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EP634: Rob DuBois - How To Get Really Good At Getting Kicked In The Nuts!!
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“The most important investment you can make is in yourself. It’s not just about dollars—it’s about building a life that reflects your best self.”
Real talk: growth doesn’t come from sipping lattes in a comfy chair. It’s forged in the messiest, hardest moments when life punches you in the gut. This episode dives into the grit required to turn suffering into strength and pain into purpose. It’s not about avoiding hardship; it’s about learning to dance with it—and maybe even throw a few punches back. Packed with stories that’ll make you think, laugh, and maybe cringe, this conversation is your blueprint for thriving when the going gets tough.
Meet Rob Dubois, a guy who knows a thing or two about grit. From surviving a rough childhood to earning his stripes as a Navy SEAL, Rob’s journey is a masterclass in resilience. He doesn’t just talk the talk—he’s walked the hardest paths and come out stronger. In this episode, Rob spills his secrets on how embracing discomfort can transform you into a person you actually want to be. Spoiler alert: it’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
Rob Dubois is a former Navy SEAL, leadership coach, and founder of Impact Actual. He’s spent decades mastering the art of thriving in chaos and now helps others unlock their potential with a mix of wisdom, humor, and a no-nonsense approach to life. If you’re ready to stop running from pain and start growing from it, this episode’s for you.
Expert action steps:
1. Commit Fully to Growth: Make an “all-in” commitment as the first step to overcoming adversity and achieving transformation.
2. Trust the Process: The importance of surrendering to a structured process, even when it feels counterintuitive or challenging, is highlighted as a cornerstone of personal development.
3. Cultivate Self-Discipline: Stopping destructive behaviors like addiction and committing to habits aligned with integrity and health is presented as a critical action for long-term success.
Learn more about Rob at the Impact Actual Website: https://impactactual.com.
Visit eCircleAcademy.com and book a success call with Nicky to take your practice to the next level.
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Transcript
The Power of Sleep
00:00:03
Speaker
We don't get our minimum out of sleep, and as a guy who is a seal and all these other things I've done, I i never got enough sleep until I was in my early 50s. That's so essential. I looked at my recovery from addiction as a gift from God. I wanted to be a better version of myself, and the way I got there was through, again, submission to the process. I trusted the process. Body, mind, heart, all directly connected with each other, and it works in the reverse, too. If you feel better, you you think better. You think better, you behave better.
Introducing 'The Thought Leader Revolution'
00:00:36
Speaker
Welcome to the Thought Leader Revolution with Nikki Ballou. Join the revolution. There's never been a better time in history to speak your truth, find your freedom, and make your fortune. Each week, we interview the world's top thought leaders and learn the secrets of how they built a six to seven figure practice. This episode has been brought to you by eCircleAcademy.com, the proven system to add six to seven figures a year to your thought leader practice.
Meet Rob Dubois
00:01:07
Speaker
Welcome to another exciting episode of the podcast, The Thought Leader Revolution. I'm your host, Nikki Ballou. And boy, do we have an exciting guest for you today. Today's guest is becoming a dear friend. He's a friend of a dear friend's and he is himself becoming a dear friend. He is a man who has fought and bled for freedom. He is a Navy SEAL and he is now someone who helps leaders with his special brand of thought leadership. He is somebody that you are going to learn a ton from, and I'm excited to have him here. I'm speaking, of course, of none other than the one, the only, the legendary Rob Dubois. Welcome to the show, Rob. Great to be here, Nicky. Thank you so much. I wish I could be as cool as half of what you said.
00:02:04
Speaker
ah There you go, brother Man great to have you it was fun having you on the sovereign man podcast and It's fun doing some other work with you You know, you're a good man and the folks that are listening to this show, these are thought leaders and aspiring thought leaders. And they're listening to this show, not because of me, because I'm here every week. they They're listening to the show for you. They want to learn from you. They want to be able to take what you have to say and apply it in their own lives. But before they can do that, they got to get to know you. So give us your backstory. How'd you get to be the great Rob Dubois?
Overcoming a Troubled Childhood
00:02:40
Speaker
Wow, that's a great question and a great ah great process, I'd say. I've actually done a lot of work on myself, a lot of work. Things I do with Impact Actual today are based exclusively on things I have endured or survived myself. I had a pretty rough childhood. i you know We always talk about, where'd you come from? well Nobody wants to hear I was very young when I got born and then I had some other years and I got old But the reality is some of us come from before the PTSD from from combat We have some some ugly shit going on in our home lives so as little kids in my case with some severe mental illness in the family I was subjected to tortures and
00:03:20
Speaker
ah terrorized and drugged and kidnapped and threatened with ah was killing on a whole bunch of occasions. So I've learned in my own healing process that um this is dark, I know, but it's the facts. The reality
A Turning Point in the Navy
00:03:34
Speaker
is the reality. and i That led to some things that I did to try and kill myself, to try and destroy myself along the way. In my teen years, my early 20s, I was ah a disgusting alcoholic and ah and a druggy. Through surviving that, I joined the Navy as a young kid because I had no options. I didn't know what else to do. and I ended up choosing the Navy to be a Navy SEAL.
00:03:58
Speaker
and i didn't I didn't think it would be hard, you know, because I was an idiot kid. I didn't know anything about the Navy or the Navy SEALs. I just knew they were the toughest commandos like I asked the recruiters. So from that foundation of being told I was garbage and being told I should be killed and didn't deserve to be alive, I actually had a long and winding road through to a crisis in my mid 20s.
Guidance from a Master Chief
00:04:20
Speaker
I was hit by the last the arrest and jailing that my Navy masters would sort of would tolerate. I said, you know, this is it, you're out. Unless, I got an ultimatum. My commander of the time was Commander Delory, and im I haven't met him yet since then, I mean. but and the The fact that he confronted me and said, this is it, you get no more chances. I knew on the outside I would never be a SEAL. I'd already been in for a few years and had been fighting to get to the program. And I finally realized that I was going to die on the outside or live a life that was the same as death. And I straightened up. I got clean. I got help from the most unlikely source, a master chief that had put me there at this remote site in Turkey. And he,
00:05:09
Speaker
And I met every week and we walked through some steps of how not to kill yourself as a drunken druggie, as a drunken sailor. He helped me understand how to get reliant on other people and how to help other people. It's a long process, but really I look at that moment, and that was, like I said, 40 years ago almost.
Why the SEAL Path?
00:05:30
Speaker
And for me, it was ah the beginning of a life worth living, a life of contribution that has resulted in everything else, including becoming a seal, like you talked about. But beyond that, I like to tell people, I'm not just a seal. And I know that sounds a little bit strange, like, well, what's just a seal? You know, a seal is They're amazing, they're seals on TV and they're seals with books and they're seals in movies, all of which I have um to be a perfect cliche. But the reality is I chose that program, so that that path, so that I could actually be of the greatest use to the nation, to humanity. And has it's netted out incredible rewards that helped me be of of use to individuals one-on-one. And that's how we come to be where we work are with impact actual. Awesome, man.
00:06:16
Speaker
so But let's unpack some of that before we get into what you do with impact actual. um It's a hell of a thing for a young boy to go through ah trauma growing up and to go through parents who don't know how to give them a loving, safe environment.
00:06:37
Speaker
ah it's mind blowing that you didn't turn up to be some seriously screwed up dude who got into ah a life of violence and crime. Well, the jury is still out on that. And and ended your ah your life, you know, at an age. Yeah. I mean, a lot of folks who have that type of upbringing, quite frankly, are dead by the time they're in the early 30s. Yes. So how did you
00:07:09
Speaker
take that adversity and turn it into a life of being of use. I looked at my recovery from addiction as ah a gift from God. There's no other way for me to conceive of it. And there are people across the entire spectrum of belief on multiple gods, one God, this religion, a no no God at all. I tend to be a person who's not dogmatic about what I believe to be God. God is a greater, a higher power we talk about in sobriety. That understanding
00:07:47
Speaker
which was the only thing that could take me off the path of that self-destruction that I was on, because I tried to get clean. I tried to get so abrupt several times. Nothing would do it until I did let go and kind of do the surrender to that. I remember you speak of suicidality. the I laugh about it today, but these were dark times. And the one time that I didn't kill myself in the early Navy years,
00:08:13
Speaker
was on the upper deck of my barracks. I lived on the third deck and I looked down on the the grass and the sidewalk below me, 30, 40 feet below. And I knew even then that I was a tough mother scratcher. I was really hard to kill. ah And I had been proven on a number of early scrapes. By God's grace, it turned out to be true for the rest of my career because of some even uglier stuff that came along as a seal. um But I have been protected. You know, they say God looks after fools and small children and I'm not a small child. So I guess I know what category I fit in.
00:08:49
Speaker
But I looked down at this at this grass and I thought, man, if I throw myself off now, I'm gonna snap my neck and I'm gonna survive. And I'm gonna be a quadriplegic. And then I'm gonna have a colosseme bag and be in a wheelchair for life and I'll be a greater burden on my family. So to bring that whole, and and this I don't wanna be all weepy and you know dramatic or melodramatic, but the reality is I hated myself too much to kill myself.
00:09:15
Speaker
and i feel i I believe that if I tried, I would fail. I couldn't comprehend myself being a success at anything, so I would fail my suicide too. That's what kept me in the in those dark days from finishing the deal, because I would screw it up.
Recovery as a Divine Gift
00:09:30
Speaker
So then when I got cleaned up and I had this Master Chief by God's grace and the commander with the wisdom to give me one last chance, no more concrete beds and and in jail cells, you know, dude, either, you know, make It was an absolute, what do you call it, a crossroad, like in the Ralph Macchio movie. I was at the crossroad of my life. And I have a lot of potential. I always have. I still have more. I'm i'm approaching 60. I'm not ready to throw in the growth towel yet. But at that time, I had i couldn't really imagine that I had a lot to offer, but I did know that I wanted for me. It was about me initially. It was like, let me let me just live a life that i can I can do something. I can have this seal thing. I want to be this Navy seal thing.
00:10:14
Speaker
And so, that was the process that I went through to say, I'm going to stop the booze and then the fog cleared. I got away from the the lying, stealing, cheating, betraying, which was my entire lifestyle for that 10 years.
00:10:28
Speaker
and um I began to taste what it would feel like to be of some worth. I remember having this sense in my gut early on in recovery that ah there was this black cesspool in my in my gut that I didn't notice. It was just life. It was just self-hating and self-destruction. And only when it went away, because I began to live in alignment with God's will and alignment with being a decent human being with other human beings,
00:10:58
Speaker
that that went away, and that's when I noticed it, kind of like an ache you have for a long time, and it stops, and I'm like, whoa, where's that ache? It's awesome, it's gone. That's what happened with that that disgusting blob of self-loathing in the inside. And to be very clear, it isn't ended. This is, like I said, I misspoke. It's not 30, it's not 40 years, it's 33 years now since that day that I got clean, started getting clean, but I still struggle, and i and because of it, I look at like life like I'm in extra innings.
00:11:25
Speaker
you know, God put another quarter in for me, another quarter, another quarter, you're not dead, so why? what's What is there? Besides this tremendous gratitude I have for having a chance to live a life that I couldn't conceive of until my mid-20s, which was just a piece of garbage, throw it away, the the time since then has been about giving and and recognizing. It sounds like it sounds like such you know marketing BS. Oh, it's about giving back to to the humanity. It is about giving back. It's literally about living my best life. I understand that that you'll you know we'll talk about impact. I actually will talk about the impact system and how it's about it's an insights inside job. We're looking at body, mind, heart and soul. And that's the stuff I started to conceive of for myself that I deserved to live, but I still struggle with what I call a death wish.
00:12:11
Speaker
It's not a suicidality anymore. Only under the most incredible stress do I get suicidal, but the death wish is this thought like, you know, when I'm in stressful situations, it'd be better if a truck hit me, you know? Wow, that's that's intense. um You know.
00:12:35
Speaker
What's the process of being a seal like? Because to me,
00:12:43
Speaker
It strikes me that everything that I've ever done that was worthwhile and fulfilling was the process of me becoming someone that I wasn't before. So what was the process of you going from this screw up to becoming a freaking Navy SEAL?
00:13:04
Speaker
Two things. i you're really you just I'm excited you just prompted a memory from me that i'll I'll come back to, but that happened many years after becoming a seal. which Just for those who can see the video, I'm still wearing my ring these days. I wear the trident on my hand instead of my chest these days, although there is one cut in my back from all the ink.
00:13:23
Speaker
um but When it's a form of metamorphosis, and again, not to be all melodramatic and, you know, airy fairy, like we're becoming a different person, but I did. And and then it's not exclusive to buds, you know, Navy SEAL training. It's not exclusive that that people metamorphize through.
00:13:44
Speaker
But you do it through the loss of a loved one, the gaining of a loved one, all kinds of human processes. But in my case, I wanted to be a better version of myself. And the way I got there ah was through, again, submission to the process. I trusted the process was one of the most important things I teach my clients. Trust the process. The things I say to you is not going to make sense. You're going to say, why why would I do that? Why I can't have that?
00:14:09
Speaker
And I remember back when I was in my teens and 20s and before that, I couldn't imagine I deserved a life of respect, love, dignity. And so to become that new version of myself, to go through buds, which I did at 30 years of age, which I don't recommend to anybody, took several years more in the Navy. And I went through as an old man, but I had to subordinate my ego.
00:14:33
Speaker
I had to submit to the process, say, I know these guys can't kill me. They've got strict regimen. They got they got strict rules about how much they can keep us in the, in well, um in Kodiak, Alaska, it's 33 degrees. the water and and we're We're out in 33 degree water in our underwear up to our necks to appreciate our dry
Lessons from BUD/S Training
00:14:50
Speaker
suits.
00:14:51
Speaker
They did that for five minutes. And so we walk out into the water up to our necks in what feels like molten lava. That's how how freezing water feels when you're touching it with your skin. um's We were just immersed and we could barely move when they said, come on out, you idiots. And so we walked back out slowly like the zombies. So I submitted myself to the process and I told myself at a very low moment, I don't tell them a lot of people this, but I kind of quit during buds.
00:15:15
Speaker
I went through a one class, 205, and I kind of quit. I told one of the instructors, i was I had a lot of rationalization going on. I was married at the time, and I told my my instructor, I got you know i gotta to i gotta to not do this for their sake. The the SEAL lifestyle is too hard. and And so I got back to the phone, and like they didn't understand what that was about. They're like, that doesn't make any sense. Nobody quits like this. You don't rationally quit. You don't walk up and say, I've decided. I've done all my work so far. I'm going to walk out of the buds now.
00:15:42
Speaker
um So, I went to the phone, I called my wife at the time and I said, great news, I've quit. I'm going to come home and be a regular ordinary dude like an accountant or something. To be clear, I don't judge accountants. I mean, from my path, my path was to become a SEAL. i would I perceive accounting as being something that would be very dull for me.
00:16:01
Speaker
um but it's a fantastic job for something. I don't think you're the only one to perceive accounting. There you go. I'm trying to qualify it was I'm not offending anybody. I'm not I'm not about trying to I don't diminish anybody's value it's not be very clear in anybody's value buddy come on man. Yeah for me that would be dull. So she said what the hell are you talking about? You you put me through hell for two years to get to that school and now you're gonna walk away from it? No you get back in there and you unquit.
00:16:28
Speaker
And I said, I don't think you can unquit from buds. And she said, well, go do it. So I went talk to talk to the staff. I said, i'm I would like to unquit. And they're like, what the hell, dude? OK, get back with your class. It was that weird. Another one of the millions of weird things that have happened in my life. I was on the grassy knoll um on the anniversary, a decades anniversary of ah KJFK's assassination. I was in the in in London on the 50th anniversary of the Queen's inauguration. When you put a queen in power, I forget, but the term like inauguration is her. Yes, yes, her coronation. and I happened to be in London for one day. So anyway, that's a quick aside. but
00:17:08
Speaker
the The process of saying they're going to have to kill me to get me out of this school was the way that I got through it from that point forward. I said, I guess I'm all the way in. And it was that, you know, to as a great business lesson, it's ah a going all the way in. And I won't talk about a lot of stuff like people like to think sing these these cliches like burn the boat and everything. that's That may be appropriate for some and not and not for others. But for me, it was about an absolute all in commitment, which is our first of the 12 tasks in the impact system, commit to growth.
Prioritizing Fitness and Wellness
00:17:41
Speaker
February 2nd, 2023, I made a commitment like that to go all in, getting myself in the shape, because I was a fat fuck, 227, after having been a top fitness coach, you know, over a decade before that, and I hired a guy, and I made a decision to trust the process. easy I trusted the process, he got me in shape, I dropped the weight,
00:18:08
Speaker
I went from 227 to 169 originally and then trained to put some bulk back on and then cut back down for a contest down to 167 and now bulk up a little bit.
00:18:20
Speaker
But it's ah trust in the process is what I've done ever since. This guy's still coaching me. I follow what he says for exercise, for nutrition. And where I need to do better is with rest and sleep. My rest and sleep is shit. It needs to be perfect. And that's what I'm working on.
00:18:42
Speaker
Can I offer for a quick quick lesson there on that subject for the listeners? For sure, man. Sleep is the number one thing for fitness and wellness, as you're already identifying here. It's the easiest for us to neglect, too. And in impact, we have all these rules, the impact rules. They're all acronyms. Because before I was a SEAL, I was an NSA guy, a spy, a code breaker, and a code maker, with NSA as a Soviet subject matter expert and a Russian speaker. And so I make all these rules based on acronyms, S-E-A-T,
00:19:12
Speaker
Sleep, eat, and train is the acronym for for the body, the body wellness. It's the easiest thing and to remember in the world, sleep, eat, and train in that order. Like you said, sleep is, if we don't get our minimum amount of sleep, and as a guy who has a seal and all these other things I've done, i I never got enough sleep until I was in my late 40s, early 50s, then I realize what you're talking about. It's so essential. Eating is more important than training, because you can't out train a shitty diet. So they're in an order of priority, sleep, eat, and train. You gotta train too, train train daily and online always, or tada, another impact rule, train daily, online always. But that's the key I want to leave people with there, is sleep, eat, and train. Don't forget the sleep. No, you can't out,
00:19:58
Speaker
You can't out eat shitty sleep. No, you can. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. how Eat shitty sleep and you can't out train a shitty diet. Exactly. um You know, I like yeah visual models and why you were doing this. I just drew a Venn diagram.
00:20:21
Speaker
a sleepy train, you know, here we go. the sleep With the sweet spot right in the middle, right? Yeah. Where they all intersect. That's what we have to do. This is this is ah this is optimizal this is optimized health. Yeah, I call that the seat of your power. Because everything else, we talk about body, mind, heart, and soul, the mind, the heart, and the soul are all dependent on the body's wellness.
00:20:44
Speaker
it is dependent because everything's connected. If my body's sucking high in tit, if I'm really hurting because I got drunk last night and I got a hangover, I will not think well. If I then go into a class in my college and try to take a physics exam while I'm not thinking well because my body's not well, then I fail it, or I do really poorly, and then I feel like crap. Body, mind, heart, all directly connected to each other, and it works in reverse too. If you feel better, you you think better. You think better, you behave better.
00:21:12
Speaker
Seat of your power, S for sleep, EA for eat, and T for train. Seat of your power. Sleepy in the train. ah Just this is it, man. This is, you see, this is some of your thought leadership right here, brother. This is the kind of stuff I, this is one of the things I help Michael Osterling with is putting, putting together stuff like this. Right on. Brilliant, man. And Michael's killing it. I'm so happy for him. I want to throw up. I've been crushing it, bro. I told him last week, like I've been telling him, dude, you're undercharging man for your couples course. I said, what are you doing? He's telling me, like, what are you trying to say? This is fucking nuts, man. Just double the price. No, no, no, no. I can't double the price. I'm your coach. Listen. OK, fine. And then he comes yesterday. He goes, yeah, yeah they they signed up at the new price. Like he's shocked. I love You kidding me? Even at the new price, it's cheap.
00:21:58
Speaker
Even at the same price, it's cheap. Exactly. Because it's value. Value is not a matter of a number and how many commas there are on that number. Value is what's the exchange. I could talk to somebody and say, hey, yeah you give me $10,000 this year, and you'll you'll shed and keep off 100 pounds for the rest of your life. OK, make it 20,000. Make it 5,000. Make it 30,000. It doesn't matter what the number is. It matters that that life has now changed forever with 100 fewer pounds that will never come back.
00:22:24
Speaker
People will value anything else over the dollars that they that they ask for, that are asked for in exchange for that tremendous value and the like.
Investing in Personal Growth
00:22:31
Speaker
That's what we do again in changing lives because I'm changing minds with the impact stuff.
00:22:36
Speaker
Here's the thing though, when people underpay for something, they undervalue it. That's been my experience. I've spent a good ah chunk of money on this fellow who's coached me. Now he's coached my my lady as well and you know ah kids in the family. In fact, my eldest boy is now working for him as one of his coaches. so um but I've spent north of 40 grand with this guy, right? um And before, because I used to be a top trainer, I go, I don't need to spend anything. I'll do it myself. I know what I'm doing. That's zero ye getting me fatter every year. And there's tons of dudes. Like if a dude says he's got a $50,000 business and he wants it to be a million dollars.
00:23:16
Speaker
If he says, I'm unwilling to invest any, anything in my business, yep you're an idiot. You're not going to get to a million. If he says to get to a million, I'm willing to invest 150 grand. That dude's going to get to a million yeah because he understands the value of investing in yourself. The most important thing someone has to do is invest in themselves. You are the most important asset. in your business, ah in your world. if you If that is true, that means every year you need to have an investment plan for you. You need to be investing in books. So I invest $2,000 a year minimum in books.
00:23:56
Speaker
myself. But I think at the bare minimum, you got to buy 10 books a year at 30 bucks. That's 300 bucks. That's number one. Secondly, you need to invest in some sort of a coach or multiple coaches. That's a minimum 10 grand a year investment. It can be from 10 grand to 100 grand. Thirdly, you got to be ah ah doing some workshops And that means you're gonna be spending, if you do one workshop a year, it's like three grand. If you do like three or four, it's like 15 grand. So let's say you're gonna put five grand a year in the workshops. Thirdly, you need to go to a couple conferences a year minimum. That's at least 12 grand, six grand a piece, right? And fourthly, be part of some sort of peer group.
00:24:33
Speaker
Peer groups are anywhere from 20 grand to 200 grand a year each. So the minimum someone should invest in themselves is just to buy 10 bucks, 300 bucks. And you know, the maximum, not a maximum, but on the high end, you can be investing a couple hundred grand in yourself over the course of a year. But if you're not investing in you,
00:24:50
Speaker
You're an idiot because you are not going to grow. The only way your life is going to get better, the only way you're going to grow is if you're pushing yourself. And that means investing in yourself. When you were ah a Navy SEAL and you were preparing to become a Navy SEAL, you were investing in yourself. It was less money. The government was investing the money on your behalf. But you invested your time, you invested your energy, you invested your self-belief and self-concept in becoming a certain person. To me, that's super important.
00:25:19
Speaker
Can I tell you the exact numbers I invested in myself to get ready for the physical fitness at Buds? Tell me. They sent us aspirants, us prospective Buds students, a workout program. back This is in the 90s, so it was super primitive. It was like a booklet and here's, you know, do these things like macros. You haven't heard of fat and and and protein, but you know about it. So things like that. Basic basic stuff that every high school athlete knows today.
00:25:44
Speaker
and they And it was all about building the resilience of the body, like tempering steel. They started out with, you know, do ah do five sets of 10 push-ups, five sets of 10 pull-ups, I mean, sorry, sit-ups, five sets of ah three pull-ups. And by the end of that program, I did it i was within one or one month or six weeks, I was doing 500 sit-ups.
00:26:10
Speaker
400 push-ups, 300 dips, and 200 pull-ups in 45 minutes. Holy! Three times a week.
00:26:21
Speaker
I was a machine and it was because i trusted the process the trust I trusted the process that got me to buds in the condition they told me to be in. A lot of guys didn't and that's why we have a 90% attrition rate. My class was about 152 guys I think maybe 142 when we formed up on day one.
00:26:42
Speaker
By the end of the first month, we were down to 89. And by the end of the second month, we were down to 42 after Hell Week. After Hell Week, we lost another 14 guys through injuries and quitting in the pool comp or an ah inability to go underwater and stay on the bottom and stay cool while guys are beating you up.
00:27:00
Speaker
pool competence and a competency, it's called. It's scary as hell. It's scary as hell for a natural human being to be underwater and getting thumped on while you're trying to breathe and having your air source taken away. So all the stuff that buds is, by the time we graduated together, there were 15 of us left from that original almost 150 people. Because I trusted the process and so did the other 14 guys.
00:27:22
Speaker
Damn, 15. I've heard there have been classes where nobody graduates. It's like ah an urban legend, but I believe it's true that there was one class where every single guy quit.
00:27:37
Speaker
I would have been happy to be the the one who graduated. do do do do they like Do you have to quit or are they allowed to kick you out? No, that's the funny thing. It's ah it's ah it's called, ah and they remind us daily, it's and it's a voluntary program, gents. So we'll be swimming five miles along the coastline, and they're yelling, it's a voluntary program, gents. We're freezing and cold and hyping out hypothermia, and they'll be on the beach with with a truck running.
00:28:04
Speaker
And they say, come to the truck. We have warm blankies for you. We have hot cocoa. And they literally have hot cocoa waiting for you in the truck. Please come to the beach. It's like fucking it's like it's like Satan tempting Jesus on the mountaintop. Look at everything you can see, right? or Come and come to the truck. And a lot of guys like, hell yeah, I'll take that truck with the warm blankie and the cocoa.
00:28:28
Speaker
It is a mind game. They're in your head all the time. Those guys who are saying that to go fuck themselves or anything like that? Very rarely because we know it's part of the game. Either you do break and and run or you don't. ah in that And we do what's called ah surf torture.
00:28:44
Speaker
Now, that's not a nice, polite term, and you won't hear it and ah in Congress. They'll talk about, you know, conditioning of the cold conditioning or whatever. But surf torture means all the guys get in line on the beach facing the water, and the water's lapping up on us, and you you lock arms.
00:29:01
Speaker
side by side and you walk pace by pace, marching into the water till it's up to about your waist, almost your waist, but where you can sit down, but we we get in the water, we turn around, face the beach, link our arms and sit down. And you got to sit there and the waves are going, you know, it's up to here, but then waves going over like this. And then they say, okay, everybody, we're going to play a game called hide the student.
00:29:25
Speaker
everybody ready on the whistle hide the student and they go tweet and everybody has to go underwater and you're backward underwater the salt the sand everything going in your water in your nose and you and and you come back out and and they say oh Dubois got a dry spot on his hat Dubois didn't hide the student so everybody marched back out and let's get tortured on the beach for half an hour an hour of exercise until somebody pukes it's ah it's all a mind game for six straight months six months ah holy that's wild that's wild
00:29:58
Speaker
There's a part of me that goes, man, it'd be fun to test myself that way. And there's another part of me that are you out of your fucking mind? Absolutely. That's the thing. I don't want to do certain things. We talk about how you can't get good at getting kicked in the nuts. Ironically, I did in my in my jujitsu, my path to black belt in the traditional Japanese jujitsu. The highest tests do involve taking three shots to the three hard kicks to the balls by the sensei. And I passed with flying colors because I conditioned myself. I'd learned Energy management the things that actually go into that this kind of sounds mystical, but it's real And that's why body mind heart and soul I come to it back again and again And damn manage the pain and and smiled through the through the situation How to get kicked in the nuts
00:30:46
Speaker
There's a way. There's a way. and How did you get good at? Exactly. Man, that's a good title for the episode. Good at. I had the had the unique benefit of forgetting my tighty whities that day. So I went inside my gi. I was just wearing a loose pair of ah shorts from my gym shorts. And um so everything that God gave me and I don't like to brag, but it's not insignificant. Everything that God gave me was being smashed by this kick to the nuts by the teacher. And all I had to do is let the energy flow through my body, flow back, fall back and not get incapacitated. Like he told me he did on his own his own test for black belt. he He went down to the mat and puked to get up and do it again to pass.
00:31:31
Speaker
Oh my God. There's a lot more than we can conceive of that the human being can do. Body, mind, heart, and soul. The mind controls so much. That's what buds, like I said, it's a head game. They're in your game all the in your head all the time going through a SEAL training. It's not just about being tough. A lot of very tough guys go there, but they're not tough here. They're tough here. And a lot of very ordinary guys make it through buds because they have no presuppositions about how bad ass they are. Like, yeah, I'm an um an Olympic athlete or I'm a black belt or anything. None of that stuff matters. You go in there, trust the process. When they say run that way, you run that way. And if you do that enough times, you become a seal. That's how it works. Seals are not gods. They're not demigods.
00:32:12
Speaker
We're not extraordinary human beings. We're just humans who trusted the process and kept going when they said, go that way. This is how you become a SEAL, dude. I've been tolling you for three months. This is how you become a SEAL. Go
Leadership Insights from SEAL Training
00:32:23
Speaker
that way. Run. get Don't be late. Don't be the last guy in the in the obstacle course. so Get in the water. Go all the way underwater. Come back out. Do the ah room inspections and everything you had in your room was perfectly flawless and your boots are shined to a high mirror finish.
00:32:37
Speaker
And then your uniform is perfect, but we're going to find a gig and we're going to criticize you, going to punish you. We're going to say, get to the surf zone. So you take this, you spent five hours getting your uniform right and your bedroom, or your your room right, and you got to run to the surf zone to get wet and sandy. You run back out of the ocean, roll in the sand until you look like a sugar cookie. All of that is the process. I mean, it's the most amazing metaphor for life, for being a successful business owner.
00:32:59
Speaker
That's why, you know, there's so many seals that are are are making a really big difference for business owners by saying, here's how I did it. And here's what you can apply our lessons to your business path. It's about becoming a sugar cookie when they tell you to.
00:33:16
Speaker
Is all of that a big part of what you use in the work that you do with Impact Actual? It isn't exclusively limited to seal things. I know a lot of guys brand themselves as the seal this, the seal that, and God bless them. They're doing good work and making a difference. For me, it's about the human aspect, about the whole person to include my seal work. That's why I say again and again, not just a seal. um I'm also ah a spy. I'm also ah ah ah a father. I'm also a servant.
00:33:49
Speaker
These things, I like to talk about the impact-hard concept, the impact-hard or the hardcore. It's an acronym, again, because I'm a nerd. Yes, I'm a nerd. And hard is an acronym for humility, accountability, respect, and dignity.
00:34:06
Speaker
I look at these four aspects of a human being as being what makes us the best, most successful person because i I'll tell everybody out there, you're a CEO, you're a president. Congratulations, good on you. You're you're you're a ceo a chief operating officer. Whatever you are when you're listening to me, I don't give a shit about your title.
00:34:24
Speaker
I care if you're a decent human being, because a decent human being, not a milk toast, not high, trying to be liked by everybody, be a fucking nice, decent human being and have healthy boundaries. That's why there's five powers, body, mind, heart, soul, and done. The done zone, this fifth power of the human being is those healthy boundaries. it it's the It's the power of a leader.
00:34:46
Speaker
where you say no to a whole bunch of things, just like Jim Rohn, just like Stephen Covey, all the great leaders are taught. Say you no to everything except the right thing, and you'll be unstoppable. So I use this humility, accountability, respect, and dignity model with myself.
00:35:02
Speaker
It starts with humility because it's the most inside thing. I know what I am, and if i'm if I'm being honest with myself, I'm not hating myself like I used to for the things I did. I deserve to dislike myself in the past. I did horrible things to people. Like I said, lying, cheating, stealing, and betraying every person I encountered. I did terrible things to people because I hated myself, and the most pain I could inflict on my loved ones would be the most pain I could hurt myself with. So,
00:35:34
Speaker
When I told my grandpa he was a fucking asshole for waking me up drunk on his in my own piss and vomit on his bedroom and his living room floor, that hurt me so deeply. And that's what I wanted, because I believed I was garbage, and that's why I come back to it. Good on you if you got a ah wonderful nameplate on your door. Congratulations, you got a ah nameplate and some business cards on your desk like I do right here. I could give a shit. Be a human being first. Humility is not about being weak.
00:36:02
Speaker
Neither is meekness, blessed are the meek. It's not about it's not bad about about being being weak, it's about knowing who you are, taking full stock and saying, I'm not very good at accounting. I'm also not very good at basketball. There's things I know about myself that I can honestly measure and I'm humbly accepting of that reality. I'm also an incredibly good writer. I'm also incredibly surprisingly good at Russian language.
00:36:27
Speaker
I have a number of assets. I run better than I do pull-ups. So humility is the foundation of everything that's worth becoming a great person, becoming a great leader, becoming a great owner. Accountability is where you begin to go from the inside to the outside. to you Between me and you, um I'm going to start holding myself accountable, let's call it 7525, but I'm definitely going to hold you accountable. Everybody in my life,
00:36:51
Speaker
um I'll come back to another quick story on this, but respect is why I have to have that respect for myself and also for the other people. I behave in a respectful manner all the time. I learned that in Abu Ghraib prison. When I was there interviewing one of the guards about the terrorists in his in his control, this was like 2004 or 2005,
00:37:12
Speaker
I was a red teamer. as ah As a SEAL and an intel officer, I was a red team guy. So I would go into a US base and look at it from the eyes of the terrorists and say, here's how I'll kill the most Americans. Then I tell the commander, here's how I would kill the most Americans based on your reality here in this in this command. And here's how you mitigate it. Here's how you stop that. That applies directly to my rent to my ah coaching. I say, let's go ahead and take stock. Let's find out where your gaps are. Find the gaps, seal the gaps.
00:37:40
Speaker
But this guard told me, I asked him, I was all cocky. I had my big trident on my chest and my M4 over my shoulder. I was like, how do you deal with all these scumbags? This is one of the most important humility experiences of my life. And there's two ways to humility. I'll add this. You can either choose humility and be humble, exercise it till you get good at it, or be humiliated. And that's why it's the second thing because this is what you're doing to yourself.
00:38:02
Speaker
You can choose either way. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. We get we get lessons all all the different ways of our lives, but the better way is to simply choose humility, accountability, to respect. So he said, I just try to treat them all with respect. And I was like, I was all full of myself, like, yeah, look at these ragheads, look at these dirty terrorists and stuff, because I was hating on them. I was not being humble. I was being i was being bigoted. I was being small, despite my stature being big. And I said, what do you mean? He said, well, some of these guys are innocent.
00:38:33
Speaker
I went, oh, shit. Yeah, he said, we roll them all up. You get guys, a bomb goes off, an attack happens on a convoy. We grab every man we can see in the area, because we don't know which one was shooting. The guy's on his phone. He's probably calling his wife. He'd be able to be home in 20 minutes. And next thing you know, you're coming with us. And when he was in Abu Ghraib prison during those years, he was in there for six months before he could be vetted as an innocent man.
00:38:56
Speaker
Six months, his wife's out there with no marketable skills except one. Don't even have to say it. We all know it that's what what a marketable skill is, the first the first industry, what a woman can do to make a few dollars to save her children's lives. When they're starving, when they need medicine, she's going to go to work on her back. In my book, Powerful Peace and Navy Sales Lessons on Peace from a Lifetime at War, I talk about the, I won't make my wife a prostitute. I was at an embassy in Iraq and a guy told me that point blank. He said that his buddy is a bomber because he won't make his wife a prostitute because there's no employment available and I could go on and on. I mean, this is a really powerful piece. I'll throw that out there for everybody. A Navy is those lessons on peace from a lifetime at war because I've learned hard lessons the the hard way. I'd rather people could learn these ideas and apply them in their own lives. But he said,
00:39:46
Speaker
sure I mean, it it it broke me. i was I was heartbroken to think about a man being in that position, putting his wife in that position, and there are five or six kids, and she has no dad or mom to go home to. So that's a horrible thing, and that really calmed me down and stopped making me so ego-filled. And then he said, and some of them are and are guilty. That dude right over there, he pointed at one guy who was a hijahadi, and he was wearing his dish dasha, and i said he said, he's guilty. yeah My friend saw him kill a couple of Americans, and we brought him in here. But he is a hard motherfucker.
00:40:15
Speaker
He's a hard motherfucker. Nothing can break him. The only thing we can do with him to get what we need from him, like it's time to go to hygiene, it's time to go over here with the people, is none of the other guards will do this. But I say, sir, will you please come with me? And he does. Because he requires that respect. So in my life, and I heard this about Saladin and ah and um and Richard Lionheart, that they had levels of respect that nobody could imagine because, yes, it's an enemy. Yes, I'll kill an enemy. Absolutely, but I'll do it in a way that is not indignifying myself or the individual. If you have to stop somebody the the hard way, do it, but don't make a show of it. Don't be a little punk, a little bitch. Even Saddam Hussein died with dignity because a couple of his young officers were looking up at the scaffolding when he was about to be hanged, he was about to drop through and snap his neck.
00:41:01
Speaker
And I'm like, oh, who's the big tough guy right now, Mr. Saddam Hussein, Mr. Tough Guy? This is his own Iraqi officers. And he looked down at them and said, are you being men right now? and they calm the fuck down and they started acting with you know the respect and self-respect the person should have. So respect is everything and then dignity is the ultimate everything. Dignity is what I maintain in every situation. I defend the dignity of others, whether I like them or not, I defend my dignity at all costs. I will not be subordinate, I will not be put down, I will not be treated like shit because that's the healthy boundary I have to say about my done zone.
00:41:36
Speaker
Yeah, I'm not a fan of Saddam's, you know, not a fan at all. No, I hate what he did. The war he started with Iran. I'm Iranian killed. myasssvan Absolutely. And I don't admire his personal his personality or what he's done. That example is all I'm providing. thought He was a piece of shit as ah as a human being, but.
00:41:59
Speaker
He died like a man. He died like a fucking man. Precisely. He was a piece of shit, as was Bin Laden. But I'll use in my terrorism training, when I teach people how to look through the eyes of the terrorists, I think the guy sacrificed an incredible fortune. He could have been banging every strange ass across Europe for the rest of his life, with the billions that are available. He threw it all away to pursue that goal he had.
00:42:22
Speaker
So you know that part of it is admirable. Saddam's comment is admirable, even though the life was a piece of shit life that caused incredible pain. Bin Laden didn't have to choose to live in caves, but he did because he believed in his purpose. And I would have killed him by myself if I had a chance. Same with Saddam. Yeah. Amen. Amen.
00:42:43
Speaker
um
00:42:46
Speaker
Rob, one of these days I'm going to organize to meet you in person and I'll bring you camera crew and we'll do an in-person three hour long ah podcast. Fantastic. think you got I think you got a shit ton of fun things to talk about.
00:43:02
Speaker
but um If someone wants to get your book or find out about the work you do, um what's
Connect with Rob Dubois
00:43:10
Speaker
the best way? Where do we send them? That's the easiest thing of all. Of course, I'm all over social as Rob Dubois. That's R-O-B-D-U-B-O-I-S. It means Rob of the Woods in French. Dubois.
00:43:21
Speaker
But the easiest way of all to find anything is impactactual.com. From there, you can get to our courses, our certification as a coach, work with me as a coach. Anything that we do, find access to our books, our store online, and so forth. Impactactual.com.
00:43:38
Speaker
oh Listener, Rob Dubois is a fascinating man. he's He's the real deal. I think you should ah go pick up a copy of his book, go to his website impactactual.com and have a conversation whether it's worth your time. Rob, we end every episode by asking you as our guest expert to give us your top three expert action steps. These are your top three pieces of advice
00:44:14
Speaker
that you have for my listener to improve his life, to improve his business, to improve a relationship in bullet point form. So what are they? I love that question, especially spontaneous like that. It's all about you. This is the great paradox because people say it's not all about you. Well, it is what you do.
00:44:43
Speaker
To develop yourself, as Nikki, you've been saying, you have to invest in yourself. So invest in yourself. That means the 500 push-ups I did in one workout or 400 push-ups I would do in one workout, I invested in myself so that I could be ready to be a SEAL. Trust the process. Now, this doesn't mean run around listening to every charlatan, as Nikki, you and Mark Van Musser talk about in your book.
00:45:04
Speaker
you have a lot of marketers out there making a quick buck off of people's gullibility. Do the research, assess it, but once you really decide on a path to go with Nikki or with Mark and Nikki or with me, go all in. Trust the process and say they can't kill me and there's discovery on the other side of this thing. That's my third point.
00:45:25
Speaker
When you keep going, this is as ah as ah I was a special reconnaissance guy in the SEAL teams. This means we would sneak in and peek at every bad guy, come back, give information. This is what you saw in Lone Survivor. In Lone Survivor, my friends were killed. That was my my squad, a special reconnaissance squad, but I was already back in DC doing red teaming.
00:45:47
Speaker
When we do special reconnaissance and we do just trust the process and we do keep going, you're going to discover more as you go over ridge lines. You don't know what's in the next valley. You can't know what's happening for you and your business and your life and your marriage and your parenting. You can't know with what's what's up for you. When you do just keep going, you're going to see more and when you see more, you can choose more.
00:46:12
Speaker
So keep going through it until you have more information and then when you have new info, you make new choices. Yeah, that's good. I like it. I like it a lot. You know, it's all about you investing in yourself. Trust the process. Keep going. When you keep going, you'll see more and then you can choose more. And and again, it's not about being selfish. It's about being self-aware. This personal development is not saying screw your wife, screw, I mean, screw you. That sounds funny. It doesn't mean screw those people that care about you and deny them what you can give. It means become more so that you can give more.
00:46:48
Speaker
That's why you're developing yourself. You can give infinitely if you grow infinitely. That's very true. You can give infinitely if you grow infinitely. And it's all about that at the end of the day. It's the whole purpose. It is, buddy. It is. Rob, these are three excellent expert action steps. I ah love speaking with you. This conversation has been energizing as all get out um listener.
00:47:17
Speaker
Go to the show notes at thefaultleaderrevolution.com to find out more about Rob Dubois, to go check out his website impactactual.com. And ah there's always a summary of the expert action steps and the whole conversation in the show notes. And I recommend that you go and review that summary every time. We also come up with reels that are like one, two minutes long.
00:47:43
Speaker
that'll ah let you get a teaser of what's in the show. So take advantage of watching those as well. And if you enjoyed the episode and you have a friend who frankly would benefit from this.
00:47:59
Speaker
I wanna just encourage you to to be generous and share with your friends. That's one of the things I like to do is when I come across a good podcast episode, a good book, a good online article, a good two minutes short, I share it. that that That first of all deepens the learning for me. So at a selfish level, I i get better because I shared it. But secondly, um it's it's just good for you when you give of yourself to other people. The human beings that have the greatest lives are the ones who are the greatest givers. The greatest givers. Be one of those people. Be a great giver. Rob's a great giver. You be like Rob, be a great giver. And I really want to encourage you to do that. And of course, give us a like, a rating, or review if
00:48:57
Speaker
He liked this episode if it was inspiring to you, if it uplifted you in any way. Because when you do that, that helps us, so you're helping us. And it also, you know the algorithm likes seeing more ratings, likes seeing more likes, and that will get us um into the attention span and the feeds of those who could benefit from this and who need this.
00:49:27
Speaker
Rob Dubois, brother, God bless you, man. It's been amazing ah to spend some time with you today. um Thank you so much for taking the time. Thank you, Nicky. This is amazing. I really appreciate the opportunity. And I love that you're emphasizing the giving. you know we We quote 20 Robbins, the secret to living is giving.
00:49:46
Speaker
It literally is. It's better to give than receive, just like at Christmas time. Kids don't get that, but adults do. When you become an adult, when you become a mature person, you recognize it is better to give, to see the joy on the faces of others. And it costs us nothing to give. Sending a podcast, it costs nothing. It costs nothing. um Honestly, it costs absolutely nothing. But it benefits a lot. The return is big. Return is big.
00:50:10
Speaker
And brother, thank you again for coming. And that wraps up another powerful, exciting episode of the podcast, the Thought Leader Revolution. To find out more about today's incredible guest, the one and only Rob Dubois, Rob of the Woods.
00:50:28
Speaker
as it were, go to the show notes at thethoughtleaderrevolution.com, or wherever you happen to listen to this episode, be it on iTunes, Spotify, Google Play, Audible, YouTube, Rumble, or what have you, wherever you happen to go, make sure that you do that. And until the next time,
00:50:55
Speaker
that we get together with another spectacular conversation and spectacular guest. Goodbye. This episode has been brought to you by eCircleAcademy.com, the proven system to add six to seven figures a year to your thought leader practice.