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Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
21 Plays11 months ago
This week Jordan and Kelley go over, "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story." In this episode Jordan tells of his adventures in Florida, they laugh about Patches coaching technique, and need Pirate Steve to seek psychiatric help.
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Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello. Hello.
Biden Drops Out: Fear and Surprise
00:00:02
Speaker
We're going to say you think you're iconic, the movie podcast. And I'm very afraid of what happened this week. We unfortunately are recording two episodes right now. So right now it is still the day that yeah Joe Biden dropped out of the presidential race. Yes, it is. So who knows what has happened since then? for Like you guys will know, but we do not currently know. We're still reeling from the fact that it's that it's happened. It literally just happened. But ah for you guys, you've had time to sit with
Coping with Memes: An American Way
00:00:44
Speaker
the process. yeah
00:00:46
Speaker
um we've seen We've seen a little bit of the memes pop out um because that is how we cope. That's how we as Americans cope.
00:00:57
Speaker
Yeah. So, m what a, what a time. I'm not even going to say to be alive. I'm just gonna, what a time, you know, what a time. Yeah. I feel like this is how those people who were like growing up in like that time between, you know, how there was like world war one and then there was like, the roaring 20s. And then there was like the Great Depression. Like I feel like this is how that era we're like in that era. We're knocking down them dominoes to get to worked yeah and then the depression.
00:01:39
Speaker
Great. yeah Hate that. i But I guess it could be worse. Jordan, do not say that. Yeah, looks nice let's not. Let's not play with that right now. Let's not play with that right now. Because yeah, it's it's it's giving a lot. And I don't want to deal with any of it, but we're going to have to deal with it anyway. Okay. Yeah.
Celebrating a Dog's Birthday
00:02:08
Speaker
Yeah. So. Anyway, um, let's talk about happier things. of Kelly, how was your week? Good. Um, today is my, um, dog nephew's birthday. He is two. My, my, my brother's dog is two. Girl. What? He's two. He's a little baby. You celebrate dog birthdays? Of course I do. Do you not? No.
00:02:40
Speaker
bro why Why would I? I celebrate all my dog's birthdays. i made I either made them something special or I went to the store and I got them a little happy birthday cake from Petsmart. Okay girl. okay what Is that weird? It is to me, but you know, to each their own, do whatever you want to do with your pet.
00:03:08
Speaker
I don't let them kiss me on the mouth or anything. you know They don't sleep with me. I just celebrate their birthdays. Okay. But yes, um he is two now. He's gonna go through the terrible twos, which is an actual thing that dogs go through. I wouldn't know. My dog has been terrible from the beginning. I wouldn't know. No, yeah, my... my dog she went through she like she got an attitude when she turned two oh my gosh like she would like i would like ask her to do something or like ask her to sit or like tell her to like go to bed or something she would give me hard side eye like she doesn't as much now but like she would disobey and i'm like girl i did not know terrible twos were a thing that could happen with dogs but i'm not about it
00:04:03
Speaker
So yeah, for those of you who don't have a dog or don't have a dog that is two or went through the whole phase, terrible twos or things with dogs.
00:04:14
Speaker
um
00:04:17
Speaker
What else happened?
Concert Ticket Woes: Japanese Composer
00:04:18
Speaker
Oh, i um I am going to a concert in four days, five days. i going to see um a Japanese band that I have loved for a very long time. Never thought I would ever see them in real life and so now I am going to get to see them and I'm very excited. Good for you. Yeah and then unfortunately one of the other um Another concert has popped up on my radar. It is a Japanese composer who japanese who um created um the soundtracks to lot um a lot, if not all, of the Ghibli movies. I know you don't know what that is, but... I know what a Ghibli movie is. You do? Okay. I watch movies. I know, but like
00:05:11
Speaker
I didn't know that you had dipped into the Ghibli movie. I have not, but I know what they are. Okay, ah okay so Joe Hisashi is the composer of all those all the music and I want him to see him, like period, I want to see him. That composer is going on tour and he will be in San Francisco and l LA in the fall. And I really want to see him, but a single ticket in San Francisco is $400. And if I go see him in LA, it is just a couple dollars less. And I am crying.
00:05:53
Speaker
I guess you're just not going, are you? I'm not. I guess not. Unless I could find a somebody who was going to sell their tickets for, who bought their tickets early. Cause they, they just went on sale and the prices just skyrocketed in a matter of like 15 minutes. Cause like I found the link and I started looking at the four dates he would be in San Francisco. And every time I checked a different day or I went back to a day that I had previously checked and went up like 50 bucks. And it kept going up and I'm just like, I guess I'm not going. I'm not going too bad, which I am so sad. I will one day I will catch, I will catch a concert for sure. But I just don't have $400 to put on a concert ticket. That is kind of insane. You could, um, you could clarna it. no why I will not. I don't believe in after pays. Okay.
00:06:49
Speaker
Whatever. That's a personal thought, but like yeah. But yeah, a lot of people are going on tour or going to go on tour next year, and I need y'all to chill. Please. Spread out like you were doing a couple years ago, where it's like one or two major ones a year. like I can't handle all of y'all at once. I'm still a little ah little scared because Kehlani still has not released these dates for her flow. Yep. Yep. Also Megan, we're going to need you to come back girl. Oh yeah. She pissed me clean off. Piss me off. Yeah, girl. you What we're seeing on Twitter about what you're now doing on tour. We're a little, we're a little heated about that. I mean, the tour is over now, but like still.
00:07:48
Speaker
piss me off. Not great. Not great. But yeah, all of y'all that are doing concerts, can y'all think of the common band? Yeah. Also, we all know that we're none of us are going to go see Beyonce and her residency. We we all know that already. No, I can't afford that shit. No, absolutely not. so like Vegas is already expensive. and Expensive. of Beyonce residency. Oh my gosh. The prices would be astronomical. Oh yeah. No, no, no, no, no.
Vegas Day Trip Brainstorm
00:08:26
Speaker
Speaking of Vegas though, oh Kelly and I want to plan like a day trip to Vegas. Yeah. Cause, um, I haven't seen all those videos of people doing it on like TikTok.
00:08:40
Speaker
And I think I just want to experience that once. I know it's absolute craziness to be up for like 24 hours, but i I kind of want to do it. And do we like not even bring bags? So we just like raw dog a flight and yeah that's what I was I was literally thinking about it last night because I'm like what if I want to bring like at least a change of like a change of shoes and like a jacket yeah like could I bring like if I wanted to like enter a place and they're like like no big bags like what do I do with the bag or do I just not go in there yeah what do we do because I was thinking I'm like maybe one of us could bring like a bag and then just like have like a
00:09:22
Speaker
like slippers or something at the bottom and maybe a jacket that we could all like shove into one bag, you know? People who have done the one day trips, how how do y'all? Yeah, how does that work? Do you just- How does that work? Do you get like literally the cheapest hotel possible and you just use it to hold like change of clothes and- Right. Shit and then you just go out. Right. Do y'all even get a hotel? Yeah. How does that work? Or do you just like show up at the place early morning or like late at night? do the whole thing and then just show up back at the airport. And then just go home. Right. Let us know. Let us know. And also, what is the perfect time to go? Do you go
00:10:05
Speaker
Do you come to Vegas early morning or do you come to Vegas late late at night so that you can like go to a club initially or whatever? So experience the nightlife of Vegas and then go into a day at Vegas and then leave Vegas and go back to wherever you came from during the day. Yeah. Let us know. Cause let us know. Cause I think that's how you do it because I don't think Vegas has like a cutoff time anywhere. It doesn't not really. so Yeah. Did we take like a mid like an 11 PM flight and like end up in Vegas at like one or two and then go there. And then just so there party until the sun comes up and then go get breakfast. Right, go get breakfast and then maybe do a little shopping on the strip and then go back to the airport. Yeah.
00:10:53
Speaker
Let us know. Let us know because I think that might be the vibe. We're trying to convince one of our other friends to go. This all started because I guess we could start talking about my week. This all started because the place I went to for my vacation had a coyote ugly and I couldn't go with anyone because I was with a bunch of older people.
00:11:17
Speaker
or teenagers. And so we did the coyote ugly episode, we said we would go to a coyote ugly. I didn't even know that there was a coyote ugly where he was going. I didn't either. I just showed up there. And yeah, they're there well we went to Margaritaville and then I looked up and there was a coyote ugly and I was like, Oh yeah. because So essentially this whole trip is to just go to a coyote just to go to coyote ugly.
00:11:45
Speaker
so
00:11:47
Speaker
So yeah. We're just taking this trip so we can go to Coyote Ugly. Yeah. And it just happens to be in Vegas. So what are other things we could do in Vegas than like a, not a 24 hour, cause we're not going to, it's not going to be, cause there's going to be travel time, but like a 12 hour time period. 12 hour trip. Yeah. Let us know. And we're not really club people either. No.
00:12:14
Speaker
So like I know they're shopping on the strip. You could do, you could shop anywhere though. Um, like what else is there to do? I like Vegas. Um, we just like resort hop, just like go look for the resorts. Maybe, maybe if we do start early in the morning, maybe we can go to like, we'll buy like a day pass and go hang out at a resort pool.
00:12:40
Speaker
it just all depends on what we get there yeah yeah yeah yeah because like i know like i kind of want to hit the fountain so that you have to do that at night um i never saw the fountain when i went okay see so we have we have to do that for sure um we gotta to go to coyote ugly those are the two majors yeah do we pull like one lever at a slot machine just call it a day. We can I've oh i already did that but like we can. I've never been to Vegas though. I've been to the Vegas airport on a layover. But that's that's my experience of Vegas. We could go to the Topgolf that has a pool. What? Yeah, their Topgolf has a pool.
00:13:28
Speaker
we We can figure it out. Yeah, we got time. Wait a time, wait a time. We're not trying to go, like, relatively slow. No, yeah, no, no, no. We're just trying to, like, logistics and see if our friend wants to go. And then we'll work it out from there. and We'll work it out. But anyway, um back to that to my vacation.
Florida Vacation Tales
00:13:47
Speaker
um So I went to Florida. It was really fun. We went to the beach a couple of times. One second, my mom is calling me. Sorry, my mom is trying to get home.
00:14:00
Speaker
like yeah um Back to Florida. um Beach was fine. We went to a new restaurant every night. That was great. um i I need to say something about this beach town I was in. um Do they give a lot of alcohol or does the heat just make you feel drunker? Because I would be low-key tore up after three drinks. Yeah, like do y'all, is it more alcohol in there and like y'all just know how to mix really well or is it? Right, what's going on? Because I want to. Is it the Florida air? Like I said, we went to a different restaurant every night and I would have three drinks every night and I would be tore up after every night. Yeah, he was pretty messed up guys. I was like, I love that for him, but like at the same time, what are y'all doing down there?
00:14:55
Speaker
Like what are y'all? And I didn't have the same drink at each restaurant. I had different drinks at each restaurant. I had went to Margaritaville. I had margaritas. We went to another place. I had mojitos. We went to another place. I had a daiquiri and um Moscow mules. Like ah I don't know what was happening, but y'all were getting me every time. What's in that Florida alcohol, guys? Yeah, what's in the Florida alcohol? And then my second to last night, I got food poisoning. Oh, yeah. That was awful. What a way to end your vacation. Mm hmm. Getting food poisoning. So I missed my last beach day, which was kind of a setting. But also I had to work that day. Yeah. So I was working from my hotel bed. Just like just suffering, suffering. But it was like
00:15:52
Speaker
It was like less than than like a 24 hour thing. Like it went away. but That's good though. by By Friday, I was good. I can't imagine traveling with food poisoning. Oh no. Especially since y'all heard how his travel day went. How my travel day went. That would have been awful. That would have been awful. But yeah, um also that Florida sun is no joke. No joke. We went to the beach and I got a tan from being in the sun from like two and a half hours. really sir and it felt like my skin was fucking burning and i kept putting on sunscreen um like every like 30 minutes like i wasn't even going the whole 80 minutes i was going like every 30 minutes and it still felt like my skin was burning and now i have a tan so yeah i mean you got tan but at what cost and what cause but and i mean i know like the sun here hits different too but this is dry heat
00:16:52
Speaker
I can't imagine what what that sun feels like with humidity. it was It was really hot, Kelly. like It was really, really, really hot. Right. Also, loved your beaches. um California beaches suck. I'm sorry. It's true. Really? The beaches out here suck. The water is freezing out here. I kind of like that, though. I stepped into that Florida water, and it was so nice and warm. I was like, ah, yes. Is the water any clearer in Florida? Yes, it is. It's very blue. Okay. I don't know if you saw any of my posts on Instagram. The water is the water is very blue. It looked very nice where you were. Like the way it's clear in California is different than the way it's clear in Florida. Florida. Like the way it's clear in Florida looks very like tropical. The way it's clear in California is just like clear water. Yeah.
00:17:52
Speaker
um like Also, where we, at least where we were, they had white sand beaches. I kinda didn't like their sand. Their sand, like when it got wet, was kinda like putty. Oh. And I kinda didn't like that. That's weird. But other than that, I had a great time. I've never been to Florida. I'm gonna have to go out there. Yeah, you're gonna have to go. Avoid having to go to Charlotte. Yes!
00:18:20
Speaker
and be booking flights and looking for um and just I don't know if there's a filter to like exclude exclude the Charlotte airport right yeah it it will be best if you can go to through like a direct flight do they have direct flights to Florida uh the place I went to no okay there's certain like states that you just can't go with it without um chat but i'm sure if you went to like a major city in florida you could find a direct flight i was not i was in like the florida panhandle like there was there were no direct flights but yeah um i had fine i got a nice tan yay yeah um oh also
00:19:21
Speaker
What was it? um
00:19:25
Speaker
Florida, for to Florida, Florida, Florida. We need to work on our sidewalks. What's up with the sidewalk? They're awful. At least in the town I was in. I was in a town called Destin. um The sidewalks were kind of bad. lake You could only like cross the street. like it was like
00:19:50
Speaker
Okay, so there were sides of the street where like the hotels and the streets were, then there were two lanes going in each direction. If you wanted to get to the other side of the street, there were only certain parts where you could cross, like through a crosswalk. And sometimes you wouldn't find another one of those for like a mile. oh And so you, So like there was like a Taco Bell across the street from our hotel. If you wanted to get to that Taco Bell, you had to like cross the street at this one certain part, which was like half a mile away from the Taco Bell and then go back up the street to go to Taco Bell. Like it was so dumb. So they made it unwalkable. Unwalkable. Okay.
00:20:44
Speaker
Because that's dumb. why If it's clearly across the street, there should be a way to get to it. Not having to go out of your way by walking half a mile. Yeah, you have to like walk half a mile to go back and then cross the street and then go back up the street to get to Tuck Lake. and Insane. So unnecessary. Unnecessary. We need to work on that, Florida. We just need more walkable places. Also you need also you need more turn signals. Oh. Like almost none of their like, like if you want to like make a left turn like into traffic, man you just have to like rest your life. Cause they didn't have any turn signals. Oh, so it's like, um, Arizona. Yeah, sure. You get the green light and you wait until it's safe to turn. Yeah. Okay.
00:21:33
Speaker
just Yeah, because we and and unless it's dedicated and there is ah an actual turn signal, you risk your life. You just get a green light and you wait for... Yeah, just put fucking turn signals. Yeah, just put the turn signals. It doesn't hurt anybody to put a turn signal. It'll probably save some lives. Right, because some of y'all don't know how to drive or you just like risking everybody's life even yours. So ah yeah, I'm gonna need y'all to chill. yeah thank you put the turn signals so but yeah that was it for me really enjoyed myself um wasn't really a big fan of all the trump stuff i was seeing but i had to just shut my eyes and look down but yeah was there a lot yes
00:22:24
Speaker
so many boats with trump flags so many oh so many tourist shops were in the window they had just a bunch of trump shirts really i was just like y'all i did not i didn't know is is it because of the states that i've lived in that like we don't see that or probably because we don't even do that with we don't do that with anybody yeah no i mean every once in a while if you go to certain parts of california you'll see Trump flags, but for the most part, no. Yeah, but not like no shirts in a storefront window. No. Hmm. Like it's, it was ridiculous, but I was just like, this isn't my place. I can't say anything. I'm just, you're just here on vacation. I'm just here. I'm just going to keep my head down. Don't say anything.
00:23:20
Speaker
But yeah, um also Margaritaville, love you, sweetie. Love you, sweetie. you You're doing amazing, sweetie. You're doing amazing, sweetie. um had some I had literally the best artichoke dip I've ever had in my entire life. Really? And that coconut shrimp is going to do it for me every single time. Every single time. Love that for you. And like I said earlier, though those margaritas were hitting. Thank you, Margaritaville. Thank you, Margaritaville. Oh, and then oh, I forgot, I saw we went to this place called Crab Island out there, which we thought was an actual island. It's not. Oh, it's literally a sandbar. It's not an island. So
00:24:11
Speaker
So we went on this tour, quote unquote, a crab island. It was a sandbar. They literally just docked the boat and were like, get out and walk around, walk around, swim, do whatever you want to do. That's crazy. But they had a Chick-fil-A that like delivered to people's boats. And I was so excited because I saw it on TikTok literally yeah like the morning before and I was like, oh my God. And so the girl came over and she was like, oh, I only have one sandwich. And so I let this woman have it. Mm hmm. Instead of me. But I was I was really sad because I really wanted to order. That would have that would have been so cool. Yeah. But at least I got to see it. That's all that matters. But yeah, um a time was had in Florida. A time was had in Florida. lovela Love that. Love that.
Dodgeball Movie Discussion
00:25:08
Speaker
But yeah, so anything else for you, Kelly?
00:25:12
Speaker
Nope, that's all for me. No, cool. um Okay, let's so let's talk about our movie this week. Yay! So, this week we will be talking about Dodgeball. Long title, Dodgeball, a true underdog story. Yes, and it's been a long time since I've seen this movie. Yeah, it's been a while since I've seen it too. So let's get into it. So we start off with an ad for a new gem called Global Gem, where they promise to make you perfect and attractive through workouts and cosmetic surgery, led by White Goodman, a man who used to be severely obese.
00:25:49
Speaker
yeah um Our protagonist, Peter LaFleur, then turns off the TV as he gets ready for his day while his answering machine lists off messages um of him not paying his bills.
00:26:02
Speaker
His electricity bill is eight months past due. yeah How is his electricity still on? Right. that You don't get a lot of grace for that. No, not eight months. Not eight months of grace. like nope Two is pushing it. Two is pushing it. Also, how is that man not living anxiously for the fact that he has a bill that's eight months past due? Oh, if I don't pay, if I don't pay my bills like a couple of days before they're due, I get a little anxious. Oh yeah. I have everything on auto pay that I can have on auto pay. I have it on auto pay because there is no way I'm missing a payment. I'm not missing a payment. No, no not me. And so, um, when Peter's driving to work, his car breaks down and he has some people push his car to his job.
00:26:54
Speaker
He works at a gym called Average Joe's, and this gym is full of people who, let's say they lightly work out. Yeah. Like, they're not gym bros. No, no, no, no. We then are introduced to some of Joe's clients slash employees. There's Owen, who's like a very skinny white guy, and he can't find a girlfriend. There's Gordon, he's a nerdy middle-aged man with a wife that hates him. There's Justin, a high school kid who's trying to bulk up so he can join his school's cheerleading squad to be with a girl named Amber. There's a Pirate Steve, a client who thinks that he's a pirate, and then there's Dwight. He's just a nerdy black man. Yeah. No, no discernible personality other than that. Other than that, yeah.
00:27:50
Speaker
And so Peter goes into his office and a real estate and tax lawyer named Kate tells him that he has 30 days to pay $50,000 or he will lose his gym. I know. And that global gym wants to buy average shows out. Peter's like, why didn't they give me um a warning? And they're and she's like, sir The notices were the warning. Right? Like, you're kidding, right? It's like Sharon Clueless, when she was like, why did they not give me a ah warning about these tickets? And like, the ticket was the ticket was the warning.
00:28:32
Speaker
but
00:28:36
Speaker
But yeah, um and so Peter goes over to global gym to get white to like, try to make a deal with him. But he refuses because he hates fat and ugly people. um And so Peter goes to tell everyone about the gym and they brainstorm ideas about how to get the $50,000. Owen's idea is to pay in Canadian dollars. But Peter's like, that would cost more money. It would be more. It doesn't stack up against USD. No. And then um Justin gives everyone a pep talk and then Owen gets a new idea of having a car wash.
00:29:15
Speaker
And no one shows up to this car watch because no one wants a bunch of 35-year-old men washing their car. But some creepy man does pay to watch Justin what watch his monster truck. Which is awful. It's so awful. Yeah. And then it also did not help that there was a group of like hot girls across the street yeah having a car wash at the same time. Yeah. Because they're going to win out no matter what. Yeah. I would have. I would have like, even if I was trying to help the Joes, I would have made my way across the street. Um, I would have had to pay them out, right? And then just go. Yeah.
00:29:56
Speaker
Um, that night they go into the gym, I guess to like, try to say they're like, goodbyes. And there is a cutout of white Goodman in the gym with free 30 day trials attached. And then Gordon remembers about a dodgeball competition in Vegas that has a cash prize of $50,000. And so they all agree to form a dodgeball. That is so crazy. yeah like I know desperate times call for desperate measures, but what in your brain is like dodgeball? Dodgeball. Dodgeball tournament.
00:30:34
Speaker
Also, why is a Dutch tournament paying $50,000? Right, like what's the buy-in? Yeah, how much how much are you paying to get into this competition? Right, like how much interest is there for there to garner even $50,000 for a grand prize? Who knows? Like how much are they yeah how much are they selling like the tickets for it? Right, right. Also like I can see this for as like a funny like professional athletes do it for like raising money for some organization. yeah Just for just for a cash prize to watch just random people play dodgeball.
00:31:17
Speaker
um but know And so we go to check in on on white and he's doing some shock therapy with a donut. when he gets a visit from Kate and he just forts with her and asks her out and she's like, I'm sorry, I don't date clients. No. um At average shows, Justin brings over a video from like the fifties about how to play dodgeball. It includes crazy stuff like it was invented by opium addicted Chinese people who drew severed heads instead of balls.
00:31:52
Speaker
um There is now a the ADAA, which is the American Dodgeball Association of America,
00:32:03
Speaker
and features a cameo from seven-time ADAA champion Patches O'Hoolahan. who tells the Watchers that they must follow the five Ds of dodgeball, which are dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge.
00:32:21
Speaker
This part kind of killed me, because I've totally forgot about all of this. Also, is that kid the kid from Sharkboy and Lava Girl? I swear i swear that's the kid from Sharkboy and Lava Girl. It might be. Please look that up while I'm talking. I feel like it is him. my god after the video Gordon tells them that he signed them up for a qualifier for the championship and they choose to not practice for some reason no these grown men who have never played dodgeball together was just like we can just do it right and like they probably haven't played dodgeball since
00:32:58
Speaker
high school maybe, yeah maybe even younger. They're just like, yeah, like what what about this screams amateur? Yeah. There's literally a league for dodgeball. You know, there's somebody out there that's like, working out just to to throw a ball like precisely. Yeah, Peter then goes into his office to find Kate going through his unorganized files. And he hasn't received a single membership payment in 13 months. I know. how are the lights the law i not now How did the bank not literally put chains around the door and be like, no, you can't come in here. Right. We also see that the cutout that White put in the gym has a camera and he's like sees them make this idea for joining the dodgeball league. Yeah.
00:33:53
Speaker
Um, at their qualifying game, they lose to a Girl Scout team, but then they went by default when it's found out that one of the girls is on performance enhancing trucks.
00:34:07
Speaker
God damn it, Bernice. And then her deep ass voice when she's crying.
00:34:18
Speaker
it's a weird combination of of roids and what was it like a beaver train beaver tranquilizer who found that out that that's what you take what is a beaver tranquilizer though right why are we trying why are we tracking beavers right Also, we are 1,000% correct. the The kid in the instructional video is Max. It is from Sharkboy Love. I knew it. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. That night, they go out with Kate, who showed up to the game for some reason. And white and his employees show up, and he announces that they will be going to the Dodgeball Championship with their new employee, a what he calls Romanian woman.
00:35:07
Speaker
Who is a dodgeball champion? She's Romanian. I will not try to pronounce that woman's name. I'm so sorry. Oh no, you're good. I'm not doing that. You're good. that's it's We're just going to call her Fran. We're just going to call her Fran. because Whatever that is at the back end. That last name is ridiculous. I'm not even going to try to attempt that. Y'all just threw letters together. Yeah, obviously. um And while they're leaving the bar, Peter is approached by Patches Ohulhan, who wants to coach the average shows, and he starts to train them in some unorthodox ways. veryy He um throws wrenches at them, and he has them run through traffic.
00:35:50
Speaker
If you can dodge a ball, you can dodge a wrench. If you can dodge a ball, you can dodge a wrench. If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball. After after all of these years, I remember that um that whole trailer when that came out. And I don't know why that part has just stuck in my brain. If you can dodge a ball, you can dodge a ball. Exactly. um Also, why did Patches call Justin queer bait? That was so funny. It took me out for a minute. Because I think Justin asked a ah ah question. He was like, queer bait over there is correct. And I was like, whoa. hey woa ah What does that even mean? But yeah, um one day during practice, Kate throws the ball at the white cutout and knocks off his head. And the white thinks that she's a lesbian because she's like, I used to play softball.
00:36:46
Speaker
And after they asked her to join the team, she's like, no, I can't join your team. I worked for White. Like that would be a conflict of interest. Yeah. oh thats white then goes White then goes to seduce Kate. And when he mentions that he fired her so that they could be together, she's like, you can leave. Yeah. And then she joins the Joe's team when Peter just so happens to stop by. yeah
00:37:17
Speaker
Her house is also stuffed with unicorn memorabilia. And I simply would have just had to have backed my way out and left. Because it would have been one thing if it was horses. Yeah. But unicorns? Horses still would have given me several moments of pause. Yes, absolutely. That's a lot, even for horses. Yeah. It's a lot for anything. Anything. Um, but yeah, unicorns, I would have had to, unicorns would one a would have had to make an about phase. Yeah. Let's get up out of here. Fastest exit you've ever seen. Um, and so, yeah, so they all go to Vegas for the international dodgeball open. And we're introduced to yeah ESPN eight, the Ocho announcers, Colton McKnight and Pepper Brooks, as they introduce some of the teams such as
00:38:14
Speaker
Milf, Moose Knuckles, Clown Punchers, She-Mullets, Average Joes, and Global Jim. Some of these names, bro. Some of these names. When I saw a Moose Knuckles though, I fell out laughing. I was like, sexy red's team, not sexy red, Glorilla's team, right there. Yeah.
00:38:39
Speaker
Um, so before their first game, Owen shows up with a new box of uniforms and, um, there's been a mix-up because when he opens the box, it's full of BDSM clothes. And then they are forced to wear them because they have to wear matching outfits. Yup, yup, yup, yup. Um, after a rough start, the Joes are able to win their game against a German team. And after the loss, the German team gets yelled at by their coach, David Hasselhoff, and the Joes get their uniforms back from the BDSM group. Yay.
00:39:23
Speaker
um Later in the locker room, Patches makes Peter the leader of the team, and Jessen Laitler bumps into Amber and her boyfriend, Derek, as they are there for a cheerleading competition. And after Derek is an asshole, Dwight says that he's probably gonna fall off the roller coaster and break every bone in his body.
00:39:45
Speaker
He's like, it happened to my cousin. ah half It could happen to him. you um Day two of the championship, both the Joes and Global Gym advance to the finals. And the Joes barely did it. like yeah They only got to the finals because during their last game, Gordon saw his wife flirting with another man and got angry. Yeah. And was able to knock out like four men on the other team. It was the fuel he needed. Yeah. Um, after their win, they're walking through the casino of their hotel and Patches is killed when he's crushed by a look of the Irish side.
00:40:29
Speaker
And later that night, White proposes to Peter that he will pay Peter $100,000 if he signs over the rights to the gym. Also, with when Peter walks into his room, White is sitting there in the dark, and the first thing he says is, Don de esta la biblioteca.
00:40:56
Speaker
it's it's It's gold. Gold. it's gold
00:41:06
Speaker
Like you... First of all, you don't expect somebody to be sitting like that in your office. And then for them to just be like... Don de esta la vivica. Don de esta la vivica. You don't like... What? He said, he said um we're opening a global gym in Mexico and I'm just brushing up on my Spanish.
00:41:29
Speaker
Like bro... No, that's not how that goes. ah ho Peter later meets Pirate Steve in the hall and he angrily tells him that he's not a pirate and this causes Pirate Steve to have like an existential crisis. I couldn't feel bad for him. No, he needed he needed that reality check out. I know he needed the reality check but it was good. He's like a 35 year old man still walking around thinking he's a pirate. It would it would be one thing if he was into pirate role play. He genuinely believes he is a pirate. yeah i know He needed psychiatric help.
00:42:15
Speaker
um Meanwhile, Owen starts flirting with Global Gym teammate ah Fran.
00:42:24
Speaker
um The day of the finals, Kate goes into Peter's room and sees that Peter's checked out. And Amber begs Justin to help the squad because Derek fell off the roller coaster and broke every bone in his body. And you would think that would be bigger news. Right! Jeez, I mean something even remotely weird happens at like a ah theme park and everyone that was about it. Everyone knows about it. This guy falls out! I'll be roller coaster and breaks every bone in his body. I also want to know also want to know what roller coaster. Right. There are several. Was it the like one at the New York, New York hotel or was it the one at Circus Circus? Right. Like I need to know. I need to know. So I know not to write it. Exactly. I mean, I'm not going to write any of those roller coasters to begin with because I'm not paying $20 to write a fucking roller coaster, but I still would like to know.
00:43:20
Speaker
Oh, where was I? Where was I? Okay, yeah, so Justin's like, yeah, I'll help you. I just need to be back in time for my game. At the airport, Peter is given... Oh, wrong. The Joes start freaking out because they are down two players now that Steve and Justin are missing. Meanwhile, Justin is performing the most boring cheerleading routine I've ever seen in my entire life and then runs back to make it to the game. and It's very boring. They most definitely did not win that cheerleading competition. No, they did not. But at least Justin was there to help. Yeah. Because they didn't have any alternates on their team for some fucking reason. Yeah, that would not be the deal.
00:44:13
Speaker
Um, yeah. And so at the airport, Peter is given a pep talk by Lance Armstrong. Yikes. Um, and he goes back to the game just as the average shows are about to forfeit, but the judges with Chuck Norris being the deciding factor, let the judge, let the judge play. Cause like they had technically already forfeited. yeah but then the crowd was like let them play and so they were like we'll let the judges decide right and one judge said yes another one said no and then chuck norris was like let them play chuck norris is always the deciding factor thank you chuck norris thank you peter um and so yeah after a tough game peter is able to beat white and sudden death
00:45:11
Speaker
He puts a blindfold around his face, dodges the ball that White throws at him, and knocks him out. He felt it in the forest. Yeah, he had the forest. This was the origins of Star Wars, if you really think about it. Yeah, it really was inspirational. And so the Joes win, and when White brings up the fact that he owns average shows now, because Peter went through with the agreement, Peter announced that he used the $100,000 to bet on the average shows to win and won $5 million. dollars And he's going to use that $5 million dollars to buy a controlling interest in Global Gym, which seems kind of low to me, but yeah to own the controlling interest in a publicly traded company, only $5 million. dollars That's kind of low. It seems like Global Gym was struggling. Yeah, right.
00:46:06
Speaker
And this pisses White off so much that he starts to obsessively eat.
00:46:14
Speaker
Steve also comes back and he tells Peter that he isn't a pirate, but when he sees the money, he resorts back to acting like a pirate. Because for some reason they have the money and like a treasure chest. Yeah, and that triggers him. And that triggers him. Kate then sees one of her friends come Has come to the championship and she starts making out with her and so Dwight Phil's vindicated and thinking that she was a lesbian But it turns out she's bisexual and then she starts making out with Peter. Um Great that you're bisexual. But like are you dating this woman? Like why? What's going on here? yeah what is the ah just wondering Like no judgment but like yeah no
00:47:01
Speaker
i'm i'm not here for the I'm not here for all that. Just wondering. Yeah, just wondering. Let me know how that's going on. um Peter then films an ad for average shows, which is now, I guess, taken over global jam and it's now just like a friendly jam where they have like dodgeball training for children. and Anybody can come in with any body type. It's like pretty much the average day Planet Fitness. And a now fat white makes fun of the ad. And that's the end of the movie. That is the end of the movie. OK, Kelly, are you ready for the movie facts? Yes. OK, according to many cast members, the hardest part of filming the dodgeball scenes was not flinching when they knew they were about to be hit by a ball.
00:47:59
Speaker
Yeah, that's fair. Fair. Justin Long's eyebrows were actually cut open by the first wrench thrown at him. All of the wrenches thrown were made of rubber, but the first one was harder than all the others. What? Yep. That's actually crazy.
00:48:21
Speaker
Oh, I'm gonna save this one for last. ah The DVD contains an alternate ending where average shows team loses the final match and the movie goes to credits as the announcer exclaims that they are going home with absolutely nothing.
00:48:40
Speaker
That's so funny to like just put the just make them lose and then the movie make them lose yep that would have been hilarious yeah that would have been so funny okay according to rotten tomatoes this is one of dame helen mirren's favorite movies that's funny and that's all of my movie facts for this week okay so kelly it's time for the question is this movie iconic
00:49:15
Speaker
hmm i'm gonna i'm gonna say no okay it's a good movie it's a good time hu i don't know if it's it's super iconic like i know i remember that line from from all those years ago but like i don't know if it's that iconic i'm gonna say yes if you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a ball will always be it will always be in my lexicon and for that alone it is iconic Fair. Very fair. Yeah. Okay, Kelly, what are your recommendations for this week? Okay. So my two recommendations are two, I'm two Billie Eilish songs. They're the ones that are going around everywhere. I hadn't listened to them. Only like the clips that are going around on like Instagram and TikTok and stuff like that. I'm not going to know that.
00:50:11
Speaker
The last Billy Eilish song I heard was, what was I made for it from the Barbie movie? Oh, there, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, you've you've probably heard them, like the, you've heard at least one of them. um But the first one is Chihiro. And the second one is Birds of a Feather. No. so Yeah, those are material recommendations. Okay. Fun. As for me, I have three. My first one is Take Care by Drake featuring Rihanna. Oh, good one.
00:50:52
Speaker
um
00:50:55
Speaker
There he goes with that damn motorcycle. oh Love. Love when Drake and Rihanna make a song together. Magic. Magic. Good time. My second recommendation is It Kills Me by Melanie Fiona. and She had a mic and a dream. IRS was pounding on the studio door.
00:51:23
Speaker
She was she had 10 cents in her pocket. She did overdraft fees.
00:51:34
Speaker
ah yeah She needed to get it done, and she got it done. She got it done. She did what she had to do. Do I know any other Melanie Fiona songs? No. But do I need to? No. No. she She did what she had to do on this song, and that's all that matters. That's all that matters. And then my last recommendation is banana pudding ice cream. Yeah. Go get you some. Yeah. If you can find a cute little ice cream place that has a banana pudding ice cream, go try that. It's quite delicious.
00:52:14
Speaker
Um, but yeah, that's it for me. So thank you so much for listening. Thank you. Don't forget to follow us on our social media. We have a Twitter and an Instagram. They're both at S Y T Y I podcast. Don't forget to send us your movie requests or your movie stories that are email s y t y podcast at.com. If you have any ideas of how we should do our one day in Vegas trip, let us know. Let us know. Let us know if we should do arrive there in the morning or if we should do arrive there at night. Keep in mind, we low key, high key. Don't want to do clubs.
00:52:54
Speaker
Yeah, like i would I feel like we should do one just for the culture. Okay. One for the culture. I mean, I'd be down. I'm not buying drinks, though, but I'm not. No, well, I know I probably won't do a lot anyway, just because we have to be on our toes all day. So yeah, I probably won't period. But yeah, um I'm a drink. One thing about me, I'm a drink, but um I might say that for coyote ugly. Yeah, I would. I would say that I would say that that would be my drinking spot. Yeah. Um, but yeah, don't forget to share this with your friends and your family. Subscribe to us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and rate and review us on Apple Podcasts with five stars. Thank you. Um, the summer is almost over you guys. Oh my gosh.
00:53:51
Speaker
I was really outside this summer. I'm so proud of myself. Love that for you. Love that for me. um Now it's very much time for me to stay my ass at home. But that's okay. But that's okay. That's okay. I need to stay my ass at home. I need to make sure I have money to pay my bills. Very important. Very important. Um, someone, someone's got to keep this, um, AMC A-list account open and I don't have anyone else to give me money. So I got to do it myself. Right. So everyone, if you want to send me some money, I would not be opposed to that. Just like hit us up on like Instagram or something or Twitter and just ask for my cash app or my Zell or whatever.
00:54:54
Speaker
I'll give it to you. Yeah. Yeah. Anybody got some spare change? Anyone got some spare change? I'll take it. I do not say no to money. If you want to send me some money, I will take your money. Thank you. Same. Thanks. Thanks. But everyone, have a good week. What week is this? Is this so just that movie week? Let's see. Let's just come out. Oh, you guys already saw Deadpool and Wolverine. Yes. How do you do you think it was? I know it's gonna be great. I'm seeing it on Friday. So am I. Can't wait. I have i have my outfit picked out.
00:55:45
Speaker
Yes, you do. It's really cute. I love that. Can't wait.
00:55:51
Speaker
ah Maybe Kelly could go to box lunch like I did and find something to wear. Even though there is not one anywhere near her fucking house. Oh, I'll be um I'll be there. What? Oh, you'll be there. You'll be like out there. Yeah. Here. Like, Oh, you'll be out here. yes oh the the closest one then is the conquered mall conquer yeah sunbelly sorry yeah whatever it's called it who cares yeah yeah kelly can kelly can go peruse and see if she can find something yeah yeah i will gladly go to the mall i haven't gone to a mall in all of them i missed out
00:56:37
Speaker
on going to the mall this week, because I was at home, or not at home, I was in my hotel room sick when everybody else went to the mall. But ah once I have some money again, I'll go to the mall.
00:56:54
Speaker
But yeah, um everyone have a good week and say Connick. Say Connick. Bye. Bye.