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Choosing Happiness in the Second Half of Life
173 Plays4 days ago
What if happiness wasn’t something that happened to you, but something you chose—even in retirement?
In this solo episode, Jacquie reflects on a powerful message from her recent conversation with musician Ron Sowell: “It’s all up to you.” Drawing on stories from Ron’s life and the profound example of Viktor Frankl, she explores the idea that happiness isn’t about perfect circumstances, it’s about how we choose to engage with the season we’re in.
If you’re navigating the years beyond your career, wondering how to find meaning, joy, or direction, this episode invites you to reclaim your agency. Because growing old may be inevitable, but growing disengaged is not.
Key Topics Covered:
- The difference between aging and growing old - Why vitality is a daily choice, not a number
- What it means to “choose happiness” - The difference between agency and toxic positivity
- Ron Sowell’s example of a life built on alignment - Choosing passion over security, and never looking back
- Viktor Frankl’s lesson from the Holocaust - How mindset becomes a final freedom, even in suffering
- Reframing retirement as a meaningful phase - Finding joy, purpose, and connection regardless of circumstances
MUSIC CREDIT: Ron Sowell - It's All Up to You (used with permission)
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Transcript
The Essence of Retirement
00:00:03
Speaker
Retirement. That's what we're all aiming at, right? But exactly what does that mean? conjures up visions of endless days of golf, drinks with little umbrellas in them on a tropical beach, feet up reading a book.
00:00:16
Speaker
Is that what it's all about? I don't think so. Life would get pretty dull after a while without anything meaningful to do, don't you think? I'm Jackie Doucette, and I'm on a mission to discover exactly what life is like beyond retirement.
00:00:30
Speaker
Join me while I chat with people who've already done it, who've retired to something rather than from something. Let's find out together exactly what's waiting for us when we say goodbye to that nine to five.
Conversations with Ron Sowell
00:00:52
Speaker
Hi everyone, welcome to another episode of Beyond Retirement. This is your host, Jackie Doucette. In last week's episode, i had the pleasure of speaking with Ron Sowell. If you haven't listened to that episode, I encourage you to go back and listen to it after this one. But for now, i want to share something Ron said at the end of our conversation, because it's been echoing in my mind ever since.
00:01:15
Speaker
I asked him if there was a final thought he wanted to leave with listeners about his philosophy that aging isn't evitable, but growing old is optional. And he said, I really do passionately and fervently from the core of my soul believe that it's all up to you.
00:01:33
Speaker
It's your choice. Then he said something that completely reframed how I think about happiness. He said, happiness is not something that happens to you because everything in your life is going well.
00:01:47
Speaker
That's not where happiness comes from.
00:01:51
Speaker
And he's right. Think about it. We all know people whose lives look perfect from the outside. They have money, success, relationships, and they're miserable.
00:02:03
Speaker
And we know people who have every reason not to be happy, and yet they are. So what's the difference? Ron believes it comes down to a decision.
00:02:14
Speaker
You make a choice that you're going to be happy. That you are happy. And then everything else flows from that. Now, when he first said that, I'll admit part of me bristled a little, because we've all heard toxic positivity messages that suggest if you're not happy, you're just not trying hard enough.
00:02:33
Speaker
That if you're struggling, you should just choose to be happy and everything will magically work out. But that's not what Ron was saying.
The Philosophy of Happiness
00:02:42
Speaker
To illustrate his point, he brought up Viktor Frankl's book about surviving the Holocaust.
00:02:48
Speaker
Frankl was a doctor who ended up in Nazi concentration camps. And he wrote about how they took everything from him. Everything. They took his name.
00:02:58
Speaker
He was just a number. They took his profession. He wasn't a doctor anymore. He was just labor. They stripped him of his identity, his dignity, everything.
00:03:09
Speaker
But Frankl said there was one thing they could not take from him, how he thought about things. He made the decision to be hopeful, and he believed that that was one of the things that helped him survive.
00:03:23
Speaker
Ron pointed out that this is an extreme example. Thank goodness we don't have to experience those kinds of challenges right now. But the principle still holds.
00:03:34
Speaker
The one thing no one can take away from you is how you choose to think about your circumstances. You can be rich if you want to. Just see that you already are.
00:03:54
Speaker
And that's where happiness lives. Not in the circumstances themselves, but in how you engage with them. This is particularly relevant for those of us thinking about life beyond traditional careers, or those of us in what Ron calls the years layered upon careers.
Challenges of Retirement
00:04:11
Speaker
Because retirement, or this next phase of life, can bring up a lot of complicated feelings. There's the loss of identity that comes with your career. There's a question of purpose. What do I do now?
00:04:26
Speaker
There's sometimes a sense of irrelevance or invisibility. There can be health challenges, financial concerns, relationship changes. It's not all sunshine and roses.
00:04:38
Speaker
And I think what Ron is saying is that happiness in this phase of life isn't about having all of those challenges resolved. It's about choosing how you're going to engage with this season of your life, regardless of what it brings.
00:04:54
Speaker
It's about deciding that you're going to find meaning, connection and joy, not because everything is perfect, but because that's the choice you're making. Ron's life is a great example of this.
00:05:06
Speaker
He didn't choose the easy path. When he decided to become a musician instead of going to law school, he gave up security. He gave up the approval of his father. He gave up the conventional definition of success.
Choosing Passion Over Convention
00:05:22
Speaker
He told me there were times when things were pretty meager, but he said, it always worked out. I always had the faith that things were going to work out. And they did. Not because everything was always easy, but because he kept choosing the path that aligned with who he really was.
00:05:38
Speaker
He built a rich life. Not rich in the financial sense, maybe, though he's doing well, but rich in the ways that actually matter. Rich in friendships that have lasted 60 years from that high school folk group.
00:05:53
Speaker
Rich in relationships and connections through music. rich in purpose through teaching kids and encouraging other people to play music. He said, I'm still passionate about it. I just don't see how that will ever change.
00:06:07
Speaker
That's vitality. That's what it means for growing old to be optional. You're going to age. Your body is going to change. That's inevitable. But that sense of aliveness, that enthusiasm, that feeling of being engaged with life, that's a choice you make every single day.
00:06:26
Speaker
Ron made that choice when he was young, and he's continued to make it every day since.
00:06:41
Speaker
ron made that choice when he was young and he's continued to make it every day since And I think that's what he means when he says, it's all up to you.
Embracing Agency and Positivity
00:06:51
Speaker
It's not about denying reality or pretending everything is fine when it's not. It's about recognizing that you have agency.
00:06:58
Speaker
You have choice. You can decide how you're going to show up in your own life. Now, I want to be clear about one thing.
00:07:09
Speaker
This isn't about dismissing real struggles or mental health challenges or grief or any of the legitimate difficulties we face in life. But even within those struggles, there's often a choice about how we engage with them.
00:07:23
Speaker
Do we become bitter or do we become better? Do we shut down or do we stay open? Do we isolate or do we reach out? Ron ended our conversation by quoting Bobby McFerrin.
00:07:37
Speaker
Don't worry, be happy. And on the surface, that sounds kind of trite, like something you'd say on a motivational poster. But when Ron said it, after talking about Viktor Frankl surviving concentration camps, after sharing his own story of choosing passion over security, after decades of building a life around what he loves, it didn't sound trite at all.
00:08:02
Speaker
It sounded like wisdom. It sounded like someone who has genuinely learned that happiness is something you choose, not something you wait to be given. So I want to ask you, what choice are you making about this phase of your life? Are you waiting for circumstances to be perfect before you allow yourself to be happy? you're rock Are you telling yourself you'll be happy when you have some more money complain or better health or when that difficult relationship resolves or when you finally figure out your purpose?
00:08:35
Speaker
Or are you making the decision now that you're going to be happy? That you're going to find joy and meaning in your life as it is right now, while also working toward what you want it to become?
00:08:47
Speaker
Because I think that's the real message here. It's not either or. It's not accept everything as it is and never try to change anything versus be miserable until everything is perfect.
00:08:59
Speaker
It's both. It's choosing happiness now, while also choosing growth, change, and evolution. Ron's been making that choice for decades. He chose music, even when it meant financial uncertainty.
00:09:13
Speaker
He chose passion, even when it disappointed his father. He chose vitality, even as he aged. And the result is a life he describes without hesitation.
00:09:25
Speaker
I've never looked back. I've never regretted it.
00:09:31
Speaker
It's all up to you. That's the power of choosing. That's what it means when Ron says, it's all up to you. Your circumstances matter. Your challenges are real.
00:09:42
Speaker
But how you engage with all of it, that's your choice. And that choice changes everything. So as you think about this next phase of life, whatever that looks like for you, I want you to ask yourself, what am I choosing?
00:09:59
Speaker
Am I choosing vitality or am I choosing to coast? Am I choosing connection or am I choosing isolation? Am I choosing growth or am I choosing stagnation?
00:10:13
Speaker
Am I choosing happiness or am I waiting for it to happen to me? Because here's what Ron taught me last week. Happiness doesn't happen to you.
00:10:23
Speaker
You choose it. And then everything else flows from that choice. It's all up to you. And that's actually really empowering when you think about it.
00:10:34
Speaker
It means you're not at the mercy of your circumstances. You're not waiting for permission or for that perfect moment. You can choose right now, today. You can choose to be happy.
00:10:45
Speaker
You can choose vitality. You can choose engagement with life.
Conclusion and Promotion
00:10:50
Speaker
And that choice, made over and over again, is what creates a life with no regrets.
00:10:57
Speaker
Just like Ron's. Thanks for being with me today. I hope you'll join me again next week on Beyond Retirement. The music used in the background during this episode is It's All Up To You by Ron Soule, used with permission.
00:11:14
Speaker
And that's it for this episode of Beyond Retirement. Thanks so much for joining me. I hope you enjoyed it. Did you know I'm publishing books now? Head on over to placeforbooks.com to explore the variety of titles already published.
00:11:27
Speaker
There are titles in English, French, and Spanish, and new titles like Bunny Confidence for Women and Public Speaking for Introverts are scheduled for release soon. Again, that's placeforbooks.com.
00:11:40
Speaker
Check it out!