04
Speaker
Yeah, I'm sparked.
00:39:06
Speaker
If you're in San Diego, come join us at First Saturdays downtown noon on the first Saturday of every month.
00:39:15
Speaker
Amazing.
00:39:15
Speaker
And if we can pop on to one of your gratitude Zooms, love to do that.
00:39:20
Speaker
So can you please put the link to that in your show notes?
00:39:23
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:39:24
Speaker
Thank you so much.
00:39:26
Speaker
And you can find me on the socials and on my website as well, which are also on the show notes.
00:39:33
Speaker
I love talking about this.
00:39:34
Speaker
I love supporting people too.
00:39:37
Speaker
really get into a deeper connection with their thought process through using a system that has come through the Power Affirmation Journal and some other tools that support that really reprogramming of our belief system.
00:39:50
Speaker
So you can check that out on poweraffirmation.com.
00:39:53
Speaker
And I also love doing women's groups and working one-on-one with people.
00:39:58
Speaker
So feel free to reach out if you want to explore a little more with me.
00:40:02
Speaker
Amazing.
00:40:03
Speaker
Lucky people to get to work with you.
00:40:07
Speaker
All the things that I've mentioned are you can find through lifestudent.com for Saturdays and the gratitude circles and the morning broadcast.
00:40:16
Speaker
What is not highlighted there, but I'm getting very
00:40:19
Speaker
into lately is one-on-one coaching.
00:40:22
Speaker
I've been taking on more clients and really feeling like I'm hitting my stride and in being of service to people wanting to be more in integrity, especially men that are wanting to step up in relationship.
00:40:41
Speaker
in a gentle, strong, modern masculinity.
00:40:45
Speaker
I've been really feeling strong in it myself and feeling like I'm in a good place.
00:40:50
Speaker
So if that has interest to you, I'm working with a sliding scale.
00:40:54
Speaker
So please reach out and say hello so we can maybe get us both more of service in the world.
00:41:01
Speaker
Amazing.
00:41:03
Speaker
Beautiful.
00:41:04
Speaker
Thank you so much.
00:41:06
Speaker
Well, and then in the spirit of our closing, I would love to close it up with an affirmation based on the inspiration coming through our conversation today.
00:41:16
Speaker
So we can just start with a nice deep breath.
00:41:22
Speaker
You want to, you can close your eyes and place your hand on your heart or your belly and tune into the affirmation that
00:41:31
Speaker
I choose joy.
Affirmation and Closing Remarks
00:41:34
Speaker
I choose joy.
00:41:37
Speaker
I choose to cultivate joyful practices in my life so I can navigate all of life's challenges with ease.
00:41:46
Speaker
I choose to cultivate joyful practices in my life daily so I can move through life's challenges with grace.
00:41:56
Speaker
I am willing to feel all my feels and I am committed to cultivating joy.
00:42:05
Speaker
I am balanced.
00:42:06
Speaker
I am whole.
00:42:09
Speaker
I am healthy.
00:42:12
Speaker
I am balanced.
00:42:13
Speaker
I am whole.
00:42:14
Speaker
I am healthy.
00:42:18
Speaker
I am sparked.
00:42:20
Speaker
I am sparked with inspiration.
00:42:23
Speaker
Thank you all so much for listening.
00:42:25
Speaker
Hope you have a wonderful rest of your day, cultivating your joyful practices and be sure to leave us a review on Apple Podcasts if you have gotten this far.
00:42:36
Speaker
So thank you for listening and helping us spread the sparks.
00:42:40
Speaker
And follow us on Instagram.
00:42:43
Speaker
Stay sparked.
00:42:44
Speaker
Betsy, you're so awesome.
00:42:45
Speaker
I love you so much.
00:42:45
Speaker
And thanks everyone for listening.
00:42:47
Speaker
Love you.
00:42:51
Speaker
Find us on Instagram at stay sparked and leave us a five star review on Apple podcast.
00:42:56
Speaker
Thanks so much for helping us spread these sparks.