Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Episode 3: Called to...Graduate School - Part 2
24 Plays3 months ago
In this episode, we dive into co-host, Blanca Torres’ experience in graduate school. This episode underscores the ways in which mental health graduate programs perpetuate and are built upon oppressive systems.
Reminder 1: As usual, this episode is not meant for tiny ears.
Reminder 2: We recorded our first few episodes in batches, so our time context may not align with release dates.
Mentions: Finch, a “self-care” and productivity app
Instagram is @calledtohealing. We are on Spotify, and you can find us on YouTube for our video episodes.
Patreon at: patreon.com/calledtohealing.
You can make a ONE TIME donation to help us keep this ad free and help with production costs at: Called to Healing, Contribute to the Tea
Please identify (Native Land Digital) and educate yourself about the unceded lands you occupy and consider supporting whether via your loving collective support of time or financially to LANDBACK Initiatives.
Music: Calypsonian by Eshi Era (Standard License) Check out their Artist Profile here: Eshi Era
Until next time. REST easy.
Recommended
Transcript
Intro
Introductions
00:00:18
Blanca Torres, LMFT
It
00:00:19
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Welcome to the third episode of Call to Healing, I'm Blanca, I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist in the state of Nevada.
00:00:25
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And I am Ksera Dyette Dr. Ksera Dyette she her ah licensed clinical psychologist in Massachusetts. And we acknowledge that this meeting is being held on the traditional lands of the Pawtucket, Nuwuvi or Southern Pauite people. And we pay our respect to our elders both past and present, who have suited this land for generations.
Recap of Previous Episodes
00:00:51
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
If you're joining us for this third time, a welcome back. And if you're joining us for the first time, over the last couple episodes, we've been talking about us, ah who we are, how we got here. Last episode, we talked about my experience in grad school. And today we're going to be talking about Blanca's experience. So same trials, tribulations, highs, lows, transformations. Yeah.
00:01:21
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah. Well, and as we do, we do want to add a little bit of context so you know where we're
Wildfires and Land Stewardship
00:01:26
Blanca Torres, LMFT
at. um So while we're recording this episode, it's been about a week since the fires have been ra the wildfires have been raging in the LA area.
00:01:37
Blanca Torres, LMFT
So we've lost at least 24 people and the fires still continue.
00:01:42
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And these are the some of the most destructive in l LA's history. And it really highlights the necessity for the wisdom of the people who are stewards of this land.
00:01:54
Blanca Torres, LMFT
So yeah, that's some context for where our hearts and minds are at today.
Podcast Direction and Personal Content Concerns
00:01:58
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yes, so we're just going to pause. Sit with that for just a quick second.
00:02:09
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
and transition. So today's conversation is going to look a little bit different than our last episode. Blanca and I, we usually chat before we start recording.
00:02:23
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And um we were just reminding one another of the structure for today. And you expressed some concerns about our episode structure.
00:02:32
Blanca Torres, LMFT
No.
00:02:34
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And I'm wondering, can you tell the listeners kind of what your concerns were?
00:02:40
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah, so I don't know, I was just thinking about the trajectory and I mean, I think recording a podcast, everyone feels like you have something to say in a podcast, right? And so we have been really taking our time and being really intentional with this show because we want to do it right and we want it to last. And in that spirit, I was just thinking like, am I trying to get too personal in this episode? Is this some kind of trauma response to people? Who wants to hear this?
00:03:13
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And so I came to Ksera this morning being like, no, you know what, forget it. Let's just do the episode with some general questions about grad school you know um and the whole experience of becoming a mental health therapist or a mental health practitioner.
Grad School Challenges and Diversity Issues
00:03:30
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um And Ksera was like, where is this coming from?
00:03:35
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yeah, well because i and I ask that because I know that like you had a lot of feelings about talking about this experience. um Grad school was more than rough for you.
00:03:48
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And even though, as I you know i said this to you, like in many ways I had my own negative experiences.
00:03:54
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
I feel like there was a lot of counterbalancing for me. um that wasn't necessarily a part of your experience and that like our whole reason for doing this podcast was because we didn't want it to be the same thing you hear from everybody else right like a lot of people can talk about what it's like to go to grad school um to be a clinician and
00:04:03
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah. Right.
00:04:24
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
that That experience, though, like the depth of it and the personal nature of it is not something that you always hear about.
00:04:32
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And we wanted to give voice to that. And maybe in doing so, it's similar to somebody else's story or maybe exactly like someone else's story or your story, whoever is listening.
00:04:48
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And it's always been important to me to give light to these things that we just accept as okay and that people in our field just perpetuate as okay when they're really not.
00:04:55
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Mm hmm.
00:05:06
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
They're really not. And so we want to make sure to tell you these things, not only maybe you're curious about it, but maybe this applies to somebody who is listening. So with that said, anything else you want to add?
00:05:23
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Well, I mean, I think as you're talking, the other thing that comes up is, you know, this is kind of what happens when you are in a right our whole field.
00:05:38
Blanca Torres, LMFT
What's the word I'm looking for? It's steeped in white supremacy because everything is. And I think a lot of my negative experience or my experience in school is because I was trying to show up as my full self under white supremacy. um So
00:06:03
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I think that's why it's so, I mean, I guess we're back to why this is so important and so relevant.
00:06:08
Blanca Torres, LMFT
So, yeah. so
00:06:09
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yeah, absolutely.
00:06:12
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Well, I'm wondering if you could remind listeners just of your arrival at graduate school. So we covered this in our first episode a little bit, but just to recap to situate everybody.
00:06:25
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah. so um I have a master's in human sexuality education, which which is where I met Ksera in 2011. And then sometime around 2017 to 2018, I was really questioning my career. I've done great things.
00:06:42
Blanca Torres, LMFT
But I thought I wanted to do something a little bit differently. So something a little different. So I went back to when I was 18 years old, what I wanted to do was be a therapist. I wasn't super into the psychology field, but I didn't know there were other ways to be a therapist. So I started looking in and asking around. And as it turns out, the marriage and family therapy program,
00:07:04
Blanca Torres, LMFT
in my hometown where I had just moved back to after a traumatic, personally traumatic few years um in other cities ah was allegedly one of the best. um Highly, highly recommended by some folks who were marriage and family therapists um and had a degree in sexuality as well. So they were in the field really highly recommended and so I decided to apply and I got in and I started my second master's program marriage and family therapy um in September 2019.
00:07:39
Blanca Torres, LMFT
So there's some timeline context for you there.
00:07:43
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um And I specifically chose, and and I think this matters a lot, right? There's a few reasons why I felt like all of this aligned. One, it was in my hometown and I was about to be living um with my parents again for the first time in a long time.
00:07:58
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I needed a reset. I needed the support. It also made it more affordable. a more affordable program to a attend. um The school itself um touts itself as the most diverse campus in the United States. Okay, that's checking some boxes for me for better or worse. And then um I really appreciated that the field of marriage and family therapy was systemic in nature. And in my, you know, little
00:08:34
Blanca Torres, LMFT
brain at the time, I thought, great, this means that there's also going to be a lot of space to discuss systems of oppression and other systemic
Classroom Debate and Racial Tensions
00:08:44
Blanca Torres, LMFT
factors, right? Because systems aren't just your families, it's also everything else. um So I'm thinking most diverse campus, a systemic lens, great, like this is going to be the right fit for me. And of course, like any other program, they're talking about how important diversity is, blah, blah,
00:09:04
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Um, my interview day, I think probably is the first was the first problem. Um, I did note, you know, it was group interviews, and I did note to the director, Hey, i I took a look at the facts and figures you publish.
00:09:22
Blanca Torres, LMFT
or the demographics of your program. And I noticed that you discuss a lot about how important diversity and inclusion is to you. However, I see that the program is majority white.
00:09:36
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um I don't even remember her answer.
00:09:39
Blanca Torres, LMFT
To be honest, it wasn't great. In another, um with another professor, um I asked how they address issues of diversity. And his answer to me was, this was a white man was, well, we look for diversity of experience. And I'm like, okay.
00:09:58
Blanca Torres, LMFT
So youre so you you're choosing to change the meaning here of diversity to something that you feel comfortable with, but fine. This man ended up being like one of the only safer places in the whole program, but I would not have thought of that to begin with. Anyway, that was that. um I got into the program, nothing crazy, not very diverse at all. Like, I don't really want to count, but I want to say somewhere out of between 20 to 27 students, five-ish were students of color, um myself included, but I don't recall. It's been a long time and I'm not going to sit here and try to remember, right? so
00:10:41
Blanca Torres, LMFT
but definitely a minority status for sure, despite being a primarily, you know, diverse serving ah institution. um The first major problem I came across was, and it's interesting how the story has changed even in my own head.
00:11:02
Blanca Torres, LMFT
When I tell the story, I say that My quip for the story is I got in trouble for saying the A in LGBTQIA doesn't stand for ally.
00:11:13
Blanca Torres, LMFT
But it actually happened a little bit differently. We were in class, the LGBTQIA chapter or PowerPoint slide was coming up, and I noticed she wrote asexual slash ally.
00:11:30
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And so I nudged with my friend next to me, who was white, and I pointed. and just made like a question face The professor, who's a white woman, um clocked this, which is very embarrassing. My bad. And she was like, what? What's wrong? And my friend, who's white, spoke up and said, oh, well, we were just curious about the inclusion of Ally in LGBTQIA. So it wasn't actually me who said it, right? After this, there was an uproar.
00:12:08
Blanca Torres, LMFT
primarily led by the professor, which is just kind of all about how oh she's an ally and she works with primarily LGBTQ people. And if she wants to include herself in the acronym, she can. And I don't remember like the actual chain of events, but I remember, you know, being the one who continued to back who continued with the conversation was like, oh, well, you know, typically,
00:12:35
Blanca Torres, LMFT
as non marginalized people, we don't want to put ourselves under this, right? Because it's not about us, right? As if you are an ally to LGBTQ folks, you know, you're not going to get fired for having a picture of yourself kissing your partner.
00:12:54
Blanca Torres, LMFT
in your Facebook, right? Like, yes, um gender or marriage equality, we have marriage equality, but that doesn't mean that people aren't going to be discriminated against for being married, right? um and Just all the talking points, the soft, gentle talking points, you know, we give white folks, so they don't feel attacked. But really the whole class attacked me.
00:13:19
Blanca Torres, LMFT
about this. um Certain people more than others, but those people are irrelevant. um To the point where at the end of class, like I was asked to see the professor for a meeting, which I genuinely thought was to be supportive because of how the class jumped on me for backing up this fact.
00:13:46
Blanca Torres, LMFT
which even the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy in their LGBTQIA guide define as asexual, not as ally for backing up that
Conflict and Accusations in Academia
00:13:58
Blanca Torres, LMFT
claim. And then they show up to that meeting and it is about how I am racist to white people. It's about how I am curt because after class, I sent an email And I said, please consider this from one for your classes. I admit it was a short email. I just didn't think I needed to to complete engage in a bunch of pleasantries when I'm just sharing a resource. And it was another very soft, very direct but soft article from, God, what is that website that, it was a great website with feminist education.
00:14:39
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
If you remember it, we can come back to it.
00:14:40
Blanca Torres, LMFT
No.
00:14:43
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Okay, but it was a it it was a solid resource. That was just like why the A doesn't stand for Ally.
00:14:47
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
ah
00:14:49
Blanca Torres, LMFT
She said it was curt again, racist to white people, racist to her specifically because she was a white woman. And she said that she thought this was true because I got ah along well with um the white male professor and the black male professor.
00:15:07
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um I was told I would not be a good therapist because I hate white people and this was all just because of that. There was an interaction earlier with this same professor where she was calling um AIDS HIV 3 and at this time
00:15:28
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Mm.
00:15:32
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I have given people positive HIV results. Like I have done, I've been trained in in in conducting HIV exams and giving results. And I hadn't done it in a few years at that point. So I thought maybe the literature changed and I just didn't know. And so on a break, I said, Hey, um I'm curious, like, can you point me in the direction of this?
00:15:55
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um because I want to be up to date. um And she kind of stuttered and got uncomfortable. So I was like, okay, I'm going to take the hint. And I was like, okay, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I'll look it up myself. No problem. In that meeting, she brings it up and she said, well, you said, well, I'll look it up.
00:16:12
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And she made this like exaggerated like movement, which I don't talk like that. So that was really weird. In this whole meeting, I said something about, and you know, when she was saying I was being racist to her because she was a white woman. I actually, I don't recall how I did it, but I pointed out that I was like, maybe the one being racist here is is you.
00:16:35
Blanca Torres, LMFT
because I'm the person of color in this situation. And I asked her something about that and she and I swear to God, because i I was not in my body because I do not remember her answer.
00:16:47
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Mhm
00:16:48
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I, I do not remember what she said. I just remember coming back and her saying I don't see color.
00:16:57
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And I said,
00:17:00
Blanca Torres, LMFT
ah she She said, does that answer your question? And I said something like, well, I think it was just mostly a rhetorical question. It all wrapped up all cute with a pretty bow, especially after I started saying I think maybe the problem is I'm the one experiencing racism here.
00:17:13
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Hmm. Hmm.
00:17:15
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um that There was a black male professor there who said nothing and did nothing. He just sat there like this the entire time. Didn't say a word.
00:17:27
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um there was a white female professor who was my advisor who was a whole other thing that I'm just not even going to get into but she was being blatantly rude to me I had never met her but she was my advisor I she was it was a round table and I couldn't see her directly but I could catch her movements and she would go
00:17:51
Blanca Torres, LMFT
or like grab a notepad and pretend to and write something and show it to the professor next to her. While like I was saying, well, maybe I'm the one that's experiencing discrimination.
00:17:55
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Mm.
00:17:59
Blanca Torres, LMFT
among This was six weeks into the start of the program.
00:18:06
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And it really only got worse from there.
00:18:10
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
um Yeah, so before we kind of talk about what happened, like what got worse, um I'm wondering about the pushback from your classmates.
00:18:19
Blanca Torres, LMFT
and for
00:18:24
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And I remember we talked about this at the time that it happened, right? But like, what were they doing? What were they saying?
00:18:32
Blanca Torres, LMFT
They were saying stuff like, well, if she's an ally, let her be an ally, which I remember being flabbergasted by because I'm like, who no one is saying No one is saying anything against allies. we're simply I'm simply saying that the A in LGBTQIA is not for allies. um I can't recall the rest, like any of the specific stuff, but it was all it's it was all very much, all lives matter, all voices matter, our allies are important.
00:19:04
Blanca Torres, LMFT
and and the gym
00:19:04
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Which is so interesting. saying Sorry, go ahead.
00:19:07
Blanca Torres, LMFT
No, go ahead.
00:19:08
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
No, i was just um it's interesting because it's a centering right of a group of people who have no place in that.
00:19:13
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Right.
00:19:18
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Right.
00:19:18
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
acronym, right? That like, it is literally the epitome of whiteness and white supremacy to be like, I need to be at the center of this.
00:19:19
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Right.
00:19:28
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And so I'm going to change a well known terminology to be something that includes and centers me.
00:19:39
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah.
00:19:39
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And that that was then being reinforced by your classmates and their pushback.
00:19:39
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah.
00:19:44
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yes, yes, which um some folks were queer, but most weren't. Like ah mark most marginalizations, probably the most present marginalization, the most common is gender.
00:19:48
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
and
00:19:55
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um The program was the vast majority cis women. um Yeah, cis white women. But yeah, so that was just that was just like six weeks.
00:20:08
Blanca Torres, LMFT
That was six weeks. And it got worse. Mostly, you know, with the classmates, I felt pretty alienated. I felt like everything I said they took as an attack, which I thought was really interesting because I also heard someone tell me that there was someone who i was in class with that who thought that every time they spoke up that I thought it was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard, which I i thought was really interesting because I actually am a pretty active listener in class, especially when my classmates are sharing.
00:20:28
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Hmm.
00:20:37
Blanca Torres, LMFT
and
00:20:40
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And even if I absolutely the most that will happen if I completely disagrees, I just won't nod along. And I might share something, but I this particular person who said it, I remember who they are, I remember everything. And I never, ever, ever thought that. So I'm just so i like, there was just this perception that just got away, that I think everything everyone says is wrong. There was also at some point a privilege walk.
00:21:07
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And someone said, I'm worried about being shamed for being rich, which is just a privilege walk.
00:21:12
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Can you explain to people what what you mean by that? Privilege walk? Mhmm.
00:21:16
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um you know, there's all kinds of different ways to do it. But in this particular case, it's where everyone starts out in a circle, and then certain privileges and marginalizations are read out loud.
00:21:27
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And if you have that privilege, you move in closer to the circle.
00:21:29
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Wait.
00:21:30
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And if you have that marginalization, you move further. And it's supposed to illustrate how we don't all start essentially from zero, you know, more or less.
00:21:39
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Mhmm.
00:21:40
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um So I mean, I think it can be helpful as definitely as a one on one, you know, But in our class, it was specifically very much became a woe is me, I'm going to be shamed for having privilege or being white, which I also thought was really interesting because i and oh I'm old. I was 32 when I went back to school, right? Like I was not freshly out of out of undergrad or anything like that.
00:22:09
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And I've worked at the largest, whitest nonprofit. So i know how to I know how to bring up privilege and oppression among white people. And I made it a point not to mention whiteness. I usually, or excuse me, white people. I talk about whiteness, I talk about white supremacy, and I talk about privilege, right? But I never once sat in that class and said, white people do this, white people do that. But that was what the story became.
00:22:38
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um Yeah.
00:22:41
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
there's an interesting thing that's happening as I'm like listening to you, right? Which is that I can hear the description of the self monitoring that you were doing, right?
00:22:57
Blanca Torres, LMFT
What do you mean?
00:22:58
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Like you said, I never said white people. I said whiteness, or I never thought that. And so how did she, and that like,
00:23:13
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
sense of hypervigilance about what we're doing or not doing or thinking that happens for folks of color.
Systemic Racism and Student Experiences
00:23:30
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
I feel like I'm hearing as you tell the story, right? That like somehow we are responsible for what does or doesn't happen.
00:23:42
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And if it doesn't make sense, well, well I'm not doing this, I'm not doing that, so I don't, right?
00:23:43
Blanca Torres, LMFT
morning
00:23:47
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Like, I don't know if that helps, but like I'm hearing the hypervigilance.
00:23:53
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah, I mean, yeah, 100%.
00:23:54
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yeah.
00:23:56
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And I still feel that way. To this day, I even think about like my final, final group supervision, where someone said something about playing devil's advocate for that football guy who went viral for a speech at a Catholic university.
00:24:15
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And they were like to be devil's advocate. And I was like, and just, I don't want to get into it. But I pointed out internalized sexism. And even at the i i end, I left that group supervision.
00:24:28
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And I remember going to therapy and just telling my therapist, like, I don't know why I can't just be quiet.
00:24:32
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Hmm. Hmm.
00:24:35
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I don't know what it is about me that I'm always like upsetting people. but like anyway so yeah i mean that i think that that remains. And even when I think about telling this story, I'm like, I don't want to sound like this eternal victim. Like I'm kind, my private practice is thriving. My clients like me, love me even. I have had no issue getting clients or working as a therapist since then. But I yeah, I am, I'm, I'm, I worry about sound sounding like a, like a, like a victim.
00:25:12
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Like I'm making myself out to be a victim. And, you know, another big part of the trauma is like and anything I posted on social media was an issue too, where it would get screenshot and sent around. And and I never worry about that here. like,
00:25:30
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I even worry about how this is going to be passed around and said, and and oh, she's talking about me or she's talking about me when i'm I'm like actually trying not to talk about any one person in particular. Like, I think there's a lot of systemic issues in the program. um And my most of my problems were with the faculty, not with this, despite the animosity that was there. We were all victims of the same issues, whether we are willing to see that the thing affecting, you know, maybe some people who consider themselves antagonists or my antagonists or whatever, you and I are victims of the same shape. It's just whether or not you're willing to see it or not.
00:26:11
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yeah, you know, I want to hold the worry you have right about how this will be received and also
00:26:21
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
the phrase, like, I don't want to come across as an eternal victim is again, another way in which we oppress ourselves, right?
00:26:31
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
00:26:32
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Because this happened to you.
00:26:36
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Uh-huh.
00:26:37
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
It was done to you. And even the act of telling the story is about liberation.
00:26:51
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And I wonder like who,
00:27:01
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
like what makes it seem like eternal victim? What does that even mean?
00:27:08
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I, you know, to be honest, this isn't, I mean, it's it entirely projecting and entirely off base, but that some of these people who were in my cohort, I'm going to be able to list she's still talking about this, or she's still going on about this.
00:27:18
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um You know, which is, you know, it's funny that you say that, because like, you know, I said it got worse, and there is something it does get worse in some ways.
00:27:20
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Sounds like what white folks say to us all the time.
00:27:30
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um
00:27:33
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I guess I'll just get to that, and that'll bring about my point. But like the thing the way one of the ways it got worse, there was a lot of micro things that happened over and over. But I think the biggest heartbreak for me was like the betrayal of other people of color, but specifically other Latinas that were in the program.
00:27:48
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
ah
00:27:49
Blanca Torres, LMFT
right So fast forward through the pandemic. We're fully virtual now. um And one quick note for context.
00:28:03
Blanca Torres, LMFT
The program gathered feedback by halfway through the semester and then at the end of semester by selecting at random certain people and conduct a focus group. The people who were selected are responsible for collecting survey responses anonymously from our class and then also bringing forth comments in the focus group. It was structured this way, it was always been this way.
00:28:30
Blanca Torres, LMFT
So we're in one of the classes. it one of the I don't remember, but it was about development because she was this particular professor was talking about a teen. And she's talking about a teen that called her the F slur, which you all can pick up. Probably what I'm putting down, I will not be repeating this word. But she's telling the story that this client is calling her Dr. F ass bitch. F slur ass bitch.
00:29:01
Blanca Torres, LMFT
but she's actually saying the word. And I shit you not, she did it like 15 times. Dr. F ass bitch, Dr. F ass bitch, Dr. F ass bitch. And like, you could tell that she's tried, frankly, like from a, from a education perspective, what she was trying to get across is you can have a teenager that hates you and still do good work with them, right? Or like so something along those lines. But she didn't,
00:29:29
Blanca Torres, LMFT
She didn't censor that. And it's a slur, y'all. Like, drop all the fuck bombs you want. Like, I don't care. But this is a literal slur. And this happened a day after the focus group, a day or two, just within days of the last focus group. And after the focus group, the the people participating get time to collect more comments.
00:29:56
Blanca Torres, LMFT
One, yeah everybody knows who's participating in this focus group. So people were going to some of the people in the focus group to complain about the slur situation.
00:30:06
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Mm.
00:30:08
Blanca Torres, LMFT
So someone collected all the responses and sent an email to the evaluator about the slur. Well, the next class, the professor comes on and she you can tell she is just distraught, just so anxious, whatever. And then she starts her apology with all the white women tears you can imagine. I mean, like I cannot, it was textbook. I'm a good person. I'm trying my best. Apparently I create a hostile but she was reading the feedback word for word. The other doctor, the director of the program also is there also trying to, you know, apologize and stuff like that.
00:30:56
Blanca Torres, LMFT
But this narrative gets created by the two of them that some letter was written and that the purpose of that letter was to get this other, this ah the slur drop in lady fired, which was not true, but whatever.
00:31:15
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And then it became that I wrote this letter.
00:31:21
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Oh.
00:31:22
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Well, first of all, If my reputation is such that when someone gets called out for saying a slur, you think I let it, I'm doing something right.
00:31:34
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I'm doing something right. But I didn't write that letter. There was no letter. It was feedback that was given through that system that the that the program itself created.
Peer Betrayal and Program Dismissal Attempt
00:31:49
Blanca Torres, LMFT
After this, A meeting of mostly white students with a couple of women of color who I thought were my friends was held with the director to try to get me removed from the program. And I think this is the biggest betrayal for me. So someone who went to that meeting was a friend of mine to tell me what was going on in that meeting because people didn't know.
00:32:15
Blanca Torres, LMFT
that she was friendly with me. And she was sending me updates and I know for a fact, some of the things that were said in that meeting, again, led by mostly white people to get me removed from the program because I tried to get this lady fired?
00:32:32
Blanca Torres, LMFT
In that one, this woman, there was a friend of mine who went, I thought was a friend of mine, um She had been to my house, met my, like, I thought this was a friend.
00:32:43
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And she goes in there and fixes her mouth to say that this a white woman, yeah, I'm friends with Blanca and her friends. And they only value, get this, dark brown and black voices.
00:33:01
Blanca Torres, LMFT
But I think so. It brings back to the point that started this whole program. like The biggest heartbreak for me is not that a bunch of of white people villainized me. That's going to happen. it's it's I'm not surprised by it. I make people with privilege uncomfortable because I point out privileges. But that is what really did make the couple Latinas that one that was supposed to be my friend. like She would say things to me like she was so glad she I was in her life.
00:33:30
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um We had a lot of conversations about body image and stuff, but she couldn't, she was so thrilled to have me in her life. And then one day I just became the devil. um And funnily enough, shortly after that, she messages me, hey, can I have a consult?
00:33:46
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I have a client that really wants to talk about systems of oppression.
00:33:49
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Hmm.
00:33:50
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And I said to her, you know, I'm going to suggest that you talk to a professor instead, because it seems like you've been misunderstanding. the lens at which I come at because it's my understanding that you're telling people that I hate white people when I'm just talking about having an intersectional lens. So i for what it's worth, I did not help her. I referred her to ah to a professor that can help her with that because you can't try to get me kicked out of the program for talking about systems of oppression and then come to me when you need help talking about systems of oppression.
00:34:23
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Um, which again was always, that's why I was such a villain is that in class, I would say, well, how does this work with a marginalized person? Or how how do we manage this theory when it comes to this?
00:34:34
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Or I'll give you a really good example. In one of my classes, one intervention they thought they taught us for some kind of child thing I don't remember is having the child pretend to be a cop and pull over their parent.
00:34:44
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Uh-huh. Oof.
00:34:48
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And they said, lovely. Great, this looks like a lovely intervention. How do we apply this with communities who have a perhaps difficult relationship with policing? That's the kind of shit I would bring up in class. Anyway, there was also, you know, some meme I shared about white Latina s saying brown pride.
00:35:14
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And ah this person who, again, I wasn't very close to her. I didn't consider her friend at all, but I thought she was a co-conspirator, at least, or an ally. She was a white Latina. And she went to the professor and to the director and said that I discriminated against her by posting that meme. And then she then one day texted me, we need to talk. And I was like, what?
00:35:38
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Mm hmm.
00:35:39
Blanca Torres, LMFT
i I don't have anything to talk to you about. What do we need to talk about? um And she just kept going and I was like, well, you know, like I said, in my previous text, i I don't have the capacity to have this conversation. You and I don't have anything to talk about. But really, that was the biggest betrayal, I think, other Latina's
00:36:01
Blanca Torres, LMFT
who I thought were visibly impacted by the program too, like just completely throwing me under the bus um and really abandoning me.
00:36:03
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Mm hmm.
00:36:10
Blanca Torres, LMFT
That was a real betrayal.
00:36:12
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yeah, yeah. And i I'm aware that like, one of the things that's always true of social media presence in any way, including podcasting is that people will always take things in whatever context they want to take them. um And I'm aware of that as you tell the story. And they did it at this at the time, too, right? They did it at the time. And I'm wondering about like what that betrayal and everything you went through.
00:36:52
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
did to your relationship with visibility. Because in you know I mentioned in the first episode, um for those who didn't listen to it, like one of the things that I was always inspired about with you when we met was your advocacy and social justice and like this part of you that's still very much there, um but it was significantly negatively impacted by the program.
00:37:24
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah.
00:37:26
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I mean, it completely shut me down. It completely shut me down. Terrified of speaking up or saying anything or asking questions.
00:37:35
Blanca Torres, LMFT
It just, it didn't feel worth it. I felt like it got me nowhere, you know, and and it brings me back to, you know, I chose that program for those reasons, right, including the potential systemic perspective.
00:37:47
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And it wasn't until after that point, after that program, maybe even ah a year or two in after, I mean, after graduating that I realized the systemic perspective was always me, right?
00:37:48
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
what it
00:38:00
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Like these programs, they're minimum of information you need to become a mental health practitioner. They're steeped in white supremacy. It is all gatekeeping and I didn't need them to have the systemic perspective. I do think programs need
Post-Graduation Reflections and Systemic Insights
00:38:17
Blanca Torres, LMFT
that. I'm not saying programs don't need that. And there's some amazing ones that do. I'm saying I thought that their use of buzzwords meant that I was going to get the kind of education I needed to serve the people I needed to serve. And it turns out that's not the case because it's steeped in white supremacy, because it's an agent, it's gatekeeping and nothing else.
00:38:41
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um And the intersectional lens was always me, right? And the answers aren't going to come from the textbooks. They're not going to come from people who are steeped in the system. I just got to go get the info and then I got to figure out how to make it work for myself. I don't work with kids, but if I did, how do I take that exercise that is otherwise good for teaching young kids that their parents can also be held accountable for when they have outbursts or when they're not at their best or whatever. And that parents can and should apologize that don't involve policing.
00:39:12
Blanca Torres, LMFT
right like I can use my brain to recalibrate that. but um
00:39:20
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Well, I think an important thing about what you're pointing out, and I were i have historically worked with kids um as well as adults, is like,
00:39:31
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
There are all these little things that happen, little and big, but especially little and repeat things that happen in programs that like you either do or you don't or maybe your senses are there, but you have the sense to pick up. Something about this isn't right.
00:39:51
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
But it goes unaddressed. It goes unaddressed. And what you just said reminded me of like when I was learning about play therapy. And there are these basic things that you're you know they recommend having in your kit. And sometimes it includes like a badge or something like that. And what I had to deal with in terms of a Black parent and her concerns about, you know what are the toys that you're using? What do you have in your office? right was very much something that I wasn't prepared for, despite my lived experience, because the program wasn't teaching me to think critically around what do I have in my office?
00:40:30
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Right.
00:40:32
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
What are kids seeing? What are they using?
00:40:33
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Right.
00:40:35
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And I point this out only because, like, you reminded me that, like, there's a lot of, there's so much unlearning
00:40:39
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Mm hmm.
00:40:44
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
that we have to do once we graduate, especially if we care about these kinds of things, or if not these specific things, making sure that we're actually able to serve as people in the best way possible. And I think that like that last point really highlights that.
00:41:02
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah, and you know other other things like I remember, you know, I did try to I switched um advisors at a certain point just for safety, just to be safer. But I remember one of my evaluations towards the end was on a scale from one to five, and it was, one was like you utilize this supervision accordingly, which means you're bringing cases, you're bringing in maybe some counter-transference, you're bringing in the real issues, not just bullshitting a supervision. And I got a five out of five on that one.
00:41:36
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Which to this day I'm very proud of because even through my post-graduation supervision, I feel like I made really good use of supervision in that way. um But then later, I don't remember what the question was.
00:41:50
Blanca Torres, LMFT
It was something about, is self-aware about countertransference? And I got a two out of five on that.
00:41:57
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And I and i asked, I'm like, can you help me understand more? Because you literally three questions above, you gave me a five. because I'm bringing to you when I'm having countertransference, but then here you're digging me for having countertransference.
00:42:13
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And for anybody who doesn't know, what is it?
00:42:13
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And um it's when your client or the issues your client is working on is bringing something up for you that maybe you need to be aware of so you don't project it onto your client.
00:42:29
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And the response I got from my advisor at the time was that I, let my feminism and my own experience of my culture affect my therapy too much.
00:42:47
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Which I'm like, what? And, and what? I mean, it was nonsense, right? it Like it was complete and utter nonsense.
00:42:53
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Like the one, ah right, right.
00:42:53
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
What does that even mean?
00:42:56
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Because you're giving me a five
00:42:56
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Right, you're supposed to be a blank slate?
00:42:58
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Right. You're giving me a five out of five for you utilizing supervision appropriately, which means bringing up when I'm having issues.
00:43:04
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Right.
00:43:05
Blanca Torres, LMFT
But now you're dinging me for having issues. So what you're saying is it's better that I hide these issues from you and pretend like they're not happening because I know, I know there's plenty of therapists, students and otherwise that are not bringing up these issues.
00:43:20
Blanca Torres, LMFT
They are keeping it to themselves and it is affecting clients.
00:43:23
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Exactly.
00:43:24
Blanca Torres, LMFT
You know, so it it was just a lot of that. It was just a lot of that. um And I did, you know, part of my saving grace was my own therapist. She had actually been through the same program.
00:43:34
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um And while we didn't have the same issues, the system that created the issues I had was the same when she was there, which was many years before I was.
00:43:48
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um So she was my saving grace. You were. you and all my other friends who are already therapists were like you just you're going to get through it you got to get through it um and really i mean the the allies i made in the program which i'm not still close to all of them um but for the most part the people that i got through the program last a couple of them i'm still very close to um but yeah it's been really hard it's it i i'm not involved really in a lot of local therapist circles because
00:44:23
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I don't want to run into some of my, I don't want to be around them. I don't want to be around some of the people that, and not even my classmates, because again, my issue isn't them. The issue was the system, not the people and not the people who were also harmed by the system. But I don't really want to be around the girls the girls I thought, the the women I thought were my ally.
00:44:46
Blanca Torres, LMFT
that it ended up not being. like I want to protect myself from that. And so I have avoided a lot of colleagues' circles. um i not but I have an Instagram for my therapy, which everyone's welcome to follow, but I don't post much on it. So I mean, I guess going back to your question 20 minutes ago, is it really has affected me in a lot of ways to the point where you know that was my biggest pain point in starting a podcast is like, I'm going to have to be on social media to promote this and they're going to see it and they're going to share it around and they're going to talk about it and I'm going to be unsafe again.
Visibility in Advocacy and Personal Reflections
00:45:28
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
um
00:45:32
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yeah, I mean, the vulnerabilities of visibility exist whether you know your oppressors or not.
00:45:45
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And it can get really unsafe. It can get really unsafe. And people might think, oh, you're making a big deal about it. But just to underscore this point, when I was talking more about race and racism and issues of oppression on my Instagram initially,
00:46:08
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
I got like DMs with death threats for people that I didn't even know.
00:46:13
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Right.
00:46:15
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
um And so it is like a serious, it's it's not a small thing to do this kind of thing. And I'm very aware of that.
00:46:26
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And I don't want in there to lose the point. I want to underscore the point that you made that what we really are speaking to is the ways in which our programs perpetuate and reinforce systems of oppression, that these conversations are not necessarily about specific people, they're about institutions and systems. And like, yes, things happen to you with specific people, just like things happen to me with specific people, but ultimately, like, there's an institution that upholds that.
00:47:07
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And some of us don't get out unscathed.
00:47:10
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah.
00:47:13
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And as you said, it takes a lot for you to have like tried to make sure that you could be in the best place you could be for the people that you serve.
00:47:22
Blanca Torres, LMFT
yeah Yeah, exactly, exactly.
00:47:27
Blanca Torres, LMFT
So ask me if I would do it again.
00:47:28
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
ah
00:47:32
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
I mean, I can Would you like to answer your own question? Would you do it again?
00:47:36
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I would not. I wouldn't. I would go somewhere else like, yeah, I mean.
00:47:42
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Well, it depends on what question we're asking, right?
00:47:44
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Sure.
00:47:46
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
So would you do it again could mean go back to that program versus would you do grad school again for this profession?
00:47:54
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I would do grad school again for this profession. but if i by some You know what's so funny is I almost missed my interview day because of a freak snowstorm here in Las Vegas.
00:48:08
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I happened to be traveling for work and the airport was closed and I i was not going to make it back for my interview. And to this day, I'm like,
00:48:19
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Was that supposed to be some kind of divine intervention a sign that I missed?
00:48:23
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Because yeah, frankly, if you could tell me all that happened, I would just go somewhere else. I would take my money and go to a program that has a legitimate focus on intersectionality, which they do exist.
00:48:34
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I don't know them personally. i don't know I don't have personal experience with those programs. But I've done, I did a lot of research after the fact. And there are those programs out there that legitimately include intersectionality as part of an intentional part of the curriculum. So no, I would not go to this program again. I don't think I need to have, you know, some of the folks, some of the individual folks appear to have developed, have grown quite a bit.
00:49:02
Blanca Torres, LMFT
um and present themselves very differently now. I'm really glad for them. I'm not interested in being in connection with them because I had to be collateral damage in their journey to wokeness. And I don't need that, right? And so, yeah. and And if I had a chance to do this again, no, I would not go to that program again. I would go somewhere else. And I would go somewhere else because ah and i don't need I don't need this trauma.
00:49:30
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I already have it. I didn't need it compounded.
00:49:32
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yeah.
00:49:36
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yeah. Yeah. And I think just, you know, you mentioned that there are other programs and honestly the lay of the land is changing quite a bit.
00:49:47
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
ah programs are rewriting their curriculums and all of that and changing training for professors. And that does not mean that things are going to be perfect, but a lot is different than when we started.
00:50:01
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah.
00:50:02
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And it's also true that, again, if we're speaking from a systems perspective, there was collateral damage for that to happen.
Systemic Changes in Education and Future Outlook
00:50:10
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Right, not just folks within programs saying things about what happened but also like the general like summer racial reckoning in the United States, right?
00:50:21
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Right.
00:50:22
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
That like the increased focus on race and intersectionality is actually what is driving, what has driven systemic change.
00:50:23
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Right.
00:50:31
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
But we're also now swinging back in the other direction as that orange head man is entering the office and maybe would have by the time this episode airs
00:50:31
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah. Yeah.
00:50:44
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
But like everything is a reaction. And I would like to see clinical programs hold on to the results of the collateral damage, right?
00:50:55
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah.
00:50:59
Blanca Torres, LMFT
yeah
00:50:59
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
People have to die for that to happen.
00:51:01
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah.
00:51:01
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And that's that's not drama.
00:51:02
Blanca Torres, LMFT
oh And also just to just to really drive home this point, all of this was going on during the height of the pandemic is still ongoing, but the initial, right?
00:51:10
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Don't worry. Yes.
00:51:16
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Mm-hmm.
00:51:17
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Like I started my program in September 2019.
00:51:21
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Right?
00:51:22
Blanca Torres, LMFT
We went fully virtual late February, early March, 2020, like Right, so so it was all of that.
00:51:30
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yeah, your program overlapped with that.
00:51:33
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah, I am a COVID therapist. I grew i grew up, my first client was in May or June 2020, fully virtual because there was no other way.
00:51:45
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yeah.
00:51:46
Blanca Torres, LMFT
yeah
00:51:47
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And it changes the work. Everything changed the work.
Closing Thoughts and Moments of Joy
00:51:50
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Everything changed the work.
00:51:51
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah, exactly.
00:51:54
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Before we sort of close this part of the conversation, is there anything that you wanted to add? Do you feel complete, at least for now?
00:52:06
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah, I think I do. I think I do. I mean, I guess just if you experience anything like that, or probably way worse or anything, you know, it does get better.
00:52:18
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I'm thriving. I have the clients I want.
00:52:20
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
yeah
00:52:22
Blanca Torres, LMFT
And some of them are even white. And guess what? I do great work with them too, because systemic oppression affects them too.
00:52:27
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yes.
00:52:30
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Exactly.
00:52:30
Blanca Torres, LMFT
ah
00:52:30
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yes. And that that ah yes that's a point that I don't want to lose, right? Like what you were saying, the how things were set up was affecting everyone. And that was true in my program too, and true of so many people who I know have had pretty awful stories.
00:52:40
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yes.
00:52:45
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah.
00:52:48
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And they were not all folks of color, right?
00:52:48
Blanca Torres, LMFT
yeah
00:52:51
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
They may be neurodivergent or
00:52:54
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
queer or fill in the blank, right? And so if you've had any of these experiences, we do encourage you if you feel comfortable writing in, if you want us to share anything, we'll do it anonymously if you'd like, but um we'd love the opportunity to air additional stories if people want them heard.
00:53:16
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
So with that said, We are going to, as usual, practice what we preach and remind you to pause. So we are going to either take a deep breath or for those who find that dysregulating, just put your hand on your stomach or your heart, locate your heartbeat or locate your breath.
00:53:42
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And take a deep breath in. One, two, three, four. Hold it. Two, three, four. And exhale. Two, three, four.
00:54:00
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
You can cycle through that one more time. In, two, three, four. Hold it, two, three, four. Exhale, two, three, four. And if you are locating your heart, you just feel it beating in your chest.
00:54:23
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
All right, so we're going to move on to our moments of joy and thriving. So Blanca any moments of joy and or thriving for you this week?
00:54:37
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Oh, this week moment's joy are thriving. Yes, I've been building some Lego sets. That's been a lot of fun. I don't want to say which ones.
00:54:50
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
You know don't want to what?
00:54:52
Blanca Torres, LMFT
I don't want to say which one.
00:54:53
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Oh, why not?
00:54:54
Blanca Torres, LMFT
We'll censor it out. Harry Harry Potter.
00:54:57
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Ah,
00:54:58
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Oh, I guess a small one, because small ones matter too. and I found this app, which I'm not going to name unless they pay us to. ha ha ah Have you heard it?
00:55:06
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Wait, are you gatekeeping resources, though?
00:55:08
Blanca Torres, LMFT
yeah No, no. Ah, good point.
00:55:09
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Oh, OK.
00:55:10
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Good point. It's called Finch, and it's this little self-care app.
00:55:12
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yeah, I use Finch
00:55:14
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah, you I'm on Finch, and so it's really helped me keep my space tidy. um So I highly recommend that app Finch, and we'll cut out the part where I said I won't say their name unless they're pay us.
00:55:25
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
but No, it could be our blooper.
00:55:28
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so so um pay us. We love your app.
00:55:38
Blanca Torres, LMFT
So it's helped me really stay organized.
00:55:38
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yeah. Yeah, i i I've dropped off using Finch only because it felt like another thing that I had to manage to check in with. So I just ported some of the habits that it encourages, like just into my own life.
00:55:52
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
So a lot of automating, but it's very cute. It's very cute.
00:55:56
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Yeah.
00:55:56
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
It took me forever to reach a teenager though.
00:55:59
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Oh yeah, mine's not a toddler yet. Yeah. Yeah. What about you? What about some joy and thriving for you?
00:56:06
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Oh, man. I mean, I feel like it's kind of the same as the last episode, because I'm still doing a lot more reading than I used to. And it's interfering with my sleep hygiene, because then I'm like in in bed reading until I'm like falling asleep. And I have to tell myself, girl, go to bed. Like, you don't know what happened here.
00:56:30
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
um So that there's that. And then the other is um a new video game comes out this week. It's Dynasty Warriors Origins. All of the folks who love Dynasty Warriors have mixed feelings about what they've decided to do with the main protagonist.
00:56:45
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
But that aside, I've been playing this game since I was like in middle school.
00:56:52
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Oh.
00:56:53
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
And they brought back some of the things I love about the older games, and I have pre-ordered it, and it comes out later this week, so.
00:56:59
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Oh, fun
00:57:04
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yeah, so I'm looking forward to maybe playing a little bit of that, and I restarted my Pilates this morning.
00:57:10
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Fun I love Pilates
00:57:14
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
I guess, yes. So that is, those are my moments.
00:57:17
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Okay, awesome. Well, definitely let us know some of your moments and join in thriving somewhere on where you can comment.
00:57:25
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yes.
00:57:28
Blanca Torres, LMFT
ah But please join us for our next episode as we continue our journey in the call to healing.
00:57:31
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yes.
00:57:34
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Yes. All right. Take care.
00:57:37
Blanca Torres, LMFT
Bye.
00:57:38
Ksera Dyette, Psy.D. (she/her)
Bye.