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Ep. 63 - 7 REASONS YOU feel like you ARE NOT REACHING YOUR GOALS
5 Plays10 days ago
As a coach, I have heard every excuse under the sun as to why people are not able to reach their goals.
Stick with me here, and I’ll tell you what I’ve learned as a coach and business owner.
And as a self employed single mum, living in a rural location, I understand all the reasons, it’s not that I’m not compassionate.
But I also understand what is behind everyone of those reasons.. which is FEAR
Fear of failure
Fear of realising your dreams and then having to step things up a notch or two to sustain it
Fear of what others will think of you as you grow evolve & change.
The essence of it is that if you’ve decided you can’t reach your goals, then you are right, you won’t.
In this episode I will unpack the 7 reasons you may not feel like you are not reaching your goals?
And alternative perspectives to help you stay aligned with your mission & vision.
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Transcript
Introduction and Personal Journey
00:00:00
Speaker
Do you desire to create a life where you live out your highest expression? Connect with other creative souls, also living life and doing business to the beat of their own drum? I am Marie Nicole and I am devoted to combining beauty, uniqueness and connection.
00:00:15
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in everyday living experiences. As a creative professional and Dharma coach, I help people connect to the truth of who they are and facilitate them in embodying their uniqueness. I am also a mother of two precious young men and with children in tow have established and run unique businesses and embraced opportunities that have contributed to my creative career while creating magical memories for them too.
00:00:40
Speaker
It is my hope that this podcast inspires you to live life on your terms and earn your income through Being Uniquely You. After all, it is the unique thread we each contribute to the collective tapestry that creates the whole.
Barriers and Breakthroughs
00:00:58
Speaker
Seven reasons you feel like you are not reaching your goals. I'm gonna list them straight away. Number one, you are not showing up for yourself. And number two, you are not grateful for what you have already achieved. Number three, you are looking at others further along the path with envy rather than inspiration. Number four, you are not willing to look at where you need to level up, what you need to learn and what changes you need to make.
00:01:24
Speaker
Number five, you are looking for a quick solution rather than playing the long game. Number six, you are not connected to your own truth or what success actually means for you. And number seven, you are not prepared to invest the time or cost it really takes to realise your dreams.
00:01:42
Speaker
Some of you will stop listening because you didn't like what you just heard. That in itself is a good indication that I hit a nerve, an uncomfortable truth that you have not yet been prepared to face. Others will be wondering who I am and what gives me the right to say this about others. Especially if you're only new to this podcast and you've skipped over the intro.
00:02:02
Speaker
But if you stick with me here, I will tell you what I have learned as a coach and a business owner. And I'll give you examples of why I have expressed these seven reasons. As a coach, I have heard every excuse under the sun as to why people are not able to reach their goals.
00:02:20
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As a self-employed single mum living in a rural location, I understand all the reasons. It's not that I am not compassionate, but I also understand what is behind every one of those reasons.
Redefining Success and Personal Growth
00:02:33
Speaker
which is fear, fear of failure, fear of realizing your dreams and having then to step things up a notch or two to sustain it, fear of what others will think of you as you grow, evolve and change, fear of losing friends that you currently sit and share your woes with about why you are not reaching your goals. What are you going to talk about with them when you turn up saying, I've reached a major milestone in my business? And then that makes them feel uncomfortable around you because they have not reached theirs yet.
00:03:03
Speaker
It would be nice to think that they'd be happy for you but some people find it hard to be around success because it is easier to talk about how hard it is to obtain rather than actually putting the work to get there. Success does not just have to be about financial goals. Even though money is very important and I am not dismissing that,
00:03:24
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But if you are grateful for all that you have because your version of success, abundance and prosperity does not align with the other person's version of success, then your gratitude may not resonate with them.
00:03:37
Speaker
But this is not really what I want to focus on today. I want to share with you what I have observed through my coaching and experience myself through my personal journey. Let me start by saying that anyone who has provided a testimonial after working with me is really an example of them showing up for themselves, allowing themselves to sit in the discomfort of facing their fear,
00:04:00
Speaker
recognising the gaps that they needed to fill in order to reach their goals and their version of success, and they too are still on that journey. And we'll continue to be, as am I. This is a journey of a lifetime. It is not a once and done.
00:04:17
Speaker
Now for those who have listened to my podcast before, you would have heard me share that I'm a coach in the Digital Solutions Program and promote that that service could be supportive to you. Today, however, I'm going to take a different approach with that and say that it will only support you if you are prepared to show up and if you are prepared to put in the work.
00:04:39
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I am not a fan of being referred to as an expert. In this role, I am not here to teach you information.
Commitment to Continuous Learning
00:04:46
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There is a lot of information out there that is available to you for free. If you want to dive even deeper, then there are numerous courses that you can invest thousands of dollars into, like I have over and over again to acquire knowledge.
00:05:01
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But let me assure you that the $45 plus GST investment will not equate to a $5,000 investment into a step-by-step how-to course. This is a heavily government funded program saving you a lot of money and I only get paid when you show up. So it is not supportive for me to chase you to convince you to turn up.
00:05:22
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But I show up to support you with my years of investment in both time, money, research, testing, tweaking for my own business. Even after the thousands I have invested in learning, I am still to this day researching, trying, testing and tweaking.
00:05:39
Speaker
So when I show up to support you to offer you guidance from what I have learned, guidance tailored to support you in what you need to build your confidence and create consistency in your digital presence, I do so out of passion and experience. So when I opened this episode telling you reasons why I think you are not reaching your goals, it is because I have seen it over and over again. The essence of it is that if you have decided you can't reach your goals, then you are right, you won't.
00:06:09
Speaker
But if you want someone to guide you in developing habits and practices that will support you in achieving the goals at a foundation level and support you in elevating yourself from there, then by all means sign up for the program via the link in the show notes, but make a commitment to yourself that you will show up for you, even if it is only just under $50.
00:06:32
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The alternative is to spend thousands of dollars with me directly through my embodiment coaching service and have a service tailored to suit your needs for both business and life. I am sure you would show up to those sessions based on the amount that you have invested alone, but would you still be prepared to look at areas of what you are doing that is not supportive of you reaching your goals?
00:06:54
Speaker
And let me share with you my learnings that have supported me in reaching mine, which will not be exactly what you've learned before or have been exposed to before. Of course, there are so many options out there and I can even provide a third for you. The other is to join the Soaring membership. The Creators Nest Soaring membership is now open. It's only US$33 a month. We meet fortnightly for a virtual gathering on a Monday, closest to the new moon and full moon in the cycle.
00:07:23
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during During these sessions I guide members through practices to support them in achieving their goals each month and we have sharing time during which we can discuss our challenges, wins and explore what we are curious about among a supportive group of other business owners doing business to their own beat too.
00:07:42
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In between gatherings, I also share other activities, journal prompts, et cetera. The intention with this is to support you in thriving, in reaching your version of success. If you would like to find out more enjoying the soaring membership, there's a link to that in the show notes too.
Overcoming Internal Barriers and Celebrating Success
00:07:57
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So let's unpack the seven reasons you may feel like you are not reaching your goals. And the first one being, you are not really showing up for yourself. I already gave some insight into this by sharing how People who have joined the digital solutions program have not shown up for sessions for a variety of reasons. I am not saying everyone who hasn't shown up is lazy. I really don't believe that anyone who commits to starting their own business to me does not demonstrate laziness.
00:08:27
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I really do think fear of failure and even overwhelm, not knowing where to start or what to focus on. But that is all the more reason to show up to a session and receive support. Even if you are not working with a coach, showing up for yourself by journaling, expressing your fears and concerns on a page. I know many people even outside of coaching who have expressed a fear of even journaling in case someone else reads their journal.
00:08:53
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But letting go of that concern and showing up for yourself will move you closer to your goals rather than not taking action at all or facing your fears. I have worked with many coaches myself over the years, so I know what it feels like when you feel that perhaps you're not doing it right or you've not done enough. But the coaches aren't there to tell you what you are doing wrong. They are there to unlock inside of you what you are capable of achieving.
00:09:21
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You would not have the ideas within you if you also did not have the capacity to achieve them. When a seed is planted, it is not just a seed. It is a seed that contains all the potential to become a tree. The conditions along its journey from seed to seedling to sapling to full blown tree is what determines whether or not it reaches its full potential.
00:09:45
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Another form of not showing up for yourself and outsourcing the issue by saying, my family, my partner, my friends are not supportive of my dream. They don't get it. It's not their dream to get. It's yours. The only person who can really see the full potential of your dream is you.
00:10:05
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You need to decide on what you need to support you on reaching your full potential and let them support you with specific requests that you ask for. They can't know what you need.
00:10:17
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At the moment I don't have a partner but I do have children who are both young men and at times they I say to them I need your help in realising my dreams and give a specific task to perform in support of what I need. It can be as simple as can you please vacuum the house this week. I have a very full schedule, I'm working on a project outside of that.
00:10:39
Speaker
These last few weeks I have been bringing all the content that I have created over the years around the topic of empowered dressing and I am creating a guidebook that will launch this week in the form of an e-book. This is an extremely busy time of year and there are lots of extra end of year activities that I have supported my youngest son with in particular.
00:11:00
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And my request for him to vacuum this week was not a huge one, but it supports our health and wellbeing and it'll give me the extra time to put towards the final stages of this project.
00:11:12
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He would not even think to ask if there is anything he can do to help me, even though I have shared the process of creating this book with him, asking his opinion on the sections, the design, the layout. The reason he would not think to offer is he is just used to seeing me juggle all that I do.
00:11:31
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like a professional juggler effortlessly. So to him, it doesn't look like I need support. But when he put in an extra request for something else to be added to my schedule, I was like, sure, but I need you to help me out by vacuuming.
00:11:46
Speaker
When I hear women say, my husband doesn't support me, I do everything for the kids, he doesn't understand how important this is to me, I ask them, have you ever told him? Maybe he doesn't see it because you haven't expressed it. If you show up for yourself first and demonstrate whatever it is you wish to realise is important to you, then when you ask for support, it's going to be a no-brainer.
00:12:13
Speaker
Witnessing you fit your dreams around your commitments. Them seeing that will bring you awareness to how you think it is important for you first. And as someone who loves you, they will support you in return. But if you don't show up for yourself and keep shoving your needs to the side, then they may think it's actually not that important to you.
00:12:36
Speaker
Number two, you're not grateful for what you have already achieved. Now, this sounds harsh, I know, but let's say that you have been showing up for yourself, but you still feel like you're not reaching your goals. Are you sure you're not reaching them? Or could it be that once you have reached a goal, you have your eye immediately fixed on the next one before you allow yourself to sit in the achievement of the previous goal you just reached?
00:13:00
Speaker
I am sure you have heard people say, it'll be better when, or I'll be happy when, or I'm getting there. My my question is, where exactly are they getting to? And what is it that they're working towards that never seems to be quite achievable for them? I am not saying we should not have future goals, but we also need to recognize the achievement that has led us to what we are experiencing here in the now.
00:13:27
Speaker
When I started my first business as a portrait and wedding photographer, the intention was to be able to earn an income using my creative skills, having flexibility in my career for when I had children, being able to work with them in tow, which was the case for my eldest son. He was around for a lot of that work, but I couldn't take him on photo shoots with me.
00:13:49
Speaker
And I did end up putting him into daycare earlier than I desired to. My goal for that business was not to become a multi-millionaire, setting up franchise a franchise business with studios in every city of the country. It was to do what I loved to earn an income.
00:14:05
Speaker
and to be able to be there for my family's needs too. Now when my second son was born I shifted to establishing a business that meant I could have him with me almost every step of the way. He did not go into daycare, he was with me full time until He was three and went to preschool. During their schooling years, I established my commercial space in town as a response to me feeling isolated and wanting to support other women in a similar situation. But that space was more than just my workspace. The boys used to bring their friends there after school to hang out. They used to spend school holidays in there. We hosted New Year's Eve parties on the balcony and other events outside of work.
00:14:49
Speaker
It was more like our town apartment as well as my workplace, which not only supported me but numerous other creative professionals from the region and beyond. I reached my version of success in all of those cases as my objective was to have a family and maintain a professional out identity outside of motherhood. I do not see myself as having failed because I do not claim to running an eight-figure business. That was not my goal. Abundance and prosperity for me is more than simply the numbers.
00:15:21
Speaker
So if you feel like you are never quite reaching your goals, spend some time reflecting on the magic of what you have created that once was not a part of your reality. Really connect with the beauty of what you are creating for yourself and your family.
00:15:37
Speaker
I have a friend who does not have children yet but he and his partner work for six months of the year making and selling their beautifully crafted artisanal wares and then six months traveling. He to me is successful because he has created a life for himself that he desired to live, not created a life based on what others see as success. Other friends started their soap making business in their garage and have built a successful business while raising their two young girls.
00:16:05
Speaker
They were able to walk their girls to and from school each day and recently moved their massive soap operation into a warehouse. They too are living a life by design. What have you achieved in your journey so far that aligns with the design of how you wish to live your life? If you focus on that, you will realise that you are reaching so many more goals along the way to the ultimate goal.
00:16:31
Speaker
But remember, the goalposts will keep shifting. So celebrating where you are at each step along the journey is what takes away the frustration of not being there yet.
00:16:43
Speaker
Number three, you are looking at others further down the path with envy rather than inspiration. If you see someone several steps ahead of you of where you wish to be and you see them as lucky, you are missing the opportunity to really learn from their journey and use it as guidance for how you too can reach that goal for yourself.
00:17:04
Speaker
When I am feeling limited or stuck, I use my time working on mundane activities to listen to podcasts and YouTube videos of entrepreneurs who are several steps ahead of me. ah Sharing the learnings they made along their journey, the challenges they have overcome,
00:17:22
Speaker
the strategies they found that have worked, the failures that they have experienced, how they continually picked themselves up, dusted themselves up and went on again. Even when they intentionally risked everything to reach the next level without guarantee that they would succeed and at times not succeeding. They all express what I believe. It is not about the goal, it is about the journey.
00:17:46
Speaker
One thing that drives me mad hearing people say is they are lucky because they were given their start in life, a house deposit, startup capital for their business, whatever the case may be. I don't believe it is luck that creates success. I believe it goes back to my first point of being willing to show up for yourself, what you believe, doing what you are passionate about.
00:18:11
Speaker
I look to those ahead of me on the journey as a lighthouse, illuminating the potential path to reaching my own goals. No two paths will be exactly the same and the conditions will change. But having their light shimmer across the pathless path before me gives me a glimmer of hope when I fall into doubt about my own ability to get even closer to their outcomes.
00:18:34
Speaker
Having been in business for over 25 years, the conditions have certainly changed. We are not doing things the same, even as what we did 10 years ago. Which brings me to my next point. Number four, you are not willing to look at where you need to level up, what you need to learn and what changes you need to make.
Adapting and Aligning Goals
00:18:54
Speaker
A man joined the digital solutions program and turned up to our first and only session. He had moved to a country town from the city, went from working for a city-based company to starting his own business. He had a website designed but it wasn't really serving him the way that he thought it would. People were not discovering him and or calling on him for his services.
00:19:16
Speaker
He did not want to use social media, he just wanted it to be like it was 25 years earlier when he just ran an ad in the Yellow Pages or the newspaper and people just called and booked. That's just not how it works anymore. The beauty of the new way of doing things though is we don't have to spend hundreds or even thousands on one ad and hope it reaches the people who would benefit from our service. As a wedding photographer, I remember spending ridiculously high amounts on being in one exclusive wedding magazine and only getting one client from that ad, which barely covered the cost of the ad.
00:19:54
Speaker
Back then, it served us better to spend the same amount of money setting up a display or wedding expo and have people meet us face to face and develop a rapport with us, which potentially then led to a consultation in our studio and then us photographing their wedding. Social media enables us to do that from the comfort of wherever we are, only with our phone handy.
00:20:17
Speaker
We don't even have to spend the hours standing at a trade show sprucing our services, speaking to hundreds of people in one day. Instead, we can trickle out content daily and potentially have millions connect with our service. Yes, it takes effort and understanding, and there are new tools and methods to learn. But this is what building in business is about. And if that does not align with how you desire to spend your days, then getting a job is a far better option.
00:20:47
Speaker
Being in business requires constant learning, levelling up, trying, adapting, tweaking, pivoting. What this man was after was a quick solution, which brings me to the next point. You are looking for a quick solution rather than playing the long game is number five.
00:21:04
Speaker
A bird does not lay an egg, walk away and expect a hatchling upon her return. She lays several eggs in her feathered nest, sits patiently keeping the eggs at an optimum temperature. She turns each one, occasionally leaves to nourish and clean herself, but only in the warmest part of the day, so the eggs don't get too cold and then returns to tend, turn and feather her nests some more. She waits the duration required to hatch those eggs and at the end of that time if some eggs have not hatched she pushes them out of the nest as this is where she now tends to the hatchlings that did. Business is no different. We need to keep the long game in mind. Establishing the conditions
00:21:51
Speaker
for our version of success and letting go of the ideas that just haven't worked out the way that we hoped they would. There's no quick solution, there's no use doing the same thing over and over again even if it continues to not work out. Which goes back to the previous point we need to know when we need to level up or change our approach if things are not working the way we desire them to.
00:22:17
Speaker
No one will be able to do this for you. It will require work and continual effort, but that doesn't mean it can't be enjoyable. If you enjoy the process and you celebrate those goals along the way, then staying with it for the long game is not hard. It's a part of who you are and how you are here to serve the collective. That's living in alignment.
00:22:41
Speaker
Number six, you are not connected to your truth and what success actually means to you. If your bigger picture vision aligns with your truth and your version of success, which will likely evolve along the way as you outgrow previous versions of yourself or your circumstances change, my vision for raising a family while maintaining my professional identity was not a goal for into my old age.
00:23:07
Speaker
My children are now both almost independent and will not depend on me as much in the early stages of their adult life. So part of my bigger picture vision was to get them to that stage of independence and then I would use what I had learned along my journey to support others along theirs from a whole new level of understanding. With the depth of my learnings that I did not have halfway along the path because I could not have had the understanding then that I now do,
00:23:37
Speaker
It has been consistently showing up for myself, levelling up and learning, being prepared to fail and try again, learn new skills to support my expansion and growth in business and life.
00:23:49
Speaker
So the long game now is not based on having in children in tow. Success for me at this stage in my life looks and feels different. But the one thing that still remains is the connection to my children. Establishing a strong bond that will last a lifetime was always a part of my mission for life.
00:24:08
Speaker
not blaming them for the limitations motherhood placed on me, instead including them in my journey of maintaining my professional identity while raising them to become independent, heart-centered, capable young adults. So in that regard, I could say success reached, game over.
00:24:27
Speaker
But I'm not. I'm now working towards a new long-term goal, playing a new long game. When you dig deep, what do you truly believe success is for you? If it is based on numbers and you see obstacles in your path holding you back from what you truly believe you are here to achieve, then there are some tough questions you need to ask yourself and decisions you need to make.
00:24:51
Speaker
Or maybe you could just stop beating yourself up over not reaching your perceived goals and potentially look at the fact that they may be goals set by society, parents, friends, that are not actually goals you desire to reach. In
Intentional Living and Conclusion
00:25:05
Speaker
which case, it's perhaps time to lighten up on yourself and see what you where you are and what you have as exactly where you wish to be for now. So number seven.
00:25:17
Speaker
you are not prepared to invest the time or cost it really takes to realise your dreams. That said, if you really do feel like you have suppressed your dreams in order to meet the needs or expectations of others, I would encourage you to look at ways you can make the commitment to yourself to show up, to invest in yourself and what you truly desire. This does not have to mean letting go of everything that you have, but it may require some deep reflection and assessment of the complexities of where you have ended up. It may only require a bit of tweaking to realign with your vision.
00:25:53
Speaker
but it also may require letting go of some things that you have become accustomed to committing time to that is not really serving you. Being really honest with yourself is the first step. Are you really content? I don't mean we need to be deliriously happy all the time, but content with the fact that how we are choosing to spend our days is actually aligned with our bigger picture vision and mission.
00:26:19
Speaker
At times, that may mean sitting in some discomfort, other times experiencing sheer bliss. That is the journey of life, ebbs and flows, peaks and valleys. There is just not one goal to reach. The journey is made up ah so of a series of micro-goals, magical experiences and painful ones.
00:26:39
Speaker
It all has a part to play in the bigger picture of our lives. So in closing, I'd like to remind you that there are options for you to be supported along your journey and travel with others navigating their path to their version of success too, like the soaring membership,
00:26:55
Speaker
We meet again next week around the full moon and there is already supportive material in the portal that you can access even if you can't make the gathering. Plus, I also have my new Empower Dressing Guidebook coming out this week. There will be a link to that in the show notes. It is only $11 for the e-book.
00:27:13
Speaker
and will be supportive to you in curating a wardrobe in a way that fosters health and wellbeing on so many levels. This is not just about looking good, it's actually about feeling good and feeling empowered to step out into your days doing what you are here to do best.
00:27:29
Speaker
So until next week, take time to connect with the magic of what you have created for yourself so far, the vision you have for the future, and make time to show up for yourself, reducing that feeling of never really reaching your goals. Instead, live your life by design.