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Rewriting Your Scripts, Embracing Change & Living Life on Your Terms with Bukola Omokehinde
372 Plays1 year ago
In this episode, Bukola was inspired to share with us the wisdom of rewriting or scripts, changing the narratives we tell ourselves about ourselves and embracing change. She also shares the value of living life on your own terms and reminds us that life is not a dress rehearsal so; Take chances!!! Be bold!!! and let nothing hold you back.
Remember to use #TheGrowthPodcast on Twitter to share what you resonated with on this episode.
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Transcript
Self-Limiting Scripts & Personal Growth
00:00:06
Speaker
I think my voice needs to be heard. I think I need to have a stake at the table or conversations that matter. And for many of us, these scripts can be self-limiting, self-sabotaging, negative, and can keep us stuck in a rabbit hole of uselessness. And that's why it's important that we address those scripts today. And I'm sure that as I begin to mention some of these scripts, a lot of us can relate. A lot of people would be like, oh yes, that's me.
Episode Introduction & Spiritual Inspiration
00:00:37
Speaker
Another episode, yes you know, this episode honestly, you can tell that the Spirit of God anointed me to share this message with you. It's not even an episode that I can clearly and articulately introduce because you just have to run and start listening to the episode. And what I would say here is, if this episode touches you,
00:01:05
Speaker
Connect your friends, your family, everybody that you think would be impacted by this episode. That's all I can say. So sit back and let's dive in.
Mission: Unveiling Reality Behind Success
00:01:15
Speaker
The Gross Podcast is a space where we share the real stories behind the stories. We take you behind the scenes of the success stories you read and see online. We lift the veil and ask the questions that no one else is asking. So expand your mind and break the limits that society, and quite frankly yourself, have placed on it.
00:01:37
Speaker
And all these is to get you to realize that your version of success is attainable for you too. It's attainable for you too. Hi, everyone. I hope you're doing very well today. It always, always is a pleasure to bring you episodes every week, life transforming and awesome episodes. I just listened to the last episode and I was like, oh, my God, gradients is always very early to catch on to your talents.
Student Story: Internship at World Bank
00:02:05
Speaker
We had two ladies who are currently students at the University of Lagos but had doing their internships at World Bank in the United States and I was like yeah this is what we want. We want to show young people that it's possible for you to build a global career or have a global impact even while
00:02:25
Speaker
you're still in the university. So if you haven't listened to last week's episode, I think you're missing out. And you should go and listen to the episode before listening to this one. So in this episode, I am obviously flying solo.
Media Engagement: Love Island & Big Brother
00:02:39
Speaker
And I think I should start with how my week has been. My week has been awesome. It's been amazing. And why do I say that? Because I have been getting very involved with a lot, actually not a lot, with two reality TV shows,
00:02:54
Speaker
So everyone knows that in the United Kingdom,
00:02:59
Speaker
Part of our summer package is Love Island. I was telling my sister just yesterday, I was like, I love Love Island. It's part of my summer package. If they ever stop Love Island in the United Kingdom, I'll be enraged. So the better not. So I've been watching Love Island every evening. Amazing, amazing show, my God. Like if you're not watching it, I don't know what you're doing. I don't know what you're doing. If you have spare time to get involved and dodge yourself in something crazy,
00:03:28
Speaker
then Love Island is something you should be getting yourself into. What I saw is that I have also been catching up on Big Brother's reunion and oh my god this one is a madness. I was
00:03:43
Speaker
I was cringing the whole time. I had secondhand embarrassment from a couple of things that were said in the episodes that were released in the past week. I was just like, oh my God, this is crazy. But I always say the messier the better when it comes to reality show for me,
00:03:58
Speaker
The messier the better. Okay, back to being serious.
Listener Gratitude & Interaction Encouragement
00:04:01
Speaker
Before I start today's episode, I just want to give a big shout out to everyone who plugs into the podcast every week. You guys are amazing. I see the numbers and numbers don't lie. So thank you so much for plugging yourself on every week and also for those who share with their friends. That's super, super double times amazing.
00:04:20
Speaker
So if you haven't shared this podcast with your friends, your friends are young people and you know that they will benefit from this podcast, what are you even doing? Why are you not sharing it with them? One thing that we are looking to see is to see more people engage with us
00:04:37
Speaker
on what they're learning from each episode. So last week episode was amazing. The week before we had Voke from the United States, we had Shae Bella who works at Bawani Godalo and like these are juicy, juicy episodes that I know are positively impacting even if it's just one person but I know like a dozen, a gazillion of people have been impacted. So if you've learned anything from any episode that we released on the podcast,
00:05:04
Speaker
or like for you engage on twitter using our hashtag the great podcast and talk about the things that you're learning. I feel like there's a lot that we can do more when we engage
00:05:16
Speaker
And when people see the impact that has been had on the podcast, they'll be inspired to plug on and also be a part of this blessing. So I look forward to seeing the hashtags this week. I think this is a perfect segue into the meat of this conversation.
Episode Topics: Rewriting Scripts & Living Authentically
00:05:31
Speaker
Today, we are going to be addressing three topics. We will talk about rewriting your scripts.
00:05:38
Speaker
embracing change and living life on your own terms. And as much as this might look like very different things and maybe something we should space into three different episodes.
00:05:49
Speaker
I think that they're very interconnected and it offers more value for us to talk about them in one go. So the conversations will be split into three segments, but you realize that these things are interdependent of each other. So let's go. Grrr. First segment.
Impact of Personal Scripts on Self-Perception
00:06:09
Speaker
Rewriting the scripts that we play. And I'm sure a lot of us are right now just confused as to what that means.
00:06:16
Speaker
and obviously the Pontilius May has a great definition for the word script. What does script mean? Script means the social role or behaviour appropriate to particular situations that an individual absorbs through cultural influences
00:06:34
Speaker
and association with others. It simply is the narrative that we tell ourselves about ourselves. And for many of us, these scripts can be self-limiting, self-sabotaging, negative, and can keep us stuck in a rabbit hole of uselessness. And that's why it's important that we address those scripts today. In many occasions, we don't even know that we are playing these scripts in our head, but every time we show up in the outside world, there's a narrative that we are exuding, there's a perception that we are giving off.
00:07:03
Speaker
And it can impact us as individuals if we're not deliberate about these stories that we are telling ourselves about ourselves because they have the capacity to keep us inside a box and suffocate us in such a way that there's no moving forward. And some of this truth might be things that we had picked up from childhood. It might be things that we were told by our parents or friends or teachers.
00:07:29
Speaker
It really could be anything. There's some common life scripts that I'm going to be sharing in this podcast episode just right now so that we can relate to what this may seem in real life situations. And I'm sure that as I begin to mention some of these scripts, a lot of us can relate. A lot of people would be like, oh yes, that's
Scripts: 'I'm Not Good Enough', 'Always the Victim', 'Must Be Perfect'
00:07:50
Speaker
me. So the first scripts that I believe a lot of people, including myself, play is the I am not good enough script. I am not good enough.
00:07:59
Speaker
So whenever we see an opportunity proper maybe to apply to a global company for an internship or to apply to an international conference, the first thing that comes to our mind is I'm not good enough. Why would they pick me amongst all of the other wonderful and amazing people in the world?
00:08:17
Speaker
why would it be me? I don't have what it takes to be able to get this kind of opportunity. So that's an example of a script that a lot of us play and has held so many people back. Another script is I am always the victim and this script is a script where you adopt a perpetual victim mentality and you believe that you're powerless, you can't fix your situation, you lack personal responsibility to be able to change things.
00:08:48
Speaker
And in many of these situations, we see ourselves being very powerless and not having what it takes to effect an improvement in our situation. We're waiting for other people to come fix us. I've had conversations honestly with so many people that I'm just like, girl, get up and take personal responsibility. You don't have to hand your power over to other people. The moment you say, X did this to me,
00:09:11
Speaker
why did this to me and that's why I'm in this situation. You have a victim mentality and it's a script that you're playing in your head and you would get stuck and you will not move forward until you're able to change gears and say yes this has happened but I take personal responsibility and this is how I'm going to fix my life. So this is one of the other scripts that I've found that a lot of people embody
00:09:35
Speaker
yeah there's also the I have to please everyone people please and I have to please everyone I have to be likable I have to make people like me even if I am uncomfortable I just have to maintain likability
00:09:49
Speaker
And yeah, don't do that. I think this is also one that a lot of us as young women, we absorb from our environment because society teaches women and girls to be like people, to aspire to likeability. Or you shouldn't be assertive, or you shouldn't be too bold.
00:10:07
Speaker
people who don't like you you're this way so maintain like ability and people pleasing so that's also one script that people play there's several other scripts but there's just one that i would also want to highlight i think this is a script that i have played and sometimes i still play unconsciously which is i must be perfect i must be perfect
00:10:27
Speaker
I must have unrealistic high standards for myself and sometimes this can mean that you would self-criticise and you have a fear of failure. So in many cases you don't even want to try out things because you are scared of failing.
00:10:43
Speaker
you're scared of having a stain or a dent to you because perfectionism is what you aspire to. So that's also an example of a script and it's a script that I embody. I'm not even gonna lie, I'm just going to raise my hands up. Perfectionism is something that I am still working on as an adult and I know that this is something that is traced back to my childhood. Not to get into the rough details of things but
00:11:09
Speaker
It's a script. It's a script. And I know that many people also play this script unconsciously. And it has impacted the way that they present themselves in the world, impacted the kind of opportunities that they show up for.
Overcoming Public Speaking Anxiety
00:11:23
Speaker
And it has blocked so many doors in different ways. I'm going to give an example of a script that I used to tell myself when I was in University of Lagos. So going into the university, I met with obviously a lot of
00:11:37
Speaker
amazing, wonderful people. And after some time, I began to internalize a script of not being confident enough to speak in public. So I would say, I'm not a great speaker. I'm a great writer. I am very smart when I sit one exam out aces. But when it comes to speaking and expressing myself, I'm just not good.
00:12:01
Speaker
And I kept on playing that script in my head all throughout university. So when there would be an opportunity to join debate society or to participate in maybe public speaking programs in school, I will continue to self sabotage and say, yes, I'm not good at this. So there's no even point applying. Or even when I apply, there's that anxiety because I'm still playing that script in my head and telling myself, oh, I'm not good enough for this.
00:12:26
Speaker
I'm not great at public speaking and it's not my bread and butter. So there's no need for me to participate in anything in relation to that. And it began to seep into several activities that I'll do and I honestly became very self-conscious about it. One time in school, I applied to join a particular society and that was the Creme de la Creme Society University. And I was preparing myself. I was learning whole that it would take me
00:12:52
Speaker
from a technical standpoint to be able to get that opportunity. But when it actually came to delivering,
00:12:58
Speaker
That script that I had been playing in my head of, you're not great at public speaking, you're not great at expressing yourself, you're not great at communicating, will crop up. And it would immediately lead to a self-sabotage situation where I'm asked a question, I don't even know what to say. And so this continued on and on and on. I became self-conscious, like very self-conscious about it. And this is not something that I have openly talked about before, but I was very self-conscious about it. And I knew that I would actually love to be in front of a lot of people and speak.
00:13:27
Speaker
I like to share my thoughts. I have a lot of things to
Rewriting Detrimental Personal Scripts
00:13:29
Speaker
talk about. I see the world in a life that is different from a lot of people. And I think my voice needs to be heard. I think I need to have a state and table of conversations that matter.
00:13:42
Speaker
again those scripts kept playing until one day i took charge of it and i said no i'm not going to let this happen i don't think anyone was born a great public speaker everyone picked it up at some point in their lives if you're not great at speaking it means that you just need to do some training maybe you have to watch some youtube videos on how to effectively communicate with people maybe you have to start reading more books to build up your lexicon you have to do
00:14:10
Speaker
couple of things the same way you'd prepare for an exam which you're saying that you're good at is the same way you need to pour into this thing that you're very self-conscious about and ultimately I decided to go on the long journey of
00:14:26
Speaker
developing and building myself in those areas. And when opportunities come up, I will not cower or shrivel. I would openly show myself and try as much as I can to express myself and be as confident as I can be when speaking. And my life changed since I changed that script. So I'm just saying this to give an example of the fact that you can rewrite your script. And so at this point, I would say that do a quick reflection on
00:14:56
Speaker
those scripts that you're playing those things those specific things that you're telling yourself that you cannot do but those things you know that you need those things to unlock the next phase of your growth you know that you need those things but you keep telling yourself that you cannot do it you keep telling yourself that you're socially anxious so whenever you are outside with people you cannot introduce yourself you keep telling yourself that you're not good enough you have to be perfect
00:15:23
Speaker
you're scared of failing and so you're not going to try all of those things that you keep telling yourself reflect on those things and now change the story you change the story by not only telling yourself that oh okay i'm great at public speaking or i am great at being able to embrace change or i am great at meeting people and introducing myself and being comfortable in social situations it's not only by saying it you actually need to put in the work
00:15:52
Speaker
And that might require that you reach out to people you think are great at these things and ask them for tips and strategies that they have been using to improve themselves. How are they this good? What are they doing? Let me tell you, many people are not telling you that they are actively working toward things. So you just see someone and you think, oh, this person has a natural
00:16:13
Speaker
talent on this specific area. For the most part, many people learn these things. They wouldn't tell you that they're learning these things. They wouldn't tell you that they're actively building their lexicon or they're actively taking courses on public speaking. Nobody's going to tell you that. But if you feel like you're deficient in a particular area and you feel self-conscious about it, then change that script. Rewrite that script.
00:16:39
Speaker
and change the words and the story that you're telling yourself about yourself.
00:16:45
Speaker
it's so important. Before we go into the next segment, I think one thing that I also want to say is whenever you have a script, so a script like, I am not good enough, it's important that you trace it back to where that is stemming from.
Embracing Change for Personal Growth
00:17:00
Speaker
So if, for instance, you say, I am not good enough to apply for this opportunity, is it because you don't know what it takes to apply for the opportunity? Is it because you have to look internally and see where that is stemming from?
00:17:13
Speaker
and when you have an answer to that it's easier for you to then walk on improving that area so that you become good enough to do those things because also sometimes it might just be saying that we are not good enough out of feeling imposter syndrome like oh my god every other person is better than me maybe we have what it takes but we're just changing ourselves but for the most part many times when we say that we are not good enough
00:17:37
Speaker
We lack some kind of skill that will help us to get that thing that we want. So trace it back to where it's stemming from and build yourself up. Build the foundations of the thing that is required for you to get that thing and you'll feel more confident. So that's one thing that I also wanted to add. Now, I think it's important that we move on to the second segment of this conversation, which is about embracing change. And as you all know, I had mentioned at the beginning of this conversation that you will see that
00:18:07
Speaker
these things are interdependent. They are very connected. So we have rewriting your scripts and we said for you to be able to rewrite your scripts, you have to embrace change. You need to understand the importance of embracing change. And
00:18:23
Speaker
For many of us, I would raise my hands, we are very comfortable in the familia. So when we know something or when we have done something for a very long time, we feel so comfortable and it seems quite absurd for anyone to even tell us that.
00:18:40
Speaker
you know words because it's important that you make a change on that thing so change can be completely scary both in many situations for us to really unlock that sweet spot that next phase that would skyrocket us into the future that we see for ourselves we need to embrace change
00:19:00
Speaker
and i'll tell you several situations of change there's this thing that i've just recently read up on which is sunk cost fallacy and sunk cost fallacy is a fallacy that is based on the fact that a lot of us we feel that
00:19:15
Speaker
Once we have invested our time, effort and energy on one thing, it means that that is a sunk cost and we need to stick to that thing forever. But it's a fallacy. There's nothing called sunk cost. If at any point in time we think that we need to change the trajectory of our lives or the trajectory of a specific situation,
Sunk Cost Fallacy in Personal Decisions
00:19:36
Speaker
do it. So if you're in a relationship with a person that doesn't appreciate you,
00:19:41
Speaker
The fact that you've been in a relationship with them for 10 years doesn't mean that you have to continue to stay in that relationship or in that situation and this cuts across both romantic and platonic situations. Another example is
00:19:56
Speaker
if you probably study the particular course in the university, now you're out of university. You know that there's nothing that that course is going to give you. You know that you can do other things with your life and with your time than to continue in that path. But because you spent five, six years in university studying that thing, you feel like that's a sunk cost investment and I need to continue it. I must continue it. And many of us don't know that the life that we have not lived
00:20:23
Speaker
at least God's willing, we get to live a long life. The life that we've not lived would still be relatively longer than the one that we have lived. So if you spent 10 years doing something and you know that this is not exciting, if I am doing this other thing that I'm interested in, I'll be a lot more fulfilled. The fact that you've spent 10 years in that thing doesn't mean that you shouldn't change trajectory. So embracing change is very important and the only way that we can
00:20:51
Speaker
can rewrite our scripts, rewrite the stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves and about other people as well, is opening yourself up to change, knowing that, okay, maybe this has been my idea about the world. This was my worldview two years ago. But now with all of the information and the exposure that I have, I think differently.
00:21:17
Speaker
I always tell people that we're not a monolith of one thing and that's why I don't like people boxing me into a thing so maybe last year I talked about something I'm allowed to be able to say that okay this was how I was thinking a year ago but now I have so many facts that can even debunk my thoughts all
00:21:38
Speaker
one year ago. So now I know better and I'm going to adopt the better approach and which is the right approach for me at this time.
Multi-Dimensional Living & Mindset Flexibility
00:21:46
Speaker
You're not a monolith of one thing. You're multi-dimensional. You are allowed to change and so embrace change because maybe
00:21:55
Speaker
Just maybe, maybe that next opportunity that you're looking to get will require you to change certain things, change your perception about certain things, view the world differently. Same note to sunk costs because it is indeed a fallacy.
00:22:10
Speaker
and before we move on to the next thing i'll just say there's this famous saying that we all have heard i heard it growing up where they would say the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know and this saying has gotten many people stuck in a loop of mediocrity so because they are comfortable with this devil they don't want to try out an angel how absurd
00:22:35
Speaker
And the angel obviously might be masquerading as an angel. It might be a devil underneath. But try, try. Open yourself up. Try things. OK, like if you go on to that next thing and it's a mistake, I'm so what? At least you know that, OK, this isn't working out. And maybe I should pivot to other things. Embrace life to the fullest. And the only way that you can do that is if you maintain the posture of embracing change.
00:23:05
Speaker
Now this leads us to the last item which is living life on your own terms.
Living Intentionally & Philosophizing Life's Opportunities
00:23:12
Speaker
I love this one because again it ties perfectly with the two segments that we talked about earlier. Living life on your own terms is then saying that I am going to choose the life that I want and I'm going to design my life in a way that makes sense to me. I'm going to unstalk myself from society's expectations of me, society's scripts of me, even the expectations that the people that you know have of you
00:23:42
Speaker
and you know is detrimental to your group you're going to unstock yourself from it and you will live life in a way that makes sense to you it's very important and so in this journey of rewriting your script
00:23:56
Speaker
Embracing change. You have to be comfortable with living life on your own terms. Not living on autopilot and just doing basic things based on what you think is right. Making a deliberate effort and be intentional about the way that you live your life.
00:24:12
Speaker
every decision that has been made, including those minute unsubstantial decisions like, or should I go out with this person or not? You're not going out with the person because you feel forced or you feel like, I want the person to like me. This is going back to the scripts that we mentioned, but you're going out with the person because you want to.
00:24:36
Speaker
simply just saying, I want to do this and I'll do it. Even if everyone is going towards road A and I want to go to road Z, let it be a decision that you're making. Let it be something that makes sense to you. So it perfectly ties into the two things that we had talked about earlier. And the moment I realized that this life is not a dress rehearsal,
00:25:00
Speaker
it's not a less practice and then we'll have our real life another time this is not a practicum this is the real life and so you have to live it in a way that makes sense to you you've got just one try at life you have one try like the moment you dip that and realize that you have one chance at doing this thing called life
00:25:26
Speaker
you would stop thinking about people's expectations of you you stop thinking about people pleasing you stop thinking that you're not good enough because you know that you've got what it takes to get any of the opportunities that you want and you know that what is the worst that can happen if i try and i get rejected and so what so when you realize that life is not a dress reaser it would help you to embrace change
00:25:52
Speaker
will help you to rewrite your script and it will help you to live life on your own terms. Now that brings us perfectly to the end of this conversation. I think one thing that I would like you to take home is to reflect on what are the scripts that you're playing, reflect on the story that you're telling yourself about yourself, reflect on the narrative that you're holding tightly to and assess if these things
00:26:16
Speaker
are beneficial or detrimental to you. Think about those scripts. Is it I am not good enough? I am always the victim. I have to please everyone. I must be perfect. I cannot change. I am destined to fail. What are those limiting scripts that you're playing? And now today, start changing them.
00:26:44
Speaker
Oh my God, I feel zen. I'm usually not this serious, but there was just something burning within me that propelled me to have this conversation with you guys on the podcast. And I am glad that I answered that call and decided to share. I made myself vulnerable by sharing with you a script that I had played in university and never shared it with anyone, never, never, never.
00:27:08
Speaker
I know that sometimes sharing our stories have the capacity to inspire and uplift people. So like I said at the beginning of this episode, please engage with the podcast. Use the hashtag, the growth podcast to share what you have learned from this episode. And you'd hear me on the next, me or Veronica on the next episode. Enjoy.