Transcript
Speaker: Welcome back, queens. Welcome back to the Female Dating Strategy, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet. i'm your host, Patricia. And I'm Rose. Patricia, thank you for that wonderful intro. I just love it wouldn you i love it when you introduce us. It just feels right. It feels right and natural just i front and We're back from our summer break.
Speaker: I really enjoyed having some time to just do whatever I wanted without having to make sure I was back for a podcast recording. Not that I don't love recording, as you know.
Speaker: i especially love recording with you. But sometimes it's just nice to have a break and not to have to stick to such a schedule, right? Yeah, sometimes we need to shift out of our regular routine to explore different parts of ourselves and then come back and reintegrate and then find our beneficial routine anew.
Speaker: ah Yes, exactly right. A new, such a good word. and you know i was i was not lax in my time off here. like i was able to I actually hired and had i commissioned a website built for my music studio.
Speaker: but's so Cool. I'm very excited. It's going live ah this week because apparently it's, the according to my astrologer, Patricia, we are entering a particular portal of Leo.
Speaker: Or Jupiter. some of our listeners know this better than I, but apparently this is like the most auspicious time to to return to your well of creativity, self-identity, you know, independence and like forging your path with your career and your life choices. Yeah. Oh.
Speaker: Yeah. I feel like that is... love that. and Me too. And so I was telling her I'm like, I think I'm going to make this website. She's like, well, the most auspicious date is August 15th. So I was like, okay, let's make sure we've got this ready to go by August 15th, which we do. So that was really, that's been really exciting for me getting that up and running. That's interesting. and um And then I also scheduled a professional photography session, a shoot, ah so that I have photos for my website. Nice.
Speaker: That sounds like very exciting stuff. Very propelling forward. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I'm like, you know what? I've been, I've had all these different jobs. I've had all these different careers and it's not that I haven't found success in them, but like, I don't really care about any of them. It's just a means to an end. But what I'm obsessed with and remain like,
Speaker: compulsively attached to is the piano. I mean, it's my favorite thing in the world. I love it. I'm good at it. It brings joy to people. It adds something to special events. I'm like, you know what? We're gonna embrace this. We're just gonna embrace that I'm a musician and an artist, and we're gonna make this happen. So this is my new phase that I'm starting now.
Speaker: I love that for you. And I also love the piano. Of course, I'm not professional, but it's an amazing instrument. It is an amazing instrument. i I say to my students, I'm like, it's an orchestra in one instrument.
Speaker: There's no other instrument that can do that. Only the piano. That's not true because you have the basses. They're so prominent. Anyways, like I feel like we can talk for an hour about our love for the piano.
Speaker: We can't. But that's not today's goal, is it? I want to congratulate you for expressing this part of yourself that you want to put forward, want to put forward by building up your website, by putting yourself out there.
Speaker: Yeah. And this is exactly where we're going to talk about today is when we exist in the world, how we project ourselves, how people perceive us and what that does to us, what kind of interface we have with the world, how it perceives us and how that may affect our self-esteem actually in a negative way and what we can do about it.
Speaker: So what brought this to your, I think this is such a fantastic topic and this is something that we could talk about ad nauseam. What brought this to your mind as a topic, Patricia? ah Well, I just started, I think ah something in my energy shifted and I started becoming more aware of, ah more sensitive to my environment. Also, like it's August, the city, like I live in Amsterdam and the city very full of like energy, i feel. And suddenly I'm feeling sensitive to people that I've passed by on the street, how I'm cycling, if my cycling is smooth, if I signal correctly.
Speaker: I started becoming like more sensitive to the environment's perception of me. And this sentence just came to my head um that everything you do, people will have a billion opinions. Everything. I'm not using these words for not.
Speaker: Yeah, everything that you do, people will have a billion opinions. And for me, my spiritual work, no less, is to understand why that bothers me and to let it go.
Speaker: No biggie, you know, just grapple with um ah No, no, no sweat. Yeah, just grapple with that. Because that's been a huge one for me. In fact, I would argue that's one of the main reasons why I have shied away from being a professional performing musician for over 25 years.
Speaker: It's exactly right. Because I could not handle being looked at and all the judgments that come with being looked at. It absolutely petrified me. It turned me to stone. And I just, i spiritually, I couldn't handle it. I really couldn't.
Speaker: um But ah as you say, I'm entering a new phase of my life and I'm like, who fucking cares what I look like when I'm playing the piano? Like nobody cares. And if they care, it doesn't matter anyway, because I'm playing and that's what I like to do you know?
Speaker: But as a younger- That's exactly it. Yeah, as a younger person. When you're playing, you're channeling the music and this is the thing, you are doing something. You are perceiving yourself from within yourself.
Speaker: That's the grounding, basically. That is the grounding. It makes me think about, um ah I'm no philosophy major, but i have I've done more than dabble with it. Like ah Heidegger had this really famous concept of Dasein.
Speaker: which is being in time. So it wasn't just being, it wasn't just a state of being, it was the act of being as it is enacted in a specific temporal sphere.
Speaker: So the most famous he example is he uses is like a hammer is not a hammer unless it is hammering a nail, unless it is hammering a shingle.
Speaker: unless it is i see what you mean. it You see what I'm saying? Like a thing's function bestows its identity? Right. It's not the fullness of itself unless it is doing the thing it is built or or meant to do.
Speaker: Yes. That's so cool. Okay, so if we're talking philosophy, yes I'm also going to add something, which is the concept of the other or the look in existentialism.
Speaker: And the classic example for that is like this. like i I also don't know a lot about philosophy, but it goes like this. Let's say somebody is ah peeping through a hole and like looking into somebody else's house.
Speaker: okay And then he hears um a floorboard creak behind him. In that moment, the person that is peeping sees himself from the outside.
Speaker: He suddenly becomes aware of his own action because his own actions because the sound of the floor creaking makes him i don't feel ashamed, feel self-conscious.
Speaker: And then he is looking at himself or she is looking at herself with the other's look conceptually.
Speaker: yeah Isn't that mind boggling? Because I feel like that's what happens to me when I get lost in what I think that other people think of me.
Speaker: I am not within myself. I am looking at myself through the imaginary look of others. I'm not in myself.
Speaker: Yes. Actually, this is so good. And this is something that Simone de Beauvoir wrote about extensively. Okay. She, she, there's like, you're talking about this existentialist concept of the look, right?
Speaker: Yeah. Basically a split consciousness. Yeah. Yeah, precisely. And so one thing she talks about is like, you can't, a woman can't simply live or exist in the world.
Speaker: That's not how we've been brought up and it's socialized. Instead, we like, we're an audience to our own self, constantly evaluating how our body, how our appearance, how our actions are perceived by men Or by the environment, if we're okay or not okay.
Speaker: Exactly. i mean, she's writing under the, you know, in the strictures of like feminism and patriarchy, right? So to her, this look is like the internalized gaze of the other that we've learned. We have to perform a certain sense of being or looking or at acting because we will have an eternal audience as a woman.
Speaker: Eternal, internal. Both. Damn. Yes, exactly. Yeah. This is why women need to read more Simone de Beauvoir. I mean, she has her own issues, but honestly, like...
Speaker: Okay, so this is something that like I'm reading a quick um ah quick summation of it Can I read it back to you? course. Okay, so... to To take back the gaze.
Speaker: So first they say, for Beauvoir, human human freedom requires transcendence, the ability to actively project oneself into the future, take action and shape the world. You need to read this a lot slower because it's very dense. It's so dense. By internalizing the gaze, that look, women are pushed into imminence. I-M-M-A-N-E-N-C-E.
Speaker: i am m a n e n c e a Teacher, excuse me, what is imminence? A state of stagnation.
Speaker: run Where they view their own bodies and lives as objects to be looked at rather than instruments for doing. Why is that? This is so, so on point. But why is that stagnation? Why is that sta stagnation?
Speaker: If we look at the root of immanence, immanence means the state of being naturally inside, remaining within, or an inherent part of something. It describes a quality or presence that stays fully contained within a system.
Speaker: so as So instead of you being like an an individuated individual, it keeps you in place as part of a system. rather than Yeah, like instead of you playing the piano, you're I'm just giving this example, of course. yeah Instead of playing the piano and looking from your own eyes at the keys and your hand moving on them, you're...
Speaker: more bothered by how you look while you play. Yes. For example. Yes, that's a really good example. So if we accept that this is what internalizing the gaze does to us, then in order to take back the gaze Beauvoir explored how women can reclaim themselves. She describes moments where a woman uses a mirror to drown in her own image, temporarily taking control of her appearance for her own pleasure rather than serving the desires of others.
Speaker: That's so interesting. It is. Ultimately, to escape this conditioning, she argued that women must reject artificial restrictive gender roles, achieve economic independence,
Speaker: and participate actively in the intellectual and professional world. Queen. She was a queen. She was amazing. And ah her whole life is really quite interesting, particularly in light of her relationship with Sashra. But, um, the way I feel like no one has ever, well, yeah, we've had such great feminist writers, but like she's foundational, the second sex, which is her 1949 work.
Speaker: um we're We've been conditioned to view ourselves as something other than the default. Yeah, I see what you mean.
Speaker: And so this is why I was so happy when you wanted to talk about this today because I'm like, oh yeah, let's... I mean, this is something I've been grappling with since I became aware of my body, you know?
Speaker: I think I only understood it like after understanding FDS. Just like ah other than defaults and like assuming that men are always correct, men are always moral, they always understand what they're doing. It's just patriarchy.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly. But I wanted to circle back to what you said about um immersing, like what Simone de Beauvoir said, i feel so intellectual, about immersing yourself in your own image in the mirror.
Speaker: you explain a bit more about that? I think the idea is that, um I think she was pulling from the Greek myth of narcissists.
Speaker: kind which is where the term narcissism comes from, right? like Yeah, narcissus. He was looking at the pond at his own reflection and he was he fell in love with himself and and then he drowned in the pool.
Speaker: Exactly. turned into a um the flower. Yes, yes. Very good. So I think she's pulling from this. I think she's pulling from this idea of like drowning yourself in yourself.
Speaker: So becoming so immersed in your own body that you become your body as opposed to being... God damn.
Speaker: Right, separate. That sounds so trippy. That sounds like the kind of way that you look at yourself when you're on psychedelic substances. If people take psychedelic substances, sometimes you end up looking at a mirror and then it's... You know what's very interesting about that? First, I think that the way that... Well, this is exactly what she's describing, right? Like the way that we look at ourselves in the mirror is more like...
Speaker: Checking our faults. Yes. like I try not to do that. But um it's, it's kind of like staying with what is while you look in the mirror, which is something that we're really not apt at doing.
Speaker: And it's really not a habit of ours. Absolutely not. I mean, the best I can do when looking into a mirror is leaving it as like a a fact check.
Speaker: Do I have any stains on my teeth? is Are my buttons all buttoned correctly? Is my hair like, you know, is there a nice part in my hair that I like to have? Like just checking that the appearance is in order basically. yeah um But I think this is such an interesting idea because Have you ever just looked at yourself and like claimed yourself as your self?
Speaker: Well, this actually reminds me of an an exercise that i was doing for 21 days after my big dramatic breakup that brought me to FDS. Something that a friend who's like a traditional Chinese medicine protection practitioner advised me to do, which is take my favorite love song and sing it to myself in the mirror.
Speaker: And I did that for 21 days. I was singing Yellow by Coldplay because I think it's a beautiful love song. And it's also really deep. like I started like singing the lyrics for myself. like I drew a line.
Speaker: I drew a line for you. I drew a line for myself. I made a boundary for myself. And yeah, I just sang that song to myself in the mirror for 21 days.
Speaker: And I think that's the closest that I ever went to what she's suggesting. That was very powerful. could do that again, actually. Oh, I like that. That's I might try that myself. That's really that sounds really powerful. It's so powerful.
Speaker: It's so powerful. I think when I first started reading more about like how to affirm myself, just because I had such a a negative soundtrack in my own head about myself.
Speaker: um One of the things was like, you know, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, I love you. and right now And so I practiced that for a couple of years because I really, like I had such resistance to that, you know, and I was like, well, I'm so quick to love everybody else and to give away that love indiscriminately. Like, why do I, why do I deny it to my own self?
Speaker: You know? Well, they say, the wise say that actually we just have blockages that are standing in the way of self-love, but like our in nature is spontaneous and effortless self-love.
Speaker: It's just that things are obstructing it. I agree with that a hundred percent. And, and I think these are kind of good activities for that very reason, because they bring up like, why, where does this blockage come from? Why do I have all these emotions when I'm simply saying, I love you to myself? If I don't love myself, like who do I love? You know what i mean? So yeah, all really good activities to kind of have yourself grapple honestly and truly with how do you look at yourself?
Speaker: I mean, think I want to bring some, yeah sorry, go ahead. No, no, go ahead. I was just going to say, like, think about how you look at a baby. When you look at a baby, are you like picking apart its eyelashes or giving it a hard time for its dimpled legs or being like, oh, your feet are too short? like you When you look at a baby, you see the glory of existence, right? At least I do.
Speaker: I'm always like that i with compassionate eyes yeah i'm like, what a little miracle that this life exists. This soul has come into the world. Like it's so miraculous. and And then compare that with how you look at yourself in the mirror and see where, see how far you might've fallen from like just really honoring the miracle that is your own existence.
Speaker: Anyway, what were going to say? Well, i was going to take it to the dark side. so you could do both both we They all exist, Patricia. Let's go. They all exist. Yeah. they all exist. okay um That something that I feel that is blocking me and is also existing in the kind of criticism that I'm experiencing or maybe, I don't know if it's even real, right? like yeah But there's something about, like, I'm afraid of being vain.
Speaker: And not just because I'm afraid of over like inflating my ego, but also because there's something about a strong woman who loves herself that people just want to destroy.
Speaker: Absolutely. And that's like that's a real thing. And that's fucking scary and not part of my French. That is fucking scary. Like if you're being a bad bitch, you got to be a bad bitch run through and through.
Speaker: You cannot be a half. hu You cannot be half a bad bitch because then as soon as you're going like down to the 99 percent immediately,
Speaker: I just feel like some people, they just want to take you apart. Just want to take you apart and see what's inside. See how you take, just want to disassemble you, like for real.
Speaker: It's true. and It's absolutely true. I mean, there's a reason why like many cultures over many eons have warned of the evil eye, you know? That's basically what you're, when I hear you describing that, that's what my mind flashes to is like some people just have ah whether it's evil or malicious, I don't care what you want to call it. that There's some sort of malice there.
Speaker: And if their eye happens to alight on you and there you are like a glowing beacon of beauty, yeah, they're probably going to want to tear that shit down, which is why you have to be fully committed to sort of venerating yourself above all others. It's not that it, and I'm with you because I had a father who would constantly be on my case, was constantly telling me how I needed to be more modest, how I needed to be more humble, how I was too high on, you know, sitting there on my high horse and all of these things. And now I realized it was because like, I think I've been brilliant since birth and this man hated it he hated it so He hated it so much that he literally infected my siblings with the same hate. And to this day, they're all my biggest haters.
Speaker: And all I've done is support them and love them and shower them with gifts and travel hundreds of hours and buses and planes and trains to come visit them and celebrate them. And it doesn't matter because they have been infected with this like hatefulness. And so when I hear you talk about this, Patricia,
Speaker: What I hear is like, this is why we have to become unshakable. And this is why I love FDS because FDS is like, who cares if you're imperfect? Like who who cares if you're all too human? Like everybody else gets to be all too human and still have the loves of their lives and happy homes and families if they want them and money in the bank. Like nobody's begrudging them all of the things that a human being can want just because they're not. That's one way. That is one way. i feel like for me now, because I'm feeling like a little sensitive, something that I've been leaning towards is um humility. like i I think humility is a really protective um energy.
Speaker: And it doesn't matter what I wear. It depends on the energy that I have. Because I can be wearing modest clothes and be kind of like vain.
Speaker: um But it comes from insecurity. And for me personally, now that I'm feeling a little like um too sensitive, what is protecting me is being...
Speaker: humble. And that's not an easy energy for me to maintain. yeah Just because I get excited about things, and then it seems like I'm extra, I am extra.
Speaker: But it doesn't come from a place of vanity, it comes from a place of like, I'm like, i don't know, some kind of child ism. It's not being childish, it's being like,
Speaker: a child and like really excited to see my friends or like really excited to buy some fresh produce at the store. And then I hear people say like, oh, she's so extra.
Speaker: And I could be like, you know, doing ah an eye roll so strong, I would fall out of my place. And I roll so strong that they would fall. But um another option is also um Yeah, something about being, um like I'm telling myself, I can be upright, like and I can hold my head up like straight and be humble. I don't have to be vain to walk upright because like when I get insecure, my shoulders get hunched in and I'm kind of like working on um holding this maybe seemingly paradoxical combination yeah that I can
Speaker: hold my head up high and be humble. I don't need to be proud to hold my head up high. I can be humble and hold my head up straight and have my back straight.
Speaker: That's a great combination. that's ah That's a tricky combination. I'll tell you what. Yeah. But I think that's, ah to me, that's the ideal combination. But you know human beings, we are paradoxical creatures, Patricia. We are.
Speaker: Yeah, we contain multitudes, you know. Yeah. And that's why it took me a long time to understand that like me being proud of myself didn't mean that I needed to be humbled. Yeah.
Speaker: which was my experience growing up in the family I did. It took a lot of therapy for me to understand that I can be proud of myself and also humble. And no ras yeah there was nothing contradictory about that. Exactly.
Speaker: Right? but so i think It's a really beautiful and mature energy, actually. Yes, I think so. I really do. And, you know, I mean, just the other day I was out, was ironic. I was out celebrating a ah friend's birthday party and um she's a, she's a real fun fashion girl and she's a big city girl. So I pulled out like my my best summer dress and i was literally getting people stopping me on the streets to compliment my look my fit.
Speaker: And I was like, I feel like a movie star. You know what i mean? Like, and I'm in a big city. It's not like people are just having conversations on the street left and right, you know? Um, but it was like, what was really nice was like, I really appreciated the compliments and it felt good, but I didn't need them to affirm me.
Speaker: And, and I think that's a different energy that I've moved into. I'm really glad I have because before I would have needed that to be like, okay, do I look okay? But like, it really isn't too much. And no, I'm like, I know this is a good look. Yeah, it's a great look. And I really appreciate when people can just be like gracious and generous and give me a, give a shout out to a stranger. as She's walking down the street. That's really lovely of you. You know, thank you people. But I didn't, right. I didn't need it to like cement me in my own self. Right.
Speaker: And man that's the thing. you I think you're at a you're at a place where your self-esteem is rooted and it's healthy. And I can honestly say I'm at the moment where my self-esteem is kind of shaky.
Speaker: So I also had like a really nice outfit yesterday and people were like complimenting me and it only made me feel bad. Oh, no. Because I'm in a weird place right now. That's a good point, Patricia, because it's like none of this is static. You know, it's not like you're going to know you're not going to hit a plateau and then you never have to struggle with it again.
Speaker: It's not life, you know? Yeah, exactly. Starting to understand some of these deeper truths, ah ultimately it's all in the service of like bringing peace to your life, bringing peace to your heart. You know, I mean, my heart was so my soul was so restless and disturbed and uneasy for so many years. And,
Speaker: Therapy and self-reflection and philosophical readings, all these things, you know, even now. more Right. It's a lot of work, but, but boy, am I glad I did it because right I couldn't have even imagined how good it feels to just like be content like I am now.
Speaker: It's amazing. It feels miraculous. Wait for me. I'm coming. You're coming. You're going to get here. You're on your way, Patricia. You're on your way. know, just don't, just don't stop trying to get there because you will. And that's something I would have said to my younger self if I could have given advice to her. would have been like, you know, a lot of the times I'd be like, what is it? What is this? What's the point even? What is it even doing? I don't feel any better today. None of it makes a difference, you know?
Speaker: I'm a real dialist for a very long time. But at a certain point, I was like, I can't keep living like this. Like, i'm I mean, I'm literally not going to stay alive if I keep thinking like this. So I better try something else.
Speaker: And even when it didn't seem to be working, I was like, well, I got to give it ah i gotta to give it a good solid try. I just can't try for two weeks. Let's try for like two years. Like the saying, I love you to myself in the mirror. Wow.
Speaker: Right. I'm like, let's give it two years. Let's see how, where we're at at two years. And at two years, was it that much better? Not really, but it wasn't worse. So I was like, all right, let's give it another two years, you know? Wow. wow That's just kind of how I bit bit. Can you please share with me and with the listeners, what kind of um objections came up in you when you were telling yourself, I love you in the mirror?
Speaker: It felt...
Speaker: I mean, it was really going againstnt against the grain of what I had been faced with my entire life in my household and my family, which was I wasn't worthy and I wasn't um i wasn't lovable, that I was unbearable as a matter of fact, that I was insufferable, that i you know, it just, i how could i love such a lowly creature?
Speaker: That's what it felt like. It felt like I was if i play acting at loving myself. But if that's what I needed to like start to believe, it was like the fake it till you make it almost, you know, because I was like, even if I don't love myself, if I don't learn how to, who will?
Speaker: Yeah, I will say I will caveat something that I've learned that um affirmations, like if you really don't, if somebody is telling themselves an affirmation, and they really don't believe it, and makes them feel worse, don't do it.
Speaker: But in your case, that's not, that's not the experience that you had. But it is important for me to caveat. Like, if somebody is experiencing like they're telling themselves, i love you in the mirror, and they don't believe it, and it makes them feel like they're lying to themselves and it makes them feel worse, then don't do it.
Speaker: This is true. And I did have those moments. And so then I would, I would go and I would find a different affirmation. Like, um, I am worthy uh, matter or I'm enough is also like a very, yes it's it's kind of rudimentary, but sometimes it's like a lifeline.
Speaker: Yeah. That's ultimately, that was so sort of the baseline I had to go back to a lot of times. Like I'm enough, And you know, there's a lot sometimes like it's it's it takes like it's a very good baseline. I think it's a very good fallback.
Speaker: Absolutely. i think you're absolutely right. And it's like, you know, I couldn't be ambitious because i was starting from such a low place. You know, I mean, I was somebody who was suicidal for for a very long time, for as much as as long as I could remember. I never wanted to be alive. And, you know, I think many listeners, I'm sure you can relate. Like if you if you grew in particular environments, if you come from different cultures that, you know,
Speaker: devalue women as as chattel and as second the second sex, like how could you not feel hopeless a lot of the time? but And sometimes it's also like the lottery that you win with your neurotransmitters. It's just like how you work.
Speaker: Exactly. I think that it was a combination for me. I think I was born with that like neurotransmitter. And then on top of that, I had this shitty ass father and family. um Shout out to my mom who really was wonderful, but you know, all too human.
Speaker: And um I think honestly, what kept me alive for a really long time was music. It really was because I would just put on my record or my CD or, you know,
Speaker: go for a drive and just listen to music. And that really just like, it made me feel enough good things that I still held on to being alive, you know? Yes. mys Sometimes that's all you can do is just like find the one thing that like, at least makes it worthwhile to get out of bed, you know? Yeah. When you're like, when you're struggling, the, I'm also realizing that more and more today because my friend gave me a very big and serious, it was a big girl talk.
Speaker: What I'm trying to say in so many words, like sometimes when you're struggling, the best thing to do is to focus on right now. Right now. Can I feel okay right now?
Speaker: okay
Speaker: And these are all things that I just feel like as women, you know It's so easy to hear the noise of the multitude. And the small voice of yourself is like the quietest voice possible, you know?
Speaker: And so kind of like breaking through all that static and noise to just hearing your own self is such a radical act. It really is. Bravo. Bravo. Right. And so a killed radical it is, it is. a Think about it It's, it's wild how much women have been conditioned and socialized and entrained to think of ourselves last, if at all, when we are fundamentally the only things we have, like the one thing I have is myself, you know, and, and the world would have me completely divorced from myself if it had its way.
Speaker: And so, yeah, that's also the thing, because like, I'm like, if I if I say it very, very bluntly, the reason to destroy a strong woman is then she's weak. And then you can get hurt, like on a very like primal, even like Freudian level or something.
Speaker: the incentive to take a a strong woman down is that then she's weak and then maybe you can fuck her. like i'm I'm just saying it like very bluntly.
Speaker: But on some level, that's what it is. Because if she has self-esteem, then she's not going to date you. But then if you break her down a little bit, maybe she's going to lose her self-esteem and then maybe you can fuck her, literally.
Speaker: this is the whole This is the whole philosophy behind negging. and Yeah, exactly. Right? Yeah, this is fundamental. And like patriarchy teaches all of these men like, you know, I think I remember after I'd had like a really, really, I had a victorious recital and like just fucking killed it.
Speaker: And, you know, the first thing that my father said to me after he came up was like, oh, I heard a couple of those wrong notes. missed a couple of those notes. And first of all, he wasn't even a trained musician. He didn't hear shit, but he had to make sure he had to make sure that I was humbled.
Speaker: Right. And how narrow your heart needs to be. to bring down your own daughter. It's your flesh. That's so,
Speaker: Sometimes a woman's first bully is her own father. Because again, this is what patriarchy teaches them. It's like women have to be trained like less than dogs for a lot of these men.
Speaker: ah can't think too much of herself. Yes. She can't get too big for her britches. I heard that all the time growing up. youre you You're getting too big for your britches. And um what the fuck does that even mean? You know, but like, oh, i was I was learning to have a sense of self and to have like pride and care for myself. God forbid. But this is honestly how a lot of of men do think and or they don't even think it's just innate because that's how they've been taught. They need women as lesser than and they need to make sure that we never get above our stations, you know. Because otherwise what's left for them. like i also like I'm saying it in a very sarcastic way, but if I'm trying to
Speaker: um to be in good faith about it, yeah I also understand the fear behind it. Because it's a fear that comes from like a groundlessness, if I'm borrowing a word.
Speaker: boom I'm having a lot of thoughts right now and I'm not really able to articulate it. That's okay. Maybe you can. know But like many men only, just like many women have been, all women have been trained to have this like internalized gaze of the other.
Speaker: Right. yeah um Many, most men have been trained that they are only men in relation to some sort of dominant relationship over a woman. Yeah. They need to get, they need to get pussy. That's how they gain their value. This is also of course twisted. I'm also, I'm of course being sarcastic.
Speaker: but i mean and even if it's non Even if it's non-sexual, even if it's a mother or a sister or a daughter, theres still there has to be some relationship of like superiority and inferiority, and they have to be reinforcing it at every turn.
Speaker: That's so sad. I mean, that's a sad way to live. That's not that's not beneficial to the man either, of course. like I'm just saying the off i'm stating the ultimate like super obvious truth.
Speaker: yeah because Being a man is not about that. Being a man is about being... supportive and kind and generous and that's how men can get like a sense of peace and yeah contentment.
Speaker: This is what... And it's not through controlling. This is why i feel so bad for men. I mean, like, obviously I get mad about a fair amount of stuff too, but like a lot of them are so emotionally neutered. They they are literally, you know, paralyzed.
Speaker: What a sad state of existence. What a sad state. They're socialized out of like being connected to their, to their emotion. Of course, like they also get the short end of the stick in, a ah in part, like nobody wins. This is just, ah this is all just a ploy to make us consumers like for real.
Speaker: For real, it's to keep us in serfdom. Ultimately, to it always comes back to like the ruling class wants slaves. And the easiest way is to keep us in check is to have this like false division and this eternal battle of the the underclass, you know?
Speaker: Absolutely. Yeah, we're fighting amongst ourselves. People are like, Oh, no it's the left's fault. It's the right's fault. And then we're just busy fighting amongst ourselves. Yeah, exactly. one of the One of the most famous American billionaires, Warren Buffett, I think he said this back in 1996. He was kind of the devil.
Speaker: Oh, he's absolutely. He's up there with like Rupert Murdoch, okay? He's just lesser known because he kept a much lower profile. But in this one interview, they were saying to him like, you know, what people are always talking about like, you know,
Speaker: a war between left and right or, you know, the oil, the oil interests versus blah, blah, blah. He's like, well, people don't know is that we've we've already been in a war. It's a class war and we're winning.
Speaker: And he was ref referring down to the wealth, right? He's like, we've already been in a war. We're winning. And they've always been. Establish of the Chicago school, like the neoliberalism. Milton Friedman.
Speaker: think could be milton friedman Oh, sorry. He was also the devil. um But no, Warren Buffett was like a managed, I want to say he like managed hedge funds. He was like one of these big money managers out of New York City.
Speaker: um Or was it England? Anyway, the point is, this is this is a eternal truth that he was naming. He's like, we've we've declared class war and we're winning. The wealthy have been winning. When have the wealthy not been winning?
Speaker: Look back in history. That's like the the thing about being wealthy. Yes. Exactly, exactly. They stay winning. so like So how do we win as women and as human beings? like Ultimately, what I want is for people to to discover their humanity. I want them to reclaim their humanity for themselves and for their communities because that's how we really ultimately...
Speaker: Forge a new future. If we want things to be different in the future from how they've been in the past, we need to have everybody reclaiming their humanity. What we can do is one of you. Things are going to be different. We are in and we're entering into a phase of huge changes. We don't know what's going to happen.
Speaker: And I think it's really important to have a skill set of being a human. knowing how to be a human, don't allocate all of your like don't um outsource all of your humanity to AIDS, to AI tools or whatever. like You really need to keep your head on.
Speaker: You need to keep your heart on because we are going into some changes. We're going into some turbulent times. I have no idea what's going to happen in the next year. i have no idea like what reality is going to look like in five years.
Speaker: But I do know like we need to have our wits about us. And it's like actually really important to be connected to yourself right now. That's what I'm feeling. Because I just feel like a tidal wave is coming. maybe Maybe I'm being like overdramatic, but I feel like things are going to change and nobody knows nobody knows what's going to be at the end of this wave.
Speaker: And the best thing we can do is to be like, to be good at surfing. That's the best thing that we can do to withstand this wave.
Speaker: I just feel like we're in like sort of a seismic, um like we're entering a new era of the human, you know, it's like you're the Pleistocene era. The social change, like yeah literally like geopolitically, the world order that was established post the wars is changing. Like that's an unequivocal fact.
Speaker: Exactly. Exactly. Like, um are we going to leave behind the Stone Age? Have we left behind the Stone Age? Like, what what we're entering a new age. Nobody knows what it's going to be. But, like, let's be committed to, you know, there you always have the naysayers. You always have, like, the doom the doom scryers and people who are just like, oh, it's, you know, AI is going to take over and Skynet is going to kill all the humans. It's like, or maybe or maybe something really wonderful and and unimaginable could happen. if like we actually Maybe something, maybe both.
Speaker: Yeah, maybe both. The world is big. It can contain a lot of extremities. Damn. Truer words, Patricia. Truer words. Listen, I can keep talking at length about this and maybe this is going to be too short, but I think this is about where I want us to stop today.
Speaker: yeah it's very dense. I don't think we need to go to a full hour. Okay. I'm glad you agree. Should we say something about the scrotes? Oh, man. I mean, i hope I hope they either die mad or like reclaim their humanity, you know? Do it for yourself. Do it for yourself. And then see how the world changes around you.
Speaker: I want to say like, dear queens, we're going to see you soon. And scrotes that are eavesdropping, maybe instead of trying to take us apart, look at yourselves.
Speaker: a Or die mad because you will be selected out of the gene pool. The end. ah Love it, Patricia. Thanks for meeting today, Queens. We'll talk to you again soon.
