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Ep. 172 - Building Equal Partnerships Through Wedding Planning with Felicia Kashevaroff
53 Plays30 days ago
💖 Episode Description:
In this episode of Get a "HECK YES"! with Carissa Woo, we're diving deep into how wedding planning can be more than just organizing a big party—it can lay the foundation for a strong, equal partnership in marriage. Carissa sits down with Felicia Kashevaroff, the founder of Tend Task and creator of I Do Differently, to explore how couples can transform wedding planning stress into opportunities for connection. Felicia shares her unique blend of wedding officiant expertise and relationship coaching, offering practical tips on how to establish shared decision-making systems, create meaningful rituals, and challenge traditional gender roles to build a marriage that lasts.
Felicia also reveals how wedding pros can strengthen their client relationships by suggesting relationship coaching and why it’s not just good karma—it’s good business. Don’t miss this insightful conversation packed with actionable takeaways for both engaged couples and wedding professionals!
✨ What You’ll Learn:
✅ How to turn wedding planning stress into opportunities for connection
✅ The power of designing ceremony elements that reflect your partnership
✅ Why challenging traditional gender roles leads to stronger marriages
✅ How wedding pros can benefit from suggesting relationship coaching
💡 Felicia’s Woo Factor:
Felicia’s unique combination of wedding officiant expertise and relationship coaching creates a service that no one else offers—helping couples create ceremonies that authentically reflect their partnership while building the skills to make their marriage last.
🔥 Felicia’s “HECK YES” Strategy:
Felicia’s secret to landing her dream clients is through strategic partnerships with trusted wedding professionals. By positioning relationship coaching as a solution during the stressful planning process, Felicia connects with couples at exactly the right time—ensuring both the wedding day and the marriage are built on solid ground.
🎁 Freebie for Listeners:
Felicia invites wedding professionals to apply for the exclusive Wedding Vendor Partnership Program! This free program helps wedding pros connect their clients with professional relationship coaching while earning significant referral bonuses. ➡️ Apply here
📲 Connect with Felicia:
👉 Website: https://tendtask.com
👉 Instagram & Facebook: @tendtask
Connect with Carissa Woo https://instagram.com/carissawoo
🎧 Tune in and learn how to help couples create both the wedding and the marriage of their dreams!
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Transcript
Digital Products from Expertise
00:00:00
Speaker
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00:00:19
Speaker
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00:00:30
Speaker
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Introducing Felicia and 10 Tasks
00:00:33
Speaker
And today I'm excited to chat with Felicia, the founder of 10 Tasks and creator of I Do Differently.
00:00:41
Speaker
Felicia combines her expertise as wedding officiant and relationship coach to help ambitious couples build equal partnerships while planning their weddings. In this episode, she's sharing how wedding planning can actually prepare couples for a strong marriage.
00:00:56
Speaker
and how wedding pros can play a key role in the process. If you've ever wondered how to help your couples not just have an amazing wedding day, but also set them up for a thriving marriage, you're going to love this one. Let's dive in.
00:01:13
Speaker
Welcome to Get a Heck Yes with Carissa Wu. I'm your host Carissa and I've been a Los Angeles wedding photographer for over a decade. I've traveled the world, built my team, and seen it all.
00:01:23
Speaker
I now coach wedding photographers hit 10K a month and build a thriving business. In this podcast, we are going to deep dive into how top wedding creatives get that heck yes from their dream clients. We are not holding back on the struggles of the business and how to push through the noise. Some healthy hustle, mindset shifts, up-leveling your money story,
00:01:42
Speaker
Time hacks because I'm a mom of two, a little bit of woo-woo, and most importantly, self-love and confidence are just a few of the many things we will talk about. i want to give you a genuine thank you for following along my journey.
00:01:54
Speaker
i hope to inspire you every Woo Wednesday so that you say heck yes to listening to this podcast. See you guys soon.
Felicia's Journey into Weddings and Relationships
00:02:04
Speaker
Hey everyone, welcome back to Get a Heck Yes with your girl, Carissa I have a very special guest. Her name is Felicia Kashavirov, and she's a founder of 10 Tasks and creator of I Do Differently, ah unique premarital program that combines wedding-efficient services with relationship coaching.
00:02:24
Speaker
Through her innovative approach, she helps ambitious couples build equal partnerships while planning their weddings, creating um their ceremony that reflect partnership and ah building their relationship and also providing them with tools to start their marriage exactly as they intend to live it.
00:02:43
Speaker
Welcome, Felicia. Thank you so much, Carissa. So happy to be here. Yeah, I'm excited to talk to you. I guess tell everyone in the audience who you are in a nutshell.
00:02:56
Speaker
ah So in a nutshell, um I'm Felicia Kashveroff. I'm a relationship coach. I am um passionate about relationship equity. um i'm new to the wedding industry and officiating um because I'm really interested in the intersection of those things. um' I'm a mom and yeah, I'm a nerd.
00:03:18
Speaker
I read a lot of books. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I love that. um How many kids do you have? I have three kids. They're, they're all young adults now. So it's a little bit different in my house. But um it's good stuff.
00:03:30
Speaker
Oh, I love that. And welcome to the wedding industry. we are I love it. Everybody's so nice. so welcoming. It's fabulous. Oh, I love that. Okay. Let's get to know you.
00:03:41
Speaker
um What were you like as a kid, personality wise, family dynamics, anyone, anything you want to share to the audience? Sure. Okay. So um I think that, that nerd, ah inner nerd came out early. i was always a reader. I was always, um you know, had my nose in a book, um love learning.
00:03:59
Speaker
um i read a lot of fiction as a kid. Now I read a lot of nonfiction Um, but I was, you know, i was always a high achiever, um, always very, um, driven in terms of like my academic success. I was a peacekeeper at my house. liked to make sure everybody was getting along and, um, life was calm and good. Um,
From Drama to Sociology: Felicia's Academic Path
00:04:21
Speaker
so that was kind of me as a kid, as I got a little older, i um, you know, it kind of took that learning and, and rolled with it.
00:04:30
Speaker
Nice. So you read a lot of nonfiction, you said? Yeah. Well, I read as a kid. I mean, I read, you know, Babysitter's Club and yeah Nancy Drew and those kinds of things. But yeah um now now i I do a lot of kind of like academic exploration and research.
00:04:49
Speaker
Yeah. I love it. Okay. Tell me about like high school years. What were you into? Okay. So I was a drama nerd. um I ah new used the word nerd a lot, but I was a drama kid and I loved, um you know, I love being on stage. I loved, i I directed a couple plays in my senior year of high school. wow um And ah yeah, i I actually started college as a drama major, but then I I moved into the social sciences. But um yeah, I love the theater.
00:05:18
Speaker
um My youngest daughter is also at theater kid. So that's kind of fun to watch her, um you know, go in that direction. So I was into theater. i was an academic. I was, um you know, kind of doing it all.
00:05:30
Speaker
Nice. What plays did you direct?
00:05:34
Speaker
I wish I remembered. I want to say it was either um the effect of gamma rays on Man in the Moon Marigolds or Up the Down Staircase. I can't remember. I think we did both of those shows, but it was a long, long time ago.
00:05:50
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It was fun stuff. Yeah. I was on the theater nerd as well. Yeah. So I love that. I was going to ask you, what was like your relationship with dating life in high school and maybe like college years?
00:06:05
Speaker
Yeah. So I always had like kind of like serial serious relationships. So I was always kind of in a, um you know, kind of a serious relationship, even when I was a kid.
00:06:17
Speaker
um i think I, my first serious relationship was in high school and then like that lasted through most of my college years. And then I, moved into another one and then I got married.
00:06:29
Speaker
So yeah, I, I love love and I love being connected, ah to people. Um, I've learned a lot about how to do that well, but, um, yeah, you have to, you have to go through the journey to, to get to where you want to be. Yeah. Would you consider those, um, relationships like healthy and i guess,
00:06:48
Speaker
The high school one and then like leading into the next and the next. Yeah. i see me Like repeatable patterns. That's such a good question. um Definitely repeatable patterns. No question about it. But I think each relationship got subsequently healthier.
00:07:02
Speaker
um i think my first relationship, like I had no idea how to show up or how to ask for what I wanted or um You know, i was just I was just a kid, ah but we did the best we could. And he was, you know, he was a good guy and he tried his best as well.
00:07:16
Speaker
um And then with each, you know, kind of ah relationship, um I got I got a little better. i got i knew got to know myself. a lot better. Yeah. What was important to me? I think that's really important in terms of like relationship health. But yeah, there are some there are some patterns there.
00:07:32
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I love it. Okay. So drama major in college, and then you said to the sciences, walk me through that journey. Yeah. So, you know, I think I, obviously I loved drama and i I never expected to be a performer. I always thought I would like teach. um But I am got into college and I started taking like entry level psychology and sociology and communication classes and I really fell in love with sociology um which is you know kind of the study of society and its impact on our individual lives how that shows up for us as as human beings um I was like ah instantly in love so yeah I started taking every class that I could get my hands on that ultimately became my major yeah
00:08:20
Speaker
Nice, nice, nice. I love it. And then I guess talk about like either early jobs out of college, first jobs, or maybe like getting married young or anything you want to share. Oh, for sure.
Balancing Career, Marriage, and Motherhood
00:08:31
Speaker
So um out of college, I went straight into the workforce. um i I always anticipated going back to grad school um because, you know, kind of when you're in the social sciences, that is how you make the most impact.
00:08:47
Speaker
And um But I didn't have the money to do that right away. So I went into um marketing. I worked at a microscope company. Santa Barbara happens to be like a microscope Mecca.
00:08:58
Speaker
And i ah I did technical marketing ah for them, publicity and marketing. um trade shows and those kinds of things. So i learned a lot about I learned a lot about marketing. And then in that job, I happened to meet my husband at the time. And um you know one thing led to another and we week got married and um ah I worked there for several years and then I left to have my son At the same time that my ex-husband now and left to start his own business. So it was a lot of transition and change.
00:09:34
Speaker
um And yeah, that kind of created the path that we went down. without a lot of thought about how that was going to look. Did he like kind of, um, consult you before he started this new venture or it was it like, did you, were you have, did you have any involvement with it as well?
00:09:52
Speaker
Yeah, no, he definitely did. we had lots of conversations about it. I, I knew from the the get-go that that was, uh, what he wanted, that he always wanted to be an entrepreneur. He had, um,
00:10:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:08
Speaker
the path that he wanted to take he didn't know exactly how that was going to look um i i mean i think just like having kids nobody knows what starting a business is going to be until you actually do it and you're like oh wow This is a lot different than I anticipated. And yeah, we did have conversations about that. I think the timing wasn't ideal in terms of like having a baby at exactly the same time. Yeah.
00:10:32
Speaker
Two babies at work, right? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. So um yeah we had conversations about it, but they were very kind of... um ah like idealistic yeah in terms of like, he's like, okay, well I'll build this business for two years and then I'll sell it. And then you can go back to grad school and you know, it didn't just didn't work out that way.
00:10:55
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Okay. so walk me through like the or early years of like being a new mom, like, did you have any postpartum and like, just what were your all your like feelings during that time?
00:11:10
Speaker
um Becoming a new mom for me was incredibly gratifying and incredibly isolating. like i really um I really was not prepared for the identity shift that was going to happen to go from um you know kind of very professionally and academically driven to kind of pouring all of my energy into be into that, into being like the best mom that I could without balancing that. I didn't yeah didn't have good balance around that. So I really struggled with my identity.
00:11:44
Speaker
I was never diagnosed with postpartum depression. um it really, that was 20, almost 25 years ago. And so it wasn't that we weren't having the conversations about maternal mental health in the same way that we are now.
00:11:57
Speaker
Um, but it was, it was hard. It was a real, yeah real big struggle. And then, you know, at the same time, ah we went from two incomes to no incomes and we had, uh, you know, my, my husband was very, um, you know, very driven to build his business. And so he didn't have a lot of, a lot of time. It was, it was a lot of transition all at once. It was really a hard time.
00:12:20
Speaker
Did you out quit the telescope company like while you're pregnant or I left, um, I left when my son was born. I never went back after I had ah had him, but I worked up until like, um you know, right before I gave birth.
00:12:38
Speaker
And then I didn't go back to that job. When do you feel like the relationship was kind of like drifting and falling apart a little bit? And like, what were your feelings around that time? Yeah. Well, we were married for over 20 years. and we We
Navigating Marriage Challenges
00:12:51
Speaker
tried ah hard and a lot. I feel like that first year of marriage was really, really challenging.
00:12:57
Speaker
um And um you know we had we had ups and downs. we we We gave it our all, both of us, in a lot of ways. Wow. um So, yeah, there were ups and downs. There were times when, you know, he had one foot out the door, times when I had one foot out the door, times when we were totally connected. And um ultimately, it was just time to move on.
00:13:20
Speaker
Did you try therapy yourself? I tried therapy myself for sure. I did. I've done a lot of therapy. I was diagnosed with anxiety after my second daughter was born. um and, uh, that prompted me on a long therapeutic journey, which was, you know, life changing.
00:13:37
Speaker
Um, very grateful for, um we together did couples therapy, ah towards the end of the relationship, probably when it was a little bit too late to have that sort intervention.
00:13:48
Speaker
Yeah. So the third kid was, is that from this marriage too? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we, we just kept doing stuff. We doing it i kept moving and remodeling houses and having babies and starting businesses. And it was incredible.
00:14:03
Speaker
It was, it was, we had always had something going on. the business Was it business successful? It was, it was, he, uh, you know, he was able to build a very successful business, but that two years looked more like 10 years.
00:14:17
Speaker
Um, and, um, and then, you know, he sold it and then it evolved into something else and he did other things. And, um, and so, you know, the break, where it was my turn to explore my professional pursuits just never came because it was hard by that point, by that point in time, like his career was so established.
00:14:37
Speaker
And like from a monetary standpoint, his time was so valuable that it, it was hard to make that shift. It was hard for him mentally to see the value in making that shift. And it was hard for me to voice what I needed to have happen. Yeah.
00:14:51
Speaker
Man. Okay. So now you're on third, baby. And are you guys just completely like disconnected, just kind of like going through like everyday life, just like trying to get by? And then like, how did it all crumble?
00:15:05
Speaker
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Speaker
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00:16:24
Speaker
I mean, yes and I think um we, again, like I said, it's it's not like a linear process. It's not like, you know, kind of like everything's good and then it slowly declines. It's like, you know, we'd have these moments where, you know, especially when like my youngest daughter went, um she went back to school and then I had a little bit more time and capacity, um you know, then we would have some, we would have some more connection. we would, we would work on that connection. I would, I would work on that connection and, um, and, and we would see some improvement and then things, you know, kind of, we get bad again. And I think the, the, the ultimate, you know, b split happened when, um, we just were not able to meet each other's needs.
00:17:14
Speaker
And that was, uh, that was like six years ago. Okay. Okay. Six or seven years ago. Yeah. Was it hard or just like transitional? Was it just like, okay, like almost a relief? Oh, it was both.
00:17:25
Speaker
Both of those things. It was hard and a relief. um Yeah. it was It was not what either one of us had hoped for when we got married. Yeah. No question about it. I mean, we definitely thought we thought we were aligned. We thought we were going to be together forever.
00:17:40
Speaker
um and it's just not the way that it turned out. So it was it was hard and it was also relief because there was there's a lot of suffering as a marriage is ending. Yeah. Okay. So I guess at that time, you could um tell me about like the time, like it all happened and like that time of your life and then how you kind of like evolved into like your business and talk about your business.
Empowering Women with Technology and Coaching
00:18:02
Speaker
Yeah. So the, those kind of my divorce and ending of my marriage intersected with the starting of my business. So that was about the time when I was really um very ah ready to reenter the paid workforce and And, um, I was looking back and, you know kind of trying to put together the future, what that looked like, what kind of jobs I would, I would seek out, um, and putting together my resume. And I was, you know, kind of, it's, it was a really interesting eyeopening moment when I was like, all of these things that I had done as a parent, all of the volunteer work, all of the research, all of the scheduling and coordinating,
00:18:42
Speaker
Um, logistics, uh, behavioral science, all of it that I had done as a parent, ah made me an asset in a lot of ways, but there was no way to translate that work onto my resume.
00:18:58
Speaker
So i kind of put my social science hat back on and I started thinking about like, what had, what would it have looked like if I had tracked that work over all of those years? If I had been, um you know, kind of clear about the work that I had done and how that translated into my skillset and what would it look like if lots of women did that?
00:19:20
Speaker
What would it look like if we had this kind of, um you know way of translating unpaid labor? into economic value, wow and which it definitely has.
00:19:33
Speaker
um And so another friend of mine was going through a similar situation at the time, and we decided to build an invisible labor tracker. And so we built a mobile app that allowed women to quantify the work that they do and to see the kind of market value for that work and and to be able to use that in a way to facilitate conversations or however they wanted to do that.
00:19:56
Speaker
So that was really interesting. That was back in 2017. That was right about the time that um my husband moved out. and ah And so it was all all kind of at the same time.
00:20:11
Speaker
um And then um we found that a lot of women, we had thousands and thousands of women download the app And this was before pre-pandemic. We weren't talking about the mental load. We weren't talking about unpaid labor except in academic circles.
00:20:28
Speaker
And so um i we found that women were fascinated. They were validated. they were excited and curious about the opportunity to do this.
00:20:41
Speaker
um But what they ultimately found is that they didn't just need data. They needed their husbands to do the work with them. They needed them to understand and to share that labor with them. And so that led me down the path of becoming a relationship coach so that I could teach people how to do that.
00:20:58
Speaker
What was app called? The app, the app still exists, but it's transformed in a lot of ways. It was called tend. um Okay. And yeah. And so it still exists as a, as a household organizer.
00:21:12
Speaker
What was the, Oh, okay. i was going to say, what was it? Like the tagline? Yeah. Um, how what was the tagline back then? I'm just like kind of, um, wondering how people found you through like, cause it kind of exists, you know what I mean?
00:21:24
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, for sure. Well, we had we had a lot of um a lot of challenges. I, you know, as you know, it's a noisy world and like finding finding your way. We did a lot of like, um we did social media, we did a lot of advertising, but I think it was, you know, the tagline was something along the lines of, you know, make the invisible visible.
00:21:43
Speaker
Yeah. And and we talked at that time, we were targeting moms specifically with that app. Yeah. I love it. I love it. Oh my God, that's so cool. um Okay. So what is your hot topic and why is it so near and dear to your heart?
00:21:57
Speaker
My hot topic um is around and the concept of using wedding planning specifically as a marriage preparation tool. So um as a tool to build equal partnerships from day one. So from my own personal experience and um you know kind of all of the research that I've done around relationship health,
00:22:19
Speaker
and i think and ah particularly ah around gender equity in partnerships. um I keep kind of kind trying to pull it back to like, where's the best place to meet couples where they can have the maximum impact. And that is really before they get married.
00:22:35
Speaker
um And so um I use the wedding planning process as, as a teaching tool, as a way for couples to practice um being in good partnership with each other, deconstructing gender norms, um helpful communication, managing equitable labor, staying connected during stressful times.
00:22:59
Speaker
um And so that that's kind of the hot topic that I have found myself in at this part of my journey. That's cool. So are you kind of like um like the relationship coach and you have like a program where you sit with a couple a couple times and then you actually are the officiant as well?
00:23:17
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So i you know I work with couples. I believe very much in a um kind of fluid and a fluid way of working with people in the way that works best for them. So I do have a program um that is premarital and like I said, outlines all of those things.
00:23:36
Speaker
Um, and then, you know, the way to make couples, um, have the most impact, like I said, is to integrate it into the wedding planning journey.
00:23:48
Speaker
But the best way for me to do that was to learn more about wedding planning and become an officiant, like learn how the, um how the ceremony ah is written, how the love story is written, how couples come to this, how they choose their officiant, how they choose their um you know their wedding vendors.
00:24:06
Speaker
um So yeah, I have packages where I do all of that. Wow. Okay. So I guess you could just start off with like a couple tips on how to make marriage a marriage as equal as possible.
00:24:18
Speaker
Yeah. So what's interesting about wedding planning specifically, it's such a it's such an interesting dynamic because it actually starts the inequality without you even realizing that it's happening. So as you know, you've been in the wedding industry for a long time.
00:24:34
Speaker
The wedding industry is very bride focused, right? It's all about like, it's her big day. She tends to be the one who takes on the majority of the planning. And um that actually starts people down the path of that, of an unequal division of labor, because then she becomes the one who's knows how all the family's, you know, preferences, she becomes the one that people go to for events.
00:25:00
Speaker
Um, she becomes the one who's knowledgeable, um, about, um, you know, how you show up as a couple in the world. So even though a wedding should be a joint venture, it's your first big project together. um it really becomes her responsibility.
00:25:15
Speaker
yeah and then, uh, you know, I'm talking mostly about heterosexual couples here. This shows up differently in same sex couples, of course. um But um in heterosexual couples, what happens is like behind the scenes, the bride is doing all the research on the different vendors, presents two or three options to her partner, and then he helps make a decision and he's like, oh, well, that was equal.
00:25:37
Speaker
Well, it wasn't. And that carries forward as you build a home together, as you have children together. And that's the process that we interrupt if you want to have um an equitable partnership. So that's where I recommend couples start is by getting really clear about all of the gendered messages that come at us from like cultural inputs, deconstructing those, figure out what really holds true for you, and then figure out a system where you can share the load more equally.
00:26:06
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, and to the audience, like I did research on you. So you're coming from a place where like when you had kids and your husband was starting a new business, like you felt like every task fell on you and it was very isolating and it probably got more lonely and more lonely, but people told you that you you should just make your husband happy. Right. And you just kept going and going, going until you're completely depleted, depleted.
00:26:32
Speaker
yeah Yeah, no, that's right. And you know, i think, That wasn't either of our intent, but it was so easy to fall into those patterns because, um you know, he was getting positive feedback for his business success.
00:26:49
Speaker
I was getting positive feedback that he was successful and that I was the kind of parent that people expect. It highly involved. I was um showing up all the time, volunteering in the schools. And I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that, yeah but I didn't get paid for any of my work over all of those years.
00:27:08
Speaker
yeah And so there was ah power dynamic that showed up that created friction that we didn't we couldn't dig ourselves out of. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.
00:27:19
Speaker
Okay, so you've talked to like so many couples. um What is like one exercise that you give them to kind of bring this on the table? Because it's, it's something that we don't just like naturally talk about.
00:27:35
Speaker
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Speaker
AfterShoot, I can't thank you enough for giving me back my time to focus on this podcast. Oh yeah, back to the podcast. Yeah, I think one of the most important things I do with my couples in my program is creating a very clear, very granular shared vision of the life that they want to build together.
Building Equitable Partnerships in Marriages
00:28:59
Speaker
um So I'll kind of relate it to like what what my husband and I went through. So we were we thought we were aligned because we were like, oh, yes, I support you in starting this business.
00:29:10
Speaker
Oh, yes, we both want to have children. And that's kind of as far as we got. And so what I help couples do is really get clear about all of the things that are required to get to the places where you want to go So we we talk about, um you know, short term, long term goals, regular check ins to make sure that you're still aligned, how to have contingency plans when life kind of gets in the way.
00:29:37
Speaker
um So I think that like really granular shared vision about every single aspect of your life, not just professional and parenting, but, you know, also it might be things around like what you want your relationship with your family to look like, your extended family, what you want, um how you want to build community, how you want to have individual hobbies and pursuits outside of life.
00:29:58
Speaker
or Outside of the, you know, kind of the other things that you do, um yeah what your spirituality looks like to you, getting really granular so that you're not met with surprises of misalignment later down the road.
00:30:10
Speaker
Yeah, I think what happens is, you know, they don't have someone like you to facilitate those conversations. So They just try to like get to each anniversary and then they're going to go through so many like hiccups. Like um my marriage has been so rough.
00:30:28
Speaker
And then i think over the next five, seven years, it's like. All of those problems, it kind of like separates them because they get like jaded.
00:30:40
Speaker
Disconnect. Disconnect. Yeah, they learn. Yeah, resentment. and They learn how to make it work, but like in their own way. And then it leads to just being like, I'm done, you know?
00:30:51
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, it it's it's such a slippery slope. And there's so much that we can do to improve our relationship health and improve our lives, right? Like there's lots of data that shows us that having a healthy relationship is good for our physical health. It's good for our mental health. It's good for our kids. Yeah. um But it's hard to do without support.
00:31:15
Speaker
It really Well, were there like the early years of your business like to get – Like first, like, yeah, the app. And then you have like this aha moment. Like, I want to be a like officiant and relationship coach.
00:31:26
Speaker
How did you get your first like couple of clients? And did you just like fall in love? And then how did like your business evolve after that? Well, so I, you know, like I said, I've been through a lot of iterations of this, a lot of pivots. So it was a, you know, it was a few years in between each of these. So I did the app, I started the app, i was trying to figure out how to how to monetize that in a way that made sense, listen to the feedback, had to get trained as a coach. I think it's really important if you are going to, you know, use a coach to have somebody who has proper training,
00:31:55
Speaker
um So then I trained as a coach. And then once I once I did that, then, you know, I put my past marketing expertise into into um effect and um started bringing on clients ah that way. um And, and then, you know, most of my clients actually are young parents.
00:32:15
Speaker
So people who have kids. kids And they're, they're in crisis because all of the things that happened in my marriage and in so many other marriages are happening to them where they're like, oh, have this total identity shift. We don't have as many, we don't have as much time and resources. We don't have support.
00:32:30
Speaker
um And so we end up, you know, it's still very useful work, by it but you know, if, if they were going into it more prepared, they wouldn't have to suffer through all of that.
00:32:41
Speaker
So, yeah. So that's, that's when i was like, okay, how do I take this a step further? How do I step back? um to, um you know, kind of reach people at the premarital stage so we can set themselves up for success, build their marriage on this super solid foundation.
00:32:59
Speaker
um And so that's when I decided to become an officiant and create a premarital program. Oh, I love that. I wish I had you. I hear that a lot. Yeah, it saved a lot of suffering. and um Can I ask you if you're in a relationship now?
00:33:18
Speaker
I am. Yeah, I am in a relationship now. I'm not remarried. um I don't know what that looks like um for me, but I am in the happiest, healthiest relationship of my life.
00:33:29
Speaker
um One where we really truly value um each other's relationship kind of individuality and our relationship together.
00:33:40
Speaker
and we dedicate a lot of time and energy to staying connected and staying aligned. Oh, I love that. And then random, have you seen the show younger? No.
00:33:51
Speaker
its on It's on Netflix, but her her she has a daughter early with her husband and then he kind of like um loses all their money. And then she goes back to the workforce and she can't get a job.
00:34:04
Speaker
So then she has to say that she's 40, but she has to say she's 26. Oh. She pretends to be an intern. Okay. I've seen the trailers for that. i'll have to I'll have to take a look at it. Yeah. Yeah. So Hilary Duff is in it. She looks so cute. um Oh, amazing. Hasn't aged at all. But it's funny. So she has to be in that character um just to get the job. But even though her like she has so much skills from, like like you said, like PTA, doing all the stuff and being a mom, street smarts, but it's not translated into a resume.
00:34:31
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's real. It's a real, real problem. it's That's where the gender wage gap comes from is um the motherhood penalty. And it affects all women, whether they um become a parent or not.
00:34:47
Speaker
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay, so now like a lot of wedding professionals are listening. And then of course, like people are in relationships, like what is something they could do maybe today if like they've been married for one year, five year ten years, 10 years, 20 years to improve their relationship?
00:35:06
Speaker
So I would say the first thing um that couples really should do to improve their relationship is um kind of deconstruct those old stories that they were raised with about gender norms, cultural expectations. That's the first thing that I do with my clients, whether they're, you know, before they've been married, newly married or, you know, young ah parents.
00:35:33
Speaker
Um, I think so much of how we show up in our relationships is not authentic to us. It's not based on our values is based on what someone else told us we should be doing. Um, so that's the first place I, I start, um, with my couples is to deconstruct those old stories and then start to write new ones.
00:35:54
Speaker
Interesting. So those stories are kind of stem from the parents, like how they were raised, like, oh, like, your mom needs to cook for you every night, or maybe their dad cooked for them, stuff like that, or they need to not work, pick up the kids do all like, um like, my dad doesn't cook or do dishes. um But yeah my husband doesn't, I don't cook.
00:36:13
Speaker
um So it's just kind of like wiping that all off. And then like, kind of writing your your own story together. Wanting pros, I have a new and exciting opportunity for you to make passive income with digital products and courses and affiliate marketing.
00:36:30
Speaker
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00:36:42
Speaker
And life just got a lot easier. Get your weekends back and comment at me at Carissa Wu, the word info, and I'll send you a free sneak peek guide on how to make passive income.
00:36:53
Speaker
And if you're ready to start making money from home while being there for the moments that matter, I can't wait to connect.
00:37:03
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. I think, you know, um it comes from our families of origin. Definitely, you know, whether, um you know, what a good mom looks like, what a good dad looks like, what a good wife looks like, what a good husband looks like.
00:37:19
Speaker
But those messages also come from cultural sources as well. So just kind of challenging the belief structure you have around things um and and being clear about those, making them transparent ah in a way, which is not something that we often do. we don't think about all of this messaging that came in um and then rewrite it. And some of those things may be authentic to you. They may hold true for you. You may want to be that kind of partner.
00:37:46
Speaker
But you need to be clear that that's true for you and that your partner is on board with that so that you're aligned in from an understanding perspective. Oh, I love that. Do you um or what is one advice that you give to your children on how to have healthy
Guiding Children Towards Healthy Relationships
00:38:03
Speaker
relationships? Not that they're like young adults.
00:38:05
Speaker
And do they take your advice? Yeah.
00:38:10
Speaker
um I think the, you know, the biggest advice I give them is to be really solid in who they are, really get to know, understand, love themselves wholly and completely.
00:38:25
Speaker
um and that is going to prime them to um be ready when the right people come along. And yeah, I'm really close with my kids. They, they listen and then they do and everybody has to do and try and fail and succeed and all the things.
00:38:43
Speaker
Um, you can't have your parents just guide you, you know? Um, so yeah, that's just, it's to really know and love yourself, um, before you try to be a good partner.
00:38:54
Speaker
Oh, that's really good advice. I want to instill that in my kids just to love themselves before that. That's the most important thing. For sure. To get into her a relationship.
00:39:05
Speaker
Yeah. There is, I don't know much, many people doing what you're doing, but um so in my mind, you're kind of an illegal your own, but how, how do you get your like, heck yes, from your dream client? Do you have any techniques or sales techniques?
00:39:20
Speaker
Yeah. So, you know, I'm working on developing that right now. So it's, you know, it's easier to get a heck yes from people who are suffering. They need the help.
00:39:31
Speaker
But, um you know, my theory is is that and most people who do premarital counseling or premarital coaching do it in relation to their religious connections. So they do it through their church or their pastor or 90% of premarital education is done from a religious capacity, but we have a growing segment of the population who identifies as not religious.
00:39:54
Speaker
um And so um i I'm trying to figure out my, my the theory is, is that the way to do that is to get the buy-in from the wedding industry is to get kind of the wedding veterans, the people who understand couples to um kind of support this ah shift to give people, I mean, the the research is very clear that premarital education is highly effective.
00:40:22
Speaker
um So how do we do that? How do we create this mutually beneficial situation where other wedding vendors, um you know, are able to serve their clients better, maybe don't have clients who are as difficult to work with because they have a relationship coach that they're working with.
00:40:38
Speaker
and So yeah, i'm I'm really excited to really cultivate those partnerships with the with other wedding vendors. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, i will be referring you and I hope ah thank you this podcast gets you some business um because I feel like this message is so powerful um and it's something I haven't heard of before. So thank you. Yeah. I mean, I'm obviously unbelievably passionate about it.
00:41:03
Speaker
um It's, you know, it's when you see something that's so glaring that is happening and, and you know that you can, shift the needle in a really positive way that actually makes social change, right? If we you get young couples before they get married, they build a solid marriage, solid foundation, they choose to have children, those children are raised in a healthy environment, they learn how to be good partners, they learn how to have equality in their relationships, that changes things yeah in the long run.
00:41:31
Speaker
um And it just, it just prevents so much suffering. So yeah, thank you for saying that. I had just – totally anonymous, and they don't listen to my podcast, but I had a conversation with ah um a friend, and then she was – they were getting divorced, and shes she said, like, the reason why. And she was like, oh, like, he didn't think of me. He didn't, like, buy me my favorite candy at a gas station. or um And I was like, it really – kind of gave me perspective. And I was like, dude, I need to start doing little things for my husband because that little candy bag could have like saved their marriage. You know i mean?
00:42:07
Speaker
Totally. It's those little things add up. They are really, really significant. Your partner, you know, needs to know that you're thinking of them. Yeah. You care about them. that you You know, we tend to get to this place where we're stressed out. That's, that's actually the, the, um, the name of my company, um means that we need to not, we need to tend to each other, not just handle all the tasks of life.
00:42:35
Speaker
So we, you know, we get so stressed and so busy. We're in this world where we're working all the time and we're pulled in all these different directions. but we need to tend to the most important relationships in our life. We need to tend to each other.
00:42:50
Speaker
And that's doing those small things that's showing up with your partner's favorite snack or, you know, sending them a meme that they, that you know, that they'll laugh about, or, you know, just an, I love you text in the middle of the day and all the big things too, you know, sharing the load of parenting and caring for a household. It all matters. Yeah.
00:43:11
Speaker
And you have a plant behind you too. So you got to tend to that too. Okay. Got to tend to those plants. Tend to those plants. um Let's do rapid fire questions. These are more like shorter answers. yeah um What is one thing you do like maybe weekly or biweekly with your partner boyfriend that kind of helps you connect?
00:43:31
Speaker
um So we ah actually are long distance at the moment. And so we every single day we wake up, we check in with each other. How did you sleep? How are you feeling? What do you have on top for the day?
00:43:45
Speaker
um and then at the end of the day, and then again, before we go to sleep. So we have check ins throughout the day, but those are the most important. Um, so we're, we kind of always know what is going on with each other. Um, and then we are very intentional about when we do get to be together, um, how we spend that time and, um, really connecting.
00:44:06
Speaker
Oh, wow. That's good. Uh, what is your woo factor? What makes you stand up? Well, I think you've said it. I mean, I'm doing some, I'm trying to do something really different. And that's what I've been doing kind of ah my whole life. My whole career is, um is, is just trying to make some change, trying to um help couples do better.
00:44:27
Speaker
It's hard. It's a hard life that we live. And, um, um there's so much potential to be more connected, be happier, um and have more long lasting successful marriages. So I think that's, you know, my woo factor. Yay. Okay, one more question before we tell everyone where to find you and your freebie. But um i guess just like maybe like a success story of one of your couples of like, um being broken or, and then how do they fix that, like a big problem they had and how they resolved it?
00:45:01
Speaker
Yeah, I think, um so there's, there's a couple things that I see in couples um that really cause a lot of tension. One is the thing that we talked about um in terms of like sharing the load of ah both the mental load and the physical load of of running a household. So Um, many of my couples have, um, come to greater understanding, ah both from the partner who does more about how to release some of that and the partner who isn't as involved, how to show up better.
00:45:33
Speaker
And that is again, getting very granular about like, what are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? What works well? How can we apply that? Um, and, uh, creating systems that allow them to share that a lot better. That's my favorite thing to see couples do. ah The other thing is ah people are really stretched around um finances, especially if one of them leaves their job to stay home with their kids, which most people end up having to do because childcare so freaking expensive.
00:46:03
Speaker
yeah um So with that, I i often walk clients through um you know how to how it budget better. I'm not a financial expert, but just how to bring transparency.
00:46:16
Speaker
Oftentimes, we just don't know how to have the conversations, right? having the conversations, putting it all on the table, seeing where the issues actually are, and then setting up systems so that they they can improve and loved those things. So yeah.
00:46:29
Speaker
Where can everyone find you, Felicia? And I think you have something for our listeners. Yeah. So I'm everywhere at TentTask, T-E-N-D-T-A-S-K. You can find me on my website there, on social media, Pinterest, Instagram, YouTube, all the places. um and Yeah. And then I, like I said, my goal is to really build a partnership with wedding vendors. So that is, you know, my offer today is um I do offer an affiliate program for
00:47:00
Speaker
um wedding vendors who refer me to their clients, whether I officiate for them or not. I also work with other officiants. um But my goal is to make that relationship super beneficial. It's totally free to join the the program.
00:47:13
Speaker
um And I'll help guide you on how to how to share it with your clients. And yeah, so that's that's what I'm offering today. Thank you, Felicia. I really love this conversation.
00:47:25
Speaker
Thank you. was my pleasure.
00:47:31
Speaker
Thanks for joining me this week on Get a Heck Yes with Carissa Wu. Make sure to follow, subscribe, leave a review, or tell a friend about the show. Take a screenshot and post to IG. Tag me. Also, don't forget to download my free guide on how to become a lead generating machine.
00:47:47
Speaker
See you next time, wedding pros.