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Retirement Interrupted: Reclaiming the Plan when it Changes
180 Plays4 days ago
On this episode of Beyond Retirement, host Jacquie Doucette welcomes Soozie and Tony Cisneros, a couple whose retirement dreams took an unexpected turn. Just as they prepared to embark on new adventures together, both received life-changing cancer diagnoses—on the very same day. In this candid conversation, Soozie and Tony share the shock and uncertainty of facing treatment, the ways their family and community rallied around them, and the powerful role faith played in their journey. From setbacks to milestones, and finally reclaiming their freedom, their story is one of resilience, hope, and finding new meaning in life after the unimaginable. Whether you’re approaching retirement or already there, this episode offers inspiration and wisdom on facing the unexpected and supporting one another along the way.
Key Topics Covered:
· Retirement Expectations vs Reality
o Planning a life of travel and freedom
o Receiving simultaneous cancer diagnoses
· Navigating Treatment as a Couple
o Different journeys: radiation vs non-surgical care
o Emotional and logistical challenges of supporting each other
· The Role of Family and Faith
o Support from kids, including shaving their heads
o How spiritual grounding helped them persevere
· Redefining Retirement After Illness
o Embracing each day with intention
o Reframing 'lost time' as a second chance
· Lessons in Resilience
o What they’ve learned about strength and partnership
o Advice for others facing unexpected setbacks
Recommended
Transcript
Exploring Life Beyond Retirement: An Introduction to Jackie DeSette's Mission
00:00:03
Speaker
Retirement. That's what we're all aiming at, right? But exactly what does that mean? conjures up visions of endless days of golf, drinks with little umbrellas in them on a tropical beach, feet up reading a book.
00:00:16
Speaker
Is that what it's all about? don't think so. Life would get pretty dull after a while without anything meaningful to do, don't you think? I'm Jackie DeSette, and I'm on a mission to discover exactly what life is like beyond retirement.
00:00:30
Speaker
Join me while I chat with people who've already done it, who've retired to something rather than from something. Let's find out together exactly what's waiting for us when we say goodbye to that nine to five.
Introducing Tony and Susie Cisneros: Facing Life-Altering Challenges
00:00:50
Speaker
Hi everyone, welcome to another episode of Beyond Retirement. I'm your host, Jackie Doucette, and today I'm joined by a couple of incredible guests, Tonio and Susie Cisneros. Like many couples, they were looking forward to enjoying their retirement together, travel, adventure, new beginnings.
00:01:08
Speaker
But just as they closed the chapter on full-time work and opened the door to their new home and their new life, Life threw him a cannonball, actually two cannonballs.
00:01:18
Speaker
On the very same day, both Tony and Susie received life-changing diagnoses. Today, we're here to share what came next, the treatment, the setbacks, the strengths of their family, and the surprising gifts that come with surviving the unimaginable.
00:01:35
Speaker
Tony and Susie, thanks so much for joining me today. Well, thank you very much for inviting us. You're welcome. Let's start right at the beginning. What were those first few days like when you were getting ready to retire and things were going well and then you learned what was going on?
A Double Diagnosis: The Cisneros' Unexpected Cancer Battle
00:01:54
Speaker
My husband, being a planner as he is, he was planning a vacation for us. and was running things by me as to, where do you want to go? Where do you want to go? ah This is a great bargain. Let's plan a trip.
00:02:08
Speaker
And we just thought we would just go ahead and get some routine checkups, just, you know, routine. And our plans were halted immediately.
00:02:19
Speaker
We'd gone into, like you said, routine testing, but... Turns out both of us were, our doctors were finding some things that were a little bit suspicious, which required additional testing.
00:02:34
Speaker
And then that led to our diagnosis that we both got at the same time. I ended up with IBC, invasive ductal carcinoma, which is breast cancer.
00:02:47
Speaker
And Tony was diagnosed with prostate cancer. And we called each other on the same day, right after lunch, after we'd received our results. And it was one of those conversations, you go first.
00:02:59
Speaker
And he says, well, I've got some news for you, too. Yeah, it was ah it was a bit of a a shocker for both of us to get that within an hour of each other finding out.
00:03:12
Speaker
And so what was your first thought afterwards?
Navigating Treatment and Finding Strength Through Adversity
00:03:15
Speaker
Gosh, it was more of, we don't have time for this. We've got a life to plan. We've got vacation. We've got things that we do and enjoy with our community. And it was just one of those things that we didn't understand why this curve was being thrown at us.
00:03:31
Speaker
And we just had to stop immediately and and start doing research as to what our next steps were for treatment Yeah, it put a lot of things on the back burner as we had to now start investigating options, doctors, additional testing, treatment options, if if there were any.
00:03:53
Speaker
So it was it was a whirlwind. And the the treatment options, you obviously had very different treatment plans. um What did the journey look like for each of you?
00:04:06
Speaker
Well, mine was quite more, it was a bit more invasive where, you know I thought, okay, well, I'd had friends that had treatment that were just, you know, a few treatments of radiation, one week, seven treatments. And I thought, oh, I can do that. We can put life off for another week. But ah mine was a little bit more detailed where I needed ah treatment, ah the first round of chemotherapy. And then of course there were complications with that where I needed injections on a daily basis.
00:04:36
Speaker
And then um I had the second round of chemotherapy and then radiation and several surgeries in between that. So our life was put on hold for nearly two years.
00:04:49
Speaker
um Tony's was more monitored. Mine was what they call surveillance. And biopsies. They they did biopsy. they met ah MRIs.
00:05:01
Speaker
in biopsies. And then the thought pattern was with everything else going in our lives, doctor said, you could probably just wait and watch for at least a year. year We'll monitor you, what they call surveillance. And till it it just wasn't going to work out having both of us in treatment at the same time. It there was too many unknowns.
00:05:21
Speaker
Who was going to be up for what? So when he said I could go under surveillance and just monitor it, it was Pretty much a no brainer. That was the route we were going to go to to get Susie past hers. Wow. And Susie for two years, that's it putting your life on hold just doesn't doesn't even explain or doesn't kind of cover what must have been going through your mind at that point. So everything is different now.
00:05:47
Speaker
It was different. It was quite different um because we're very involved in our community, our church, our volunteer work. That was put not completely on hold, but I had a different role opposed to being in front of people because I was immune compromised. um Tony was my go-to chauffeur. He was my rock.
00:06:09
Speaker
And he took over a few of the things that I had to do that I typically would do. So he stepped up in so many ways. not only to be there and hold my hand through this journey, but to also take the reins over when I couldn't.
00:06:27
Speaker
There was a lot of involvement with with our church where we had been very active. And some of those things we tried to keep up with, but like Susie said, being immune compromised, that it kind of restricted pretty much your hardly getting out of the house outside of treatments.
00:06:43
Speaker
We were just pretty much homebound, just trying to keep her healthy and safe and keeping myself healthy since I'm there with her 24-7. And we were very cautious with our visitors asking them to be immunized and ah because we didn't want anyone to come around us that might compromise my health anymore.
00:07:05
Speaker
So we were in a little bubble. I'll
The Power of Community Support in Tough Times
00:07:08
Speaker
bet you thought that after COVID, the bubbles were all done and you can move on with your life. And now all these things have changed. Oh, I know. yeah and I understand your family played a big role as well.
00:07:22
Speaker
be you Oh, definitely. um We've got five children between us both and five grandchildren. So yes, they um were able to step in if we weren't feeling well and bring us meals.
00:07:36
Speaker
um they ah are My son-in-law and my granddaughter ran in the Susan B. Komen race ah in my honor. Our children, most of them shaved their heads because they knew I was losing my hair. Tony shaved his head. um My sister flew in from New Jersey to help Tony, take care of me if and give us some guidance that she could. um Not that she had been down this path, but she had you know been used to having short hair and wanted to show us how to shave our heads and and cut our hair properly.
00:08:13
Speaker
um So it was just a big thing. The kids came in, they decorated because I started my treatment prior to Halloween and we're big decorators for every season. And so the kids came in and decorated for us for both Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and then came back and took everything down because our community um goes way out and there's just huge competitions and it's just a lot of fun.
00:08:40
Speaker
um You know, there's hay rides and things and we didn't get to participate in a lot of that, but I got to sit on the porch and wave at everybody from a distance. So it was great. um Our daughter lived the closest to us and She just made sure she monitored us and made sure that you know dad was in great shape.
00:08:59
Speaker
When he was down, she'd step up. If he couldn't get to an appointment and I had to be somewhere, she would take off the work and take care of me. and and things like that. Sisters, brothers, family, our community from church stepped in and just would leave meals at the doorstep. It was it was amazing that you just don't realize you have so many friends and family that care for you. You know that they're there when you pick up the phone and call them, but it's when you don't feel like picking up the phone and calling them, they're there and they and that is a really great feeling.
00:09:35
Speaker
That made me break out in goosebumps. Yes, that that's a feeling that that you only get in a community where you're a big part of it and you're loved by everyone. and And it's obvious that that's the community you've got. I think that's great.
00:09:50
Speaker
It kind of leads into my next question, but answers it. How did your relationship get affected by having this diagnosis from each or for both
Faith and Relationship Growth: A Renewed Perspective on Life
00:10:01
Speaker
of you? Did it change how you see each other or how you interact?
00:10:06
Speaker
Well, it certainly increased our faith. um We are very devout Catholics. And our faith we thought was strong, but it was so much stronger because you see it from a different perspective opposed to just knowing you have prayer, but knowing that prayer works because I believe that had it not been for prayer and community and love and faith, it would have been a much different route and a ah a different aspect. and And it was those moments that were the weakest that I think our strength and our faith was tested.
00:10:43
Speaker
in each other and in in life. we We had one experience. It was extremely unique. Never experienced this before. And it was just prior to one Susie's surgeries.
00:10:57
Speaker
And the doctor came, the surgeon came in, and sat with us for a few minutes and explained what he was going to do and how he'd come out and speak with me after the surgery. And so he gave us some warm fuzzies and we felt good. And and at the end, he said, do you mind if we if I pray?
00:11:12
Speaker
And you could have knocked us both over with a feather. Never in my life have ever had a doctor offer to pray. And that meant so much to us. it It just... Wow.
00:11:23
Speaker
it It carried us. It really did. A newfound. Respect. Yeah, respect. And it you you sometimes forget doctors are human too, and and they have faith in God. And and many times we have thanked doctors, and they said, I'm just ah an instrument, a tool of God.
00:11:43
Speaker
And so oh
00:11:47
Speaker
don't hearing them say that meant so much to us. Wow. That's wonderful. It definitely hold holds your faith strong or makes your faith stronger to to have that happen, I think.
00:11:59
Speaker
Extremely. Yes. So I understand, Susie, that you've been declared cancer free.
Celebrating Health and Looking Forward to New Adventures
00:12:06
Speaker
um What was the first thing that you guys did when when you got that diagnosis? Yeah.
00:12:14
Speaker
Well, it was an amazing feeling, but you you always have in the back of your mind when the other shoe is going to drop. But just going home, which we live very close to our hospital, which was very convenient and nice.
00:12:27
Speaker
But going home, Tony had the biggest surprise for me. He had these signs made and put out in our front yard that said, Susie had her last chemo today. She rang the bell.
00:12:39
Speaker
And, um
00:12:42
Speaker
I was able to sit down on my porch and he had invited all of our friends and and he had ordered all these pink t-shirts for everyone that in our community that you know wanted one. And we gave them and they were these pink shirts that said, I'm here to support Susie during this journey.
00:12:57
Speaker
And I just sat outside and took pictures with people and people honked and waved. And it was just an amazing feeling that I came home one day and there were flowers on my porch.
00:13:09
Speaker
from a stranger that said, i saw you rang the bell. Congratulations, we're behind you. And it said, you know, Shepherd Park Plaza, which is a subdivision we lived in.
00:13:20
Speaker
And it was just the feeling of people and that saying, I don't know you, but I care for you. And that's, you know, something that you don't always see and you don't often feel.
00:13:32
Speaker
So that was just really a shocker and a surprise, but it was a great feeling. And it's still a great feeling every morning my feet hit the floor, knowing that I'm hitting the one year mark in January, that I'm cancer. And i just look forward to every day. Back code back this past ah spring or early summer,
00:13:56
Speaker
but Well, let me preface that with Susie hadn't driven a car for two years. I took her everywhere. And a lot of times she just didn't feel good to be driving and and reaction times just didn't chance it. So i I drove her everywhere. And then as she was getting her strength back, hair was growing back.
00:14:18
Speaker
her ability to get back into volunteering was becoming much more to the forefront. And she looks at me one day, she goes, I need own car. So we, uh, went out and bought, bought a couple of cars and we each had our own car. And then she finally just said to me, uh,
00:14:36
Speaker
you know, I got this. of you you can you You're not really tied to me to hold my hand anymore. And that was ah a kind of threw me for a loop because ah okay because I didn't have any hobbies.
00:14:50
Speaker
I am his hobby. Yeah, she was my hobby. And so... and so ah Right about that time, I get a call from ah a guy who's president of the company I used to work with, and he'd moved on and he stayed in touch with us. And he goes, hey, how's it going? i said we're We're doing great. We're happy. And Susie's got her strength back. And he said, well, you ready to get back in the game?
00:15:10
Speaker
said, oh, man. so You know, just kind of hit me, you know, just like, OK, and I got all the spare time on my hands now. So anyway, it's just like life is great right now. And we're both feeling great.
00:15:23
Speaker
no Staying busy and active, taking a couple of little side trips and going out town. And so, yeah, everything's good. And your ah your travel plans for retirement, are you starting to put them back in place the way they were before? Or have you changed your plans a little bit?
00:15:42
Speaker
Oh, no. We... yeah For instance, next year is the 100th anniversary of Route 66. And so we have plans where we're going to fly to Chicago and rent a car and we're going to drive all the way to the Santa Monica Pier and just take our time. And if it takes us eight days or 12 days, we're just going to get on the road and just see where it takes us.
00:16:04
Speaker
Our life is going to have no agenda. Yeah, we just get up in the morning it's like, okay, what are we going to today?
Advice for Others: Embracing Optimism and Unexpected Journeys
00:16:15
Speaker
So now um looking back at all the things that have happened, what advice could you give other couples who are heading into retirement and they might be blindsided like this, like you were?
00:16:29
Speaker
I would say don't be discouraged because there is always light at the end of the tunnel and just trust the process because there is a reason why you're on this journey.
00:16:43
Speaker
We don't know what the journey is going to be like, but there is a purpose for this. And we have to find that purpose, whether it is finding newfound friends and the doctors and the trust or finding newfound friends on the next road trip.
00:17:05
Speaker
And just thinking that was worth it. So there's so many paths that we have crossed during this journey with, you know, whether they've been medical teams or just people that have been down this road before that have given us guidance. So we know that we're going to be able to be an asset to someone somewhere at some point in time.
00:17:26
Speaker
But it's don't take your eye off the prize because it's going to happen. It may be slowed down because there's a reason why he's slowing us down. turn the yeah During the journey, there was there was a lot of times when you' I'm sitting there with Sissy during her treatments, and those treatments lasted several hours, four, five, so maybe six hours.
Becoming Mentors: Sharing Experiences and Offering Reassurance
00:17:49
Speaker
We would be sitting there as the treatment process. and And then there there were some folks who who had already been down this road who were very reassuring.
00:18:01
Speaker
And then came the opportunity for us to be the ones reassuring other people who were just beginning their path, their journey, and helping them learn and understand and and try to get comfortable with this as best you can.
00:18:18
Speaker
who need to calm the fears because we had those fears as well. Yeah, it's like, there's no saying, you got to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
00:18:29
Speaker
So that was sir that was it. it's sir And just, I remember one lady lady there that was struggling with many issues in her life. And Susie has a ah good background of helping people ah through her contacts and resources. And we were able to provide her with some resources to help her get through her situation.
00:18:51
Speaker
and so it was so it was It was good that we were brought together with a lot of people. And I remember one particular day, says, we're going to be starting a very difficult round of chemo.
00:19:05
Speaker
And there was a lot of trepidation, a lot of concern. and And walked into that room to get her her spot. And there was a lady there, a treatment person, who ah who was the actual supervisor of all the oncology oncology nurses who did the treatments.
00:19:22
Speaker
And I looked at the city and said, your guardian angel is here today for today's treatment. Because she was starting one that was not a very pleasant one. And they they gave it this term called Red Devil.
00:19:34
Speaker
So it just kind of puts the fear God in you to begin with. And and then this ah this treatment nurse goes, we got this. We're going to be good. and And she did. She held her hand through the whole process of that first one. And it it went well. She gave her some advice to go home and try this and try that. you'll You're gonna wake up with some aches and pains and do this for it and do that and and you'll be good. and And all of it worked. this It was like old wives tales. it the just But meeting this person that day when you walk in there and you're just scared of but of the unknown.
00:20:11
Speaker
And then this person can just set all our fears aside and felt good. And like I said, it was her guardian angel that day.
Living Fully: The Cisneros' Bucket List Adventures
00:20:21
Speaker
And we did hit right, oh gosh, a few months ago, we did hit one of our bucket lists, which was going to um the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Football Hall of Fame in Ohio. So um that was one of the bucket lists that we had you know been planning for months and years. And we did get to do that. and And um I had mentioned to Tony because I'm a big rock and roll fan. And one of the ah bands, was playing and I said, Tony, we've got to see them before these guys retire.
00:20:54
Speaker
And so we were able to see the Doobie brothers, but we had to travel to Ohio to see them, which was great. We didn't care where they were. We were just going to see it and enjoy it. And that's just one of the many things on our bucket list is so many halls of fame that we want to touch and see. And because we feel like we're hall of famers too in this journey.
00:21:18
Speaker
Most definitely. So you got, uh, you bought a couple of new cars. Do you travel in your cars when you travel or do you travel by plane normally? How do you go?
00:21:30
Speaker
Well, we take a, uh, we, uh, yeah, we, we snuck over to Louisiana from here and went to the casinos right after we got one of the cars and nice little road trip. And, uh,
00:21:42
Speaker
And then we we flew to Cleveland, but we rented a car to drive down to Akron where that concert was and then down to of Canton where football hall of fame is. And so we got to see that. a lot of people don't think of you went where? what You don't think that the rock and roll hall of fame is in Cleveland. And so, yeah, it was fun.
00:22:03
Speaker
we We enjoyed it. And just the two of us. And one thing we did get to see, which was kind of funny, but was the um the Christmas story house. we have a tradition with the grandkids of asking them after Thanksgiving, we always watch a Christmas story and we went to go see the leg lamp. So that was kind of a big deal to us.
00:22:23
Speaker
So yeah, we're, we're getting back into the swing of things. And do you have anything that's a ah big, exciting thing in the future? Anything that you've got planned that's, you know, that you're really, really excited about? Well, Machu Picchu.
Embracing History and Adventure: Future Travel Plans
00:22:40
Speaker
Yeah, we're gonna South America, to Machu Picchu. That's that's on ah on the agenda. And then over to Brazil, to Rio. You can see the Christ the Redeemer statue there.
00:22:53
Speaker
So that's gonna be a big one there for us. of that's In fact, that's pretty darn big for us. So of yeah, there's so we we're kind of history buffs. So we're gonna go hit some presidential museums. and There's several in California we're gonna go visit.
00:23:10
Speaker
So yeah, we got little things on our list like that. So it sounds like you're treating all of this as just a little bump in the road. You're just going to continue on and enjoy your retirement and do the things you plan to do.
00:23:28
Speaker
Exactly. You know, um one of my sons said, because I had, you know, when you get diagnosed with this and you know so many people that have either conquered cancer or succumb to it, you don't know which direction to turn.
Reflecting on Life Lessons and Gratitude
00:23:41
Speaker
And I said,
00:23:42
Speaker
The treatment plan they've given me is extensive. And I just don't know if I want to do this. And my son had said, Mom, what is two years out of your life? He says, don't worry about it.
00:23:54
Speaker
Do it. We love you and we want you to be here. And yeah, it was a bump in the road. Two years sounds like a lot. But when in the grand scheme of things, I mean, look how long we're here. know, two years, you know, and in and a couple of years, we're not even going to remember two years ago.
00:24:11
Speaker
But earlier today, we fa back when Susie was diagnosed, we had just moved into a, i we had had downsized and moved into the smaller home, and which turned out to be a a blessing, having as one-story home and smaller and easier to maintain.
00:24:27
Speaker
And so few months ago, we just started kicking some tires around. You know, this house served us well. Let's think about the the next one. And doggone it, we didn't go buy another house and move again. and And today we're breaking out the Christmas decorations. and i I was up on the ladder hanging some garland and I i looked over at Susie. I said, who would have thought a year ago we would be in and another new house, hanging this garland from the old house and moving on to this next chapter.
00:24:58
Speaker
And ah we were opening boxes and i was leaving notes to myself or a year ago. And here's the timer for this tree. And here's the extension cords you use. And and ah I said, yes.
00:25:10
Speaker
A year ago, we'd have never thought we'd have been this far down the road with all the success and health. And now here we are we' just getting on with life and another new house, new chapter and oh making making our way through life.
00:25:26
Speaker
I have a journal that I keep on occasion and it's not, I'm not diligent about it, but there's been years that I have wrote certain notes to myself and they've always been prayers for others or concerns for everybody else, but myself.
00:25:41
Speaker
But I went back with this move and finding some of my journals of how I felt that day, what my reaction was what was the scripture that I leaned on the most that day and what I was looking forward to after that journey.
00:25:56
Speaker
And so I kind of put myself in and read those again when I was emptying out things and thought, wow, this is how I felt that day, but this is how I want to feel.
00:26:08
Speaker
And I'm at that point to where I know how I wanted to feel then and I'm feeling it now. Very grateful, very blessed and very thankful.
00:26:19
Speaker
Yes, right we we we can't thank the Lord enough.
Acts of Kindness: Believing in Guardian Angels
00:26:24
Speaker
for the success of being on the other side of this journey. And this this road we we were on but was a test, and I'd like to think we passed the test.
00:26:38
Speaker
So whenever we can share our experience with anyone to help get them through something, it's it's it's a pleasure for us to hold somebody's hand and say, you got this.
00:26:50
Speaker
I'm here for you. ah there's There was a time Susie was in for a scan and there was a ah gentleman there who it was there for a test at the same time she was there. and ah And the poor guy, just he was short on on what do he needed to ah cover his copay.
00:27:13
Speaker
He didn't think he had a copay. And they told him he was gonna have to leave or reschedule. And I went over there and I asked him, let's see, how much does he need? And they gave me an amount. And imp this is just so strange. I looked in my wallet and I had exactly the amount of cash in my wallet that he needed.
00:27:36
Speaker
And I handed it to him. I said, I got you, buddy. And he wanted my phone number, my name. And you don't need that. I got you today. And he was able to have his test.
00:27:47
Speaker
And so that day I was his guardian angel. They're among us. I don't think that there could be a better way to end this conversation than to say that was beautiful. that's That is the the perfect ending to your story.
00:28:06
Speaker
You had a guardian angel. You paid it forward. And that's it. I'm so happy to have met you. but Thank you. Thank you very much. And and you enjoy your retirement. Thank you.
00:28:21
Speaker
And that's it for this episode of Beyond Retirement. Thank you so much for hanging out with me. I hope you enjoyed it. To check out the video interviews, please go to my YouTube channel at bit.ly forward slash beyond retirement. That's B-I-T dot L-Y forward slash beyond retirement.
00:28:38
Speaker
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