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Episode 15: How to Build a Foundation of Faith and Launch Your Children into the World Well
60 Plays3 years ago
Mentioned in this episode:
For Better or for Kids by Patrick and Ruth Schwenk
RLF episode with Clay Clarkson
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Connect with Pat here:
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This podcast is produced and edited by Angie Elkins Media, Inc.
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Transcript
Introduction to Root Like Faith
00:00:02
Speaker
Hi, I'm Ruth Schwenk and I'm so thrilled you're listening in with us at Root Like Faith. It is our deepest desire to encourage and equip men and women to be rooted in God's word, transformed by the love of Jesus, and moved by his mission in the power of the Holy Spirit. Nothing is more important.
Launching Children with Faith Foundations
00:00:21
Speaker
Well on today's episode of Root Like Faith we'll be talking about launching our children from a foundation of faith and more specifically what we want our kids to know before we launch them into the world. So I'm really excited for this episode. Let's get going.
00:00:38
Speaker
Well, one of the greatest joys we have in life is this calling with God's help, of course, to shape our children's hearts. It's to ground them, to guard them and to guide them into God's amazing truth and love and grace. And yes, that all sounds like a lot to me.
00:00:58
Speaker
Like, oh, I really hope I can do that. It feels like a lot. But of course, we want to be able to release our children into the world for God's glory. So it shouldn't be easy. I always think about 3 John 4, where John says that a father has no greater joy than to know that his children are walking in the truth.
00:01:18
Speaker
And of course, John's talking about, as he refers to children, he's talking about disciples or followers of Jesus.
Joy and Heartbreak in Children's Faith Journey
00:01:23
Speaker
But that certainly can be applied to moms and dads who, like you're saying, I mean, there's just nothing, I mean, I love being a dad, I love being a parent. And so I think we can apply that. There's just nothing greater in life than knowing that your sons or your daughters are walking in the faith. And there's also nothing more painful if you're a Christian mom or dad who's had a son or daughter walk away from the faith.
00:01:44
Speaker
And so that is incredibly heartbreaking and can be just as a pastor have counseled numerous parents over the years who've experienced that and are praying that God would bring their prodigal home. And yet, yes, there's such a joy. There's such an incredible joy in being a part of just seeing God get a hold of your son or your daughter's heart and giving them faith in Jesus. And so that's really what we're continuing to talk about today.
Children as Arrows: Preparing for the World
00:02:10
Speaker
and how overwhelming that task can be, how scary it can be, and obviously with God's help, just how incredibly rewarding it can be. You know, the other day, I remember we were, you know, our oldest son, Tyler, who's 18, he'll be 19 soon. He was kind of scribbling something on his wrist and, you know, I asked him what it was and he said it was an arrow. And he was kind of making this, I guess, sort of a temporary tattoo of sorts on his wrist and asked him why an arrow.
00:02:35
Speaker
And I loved his response. He said, because dad, you've always told us that we're arrows. No, I just love that little baby boy, but he's not a baby anymore. He's 18 years old. That is for sure. But I love that. You know, we've written about this. I mean, in our book for better for kids about love your spouse with kids in the house, we talk at length.
00:02:52
Speaker
about Psalm 127 and how the writer uses that imagery of a child being like an arrow in the hands of a warrior. I mean, verses three through five says, children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him, like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. And so, you know, we have over the years as our kids, you know, we're young and
00:03:18
Speaker
as they've grown up, we've tried to remind them over and over again, and we've written about it, that you're an arrow, that in God's hands, you're a weapon of light and life and truth and goodness and beauty. And by God's grace, as He sends you out into the world, I mean, God is using you to make war, if you will, on the darkness and the brokenness, the loneliness, the despair, the hopelessness that we see
00:03:38
Speaker
in the world. And so I just love that he remembered that and that those little seeds that we planted, even when he was young, that God is continuing to water that. And that's really what we're talking about is really launching our kids from a place of faith. And sometimes when it feels really hard, because this is hard, like I said, I mean, with such a high calling, it shouldn't be easy.
Teaching Life's Lessons Before Adulthood
00:04:00
Speaker
But I think sometimes when it's hard, the temptation is to just be like,
00:04:04
Speaker
It doesn't even, you know, what I'm doing doesn't matter. It's not even working. And you feel discouraged and you want to give up and you feel like this picture of, of, you know, releasing our, it's so powerful, releasing our kids into the world as arrows. It feels like impossible. But we can't give up on what God has called us to do, even when it feels really, really hard.
00:04:26
Speaker
Well, I think about as our kids get closer and closer to leaving the house, maybe some of our listeners are like, I wish my son or daughter would leave the house. Maybe they're in your basement. You're trying to figure out how to evict them. And so that's DM us. We'll give you some hints on that. But no, I think as that day gets closer and closer to your son or your daughter graduating and going off to college, or maybe they're in college and they're commuting and that day is getting closer.
00:04:54
Speaker
get married or move to another city, whatever the circumstances are, I do feel like as a parent, there's just a greater sense of urgency, you know? And as your kids are getting older, at least I am, I'm thinking, okay, well, what do I need to teach them? How do I need to prepare them? What else are they gonna encounter in life?
00:05:11
Speaker
you know, as time goes on, you know, more and more sort of, um, you know, thoughtful in that area.
Time-Limited Influence on Children's Faith
00:05:17
Speaker
Yeah. Well, I think, and I know I've said this many times recently, but all of a sudden, like the reality is this, that there is a long time until your kids are in high school. Like there's a lot of years.
00:05:28
Speaker
And then all of a sudden, you've got four years left. And you're like, oh, my word, what just happened? And that is how I have felt since I mean, our oldest son, Tyler, is now in college. But I have felt like that since he around eighth grade, all of a sudden I was like, oh, my word. And now it's just happening with one child after the next. And I I just can't believe it. Time goes by so fast.
00:05:50
Speaker
It does, and to be fair, because I know some of our listeners, they're empty nesters already and they've got kids that are out of the house, married, grandkids. We never stop being in that relationship and you never stop influencing your son or your daughter. I loved, go back and listen to the interview I did with Clay Clarkson a number of months ago and he just gave some great advice in terms of how parenting changes when your kids do leave the house.
00:06:12
Speaker
And I just thought that there's just so much wisdom there. And so to be fair, I mean, that relationship does continue, but it is different. And so that window of opportunity that you're talking about, that we're talking about, it is so unique and it's closing. And that time that we have when our kids are young and maybe more impressionable, more moldable, that window of opportunity is closing quickly. I oftentimes think about Jesus in his public ministry. He only had three years with the disciples. And what that must have been like for him, God in humanity,
00:06:42
Speaker
to know that His days were numbered here on earth, at least, and that He would send His Spirit and His Spirit would continue to guide those disciples in the truth. But I just think about that as a parent. You know, if we had that perspective that our time really is limited,
00:06:57
Speaker
And with God's help, we had this unique opportunity to teach them, to ground them, to guard them, to guide them, to prepare them to one day release them into the world. Like that changes conversations. It changes what we do with our time. It changes what we value as a family. That's true. So I think it's so important as we're thinking about
00:07:18
Speaker
launching kids into the world someday that we really are. We're not raising them to keep them. We really are raising them to release them. To release them. Yeah, and so, of course, like you said, once our parents, once our kids are out of the house. They will be parents. They will be. Likely someday. Maybe. Which is really scary. Possibly. But once our kids are out of the house, we never stop parenting, obviously.
Grounding in Love Against Cultural Pressures
00:07:42
Speaker
You're still guiding and helping and all of that.
00:07:45
Speaker
My mom was still telling me to wear khaki pants when I preached up until about the year before she passed away. So it is true. You just never stop parenting. But right now, obviously, we're talking about when our kids are still in the home. So let's transition here and talk about the things. What things come to mind, honey, when you think about our kids at home and preparing them to launch out into the world, what are those things that are most important for us to really teach them?
00:08:15
Speaker
Yeah, it's good. I think just kind of thinking through different different, you know, you know, character qualities or attributes of who God is or just principles for us as parents to remember as we're preparing to launch our kids into the world. You know, this is going to sound so here's the first thing I would say that this is going to sound so simple. And that's that that I think we've got to ground our kids in our love for them, but also God's love for them.
00:08:39
Speaker
I know that sounds so simple, so easy, but we just live in a culture that is so built on performance and doing and success that it's easy even for a Christian parent to get caught up in that and that everything we're doing or trying to do for our kids is being shaped by worldly values, cultural values that are the opposite of what God calls us as Christians to pursue. And so, I mean, that would be the first thing that we just need to ground our kids. We need to love them.
00:09:05
Speaker
and nurture them and care for them emotionally, physically, spiritually. We need to insulate them, if you will, in our love for them, but also God's love for them. Well, and immediately I think of how many people as adults don't understand the deep love that God has for them. And so I think, I mean, I know it sounds simple, like you said, but really it isn't. Well, I think most of us will spend the rest of our life
00:09:29
Speaker
trying to be loved. I mean, that's the reality that many of us are wounded in significant ways. We're loved in significant ways, but even the best of parents, you know, we were also wounded. And so we go looking for love and approval and worth. And so it's so important, I think, for us as parents to remember that simple sort of obvious fundamental truth of just God's love for our kids and our love for them. I think about
Modeling Faith Through Jesus' Example
00:09:53
Speaker
that in the life of Jesus in Matthew chapter three, where we don't really know much about Jesus's childhood until he comes and he's baptized. That's one of the first things, not the first thing that we learn about Jesus, but early on in the gospels is Jesus coming to be baptized. And I love that story towards the end of Matthew chapter three, where Jesus comes up out of the water and the scriptures say that the heavens were torn open, but they were ripped open.
00:10:21
Speaker
And Jesus hears the voice of his father. He hears his father say, this is my son, whom I love with him. I am well pleased. And of course, that was, you know, heaven's approval before he'll meet hell's assault. And in Matthew chapter four, he'll be tempted by the devil.
00:10:37
Speaker
But I think that biblical example is so important that before Jesus goes out and is rejected by men, is challenged by the religious leaders, is forgotten, abandoned, rejected, tempted by the devil, he has his father's love. And it's his father's love that enables him to endure what he endures in his earthly ministry.
00:10:59
Speaker
And it'll be his father's love in the Garden of Gethsemane that he'll lean on and surrender to when he says, not my will, but your will be done. So I know that sounds really simple and really obvious, but I think that that would be the first thing that I would say as parents, we've got to remember is to saturate.
00:11:16
Speaker
our kids in our unconditional love of our kids, but also God's unconditional love for them.
Encouraging Children with a Vision of Greatness
00:11:22
Speaker
Yeah, that's so good. And I love the reminder of Jesus and God speaking that truth into his heart at that moment. Oh, that's so powerful. I also was thinking about something that we, I feel like have done from the, when our kids were really little even, like
00:11:39
Speaker
They might be three years old and we're like, God can use you in amazing ways. And they're ready to just go take on the world and they're three years old. But I feel like we've always really tried to instill in them a vision for greatness. Wouldn't you agree, honey? That's something that we've definitely tried to do from when they were very, very little. Yeah, I just had lunch with a friend of mine
00:12:05
Speaker
not too long ago, and his kids are similar age, and we were kind of talking about parenting and just some of the challenges, and we were sort of picking each other's brains on different things. And we were talking about that very subject that when you read the scriptures in Genesis 1, God has made us in His image. I mean, He's wired us to reflect who He is to a watching world, and we're called to tell the truth about who God is with our lives.
00:12:28
Speaker
And we were made to know God, to walk with God, to serve God. We were created for truth and goodness and beauty. And so, yeah, I think that idea of really inspiring in our kids a vision that God is great and that God is good and that God wants to use their life, that their life matters. I mean, we're living in a day when there is so much kind of hopelessness and despair, like my life doesn't count.
00:12:51
Speaker
My life doesn't matter, I need to go out and you have countless people who are trying to be famous on Instagram for doing dances. And so giving a vision for our kids, your life does matter that God created you and he knows you and he loves you and he wants to work through you in ways that maybe the world will see, but maybe the world will never see. Your life counts. And there's a depth
Balancing Pressure and Independence in Faith
00:13:16
Speaker
to you. I think of how many children we see
00:13:19
Speaker
who I feel like they're, it's almost like they're walking around like robots. I don't know how else to say that, but you know, like nobody has instilled in them this vision for greatness, how they can be used in the world. And I think it again, it's a reflection of the culture we're living in. There's a deep sense of meaningless in the culture that they're living in. And so for us as Christian parents to remind our kids of ultimate reality, which is God's reality,
00:13:45
Speaker
that know there is a God who made you, who loves you, who wants to use you. And your life does matter. Meaning and purpose and truth are real. And so just to inspire that in our kids, I think is so important early on. And then you see it, right? As your kids get older and they're trying to figure out, well, what do I want to study? Where do I want to go to college? And those conversations keep coming back. Well, how did God wire you? What is it you're passionate about? What gifts has God given you? And how have other people, for example,
00:14:13
Speaker
you know, sort of seen that in you or cheered that on. And I think those are just maybe some really practical ways that that truth in particular kind of comes back, you know, as they're getting ready to leave our house, it's helping them kind of discern what is God's calling for your life. Don't just look for a job where you're going to make lots of money, but how has God called you and wired you? What are your unique gifts that he's given you that now you're beginning to see as a 17, 18, 19 year old?
00:14:37
Speaker
that can help you now determine what school you go to, what program you ended up studying. And so I think that that second truth is so important. Yeah. And I think, you know, as we're talking about this, what I what I keep thinking about is how the the parent who's like, OK, this is great, but what about when my child doesn't like as they're getting older and some of this seems they're kind of like, oh, whatever.
00:15:02
Speaker
Because I feel like there's a balance between pressuring our kids versus preparing them. And so what's the difference? I think that would be really important for us to talk about right now. The difference between pressuring our kids to follow Jesus, to really understand these things about themselves versus preparing them.
00:15:23
Speaker
Yeah, I know as we as we you know over the next couple weeks kind of talk about you know the idea of Releasing our kids but helping them cultivate an individual or an independent relationship with Jesus that yeah That's so important because I think there are so many Christian families Who in in you know? I've fallen into this over the years where it's like you want what is right you you want for your kids to love Jesus and to grow up and to trust in him and to walk with him and
00:15:48
Speaker
And that's a good desire. And yet I'm powerless to really make that change in my child's heart. And so there's a surrender to God's grace. So the parents that almost put too much, or not almost, but do put too much pressure on themselves become rigid. They can become domineering. They can become controlling. They're pressuring their kids to follow Jesus. And so I think that can be a mistake. And you see that oftentimes in families where it is a very rigid environment, controlling environment.
00:16:18
Speaker
And the desire is good. I mean, who doesn't want their kid to follow Jesus and to grow up and to walk with the Lord? But that can fall into really trying to pressure our kids to follow Jesus. Where preparing them to choose Jesus is very different. I think the goal of a parent who is preparing their child to choose Jesus is doing what we've been talking about, where we are, again, you're being faithful, you're being consistent, you're praying for your kids, you're modeling for your kids the good life.
00:16:48
Speaker
so that what I mean by that, the good life, is that we're modeling for our kids that following Jesus really is the abundant life. It really is the flourishing life, and they see that. They see the fruit of not following Jesus from other people's lives sometimes, but to see the fruit of following Jesus, that there's a blessing in that, that they want that someday.
00:17:07
Speaker
There's hope. There's hope in that. And so, you know, I'll tell our kids all the time that dad is a pastor for 20 years. He's counseled people who've messed up their life by not following Jesus. I've never counseled anybody who's messed up their life because they follow Jesus. And so, you know, our kids have heard me say that on and off over the years. And it's and it's true. There's there's a blessing that comes from walking with the Lord. And I think when our kids see that they're experiencing that in a variety of different ways.
00:17:32
Speaker
Again, by God's grace, they're more inclined to want to choose Jesus and they haven't been pressured to follow Jesus. Yeah. Well, because I'm thinking of, this is kind of funny, but I'm thinking of the child who's like, you know, the parent who's like, you're going to do, you know, God's going to use you and God can work through you. And the, and the child is like, yeah, sure. Well, I don't feel great. You know what I mean? Like why are you watching Netflix for four hours a night, mom?
00:17:57
Speaker
But you know what I mean? That doesn't look like greatness. No, but what I'm saying is like the child who isn't really taking to heart what you're saying to them and what you've spoken over them and to them. And again, this is about having grace and not pressuring them in to believing that, but letting God work in their life and their heart and just being faithful to continue to say, God loves you. You know, God can use you.
00:18:25
Speaker
Yes, being patient. You just continue to be patient. You're doing all the things that God has called you to do. You're modeling for them. You're teaching them. And yeah, you're just ultimately being patient. You're letting God do his work and his time. And I know that can be a challenge sometimes. One of the other things I would say, and we talked about this in the previous episode,
00:18:44
Speaker
is just remember that our goal is not to raise good kids, it's to raise godly kids. And so our goal isn't so much to raise good kids that, you know, get into the right college and make X amount of dollars. All of those things, I think, you know, we obviously can be important things and things that we don't ignore in terms of trying to set our kids up for success as they enter into adulthood.
00:19:09
Speaker
But the primary calling for a Christian parent is to raise a disciple. It's to raise a godly son or daughter someday.
Community's Role in Spiritual Growth
00:19:16
Speaker
We may not see that when they're 12 or 14 or 17, but by God's grace when they leave our home and God continues his work. I mean, that's the goal, is really to see our kids as little disciples, to see our home as a little church or a little temple, where by God's grace we're shepherding them and leading them and guiding them to Jesus. And so that's, I think, such an important perspective to keep.
00:19:37
Speaker
as especially as our kids are young and getting closer to being released into the world. Yeah. And I think the best thing as parents is when we can widen the circle a little bit when it's not when it's not all up to us. I don't know as our kids have gotten older and I've seen the influence of other people in their lives, the good influence of other people in their lives. Absolutely. It's been such a gift like you're it's such a relief to be honest.
00:20:03
Speaker
And I think you talked about last week just the importance of taking initiative. You're talking about different women in your life who have had an impact and how you took the initiative to reach out to them. And I think, yeah, the same is true. And I think about the different people in our life that we can take the initiative to reach out to invest in our kids, to widen the circle that our family is not the only family.
00:20:27
Speaker
that is called to have a spiritual impact on our kids. And I think that's when we think about the New Testament, what happens is the language of family becomes the dominant language of the church. And so every family is embedded in the family, the church. And so I think just remembering that as a mom or as a dad,
00:20:47
Speaker
that we have this incredible resource called The Local Church. Different brothers and sisters in the faith, spiritual moms or dads that we can take the initiative, we can reach out to so that their relationship, their influence can have an incredible impact on a son or a daughter.
00:21:03
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I think of how many times over the years we've had people into our home and our kids were all sitting around together and talking and just the impact that has, you know, on on their lives. And then, of course, like you said, we've we have reached out to people that we really asked to invest in our kids as well.
00:21:24
Speaker
Absolutely. I mean, just recently we have a couple that we have reached out to and have asked them in a very intentional way to have an impact on our kids to continue building the relationship that already existed. And I think that's one of the things I've loved about being in ministry and you don't have to be a pastor, but I just think about the calling that God places on all of us as fathers of Jesus to be involved in community, to be involved in the local church, serving
00:21:49
Speaker
offering our home, opening our home to other people. One of the incredible gifts that comes with that is that our kids have gotten to be around some amazing people over the years. And I think about, even over the last couple years, we're pastoring, serving here in Ann Arbor. So we've got students coming from the University of Michigan. We have student athletes that come. We've got not just students, but other people, couples, families.
00:22:15
Speaker
Our kids get to be around not just us, but they get to be around other people that are following Jesus, that are loving him and serving him, students at U of M that love Jesus and are reaching out to classmates. And God uses people outside of our family like that, I think, in some pretty incredible ways. So now it's not just mom and dad.
00:22:33
Speaker
who are calling me to this life of godliness and calling me to trust in Jesus. But I get to see the gymnast at University of Michigan who are following Jesus. I get to see the couple who moved here and he's doing grad work or the family that is reaching their neighbors and praying for them and opening their home to them. Our kids get to see the impact that other people within our church family can have on them. And God uses that, I think, in amazing ways.
00:23:01
Speaker
That's
Conclusion and Listener Invitation
00:23:02
Speaker
so good. Well, this has been such a great conversation. I'm kind of sad it's over We as our friends that are listening I'm just gonna start calling them our friends because they are absolutely that
00:23:18
Speaker
This is something we're very passionate about. And I just think, you know, again, this is such a high calling and we shouldn't minimize that. And so this has been such a good conversation talking about just wanting our faith to move forward in our homes and through our children and building that foundation of faith. And like I said, it's so, so important. And you know, can I say one more thing? I know I was about ready to close it up.
00:23:46
Speaker
You know, I was just thinking about that last, about widening the circle. I remember being a sixth grader. I went on a canoe trip to the Boundary Waters in northern Minnesota. And I remember one of my teachers, because we talked about other people within our church. We didn't really specifically say youth pastors. I mean, it was a teacher for me. It was my track coach.
00:24:05
Speaker
And I went to the Boundary Waters canoeing area with several of my teachers, I think like five of my classmates, and the one teacher in particular, Mr. Beck, Jeff Beck, who's still teaching in Fort Wayne, he gave me a cassette tape of Rich Mullins.
00:24:21
Speaker
And God used that in such a profound way. I know that sounds so simple, but I've been singing Rich Mullen songs ever since. Yeah, for the last over 20 some years I've known you. You just never know who God is going to use, when God is going to use that person, and what he's going to use. You can't remember any other lyrics of any other song except for Rich Mullens, but that has had a big impact on you.
00:24:44
Speaker
Sorry, I just wanted to get that in there. That was really, really important. No, I do think we just don't realize the impact. Well, maybe we do realize when we start to think about the impact that other people have had in our lives, that can happen in our children's lives as well. And that's just so powerful, so, so powerful.
00:25:01
Speaker
So everything we talked about today, I know we shared some scripture. That will all be at our website, rootlikefaith.com forward slash podcast. And we are just so grateful you have joined us. If we haven't met, please follow us on Instagram at Pat W. Schwank and at Ruth Schwank or on Facebook. And listen, I have gotten some of your messages. Maybe I should start reading the messages because they're so nice. You should, because I get amazing messages too, and it's always such
00:25:30
Speaker
It's always such an encouragement. I just love to be able to put a face and a name with a friend here because right now you're just listening to me. But when you follow on Instagram and then you introduce yourself in the DMs, I love that because it's like you put the face in the name with a listener.
00:25:46
Speaker
Again, we welcome you into our family here at Root Like Faith. Would you do us a big favor and leave us a review or rating and share this podcast with your friends? It just takes a second. It's a tremendous help to us as we spread the word about Root Like Faith. Be sure to tag us on social media when you do that. We'll repost it. We're so grateful for your help in getting the word out. Okay friend, well we will chat soon and we hope you have the very best week.