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#39 - Special Episode Dr. Anna Elton facilitates conversation with Mike Ivanov
36 Plays25 days ago
Invited by Dr. Anna Elton, LFMT & PhD, Mike Ivanov steps into a brutally honest conversation about breakdowns, identity loss, and the decision to fight back. From hitting rock bottom to building Mindset Mutiny, Mike shares what it really takes to rebuild yourself—mentally, physically, and spiritually.
This episode cuts through the noise. No fluff. No filters. Just the truth about what it means to become unbreakable.
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Transcript
Introduction and Guest Welcome
00:00:34
Speaker
welcome to Life Fluff, etc. A show that covers all aspects of life, relationships and success. And I'm your host, Dr. Anna Elton. And I'm here with a special guest, Mike Ivanov.
00:00:47
Speaker
He is a former Division One athlete, hockey player, survivor of multiple traumatic brain injuries and the founder of Mindset Community. Welcome, Michael. How you doing?
00:00:58
Speaker
Good. How about yourself? I'm good. Thanks for having me. It's good to see you again. Well, good to see you as well.
Meeting at We Believe Event
00:01:05
Speaker
I guess before we start talking about you, let's talk about how we met.
00:01:10
Speaker
I love that. Okay. So we met at We Believe. It was in St. John, Canada. It was this big event, right? you want to tell us a little bit more about the event, how you met at foot, how you became a part of We Believe, and why it was important for you to be there and share your story?
Conquering Public Speaking Fears
00:01:31
Speaker
Sure, absolutely. So that was a big event for me because ah was very, very scared of that event. That was a big, big thing that I always kind of talk about is moving into our fears.
00:01:42
Speaker
And I had gotten turned on to that event through some charity work that I had done. I had built a mountain bike for charity to donate to veterans. So we we donated $14,000 through this charity. i ended up meeting guy and this was like, this is like four years ago now um named Trent. And I hadn't heard from him in three years. And I get a text a few, you know, maybe six months before the event. He's like, Hey, i have a speaking engagement for you.
00:02:07
Speaker
And I was like, all right, sounds great. And I've always kind of, just said yes to things, even if I'm like, they don't fit my schedule or even if I'm, you know, like, you know I got other things going on, a little scared, whatever. I just say yes and then I'll figure out later. So you said yes to me and to this show right tonight?
00:02:23
Speaker
That's right. We just said yes, you know, and and that's and that's like the first step to kind of like moving through your fear, right?
Experience Speaking to Large Audience
00:02:30
Speaker
Because we always try to block ourselves and make up all these things. That's why we can't do things. So You know, I said yes. And he's like, all right, great. I'll hook you up with the, you know, the the producer. And I was like, all right, cool.
00:02:39
Speaker
I'm thinking like, yeah, a couple hundred people. I'll go you know, tell my story and i'll be fun. So I get on the phone with the guy. He's like, hey, Mike, you tell me a little about yourself. I kind of tell my story. And um he's like, great. That sounds awesome.
00:02:51
Speaker
There's going to be 6,000 people there and I can't wait for you to come join us. And i was just, I could feel like my heart sank. You know, I was terrified. i was like, man, I'm not, I'm not that guy. I'm not ready for that.
00:03:02
Speaker
Um, and that was in January and the event was in May. Right. So I'm like, I have some time to build a human being. That's going to be ready to go up there and to deliver a message that mattered. Um, and it was, it was an amazing months building up to that.
00:03:17
Speaker
Uh, I was terrified for so long. There was tons of doubt in my mind and I just kept going to battle with it every day. You know, I just kept doing things that are just real building small wins.
00:03:28
Speaker
And I knew I was going to be that guy to step on that stage. and deliver a message and crush it. and And that's how it worked out. And I'll tell you right now, stepping up there, walking out on that stage and it was just dead silent.
00:03:42
Speaker
And there's just this calming feeling that came over me. And I was looking out at the crowd and i was like, this is this is where I belong. know this is um This is special. And I just laid it out. It was perfect. It was exactly how I imagined it, which is important to point that out, right? As I did envision how it was going to go.
00:04:00
Speaker
And I stepped off that stage and I think Miss America, Mrs. America was standing right there. and she said, Hey dude, you should do this for a living. And for me, that was a confirmation that I was in the right place.
00:04:13
Speaker
And um and just, you know, just so we're clear, your story. Amazing. I personally loved it. The struggle and and all these things that you've overcome, which not everybody knows that about you, I'm sure. But I was very impressed and it was an amazing message delivered in amazing way. So, I mean, it was just the environment to be around people like yourself.
00:04:36
Speaker
was special. I've never experienced that before. The energy in that room, you know, we first showed up that first day in the green room and we were all kind of introducing ourselves and was looking around the room and there were some very special people there. i was like, this is great.
00:04:49
Speaker
And I could just feel that energy building up to
Building Confidence with Small Steps
00:04:52
Speaker
the event. And, and, you know, those people around you gives you the courage to get up there. And it just feels natural. Like we're all there to get better, right. To improve, to deliver a message that matters.
00:05:05
Speaker
And for me, you know that was a once in a lifetime opportunity. And obviously we'll be you know we'll be back in what, two years from now. But it was lovely. And I can't even put into words. I'm still unpacking how special it was.
00:05:19
Speaker
But that was a big challenge to myself that when I walked off that stage, i was a different person than I was when I walked up there. So very special. So I remember the experience, right?
00:05:29
Speaker
I remember going on stage. And again, this is the biggest audience I had. and I've been speaking at events and conferences, right? But they never spoken in front of so many people. And then it was also live, right? They had, how many, 1.5 million people, right?
00:05:45
Speaker
Something like that. There was a lot of people watching us live, right? Not just the audience itself. And I remember, so what I remember from that, day um when i'm going on stage right and then briefly in just a few seconds when i'm saying something and then when i'm going off i feel like i was like dissociating because it was like so such a cool experience and i know that i knew my speech right i and again like i had no idea that will help help with teleprompter. And I was like, I need to know my speech. What if I forget my speech? And I was like, I know this is my story, but I'm here in front of so many people and I probably will feel anxious and uncomfortable, but it was amazing. So it was definitely really, really cool experience that we had to share. Well, I love it because, you know, a lot of people are so afraid of public speaking, right? And public speaking, you know, has always been my greatest fear.
00:06:38
Speaker
you know and then in the corporate role that I have it's always been required so I just knew I had to get good at it and the only way to get good at it was to ignore all those feelings that roll into you and just and just take on the reps it's like every rep is like you just get in there you keep swinging it keeps getting easier you keep getting better the voice like you start to gain that voice control because a lot of people like public speaking their voice starts to kind of you know get all kind of messed up on them you feel that like that flushing that kind of comes over you, you know, you can feel like you start to kind of get that blood rushing up to your head and people psych themselves out, you know, and I, and I, and I used to be that way, but I just had to keep getting up there.
00:07:15
Speaker
And this, this one was definitely the biggest one, just, just like you mentioned, but I don't know, it was something like, as soon as you get up there, like, everything goes quiet and the person that you've built for all these years comes out and gets to, and just gets to put on a show, you know, and, and it's a peaceful thing.
00:07:35
Speaker
I could, like, I felt no negative emotions up there. Like, The brain just did what it needed to do. And I was almost a spectator. It's like you they describe it like this, you're in this tunnel and you can't really see anything, but you're just like performing at a level that you've never performed at before.
00:07:55
Speaker
And for me, it's like, hey, when's the next one? So we can get up there and and test the machine again. You know, it was awesome. So actually let's talk about how do you get to that level, right? So you're afraid of the public speaking and then you don't know
Community and Social Interaction
00:08:10
Speaker
where to start. So usually I tell my clients as a therapist, right? You need to start small, you know, you need to aim low, right?
00:08:18
Speaker
Even if you think you can do something bigger, you still need to start with something, a small step. So what was your small first step that got you to be on that stage in front of someone? Absolutely, you know, that small step started many years ago.
00:08:31
Speaker
um I started to tell my story to one or two people and and I'd kind of get good at talking to those people. And then I decided, hey, listen, I need to get more of an audience. this' there's and There's an impact here.
00:08:45
Speaker
Right. But public speaking kind of just goes with anything that you do. So I would just start testing myself. I would get in conversations with people that I normally wouldn't talk to. that I would shy away from. You know, the stories we tell ourselves is what limits us most, right? That's one story I love to kind of say because I would always tell myself a story of being like, ah, they don't really want to hear what I have to say. Or, you know, those people are, you know, they're more interesting than me or all these like very self-sabotaging things in a way.
00:09:13
Speaker
And I said, you know what? Like, I'm not that guy. I'm not going to accept these excuses for myself. I'm not going to hide. I'm going to run right at it. And you know, i have to set an example for other people because I want to be able to help other people. So guess what?
00:09:26
Speaker
I need to get good at this if i'm going to help other people. Right? So that's what I started doing. I started getting into conversations. I started really pushing myself. I started ignoring all these feelings that come naturally to all these people that are fear of public speaking. And it's completely normal.
00:09:40
Speaker
I mean, it's ah it's a terrifying experience for a lot of people. Well, you start to trust yourself, you know, as you as you're talking to these other human beings and then you're engaging you start to realize like, okay, all right, like I know how to do this, right? I know how to interact with these human beings and and I can deliver a message that's valuable for them and I can connect with them, right? So the more reps you put in, you begin to trust yourself.
00:10:02
Speaker
The more you trust yourself, the easier it is to do whatever you decide you want to do. So walking up on that stage, there was a lot of trust in myself that was built before that, right? And then I've always been told,
00:10:16
Speaker
You know, so I work with a therapist myself. It's changed my life. And she always says to me, she's like, Mike, you got to trust yourself. Like even back when you were playing sports, like when when the buzzer hits, right, like you're ready to go. Like, you know how to perform.
00:10:32
Speaker
You've done all the work up until this point. The game is for fun. The speech is for fun. Like you built these, you've taken these steps beforehand. So one of the biggest things is all the work you put in before that.
00:10:44
Speaker
You can't just get a speech together and then go jump up on stage and do it. Like you have to build the person that is worthy of standing up there and doing it. And, and, and that building started, you know, like five years ago, intensely building myself.
00:10:59
Speaker
um And it was just a beautiful thing to come together the way it did and the people that were there. But it's about putting in the reps and, They're hard and they hurt and they're scary. There will be tears, but it's all worth it in the end.
00:11:14
Speaker
Well, as tell my clients, what is luck? It's when preparation meets opportunity, right? You are not lucky. You are preparing all this time to be able to be on that stage and deliver your speech, right? And have this impact on so many lives.
00:11:29
Speaker
So, but what I was thinking, going back to what's the first step. So what I did for myself, I was really shy teenager, right? And I would just blush.
00:11:41
Speaker
And then I would have a hard time, you know, I mean, I don't know. I don't think had like extremely hard time talking to people, but still starting the conversation, being so shy and feeling like maybe I'm not good enough or maybe I'm not saying the right thing. So what I did, the first thing I did to myself, I signed up for acting classes.
00:12:00
Speaker
I signed up for improv classes and I would go there on Saturday and Sunday when everyone's sleeping still in their warm baths. You know, it was New England, right? It was in Boston and I'm going there and I was like, why I doing this? I'm like, I hate my life. I hate my life. But what am I doing here?
00:12:16
Speaker
I'm 16, 17. I'm taking the classes. I'm being uncomfortable here, but that's what helped me, you know, to be comfortable and being uncomfortable. correct. And it was, you know, time after to time, I was like, okay, actually, it's not that bad.
00:12:31
Speaker
And that's another thing that I did to myself when I started my psychology classes. I was like, okay, i remember one of the assignments that we had in one of our first psychology classes in college. They said, well, you know, go and try to talk to people, just random people, start a conversation.
Value of Shared Experiences
00:12:47
Speaker
see how it feels. Or like seriously, we just have to go to strangers we like yeah you stand in line, you talk to this person at the gas station on campus, just talk to people. And that was so helpful because I was like now I can talk to anyone, right? I can come out to anyone I can have a conversation and sometimes I just come up to people.
00:13:06
Speaker
i say, you know, hi, for theva my name is this. And then I say like, so what's your story? And just asking them, what's your story? They tell me their entire life story is like, wow, I'm working off clock.
00:13:17
Speaker
Right. but like Think of like, how do you overcome that? You know, how do you step outside of the comfort zone? What would be that first step to be outside of the comfort zone? I love that.
00:13:28
Speaker
You know, so that, as you're talking, I was thinking about something early on for me was I used to always sit in the back of the room, you know, I, uh, and I'm sure, you know, people listen and know possibly they sit in the back of the room.
00:13:42
Speaker
Right. And I used to sit that, sit back there and just, you know, maybe hide from, I don't know what, but I remember reading a book and, um, this guy who's an ex Navy ceiling, he was talking about, you know, all the senior guys are always in the front of the room. Like you can't get a seat in the front of the room unless you get there an hour early, right? Because these guys are in the front of the room and that resonated with me.
00:14:04
Speaker
And I started to sit in the front of the room. Everybody, you know, there's all those open seats, right? Like you file into a meeting and the whole first two rows, there's nobody in the first two rows. I remember I'd always be the guy by myself in the first row.
00:14:17
Speaker
And then I started getting more things out of meetings. I started getting more engagement with the person that was speaking. And then it was just a natural progression for me to move from the front row to up in front of the room.
00:14:28
Speaker
it was It was natural. And I love what you say about talking ah to random people. And we can get to that more because I will tell you that will also help you build community around you. So I go to the same coffee shop all the time and always make sure to talk to everybody in there, customers, people working there.
00:14:47
Speaker
And I build this little community for me. So when I go in there, the energy in the room changes. right And I'm able to go in there and I'm able to start my day in one of the most positive ways ever because I've talked to all these different people in there.
00:15:00
Speaker
They want to come up to me and tell me what they had going on over the weekend or what book they're reading. you know but But I've built that by engaging with people around me. I could go into that coffee shop, not talk to anybody, drink my coffee and leave.
00:15:11
Speaker
But I've chosen to engage with everybody in there. And what I always tell guys that are struggling with talking to people is I always tell them like, listen, man, the other person on the other side is also nervous about talking to people.
00:15:24
Speaker
So be the first one to start the conversation and they will be so happy that you did. And then you can start to talk. And I remember when we were at our speech, um there was a, one of the speakers mentioned that people are the medicine and that really resonated with me. It stayed with me. And I've been thinking about it ever since because you walk into an environment like that, you know, the other day I was a little down.
00:15:45
Speaker
I was just tired. I've been training too much. And I was kind of like, just, you know, you get stuck in your head. And I was sitting at the, at the coffee bar and, um and surely one of the girls there, she says to me, Hey Mike, like you're stuck in your head, like snap out it.
00:15:59
Speaker
And this is somebody that like, I just literally drink my coffee with. And, but she knew me to that point where she's watched my baseline. She sees Mike Ivanov and how he's usually extremely upbeat. He's, he's like locked in. He's always sharing things.
00:16:13
Speaker
And that day I know I was a little more quiet than I usually am. So she picked up on that and then she, boom, says something to me and that snaps me out of it. But that would never have happened if I hadn't put in the work with these people around me. So that's all about building community. And that's also practice for when I got to get up in front of the room, right? Where it's like, hey, man, I've been i've been talking to people all day, every day. That's what I love to do.
00:16:36
Speaker
It's just another Tuesday, right? Mm-hmm. Well, I know that's how we met, right? You came up to me at the elevator, right? You said, like, I'm Mike. I know we didn't get the chance to talk, right? When we we had our first day in rehearsal and it was, I know, like, I didn't know a lot of people, right?
00:16:54
Speaker
It was really uncomfortable, but I feel like by the time that we finished our speeches, I think our last day when we were leaving, feel like we were so close with each other. And I was actually traveling with Fred Strunk.
00:17:08
Speaker
but He was with me and then I had Liliana, she's coming on my next show. And her friend, Rachel, i believe. And Paul was there, Roxanna was there, Rachel was there.
00:17:20
Speaker
And I feel like we're just, I mean, I have some fun stories. I guess I'm not going to spoil, you know, like our travels and kind of what happened in the airport. It was actually pretty cool.
00:17:31
Speaker
um hillary is like you know our stories from like what happened but again like this is what makes us together right that's what makes the community work and that's how you again step outside of comfort zone and you um meet people i saw i love that and we need to get back to you know being uncomfortable because that's like my entire way that i run my life now but when i so i guess what's important to talk about is You have to in life kind of tell your story and you have to live it and you have to live that lifestyle of getting uncomfortable. But when I, when I met you and it was very briefly, I knew there was something special about you, you know, and this is before I heard your story. So like, as you learn to talk to people and you meet so many different people,
00:18:22
Speaker
I feel like you can find out very quickly just by introducing yourself to somebody and then just there's something that happens between two human beings where you can sense something that like our brain doesn't really register.
00:18:35
Speaker
But I knew there was something special about you. I knew there was something deep there. And then to see you get on stage and absolutely deliver, you know, like a jaw dropping story of struggle and and triumph was just, i was like, you know what? I knew it, you know, it was confirming for me. And that was, that was special.
00:18:51
Speaker
But I always tell people that I'm like, listen, you got to like, you have to learn to filter like in your life, filter these people that you need to get to know more. And you need to get good at like picking up these different parts of people. Like it's how someone introduces themselves. It's how someone carries themselves. Like you can pick that up. Like I find there's a guy that I just met recently. um He's a guy do jujitsu with.
00:19:15
Speaker
And special, special guy, he's 22 years old, but he had a way about him. You know, that I like, I saw some things in him that I know that like about me. So like when you go to through deep struggle, you can recognize it's somebody else.
00:19:28
Speaker
it's It's natural, it's very it's very interesting. So, you know, I had kind of engaged with him and we were, you know, we were fighting with each other for a while there and day after day. And then I invite him to my office. I said, come to my office.
00:19:42
Speaker
I got to talk to you if you're okay with that. i I believe that you have a special story that we should talk about. And he's like, I'd like that. So he shows up in my office. You know, I tell him my origin story.
00:19:53
Speaker
He tells me his story, which is an amazing story of struggle and perseverance. And it's funny because I knew that there was a story behind that young man by the way that he carried himself, the maturity that he was at his age.
00:20:06
Speaker
So it's very special. And this is how I kind of moved through life. And you know, when you start to tell your story, different people come your way that normally wouldn't have come your way.
Overcoming Personal Struggles and Support
00:20:15
Speaker
And talking to people is also what brings that too. So all these people that are suffering with social anxiety, you know I deal with that a lot with some of the young guys I work with.
00:20:24
Speaker
I try to tell them, I said, people are the medicine, man. You get out there in those conversations, that anxiety disappears and then it turns into other opportunities in your life. you know So meeting you um was just ah like ah two paths crossed, you know walk out of the elevator at the as I'm headed in and and yeah, it was just special and i really appreciate that moment.
00:20:44
Speaker
Awesome, I love that. So let me take you, you know shift gears a bit and let me take you back to how it all started, right? You played hockey, right?
00:20:56
Speaker
Yes, a lifetime lifetimes to go. I played to played junior hockey. It was a big part of my life. It was my only identity that I had from, you know, you start skating around two years old and then you you know you pretty much you don't have any friends except anybody on the hockey team from that point forward in your life. It's all year round. you're a student athlete and you're traveling on the bus and that's your life.
00:21:19
Speaker
You know, I didn't know any better. You know, I was good at it and it taught me so much about myself. I'm never, I would never discount it and say i didnt you know, wasn't thankful for it. But, you know, you miss a lot of things along the road, um you know, and which which is fine because it's kind of the, I'm back to like living that lifestyle now where, you know, I'm not i'm not partying. I'm not hanging out with friends all the time. I'm sacrificing.
00:21:42
Speaker
um And that's where I feel most comfortable. And it's funny that you come back to that. So as we talk, you you know, you can see there's a gap in my life where I started to do those things that I didn't ever do. And it didn't bring much happiness to me and fell into, obviously, a a certain place in life. But hockey taught me to fight. It taught me um sacrifice.
00:22:01
Speaker
But that was lifetimes ago, you know. And then I had a traumatic brain injury, um which changed everything. You know, and i and I was in denial. I never really wanted to acknowledge that it changed my personality.
00:22:15
Speaker
it It was hard for me to go in the grocery store and pick between a bag of chips. It was really difficult. I had major, major anxiety start ramping up. I didn't talk to anybody about it. And, you know, at the time, there wasn't a lot of research on it. I'm so happy to see all the research coming out nowadays, to you know, protecting people.
00:22:32
Speaker
But there just wasn't a lot there. I was fighting this battle by myself. My identity's gone. Hockey's over. I'm sitting here with a brain injury and ah in ah you know and I've got college to contend with here. It's like, had no idea what I wanted to do. I did what people told me to do, which is fine.
00:22:46
Speaker
um But went through college and did all the did all the dumb shit. you know it didn't Didn't keep working on myself. was drinking, partying, you know, doing all that. You know, just getting good enough grades to get by.
00:22:58
Speaker
That's not who I am, you know? So I had lost my identity, okay? And it was terrible. It was very difficult. On top of losing my identity, now I've got a brain injury to contend with, which i had a really hard time. It was really dark, you know, and didn't have anybody to really help process that with.
00:23:16
Speaker
So, you know, you go through college, get the degree, You get out and get a regular job and you know, there I a few years into that, I get another brain injury. um that was That was the worst one.
00:23:31
Speaker
That was a crippling one. I was out of work for three months. I was in my parents' basement. Crazy story. You know, i I had done a lot of bad things with money, made some bad decisions and I was living in my parents' basement.
00:23:48
Speaker
with my now wife, case my girlfriend at the time, with a brain injury and I was broke. That was a bad place to be, and it's um but it was a place that I needed to go.
00:24:01
Speaker
So I get back on my feet, I get out of my my parents' basement. um And this is funny because I really don't tell people this and I should because people need to hear that because you need to understand that you know current circumstance isn't going to define the rest of your life.
00:24:16
Speaker
um And other people are right now probably listening to this in their parents' basement thinking that there's no way of getting out and there is. So we move out, ah get I get back on my feet.
00:24:27
Speaker
I'm still having problems, but I'm not talking about them. I'm not seeing a therapist. I'm not acknowledging that, you know I'm having massive amounts of anxiety. I'm having massive amounts of depression, having a lot of anger issues.
00:24:41
Speaker
you know, this is not a proud moment, but I was punching holes in walls. I was having hissy fits is what I like to call them. A grown man walking himself in the closet, sitting there crying. I was having major problems with regulating these emotions.
00:24:55
Speaker
And I didn't even think about possibly being related to a head injury. I didn't even think to go see somebody to talk about that. I just was like, I got to be a man and I got to get through this and all that crap that's not true.
00:25:06
Speaker
You know, and that that's like the real message is when you got a problem, you got to talk about it. You gotta tell people what's going on. Crying is is is totally okay, but it's a signal that you need to talk about something, right?
00:25:19
Speaker
And there were many tears after this. Don't let me fool you. The waterworks didn't stop there. um So I had been struggling with that, not paying attention to what it meant, and things got worse.
00:25:33
Speaker
All of the anxiety, depression all started manifesting into physical symptoms. I felt like somebody had put a cell phone inside of me and just kept calling it. i was having vibrations running up and down through my body.
00:25:44
Speaker
You know, my face was twitching. i was sweating. There was times where I wet the bed as a grown man. My nervous system was completely jacked up. And I tell that because, you know, that's a hard thing. Nobody wants to wake their significant other up at three in the morning and say, hey, you know, honey, I wet the bed. You know, this this is, I'm sorry, but i don't know what's going on.
00:26:05
Speaker
But people need to understand the depths of how bad this can get if it's not managed. And if you don't go see a professional, right? And then you try to fight it by yourself, try to be that man and and do that. that's not That's not a valiant battle. That's not something that you want to take on by yourself.
00:26:20
Speaker
So I like to share those hard symptoms. And there's, you Google them. I had every single one them. Okay. And um I still wasn't seeing anybody, wasn't talking to anybody. My wife didn't even know the degree of what it was.
00:26:33
Speaker
One close friend maybe knew a teeny little bit about it that i was having panic attacks. Seven panic attacks every minute on the minute I was laying on the floor of my apartment. I can still remember the places that I thought I was going to die.
00:26:45
Speaker
I was driving myself to the hospital, fully believing that I wasn't going to make it there. It was, it was a bad place to be. And then here I am putting on that face at work. Like everything's good. Nobody I worked with had a clue.
00:27:00
Speaker
And I was at the darkest places of my life. Um, And again, ah ashamed of it for some reason. Okay. Nowadays, I tell anybody dealing with that, listen, we're going to get through it. I know exactly how to help you get through it. These are the people you call. This is how we handle it. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Love you. Proud of you for sharing it.
00:27:17
Speaker
That's what's important. and So these things continue to go on. I'm having a bad time. My wife and I's anniversary is coming up. We're going on a beautiful trip to the Hamptons. And here I am like absolutely falling apart.
00:27:29
Speaker
Like the worst place of my life. And I remember i just didn't want to be anywhere down there. We go to a restaurant. I couldn't wait. I couldn't wait for her hurry up and eat food. So I get the bill. I get the hell out of there.
00:27:43
Speaker
But then when I get to the next place, i don't want to be there either. Hurry and get the hell out of there and nothing changes. So I'm like on this high alert all the time. And um I can remember went back to the Airbnb, take a nap.
00:27:56
Speaker
And I was jacked up like every single day leading up to the six months, like really bad. I just wake up crying. And, uh, my wife looks at me, she jumps off. She's like, Mike, you know, like what's wrong, what's going on. And I, and I was like, you know, that crying where you can't even talk.
00:28:11
Speaker
It's like, it's just, you can't even like, it's like when I see like a really young kid who's like having a hard time communicating, just crying and can't get it out. That's how I was. And I couldn't calm down from it.
00:28:22
Speaker
Um, and my wife just sitting there looking at me, like, just like, Hey, what can I do to help you? was able to get the words out, you know? And I told her, I said, Hey, listen, Devin, um, I love you, but you know, I'm planning on taking my own life, you know? and And, and at the time, like ah felt nothing saying there, I wasn't like, oh that's terrible. I didn't get any goosebumps. Like, I just was like, this is the right thing to do. My brain had lost control. I had lost control of my brain. It decided what we're going to do and you're going be okay with it.
00:28:59
Speaker
And I, looking back on that, I can see how that, you know, happened. But she sat there. She looked at me, of course, very alarmed. And the first thing she said was, I love you. She took my hand and she's like, hey, like, we're going to get through this together.
00:29:12
Speaker
And that was special. I didn't have somebody like that in my corner, you know, I probably wouldn't be here today. And I tell you, she's never, ever, ever, like, brought it up. You know, we don't like we don't sit there and and harp on it. But she's like, I'm, you know, like the other day, she's like, i'm proud of you, man. Like, this been a journey.
00:29:33
Speaker
spend a journey and she's never like ever brought, I guess is what i was trying to say. She's never made it about her. You know, she's never been like, that was so hard for me. And I had to watch you do these things. I was a bad person.
00:29:44
Speaker
You know, I wasn't showing up as a good partner. I was locked in my own head. And here's this person who still loves me unconditionally, who's here to help me and is going to do whatever they can to, you know, to make sure that I get better.
00:29:57
Speaker
That's special. She's still in my corner. She's my best friend. and um That's amazing. Yeah, I mean, it's, it's, and looking back on it now here today with you after everything that's, you know, all the accomplishments and all the building of myself was the best thing ever happened me. Truly the best thing that ever happened.
00:30:17
Speaker
So let me ask you, and I mean, I guess it's important to have your so circle, right? People you can trust and people who can watch out for you and be there for you, right?
00:30:28
Speaker
But for you personally, what helped you to snap out of that place? What helped you to, you know, once you hit the rock bottom to start climbing back up?
Identity Rebuilding and Personal Growth
00:30:36
Speaker
It's a great question. um I realized that what put me there was the sum of my decisions.
00:30:47
Speaker
Okay. um It was failure to get help first. Okay. First problem. So I got the help. Right. So i was able to quiet the mind down.
00:31:00
Speaker
When I started be able to quiet the mind down and started to feel normal. And of course, like when I say normal, like still experiencing massive, massive levels anxiety, but I wasn't having the thoughts of like, want to take my life. That was gone.
00:31:12
Speaker
Like I knew that that wasn't the right thing that that my mind was, was off. So then started working with a therapist. Her name's Kim, amazing person. She's been able to watch this entire, you know, trend back. And it's been an amazing,
00:31:26
Speaker
story. um But she made me realize like, what if that was a question i always ask myself, like, what if I could, like, do all these things I always wanted to do that I never did? What if I could get in shape? You know, I was really fat.
00:31:41
Speaker
And I was not, you know, I was not proud of how I looked, you know, so there's a lot of doubt, fear and insecurity that came with that, right? So was eat alive I alive by doubt, fear and insecurity. And I just would keep asking myself like, what if What if, what if I could do this? And then I, then I did something small.
00:31:57
Speaker
First thing I did was like, you know what, gonna drink a gallon of water every single day and I'm never gonna miss a day. It has been over five years and I'm sitting here today with you and I haven't missed a gallon of water since that day.
00:32:08
Speaker
Right? So that's one small thing that then I stacked another thing and then another thing and another thing. i just keep stacking all of these little, these little micro, you know, routines that make up big silos, right? So then you have your physical You have your mental and you have your emotional silos. and I have all these mini routines like built within each one.
00:32:26
Speaker
And I just start nailing them and it starts to become non-negotiables. And the way to make it a non-negotiable is you just tell yourself like, this is who we are now. You know, and that was a big thing for me. It was the considering like the, what if I could.
00:32:39
Speaker
And then when I go to lock it in, this is who we are now. So was writing a new identity. I didn't know that that's what I was doing at the time. I can look back and say like, wow, that was pretty wild that you're able to do that. But that's how I did it. I took one small thing and I just locked it in and I got good at doing it.
00:32:55
Speaker
I got really good at drinking a gallon of water every day. And I know some people would be like, yeah, dude, great. That's awesome. But for me, when I couldn't do anything, that was huge. And then it just started to go from there. And then I started like studying this stuff, started to become a student of the game. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to get to know every single thing about physical fitness because I believe that that's going to be a key. The movement is a key for me.
00:33:19
Speaker
I'm going really learn a lot about it. And then I just took that model and I applied it to like studying my brain, learning about how the brain works, learning about how the thought patterns work, learning how to rewrite, you know, that script, rewrite that identity.
00:33:32
Speaker
So I just became a student in my own success and my own growth. Um, it was a wild thing. And I look back now, like if I read it, so I have journals from like these five years, have everything written down, you know, the entire journey.
00:33:46
Speaker
When you look back at those journals where I was like literally writing about every physical symptom I was having. So looking at my journals now where it's like, oh, hey, we just got off stage of 6,000 people. I crushed it. Like there tooth there's like 17 different evolutions in there of a different Mike Ivanov.
00:34:01
Speaker
And that's kind of the point, right? Is you have to, this is tough for some people to hear, but you have to kill that old you to move on to the new one. That old you is going to keep pulling you back into that old life.
00:34:13
Speaker
And you have to say like, we're gonna be we're burying that guy. that's That's not who we are anymore. Because that guy loves to like pull you back into that life. Like of that comfortability, right? Into that comfort.
00:34:24
Speaker
I want to move to the discomfort because I know that's where all the growth is. And I know that's where my happiness lies. But that old me, he wants you to come back. So buried that guy. I've buried that guy probably 15, 20 times now.
00:34:37
Speaker
And it just keep getting better. So interesting. So I really like about that down in the water. So I, a few shows ago, a few episodes ago, I interviewed the bodybuilder and his advice was not to remove something from your diet.
00:34:54
Speaker
but to actually add something. So in your case, you added the water, right? He talked about water. He talked about like, maybe like if you're into sugar, right? Instead of removing ice cream, add an apple.
00:35:05
Speaker
And then after a certain time, you're not going to be craving ice cream anymore, right? You will get satisfied with sugar from the apple. So this is where like, you know, instead of just removing and restricting, you're actually adding something, right?
00:35:19
Speaker
To change the whole dynamic. that's That's amazing way to look at it because as you're saying, and I'm just thinking about 19 other things exactly like that in parts of my life, but also just even related to diet, right? So if I don't even know what some of those foods taste like anymore because I've replaced them, right? So you replace an unhealthy food with something that's healthy and then like, i'm I'm driving home from work. Like I can't wait to have some eggs and ground beef. Like, I mean, that, I know that sounds silly, but like, that's what I crave now.
00:35:49
Speaker
Like healthy food because I've removed the unhealthy food, replaced it with something else. Right. And it's the same thing with life, right? You take an unhealthy habit, you replace it with a healthy habit, you lock it in and you never go back to that old one.
00:36:02
Speaker
And you make sure you remember how you feel. When like, so it's the same as alcohol, right? Like I can't really drink alcohol anymore. You know, I go like, I'll go two, two, three weeks having like a, you know, we had like a cocktail for 4th July.
00:36:15
Speaker
felt like crap the next three days. And it's just like, that's like, we're not going to do that anymore because it's just, it's sacrificing the performance, right? It's if it doesn't add to the mission and add to the goals, we cut it out.
00:36:28
Speaker
That's kind of how I've been living. So if it's not going to give me, you know, an edge to perform, not going to be part of my life. that simple it has to be kind of that definitive or else you get pulled back into those old habits i love that so as we're building on this conversation so gratitude right so what we usually do we tend to set the goals we reach the goal and then we set the next one and we keep moving and moving moving without pausing so what i always tell my clients you need to pause
00:37:00
Speaker
and celebrate the small success or big success. But it's extremely important to actually give yourself gratitude. to Just remind i remind yourself, you're doing great, right? You overcame so much and this is awesome. You know, start with water, start with something else, but this is amazing, right? Just keep swimming.
00:37:20
Speaker
I like that. There's a kid I know that says keep swimming. I need to do better with, you know, taking some time for gratitude. That is a place that I could probably do better. I do find that it is from one mountain peak to the next with very little celebration. I do give that advice that you need to celebrate your wins.
00:37:37
Speaker
I don't take my own advice. And as human beings, we're really good at giving advice, not taking our own. So. That is something that I can work on. But yeah, that's huge. Definitely have to celebrate the wins. You got to tell the mind like, Hey, the work paid off.
00:37:49
Speaker
Great job. Let's go do it again. Positive reinforcement is key. And I do talk about a lot of self-talk has been a huge way to conversations in the mirror has been a big part of my development and my accountability.
00:38:02
Speaker
um And when I say conversations in front of the mirror, yes, I am looking at the mirror and yes, I am speaking out loud. And I do that with some of my clients. I say, go in the mirror. And want you talk loud of the mirror. And they're like, i can't i can't I can't say it out loud. Like, that's kind of weird. And like, dude, that's the very problem.
00:38:18
Speaker
If you're not comfortable enough to talk to yourself out loud in the mirror, then there's going to be some some real development issues that we're going to run into because this is what accountability is about. It's about holding that guy in the mirror responsible for what the result's going to be.
00:38:33
Speaker
So, yeah, those are some things that really resonate with me, what you're saying. I love that. Celebrate that gratitude. I'm gonna celebrate a couple my wins later when I get home. Awesome. So I'll add another complexity to this. So I say grace and gratitude.
00:38:47
Speaker
So you need to give yourself grace. You will not be perfect. You know, like everything will not going to go as you envisioned. Right. If it does, that's amazing. But it's not going to happen as you hope. And it's okay, right? You're not going to be perfect and
Grace, Gratitude, and Personal Development
00:39:00
Speaker
that's fine. You don't need to be perfect.
00:39:01
Speaker
And then you need to be grateful for what you have, right? What you accomplished so far and what you have. And same thing for your partner. You know, this is, I guess, the secret to success in marriage, right? We need to make sure that you give gratitude to your partner and you give grace to your partner.
00:39:17
Speaker
So that will be your homework. Grace and gratitude yourself. I appreciate the homework. I appreciate it I need it. Trust me. I need it Those are two things that are very, very... key to a lot of parts of life. And those are two things that I do not give enough attention to is grace and gratitude. So I do appreciate you digging that up out of me. I know that you probably saw that somewhere and something that I said and you picked up on it. So thank you.
00:39:43
Speaker
I will work on that 100%. I'll check. I know you will. I know you will. i will I will. I will take care of business on that front for sure. So and another thing I was thinking as you were speaking, so you say that like, you know, you buried the old version of self, right?
00:40:00
Speaker
But what I've been seeing in my practice, you know, unfortunately, we get triggered, right? And then we regress that old version and sometimes um comes up again, right? Inside some shape or form, right?
00:40:11
Speaker
And what I was... usually doing for myself and for my clients, I tell, cope ahead time. So think of the place, people, situation that triggers you.
00:40:24
Speaker
And instead of ah being hard on yourself and say like, well, I shouldn't have said that or done that, you say like, what can I learn from this? I can't change fast. What can I take away from this? And how can it be better in the future?
00:40:36
Speaker
So that's how you're coping ahead of time. I love that. You know, you're preparing for like, okay, next time when I see this person, this is what I can do. Or when I'm in this situation, this is what I can do. And then when you actually get in that situation, you already prepared, you know what to do.
00:40:50
Speaker
And hopefully you're not going to get triggered and you're not going to go in the same place as you did before. That's great. You know, for me, I've um always talked about hard conversations. You know, those are those are some of the things that have really helped me develop is I'm not afraid of the hard conversation. In fact, I welcome a hard conversation.
00:41:08
Speaker
you can learn a lot both parties, right? And hard conversations have made me have to confront my ego. um And an ego is what can cause you to be triggered. Most of the time, always it can be related back to ego.
00:41:22
Speaker
um So for me, I've been working on ego a lot. And that's something that's very important to become good at a hard conversation. You cannot be triggered in any way, shape or form by anything anybody says.
00:41:35
Speaker
They have to be able to say whatever they want to say. And you have to say, yeah I understand. And I hear you. I see you appreciate that. You know, you cannot start to have your own personal opinions on things. You have to just sit as another person, you know, taking some feedback.
00:41:47
Speaker
And the more I can kill that ego, the more that I can learn about it. And trust me, I've done hours and hours and hours of studying it. I had i had a big ego for a long time in my life and it did nothing but take opportunity away from me.
00:42:00
Speaker
So very important. And then, you know, obviously jujitsu is really been a humbling experience um that helps with the ego as well. ah for anybody that hasn't done it and has an ego they should try it you will be fixed in a few weeks but it's it's it's a special thing but you're so right preparing visualizing it knowing what you're going to say preparing the mind and the body to receive it in nothing but a positive manner and just knowing like hey man i am responsible for my own actions how i receive this is up to me i get triggered that's that's my problem like
00:42:35
Speaker
I need to go work that out, whatever that is. There's a doubt, a fear, or insecurity somewhere in me that is triggering me. It's not the person on the other side of the table. It's me. And that's kind of what I've done. That's my claim to fame is Doubt, fear, insecurity. Identify them all, burn them all out, work on them, talk about them, share them with others, figure out ways to fix it. I call it the war map.
00:42:59
Speaker
That's kind of what I did to fix myself was I wrote down every single doubt, fear, and insecurity that I had, the deepest, darkest ones, not the surface level crap that most people will share around, the dark stuff, the stuff you don't want to tell anybody.
00:43:14
Speaker
Okay, I wrote them down. And I said, know what? If they're written down, that means I can fix them. and I just started fixing them. I said, okay, this is a fear. Okay. This is how I'm going to fix it. This is a doubt. Okay. Well, what information do I need to know? That's going to prove to me that that's not, shouldn't be a doubt anymore. So I started looking for the proof.
00:43:32
Speaker
I started building the proof, you know showing myself like, Hey, these, this is the proof. And then the insecurity stuff, like holds you back in every part of your life in every conversation.
00:43:43
Speaker
So for me, those insecurities, I start just sharing. I just start sharing things with people, stuff that puts me out of my comfort zone. And you know what? Not one conversation have I ever had sharing something and people are like, whoa, dude, that's too much, man. Like, whoa, I don't want to talk to you.
00:44:01
Speaker
It's never happened in my life. And I've talked to thousands and thousands and thousands of people. So I just know for anybody out there that's a little worried about how they're going to be received when they start sharing the conversation, that is a thought that you put in your own head.
00:44:17
Speaker
That is a story you tell yourself. usually Yeah, exactly. I lived the life of living, limiting myself. And now I have figured out how not to do it.
00:44:27
Speaker
And I cannot wait to see what the future looks like. Cause it's been nothing but amazing. Once you stop putting those limitations on yourself, like the person you can become, there is no ceiling.
00:44:38
Speaker
There's no limit. Whoever you want to be, you can be, but stop the story. Tell yourself a different story about one of being the person that you want to be.
00:44:49
Speaker
And it will come true because when you put it in your mind and you say it that way, all of your actions will deliver it. It's it's it's so so, I just keep doing it and it keeps working. So I'm just like, guys, like everybody's missing out. Like just do these things and then in and your life, you won't even recognize it in two to three years.
00:45:06
Speaker
mean, it's so special, but it does start with like the inward look, like being in charge of what's in here. and being okay with it, you know? And and again, eliminating doubt, fear, and insecurity. That's been like the unlock.
Self-Reliance and Overcoming Limitations
00:45:19
Speaker
Love that. And again, if something doesn't go as planned, give yourself grace. Yes. And gratitude. Be grateful where you are. And tomorrow will be a new day, and you can try again. Gonna work on that, for sure.
00:45:32
Speaker
I'm not good at that at all. So as we are wrapping up, please share with our viewers where they can find you, if they want to reach out, talk to you.
00:45:43
Speaker
Sure. Yeah. So you can find me, MindsetMutiny.com. You can follow me on Instagram. It's M. Ivanov, M-I-V-A-N-O-V-1-2-2-4.
00:45:56
Speaker
It's Mike at MindsetMutiny.com. But more importantly, um you know, I need you to know that nobody's coming to save you. It's up to you to make those changes.
00:46:09
Speaker
You can live whatever life you've dreamed of. But you need to understand that you're blocking yourself from that. And I'm only saying that because that's exactly how I live.
00:46:20
Speaker
And I finally figured out how not to live that way. And it's been an amazing thing. It's the reason why I launched Mindset Mutiny, because I need to share the message with other people. You can listen to the podcast.
00:46:33
Speaker
I have some amazing students that I coach. Do you need some one-on-one coaching? You can hit me up and we can talk about all of the doubt, fear, and insecurity that's holding you back in your life. um I've had to confront it and it has been the best thing for me.
00:46:48
Speaker
99.9% of people in your life will not tell you the truth. And the only reason I say that is because when I was fat and I didn't like how I looked, my mom told me i still looked good, okay? But that's a fact. People don't want to hurt you.
00:47:01
Speaker
But to go on this mission and to unlock the person that you you are meant to be, It's going to hurt. You're going to cry. You're going to want to quit. It's going to be the most difficult thing you've ever done in your entire life.
00:47:17
Speaker
But if you can remove that ego, you can open up your ears. You can tell yourself the truth, right? That's what I do for my clients. I tell them the truth. You can change everything in your life and you can live a life that you honestly never dreamed of because the life that I'm living today, I never dreamed of it.
00:47:35
Speaker
And that's why it's so special and it's a special, special message. And I need you to trust me on that. You're in control. You can do it. And everybody here is here to support you.
00:47:48
Speaker
You need to build a circle of people around you. And I need you to understand that you will lose friends along the way. It just happens. But find the high performers, get a mentor, talk about your feelings.
00:48:00
Speaker
Okay. But more importantly, execute relentlessly. That's it. And give yourself some grace and some gratitude. Right? finally too Thank you.
00:48:12
Speaker
That was amazing. Thank you for being here with us, sharing your story. So powerful. And thank you for watching us. We'll see you again in two weeks. And I hope you guys have all amazing rest of this week.
00:48:25
Speaker
Bye-bye.