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Episode 4: The First Steps of Caregiving: What to Do When Your Parent Needs More Help
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The First Steps of Caregiving: What to Do When Your Parent Needs More Help
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Transcript
Intro
Introduction to Caregiving for Aging Parents
00:00:39
theagingparentcoach
Hello, and welcome back to the Aging Parent Playbook. I'm your host, Dr. Barbara Sparacino, and today we're diving into a topic that many of you might be experiencing for the first time, caregiving for an aging parent. The transition into caregiving can feel overwhelming, emotional, and uncertain, especially when you realize that your parent needs more help than they are used to. But as always, I'm here to guide you through it step by step.
Recognizing When Parents Need Help
00:01:06
theagingparentcoach
Whether your parent is recovering from an illness, showing signs of cognitive decline, or just experiencing the normal challenges of aging, it's crucial to approach caregiving with both compassion and preparation. In today's episode, we'll cover the very first steps to take when stepping into this role, the key areas of concern, and how to set yourself up for success as you navigate this new journey. Before we even get into the logistics of caregiving, the first step is recognizing when your parent actually needs more help.
00:01:35
theagingparentcoach
It's not always obvious, and sometimes our parents aren't the first to admit that they are struggling. Here are some of the most common signs that your parent may need extra care. They've had recent falls or injuries. They're struggling with daily tasks like cooking, cleaning, or bathing. They're forgetting things frequently like doctor's appointments or medications. There's been a noticeable change or decline in their physical or mental health.
00:02:02
theagingparentcoach
You've noticed changes in their hygiene, eating habits, or home environment. These changes might be subtle at first, or they might come after a sudden health event. Either way, it's important to start observing closely, and most importantly, to talk to your parent about what's going on.
Communicating with Parents About Assistance
00:02:21
theagingparentcoach
Once you've recognized that your parent needs help, the next step is having that initial conversation. I won't sugarcoat it. These conversations can be tough.
00:02:30
theagingparentcoach
Your parent may feel defensive, embarrassed, or even fearful about losing their independence. Here's how to approach this conversation in a way that shows empathy and respects your parents' autonomy Choose the right time. Don't spring this conversation on them when they're stressed or distracted. Find a calm, private moment to sit down. Use I statements. For example, I've noticed that you've been having trouble with the stairs lately. I'm concerned about your safety.
00:03:01
theagingparentcoach
This way it doesn't come across as accusatory. Listen. Ask your parent how they've been feeling and listen without interrupting. They may surprise you by admitting they've been struggling too. Frame it as a team effort. Say something like, I want to make sure we're doing everything we can to keep you safe and comfortable. How can we work together to make that happen? This can help them feel more in control of the process.
00:03:28
theagingparentcoach
Remember, this is a series of conversations, not a one-time event. Start small and ease into the topic as your parent gets more comfortable with the idea of needing extra help.
Assessing Needs: Physical and Emotional
00:03:40
theagingparentcoach
After the conversation, the next step is to assess what exactly your parent needs help with. Every caregiving situation is different, so it's important to take stock of both their physical and emotional needs. There are five key areas to assess. Personal care,
00:03:57
theagingparentcoach
Can your parent handle basic daily activities like bathing, dressing, grooming, and toileting? Mobility and safety. Can they move around safely in their home? Are there fall risks? Medical needs. Do they have any chronic illnesses that require management like diabetes, heart disease, or dementia? Are they keeping up with medications and appointments? Household management. Are they able to cook, clean, do laundry, and maintain their home?
00:04:26
theagingparentcoach
Financial management. Are they keeping up with the bills, managing their bank accounts, and handling their other financial responsibilities?
00:04:37
theagingparentcoach
To help you get organized, consider using a care assessment checklist to jot down what areas your parent struggles with and where are they're still independent. This will help you prioritize what types of assistance they need right away versus what can be handled later.
00:04:53
theagingparentcoach
Once you've assessed your parent's needs, it's start it's time to start building a caregiving plan. This is where things can feel overwhelming. But let me tell you, having a clear plan will make everything more manageable. Here's how to begin crafting a plan that works for both you and your parents. First, let's identify immediate needs. What are the urgent things that need to be addressed? Maybe your parent help needs help with medication management, meal prep, or transportation to doctor's appointments.
00:05:24
theagingparentcoach
Then determine your role. Be honest about how much time and energy you can dedicate to caregiving. Can you handle their needs yourself or do you need outside help? Either way, get the family involved. Don't try to do it alone. Reach out to siblings or other family members to see if they can pitch in. Set up a family meeting to divide tasks and responsibilities. And also, consider professional help.
00:05:51
theagingparentcoach
Depending on your parents' needs, you might want to look into hiring home home care aides, nurses, or other professionals. Some families also benefit from geriatric care managers who can help coordinate your parents' care. It's important to revisit your caregiving plan regularly. Your parents' needs will change over time and you'll need to adopt accordingly.
Organizing Finances and Legal Documents
00:06:14
theagingparentcoach
As you step into the caregiving role, financial and legal issues will likely come up. Even if your parent is still handling those areas on their own, it's a good idea to start getting involved to ensure everything is in order. Here are a few important steps to take early on. Organize financial documents. Gather important financial paperwork like bank statements, insurance policies, and bills. Make sure you have a clear picture of their financial situation. Set up a power of attorney, POA.
00:06:45
theagingparentcoach
If your parent hasn't already, make sure they designate someone, whether it's you or another trusted family member, to make financial and healthcare decisions on their behalf as they become unable to do so. Review their will in and estate plan. and Ensure that your parents' will is up to date and that they have any other necessary documents in place, like a living will or healthcare directive. Taking these steps now can help prevent future conflicts or confusion, especially when it comes to handling your parents' medical care.
00:07:13
theagingparentcoach
or managing their finances if they're no longer able to do it themselves.
Caregiver Self-Care and Support
00:07:19
theagingparentcoach
Now, I know caregiving can be an an emotional and physically exhausting role So I want to take a moment to remind you that self-care isn't optional. It's essential. You can't pour from an empty-cup and to be the best caregiver possible, you have to take care of yourself too. Here are some tips for managing your own wellbeing during this journey. Set boundaries.
00:07:43
theagingparentcoach
Know your limits and communicate them to your family. It's okay to say no when something is beyond your capacity. Ask for help. Whether it's hiring professional caregivers or leaning on family and friends, don't hesitate to ask for assistance. Take breaks. Make sure you schedule time for yourself, whether that's an afternoon off, a short vacation, or even just a few minutes of quiet each day. Join a support group.
00:08:08
theagingparentcoach
Connecting with others who are in similar caregiving rules can provide emotional support, share useful advice, and remind you that you are not alone. Caregiver burnout is real, and it's important to stay vigilant about your own mental and physical health. Don't wait until you're running on empty to take action.
Resources for Caregivers
00:08:28
theagingparentcoach
Before we wrap up, let's talk about resources. There are so many tools and services out there that can help you manage caregiving more effectively. Here are a few you might find helpful. Aging and disability resource centers. These local organizations can connect you with community services and support. Home health agencies. If your parent needs medical care, home health agencies can provide nurses or therapists to help. Meal delivery services. If cooking is a challenge, consider looking into meal delivery services specifically for seniors. Respite care.
00:09:03
theagingparentcoach
Many communities offer short-term respite care programs to give caregivers a break. Additionally, don't hesitate to consult a geriatric care manager if you need more personalized help in organizing your patient's care. These professionals can help you assess your patients your parent's need, find resources, and coordinate care.
Conclusion and Program Invitation
00:09:25
theagingparentcoach
Also, consider joining the Aging Parent Program. the program I host to help adult children of aging parents navigate this. Thank you for joining me today on the Aging Parent Playbook. I hope this beginner's guide to caregiving has given you some clarity and practical steps to take as you navigate this new role. Caregiving isn't easy, but can also be incredibly rewarding. With the right support and preparation, you can provide the best care for your parent while maintaining balance in your own life.