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Raw 'n' Uncut: Go On, Surprise Yourself
16 Plays20 days ago
Proving to yourself that you still have a few tricks up your sleeve...CHANGES EVERYTHING
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Transcript
Introduction to Life's Effin' Nuts
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome, friends, to another episode of Life's Effin' Nuts.
00:00:12
Speaker
This is your host, JR, Life's Effin' Nuts, one man's stories and ruminations on being human in an upside down world. You're listening to the raw and uncut version of Life's Effin' Nuts. Raw and uncut means exactly what it says. No production, no editing,
00:00:32
Speaker
Just me, your host, JR, ruminating, reflecting, going on and on and on about God knows what.
00:00:44
Speaker
ah If you want more polished content, i I invite you to check out seasons one and two of Life's Effing Nuts. That is more polished content. But if you wanna just riff and rock and roll with me, you are in the right place. You are in the right place.
Contemplating Predictability and Human Spirit
00:01:09
Speaker
It is a rainy Friday here on planet earth. We are now in 2025. The seasons they are turning. My sad heart is a yearning.
00:01:25
Speaker
Something like that. Something like that. Something like that. A few episodes ago I talked about predictability.
00:01:42
Speaker
I think I can't remember what the episode's called. I think at the end it says predictability sucks or something like that. I'm very terse. I'm very terse when I name my my episodes. Predictability sucks.
00:01:56
Speaker
And I just wanted to follow up with some, a few more reflections on that, on the nature of predictability on the effects, the negative effects that predictability has on my, my system, my brain, my mind, my spirit, my soul, my heart, my body. And um' I mean, I'm also curious for you, the listening audience, you out there and in podcast land.
00:02:26
Speaker
I'm curious if you relate to this where or, am I, am I just, am I more, am I more sensitive to this than other people? I'm not sure. My, I mean, my guess is that most of us probably like the human spirit, my guess is my hypothesis that the human spirit does need, does crave to feel alive.
00:02:50
Speaker
The human spirit craves. to feel curious, to feel open-hearted, to feel inflow, to feel instinctual.
00:03:05
Speaker
That's my hypothesis, that most people have some version of this dynamic within them. Especially, you know, if you live a relatively mainstream life, you know, you got a regular job and bills to pay and family, whatever it is.
Embracing Rawness and Unfiltered Experiences
00:03:21
Speaker
um My guess is that
00:03:26
Speaker
Sorry, i don't can you hear that buzz? I don't know. I'm at my house recording this and my dryer. Raw and uncut, I told you, raw and uncut. My dryer has the loudest buzzing thing when it's done, when when the load is done. It just has this ridiculous buzzing noise. I hate it. At some point, if I have some time, I'd like to try to figure out if there's a way I can turn it off. It's so jarring on my system. Anyway, I'm not sure if you could hear that or not, but anyway, my guess, my hypothesis is that most people have some version of this, like balancing out routine, structure,
00:04:04
Speaker
um the demands of life, schedule while also finding ways to feed the human spirit.
Freedom from Routine and the Joy of Spontaneity
00:04:16
Speaker
And the reason I'm i'm revisiting this is because i worked I worked some over the last couple of weeks, but I also took a little bit of time off. And i I'm just reminded yet again,
00:04:32
Speaker
how how much better I feel when I take time off, when i when I can flow a little bit more freely, when I can improvise more, when every single second of every single day is not on some kind of metronome schedule, like do this, do that, do this, do that, clean the fish tank, do the laundry, clean the kitchen, go go for the groceries, pick up the kid, all just like nonstop, just a metronome of activity,
00:05:03
Speaker
I just feel so much better, man. I feel so much better. I can breathe, man. Shoot. And and within that within that kind of taking a little time off,
00:05:26
Speaker
i I'm aware too that like yesterday I took off. And I said to myself, like, like how would I, okay. I haven't made sense of my thoughts yet. Give me a second. um'm umm We will get there, my friends. We will get there. Raw and uncut, man. um All right, so let me let me walk it back a second. Wednesday, I had a vision
00:06:00
Speaker
Wednesday was New Year's Day. I had a vision, I was like, okay, I wanna write. I wanna write for a long period of time. So I made a plan. I was like, I'm gonna walk to this cafe near my house. A nice cafe, I like it. And it's gonna be a nice, relaxed day. you know Most people are not working, it's New Year's Day. It's gonna have a ah a chill vibe in the atmosphere.
00:06:25
Speaker
And I'm just going to hang out at the cafe for a few hours and bring a book of poetry to kind of read and get inspired and bring a couple different notebooks. Cause I do kind of different kinds of writing and different kinds of notebooks. And so I did it. I carried through on the plan. I walked over there and it was nice, but also I was like, man, like this, something's missing. Like this should be nicer. Like it's New Year's day. I'm not working.
00:06:53
Speaker
It's quiet, it's slow, it's still. Like, why is this not better? And I kind of had and this moment of clarity and it's nothing new. i've I've thought about this a million times in my life, but sometimes we have to have multiple moments of clarity before we really, really, really, really, really, truly get the message.
00:07:17
Speaker
And I was like, I was like, oh, like I've done this before. I've done this exact same thing. I've walked to the same cafe. This is kind of like a go-to cafe for me and in the last year or so. And so it's like my soul kind of feels dead, even though this should be nice. It's still within the realm of the predictable. I didn't open up my soul and spirit. And so I was like, you know what? I'm gonna, I don't have that much work to do. I'm gonna take tomorrow off too.
00:07:50
Speaker
and I'm gonna go old school, because I used to do this when I was younger. I'm gonna put a couple notebooks, a couple books, some pens in my backpack, a water bottle, and I'm just gonna leave my house, walking, no car, and just go and see see where the day takes me. And I was like, yes, that's it. That's what I need. I need a little bit of uncertainty.
00:08:20
Speaker
I need to, I need to not know what's going to happen next. Even if it's like a tiny, tiny sliver of not knowing what's going to happen. That's what I need. That's what I love. That's what I crave, man. That's what I crave. The unknown.
00:08:43
Speaker
Having to pay attention. feeling into the moment, being aware of my surroundings, using my instincts and intuition. That's what I need. That's what I love. That's what I crave, man. That's the thing. It's not just taking time off or having time to write. Those things are nice, but I need that unknown, the unexpected.
00:09:14
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The unpredictable, that's what I need.
00:09:21
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And sometimes even when i when I do that, I still have like a general idea of what I might do, which is fine. That that doesn't impede on this sort of magical spirit of the unknown. And so I you know headed out from my house and so something also happens for me when I like embark on a journey. As soon as my body starts moving,
00:09:44
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As soon as I start existing in the environment, and you know not just in my little pod that is my car, my little protective safety metal pod that is my car, once I'm out there in the world, things just start speaking to me.
00:10:02
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And that might sound crazy but and I don't mean it in any kind of crazy way, but I just, I, you know, certain things catch my attention. Certain thoughts emerge, certain ideas emerge. I'll have a, I'll have a sense of like what direction I want to go in. And I love that man. I love that process of feeling into the moment, feeling into the moment.
00:10:27
Speaker
And so I had a vague idea that I wanted to go to this cafe that I'd driven by a bunch of times, but never been to.
Inspiration from Unplanned Adventures
00:10:34
Speaker
It's called Way Station. It's Way Station in Berkeley. And so I just kind of made my way towards there. I wasn't 100% sure that I would even go in, but that was kind of, that was my starting point. And so I made my way over there and I popped my head in and I kind of, I felt into it like, is this, is this the spot? And I was like, yeah yeah, like let's do this. So I went in there and I was like, man, like this place is freaking awesome.
00:10:57
Speaker
And so I sat down, I had a little coffee, I had my little poetry book, my little notebooks. And it felt so much different than it did the day before when I was at the the predictable cafe that I go to all the time. my My heart fell open, my mind fell open. I felt this expanse of hope and possibility and wonder. And I immediately just felt so happy
00:11:27
Speaker
So happy just to be in this new environment. And you know what, this this phrase came to me and it's from an old movie from early 2000s. Did you guys ever see American Beauty with Kevin Spacey? When I was young, I used to love that movie. And I think over the years,
00:11:46
Speaker
Um, I think critics kind of say, or it's like a popular opinion that it's kind of like pretentious or trite or cliche, I think. But back then I really, really enjoyed it. I thought it was a, uh, it captured something really important and meaningful about life. And in one of the early scenes as Kevin Spacey, the main character is kind of rediscovering his vigor. He says something like, I,
00:12:14
Speaker
i He says something, this is not quote, but something like, I was enthralled by my capacity to surprise myself. I had lost the ability to feel like I could surprise myself. And here I am now, surprising myself. And that's kind of how I felt yesterday at at Way Station Cafe.
00:12:40
Speaker
I was like, yeah, I was like, yes, yes. Yes, I still have the ability, the capacity to surprise myself. Yes, that's what I need, man. That's what I need. I need to feel that it's possible no matter how old I get.
00:13:04
Speaker
No matter how many layers of stress stack upon each other in my life and demands, obligations, responsibilities, commitments, I need to feel that at the very least, no matter what happens, I still have the capacity to surprise myself.
00:13:27
Speaker
And yeah, and then the day from there just continued to unfold. Like I wrote for a couple hours there and then I headed back out on the street and I'm like, okay, what's next? And I was just kind of bouncing around, wandering around, looking at things, feeling into things. And I was like, ah you know what? I haven't been to the library in downtown Berkeley in a long time. I used to spend a lot of time there.
The Role of Unpredictability in Personal Growth
00:13:48
Speaker
And I was like, you know what? I want to go up to the fifth floor, which I used to hang out a lot.
00:13:53
Speaker
I used to go to the fifth floor of the library a lot because they have so many good vinyl records. And I was like, and back when I used to look at the records, I would just look at them. They didn't have a listening booth, but if I recalled, I was like, you know, what I think, I think somewhere over the last few years they got a listening booth. So I'm going to go up to the fifth floor of the library, find some records, sit in the listening, listening booth and listen to some vinyl records. And I did it and it was amazing. It was so good.
00:14:27
Speaker
And then I left there and I was like, i was like okay, what next? I was like, I'm getting kind of hungry, but what do I want to eat? And so I was like, I'm just going to go north. And I went north and and then like, and then I was like, you know what? There's that place, Gorilla Cafe in Berkeley. I'm going to go check that place out. And I went there and it was perfect. The vibe was perfect. The energy was perfect. The music was perfect. The lighting was perfect.
00:14:56
Speaker
And the day just kind of unfolded in that fashion.
00:15:02
Speaker
And it just crystallized, this I've known this thing, I've been talking about it for a long time, but I lose track of it. just And so hopefully i can I can keep it a little bit, I can center this this crystallized knowing, crystallized knowing about myself. Hopefully I can center it a little bit more.
00:15:25
Speaker
I need the unexpected. I don't need it every single second of every single day. That's that's not that's not a feasible reality. I have lots of commitments, obligations and responsibilities. I have a lot of work to do generally. I have a kid. I have a house to maintain. It's a lot of stuff to do.
00:15:48
Speaker
but
00:15:52
Speaker
At least somewhat regularly, I need these experiences where I surprise myself.
00:16:01
Speaker
Where I don't know what's ha what's going to happen next. I need that. I And Mike, like, like I said, my hypothesis is that probably most of us need that to some degree.
00:16:19
Speaker
and And everyone's, everyone's sort of version of it is probably different, you know, some whatever, like sometimes maybe if, if someone wears a new outfit, like that's, that's enough for them. That, that gives them that feeling of the unexpected of surprising themselves of, of something different, something new.
00:16:41
Speaker
So anyway, those are just my further reflections on.
00:16:47
Speaker
how much predictability sucks and how it's not good for the human spirit, at least my human spirit.
Balancing Obligations and Soulful Living
00:16:54
Speaker
And I, and I will say too, that I've, I've, I've said this in the past that unfortunately, at least my experience is that like, I don't think mainstream American society culture is designed well, or like it does not design well for the human soul and the human spirit.
00:17:15
Speaker
like i'm not I'm not just randomly imagining all these responsibilities, obligations and commitments and the the demands, the pressures, the stresses of working, of having to pay bills, of just all the things one has to keep up with and in modern day life. like That is how our mainstream American society and culture is designed, I think at least, that's my experience of it.
00:17:45
Speaker
And so I have to kind of go against the grain a little bit in order to get this human need of mind met. So I think that's kind of a bummer that we have a society that that's designed in such an antithetical way to the human soul and spirit, right? Right? Can I get Amé and friends? All right. That's life's effing nuts for today. I'll catch you guys around soon.