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#41: Teamwork!
51 Plays2 months ago
#41: Teamwork!
Jessica and Francis wonder why on earth teams always seem to rise and fall together - what does it take to shake them from their inconsistency? Meanwhile, Francis wonders if the constant chase for “better” is worth all the grief. In the race to build resilient kids, is there a “right” amount of failure or do we all end up as helicopter parents?
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Transcript
Introduction to The Grocery Stick Podcast
00:00:02
Speaker
From a makeshift recording studio in Brooklyn, welcome to The Grocery Stick with Jessica and Francis. Shut the front door. That is not what we agreed upon. Francis and Jessica. Meh, ignore that.
00:00:13
Speaker
We're Brooklynites and friends. We're here to talk, laugh, commiserate, and argue about all things travel sports-related, kid-related, and plain old life-related. It's Francis and Jessica, or I quit.
00:00:23
Speaker
Shh. Boom.
Dog Stories: Caesar and the Barking Syndrome
00:00:26
Speaker
Good morning. Napoleonic syndrome. Napoleonic syndrome. I think it's because he's short. The dog's short and therefore he's loud. i like that. Loud and obnoxious at all times trying to assert himself and prove stature. So if our two listeners hear barking the background, which I barely hear. don't know if you can hear it.
00:00:43
Speaker
Oh, but i hear it. That's what's happening. It's loud and profound. Caesar. Which means the dog update for today, for this week, is that Caesar's still there. Still here. Yeah. Is he a he's not officially yours? No. Still not officially yours? No. Still officially a temporary resident? Yep. He's temporary.
00:01:01
Speaker
Yet there has been no contact by the rescue operation. Oh, no. There's been contact. Oh. Yeah. Like, you know, they checked in this past week, but. what does that mean wait they What does that mean when they check in? It's like, hey, how's it going? Right.
00:01:19
Speaker
You know. he's still alive. You're still good with keeping him. Right. Everybody okay. Everything going okay. No mention of money or compensation. They're trying to put together some kind of fundraiser to help him out, I guess. But, you know, it had to do with training, not with his health. And I really mostly, know, I think that he took care of his health first, personally.
00:01:42
Speaker
So they're still avoiding that. I don't know if it's avoiding or just kind of like you've told them many times already. Yeah, i know. But I just wonder if it's not like like avoiding it or if it's just not the priority because they want to make sure that he's able to, you know, be handled by somebody else. I don't really know.
00:01:59
Speaker
I mean, this dog, honestly, he would this dog would never bite me. yeah like I'm not even joking. like you know People are like, oh, you never know, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, nope. I trust you. You're a good judge of character. Yeah, Eric was wiping his feet and he growled. you know And I wipe his feet and he just puts his head up like this and just waits. Right. Yeah.
00:02:20
Speaker
yeah yeah i like i know But I also know I'm his person. Like I know I'm his person. Even Sam said it yesterday.
Healthy Eating and Gluten-Free Adventures
00:02:25
Speaker
he was like, oh my God, does this dog love you? Okay, so we'll be having this conversation and in December still.
00:02:33
Speaker
and The rescue still there, still temporary, still health problems. Yeah, we'll wait for we'll see. I did find out though that my um my first foster dog is getting adopted. The one that i that we were, that the family wanted to adopt. That's awesome. Yeah, she's found a family, which is great.
00:02:49
Speaker
That's great. Yeah. Okay. Okay. um I didn't have oatmeal this morning. Oh, hallelujah. But it's coming.
00:03:01
Speaker
Oh, God. i'm Are you having it for lunch instead? yep I'm being disciplined. I got to have it today. So if I didn't have a breakfast, I'm going to have it for lunch. Just eat oatmeal cookies. i know I can't. Make low sugar, or low glycemic oatmeal cookies. What about like homemade oatmeal bars? No, oatmeal is just grainy in the cookie and the bars. it's not good.
00:03:20
Speaker
No, not if you make it, grind it into flour. Uh, uh, You know what? I'm going to try and find a recipe and I'm going to try and make something for you and see how you like it. it's got the Because I just feel like you're so resistant. You're resistant. I'm not resistant. I'm eating it. But you don't need to make it with butter. You can make it with like heart healthy oil. You don't have to do it with butter. No, no, no. Please. That's not going down that path of like...
00:03:44
Speaker
Almond milk, oat milk, cashew butter. I can't do that. You wouldn't even know the difference. The whole problem with this conversation is if it was made for you and you were like, okay, give I'll give it a try. You probably wouldn't even know the difference. you know right Oh, I will.
Youth Hockey Insights and Team Dynamics
00:03:58
Speaker
You would never. will take on that challenge. Okay. You would never know. I'll take on that challenge. That's like someone telling me I won't notice if there would be a gluten-free bun. Yes, you will. Oh, you know what? That's not true, actually. i Where was i i was I was at, oh, this past weekend, there were gluten-free nuggets. Yeah?
00:04:16
Speaker
Because the my friend's gluten-free. Yeah. and someone, like the the other people, ate the nuggets and they didn't know. And they were really good. Nobody said a word. Yeah. Huh.
00:04:26
Speaker
And she said she said that the gluten-free coating on like chicken nuggets that you buy it actually gets crispier than the regular. I believe that. I believe that. It's crumbling. But I have had, i'm my daughter especially, she hates it when I bring this up, but I have had a gluten-free pizza, which I thought was 99% as good as a regular pizza dough. And I've been told if you make it properly yeah and you take the time to make it properly, the gluten-free dough is still chewy like regular bread. It doesn't rise. Right.
00:05:03
Speaker
That's fine. Yeah. Yeah, it is fine. Della Rocca's, Della Rocco's, Della Rocca's, whatever it is. You know this place. It's Brooklyn Heights. and Never been there.
00:05:14
Speaker
Amazing pizza. And they have a gluten-free pizza. Of course, costs $5 more because it's made well. Sure. But I've ordered it and eaten it and go holy shit, you would not know this is a gluten-free pizza.
00:05:27
Speaker
Right. That's what i'm saying. So it can be done. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. like You probably wouldn't know if there were ingredients in there that were healthier. We'll see. Then you're used to.
00:05:37
Speaker
You may not know the difference. We'll see. Anyway, so I'm a little cheery this morning. then So what did you have? omele So what did you have? Nothing. I had coffee and some water and then we jumped on the call. And so I will eat later.
00:05:49
Speaker
Oh, it's like prison breakfast. Yeah. ah No, prison breakfast would be oatmeal. yeah It's true. No breakfast into is like intermittent fasting. This is 7am hockey parent breakfast. Give me my coffee.
00:06:03
Speaker
i don't need anything else. just need coffee. I'm good. um like Okay, so... I accidentally over-caffeinated myself for a game this weekend, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, so, so yes. So, I was mistaken, and I thought playoffs already happened, but part of the playoffs already happened, but the big playoffs just happened for you. It was different playoffs. Different playoffs, because you club team, two leagues. Got it.
00:06:27
Speaker
Right, so the league, like the regular league... yeah Championship, playoff yeah situation was last weekend. Yeah. And this one was for district qualifiers.
00:06:38
Speaker
Yeah, right. road to nationals. The road to nationals. Right. Okay. This is such a loaded conversation. Yeah. You know, like you walk in and you know that at least two of the teams they should beat handily. Like are already like really beat them No, it's fucking it's, you know, the inability to to not play down. Yeah. When you play a team that's not as good as you. Oh, right. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, You know, like all the time. Right. NHL. Right. But like the saying, you know, this year was like nobody plays down quite like our abs. Like that's, you know, it's like nobody does it quite like we do, you know. But it's like we should have kicked the crap out. out of the team that we played on Friday. Yeah.
00:07:23
Speaker
And they ended up losing. And so they started out with a loss. Okay. And they knew they needed to win that game because day two, ah we were scheduled to play the Rockets. Okay. Okay.
00:07:34
Speaker
And so, you know, the Rockets... How do I... trying to think of a way to delicately describe. Well, is it a lack of... I mean, all teams do this.
00:07:46
Speaker
Pro teams, club teams, what whatever have you. Is it a lack of will? I'm always amazed... Not just hockey. I see my daughter's soccer. I'm sure you see other team sports. I'm always amazed that when a team underperforms yeah and looks a little slow, the whole team that's right looks like that. That's right. Right? it's like And then like the weirdest spark. So on and in some cases, well, it just ends badly. Okay.
00:08:16
Speaker
Other cases, like a weird spark happens. And hockey usually hit of some sort or some flute goal. And all sudden the team wakes up and like, what boom, boom, boom. And like, holy shit, they win. and i' But I
Parenting Challenges and Child Development
00:08:26
Speaker
am always amazed. it' says It's a psychology, good you know sociology or psychology experiment. Like understand why teams underperform together.
00:08:36
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Because you would think that odds are there's one line that's in hockey that's playing really hard. It could be the fourth line and killing it. And everyone else is like not doing well. And there's there's a balance, right?
00:08:50
Speaker
But no. Yeah. I mean, you know, watching the game, you know… Like, it wasn't even that anybody was necessarily awful. Yep. Like, they kind of were sleepy and, you know, couldn't connect tape-to-tape passes. Yeah.
00:09:07
Speaker
You know, stretch passes weren't being caught. were You're always, like, inch away from the play, the right play, right? a little bit behind the puck. You lose couple of battles. Like, what's going on? And then it's like, is it the person who passed the puck? Is it the person receiving the pass who couldn't figure it out? Right. Yeah. Yeah. You know, but then it's, you know, you miss the stretch pass. You got a ton of icing calls, which is just like, you know, want to punch your own face. I know.
00:09:31
Speaker
Um, been there, been there. It's like, it is funny. It's lame. I don't even think it's funny. I think it's lame. I think at this level, it's lame. I think at the level in the age, it's kind of like, you know what? Sure. You know, figure it out. Well, especially, okay. Okay.
00:09:46
Speaker
This is not double A, single A, house league. This is highest levels of triple A. Everyone in that team you think is trying to play juniors and play college. correct And you know that the intensity level in juniors and college is like 105% every single night. Otherwise you don't play. Right.
00:10:04
Speaker
Like they're ruthless about it. Right. Right. So you think to yourself as a parent, you're like, guys, I'm you're not playing the next level like this. Right. They see this. They're dropping you. That's right. Consistency is the...
00:10:19
Speaker
Yeah. The problem with consistency, though, is like yeah you can be the passer, right? yeah Yeah. Having the IQ, seeing the player who's open, you know, somewhere in the in the neutral zone, right?
00:10:31
Speaker
Like, let's just assume it's a defenseman. you can hit that stretch pass every single time and put it right where the stick should be. yeah yeah But if that forward yeah is not, is even just a little bit out of position, right?
00:10:47
Speaker
They're missing the pass. yep So then you kind of look at it and you're like, well, it's not maybe it's not all of them. Right. Because there's, you know, there's a couple of defensemen on our team who are very good at that. You always put it. Yeah. And I say always loosely. Right. Because everybody makes mistakes. Yeah. But they're most of the time they're able to put it exactly where that stride should be from the forward.
00:11:12
Speaker
Right. It's because it's an anticipatory thing. You have to anticipate the stride. I think that's the human element of sport. Right. If you're if you're, you know, passing to them while they're on the wall, you know that they're going to move and miss the pass. So you have to anticipate that stride. Right.
00:11:29
Speaker
And then it's just like, you know, like oftentimes, you know, there's like three lines of forwards who can't seem to score. Like we just had a trouble scoring like you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, because everything was misconnecting, like nothing was working.
00:11:45
Speaker
you know, next thing you know, no you know, there's a, you know, ah a slight breakaway. No one's filling in a lane. Yeah. Right. Filling the lane. You know, the chances for a rebound are great.
00:11:56
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So
The Final Youth Hockey Season
00:11:59
Speaker
it was like, it didn't, it didn't end well. No, it didn't end well. It did not end well. And we hadn't practiced. For some reason, our ice was given away and practices were canceled oh a couple times before this past weekend. And it was just kind of, well, I don't know what kind of expectation there is if they're not playing.
00:12:16
Speaker
You know, yeah rest rest is fine. But I mean, how much how much rest do you really want them to have? Yeah. I mean, you said in the and NHL playoffs, like if you finish your series, your your best of seven early and you're four days off, is that good or bad? Sometimes it's good. You get to rest. Other times it's bad. You lose momentum. But those sons are those guys are not resting for four days fully. They're not doing that. They're not sitting around and doing nothing. No, no. no Understood. But like, you know, that the intensity you're trying to like corral into...
00:12:42
Speaker
It's like anything in life, right? Like you're you're on a job project, you're planning a wedding, and there's a certain momentum you carry. Right. And all sudden you you hit this like break. Yeah. Where nothing happens. Do you lose the momentum to keep plowing ahead?
00:12:56
Speaker
Or does it give you a need much needed break to refocus and then boom, you're out the... I mean, again, everyone's different. Yeah. um And it's hard because like even in prep school, like we, you know, we're obviously into the playoffs this week.
00:13:09
Speaker
And... um It's so the the consistency between year to year is so erratic for some schools. You'll meet schools like Andover and Taft who won the large school conference, you know, two years ago or or one year. And then the next year they're like dead last.
00:13:26
Speaker
Is that because of turnover? Mm-hmm. Partly because like you every year you and most schools every year will lose on a roster of, let's say, 25, 26. You'll graduate eight or nine seniors.
00:13:41
Speaker
okay but But you're also recruiting every year yeah and filling in the ranks. So it's not like you're not rejuvenating right the team or planning for it. It's different though.
00:13:53
Speaker
I mean, you know yeah yeah, yes and no. i mean, the academic component for, let's say, for some of the top schools is the difference maker. You're recruiting, but you also need a person that has good grades. Right. On a club team, you don't care about the school. You just care about the player. But still, same. Like, if you don't recruit the right players.
00:14:09
Speaker
Right. Or they don't gel. Right. You can still have these ebbs and flows where we were really good last year. Now we really suck. the next year we're really good again. Right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Agreed. Agreed. So, but but it's this, I mean, okay, so for you and me as parents of quote unquote seniors last year of youth hockey, yeah it is from our perspective, right? Nothing is more important than having a good season.
00:14:37
Speaker
Right. It's your last season. that's right Right. You kind of want it to end in a high. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. As we talked about and and we'll get into about senior night and or there whatever it is that you guys have at your club team. It's just understanding that it it's the end of you talking.
00:14:51
Speaker
Or we had nothing. We have nothing. Right. And it's like. yeah And again, you explain to people like if you the reason why athletes get hired in big companies is because of the resilience, which is built on the fact that Every year, only one team is happy in your league.
00:15:13
Speaker
The team that wins the championship, right? That's right. Everyone else. You could lose you go you look lose in the championship game. You're not happy. Right. It's a failure of a season, right? Right. So for most, actually for all athletes.
00:15:26
Speaker
There's no participation. There's no participation. I can't say it. There you go. there's And that's it. and so so So for the most part, for most, actually for all athletes, except for the absolute superstars,
00:15:39
Speaker
Even Conor McDavid doesn't have winning season, right? He's lost Stanley Cup two in row. i Athletes are disappointed every year and then they come back and they do it all over again, right?
00:15:49
Speaker
so But as parents, obviously, in their final year of youth hockey, wouldn't it be nice to end on a high? Right. Okay. So, and your kid has pretty much played on winning teams, right?
00:16:04
Speaker
Forget the championship for a second. now Your son has definitely played on winning teams. And I just had this thought to myself the other day and was talking to my wife about it. I was like, you know, in the chase for quote unquote greatness or better teams or or development.
00:16:19
Speaker
Yeah. We left Cyclones, right? Yeah. We pulled our kid out of Cyclones at 13. Right. Right. We obviously did that and we missed the 14 year post COVID where you guys go on a run.
00:16:33
Speaker
Yeah. And they win basically everything hit the nationals. Right. Yes. So as a parent, I'm always like, Oh fuck, you know what? Basically my kid has not played on a winning team 14, 15, 16, 17. Right. Until now.
00:16:45
Speaker
Luckily us, it's senior season. Right. until now luckley for us it's his senior season And he's a captain. Right. And they've, after ive literally, after literally losing every game last year.
00:17:01
Speaker
That's crazy. They are now winning every game. Yeah. What's the difference? This year. What's the difference do you think? ah Uh, well, it's definitely, it's definitely a combination of a new coach in his third year, for example.
00:17:18
Speaker
Okay. Who, where my son and couple others are his first recruiting class. Mm-hmm. maturing. got So we were sophomores when we entered and that was his first recruiting class. And so when you're, if his first recruiting class is sophomore, he's still trying to run out two years of players he didn't pick.
00:17:40
Speaker
under Understood. As seniors and juniors. I did not realize that that was his first year. So then, hurt year yeah. So then, and there was a gap because of COVID where the previous coach, He just didn't give a shit. Great coach. Yeah. Very storied, successful record with Hotchkiss and then kind of gave up a couple of years. You don't need to go into those reasons why. Yeah. But, and then, so he just doesn't recruit properly. doesn't care. New coach comes in.
00:18:05
Speaker
um that Three years ago. So, but young and the first two years were not smooth. Right. And I can't say we were extraordinarily happy. There's no development, but in prep school and that's a different conversation like that every prep school parent I think will tell you. You're surprised by how little development happens.
00:18:20
Speaker
at prep school and they want you to become ready to play. Okay. But so as's a combination of, I think a third year coach who's more confident. His, the the team is now 100% his recruits.
00:18:34
Speaker
okay So plays his system. um I think our team had always been very good defensively. Like I think every year we, we let in the fewest amount of goals. That's good.
00:18:47
Speaker
But we haven't scored. ah Yes. we have So we're like, ah we're like a goal. you know it's funny, right? yeah If you're a team, that is struggling a little bit, oddly, you get the, you attract the best goalies.
00:19:02
Speaker
Yeah. Because they know they can come and win games. Right. they'll play. Look front of the scouts. Yeah. And play. yeah So last, so the goalie from last year, he's going to Holy Cross. Mm-hmm.
00:19:17
Speaker
ah for hockey. The goalie this year just committed Northeastern and he actually might go all the way to the show, NHL. He's that good. He's on the watch list and blah, bla blah, blah, that means. Yep. And I think that'll continue. And then our, and so, and our defense has always been stingy, so goalie, defense, but we just couldn't score.
00:19:34
Speaker
Got it. Right? We went through couple seasons where we just never scored more than two goals a game. You're not winning like that. You need to score like four five. Right. And so this year, we pick up a line of juniors, juniors,
00:19:47
Speaker
from New Jersey. I think two from the Rockets, one from the Avs. Okay. And... I know the Avs kid. Right. yeah and and And they're scoring. And they play ah a way that's that's very unselfish, which is awesome. And then it kind of spreads, right? Then you have like the seniors who may have been Wanted to play that way, but couldn't play that way with the older kids. And now they're gone. Now you've got like two full lines playing unselfish hockey and maturing into seniors. yeah
00:20:21
Speaker
So it's good. yeah It's fantastic. right And so now they're winning everything and we're entering playoffs. And it's like, I mean, when we won flood bar at Christmas, right I'll brag for the bit for the team. Yeah. That hasn't happened
00:20:36
Speaker
I think since 2007. Wow. That's amazing. and And then before that, not until 03 or 04. Okay. kind of thing And then we're now in the elite eight for prep school. So there's elite eight and then there's large school and then there's small school conferences for playoffs and the elite eight.
00:20:54
Speaker
We haven't, Hodgkins hasn't been to the eight since 1995. Yeah. Wow. So who else? Who else is in the elite? Who else is in the elite eight bracket? So this year. will tell you this year. Trying to gauge what it looks like because I don't know what it looks like. So going ask um this year. OK. So number one is Dexter.
00:21:17
Speaker
Number two, St. Mark's. These are schools where you don't really need to know how to spell your name and you just play hockey. Sure. Like Massachusetts base. okay ah Salisbury, which is near to Hotchkiss. St. Sebastian's. Yep.
00:21:29
Speaker
Hotchkiss, number five. Kimball Union, number six. Delmont Hill, seven. And Avon, number eight. Okay. Wow. Avon's number eight? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And so um I would say in the Northeast, this is a fairly accurate representation of the top hockey project like you like at Dexter and St. Marks and Salisbury for example you'll definitely see six seven eight sort of d1 recruits on the team and it's those kind of hockey factories right especially the Massachusetts teams like what BK yeah yeah is touted as exactly exactly right so um so we finished number five which is awesome play number four so you know so there's no real whoever wins it's not going to be an upset you're in the middle of the pack
00:22:13
Speaker
Right. Really, you're looking, is Avon going upset Dexter or is Belmont he' going to upset St. Mark's kind of thing? And and we'll see that goes. But like yours, one and done.
Playoff Championships and Historic Success
00:22:21
Speaker
Wednesday game, we've got to travel two and a half hours to to Boston and play this team because they have home ice advantage. Right.
00:22:28
Speaker
And then if we win that, then it's Saturday. And then Sunday, the final, the championship games for all three conferences are played at the University of Connecticut, the UConn. which is kind of fun. That is fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. but but who else Who else is in the running for this? Oh, yeah.
00:22:44
Speaker
So how many teams in each in each division? There's eight teams okay in the playoffs in each division. So each division is eight teams in the playoffs. Yeah. That's big. That's a lot. Well, there's like...
00:22:56
Speaker
I want to say there's something like 60 to 70 prep schools in the sort of, they call NEPSAC, the New England Prep School Conference, right? right So it's big enough to be able to divide it into three conferences. So it usually what happens is like, so the elite eight, you can be a large school or a small school. And let's say, that i don't know what the exact number is, but usually...
00:23:18
Speaker
A small school is 350 kids or less. Okay. And then everyone else is considered a large school. Okay. And then the, like the My Hockey thing, there's the the the competitor rating of difficulty rating. Sure. So you get different points for winning. But anyways, and so then the Elite Eight are the top eight players.
00:23:38
Speaker
in the entire prep school conference. Okay. Large or small. Okay. And then you go into the large school and then the small school. So if we had, I think, lost the last couple of games, we probably would have ended up number one in large school, which technically means you're number nine in the elite eight. Does that make sense to you?
00:23:59
Speaker
Yes. Right? Yes. So we just would have missed the elite eight. And then as a large school, we would have been number one in the large school conference, number one seed there. Okay. And played down. So it was a part of me was like, hey, guys, you know, if you if you were the number one in the large school, you'd probably win...
00:24:16
Speaker
the championship with like 80% certainty. Right. So here's my question. Yes. So then the elite eight plays for the elite eight championship, yeah large school plays for a large school championship and small school plays for small school. So there's three, three cups.
00:24:32
Speaker
Three. Okay. That's what I, yeah. Yeah. That was kind of where I was the elite eight. Cause the elite eight, if you win that, you're like, well, I'm the number one prep school team. In the Northeast. Right? right i think That's your bragging rights. And then, sure, you win large school. Nothing wrong with that.
00:24:48
Speaker
But it's not the Elite Eight. How do you become Elite Eight? It's just by your winning percentage. Okay. The points. Okay, got it. Yeah. Okay, so it's really just the top eight ranked schools become the Elite Eight. And then everything else beneath that will depend on... To make it fair. to Fair. Enrollment. It depends on enrollment at the school itself, whether it's broken down into large or small. yeah Got it. Yeah. Yeah.
00:25:11
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. Um, but okay. And so I tell the kids, hey listen, man, this is all, you understand this is all bonus. So you can play free. There's nothing to lose here. Like you've made history already at the school. Right.
00:25:24
Speaker
This year from a personal perspective, Honestly, there's not much more you can do to have to end on a high note.
Adapting Parenting Styles and College Pressures
00:25:32
Speaker
Right. Given where you were. I mean, literally, this is zero to hero in a season. right Yeah, yeah, yeah. no And then you have friends at prep schools who have done the opposite. Whereas like Taft or Andover, these guys were like heroes the last two years and now have just like fallen flat. Right. Kind of thing. Yeah.
00:25:52
Speaker
And so as parents, obviously, we we probably feel it more than the kids, I think. And like yeah we were talking about earlier. Totally. We'll get into. We had senior night. Well, because it's done for us, but not necessarily done for them. Right. So we had senior night. And I remember last year.
00:26:07
Speaker
Yes. Like you said, last year, there were definitely players that were in tears because it's like it's a very final game. There's no more Yutake. Many of them would play juniors. But this is it. Yeah. And... and ah And for us, obviously, the playoffs, I guess you won't really know.
00:26:24
Speaker
there was an i mean, i I did wonder at senior night if I was going to be really sad. was like, no, actually i was pretty excited and celebrating everyone and make good friends. It is a different. Remember, it is different because the kids go to school together. Yep.
00:26:38
Speaker
Unlike club. Right. We have your own lives to a certain extent. Right. Outside of the rink. Yeah. These guys literally live together and play together and gone to school together. Well, I could rival that a little bit. Yeah. Because not all the kids on a club team have their own lives necessarily. Quote. All the other time. Like they're for this group that we were a part of this year. You know, and last year, but definitely more so this year. Yeah. um You know, the kids who have either graduated high school or, you know, are finishing online, you know, because they've taken a little extra time. You know, they are actually together um three three, four full days. Okay. yes Up until like January, because in January, there's a practice that we lose. I don't really understand why. okay So it goes from three to two practices a week.
00:27:27
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. um and so you know there had been monday day skates and workout so they would go for that and be together they would have lunch do work together or whatever then tuesday wednesday thursday were practices and they would go to the house yeah all day every day right so so for the there's this insular group of kids on the team um who did spend an inordinate amount of time together. Okay. And not just the 18th, but also the 16th and the 15th. Yeah. It's a similar feel. Yeah. Yeah. It's a similar feel. Yeah. But not not the whole team, not all of them. It wasn't, it's different. Yeah.
00:28:06
Speaker
Right. All right. So we had a good scene night. You had, you know, pictures big fat head of our kids and the posters and, you know, the people come out and they cheer for them. And, and some, there's a few seniors that don't really get to play normally. So they get a couple of shifts and people go crazy. And you feel for these kids. Yeah. Um, um, because the harsh reality of winning is that some of you will not get to play. That's right.
00:28:28
Speaker
Um, okay. That's fine. Um, but it was a great celebration, um, sort of week and a half ago. And, uh, ah As I mentioned couple episodes ah ago, I think we talked about it. I'm definitely more, of course, I'm, pardon me, sad, but I'm definitely more excited than sad at this point in time about what the future holds for them. Yeah. um One of one of the of last year's seniors just committed to Middlebury ah for hockey. Were they playing you juniors? Okay. Yeah. Freaking awesome. Montreal kid. So congratulations to him. doesn't listen to the name one level What level juniors was he playing? ah he played He's playing for the North...
00:29:14
Speaker
North Mountain King. Oh, in New Hampshire. Sorry. New Hampshire yeah Mountain King. Yeah, I know we're there. That's it. Yeah, he's been there for a year. He's basically aged out, I think. Okay. He's in 05. Oh, yeah, he's aged out for sure. So it was last year. So one year of seniors. Was he a PG? Was he a PG? It was not a PG. So somehow ended up.
00:29:36
Speaker
ah reclassing twice. I think he must have reclassed at home in Montreal once. And then comes to Hotchkiss as a junior and then reclassed a second time. Oh, wow.
00:29:47
Speaker
Again, it was picked by the previous coach. Anyways, nice guy, defense, ah super nice family. So very happy for him. But it came down to the wire, right? Because you're talking about it's it's March, yeah February, March, and you've got to enter college this fall.
00:30:04
Speaker
Yeah, but i you know there are some there are some circumstances where things change and and stuff happens pretty late. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, of course. There's always a little bit of of of yeah possibility of some kind of like ah yeah you know flex.
00:30:19
Speaker
But you're down to the wire. like You can't play juniors next year. There's no juniors for him anymore. right If he doesn't go to a school for hockey, then you've got to apply for school As a regular person, no problem. Whatever it is. Yeah. but Or you go and you play club. Or you go and you do something else.
00:30:35
Speaker
But, you know, there's there's different pressures. Because if you don't get in for hockey, then applying as a regular student right is more difficult after playing two years. It's like it's like taking two gap years, explaining why you took two gap years, and then right here you are, right? Kind of thing. But so if he goes, if he's at Hodgkiss and he reclasses, they're really not gap years, though.
00:30:55
Speaker
No, no, the gap year is junior hockey. Right. Oh, the gap Yeah, but yeah. You have to explain that. And not all schools, I think for a lot of schools, it's like you took a gap year, one or two gap years to play junior hockey. yeah And then if you don't get recruited for hockey, there is, there like it or not, people have to understand, there it's no different. There is a difficulty in explaining that to the school.
00:31:20
Speaker
Because it's not like you went to Africa to build houses for charity. Yeah. It's a sport. And it's no different from, let's say, my kid applying to college now. And you write about hockey. You write your essays about hockey. The life lessons you learn about hockey.
00:31:33
Speaker
But a lot of admissions teams will say, if you're that good, then there's a coach vouching for you being recruited. If you're not being recruited, your ECA, extracurricular activity, yeah which revolves around a sport,
00:31:46
Speaker
is not that valuable yeah as a regular student. yeah i can assure you of that. But I i would, so my counter argument to that, and I know i haven't done the college application yeah process like you have, but I think, you know, your daughter's experience is different because there was no gap year, right? yeah oh yeah yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think that, you know, move as we move forward yeah year by year, i think that the gap year is a much more acceptable, know,
00:32:13
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Situation. And I think like regardless of what you do for it, there's development that happens. And I think that if you can sit with an interviewer or write an essay essay and talk about your gap year as a developmental positive result situation. yeah And nobody really looks at it as a as a as a strike against you. I think that.
00:32:34
Speaker
I will respectfully disagree. I think it's really different now. And I'm not talking about Harvard or Ivey's. No, no, no. I get it. like Like those schools, trust me. First of all, those schools...
00:32:47
Speaker
Whenever their admissions, you know, review is like, it's a different animal altogether, right? Yeah, 100%. Just for, like, even at prep school, like, you know, people who went to Hodgkin's in the 70s to 80s, like, oh, if you went to Hodgkin's, you were literally guaranteed to go to IV. I get that.
00:33:04
Speaker
Those parents today who send their kids to Hodgkin's are like, what the fuck? Emery, Tulane, No offense anybody on this list, BU, BC, like all these other schools. They're like, what?
00:33:18
Speaker
And was like, hey, first of all, those schools are hard to get into now because yeah everything's competitive. yeah And you're right. every day They are schools, when like when my daughter got accepted schools, they're like, hey, encouraging you to take gap year. My thing, my my point is that when they say take a gap year and develop and you have to write about it.
The Impact of Gap Years and Youth Sports
00:33:37
Speaker
Yep.
00:33:39
Speaker
They're not talking about developing yourself playing sports. They're talking about do something good for the world. But hold on a second. But if you're if you're if you're a person playing juniors, right? Sure. Most juniors teams, yeah they do a lot of charity work. Yeah, I know. They do a lot of other things that are not just like practice, workout, play. practice it's I get it. There's a lot more integrated, i think, than a lot of people understand, right? Well, it's all relative because the thing is,
00:34:07
Speaker
The problem of being at a boarding school, for example, is that if my son wants to do charity work, it has to revolve around the school and the surrounding area. Right. Right? Sure. My daughter, who stayed at home, got to do charity work or other leadership stuff.
00:34:25
Speaker
off campus, right so to speak, because you live at home and the school doesn't support you. That's right. And there's a lot of choices. And like it or not, I said, like like it or not, one of the downsides of going to a prep school, which is just boarding, is that those, that the kind of charity work you do is not as valued as what my daughter would have done. Right. Because she had to work extra hard to compete with other people to get it. Right. Whereas at school, it's like, well, it's just you got 600 students at school and and you could, I get it. I was like, I don't like it as much as any other parent because i think it's still the effort and the leadership you learn. Yeah. Yeah.
00:35:00
Speaker
But I'm just speaking from, you know, small sample size of reality and like every, you can talk to every $50,000, $100,000 college consultant and all of them, for example, looked at us and said, if Evan doesn't get recruited,
00:35:15
Speaker
You're fucked. I was like, okay, I get that. But also, I think that you guys have a list of schools that are not elastic.
00:35:29
Speaker
And you can tell me if I'm wrong, but I think that you want me you have a list schools for your kids that are not elastic, right? You don't want to go. 50 schools in the rankings. Okay. I mean, that's not that's a big list. Yeah, it's a big list, but yeah as compared to the actual number of schools in the country yeah or and also in Canada where you would be eligible, I think that it's actually a short list.
00:35:48
Speaker
And i'm not it's not a criticism. Yeah, okay, sure. But when you talk to a consultant about these schools, only these schools, and we're not willing to labor, then yeah, you're going to get a much more strict parameter than you would if you said, you know what, I'm open to this other list of schools also. yeah This doesn't work. yeah yeah yeah, yeah. Yeah. So you, you know, so you effectively limit the availability based on what you're willing to accept.
00:36:14
Speaker
And it's not a criticism. Yeah. It's just a reality. So when you, you know, when you say to me that I disagree, you disagree with me about stuff like this, you disagree with me for that list of schools. Yeah. Yeah. yeah but the truth is is that there's a very wide list a very very long list rather and a wide berth of possibility out there depending on what you're tailored to.
00:36:33
Speaker
And not every single person is going to be tailored to, you know, the NESCAC list, right? Yeah. oh yeah like you got to kind of like take into consideration that not everybody's the same.
00:36:44
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I'm just so where, let's say like, let's say well Colgate for, yeah for instance, right. Yeah. Maybe Colgate looks at it and goes, yeah, no, I don't like this, this gap here. Right. We're not taking you for hockey, even though we have hockey, but I don't like this gap here. Right. You know, whereas is like, let's say ASU. Yeah.
00:37:04
Speaker
Let's look at it and say, well, why don't you tell me what you did and what you learned? Sure. Yeah. Different. It's a different conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Different environment. Well, okay. And so based on that, like I said, I think the v if you're if you're playing junior hockey and you want to show value from your gap year, I do think that regardless of the school, because you are measured against a different pool of candidates. I mean, yeah all candidates. Sure.
00:37:32
Speaker
I think the reality is like if you did something on your own, which is separate from the team charity, which everyone has to do, that's the added value. Right. and and But during during a junior hockey year, yeah yeah yeah there is, in fact, time for that to happen if your kid is willing to go and do it. So that's it. So the point is that your kid has to go and do it as opposed to right or do an intern most of them who just sit around and...
00:38:00
Speaker
right Do the charity work that there's that the team wants you to do. right You do extra. Right. you got to so But that's okay. So that goes back to everything in life, right? It's just like right go the extra mile. That's right. Do extra. Yeah.
00:38:11
Speaker
Right. Don't be complacent and lazy and do extra. It's okay to do extra. It's not okay to do nothing. Yeah. But we're at a point now where, so for example, we can't, and this is what we want to talk about today. is like we, you know, for a given kid,
00:38:27
Speaker
and a certain level of guidance from the parent. Some kids will respond to, hey, I think you might consider this, this, this, and this, and they go and do it. yeah Other kids are like, give it a middle finger. Oh, I have one I have one of each of those. have to do my own shit. yeah And then, and they go through ebbs and flows. All of them go through ebbs and flows, either way of of like wanting do it their way and then, okay, listen to you and take your advice. And then um i'll do it my way and that kind of stuff. And I always tell people the trick is,
00:38:58
Speaker
The trick, the million dollar question, is how to discover early on your child's personality and then adjust your parenting to it. And I and i give people an example. like Some people used to come to me and say, home how do you get Evan and Nadia to get A's?
00:39:18
Speaker
yeah I said, well, both of them love their respective sports so much. that we could say to them, if you don't get A's, you don't get to play.
00:39:29
Speaker
Well, that's what we did too with Sam. Right. And luckily, and I tell what, said, this is not by design and we didn't do something smart. We get by luck,
00:39:40
Speaker
The two kids respond and it works. And we have other friends, for example, who, not for sports, but like just, like, you know when your kids are young, like four or five, and then you want them to do something, they don't want to go out. put your shoes on. I don't want to go out. No, no, no. Okay.
00:39:55
Speaker
Like our kids, if you threaten them, I can admit that. If you threaten them or you deflect it a little bit, they would, okay. And they'll gradually get in line and go. but I have a friend whose two daughters,
00:40:09
Speaker
I recall this vividly. We need to go. And one of the daughters wanted to sit in our car to play with the kids. they look We're just driving five minutes. you have a car Your car seat is there with mom and dad. Our car seat is us with us. We're going to the same place. And this one girl, she stomped her feet, wouldn't leave the house.
00:40:29
Speaker
And this was it took us half an hour to leave the house. Jesus. And and these parents... and and as an adult, this kid is amazing, an amazing person, but like as a four-year-old, right? yeah Yeah, The parents the parents look at each other like I don't know, this is your, it's your turn, it's your, you know, that exacerbated, it's your turn, no, it's your turn. And and and i was like,
00:40:48
Speaker
they would they would tell me, like they would put her in the high chair and they would turn the light off and storm out and pretend they left. And most kids were like, oh freak out. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. okay like what a Don't leave me behind. like I'll do what you want me to do. Their daughter would just like sing to herself.
00:41:05
Speaker
Yeah. like Holy shit. And so, but you see, but so that's why I tell people, like you can't take your cookie cutter. Like if I took my cookie cutter approach with my kids and had his daughter,
00:41:19
Speaker
we would get nowhere. Yeah. Because it doesn't work. so Yeah. and So that's, the ultimately the problem is how do you find the right way to parent your particular child to get the outcome you want, which can never be the same as your friend? Well, I think it's always, I think it starts as trial and error. Yeah, well, for sure. Right? Like you try, you see other people, what they're doing. If yeah what you're doing doesn't work, you try what someone else does.
00:41:44
Speaker
Yeah. You know, um, But I think, you know, i think that kids, at least in my experience, yeah you know, they change all the time. Totally. Right. They never stay exactly the same. They don't, don they don't keep a, it's not linear. It's extremely nonlinear. And, yeah you know, I think what worked at one point didn't work at the next point. Yep. You know, and so like, like for instance, now, you know, now i basically with one of them,
00:42:14
Speaker
I mean, i for people that know me, don't I don't need to say which one because they know. For one of them, you know, it's this constant battle. It's not even a battle of will per se, but it's yeah it's more like a battle of um of of, you know, the child knows everything and doesn't need to be told anything because they're an enlightened person, right? The child wants self-direction.
00:42:39
Speaker
Yeah, but the self tools but the child with self-direction doesn't go anywhere. So it doesn't work, right? There's a stagnation that happens and it's just, ah you know, I get seriously frustrated and I totally understand now why wild animals eat their young. Like I yeah i completely get it.
00:42:57
Speaker
I didn't think I was going to get it, but I got it now. Yeah. Right. And so, oh yeah you know, I like I had it this morning. Yeah. like and i And I have I think that percentage wise, you know, it's above 50 percent of my mornings from Monday to Friday that result this way where I start my day and I'm fucking furious. Yeah.
00:43:18
Speaker
Not because of anything other than what's internally happening in my house. Right. Yeah. mean So, so, you know, all of us used to be children. do. And I remember, I remember things and I try to be understanding. Correct. I always used to be children. You kind of understand the psyche and our kids will not understand and be thankful for what we've done for them until they get to our age.
Teaching Consequences and School Responsibilities
00:43:44
Speaker
Just it's, it it's the the natural cycle.
00:43:48
Speaker
The number one thing is that they just don't know how to be strategic at ah yeah and in their teenage years over decisions, which makes sense in the here and now. Yeah. They just don't have the time or the capacity or or the experience, life experience, to understand that you're creating a ripple that will come back to bite you in the ass in three or four steps, maybe, or maybe not, right? And and as parents, you and I, I think you're in the same wavelength. You kind of want to give them the opportunity to make mistakes and learn. Because you don't you't become a better person.
00:44:21
Speaker
No one becomes a better person always winning. Right. they Well, that's right. You shit right yeah you only learn and become better person by making a few mistakes, hopefully not catastrophic, learning from the experience, picking up like anything else in life, whether it's a skill, you have to make a few mistakes and then go, ah, oh, ah, right, light bulb moment. And then you remember you get better.
00:44:41
Speaker
Right. So we're trying to make sure that you don't make catastrophic mistakes. Yeah. But and but what if what if what you know the mistake is catastrophic to you from your point of view as an adult with a lot more experience? Yeah, yeah. And the kid...
00:44:54
Speaker
Yeah. It kind of shrugs it off. Yeah. Like, well, whatever. It's not going to happen. I got it under control. But, you know, as the adult, as I'm knocking on my head with my pointer finger, my index finger, like, you know, as an adult that that is not the fucking case.
00:45:09
Speaker
Well, that's the source of helicopter parenting. Right. But it' but like ultimately, like, don't want to hover. I'm fine with her failing. Yeah. Go fucking fail. Yeah. It's your problem. Right. As long as it's not like a failure where, you know, you've gambled everything away, like, it and it affects everybody else. Like, if it's a personal failure, it's a personal failure. Like, for instance, right. There's ah there might be an attendance issue.
00:45:30
Speaker
Yeah. Right? And yeah with school. yeah And like this morning, the first period, which used to be periods at my school, but they're bands at her school, right? It's an AP class and the teacher wasn't going to be there.
00:45:46
Speaker
yeah And one of the people in her class who she's friends with got an email and texted her. right And I said to her, well, did you get an email? And she said, no. right And I said, well, why are you listening to what other people are telling you?
00:45:57
Speaker
right Maybe you should just show up. and just Just to be sure. Right. And just be responsible and not take everything that everybody else tells you with such gravitas because me maybe it's bullshit.
00:46:08
Speaker
Maybe. but Exactly. Like, and I'm not suggesting that her friends are trying to, you know, get her into trouble or whatever, but at the same time. like you know Well, the point is you can't defend yourself and say, so-and-so told me. It's you didn't show up, you didn't show up. That's right. was your choice. That's right. It's a choice. So trying to teach her that lesson. Right. And so I, you know, I, this is what I'm doing at 625 in the morning and it, and it's, and it happens like with more frequency than I am interested in, in enduring really. Yeah. Um, but the thing is, is like, if there's an attendance issue, guess what happens? Yeah.
00:46:43
Speaker
They don't let you move forward. They make you repeat the year. yeah And if you fail a class, which she has a couple of times, you know, yeah couple of semesters, guess what happens?
00:46:55
Speaker
right You go to summer school. Guess where summer school is? Because it's not in the cheery neighborhood that you go to every school day. It is in a neighborhood that is undesirable. yeah And by the way, it's for six weeks. Right. And if you fail one class and the reason you're there for one class, you know what? That is an hour and a half every single day of travel six weeks. No, of sitting. Oh, I see. But it's only an hour and a half. So out of 24 hour day, yeah you have effectively fucked yourself over for 90 minutes every single day, Monday to Friday for six weeks during the summer from yeah the beginning of July till the middle of August, where you literally have nothing for yourself. Yeah.
00:47:37
Speaker
And so yeah when I look at it, I try and be pragmatic and think, okay, well, if she doesn't want to listen to me. Yeah.
00:47:48
Speaker
Right. And of course, now I've outed who it is, but we all knew that it wasn't the other one. The other one graduated. Yeah. Right. If she doesn't want to listen to me. yeah And persists in this, you know, independent splendor thinking that she knows everything. Yeah. Right. Not only does her summer get ruined. i know yours too. Mine does too. Yeah.
00:48:10
Speaker
Because I'm going to be the one. yeah here yup The rest of my family is going to go do whatever the hell they want. And I'll be sitting here with two dogs and a kid in summer school.
00:48:21
Speaker
The joys of parenting. And by the way, like, I don't know that I could get past that resentment. That might be a resentment that I would end up hanging on to for a really long time. Oh, yeah.
00:48:32
Speaker
Because guess what? Time's finite. Yep. Right. And when I look at it, like logically, I look at my life and I don't know how much there is ahead of me anymore. Yeah. Right. I mean, not that anybody does at any age. Right. But it's like, OK, at the age I'm at now, I'm very conscious of how many summers that I might oh you have left.
00:48:53
Speaker
Oh, listen, I've spent lot of time thinking about that. Right. And so Eric and I spent a lot of time talking about it and thinking about it because and it's very much in the forefront of my head. Yeah. Right. Definitely less on the way out. That's right. On the way up and the in for us. That's right. I have less a ahead of me than I do behind me.
00:49:11
Speaker
and And to, you know, to sit here and be able to take my hands off the wheel and say, sure, let's yeah let you make this mistake. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of messing with my head because it's not going to be just her problem. It's going to be my problem.
00:49:29
Speaker
Welcome to parenthood. And then she's going to put me in a fucking nursing home anyway. So. i always tell my kids, please put me in the nursing home that doesn't sexually harat abuse me. Right. well what i he as kids I drove you everywhere. Put me a nice nursing home. Don't put me in a shitty home. Yeah. You know, i like, I don't know. Like, I would rather have, honestly, i think Sam, i would give Sam control over that.
00:49:52
Speaker
Yeah. And not. Well, you know what you know what the solution is. i tell I tell. As long as Sam marries somebody who doesn't want to torture me. what Because then that would be the end all be all. Although I think that he would be like, no, I'm not doing that to my mother. No, I mean, listen, he's not. He's a boy. He's got no say. OK, because he's going to marry someone and she's become, that you know, they say the same.
00:50:12
Speaker
Your daughter comes home to care of you. but Your son's gone. That's right. I know. You i but i would i would I have one of each. Yeah, know. But I would argue that i don't think I don't think fundamentally he's that way.
00:50:25
Speaker
Like, I don't think he's fundamentally that They never are. Yeah. So I don't know how that would go. i'm I'm giving the benefit of the doubt and I'm going to say that I'm not sure how that would go. But I already have the answer for you. Yeah, I know. I'm not saying he would ruin his life. No, no, no. you but You don't need to reline on either of them.
00:50:39
Speaker
If you take control over your future. Yeah, I have control over my future. And whatever financial resources you have, this is the thing I tell other parents, like, unless you're wildly, wildly, wildly successful, like, no one's ever, no parents ever gonna have enough money for, most parents won't have enough money for everybody. Right. So at some point, you got to eject the kids here on your own. Right. And you got to take care of your own. That's right.
00:51:02
Speaker
Future and retirement. Correct. that you don't have to be in the position where you're like, hey, can please put be nice home? That's right. put yourself in a nice home. Yeah. No, I get it. get it. I mean, I'm not there yet, luckily. I feel like I should knock on wood 9,000 times. But, you know, but yeah, I i mean, yes, this is part of the the bigger picture thought process that I've been having recently.
00:51:22
Speaker
Specifically congruent to the situation. Yeah. Okay, well. and
00:51:32
Speaker
Because we... Like, she's fucked up my forehead. Understood. The wrinkles? Yeah. you know, i after my health struggles, I was like, oh, maybe I should. I know, but maybe I was like, maybe I should stop doing Botox. Like, maybe it's not right for me personally. Mm-hmm.
00:51:48
Speaker
But you know what? I got to go back and do it because I'm literally, I'm aging by the minute. Okay. But you got to believe as a parent, as a especially for you, like for us, it was like, you know, you have two kids, but they are the same age. So you go through everything just once yeah and you don't have a do-over, right for example. Right. yeah You had an older one. Yeah.
00:52:06
Speaker
And based on your experience with the slightly older one, yeah surely you know this is just a phase with the younger one. Yeah, but like I didn't do this with the older one.
00:52:18
Speaker
Understood. I didn't have this. And they all have their own phases. But like she will eventually come around and go, what the fuck was, I mean, what was I doing and thinking? Yeah. I'm back on track. Really what she's going to do is she's going look at me be like, why didn't you help me?
00:52:33
Speaker
Why didn't you prevent this from happening? I'm miserable. And that, by the way, will be the undertone of summer. Right. Summer of 2026. I'm suffering. Why did you let me do this? Why did you let me do this? You're the parent. What's wrong Why did you let this happen? Why did you let it happen?
00:52:50
Speaker
and you know certain I went through that. But I went through that with my daughter's college thing. And I was like, the reason why I'm not really going to get involved in reading your essays and editing them unless you ask me specifically to look at a particular essay. Yeah.
00:53:09
Speaker
It's because I do want the outcome I do want you to have ownership over the outcome where good or bad, if it's good, you take credit that you did the work. Yeah.
00:53:19
Speaker
If it didn't turn out the way you want to because you missed something, you also have to own that. Because if I get too involved and say, you do this, do this, do this, do this, do this, like you just said, and it doesn't, the outcome is not right. You can come back. You told me. Yeah.
00:53:34
Speaker
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Right. I mentioned it. It didn't mean, yeah you know, like at a certain age, right? Yeah. yeah You mention it. It doesn't mean you need to do it. Correct. at my At my child's age, if I mention it, that means you should be doing it.
00:53:49
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you're away from. Right. yeah Totally. a few years away. It's like, just do what I'm telling you to do. yeah And it's not because I want to be an overlord and I want to have control over you. well That's not it. I've never, I've never operated that way. You know what I used to tell Billy Joya, goalie father, every time you had a problem with Nico, yeah I would say, now you know what it was like to be your parents managing you. Right. Oh, and I, oh yeah, dude. So listen, I am hyper, hyper. You would laugh so hard.
00:54:22
Speaker
I'm hyper aware. Yeah. Of what an asshole I was as a teenager. well yeah I mean, and I'm not denying that, but knowing that I think I've parented really differently too.
00:54:33
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of hoping for like a little bit of a different result. Right. Like you kind of look at it and you go, okay. Yeah. No, but it's funny. like you So we we try to learn from what we perceive to be our mistakes. Yeah. We try to prevent our kids from going down the same path because of the pain and suffering we remember yeah going through. Yeah.
00:54:53
Speaker
But it doesn't do shit. No. No. And like I love i love my mom. Yeah. But honestly, from – I mean as long as I can remember, I was screamed at my whole entire upbringing. Yeah. Like just so like volume screamed at – And nobody likes to be yelled at. I mean, you don't yield good results, really, if you're screamed at all the time. Not all, because they just focus on the yelling. They lose the content of the conversation. That's exactly right. Yeah, yeah. It's really hard. I know. So as an adult, as a parent,
00:55:27
Speaker
I decided that that was not the tack I was going to use. I was not going to be a screamer or a yeller. I was only going to use it at the most no no no no most important times, like danger, right? Like don't run in the street. like Those are the moments where it was effective.
00:55:45
Speaker
Listen, not to make light of situation, but we all start with the best intentions. Oh, for real? I have really good friend. I'm a really good friend when the kids were, when they they had their kids are a couple years older, so they had kids first. I remember when the kids were team of the game to be like, Francis, we have decided, and this is new age brand. We have decided, and they're Asian, right? So it's like, yeah this is like really big for them, right? We don't say anything in the negative. said, you mean? said, oh, if the kid is doing something misbehaving, we don't say stop or don't do it.
00:56:16
Speaker
we have to say, hey, we would rather you do this. or we Everything in the positive tone. So look at him I was just like laughing. Okay, we'll see how long that lasts. And then like a year later, a year later, shequas I hear them, how's it going? Oh, no, that didn't last very long, friends. and We started yelling and kicking his ass. Yeah. No, that's akin to like parents who teach their kids never to apologize for anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is fucked type like... i didn't It doesn't laugh. They were just yelling and saying, stop doing that. was like, was pretty funny. ah Yeah. Okay, but.
00:56:48
Speaker
No, I've screamed. I yelled. End of our hour. But not like I've been yelled at my whole life. What are you what are you going to do? what's the What's the short, what is there a short answer to your dilemma? No, sure I don't think there is. Okay. You know, like i've I've talked to my therapist about it. Yeah, yeah. They're just, you know, and and I think the bottom line is always you need to allow the mistakes to unfurl.
Navigating Parenting Emotions and Milestones
00:57:11
Speaker
You do. Because that that would maybe that would be rock bottom.
00:57:15
Speaker
Yes, and it will shape them. right right it does i Like it or not, it is going to shape who they become. that's right That's right. And if they're into those extremes, you've got to let it kind of happen. Yeah, but I, you know... Sort of going to jail or hurting him or herself, I would say...
00:57:32
Speaker
Right. You're out of luck. But you know, you were saying, and I know we're at the end, but you know, you were saying about how I, you know, have the older one and I went through. Yeah. yeah you the the Right. I know. When you, when you have a different set of, of issues, it's almost like you're doing it again for the first time because you don't have any experience with that. And then I don't have any real, like, I don't think I have any friends who have ever admitted out loud that they may have had to deal with this.
00:57:55
Speaker
Yeah. Right. Because people don't talk about it. No, yeah there's like an element of shame. i don't feel shame. It's not my issue. Jessica. As your good friend, you turned out just fine. Aw, thanks, man. So you'll be, she'll be okay. You'll be okay. She'll be okay. Everyone will be okay. I know she's going to be fine. I'm just, you know, I'm, I'm just concerned. Honestly, I'm just concerned because that's my job. My job is to be concerned. Yeah. And the truth is, is you know, i selfishly, i don't want to spend my summer sitting around. Yeah.
00:58:27
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is exactly what would end up happening. Okay, so a little bit of stress on that front. little bit sadness of the older one the end of youth hockey. Yeah, I didn't even get to talk too much about that. That's coming in for both of us. yeah It's already there. It's kind already there. It's here. And I'm acutely feeling it, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah I mean, i mean i'm walking and I've been worried about it all season already. I'm like, oh, fuck it. know, your season, you like, whatever, 60, 70 games. We had 25. I know. We had 25 games. I know.
00:58:53
Speaker
I tried to go to, I basically went to every game except for one earlier in the preseason. Yeah. um So that's been nice and rewarding. But yeah still, you're, again, acutely aware of like, holy shit, like I don't have that many left. Right. Well, that, you know what, it goes along with how many summers you have left. Like there's this awareness, especially as your kids crest, ah you know, into independent, like real independence. You're just like, holy crap.
00:59:15
Speaker
Yeah. Where did my neighbors see me? Like you're going to Boston again. You're day tripping to Boston. I'm like, listen. there's only a few left. Yeah. It's okay. Yeah. And then I'll miss it.
00:59:26
Speaker
I knew that from the start, but okay, no problem. Yeah. So you do what you can and you figure it out. But I, and and look at like, you know, everyone's different. Everyone processes differently. So I'm not, whatever there's no right or wrong right right some people are definitely gonna cry yeah yeah uh oh yeah they were excited something in between yeah right yeah yeah a bit of both depending on the dimming on the day right the day on i will be sad or i'll be like really fucking get excited yeah um that kind of thing uh but just like college drop off for my daughter i was like people like were you sad but i actually i go you know i thought it might have been i wasn't i was actually really excited for her
01:00:02
Speaker
And what was coming down the pipeline for her. And maybe it's a function of our own adolescence. Maybe. Like some people had a very stressful... middle school, high school, whatever college, right? Whatever it was, right? For me, i definitely had the time of my life in high school and college. So i I've always treated it like, man, I'm so excited for you. Sad for me because I don't just might spend time with you, but really I'm super excited for you and that is going to trump the sadness. Okay, in in my mind, right right? And my wife will process however she processes and and the whole bit, right? yeah And I definitely have friends who are like,
01:00:41
Speaker
Tears like, oh, my God, oh, my God, they left home. And other ones like, get the hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. out right Yeah. I mean, there are a lot of variables there. Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But the hockey thing in particular, I think, because you and I have you know spent like a decade doing it, the highs and lows. And maybe it's not really the highs and lows that we should feel because we're not playing, they're playing. But still, you feel it. You feel what you feel.
01:01:03
Speaker
You do. And those parents. Yeah. And have the pride that goes along with it. Right. Totally. And, um you know, and it's the amount of time that you get to spend with them as they grow. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like without this experience. Yeah.
01:01:14
Speaker
And, you know, and I and i said this um elsewhere, but it like without this experience, I would I don't know that my relationship with Sam would be the same. Yeah.
01:01:26
Speaker
Oh, but you'd find something else. If it's not hockey, it would have been baseball. If not baseball, would been chess. it's not chess, it's like piano. you know it's In this generation, I kind of feel like you would have found something. But I don't know that it would have been a travel situation in the same way. I don't know that I would have had the car rides. I don't know that I would have had well yeah hotel stays and the dinners alone. You know, there's there was a lot of... um No, you would have.
The Commercialization of Youth Sports
01:01:49
Speaker
You know why You can thank private equity for that.
01:01:51
Speaker
Yeah. Because they monopolized every youth activity yeah squeeze you for every penny and make you fly everywhere. Right. But my the point I'm making is I'm not sure that he would have doubled down on another travel sport.
01:02:04
Speaker
Because, you know, he was a baseball player, didn't love enough to pursue it. He plays tennis. yeah Tennis does not operate the same way. Volleyball does not operate the same way. Right. So like, like, for instance, like I go on tournaments, I'm in a hotel room by myself.
01:02:17
Speaker
Yeah. Right. this stay with the team that's right my hockey experience wasn't like that my hockey experience was i really did get to spend such a concentrated amount of time with him even though we were there for hockey and even though he was off doing other things yeah it was a kind of um yeah like a perfect blend Because you have a good kid. Because there are a lot of kids that don't that that disappear into the sunset, yeah into the team sports, do not contact their parents. Yeah. And i you know for for us, I would argue a lot of that was a new team.
01:02:48
Speaker
Yeah.
01:02:53
Speaker
And, you know, that age when you hit a new team, you know, maybe the team is open to having you and knowing who you are, but the parent body can be less open. That was my experience up until this year. For sure. You know. right And then juniors, you won't even know them. That's right. you wouldn't even meet them. That's right. Too bad. The kids are on their own. So like the Cyclones experience, you know, as a parent was an anomaly because yeah we all just came in at the right time. Yes. Right. And got along and had a really good, fun experience. Exactly. Exactly. My first year at PAL was not like that. My first year at PAL, the parents were super insular and right not accepting. And I spent a lot of time alone. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that. Yeah. The second year was a little bit better. Yeah. um Still didn't go out with families the same way. So it still was never like the Cyclones. Okay. And then our first year at Avs, you know, affectionately called the dad cabal. Like they were all dads. Right.
01:03:46
Speaker
And, you know, the truth is, is they were not that accepting. Yeah. There were two people talked. And they'd been together for a long time. Right. Right. That's other thing like four or five, maybe even six years. Right. And the truth is, is they really didn't want any other kids other than their own to be successful. Right. And I actually don't care about putting it out there because I do believe that's the truth.
01:04:04
Speaker
i you know And I would say, honestly, looking around, I think that's the stereotypical experience. I think the problem is, and I see with you know we have friends now with really young kids being hockey, it's like, we also forget that that age between eight to 12 and playing knee hockey and and there's no real competition amongst each other yeah for the next level, because you're not really focused on the now, having fun. right That every almost everyone I speak to, it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, like when I look back, oh my God. like seven to 12, freaking amazing. What happened? Why did it go all downhill from there?
Team Culture and Competitive Dynamics
01:04:40
Speaker
I'm like, that's just, I think that's the nature of the beast. It's just, ah it's just you get the 14 and you want to start playing college and juniors, let's say for hockey and that competition happens and you start moving teams and moving prep schools.
01:04:53
Speaker
and And I think that just happens like, same thing in prep school. Like there are some parents that I will call friends in the future, but even then, We will never hang out as much as we as we either did with you when they were 10 or 12 just because of the age they're at. Right. But i would I would argue that, you know, when you walk into a new team, yeah you know, from 14 to 18. Yes. Yes. You know, people could be friendly. Totally. Totally.
01:05:21
Speaker
Right. there's there's like yeah There's a spectrum. yeah You can either find friends, which you know I found did not happen very easily, although I could say that I have found you know a small handful of families between then and and now.
01:05:34
Speaker
um But there was a lack of friendliness and acknowledgement. and That's team culture, right? But let's go back to like team culture from the top down at the organization that you Yeah, I guess. I guess. right But it's it's just it colors the experience is what I'm getting. Oh, Yeah. Right. It colors the experience. For sure. It's much more antisocial um situation, which I mean, I'm fine with. Yeah. You know, but I would i would also offer that in in the second year of 18U, the families on this year's team were spectacular.
01:06:08
Speaker
That's awesome. Yeah. for the most great we i mean, there are exceptions. There are always exceptions. Of course. Of course. ah But the people that I met this year, like really, really lovely. and and's good And the best locker room that we've had, I think, in those years has been this year as well. The kids are great.
01:06:24
Speaker
Nice. Mostly. Right. I mean, there's always like. I know. It's right mostly team stuff. Right. But OK. Yeah. yeah That's good then. OK. Well. Yeah, I mean, hockey's going to end the season, so we've got to figure out what else to talk about. Oh, well, you know what, but now you get into junior camp. I know, I know. get into recruitment. You get into draft.
01:06:45
Speaker
Yeah. You know, people are getting. a couple of important months coming, March, April, May. You know, events. For sure. Yeah. Okay. Good. Well, you know what time it is?
Dad Jokes and Closing Remarks
01:06:55
Speaker
Oh, it's dad joke time.
01:06:58
Speaker
or We're over by six minutes. Okay. Okay. Okay. Quick. But it was a valuable six minutes. It was. What did the tree say in spring? Hmm.
01:07:14
Speaker
What did the tree say in the spring?
01:07:20
Speaker
You love the wordplay. You do love, you love all that. I'm trying to help you. um It is spring. We were waiting for a freaking spring to start right here. Dude, I'm happy the snow's melting. What did the tree say in the spring?
01:07:32
Speaker
Okay. Well, you're out of time, lady. What a relief. That's so lame. What a relief. what That's so lame. Okay. Second and last one to get out of here. How do you make a robot angry?
01:07:50
Speaker
How do you make a robot angry? How do you make a robot angry? This is very timely given AI and robots coming for... I saw these Chinese robots that kind of scared me. Doing these jumping kung fu moves. That's really funny. How do you make a robot angry? How do you make a robot angry? angry um how do you you do you push all its buttons like you're pushing mine right now pushing its buttons the way that you're pushing mine as we're speaking look at that bing
01:08:27
Speaker
but bump it up um me I need to find that sound effect. Now you've pushed all of my buttons. There you go. Exactly. That's what your daughter is doing to you right now. Everybody's pushing my buttons.
01:08:40
Speaker
Oh my God. i' been Okay, people. Episode 40. Oh, we forgot. the I didn't even know if he said Episode 41. It's kind of an hour late. Episode 41. Well, we'll close with it. That's all good. For participating and listening. Everyone have a great week ahead.
01:08:54
Speaker
Laters. Enjoy. Thank you. Well, well, well. You made it to the end. We can't thank you enough for listening to all of our random thoughts. Don't forget to give us a five-star rating.
01:09:05
Speaker
And you know how to reach us on the gram at TGS pod or send email to hello at the grocery stick.com.