Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
How to Get Through to People
89 Plays5 months ago
We were bad. REALLY BAD. My 7-year-old son's soccer team struggled ALL YEAR. On the final weekend of the season, the head coach was out of town, and I was asked to step in. "Is there some way - ANY WAY - to reach these kids in a way they haven't been previously reached?" I asked myself. It turns out there was ... !
Recommended
Transcript
Fascination with Coaching and Influence
00:00:02
Speaker
I'm just very fascinated in general by coaching, by relationships. Like, how do you motivate people? How do you inspire people? And I enjoy it a lot. There just seems to be, like, implications, maybe for everybody. Like, in some ways, like, we're all being coached by something or someone, whether it's our boss at our jobs, when we're younger, our parents, reality. and life itself is sometimes coaching us. And I think often, my experience at least, I don't think I've been coached very well throughout my life.
Introducing 'Life's F-ing Nuts' Podcast
00:00:38
Speaker
Welcome, friends, to Life's F-ing Nuts. I am JR, one man's stories and ruminations on being human in an upside down world.
Coaching the Super Sussy Hot Dogs
00:00:57
Speaker
I coach my son's soccer team. My son's seven years old. The soccer team is called the Super Sussy Hot Dogs, which is pretty strange. I've been sort of an assistant coach all year. The head coach was pretty sort of loose. We didn't have like official titles, but I did go to most of the practices and and helped out and developed a bond and rapport with the kids. and Today and tomorrow is like the end of the season tournament. Three games, we played two games today and a third game tomorrow and coach is out of town. So I had a much more prominent role in coaching. I teamed up with two other dads and it ended up being an amazing experience, subjectively at least.
00:01:46
Speaker
The coaching my son's soccer team today allowed me to reflect generally on the roles that coaches, all kinds of coaches play in our lives. And I guess too, it allowed me to reflect more specifically on how I was coached as an athlete, as a student, what worked, what didn't work, what was effective, what got through to me, what didn't get through to me. I don't think for the most part people knew how to get through to me, how to motivate me, how to keep me focused, how to get the most out of me. like I just don't just i don't think it's happened that much. I mean, it is what it is. I'm not like i'm not a sob story, but it's kind of a bummer. It's kind of a bummer that there's so many sort of like coaching student roles out there in the world.
00:02:27
Speaker
some big, some small, and that potentially many of these relationships are being mishandled, that like fundamentally a large segment of the population doesn't know how to relate to others, how to get the best and the most out of others, whether you're being a parent or a teacher or a boss or whatever it is.
The Role of Coaching in Life
00:02:46
Speaker
This particular episode is about how do you get the most out of someone, an individual or a team. That's what this is about. And what would the world be like if we were all more skilled at relating with each other, collaborating, and getting the most? Like, what how much different could the world be? that That's what this podcast is about. That's what this episode is about.
00:03:07
Speaker
i Part of me was like, nervous or like not looking forward to being in a more prominent role. Some part of me like wants to have more influence in the world and be sort of more visible out in the world. But another part of me just likes to hang back in the shadows and not be vulnerable in any kind of way.
00:03:29
Speaker
And so I woke up this morning like kind of feeling like, all right, I just want to get these two games over with. I just want to get through this. But I intentionally say, OK, I'm going to wake up early. I'm going to get to the field early, to the best of my ability, get my mind right, get present, and get sort of supple. Make sure my my coaching aura is supple. That was my my vision and so I got to the field like before anyone else and it's a beautiful autumn morning and in northern California. There's like heavy dew on the grass and and the sun's shining, blue skies. We played at King Middle School. The field's over there on Hopkins Street.
Coaching Style and Team Preparation
00:04:10
Speaker
The players started trickling in. I got my fucking gym bag. I have like two whiteboards. I have like a a big whiteboard and then a smaller whiteboard with like the soccer field. I like built into the whiteboard. I got my little whistle around my neck. It's pretty absurd. I'm like, all right, let's warm up. So we start to, we run a little bit. I'm like, am I telling everyone like, all right, just get your mind, get your mind and your body warmed up. That's what I'm saying. I start to feel sort of good. I'm kind of, kind of into it. And I intentionally asked one of the parents who I was teaming up with, I was like, how about you handle the substitutions? Cause I'll tell you, this might sound silly, but like,
00:04:48
Speaker
Seven-year-olds have a lot of opinion about what position they want to play, how much they want to play. like it It can be like fairly contentious. It's a little kind of intense.
00:05:00
Speaker
If, like, you you tell someone they're playing defense, like, you just see this look of dejection on their face. It's just, like, misery. You just feel terrible. But someone's got to play defense, so... We started the game out. we' we'rere as i As I mentioned, we're called the Super Sussy Hot Dogs. And we were playing against the Panthers for our first game at 9 a.m. And the Panthers were actually one of the only teams we'd beaten. We only won two games this year. And I immediately feel a lot more like empowered and confident. I was no longer sort of hanging back in the shadows. I sort of stepped into the spotlight and I've seen myself do this throughout the years. It does seem like I get nervous. I don't really want the spotlight. I just want to sort of stay safe and guarded. But often in my life when I when i am in charge, I get really confident.
00:05:51
Speaker
And I get very sort of unapologetic about my my just sort of natural desire to lead. I hope that that other people experience it in a positive way too, that it's not me just feeling myself. And I have gotten positive feedback from my leadership skills, like from peers and also from people I am leading. that i've got People do like this energy that I that i start to embody. And so, like yeah, I could feel it immediately on the
Achieving Success and Building Confidence
00:06:16
Speaker
sideline. I was much more vocal. I was you i was like sort of running up and down the sideline and patting everyone on the back and just staying really positive. One thing I noticed, strategically speaking, my little seven-year-olds out there, that when one of them would have the ball and would sort of push forward in an offensive rush,
00:06:37
Speaker
all the teammates would just stare at them and just like let them attack the defense on their own. So it'd be like one against four every single time. They would just stop and watch them. And I was like, i was like oh, this needs to get fixed. During halftime, I brought up one of my whiteboards, the big whiteboard, and I just decided I was like, I was like, okay, these kids have a lot going on in their brains. Coaches are constantly telling them stuff, a million different things. And usually I watch the coaches telling them stuff and I just see kids brain spinning and they're not like actually responding to what the coach is saying. And so I know how my brain works. I know that I get really overwhelmed and and my brain can sort of shut down if I'm receiving too much information. So I'm like, all right, I'm gonna give these kids a really, really, really simple thing to focus on.
00:07:26
Speaker
And so on the whiteboard, I write three words, join the rush.
00:07:42
Speaker
And I explained a little bit, I say, You guys are playing great. I'm proud of you. You're working hard. You're hustling. I love it. Let's keep it up. And here's one thing to work on. Just one thing I tell them. Just one thing. You know, make it nice and simple. Make it feel very accessible. I was like, when your teammate has the ball and is pushing forward for an offensive rush, join the rush. Sprint with them. Midfielders and forwards. Sprint with them. Every time, join the rush.
00:08:19
Speaker
The ref blows a whistle, second half begins. To my immense delight, they actually start doing it.
00:08:31
Speaker
It's so cool and invigorating to see that I got through to them. This is a team that all year, they just look disheveled and sort of listless out on the field, sort of lost. You had some kids like picking grass or staring at bluebirds in the trees. So to all of a sudden, seeing them respond to this one simple directive, it was awesome. It was so much fun to watch them. And and the kids on the sideline, the like the reserves, started chanting, join the rush, join the rush.
00:09:12
Speaker
And they took the whiteboard, my little whiteboard, and they they wrote it in even bigger letters. And they were like holding it up. And at one point, groups of them like coordinated. Like one kid would say, like, join. And then the second kid would say, the. And they would say, rush. It was, join, the, rush. And they were just like going like that.
00:09:35
Speaker
We won 4-0, so it's not a terrible surprise because, like I said, we had already beaten this team. At that point, I was feeling myself. I was like, okay, I can coach. I know how to do this. I know how to relate to people, even if they're seven years old. Man, I know how. Because I struggle so much, I struggle with everything. Everything is hard, often. And learning is hard. And staying focused is hard.
00:10:03
Speaker
Because I've struggled so much, I feel like I have a lot of empathy and understanding of what it's like to struggle to not get something. And so I'm not saying that the kids are the exact wired the exact same as I am, but I guess I'm able to make things as simple as possible because I know how hard things are for me and how overwhelmed I can get.
00:10:24
Speaker
We had an hour and a half between games. And then this game, we were playing a team that beat our ass earlier in the year, five
Facing Stronger Opponents and Reflecting on Growth
00:10:31
Speaker
to one. We had our little pregame meeting. I reiterated, I said, you guys did an amazing job. Keep it up. Join the rush every time. And then I said, all right, I'm gonna tell you one more thing. One more very, very, very simple thing. I said, win the ball. I said, anytime you see a ball in your area, that's your ball. Win that ball. The game started. We were stride for stride, kick for kick, pass for pass, save for save.
00:11:06
Speaker
And I was astounded. This team had beat our ass just a few weeks ago. It was like they were like eight levels higher than us. We were completely decimated. And it was amazing to see. And every single kid on our team, every single one of them busted their ass. I had never seen it all season. I hadn't seen the kids play like this ever. It was amazing to see. We scored the first goal. We were up 1-0. And then they came back and scored two quick goals. And then we came back and tied it. And so it was tied 2-2 with like 10 minutes left. Kick for kick. Strive for stride. Pass for pass. Save for save. It was so exhilarating. Every single time one of our players had the ball and started moving it up, I would scream. I'd say, join the rush. Join the rush. And I would see them just sprint.
00:12:00
Speaker
Unfortunately, late in the match, they scored two goals and we lost 4-2. But I was hella proud of our guys. Hella proud of them. So proud of them. It was like a different team. And so what can we learn from
Insights on Positive Reinforcement and Potential
00:12:13
Speaker
this? One, my hypothesis is that kids do really well with positive reinforcement. Everything I said was positive. I was constantly just like positive, positive, positive. And it seemed to really benefit them. Two, make things as simple as possible. I don't care if you're dealing with a seven year old or a 27 or a 77 year old.
00:12:33
Speaker
Make things simple. Our brains can get so overwhelmed so easily. Make it simple. Give them one thing or two things to be great at. Simplified things. People, seven year olds, 27 year olds, 77 year olds are likely capable of things that you might not think they're capable of. But there's literally kids who when they try to kick the ball, They would completely miss it, not make contact with the ball and fall on their butt. And those kids were flying around today making plays. There's different levels of skills and abilities in all areas of life. some Some people are more talented than others. I'm not saying that we're all the same, but don't underestimate people. People are capable of amazing things if you give them the opportunity, if you encourage them in the right ways. yeah I was so proud of these kids and they they were so
00:13:21
Speaker
authentic out there. So maybe there's hope for the future. if if we If we can guide this generation, these kids, these beautiful young people, guide them in the right ways. Maybe we can have a better world and actually create a future for our species. That would be cool. All right. Thanks, friends.
00:13:47
Speaker
Thanks for tuning in into Life's F-N Nuts. I hope you enjoyed that story. You can follow us on social media at Life's F-N Nuts podcast. I'm JR, see you guys soon.