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Episode 34: How Jesus Teaches Us to Handle the Struggles We Face Today with Dr. Ray Guarendi
106 Plays2 years ago
Dr. Ray Guarendi is a father of ten adopted children, a clinical psychologist, author, professional speaker, and national radio and television host. His radio show, “The Dr. Is In” can be heard on over 440 stations and Sirius XM channel 130. His TV show, “Living Right With Dr. Ray” can be seen on EWTN Global Catholic Network and is aired in 140 countries.
Mentioned in this episode:
Jesus, the Master Psychologist: Listen to Him
You’re a Better Parent than You Think
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This podcast is produced and edited by Angie Elkins Media, Inc.
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Transcript
Introduction to Root Like Faith Podcast
00:00:01
Speaker
Hi, I'm Ruth Schwank and I'm so thrilled you're listening in with us at Root Like Faith. It is our deepest desire to encourage and equip men and women to be rooted in God's word, transformed by the love of Jesus, and moved by his mission in the power of the Holy Spirit. Nothing is more important.
00:00:18
Speaker
Well, on today's episode, we have a special guest.
Introducing Dr. Ray Guarendi
00:00:22
Speaker
And I just thought, honey, I'm not sure I'll say his name right. Dr. Ray. Dr. Ray Garendy. Garendy. I wanted to say. And he would be highly offended if you mispronounced it. I can assure you that. Sure. So Dr. Ray Garendy is joining Pat on the podcast today.
Jesus as the Master Psychologist
00:00:39
Speaker
And this is going to be so good. You had me laughing, honey, just telling me all about your conversation with him. Yeah. So what are you guys talking about?
00:00:47
Speaker
Well, it's funny because I've listened to Dr. Ray on the radio for a number of years and he's considered one of the leading Catholic psychologist family counselors and he's just kind of a no-nonsense guy, just kind of common sense type counseling and has worked in all sorts of different environments over the years.
00:01:05
Speaker
and incredibly well-educated, well-experienced. And he's gotten a new book out called Jesus the Master Psychologist. And he's really talking about how Jesus, in many ways, was 2,000 years ahead of what psychology is only now coming to understand. And there's other places where what Jesus teaches directly contradicts modern psychology. And so he really does a great job of just kind of, we kind of talk through some of the different areas where we see that.
00:01:35
Speaker
the complimenting of psychology, catching up with what Jesus taught so many years ago, or the contradiction and how we just need to root everything in the words of Christ first and foremost. So it's just a great discussion. And he's just really funny. He's a fun guy and kind of a no nonsense how like it is.
00:01:52
Speaker
And you got to stay on your toes with Dr. Ray, that's for sure.
Dr. Ray's Journey in Faith and Media
00:01:55
Speaker
And so I think our listeners are going to really enjoy listening to him. And it's an incredible book, very practical, and again, rooted in the words of Christ. And just a great reminder that he is the source of the flourishing life. And I love that. I love that we're looking, you know, he's so educated in psychology. I mean, that's what he does.
00:02:14
Speaker
and then to be able to look at scripture, and really, that's where we start. This is going to be really good. I'm really excited. So let me share. Annie has a mean mustache, by the way. If you ever see a picture of Dr. Ray, it's quite impressive. Well, and mustaches are in. They are very in. And so I just want to applaud him for that, first and foremost. Well, let me share a little bit more about Dr. Ray. Dr. Ray Guarendi is a father of 10 adopted children.
00:02:40
Speaker
a clinical psychologist, author, professional speaker, and national radio and television host. His radio show, The Doctor Is In, can be heard on over 440 stations and Sirius XM channel 130. His TV show, Living Right with Dr. Ray, can be seen on EWTN Global Catholic Network and is aired in 140 countries. So let's get going. This conversation is going to be great.
00:03:09
Speaker
Well, my guest today is Dr. Ray Guarendi. As we've mentioned already, he's a clinical psychologist, author, speaker, radio and television host. And so Dr. Ray, welcome to Root Like Faith. Appreciate it, Pat.
00:03:20
Speaker
Well, thank you again for taking the time to be on Root Like Faith. As we were talking just a couple minutes ago before we started recording, I've been listening to your radio show for a number of years. So this is just a lot of fun to have you on. It's real privileged to have you on our podcast today. And so first of all, congratulations on your brand new book. You've written a lot of books already, but your brand new book,
00:03:40
Speaker
Jesus, the master psychologist. And so, for those of our listeners who maybe come from a Catholic background, they will likely recognize you and have probably read some of your books. You're considered America's leading Catholic psychologist and family counselor. Well, that's what my mother wrote. I don't know who else would put that down. I can assure you, no one's ever used the word leading anywhere close to my name.
00:04:05
Speaker
So even if your mother did, that's still an accomplishment. Maybe if you have a pet dog, you might be thinking that. Well, regardless, I'm excited for you to be on the podcast today. And I have found myself, as I've listened to your show over the last couple of years,
00:04:22
Speaker
Not only, I think, I just want to say this to our listeners up front, they probably gathered that already, but not only are you full of great wisdom, but you're very funny. And I found myself driving down the road listening, and in one moment going, oh, that's so good, to the next moment, laughing out loud as I'm driving my car by myself.
The Self-Esteem Movement: A Critique
00:04:40
Speaker
Anyways, for those of our listeners that may not be familiar with, I'd love for you just to kind of start out by having you to share a bit of your story, you know, who you are and kind of your experience. And you guys, I know you and your wife have adopted a few kids along the way over the years. And so just give us a quick, just a story about who you are and about your family as well. I was your basic shrink. I got out of school.
00:05:06
Speaker
Headed straight to an office, did some consulting work to various agencies, state hospitals, school districts, juvenile courts. That was my career in, I don't want to say the year because this was right around the time Freud was in school, but I wrote my first book called You're a Better Parent Than You Think because I kept seeing a lack of confidence and authority. I saw a.
00:05:33
Speaker
a psychological distress among so many parents. So the first book was titled, you're a better parent than you think. Well, from there I got into media
Parenting and Social Media's Impact
00:05:42
Speaker
and the secular media is where I'd lived for probably 20, 25 years doing the national shows, the radio shows inch by inch. I crept my way back towards my faith that I had as a boy. And I realized that if I'm going to get a chance to speak to the whole person,
00:06:02
Speaker
about God and about the deep things of infinity, I wouldn't get that chance on secular media. You have to be very careful. You have to tread lightly. So probably 20 years ago, 25 years ago, I was approached by Catholic media and I summarily said, no, thank you. I did. I didn't want to be typed. I didn't want to be tied to a microphone. I had, I had a career where I was speaking a lot and I traveled.
00:06:29
Speaker
And a microphone, you know, Pat, if you have a show, you're there. You have to be there. Well, my wife said, give it six months, Ray. Just give it six months. I did. I was shocked at the people who cling to the chance to hear
00:06:48
Speaker
People talking about what they most deeply believe so i've been with catholic media for 20 years now And those adopted kids came along in the meantime. We have 10 of them five boys and five estrogen americans
00:07:01
Speaker
Wow. Well, thank you for sharing a bit of your story. I know the book that you've written most recently, again, is called Jesus the Master Psychologist. And I'd love for you just to kind of start out, because I know sort of the premise of the book is that there are places where psychology is just catching up with what Jesus said several thousand years ago. And there's also places where Jesus says things that directly contradict the modern psychology movement.
00:07:29
Speaker
And so I'd love for you just really briefly to kind of explain, you know, what is psychology? And I'm not an expert in any means by, you know, just sort of the history of psychology. But the reality is that some of those early thinkers and influencers were not exactly friendly to religion or friendly to God. Is that correct? Absolutely. Freud was an atheist.
00:07:51
Speaker
Many of the early psychiatrists who were the roots of psychology looked at religion as some sort of crutch, some sort of neurotic grabbing onto. And even now, I get people coming to my office
00:08:10
Speaker
who had previous contact with therapists and said they didn't respect my worldview. They didn't respect my deepest held beliefs. I want somebody that can at least understand why I think the way I do.
The Virtue of Meekness in Christian Life
00:08:26
Speaker
Yeah, I love, you know, where you start the book. I think the very first chapter is called, Who Is This Man? And it's such an important place to start. And I think, you know, oftentimes it feels like, you know, you oftentimes told our church that
00:08:43
Speaker
If you want to go tell somebody about Jesus, just go to the self-help section at Barnes & Noble. It's a sure place to run into somebody and to have a conversation, but I think there's a lot of people who start with the – they start with the wrong question and they oftentimes start with the question, what works? You know, that pragmatic question versus what is true.
00:09:02
Speaker
And ironically, the argument that you're making that we know is followers of Jesus, that what is true also works. And so I love that you, all that to say, I love that you start the book with starting what is true about Jesus, that he is the unique God-man, God in the flesh, and that if we go wrong there, we go wrong everywhere else. And so I love how you start there, but why is it so important for us to start with that question, who is this man?
Materialism vs. Spiritual Truths
00:09:33
Speaker
Everything follows from it, Pat. The dominant mindset among the intelligentsia today is that Jesus was a good man, kind of like a skinny Buddha, a fat Gandhi, you know, Mr. Rogers, kind of just a nice fella, going to tell you how you should love people. Can't we all just get along? Anybody who says that about Jesus is revealing his complete ignorance because there is no way
00:10:02
Speaker
that Jesus was a good man if he wasn't God. Because I'm a shrink. You have a God delusion. You are messed up. You are really truly at a loss to know what your identity is. So he can't be a good man. He can either be a liar or somebody delusional or some kind of misguided religious guru. But if you conclude by looking at the evidence and anybody that looks at the evidence with an open mind has to at least be shaken up
00:10:32
Speaker
because there is evidence to indicate historically, logically, you don't even need to go to the Bible to come to the conclusion that there's a pretty good chance this guy was who he said he was. If that's the case, then it is automatic. If you want to be true to yourself, as psychology would put it, it's automatic.
00:10:55
Speaker
You got to listen to what he says. Whether you agree with it, whether you don't, whether psychology agrees with it, whether psychology doesn't. That guy is infinitely smart. So therefore, even if what he says raises skepticism in you, you got to explore it because he's God.
00:11:18
Speaker
Yeah, I think as you read through the Gospels, there's just so many things that Jesus says that to our modern ears make no sense. And I think part of what you're saying in the book and heard you elsewhere say that there's an awful lot of data that would suggest, a lot of research that would suggest that some of the values and beliefs that maybe the psychology movement has proposed, they don't match up, and yet there are things that Jesus says that to our modern ears don't make any sense.
00:11:46
Speaker
and yet what we're finding is that there's a great correlation between that flourishing life, that abundant life that Jesus promised, if we take Him at His word. And I love, do you remember years ago, I haven't watched Saturday Night Live in probably 20 years, but there was a skit on Saturday Night Live, now I'm gonna show my age here, but there was a skit called, oh boy, what was it called? It was, the character was Stuart Smalley. I don't know if you remember that character on Saturday Night Live,
00:12:15
Speaker
Pat, that was way before my time. Now I know you're lying. I think it was called daily affirmation with Stewart Smalley and he would always start out by saying I'm not a licensed therapist and it would start with him looking into a mirror and he would say I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone at people like me.
00:12:35
Speaker
And that was sort of how the show started and the skits started. And that was one of my favorite skits back in the day. And that sort of summarizes the self-esteem movement. But what's wrong with the self-esteem movement? And how do we see Jesus really contradict that particular part that the psychology movement has tried to sell our culture? What's wrong with it, Pat, is simple.
00:13:04
Speaker
It's incorrect as it was proposed 40, 50 years ago that if you think you're wonderful, you think you're special, if you think you're unique, if you have a high view of yourself,
00:13:17
Speaker
All kinds of good things will follow. You will be achieving. You will be happy. You will be content. Your marriage will be better. You'll have less psoriasis. You'll get less mosquito bites. Your hair won't fall out as much. All of these things are supposed to follow from a real healthy, high self-esteem. Well, they've researched it and it doesn't follow. Essentially, self-esteem isn't related to a whole lot. The Christian
00:13:45
Speaker
I think has true self-esteem. Why? Because if I, Ray Guarendi, say that Ray Guarendi
Closing Thoughts and Resources
00:13:52
Speaker
is a wonderful human being. Ray Guarendi is a special guy. Nobody's like Ray Guarendi. All that hinges upon is my declaration. That's all. It's a self declaration. If the God of the universe says Ray Guarendi is an infinitely valuable human being,
00:14:09
Speaker
And that value does not rise or fall by his accomplishments, by his achievements, by his status, by the number of thumbs up that he gets. That is much more stable. Right. And long lasting than any self declared rigor. It is a cool guy. Self esteem.
00:14:28
Speaker
Yeah. But it's so important, you know, I think about, you know, you know, parents and as we were talking before, we've got a lot of, you know, families, you know, moms and dads that that listen to Root Like Faith. And as that applies to raising kids today, I mean, that's such an important truth that you just you spoke to. And so for the mom or the dad that's listening in particular, like, how does that look within the context of home and family for from
00:14:57
Speaker
parent to raise their kids with an identity in Christ rooted in who God is and who he says they are versus the self-esteem movement. Do not chase self-esteem for its own sake. If you chase self-esteem for its own sake, it can lead to self-centeredness. It can lead to self-preoccupation. It can lead to self-aggrandizement. It can lead to all the selves that are ugly and
00:15:24
Speaker
And the Lord said, and they're even, you know what, Pat, they're even ugly in just normal human relationships. People don't like self-centered people. They just don't. If a parent wants to give a child very good, solid self-esteem, it is a byproduct.
00:15:44
Speaker
It is a by-product of that child knowing how loved he is. It is also a by-product of that child knowing that he will be disciplined. He will be held accountable. He will be held to high standards. All of those things, those fundamentals of strong parenthood, and man, you got to be a strong parent to go against this culture today, are the best way to give a child a rooted sense of who he is.
00:16:11
Speaker
Yeah, but it's good, you know, I was talking with a friend of mine who, you know, they're just starting a family and our kids, we have four kids. Our oldest is 19. Our youngest is 12. And so we have two boys, two girls. And we were, I was, I was, you know, talking with him recently and we were talking about the impact of social media and just how when, when Ruth and I were beginning a family, like nobody was talking about Facebook or Instagram or Twitter or any of those. And it wasn't until our kids were probably, I don't know if they were
00:16:41
Speaker
you know, seven, eight years old when those things began to kind of become more popular. And so we were talking about that, the effect that social media has on parents in particular, as you're talking about self-esteem, I mean, in rooting, you know, a child's identity in Christ, I mean, social media
00:17:01
Speaker
is warring against that in a major way. And so really quickly before we move on, because I want to talk about another theme that you hit on in the book, but speak to the parent who's wrestling, because I think when we were beginning to raise a family, we were just trying to figure it out. And now you've got all sorts of research and resources available to parents that talk about the pros, but primarily the cons.
00:17:26
Speaker
of social media and smartphones, all of those things. But what advice would you give to a parent who's raising small children or maybe has, you know, teens as it relates to social media and phones and tablets? Good parents will ask me, what is the one thing I can do to most sabotage my parenting? That's simple. Get them a smartphone. That's very simple. It will alter their persona.
00:17:54
Speaker
It will expose them to everything in the world. It will change their personal relations. They will be texting at grandpa's birthday party while people are singing happy birthday to grandpa. The average age, Pat, of a smartphone is now between nine and 10 years of age. So you are putting the sewage of the universe in a child's hands. I usually tell parents, delay minimally 15, 16.
00:18:24
Speaker
Now, of course, that's that is absolute social heresy in our culture, right? Because if you have a 13 year old without a smartphone, you are now in the one percent, right? Do you realize the strength that it takes for a parent to do that? They fear that they'll be resented. They fear the child will get deceptive. They fear the child will get phones from their peers.
00:18:46
Speaker
Virtually 90%. Small example, small statistic. 90% of 11 to 19 year olds have seen pornography. 90%. Either accidentally or on purpose, mostly on purpose. It's there. So that's the first thing. In my office, the number one referral I now get is parents of young adults, late teens, early 20s, who say, what happened? We didn't raise him this way.
00:19:16
Speaker
Why does he think this way? Why does he reject religion? Why is he walking away from everything we tried to do? And I will say to them, I believe you. I recognize that you didn't raise him this way, but you underestimated the power of what did. Right. Yeah.
00:19:36
Speaker
Well, I know there's so much there. We could probably spend the entire episode talking about those themes. And so, so good. I want to, for time sake, move on, though, and talk about another theme that you mentioned in the book. Again, the book is Jesus the Master Psychologist. And you talk about meekness in the book, which, again, is not exactly a virtue our culture is celebrating or pursuing. And you've said that meekness and confidence go together.
00:20:02
Speaker
And so explain what that means and why meekness is actually something that's healthy for us. Do you realize how strong you have to be to put others ahead of you, to not seek your own status, to not seek to be above? Do you realize the strength that that takes? And the only way you can do that
00:20:28
Speaker
is to know that as a child of God, your infinite status is already set. So I don't have to, as a child of God, seek me. I don't have to. I'm not driven to do that. And that takes unbelievable strength. So when Jesus says, blessed are the meek, he's not saying blessed are the doormats.
00:20:52
Speaker
He's not saying, blessed are those who let themselves get pushed around and manipulated every which way, but lose. He's simply saying, blessed are they who know their status in God's eyes. And that status will allow them not to be easily offended, which is a sad, sad thing among us Christians. We are easily offended. We should be the least easily offended of people. That status will give us confidence
00:21:22
Speaker
in the face of a lot of stuff. So it clashes with psychology. Psychology is a focus on the self. That's the very center of psychology. The very center of Christianity is not a focus on the self. It's a focus on God and then others self last on its head, the psychology.
00:21:50
Speaker
It reminds me, I know there's a variety of places we could point to in the scriptures, but Matthew 23 verse 12, for those who exalt themselves will be humbled and those who humble themselves will be exalted. And so we've, again, I think about the role, the impact of social media where everybody is trying to exalt themselves.
00:22:10
Speaker
or to be seen or to be valued or to get likes, to get famous for doing a dance, whatever it is, and it's a completely different value, completely different virtue than what Jesus holds out as a flourishing life, an abundant life. I think of, again, our culture's value of stuff, of materialism, which, of course, you hit on in the book. This is another one of those places that goes against what our culture says will make you happy.
00:22:40
Speaker
Um, you know, we live in a culture, I think even as parents, we think if we just give our kids the best of everything, they'll, they'll, it's the best thing for them and they'll be happy, they'll be content. And what you're arguing, what you've seen in your own experiences, that's not the case at all, that the opposite is true. We had a simple rule in our family. You're allowed one stuffed animal. If you get a second one, we're going to give it away to the children's hospital.
00:23:06
Speaker
It's just a small little sliver, but the average little five-year-old has 84 stuffed animals sitting on top of her bed, and it simply breeds, I am living to get. If you go to a restaurant, fast food, and you order the kid's meal, it's not enough to have food and food in abundance, but you got to have something that goes with it, a toy.
00:23:35
Speaker
So our whole culture is aimed that way. And as a parent, if you would try to fight that, if you would say to that clerk, no, thank you, you please keep the toy. The clerk would look at you like, who are you? Is this your kid? They'd look at the kid like you can call children services. They're not getting the toy with the mail. Right. Jesus spoke about acquisitiveness and greed more than any other single thing.
00:24:05
Speaker
He talked about the focus on stuff. And because we're such a wealthy culture, the wealthiest the world has ever known, we live in luxury. We live beyond what kings used to live in food, in clothes, in entertainment, in options, in materialism. So if we just go with the flow of the culture,
00:24:29
Speaker
It will be difficult to teach our children what Jesus wants of them. There's no question about that. Now, my children are spoiled, and I don't use that in a pejorative term because I'm spoiled. Look at the way we live, Pat. I've never not known air conditioning. I've never not known hot showers. I've never not known three vehicles. I've never not known a house of 2,000 square feet.
00:24:57
Speaker
the way we live just breeds that kind of materialism. And you got to resist it, at least taper it. Right. Somewhat. Yeah, but so good. My wife and I, I'm so glad you're not here and you can't see into my closet. I was just, I was just talking to my wife the other day. I'm like, I have so many shoes that I don't even wear. I think I might have more. I'm ashamed to admit this. I think I might have more shoes than my wife Ruth has. And so you're so right. I just, you know, there's times them away.
00:25:24
Speaker
I know. Well, it is amazing. You start looking like you said, you know, there's just so many things that we take for granted that we have like a roof over our head, air conditioning, you know, multiple cars, all of those things. And boy, then you add kids into that mix and all of the things that
00:25:44
Speaker
that they think they need or that their friends have. And like you're saying, it takes a lot of work to, as a parent, fight against materialism and consumerism, but then also fight that battle with your kids and for your kids. And there's just so much pressure within our culture. And so again, there are so many things in the book that you, if there's one that you could boil down, because again, I think the premise of the book is there's things that the,
00:26:13
Speaker
The psychology is just now catching up and affirming what Jesus said and then there's often a lot of places where what Jesus says contradicts. What would you say, you know, out of all the things you talk about in the book, what's the one you think is most significant that what Jesus says contradicts? You and I are standing over an ant hill and I
00:26:42
Speaker
point out one of the ants. I said, hey Pat, you see that ant over there? That ant is twice as smart as all the other ants. And see that one over there? That one is three times as athletic as any other ant on that hill. But most impressive is that one over there that rules the colony. That ant has the status that no other ant has. Would you be impressed with those ants
00:27:12
Speaker
No. Why? Well, they don't know what the other ant knows. They're ants. They're ants, right? Yeah. You are so far above those ants, it doesn't matter that one is twice as strong or twice as smart as the other. The distance between us and ants is infinitesimal compared to the distance between us and God. So when he looks at us,
00:27:39
Speaker
And he says, you know, that guy is president of the United States, or that guy is the best athlete the world has ever known. It's meaningless to God. It doesn't mean a thing. It means everything in the world's eyes. But if you look at it through God's eyes, all that matters to him is do you seek him?
00:27:59
Speaker
Do you try to know him and live for him? The rest of the stuff is absolutely meaningless. God is not going to say, Hey, you're the best athlete the world has ever known. Come on into heaven. You're a media star. Do you realize how important you are in my eyes that none of that matters to God zero. And the irony is to the degree that we pursue it as our main thing, if it happens as a by-product, okay.
00:28:28
Speaker
But if we pursue it as our goal, we will never be satisfied. Some of the highest levels of pathology exist among those people who the world views as the wealthiest, as the most well-known, as the most famous, and they're miserable. Now, why is this? That should not be. But our Lord says, that's not what's going to get you to infinite happiness.
00:28:59
Speaker
So good. Well, again, congratulations on the new book, Jesus the Master Psychologist. It's a fantastic book, and I know we just scratched the surface of all that you talk about and all that Jesus offers us in the flourishing life that he offers us, that abundant life that he talks about in John chapter 10. And so I want to encourage our listeners to
00:29:18
Speaker
to pick up a copy. We're gonna link to the show notes. We'll link to the book in the show notes and also where folks can follow you online. But as we close, is there a place where folks can to go to get your books or to follow you online? Yes, I have a Facebook page and we do a lot to try to help parents and people in life to live better.
00:29:43
Speaker
And my website is drray.com. D-R-R-A-Y.com. All the books are there. They are all signed. And we have some special promo offers that can help you. If you buy a couple books, you get one free.
00:29:56
Speaker
Fantastic. I have a copy of the book and I didn't get mine signed. So I'm a little disappointed with that. I'm going to have to track you down and get you to sign my copy. Thanks, Pat. Well, thanks again, Dr. Ray Gurrendy. It's a privilege to speak with you. And I know it's going to be a great encouragement to our listeners. And so really appreciate your time. I know you're incredibly busy. And so just appreciate your experience, education, and a godly perspective. And so thanks for being on Rune Like Faith today. Glad to be, Pat. Thank you.
00:30:26
Speaker
Well, friend, we are so grateful that you have joined us for this fabulous conversation with Dr. Ray Gurundi. As a reminder, the name of his new book is Jesus the Master Psychologist, and you can find Dr. Ray online at www.drray.com. Yeah, it's that simple.
00:30:48
Speaker
So if we haven't met yet, we want to get to know you. And as I say often right now, this seems to be my phrase slide into our DMS on Instagram at Patrick W. Schwank and at Ruth Schwank or on Facebook. We would love to meet you there. Also, don't forget everything that Pat and Ray talked about will be on our website at rootlikefaith.com forward slash podcast.
00:31:13
Speaker
So we welcome you into our family here at Root Lake Faith and would love love love if you could leave us a review or a rating and share this podcast with your friends. It's a huge help to us. All right friend, well we will chat soon and we hope you have the best week.