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Pema Chodron: On Finding Your Authentic Self
5.7k Plays7 years ago
Pema Chodron talks about how, and I'll just quote her here, "We already have everything we need. There is no need for self-improvement." Which is kind of interesting, right? Because you're listening to this podcast, I do this work because I believe in self-improvement, so why is she saying that?
She goes on to say, "All these trips that we lay on ourselves, the heavy-duty, fearing that we're bad, and hoping that we're good. The identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy, the addictions of all kinds never touch our basic wealth." So here's the key point that I want you to hear; she goes on to say, "They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun, but all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here. This is who we are. We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake."
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Transcript
Introduction to The Art of Authenticity
00:00:17
Speaker
Welcome to this week's episode of The Art of Authenticity. I'm Laura Coe, your host, and thank you so much for tuning in. Okay, guys, I have a question for
Initial Struggles with Pema Chodron's Book
00:00:26
Speaker
you. Have you checked out PEMMA, shardrone, P-E-M-A-C-H-O-D-R-O-N,
00:00:34
Speaker
If you haven't, hop over to my site, lauraco.com, COE, podcasts, and you'll see the episode live there and there'll be a link. Or just Google her and check her out on Amazon. There's a book called Start Where You Are. This book I originally was introduced to in my teacher training program for yoga.
00:00:55
Speaker
And I have to be honest, I was supposed to read the whole thing and I couldn't get past the first few chapters, which for me is unusual because this is the kind of book that I typically love and I just eat up and, you know, I'm a philosophy undergrad and graduate student and this is the kind of topic that I turn towards when I like to read a book.
00:01:14
Speaker
But this book was such a different perspective. It was such a different view of the world that it took me a while to comprehend what it was saying because my mind was so organized towards Western thought. I wanted to share just the beginning of this with you today in hopes that it would really shift your perspective in a way that it shifted mine and has helped me tremendously in my life.
Concept of Self-Sufficiency in Pema's Philosophy
00:01:38
Speaker
Pema starts off in the very first paragraph of the first page of the book with what I believe is the core concept that she continues to give you practices and tools and tips and ideas throughout the whole book. She talks about how, and I'll just quote her here, we already have everything we need. There is no need for self-improvement.
00:02:04
Speaker
Which is kind of interesting, right? Because you're listening to this podcast. I do this work because I believe in self-improvement. So why is she saying that? She goes on to say, all these trips that we lay on ourselves, the heavy duty, fearing that we're bad and hoping that we're good.
00:02:20
Speaker
the identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy, the addictions of all kinds, never touch our basic wealth. So here's the key point that I want you to hear. She goes on to say, they are like clouds that temporarily block the sun, but all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here. This is who we are.
Understanding the 'Blue Sky' Metaphor
00:02:45
Speaker
We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake.
00:02:50
Speaker
I mean, think about that, right? If you're brought up Western, Christian, Jewish, like, even if you're not brought up with any religion at all, and you're in this culture, this makes no sense to us, right? Because everything we need is out there, right? Most of us learned that there was a God, it was out there, we pray to it, we are, you know, less than, we need to have forgiveness and
00:03:16
Speaker
repent for our sins and again this isn't about the religion to me at all i've never ever wanted to get into that topic but it's such a profound idea if you start to think what if you have everything you need right now what is that even mean what is she talking about and this idea is that we look up at the sky and you see clouds.
00:03:41
Speaker
Although you might think that there's clouds in the sky, no matter what, there is always right above it, right? We go to the airport, we jump on an airplane, there is a blue sky right on the other side, and it's never gone, no matter how many clouds, no matter how much rain, there's always the blue sky. And she's suggesting this idea that perhaps our life is the same. Perhaps we are a blue sky, perhaps we
00:04:07
Speaker
never ever change in our form of perfection, that it's always sitting there, but we attach to these clouds, we attach to the thoughts and the feelings that are passing through and they're really nothing more than clouds.
Separation from Thoughts and Authenticity
00:04:26
Speaker
And the reason this was so life changing for me was it started to separate me from my thoughts. It started to help me understand, well, if I'm not those thoughts, if those are really passing by as clouds, that gives me a few opportunities.
00:04:42
Speaker
One being, I don't have to feel so bad. I don't have to feel like something's wrong with me when things aren't going the way I want, or I'm having thoughts that are negative and I'm not particularly proud of what I'm thinking, or I have fear, right? Fear of failure, fear of starting something, fear of not being enough, fear of approvals, all of these different fears are not me.
00:05:07
Speaker
So if they're not me, if they're clouds and I'm forever this solid blue sky, then I don't have to feel ashamed. I don't have to feel like what's wrong with me that I'm thinking these thoughts. And the second thing it really allowed was that if I'm not those thoughts and I am this blue sky,
00:05:30
Speaker
What is that? What does that mean to say that you're a blue sky? It took me a very, very long time to sort of contemplate this and get past, you know, she doesn't mean a soul necessarily, right? Like it's not in this Western framework. It's just such a beautiful and simple idea that our essence, right? And to me, this is the idea of authenticity, that deeper self, whatever you like to believe it is,
00:05:57
Speaker
If it's if it's a soul to you, that's great. If it's the scientific mystery of what makes us alive, you know, I don't know. It doesn't matter to me how we label it. It's just that all of us are aware that there's a deeper essence of self. There's something within us
00:06:13
Speaker
that we know to be just our truth. And if you keep it as simple as your truth and it's solid and it's blue and it's always available to you, then these clouds, these things that are not you
00:06:28
Speaker
Let them pass by like a cloud, right? Because that's the cool thing about clouds. They're always moving. They're always moving through. They're not stagnant. They're not sitting there. We like to think the problems in our life are there forever, but even the ones that stick around for a while, they are moving, although probably not as fast as we'd like them to.
Meditation and Connecting with the True Self
00:06:49
Speaker
The situations in our life that are difficult, that
00:06:52
Speaker
you know, give us a certain view of the world that is negative and we're working on that, right? Where there's the relationship that you're in that you're stuck in and you feel you're repeating the same thoughts all the time or the job that you don't want to stay in, but you're repeating the same thoughts about how you don't feel you have other options. Whatever the thing is in your life that is placing you in a cycle of thoughts, they're just clouds. They're passing through, but you're this blue sky, so authenticity
00:07:22
Speaker
Essence of self, living an authentic life is living a life from that blue sky. How do you connect to that? How do you find that? What is it? Spend some time checking out your blue sky. Try a two-minute meditation. See if you can learn to slow down the thoughts in your head. I have no relationship to Headspace, but really amazing app to start learning how
00:07:46
Speaker
to meditate. Try sitting still for two minutes and see if those thoughts can calm down. Those clouds can give you a little break so that you can peek through them and see that blue sky. The whole point of meditation is to slow down the thoughts.
00:08:03
Speaker
right? Just enough so there's space in between the thoughts so that we can locate that deeper self. I also love it if you think about a moment of awe, right? I've talked about the still point, the moment of awe, the moment where you stop because something is so beautiful or it captures your imagination at such a deep level that you're trapped in a moment of awe. You're frozen in time. You're neither, you know,
00:08:31
Speaker
moving or fixed, you're just completely in the moment, in the present. What is
Moments of Awe and True Self Connection
00:08:38
Speaker
that? That's the essence of self, right? You are fully alive. You are fully present. You're just there, a sunset, your child's laughter, whatever it is for you, that moment is your blue sky. So if you've experienced it, we all have.
00:08:56
Speaker
then you know what it is that I'm talking about. That deeper part of you that tells you you don't want to stay in the job you're in, or you know that there's something within you that you want to express, or you believe that there's a job out there that is better for you, a book that you need to write. Who is that talking to you? That's the blue sky.
00:09:16
Speaker
And when we follow that voice, that truth, in my experience, everything else in life seems to work out. And when we can separate those clouds from that blue sky, as Pema suggests,
00:09:30
Speaker
It begins this process to live your life from that deeper self. And when you're not, because trust me, like it's almost never the case that you stay there all day. You recognize it's just a cloud and you don't attach to it. So it goes, it stays, it's okay. You can have a really bad day. You can have a very bad week.
00:09:54
Speaker
You can even have a bad month because you're aware it's not you. They're just clouds and at some point they will part and you will come back to a better time. Pain or pleasure, those clouds are not self. Those are just the things passing
00:10:13
Speaker
Some days are super sunny, but that too is going to pass, right? So don't cling to the days that are blue skies because the clouds will come again. So when you can recognize the difference, there's so many powerful lessons in there, so many that I teach to my clients that have changed my life.
00:10:31
Speaker
Check out her book, Start Where You Are. Pema's amazing. If you want to even just Google her and check out some of her videos, she's a great speaker.
Engaging with Pema Chodron's Work
00:10:40
Speaker
Thank you so much for tuning in. I appreciate each and every one of you. If you want to hop over to my site, lauraatlauraco.com and listen to any of the episodes, leave comments, send me a note. I love hearing from you guys. If you have a question, please send it in.
00:10:57
Speaker
Thank you so much for tuning in and I hope you enjoyed this week's episode.
Coaching for an Authentic Life
00:11:02
Speaker
Hey, before you go, I have a quick question for you. Have you ever considered coaching? If you have no idea what coaching is, no worries. It's basically like a personalized workout program, but instead of doing a hundred squats and a million sit-ups, you're working out your mind, your well-being, and your emotions.
00:11:21
Speaker
Coaching is about setting goals and taking action to create a life that's meaningful to you. As we navigate through life and ask ourselves the tough questions, what do I want? What makes me happy? How do I build a life that works for me? Just like we talk about on the podcast, how do I have success, but have success that's authentic and meaningful? In part, the tactics play a huge role, setting goals,
00:11:52
Speaker
having priorities that make sense and making sure you're organized with your list. After running a company for 15 years, I help my clients with that all the time. But coaching takes it even further. We remove all that stuff.
00:12:07
Speaker
all those mental obstacles that get in your way when you're trying to make those tough life choices. If that sounds interesting to you, come on over to loracode.com, click on the contact form and send me a note, or at the bottom of the homepage, you'll see a button where you can click and set up a call with me. Just like that, it's free. We'll chat, we'll find out what's going on and see if it makes sense for me to help you out. No strings attached.
00:12:34
Speaker
I hope to hear from you, and again, thank you so much for tuning in. I really value each and every one of you.