Transcript
Speaker: Hi, and welcome to the Yes Mama podcast.
Speaker: A Yes Mama is one who loves being a mom, who is in it to have the best time with their kids, to raise confident and happy and successful and resilient kids.
Speaker: And here at the Yes Mama podcast, we do that through intimate conversations with moms and sometimes dads about the best ways that we've found simple yet effective parenting methods that have helped our kids to really thrive.
Speaker: So even just by being here, you're doing such a great job.
Speaker: By showing up, taking this hour out of your day to be a better parent shows how much you care.
Speaker: So great job.
Speaker: Thanks for being here.
Speaker: Here we go.
Speaker: Hey moms, we in North America are just coming off of a long weekend.
Speaker: We're going into our summer vacation and a lot of moms are having some anxiety about summer, about why their kids are acting a little bit crazy right now.
Speaker: and about what to do when they catch themselves in a low point, when they catch themselves realizing that they're tired or feeling a little depressed or just not quite themselves.
Speaker: And so today I just wanted to jump on.
Speaker: We had a double long episode last week, so I'm just going to jump on here today and give a little Miss Alana lesson.
Speaker: on what to do when you're facing transitions, and how to use self-care to have some serious connection with yourself and with your kids.
Speaker: Because the Yes Mama tagline has always been so that you can be your best self and you can show up as a great mom.
Speaker: Kids don't understand if you're having a bad day.
Speaker: Kids don't understand why you would snap at them or be tired.
Speaker: They always think because of just their childhood development that they are the reason for your mood.
Speaker: They are the reason for...
Speaker: everything that happens around them, that's completely natural.
Speaker: And those of us that have older kids in their teenage years or even early 20s, those kids think that everything revolves around them all the time and no one else's time matters.
Speaker: And again, it's just their stage of development.
Speaker: So what can you as mom do to help your kids and yourself through this transition with grace?
Speaker: Again, in America or Canada or on our part of the world, we are going into summer.
Speaker: And so that means different schedules.
Speaker: That means different drop-off times.
Speaker: That means kids home more.
Speaker: And that means that moms have different schedules and different drop-off times or different drop-off places or half-day camp instead of a full-day school, which means you have less time.
Speaker: There's so many changes that are happening all at once
Speaker: And it's possible that your child is feeling a lot.
Speaker: It's possible that your child is feeling scared or like they really loved this year and they don't want it to end.
Speaker: Maybe they had a favorite teacher or they're going to a new school next fall and they have some anxiety about that.
Speaker: And so let's just talk about some practical things that you can do as mom to just pull them in closer.
Speaker: Because every time we create connection, then we have some room for, again, grace and a little room for correction if our kids are acting out in a negative or inappropriate way.
Speaker: So let's start with ourselves.
Speaker: Number one, yeah, these transitions are really, really hard.
Speaker: having a normal comfort zone schedule and knowing whatever day looks like, even if it's full and a lot, at least you know what it is.
Speaker: At least you have the safety of knowing where you are and what your day looks like.
Speaker: You know, the devil, you know, is one of the taglines of that, of, you know, that your day is going to be crazy and that you're going to have to rush across town to get from work to pick up your kids.
Speaker: At least, you know, right.
Speaker: And so some of it is the unknown of what will happen when your kids don't have anything to do for a week or a month or whatever, and how that's going to look.
Speaker: And the fear of not knowing how that's going to react.
Speaker: I have a good friend whose child loves to be home.
Speaker: She wants to be in her pajamas with mom and dad just chilling at home all the time.
Speaker: And her mom sometimes doesn't understand why she doesn't want to go to tennis class or camp or other places.
Speaker: And I try to just help her see that it's because she does feel safe.
Speaker: It's because she does need some downtime.
Speaker: It's because it is something that her child craves.
Speaker: And so how can we listen to our kids and build that special time into our day?
Speaker: And the number one thing you can do for all of this, for the scariness of the transition to help your child through their transition, is to make sure that you're spending time on you.
Speaker: Now we've joked on this podcast about self-care and what it is and what it isn't.
Speaker: And if you want our two best episodes on self-care, go back to the one with Dr. Rebecca Dinda.
Speaker: She is actually a master and a life coach all about self-care.
Speaker: Or go back to last week's episode with Ruth.
Speaker: The first hour of that episode is all about self-care.
Speaker: And I'm going to quote her a little bit here, Ruth, because what she said was, I said, you know, where did you learn to incorporate the self-care?
Speaker: Because not all of us saw it, right?
Speaker: Not all of our moms knew that this was something important they needed to do for themselves.
Speaker: So,
Speaker: I asked Ruth, how did she know that going to a tennis class or going out to lunch with friends is something that she needed to do?
Speaker: And she said two things.
Speaker: Number one, that every time she saw her mom come home from doing one of these things, her mom came home happy.
Speaker: So it's the mentoring of when you walk back in the door from doing something for yourself that fills you up,
Speaker: I walk in the door happy.
Speaker: My kids see a smile on my face.
Speaker: They see that I'm calmer, that I'm more aware, that I'm more engaged with whatever's going on in the room.
Speaker: And so she saw that and that imprinted on her.
Speaker: And so she knew it was something that would make her feel happy.
Speaker: And so we need to really do that for our kids.
Speaker: And number two, and then she realized that there was a time where she felt she was being a little snappy.
Speaker: Like her kids would ask a question and she was being a little just tight, just grumpy, just not enjoying the moment.
Speaker: Little things like not wanting to share your dinner if they wanted your last French fry or something or not wanting to get up and get your kid whatever they just asked for it.
Speaker: nicely, even though knowing they can do it themselves.
Speaker: But a lot of times we moms do little things like that and just being like, I don't want to.
Speaker: No, you go do it.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: So you feel yourself just a little short, you feel yourself just a little grumpy, you know, that's a time that you need to go do some self care.
Speaker: And I have found that using the morning, the time before anyone in your house wakes up, is the best time of the day or a really good time of the day to set yourself up for your best day.
Speaker: Again, going back to this whole thing of how can you show up as your strongest, as your most graceful, as your best self.
Speaker: So I have a little freebie.
Speaker: It's in my LinkedIn bio, and it has 20 ideas, 20 different options of something you can do in the morning.
Speaker: that is going to set yourself up.
Speaker: I like to wake up about an hour before my family does.
Speaker: I like to go downstairs and make coffee.
Speaker: Gratitude list is something that is always on my mind, whether I think it to myself as I'm walking my dog first thing, or whether I write it down in a journal, or I actually like to journal on my computer.
Speaker: But gratitude is another really wonderful way to center yourself before the day moves on.
Speaker: And then the third thing that I like to do, and again, I just kind of said this with my dog, is just fresh air.
Speaker: Open a window, go outside with your pet and walk them.
Speaker: If you don't have a pet, maybe just to walk around the block quick.
Speaker: It's just the fresh air and grounding yourself to nature.
Speaker: Just again, it can be short or long, whatever you need.
Speaker: There is no right or wrong as long as you show up for yourself and as long as you don't judge yourself for it.
Speaker: So if I said, you know, my gratitude list today, I only wrote down three things and how dare you, and you should be able to think of more, you know, being mean to yourself in whatever way that doesn't help you.
Speaker: So the best way to get through a difficult transition is to lean in deeper and harder to your self care, something you should be doing every morning, every day.
Speaker: But knowing that when you do fall off track, when you are having a rough time, I'm coming out of having weekend after weekend after weekend of needing to show up for my kids.
Speaker: So fun in the best ways.
Speaker: We even had a college graduation where we were all together, but I didn't get any rest on the weekends.
Speaker: It was a lot.
Speaker: It was expensive.
Speaker: It was a lot of time.
Speaker: It was late nights.
Speaker: It was all kinds of things.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: And I caught myself at the end of it really kind of low, really tired, really just felt like I was kind of off track.
Speaker: And I had to remind myself that this A is a transition, right?
Speaker: My daughter's graduating college.
Speaker: What's next for her is exciting, but a little scary.
Speaker: And that self-care was my number one way that I could lean in and create connection so I could help her through.
Speaker: I apologize for the car alarm going outside of my house right now.
Speaker: There's some teenagers across the street and I'm not sure what's going on, but I really apologize.
Speaker: So I suggest you take a deep breath and
Speaker: You go get that in my link in bio, get that morning.
Speaker: It's just the best way.
Speaker: It's like called the ultimate morning mindset, you know, a way to look at all these 20 options of things that you could do for yourself in the morning in as little as 15 minutes or as long as you want.
Speaker: You know, there's a little movement in there.
Speaker: There's a little bit of writing in there.
Speaker: But know that if you take the time to show up for yourself, you
Speaker: you're going to be able to move through all of this so much easier.
Speaker: There's one I do want to touch on, actually two little activities I want to touch on and explain to you before I let you go today.
Speaker: And the first one is called, well, Gabby Bernstein calls it Rage on a Page.
Speaker: And what she likes to do with it is she takes a notebook or paper or whatever, and just set a timer.
Speaker: I like to use six minutes.
Speaker: I don't know why that's my thing, but you can do it for however much time you want and just type or just write.
Speaker: If there's something you're upset about or mad about or scared about or whatever, just let it out.
Speaker: Write it all down.
Speaker: Write down worst case scenario if you need to, or write down what you're scared about.
Speaker: Just get it out of your body.
Speaker: That whole book, The Body Keeps the Score, is so true.
Speaker: And if you don't want to bury it deep down, you have to get it out somehow.
Speaker: So writing it and just giving it light and listening to it, whatever that it is, is really helpful to move it through.
Speaker: And what I've found from doing that is every time I get it out, I'm able to keep going with my writing and turn it back around to, yeah, but I think this is going to be okay.
Speaker: right?
Speaker: The act of giving it a voice.
Speaker: I am feeling anxiety because, and once I get it all out and I feel like my anxiety has been heard, then I can now make a plan for how I'm going to deal with it or know that anxiety actually is a good thing because it shows me that I care so much and I'm still moving in the right direction and
Speaker: I'm just a little scared.
Speaker: And that's okay.
Speaker: We all get scared sometimes, right?
Speaker: You're still moving.
Speaker: So that's a good thing.
Speaker: So Rage on a Page is a really good one.
Speaker: I highly suggest it.
Speaker: The other one that I really love, and we can just do it here together right now.
Speaker: We'll just take it through it and hopefully you'll feel better afterwards.
Speaker: It's what I like to call three times three plus one.
Speaker: Just a little classic math, you know, algebra equation.
Speaker: Three times three plus one.
Speaker: So three, the first three anyway, is gratitude.
Speaker: Just three simple things you can feel grateful for.
Speaker: The second three is what do you want?
Speaker: What do you want to manifest?
Speaker: What are you looking for?
Speaker: What's the best case scenario for whatever your day or week or month or year or life has to offer?
Speaker: And then the plus one is what's one thing you're going to do for yourself today for self-care?
Speaker: So here we go.
Speaker: I'm going to do a little, I'll be a little vulnerable here, a little three times three plus one for me.
Speaker: One, I'm grateful for this past Memorial Day weekend.
Speaker: I had an amazing time with my daughter and our family, and we did so much hiking.
Speaker: I'm exhausted.
Speaker: But we were out in nature, and we were with our dogs, and I let my dog off leash for the first time, and he was just amazing.
Speaker: He kept checking in with me, and he was on the trail, and it was just the coolest to see that all the training I've done with him really worked.
Speaker: So this weekend I am super grateful for, and I think there was like 10 inside that one, but still something I'm grateful for is having a great weekend last weekend.
Speaker: Number two is the weather right now.
Speaker: I'm in Los Angeles and we've had this kind of June gloom, even though it's May, this gray, cool temperatures, which actually for us who are so lucky to see the sun all the time, it's actually quite a nice change.
Speaker: So I'm super grateful for that.
Speaker: for the weather.
Speaker: And then the third thing I'm grateful for is, you know, when you come back from a long weekend that you've slept away, I cannot wait to be in my own bed tonight.
Speaker: I'm really looking forward to my own pillows and blankets and coffee beds.
Speaker: So that's my three of gratitude.
Speaker: And then the three times three, the three things I'm looking forward to
Speaker: First thing I'm looking forward to is seeing how far my daughter goes.
Speaker: I know I talk a lot about her and she did graduate college and she is on such an amazing trajectory.
Speaker: And, you know, when I let myself just go and write it out of everywhere that I know she can go and what she can do, it's really exciting.
Speaker: And two is for myself, something I want.
Speaker: I want to lean into my fitness again this summer.
Speaker: I did tons of hiking this weekend.
Speaker: And so I really can't wait to really just lean in and let myself get into fitness more and more this summer and take my body to where it would really feel good for it to be.
Speaker: I'm not off track and I love myself so much, but I just like to kick it up a notch.
Speaker: So I'm looking forward to that.
Speaker: And then the last third is
Speaker: is just remembering to show up for me.
Speaker: Remember to check in for myself through the day and see if there's any adjusting I need to do for my needs.
Speaker: I'm a recovering codependent who cares about everybody else's needs.
Speaker: And so I'm really looking forward to...
Speaker: Checking in with myself and acting accordingly.
Speaker: If I feel tired, maybe I don't go on the third hike of the day.
Speaker: Maybe I rest and let the family go.
Speaker: So that's something else I'm looking forward to is just being proud of myself for showing up for what I need.
Speaker: And then plus one is self-care.
Speaker: What am I doing for self-care today?
Speaker: Well, number one, I'm getting this podcast out to all of you and I hope that it helps others.
Speaker: I have a date tonight, so that's a good self-care.
Speaker: I'm going to take a really hot shower.
Speaker: That is definitely self-care.
Speaker: And I also want to just make sure that I'm set up for success for tomorrow.
Speaker: So I'm going to throw all my dirty clothes in the washing machine and make sure that I wake up in the morning with a
Speaker: clean-ish house.
Speaker: So that's a couple of things I'm doing for self-care.
Speaker: So why don't you give it a try?
Speaker: Three times three plus one.
Speaker: Three is gratitude.
Speaker: Times three is what do you want?
Speaker: What are you looking for?
Speaker: What are you trying to manifest, big or small?
Speaker: Plus one.
Speaker: What's one thing that you're going to do for yourself today?
Speaker: And then I promise you, well, the promise of doing that self-care thing for yourself really is going to help you feel better.
Speaker: It really does.
Speaker: It's really magic in the way that, you know, it's a little bit of reparenting and it's a little bit of just showing up for us.
Speaker: And if you do that, if you show up for yourself and you help yourself rise to being your best self,
Speaker: Then you can use self-care to get through these difficult transitions.
Speaker: So check in.
Speaker: How are you feeling today?
Speaker: What's something you need?
Speaker: What's your plus one today for self-care?
Speaker: Maybe it's sitting in your car for a couple extra minutes before you go in the house when you get home.
Speaker: Or maybe it's setting up a lunch with a good friend so you can talk and laugh and vent.
Speaker: I don't know what your idea of self-care is.
Speaker: Everyone has a little bit of a different one.
Speaker: As long as you're listening to yourself and following through on those promises to yourself, you're going to get through this just fine.
Speaker: And again, it's building a connection.
Speaker: Self-care is building a connection with ourself, treating ourself like the mother or the child that we wish we had.
Speaker: And when we build that connection with ourself, then we're available to build strong connections with our kids, and then they feel seen and safe, and then we can build a closer bond there too.
Speaker: So as we go into this big transition of the end of the school year, as we go into these big transitions of what's next, whatever in your life, self-care.
Speaker: Lean in because you're worth it and you can rise to being your best self.
Speaker: I know you can.
Speaker: So go over and jump into my link in bio, get that ultimate morning.
Speaker: Again, it's a list of 20 different things.
Speaker: And even from that list, I'm sure you can come up with little tweaks that would make it more your own.
Speaker: I'm sure in there I say like take a walk around the block.
Speaker: Well, maybe you want to take like a mile or two mile walk.
Speaker: you know, or a little promise to yourself, a glass of water.
Speaker: If you're someone that's not good about drinking water, being hydrated, maybe you can just have a promise to yourself that I'm going to wake up every morning and I'm going to drink a glass of water and I'm going to smile at myself in the mirror.
Speaker: And I'm going to just start my day with a smile, right?
Speaker: It can be as simple or as elaborate as you want it to be.
Speaker: But that's the way to get through these transitions in life.
Speaker: No matter how difficult a transition you're going through.
Speaker: If it's just easy transition, some are more difficult transitions, whether it's grief or loss of divorced or loved ones or moving or whatever it is.
Speaker: There's a million different things you can be going through in this life and they're all hard and they're all made better when we listen to what we need to get through them well.
Speaker: I love you all very much.
Speaker: Now go on love on those kids.
Speaker: You can always find me at Instagram at yes.mamailana, I-L-A-N-A.
Speaker: If you want to share what you're doing for self-care or if you have any comments.
Speaker: Please leave a review here.
Speaker: If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend.
Speaker: It's always great to help us into the algorithm so that someone else can find how to do their self-care.
Speaker: And I'm adding new coaching courses all the time.
Speaker: We have a transitions coaching course going on this fall for moms who need a little support with...
Speaker: They're kids who are going into senior year of high school.
Speaker: Or if your kid is going to kindergarten, and so that's a lot for you.
Speaker: Or you just have a big life transition.
Speaker: Maybe you're going through a divorce, and you have that kind of transition going on.
Speaker: Or your kids are going to college in the fall, and you actually are becoming an empty nester.
Speaker: That's a big one.
Speaker: That was a big one for me.
Speaker: So come join me, and let's help each other.
Speaker: Let's walk each other home.
Speaker: Have a great day.
Speaker: Have a great week.
Speaker: I'll see you soon.
