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Raw 'n' Uncut: Artist, Schmartist
15 Plays23 days ago
Is "being an artist" even a real thing??
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Transcript
Introduction to Raw Stories
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome friends to another episode of life's effin nuts. I'm your host Jr. Life's effin nuts. One man stories and ruminations on being human in an upside down world. This is the raw and uncut version. No editing, no production. Just me working without a net ruminating and reflecting.
00:00:28
Speaker
ruminating and reflecting.
The Nature of Time
00:00:31
Speaker
It is New Year's Eve, believe it or not. Man, the days fly by, the weeks fly by, the months fly by, the years fly by, lifetimes fly by. Crazy. Time, man. Time does not stop. Time marches on. Time is undefeated.
00:00:50
Speaker
Time, time, time, time. We live in time. We live in time. Crazy, man. It doesn't stop. It doesn't stop.
Time Mastery Insights
00:01:01
Speaker
i met I met this guy on LinkedIn a few months ago. I think he has like a master's degree or a PhD or something. And his whole area of focus is time mastery. Time mastery. And he sent me some of his materials. and I was busy at the time, so I didn't do like a full deep dive, but I read a little bit of it. It was very fascinating. like He basically studies how to and how to navigate time, how to manage time, how to maximize time, how to expand time. I think that was the most fascinating part. He had this whole like essay and then like tips for how to create experiences that make it feel like time is expanding.
00:01:49
Speaker
And I don't remember the specifics at this point, um so I'm not going to try to describe something and that I don't really remember the specifics, but it' was just it was very fascinating. and well i mean like I remember for instance, he said, like oh this is the only part I'll share because it's the only part I remember. But that like when we when we do something where we're more, and it's kind of obvious, but it was like, oh yeah, like that's a thing. When we're genuinely more present,
00:02:16
Speaker
when we're genuinely enjoying ourselves, when there's novelty, when we're like when our senses are alive and awake, that it it just it changes the contours of time, that that we we feel this expansiveness.
00:02:34
Speaker
you know the I don't know, it just that that and compared to if we're just going through the motions, the routine of life, the mechanics of life, checking the boxes.
00:02:47
Speaker
um moving like a robot, that time can just fly. But if we have these other experiences where we're just immersed and engrossed in something and and present and engaged and interested and fascinated, um that time slows down. So i i that that's kind of a random aside. I did not plan on talking about that right now, but time
The Artist's Journey
00:03:10
Speaker
mastery. The guy's name, actually, if you want to look him up is John Coyle. C-O-Y-L-E.
00:03:16
Speaker
A fascinating guy in time mastery. um The topic that I want to talk about though. is art and more specifically, like being an artist, what it means to be an artist. If there's even such thing such a thing as being an artist or if that is just something that lazy people made up, people who don't like to work and like are ah think they're special, it's like, I'm an artist.
00:03:48
Speaker
I don't think that's actually true, but it it is something that I think about, something that I've wrestled with, that I grapple with from a young age. and And again, I say this all the time, but for listeners who've heard other episodes, you've heard me talk about these kinds of things. But from a young age, from about the age of 14,
00:04:13
Speaker
the like The thing that got me most excited, most engaged authentically, like where I was not going through the motions, where I felt like fully alive, turned on, like blood coursing through my veins, just alive was art, was art man.
00:04:37
Speaker
um At first it was it was taking in art, listening to a lot of music, reading a lot of books, and then it became creating my own art, mostly mostly writing when I first started. That was the thing, man. That was the thing that made me feel alive.
00:04:58
Speaker
ah Consuming art and creating art. Consuming and creating. Consuming and creating. that's that That's the thing that made me feel like myself. That's the thing that gave me purpose. That's the thing that made me excited to jump out of bed in the morning. That's the thing that that felt real. So much of life for me did not feel real. I just felt like detached and kind of disoriented.
00:05:29
Speaker
just like playing a role, but then I would engage in art and I would just be like, yes, yes. And so that was a thing from an early age. And as I've shared for those of, the you know, as I've shared,
00:05:43
Speaker
At the time, it for me, it was very centered around the work of Bob Dylan. That was the thing that that really inspired me, that really got through to me, that really made me feel something, that that that excited me, man. It excited me. it It made me feel ambitious, a drive, desire, motivation.
00:06:07
Speaker
like i ah How did he create that? I want to create that. I want to create things like that. That's beautiful, man. That's gorgeous. That's shockingly gorgeous. How do I create something like that? That was my experience. That was my orientation.
00:06:24
Speaker
and And I i was single-minded about it. Nothing else really mattered or meant anything to me. that And that might sound like hyperbole. And maybe there's a little bit of hyperbole. I mean, I still cared about my family. and my friends, but like on my core, most primal level, in a lot of ways, nothing compared to, to my desire, my my curiosity, my fascination, my obsession with beauty. How did he create that? How do I create that? And so i I really did center most of my life on that for a long time for all my teens in my early twenties.
00:07:07
Speaker
um
00:07:11
Speaker
And and i and i i felt I felt like it was legit and worthy. i didn't i i didn't have I didn't think that I was messing it up at all or that I was wayward in any kind of way or that I was being irresponsible or anything like that. I thought i was i felt i felt purposeful. I felt like I had a mission in life.
00:07:35
Speaker
to figure out, to to absorb and appreciate as much art as I possibly could and then to pay it forward by creating my art. Like i I had a purpose, I had a mission in life, that was it. And I also was not just like sitting alone in my room dreaming about being an artist or like fantasizing about it. Like I was out there doing stuff and I was receiving positive feedback. It wasn't just like this total grandiose delusion. I mean, there might've been some grandiosity and there might've been some delusion, but i I was receiving feedback that I was onto something.
Career vs. Passion
00:08:19
Speaker
As I got older though, and I kind of, my energy changed, I kind of, I lost my edge a little bit, just a little bit, and lost some of my my spark.
00:08:31
Speaker
My, my thinking ah about art started to change. I started to feel like, man, like I started to have questions like, what am I doing with my life? Um, and like looking around at other people my age who had more like traditionally structured lives and you could sort of see their direction, you know, like a career and a partner and, um, just things moving and in a direction.
00:09:01
Speaker
and and And my art in comparison started to feel like they're starting to feel like something was off or wrong. like I was stunted in some kind of way.
00:09:13
Speaker
And that that kind of ate at me. It kind of it didn't feel good. it It ate away at me. And eventually, I was like, i was like man, like I... i
00:09:27
Speaker
i I don't know, my the scales started to tip inside of me and I started to kind of think like, you know, the the the predominant belief started to be like, i I have to quote unquote, get my life together. I got to grow up, I got to mature.
00:09:46
Speaker
And I started to buy into that belief. and and And in some ways, I think maybe it was true that I did need to mature and kind of
00:09:57
Speaker
um figure out figure out like how I was gonna make a living in the world in in a more sustainable way when I was an artist I had like odd jobs and things like that and I made it work kind of paycheck to paycheck but it wasn't very sustainable I couldn't really like build a life in that way and so um I I started to like less actively identify with that more artistic part of myself that I had for so many years when I was young and started to focus more on professional life and career and things like that and and financial stability and things like that.
00:10:39
Speaker
and i It was a hard transition and I didn't like it, but I figured it out. I did figure it out. I figured out like how to apply some of my creative skills in the professional world and how to make you know consistent money and be like an upstanding citizen, a proper member of society, all that kind of stuff. I figured it out. I did. Um, and then as I figured it out, I kind of, I kind of I looked back on my younger self that was so obsessed with art and I was like, man, I was wayward. Like I was just like so self-absorbed and delusional and and grandiose. And I started to have a very different view of my young artistic self.
00:11:28
Speaker
I became kind of like a, I don't know, like, I guess. Like, uh, I don't know, like a stodgy, uppity old man in some way. I mean, not full on, but like, basically like I would, it I would treat myself in those ways. I would like look down upon my younger self.
00:11:50
Speaker
And, and so now like i I've, I've, I've found sort of more adult responsible stability and maturity and all those things. But i'll I'll occasionally have these experiences mostly when I'm traveling.
00:12:09
Speaker
And I don't travel that much, but you know I go on little trips here and there. And when I travel, and and i've I've shared about this, when I step out of my routine, when I become less robotic, less mechanical,
00:12:21
Speaker
when I'm more open, my heart's more open, when I'm more present, when my senses are more engaged, when I'm in novel environments, when I don't know what's coming next, when I'm being more instinctual.
00:12:36
Speaker
Naturally, i I... I just want to create, I want to create, like I used to create, I want to like devour writing and I ah you know want to read a lot, devour other people's writing and I want to write myself and I want to record stuff and I want to make music and I want to paint.
00:12:55
Speaker
and
00:12:59
Speaker
well I will say that even in my like quote unquote professional mode that's probably been for the last 10 years. I've always done i've always you know stayed somewhat true to my art. I've always been writing and and playing around with different stuff. Like I'm always creative in little ways, but it became more of like a side project, like a side hobby, just something I did occasionally when I had free time as opposed to the center thing, which it was when I was younger.
Rekindling Creative Fire
00:13:28
Speaker
Anyway, like I was saying though, when i usually when I'm traveling, i get i the artistic side of me becomes more central again. And recently I was down in LA seeing my family and I had like an afternoon with nothing to do. So I took a walk to this local cafe and they had a little outside area with a fireplace and I i sat by the fireplace as the sun was going down with my little notebook and my book of poetry.
00:13:57
Speaker
And I just wrote the way that I used to write, like I was very present and I didn't have anywhere to be. And my my mind was very fluid and words just came to me very easily and I could play and explore with my words. It was like dancing. it was It was dancing of the mind. And it was so, and I've had, this is not this is not an isolated incident. This happens all the time. I shouldn't say all the time, but this happens consistently. Where I was like, oh yeah, like,
00:14:26
Speaker
I feel like myself right now. I feel such a rich experience right now. I am engaged. I'm connected. I'm inspired. There's a free flow of energy.
00:14:42
Speaker
And in that moment, I'm like, man, like, Maybe it's a real thing to like be an artist. that it's it's not like Like I said, for me, I started to look down upon my younger self and just feel like he was wayward and lost. But maybe that's not the truth at all. And and that like that it was just a cop-out for me. I just sort of like focused on art because I didn't know how to deal with real life. It was like an escape and a delusion. and It was just my way of sort of staying immature and young.
00:15:16
Speaker
But like maybe that's not true at all. Maybe maybe it's like an actual thing. And and this is not probably shocking to to actual real artists if you're listening to this. You're probably like, yeah, duh. Of course art being an artist is a real thing. it's like ah it's It's a different orientation to the world and real artists are not.
00:15:35
Speaker
not wired to go work in corporate America. that We're just fundamentally wired differently. um I imagine if other real artists listen to this, that's you'll be like, duh, yeah, of course, JR. What the hell are you talking about? is it Is there such a thing as being an artist? Of course there is. What are you talking about? um But for me, like I said, I do have an honest grappling with it. like Sometimes I get confused. like Is it a cop-out or is it a real thing?
00:16:01
Speaker
um Or is it both? I don't know and maybe like it depends how I use it in any given moment, but um Being down like that session that writing session on that that early evening. It was it was a a few days ago. I think um Anyway, it just kind of made me think man like Like maybe it is just a real thing for me. Maybe I am just an artist. And yeah, of course I'm a mature, responsible adult and I have a kid and I have to make money and do things that I don't wanna do, yes. But I also can't just neglect the artist in me. I can't just pretend that I'm just a normal professional who can just sort of like punch a clock, get his work done, come home and stream Netflix or whatever. Like, no, like that's not gonna work for me.
00:16:48
Speaker
um so So, yeah.
00:16:55
Speaker
Oh boy, that's funny. In in these raw and uncut ones, I never have like, i I don't actually know where I'm, there's a yapping dog. I don't know if you guys can hear that or not, whatever. It's a little distracting to me. Raw and uncut. um Yeah, I don't know if I, I don't, in these raw and uncut, I don't,
00:17:14
Speaker
usually have like a place where I'm gonna land or like a but some big proclamation I
Embracing the Inner Artist
00:17:20
Speaker
don't. um But yeah, I guess for me, it's just gonna be like, and I guess for me at the end of the day, if there is such thing as like genuinely being an artist and that that's like a thing and not just a cop out, um I guess until I fully embrace that,
00:17:40
Speaker
and and stop neglecting the artist in me and give it all the love and care and nutrients that it needs and deserves that just I probably won't feel like a whole human being. i That's probably the deal. And I guess for for all you other creative people out there, um maybe it's similar. Maybe you know it's, it's it's it's it's what would I say?
00:18:04
Speaker
It's non-negotiable. If you're a creative person, if you're an artist, that you need to honor that part of yourself. I guess that's kind of maybe the message or the thought or the rumination. So, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Artist, man. A different breed. A different breed. All right. Happy New Year, everybody. Catch you on the flip side. JR, life's effin' nuts.