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Season 3 Ep 14 Are You Really OKAY? a Conversation with Therapist Debra Fileta
185 Plays2 years ago
Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor and the author of True Love Dates. A passionate speaker, she challenges people to have a psychologically and spiritually healthy approach to relationships. Debra and her husband, John, have been happily married for more than a decade and have four beautiful children.
Mentioned in this episode:
Are You Really OK?: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You're Doing and Why It Matters by Debra Fileta
The Inner Voice of Love by Henri Nouwen
The Love and Relationships Podcast
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This podcast is produced and edited by Angie Elkins Media, Inc.
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Transcript
Introduction and Guest Overview
00:00:02
Speaker
Hi, I'm Ruth Schwank and I'm so thrilled you're listening in with us at Root Like Faith. It is our deepest desire to encourage and equip men and women to be rooted in God's word, transformed by the love of Jesus, and moved by his mission and the power of the Holy Spirit. Nothing is more important.
00:00:18
Speaker
Well, we've got a fantastic guest today that I know you're going to love.
Deborah Folletta's Book and Writing Journey
00:00:24
Speaker
This is going to be a great conversation. She wrote the book, Are You Really Okay? Getting Real About Who You Are, How You're Doing, and Why It Matters. And that's what Pat and her are going to be talking about today, getting real about who you are, how you're doing, and why it matters.
00:00:40
Speaker
Her name is Deborah Philetta. She is a licensed professional counselor and the author of True Love Dates. A passionate speaker, she challenges people to have a psychologically and spiritually healthy approach to relationships. Deborah and her husband John have been happily married for more than a decade and have four beautiful children. This is going to be really good. Let's go.
00:01:02
Speaker
Well, as we have already mentioned, our guest today is Deborah Folletta. And I want to just take a moment and welcome her to Root Like Faith. And so Deborah, welcome to Root Like Faith. Thank you so much for having me. Well, first of all, congratulations on the release of your new book. The book is called Are You Really OK? Getting Real About Who You Are, How You're Doing, and Why It
Counseling and Mental Health in the Church
00:01:24
Speaker
Matters. And so congratulations on the work of this book. Oh, thank you so much. I appreciate it.
00:01:30
Speaker
I know we were talking before, you know, we started recording this that like writing a book sounds like a great idea until you actually have to write one. And it's it's a lot of work, isn't it? It is a lot of work. You're absolutely right. It's it's funny, though, because you mean for for the author, it's months and months and months. And for the reader, it's just a couple hours. But I think it's worth every bit of work to get to pour in and reach people.
00:01:55
Speaker
Absolutely. As I was sharing, again, before we started recording, I loved the book, had the opportunity to read it. And so I just appreciate the wisdom and just all of the practical guidance. I just love each chapter. There's so many just helpful guides. And so for those of our listeners that are unfamiliar with the book, we're going to link to that book in our show notes. And so I just want to encourage you to read it, to grab a copy.
00:02:19
Speaker
And it is a great book. As we were talking, I've been in pastoral ministry now for almost 20 years. And I don't remember when I first went into ministry, I don't remember people really talking about counseling or emotional health or mental health. And maybe they were, I just missed it. But I feel like that has really changed over the years. And oftentimes, if people were talking about counseling, it was really seen in a negative way, but that's changing, isn't it? Yeah, I think the keyword is changing.
00:02:46
Speaker
We haven't totally got there yet, but we are getting there. And the church is kind of starting to realize the importance of emotional and mental health and how it actually stunts our spiritual growth when we're not emotionally and mentally healthy. And one thing that I really like to kind of focus on is when the disciples ask Jesus, what is the greatest commandment?
00:03:14
Speaker
And he says, love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And I think as Christians, we have a tendency to focus on the soul part, our spiritual health, all while neglecting the other areas that God calls us to love him, our heart, mind, and strength. And I believe that represents our emotional health, our mental health, our physical health, as well as our spiritual health.
00:03:39
Speaker
all of that together is how we love God in the best way. And so that's why I think these conversations are just so crucial, especially today to the body of Christ.
Personal Experiences and Mental Health
00:03:50
Speaker
Yeah, for you, I mean, was there something that led you into this area of ministry? I mean, as you think back to just growing up and where there were events or experiences that God used to shape you and sort of give you a greater calling into this particular area of ministry.
00:04:07
Speaker
You know, I would say that I grew up in the world of medicine. I have many physicians in my family. My dad is a retired physician. And so I kind of grew up in that field. And I always thought I would go into the world of medicine someday. But as I started studying in that space, I realized that I actually really love the emotional and mental components, but not so much the medical.
00:04:36
Speaker
components. And so the Lord really just began shaping my heart for mental and emotional health. But what's interesting is that I really believe it's because he knew what was coming up the road for me. You know, you fast forward 15 years and I'm a licensed counselor. I'm working with clients. And then I go through my own personal journey with trauma, with depression, with anxiety, with panic attacks.
00:05:04
Speaker
And I just really believe that God knew the suffering and the struggle that was up ahead for me, that this discipline that I was learning, this education that I had gained would allow me to find healing in these areas of my personal life. And then even more exciting, bring that message of healing and hope to other Christians who struggle with certain mental and emotional health illnesses.
00:05:31
Speaker
Honestly, there's so many of us who struggle somewhere on the spectrum. I'm not talking about just having a mental health diagnosis, but just the average day-to-day struggles dealing with past trauma and experiences and value issues, what we believe about ourselves, our self-esteem. I mean, all of that stuff.
00:05:54
Speaker
is part of our mental and emotional health. Yeah. It's funny. I mean, I was probably, I don't know, maybe a year or two into pastoral ministry. And I remember hearing about another pastor in the area who was going through counseling. And
00:06:09
Speaker
I thought, what in the world, why would he need to go to counseling? That was my, I'm ashamed to admit that, but that was my reaction to that. And again, my perception of anybody in counseling was such that it led me kind of that conclusion. And you fast forward 20 years, and I'm convinced everybody needs counseling. It's kind of what you're saying, that we all, in degrees,
00:06:33
Speaker
have areas of mental healing that needs to happen or emotional healing. And so there's just all of these different layers that lead to us being who God's created us to be and called us to be. And I know in the book, you talk an awful lot about how much our past really shapes who we are in the present.
00:06:53
Speaker
And of course then influences our future. And so how does somebody begin to do that? Because I think a lot of times we go through life and we have no idea. You know this better than I do. We have no idea that our past is just sort of oozing out of us. It's leaking out of us. And sometimes everybody else around us sees that or experiences it.
00:07:13
Speaker
but oftentimes we're the last one to really recognize what the cause of that is. And so talk a little bit about why it's so important for somebody to really dig into their past, understand their past and how somebody does that. Yeah. You know, first and foremost, I think it's important for us to acknowledge that when it comes to looking back at our emotional health and the patterns that we've brought into our present, the hurts and pains we have from the past,
00:07:42
Speaker
It's important to note that we handle that topic very differently than all the other struggles that we face. Let's just look at physical health, for example. We are Christians, but we struggle with things like high insulin levels or low insulin levels. Diabetes, we have cholesterol, blood pressure issues, but we would never make the assumption that when we come to Jesus, all of a sudden those physical ailments are gone.
00:08:12
Speaker
But we make that assumption with all these emotional struggles that we have, our past wounds and hurts, relationship problems. We have this tendency to assume that when we come to Jesus, all of a sudden those pains, those wounds, those illnesses are gone.
00:08:31
Speaker
You know, but that's not how it works. And we don't apply that philosophy to the other areas of our life. In fact, we go to the doctor, we get checkups, we take medication for cholesterol or whatever it is we need. And then we close our eyes to these other areas that are even more harmful and dangerous to our life. And so that's why I think this is such a crucial conversation. When we come to Jesus, all of those things don't just disappear. In fact,
00:09:00
Speaker
Jesus then gives us the ability, the perspective to be able to deal with them in a healthy way and looking back at where we've come from and looking back to see what God was doing in those seasons of life and starting to bring some of those wounds to the surface so that
Understanding Past Experiences for Healing
00:09:20
Speaker
we can begin to heal. I think one of the false myths that we hear is that time heals all wounds. You know, just give it time.
00:09:30
Speaker
But that's not reality. In fact, if you look at a wound, a physical wound, especially if it's a really severe wound, time's not going to heal that wound. In fact, it's only going to get infected with time. It'll get worse. And I really believe that our emotional wounds are very similar. If we don't address them and
00:09:56
Speaker
deal with them and begin to put that healing ointment of perspective and truth over them, they will begin to get infected and then they start seeping into our present life, affecting what we're doing today, affecting the type of engagements we're having with people, our emotional temperament, our personality, all of those things that we struggle with in the present many times are actually rooted
00:10:25
Speaker
in wounds and issues from the past that we've never really dealt with. Yeah. Well, I think, you know, again, the name of the book is Are You Really Okay? And I know in those opening chapters, as you're talking about the past, one of the exercises you give, I think is so, so helpful. And I remember doing this as I was doing my doctoral studies at a Biola University, we did a similar exercise.
00:10:48
Speaker
But you talk about, I mean, essentially writing your story and kind of going back and writing out some of those key events and how we interpret those events. I mean, talk about that as sort of one practical example that somebody could take to just sort of understanding the way that they've been shaped by their past. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. One thing I was really hoping for this book when I wrote it
00:11:14
Speaker
is that it wouldn't just be a book that people read through, but really a book that you work through with all the different activities and exercises and checkup questions at the end of each chapter because this is an active process. This isn't something somebody can do for you. And so one of the activities is called the timeline activity. And like you said, essentially it's looking back at your life at all the different experiences that you have faced, both positive and negative that have shaped you.
00:11:43
Speaker
that have influenced you, that have started writing your perspective and the narrative of your story. Because those things are really important to understand. We are who we are today as a combination of nature, genetics, and nurture. How we were raised, the experiences that we've been through,
00:12:04
Speaker
And a set of twins can have the exact same genetic structure and have completely different lives and outcomes based on the nurture piece. What happened? What did they go through? Who did they interact with? How did those experiences affect and impact them? And I don't think we give that enough weight as we're figuring out how to heal and how to break free from some bad habits or reactions that we have.
00:12:32
Speaker
Uh, you know, I think of a man that I counseled who was really having some rage issues every time his wife would ask him to do something. Hey, would you do this? And he would just flip out and they came to see me for counseling. And as we dug into his past, we realized that he comes from a family where he had some major conflict with his father. It was like a my way or the highway type of family dynamic. And him and his dad just butted heads all the time.
00:13:01
Speaker
And as he started thinking about this and started thinking about why his interactions with his wife were so frustrating to him, it's because of the root of the past relationship he had with his dad where he felt like he was never good enough. I was never good enough for my dad is what he said to me. And all of a sudden now we have opened the door to the fact that the pain of the present feeling like he's not good enough when his wife tells him to go do something.
00:13:30
Speaker
but it's really rooted in the un-delt-with pain of his past, this feeling that he's carried for so long, that he's just not good enough, he just can't measure up. And it just goes to show you that things that we wouldn't expect to impact our present have so much power if we don't acknowledge and address them. When we bring them to the light and bring them into the healing of Christ, they begin to lose their power over us because
00:13:58
Speaker
Like, just as I said, time can't heal all wounds, but Jesus can. And we have to begin acknowledging our wounds and bringing them to Him for healing. Yeah. Let me give you, use the example of the gentleman you counseled who, you know, for him, his present experience of anger was really an indicator of some past events. So let me give you
00:14:20
Speaker
a couple sort of present experiences that somebody might have, you know, for somebody that's listening today as a part of our Root Like Faith family. And so I'll give you the emotion or the present experience and just ask you, like, what would be some possible past events that would cause those present experiences?
00:14:40
Speaker
that makes sense. Yeah, so we'll play a little game here. So and I know that this is, you know, it's not that easy. It's not like if somebody struggles with anger today, that that means this in the past, but just in general. So what is the person who's experiencing fear today? What could that possibly say about their past event or past experiences? It could indicate some sort of a
00:15:06
Speaker
struggle with a lack of control or maybe the unknown of like you went through an experience where you didn't know it was coming up next. It could also indicate some sort of a past trauma where you felt the feeling of fear before and now little things in your life kind of intensify.
00:15:24
Speaker
because you've been through something really difficult in the past. Yeah. Okay. What, what about the perfectionist? So the person, you know, today that everything has to be just right, you know, they're, they're vacuuming the house every single day. Um, what, what is the, that, that sort of present experience of being a perfectionist, say about somebody's past potentially.
00:15:44
Speaker
Two things come to mind. The first one is growing up in a world that was kind of chaotic and
Identity and Boundaries in Spiritual Life
00:15:50
Speaker
you just felt like nothing was in your control. Things were in disarray and you feel the need to kind of make sure you've got that semblance of control through what you do in the present. I want everything to be just right because I need to have this control. It could also be rooted in something such as feeling like your value comes from
00:16:11
Speaker
how perfect you are in the present because maybe you come from a history where you didn't feel very valuable and your value was based on what you did, what you accomplished, how you looked.
00:16:22
Speaker
And so it could also be that you're trying to kind of piece together value through your trying to be perfect in the present. Yeah, good. I'll give you one more. The person that struggles with insecurity, they're in a meeting at work and somebody challenges them on something or asks a sincere question and maybe they're insecure in that environment or maybe it's in a relationship and they are experiencing insecurity. What does that present experience potentially say about their past?
00:16:52
Speaker
So much of our insecurity in the present really has to do with our identity and what we believe about ourselves. The things that we believe about ourselves are things that we have learned along the journey of life. I always say we're born with a blank slate. There's a psychologist by the name of John Locke who calls it a tabula rasa in Latin, which means blank slate.
00:17:15
Speaker
And as we go through life, the things that people say about us begin to shape our identity. And maybe someone who's struggling with insecurity today has carried false and unhealthy beliefs about who they really are, rather than seeing themselves through the identity that Christ has given them, which is enough because of who Christ is.
00:17:38
Speaker
And so all of these things can begin to impact us. And like you said, there's not a cookie cutter answer. These are just very superficial examples because for each person, it can be rooted in something completely different. But the key is to get to the root. Because if we don't get to the root, what ends up happening is just like a weed in a garden. It just keeps popping back up in the present until we can really begin to dig deep and get to the root.
00:18:04
Speaker
so that it doesn't affect us, it doesn't control us anymore. Yeah, that's good. I know in the book you talk a lot about how necessary it is for us to not only know or have an accurate view of who we are, but also have an accurate view of who God is. And so much of that, and of course you need both of those, you need self-knowledge and God knowledge.
00:18:23
Speaker
in so much of what you're talking about, it does. It goes back to fundamentally what do we believe about who God is and what God says about us. And so talk a little bit about that. Why is that so important for somebody to not only have an accurate view of who they are and maybe the environment, the events that they've come from or come out of, but ultimately, again, how Jesus is the healer of that and how his view of us really does shape us, mold us, and bring healing.
00:18:52
Speaker
When we talk about our view of God, there's a word in counseling that we call transference. It really means that we take our beliefs or our hurts or our perspective of somebody else and we place them on an innocent bystander. Many times, what shapes our view of God is actually our earliest experiences.
00:19:15
Speaker
You grow up in a family where the father is very difficult and regimented and lacking in grace, and maybe you start to believe that God is rule-oriented and punishment-seeking. Maybe you grow up with a mom who's apathetic and isn't really around, kind of neglects you emotionally, and you grow up believing that maybe God is distant.
00:19:43
Speaker
And, and apathetic, he doesn't really care much about me and what I do. So even, even part of addressing our understanding of belief of God is being able to say, do I see him through my past experiences? Or do I see him as he reveals himself through the person of Christ in his word? And many times the two are not one in the same.
00:20:08
Speaker
And even when you're a strong believer, like I would consider myself a strong believer. I've been a believer since I was eight years old, but there came a season when I had to really make sense of the fact that I tended to see my relationship with God in a performance based way.
00:20:27
Speaker
like I wanted to do for God. And when I wasn't able to do, I felt like something was lacking. And really looking back, I come from a family of immigrants where the mentality was work hard, don't be lazy, accomplish what you need to do because they came to this country with very little and they had to work their way up. And inadvertently, some of those underlying messages of hard work, which are good. I mean, we have the word Protestant work ethic, right?
00:20:57
Speaker
these great things that get misinterpreted along the way and then become part of our belief system of who God is and what he expects of us. So even if you don't come from a toxic past or abuse or neglect or addictions or alcoholism, you still have to work through what you really believe about yourself, what you really believe about God and how those things impact your spiritual life.
00:21:25
Speaker
Yeah, it's so good. I don't know. I think it was maybe David Benner who talked about the idea of, you know, until God's love becomes the core of your identity, you know, it won't transform you. And only when, you know, the love of God really is the core of your identity will it ultimately change you and transform you. And that's just the journey, I feel like, sometimes of a lifetime. I think oftentimes as Christians, we have good theology. We know that Jesus did something really significant on Calvary.
00:21:50
Speaker
We have the right theology, but it doesn't oftentimes touch our reality. It doesn't invade. We don't experience the love of God. And yet when, by God's grace, that happens, that changes us. And it's like, when you know you're loved by God, the healing begins and you can walk through anything when you know you're loved by God. And so it's, yeah, so important for us to know who we are, know our past,
00:22:16
Speaker
but ultimately know what God says about us and what He's accomplished for us. Yeah. And honestly, when I look at our church culture today and we see leaders who are falling from ministry or struggling with this or that pride or
00:22:33
Speaker
sexism or affairs or addictions. I don't believe it's a lack of theology that makes you fall. I believe it's a lack of awareness and emotional health, a lack of dealing with some of these most vulnerable places in our lives. And I don't believe heaping more theology on that is gonna cure the problem. I think this is a more holistic problem and we just have to begin to look at it as heart, soul, mind and strength.
00:23:03
Speaker
Jesus gives us those four areas because they're protective barriers when we can really get in tune to our emotional health, our physical health, our mental health, our spiritual health.
00:23:14
Speaker
they all work together to keep us close to Jesus. Yeah, absolutely. Well, let's pivot for just a minute and talk relationships. One of the lines I especially loved in the book, it's sort of towards the second half or towards the end of the book, you talk about the idea of how loving others is a huge indicator of how spiritually healthy we are. And so explain what you mean by that. All over scripture, God's word tells us that
00:23:42
Speaker
the best indicator of how much we really love God is how we love others. And I really believe there's something to be said of that because when we talk about spiritual health, a lot of times we focus on this checklist. Am I reading my Bible? Am I praying? Am I going to church? Am I doing ministry?
00:24:03
Speaker
without really taking inventory of how we're loving, how loving we are, what's exuding from our heart, which is actually one of the best indicators because you can be doing the checklist. But if your heart isn't filled with love, isn't overflowing with love, it's like a noisy
00:24:24
Speaker
Gong, you know, like, like, it's not effective. And are you really spiritually healthy if that's what's overflowing from your life? And and I'm not just talking about pastors and ministry because we can look so loving from the platform. Can't we? I speak for myself, too. I know what it's like being on stage. But what is what am I really like to my husband?
00:24:49
Speaker
What am I really like to my parents? What am I really like to my closest friends in my mind, in my heart? How am I engaging with my children? Like what is actually flowing out of me and what does it say about the health of my spirit? And so there's a lot of different things for us to really take inventory of, but I think at the end of the day, I use that word probably way more than the average person, take inventory, take inventory.
00:25:18
Speaker
Because if we don't stop to assess, we just continue to repeat what's familiar instead of what's healthy. The only way we can get to what's healthy is if we stop doing what's familiar, pause and just take a glimpse, take an audit, take an assessment, like what is going on in my life? Let me look at these different areas, ask some hard questions and see where I need to change. Because as I get healthy,
00:25:46
Speaker
It begins to impact the health of my relationships. It begins to impact my marriage, my ministry, my family. You know, I'm engaging with others on the level of my emotional, spiritual, mental health. And so if I'm seeing struggles in my relationships,
00:26:06
Speaker
It should be a yellow flag, maybe even a red flag that I need to begin working on me and seeing how that change begins to overflow into the lives of everyone around me. Yeah.
00:26:17
Speaker
what are some relationships? I mean, just kind of following up with what you're saying there. I mean, what are some relationships for a person that's on that journey and is desiring, you know, healing? And I mean, what are the relationships a person needs in that process? And what are the kinds of relationships they need to avoid? Is there walking, you know, through that process of healing? The beautiful thing about
00:26:45
Speaker
about relationships is that when you've been hurt by people, you can also allow the Lord to bring people into your life that can move you toward healing. And that's what the body of Christ is really for, to help each other move towards Christ, to help each other heal. In James, we were called to confess our sins to one another and pray for one another so that we can be healed.
00:27:13
Speaker
There is power in the context of community. And the question is, are we taking advantage of it? You know, are we using that to our advantage and for our growth? And so when we look at relationships, I always say you need to have a mentor in your life, someone who's gone ahead, a peer in your life, somebody who's sharpening you like iron sharpens iron and a disciple, someone that you're pouring into.
00:27:39
Speaker
And when we talk about a mentor, you know, maybe for you that looks more like a professional counselor, somebody who has walked the journey of healing, somebody who can kind of help you begin to unpack some of these wounds. I wish that in the body of Christ, we could begin to see counseling less like going to the doctor and more like going to the gym or going to
00:28:04
Speaker
strengthen our spiritual and emotional muscles. We're going to do that preventative maintenance work so that we don't get sick, so that we don't get injured, so that we don't get disease and illness. So what if we began to see
Setting Boundaries for Effective Living
00:28:20
Speaker
counseling in that way? Like, I'm going to strengthen what God has given me. I think if we could see it that way, the stigma would begin to change. We would start
00:28:29
Speaker
you know, high fiving each other for going to counseling rather than feeling like it's something we can't talk about or looking at somebody like, Oh, I can't believe they're in counseling. What's going on in their life? You know? So I just really believe that even just starting to change the way that we talk about these things.
00:28:46
Speaker
Makes a big impact. Yeah, it's so good. I you know, I think when you know somebody's going through You know the healing process I think you hear so many people talk about You know needing to take a break or pulling away from certain relationships or certain activities I mean setting boundaries and so I'd love for you to kind of speak to that You know is maybe a last question. I remember
00:29:11
Speaker
You know, several years ago, reading the book by Henry Nowan called The Inner Voice of Love, and our listeners, they'll remember me sharing this illustration before, but one of the things that he talks about in that book or one of the illustrations he uses is a castle, you know, surrounded by a moat.
00:29:27
Speaker
in the drawbridge. I think the name of that particular entry is, you know, be the master of your castle. And he kind of talks about that theme of knowing when to raise the drawbridge and when to lower it. And of course, he's talking about, you know, the impact that people have on our interior life. And one of the lines that sticks out to me is, you know, he talks about for, you know, I think he essentially says, you know, for most of your life, you've let people enter that castle based on their needs instead of your needs.
00:29:57
Speaker
And I think that's such a powerful line as it relates to setting boundaries and having healthy relationships, especially when you're going through a season of healing. And so sort of speak to that for the busy mom or the person that is just, you know, they're working and they've got kids in activities or they're going through a healing process. Like what do boundaries look like and how important is it for people to, I think, set boundaries in particular with different types of relationships?
00:30:25
Speaker
Yeah, you're absolutely right. One of my favorite things about this project, Are You Really Okay?, was really getting an inside peek into the life of Jesus and the intimate life of Jesus, how he handled his emotions, how he handled his relationships, how he handled boundaries, and kind of just comparing and contrasting some of that with modern psychology. And the irony is that
00:30:51
Speaker
Even though the world would say that psychology and theology are just so different, Jesus practiced so much of what we call good modern psychology. You know, like he thought of this stuff way before we did. And just watching him have boundaries, be able to say no, be able to pause and take the time to eat and nap and rest and isolate and pray.
00:31:20
Speaker
It was just such a powerful reminder. It just gives us permission to say, I need to take care of myself. I need to learn to say no. I need to learn to understand when I'm nearing burnout. I need to learn to fill myself up because empty people are not good at loving and giving. And what does that look like? You know, the average person might say, well, that just looks like
00:31:45
Speaker
starting to say no more. Maybe clearing out your schedule. Maybe not feeling obligation to do different things. Maybe pulling your kids from the billion activities they're doing. But all of that is great. And I list a lot of that out. And are you really OK? I specifically talk through some of my personal boundaries, our family's personal boundaries, just to give you some examples. But I think the most important question isn't, what can we do to say no more?
00:32:15
Speaker
The question is, why do we struggle to say no? Why do we say yes? What is the root of our yes? Because again, it's going back to that weed analogy. If we just trim it at the tip and just start to say no more, it's only going to last for a couple of weeks, maybe a month, before we default back to our yes, before we default back to having no boundaries.
00:32:40
Speaker
So really it comes down to why do I feel the need to say yes to everything? Do I, do I feel afraid to hurt people? Do I want approval? Do I have some, some feeling or false belief that it's up to me to save people and care for people? Like what is really the root? Do I not want to disappoint the people around me? Do I feel like the more I do, the more valuable I really am when we can get to that root?
00:33:10
Speaker
I think it gives us a lot more perspective and increases our ability to say no because we understand what it's really rooted in. And then we can look at our life and our schedule
Conclusion and Encouragement
00:33:20
Speaker
and our relationships, our work, our career, our ministry, and be able to prune to take out the excess and be able to focus and concentrate on the
00:33:31
Speaker
few things that God has called us to do and do them effectively. Yeah, that's so good. Well, again, gosh, there's so many more things I know we could talk about. The book is Are You Really Okay? Getting Real About Who You Are, How You're Doing, and Why It Matters. And it is so true. What you said earlier, this is not a book that you just read through.
00:33:51
Speaker
It's a book that you work through and I think that was one of the things I loved about it. It's rich in content yet it's really easy to read and it's just full of really practical steps and guides that take you beyond reading the chapters and really beginning to evaluate your own life. And so I just really appreciated all of those things.
00:34:11
Speaker
about the book. And so where can our listeners learn more about the new book? Again, we're going to link to the book in our show notes, but where can our listeners go to learn more about the book and to follow you online? Yeah, you can follow me on Instagram or Facebook at Deborah Felita. And you can learn more about the book at the website. It's called Are You Really Okay? The letter O, the letter K. Are you really okay.com or anywhere books are sold? Fantastic. And you got a very popular podcast as well. So tell our listeners where they can listen to you.
00:34:42
Speaker
Yeah, it's called the Love and Relationships podcast. And I think one of my favorite things that we did before this book launched was we invited some really significant influential Christians and leaders.
00:34:54
Speaker
such as Matt Chandler, Levi Lusco, Christine Kane. And they came on the podcast and had live on air counseling sessions with me. And we really asked the question, are you really okay? And the courage of them sharing, it was just so healing and so, so refreshing. I think a lot of people will be blessed by that.
00:35:15
Speaker
That's fantastic. Well, thank you again for your work on the book. It's a fantastic book. I know it's going to be a great encouragement to our listeners. I would encourage our Root Like Faith family to definitely go out by the book. And Deborah, thank you so much for taking the time to be on the podcast today. So God bless you and your ministry. Thank you so much. Thanks for having me.
00:35:38
Speaker
Oh, that was so, so good. I hope you loved that conversation as much as we did. If you want to pick up a copy of Deborah's book, it's called, again, Are You Really Okay? Getting real about who you are, how you're doing, and why it matters. You can find that book anywhere books are sold.
00:35:57
Speaker
And you can also connect with Deborah on Facebook or Instagram and we'll be sure that we put that information in the show notes. Well, friend, we're so grateful that you joined us. We hope that you were encouraged and inspired today. If we haven't met yet, we want to get to know you. So be sure to follow us on Instagram at Patrick W. Schwank or at Roo Schwank.
00:36:20
Speaker
And don't forget, everything we talked about will be at rootlikefaith.com forward slash podcast. Well, I hope you have the best week and we will chat soon.