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Stay Sparked #53 "Paths of Purpose"
8 Plays1 year ago
It took a few minutes to get going, but then this conversation got deep. What does it mean to live a life of purpose? How can we break free from cultural definitions of "Success" to pursue more personal metrics of purpose? Is purpose a destination or a path?
MENTIONED IN EPISODE:
IKIGAI
HOSTS
BETSY FINKLEHOO is a healer of massage therapy, CranioSacral and Dharma Coaching. She is an 8 year burner and has spent the last several years seeped in the personal development world, cultivating her passion for transformation and growth. Her recent project, The Power Affirmation Journal and virtual group empowers women to cultivate self awareness and healthy habits so they can live in greater freedom, mind body and spirit.
http://poweraffirmation.com/
Click here to get a FREE affirmation for Stay Sparked Listeners!
HALCYON is full-time Love Ambassador. He is the founder of Hug Nation YouTube channel and daily zoom gratitude circles. He is co-founder of the Pink Heart Burning Man camp and the 1st Saturdays project for people experiencing homelessness. In his free time he coaches individuals on how to live joyfully and authentically. His other podcast is "Hard on the 80's."
http://JohnStyn.com
JANUS REDMOON is a 10-time Burner, and has spent the last several years as an advocate for psychedelic medicine research and treatment. He is the founder and CEO of NuWorld Nutritionals, a nutritional supplement company providing mushroom-based, all-natural products to improve and maintain health for both body and mind. (Use code "SPARKED" for 10% off)
http://www.nuworldnutritionals.com
MASSIVE Thank you to Dub Sutra for their beautiful opening music. Check out their incredible music catalogue online.
https://dubsutra.com
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to 'Stay Sparked' and Living on Purpose
00:00:02
Speaker
Welcome to Stay Sparked.
00:00:04
Speaker
We are three longtime friends here to share inspiration with you, aim to light you up.
00:00:11
Speaker
I'm Betsy.
00:00:11
Speaker
I'm Halcyon.
00:00:13
Speaker
And I'm Giannis.
00:00:14
Speaker
On today's episode, we talk about living on purpose.
00:00:18
Speaker
We talk about our own perceptions and relationship to living on purpose.
00:00:22
Speaker
We talk about, is it a place you get to or a way you live?
00:00:27
Speaker
Enjoy the episode.
The Importance of Gratitude
00:00:29
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Stay Sparked.
00:00:31
Speaker
We are so grateful to be here with you guys and always love starting these conversations with gratitude.
00:00:37
Speaker
So Halcyon, what are you grateful for today?
00:00:39
Speaker
I am grateful for nothing.
00:00:42
Speaker
I mean, the lack of nerve pain.
00:00:44
Speaker
After a rough chapter dealing with nerve pain through my back and shoulder, I'm just so aware and trying to stay aware of the lack of that pain.
00:00:54
Speaker
So I'm so grateful for the lack of that pain right now.
00:00:58
Speaker
Yes.
00:00:59
Speaker
Nothing quite like getting her to appreciate the simple things once you start getting better.
00:01:03
Speaker
Right?
00:01:04
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
00:01:05
Speaker
How about you, Yanis?
00:01:05
Speaker
What are you grateful for today?
00:01:07
Speaker
I'm on a similar note.
00:01:09
Speaker
I'm grateful for the basics.
00:01:12
Speaker
Got a roof over my head.
00:01:14
Speaker
I've got food in the fridge.
00:01:15
Speaker
I've got a working vehicle.
00:01:18
Speaker
It's like body is after like a long,
00:01:21
Speaker
long a long couple weeks moving it's like that's done and so my body's feeling like it's recovering so i'm appreciating i know my back feeling good like it's supposed to be supposed to but yeah so i'm grateful for all the the little things that normally escape uh escape our awareness so good yes i will share my gratitude today is for flowers
00:01:44
Speaker
Flowers bring me so much joy, and this week I had quite a wonderful experience of going to a new attraction, or it's an attraction in Encinitas, it is the flower fields, where there's just so many different types of flowers, orchids and roses and minoculars and snap peas, and just so many beautiful flowers that has been just lighting me up.
00:02:09
Speaker
And again, it is kind of like a simple thing, but it just brings so much joy in
00:02:14
Speaker
And I also received a bouquet of flowers in the mail.
Exploring the Concept of Purpose
00:02:18
Speaker
So I'm super lit up about that, too.
00:02:21
Speaker
So my gratitude is for flowers.
00:02:24
Speaker
It's nice.
00:02:25
Speaker
I can just picture Betsy just frolicking in flower fields.
00:02:30
Speaker
I see it.
00:02:30
Speaker
Nice.
00:02:31
Speaker
Nice.
00:02:32
Speaker
Yeah, so today, let's dive into a conversation that we were talking about this before we started recording.
00:02:39
Speaker
And surprisingly, we haven't touched on this topic before we want to talk about purpose.
00:02:45
Speaker
And this might be the first of a few conversations because there's so much
00:02:49
Speaker
to unpack about purpose, what it means to us, how do we live on purpose, the importance of having a sense of purpose, really looking at what our own relationships to purpose is and our perceptions of purpose and how it fuels us.
00:03:04
Speaker
So I'd love to dive in with you guys around that and maybe just start with a little bit of an inquiry, you know, just around living on purpose and also purposelessness.
00:03:16
Speaker
So feeling the lack of purpose.
00:03:17
Speaker
So either of you ever had an experience of feeling the purposelessness and how did that impact you?
00:03:25
Speaker
Oh my gosh, I feel like that is a fluctuation in and out of purposelessness throughout life as certain things feel meaningful and then lose meaning.
00:03:35
Speaker
I think the big struggle that throughout life is pulling free from the cultural definitions of what is meaningful and trying to break free of
00:03:49
Speaker
of longstanding beliefs and pressures to build your net worth and get prestige and acquire things.
00:03:57
Speaker
And I think that we're, we're raised on television, watching people that are, are leading these powerful lives.
00:04:04
Speaker
And even if you look at the, our, our celebrities and such, the people that we put on pedestals are the ones who are achieving things that are
00:04:14
Speaker
really, as you get older, are not that purposeful.
00:04:19
Speaker
Being famous, being rich, those are treats, those are desserts, but those do not feed the belly.
00:04:27
Speaker
Those do not make you feel that you're meaningful.
00:04:30
Speaker
You can maybe use those things in the pursuit of finding purpose and meaning.
00:04:36
Speaker
So I think that the challenge for me is even when I'm feeling, is how do you let go of purpose
00:04:43
Speaker
of the feeling like I'm not succeeding because I'm not finding meaning has been given to me by my parents or my teachers growing up.
00:04:53
Speaker
Even in my 50s, that I will fall into a state of comparison seeing someone who is achieving a cultural definition of success
00:05:06
Speaker
And, and I feel like it really, I lose my footing.
00:05:09
Speaker
You know, they say comparison is the thief of joy.
00:05:12
Speaker
So, and none of us are immune to that.
00:05:17
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You know, I think we, we can, we, you know, like everything we fluctuate, like sometimes we're just on it.
00:05:21
Speaker
And then other times, you know, it doesn't matter your age or what you're doing.
00:05:24
Speaker
You just, you can't help but look around sometimes be like, am I, am I doing enough?
00:05:27
Speaker
Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing?
00:05:30
Speaker
And that it's the idea, I think purpose, finding your purposes in,
00:05:35
Speaker
kind of relates to how we define the word success and we define the words enough for us.
00:05:41
Speaker
Like, what's it, what is, what is enough?
00:05:44
Speaker
Like, honestly, like if your purpose is to like help people,
00:05:48
Speaker
Okay.
00:05:48
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My purpose is to be of service and to help, you know, people in the world.
00:05:51
Speaker
What's, so what's the number, what's enough for you to be a success?
00:05:55
Speaker
If you've, if you've absolutely, you know, let's say to save one person's life, is that enough for you to like the rest of your days, you can be like, Oh, okay.
00:06:03
Speaker
That's I, Hey, I did, I did, I did my good deed for my life here and I'm good to go.
00:06:08
Speaker
But there's other people like, no, I must save a million people.
00:06:11
Speaker
And it's like, and if you, and if you fall short of that, it's like, ah, you know, I could have done
Redefining Success and Personal Fulfillment
00:06:15
Speaker
more.
00:06:15
Speaker
It's like, Oh,
00:06:16
Speaker
And you may, you may have done enough, but it's like figuring out what is enough is a, is a question for all of us at some point in life.
00:06:24
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:06:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:26
Speaker
I've really resonate with what you said around our perception of what success is.
00:06:30
Speaker
And also like in that contemplation around like getting big and famous and it's like, oh, well, you know, this idea of like, oh, well, if you create something, well, it's got to get
00:06:41
Speaker
big and go global in order for it to be successful.
00:06:45
Speaker
So I really, I feel like that that's a misconception.
00:06:48
Speaker
And for me personally, I remember there was a time in my life where I was, I had created a clothing line and I was sharing my art with the world and a business.
00:07:00
Speaker
And I, I got to a point where I was feeling like I could scale and start going bigger and go global and have things made and to, you know, get it in stores all over the world.
00:07:08
Speaker
And,
00:07:09
Speaker
and start going bigger because I thought that's what you're supposed to do.
00:07:13
Speaker
Like you just keep going bigger, keep going bigger, keep going bigger.
00:07:16
Speaker
But I got to a point where it was actually not fulfilling me and I really didn't want to go bigger.
00:07:21
Speaker
And I got to face this feeling of failure.
00:07:25
Speaker
I'm going, oh, well, if I, if I quit now, then I, that means I failed.
00:07:29
Speaker
And so I better keep going.
00:07:31
Speaker
And then it took me almost two years to really get to a place of feeling comfortable of letting it go and recognizing,
00:07:37
Speaker
that I felt it was a success.
00:07:40
Speaker
I was able to make a positive impact and I was able to get my art in the world and I was able to create a sustainable lifestyle with my art.
00:07:50
Speaker
And that to me is success, not putting my clothes and my designs on the cover of a magazine, which I used to think like, oh, well, that's what success is.
00:08:00
Speaker
And so I feel like since then, I've been really in this personal curiosity around what is success?
00:08:07
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What does that mean to me?
00:08:09
Speaker
You know, and I think that that's a really helpful way to be able to move through life and also like coming back to that place of feeling meaningful, because I think that that's an essential part of our DNA.
Understanding Ikigai and Balancing Cultural Pressures
00:08:21
Speaker
We want to experience a meaningful life and offer some kind of meaning to the world.
00:08:28
Speaker
You know, I don't know if you guys are familiar with Ikagai.
00:08:31
Speaker
Ikagai is a Japanese concept.
00:08:35
Speaker
And it really, you know, I have this book that talks a lot about Ikagai and our sense of purpose and how we, it's like the intersection between what we, what our vocation is, what we, what we can make money at, what makes a positive difference in the world and what's needed.
00:08:52
Speaker
I think those are the four.
00:08:53
Speaker
We'll put it in the show notes.
00:08:54
Speaker
And there's a whole section in this book I'm reading about the Centurions.
00:08:59
Speaker
The Centurions are people that live to be over 100.
00:09:03
Speaker
And there's all this research around why did these people live longer than other people?
00:09:08
Speaker
And a big part of that is a sense of purpose.
00:09:11
Speaker
They continue through their entire life to contribute to community and have some kind of meaning in their life.
00:09:21
Speaker
Right.
00:09:21
Speaker
Because if we don't, we just end up sitting there, not really knowing what to do with ourselves.
00:09:26
Speaker
And it can be really like, you know, so having that sense of meaning and that might just be like helping cook, you know, so I really find that fascinating.
00:09:37
Speaker
As we started talking about purpose, we started talking about success and we started talking about the challenge of separating purpose from kind of growth and bigness and spreading.
00:09:52
Speaker
I think that is a really significant struggle is keeping your awareness of what your purpose is and keeping it safe from being
00:10:01
Speaker
The kind of cultural pressure to it's only worth doing if it's growing, you know, bigger, better, more, bigger, better, more.
Purpose as a Journey, Not a Destination
00:10:09
Speaker
Like I, we just celebrated the 14th anniversary of first Saturdays, which is a outreach for people experiencing homelessness.
00:10:17
Speaker
And there have been times when we've had chapters that have opened in other cities, but basically it's been a San Diego based city event for 14 years.
00:10:27
Speaker
And there's one voice in my head that says, what an incredible, successful, purposeful mission this has been.
00:10:35
Speaker
And there's this other part that's like,
00:10:37
Speaker
I can't believe after 14 years, you're just in one city.
00:10:40
Speaker
Like, why could this not have been a nationwide movement?
00:10:43
Speaker
I mean, like this, what a, what a failure of purpose, you know, to just do this on such a small scale.
00:10:49
Speaker
And I have to really kind of go, well, wait, and, and, and try to sink into the, I think purpose is a, a, is a direction you're heading more than a destination.
00:10:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:00
Speaker
And I find that that's really soothing in the terms of, like you said, like how much, how many people do you have to save?
00:11:09
Speaker
One's enough.
00:11:09
Speaker
You know, do you keep saving people until everyone's saved?
00:11:12
Speaker
Do you keep feeding people until no one's hungry?
00:11:15
Speaker
I think the purpose is the journey of each gesture in the direction of being of service, of being towards creativity or self-personal growth.
00:11:25
Speaker
I think there's a lot of vectors that
00:11:27
Speaker
of purpose.
00:11:28
Speaker
It can be outward service.
00:11:29
Speaker
It can be inward growth.
00:11:31
Speaker
It can be, you know, harmony in relationships.
00:11:34
Speaker
I think all of those, those directions are ways that we can really feel confident that we are leading purposeful lives if we were making progress in those avenues.
00:11:45
Speaker
Yes.
00:11:45
Speaker
And you know, what's mine to do, right?
00:11:48
Speaker
Is the good question to be in, right?
00:11:50
Speaker
Is it, is it yours to, to scale, you know, your first Saturday's event to a nationwide?
00:11:56
Speaker
Maybe not.
00:11:58
Speaker
Is that going to support your bigger life mission on this planet, which you might not even be able to define, right?
00:12:06
Speaker
And that's kind of how I felt when I was really in the inquiry around scaling my business.
00:12:11
Speaker
And I was like, is this mine to do?
00:12:13
Speaker
And it was like, I got a no, because I could see that it was not actually going to support the other aspects of my expression, right?
00:12:21
Speaker
And so I think it's really valuable to keep checking in with ourselves.
00:12:23
Speaker
What's mine to do?
00:12:25
Speaker
And you know, this world does need a lot of help.
00:12:28
Speaker
We're in a very interesting time on the planet and it is really important for us to be in alignment and living from a place of authentic joy, doing what it is that we're here to do.
00:12:40
Speaker
And I want to actually kind of circle back to the Ica guy.
00:12:44
Speaker
I got it slightly wrong.
00:12:45
Speaker
So it's what you love, what the world needs, what you can be paid for and what you're good at.
00:12:51
Speaker
And that's where the intersection of the Ikigai comes in.
00:12:53
Speaker
And when we can really tune into what are those elements for our own personal life, then I feel like we can have so much more fulfillment in what it is that we're choosing to put our attention on.
00:13:06
Speaker
Yeah, I think that as far as the need to make something bigger, grow, the other part of it is I tend to think that not to get spiritual, but we don't know God's plan.
00:13:17
Speaker
And so your single gesture of kindness is
00:13:22
Speaker
to one person could have an impact on the world far more profound than the hundred people that consider you to be their teacher.
00:13:31
Speaker
But we just don't know.
00:13:33
Speaker
And so trying to get caught up in our definition of what is
00:13:37
Speaker
the most impact, I think is a dangerous one.
00:13:41
Speaker
It gets us falling back into that, oh, I know what's best.
00:13:44
Speaker
Who's to say that if I push really hard on the first Saturdays growing, that it ends up creating a rift and I end up causing financial troubles for another homeless charity that was really good and then they go out of business.
00:14:00
Speaker
I don't know.
00:14:01
Speaker
You never know if your ambition is
00:14:04
Speaker
is actually going contrary to what is best for the world.
00:14:09
Speaker
Although I also don't know if that is a cop out.
00:14:11
Speaker
Like, oh, I'm going to keep myself small.
00:14:14
Speaker
I'm actually afraid of trying to be big in the world so I can tell the story that, well, if I was any more, if I tried to be any bigger in the world, that would be ambitious.
00:14:26
Speaker
And so I will keep my voice small.
00:14:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:29
Speaker
And I wouldn't want to I wouldn't want to mess somebody else's gig up by by being too big.
00:14:34
Speaker
Yeah, it's like, you know, that's it's funny how that that self-talk can get in there to kind of either keep us rightfully in check or sabotage us.
00:14:43
Speaker
It's a it's a fine line.
00:14:46
Speaker
But I think it's yeah, it's it's important to because also what you know what you're talking about.
00:14:52
Speaker
is kind of, and what we've talked about before is related to authenticity and being our authentic self.
00:15:00
Speaker
Like it's following some purpose.
00:15:04
Speaker
If it's not ours or if it's something we feel like we should be doing, it can also be, it can kind of throw us off and it can get us into some places that are not serving us, not serving the world.
00:15:15
Speaker
There's a saying that, like a life of service is a life of joy.
00:15:22
Speaker
And if we're I've always found that if I'm kind of like kind of stuck in my own stuff and I'm feeling like a sense of purposelessness or I'm not if I feel like I'm just on a hamster wheel, I will take it upon myself or I have.
00:15:38
Speaker
So I have taken it upon myself to be of service in some way.
00:15:43
Speaker
Like, OK, so to table my stuff.
00:15:46
Speaker
help somebody out over here.
00:15:47
Speaker
And that could be like helping a friend move or working at a, you know, working at a meal train or serving, you know, serving food at the local, whatever, volunteer, be it out in the world.
00:15:59
Speaker
And that way is gets me back to,
00:16:03
Speaker
you know the sense like oh it's like i'm sure like at the end of the day on first saturdays it's i'm sure it's tiring and i'm sure it's like ah it's exhausting but there's definitely a sense of joy a sense of accomplishment since like all right it doesn't like it's not necessarily like i fulfilled an obligation but it's just like i'm doing i'm doing some good stuff here all right that's fine it's like the whole like idea is that is it enough it's like whatever um
00:16:26
Speaker
You know, I did some good stuff today.
00:16:28
Speaker
I can feel good about that.
00:16:30
Speaker
And I think it's just at the end of the day, that's what we're looking for is to feel like a sense of like I'm on purpose.
00:16:37
Speaker
I'm doing the thing that makes me feel good.
00:16:40
Speaker
Like, you know, this, the, how do we say it?
00:16:43
Speaker
Ikagi?
00:16:44
Speaker
Ikagi?
00:16:44
Speaker
Ikigai.
00:16:45
Speaker
Ikigai.
00:16:46
Speaker
Ikigai.
00:16:46
Speaker
I'm familiar with that.
00:16:47
Speaker
I just don't know they're phrasing it.
00:16:48
Speaker
Ikigai.
Decoupling Work from Purposeful Living
00:16:49
Speaker
You know, like I'm checking all these boxes, like I'm in this intersection and that feels good.
00:16:55
Speaker
The question is like, okay, so with the world being the way it is, like we said, the world needs a lot of work, but our worlds also need a lot of work.
00:17:03
Speaker
Like we, you know,
00:17:05
Speaker
I got bills to pay.
00:17:06
Speaker
I got rent to pay.
00:17:07
Speaker
I got all this stuff.
00:17:08
Speaker
So finding the idea, I think the ideal spaces to be in is to feel like you're following your purpose and have that purpose also supporting you as, you know, is, you know, getting your, getting your bills paid and not just like,
00:17:22
Speaker
surviving, we want to be thriving.
00:17:24
Speaker
So how do we find, you know, our purpose and follow that purpose to a place where we are thriving enough that we can actually like, you know, help the world by following our purpose.
00:17:35
Speaker
That's like, you know, in many cases, literally the million dollar question.
00:17:39
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:17:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:40
Speaker
And that's the guy, right?
00:17:41
Speaker
What am I good at?
00:17:42
Speaker
How can I get paid for it?
00:17:44
Speaker
Right.
00:17:45
Speaker
And that is definitely a journey to discover.
00:17:49
Speaker
I know personally, there was a time where I was really thinking about, well, what's my purpose?
00:17:55
Speaker
What's my purpose?
00:17:55
Speaker
What am I here to do?
00:17:57
Speaker
And I was noticing when I was asking that question, I was actually feeling a lot of angst.
00:18:02
Speaker
Because it was sort of like affirming that I didn't have purpose.
00:18:06
Speaker
I didn't know what it was.
00:18:07
Speaker
I felt lost in a way.
00:18:10
Speaker
And I remember this moment where something shifted where I started to see that I was really associating a sense of purpose with my work in the world.
00:18:20
Speaker
And that it had to be associated.
00:18:21
Speaker
I had to be paid for it.
00:18:23
Speaker
Otherwise, I don't have a purpose.
00:18:26
Speaker
And I went to this retreat and I had this experience where all of a sudden something unlocked for me.
00:18:33
Speaker
And I started to see some of the other ways in which that I am on purpose, that I am making a difference in the world and that I am here living
00:18:42
Speaker
a specific mission on this planet as a soul and this body.
00:18:47
Speaker
And ever since then, I started to kind of soften the grip on myself around having to seek something outside of myself to figure out what my purpose is.
00:18:57
Speaker
And then every day checking in with myself, how can I, how can I show up today to live my mission out loud?
00:19:04
Speaker
How can I take action steps today and every day in a way that is living my purpose driven mission, whatever that might be today.
00:19:12
Speaker
you know, and I think that it is really valuable to be able to find something that is, you know, that you can make a career out of.
00:19:20
Speaker
And it's so beautiful when, you know, we can find that and it can be very challenging if we're stuck in a position or work role that does not fulfill a sense of purpose.
00:19:31
Speaker
And I feel like with some of the people I work with and my, some of my clients, it's like, if that's happening, then it's ever more important on those off hours,
00:19:40
Speaker
to continue to tend to our own unique joys and the things that do feel purpose-driven.
00:19:46
Speaker
Maybe that's music, maybe that's art, maybe that's, you know, volunteering like you shared or like just calling friend, you know, and really supporting in different ways.
00:19:56
Speaker
So that way we can feel that sense of fulfillment.
00:19:59
Speaker
Yeah, I think you just nailed so much.
00:20:02
Speaker
I think that we get into the remnants of our growing up being goal oriented.
00:20:11
Speaker
We tend to think that purpose is a purpose.
00:20:15
Speaker
something we do.
00:20:16
Speaker
It's an achievement-based thing.
00:20:17
Speaker
When I think purpose is a way of being, and so the focus needs to be on the way that we are in the world, and then anything that we do can be purposeful.
00:20:30
Speaker
If we can be focused on being authentic, if we can be honest, if we can be patient, if we can be compassionate, we
00:20:37
Speaker
If that our purpose is to be that, then we can be living in purpose as we are on a sales call.
00:20:46
Speaker
We can be in purpose as we are checking someone out as a cashier.
00:20:51
Speaker
We can.
00:20:51
Speaker
And I think you witness that as you go through the world, you meet people who your interaction leaves you feeling jazzed up and you're like, oh, my gosh, that person.
00:21:00
Speaker
I don't know.
00:21:00
Speaker
It doesn't matter what they're doing.
00:21:01
Speaker
That person, they are shining a bright light in purposeful just being.
00:21:07
Speaker
And I think that it's important to remember that because not everybody, I don't think, is going to go, oh, my gosh, I found my purpose.
00:21:16
Speaker
I'm supposed to dig wells in Africa, you know, or oh, I'm supposed to start a charity that saves the environment.
00:21:23
Speaker
I mean, you might have some capital P purpose mission that falls to you.
00:21:29
Speaker
But many, many people, I think their purpose is to be wonderful parents, right?
00:21:35
Speaker
you know, and wonderful friends and to be dependable in their relationships.
00:21:39
Speaker
Like that is enough.
00:21:42
Speaker
You don't need to have a flag on top of a mountain of conquering some outward thing to go, okay, I've reached my, I've achieved purpose.
00:21:50
Speaker
No, you can live every day in purpose.
00:21:54
Speaker
And when I do morning broadcasts,
00:21:57
Speaker
You know, it's about being a love ambassador.
00:21:58
Speaker
And a lot of it is a lot of the intention of it is in and in my coaching, too, is like, hey, what how can we be the person we want to be?
00:22:06
Speaker
And then how do we go out into the world and do that?
00:22:08
Speaker
How do we say good morning to people?
00:22:10
Speaker
What are the actions we can do?
00:22:11
Speaker
How can we be more kind, more gifting?
00:22:14
Speaker
But on some days.
00:22:15
Speaker
The path of purpose is self-care.
00:22:18
Speaker
Some days the path of purpose is like, okay, I need to take care of this being, you know, in such a way so that someday in the future, I can, my vibrations can go out into the world.
00:22:29
Speaker
But the most purposeful thing I can do today is to care of myself.
00:22:33
Speaker
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:22:35
Speaker
I'm a huge fan of that one purpose to just make sure that we're staying well.
00:22:40
Speaker
That's very purposeful.
00:22:43
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:22:44
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:22:44
Speaker
It's a, yeah, that's an, that's an important acknowledgement.
00:22:48
Speaker
The idea that our purpose can shift on a, on a day-to-day basis.
00:22:52
Speaker
I mean, even a couple of times in a day, and it doesn't necessarily have to be all in service of our overriding purpose is like, no, it's like you can actually set, set aside your grand purpose this week to take care of your bodily vessel, to be a good friend, for example, what, what have you.
00:23:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:10
Speaker
And the idea that,
00:23:12
Speaker
Our purpose doesn't need to be some grand thing.
00:23:13
Speaker
Like you said, Halcyon, as far as like planting our flag on top of a mountain, I've, I know a couple of people, I think we both do.
00:23:19
Speaker
And one guy, a friend of mine, he's like, my purpose in life is to be a good friend.
00:23:23
Speaker
That's it.
00:23:24
Speaker
That's it.
00:23:25
Speaker
My job is not connected to that.
00:23:28
Speaker
My car, my house is not connected to that.
00:23:30
Speaker
It's like I can be a good friend if I'm living in a refrigerator box under a bridge.
00:23:35
Speaker
That's my entire purpose in life.
00:23:37
Speaker
And he is a good friend.
00:23:39
Speaker
He's a good friend to everybody who knows him.
00:23:40
Speaker
Nobody I know says a bad thing about him.
00:23:43
Speaker
He's always there for people.
00:23:44
Speaker
And he is...
00:23:47
Speaker
to the best of my knowledge, pretty well supported by the world.
00:23:51
Speaker
He's got a great career, does well for himself.
00:23:55
Speaker
But that's the entirety of his purpose is to be a good friend.
00:23:58
Speaker
Absolutely nothing wrong with that.
00:24:00
Speaker
And there's some people that are like, no, my purpose is to leave this world a cleaner place than it was when I got here.
00:24:06
Speaker
And so that's their thing is they pick up trash everywhere they go.
00:24:10
Speaker
They go on hikes expressly to clean up, things like that.
00:24:13
Speaker
And that's their purpose, not connected to job, family, friends, whatever.
00:24:17
Speaker
So it doesn't necessarily have to be our purpose is not necessarily have to be connected to monetary success.
00:24:26
Speaker
Anything resembling success.
00:24:28
Speaker
It does not have to be connected to that.
00:24:29
Speaker
It just has to.
00:24:31
Speaker
I do.
00:24:31
Speaker
I do believe it does.
00:24:32
Speaker
It's yeah, I believe it does need to be connected.
00:24:36
Speaker
It's I think it's better to be connected to a sense of joy.
00:24:40
Speaker
But what brings us joy throughout the day?
00:24:42
Speaker
Because a joyful person is definitely.
00:24:45
Speaker
fun to be around.
00:24:46
Speaker
It's definitely like you're going to enjoy the world.
00:24:50
Speaker
See the world, experience the world in a much better way when you are coming from a place of joy.
00:24:55
Speaker
I just heard something recently that said the meaning of life, very simple in five words, the meaning of life is to enjoy the passage of time.
00:25:02
Speaker
That is it.
00:25:03
Speaker
And that can be connected to, you know, what's my purpose?
00:25:07
Speaker
What is my meaning?
00:25:07
Speaker
Say, okay,
00:25:09
Speaker
to enjoy the passage of time.
00:25:11
Speaker
How do I do that?
00:25:12
Speaker
You know, following your purpose is a great way to do that.
00:25:16
Speaker
And discovering what that is.
00:25:18
Speaker
It's okay, I think, to start small.
00:25:21
Speaker
Think small.
00:25:22
Speaker
My purpose, if we're ambling about this world with a sense of purposelessness or directionlessness,
00:25:30
Speaker
Okay, so how do we go about that?
00:25:33
Speaker
We can build up to be a CEO of a company that solves world hunger or whatever.
00:25:42
Speaker
Okay, that's fine.
00:25:43
Speaker
First things first.
Maintaining Purpose in Later Life
00:25:44
Speaker
I want to be somebody who is a good friend or that relies on people that people can rely upon or whatever.
00:25:51
Speaker
You can start small and build on top of that, building a foundation of purpose where your ultimate purpose is built on top of a bunch of smaller, smaller ideals, I guess you'd say smaller goals.
00:26:05
Speaker
We can definitely get to that top of the mountain if that's our goal, but start small first.
00:26:10
Speaker
Well, and then what about people that have already built a mountain?
00:26:13
Speaker
You know, I have someone in my life that has done all the things, you know, he made all the money, he got the house, he did the thing.
00:26:22
Speaker
And now he's at the later part of his life and is in that, you know, kind of inquiry around like, all right, now what?
00:26:31
Speaker
know how to fulfill a sense of purpose in the older ages you know that's why i really love this um the studies around centurions you know the culture that we live in the old folks homes you know senior livings and that sort of thing i think are i don't know too much about them but i don't really feel like they provide very much for the older generations to have that sense of purpose
00:26:56
Speaker
And so to be able to like continue on, like, so my mom, for example, she has taken on crochet the last many years, five years or so.
00:27:07
Speaker
And it is her greatest joy.
00:27:10
Speaker
It gives her a reason to wake up in the morning.
00:27:12
Speaker
It gives her something to focus on.
00:27:14
Speaker
It is...
00:27:15
Speaker
Something that gives her life meaning and it's simple and it's beautiful, you know, and how does somebody find that if they don't, if they don't have that, you know, getting up in the morning, it's helpful to have something to put our attention on that does give that sense of meaning and that sense of purpose.
00:27:33
Speaker
So I love what you're saying around like something so simple, like being a good friend or, um, reaching out and extending some support in different places that might need it.
00:27:44
Speaker
You know, there's so many places to volunteer, so many charities that need extra helping hands, that need extra resources and it's just energy, you know.
00:27:54
Speaker
And so I think it's really important to, yeah, stay curious.
00:27:59
Speaker
My grandfather wasn't a centurion, but when he was 90, my grandmother passed.
00:28:04
Speaker
And then I started hanging out with him once a week and invited him to be a co-host for me on a YouTube channel and where he got to share his wisdom.
00:28:15
Speaker
And he said, you know, four years later that he it kept him alive, that it was the sense of purpose that he had kind of been he was done, had done everything he needed to do and then was given this new
00:28:29
Speaker
need for him, this new purpose, this new ability to be of service and to share wisdom and to feel connected to people.
00:28:36
Speaker
I think that there is, in whatever way we can find that throughout our life, that is how we stay in a sense of purpose of how can I offer what I have to offer?
00:28:46
Speaker
How can I feel connected?
00:28:48
Speaker
I know that when I was younger, in like late 20s, early 30s, I felt that I had such an important capital P purpose that I had to build things and make things that I was impatient and did not have time for...
00:29:07
Speaker
people in my life.
00:29:08
Speaker
My mom will continue to remind me that she would have never asked me for a ride from the airport in that chapter of my life because I felt like it was getting in the way of the important things I had to do.
00:29:18
Speaker
And my friends are like, you were a little self-absorbed.
00:29:23
Speaker
And it wasn't until I had this big shift where like, oh, right.
00:29:26
Speaker
The purpose is not in the thing.
00:29:29
Speaker
The purpose is in the tiny gestures of service.
00:29:33
Speaker
Like, and now I will drop everything if someone in my family needs to ride the airport.
00:29:37
Speaker
Cause I'm like, yes, like no matter what happens today, I get to feel good about this day.
00:29:41
Speaker
I get to enjoy the passage of time because I got to feel that time being of service and helping someone else.
00:29:46
Speaker
It's like, that is like the golden ticket.
00:29:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:52
Speaker
And it's an important question to ask yourself and we can get specific with it.
00:29:57
Speaker
In this case, it would have been a good question even back then, Hal, Sam, when you were just like this go, go, go, do, do, do.
00:30:03
Speaker
I think a good question to have asked yourself, what is more important than your relationship with your mother?
00:30:11
Speaker
And you might've had an answer to that, but if you sit with it, it's like,
00:30:15
Speaker
Like Betsy, I would ask the same to you.
00:30:17
Speaker
What is more important than your relationship with your mom?
00:30:19
Speaker
And it's like, not a lot.
00:30:22
Speaker
Very, very little is more important than that relationship.
00:30:25
Speaker
So if I have an opportunity to nurture that relationship, to foster that relationship, that's what I'm going to do.
Daily Acts of Service and Personal Missions
00:30:33
Speaker
That's my purpose.
00:30:34
Speaker
And so you really, and you know, these things can exist.
00:30:37
Speaker
You don't have to be in a hierarchy.
00:30:38
Speaker
I think these things can exist in a
00:30:40
Speaker
let's say a circle or a field like what's the like the most important things in my life relationship to family children friends whatever all these things are in that sweet spot of things that most important to me so my purpose frankly should be to nurture whatever exists in this field for me as long as i can i can provide as long as i can attend to that and that that's what that's what brings me joy
00:31:06
Speaker
then my purpose ideally is going to be aligned with that.
00:31:11
Speaker
So I'm feeling sparked around, um, how do we define what our purpose is?
00:31:16
Speaker
You know, can it, can you imagine every day starting the day and like tuning into what our purpose is, you know, like I'm going to give an example.
00:31:25
Speaker
One of, one of mine is like, I feel I am here on this planet to live out my mission of bringing kindness in the world.
00:31:33
Speaker
That is definitely one of my,
00:31:35
Speaker
main missions here.
00:31:37
Speaker
It is, I can feel it deep inside my bones, that kindness is a huge part of my contribution to making this world a better place, you know, and, and then exploring what are my other
00:31:51
Speaker
other aspects of my purpose on this planet.
00:31:54
Speaker
Like I also know that my devotion to women and sisters, like really cultivating healthy relationships with women in my life.
00:32:04
Speaker
I know that that's a really huge part of my, my mission here on this planet, because there has been a lot of pain and betrayal and separation and division between women.
00:32:13
Speaker
And I know that that's part of my calling here.
00:32:15
Speaker
It's my part of my big purpose on this planet, you know, and yeah, I don't get paid for either of those things.
00:32:21
Speaker
But somehow those things contribute to my work in the world, you know, because if I wasn't kind, I don't think that I would have any clients coming to me for massage therapy and energy work that I do, you know.
00:32:34
Speaker
So I'm curious, have you guys ever kind of defined your purpose or spoken out loud in that way?
00:32:42
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I start every day saying that I'm a love ambassador.
00:32:48
Speaker
And how I act that does change on a day-by-day basis.
00:32:55
Speaker
But it's generally about how can I find ways to demonstrate kindness?
00:32:59
Speaker
How can I find ways to gift kindness?
00:33:03
Speaker
How can I be a good listener?
00:33:05
Speaker
And then, you know, how can I celebrate the silly, sexy and sacred in the world so that others can try to to be love ambassadors as well?
00:33:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:16
Speaker
And I think that you're saying about starting the day with it.
00:33:20
Speaker
I think is massive.
00:33:22
Speaker
It actually, it's a big part of my daily practice.
00:33:25
Speaker
And when I coach people, it's a big part of it is because it is so easy to get caught in the reactive nature of being a human being.
00:33:33
Speaker
And you go through the day and you get a request and you get an email and you start to try to like respond, respond, respond.
00:33:37
Speaker
But if you start your day going,
00:33:39
Speaker
wait, what's my purpose?
00:33:41
Speaker
Who am I?
00:33:42
Speaker
Who do I want to be today?
00:33:44
Speaker
Okay, I want to be someone who, as you know, I want to be fostering relationships between women.
00:33:50
Speaker
I want to be someone who is an ambassador.
00:33:52
Speaker
I want to be whatever that list is for you.
00:33:54
Speaker
If you just say that at the beginning of the day, then two hours later, when someone goes, hey, you didn't call me back, you know, instead of going, well, that's because you go, oh, wait, no, I'm an ambassador of love.
00:34:06
Speaker
You go, I did not call you back.
00:34:08
Speaker
And
00:34:09
Speaker
And then you respond in a very different way if you can come to it with an identity of the person that the thing that gives you purpose or the way that gives you purpose.
00:34:18
Speaker
I'll say the way that gives you purpose.
00:34:19
Speaker
There you go.
00:34:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:21
Speaker
Amazing.
00:34:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:22
Speaker
That's and that can't be.
00:34:25
Speaker
said enough or reiterated enough.
00:34:28
Speaker
There's a reason you start, you know, you know, I'm sorry, you know, love mornings.
00:34:32
Speaker
It's not love afternoons.
00:34:34
Speaker
It's not love evenings.
00:34:35
Speaker
Love mornings.
00:34:37
Speaker
Start your day off with this and your day will unfold with intention.
00:34:42
Speaker
And that's, it's got to be for anyone, anyone looking to really live their purpose.
00:34:48
Speaker
That is how you begin is everything.
00:34:51
Speaker
And I've had and I've fallen out of practice with that myself.
00:34:54
Speaker
I kind of go in back and forth with that.
00:34:56
Speaker
But this is a good reminder for me to, yeah, start start the mornings with that sense of purpose or at least asking the question.
00:35:03
Speaker
What's my what's my purpose today?
00:35:05
Speaker
What's my what's my goal today?
00:35:08
Speaker
How do I want to be in the world?
00:35:10
Speaker
What do I have to what do I have to offer?
00:35:12
Speaker
What do I want to offer to the world today?
00:35:15
Speaker
This week, whatever this year, but start off.
00:35:19
Speaker
But there are with our mornings like that.
00:35:21
Speaker
And you will be surprised.
00:35:22
Speaker
I'm constantly surprised.
00:35:24
Speaker
Like when I start the day with intention, it's like, oh, this day actually unfolded exactly as I intended.
00:35:29
Speaker
I should do that more often.
00:35:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:31
Speaker
And that goes right back to one of our episodes previously was around intention.
00:35:36
Speaker
And so if you guys out there haven't listened to that one, we definitely explore a little bit more on that.
00:35:41
Speaker
And I think you're so right on when we start the day with that aspiration to make a positive difference.
00:35:48
Speaker
And that might be in service to our own wellbeing that day.
00:35:52
Speaker
It doesn't always have to be an outward sense of service.
00:35:57
Speaker
I think that that's a really important distinction.
00:35:59
Speaker
That's something that I'm constantly working on because my nature is generosity and giving and I get to really always like make sure to tend to myself as well.
00:36:10
Speaker
And so yeah, starting the day off with that inquiry around how can I live my mission today?
00:36:17
Speaker
I think that one is one I like to start with.
00:36:20
Speaker
How am I going to live out my mission here on this planet today?
00:36:24
Speaker
What unique expression is gonna come through
00:36:26
Speaker
That is an alignment to my sense of purpose here on this planet.
00:36:30
Speaker
And then watch throughout the day where my actions take me and where I feel called to be sharing my unique gifts with the world and putting effort into creating things.
00:36:41
Speaker
It's a really wonderful way to start the day instead of being like, oh, I got to do this and I got to do that and I got to run around and I got to make sure that I do da-da-da-da-da.
00:36:50
Speaker
And of course, there's a lot of things that we have to do, as we all know.
00:36:54
Speaker
There's like a never ending to do list and task list.
00:36:57
Speaker
And I think when we can really keep coming back to the sense of purpose, even if it is like associated to the tasks, you know, like having to get groceries for the family.
00:37:08
Speaker
It's like, okay, yeah, that's a task, but it's also in service to health and vitality, which is a purpose.
00:37:14
Speaker
Right.
00:37:15
Speaker
And so I think it's mindset is a really important part of this.
00:37:19
Speaker
And so, so here we
Integrating Purpose into Daily Life
00:37:21
Speaker
are, I think probably ready to wrap it up.
00:37:24
Speaker
We always love closing up with some closing sparks.
00:37:27
Speaker
So let's hear it.
00:37:28
Speaker
What you guys got for some closing sparks for today.
00:37:31
Speaker
My closing spark is a reiteration of something that kind of slipped out of me a minute ago that has just been vibrating since I said it, which is a way of purpose.
00:37:40
Speaker
And that, you know, as you said, Betsy, that it's the things in your day, the getting groceries, these are not the obstacles to your purpose.
00:37:48
Speaker
If you are living a way of purpose, you're
00:37:51
Speaker
then everything can be in service to your purpose purpose.
00:37:55
Speaker
And I think that's, that can be the challenge is not of how do we switch our heads so that we are not trying to achieve a purpose, but that we are living in a way of purpose and then adapting all the things that must be done into that way.
00:38:10
Speaker
And then, then we can end every day going like, all right, that was a great day.
00:38:14
Speaker
That was a, that was a, that day felt good.
00:38:16
Speaker
That day felt good.
00:38:17
Speaker
That day felt good.
00:38:18
Speaker
Yes.
00:38:20
Speaker
What's what,
00:38:21
Speaker
come up for me is the notion that purpose, like so many other things, they are not destinations.
00:38:28
Speaker
They are a means of travel.
00:38:30
Speaker
How do I be... I want to be happy.
00:38:34
Speaker
It's like, well, that's not a place that you get to.
00:38:36
Speaker
That is how you walk through the earth.
00:38:38
Speaker
Purpose is the same way.
00:38:39
Speaker
It's like living on purpose means that you are just going through your day with a sense of purpose.
00:38:45
Speaker
There's no thing to arrive at.
00:38:49
Speaker
Living on purpose is, yeah, it's certainly more of a verb than a noun.
00:38:55
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:38:56
Speaker
And so I think we've spent the last hour or so talking about how do we do that?
00:39:00
Speaker
And just, it is a doing thing.
00:39:05
Speaker
And it's not something that necessarily is going to come grab you by the shoulders and shake you and like, this is what you're supposed to be doing.
00:39:12
Speaker
But if we open ourselves up to that,
00:39:15
Speaker
We might find it's used.
00:39:17
Speaker
We tend to recognize opportunities a little bit more readily because there's always an opportunity for us to do.
00:39:24
Speaker
Even if we're unsure what our purpose is, there's always an opportunity for for it to recognize us.
00:39:30
Speaker
And as long as we, you know, stay open to that, what is my what is my purpose?
00:39:34
Speaker
And or I want to I want to live on purpose.
00:39:36
Speaker
And then, you know, we are given multiple opportunities to do exactly that.
00:39:41
Speaker
So, yeah, that's absolutely.
00:39:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:45
Speaker
Thank you for that.
00:39:46
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like for me, my closing spark is just really around the multifaceted connection to purpose and really dismantling the idea that I just have one purpose.
00:40:00
Speaker
I know for me, I mean, it's going to maybe different for everyone.
00:40:02
Speaker
Maybe some people feel like connected to just one thing that is their purpose, but I feel like
00:40:07
Speaker
What's really alive for me is that there's so many different ways to be living on purpose and so many different expressions of who I am that really gives meaning to my life.
00:40:17
Speaker
And that makes me feel like I am making a positive difference on the planet and living on purpose.
00:40:23
Speaker
And it's always changing, always evolving.
00:40:26
Speaker
I love that.
00:40:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:28
Speaker
So on that note, how, how can people find you out there?
00:40:32
Speaker
What are, what are you guys sparking out into the world, sharing your mission with the planet?
00:40:36
Speaker
Ooh, well, I have a new homepage and destination online.
00:40:41
Speaker
It is lifestudent.com and you can find links to the website,
00:40:48
Speaker
Love morning.
00:40:49
Speaker
And so you can join me as a intentionally starting your day in the direction of purpose.
00:40:56
Speaker
And you can also find ways there to connect with me as far as coaching and individually working with you to find a deeper connection to your purpose so that it can be a way of purpose for you.
00:41:07
Speaker
I'd love to help you with that.
00:41:08
Speaker
Nice.
00:41:10
Speaker
Fantastic.
00:41:11
Speaker
I am out in the world.
00:41:12
Speaker
My nutritional supplement company called new world nutritionals spelled N U world nutritionals.com.
00:41:19
Speaker
And we have mushroom based, uh, nutritional supplements that are designed to improve and elevate your state of mind, uh, helps alleviate symptoms of anxiety, depression, ADHD, uh, even PTSD and anything neurological.
00:41:34
Speaker
It's fantastic for that.
00:41:35
Speaker
Uh, my partner refers to it as a spa day for your brain.
00:41:38
Speaker
So
00:41:39
Speaker
please feel free to check us out online newworldnutritionals.com you can use the code sparked for 10 off of all of our products amazing i am also a love ambassador i love getting to share my love with the world
00:41:56
Speaker
And I get to do that in a variety of ways through my work.
00:42:00
Speaker
I'm so grateful to get to share the Power Affirmation Project, which is essentially tools to support transformation and integration of living in more healthy relationship with yourself.
00:42:13
Speaker
So there's a journal, there is some audio affirmations.
00:42:16
Speaker
I've got some cards coming, of course, an online course as well.
00:42:22
Speaker
And I also work with people individually doing body work and energy work.
00:42:28
Speaker
in Southern California and also in Asheville.
00:42:31
Speaker
And so I'd love to hear from you guys.
00:42:33
Speaker
If you feel like reaching out, feel free.
00:42:36
Speaker
You can check out my website, finkelhoo.com, F-I-N-K-E-L-H-O-O.com.
00:42:42
Speaker
Yes, that's actually my last name.
00:42:44
Speaker
You can learn more about my modalities there too.
00:42:47
Speaker
So thank you guys so much for this conversation on purpose and love to close it out with an affirmation that feels relevant.
00:42:56
Speaker
to this topic.
00:42:57
Speaker
Yeah?
00:42:57
Speaker
Yes, please.
00:42:59
Speaker
All right.
00:42:59
Speaker
So just remembering the power of our thoughts, the power of our minds, when we focus our minds with a specific intention, we can really shift our state in a really powerful way that creates ripples.
00:43:12
Speaker
And so let's tune into the affirmation is I am living my Dharma out loud.
00:43:20
Speaker
I am living my Dharma out loud.
00:43:21
Speaker
Dharma is another way of saying purpose.
00:43:25
Speaker
I am living my mission fully and completely.
00:43:28
Speaker
I am living my mission fully and completely.
00:43:33
Speaker
I am finding new ways every day and every way to live on purpose.
00:43:39
Speaker
I am finding ways every day and every way to live on purpose.
00:43:43
Speaker
I am finding ways every day and every way to live on purpose.
00:43:47
Speaker
One more time.
00:43:48
Speaker
I am finding new
00:43:49
Speaker
ways every day and every way to live on purpose thank you all for listening we hope you are feeling sparked and feel free to make sure you click a five star review on apple podcast that helps us to spread the sparks share with your friends send us a little message maybe even write a little review it's always just bring so much joy to our hearts to hear from you guys thanks for listening stay spark people
00:44:19
Speaker
Find us on Instagram at staysparked and leave us a five-star review on Apple Podcast.
00:44:25
Speaker
Thanks so much for helping us spread these sparks.