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"Sparks of Love #2" episode #70
9 Plays1 year ago
Betsy and Halcyon are joined by Halcyon's partner Lisa. We hear the story of healing that led Halcyon & Lisa to each other. They share the attitudes, choices, and practices that make their relationship a tool of spiritual & personal growth.
Episode Timestamps:
5:00-10:00 Before meeting
10:00-23:00 Our first 48 hours
23:00-28:00 Moving in together.
28:00- Basic premise of our relationship.
32:00- Ways we've grown in this relationship & ways we make it work.
53:00 Closing Sparks
Lisa's song website: http://thebirdsings.com
Lisa's Music on Spotify
John's Weekend Workshop January 11-12.
John's Puppet YouTube Channel
HOSTS
BETSY FINKLEHOO is a healer of massage therapy, CranioSacral and Dharma Coaching. She is an 8 year burner and has spent the last several years seeped in the personal development world, cultivating her passion for transformation and growth. Her recent project, The Power Affirmation Journal and virtual group empowers women to cultivate self awareness and healthy habits so they can live in greater freedom, mind body and spirit.
http://poweraffirmation.com/
Click here to get a FREE affirmation for Stay Sparked Listeners!
HALCYON is full-time Love Ambassador. He is the founder of Hug Nation YouTube channel and daily zoom gratitude circles. He is co-founder of the Pink Heart Burning Man camp and the 1st Saturdays project for people experiencing homelessness. In his free time he coaches individuals on how to live joyfully and authentically. His other podcast is "Hard on the 80's."
http://LifeStudent.com
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction: Halcyon's Love Journey
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Speaker
On today's juicy episode, we dive into a conversation about Halcyon's journey of love.
00:00:06
Speaker
Today we're joined by my amazing partner, Lisa.
00:00:09
Speaker
We get to tell the stories of the healing that we went through in order to meet one another and the choices and practices that are helping us grow and heal together.
00:00:19
Speaker
Enjoy the episode.
Meet the Hosts and Guest
00:00:21
Speaker
Welcome to Stay Sparked.
00:00:23
Speaker
We are here sharing conversations aimed to light you up.
00:00:27
Speaker
I'm Betsy Finkelhoo, the creator of the Power Affirmation Journal and Project and Somatic Bodyworker.
00:00:33
Speaker
I am John Stinn, host of the Hug Nation YouTube channel and Pink Path Coaching Program.
00:00:39
Speaker
And today we are sparked and inspired and excited to welcome a very special guest today, Lisa Littleberg, who is Halcyon's beloved.
00:00:49
Speaker
And we are going to explore a beautiful conversation.
00:00:54
Speaker
And as we always do, we love to start with gratitude.
00:00:58
Speaker
So love to invite you,
Expressions of Gratitude
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Speaker
Lisa.
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Speaker
What are you grateful for in this moment?
00:01:03
Speaker
Thank you so much.
00:01:04
Speaker
Grateful to be here.
00:01:05
Speaker
Grateful that, you know, life tends to move in seasons, right?
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Speaker
And I've had lots of long seasons of
00:01:15
Speaker
winter kind of waiting with the seed under the earth of a lot of dreams that I've held in my heart.
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Speaker
And right now, as we move into actual winter, my life is in a springtime.
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Speaker
I feel like the long held dreams of a beautiful home with the partner of my dreams is happening.
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Speaker
And it's really the first time in my life that that's been there.
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Speaker
And I'm soaking up every second.
00:01:45
Speaker
Hmm.
00:01:49
Speaker
Oh, well, I'm going to talk more about that later, but right now my gratitude is for a fuzzy gray puppet that I've realized.
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Speaker
I'm grateful for a discovery of a passion.
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Speaker
I am been so inspired the last week and a half with puppetry.
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Speaker
I got a puppet to communicate with my five and a half year old bio son and
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Speaker
And our conversations have been incredible.
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Speaker
And my being inspired in this character is something I haven't felt in a long time.
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Speaker
So I'm grateful for inspiration.
00:02:20
Speaker
Yes.
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Speaker
I love that.
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Speaker
Yes.
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Speaker
Can't wait to get to spend more time with the puppet.
00:02:25
Speaker
Me too, Betsy.
00:02:26
Speaker
Very much looking forward to meeting you.
00:02:28
Speaker
Later.
00:02:31
Speaker
Well, I today am grateful for a massage I just had right before this recording.
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Speaker
I am feeling so nice and relaxed.
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Speaker
My body feels so just open and I had such good releases and just so grateful for getting to lay down for two hours and receive just that kind of care and touch on my body.
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Speaker
It's just, I love massages.
00:02:54
Speaker
And so I'm lit up from that.
00:02:57
Speaker
Hmm.
00:02:58
Speaker
And I'm also just really grateful to have this conversation with you both, because what this podcast really is about is sharing sparks of inspiration.
Love and Inspiration: Halcyon and Lisa's Journey
00:03:08
Speaker
And how this conversation is coming to be is that you know every week Halcyon and I we kind of check in with each other, a few days before we record around what topic do we want to share.
00:03:21
Speaker
And we just check in got sparks, what do you want to talk about and love popped up because we both are in relationships and one for a year you guys are at about a year and a half.
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It's a journey to get to be in committed relationship.
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Speaker
And there's just always so much inspiration that comes from hearing about the journey.
00:03:43
Speaker
And so I'm really excited to get to dive in with you guys about this.
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And so before we do, I want to just share a little peek into what I know about you, Lisa, and give a little intro to you to our listeners.
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So you're a new friend to me.
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I've known you through Halcyon.
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But when I first actually learned of you, I learned of your music.
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I heard one of your songs.
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So Lisa is a singer and songwriter.
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and has incredible music.
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It just touched me so deeply the first time I heard one of your songs.
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And I went on your website and I listened to some of your songs over and over again and started just singing along with you.
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So that's my first knowing of you, which was just so beautiful.
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And also now that I've gotten to know you more, you are a guide and a spiritual counselor of sorts.
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I'm just really helping people to live their best lives and facilitate groups and just help people to open.
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And so it's really awesome to get to know you a little more and also witnessing John
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open up and your heart has been just glowing more and more and more you're already so radiant before Lisa came into your life, but now even more so.
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So it's really beautiful to get to be witness to this, this love journey unfolding.
Origin of Love: How Halcyon and Lisa Met
00:05:08
Speaker
And so I'd love to start off off with an inquiry that's just really how did you two meet and get started on this journey of love.
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Speaker
What is your, the origin of your, your sparks?
00:05:22
Speaker
That's a good story.
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Speaker
And John is a better storyteller.
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Speaker
I love the story.
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And, and I think it starts quite a while before we met about, Ooh, I just got a little emotional hit.
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Speaker
Hmm.
00:05:42
Speaker
about two years ago, right now, I was deep in a ketamine addiction.
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Speaker
And I quit that, then hit alcohol really hard for a couple months.
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Speaker
And then that was so about early in two years ago, early in
00:06:09
Speaker
David Vogelpohl- Early in the year I went my version of sober and cut out ketamine GHB alcohol from my daily use which well from entirely for my life, but.
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David Vogelpohl- For a long time lead up to that I was being intoxicated every day and.
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Speaker
really was faced with the truth that I was out of integrity and that I was an addict.
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Speaker
And that was something that, you know, was a really hard thing to face.
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Speaker
But what I...
00:06:44
Speaker
And I was actually okay with just having addiction be a part of my life, but I was not okay with being out of integrity.
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Speaker
And when that was shown to me by when I was dating at the time, it just, I knew I had to change.
00:06:57
Speaker
So I really dove into...
00:07:00
Speaker
any type of growth work that was suggested to me.
00:07:05
Speaker
And Bessie recommended a number of healers.
00:07:08
Speaker
I started seeing multiple therapists and breath work and everything and started to really kind of shed or let go of a lot of identity aspects of myself.
00:07:22
Speaker
And one of the hardest things was realizing that
00:07:26
Speaker
I had deep down self-esteem, self-worth issues that I had been masking through a facade of look at me, how awesome I am.
00:07:38
Speaker
And also through intoxication, I was, I was numbing some discomfort.
00:07:45
Speaker
And so as I went on that journey, um,
00:07:50
Speaker
really started to just follow impulses.
00:07:53
Speaker
And, but I started looking for more community.
00:07:58
Speaker
I wasn't, I'm not a 12 step person, so I didn't want a sober community.
00:08:01
Speaker
I just wanted people that were, you know, kind of in a more similar head space.
00:08:05
Speaker
And I, and I started to touch with different communities and I saw this retreat that was happening that seemed ideal to meet perfect people.
00:08:13
Speaker
And then I looked at the schedule of events on it.
00:08:15
Speaker
And it was like singing, then lunch, then singing, then singing.
00:08:20
Speaker
And I was like, oh, that's no, I don't want to do that.
00:08:25
Speaker
So I had an invitation to go to Mammoth.
00:08:29
Speaker
So I went hiking in the snow and went skiing and swimming.
00:08:34
Speaker
And then I got this notification on my phone that I had a shadow therapy session in 20 minutes while I'm skiing.
00:08:41
Speaker
I'm on the slopes.
00:08:41
Speaker
And I was like, I totally forgotten that someone had gifted me this therapy session.
00:08:45
Speaker
So I skied down to my car, put my phone on the dashboard and with my ski boots on and
00:08:56
Speaker
So with my ski boots on and people getting dressed all around me, I ended up having one of the most powerful therapy sessions of my life.
00:09:04
Speaker
And really, because of everything that I was working through, was able to really identify this inner critic that had been the villain of my life to see that it was...
00:09:19
Speaker
childhood version of me.
00:09:21
Speaker
And that like awareness of the switch from the villain to having this compassion for this part of me that has been trying to protect me, I just started bawling this massive release.
00:09:38
Speaker
And like five minutes later, when I got composure, the therapist said, I want you to just be still until you hear some healthy way that you can express yourself.
00:09:48
Speaker
And almost immediately singing popped up.
00:09:52
Speaker
And as soon as I said it, I'm like, fuck, I have to go to that retreat.
00:09:58
Speaker
So I woke up the next day and I drove nine hours to go to this retreat.
00:10:03
Speaker
And Lisa was one of the co-leads of the retreat.
00:10:08
Speaker
And then, so, but to be honest, when I met her, I thought, whoa, this woman is amazing.
00:10:16
Speaker
There's no way she would have anything to do with me.
00:10:18
Speaker
And so I started looking for other women at the retreat that I might be able to meet.
00:10:22
Speaker
Did not have any chemistry with anyone, but I kept being so drawn.
00:10:25
Speaker
And we were laughing so hard.
00:10:26
Speaker
Every time we talked, it was just like, I was like, wow.
00:10:30
Speaker
But you know, she's on a different tier than I am.
00:10:33
Speaker
So this is silly.
00:10:35
Speaker
And then on day two,
00:10:37
Speaker
She kind of lobbed to me something about being single, but finally in a place to date after years.
00:10:44
Speaker
And this voice in my head that I'd never heard before was like, you are absolutely worthy of a woman of this caliber.
00:10:51
Speaker
And I said, will you go out with me?
00:10:52
Speaker
Like with so much certainty and confidence.
00:10:56
Speaker
And before I even finished the sentence, she said, yes.
00:11:00
Speaker
And I really feel like that choice, that decision was a fork of my life.
00:11:07
Speaker
That was, that was, I couldn't, two days earlier, I would not have asked her out.
00:11:12
Speaker
Two days earlier, I did not have enough healing taking place that I believed that I was enough, you know?
00:11:22
Speaker
And I'm so grateful, you know, not to go off track, but I, uh,
00:11:28
Speaker
Somebody reached out to me yesterday that is one day, they're one day sober off ketamine.
00:11:36
Speaker
And so they reached out to me knowing my story and they were like,
Personal Growth and Commitment
00:11:43
Speaker
is it worth it?
00:11:44
Speaker
Well, first they said, do you finally like substitute a different kind of joy for that joy?
00:11:52
Speaker
And I was like, no.
00:11:54
Speaker
It's a totally different mountaintop, you know, like that is a wild, crazy, free, spiritually insane mountaintop.
00:12:03
Speaker
But you can't live on that mountaintop and also climb the mountaintop of this deeper contentment of personal growth and relationship.
00:12:15
Speaker
And so it's, but that being said, I am so grateful.
00:12:21
Speaker
I could not have the joy I have now
00:12:25
Speaker
if I didn't come off that mountaintop.
00:12:28
Speaker
And I can't, I can't go back because it's, I don't want to be reminded of that mountaintop.
00:12:37
Speaker
You know, it's like, they're different.
00:12:39
Speaker
They're so different that, yeah, I, so I'm, I'm so grateful for those choices.
00:12:48
Speaker
And, um,
00:12:50
Speaker
Okay, so then, sorry.
00:12:52
Speaker
So then.
00:12:53
Speaker
It's almost like you were preparing for her.
00:12:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:56
Speaker
You know, it's like in the question of like, how did you two meet?
00:12:59
Speaker
You gave us insight into the preparation that it took to get ready for this kind of relationship.
00:13:06
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:13:08
Speaker
And I was too, you know, there was a way that I'd only dated one person in the seven years prior to meeting John.
00:13:18
Speaker
And it was not long lasting and
00:13:22
Speaker
I was really in the question of, am I capable of it?
00:13:30
Speaker
And I would go through long, pretty dark phases of believing I'm too wounded for it in this life.
00:13:38
Speaker
And I should just accept being single and in my higher moments of kind of
00:13:49
Speaker
awareness and with guidance of my teachers and mentors, I was able to really like offer a prayer for complete willingness to be joyfully single.
00:14:02
Speaker
And that was becoming more and more clear.
00:14:06
Speaker
Like I was really loving my life.
00:14:08
Speaker
And I remember driving to the retreats where Don and I met having a very conscious thought of I am truly
00:14:19
Speaker
happy, I'm content, I don't need anything.
00:14:23
Speaker
And I really was, I'd really kind of put to bed the desperate seeker, the one who felt incomplete by another person.
00:14:34
Speaker
And then of course the irony is it's once that's there, the space is available.
00:14:42
Speaker
And I'm so glad that I hit that place because I know myself from past times when
00:14:49
Speaker
joining in relationship from that desperation or connection or a need for another person to validate my worthiness through the connection.
00:14:59
Speaker
There's so much fear in the relationship.
00:15:02
Speaker
You know, there's so much angst, you know, that jealousy emerges there.
00:15:08
Speaker
What's going to happen emerges there.
00:15:09
Speaker
I'm so afraid of losing you emerges, all that stuff.
00:15:12
Speaker
And it just has not been present in this relationship with John for many reasons, but that's one.
00:15:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:20
Speaker
So powerful.
00:15:21
Speaker
That clarity within yourself that you are already whole, that you are happy with who you are.
00:15:30
Speaker
Isn't that funny how that seems to work?
00:15:33
Speaker
So we stop like grasping for something to try and fill a hole and recognize that we are whole.
00:15:40
Speaker
Then that watch we've been longing for for so long, then just naturally emerges and we magnetize with so much ease.
00:15:50
Speaker
The best advice I ever heard was to find your dream partner is make a list of your ideal partner, then put it in a drawer, forget about it and work on making yourself happy.
00:16:04
Speaker
Because people like to be with happy people.
00:16:08
Speaker
It's like, oh yeah, yeah, that's, do your work.
00:16:12
Speaker
And I mean, I was dedicated to my own work, which has been leaded, but yeah, I felt like I was led to you, you know, which, so I asked her out and I just start skipping around this retreat.
00:16:26
Speaker
You know, I have no thought of like, how am I going to ask her out?
00:16:29
Speaker
I don't even know where she lives.
00:16:30
Speaker
I just, like, I just, it was such a big win.
00:16:32
Speaker
I'm like, thankfully.
00:16:35
Speaker
I got really focused on when's this gonna happen and it can happen really soon.
00:16:42
Speaker
I got funny and like, I felt like a teenager.
00:16:44
Speaker
I felt really shy.
00:16:46
Speaker
Like I wanted to know where he was at all times, but felt nervous to talk to him suddenly after he asked me, you know, and, um, kind of, but waiting for my moment to pounce.
00:16:57
Speaker
And I finally found it at the end of that night, there was a dance party and I sat down against the wall and, uh,
00:17:07
Speaker
Lo and behold, he had to come over and get his water bottle that happened to be next to me.
00:17:11
Speaker
And so when he came over without thinking, I just grabbed his arm, pulled him over and he just sat close and we talked for like two hours.
00:17:21
Speaker
Which was such an awesome, like, like I was still kind of gaining my strength from my forward action of asking you.
00:17:28
Speaker
And so for you to have another action affirmation, like I'm in too.
00:17:34
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:17:35
Speaker
So then we had a beautiful night together.
00:17:37
Speaker
And the next morning, I said, we had a mutual friend that was the other co-leader of this retreat that is very, very dear to both of us who we trust at the deepest level.
00:17:49
Speaker
And I just said, how would you feel about getting his eyes on us as an in witness of whatever is emerging here?
00:17:58
Speaker
And if you were like,
00:18:02
Speaker
Sure.
00:18:03
Speaker
And as soon as I did that, I was like, what am I doing?
00:18:08
Speaker
We sat down and all of a sudden it felt so formal and I got more nervous again, but it was really sweet because he just sat down and affirmed to both of us.
00:18:19
Speaker
He's like, I really think so highly of each of you.
00:18:23
Speaker
And it really affirmed a bridge of trust very rapidly for us because of that.
00:18:27
Speaker
And because he'd known us both for a long time, it wasn't just...
00:18:32
Speaker
acquaintance level and he asked us to share what we were appreciating.
00:18:40
Speaker
about the other as we're getting to know each other.
00:18:42
Speaker
And so we got to say those things out loud in a way that we hadn't said to each other.
00:18:46
Speaker
And that I think also bloomed our hearts more open.
00:18:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:50
Speaker
I mean, 48 hours from meeting, we are speaking aloud our deepest appreciation of one another.
00:18:59
Speaker
We're speaking our, our goals for building a life together, what we want and how it can overlap and how it was,
00:19:06
Speaker
And holding it lightly, we were not, you know, we weren't in fantasy land.
00:19:10
Speaker
We were like, we don't know what this is yet.
00:19:13
Speaker
And we don't know each other very well, but there's something here that seems worth exploring.
00:19:18
Speaker
And like, I didn't know what your answers were.
00:19:21
Speaker
Right.
00:19:22
Speaker
So we were kind of saying this to each other saying like,
00:19:26
Speaker
I hope you are in agreement.
00:19:28
Speaker
But I also like, I knew we were like when you said, let's sit down.
00:19:32
Speaker
I was like, absolutely.
00:19:34
Speaker
Like this is going to be something.
00:19:36
Speaker
So let's do whatever a grownup spiritually guided person will do to, for the, to assure long-term success.
00:19:44
Speaker
So yeah, let's talk to our mentor and, and make this, let's do this intentionally.
00:19:51
Speaker
And then at the end he said,
00:19:53
Speaker
I really counsel you to go slow.
00:19:56
Speaker
And I said, yeah, I'm not going to go slow just because we're supposed to.
00:20:02
Speaker
And then three weeks later, she moved in.
00:20:04
Speaker
Oh, wow.
00:20:06
Speaker
Which was very unlike me.
00:20:09
Speaker
I was cautious.
00:20:11
Speaker
I was interested in slow.
00:20:13
Speaker
And yet I couldn't deny, like you said, I just knew there was something really.
00:20:18
Speaker
Well, I have a question about that because first of all, I just love that you
00:20:24
Speaker
had an opportunity to be witness to a spiritual counselor of sorts that really knows you both individually and was able to reflect to you and kind of guide you into this interview process.
00:20:38
Speaker
And so what were some of those overlapping values that you discovered that really led you to knowing that it was okay to move in together and start going for it?
00:20:49
Speaker
Like, what were those things that, those sparks that were like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, this guy.
00:20:53
Speaker
It would have been nice to have a recording.
00:20:54
Speaker
I would have loved to have that recording.
00:20:56
Speaker
I mean, my impression, I don't remember exactly, but one is that...
00:21:01
Speaker
I think neither one of us was trying to say what we thought the other one wanted to hear.
00:21:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:06
Speaker
You know, we were both like, we're sovereign, strong entities.
00:21:10
Speaker
And we were both at a point where we thought that relationship would be, is an important part of our continuing spiritual journey.
Navigating Relationship Challenges
00:21:20
Speaker
And I think that was a big part of it is that like, yeah,
00:21:27
Speaker
My goals in life are more about relationship and personal growth than anything else.
00:21:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:33
Speaker
And if I backtrack to then Lisa, I can imagine myself saying something to the effect of, I already like my life and it's really full and busy and has so much love and beauty in it.
00:21:48
Speaker
I'm only interested in something additive, you know, something that takes me
00:21:55
Speaker
deeper into my open heart and that has certainly been the case yeah and there was really was the significance of having someone that we've both known 10 plus years kind of looking us in the eye and going that one is amazing
00:22:14
Speaker
That one is amazing, you know, kind of so that like, cause in my body, I was gurgly with chemicals and, you know, so like in the back of my mind is like, this feels great, but you know, you can't really trust this.
00:22:29
Speaker
So that to have to hear like, oh, when you calm down, this is still going to be an incredible woman.
00:22:34
Speaker
So it really helped to just start.
00:22:36
Speaker
And then, and then like, look,
00:22:39
Speaker
I think like the next week I was like, look, I am falling hard with my eyes wide open.
00:22:45
Speaker
Like I know this is a risky choice to have no caution and open my heart completely.
00:22:55
Speaker
And with the intention of we're going to continue to build a life.
00:23:01
Speaker
But it was worth the risk.
00:23:04
Speaker
And it just felt like because of the being led there and there were so many, it just, it's like, I don't feel like I'm steering.
00:23:09
Speaker
I feel like I just need to don't let my ego stuff get in the way.
00:23:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:16
Speaker
So powerful.
00:23:18
Speaker
Wow.
00:23:18
Speaker
And now here you are.
00:23:20
Speaker
So you moved in three weeks and you moved into his place, right?
00:23:24
Speaker
I did.
00:23:26
Speaker
And you had been traveling.
00:23:27
Speaker
Is that right?
00:23:28
Speaker
So it probably was a little nice to like land and... Pretty ungrounded for a while.
00:23:33
Speaker
All my stuff had been in storage for two years.
00:23:36
Speaker
I was leading retreats in different places almost every weekend.
00:23:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:41
Speaker
And I'm a nester.
00:23:42
Speaker
I've always loved home and cultivating home.
00:23:45
Speaker
And so it was a stretch for me to do that chapter, but I did it intentionally to kind of push myself to learn home is not place.
00:23:59
Speaker
Home is a state of being and not to rely on circumstances to feel the ground and
00:24:05
Speaker
It was useful.
00:24:06
Speaker
It was an important chapter, but I'm also really glad it's over.
00:24:10
Speaker
The wandering chapter?
00:24:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:13
Speaker
But it was...
00:24:15
Speaker
It was interesting or significant looking back because in my mind, I met you as a wanderer.
00:24:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:23
Speaker
So me offering my space was this step of grounding you, whereas in your mind, this is just a temporary step.
00:24:31
Speaker
Very much.
00:24:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:33
Speaker
Moving into my space was not the same thing as nesting in your own space.
00:24:38
Speaker
I was really clear about that.
00:24:40
Speaker
He was very generous and gave me a whole room to paint and make things.
00:24:45
Speaker
mine with my things and that was really important um but and i took down like 70 of the photographs of myself off our walls so i mean talk about generosity yes and then walked into this place i was like i don't know there's room for me here wow well that says a lot that's a nice gesture
00:25:08
Speaker
But it was really clear, like, I'm a country girl.
00:25:12
Speaker
I lived in a cabin in the woods in Big Sur for 17 years.
00:25:16
Speaker
And I was not accustomed to urban living in a condo with lots of neighbor voices right outside the window and all our kind of just sounds and the
00:25:31
Speaker
flushing of the people upstairs going down the pipes next to me in the wall, you know, like the, it was a real adjustment for me to be in such an urban area.
00:25:41
Speaker
And I think the, the,
00:25:45
Speaker
The bubble of Gaga love we were in really helped ease that whole thing.
00:25:51
Speaker
But I was vividly clear from the beginning that this was not a long-term sustainable thing I wanted.
00:25:56
Speaker
If we were going to really look toward partnership in the future, I would want a space that felt deeply good to both of us and that we really co-created and wasn't primarily one of ours.
00:26:08
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:26:10
Speaker
Yeah, and you guys just moved into your own place not long ago, right?
00:26:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:14
Speaker
And that step, I think, has been a big growth process for me.
00:26:23
Speaker
You know, that
00:26:27
Speaker
This is a step up in our quality of living.
00:26:30
Speaker
It's a step up in the resources required to live here.
00:26:34
Speaker
So there's a lot of things that triggered some of my fears and I really had to lean into
00:26:43
Speaker
the relationship, lean into trust in Lisa.
00:26:47
Speaker
And for the first time ever in my life, I had that feeling that I see in movies of like, you and me kid, like we can handle anything, you know, like we can do it.
00:26:58
Speaker
Like, I don't know what's gonna happen, but like, I'm confident that we can do it.
00:27:03
Speaker
And if you believe that this is where we should be,
00:27:06
Speaker
then I'm on board and I was scared.
00:27:08
Speaker
And as soon as we moved in, I, I felt all of this, like, I am so happy we're here.
00:27:14
Speaker
I would never have done this myself.
00:27:16
Speaker
I never had been strong enough.
00:27:17
Speaker
I was too afraid, but in partnership, I was able to get here.
00:27:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:23
Speaker
It was beautiful.
00:27:24
Speaker
Oh, that's a really big step.
00:27:25
Speaker
Cause you were in your place for quite a while, many years, right?
00:27:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:31
Speaker
And it was the first place I'd bought.
00:27:33
Speaker
And so we, it was, I kind of felt like, okay, I'm a grownup.
00:27:37
Speaker
Now I'm done.
00:27:38
Speaker
Like, no.
00:27:39
Speaker
The first conversations around it last spring were tough, you know, like you really led with your fear and your resistance.
00:27:48
Speaker
And that, that triggered some of my
00:27:56
Speaker
doubt and like what's going to happen is going to be okay is there room for both of us to have our needs met how much can I compromise are we too different you know there was a lot it was like kind of a phase of
00:28:09
Speaker
doubt and challenge for me last spring when we first started talking about it.
00:28:14
Speaker
But then I'm so grateful that we waited until the moment felt really clear for both of us that you were in your fear, but you were also totally in your willingness.
00:28:24
Speaker
Like that was right timing.
00:28:26
Speaker
We both walked in this house, looked at each other and said, I love it.
00:28:32
Speaker
It wasn't somebody dragging the other before they were ready.
00:28:35
Speaker
It was right timing.
00:28:37
Speaker
And I think that's why it's going so well so far.
00:28:39
Speaker
That makes such a difference when you're both on board.
00:28:43
Speaker
So I'm curious about something too, because of the start of your journey, having that kind of support from counsel, have you continued to have counsel in your relationship?
00:28:56
Speaker
Do you call upon that mentor or other people to support you?
00:29:00
Speaker
You mentioned some of those conversations were a little challenging.
00:29:03
Speaker
Or have you done all of the growth work on your own thus far?
00:29:07
Speaker
Great question.
00:29:08
Speaker
I've been really interested, we've both been interested in cultivating more of that.
00:29:15
Speaker
We've done a couple sessions with that intent, but most of our work has been
00:29:25
Speaker
by ourselves with another guide.
00:29:28
Speaker
Each of us has our own therapist.
00:29:30
Speaker
Each of us has our own mentorship and support systems, which I think is crucial, but we're looking to build relationship with somebody who can hold us in times of difficulty.
00:29:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:42
Speaker
I mean, we've been pretty,
00:29:45
Speaker
lucky so far to access our problem solving together, we avoid indefensiveness and really, I mean, we really part of that first conversation was a recognition, which is something that, you know, you and Leo spoke about of like, this is the, this relationship is for growth.
00:30:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:10
Speaker
You know, that's why we're here.
00:30:12
Speaker
And so,
00:30:13
Speaker
old stories of like, this is hard.
00:30:15
Speaker
Maybe this is wrong.
00:30:16
Speaker
Just don't come, that's not part of the equation.
00:30:20
Speaker
Like, this is hard.
00:30:20
Speaker
Okay, so...
00:30:22
Speaker
where what in me needs to figure out why this is hard for me what is what is making this sticky yeah we have a basic I think premise of self-responsibility inside of what we're doing and I feel really grateful that each of us has done a lot of our own work before we found each other which pre-paved so much you know like
00:30:45
Speaker
I've navigated a lot of my relational difficulty in past relationships.
00:30:50
Speaker
And I'm so glad I got that out of the way before we came.
00:30:54
Speaker
So I didn't bring that here.
00:30:56
Speaker
Well, that was great too.
00:30:57
Speaker
Because I've got a little bit of a colorful past, which can be a little odd to start a relationship with me and be able to see...
00:31:06
Speaker
through Google searches, like wacky things and people and, and you were so clear, like whatever path got you to be the person and the man that you are now, I'm grateful for that.
00:31:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:22
Speaker
But she still hasn't seen the worst of it.
00:31:26
Speaker
You have plenty of time to share all the stories.
00:31:30
Speaker
And now and now you're in whole new places of both of your lives.
00:31:35
Speaker
Yeah, no.
00:31:36
Speaker
And so I love this premise of growth.
00:31:38
Speaker
It's like a strong pillar within the relationship.
00:31:41
Speaker
I've always felt like relationships are one of the highest forms of spiritual practice.
00:31:47
Speaker
And it really helps us to grow as individuals and collectively.
00:31:53
Speaker
And so, so I'm curious about that too, then, now that you're here about a year and a half or so in your integrated in your relationship fully in yes to your love and on the journey and on the path.
00:32:08
Speaker
And if you can look back at your own personal journey of growth, what would you say is something about yourself that has really grown because of this relationship?
00:32:20
Speaker
I mean, obviously, Halcyon, you shared some really big things about
00:32:23
Speaker
becoming sober and preparing and you spoke a little bit about worthiness and same with you, Lisa, worthiness, big one, right?
00:32:31
Speaker
And so is there anything that you've noticed about your own self since you've been in this relationship that's really grown?
00:32:42
Speaker
So many.
00:32:43
Speaker
And this related to that worthiness was
00:32:50
Speaker
able to hold a level of respect for my partner.
00:32:55
Speaker
I needed to be able to really hold myself at a degree of trust and respect to partner with someone that I held that highly.
00:33:05
Speaker
And so part of that growth has helped me to go from someone who is fiercely independent
00:33:12
Speaker
to being able to be more of a partner and to be more trusting.
00:33:16
Speaker
I think we have the ability to both lead and both follow.
00:33:21
Speaker
We both trust each other to take over and take control.
00:33:25
Speaker
And for all sorts of patterns and traumas and stuff, I've never really felt
00:33:33
Speaker
that I could stop being in control, you know, and protecting people and correcting things and making sure things other people aren't doing things wrong, you know?
00:33:43
Speaker
And so the this this ability to and I think it was part of it was because of my inability to really trust myself and therefore trust nobody really is trustable and say, OK, if I trust myself and then I trust this person and she just continually demonstrates
00:34:02
Speaker
her capacity to be trusted.
00:34:06
Speaker
And then that makes me want to be that way too.
00:34:10
Speaker
Like, I want to be, I want to, I want to be so inspiring to you the way that you're inspiring to me.
00:34:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:23
Speaker
And, and, and the other thing that, that has been a growth is,
00:34:30
Speaker
You're never judgmental to me.
00:34:34
Speaker
You know, like, I will be, like, in the kitchen having a little piece of chocolate, and there's a part of me that expects her to be like, oh.
00:34:44
Speaker
And I never feel like she, I get the sense.
00:34:48
Speaker
She goes, you're a completely autonomous human being.
00:34:51
Speaker
Like, and I totally trust whatever, whatever you're doing, I trust you.
00:34:55
Speaker
And I've never, I've never,
00:34:59
Speaker
been trusted like that and I've never trusted like that you know and so it's it's that that ability to do both that is super freeing and and and that's what like so the growth is coming from this different place of not shoulds it's like ah this is the right this is this is right well I I think there's a certain culture that's required for that to flower in that I've never had in a relationship and that is
00:35:28
Speaker
absolute willingness to reveal the truth of one's experience at any time.
00:35:33
Speaker
And so the way that you are so just on the table
00:35:41
Speaker
You know, like of all the people I've ever met in my life, you're the most like publicly willing to share your foibles and your successes and every thought, you know, like that you are just revealed.
00:35:55
Speaker
And I've never felt anything withheld or sculpted in order to manicure somebody's response or, you know, like you are just revealed.
00:36:07
Speaker
And there's something in that culture that has
00:36:11
Speaker
deeply soothed some of my betrayal wounds and past, you know, fear that I can do the same and that that's the only kind of relationship I want.
00:36:23
Speaker
And so inside this relationship, we truly, it's new for me to not experience judgment, you know, that I,
00:36:33
Speaker
we impact each other with our behaviors and we sometimes have to say the thing that is a little uncomfortable to say, you know, but it's not coming from a place of, I think I know better what should be happening for your life.
00:36:49
Speaker
And judgment is rooted in an inherent conscious or unconscious superiority.
00:36:55
Speaker
And
00:36:56
Speaker
I'm so committed to not supporting that, that it feels really easy to offer non-judgment here and instead just be revealed together and to learn to love us as we are, but still keep doing better.
00:37:12
Speaker
One of the things that has been very important
00:37:18
Speaker
helpful is like we do still get defensive you know and things pop up and i you know like you non-judgmentally told me a way that i could be more supportive in a situation when you were feeling sick and you you told me a way that i could have it would have been more supportive and i was like
00:37:40
Speaker
I've been fucking Superman here taking care of you and you didn't do it good enough.
00:37:44
Speaker
I didn't say that out loud, but in my mind, I'm like, yes, dear.
00:37:47
Speaker
And I was, you know, and then I had to be like, wait a minute.
00:37:56
Speaker
I am so grateful that you value this relationship enough to say something that is potentially awkward or difficult to get through because on the other side of it, we'll be able to trust each other more.
00:38:10
Speaker
And like that, like, thank you for trusting and valuing this enough to say the true thing that's hard to hear.
00:38:17
Speaker
And that we're not organizing around an objective reality where there's good behavior and bad behavior.
00:38:24
Speaker
There's just humanity and something that may work for you by yourself may not work for me or vice versa, right?
00:38:34
Speaker
In our...
00:38:35
Speaker
our team and we have to find willingness to adjust little aspects of our behavior in order to stay in harmony with each other but I think it helps that both of us are pretty forgiving and both of us are pretty laid back and not too rigid in most ways around what is needed in order for us to feel loved and
00:39:02
Speaker
And that what comes naturally to each of us feels very loving to each other.
00:39:08
Speaker
We've both done a lot of work on ourselves and we've worked with a lot of other people.
00:39:13
Speaker
And I think we're, we're quite fluent in the language of humanness and flaws and, you know, people, people, we, we, we, we make mistakes.
00:39:26
Speaker
We get in, we get triggered.
00:39:27
Speaker
We
Celebrating Love and Partnership
00:39:28
Speaker
had all those things.
00:39:28
Speaker
So it's so, I think it's easy for each of us to witness one another with compassion.
00:39:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:37
Speaker
So beautiful you two what a journey so inspiring.
00:39:42
Speaker
Okay, so do you mind if I ask you a couple more questions, please?
00:39:49
Speaker
Sure.
00:39:50
Speaker
So one of the things that you asked me john when you were interviewing me and my partner were what are some of the quirks that you just love about the other?
00:40:03
Speaker
Oh, goodness.
00:40:05
Speaker
You have to be careful with this because quirks in 20 years become the thing you're like, oh, yeah.
00:40:16
Speaker
I mean, I love that you've got a song for everything.
00:40:20
Speaker
And I love when I hear it.
00:40:26
Speaker
instrument or your voice through the walls and know that you're just bringing music into the world for no other reason than that you're a songbird.
00:40:36
Speaker
Oh, so beautiful.
00:40:41
Speaker
I'm not sure it's a quirk, but it's definitely an aspect of your personality that I adore.
00:40:48
Speaker
And that is he constantly says, he
00:40:52
Speaker
the hilarious and surprising thing in response to questions.
00:40:56
Speaker
Like the thing I would never imagine often is the thing that comes out of your mouth.
00:41:03
Speaker
And the fact that I can't predict your responses again and again and again, even the more I know you is one of my very favorite sources of vitality and passion.
00:41:14
Speaker
I really love that you
00:41:18
Speaker
blow my mind again and again with your just creative, wacky answers and thoughts and that they are almost always in the direction of humor.
00:41:30
Speaker
I feel like you lighten up our relationship in incredibly important ways.
00:41:37
Speaker
I mean, when I was exposed to gamma radiation as a child and I had my Hulk-like qualities come out,
00:41:43
Speaker
it also affected my sense of humor.
00:41:45
Speaker
Like that.
00:41:46
Speaker
And sometimes people don't get that I'm joking, but you get it faster than anybody.
00:41:51
Speaker
And so that's when we first met, we were like, I'm like, and because our humor is so dialed in, it makes me funnier because I'm like,
00:42:00
Speaker
I can go for it and she's going to get it.
00:42:02
Speaker
Yes.
00:42:03
Speaker
Oh, I love that.
00:42:05
Speaker
Oh, I wish I could be a fly on the wall.
00:42:06
Speaker
We laugh a lot.
00:42:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:09
Speaker
Oh, good.
00:42:11
Speaker
Laughter is medicine.
00:42:12
Speaker
Yes.
00:42:13
Speaker
Amazing.
00:42:14
Speaker
That was another thing that actually made me feel like, oh, this is going to last because I'm like, we just laugh together.
00:42:20
Speaker
It's not like, I mean, I'm like,
00:42:23
Speaker
dangerously attracted to you.
00:42:25
Speaker
But I'm also like, I just, we have so much fun.
00:42:28
Speaker
We laugh so much.
00:42:28
Speaker
Like, okay, this is somebody that I want to grow old with.
00:42:32
Speaker
Older.
00:42:34
Speaker
Yes, there you go, yeah.
00:42:38
Speaker
Oh, beautiful, I love that.
00:42:40
Speaker
Okay, and so the other thing that I'm so curious about is just this new chapter that you're in, creating home together.
00:42:50
Speaker
Are you noticing that harmony that you spoke to now that you shifted from just, you moved into John's place, it was his place, now you're creating a home.
00:42:59
Speaker
How does that feel?
00:43:01
Speaker
And what are some things that you are doing and creating to really help to enhance that sense of balance?
00:43:08
Speaker
I feel it more than ever.
00:43:10
Speaker
I feel so grateful because there is a way that one of my love languages is making home.
00:43:18
Speaker
And I felt wartet, like there wasn't a way to do that.
00:43:22
Speaker
Like I was cooking for John.
00:43:23
Speaker
That was one way I was doing it before we moved.
00:43:26
Speaker
And that was so appreciated and fun.
00:43:31
Speaker
Like it was kind of new for me because food hasn't been one of my primary ways of love language in the past, but it was, it was the one that was available to me there.
00:43:40
Speaker
And so I was doing that and here,
00:43:43
Speaker
it's like my palette is home, you know, and doing all the little things to make the nest has been so joyful and so appreciated by you.
00:43:56
Speaker
And it's felt so effortless and compatible.
00:44:02
Speaker
I felt like we've just stepped into team, you know, like,
00:44:06
Speaker
I'll take care of the cable bill, you'll take care of ordering the water and the electric bill.
00:44:13
Speaker
And you know, like we just, we have conversations back and forth, but we can deeply trust that if the other says they've got it, they've got it.
00:44:21
Speaker
And he likes washing the dishes.
00:44:24
Speaker
And I like
00:44:25
Speaker
shopping for the groceries, you know, things that the other doesn't.
00:44:29
Speaker
And so it's just, it's been beautifully compatible in so many ways.
00:44:34
Speaker
And we're really focused on that.
00:44:35
Speaker
And I think we appreciate each other really consciously every day, which kind of amplifies that feeling of goodness and of team.
00:44:46
Speaker
Yeah, we have pretty overlapping style sense.
00:44:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:51
Speaker
Like she's got an incredible, like really like saying if this is her palette is really true.
00:44:56
Speaker
Like it's almost like I got to see you
00:45:01
Speaker
Like you're a painter, but your paintbrushes have been locked in a closet until now.
00:45:06
Speaker
And now they're out.
00:45:07
Speaker
And just like this whole part of you is more a lie.
00:45:09
Speaker
Like, yeah.
00:45:10
Speaker
So it's the first week we were in like in a week.
00:45:14
Speaker
We have no boxes.
00:45:15
Speaker
It's crazy.
00:45:16
Speaker
The first week we were here, he was in Jess.
00:45:19
Speaker
But he said to me, he was like, I had no idea how much I was holding you back.
00:45:23
Speaker
Oh, right.
00:45:24
Speaker
Because your expression of home decorating and placing your beautiful items you've collected on your journey.
00:45:31
Speaker
And we've loved hosting people here.
00:45:33
Speaker
I think that's also great.
00:45:34
Speaker
Like we love hosting.
00:45:35
Speaker
We love hosting.
00:45:38
Speaker
loving the people in our lives and having a place to invite them.
00:45:42
Speaker
And so we had a little housewarming and to be able to invite people for dinner or, you know, my family's coming for the holidays and then his bio son and his mom are coming over the, over
Living Authentically and Facing Challenges
00:45:56
Speaker
Christmas.
00:45:56
Speaker
And, you know, it feels, it feels really good to have a place where we can welcome people.
00:46:02
Speaker
When we had the housewarming, I invited friends, invited my family, my parents, my brother, and I invited my therapist.
00:46:14
Speaker
So in my life, I invited my parents, my friends, and my therapist all to come together.
00:46:22
Speaker
And to me, I was like,
00:46:24
Speaker
I'm proud of myself that I live in a way that I can walk among all these worlds and I'm the same person and I'm proud of sharing my life.
00:46:31
Speaker
It was a big day for me.
00:46:32
Speaker
It was like a, yeah, it was like a, in fact, afterwards, I think I like brunch more than Burning Man now.
00:46:41
Speaker
Oh, wow.
00:46:43
Speaker
That's a really big statement coming from you.
00:46:48
Speaker
Wow.
00:46:48
Speaker
And you guys went to Burning Man together too, right?
00:46:52
Speaker
And that's a true test of one's relationship.
00:46:55
Speaker
It was our first test.
00:46:56
Speaker
The first Burning Man was that test.
00:46:59
Speaker
We did have a little bit of tension as the Hugmobile broke down on the way there.
00:47:03
Speaker
We had a little edginess, but it was a combination of
00:47:06
Speaker
My first sober burn as well.
00:47:09
Speaker
And so there was a lot of things about that early in our relationship that were really affirming.
00:47:16
Speaker
Even though we had some tension, it was like, cool, we can get through tension and I can get through my struggles and she can handle it.
00:47:26
Speaker
There's no way around that but to go through it, you know?
00:47:28
Speaker
And the first real test to his sobriety, it felt like,
00:47:36
Speaker
triggered a lot of fear for me because, you know, nobody really knows like what's somebody's breaking point, you know?
00:47:42
Speaker
And like, there was a way that you were so challenged and dysregulated and yet you looked me in the eye and you said, I totally don't want to be sober, but I'm not tempted.
00:48:03
Speaker
Like you were completely clear.
00:48:06
Speaker
that you were being with very difficult feelings of wanting to be intoxicated, but you were also vividly clear it wasn't going to happen.
00:48:15
Speaker
And there was something in my nervous system that took a deep breath.
00:48:20
Speaker
And I really felt, wow, your commitment is 100%.
00:48:23
Speaker
Like it's unwavering.
00:48:24
Speaker
And it's
00:48:27
Speaker
to see you be able to both acknowledge that to yourself and to me inside the most difficult moment that I witnessed and felt like, oh, we're fine.
00:48:41
Speaker
And for the record, it's more of a California sober, but my problem chemicals is holding strong.
00:48:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:50
Speaker
Oh, what a beautiful reflection.
00:48:53
Speaker
So many milestones.
00:48:54
Speaker
It sounds like you've already had in so many
00:48:57
Speaker
that have cultivated this depth.
00:49:01
Speaker
We haven't had big ruptures between us, but we've definitely each gone through intensely difficult phases, like weeks and months phases where we learn a lot about each other's mechanisms in difficulty.
00:49:22
Speaker
And both of us are withdrawers.
00:49:24
Speaker
So in one way, that's helpful to the relationship because neither of us are lash or outers.
00:49:30
Speaker
And that can cause so much damage in relationships when people take their pain and then they turn it into blame or they make the reality of the other person really difficult to inhabit with them or push them away in a big way.
00:49:44
Speaker
But each of us are just, I think, in our hardest moments, feeling like I don't want to...
00:49:56
Speaker
cause harm and so I'm going to retreat completely and then that that's its own harm right because it detaches from the potential sources of nourishment as well as challenge and so I think that's the place of growth for both of us that we've noted yeah I mean how to stay connected when it's hard
00:50:17
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:50:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:18
Speaker
To honor your own need to go within while also creating the safe space of knowing that you're still there.
00:50:24
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:50:26
Speaker
Not so disconnecting that it creates that tension or that concern or worry or separation.
00:50:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:34
Speaker
That's a big one.
00:50:34
Speaker
Totally.
00:50:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:38
Speaker
Attachment styles.
00:50:40
Speaker
My mentor that I studied with for years before, John, who really teaches practice
00:50:46
Speaker
relationship as spiritual growth and who I did many, many counseling sessions with couples around.
00:50:54
Speaker
So I felt very lucky to see like the different challenges that emerge inside of couples and like real intimate ways that we barrier our hearts to one another and create unspoken resentments over time and all these different kind of pitfalls of relationship.
00:51:15
Speaker
I feel eyes open, you know, that the early years of relationship are the easiest for many to find that.
00:51:24
Speaker
And we recognize we're riding on
00:51:28
Speaker
on that right now, but I also feel a lot of trust in the skills that we've developed on our own and our commitment that we've demonstrated to each other to carry us through those moments when they're harder.
00:51:46
Speaker
And the one daily practice that we're committed to that I think partially helps that is every day before bed, we say, what I appreciate about you is, and
Practices for Deepening Connection
00:52:00
Speaker
sometimes it's long and in depth, and sometimes it's just, I like the way you laugh, but it's often pretty thought through.
00:52:10
Speaker
And it's just having that conversation
00:52:14
Speaker
That practice of always knowing through the day, I'm remembering, noticing the things that I appreciate.
00:52:22
Speaker
And then at the end of the day, looking back and, oh, that's right.
00:52:25
Speaker
I witnessed her do that wonderful thing with her friend or that meal that she did.
00:52:30
Speaker
Or the way that she said that thing to me that, that calmed me down or that it's so that this, this, this just building this massive inventory of all the good stuff that I'm blessed to, to experience through my partner.
00:52:45
Speaker
It just, it's, it's been a really helpful practice.
00:52:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:52:48
Speaker
It really trains us to focus on that.
00:52:50
Speaker
You know, the things that are really, really working and,
00:52:54
Speaker
There haven't been that many days where it was hard.
00:52:59
Speaker
There really haven't.
00:53:00
Speaker
The vast majority, it's totally a joy.
00:53:03
Speaker
It's one of my favorite moments of the day.
00:53:06
Speaker
Wow.
00:53:06
Speaker
So inspiring.
00:53:08
Speaker
Thank you for that.
00:53:09
Speaker
So we might start picking that one up too.
00:53:11
Speaker
So good.
00:53:12
Speaker
I recommend it to anybody.
00:53:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:53:15
Speaker
Wow.
00:53:15
Speaker
Okay, well, then maybe we'll start to wrap it up.
00:53:18
Speaker
And that can be some closing sparks.
00:53:20
Speaker
If you have any other of your treasured practices that you'd like to leave our listeners with.
00:53:28
Speaker
end of the day gratitude, beautiful way beyond just like, just, just what you're grateful for in the day, but what you're grateful for, for the other, I think that's significant.
00:53:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:53:40
Speaker
Something about you that I appreciate that I'm, I'm aware of it, that it, that you could have done it for someone else, a way that you take care of your, your own needs, a way that you, you know, a, a,
00:53:53
Speaker
any little thing that makes you that in your mind, like, what a, look at them, you know, just cause you, it's too easy to take things for granted in everything in your life, but especially with someone that you're going to living with, you know, you start to the brain, it's this way the brain's wired, you know?
00:54:07
Speaker
So that's a big one.
00:54:09
Speaker
I think I already mentioned a little bit, but that, uh,
00:54:13
Speaker
having these phrase in your mind say thank you for valuing this enough to bring up that topic with me yeah yeah we we we haven't done it for a while but we used to have a thing we'd say what is something that you're afraid to tell me or we frequently use the phrase i have something in the box
00:54:36
Speaker
something, you know, and that's like a key phrase to cue up something I've been holding and not sharing and that it would be better to share.
00:54:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:54:48
Speaker
I was taught that idea as once you start keeping a box of something that you are not saying, something secret, it multiplies.
00:54:57
Speaker
Once you have a box of secrets, the secrets multiply.
00:54:59
Speaker
So when you notice that
00:55:06
Speaker
I'm not saying that one thing, get it out of the box, get it out of the box because it's a, yeah, it's a dangerous place.
00:55:15
Speaker
I, I, that actually is really helpful for me though.
00:55:18
Speaker
When I, I'll have it, they're like, I should tell you this, you know, and then I'm like, do you better do it quickly before you establish that you're okay with a world that you are keeping from her, you know?
00:55:31
Speaker
Cause I mean, most of our relationships, we do have something that we keep, you know?
00:55:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:37
Speaker
But if you can really cultivate a practice where I love you,
00:55:44
Speaker
Unconditionally, the human being that you are, not the presentation of a human being, not the polished actions of a human that you're doing.
00:55:52
Speaker
I love this trying the best they can human.
00:55:56
Speaker
And if that human has a thought that
Closing and Listener Engagement
00:56:00
Speaker
might scare me or hurt my feelings, knowing that you trust me enough to tell me that is so connecting.
00:56:10
Speaker
Yeah, completely.
00:56:12
Speaker
I was just going to say the same thing.
00:56:13
Speaker
I think telling the truth is just so crucial.
00:56:19
Speaker
You know, there's,
00:56:21
Speaker
so many past relationships where I just let myself get away with, well, I'll be semi-revealed here.
00:56:28
Speaker
You know, I'll reveal myself really, really slowly as I, as they earn my, you know, trust.
00:56:34
Speaker
And it doesn't work that way.
00:56:37
Speaker
It's like, I, I'm gotten more clear with the help of a lot of people that I don't want anybody in my life.
00:56:47
Speaker
That's close who, um,
00:56:49
Speaker
isn't willing to be with the fullness of my humanity.
00:56:54
Speaker
The total clarity that both of us are fraught with imperfections and doing our best, like you said.
00:57:01
Speaker
And I think the hardest thing for me is being willing to trust you will keep loving me through my own imperfections.
00:57:12
Speaker
But it really helps going back and forth so often where when you reveal yours,
00:57:19
Speaker
I can feel, oh, I have that too.
00:57:22
Speaker
The bridge of compassion that gets created by revealing our truth to each other is what solidifies the intimacy.
00:57:34
Speaker
The bridge of compassion that reveals the truth.
00:57:38
Speaker
Beautiful.
00:57:40
Speaker
Wow.
00:57:41
Speaker
Thank you so much, both of you.
00:57:44
Speaker
Thank you, Betsy.
00:57:46
Speaker
Yeah, my closing spark is just awe.
00:57:51
Speaker
I'm really in awe of being witness to both of you as individuals and as a couple.
00:57:59
Speaker
Such a beautiful opportunity to get to dive in with you in this conversation today.
00:58:06
Speaker
Thank you so much for revealing some of your inner workings of how you got to be here.
00:58:12
Speaker
And so we'll close it up with just a little insight on how people might be able to find you.
00:58:18
Speaker
So either one of you could start if you want to let our listeners know where they can find more of you in the world.
00:58:26
Speaker
Sure.
00:58:27
Speaker
My song website is thebirdsings.com and I'm in the progress of making another website that's more comprehensive of all my spiritual experiences.
00:58:40
Speaker
support resource generated by me and also by trusted other friends and allies.
00:58:47
Speaker
And so just reach out to me, Lisa at thebird sings.com for any information about that stuff.
00:58:54
Speaker
But my music's also on Spotify under Lisa Little Bird.
00:58:59
Speaker
Beautiful.
00:59:02
Speaker
And you can find my links to my morning broadcasts and gratitude circles at lifestudent.com.
00:59:11
Speaker
And also, if you hear this soon, I'm doing a live gathering in person gathering a weekend in January 11th and 12th in San Diego called Radical Hope that there's still a couple spots for.
00:59:22
Speaker
So reach out to me and I'd love to have you have some in-person hugs and inspiration to start the year.
00:59:29
Speaker
Yeah, Lisa's going to be there.
00:59:30
Speaker
Beautiful.
00:59:32
Speaker
Thank you for that.
00:59:34
Speaker
Wow.
00:59:34
Speaker
And you guys can find me too.
00:59:37
Speaker
So check out my website, poweraffirmation.com, where you'll find a variety of tools to help you get into a healthy relationship with yourself.
00:59:45
Speaker
And then I do in-person sessions as well, doing body work and massage therapy and aerial somatics, which is just a wonderful way to unwind the nervous system.
00:59:55
Speaker
And of course on the socials.
00:59:57
Speaker
So find me on Instagram, send me a message at Betsy Who.
01:00:00
Speaker
And you guys can also find Stay Sparked on Instagram.
01:00:04
Speaker
So if you're not on there already, please find us there.
01:00:08
Speaker
As well as those of you who like to put a little extra effort into helping us spread the sparks, please hop on to Apple Podcasts and leave us a five-star review.
01:00:20
Speaker
Always so grateful to hear from you listeners out there and how you are receiving this.
01:00:25
Speaker
So thank you, thank you, thank you.
01:00:28
Speaker
And in the spirit of our Stay Sparked format, love to close it up with an affirmation.
01:00:34
Speaker
Yes.
01:00:35
Speaker
Yeah, you guys open to that?
01:00:37
Speaker
Please.
01:00:38
Speaker
Great.
01:00:39
Speaker
And, you know, there's just some affirmations coming through based on what I've heard you share.
01:00:45
Speaker
So let's just tune into that sense of worthiness.
01:00:49
Speaker
So let me just...
01:00:50
Speaker
Nice deep breath and internally or out loud, I am worthy.
01:00:56
Speaker
I am worthy.
01:00:58
Speaker
I am worthy.
01:01:00
Speaker
I am worthy of love.
01:01:02
Speaker
I am worthy of being loved.
01:01:05
Speaker
I am worthy of being met in love.
01:01:10
Speaker
I am worthy of experiencing profound levels of fulfillment in my life.
01:01:18
Speaker
I am worthy of goodness in my life.
01:01:22
Speaker
I am worthy.
01:01:23
Speaker
I am worthy.
01:01:24
Speaker
I am worthy.
01:01:27
Speaker
This is such an important affirmation to keep coming home to keep reminding ourselves of.
01:01:34
Speaker
So thank you to for modeling that deep inner work on yourself, really accessing that, that true authentic worthiness and witnessing how you've been blessed and receiving such a divine mirror from being in that state of knowing that you truly are worthy of being met in love.
01:01:57
Speaker
Thank you, Betsy.
01:01:58
Speaker
Thank you so much, Betsy.
01:01:58
Speaker
Thank you, everyone.
01:01:59
Speaker
Love you.
01:02:00
Speaker
That was fun.