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#143: Rebecca Forshaw: What Happens When You Stop Drinking Alcohol
681 Plays1 month ago
In this episode of the Kate Hamilton Health Podcast, I sit down with alcohol-free coach Rebecca Forshaw to explore what life looks like when you change your relationship with alcohol - and how it can completely transform your health, mindset, and sense of self.
We chat about the emotional, psychological, and social shifts that come with choosing an alcohol-free lifestyle, and Rebecca shares the real, unfiltered story behind her decision to stop drinking. We talk about the surprising benefits most people don’t expect, like deeper confidence, better sleep, stronger connections, and a new level of clarity.
Whether you're sober-curious, reevaluating your habits, or just wondering what life looks like without alcohol, this conversation will open your eyes.
EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:
[0:51] - The powerful mindset shift behind choosing alcohol-free living
[1:42] - Rebecca’s practical tips for changing your relationship with alcohol
[8:30] - The cultural pressure to drink - and how to break free from it
[15:23] - Navigating social situations and friendships without alcohol
[26:12] - Facing your emotions head-on and discovering your true self
[35:29] - What alcohol-free coaching really looks like
[47:48] - How alcohol affects sleep, energy, and long-term health
[54:31] - The 30-day challenge that’s helping thousands take back control
Links & Resources:
- Connect with me on Instagram here
- Connect with Rebecca on Instagram here
- Learn more about KHH coaching here
If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with friends who might benefit. For more health and fitness tips, follow me on Instagram and TikTok @katehamiltonhealth.
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Transcript
Introduction to Podcast and Guest
00:00:09
Speaker
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Kate Hamilton Health Podcast. So in today's episode, I chat with Rebecca Forshaw. Rebecca is a UK-based alcohol-free coach who helps individuals reduce or remove alcohol from their lives without relying solely on willpower.
00:00:26
Speaker
She is best known for her 30-day alcohol-free challenge and companion ebook, which provides structured guidance and practical steps towards lasting change.
Empowerment Through Habit Design
00:00:37
Speaker
With the supportive and relatable approach, Rebecca focuses on habit design, mindset shifts and sustainable routines that make alcohol-free living both achievable and empowering.
00:00:48
Speaker
And that is exactly what this conversation is. It is empowering. We just have such an amazing casual conversation around the topic of alcohol both of our personal experiences around alcohol and I know any of you who've been listening for a while will have listened to my alcohol episode we talk about it in relation to lifestyle mindset what life without alcohol like the potential of what it can actually feel like and we talk about the benefits The freedom, I try and not be too much of a health coach and focus more on kind of the lifestyle side of things rather
Personal Growth Without Alcohol
00:01:21
Speaker
than the health. But we do go into it, you know, particularly in relation to digestion, fat loss and sleep.
00:01:26
Speaker
The difference that, you know, taking a break from al alcohol can make to all of these really important areas of health. We talk about the freedom. This was a really strong feeling for both of us in relation to what giving up alcohol has done for both of us is in relation to freedom.
00:01:42
Speaker
Rebecca then gives practical tips on how you can make a change that works for you. And in this episode, this is not about having to go alcohol free by any means.
00:01:53
Speaker
This is just having a conversation around alcohol and maybe exploring your relationship with alcohol. And maybe you feel like it taking a little short break, restructuring and changing your relationship with alcohol.
00:02:07
Speaker
And maybe you are thinking about giving it up. But either way, there's something in this for everyone. And think you're really going to enjoy
00:02:18
Speaker
Rebecca, welcome to the podcast. Thank you for having me, Kate. I'm really excited to be here. We're finally getting this done with months of, it was like I said, about a year ago that we initially met.
00:02:28
Speaker
Probably over a year ago at this date. Was it in December last year, I think? wallac was Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. At the Social Circle event last, was that last December? was in Dublin, wasn't it?
00:02:40
Speaker
It was in Dublin, yeah. Time goes pretty quickly, doesn't it? It really does. No, it absolutely flies. Like I can't believe we're the end of September as we're recording this. It'll be even later by the time this goes
Cultural and Personal Background
00:02:51
Speaker
out.
00:02:51
Speaker
But even just trying to get around to getting this recording done as well. But I'm so excited to chat today and we're going to talk around all things alcohol. But before we kind of get into you and your story, right, and I'll answer this as well.
00:03:03
Speaker
But I just think this might be a nice different way to kind of start the conversation. What is the one thing that giving up alcohol has given you back out of all the things? What is your one main thing?
00:03:13
Speaker
think Freedom. Yeah, complete freedom. The noise has gone out of my head. I know you said one thing, and I'm going put two things, and confidence. And I know that sounds really bizarre, because people have alcohol to give them a bit of confidence, don't they?
00:03:30
Speaker
But I just feel like I'm happy in my own skin. And yeah, it's taken a long time to get there. I have just turned 50 years i old this year. And it's a sense of kind of just calm and Being able to do what you want to do, not thinking around the constraints of whether or not you need to get a taxi home from somewhere, that kind of thing. You know, you're just free to live your life.
00:03:57
Speaker
Will there be drinks there? You don't even have to worry about that anymore. It's all gone. Yeah. It's funny. Freedom was one of mine. Freedom is definitely one that it's given me. But ah for me, it's very much freedom from anxiety, like freedom from self-doubt, freedom from limiting beliefs, freedom just in every sense of the world word. I just feel so free without it. And connection.
00:04:21
Speaker
connectionness, which is an interesting one. And actually, and I kind of, there's a two-sided coin to this, which we'll talk more about throughout the podcast, because I know, you know, meeting people for drinks can be a real sense of connection and you do, you can lose that a little bit if you don't replace it in other ways.
00:04:36
Speaker
But I feel like the connection with myself, the connection with my kids, with my spouse, with my family is just so much stronger. Even just my connection, like with like my surroundings and like nature and, but really connection with myself and like what I, who I am, what I actually enjoy that doesn't have anything to do with drinking. And it just really has been a, just
Rebecca's Alcohol Journey
00:05:00
Speaker
a life changing experience for me.
00:05:02
Speaker
And it hasn't been smooth. Like it hasn't been like, you know, oh, one day I woke up and I said I'd never drink again or anything like that. It's been dipping in and out of it a good bit, which I'll talk a little bit more on as we get going. and But yeah, freedom and connection for me.
00:05:14
Speaker
Yeah, it's... um It's a journey, isn't it? And I hate that word. It's so cliched, but it really is. And you do learn so much about yourself. Like I heard you say this on your podcast after you'd been a year alcohol for free about how you always thought you were an extrovert, but actually you're an introvert.
00:05:30
Speaker
And same as me, and I'm still working that out, but so many and parts of it have led to me thinking that, yeah, I really like my own space, my own time.
00:05:41
Speaker
I always thought that I was the party animal, the social butterfly. And maybe it's an age thing as well, but it's definitely allowed me to connect with myself and find out who I really am. And it makes you feel like you don't kind of care as much as as you perhaps once did.
00:05:57
Speaker
And the anxiety thing is huge, which we come on to as well. Yeah, oh no, no, definitely. And I think, you know, you say it that maybe it's an age thing as well, but there's about 10 years between me and you.
00:06:08
Speaker
So you gave up alcohol much more recently, closer to the age of 50. So the first time I went alcohol free for any period of time would have been my early 30s. So that would be there like, they're two very different stages of life, really. Like, so anyone who's listening, it really doesn't matter what what stage of life. yeah It's never too late.
00:06:26
Speaker
It's never too early. If it's something that you don't think agrees, with you that it's worth and like when we're talking about alcohol in the in this conversation myself and Rebecca we're talking as two women who have just found it it doesn't serve us anymore it's not that this isn't necessarily conversation around addiction or anything like that and you know that we do always kind of urge people if you think that you are dealing with an addiction that you seek that the appropriate help for that but this is very much you know anyone who just has that kind of underlying it's just kind of
00:06:59
Speaker
happening a lot just not feeling good in yourself and you want to make change but you don't really know how because it's such a habit that's kind of what we're talking about isn't it yeah 100 it's like that noise in your head and and ladies who just feel like they're middle lane drinkers you might have heard the term gray area drinkers it's just taking up a little bit too much space in your head and you feel like you want to have a break and then see where that goes isn't it Yeah. you want to talk a little bit about your journey there, Rebecca? And I suppose your relationship with alcohol, what happened that made you go, right,
Community and Support Systems
00:07:33
Speaker
I need a break? Yeah, course.
00:07:34
Speaker
Just before I do though, I wanted to say that, you know, you were talking about at any age is, so the oldest lady at the moment that's in my community, she's 70 years old and she's actually more alive and more active than ah in life than any of us in the in the community whatsoever.
00:07:51
Speaker
It's amazing to see. And like you say, it wasn't like there was massive problem for her. She just felt like alcohol wasn't serving her anymore, wanted to try a break and actually decided after she tried a break to carry on with life.
00:08:04
Speaker
I listen to podcasts myself. You hear girls who are in their 20s. I mean, who kind of my, I guess, my audience is midlife women. But it's lovely to hear that girls in their 20s, in their are leaving alcohol behind.
00:08:21
Speaker
And I feel like there's been a complete shift in in alcohol generally, but definitely the young generation growing up. It certainly wasn't like it was when when I was growing up, which I guess leads me to what it was like growing up in the 80s and 90s, because alcohol was all around, wasn't it?
00:08:37
Speaker
Like you say, i was I'm 10 years older than you, but it certainly was almost a rite of passage, you know, going to the local discos, then going to the pub when you're old enough and seeing what what you can you know what cocktails you can get i think we would we would drink anything at the time then you get Israel right to passage wasn't it like i remember like growing up and like it's it's great that we're having this conversation you know you grew up in the UK i grew up in Ireland but like very very similar to drinking culture and i think sometimes Ireland get a worse rep for it but i think you English are just as bad as us really um
00:09:13
Speaker
but I would have grown up in the pub like my parents would have, like and everyone did, you know, like it was like at the weekend on a Sunday whatever, you went, your parents but your parents brought you to the pub. You know, we might have went out for a Sunday walk and then we would they would have gone for like two or three pints or whatever. And it was so normal. And you had your Coke and your packet of crisps. and And I remember, you know, and this is back in you know, people were smoking and in bars as well. And, you know, it was weird, like in this whole big cloud. And it was just such, like, because I grew up in the 90s, it was just so...
00:09:40
Speaker
normal that by the time i turned 18 the early 2000s, like it was like a rite of passage. It was the excitement of being able to go to the pub with your friends, not being there with your mom and dad and aunties and uncles. And like, you know, it was just and I remember, but even for me, like even it was like smoking, looking at when I was a tea like a you
Benefits of an Alcohol-Free Life
00:09:58
Speaker
like a tween, let's say, or a kid, you know, looking at the old like the girls in their twenty s that were out with their friends, smoking a cigarette and drinking in the park. And it was just so cool and it was so normal or something i it was yeah i actually smoked as well I gave up when I was 30 thankfully that was one of the other best things I ever did but again and it was just kind of introduced and actually I remember um a girl who was it was a French exchange trip so when I was younger she came to visit and stay Sophie her name was so we took her to the pub I think we were about 18 and I said what do you want to drink and she said nothing I'm fine thanks and I went what
00:10:35
Speaker
but you have to drink something. She said, no, I'm fine. Because the culture wasn't the same there. I wasn't necessarily a subject. And I kind of went, we'll just get a blackcurrant and lemonade then.
00:10:47
Speaker
But it was really, you didn't even think about it. You didn't question it because it just was the way it was. And I guess then that then, you know, wires you into thinking that that's how life continues.
00:10:59
Speaker
So you just associate having alcohol with going out and that's what you do. You go into your thirty s 20s sorry I went to university so guess no money's tight it's cheapest wine kind of thing and then you and it was all the Ladek culture at the time and that was massive in the in the media so it was it was a cool thing and then you start to settle down as you get um to your whatever 30s 40s and perhaps not going out as much and then wine creeps in everyone's got
00:11:33
Speaker
you know, different drinks of choice, but um a lot of women I chat to, wine becomes the, I guess, way to de-stress at the end of the day, that kind of thing.
00:11:43
Speaker
And that's what happened to me, as in, before you know it, all your friends are coming around for a girls' night in on a Friday, and, you know, you bring a few bottles of what, everyone brings some wine, and there's a few bottles wine the fridge.
00:11:54
Speaker
And then, before you know it, you are thinking, you know what I feel stressed I've had a really stressful day at work let's just have a glass of wine and it creeps in before you know it and and what happened to me was I was um when was it February 2024 well just before that my mum was 94 and together with my sisters and my brother we were all helping look after her I guess us women we are juggling everything aren't we we're um
00:12:25
Speaker
We're taxis, we are helping aged parents, elderly parents, we're wives, partners, mums. We've got so much going on in life. And I think that we associate and think we deserve that glass of wine at the end of the night, but actually it suddenly stops being fun and it starts to not be fun anymore.
00:12:44
Speaker
So I was juggling that with my mum bomb not being very well and realising that I was just getting extra tired, feeling absolutely bloody exhausted.
00:12:55
Speaker
And so mum died in the February and i got to the April and I think I had taken months off here and there just to say, you know, I'm going to give my body a reset and then it's fine. i'll learn I'll crack on again.
00:13:11
Speaker
And um I think the difference was as well was that, you know, I'd do a dry January, but I'd almost be clinging on to February behind fingernails thinking I've given up for a month and then I'm going to, you know, I'll have shown,
00:13:25
Speaker
everybody that I'm healthy and this, that, and the other. And actually then dave ah February the 1st comes, what do you want to do? You straight away have a drink. And it was that feeling that you were giving something up.
00:13:36
Speaker
So it got to April and I'd thought about it a lot and I decided that I was gonna pick a date. And I actually joined a group as well. It was a podcast that I'd listened to and they seemed so cool, really approachable. It
Personal Stories and Lessons
00:13:50
Speaker
was just a mixture of lots of um different men and women.
00:13:53
Speaker
all ages, all backgrounds. And I think what it was, was I thought it would be helpful to be accountable to somebody because they were on like day 60 or whatever, because I wanted to do 30 days and then see how it went. I mean, kind of, I guess in my own head, I thought maybe I want to go for longer, but you don't want to say that. But you see, the point of having that group was just so helpful because your partner doesn't necessarily get it.
00:14:23
Speaker
your friends don't get it. So if you're the only one not not drinking, but everyone thinks you're weird. I mean, I was lucky because they were supportive, but they do, don't they? and And you've got no one else to kind of bounce it around with to say, how are you finding it? What's this? It was great to be able to be in that group.
00:14:41
Speaker
And that helped me as well to stop drinking. So it gave me time and space to reassess what I wanted. And I did do 30 days.
00:14:54
Speaker
did sixty And and I left the group. I carried on. And now I am over 18 months alcoffery.
00:15:06
Speaker
And it's the best way I ever did. Yeah, that's absolutely amazing. And at what stage did you set up your group? Because I know the group that you joined obviously inspired you to be like, I need to to create this. This is what I'm meant to do. Yeah.
00:15:23
Speaker
So when you're taking a break from alcohol, because you're so used to using it to celebrate, to commiserate, all of those things, it takes a while to get your head around it, doesn't it? Let's face it. It's not necessarily walking part.
00:15:38
Speaker
And actually what I do want to say as well, life still happens. But what I have found is it's so much easier to navigate that without alcohol in it. So yeah, i kind of took myself away a little bit.
00:15:50
Speaker
And because on the day that I decided to take a break, which was the 22nd of April, I told my best friend and she got made redundant and she phoned me. was thinking,
00:16:01
Speaker
No, because you can't come around because I'll just want to open a glass, a bottle of wine with you and have that. So I did, and she was, you know, she was really respectful and and stayed away a little bit. So we'd go on walks instead of just because also, of course, the first thing that to do would be come around, open a bottle of wine and you have to change that situation because you get what you, you know, you get what you put in and get out what you put in. And if I'd not changed anything,
00:16:30
Speaker
then nothing was going to change for me. So i am getting to the point here. I took that break, but with an arm's length of a couple of people that I just thought, you know what, I've got to look after myself here, go out walking, start going to the gym, but not doing everything too much at once.
00:16:48
Speaker
Minstrels actually were my saving grace. loved a minstrel. and Instead of opening a wine on a Friday night, I'd have bag of minstrels. And then Once I got into my groove and felt like I, yeah, think I'm ready to go and go out socially and see what this is all about without having a glass of wine in your hand or a glass of Prosecco, I decided to start an Instagram page because thought it's going to help other women who were like me,
Self-Rediscovery and Authenticity
00:17:20
Speaker
who was just thinking, I'm feeling rubbish and rubbbe and
00:17:24
Speaker
feeling, starting to feel anxious because you get to a certain point in your life as well, certainly in midlife where you're feeling tired, you're not sleeping, all of those things and you think that you're the only one.
00:17:37
Speaker
So when you wake up at three o'clock in the morning, really do think that you are the only one that's waking up and you lie awake for hours and then at six o'clock in the morning, just before you're about to get up, you fall back asleep.
00:17:50
Speaker
This has got to, you know, it's got and you, and Not everybody realizes it's alcohol. And a lot of it is alcohol. I mean, there's a lot of things, isn't there? So I wanted to be able to share that with other women and show them that you can do it and you doesn't don't have to give up forever, you can certainly change your relationship with alcohol.
00:18:11
Speaker
Certainly by putting some space between you a bottle the wine can make such a difference. So i did that in October last
Coaching and Community Strength
00:18:20
Speaker
year and i following started to grow because it would appear that there's such an appetite out there for and for it There's, you know, a lot of women who are feeling the same way.
00:18:32
Speaker
Yeah, 100%. I think it there's never been a, and not an easier time, a nicer time to make this change, you know, with like, there's so many alcohol-free beers out there. It's, you know, like you can go out to an event now and have like, you know, like over here, I don't know it's the same in the UK, we you can get you can get a pint of Heineken Zero on draft.
00:18:52
Speaker
So it's like you're drinking a pint of beer, but it's zero beer. You can still, or like, you know, just get a little bottle of it or, you know, I'm yet to find a nice alcohol-free wine, to be fair. You know, I think people are a lot more understanding than they were perhaps like a few years ago.
00:19:07
Speaker
And it is easier. And i I do think that it probably is an easier decision to make in your 30s and 40s and beyond than in your 20s. Because, you know, with with drinking culture in your 20s, which I do want to talk about it in a minute as well.
00:19:21
Speaker
But from your story, what you've just said there, iss going to be a lot of people who are going to, to like, there's that's going to resonate with an awful lot of people, especially what you said there about, you know, the fun excitement of going out drinking in your 20s, let's say, and then you start to settle down in your 30s, let's say, and...
00:19:38
Speaker
suddenly it creeps in at home and you're right. Suddenly it's not fun anymore. It's just and this this was me as well, that it's just you're just doing it like because it's such a habit and like and I used to really look forward to it. Like when I think about like I had my first child quite young, like I was 23.
00:19:54
Speaker
So when I had my oldest kid and and we were, me and Dave were really lucky that like, you know, my parents and his parents were close by and my sister was young and his sister was young and they didn't have kids. So there was always someone to mind him.
00:20:06
Speaker
So we always, we still got to go out as young people. And then three years later, i had my second child at 26. And even then with the, with two kids, like, you know, we used to get out like a good couple of times a month, you know, and we, there's always someone to mind the kids and we go out and like, I go out, we could be out till two or three o'clock.
00:20:23
Speaker
And I would get up in the morning with a hangover with two toddlers, like, and just kind of get on with my day. Like when I think about it, I i wasn't missing out on that 20s behavior. And then when it got to the stage kind of that, yeah, of like getting closer to 30 and people weren't going out as much and...
00:20:43
Speaker
I did then slip into that, that wine at home and I used to really look forward to it. I would never have drank every night because like, you know, anyone who says to the podcast long enough, my anxiety would not have let me do that. and I used to like, you know, I used to quite often have a few glass of wine on a Thursday night because I wouldn't get to own yet Friday, like Thursday. I'd be like, oh,
00:21:02
Speaker
yeah that's okay let's have let's get it let's share a bottle wine like I'm sure of course Dave might have like a glass but I drink the rest of it you know Thursday night Friday night Saturday night then I would be like an anxious mess by Sunday so i would never drink on a Sunday because I'd have to go to work on a Monday this and then I'd so I'd be struggling Monday and Tuesday be coming around Wednesday Thursday And then my Thursday night, not every Thursday night, but sometimes nights they'll be like, you if the weather was good, oh, let's sit out in the garden and have some wine. Or, you know, it was just cozy night in and there was something good on the TV. Oh, let's get wine.
00:21:31
Speaker
and And the cycle would start again. And I did that for years. and And the way you're saying it as well, oh, let's get wine. Like it's a treat, isn't it? Yeah. yeah Yeah, it's a treat. And and and in my 20s as well, like I used to, i like I gave up smoking when I was in my early 20s, but I never gave it up when I was drinking.
00:21:49
Speaker
So I actually think a lot of my drinking habit habit was also tied into a nicotine addiction as well, where it was very much like I really looked forward it because as soon as I, I wouldn't even be a case that I'd wait to get drunk. Like I would have one glass wine and I'd be like, yes, cigarette time.
00:22:02
Speaker
You know, and it would ti it would tie in together with that. And there'd be some people, even cigarettes aside, you know, that are listening to that. And they're like, yes, I really look forward to my wine. I really, you know, ah and I do and I do feel trapped in that cycle.
00:22:15
Speaker
But I just found what I was doing for those years was dragging myself around kind of subpar. So it's like in recent years and I can't even remember the pattern, even when you were talking about like, you know, you're break you like, I know you've taken a break from alcohol and you've just stayed off it.
00:22:29
Speaker
At one stage I did. two years alcohol free. That was back, I'm trying to think when it was, I think it was, well, I think I was pregnant with my my youngest who who just turned eight yesterday.
00:22:42
Speaker
I was pregnant with him. So that was most of the year that I was pregnant, but I stayed off it. And I think I stayed off it till Yeah, I did two full years there. And what you said there about life still happening really resonates with me. My father-in-law died suddenly when, so Kai, my youngest, was born in September. My father-in-law died suddenly in the January.
00:23:04
Speaker
And it was it was a real shock for us all, obviously. i am a really, really difficult time. And I actually remember thinking at one stage that I was like, I'm so glad I'm not drinking because I wouldn't i wouldn't be able to hold things together as well as I can.
00:23:19
Speaker
And that that taught thought did go, no, i never said I've never said that out loud until now, I don't think. But I really did think that, that there's so much emotion in a situation like that. There's so much to deal with. You're looking after your kids, you're looking after your partner, you know, and you know, you're grieving yourself and there'd be different people that will have experienced different difficult challenges in life.
00:23:38
Speaker
And alcohol just always makes everything worse. It does, doesn't it? and and And just to that point and but just going back to when mum died, Obviously was drinking then and like I always used to worry about that she, cause she was, she had me when she was 45.
00:23:58
Speaker
So I always probably was worried that, ah um, one was going to leave me when I was younger. You know, I've got sisters that are a lot, all a lot older than me. and And so that was a big worry. And I used to think, ah you know what I do want to, I thought toyed with the idea of taking a break and giving up alcohol.
00:24:15
Speaker
And I knew that she was you getting older and getting poorly. And I kind of wanted to have quit before that happened because I just thought it was going to be the worst thing that, ah you know, and I wouldn't be able to to deal with that as well as then the anxiety that alcohol brings.
00:24:30
Speaker
And sadly, you know, like I say, she did pass away in February. And the grief was, it's hard, isn't it? But it's not necessarily immediate. It's also, it carries on.
00:24:42
Speaker
um And so that's why by the time I got to April, I just had this, I did feel like it was a bit of pivotal moment where i was thinking, you know, what do you want from your life, Rebecca? And do you want to carry on like this? And also, are you going to lean on it a little bit more because it's in the times where you're feeling sad or whatever, you know, open a bottle of wine, finish a bottle of wine.
00:25:05
Speaker
And it was at that moment that I thought, no I really think that I want to have a go seriously at just removing it from my life. But at the time, you don't want to talk about forever because, you know, like we said, it's been part of your bloody life ah since you were 16, 17 years old.
00:25:22
Speaker
So that's why i kind of dipped my toe in a little bit. But ultimately, I think I knew that I wanted to just... It was not serving me anymore at all. And it was just...
00:25:34
Speaker
taking joy out of life. I knew that if I could get past that hard hard bit of rewiring your brain and to a new hat and a new association that it would lead to long-term kind of more happiness.
00:25:51
Speaker
I just had never been in the right mindset to do it before. and And you know what, what came from it was so much more than I ever expected.
00:26:03
Speaker
you know what I mean? And like you say, yeah I never wake up in the morning and wish that I'd had a drink last night. No, I know. i I know exactly what you mean. And in ah in a weird way, like, that you know, that that you made that decision just a few short months after your mum had died was probably you you were probably like you probably actually wanted to connect with your grief in a way.
00:26:27
Speaker
you know, that it was like, it's it's time to feel it because that's what we do with alcohol. And I know like I work with a lot of people around like around food issues as well. And like it's it's we're always running away from our feelings, like that whatever uncomfortable feeling it is on underneath in relation, whether it's alcohol, whether it's food, like for me, even alcohol, I used it more so like It was nearly like an excitement. It was like that sometimes the excitement of like something I would like, like my body couldn't handle, like, yeah know, if I was going away on a trip or if I was going to someone's wedding or like the excitement of it, like I'd nearly have to have like a drink, like in like a few drinks the night before, like to calm my excitement.
00:27:05
Speaker
Like, then it kind of goes without saying with difficult feelings as well. Like it's just, and it's, it's like, we're just so afraid of our feelings and i would I would argue positive and negative. We're afraid of ah to feel the excitement and the good times. We're afraid to to feel really hard times. And then we even create problems. Like you were saying, you know, that worry.
00:27:26
Speaker
of your mom passing like long before she ever did. Like, and I know, I think, I know I can, I can relate to that. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to that. There's, there's worries we have about different people in our lives.
00:27:37
Speaker
And though that creates feelings in us as well. And i think the first thing when, when we take this step is to realize it's time to just to feel and like, like you have kind of, you've said it really well.
00:27:51
Speaker
It's not going, it's not like everything just gets great straight away. You do have to feel things and it can feel hard, but it's about that mindset of adding in rather than taking away.
00:28:05
Speaker
It is just about what you're adding into your life. It doesn't even need to be. I think sometimes people can rush into replacing it really quickly. know i'd I love your opinions on this because I know you said that like the minstrels replace the wine, but sometimes like that those first few weeks, it it it is just...
00:28:22
Speaker
like facing the feeling, being okay with being uncomfortable and not knowing what to do with yourself and be like, oh, I can't go out because I'll do that. You know, and you avoid situations and you find kind of survival ways initially.
00:28:33
Speaker
But then suddenly it's like you get up on a Sunday morning, you're like, see that mountain over there? I'm going to climb that because I want to. or I'm going to go swim in the sea you know this is the kind of stuff that started happening to me started going up the mountains I started swimming in the sea I started meeting friends doing things that didn't have anything to do with alcohol and I ended up making lots of new friends as well and that can be a fear because you're afraid that you're going to lose the connection with some people when you give it up which sometimes you do there's so much I want to talk to you about honestly Kate it's yeah you talked about friendships there and you talked about doing different things and how difficult
00:29:10
Speaker
at first because I'm interested to know what what you how you found it at first so a few things so I always wanted to be that 6am person and I just never was because my sleep was always rubbish and you know my partner would say to me but you you went to bed 10 o'clock you've had bloody however many hours sleep but of course it was completely broken sleep so I always felt tired so I always wanted to sleep in and now I am that person that wakes up early to the point where it gets on his nerves because um ah our house is really creaky. So I wake everyone up in the house, but hi I don't want to miss the mornings because I feel so fantastic. Again, not every day. Let's not pretend that, you know, life is, but I always wanted to be that person. All of a sudden you are that person.
00:30:01
Speaker
And yeah, it was scary going back to the friendship thing because you've got all of these preconceived ideas of what you're going to miss out on up alcohol because you feel like it added so much to your life and if you literally think about it and write it down on a piece of paper it doesn't add as much as you think and it's when you start to think about what it's taking away what what it's taking from you but yeah I was worried about friendships big time because we'd go around to our friends um and there would be ah nights where we all got silly and you'd you know you'd be you'd be singing into um
00:30:39
Speaker
ah ladle, a cooking utensil or whatever and the Prosecco would be flowing and I'd be thinking to myself well how is that going happen ever again and they're just going are they going to think I'm a bit boring um and so you're putting blockers in your way all the things that why you should not take that break from and I've got this coming up and there's always going to be reasons not to take a break from alcohol but yeah you worry about that And yeah, you know what, some friendships aren't the same, but because you're on this journey and because then you are faced with learning about yourself, feeling the feelings, you start to navigate life differently and it's so much better. And actually the friendships that I have now are stronger and different and they're not clouded by alcohol.
00:31:33
Speaker
And do you know what, I dance now, who who knew? that sober dancing was a thing. But I realised that it's the music that I love. I know this sounds all a little bit, everyone's going to be thinking, yeah, well, if it was that easy. But ah it isn't. And i'm saying I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that it's easy straight away because I shied away from certain things.
00:31:56
Speaker
But then I found myself going to an event, feeling more confident without alcohol, not having had a glass of wine while I was putting my makeup on, then turning up. feeling comfortable in my own skin and then when the music comes on I want to go want to dance and I'm realizing it's not because I've had five glasses of Prosecco it's because I actually really enjoy the music and really want to dance and then waking up the next day remembering everything not worrying about what you've said to somebody or because you know I when I'd had a few glasses of wine um doesn't happen to everyone don't think does it but I always found it like
00:32:36
Speaker
I was a bit more loose lipped thought that things were acceptable to say. Yeah. And I think everyone has those the kind of regrets or that fear, you know, being like, oh did I say something or did I, you know, and did I come across this way?
00:32:49
Speaker
And everyone has that. But I think what you've said here, right, around that fear of being boring, this was me for so long where it was like, i I just, it was this fear up that I didn't want people to think I was boring.
00:33:03
Speaker
But yet every time i would drink or go out, i was putting on a front, like without even realizing I was putting on a front. It was this ego. And I think because we in our culture, we start drinking so young. So like, you know, 18 years old or younger, like it was teenagers whatever, starting in your teens and you're drinking.
00:33:18
Speaker
And like, this is at the stage where you're developing your ego anyway and who you figuring out who you are. And it's like, alcohol becomes such a part of who you are, the friendships that you make, the everything.
00:33:29
Speaker
And, It really was. It's the fear of losing friends. It's the fear of coming across as boring. It's the fear of handling social situations. And what I've learned is, yeah, some friendships might fall away, a lot less of them than you think, a lot less friendships than you think.
00:33:46
Speaker
You will more than likely inspire others to look at themselves a little bit or else they will just be really happy for you. and that like And that's what true friends are. And it's interesting because, you know, i like I've said, I've made a lot of new friends in recent years, particularly with a career change, with getting into a health of fitness in general. i've You know, I've made a lot of friends kind of through fitness, through business. But my three closest friends that I have been friends with since secondary school, and know like we're all busy, we're all raising kids, where you know we we see each other four or five times a year.
00:34:18
Speaker
And when we get together, it's like no time has passed. It's like it's 2003 all over again, you know? and And it doesn't matter. Like, we usually we go meet somewhere. So usually a couple of us are driving anyway.
00:34:29
Speaker
but One of my friends doesn't drink either. So she gave up a long time ago. And but then the other two do drink. But usually one of them are driving. So, like, it's it's not a drinking thing anymore. And it's it's just really nice. we I have those friendships.
00:34:42
Speaker
and I suppose my life has kind of, the way it's fallen is, there isn't, I don't have that culture, like that. I don't have that group of friends where we go to each other's houses to drink anymore. That doesn't happen anymore. It used to, but it it's just not in my life anymore. I don't miss it.
00:34:55
Speaker
I don't miss it at all. I love connecting with my friends and going places. Any of my newer friends, we get together and we go to an event or we go and meet for lunch or coffee. And it's, it's really nice. And, or we'll go for a hike. Like I set up a hiking group and I've made so many friends through that.
00:35:09
Speaker
But when it comes to realizing, but this ties them into what you were saying to me as well about the introvert and extrovert. Once I let go of that fear of being boring and was like, so what if I am boring?
00:35:21
Speaker
I just wanted to interrupt the podcast for a moment to talk to you a little bit about Kate Hamilton Health online coaching. So we have two coaching options available.
00:35:32
Speaker
We have our elite coaching and we have our group coaching service. Our elite coaching service is bespoke individualized coaching, which will help you to finally break free from diet culture with one-to-one anytime support from your coach and with access to a safe, supportive community.
00:35:51
Speaker
This is a higher ticket coaching option and the coaching is by application only. If you go to my website, KateHamiltonHealth.com, you will be able to apply for elite coaching through there and we will be in touch to organize a call and to get you up and running.
00:36:07
Speaker
In relation to our group coaching, our group coaching starts on the first Monday of every month. When it's full each month, we do close the doors. With the group coaching is about building the habits, body and energy of the healthiest version of yourself and finally make it stick.
00:36:25
Speaker
We include personalized calories and portions, food lists, recipes, meal plan ideas, step goals, home or gym based workouts, depending on what you want.
00:36:36
Speaker
Changed every eight weeks. Mindset work, app access. So that's the Kate Hamilton Health app, which will be your hub for everything. Weekly yoga classes, WhatsApp group community, weekly group Q&A with myself, fun challenges, daily habits form, weekly self check in.
00:36:54
Speaker
fortnightly check-ins with your coach, a library full of lifestyle guides, a library full of lessons, seminars, and all of this is updated regularly. We have weekly group Zoom calls with myself and the team, regular guest seminars where we get experts on to talk more to you about different topics that we need experts on for.
00:37:15
Speaker
And then we have in-person events twice a year that you will get at a major discount as being a member of the Kate Hamilton Health community. As I said, this starts the first Monday of every month. If you go to my website, KateHamiltonHealth.com, you will see when the next group coaching intake is starting for you. So we close the doors as soon as that intake is full or the Monday before the group coaching starts. So usually that last Monday of the previous month.
00:37:45
Speaker
So if you head over to Kate Hamilton Health dot com, all of that information that I've talked through is on the website. You'll be able to book your spot for the next intake there. And I will chat to you all then.
00:38:00
Speaker
If that's who I am, that's who I am. And people who who like me will like me and people who don't won't. And that's OK. And I think that surrender was was really, really liberating. And that's when I discovered it was when I discovered it was like,
00:38:15
Speaker
I really just like quiet time. I like being in small groups. I like being one-to-one with someone or, you know, just a small group or on my own. I quite like being on my own as well and that that's okay. And when it came to alcohol, I used alcohol to go places that were chaotic. Like when I think about it,
00:38:36
Speaker
And I'll always say this to myself now, if I feel I need alcohol to be somewhere, it's not where I'm supposed to be. Like if someone invites me on a hen party, unless I have to go, like unless it's my sister's hen party, I'm not going. Like i unless it's my best friend.
00:38:48
Speaker
Thankfully, I think all my friends, most of them are married now at this stage. But you know what I mean? like A hen party. And I used to love hen parties like, oh, Prosecco everywhere, you know. You would have to pay me to go to it. No, actually, you couldn't pay me enough to go to a hen party anymore. I don't want to be in nightclubs.
00:39:02
Speaker
I don't want to be in pubs day in, day out. I don't want it's just not what I want to do anymore. I like to go. I like to be outside. I like to be in the daylight. I like to be getting fresh air. I like to be moving my body. I like to explore new places.
00:39:16
Speaker
And It's just not the culture that I want to be connected to anymore. So if someone is like, oh yeah, we're going on this hen party and we're going here with and I'm like, oh my God, I have to like, oh God, I'd have to just stay drunk the whole time to manage that. I'm like, no, not going.
00:39:30
Speaker
That's no problem. I'm happily boring. And you do lose. Yeah, it's difficult to explain that, isn't it? That that I don't care as much. it It's a nice feeling being a lot more comfortable with who you are and the choices and decisions you make.
00:39:45
Speaker
Yeah. And the people that you might lose along the way, which like, like we, like I said, isn't that many is worth the trade. The, the you that you actually get discover who you really are.
00:39:56
Speaker
And it's funny, I feel like I've done a really full circle moment. And maybe this is, as you get older, you know, I'll be 40 next year. And as get older, maybe this is what life is all about. But I feel like I'm doing a full circle moment back to like child me, if that makes sense.
00:40:09
Speaker
You know, like, you know, when you're like about 10, Just before you enter 10 or 11, just before the hormones start, just before and you kind of head into teen years and you start putting on a front, you start being cool and you start trying to fit in.
00:40:21
Speaker
You know, when you're like, and actually my eight year old, he really reminds me of this so well, where he's just authentically himself. He just, you know, and i'm going I pray to God he's not going to lose that. oh Probably will lose it for a few years. We that we all do, don't we?
00:40:35
Speaker
But I just feel like it's like dropping away the ego that you build through your teens and your twenties to survive in the world, which is needed, you know, to make your way and to climb the ladder and whatever, you know. But I just feel like alcohol being a really major role, like losing alcohol being a really major role in me being able to shed the layers of me that no longer serve me. And I just feel like I'm coming back to who I actually am.
00:40:59
Speaker
if that makes it It makes total sense because you've articulated that really well because that's exactly how I feel. It's magic, isn't it? Yeah. and And I'd love to be able to go back and tell my, you know, 16-year-old self a lot of advice and and that she didn't need to do a lot of things.
00:41:14
Speaker
But I wouldn't be me now if I hadn't gone through what I've, you know, life's um experiences. But now I'm reconnecting with that 16-year-old self and that younger self. It's really nice. Yeah.
00:41:27
Speaker
It's it sounds beautiful. And I wonder is a part of growing up though. And like, this is where I, I won't ever, preach I don't preach this. Like I'll have this conversation around alcohol with everyone. And obviously I work with women in relation to health and fitness. And we do talk about alcohol lot.
00:41:42
Speaker
And I purposely not really going down the, the conversation of, you know, the physical, reasons why we should we should not drink or whatever, or it should reduce our drinking because, you know, i think a lot of us know this, but I think I've spoken on this before anyway in and in a podcast, but I just really wanted to focus up focus on the social and emotional side to this.
00:42:01
Speaker
But when it comes to growing up, right? I'm happy. I'm like, I'm proudly boring. I don't care. I like, ah you won't find me outside my house past 9pm unless I'm collecting my teenager. And that's fine. And I'm happy with that.
00:42:12
Speaker
But I have the stories. I have the adventures. And I wouldn't trade them. Maybe some of them. But I wouldn't trade lot of them because I do... it It is the building blocks of of of who you are. Now, it doesn't have to involve alcohol, of course not.
00:42:24
Speaker
But it was interesting. I watched a reel, you know, do you know Jamie Alderton? Look him up. He's actually great. He does a lot, a lot of good around men's health more so. But he speaks about, there was one reel now, it was ages ago, but it really stuck with me.
00:42:38
Speaker
And he's like, I'm 40 now. I don't drink at all. I train whatever amount of days week and this, that, the other, I eat well and blah, blah, blah. You know, he I get eight hours sleep every night. and he talks about all things. He goes, but when I was in my twenties, I had nights out, had this, that, you know, and he was like, I would not trade them for the world.
00:42:58
Speaker
And his point was in relation to young men, which I know isn't our niche, but I think a lot of people listening have sons. Can I think about this with my 15 year old son? This is all ahead of him. And what he said is young men aren't connecting anymore.
00:43:10
Speaker
in the same way. And he was like, we used to go to the pub, we'd meet on a Friday, we'd be there for the football or whatever, you know, everyone would be sitting around at the pints and the connection is just magic. And those nights out where, you know, it's literally you're going into battle together and it's, you know this is the way he put it, like, you know, and he's like, I wouldn't trade those years for the, for the world because those people that were by my side,
00:43:38
Speaker
And most of us have you know don't live those lifestyles anymore, but they're still by my side and they're friends for life. You know what I mean? And he's afraid that young men won't, the ones that are drinking green juices at age 21 aren't getting that same experience. Now, this is just the guy's opinion, but it just really stuck with me and it was interesting because when I think about my older friends, my older friends, my school friends that I meet a few times a year, we're we're bonded like Clue because of all those experiences.
00:44:07
Speaker
that we've had together and it doesn't have to involve alcohol. But I think we need to make sure it like that, you know, that young people are still getting out and and doing the adventures, whether it's alcohol related or not, that they're getting out there together rather than just doing it digitally.
00:44:21
Speaker
And I just think it's funny when like as well, when relation to what he was saying, I was thinking about my husband as well. And he like he he rarely goes out anymore. And I think men of like, you know, this of my stage of life where we're raising kids and it's busy and people are working and, you know, and then they're raising kids and it's bringing your kids to and from football and whatever other after school activities they're doing. And it's busy and he never goes anywhere.
00:44:41
Speaker
Like, whereas I'd be good at meeting someone for coffee or, you know, going with my hiking group or, you know, doing whatever we'd like. I'll i'll always make time a bit for a bit of girl time. Like, and that's great, but he doesn't. But one of his friends was getting married and they went on a stag do at there a couple of weeks ago.
00:44:56
Speaker
And he came back in the best form. Like he was just, it was, he reconnected with his friends that he hadn't done in ages. And I was like, just go do this every month or two.
00:45:07
Speaker
Just, just go meet the lads. Yeah. It's so important, isn't it? I recently went on a weekend away with girls. It wasn't as raucous as it would have been if we were in our thirties, like we used to.
00:45:17
Speaker
I was probably quite pleased about that because I thought I was the first to bed. I stayed up, managed stay on the first night till one. But apparently someone sloped off just after me and she'd come back and had a herbal tea.
00:45:28
Speaker
So how times change. But I came back from that feeling great because I'd spent, you know, time with friends and another one of my friends who I used to go in the pub with. And it was a lot around drinking.
00:45:40
Speaker
We've been meeting up on a Sunday morning to go for a walk in a different way than we would have done. And we call it our therapy session now because, you know, you're walking and you're talking at the same time. Yeah. And I think there does come a time where it is for a lot of us that it is time to be like, okay, look, it doesn't serve me anymore. we'll had the adventures. It's time to just put them to bed and to have, and I feel like I'm having more adventures now than I did with alcohol because with alcohol, like I'd be just paralyzed in the bed the next day or, you know, like or when my kids are small, sitting on the couch, watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse being like, ah like, you know, ah that just not really function.
00:46:15
Speaker
And it becomes normal. And you just think that that feels normal. Whereas you can't, like I've been on nights out where ones that I like, I sound like I never go out the nights out that I do want to go on. I will go and I won't be the first to go because I'm having such a nice time.
00:46:30
Speaker
But then when it gets to the stage and what I've noticed with being a non-drinker is on a night out, there is a point where all the people that you love and everything, That you're like, oh, it's time for me to leave now. Things things have taken a turn.
00:46:43
Speaker
And, you know, people are saying the same things over and over again. And it's not making fun of anyone in any way. It's just a bit like, oh, yeah, the vibe has changed now. It's bedtime. It is. and And being cool with that, being OK with it's it. It's OK to leave. And you don't miss out on anything. People think that you've gone.
00:47:00
Speaker
then that's fine because you've had a nice time you stayed till you wanted to how long you wanted to stay till yeah and you don't miss anything because after that it's a lot of people talking a lot of gibberish isn't it yeah yeah and fomo was a big thing for me i always feared missing out and i have learned that after 1am you don't miss anything no No, nothing and nothing. And then anything you do miss, it's just as well you missed because it's usually like rows or whatever, like, you know, what people talking shit or, you know, someone falling over, you know, like it's not stuff that you need to be there for. Yeah, I'm glad that you're the same.
00:47:35
Speaker
I enjoy going out, but it's nice to be able to come home ah because you also value your sleep and you value your time the next day because also you've had so many years of wasted repents.
00:47:48
Speaker
Yeah, no, sleep is one actually that I do want to, the one, I'll be the health coach in one area here in relation to sleep. My God. Okay. So like there's, I could go down the route of how, you know, nutrient absorption, metabolism, you know, it's not just calories in versus calories out when it comes to two alcohol, which I'm not going to do right now.
00:48:11
Speaker
But yeah, If there's one area of your health that alcohol is really, really affecting, it's sleep. Anyone who wears a smartwatch, just look at your resting heart rate the night that you've had a few drinks when you go to sleep. It is massively increased.
00:48:30
Speaker
A lot of people do think, oh, I need a drink to sleep. It's not real sleep. It like your your body. Basically, when you when you ingest alcohol, your body sees it as a poison. I'm not trying to label alcohol as poison, but that is what your body sees it as.
00:48:44
Speaker
And. no matter what's going on inside, actually, I can't help it. I'm just going to have to to go through it all. No matter what is happening inside your body, whether it doesn't matter how much protein you've eaten, it doesn't matter how many salads you've had.
00:48:57
Speaker
It doesn't matter how much water you've drank. It doesn't, like none of that matter. You're training, like you're, like, it doesn't matter. As soon as you, drink alcohol, your body is going to stop doing everything that's unnecessary and is going to deal with that poison.
00:49:12
Speaker
So your body is going to, maab so that's what's happening when you you go to sleep after drinking. Your body is frantically trying to metabolize that alcohol. That's why your heart rate's up. That's why you're not sleeping properly.
00:49:23
Speaker
But as well as not sleeping properly, it's false sleep. Like you're getting very little deep sleep or REM sleep, which is extremely important for recovery. but Your body is not absorbing the nutrients from all the salads and the protein, all the stuff that you're eating, it's not absorbing them effectively. And this is why people's tummies, you know, can be, can people can suffer with stomach issues as well if they drink regularly because that's that's what's happening inside your body.
00:49:48
Speaker
So it doesn't matter how good you are Monday Friday if you're doing this. Now, and I'm not talking about a special occasion. I'm talking about if you're doing this every weekend, It is going to be affecting your digestion if you're finding it difficult to lose weight.
00:50:00
Speaker
This is why not just like the calories in alcohol, it's actually just your body's going to not break down body fat because it's breaking down alcohol regularly. That's that's what's actually going to happen because it's a cyclical thing. You know, you think you're being so healthy all week, ticking all those boxes. And then every Saturday or every Friday and Saturday, you're doing the same thing. It's a cycle.
00:50:22
Speaker
Even if you don't feel it, even if you kind of feel like, oh, okay, I feel okay. Some people don't feel like they get hangovers. to People don't feel like alcohol affects them. It does. It does. and And, you know, you say about a lot people think that it just, it's almost sends them off to sleep.
00:50:39
Speaker
And because it does have have a sedating effect, but then as that wears off and the cortisol rushes in, that's why you're waking up in the middle of the night. You're not able to go back to sleep.
00:50:50
Speaker
And we know, what tiredness does so that I kind of think that again wanted to talk about not doing everything at once when you do remove alcohol we'll talk about that in a minute but sleep so yes you remove alcohol but then you've got to get your sleep right because sleep is ah one of the most critical things that has a knock-on effect with everything with your food your mood your movement the next day and if you're tired as we know you want to eat more
00:51:21
Speaker
you don't want to do all the exercise, et cetera. And I thought that interestingly, it was just alcohol, why i would feel rough the next day, but it turns out that it is tiredness as well.
00:51:35
Speaker
um So since I've not been drinking, if I've gone out and had a really late night, still actually want to eat crap the next day. And then I was like, but didn't have a drink, so I don't know why, but of course, it a lot of it when you are drinking,
00:51:50
Speaker
is linked to tiredness. So I'm not saying therefore it's okay to have a drink. No, the alcohol is exacerbating all of that as well. So it's killing your sleep and you must get your sleep right.
00:52:04
Speaker
So you were talking about smartwatch and stuff. In the first week of me quitting alcohol, my heart rate, resting heart rate dropped by seven beats per minute. Yep.
00:52:16
Speaker
I'm not surprised. Yeah. And I always used to, so I'll wake up I'll look at my whoop and it'll give you a score and you might have a red, a yellow, a green. And it was always in the red and it was so soul destroying.
00:52:31
Speaker
And then now, don't get me wrong, it's not perfect all the time, but there's little things that I implement now to try and improve my sleep. And I am still work in progress, but it's in the green most of the time.
00:52:44
Speaker
And it's fantastic to see. Then you can set yourself up for a good week, a good day. all of all of the things that you want to do and all of the reasons, because I used to try and train and it was like pushing water uphill. I wasn't getting anywhere fast because I was drinking these liquid calories and yeah,
00:53:03
Speaker
I think sleep as well for women. And you you touched on this earlier. You know, a lot of people are caring for parents. They're raising kids or they're they've small kids or they've got teenagers or they've, you know, you know, some people are going through, you know, marriage breakups. There's, you know, work stresses. There's climbing the ladder, like in general. And I work with a lot of women.
00:53:24
Speaker
Like we take on a lot and you know, i they lots of, lots of different women, lots of ages, lots of different things going on their lives. But in general, most women, what we have in common is we, we are managing a lot so and that leads to an awful lot of stress.
00:53:38
Speaker
Um, And when we're we're chronically stressed, it's raising our cortisol levels, which is then affecting other hormone levels as well. As we get older, those hormone levels are going to start changing anyway, as we know, you know.
00:53:50
Speaker
So the one thing that you can do, the one place to start is good sleep habits. And the one thing you can do to help towards your good sleep habits, the first step is is removing alcohol.
00:54:06
Speaker
you're You're so right. and And that's why I say Don't do everything at once. Don't do everything at the same time. Like, right, I'm giving up alcohol.
00:54:16
Speaker
I'm going to start a fitness plan. I'm going to go on a diet because it's just not sustainable to do that. So do that one thing and do remove the alcohol and then focus on your sleep.
00:54:30
Speaker
That's what I would say. think You have a step-by-step process that you like people to follow. Yeah, absolutely. When we go through the challenge, it's like a 30 day challenge and it's loosely like that. You know, they will get a motivational video off me every morning that talks through those 30 days.
00:54:49
Speaker
But at the same time, it's having a so it's having a few things in place. So it's not kind of stepby step by step. Because there's too much to think about all at once, but it's having a few things in place to try and help you set you up for success, ready for when you're going to do that, take that break, or if you want, you know, quit alcohol for good, whatever that looks like.
00:55:14
Speaker
Yeah, so basically if anyone joins your 30-day challenge, you basically guide them through what to focus on day to day. Yeah, so what we'll do is once they join, we have a welcome call.
00:55:27
Speaker
And before that, they've got time to look around and ah get their heads into the right mindset. But then on that welcome call, I talk about all of the things that you kind of need to do to put in place ah ready. So it's like downloading the Try Dry app.
00:55:43
Speaker
because that for me was crucial. And the reason why, or get out a piece of paper and draw your 30 days on tick list.
00:55:54
Speaker
And then you can tick them off. and And on the TriDry app, you've got like um a little yellow cup of tea with a parasol in and like a little cocktail. and And so on every day, i would have it, it came up at nine o'clock in the evening and I would tick it and you'd get to like seven days, 10 days, 20 days, and you'd get that hit of dave dopamine every night and you'd feel really pleased with yourself.
00:56:23
Speaker
And then you start to build up a streak and you've got all these yellow boxes of all these cups of teas with your parasolite and it feels fantastic. and And you have this sense of pride.
00:56:37
Speaker
And for me, I didn't want to break my streak once I got to, you know, 60, 90 days, a hundred days down the line. But that's one of the big things that I say to do. And then it's, you know, immersing yourself in all things, alcohol-free like Quitlet, podcasts, following people, all of those kinds of things that you've got to do because, and and you know, hearing success stories about other people and how they've done it, because not everybody's the same as you. You might drink on a weekend, you might drink every evening and just have a glass of wine.
00:57:09
Speaker
But if it's negatively impacting your life, it doesn't matter how much or how little you're drinking. It's about how it's impacting you. You know, it's not about the unit. So everybody's got their own journey that they're going on.
00:57:21
Speaker
And so we talk about so we talk about that and we talk about how to change up what you're doing and instead of. the routine that you have been doing, which is probably getting to a certain point in your evening where you decide that you want to um open that glass of whatever, it open that bottle of whatever it is.
00:57:39
Speaker
So do something different and go for a walk, go and run a hot bath, tidy out a cupboard if you need to, just changing the association and keeping to do that. so So that's rewards. What else do we talk about?
00:57:55
Speaker
joining the community or having an accountability partner, telling a friend or a partner and just saying, look, I'm on this health kick. I'm on this reset. doing it. So that's, um ah you know, I want you to be respectful, be supportive while I'm just doing this thing for me because I'm actually giving myself just a little reset and I'm giving my body and my mind i rest from alcohol.
00:58:23
Speaker
So there's some of the things that we talk about. um And then we have weekly calls so everybody can have a chance to chat about their wins, about their challenges, what they're finding difficult, what they are pleased that they're seeing with themselves. Because just in a few short days, women start to feel see differences in their eyes and their skin.
00:58:45
Speaker
Sleep doesn't necessarily always come at first because you've been doing something for quite a long time. You know, it takes a while for your body to adjust, but know that that'll come.
00:58:56
Speaker
So yeah, but that we we do lots. There's lots you can do on on your own as well, if you think about it. And you host a few challenges every year, don't you? Yeah, so i host one every quarter. So I've got the next one's coming up in January.
00:59:11
Speaker
And then we do one pretty much every three months after that. And then interestingly, first time I ever did the challenge, when we got to the end of it, some of the ladies had, found it so helpful and actually i just want to go back to something we said at the beginning which was talking about feeling like you've given up and I said when I've done dry January and I'm like I'm hurtling towards February just only yeah three more days whatever and when I changed what changed was the mindset for me was when I decided to take that break in April it was about what I was feeling free of and that's what changed it was not about what I was giving up
00:59:52
Speaker
it was how much freedom. And so some of these ladies, we got to the end of the challenge and they're like, feel amazing. and And they, they, you could tell they turned it around in their head and that's how they felt as well, what they were gaining from it.
01:00:06
Speaker
And they said, so what happens next? And I hadn't really thought that through at that point. I said, well, if you want, we can carry on with something which is now turned into a community.
01:00:18
Speaker
So like it, if, somebody's finished the challenge, that's fine because they might have only wanted to change their relationship with alcohol, take back control, and then ah away they go. They've got some tools and techniques then to to go off with.
01:00:33
Speaker
But others want the support and want to continue with. They've made friends within the group. They want the accountability. But we don't just talk about alcohol-free. We then have like a week before where we just talk.
01:00:45
Speaker
We've got kind of different pillars. So it's, you know, nutrition, it's movement. it's sleep and mindset. So we kind of talk about all areas of health and wellness. and And the reason I did it with just women is because there's a lot that you want to chat about, isn't there? And I think it feels like a nice safe space where you don't have to just talk, you can talk about anything you want, really. We're just trying to be the best version of ourselves. We're all on a journey.
01:01:11
Speaker
And it's really about versus you. It's not about who's on day 90 and someone's on, everyone supports each other and celebrates each other, but also is celebrating themselves because they are learning about themselves all the time, but you can't do everything at once.
01:01:28
Speaker
So that's when they incorporate, you know, I've got women in the group that they've just started going back to the hobbies that they but forgot about. So one lady, she remembered that she did, she said, I forgot what I used to do in life.
01:01:42
Speaker
And um I said, well, what did you enjoy? She said, well, I used to enjoy singing. and She joined um a rock choir and absolutely loves it. The lady, she started client doing a climbing wall again. So she does that three times a week.
01:01:55
Speaker
A lot of ladies are trying open water swimming, just reconnecting, which is what what we started off chatting about in the first instance, reconnecting with themselves and remembering what they used to really enjoy in life.
01:02:09
Speaker
Yeah, that's so, so powerful. And I just that community and just being surrounded by people who are on a similar journey and everyone's journey is different as well. And I think just before we finish up as well, I just really want to make the point as well.
01:02:20
Speaker
When I talk about being alcohol free, that it it doesn't have to be perfect. you know, even somebody wants to do one of your challenges doesn't have to, like, you as you you said, you know, you don't, you don't never have to say, oh, I'll never drink again or that it's forever.
01:02:33
Speaker
You might just want to do a 30 day reset and then intend on reintroducing it into your life. And that's okay. And then maybe you might decide that you want to stay alcohol free. It's taken me a long time to get there.
01:02:43
Speaker
And I think and it, but like, I've learned so much about myself in the process, like, you know, learning that fear of being boring, the fear of missing out that, you know, discovering what, who I am, what I'm about, as I said, dropping all those layers, that's taken years to to get there.
01:03:00
Speaker
And I did that initial two years where I, and I remember it and it's funny, like kind of as but you were talking and today, I kind of was really reflecting as well. And I did two years around that time after when my third child was born.
01:03:14
Speaker
And then I reintroduced alcohol back into my life. But at that stage, when I did the two years alcohol free, I i got rid of that drinking at home. So up until that point, it was, you know, the wine, the Thursday to Sunday, that kind of habit, and then it's feeling like shit all the time. Like, you know, and that so that went on for a solid, like, I don't know, had years and years.
01:03:34
Speaker
And i I did that two years. So that that first stint that I did, when I reintroduced alcohol, I reintroduced it actually coming up to my sister's hen party. You see, there we go. Hen party. Sorry, I loved my sister's hen party. it was amazing. In case she's listening or any of her friends are listening. I did love it. No, I did. I organized it and I loved it.
01:03:52
Speaker
But I did. ah but Coming up to that, I did start. I reintroduced drinking and I drank at my sister's hen party. And then and any ah any special occasions then after that, I i did drink.
01:04:03
Speaker
But then I think that there was just too many hang like too many hangovers that I experienced where I like, This just doesn't agree with me. It's not good for my mental health. It's not good for my anxiety. So then I went to alcohol free again.
01:04:15
Speaker
And this is where I did the year. And that we anyone who wants to, the podcast episode that Rebecca is referring to, it's back it's way back. If you scroll down, you'll find my what my alcohol journey. And i did one I did over a year alcohol free. I continued on.
01:04:29
Speaker
I don't know how long I did, 18 months or something like that. And then I re, when I reintroduced it again, and you see, there was always this kind of niggle where it was like, how does it fit into my life?
01:04:40
Speaker
I didn't reintroduce it as a, the way, like, you know, have like a, matt go on a mad one every, at every special occasion. This was very much, I gave myself like a two or three drink limit. And I reintroduced it like that.
01:04:52
Speaker
And this was only a short space of time that I did this, that I i reintroduced it. I think it was, you know, we we had a couple of holidays on and I, ah you know, and I sipped on a few beers with Dave on holidays and I had a couple of wines with my mum one of the evenings and...
01:05:06
Speaker
You know, like there I could count on one hand the occasions that I did. And there was no mad hangovers or mad nights out. They were gone. So again, I i had changed my relationship with it again after another year, year and a half of it.
01:05:19
Speaker
But what I found this time was, I was like, there's nothing that this gives me anymore. I had proven that I could enjoy life without it. And in fact, when I reintroduced it, I was like, I'm enjoying life a little bit less now, even with a little amount of alcohol, like on that hole on one of the holidays.
01:05:35
Speaker
And I might have had one or two beers with Dave in the evening time, sitting in the sun while the kids were getting their showers you before we go out for dinner or whatever. And I just felt slightly under par.
01:05:47
Speaker
The whole time. You know what I mean? Like I just. And it was. I didn't have a hangover. i just. I'd lost my spark. I wasn't like. You know. Because i I. Like I'm addicted to the spark. That's inside myself. And I'm just always seeking ways. To bring it out. To connect with it.
01:06:02
Speaker
And I just couldn't. Like it was just like. It was just slightly under par. And I felt. Didn't feel like shit. I just was like. um just feel a little bit dulled. So then I. I decided. And this. Then it was only actually. Last October. I was like. Right.
01:06:17
Speaker
Even drinking the odd time like this. i just don't want to anymore. So I stopped. And I haven't drank since last October. So nearly a year. Nearly a year again.
01:06:28
Speaker
This time, Rebecca, I know i will never drink again. And I know and I know that now and not because anything traumatic happened. And each time my my relationship changed and got better and better with it.
01:06:39
Speaker
But it got me to the truth of there's nothing it gives me anymore. And if anything, it just even it just slightly take something away from me every time I drink. I don't i like I don't want to anymore. I'm like, why would I give up my spark?
01:06:52
Speaker
for it for one drink I just don't so and I now know I will never drink again and I must do an updated podcast solo podcast on yeah i do that I'd love to hear it I love and that story and it's great to hear that because you can tell by your body language how your face is lighting up when you talk about the decision made but it doesn't happen straight away and that's why I did you know the odd dry November dry January whatever because you have to come to the realisation your own head at the right time when it's ready for you And some ladies might not, might do a 30 day challenge and not finish it and then be disappointed. But don't be because you're just working your way through what you want out of life.
01:07:35
Speaker
And you might have to have a good few goes for it to stick, but it doesn't have to stick, you know, but I would say definitely dip your toe in the water and just see what it's like. If you just try and have a bit of space between yourself and alcohol, see what it's like.
01:07:49
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. And drop the fear and just become sober curious. Like if there's a curiosity in you, just follow the curiosity. Don't, you don't even need to set yourself any expectations. Just join Rebecca's challenge.
01:08:01
Speaker
Surround yourself with, ah she will provide you with loads of resources to listen to and to read and you'll be surrounded by other people on a journey. You're not going to compare and just yeah dip your toe in it. see what See how it feels and see where it leads you.
01:08:14
Speaker
And like, it could be, could be like a five-year journey like mine has been and that's okay. Yeah, it's lot I love hearing that you just decided that you didn't want to be under par.
01:08:25
Speaker
um And that's fantastic. So it doesn't have to be a rock bottom or anything like that. It just doesn't serve you anymore. Yeah. Well, to see, we all have days where we feel under par anyway. Like, you know what i mean? Whether we have a cold, like I do at the minute, whether we're dealing with a loss, whether we're, you know, whether we're dealing with perimenopause, whether we've got an injury, whether, you know, just having a bit of a shit time.
01:08:47
Speaker
Like there's lots of things in life that are going to have us feeling under par, but we're never going to be able to swim back ah over water if we're also doing something to ourselves that are making us even more under par. Yeah. There's so many times that I say that when things happen in my life that and Like you oh, there's always something.
01:09:06
Speaker
And I always think to myself, oh, thank God I'm not drinking just to add more complexity to my life. It doesn't need to be there. Oh, no, it so true. Rebecca, this has been such an amazing conversation. I could keep going. I know you could as well.
01:09:21
Speaker
Perhaps we will do a part two further down the line. But for anyone who would like to reach out to you, follow you your page, because I know there's so much value that you give in your page and then they'll be able to, I presume, be able to find details about your challenges at all through that.
01:09:35
Speaker
Is the best place Instagram to reach you? Best place is Instagram. I'm on at underscore Rebecca Farshaw. Amazing. Thank you so much, Thanks for having me, Kate.
01:09:49
Speaker
I just want to say thank you so much for listening to the podcast. And I would just ask for one thing from you, if at all possible, could you make sure that you subscribe to the podcast? It really does make such a difference.
01:10:02
Speaker
If there's a particular episode that you've enjoyed, please do share it in your WhatsApp groups, share it on your stories, tag myself and the guest in your stories. All of these things really do help.
01:10:13
Speaker
to grow the podcast. And obviously, if there's anything you'd like to reflect on, please do leave a comment. It would mean the world to me and i will see you on the next one.