Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
"Rumors & Gossip" #63
7 Plays1 year ago
Why is it so tempting to talk about someone behind their back? How do we react when things are being said about us? And how can we seek understanding and forgiveness (of ourselves and others)?
HOSTS
BETSY FINKLEHOO is a healer of massage therapy, CranioSacral and Dharma Coaching. She is an 8 year burner and has spent the last several years seeped in the personal development world, cultivating her passion for transformation and growth. Her recent project, The Power Affirmation Journal and virtual group empowers women to cultivate self awareness and healthy habits so they can live in greater freedom, mind body and spirit.
http://poweraffirmation.com/
Click here to get a FREE affirmation for Stay Sparked Listeners!
HALCYON is full-time Love Ambassador. He is the founder of Hug Nation YouTube channel and daily zoom gratitude circles. He is co-founder of the Pink Heart Burning Man camp and the 1st Saturdays project for people experiencing homelessness. In his free time he coaches individuals on how to live joyfully and authentically. His other podcast is "Hard on the 80's."
http://LifeStudent.com
MASSIVE Thank you to Dub Sutra for their beautiful opening music. Check out their incredible music catalogue online.
https://dubsutra.com
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Stay Sparked
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to Stay Sparked.
00:00:02
Speaker
We are three longtime friends here to share inspiration with you, aim to light you up.
00:00:09
Speaker
I'm Betsy.
00:00:10
Speaker
I'm Halcyon.
00:00:12
Speaker
And I'm Giannis.
Theme Introduction: Gossip and Compassion
00:00:13
Speaker
On today's episode, we talk about gossip and rumors.
00:00:17
Speaker
What do we do and how do we respond when we find ourselves on the receiving end of gossip and rumors or we find ourselves conversing about others?
00:00:25
Speaker
How can we find a place of understanding, compassion and forgiveness for others and for ourselves?
00:00:32
Speaker
Enjoy the episode.
Expressions of Gratitude
00:00:34
Speaker
Welcome to Stay Sparked.
00:00:35
Speaker
We like to start our broadcast with a little bit of gratitude sharing.
00:00:39
Speaker
Betsy, what are you feeling grateful for today?
00:00:41
Speaker
Today I am so grateful for the ocean.
00:00:44
Speaker
This is the time of year that it is warm enough to swim.
00:00:48
Speaker
I've been swimming every day and it's so cleansing, so fun.
00:00:52
Speaker
It brings out my inner child.
00:00:53
Speaker
It's just, ah, so good.
00:00:55
Speaker
I'm so grateful for the big blue ocean.
00:01:00
Speaker
Beautiful.
00:01:01
Speaker
How about you, Yanis?
00:01:04
Speaker
uh today i am grateful for my friends it's been uh i've had a lot of friends reaching out to me um to uh kind of out of the blue a lot of a lot of questions a lot of like check-ins um with friends and uh so i've had a lot of really uh solid conversations of late and it's been a good summer for that way so far still grateful for that
00:01:25
Speaker
Nice.
00:01:27
Speaker
And my gratitude is for my five-year-old bio son's new language of emojis.
00:01:34
Speaker
And the fun we've been having is he's been telling me jokes and giving me recipes that almost always end with the poop emoji.
00:01:41
Speaker
But it has been a blast to communicate in a new way with little Asher.
Personal Gossip Experience
00:01:49
Speaker
Well, today our topic is going to be gossip and rumors.
00:01:56
Speaker
It is one of those places where even I have noticed that trying to lead the best life I can and be the best person I can
00:02:06
Speaker
I fall into places where I sometimes spread gossip and rumors, and I have been the victim of gossip and rumors.
00:02:15
Speaker
And so we're going to get into that a little bit.
00:02:17
Speaker
I wanted to just start with a powerful experience that I had.
00:02:21
Speaker
24 years ago, I lived in a webcam house for two years where everything I said, everything I did was broadcast live and on the web and people were like, oh my God.
00:02:31
Speaker
You showered on internet?
00:02:32
Speaker
You showered people?
00:02:33
Speaker
I'm like, yeah, but that's not what was embarrassing.
00:02:38
Speaker
What was embarrassing was realizing that
00:02:42
Speaker
gossip was the part of who I was and that I was saying things about people not in front of their face.
00:02:49
Speaker
And it became really obvious when you realize that anybody could be watching, that I was literally living in a glass house.
00:02:55
Speaker
And so this powerful awareness that one of the most embarrassing things I was doing was saying things about people when they weren't
The Poison of Gossip
00:03:04
Speaker
around.
00:03:04
Speaker
I remember reading a Oprah Winfrey story about how she was having a party and walked into people talking about someone who wasn't there and she said, get that poison out of my house.
00:03:16
Speaker
I was like,
00:03:18
Speaker
I never thought about it that way.
00:03:19
Speaker
You know, it's just it almost like you blow off steam, you know, you it's it's there's something thrilling about it.
00:03:25
Speaker
And and I'm curious if if either of you have ever found yourself in noticing yourself saying things and realizing that you are contributing to poison, too.
00:03:39
Speaker
So powerful.
00:03:40
Speaker
Thank you for that.
00:03:41
Speaker
I got all kinds of sparks going just from your first share.
00:03:44
Speaker
It's just so fascinating how it's a human tendency to want to talk about people, whether it's about like they're the good things or not so good things.
00:03:53
Speaker
Like I noticed that a lot of times that I'm hanging out with a friend, someone will be like, oh, how is so and so?
00:03:58
Speaker
What's going on with them?
00:04:00
Speaker
You know, I want to know the update.
00:04:01
Speaker
And we people always want to know what's the update with all the people.
00:04:06
Speaker
And when it comes down to it,
00:04:08
Speaker
We don't really know.
00:04:10
Speaker
We don't always really know what's going on for people.
00:04:12
Speaker
There's just so many layers of complexity.
00:04:14
Speaker
And yes, absolutely.
00:04:17
Speaker
I have definitely found myself in a place of sharing unconsciously about other people.
00:04:26
Speaker
And I have really tried to curb that over the years and really minimize my gossiping or spreading stories about people that I don't actually know are true.
00:04:38
Speaker
I prefer to stay out of conversations if it is about other people.
00:04:43
Speaker
Unless, of course, it is in celebratory nature and gratitude for these people.
00:04:49
Speaker
Because what is the saying?
00:04:50
Speaker
It's like, you know, what other people think is none of my business, you know.
00:04:54
Speaker
And so, yeah, I agree with Oprah.
00:04:56
Speaker
Gossip is poison because we don't always really know what's going on.
00:05:00
Speaker
And it can really paint and taint our perceptions around certain people when we don't actually know the truth.
Growth Beyond Gossip
00:05:09
Speaker
Yeah, it's one of those things that early on in my life, I guess when you're younger, it's, you know, we're kind of...
00:05:17
Speaker
you know, wired or programmed, not wired, but like programmed or taught to care about, you know, things like celebrity and celebrity gossip.
00:05:24
Speaker
And it really kind of just appeals to our base nature, which until we get to a certain point of our evolution, it panders to us and we're almost like gleefully willing to like go there.
00:05:37
Speaker
But for me personally, it was probably like maybe late 20s or early 30s when it's funny, just I would talk about people
00:05:45
Speaker
or be part of a conversation that people are talking about other people who were not there.
00:05:49
Speaker
And like you said, Betsy, unless it was like a celebratory kind of thing, then that's great.
00:05:53
Speaker
We're, you know, you want to, you want to sing people's phrases, that's fine.
00:05:56
Speaker
Um, but just kind of talking about stuff negatively or talking about people negatively, um,
00:06:02
Speaker
or whatever, it would just have to leave an unsavory feeling with me, like after the conversation, kind of almost like a poison, just like, I would just kind of come away
Gossip's Dual Nature
00:06:11
Speaker
from it.
00:06:11
Speaker
Whether or not I participated in it, it was just a party in it, like listening, I was just like, no, it just doesn't feel clean, doesn't feel clean.
00:06:21
Speaker
So, yeah, so for me, it's just been like, like in the last 20 years, I'd say, I just been like, I do as little of that as humanly possible, consciously possible.
00:06:32
Speaker
See, I've sometimes had like the opposite experience where there's almost a feeling of bonding that I have with someone as we share something about somebody else, you know, and there's this feeling of like, oh, I'm
00:06:48
Speaker
There's a connecting as I share a rumor, as this kind of closeness that happens.
00:06:54
Speaker
And fairly recently, somebody pointed out, like, every person that you speak to about someone who's not there, you are telling that person the kind of person that you are.
00:07:06
Speaker
and you are telling the person that they, that person you're talking to is comfortable talking about you behind your back, you know?
00:07:14
Speaker
And it's like, all of a sudden I was like, whoa, like, in the same way that kind of complaining can be something that can bond, I think that gossiping can be something that can bond, but the more that I wrap it in that poison and in that, it tells people who you are.
00:07:31
Speaker
It tells people how trustworthy you are.
00:07:32
Speaker
It tells people, you know,
00:07:35
Speaker
At what level can you be trusted?
00:07:38
Speaker
And really that then becomes a part of your character that is very difficult to repair.
00:07:48
Speaker
I definitely agree.
00:07:49
Speaker
I wonder, you know, there's this phrase that I learned in one of the...
Drama and Self-Awareness
00:07:54
Speaker
transformational trainings I did where they talk about the drama hook and something about this drama hook that is just like, oh yeah, like juicy.
00:08:03
Speaker
I just want to like get into the drama.
00:08:04
Speaker
Where's the drama?
00:08:06
Speaker
You know, we are kind of programmed for that.
00:08:08
Speaker
Like I know my grandma used to love talking about people.
00:08:11
Speaker
That was like such entertainment.
00:08:14
Speaker
And my mom would tell me stories about how she would just like be yabbing on the phone about all these people and all about the gossip and everything.
00:08:21
Speaker
And it was like an addiction of sorts.
00:08:26
Speaker
And look at our culture and a lot of the TV and the programs.
00:08:31
Speaker
It's like drama is really entertaining.
00:08:33
Speaker
And so people just feed off of it.
00:08:36
Speaker
And recently I actually had someone talk to me about another person.
00:08:41
Speaker
And she was going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about all these stories and about all her opinions and all about all her judgments.
00:08:49
Speaker
And she was just getting all worked up about it.
00:08:52
Speaker
And I just sat there and like nodded for a while and just kind of go like, oh, wow.
00:08:57
Speaker
Yep.
00:08:58
Speaker
Wow.
00:08:58
Speaker
Wow.
00:08:59
Speaker
Wow, you seem really passionate about that.
00:09:02
Speaker
And then I finally got to a point where I actually had to pause and ask her to like really tune in around how much of this do you know is actually true?
00:09:13
Speaker
And have you talked to that person that you're talking about about these things?
00:09:17
Speaker
And it kind of like put a halt to the conversation.
00:09:20
Speaker
And I'm so glad I was able to kind of call that forward because it started to redirect the conversation around, hey, let's actually pull back and go, wait, what's underneath all of this?
00:09:32
Speaker
And why are you getting worked up?
00:09:34
Speaker
What's the trigger for you about this other person?
00:09:37
Speaker
And so oftentimes I think it's really important to check back in with ourself around where we get worked up around seeing what other people do.
00:09:46
Speaker
Indeed it's, um, yeah, it's, it's a, it's a really kind of a step back and look at what we consider to be entertainment.
00:09:54
Speaker
What are we entertained by?
00:09:56
Speaker
Because that's really a lot of what it is.
00:09:58
Speaker
Um, like, you know, to your point, there was like a, a TV show that was actually called trauma.
00:10:03
Speaker
Like that was an even show.
00:10:05
Speaker
And it was like really highly rated for a while ago, a couple of years back.
00:10:07
Speaker
I just saw a promo for it on YouTube.
00:10:09
Speaker
I was like, this is what entertainment is right now.
00:10:12
Speaker
Um, and so, yeah, it's important to realize like.
Entertainment's Role in Gossip
00:10:17
Speaker
that there's somebody, there's a human being on the side, that's the subject of this conversation, that's the subject of our gossip and these rumors, and it's really easy to kind of
00:10:32
Speaker
with somebody like not unless not necessarily a pedestal, but to kind of lower them a little bit that allows us to like speak about them.
00:10:38
Speaker
And that is, um, uncomfortably easy, uh, for, uh, for so many of us, for all of us really to do.
00:10:45
Speaker
And we have to be mindful and conscious of the, the conversations we're engaging in the assessments we're making.
00:10:52
Speaker
Um, because you don't really know somebody like, like I've just recently, um,
00:10:58
Speaker
moved into a living situation, not recently, but it's happened before where I'm moving to a situation with a friend and you don't really know somebody until you move in with them.
00:11:07
Speaker
And it's like, I've been friends with this person for many years.
00:11:10
Speaker
It's great.
00:11:11
Speaker
And then move into like, oh, okay.
00:11:13
Speaker
Now this might not be so great because I literally did not know this person, but I did see them out plenty of times, but you don't know somebody until you really get
00:11:23
Speaker
Kind of into their life.
00:11:25
Speaker
And it's like, oh, wow.
00:11:26
Speaker
Okay.
00:11:26
Speaker
So all that stuff I knew before there may be true, but there's a whole other heap of stuff that, that is part of that, that changes the changes the narrative, so to speak.
00:11:37
Speaker
And you don't know what that real narrative is until you actually spend some time with somebody, some real time with somebody.
00:11:43
Speaker
Well, there's one thing that you touched on, Betsy, that I think is this stopping the flow of gossip tendency or speaking in a direction.
Courage to Confront Gossip
00:11:55
Speaker
It is very difficult.
00:11:56
Speaker
It takes a lot of courage to not fall into it.
00:12:00
Speaker
I think one of the traits as I age that is one of the most critical things of being a person that lives according to their values and is a high intensity, I mean, excuse me, integrity person is you got to be able to have hard conversations.
00:12:17
Speaker
You got to be able to ask hard questions.
00:12:19
Speaker
You got to be able to say things that people don't want to hear.
00:12:22
Speaker
stopping a gossip, stop and say, like, is that actually, has anybody asked that person about that?
00:12:28
Speaker
Who is speaking to that, or talk to that person about that?
00:12:31
Speaker
Or like, I'm uncomfortable with this conversation with them not here.
00:12:35
Speaker
That is so strong.
00:12:36
Speaker
That is such a respectful, like somebody would be, I would just put someone like, thank you, thank you.
00:12:43
Speaker
It was hard to have that conversation.
00:12:45
Speaker
I didn't have the guts in the moment to say, this feels weird, but if you can be that person, you were raising everybody.
00:12:52
Speaker
Yes, I love that.
00:12:53
Speaker
That's a huge spark.
00:12:54
Speaker
How can we actually all be a stand for eradicating gossip?
00:12:59
Speaker
Because we know gossip is a low vibration.
00:13:03
Speaker
It's dense.
00:13:03
Speaker
It's icky.
00:13:04
Speaker
It's gross.
00:13:05
Speaker
If we want this world to be a better place, then it starts with the way that we all speak to each other and about each other.
00:13:11
Speaker
And I think that what you're speaking to also is that consciousness around gossiping because maybe someone's just on this loop and they don't even really realize that they're gossiping.
00:13:23
Speaker
It can be a, you know, same thing with complaining.
00:13:26
Speaker
You know, sometimes we get caught in a complaint and we don't even realize that it's just like this loop until someone goes, hey, do you realize like you've been complaining for the last 10 minutes?
00:13:36
Speaker
Like, oh gosh, I didn't even realize I was doing that.
00:13:39
Speaker
Oh my gosh, like...
00:13:40
Speaker
It's like, hey, do you want to keep doing that?
00:13:43
Speaker
And then I think the other piece that's kind of sparking here too is around how do we take responsibility for our own perspective?
00:13:51
Speaker
about people, about the world,
Mindful Energy and Positivity
00:13:53
Speaker
about the environment that we are living in.
00:13:55
Speaker
And how do we take responsibility for the beliefs that we hold?
00:13:59
Speaker
And where do we want to spend our precious, precious mental energy?
00:14:05
Speaker
This is one that I like, I am working on incorporating in my daily life more regularly is checking in how much mental energy do I want to spend on this right now?
00:14:15
Speaker
Because I could notice sometimes there's a certain thing that all of a sudden I get fixated on.
00:14:20
Speaker
And then and then I'm like, wow, actually, do I really want to be thinking about this right now?
00:14:25
Speaker
Is this how much energy do I want to pour into this belief that I hold around whatever it might be or this person or this angst or this like, whatever it is, it's like, oh, I get to take responsibility.
00:14:41
Speaker
for my own mental energy, how I'm choosing to focus my thoughts, my perception of the world around me, the people in my life.
00:14:49
Speaker
And when I do that, I want to choose lightness and love.
00:14:53
Speaker
And I want to focus on things that are going to raise the vibration of my own personal being and then ripple out.
00:15:00
Speaker
I don't want to be sitting there dwelling on trauma.
00:15:07
Speaker
Or a Facebook comment or a meme.
00:15:10
Speaker
I'm so much better now, but I used to be like, well, this person's wrong.
00:15:14
Speaker
I need to make sure I let them know and everyone around them that like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:15:19
Speaker
No, no, no.
00:15:19
Speaker
Then I have to go to that energy and tell this conversation, you know, I decide I'm done with it.
00:15:25
Speaker
So skip it, skip it.
00:15:27
Speaker
You know,
00:15:29
Speaker
One of the things I think is part of this, I believe, one of my philosophical, I think you either believe or you don't believe that people are doing the best they can.
Understanding Actions and Perspectives
00:15:39
Speaker
Are people doing the best they can with what they got?
00:15:42
Speaker
And so if you are listening to and participating in a conversation, talking about someone doing things, acting in a way, and you're judging it, if you pull back,
00:15:53
Speaker
You don't know all the information.
00:15:55
Speaker
You don't know what they're working with.
00:15:57
Speaker
And if I can remember that, and the same goes through with memes and comments.
00:16:02
Speaker
I'm like, oh, this person believes that the best way to protect their family is to blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:16:09
Speaker
This person believes that the best way to be safe.
00:16:11
Speaker
This person believes that the best way is.
00:16:13
Speaker
And...
00:16:15
Speaker
That there are not these just evil, well, there may be evil people, but most people I think are really doing the best they can.
00:16:22
Speaker
And if I see them doing something in a way that does not seem that way to me, then if I can honor them, I need to investigate why and what are they believing?
00:16:37
Speaker
I'd love to chime in on that.
00:16:38
Speaker
That's powerful to be able to check in with, do I really see the people around me doing the best that they can or do I not believe that?
00:16:46
Speaker
And that has to do with my perspective, right?
00:16:49
Speaker
Because if somebody is doing something that I consider as wrong and they should show up better,
00:16:56
Speaker
I don't, you're right, I don't actually know what they're working with.
00:16:59
Speaker
What is their mental capacities?
00:17:02
Speaker
What is their own personal trauma?
00:17:04
Speaker
What is their personal situation?
00:17:06
Speaker
What's their family life?
00:17:07
Speaker
What is their chemistry going on?
00:17:10
Speaker
I don't know.
00:17:11
Speaker
I might have high standards for the people in my life and even...
00:17:15
Speaker
People that aren't in my life, the political environment right now, I have some high standards and it's like, they're not doing the best that they could.
00:17:24
Speaker
But it's like, well, what are they actually working with?
00:17:27
Speaker
And so how do we, yeah, once again, take responsibility for my own perspective around how I think people should be showing up?
00:17:35
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:17:36
Speaker
What you guys are touching on a little bit is the whole concept of the four grievance.
00:17:43
Speaker
And one of those grievances is always do your best.
00:17:46
Speaker
And with the understanding that that is going to change from day to day, that sometimes your best isn't going to look so great.
00:17:54
Speaker
And so I tend to default to people.
00:17:57
Speaker
Like I just assume that they're going to do their best, even though I will have opinions like watching from over here being like, wow, that's clearly not their best because I'd seen them do better than that.
00:18:05
Speaker
But again, that's going to fluctuate.
00:18:07
Speaker
That's going to change on a day-to-day basis.
00:18:09
Speaker
So something to offer people is grace, like always grace and compassion.
00:18:16
Speaker
Even when they find themselves in a negative thought loop, they're just...
00:18:21
Speaker
cycling complaining or they're always they've got something.
00:18:23
Speaker
There's always something with some people and just kind of be like, all right, they are doing the best with what they have.
00:18:29
Speaker
Maybe they'll expand their tool set.
00:18:31
Speaker
Who's to say?
00:18:33
Speaker
But that's their that's their that's our journey.
00:18:35
Speaker
And another one of the we mentioned four agreements, but there is actually a fifth agreement that came out that was that goes
00:18:42
Speaker
Be skeptical, but learn how to listen, which doesn't necessarily, which means something along the line, it means a few different things, but it means don't just take somebody's like perspective or words or story at face value, listen and empathize, but also know that there's always
00:19:00
Speaker
more to the story.
00:19:01
Speaker
The things that the older I've gotten, the more I've realized that everything is a shade of gray.
00:19:07
Speaker
There's very little that's black and white.
00:19:09
Speaker
There are some things that are black and white, but most 99% of things really there, they fall somewhere in the middle of that spectrum.
00:19:15
Speaker
And it's important to realize like no matter what we are hearing and often even what we are saying, it's like we can pull back and be like, Oh, what I think about this person, I certain with what I'm saying about this person.
00:19:29
Speaker
But I need to assume that I don't know the full story, that I don't have it.
00:19:35
Speaker
And so maybe that can cause us to pull back from even beginning that conversation then, because I don't know the whole story.
00:19:42
Speaker
So how about I not even start?
00:19:44
Speaker
And one thing disconnected to that is, as I heard something recently that was really, that kind of stuck with me.
00:19:52
Speaker
And that is the idea that
00:19:56
Speaker
A sign of wisdom is the ability to let people be wrong about something.
00:20:01
Speaker
And that's whether you see that online or whether you story about something where there's a story about you.
00:20:06
Speaker
It's like you, when it's something gets back to you that you've heard like, oh, you know, you know, Bessie, if you were to hear like, oh, but Bessie was like this and that.
00:20:13
Speaker
And then, you know, that that's incorrect.
00:20:15
Speaker
Um, I'll speak for myself being, being the recipient of that.
00:20:18
Speaker
knowing that that's incorrect and be like, you know, I could make an effort to fix that quote unquote, but it's like, I'm also fine with letting people be wrong about that.
00:20:29
Speaker
That's what they want to do.
00:20:30
Speaker
If they don't have the, if they don't have the,
00:20:32
Speaker
The impetus or the wherewithal, the desire to get a, get a full story.
00:20:36
Speaker
And I, so that's really my responsibility to make sure that they have a story.
00:20:41
Speaker
They don't want to hear, if you wanted to hear it, you would, you would ask.
00:20:44
Speaker
Um, so yeah, so people can be wrong about things.
00:20:47
Speaker
That's I've applied that online deeply.
00:20:49
Speaker
I just read a comment and like, oh, that's whatever.
00:20:52
Speaker
That's fine.
00:20:52
Speaker
That's your truth.
00:20:54
Speaker
I've found that I trust that people are telling me their truth, but I am very suspect of everyone's sources.
00:21:05
Speaker
In the same way I am of mine.
00:21:07
Speaker
Like I know that I am the results of all the things I've read, all the things I've been told.
00:21:13
Speaker
And so that becomes my truth.
00:21:15
Speaker
But those things are changing all the time.
00:21:16
Speaker
And so someone else, I always believe that people are telling me the best that they can.
00:21:22
Speaker
But that doesn't mean I believe them.
00:21:24
Speaker
It means that the truth is the result of what we believe.
00:21:31
Speaker
The other thing is that I have had...
Learning from Negative Perceptions
00:21:34
Speaker
Definitely, occasionally I will get an email from someone who, or a comment, where someone will just pile on some accusation of something about me.
00:21:45
Speaker
And it's super jarring to hear that I'm rude or stuck up or insensitive or treat people badly in some way.
00:21:56
Speaker
And I really don't see myself that way.
00:22:00
Speaker
I really try not to be that way.
00:22:02
Speaker
And so sometimes I will always say, I would love to understand how this perception came to be.
00:22:12
Speaker
And what I try to do is what a Byron Katie thing, where whenever you get accused of anything, say,
00:22:19
Speaker
a part of me is that, yes, I could see how I can be selfish.
00:22:23
Speaker
I can see how that part of me is insensitive.
00:22:26
Speaker
A part of me does mistreat people.
00:22:28
Speaker
And so from that place of like truly listening, I want to defend myself, but like help me understand how I am being seen this way in the world.
00:22:37
Speaker
Help me see how my actions are being perceived this way.
00:22:42
Speaker
And there have been times when I have been shown things where
00:22:48
Speaker
I've made mistakes and I would like to do different.
00:22:51
Speaker
And there's been times when as I investigate and go deeper, I go, I think I've been misunderstood and misquoted and missed those things.
00:22:59
Speaker
But it doesn't mean no good to get defensive and fight it because the truth is sometimes I am all of those things.
00:23:07
Speaker
So powerful, Halcyon.
00:23:09
Speaker
I feel my whole system just like, oh, it's so humbling to take responsibility, right?
00:23:17
Speaker
To just really receive.
00:23:21
Speaker
That reflection that might be coming at you, even if it's so uncomfortable and go like, oh, wow, I'm being perceived in this way.
00:23:29
Speaker
How can I actually receive that and look at myself and really check in with how can I adjust myself?
00:23:38
Speaker
my ways of being in order to show up in a better way, you know, and, and there is the tendency to want to defend or be righteous internally and be like, well, whatever, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna keep being me and people are just gonna have to deal with the way that I am and they can make up whatever, like that, you know, it's a, that's a frequency of inner dialogue.
00:24:04
Speaker
Right.
00:24:04
Speaker
And then that radiates outward.
00:24:07
Speaker
And so what I felt from just witnessing you and feeling you and when you even said that you put your hand on your heart and I felt this softening and this humility, this like, oh, a breath.
00:24:24
Speaker
It's really powerful.
00:24:26
Speaker
So thank you for that.
00:24:30
Speaker
It's it's it's it's hard.
00:24:34
Speaker
to step out of the argument that we've made the case in ourself, because we are doing the best we can with what we've got at all times.
00:24:45
Speaker
I believe that.
00:24:46
Speaker
That being said, there are times when in the moment, in the moment, the best that I could do was not as kind as I would have liked to have been.
00:24:58
Speaker
And I got to forgive myself.
00:24:59
Speaker
And then I think that that process helps you to
Forgiveness Cycle
00:25:02
Speaker
forgive others.
00:25:02
Speaker
And when you fall into these traps of gossip and stuff, you go, wait a minute, I'm pretty sure, you know, I too have misstepped.
00:25:11
Speaker
I too have been insensitive or whatever those things are.
00:25:14
Speaker
So maybe, maybe.
00:25:16
Speaker
If I understood their story better, it'll help me.
00:25:19
Speaker
I mean, it's always about forgiving yourself, forgiving others, forgiving yourself, forgiving others.
00:25:22
Speaker
I think that's how we get through these divisive patterns of gossip and speaking ill with people.
00:25:32
Speaker
Yeah, and paying attention to the reflections.
00:25:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:35
Speaker
Right.
00:25:36
Speaker
Because if this is a holographic universe, we're looking in the mirror all the time.
00:25:41
Speaker
So how are these perceptions that I hold about other people a reflection of my own consciousness?
00:25:47
Speaker
And how can I actually take a pause from the gossip?
00:25:52
Speaker
How can we actually go like, wait a second.
00:25:53
Speaker
Hey, hey, hey.
00:25:56
Speaker
What is this person's experience that I'm witnessing showing me about myself?
00:26:00
Speaker
Where can I find greater insight about myself and about the way that I view the world?
00:26:06
Speaker
How can I show up in a better way if someone's struggling especially?
00:26:11
Speaker
Do I want to just keep holding them?
00:26:13
Speaker
You know, I had this experience recently where it was like someone came to me and was like, this person, da-da-da-da-da, perceptions about what they thought was happening.
00:26:23
Speaker
And I feel like it could have been very easy for me to be like, oh my God, I can't believe that.
00:26:28
Speaker
Oh my God, I can't believe they did that.
00:26:30
Speaker
Da-da-da-da-da.
00:26:31
Speaker
And it was like, hey, you know, have you actually talked to them?
00:26:33
Speaker
It's like, that sounds like they might be struggling.
00:26:38
Speaker
Because, you know, when a lot of times if people are struggling, they're
00:26:42
Speaker
that's when we're not able to show up in our best way.
00:26:45
Speaker
You know, like you're talking about we're doing the best that we can.
00:26:49
Speaker
And sometimes the best that we can do is only to a certain point because there's a deeper struggle underneath it.
00:26:56
Speaker
You know, like living in survival, for example, which unfortunately a lot of people have to navigate through.
00:27:04
Speaker
Survival of like just trying to make ends meet, just trying to make sure they get through the day.
00:27:09
Speaker
You know, and so to be able to be this hero or this like showing up in the highest and best way, it's very difficult.
00:27:19
Speaker
And so how do we as other people that are in a community or in other places, how do we show up for the people that are struggling?
00:27:26
Speaker
Do we want to hold them down?
00:27:29
Speaker
Like, oh, that guy's it looks like he's in the mud.
00:27:31
Speaker
I'm just going to sit there and stare at him and judge him for being in the mud.
00:27:35
Speaker
Maybe kick him too.
00:27:37
Speaker
And it's like, no, that is not helpful.
00:27:40
Speaker
How can we actually like take a pause out of our own life and maybe extend a hand or a stick and be like, Hey, Hey, maybe this might help you kind of come out of the mud a little bit.
00:27:50
Speaker
Cause I know you and I, I, you know, I see you struggling.
00:27:54
Speaker
Lati reminds me of a quick,
From Judgment to Love
00:27:58
Speaker
quick story.
00:27:58
Speaker
I was in an ayahuasca session once and this woman from the, uh, from the Caribbean,
00:28:05
Speaker
really got under the power of the medicine and just made a, whoa, you know, the whole bit, like turned into a showstopper.
00:28:11
Speaker
Like you could not, not pay attention to her when she was in it.
00:28:15
Speaker
And very distracting.
00:28:17
Speaker
But anyway, she got through it.
00:28:19
Speaker
Following ceremony, I see her walk, like a month later, I see her walk into the new one and I'm immediately like, oh gosh, this lady, here we go.
00:28:30
Speaker
And as the ceremony unfolded, she got in the whole bit and I'm sitting there all judgy, of course.
00:28:37
Speaker
And I hear the medicine speak to me.
00:28:39
Speaker
It's like, instead of sitting here in judgment, how about you send her some love?
00:28:44
Speaker
Try that.
00:28:46
Speaker
And I was like, oh, thank you.
00:28:47
Speaker
So I immediately just kind of shifted my focus on directly at her and just felt my heart open and just said it.
00:28:53
Speaker
And she immediately stopped.
00:28:55
Speaker
And I just kept doing that.
00:28:57
Speaker
And she was started, she started, she's maybe six, seven people away from me.
00:29:01
Speaker
She started just crying.
00:29:02
Speaker
I was saying, thank you.
00:29:03
Speaker
Thank you.
00:29:03
Speaker
Thank you.
00:29:05
Speaker
It was the easiest thing for me to do, but I was so like, oh, I had this preconceived idea.
00:29:10
Speaker
It's all I had to do was just.
00:29:13
Speaker
Send her some do less.
00:29:15
Speaker
That's, you know, that's, that's a saying that I've kind of cultivated, just do less.
00:29:19
Speaker
You don't have to do so much.
00:29:21
Speaker
It's, it takes effort to wag the finger at somebody.
00:29:24
Speaker
It takes effort to, to look upon somebody with judgment or to think you've got everything figured out.
00:29:31
Speaker
Do less, do what comes naturally to you.
00:29:33
Speaker
It's the easiest thing in the world to just send somebody some love.
00:29:36
Speaker
We don't have to, ba, ba, ba, about this.
00:29:39
Speaker
And even if we were to hear this about us,
00:29:42
Speaker
You can let that go and send, send the people who are saying these things, send them some love every turn.
00:29:47
Speaker
Like, wow, I didn't like what that person said about me, but you know, I'm going to love that person.
00:29:51
Speaker
Send them some love.
00:29:52
Speaker
They can do with it what they want.
00:29:56
Speaker
Ah, so powerful, right?
00:29:58
Speaker
Because it's like if we know the power of prayer, the power of our thoughts, sending love to someone is what happens when we're sending judgment to someone.
00:30:12
Speaker
You know, we can feel it.
00:30:14
Speaker
You can feel it when somebody is sitting there looking at you and criticizing, right?
00:30:19
Speaker
Judging you and negatively thinking about you.
00:30:22
Speaker
It is like, it's psychic connections.
00:30:25
Speaker
And so once again, keep coming back home to this.
00:30:28
Speaker
How can I take responsibility for my own thoughts?
Impact on Collective Consciousness
00:30:32
Speaker
How can I take responsibility to my own part in this collective field that we're all participating in?
00:30:39
Speaker
Right.
00:30:39
Speaker
It is so powerful to be able to keep coming back to that recognition that my my gossip, my my spreading of rumors is actually contributing to the problems.
00:30:53
Speaker
that might be here.
00:30:55
Speaker
How can we actually come back to love?
00:30:57
Speaker
How can we come back to well wishes?
00:31:00
Speaker
How can we come back to a more loving perspective about the people in our lives, even if we don't agree with the way that they're acting?
00:31:08
Speaker
Right.
00:31:09
Speaker
And also take personal responsibility around how we're choosing to engage in these kinds of conversations or even just relationships.
00:31:17
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:31:19
Speaker
One of the things that I've, I use to, to help my mind find compassion for people that are doing things that I don't like is
00:31:28
Speaker
imagining them as a child or as an old pet, you know, and when an old pet pees on the rug, you know, when a child does something, like they're doing the best they can.
00:31:42
Speaker
And so you have a choice of trying to understand their limitations or just be angry at them for what they are.
00:31:50
Speaker
And you can say, yeah, well, that person's not a child.
00:31:53
Speaker
That person's not a pet.
00:31:54
Speaker
Like sometimes we are.
00:31:56
Speaker
Sometimes the best I can do is acting in my toddler space and I am whiny and I am selfish and I am projecting and doing all those negative things.
00:32:06
Speaker
And so if I know that sometimes I am acting from that super low place, I can try to find compassion for others when they are in their low place as well.
00:32:17
Speaker
So powerful.
00:32:21
Speaker
Well, I love this conversation, you guys.
00:32:23
Speaker
And I feel like we are getting to a point where we can start to wrap it up with some closing sparks.
00:32:30
Speaker
So I'd love to actually start us off with a closing spark.
00:32:34
Speaker
Hit it.
00:32:36
Speaker
The closing spark here is really something that you touched on, Halcyon.
00:32:40
Speaker
And I think this kind of came from the beginning of the conversation just around like, how do we
00:32:46
Speaker
have that courageous confidence in a conversation to put gossip at a halt?
Courage to Stop Gossip
00:32:55
Speaker
How do we pause a conversation and be like Oprah?
00:33:01
Speaker
and say, I'm not okay with having this conversation.
00:33:04
Speaker
This conversation about this other person is really making me feel uncomfortable and I'd like to stop right now.
00:33:10
Speaker
I think that there's something really powerful about that and I feel like that's gonna be with me to really keep coming back to that.
00:33:17
Speaker
So thank you for that spark and reminder.
00:33:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:23
Speaker
My closing spark is something that I witnessed recently in a community where there was some problematic members.
Inclusivity and Problem-Solving
00:33:32
Speaker
And it's something that I've gone through in the past where there's people who are acting in a way or showing traits that are detracting from the community.
00:33:42
Speaker
And in the past, my thought has always been, well, they need to be removed to protect the family.
00:33:50
Speaker
And someone recently, a leader said, there's no such thing as outside the circle.
00:33:59
Speaker
That everyone, we are all connected.
00:34:03
Speaker
And if you expel and you kick out, that person is still a part of the environment, is still a part of the ecosystem that you are in, and that it is short-sighted to think that you can just...
00:34:17
Speaker
you know, remove someone.
00:34:19
Speaker
And so part of this, you know, whether when you're vilifying them through gossip, whether you're excluding them from your, the group of people that you consider to be worthy of your time.
00:34:30
Speaker
And everybody is worthy of either forgiveness or time spent in understanding them better.
00:34:36
Speaker
And that's a really hard level to attain, to seek for, but you know, it's something that I'm pushing myself to try to do.
00:34:47
Speaker
Well said, well said.
00:34:49
Speaker
So that reminds me of a quote that I just really love.
00:34:53
Speaker
Um, and I keep seeing it frequently.
00:34:54
Speaker
It's, it's interesting, but you know, the, the, the question is, how are we supposed to treat others?
00:35:02
Speaker
The answer is there are no others.
00:35:05
Speaker
It's we are, we are the same.
00:35:07
Speaker
We are individual expressions of the same thing.
Criteria for Speech: Truth, Kindness, Necessity
00:35:11
Speaker
We are all, we are all walking each other home, so to speak.
00:35:14
Speaker
So,
00:35:15
Speaker
So yeah, treat each other, you know, treat each other how we would like to be treated.
00:35:19
Speaker
How would you, how would it feel to know that people out there talking about you and something that they don't really know about?
00:35:26
Speaker
I agree.
00:35:26
Speaker
So I'm not going to participate in it on the other side.
00:35:30
Speaker
And, um, also reminds me of the saying, um, you know, that everything we should say, everything that comes out of our mouth should pass through three gates.
00:35:40
Speaker
the gates of truth, gates of kindness, and gate of necessity.
00:35:45
Speaker
Is it true?
00:35:46
Speaker
Is it kind?
00:35:47
Speaker
Is it necessary?
00:35:50
Speaker
If it is, by all means, let it fly, speak away.
00:35:53
Speaker
Otherwise, maybe hold on and maybe we'll find another way to phrase it.
00:35:58
Speaker
So that, and you know, things like, you know, rumors, gossip, innuendos, just uninformed opinions don't necessarily need to be
00:36:08
Speaker
shared out in the world.
00:36:09
Speaker
You're not adding anything to the world.
00:36:15
Speaker
And stay curious.
00:36:16
Speaker
I feel like that's a beautiful way to be able to transmute, right?
00:36:21
Speaker
Because if we hear a rumor
00:36:24
Speaker
then rather than just subscribing to it and just getting on that train, what about getting a little more curious around, well, is this true?
Curiosity Over Assumptions
00:36:32
Speaker
Well, maybe I can do some of my own personal research and check in a little bit more fully and really go down that beautiful path of discovery for yourself and check in with each other.
00:36:45
Speaker
Yeah, we all deserve understanding, as you said, Elsie.
00:36:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:51
Speaker
And we deserve to be understood and we, and people deserve to be understood by us.
00:36:56
Speaker
Omnice.
00:36:57
Speaker
If all we.
00:36:59
Speaker
You know, I wanted to just say thank you to the two of you for your courage
Clarity and Truth in Communication
00:37:05
Speaker
and your clarity.
00:37:05
Speaker
You know, within our dynamic and our friendship and our community, we are dealing with aspects of communication and gossip and judgment.
00:37:20
Speaker
And it's really beautiful to witness the courage that the two of you have shown with each other.
00:37:29
Speaker
And I just, I wish for that to be inspiring to everyone.
00:37:34
Speaker
And I hope that we can all three continue to try to show up, speak our truth and be available to continue to illuminate and forgive.
00:37:46
Speaker
Yes, thank you, Halcyon.
00:37:47
Speaker
Really grateful for you guys, too.
00:37:49
Speaker
And thank you for listening out there.
00:37:52
Speaker
I'll always appreciate our listeners sharing with us what you're receiving out of these.
00:37:59
Speaker
conversations.
Listener Engagement and Social Media
00:38:00
Speaker
So grateful for your feedback and thoughts and your reviews on Apple Podcasts.
00:38:06
Speaker
Super grateful for you guys.
00:38:08
Speaker
I'm always open to receive topic requests as well if anyone is inspired to share.
00:38:15
Speaker
And also just a little seed that we're going to be planting for some future guests that we're going to be having on.
00:38:21
Speaker
We're super excited.
00:38:23
Speaker
Stay tuned for some of our upcoming episodes that we'll be interviewing some more amazing souls to stay sparked.
00:38:30
Speaker
Is it Oprah?
00:38:31
Speaker
Please say it's Oprah.
00:38:33
Speaker
I'm working on it.
00:38:33
Speaker
I'm working.
00:38:38
Speaker
A hint for future listeners, the sparks are going to be flying.
00:38:43
Speaker
That's true.
00:38:44
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:38:45
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:38:47
Speaker
So before we close it out with an affirmation, just a little pathway to find more of our work in the world.
00:38:54
Speaker
So you can find me poweraffirmation.com as well as thinklahoo.com.
00:38:59
Speaker
Find me on the socials, Betsy Who on Instagram.
00:39:02
Speaker
I love helping people to shift perspectives, mind, body, and spirit.
00:39:06
Speaker
I do body work.
00:39:07
Speaker
I do intuitive coaching.
00:39:09
Speaker
You can find the Power Affirmation Journal and the inspiration cards to help you get into a good relationship with your thoughts.
00:39:17
Speaker
I am at lifestudent.com.
00:39:21
Speaker
And if you're going to Burning Man this year, I'm going to go and I will be camping with Burners Without Borders.
00:39:26
Speaker
So I hope to see you there or find you online, lifestudent.com.
00:39:31
Speaker
So I am continuing to plug away with my nutritional supplement company called New World Nutritionals, spelled N-U, World Nutritionals, and about to launch a new product line of gummies.
00:39:46
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:39:47
Speaker
are actually pretty tasty.
00:39:48
Speaker
And yeah, those will be online available by the end of the, like within the next month.
00:39:54
Speaker
So newworldnutritionals.com.
00:39:56
Speaker
Use the code SPARK for 10% off of all of our products.
00:39:59
Speaker
Awesome.
00:40:00
Speaker
Amazing.
00:40:02
Speaker
Thank you.
00:40:02
Speaker
Yum, yum, yum.
00:40:04
Speaker
Awesome.
00:40:05
Speaker
Okay.
00:40:05
Speaker
Well, let's close it out with an affirmation that is inspired by this conversation.
Conclusion and Call to Action
00:40:11
Speaker
So we can just close our eyes if that feels good to you.
00:40:14
Speaker
Take a deep breath.
00:40:19
Speaker
I take responsibility for the way I think about myself and the world around me.
00:40:24
Speaker
I take responsibility for the way I think about myself and the world around me.
00:40:30
Speaker
I take personal responsibility for the way that I think about myself and about the world around me.
00:40:37
Speaker
I take personal responsibility for the way I speak about myself and about others.
00:40:43
Speaker
I take personal responsibility for the way I choose to speak about myself and others.
00:40:48
Speaker
I think and speak with kindness.
00:40:51
Speaker
I think and speak with kindness.
00:40:53
Speaker
I think and speak with kindness.
00:40:55
Speaker
I think and speak with kindness.
00:40:57
Speaker
I think and speak with kindness.
00:41:00
Speaker
Let's all keep thinking and speaking with kindness because kindness will truly make the world a better place.
00:41:06
Speaker
It is such a gift that we can give to ourselves and to our families and communities.
00:41:11
Speaker
So stay sparked, people.
00:41:13
Speaker
Thank you so much for your love and your kindness.
00:41:18
Speaker
And your support.
00:41:19
Speaker
Stay sparked.
00:41:22
Speaker
Find us on Instagram at Stay Sparked and leave us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts.
00:41:27
Speaker
Thanks so much for helping us spread these sparks.