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#38 - The Origin Story
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This is where it all began. No scripts. No filters. Just the raw, unrelenting truth. In this episode, I open the vault and take you back to the moment my life almost ended—and the exact second I made the decision to fight. You’ll hear the pain, the darkness, and the desperation… but more importantly, you’ll hear how I flipped the switch, rewired my mind, and began the brutal climb back to life, power, and purpose. This isn’t inspiration—it’s proof. If you’ve ever felt like you were drowning, stuck, or broken beyond repair… this one is for you. This is my origin story. This is the reason Mindset Mutiny exists.
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Transcript
Introduction to Mindset Mutiny
00:00:21
Speaker
What's up, everybody? Welcome back. This is Mindset Mutiny. I am your host, Mike Ivanov. Today, we're going to talk about my origin story.
Mike's Hockey-Centric Early Life
00:00:30
Speaker
I think it's important before you listen to anybody or get to know anybody, you know where they come from, you know where their energy is generated from, and you kind of know the origin story in a way, right? So we're gonna talk about that.
00:00:43
Speaker
Today my origin story starts with me playing hockey. At two years old I started skating and up until like 18 years old, that's all I ever did with my life. I didn't know anything different.
00:00:55
Speaker
I didn't go to any parties. I didn't hang out with people. It was the team, it was getting better, it was pretty much studying, doing schoolwork, playing hockey. Training outside of the rink to be a better hockey player.
00:01:08
Speaker
It was my identity. It was everything I knew. We didn't do anything else, right? um Totally committed to the team. Totally committed to the sport. It was my whole life.
00:01:23
Speaker
What's tough about that is, you know, that ends.
Transitioning from Hockey
00:01:27
Speaker
Can't be a hockey player forever. right It's a short little window. And there's a very low success rate to become a professional doing so.
00:01:39
Speaker
So for me, that was just who I was.
Concussions and Brain Injury Awareness
00:01:44
Speaker
And then later on in my career, had a traumatic brain injury.
00:01:51
Speaker
Now, I had many concussions before this. Back when I was playing there wasn't a lot of information like there is today and I'm so happy that there's so much awareness around it because I know how this has affected my life and affected me and affected many others as well um that I've actually talked to and If you have never had a traumatic brain injury, it's hard to understand exactly how bad it fucks you up. But you know it can change you. it can change your personality.
00:02:19
Speaker
It can change the way your brain functions. It can give you all sorts of different issues. you know If you're interested in learning more about it, you can Google it and kind of research it. But it's quite terrifying. It will change your personality, like I said.
00:02:32
Speaker
um For me, it was very difficult. We can get into that in a little bit. but So had a traumatic brain injury and, you know, my entire life changed.
Identity Crisis Post-Hockey
00:02:45
Speaker
Hockey was over. I'm in college. Don't know who the fuck I am because my identity is completely changed. You know, the hockey's over.
00:02:57
Speaker
My brain is having problems.
00:03:02
Speaker
And I'm really struggling. And, you know, um in college, I do what everybody told me to do. go get a business degree, Mike. You know, you're good at that and you're good at talking to people and blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, so I just do what people tell me to do.
00:03:15
Speaker
Go through college doing all the dumb shit. um You know, no idea who I am or what I want to be. Really kind of difficult. Again, it was that lack of identity.
00:03:26
Speaker
You know, so my kind of like my physical being starts sliding because hockey was what kept me in like in that condition. Right. Always.
00:03:38
Speaker
in good shape and eating right and sleeping right and just taking care of myself. Right. So when that was over, everything slid, my entire body started to really kind of lock up, you know, just like overnight you stop this activity level. And I became very kind of stagnant and not very active drinking a ton and, you know, just doing stupid shit, really not, not investing in myself and not trying to be better and,
00:04:06
Speaker
and whatnot.
Financial Struggles and Societal Doubts
00:04:07
Speaker
So, you know, graduated college, get a job, you know, working for Enterprise Rent-A-Car and one thing led to another and it's a bad time to graduate.
00:04:23
Speaker
And I'm just sitting here thinking, kind of reflecting as I'm talking. I came out of school thinking I was going to make a ton of money you know think my first job, I was making like 35 grand a year, cleaning cars with a suit on, graduated in a recession.
00:04:43
Speaker
And I have nothing. I have no identity except for just trying to work. didn't know what that even meant. I'm living in an apartment with my girlfriend, who's my obviously my wife now.
00:04:56
Speaker
And my student loan payments are about as much as I'm making. So like living on credit cards and setting myself back and just losing faith in the system.
00:05:08
Speaker
And that's some victim fucking shit, which I wish somebody had told me at the time.
00:05:15
Speaker
So life goes on. I'm working in an automotive shop. And I get my second major traumatic brain injury.
Second Brain Injury and Its Impact
00:05:26
Speaker
I was laying underneath a dual rear wheel dump truck and it has, you know, they have four wheels and ah yeah the outer wheel usually comes off pretty easy.
00:05:38
Speaker
But the inner wheel usually gets stuck on there and you have to hammer it off. So I'm laying underneath this dump truck, it's jacked up, I'm on my side and I'm smashing this inner wheel off with like a 20 pound dead blow sledgehammer. If you're familiar with it, big orange hammer.
00:05:54
Speaker
It's a dead blow so it it has some like beans inside of it so when you hit it, it doesn't bounce, right? The ah sledge doesn't bounce. So i'm swinging swinging swinging. I'm getting more tired and I missed the rim and I hit the tire the Sledge comes back hits me in the forehead and I was having real issues after that so to complicate things I'd gone broke shortly before that and I'm living in my mom and dad's basement
00:06:28
Speaker
with my wife, this is 2014, wasn't my wife at the time. So i'm living in the basement, I'm broke, can't work, and i you know, pretty fucking depressed about it.
00:06:42
Speaker
And I'm struggling with my second major brain injury. So now I'm having a real hard time and I have nobody to talk to about it. Who talk to?
00:06:55
Speaker
Back in that day, there was not a lot of information. There wasn't any support group for this type of thing that I knew of.
00:07:04
Speaker
So i'm sitting in a dark basement every day. No identity still,
Mental Health Struggles Post-Injuries
00:07:10
Speaker
right? The fuck I am. And really just no idea what to do with my life.
00:07:18
Speaker
Had a lot of time to reflect on it. Couldn't go to the grocery store, had too much anxiety to even walk in there. Couldn't pick between a bag of chips. You know, we didn't talk about it a lot as a family.
00:07:32
Speaker
Didn't really talk about it much to my wife either. That I can remember. And again, like all of that is super blurry. I just knew that my personality was having a problem.
00:07:46
Speaker
It's having issues with the emotions. emotional control, aggression, ah motivation, didn't want to do anything, was just really lost and really confused.
00:08:02
Speaker
So time goes on, continue to try to heal and I ended up getting, um, ended up getting the job that I have now, uh, which is, uh, at the time I started as a service manager at a, a very large company was in heavy equipment.
00:08:22
Speaker
And, um, I started working there in 2015, still having these issues. with emotional control, depression, anxiety.
00:08:36
Speaker
wasn't telling anybody about it, just
New Job and Temporary Identity
00:08:39
Speaker
hoping that it would go away. And I wasn't even acknowledging the fact that I had had a brain injury.
00:08:47
Speaker
In fact, I never even really mentioned it to anybody Until recently, somebody sat me down and was like, hey, Mike, you need to tell your story and you need to tell it talking about these brain injuries, because that's something that you might not be understanding as to how this could have led to the major decline that we're going to get to here.
00:09:09
Speaker
So I'm working it all the time, you know, trying to just work on my career. That's like what my purpose is, right? That's my new identity, which I'll tell you right now, all of you out there, your job should never be your identity. It's not a healthy thing.
00:09:24
Speaker
But this is what I had to do to try to focus on something. So anyway, i start doing well. I move out, finally get back on my feet. Still in 2015, my wife and I are, you know, are back out living on our own.
00:09:38
Speaker
And just got to tell you, man, I can't believe this woman is still with me and still supports me. It's a very special person. When you hear about all the things that she's been through with me, it will give you a whole new perspective on what it's like to have a partner that supports you.
00:09:55
Speaker
So maybe it's just that she believed in me for so long and knew I was capable of something or not.
00:10:04
Speaker
But what it comes down to is she's a special person and I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for her. And we'll get into that and a little bit later.
00:10:17
Speaker
So life goes on, going through the motions, start drinking again,
00:10:26
Speaker
start trying to make these emotions disappear. I'm having emotional breakdowns. I'm breaking shit, punching holes in walls, having what I call hissy fits. you know i We had a big walk-in closet at the time and I would go in there and I would just start crying and I didn't know why.
00:10:49
Speaker
um I couldn't handle the smallest
Physical and Mental Health Challenges
00:10:52
Speaker
little issues. Now I'd go put on a face at work and just try to be the guy that everybody needed me to be.
00:11:01
Speaker
was under extreme pressures at the time with certain people I was working with. which made it difficult. But um I didn't understand that these emotional swings, this anxiety, this depression that I was dealing with was related to maybe the head injury or that like it was something I needed to be extremely worried about and start to get some help with.
00:11:25
Speaker
I didn't tell anybody about it. I just kept kind of doing my thing. And of course, you know, my wife was just probably Extremely concerned but didn't know what to do.
00:11:38
Speaker
I Didn't know what to do. So how's anybody else gonna know how to help me? anyway It was a really dark place
00:11:50
Speaker
ah Guess you got to understand that when you're having problems and And you're having things you can't explain, emotional swings, mood changes, um you know, aggression. You know, you need to fucking go talk to somebody, man.
00:12:02
Speaker
I never did until it was too late.
00:12:07
Speaker
I guess that's the message that's really important to deliver. so
00:12:14
Speaker
Fast forward to 2019. I'm living at the in the city at the time. Things are going good in my career. I'm doing a good job, making good money.
00:12:27
Speaker
You know, far cry from being broke in my mom's basement. But um I'm in the worst mental state of my life.
00:12:40
Speaker
Everything was falling apart inside me.
00:12:46
Speaker
And I want to read you some of the symptoms. I have my journal here from that timeframe. And my therapist made me, you know, write down all the things I was experiencing. And this is before, like this is after. So I wrote this list after the fact.
00:13:08
Speaker
So to list these off because you need to share them with people that are struggling with anxiety, depression, things like that, because these types of symptoms, everybody experiences them one one way or the other, right?
00:13:21
Speaker
um I knew somebody that was having a hard time. Um, with something similar and I shared these symptoms with them and they were like, dude, that's, I'm, I'm feeling that. And anybody I talked to about these issues, anxiety, depression, you know, um, they all feel some sort of this, right? So I've written this down. I use this to help others. So I'm going to use it today. So hopefully maybe you can share it with somebody.
00:13:44
Speaker
Um, the symptoms I was experiencing, and I'm going to read them right out of the journal as they're written. Chest fluttering.
00:13:53
Speaker
Heart racing. Tightness in my chest. Right at the bottom underneath the sternum. Dizziness. Hot flashes.
00:14:06
Speaker
Upper and mid-back extreme tension. Headaches. worry ah Worrying, constant worry about what was wrong with me. I'd always be waiting to feel a symptom. I'd have my hand, you know, my fingers on my pulse all the time.
00:14:26
Speaker
Anxiousness. Everywhere I went, I wanted to leave. I couldn't be comfortable anywhere. I had muscle spasms happening all over my body. You could sit still, right? You could sit near me and you could see my chest just like, you could just see the palpitation, you know, the the the fluttering or the spasm.
00:14:44
Speaker
My legs would be shaking. I'd always have an exhausted mind. I'd have a feeling of helplessness that never seemed to go away.
00:14:56
Speaker
I was never comfortable just being.
00:15:02
Speaker
I could feel my heartbeat in my back all the time. I could feel my heartbeat in my ears.
00:15:10
Speaker
My lip would twitch. I would feel a fluttering or a gurgling type of feeling in my trap. My chest would buzz.
00:15:23
Speaker
My forearms would buzz, my hands and fingers would be numb, and my eyes would always twitch.
00:15:33
Speaker
I thought at the time, because I was driving myself to the hospital often with these issues, and they would tell you everything's fine.
00:15:46
Speaker
Heart's fine. Body's fine. Mike, everything is good. And they'd ask me, do you have anxiety? And I would deny it because I thought it was weak to admit those types of things. So instead, what my mind did was created some sort of thought that something else was wrong.
00:16:05
Speaker
So I believe that I had some sort of MS or that I had a brain issue, right? I told you I had some
00:16:15
Speaker
Traumatic brain injuries. And this is what really scared me because if you read about those, you can have some real fucking problems later on in life.
00:16:25
Speaker
So I tried to not think about that. And that's really the reason that I've kind of denied it for so long and not talked about it because when I was in my worst, I didn't want to admit that there could be some sort of relation there. I also thought that maybe I had some sort of nervous system problem ah that nobody could figure out or a major heart issue or some sort of degenerative brain disease um due to whatever head injuries I had had. That's what I thought was wrong.
00:16:48
Speaker
um So I'm going to close the journal up and we'll just, we'll get started into the, and into the hard shit, right? So, All this is going on every single day.
00:17:00
Speaker
I'm going to work, putting on a good face. There's times I'm closing my office door and I'm fucking sitting in my office crying. Just sitting there fucking sobbing. Don't know what
Crisis Point: Contemplating Suicide
00:17:11
Speaker
to do.
00:17:11
Speaker
My entire body and mind is rioting against me. It was terrifying. I wasn't talking to anybody about it. I wasn't being a good partner.
00:17:24
Speaker
ah was dead inside.
00:17:29
Speaker
I didn't want to be there.
00:17:32
Speaker
Didn't want to live. And that was really scary.
00:17:40
Speaker
But I just kept making the appearances. Kept hoping that it would get better, but there was so much bad shit going on, man. Like I can tell you right now, I couldn't sleep.
00:17:54
Speaker
I wouldn't eat. I'd lay on the floor thinking I was dying. Like I said, multiple trips to the hospital. I'd drive myself there blowing fucking red lights, flying through intersections, fully believing I was going to fucking die.
00:18:10
Speaker
And then I'd get there and everything would be fine.
00:18:15
Speaker
I was so fucked up.
00:18:19
Speaker
And it's hard to even recall it, you know, and to sit here by myself and talk about it is is very difficult because I'm sure it'd be much better if somebody would ask me questions about it, but I just feel like I have to sit here and kind of reflect on it and share with you just kind of as it comes to my mind.
00:18:38
Speaker
So it got so bad that I started figuring out how i was going to take my life.
00:18:45
Speaker
Like I was planning it and I was planning it in a way that hopefully it wouldn't impact the people that I love as bad as it does when people have that happen to somebody in their family or somebody that they love.
00:19:02
Speaker
didn't want my family to find me,
00:19:08
Speaker
but I knew that it was something that had to do. My brain was that fucked up where I believed that that was the right thing to do.
00:19:19
Speaker
So I built up the courage to do it. I knew I was going to take care of it. Made sense to me.
00:19:30
Speaker
ah just couldn't break the cycle.
00:19:34
Speaker
I mean, I was wet in the bed, man. Like my nervous system was so fucked up. I'd wake up either soaking wet from sweat or a couple times I remember pissing the bed as a grown ass man.
00:19:47
Speaker
I don't about you, but having to wake your partner up at two or three in the morning and tell them that they got to get up because you pissed the bed.
00:19:56
Speaker
It's a hard place to be, man.
00:20:01
Speaker
It's hard for me to even say it.
00:20:05
Speaker
That was the life I was living.
00:20:10
Speaker
And I never thought it was going to end. That's why I thought I had to end it myself.
00:20:26
Speaker
Got so bad.
00:20:31
Speaker
ten nineteen to 2019. I told my wife I was going to take my life.
Turning Point: Support from Mike's Wife
00:20:44
Speaker
It was on an anniversary trip.
00:20:48
Speaker
We were in the Hamptons. Should have been happy.
00:20:55
Speaker
And I fucking dropped this shit on her.
00:21:01
Speaker
I told you she was as a supportive partner.
00:21:06
Speaker
And you can see now what that person has gone through. And we still don't talk about it together.
00:21:21
Speaker
So I told her
00:21:24
Speaker
She looked me in the eye. She told me she loved me. And she said, we're going to get through it together.
00:21:33
Speaker
That moment changed my life.
00:21:42
Speaker
That was the point where started to rebuild.
00:21:51
Speaker
I saw a therapist who I still see, the same person.
00:21:58
Speaker
Then I started doing the work.
00:22:02
Speaker
Started figuring out why that happened to me.
00:22:21
Speaker
It was the scariest fucking thing I've ever been through in my life. My brain had decided.
00:22:31
Speaker
for me.
00:22:35
Speaker
It made sense, dude. I can't even tell you and I need to share with you because a lot of people don't make it out the other side. You know, there's like 500,000 men that took their life in the United States like last year. 500,000. You know, there's people struggling with this and i and I understand it. I made it out the other side. I survived.
00:22:57
Speaker
So I have to tell this story. I have to help others. This is the story I told in front of 6,000 people on stage on May 15th. This is the story.
00:23:12
Speaker
This is why when you meet me now, you wonder where the energy's coming from.
00:23:21
Speaker
You wonder why I'm doing this, why I'm doing Mindset Mutiny. This is why.
00:23:27
Speaker
um figured out the way To rebuild myself from the bottom, from the worst place of my life, from the worst place of everybody's life. If you're that low, I don't think it gets any worse.
00:23:44
Speaker
So we moved on from that day and I started a total war against the guy that I used to be. I was going to kill that motherfucker because he was weak.
00:24:03
Speaker
There was so many things I hated about myself. And that's why I got to that point.
00:24:11
Speaker
I was fat. I was going bald. I had no confidence. I remember the guy I used to be, but I just didn't think I could ever get back to that guy.
00:24:23
Speaker
So I started giving up. And then my mind held onto that.
00:24:31
Speaker
And it just started making it worse. What I needed was movement.
Inspiration from David Goggins
00:24:46
Speaker
So I remember reading David Goggins' book, Can't Hurt Me.
00:24:55
Speaker
I remember shutting the cover of that book
00:25:00
Speaker
and saying to myself and making a decision that I was going to change everything about me.
00:25:10
Speaker
I wrote down every doubt, every bit of fear, every insecurity that I have as a human being
00:25:21
Speaker
and went to fixing it.
00:25:28
Speaker
It's that simple.
00:25:32
Speaker
When you have to look death in the face
00:25:37
Speaker
You realize there's nothing that you can't do when you come out the other side of that.
00:25:45
Speaker
I'm an absolute fucking machine now. It's taken me five years
00:25:55
Speaker
of relentless work on the doubts, the fears, the insecurities that To build the machine that I am today. And I will tell you. Sitting here today. I will tell you.
00:26:08
Speaker
That that moment. Wanted to take my life. Was the best thing. To ever happen to me. The best thing.
00:26:21
Speaker
And that's what I want people to understand. That you can let ah trauma like that. Define the rest of your life. And you can use it as an excuse. Because a lot of people will allow that from you. They will.
00:26:31
Speaker
If I was walking around telling people, yeah, you know, my life's really hard and had this really bad time, you know, people would excuse that if I told them what it was.
00:26:45
Speaker
wasn't going to live like that. I wasn't going to live like a victim. I was going to use it for fuel and I was going to accomplish everything in life that I ever wanted and I was not going to let doubt, fear, and insecurity hold me back.
00:26:58
Speaker
I call it the war map. That's what I built. And I am proof that it works.
Rebuilding Identity Through Fitness
00:27:08
Speaker
It's what I teach them. I want to want coaching.
00:27:19
Speaker
Movement saved my life. I got out of my head and into my body. Started riding bikes.
00:27:27
Speaker
Riding bikes turned into wanting to get back into shape. I wanted to look good. didn't want to be fat anymore. I wanted to like the guy I saw in the mirror because I hated that motherfucker.
00:27:44
Speaker
and get on my Instagram. You can see pictures of how I looked before versus how I look now, and there is quite a difference. And the only change was in the mind. People like to think the body changes, and then that's where the confidence comes from. This doesn't happen that in that order.
00:27:57
Speaker
The mind changes, and then the physical body changes
00:28:03
Speaker
because you find that way to enforce discipline on your own mind. It stops running the show. You run the fucking show. So I try to tell everybody, you know, when I sit on here and I talk about this shit, this is where it's coming from, man.
00:28:18
Speaker
I know it works. It saved my life. Every single episode that I have built is all things that saved me.
00:28:29
Speaker
When I was trying to get better, there was nothing like this for me to go to. That's why I'm building this. This is a resource book. You listen to my episodes. These are messages to myself.
00:28:42
Speaker
This is how I've talked to myself. This is I've dragged myself out of the hole, out of the darkest place of my life and built something absolutely unrecognizable from it.
00:28:55
Speaker
So I started lifting weights. I got back to the gym.
00:29:05
Speaker
Then i started running.
00:29:08
Speaker
Started challenging myself in every aspect of my life.
00:29:16
Speaker
I remember the one big thing. I started drinking a gallon of water a day. That was like the big change. was the first thing I ever did.
00:29:26
Speaker
said, if I can do this consistently every single day, then I can keep adding things.
00:29:33
Speaker
So that's what I did.
00:29:38
Speaker
And I grew to love the running. I grew to love the lifting.
00:29:42
Speaker
Then I decided to get my master's and said, all right, here's another challenge. I started working on my master's. Boom, boom, boom. My body's getting healthier.
00:29:54
Speaker
My mind's getting healthier. I'm doing hard things again. That anxiety and that depression starts fading. It's still there. But instead of second to second, right, where I'm living panic attack after panic attack after panic attack, now I'm starting to understand it.
00:30:13
Speaker
I'm starting to know what it is. I'm starting to give it a name. And I'm starting to learn how to fucking beat it.
00:30:20
Speaker
You have to fight back. When I was at my lowest, I was sitting with it, allowing it to dictate.
00:30:29
Speaker
When I learned to fight back is when things started changing. I always like to tell people you have like two minds. You have the mind that knows what it needs to do. And then you have the mind that wants to try to fuck you every time it gets the chance.
00:30:42
Speaker
I know that's extreme, but that's how it felt. You know, when your own mind tries to take you out, I don't really know if there's any other way to look at it.
00:31:01
Speaker
So anyway, I just kept moving. Day to day, week to week, month to month, I kept executing. I slowly started to become a better person.
00:31:15
Speaker
And then when I saw the return on investment of myself, I went all in on self growth. I went in on all in on self growth and development. I decided i wasn't going to worry about what anybody thought about me.
00:31:28
Speaker
You know I'd always be before worried about people's thoughts and how they perceive me and how I, you know, all that shit, all that weak bullshit. I can just remember, you know, there were switches that were flipping. They were like, i don you know, listen, man, I've been to the bottom.
00:31:40
Speaker
I've had the biggest battle in my life. I came out on top. Nobody can stop me. I'm unstoppable. My own mind tried to riot against me and I said, fuck you. And I won.
00:31:51
Speaker
So when you face a battle like that and you win, there's no battle that can fucking stop you. That's where my energy comes from. That's where my self-belief comes from.
00:32:06
Speaker
I recreated myself. I'm living the best life I've ever lived. I'm in the best shape of my life.
00:32:17
Speaker
So I just started focusing on growing me. Some years go by, start to see some results.
00:32:30
Speaker
And the more results I get, the deeper I go.
00:32:36
Speaker
My career was still growing.
00:32:41
Speaker
Started becoming a better leader because I started realizing how to lead myself.
00:32:49
Speaker
I can tell you right now, I sit here before you today and I don't feel any insecurities.
00:32:56
Speaker
Sorry, no, there's one insecurity. I meant to say I don't feel any anxiety.
00:33:05
Speaker
I'm not depressed.
00:33:09
Speaker
It's all because I'm taking action.
00:33:12
Speaker
Anxiety, depression is all from inaction. And I wasn't taking action in my life when I was at my worst. That was the biggest problem. But yeah, there is one insecurity that still lives.
00:33:23
Speaker
It's financial. you know And I think it comes from you know being broke. Been broke twice. And that's a real tough one for me.
00:33:36
Speaker
That still lives in your in my head. So i'm I'm fighting that one. But there are no other insecurities. The one before that was the insecurity that I couldn't defend myself when it really mattered.
00:33:52
Speaker
If someone were to come into my house and try to hurt somebody in my family, I wouldn't be able to defend myself. And I'm not talking about, you know, having a firearm or anything like that.
00:34:03
Speaker
I'm talking about hand-to-hand, would I be able to defend myself? And for most of you, i think you probably share that same insecurity. If you don't, I'd like to question that.
00:34:17
Speaker
And the only reason you don't is because you're training MMA, you're training Jiu Jitsu, something like that.
00:34:25
Speaker
So to fix that insecurity that I had, I started training Jiu Jitsu. And I wanted to do that for three years, but I was so fucking scared that I put it off for three years.
00:34:38
Speaker
But this is about removing doubt, fear, and insecurity. Okay? At all costs. To become the person that you're meant to be.
00:34:48
Speaker
That's what Mindset Mutiny is all about. When you work with me one-on-one, that's what we do.
00:34:56
Speaker
It's not for everybody.
00:34:59
Speaker
But I can tell you, the guy that's sitting here with you today, he's unstoppable. He's unbreakable. And he's undeniable.
00:35:08
Speaker
I know I can help people and that's why I started Mindset Mutiny.
00:35:14
Speaker
Started as a podcast. Now it's turned into coaching.
00:35:21
Speaker
And it's developed into speaking.
00:35:27
Speaker
It's more than a podcast. This is my life.
Embracing Self-Resilience
00:35:33
Speaker
This is who I am. I'm not hiding.
00:35:41
Speaker
It's been so fucking hard, man.
00:35:45
Speaker
There's been so many tears. There's been so much suffering.
00:35:52
Speaker
There's been so much pain.
00:35:57
Speaker
But I want you to know that on the other side of that pain, if you can keep going, your entire life will change.
00:36:09
Speaker
I need you to know that.
00:36:13
Speaker
I never thought when I was in those darkest days
00:36:21
Speaker
that I was ever going to get out.
00:36:27
Speaker
And now I'm here before you today.
00:36:30
Speaker
An absolute fucking machine.
00:36:35
Speaker
I cannot be stopped.
00:36:38
Speaker
And I will achieve everything I've ever dreamed of and then more. I have forged the deepest self-belief.
00:36:49
Speaker
I know who I am. I trust myself at the deepest level and I want you to do the same.
00:36:57
Speaker
I need you to share this with those that are suffering because they need to understand that I am the proof.
00:37:08
Speaker
I have it all written down. I have the journals from then to now where I've plotted the course. I said what I was going to do and I went and fucking did it.
00:37:22
Speaker
Not because I wanted to, but because I had to, to show other people that it's possible.
00:37:34
Speaker
I had to suffer for a reason. And the reason I believe is so that I can be here to help others. That's what this is about.
00:37:44
Speaker
And I hope that this story I'm telling you today is impactful.
00:37:50
Speaker
Because when I was at the worst, all I could think of was so I'm going to write this fucking story and it's going to be worth reading one day.
00:37:59
Speaker
It's going to help somebody.
00:38:11
Speaker
If you're out there struggling, man, I see you. I understand it.
00:38:18
Speaker
I might be at a different place in the climb than you are, but I've put in all those steps.
00:38:28
Speaker
If you need help, you need to call me. Get a hold of me.
00:38:35
Speaker
I tell this story because people see me now and they don't understand where the belief comes from. It was built.
00:38:45
Speaker
It was built from the deepest, darkest depths of my entire being.
00:38:53
Speaker
It saved my life.
00:39:09
Speaker
You need to keep going. No matter how hard it is. No matter how scary it is. You need to write those doubts, those fears, those insecurities down and you need to start fixing them.
00:39:25
Speaker
You're the only person that can do it.
Encouragement to Face Fears
00:39:28
Speaker
Trust me. When I tell you that nobody is coming to save you, I mean it.
00:39:34
Speaker
Nobody could save me. I had to do the work.
00:39:43
Speaker
You have to do the work too.
00:39:51
Speaker
So you know where I came from.
00:39:58
Speaker
And maybe I did a good job describing the suffering. Maybe I didn't. But I hope that you can understand the emotion in my voice. And I hope that that's how you can see the pain.
00:40:11
Speaker
I am the proof. And now,
00:40:21
Speaker
June 2025, there's been so many evolutions of who I am. I have killed so many versions of myself to become the guy that I am today.
00:40:38
Speaker
The savage. The no excuses. the unstoppable, the unbreakable, the person with the most self-belief that I know that I can do anything.
00:40:53
Speaker
I know it. I believe it with every bit of my being that there is nothing on this earth that I can't do.
00:41:04
Speaker
And I just keep taking the opportunities that are coming. I keep maximizing every single day. I don't waste any time. I keep stacking the weight.
00:41:15
Speaker
I keep adding things. Running, lifting, podcasting, jiu-jitsu, coaching, reading, trying to be the best human being in every aspect of a human being that I can be.
00:41:36
Speaker
The journey has no end.
00:41:43
Speaker
I just keep mapping it out. I keep writing it down and I keep accomplishing what I said I'm going to accomplish. That's how you build belief. That's how you build trust.
00:41:55
Speaker
That's how you become unbreakable.
00:42:03
Speaker
You have to suffer.
00:42:08
Speaker
And I'll tell you, there's two types of suffering.
00:42:15
Speaker
You can avoid one suffering by forcing the the suffering yourself.
00:42:22
Speaker
I wouldn't have had to suffer like I did if I had forced myself to suffer in other areas.
00:42:30
Speaker
If I had went and done the hard things, if I had done the running, the lifting, the jujitsu, getting my mask. If I had done all that stuff before, when I was seeking comfort and I was the most unhealthy mentally that had ever been in my entire life, if I had done all those things, I wouldn't have had to go that deep.
00:42:50
Speaker
I wouldn't have had to suffer that hard. and that's why I try to tell people when somebody comes up to me and tells me they're experiencing anxiety, I'm telling them like, Hey, listen, it's fucking desperation time, bud. This is how you got to fix it because it's going to get worse if you run from it.
00:43:07
Speaker
You got to turn around, look that fucking shit in the face, say fuck you and kill it.
00:43:15
Speaker
I buried that fucking guy a long time ago. He's dead. He's never coming back.
00:43:23
Speaker
I grieved that motherfucker for a while.
00:43:30
Speaker
There will be evolutions where you have to kill the old you.
00:43:37
Speaker
I've done it. I continue to do it. That's how you continue to progress.
00:43:45
Speaker
My mission, what I believe I was put here to do is to help others, help them with these things.
00:43:57
Speaker
That's through the leadership. That's through the coaching. That's through the speaking. That's through this podcast.
00:44:13
Speaker
It's special man. It really is.
00:44:17
Speaker
I can't believe I made it out. But there's one guy that got me out of the darkness and it was me. So I need you to understand that person that's going to get you out of the darkness is you.
00:44:30
Speaker
Don't wait for somebody to come save you. They won't make it in time. Because they're not coming.
00:44:39
Speaker
I used to wait for that.
00:44:44
Speaker
No one ever came.
00:44:51
Speaker
Nobody ever came.
00:44:56
Speaker
I was going to die, man.
00:45:00
Speaker
was going to kill myself.
00:45:16
Speaker
And I made a choice.
00:45:19
Speaker
To fight.
00:45:24
Speaker
To move.
00:45:28
Speaker
To take back my life.
00:45:33
Speaker
You can do it too.
00:45:40
Speaker
You can write the story.
00:45:43
Speaker
Write one that's worth reading.
00:45:48
Speaker
You're the author. You're the main character. Do the work. Tell people where you're going. Share your scars.
00:46:01
Speaker
But most of all, you have to take action.
00:46:05
Speaker
You can't sit there.
00:46:08
Speaker
You got to get off the X, man. You got start moving. One step at a time.
00:46:18
Speaker
And it's through chosen suffering. Go run those miles. Go move that weight. Attack everything you're scared of. Even if it's the smallest things.
00:46:30
Speaker
Kill all those doubts, all those fears, all that insecurity. That's what's holding you back. You'll never become the person you're meant to be until you address that. And I know that right now sitting here in front of you with every bit of my being, that's what I did. That's what saved me.
00:46:47
Speaker
That's what's created the guy that I am today. I used to be ashamed of this story.
00:46:53
Speaker
I would never tell anyone. Now I'm telling all of you and I hope that everybody gets to hear this. I hope people share this fucking shit and it helps somebody. Because it's been hard to sit here and tell you today.
00:47:08
Speaker
And if you're listening to this, go watch the fucking video.
00:47:13
Speaker
I've been barely keeping it together.
00:47:18
Speaker
I'm telling you all because I love you all. And I knew when I was fighting this shit, I knew I was going to come out and I was going to tell this story at one point. That's why I've been building.
00:47:31
Speaker
You might sit there and have listened to me and be like, yeah, it's great. Mike Ivanov's got everything great going for him. That's awesome. He can go and do jujitsu and run and lift and do all these fucking things. Guess what, guys?
00:47:42
Speaker
The reason I'm doing it is because I'm afraid of fucking dying.
00:47:49
Speaker
Okay? I never want to go back to that place. I never want to be complacent ever again. I don't want to be comfortable ever again because that's what fucking almost killed me.
00:48:05
Speaker
So when you listen to this shit, I need you to understand where the fuck I'm coming from.
00:48:11
Speaker
When I tell you no excuses, I tell you because I had to stop making them or I wasn't going to be here any longer.
00:48:20
Speaker
It's not small shit. When I tell you not to make an excuse, it's not just you know coming from nowhere, guys. This is where it's coming from. My intensity, that's where it's coming from. I'm living life to the fucking fullest. Every single second counts, and I'm telling you how I did it.
00:48:37
Speaker
That's the point. When this is all said and done, I have the proof written down for all of you. You can listen to the podcast. You can come work with me.
00:48:49
Speaker
One day I'm going to release all the journals so everybody can fucking see it.
00:48:54
Speaker
This is powerful shit. This is how you build a human being. I built it from zero. With nothing. And nobody.
00:49:11
Speaker
And I did it so that I could show everybody it can be done. That's what kept me alive. Was that one day I knew I was going to prove it was possible.
00:49:23
Speaker
Because that's who the fuck I am.