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Hashtag #CNF Episode 5—Sheri Booker
162 Plays12 years ago
Sheri Booker’s memoir Nine Years Under: Coming of Age in an Inner City Funeral Home chronicles her near-decade long experience immersed the culture of death. Everything from picking up bodies to preserving them in the inner sanctum of Wylie Funeral Home. In it Booker learns that death knows no age and that a funeral home is every bit a part of a community as a church. She also addresses the age-old question of whether or not bodies move on the embalming table.
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Transcript
Introduction to Hashtag CNF and Sherry Booker's Memoir
00:00:03
Speaker
Welcome to hashtag CNF, a conversation about reading and writing with authors in the genre of creative nonfiction. I'm Brendan O'Mara.
00:00:31
Speaker
Sherry Booker's memoir, Nine Years Under, Coming of Age in an Inner City Funeral Home, chronicles her decade-long experience immersed in the culture of death, everything from picking up bodies to preserving them in the inner sanctum of Wiley Funeral Home. In it, Booker learns that death knows no age and that a funeral home is every bit a part of a community as a church. So it is my great pleasure to welcome Sherry Booker to hashtag CNF. Thank you for being on the show here at Sherry.
00:00:59
Speaker
something for having me. I'm so excited. Cool, cool.
Motivation and Philosophy: Writing about Death and Life Values
00:01:02
Speaker
Well, what was it about your experience in the funeral home that made you want to write about it? I worked there for so long, and I had so many stories that I was telling everyone all the time that I just ended up compiling the mental book. I used to write while I was working at the funeral home. I used to write poetry, and so it kind of made sense, but I started writing it in long form and chronicling my journey.
00:01:28
Speaker
What about life did you learn while being so immersed in death? You know, I always say everything I learned about life. I learned through death. So now I have a different value and respect of life. I'm very, very cautious. You'll never find me running out in the streets across traffic. I worry about what I eat. I think about that. I consider it.
00:01:55
Speaker
And I also value the relationships that are in my life as well. So, you know, constantly telling the people in my life how much I love them and what they need to me and how much I appreciate them because I never know when I could possibly lose them or when they could lose me. So, I take every day one day at a time and I try to get the most out of every day that I possibly can because, you know, I've witnessed people have regrets. You know, I would stand in the viewing room and see people who
00:02:21
Speaker
or like, oh my God, I wish I would have told them this. I wish I would have done this with this person. And I don't want to have those type of moments in my life.
Personal Journey: From Grief to Funeral Service
00:02:29
Speaker
Right, and your introduction, essentially, to the funeral home is with the passing of your aunt, and you were at a very young age yourself. So what effect did that have in your early formative years? You know, my great-great aunt Mary, she lived with me my entire life. She was like my living grandmother.
00:02:49
Speaker
So you can imagine how she spoiled me and spoiled to this day because of her. So she died when I was 15. She lived with me in my entire life. And when she died, the funeral director was a close family friend and he was also a member of our church. So when he offered me a job at a funeral home, I immediately accepted it, mainly because I was curious as to what happened to Aunt Mary.
00:03:12
Speaker
I wanted to know what was going on with her. And so I thought I would just stay there for the summer and try to find out what happened and everything. But I ended up staying there for nine years, going on almost 10 years. And so for me, it was important to learn the business. I had an advantage because I had just lost someone. I knew the value of
00:03:38
Speaker
what i needed to and who i needed to be for the families that came in there because i had just been in their shoes so i knew i knew what it was like to grieve i knew what it was like to leave the one who's so so important to you um and so that made a difference for me right and what preconceived notions did you have if any about working in a funeral home you know before and after then after you started
Demystifying Death: Myths and Realities
00:04:03
Speaker
You know, I did not have any preconceived notions. I knew nothing about death. My aunt Mary was my first loss. If she had not have died, I would have never stepped foot in the funeral home for any reason. So there was a little bit of fear that I had going into the business. The one thing that my dad told me, and he was a police officer in Baltimore, he said, okay, you can work there, but whatever you do, do not go in the basement. Do not go wherever it is that they embalm.
00:04:31
Speaker
And of course, what did I do eventually? I ended up in the basement. And so there was a little bit of fear. One of the things that I will always hear people ask me was like, you know, do bodies jump up? Do they sit up? And for what I learned from the businesses, that is not true. There's a little bit of myth. You know, bodies do react chemically. Embalming is a chemical process. So sometimes a mortician may over inject
00:05:00
Speaker
some chemicals in the body and it may react, you know, may flinch or arm might move or something like that, but nobody stood up or jump up or get up and walk or anything. That's all missed. And when you were finally allowed to help prepare the bodies for viewing and embalming, did you find that this was an experience you needed to fully understand the business you were in?
Professional Insights: Aesthetics and Emotional Resilience
00:05:22
Speaker
Absolutely. It was a good hands-on demonstration of what was going on.
00:05:28
Speaker
Is it something that I would want to do regularly? No. And so I tried to limit my contact down there, but it was very important in that process. What I did in the basement was I helped to dress bodies, painted fingernails, helped to curl and style hair.
00:05:47
Speaker
and those type of things. And those things are very important. The aesthetics of it is what is important to families. You know, seeing a body on view or at the funeral, it's all about that family gaining closure. So you'll realize how important it is for every hair to be in place, for the makeup to look perfect, for the nails to look manicured. So you want everything to be perfect because the family notices that type of stuff.
00:06:14
Speaker
I've always said you only get one chance at funeral service. That was the motto that we live by. What type of person do you feel is best suited for this kind of service? Even right down to being in the basement there where you're preparing the bodies. I'm sure it takes a certain personality type to be one drawn to it and then be good at it.
00:06:39
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. This is a very special type of person. I didn't think that I was built for that position myself, but you have to be strong, you have to... I don't know, like when I worked in the business, there was a point when I kind of became numb to what was going on. And so I like to give it to, you know, police officers do it all the time.
00:07:03
Speaker
doctors do it all the time. You just can't take cases personally because you see so many things. You see so many holistic things. And if you cried every time you saw a victim of homicide, if you were just so upset every time you saw a burn victim come through, even someone who died from cancer, or if you see a baby, you would never get any work done. So you have to be someone who is able to kind of
00:07:33
Speaker
you know, mask your feelings and not demonstrate that and realize that you have a job to get done. It's a very hard thing to do. And so I don't know how people do it. I don't know how I did it. And again, if I had not have had that loss in my life, I don't know if I could have been that person either. Right, and early on you had to fight that yourself, trying to choke back the tears. Mr. Wiley got on your case for it, if I recall.
00:08:03
Speaker
definitely you know he he he runs a business yep and he understood how important it is i'm again you know you want to have a feel for it though if i'm working in your business and i'm there crying how can i support uh... the family that's been here who's just lost their loved ones they need a shoulder to cry on you can't cry on their shoulders uh... and he had a very valid point and so there were women and men who did not make it through the business because they just couldn't stand
00:08:31
Speaker
to be in there because it is hard. It takes an emotional toll on you. And so you have to have strong things in your life. You have to have a family to go home to at night. You have to have someone significant in your life so that you can sleep in and have other things enjoy something that makes you feel good about life too. So a lot of funeral directors, they have family, they're members of churches, they're active in the community. So when they close their doors at night, they have to have something to go home to.
00:09:00
Speaker
And what were some of those activities that you felt you needed to turn to unplug from how heavy the work was that you were doing?
Balancing Life: Teen Years and Funeral Work
00:09:12
Speaker
You know, the great part about it for me was that during that time I was very young. I had great friends. I had a very close-knit family at home. And so I did regular teenage things. You know, I had the homework to do and studying to do.
00:09:27
Speaker
while I was in high school and college, parties, proms to prepare for. So for me, it was a easy distraction because I knew at eight o'clock when I got off.
00:09:37
Speaker
then I'm going to go hang out with my girlfriends. We're going to go to Pizza Hut and have pizza or go skating or go to a party or go to the basketball game. So that was a good distraction for me, as well as knowing that I had these great stories that I could share and no one else in the world could tell these type of stories. So for me, I got cool points for it.
00:09:58
Speaker
You know, most of my friends work at a store in the mall called Pretzel Time, which is like A.M. And so, you know, I was on all stuff. Yeah, I was thinking of that too, because there's so many teenagers scoop ice cream, flip burgers, make coffee, make subs, but you're in a funeral home. So, you know, what challenges did you encounter as a high schooler in such an unorthodox job?
00:10:24
Speaker
You know, my friends, they did not think it was weird at the time. My shame story though, when I was in college, you know, I cut quite a couple of days and I would actually take some of the funeral, like you flipped to class, going to it to my teacher. Like, oh, sorry, I missed class because my grandfather died. That was my funeral, my one funeral shame story that I had.
00:10:50
Speaker
all but i think that when i told that the way to get it out of the right uh... i think that that was a great scene uh... uh... they should forgive me i think i'm sure i'm sure she won't ensure she's reading this up in the great upstairs uh... well and give us a sense of what it was like to work for mister wiley you know i don't know if mister wiley he would anything uh...
Learning and Growth: Mentorship and Career Development
00:11:16
Speaker
It's very unusual that someone will bring you into their business and basically teach you everything that they know. I was so inquisitive. He said, you know what, you are so greedy. I'm like greedy, like you are so greedy for knowledge. And he was willing to teach me every single thing. He's a hard man to work for because his standards are so high. He does not accept anything less than the best. There's no room for mistakes. So you will get yelled at if you mess up.
00:11:42
Speaker
but you get him because you understand how passionate he is about his job and about what he does and the service that he offers to families. And so he was a great mentor, a great teacher. But I also found myself becoming just like him. And the things that I didn't like about him, I would see it in myself, which is very interesting. But when I was leaving the funeral home,
00:12:08
Speaker
so much like him. They were just like, oh my God, you're just a little owl wally. I would hear it all the time because I had picked up so many of his habits. I knew how he thought. I knew how he talked. I knew who he would hire. I knew who he would fire. I knew what he wanted. I knew how he would act in the arrangement room. I knew what deal he would give people. I just knew how he worked. And I picked up a lot of that. And what kind of strain, if any, did
00:12:34
Speaker
You know, working in this business, put on your friendships and relationships you might have had with friends and family. I mean, everyone loves Mr. Wiley. Everyone loves the funeral hall. If you were a part of my life, you spent some time at the funeral hall. Even so much so, I mean, all of my closest friends, they've been there.
00:12:55
Speaker
you know at my little poetry club that i had we need to have our approval there everything so if you are part of my life they can you all about that there are ways you probably have been to the funeral home you're very familiar with Mr. Ollie and the Ollie family well
Conclusion and Promotion: 'Nine Years Under'
00:13:11
Speaker
the name of the book again is nine years under coming of age in an inner city funeral home it is published by Gotham and I just want to thank you again Sherry for uh... for being a part of the show this is a lot of fun
00:13:24
Speaker
Thank you. My pleasure. Thank you so much.