Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Challenges
348 Plays3 years ago
There is no shortage of pseudo-inspirational quotes out there about growth, resistance and overcoming challenges. They are the go-to decor option in the relics we used to call conference rooms and flow just as freely but slightly less faded on the lazy river of LinkedIn encouragement. And yet, they persist, our inspirational guilty pleasure, because the need to be lifted, to be reminded that our trials can lead to triumphs, to believe that there might be purpose in our defeats, and to see that we aren’t alone in facing them, keeps us from being overwhelmed by the things that seem like more than we can handle.
This week on the show, Phillip, Bryan and Arron talk about the challenges they’ve had, what they’ve learned from them, and how they, in hindsight, can see how those challenges have benefitted them and helped shape them into who they are today.
We’d love to hear your stories of how certain challenges have shaped you for the better. Shoot us an email at podcast@uncommonwealth.com with your story. Also, feel free to drop your favorite inspirational quotes on Phillip’s LInkedIn wall using the hashtag #ireadthepodcastnotes, might as well put those quotes to good use.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Living an Uncommon Life
00:00:02
Speaker
Everyone dreams about living an uncommon life, but how we define that dream is very different for each of us. And for most, it's a lifelong pursuit. Welcome to the Uncommon Life Project podcast. We're going to introduce you to people who are living that life or enjoying the journey to
Meet Aaron Kramer: Life's Challenges
00:00:19
Speaker
get there. We're going to also give you some tools, tricks, and tips for starting or accelerating your own efforts to live an uncommon life, a life worth celebrating and savoring.
00:00:30
Speaker
Please welcome your hosts, Brian Dewhurst and Philip Ramsey. Hello and welcome everybody to another episode of the Uncommon Life Project where I'm your host, Philip Ramsey. I am Brian Dewhurst and Aaron Kramer. Oh my goodness. We got three microphones in one room because we've got some fun things to talk about. Welcome, Aaron. Thanks. You've done podcasts with me before, but we've never done a three. We've never done the trio. The trio. I feel like we should start harmonizing.
00:00:59
Speaker
Okay, here's what we're gonna talk about. I had a friend, shout out to Alan Hahn. He wants to start a podcast. All he wants to do is talk about challenges that people have faced.
00:01:08
Speaker
I was like, that is so brilliant. I think we all should get in a room, talk about the challenges that we've had in our lives, what we learned from them, who helped us through it, and how that we are benefiting from it because trials produce endurance and character. That's biblical. We've
Questioning Motivational Sayings: Reality vs. Ideals
00:01:24
Speaker
always said that. In an uncommon life, or uncommon wealth, I should say, we see a lot of people who go through trials and come out stronger than they ever have been.
00:01:32
Speaker
So I thought it would be fun, hit record, talk about some trials in our life, what we've learned, what we've learned now, and why wouldn't we all three do it? Come on. I think it's great. It's vulnerability to its finest, you know us, on Commonwealth. That's what we're all about. So, okay, who wants to start? What comments do you want to start with? You don't need to send the first trial, but any comments? Comment I want to make, because I love this stuff, like wholeheartedly.
00:02:02
Speaker
But I will sit there saying my personality you guys can disagree with me I love seeing all these self-help stuff that's going on, but you see like these comments like oh You know like if you're under pressure create the diamond you're gonna be a diamond you're gonna do these things and once we get into these subjects as we share our stories like
00:02:21
Speaker
Please note, you're never a diamond. Okay.
Navigating Dyslexia, ADHD, and Childhood Challenges
00:02:24
Speaker
You're never shiny. Like when you get through the, like walking through the fire, like, no, you still are like, you're not a diamond until like, you know, you're at the pearly gates and God says you are a diamond. Okay. Now I'm a diamond. All right. While you're walking the earth, you're not a diamond, right? You're just working because it's constant work, right? Yeah, we're all human. Yeah.
00:02:45
Speaker
The diamond gets made from the polishing, the cutting, you know, at the end there's still a lot to go to buy a purchased diamond. Yeah, exactly. You might be a diamond, an uncut diamond. Yeah. But you're not a cut diamond. Yeah. And we aren't either. Yeah. Okay. So who's going to start out?
00:03:06
Speaker
I think Aaron, you have a good one. I definitely could start. Brian's super excited about this topic. I can't wait. I can start. All right. All right. Well, okay. So my biggest challenge goes into like two things. I have a lot of them, but like, uh, the ones I feel like I'll share or like growing up, I, well, let's take it back. I just officially got diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD. Cause you know, for tests aren't easy and we always have tests in our industry. Yep.
00:03:36
Speaker
But so I didn't know this for a long time, but so growing up in school and stuff, that wasn't fun. So, you know, we all know how kids can be. Right. Not knowing that you might have something that's a learning disability. Yeah. They would just call you. Stupid. Right. You know, I mean, it's one of those, it's like, to the point where you're like, you grow up and you're like, yeah, I'm stupid. So.
00:03:56
Speaker
And you think this, cause you get told it for a, you get told something long enough and you get enough affirmation. Cause like you're going through school and school's not exactly designed for the way you think. Right. And kids are mean. Yeah. And kids are mean. And when you're a big kid, guess what? You can't ever fight back. So, um, I mean, I remember multiple times you get me in front of you, made fun of you, made fun of finally you blow up. And then it's like, you're going to the principal's office and you're like, I wasn't my fault. It's like, you're bigger. You should have known better. I'm like,
00:04:23
Speaker
is you know words do hurt so but anyways so through that i found my passion like to be in sports because sports were my outlet in the sense of like i got made fun of a lot so like you know
00:04:35
Speaker
I'm gonna dominate you. Yeah, I mean seventh grade, I handed out a lot of concussions and broken bones. In what sport? Football. Okay. Cause it's like, oh, guess what? Now I don't get in trouble for hurting people. So like all the aggression gets out. So like sports became my like identity full on.
Identity through Sports and Education's Impact
00:04:54
Speaker
Like this is who I am. And you know, as you get going further in high school, it's like now you found your sport, mine was wrestling. So if you'd ever asked me like, Aaron, describe yourself.
00:05:05
Speaker
I'm a wrestler so my identity came through my physical abilities and what I could provide physically and I wrestled in college Go through college next day. I know College is over because you know there's no professional wrestling and I was not that good even if there was so that wasn't gonna happen
00:05:24
Speaker
And so I lost myself. I was like, who am I? If someone asked me like, Aaron, who are you? I don't know. Any ideas? Yeah. I got super depressed. Like I ran to wanting to be a cop because again, I was thinking my physicalness. Like I could use my physicalness to help protect people. Right. Ran to that. I mean, that was not, that door was not opening. Like God did not want that to happen. And for good reasons.
00:05:49
Speaker
But so I like, but I didn't feel like I was smart enough to do anything else. Like I just had my physical ability. Let me talk. Let's go back to kids, mean kids at school. Yeah. Like were you ever like pro like what age were you younger, like younger, like what grade do you remember? Like when it was like something that you consciously, like I don't want to go to school. Oh no, I got held back in third grade. Okay. So I'd do third grade twice. Yeah.
00:06:15
Speaker
And so I was at a Christian school and I realized when I didn't, I, my frustrations came up on like spelling tasks. Cause we need to slapstick and stuff and to scrap you like, yeah, preach it. So the one word that's pretty easily sound audible is the F word. Oh yeah. Yeah. I wrote that all the way down my list.
00:06:32
Speaker
Okay, I got some of the principal's office I got beat when I go home Can we just quick talk about this quick since you got held back at third grade? Yeah, do you feel like you're better being held back now or Like the day and age right now in schools. It's like oh, no, you can't do that. They're going to fourth grade They're going to fifth grade and maybe they shouldn't have never done that. So in your perspective
00:06:56
Speaker
since you were held back. Yeah. And now I think there's some people who just keep going because they just, that's what they do. Yeah. What do you think is more damaging? I think it's more damaging to hold someone back. Okay. Because like you see all your friends go to the next grade and then you're sitting back and you got held back. So now it is relevant to everybody you're behind. Right. Right. So you're like, Oh,
00:07:21
Speaker
So wherever you can just keep going with your grade, but the school can provide help, you know, off to the side and what you're struggling with. And that's my personal opinion. That's good. Yeah. And then how did your parents help you process like, and you're doing third grade again?
00:07:38
Speaker
Um, I mean, I mean, there's a sport of it that could be like my parents were young. So it's kinda like, all right, this is what we gotta do. Right. And they homeschooled me for like the first few years. So it didn't help at all either. Okay. So like, I'm not like, so I don't want people to talk about homeschool. Like everyone do what they want to do because of my learning, learning disabilities.
Bullying and the Power of Supportive Teachers
00:07:56
Speaker
It didn't work well for you. It didn't work well for me. So I'm like, no, cause I was like held way, like I was, I had my learning disabilities and then I was like way farther back.
00:08:04
Speaker
I jumped into the public school or private school or whatever. Private school and then public school. Cause my private school, they didn't have like a resource room. That's why I got held back. Cause then you ended up pouring into your physical like athleticism because you were going to overcompensate from that feeling of feeling stupid. Yeah. So I felt like, cause I started, you know, you start feeling important.
00:08:31
Speaker
to your friends and stuff, when you can dominate and help the sports teams, you know, instead of like, when you feel useless all day. And even teachers teach you to treat you different. Right. It's funny too, because like, even in school, my kids right now, doing well at the school, but like, they don't want people to know they're doing well at the school. But in sports, it's like, idolized, like, oh yeah, we're doing really good in sports. Yeah. You know? It's interesting.
00:08:57
Speaker
So it's funny because now I know you, like you can tell why you're such a protector. Like somebody, if you see somebody getting picked on, that's where you'll use your weight. Yeah. You stop it right now. You shut that down. It hurts. Like people don't understand what bullying does, you know, stuff like that. So like, yeah, you get a little extra passionate about it when you've been through it and nobody's there to stand up for you because nobody stood up for me. Right. I take that back.
00:09:22
Speaker
My resource teacher, Lisa Hoffman, I give her a shout out if she ever hears this. She was the first one. I saw she's this tiny little lady and then she heard people calling me stupid. I don't know, I sat down in the room. I was just kind of head down because you just feel defeated because you can't do anything about it. Man, that little lady just ran out that room and just wanted to go dig into those people.
00:09:45
Speaker
Oh my gosh. I even get a little emotional
Building Resilience through Trials
00:09:47
Speaker
thinking about it. Like you just stood up for me. Like no one's done that before. They're always just like toughen it up. It's like, okay, that's all I can do. Toughen it up. So yeah. Okay. I want to, one last question and then I want to move on to Brian or me. I guess you, uh, how has the trial positively or positive? What is it? Positively, positively. Thank you, Brian. Affected you in your career today.
00:10:16
Speaker
So, or in your life, you can go to life, not just career. Yeah. Life and career. I guess here it goes together. Cause like, I feel like our careers that we've changed our life is our life. Like I have this, like,
00:10:28
Speaker
It could probably be described as unhealthy, but it works in our favor. Like, to always to keep learning. Like, and also then finding out that like, the way your brain works with dyslexia, like we think in like a 3D way, so it takes us longer to get to the end of the path, but by the time we get there, we've thought about it in like a hundred different ways. So, you understand things different. So you, like you start realizing and believing and you get like, oh, this is a blessing. The first 12 years of school sucked.
00:10:58
Speaker
But beyond that, it starts becoming a blessing on you never wanting to ever feel that like not knowing something. So you read books, you like constantly learn and won't stop learning. Cause like, I don't ever want to feel stupid. It's good. Yeah. Thanks Aaron.
00:11:14
Speaker
Yeah. Thanks for sharing.
Philip's Football Journey: Lessons in Resilience
00:11:16
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So like this is not like, is it me? Yeah. All right. You, I'm going to talk about probably the first time that I think I hit adversity in my life. Uh, and I've hit many other walls, but this is the first one that like brick walled me, you know, like what like the life isn't revolving around me. And anyway, it was, it was sports. It was a football actually love football.
00:11:41
Speaker
My dad's great football player. I watched him growing up playing flag football. The silver fox is real. The silver fox is real. And so watching him perform and compete at such a high level, it was just kind of ingrained in me. Like I wanted to do that.
00:11:57
Speaker
And so junior high, my seventh grade year, I remember coming in, well, I should probably back up and say, started flag football in Ankeny, Iowa, of all places. So I lived here for a while. My parents had a house on old Ulamar drive and they had this special thing where I think they were probably afraid of football, candidly. So you would go full pads and you would play flag football.
00:12:22
Speaker
So for my first grade year, I had full pads on helmets, mouthpieces, like we just looked like little helmets out there, shoulder pads, knee pads, all the deal. Uh, and then we played flag football. It was super weird. Anyway, I just never was that good at it. Just like a fish out of water kind of. Um, and then my fifth grade year, my parents built a house in Altoona, Iowa.
00:12:45
Speaker
And so I go there and then I started playing flag football out there because that's what they had in Altoona in the Southeast Polk kind of district had flag football. So I shedded my my pads and went into fly football. And I remember like, Oh, I like this sport. Like I can kind of throw it better and blah, blah, blah.
00:13:04
Speaker
So that was my sixth fifth and sixth grade year. I think yeah, and then I go to junior high So now we're in seventh grade and now guess what they have pads tackle football, right and they had light weights and heavy weights I was a lightweight back then and I put the pads on which you have to remember I've been in pads since first grade Shedded them for two years now the pads come back on and this is the first time many of them have ever had pads
00:13:29
Speaker
So I was like, oh, and I was blowing people up just because I was used to my equipment. That makes sense, which gave me confidence, right? And so I remember being on the lightweight and I'd be the quarterback and I had a good friend, Mario, and it was just like, okay, things are starting to happen. And then we go to our eighth grade year, same, like really
00:13:50
Speaker
really just solid program doing pretty well, have good friends. And I remember the high school coach came down and he looked straight at me and our team. He's like, you guys have potential. And I thought, Oh, we're going to do it. You know, like, this is it. This is my calling. I'm going to be an NFL football player. This is going to be amazing. My dad gets transferred to Sioux city the next like summer. So we're out like, okay. So we go to Sioux city.
00:14:14
Speaker
Um, far different than Altuna. Oh man. Far different. I, this isn't what I was talking about, but the first day at school, my middle school, I get beat up. Oh no. Beat up. Yeah. Welcome. And I had like a polo and like khakis on like, I'm not a gangster. You know, you're throwing up gang signs. I remember him punching me like, huh? What like what's happening? Rough go at it. Okay.
00:14:36
Speaker
So didn't get to play that, but my sister was a senior at that point. No, she was a junior and she transferred to high school. Everybody loved my sister. I was the eighth grader getting beat up and hating my life. And I remember my parents just like working through that stuff. Anyway, so we get out and then I have no friends. So after my eighth grade year, right before high school, but my sister's like probably the one of the most popular people, most popular people in high school.
00:15:02
Speaker
Now she's going to be a senior, I'm going to be a freshman. And so I think she just felt bad for me. So she's like, just to have my friends adopt you, you know, like they'll be your friends now. So the first day of freshman orientation, I remember the eighth grade class are now freshmen are looking at me like, that's a kid.
00:15:19
Speaker
And then all the seniors come in, they're like, hey, Phillip, because I've been hanging out with them for the whole summer. I didn't have anybody else to hang out with. And I remember it being like, oh, like maybe he's cool. You know, anyway, so we start playing football my freshman year. And I remember having like a lights out game. You guys like, I'll be honest with you. I was throwing up prayers. They were getting caught for 80 yard touchdowns. I think it was like a 400 yard touchdown, six touchdowns there for $400 yard passing six touchdowns.
00:15:47
Speaker
something ridiculous. And like, I'm not that good, to be honest with you, but everybody else thought I was, and so it gave me confidence, right? Good receiver goes a long ways. Exactly. So, uh, sophomore year, similar, and I got to suit up for varsity football, which is a pretty big deal, right? And the Sioux City West was not good up to this point, and for some reason we got to go to the playoffs.
00:16:08
Speaker
in the playoffs, we go to play West Des Moines Dowling at Morningside for the playoffs. Big game big game and like again, Sioux City West is like who are they again? Like I've never seen him be good at all and this year we ended up being decent.
00:16:24
Speaker
So we go out in the field, it was this college field that we were on. And again, I'm just a sophomore. And I remember coming back in the locker room, these guys are the biggest guys I've ever seen. Where did they recruit these guys? They're from college. Anyway, we end up beating them. And I remember thinking, how in the world did we beat them? And I didn't play at all, for the record. I'm only on the sideline.
00:16:47
Speaker
And so the next year I get transferred to Dowling High School because my parents get moved back to West Des Moines for my daddy's job, okay? So I get like a front row seat of like, how did we beat them?
00:16:59
Speaker
Anyway, long story short, they had all technical ability. All Sioux City West had was heart. And the reason why we beat them is because we had heart, no technical ability, but it just seemed like we care. Like our arms were hanging off our shoulder. Like we're going to win, you know? Um, and so I go to Sioux City and that was the first time like, I'm not playing a, like a, not even a snap.
00:17:21
Speaker
And the coach's son was a year younger than me. And then he had a really good friend that was a quarterback. And so that junior started playing when I was his senior, which killed me. And I remember just being devastated and thinking like, Oh, I can overwork this. Like I can, I can do better, you know? And the coach even brought me in. He was like, Hey, if we had our first game tomorrow,
00:17:45
Speaker
Matt McCree would play and I'm like, what? Matt McCree's been playing baseball all these summers when we're doing three days and he would still play over me and in my mind back then it was like, well, I'll just work harder. Anyway, so I feel like that was the first time I hit adversity where like,
00:18:02
Speaker
It's not going to go your way. And it was like, so the door shut and there was no like openings, which was hard to comprehend. Like I was, that was me, you know? Uh, anyway, long story short, I never played another down.
00:18:18
Speaker
in high school, really any. And that was when my tackle football career was over and it devastated me. And I would say it devastated my parents just watching their son go through this because it was an outlet that I used to have that got shut down. And man, to this day, I am so grateful that I did not keep playing. And when I left South East Polk, that was when Kyle Orton took over and started playing and he was a great under me.
00:18:48
Speaker
So Kyle Orton had a great NFL career, by the way, played at Purdue. Oh yeah. He played everywhere. He played everywhere. And I remember the first time I saw him on Monday night football, his face, I was like, are you kidding me? And like the bitterness, you know, like I could have been that, but guys, for the record, I couldn't be that, but you know, you just play your good quarterback. I like to play, but not that good. But I'm so grateful thinking of like all the hits you could have taken or
00:19:14
Speaker
It makes you appreciate some of these guys. It makes you appreciate it. Right. And so even, so that was probably my first time of hitting that adversity and then also seeing like the positive things that could come out of it and knowing that I probably don't know my best path forward. And if I were to write my story, I would have been such a spoiled little kid.
00:19:33
Speaker
Yeah, but like how long did it take you to see those like benefits from a long time? Yeah, yeah, even when I saw his like yeah, probably even when I saw his face on because I thought I would process through it and like I guess I'm kind of grateful and then I saw his face on Monday night football.
00:19:48
Speaker
I'm not over it. I'm not over it. I'm a little upset. So honey, are you seeing this? Yeah. Anyway, that's, that was one. And man, even to this day, I'm super grateful. I probably never met my wife. She's not at my kids, you know, like just a whole different trajectory.
Brian's Career and the Value of Teamwork
00:20:03
Speaker
So it's interesting that both of you had kind of sports, the sports, physical related challenges. I won't share mine with sports.
00:20:12
Speaker
Brian was a pretty good picture. I would say that that's where he's a little. Yeah, who knows, but are you done or is that? That's it. That's okay.
00:20:21
Speaker
To this day, Philip still plays flag football with his dad, by the way, and their nasty combo. There's a lot of people with losses in their ledger to the Ramsey duo. It's fun to watch. I've been thinking about what challenges to talk about. I think a lot of people know that I'm
00:20:42
Speaker
I'm divorced. And so I think that's an obvious one. But the one I think I kind of want to talk about is actually one that Aaron kind of helped me see. So I'm gonna go in a different direction. Do it, do it. So when I got into this business, I always knew I wanted to be in this business from like probably 12 or 13 years old. My mom is still in this business more on the operational side.
00:21:05
Speaker
And I've always had a fascination with numbers. I've just always been around this business. So it was very clear at a very young age that this is what I wanted to do. And I started in the business. I quit my safe job in consulting in December of 08.
00:21:25
Speaker
There may or may not have been a great depression in December of OA. So starting in that was actually probably the best time to get started because everything was upended. But yeah, it was like early on, I think.
00:21:42
Speaker
two or three weeks in, my ex-wife's father passes away abruptly. And so you kind of take a few weeks off of work to work through that, lead your family through that and provide. And going from a day job of salary and all of that and benefits and
00:22:06
Speaker
cashflow to this business, which is like a hundred percent commission. And I wasn't with like a principal or I was with some just dudes, you know, like, and I got into a situation where I thought I was going to get more referrals and leads and there's going to be some partnering there. And it wasn't, it was like an empty office.
00:22:24
Speaker
And man, as much as we want to say we're financial advisors or wealth managers or all these other buzzwords, we're in sales. You have to know how to dial the phone. You have to know how to build rapport. You have to know how to do all these things. And I was not good at that. Still, I don't really think that I am good at that. And so early on, I ended up going and working for someone because I was like, I got to get a job. This isn't working. The writing is on the wall that this isn't going to happen.
00:22:53
Speaker
In the current state of things and so in that It was yeah, really a growth moment. I think back to my one thing. I'll talk about in sports I played tennis, you know, so I didn't have the prowess on the football field and you were a pitcher you were a pitcher So but yeah, I mean but but for the most part I
00:23:12
Speaker
My tennis career was more illustrious, I guess, than my baseball career, but my singles record was like 500. Well, in tennis, you get to play both. You get to play singles and you get to play doubles. It was kind of fun. My doubles record, with my partner, we were killing it. We were like 800. We went to the state and did all that. So I've always been a team guy, and this business is lonely. I mean, it is lonely. I mean, you want to know about a challenge, be a financial advisor by yourself.
00:23:38
Speaker
I don't even care if you're with like Edward Jones or one of these other companies. Lonely. If you're just out on your own, like it is lonely. Right. And so, yeah, I think, you know, kind of fast forward, I switched firms trying to get out on my own. Same thing happened. You know, really, it's kind of a part of a team. It wasn't going the way I kind of thought it was going to go. And again, it was just like, I'm on monster.com. And that's when Philip and I met.
00:24:02
Speaker
And I think kind of the way that I finally realized it was like, I don't really have what it takes to build this business by myself.
00:24:12
Speaker
And that's where I think we found each other and we cover each other's gaps really well, but our strengths are ultimately, I think, what we built our business on. And so I think, yeah, that humility or that understanding or that self-awareness to be like, I can't do this by myself. Maybe even more importantly, I don't really want to.
00:24:34
Speaker
Like it's just, it is a difficult business to be in. And I always wanted to be a part of a team and build a team and, you know, do those types of things and do this business with a group of people because I think ultimately that is the best way you build up service or the product, so to speak, is a team. And so I think that was just the biggest challenge. One of the biggest challenges in my life was just trying to get
00:25:01
Speaker
established in this business and coming to the realization of like, you can't do this by yourself. But then now seeing the fruit of that and seeing the humility of like laying that down, what God's given us and what he's done through us in this last 10 years has been
00:25:22
Speaker
Yeah. Humbling. So crazy. Cause I remember like you would always say, especially earlier in our, in our partnership, how like you grew up around the kitchen table and there was basically three topics. There was insurance, there was banking and there was investments and how you can see kind of the correlation of all of that. I was like, oh my gosh, like that's amazing. Cause you know, I am not, not
00:25:49
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So it was a perfect intersection, I think. But yeah, I mean, several years, I think I was, I started in 08 and we didn't join forces until July of 2012. So it was like, you know, three and a half years in the desert, getting established in this business. And so, you know, that's, that's what I think to, you know, your point, Aaron, of like, there is so much stuff right now, they think is,
00:26:18
Speaker
motivating or uplifting, but it's just like, yeah, you're still going to be a rough stone at
Parenting: Space to Fail and Learn
00:26:25
Speaker
the end of it. You know, um, I agree. I think once we, we get to heaven, maybe we're more of a fine cut diamond, but let me ask you this in lieu of that, do you feel like it's getting easier to walk through trials or harder as the older you get?
00:26:43
Speaker
So that's a tricky question because I feel like, so this is my belief, I feel like God puts us through trials to make us stronger, to make us better warriors. And like they're harder, they don't ever get easier. They may see like your first trial, you know, like, oh my gosh, that almost broke me. You get stronger and then you keep getting stronger for every trial you get through.
00:27:08
Speaker
But like, so every trial you put you through, it's like, it doesn't seem like it's getting easier, but that's why I think it's so important to look backwards and you're like, wait, hold on. There's no way I could have done this trial with all these other, without all these other trials. Like this would have broke me. So I'm ready for it. So I don't think they get easier. I think they get harder. It's just that you're stronger.
00:27:28
Speaker
Yeah, that's a good point or they have to be bigger because you're just that like you just need that kind of info down and learn something like financially. I think some trials are obviously easier to go through just because you have more resources or you have more wisdom and
00:27:44
Speaker
You know, so maybe like some fastest up, I think it's easier, but I think there's sometimes there's just more at stake, right? You know, and as our kids get older, you know, and they're driving and doing things and, and as the business gets bigger, your relationships get longer, you know, those things, it just seems like there's more at stake. Right. Right. So I think that was definitely one of the advantages of divorce.
00:28:07
Speaker
of like you kind of go through almost a worst case scenario. Like, you know, they say disability is a lot worse than death because you're still here. And I think that, you know, a lot of that applies to divorce of like, you know, it's like ripping plywood apart. Like you're never putting that back together. It's going to get bloody. It's going to hurt. It's never going back together. So when you lose so much and you go through that, but you're still here and you got to work through it.
00:28:31
Speaker
you know, you, you experienced that loss and it does help you, you know, I think, I don't know what the word is. It's certainly painful, but like you're still standing. You got to get back up. Right. More calloused, like David Goggins. I don't know if you guys know who he is. Yeah. I've been watching him. Yeah. He's like amazing. Uh, man crush on that guy for like mentally strong. He is like, he goes like, you can calloused, you know, like you guys, I mean, you're creating scars, but scars are stronger and tougher than regular skins.
00:29:01
Speaker
Yeah, I mean like for your story like really more because we're all you know financial advisors here's like for years like you look at everybody in our industry like most like so every they're an alpha person or alpha woman or alpha man, right and like for you to be able to step back and say
00:29:17
Speaker
No, I need a team because we see so many people do this by themselves. Oh, yeah. And then they might build a team underneath them, but they were the alpha, you know, the alpha in the group. But for you to sit there and say like, no, I got to go find a co-alpha to alpha this. Yeah. Like that takes a like for us men. Yeah. It takes a lot of emotional strength to sit there and say like,
00:29:39
Speaker
I'm not fully good enough. I need someone to compliment me. Like that takes a lot of, I don't know. That's like my tip of my hat off to you for that. I appreciate it. It's really hard. You know, it's funny because when you look back at your life, which ones have made you more of who you are
Financial Realities vs. Social Media Illusions
00:29:53
Speaker
today? Your good experiences or your bad experiences?
00:29:57
Speaker
And I would say for me, for sure, it's the bad experiences, working through those and trying to process through. Parenting is one of those things, I'm glad you said it. It's just tough. Fake it till you make it. That whole verbiage is because of parenting. I hope we do it right. I know. That's why I always kind of joke around because we only have one.
00:30:18
Speaker
I'm like, how you got what you got? Like there was like, we didn't get like learn and then do it better for the second one. It's like, here we are. Here we are. This is the first trial and the only trial. Yeah. And so I do think as a parent, I think sometimes the hardest thing for my child or let him do it is just let them fail. Like, yeah.
00:30:34
Speaker
I mean that. Oh man, like I've seen it. I know that path goes down and like please don't do that, but it's almost like you need just as powerful to like let them fail. Yeah, and it's probably the hardest thing is parenting is just let them process through it because that's who made us.
00:30:49
Speaker
Ah, it still sucks. It's so hard. It kind of makes you appreciate our parents more because they let us go through that. They didn't do anything. I know what I would do for my daughter and things like that, but then you look back and it's like, oh my gosh, for my parents to sit back and not done anything. Right.
00:31:05
Speaker
He's like, that takes way more strength. I just, uh, a video, this daughter was trying to prank her dad and you know, one of these audios, you know, and she calls him and it, she typed it into like a Google thing and it's basically like, Hey, your daughter's at this County jail. Will you accept this call? And here's just this long pause and he's like, Nope. But you know, I think, you know, some of the parenting stuff I've read, like that's kind of the approach you have to take.
00:31:33
Speaker
Yeah, it's like Jordan Peterson I keep seeing this thing like you gotta like put your kids in dangerous situations safe danger Situations, right? It's like oh like it's safe but like they have to have the ability to be able to get hurt take a risk and learn that like hey you have the ability to like Overcome you have the ability to like take a risk and then you might get hurt but to get back up and do it again and
00:31:58
Speaker
And I'm not trying to like point a new blame, but helicopter parents, it's like their kids go to college. It's like the wheels have come off. There's no more helicopter, like helicopter. And then they're like with the lawnmower, apparently they call it like they, like they mow the, like the path in front of the kid. And so like they take care of all the, they take out all the challenges and discreet, like anything in front of them. And then so like, as soon as they have something go wrong, they're like breaks them. Where's mom and dad? Yeah.
00:32:23
Speaker
You know? Yeah, their ability to handle adversity is low. Yeah. Or non-existent. It's
Encouragement and Resilience in Life's Journey
00:32:29
Speaker
so good. Yeah. Anyway, I think this is just fun to riff on this for a while. One, if you are resonating with this and you're in a trial now, one, we want to just say, like, hang on. Like, there is a reason, and I think that you're going to be better for it going to the other side. And I feel like we're all kind of in some kind of trial. Like, our lives aren't perfect, like you said, Aaron, at the beginning. And so on. I want to speak into, I think, you know, financially,
00:32:53
Speaker
If you're in a trial or you feel like you're not where you're supposed to be. I mean, a lot of times we get the question and, you know, getting to know you more. Aaron, in this profession, I'm sure you've gotten the question, but we have so many people that ask us like, Hey, for my age, like, am I doing okay? Or like, how am I compared to other people?
00:33:11
Speaker
And obviously in this social media time, I think there's so much comparison where it feels like, oh, I'm the only person going through something right now, which could be further from the truth, but just to empower you to financially, like there's so much
00:33:24
Speaker
you can do in a year, two years, three years financially, you know, I wanted to even get back on track, but to like remedy maybe what's going on in your life. And so anyways, if you want to talk about that and help with that, we're here for that too. Yeah. Cause that's, yeah, I want to tip off of that a little bit. Cause I just like read a book and I love this. Like everyone always thinks like you look on social media, everyone's doing so great. Like, Oh, that person's like, Oh, they're just doing so good. They're killing it.
00:33:51
Speaker
and i will tell you and if you ever reach out to us i'll tell you the book to read and stuff but statistically i'm talking like 80 percent of the time the people that you think have money don't they're up to debt in their eyeballs and as soon as their paycheck gets stopped they lost their job or something they're losing everything the person that you see in the common street walking down the
00:34:12
Speaker
Down the mall. They're just wearing their common Haynes t-shirt Levi jeans and grungy boots Yeah, you're thinking like oh that guy's probably roughing it He probably has way more money in the bank than you could ever even imagine. It's good. So like
00:34:27
Speaker
I'm on social media. I'm guilty of it. I'll be scrolling all the time, but don't be getting down on yourself on your success because the people. Shame is like the number one thing is eat your life away. Like shame is never good. Yeah. Don't stay there. It's what we're all saying, but keep fighting through the hard times. If you are like you get stronger, keep building and like know that like you're not alone. Find a good people that pick you up.
00:34:51
Speaker
I don't know, especially for like you men out there that are listening, like it is okay to feel broken. Like define other good, healthy men to help lift you up and keep you up. Like it's okay. Get emotionally stronger. Like feel like us connected. Yeah, for sure. Okay. Well you've been listening to the uncommon life project. I've been your host Philip Ramsey. I'm Brian Dewhurst. Aaron Kramer. Oh man. I love it. All right. Until next time, go be uncommon. Thanks everybody. Thanks.
00:35:21
Speaker
That's all for this episode of The Uncommon Life Project, brought to you by Uncommon Wealth Partners. Be sure to visit uncommonwealth.com to learn more about our services. Don't miss an episode as we introduce you to inspiring people who are actively pursuing an uncommon life.