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A Very Special (Re)Episode
297 Plays2 years ago
Our Multiverse bit has suddenly become relevant again. Join Dearborn Ali, Doublewide Ryan, GoMichiganButtBoy, and Kevin Grech's Wife's Boyfriend as they discuss who they think should replace God in Ann Arbor.
(This was originally recorded as part of Episode 3 so the reasons for Jeem's departure are outdated, but the list of candidates definitely aren't)
Recommended
Transcript
Podcast Introduction and Topic Overview
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi everybody and welcome to The Search, a podcast on the Michigan football coaching search that isn't going to happen because Jim Harbaugh is not going anywhere and he did nothing wrong.
00:00:14
Speaker
I'm Dearborn Ali, I am alumni of the University of Michigan-Dearborn and I am a super fan.
00:00:21
Speaker
I am GoMichiganButBoy69 and I live in a double wide.
00:00:27
Speaker
I am Wolvie Ryan.
00:00:29
Speaker
I definitely am not white trash.
00:00:32
Speaker
And I am Kevin Grex, wife's boyfriend who went to the University of Michigan.
00:00:38
Speaker
And and all that that implies.
00:00:42
Speaker
Well, anyways, we're all here because we're recording an emergency podcast because the whole world is coming out against us because we're a program that plays it by the book, and people are just jealous, just haters, haters, haters like me.
Defense of Jim Harbaugh and Michigan Program
00:00:58
Speaker
We have literally never done anything wrong in our lives.
00:01:01
Speaker
The Washington Post, that rad, that piece of yellow journalism just coming out.
00:01:06
Speaker
Fucking liberal media.
00:01:09
Speaker
I'd much rather listen to somebody who's reputable like Trevor McHugh.
00:01:13
Speaker
He definitely knows what he's talking about.
00:01:15
Speaker
Clay Travis believes in us.
00:01:22
Speaker
You guys have all, you've all kept up to date with Brian's most recent offerings on M-Globe blog, right?
00:01:27
Speaker
And there are several.
00:01:27
Speaker
Is that a boy?
00:01:31
Speaker
Yes, it is.
00:01:32
Speaker
And I think that's it.
00:01:35
Speaker
I think we circled the wagons.
00:01:36
Speaker
I think that we, the leaders and the best deserve this.
00:01:41
Speaker
better than this treatment that we're experiencing right now to be both academically superior and athletically superior to everyone.
00:01:50
Speaker
It's astounding to me that anyone's not giving us the benefit of the doubt at the moment.
00:01:56
Speaker
I think like by the rules, unlike a little brother in East Lansing and the fucking Buckeye scum, pooping coolers and totally haven't owned her ass in two decades.
00:02:11
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, they're just jealous of a little bit of success.
00:02:14
Speaker
We've been – we're reaching heights that no other program has ever reached before, and they're just jealous.
00:02:20
Speaker
I mean, like, sign stealing, everybody does that, man.
00:02:24
Speaker
Like, everybody does it.
00:02:26
Speaker
Like, I steal signs.
00:02:28
Speaker
I have an I-69 sign in my living room.
00:02:30
Speaker
I stole that.
00:02:31
Speaker
Everyone does it.
00:02:32
Speaker
It's fine.
00:02:34
Speaker
And even if they didn't, it's so much less bad than doing shit like selling your own memorabilia for a couple tattoos.
00:02:43
Speaker
That's the worst thing I've ever heard anyone do.
00:02:46
Speaker
But yeah, anyways, the whole world is just like coming out against us.
00:02:49
Speaker
And they're
Hypothetical Coaching Replacements Discussion
00:02:50
Speaker
saying this like crap, like Jim Harbaugh is going to leave.
00:02:52
Speaker
And he's not going to leave because Jim Harbaugh's never done anything wrong.
00:02:56
Speaker
Ward Manuel will never fire Jim Harbaugh.
00:02:59
Speaker
Like...
00:03:01
Speaker
whatever, but I mean, we're a podcast and a fan base that plays 4D chess, so we have to think of all of the possibilities.
00:03:11
Speaker
So we're going to go over who we think would replace Jim Harbaugh, keep the momentum going, get us a world championship, dominate the world, lead us into war and battle,
00:03:28
Speaker
if he were to leave, but he's not going to leave, but if he were to leave, we want to go over who we think should replace God.
00:03:40
Speaker
I heard that Jason candle guy from Toledo is pretty good.
00:03:42
Speaker
Oh yeah.
00:03:43
Speaker
He already knows what it's like to be in yellow and blue, right?
00:03:49
Speaker
I'm a big fan of culture hires.
00:03:51
Speaker
So I got two guys.
00:03:52
Speaker
Um, that would be perfect.
00:03:54
Speaker
The first one is the MSU scoreboard operator from last Saturday.
00:03:58
Speaker
He would make Edwards feel at home with his glitches.
00:04:03
Speaker
And the second one is a guy who I think would be perfect.
00:04:06
Speaker
They would even build a statue of an actor given our track record, and that'd be Jerry Sandusky.
00:04:14
Speaker
We have never done anything like that.
00:04:17
Speaker
But if we were to, we'd fill a statue of the guy who covered up himself and defend
Endorsement of Ron English and Humorous Suggestions
00:04:22
Speaker
it.
00:04:22
Speaker
And we'd do all those quick things.
00:04:24
Speaker
Those are my two choices.
00:04:26
Speaker
Bo did nothing wrong.
00:04:28
Speaker
That DJ Durkin guy would be a great hire, too.
00:04:30
Speaker
I mean, he's got past coaching experience in Michigan.
00:04:34
Speaker
I feel like that'd be a great idea.
00:04:35
Speaker
Yeah, and he works his players really hard.
00:04:39
Speaker
At the University of Michigan, we're about work ethicists.
00:04:43
Speaker
Speaking of past coaching experience at the University of Michigan, I actually used to follow them for an outlet that you may have read, the Free Press.
00:04:52
Speaker
I was the beat writer and columnist and editor and president of that publication.
00:04:58
Speaker
But then I left to take a better job at the Washington Post, we'll say, or something like that, where I am working to make sure that this isn't covered anymore.
00:05:07
Speaker
I left around 2013-ish, and I have got to tell you, based on my experience in Michigan up until that time, I proposed to you Ron English as the next University of Michigan football coach.
00:05:25
Speaker
The man has...
00:05:27
Speaker
grit.
00:05:28
Speaker
He's got tenacity.
00:05:29
Speaker
He spent years with us.
00:05:31
Speaker
He's a true Michigan man.
00:05:34
Speaker
Sure, he may have actually gone to Berkeley, but that's not important.
00:05:38
Speaker
I think he's seen the light there.
00:05:40
Speaker
And he's not afraid to call out shitbirds when he sees them.
00:05:43
Speaker
Apparently, over and over again is what it says here on the wiki.
00:05:46
Speaker
That's why he got fired, because he said shitbird, especially plentifully.
00:05:51
Speaker
Anyway, that is my recommendation.
00:05:55
Speaker
I actually have an off-the-board one.
00:05:58
Speaker
He's 6-1 right now, or 6-2.
00:06:01
Speaker
He is transitioning the team up from FCS, and he has some ties to the University of Michigan.
00:06:09
Speaker
I present to you, Rich Rodriguez, at Jacksonville State.
00:06:14
Speaker
I'm sure he'll be willing to take the upgrade to the best program in America.
00:06:19
Speaker
Just as long as he gets his players in, right?
00:06:21
Speaker
He needs to have his players.
00:06:23
Speaker
I heard that Brady Ho guy is pretty good at San Diego State.
00:06:26
Speaker
What's his record right now?
00:06:29
Speaker
He went back there.
00:06:31
Speaker
He never got fired anywhere, so, you know, should work out fine.
00:06:36
Speaker
As a Michigan fan, I believe the last name, Rodriguez, is too culturally insensitive for this program.
00:06:42
Speaker
I prefer David Duke.
00:06:45
Speaker
Really, really?
00:06:48
Speaker
On the subject of Rich Rod, interesting note there, I've also been his wife's boyfriend as well.
00:06:56
Speaker
And she was, she was not content.
00:07:02
Speaker
I'll just say that.
00:07:04
Speaker
Have you ever been in a situation where you were
00:07:12
Speaker
In relations with another man.
00:07:15
Speaker
Oh, you know all about this.
00:07:16
Speaker
You know about relations with another man's wife.
00:07:19
Speaker
So then what do you think about Les Miles?
00:07:34
Speaker
Again, we're the ethical standard in college football.
Criticism of Media and Michigan's Integrity Defense
00:07:40
Speaker
at the University of Michigan.
00:07:41
Speaker
Leaders in best.
00:07:43
Speaker
Leaders in best.
00:07:44
Speaker
We only have the biggest cheating scandal in basketball history, the biggest cheating scandal in football history now, and the biggest SEC of the W's cover-up in college history.
00:07:53
Speaker
We're doing great.
00:07:55
Speaker
Go Blue!
00:07:55
Speaker
No, all of those are just lies peddled by liberal media, by the liberal Washington Post.
00:08:02
Speaker
If you need to hear the truth, you need to listen to
00:08:07
Speaker
To the Michigan podcast.
00:08:09
Speaker
Yeah, Steve Deak is actually where I get all my coaches from.
00:08:15
Speaker
David Parker Carlson, I have never been led with.
00:08:20
Speaker
He was correct today when he said they needed to, I mean, he basically made it sound like they need another January 6th, except this time just defending Michigan football.
00:08:28
Speaker
So, you know, that was, he was spot on today.
00:08:31
Speaker
That thread, you know.
00:08:34
Speaker
Great thread.
00:08:34
Speaker
I recommend you go read his thread on Twitter today.
00:08:37
Speaker
The Patriots need to go take Schembechler Hall.
00:08:43
Speaker
Yeah, we need to organize a movement of Michigan Patriots in front of the Big Ten office in Chicago.
00:08:53
Speaker
I have been reading this Michigan Manifesto.
00:08:55
Speaker
It's about 600 pages, but it is a... Which one?
00:08:59
Speaker
The one by the Clown of Stallions or the one by the Minibomber?
00:09:03
Speaker
All I know is that all of my phone calls now have a slight delay before they connect ever since I've downloaded this thing.
00:09:13
Speaker
And they've got some interesting ideas about Gretchen Wittner.
00:09:16
Speaker
But other than that, pretty good material in there.
00:09:21
Speaker
All right.
00:09:22
Speaker
Well, I think we've come.
00:09:24
Speaker
Wait.
00:09:25
Speaker
Before, I just want to make sure everyone knows that Harbaugh did nothing wrong.
00:09:30
Speaker
Agreed.
00:09:30
Speaker
But if there were people that did something wrong, it would be Sharon Moore and Mike Hart and DeJuan Howard.
00:09:37
Speaker
and other people that complex them.
00:09:40
Speaker
Ron Bellamy.
00:09:41
Speaker
Ron Bellamy, yes.
00:09:42
Speaker
Yep.
00:09:42
Speaker
Ron Bellamy.
00:09:43
Speaker
Ward Manuel.
00:09:45
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:09:45
Speaker
Ward Manuel, definitely.
00:09:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:47
Speaker
Harbaugh did nothing wrong.
00:09:48
Speaker
He doesn't know anything about what's going on in the program.
00:09:52
Speaker
He doesn't know.
00:09:52
Speaker
This is all happening with among – if there's anything happening at all.
Final Affirmations of Harbaugh's Security
00:09:58
Speaker
If there's anything happening at all.
00:09:59
Speaker
It's a nothing burger.
00:10:00
Speaker
But if there is anything happening, it's going to be these low-level assistants that are just –
00:10:07
Speaker
volunteers for the program.
00:10:09
Speaker
He never asked them to do, nothing wrong happened.
00:10:11
Speaker
The 97.1 caller who called into Jansen and Stoney this morning and said Harbaugh, the Harbaugh family is the most, Jim Harbaugh is the most, has the most integrity of anybody in the state of Michigan.
00:10:23
Speaker
Spot on caller this morning.
00:10:25
Speaker
Great, great call, buddy.
00:10:26
Speaker
That was huge.
00:10:28
Speaker
He learned it all from, I don't know if you guys, how close you are to the program, but Shemi, fantastic guy.
00:10:35
Speaker
If you get to meet him, again, similar ideas to the Michigan Manifesto that I've been reading, but just like a straight shooter, and Jim's a huge fan, and so am I. Also a casual fit.
00:10:49
Speaker
Also.
00:10:51
Speaker
So, guys, I think we've kind of covered it.
00:10:54
Speaker
Jim Harbaugh is not going anywhere.
00:10:56
Speaker
But if he is, which he's not, he's definitely not because nothing wrong happened.
00:11:01
Speaker
We got a bunch of – If he does go anywhere, which he's not, there's a bunch of great guys, great cultural fits ready to step up and take that mantle and lead Michigan into the promised land and to the White House.
00:11:20
Speaker
So anyways, that's it for the search, a podcast on the Michigan non-search for its next football coach.
00:11:30
Speaker
I'm Dearborn Ali.
00:11:33
Speaker
I'm going Michigan, but boy 69.
00:11:36
Speaker
Wolvie Ryan.
00:11:38
Speaker
And Kevin Grek and also Rich Rodriguez's wife's boyfriend.