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Episode 38: The Power of Self-Care for Caregivers: Why It’s Not Selfish, It’s Survival
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If you’re caring for an aging parent, chances are you’ve put your own needs on the back burner. Between doctor appointments, medication schedules, and the constant emotional load, it’s easy to think, “I’ll take care of myself later.” But later often never comes.In this episode of The Aging Parent Playbook, Dr. Barbara Sparacino dives deep into why caregivers struggle with self-care, how to fit it into even the busiest day, and why it’s not selfish—it’s necessary. You’ll learn small, realistic steps you can take today to preserve your energy, your health, and your ability to care for the person you love.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
• Why guilt keeps caregivers from prioritizing their own needs.
• Practical self-care strategies that actually work with a busy schedule.
• How to reframe self-care as essential for better caregiving.
• Small daily changes that make a big difference over time.Resources & Links Mentioned in This Episode:
• Visit The Aging Parent Coach for coaching and resources.
• Follow Barbara on Instagram: @theagingparentcoach
• Listen to more episodes of The Aging Parent Playbook.Listen Now:
Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Your Favorite Podcast App
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Transcript
Introduction to Self-Care for Caregivers
00:00:00
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Welcome back to the Aging Parent Playbook. I'm Dr. Barbara Sparacino and today we're going to talk about something caregivers don't hear nearly enough about. You. If you're caring for an aging parent, there's a good chance you feel exhausted and overwhelmed.
00:00:16
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Put yourself last constantly. Have moments where you wonder how much longer you can keep this up. Let's be honest. Sometimes you're running on fumes and yet you still keep going.
00:00:30
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But here's the truth. I want you to walk away with today. Self-care, it's not a luxury. It's survival. You cannot provide the best care to your parent if you're running on empty.
00:00:43
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Over next few
Mindsets Hindering Self-Care
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minutes, I'm going to help you understand why caregivers struggle with self-care. It's not about time. Learn realistic guilt-free ways to take care of yourself, even in the busiest of seasons.
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Break the myth that self-care is selfish so you can let go of the guilt and start seeing it as essential.
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I'll also share a couple of stories, some from my clients, some from my own experience, so you can hear how other caregivers have navigated this.
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So let's get into it.
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In this first first segment, we're going to talk about why caregivers struggle with self-care. Here's the hard truth. Caregivers are often the worst at self-care.
00:01:40
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And it's not because you don't want to take care of yourself. It's because of the three common mindsets. First, we have guilt. You might think, if I take time for myself, I'm taking time away from my parent.
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Two, believing it's impossible. Between work, caregiving, kids, a house to run, you feel like there's no time left. Three, feeling you're the only one who can do it.
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If you believe no one else can care for your parent the right way, taking a break feels irresponsible.
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I want you to pause and ask yourself, has that mindset helped you or hurt you over time?
00:02:27
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Let me
Consequences of Neglecting Self-Care
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tell you about a client of mine. Let's call her Maria. She cared for her mother who had advanced Parkinson's while also working full time and raising two kids. Maria refused to let anyone else handle things because she believed her mom would be uncomfortable with someone new.
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Over time, Maria started skipping meals, sleeping only four to five hours a night and getting headaches almost every day. And one day she fainted at work. That was her wake up call.
00:03:00
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Her body literally forced her to stop. The truth is when we ignore our needs, our bodies will get our attention eventually through illness, burnout, or emotional exhaustion.
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Here's the reality. If you don't take care of yourself, you burn out, you become resentful, you risk your own health mentally and physically, that's not good for you and it's not good for your loved one.
00:03:34
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And it's not good for your family watching how you do this. So before we move on, I want to give you a moment to think about this. If nothing changed and you kept caring for your parent the exact way you are now, how long could you realistically keep it up without breaking down?
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Really sit with that for a second.
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In
Practical Self-Care Strategies
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segment two, we're going to see how to fit self-care into a busy caregiving day.
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Here, look, self-care isn't about a week-long vacations or fancy retreats, though, yes, those are nice if you can swing it. It's about small, meaningful actions that help you recharge and reset Let's get practical.
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Here are ways to make self-care fit into even the busiest caregiving schedule.
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First, stack self-care with what you're already doing. Listen to a podcast or an audio book while you cook. Do deep breathing while you fold laundry.
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Stretch your neck and back while you're on hold of the doctor's office.
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Two, try the five-minute rule. Even five minutes of journaling, stretching, see sipping coffee without your phone or simply breathing deeply can reset your nervous system.
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I once had a client keep a self-care jar filled with folded slips of paper, each with a five minute activity. When she had a tiny window, she'd pick one at random.
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Three, create boundaries around caregiving. That might mean setting a no calls after 9 p.m. rule. or designating Sunday mornings as your time, non-negotiable.
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Boundaries aren't walls, they're guardrails. They keep you from crashing.
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And remember, it's up to you to keep up boundaries, not other folks. Four, outsource when possible. This one can feel tricky, especially if you're at a budget, but sometimes small investments have huge returns.
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Grocery delivery, a cleaning service once a month, Even asking a family member to take over for just one afternoon so you can rest.
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Five, prioritize sleep and movement. Sleep deprivation and lack of movement magnify stress. Protect your bedtime the way you protect your parents' medication schedule.
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And movement doesn't have to be going to the gym. It could be dancing in your kitchen or walking around the block while calling a friend.
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Now I want to give you a short exercise. Think of three small acts of care you can give yourself this week. Not someday, this week. Write them down or make a note in your phone.
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Then commit to them as if they were important, as a doctor's appointment.
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Remember, this isn't about doing everything at once. It's about building habits that add up over time.
Addressing Guilt in Self-Care
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Now in this third segment, I want to address why self-care is not selfish. Let's talk about the elephant in the room, guilt. Many caregivers feel selfish when they take time for themselves, but let's flip the perspective.
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If you had the flu, would you still be able to provide safe, loving 24 seven care? If you were emotionally drained, would you show up as your best self?
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And if you burned out completely, would you care for your parent then?
00:07:22
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When you care for yourself, you're not taking away from your loved one. You're giving them something better, a healthier, happier, more present you. I remember another client, David, who felt terrible about going to his weekly basketball game while his father, who had Alzheimer's, was at home.
00:07:45
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But his sister reminded him that those two hours gave him energy and patience for the rest of the week. Without them, he was snappier, more forgetful, less patient.
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That game wasn't indulgent. It was protective. So the next time guilt creeps in I want you to ask yourself, am I taking away from my parents or am I investing in being the caregiver they truly need?
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And like I said earlier, remember that if you have kids or there's younger folks around you, you're also modeling this behavior.
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If you
Conclusion: Embracing Self-Care
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remember one thing from today, let it be this. Caregivers deserve care too. Your role is demanding. It asks for your time, your energy, your patience, your love, and it will keep taking unless you set limits.
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Self-care is the oxygen mask. Without it, you can't breathe, let alone help someone else breathe.
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Here's my challenge to you. Choose one small self-care act today and treat it like it's a non-negotiable. Whether that's sitting in silence for five minutes, calling a friend, going to bed 30 minutes earlier, or eating lunch without multitasking.
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Just do one thing.
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And if you're feeling the weight of caregiving and want support in setting boundaries, finding balance, and preventing burnout, I'd love to help. Visit my website at theagingparentcoach.com to learn more about coaching and resources for people just like you.
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Until next time, take care of yourself so you can keep caring for them.