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Episode 032: Ugly Insides, Corpse Flowers, West Hollywood Floods
14 Plays7 days ago
Caffeinated bodies make for breaking news and a lot of energy! Your favorite hosts Anya B Hynz and Dasha are dropping important information right into your earholes —— mostly having to do with why sharks need to keep swimming.
Dom and Dommer is about two friends who talk about everything under the sun and over the moon. We're not only global, we're interstellar. We're also local. Right at your backdoor. We talk about the dumb and the profound. The high and low. So strap in and strap on.
Follow Us @anyabhynz & @dashafayv
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Transcript
Random Phrases and Introduction Humor
00:00:14
Speaker
Oh, okay. This isn't Do like it? Yeah, this isn't bad. Do you want to lower? Do we like that there's a lot of top?
00:00:22
Speaker
there's ah There's a lot of tops. there's Oh, oh. No, that we can but we can put the words there. Where? Big words over here. Tops wanted. Subscribe Now.
00:00:36
Speaker
topps wanted subscribe now now Okay, well, anyway, hello. Hey, everybody. Wait, what the fuck is this? Hold on.
00:00:46
Speaker
What is this called? Huh?
00:00:53
Speaker
Sorry if you just got blown out on the speakers It's a roulette every episode This is what makes us special, unique, and original honey Honey, if you don't get your ears blown out By us, we're not doing our jobs I'm here to blow out eardrums i I've heard that and more um I love actually that you put this hat on I feel like we look so cute you do look cute I like this outfit we look but we look like we're going to two different parties yes we both we both time traveled yes but we just we got mixed up where are you from I oh what am I from I'm i'm giving like 1969 huh would say 1869 I
00:01:41
Speaker
huh i would say eighteen sixty nine
Fashion Eras and Pop Culture References
00:01:44
Speaker
Oh, okay. Well, girl, you're giving definitely 1869. I'm giving kangaroo realness. I'm giving We're Not Straight in the Outback. I'm giving you Mad Max's hello. That's what I'm giving. I'm giving you a hat. I'm giving you little rodeo. That's what I'm giving. You are Kangaroo Jack. That's right.
00:02:01
Speaker
What happens in that movie? I was i thought you were going to say, what happened to Kangaroo Jack? happened to Kangaroo Jack? Yeah, does anyone remember? Is he still alive? Alive and well. Oh, my God. Kicking it. Yeah. Sadly, ah no longer kangaroo.
00:02:17
Speaker
Just a real boy now? Just a real boy now. He lost his powers. That's right. Which I think was the plot. Yeah, the plot was a little boy became a kangaroo and they called him Kangaroo Jack. And he just bounced around Australia.
00:02:32
Speaker
And then he lost his powers and he just became a regular boy. And it's pretty sad. Yeah. Because we all want to maintain our powers. People actually don't know this about kangaroos. In their pouch, they have like a special gem that like turns them into like half kangaroo, half human, Kangaroo Jack. And ah when someone steals that gem. Right.
00:02:58
Speaker
they lose their powers. It's kind of like that Disney Channel movie with the mermaid guy that he was like a swimmer. He's like, why am I good at swimming? And yes, the 13th year. Yeah.
00:03:10
Speaker
Oh, God. Hey, open up the schools. Open up the schools. We need our education back because is what you're going to get if you don't open up those schools. If we're banning books, we need to bring back the Disney Channel original movies in full flow.
00:03:27
Speaker
That's a great slogan. We can ban books as long as you bring back Disney Channel original movies. Yeah. And no more of this like enchanted, what are the just descendant bullshit? I see there's like 15 of these movies now. They're like descended, descended four, descended enchanted. Descended, we all descend down a staircase. Descended, we're all dying tonight.
00:03:47
Speaker
We get it. You had a hit. Mom, I'm thinking of something else. We got a new it's giving very Disney Channel X-Men like... Oh, my God. Yeah. You know, it's like, ah why do they have these like powers? And it's all related to fairy tales. And I'm like, stay in your lane. You know, i like... if There's a big message today. It's...
00:04:10
Speaker
You find your box and you stay in that box. And you don't think about going to other boxes, expanding your box, changing the shape.
00:04:22
Speaker
That's what's going to make you likable. Yes. Marketable. Yes. And diabolical. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Stay in your fucking box. Don't you dare get out of that lane or that box.
00:04:35
Speaker
Oh.
00:04:40
Speaker
If we do, this is how we, this is our thing now. I think if we give people real advice that they could use in the real world, I think it would really be helpful. We're going to like take off now. Absolutely. Okay. Stay in your box like we are. I mean, look at us. We're in we're currently in a box. We're not doing anything untoward or different. Right. And it's actually a circles right back to what don't you got to be a mermaid or a man. You got to be a kangaroo or you got to be Jack. Life is a binary. Yes.
Student Loans and Tax Evasion Jokes
00:05:06
Speaker
Yeah. Life is a binary. I think. Life is a binary. thought you were going And I'll. All night long. That is fucked up. Listen, the world's fucked up. We're just giving you things you could really just following along.
00:05:25
Speaker
We're just following orders. We're following orders. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome, by the way. Please don't come after us. that You know, the government already turned back on my ah student loans, so I can't get deeper on the bad side. Tell me more. What do you mean? I was like I've been getting emails like the government federal government is like hey remember when they like pause your student loans because of covid and chaos well the world is better now right so we're initiating it back on reminder you have twenty seven thousand dollars still needing to pay so okay work sorry sucks
00:06:05
Speaker
dude i'm i'm really sorry that sucks Um, I mean, hey, I'm definitely not the only one. So I'm just gonna. Well, you know what you can do? I heard that there's a way to to get away from that. do um What are your feelings about like, ah ah you know, faking your own identity and becoming a completely different person? Yeah, I did think about that. i was like If I moved, if I did what like, like it was Shakira, right? That like moved to Spain, did like tax evasion. chikira Shakira, Shakira.
00:06:37
Speaker
Mm hmm. Yeah, but here's the thing. Shakira can afford lawyers that will be like, that's not tax evasion, honey. That's smart planning. You know? She's got enough lawyers to do that. What you should do is you should Mrs. Doubtfire yourself.
00:06:49
Speaker
o I kind of feel like I did today. But... um If this was Mrs. Doubtfire, those kids would be freaking Run. fuck out I do. OK, also, you you bring up kids. And i in this moment, I was thinking, I kind of look like I was going i was going for Austin Powers' evil, ugly stepsister.
00:07:08
Speaker
But I feel like I also look like Mary Poppins' evil,
Fashion Critiques and Personal Appearance Banter
00:07:13
Speaker
ugly stepsister. You keep saying ugly. Nothing about this is ugly. Um, yeah, but like she's ugly in the inside. that's Well, you know what? That I won't argue with. You're fucking disgusting on the inside. i know you. i am. Horrible, deplorable on the inside. well you you go we got to scrub you out, girl.
00:07:34
Speaker
Yep, that's the rumors on the street. I would be honored to scrub you out, girl. From the inside out. Oh, yeah.
00:07:47
Speaker
I'm just picturing you. This would be for the Patreon, but I'm just picturing you with like like a toilet brush. Just and then doing this too.
00:07:59
Speaker
That's a great visual. And I will have to say, correct. I think size-wise, makes sense. Makes sense to me. I mean, I wouldn't like snake drain you because I don't think you've got hair in there anything. Girl.
00:08:11
Speaker
What? Would you? You? What? Imagine. You get snake drained. Yeah, honey Get on all fours. I'm going to drain you. He snake drained me, honey.
00:08:24
Speaker
And I did. And that is, oh this is the look. Like I would be wearing this exact outfit doing that. You look, yeah you look like you you would snake drain me right now Yeah, absolutely. Yeehaw. And also, i would tell you all about the things I'm doing, like and all the animals and everything. because I'm basically Irwin.
00:08:42
Speaker
Yeah. He was not Christian, if I believe. Well, God rest his soul.
00:08:52
Speaker
The Christian God rest his soul. Yeah. Yeah. Right. You know, well, like. But if he's dead. Yeah. but No, we know. We know. You've checked. um Reporting in Kangaroo Jack and Steve Irwin.
00:09:08
Speaker
What? But I never got to tell them how much they meant to me. You didn't? You didn't send the fan mail? I sent them a box of my dirty underwear.
00:09:22
Speaker
And you kept that in a box. I had four cups of coffee this morning, you guys. You have no idea what happened to me. haven't had haded coffee in a long time and then took, like, basically chain drink four cups. I'm on Mars right now. I don't know where we are. this is not a room.
00:09:36
Speaker
My eyesight is pin-hold. Imagine if we could like do VFX. We can. And be like, whoa, where am i Let's cut to a VFX. Whoa! Whoa! Oh, my God, a shooting star.
00:09:51
Speaker
And we have all this room up here for text. For text, girl. All that room for text. God, so good.
Caffeine, Corpse Flowers, and FOMO
00:10:00
Speaker
um I do feel like we were talking about caffeine earlier and before we started. Because we do that. We talk before. We are not just casual friends on camera. We talk outside. We're not just casual friends on camera. We're intimate friends Oh, my God. And I sneaked you good. Continue. Okay. um Yeah. So... ah
00:10:23
Speaker
um I feel like the caffeine was one thing and it was like bubbling. And then to put the camera on to we're filming this episode today to put the camera on then and look at ourselves talking. Yeah. I feel like the caffeine does something crazy to me.
00:10:37
Speaker
Yeah. I do act up. I do act a fool. I sure do. I think for me it's like I have to keep moving like a shark.
00:10:50
Speaker
Right. die. Is that sharks die if they stop moving? Yeah, famously. No way. And is that, what's that about? What's that about? Yeah.
00:11:01
Speaker
They're just assholes. Like. They just want to be cool. Like, what makes them, why? Like. Well, I'll make sure to find out. But they definitely, that's like a known fact about them, that they always have to keep moving. Otherwise, it maybe it's like, that's how they get air in their lungs, probably.
00:11:18
Speaker
Like, in their gills. Okay, the movement, yeah. The movement? The movement of the the body. Oh. Like a shark. This is, I remember now, yeah um because we're, you know, National Geographic fish. um Did you see and hear about the the famous double a corpse flower at Huntington Beach? Huntington Beach.
00:11:48
Speaker
At the Huntington Gardens ah blossomed. coming to you tonight. Yes. Two giant corpse flowers on Huntington Beach. Is it a real corpse or is it a flower? We will never know. Back to your regular schedule of programming of flooding in West Hollywood. Yes.
00:12:10
Speaker
Wait, Huntington Gardens, two corpse flowers are about to bloom. They did. Wait, they did? They already did? It's a sad story for me um because I, this was last Sunday and I was going to go. I had it like in the cards. I was like, I was actually going to pick up Heidi from the airport and then go directly to Huntington Gardens.
00:12:36
Speaker
See these corpse flowers. I was tired. I'm trying to think why. Because we went and hung out that morning. And you went out the night before.
00:12:48
Speaker
There we go. um Thank you. See, you really do remember and like you have cognitive function. Cognitive? No, it's because I was so shocked that you were willing to meet me so early in the morning for breakfast after being like, oh, I'm going out. i'm like, you're going out till like 3 a.m. Are you sure you want to get breakfast with me?
00:13:06
Speaker
Yeah. Well... One, I wanted to see you because I didn't want to only see you next when we were doing this. Right. um I was worried about your skin.
00:13:19
Speaker
um and ah I wanted to, like, have a little breakfast date, you know? I love that you're worried about my skin. our relationship flourishing, fresh, funky. You did ask me to go to the corp flower with you. And I was like, i don't think I need to be. I don't think I can be outside next to pollen. At the time, I didn't know what was going on with my skin. So I was like, maybe I shouldn't be near a thing that only blooms once every seven years and smells like a corpse. um And so what's about what's it for you? Like, what's the thing that makes you really want to smell it, baby? Also, your ass is vibrating right now.
00:13:56
Speaker
ah That wasn't my ass. That was the phone. But I'm glad. lying. I know it's your ass. ass was doing it, too. I know what you got in there. Yeah, i was just excited because, you know, it's a rare flower. And, like, they only bloom every so often. It's not, like, casual bloom from these plants. So, but sad story continues because they bloomed.
00:14:16
Speaker
The place didn't post about it until that evening. I went, so I didn't end up going. i could have I could have literally been there in the moments that it was unfurling.
00:14:30
Speaker
Didn't go see that thing post ah late that night. Like, oh, we saw our flowers bloom. Next day, droves of people, drones, droves of people. whoa All the way down. I didn't even know how big that um property was.
00:14:50
Speaker
Place filled. Like switchbacks to see these flowers. And they're only they only bloom, I think, for like two days. Not even, maybe. So, like, that was it And I just i felt so much FOMO. I don't feel FOMO a lot, but that...
00:15:06
Speaker
Really got me. I'll be honest. I thought it blooms a lot because I've heard about this thing so many times like during the years that I've lived in L.A. that I'm like, oh, they must bloom like every two years. But then you're saying it's seven or something.
00:15:20
Speaker
Um, well, I guess I don't know for sure. I thought they bloom. I thought it's like a rare bloom, or a rare flower, rare bloom. Um, but flower, rare bloom, rare flower, rare bloom, rare flower, rare bloom, rare flower, rare bloom.
00:15:40
Speaker
My friend Jackie told me that it's a great way to catch serial killers. What is The quartz flower. you see who's been like stalking it for like who's like desperate to get in there to smell it? Like, I need to smell this quartz. It's like somebody here who wants to fuck a dead body.
00:15:57
Speaker
I guess. No, no. No, no, you know. No, I'm like, I i mean, i guess I don't know why certain people want to go see this flower. I want to see it. The the smell factor is just something interesting.
00:16:14
Speaker
It's more of the rarity and the like big crazy nature of what this flower looks like. The smell is just a secondary like, oh, wow. Okay. And it smells like corpse. But, um but. Oh,
00:16:28
Speaker
whoa it's not like it's in the name or anything yeah yeah but they did on the news they were like interviewing people in line and asking them what they thought it smelled like and it was kind of 50 50 like some people think it smells like rotting flesh but then some people think it smells like i don't know just like other types of dead or garbagey things And to that I say, whoever said it doesn't smell like a corpse, check those people's homes.
00:17:02
Speaker
Just see what's going on. Just check. Do a wellness check. Figure it out. Yeah. nancy What's going on in there, Nancy? We're on the lookout still. Well, I guess they aren't, but.
00:17:14
Speaker
No, they caught Nancy.
00:17:18
Speaker
They Oh, it was my phone that was going off. Oh, okay. Anyway. What's going off? I think we should take a break, check how many times the corpse flower blooms and how rare the flower is. Oh, and why sharks need to keep moving. And why sharks need to keep moving. Because we know they do have to. We don't know why. Yeah. So we'll get right back with all of those things.
00:17:40
Speaker
Keep it twisted. All that space for text.
00:18:00
Speaker
Breaking news. I'm right about fucking everything. You are. Oh, you're right about everything. You remember everything. You process things. You're describing an elephant.
00:18:13
Speaker
In the room.
Disney Movies and Cultural Observations
00:18:15
Speaker
in yeah africa In the room, bitch. You know. Yeah, you are describing Elf in the Room.
00:18:25
Speaker
And we got to talk about it. Do I kind of look like... um Willy Wonka? Princess Diana? No. yeah Babe, I love you to death. You're one of my favorite people ever know. When I do this.
00:18:39
Speaker
Especially when you do this. You do not look like... When did Princess Diana have three lids and like beautiful long lashes? She never wore big, big lashes.
00:18:51
Speaker
Okay. And she also didn't have big lips. And she wasn't Portuguese. And more importantly, never wore that. And not a man.
00:19:02
Speaker
You said it All right. And in other news, um sharks do need to survive. um Well, we know that. But... ah God, i need you to teach children. I literally put you in school. but Put you. Stay in a box and sharks need to survive. yeah's Great. I like it. um And they do that by always moving because of oxygen and what was other thing?
00:19:31
Speaker
No, I want you to keep going. Oxygen and um floating. Because they don't have what? Feet and arms.
00:19:42
Speaker
I think they said like a bloat bladder or something. They call it a bloat bladder or something. A float bladder? i don't know. Basically, it's something that fish have that helps them float. Sharks don't have it. So they have to keep moving in order to not sink to the ground.
00:19:57
Speaker
Damn. Damn. You know what? That's like a metaphor of life, really. Yeah. Oh, and the Huntington Garden, the corpse flower, it blooms every two to three years in California. You're welcome. That's why I keep hearing about it, because it is, in fact, being like, you know, that's why. Can I give me just one I got to put this shit on. Someone keeps blowing me up, and i this never happens. No one ever texts me. Oh. Do not disturb.
00:20:20
Speaker
ringing outside. doing ski inside. doing ski inside.
00:20:30
Speaker
Yeah. Crazy stuff. Yeah. Yeah.
00:20:37
Speaker
I was either going to bring up the West Hollywood flooding. We did mention it. Oh my God. Crazy. That looked crazy. Crazy. i could, I was saying this to somebody.
00:20:48
Speaker
All I could think about is my grandmother. She does not live here, but, um, Anytime things like this happen, it goes right back to the Bible.
00:20:58
Speaker
And it's very like, um you know, we have the fires. Now we have the floods. It's written. It's in the scripture. um You know. Yeah, um so some might say it's um because environment is being fucking drilled and killed and destroyed. But we could also go with Bible. yeah Speaking of drilled and killed, um the lands that they opened, what was it, like 70 million or even more than that? Acres? Yeah.
00:21:29
Speaker
I'm like, great. What's his name? ah Roosevelt Eisenhower? Rolling in their graves. Yeah. It's Roosevelt. He's the one that established the national parks. But but he also did some real fucked up shit. I was reading about it. It was some fucked up shit. He also did Roosevelt. Yeah. Yeah. Like he did the parks, but then he did. Oh, no, no, no, no. It was like the Park Association or something. I'm not going I'm not going to this. Because I don't know and i don't want to say anything that's wrong. but Great. We love parks. ah Parks are great. um
00:22:02
Speaker
But yeah, it's fucked. I mean, come on. He he he could not care. That man is going to die in like six years. He's like, I don't give a fuck. Open it. He doesn't care. He couldn't care less. All he wants is to die before we find out that he fucked a bunch of kids, which we already know. And he just wants to go out, you know, doing that. And as he said himself, he's going to hell. He knows he's going to hell.
00:22:23
Speaker
He's going to hell. That's fine. I fucking hate him. Yeah. I'm. Yeah. like Speaking of. Hell. Yeah. Yeah. Hell. um How was ah your fourth? I know it's been a ah minute from from then, but. Yeah. I didn't do anything.
00:22:40
Speaker
I didn't do anything for the fourth. OK. I just stay home. I didn't feel like celebrating 250 years of bullshit with. I for the past like four years and ah not the first during the first administration now during this one. i I have nothing to celebrate. So.
00:22:55
Speaker
Not that like there is much to celebrate, I guess, when it's someone else is in the White House, but it's just like I feel really bad. i don't feel very proud. so Yeah, i I feel that. i When I went back home, I specifically was like, I want to be in New England for the 4th, yada, yada.
00:23:15
Speaker
And there were moments where I was like, okay, this is a little too insurrection-y for me. It's like a little too... You know, um your mom needs to stop asking you to scale buildings like you can't do that every time you go home. You got to stop. Stop trying to break into government buildings on the East Coast. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's more so of like.
00:23:37
Speaker
Like my my like hometown hometown did like a thing and when I rolled through there i was like, oh I forgot how like kind of red redneck this area is. um And then I would like stop at like liquor stores to grab like Aperol spritz and there's like at least two guys in Trump hats and I was like.
00:23:57
Speaker
Okay, like, I, you know. they're Like, why don't you get some whiskey like a real man? Yeah. Yeah, Aperol Spritz. How about you Aperol Spritz my asshole? Am I right? Oh, okay.
00:24:09
Speaker
I'd be like, sir, I mean. I'm offering it. Yeah. And the truth is, I would offer it. And I bet that they would take it, and I bet they would be better for it, and I bet they wouldn't be as mean after They'd probably love you eating their ass. Oh, my God. They fucking beg for it. They beg for it with their eyes. They're like, someone offer it.
00:24:30
Speaker
Who? the All the like, listen, we all know that a man's evil is in their ass and we just got to get it out however we can. That is truly what the G spot is. Yeah.
00:24:42
Speaker
Yeah. It's the God spot. It's the God spot. you touch it, they finally get the God. That's true. I mean, that's normally what you scream. Oh, God, because you met God and you became a better person for it. Yeah. Oh, my God. Is this a theory we could really put out there?
00:25:00
Speaker
I think so. I mean, we believe in everything these days, so... I do believe in everything these days. Right? I do believe it. Right? well you went So you went home, you spent time with your family, you were around a bunch of Trumpers. do you um Yeah, not not a bunch, but... but um A few. You know, it's the same thing when you're like when you drive out of LA and you're like, I'm going to go drive to San Francisco. You hit those patches that you're like, oh, okay...
00:25:31
Speaker
Here? in the middle of nowhere? It's always here. It's always there. yeah it's everywhere. yeah Here, there, everywhere. It is.
Fourth of July and Cultural Identity
00:25:42
Speaker
And you know what? As much as it sucks, I don't know what I'm doing here. um You are doing a podcast with your friend.
00:25:54
Speaker
I was going to call you my gay best friend, but I guess that's me. No, I am your gay best friend.
00:26:01
Speaker
I am your gay best friend. Why can't you say that? Oh, okay. Well, I didn't know if that was like, you know, the full terminology that i Well, you don't think I'm gay at all. I think that you... we first First you go, you're not gay at all. And then you go, oh my God, you're a I thought you'd be a full butch lesbian by now. And then and then and then you're like, i thought i thought you should be put to death. And he said that to me one time.
00:26:26
Speaker
He said it to me when no one was listening. He went, I think. And I went, oh my god, that's so harsh. And you said, that's what you deserve, bitch. That's the kind of attitude we're working with. OK, interesting, because you definitely said that like 10 minutes ago. but And who's going to believe you?
00:26:45
Speaker
Who's going to believe you? And I'm a little girl. listen we're both little girls we are well little girls i will say this hat is giving little you honestly that's what it's giving it's giving little girl that's about to do um one of those like coming out balls in the winter oh yes oh my god you're giving anna karenina that's what you're fucking giving you're giving anna karenina come on with this fur hat with this little thing you're giving anna karenina come on um and a karinina Just don't go by any trains. Anna Karenina. It's like ah she she does Wicked.
00:27:22
Speaker
Anna Karenina. She's too sad to do Wicked. She'd be crying the whole time. She's not going to be doing that. She'll serve you some good food. Is Anna Karenina still alive?
00:27:34
Speaker
Anna Karen is a fictional character who was never alive. And she did, in fact, very but like famously dies really tragically in those books. book Books if you split into two tomes.
00:27:50
Speaker
Old Testament or New?
00:27:55
Speaker
New.
00:27:57
Speaker
Anna Karenina, Anna Karenina, Anna Karenina. So I look like a no ton of dead fantastical women. Just one, Anna Karenina. Oh, but like Willy Wonka's not a woman.
00:28:11
Speaker
So I do not feel Willy Wonka-y at all. I just keep saying it. I think it's the hat. Yeah. I think it's the hat. And here's the other thing. I kind of have a thing for Willy Wonka. And you know how I feel about you and drag.
00:28:24
Speaker
I become a a gross person where I'm touching you inappropriately and I keep sexualizing you and I'm trying to not do that. my God. I thought that was you. That was the pillow. Jesus Christ. like There's like a hand coming out of my ass. I thought I'm like, what is this fur? Oh, pillow.
00:28:39
Speaker
Oh, um I do I think we've talked about this on the pod but I do have a thing for Willy Wonka only when it was Timothee Chalamet yeah well that's because you have a thing for Timothee Chalamet yeah but it's like I don't have a tim i don't have a thing for Timothee Chalamet in like any other movie except for Willy Wonka not Dune i I caught a little bit of Dune somewhere somehow was not doing it for me What about Bones and All when he played a cannibal?
00:29:12
Speaker
probably and Probably wouldn't. I don't want like Dirty Dusty. He wasn't Dirty Dusty. Oh, well, sounds dirty dusty. You say humans. Okay, well. What about Call Me By Your Name?
00:29:26
Speaker
Even that? I'm like, okay, maybe like a little bit, but he just looks like a normal a normal boy. You don't like Twinks, do you? um in certain ways. situations, settings, attire, clearly, if they're dressed like Willy Wonka.
00:29:43
Speaker
Okay. You like a twink who dresses like Willy Wonka, and you said at a certain time. What kind of time? Like 12 o'clock in the afternoon? What's the time on that? um I don't know. i But you have, yeah, I'm realizing I i am, i do like a TPT.
00:30:03
Speaker
What's a TPT? A time period twink. Oh, fuck. Wait, you love the TikTok of that guy that that like is lives in like an old school house that like shows you how to use like a gramophone or whatever the fuck you know I'm talking about.
00:30:19
Speaker
Yes, I think so. I probably do like that. like blew up on TikTok and I remember like i'm like, this is the life you live. This is what you do all day. You dressed in time period you clothes from like the 1800s and you use like a corncob pipe or whatever the fuck. i was shocked.
00:30:35
Speaker
I mean, I want to know how those things work, but I'm like, how do you making your life so hard?
00:30:41
Speaker
I mean, yes, but also i kind of love that. Like, we just got to take it back. You know, you want to make America great again?
00:30:53
Speaker
You want to go way back. I want to make a great, we got to go all the way back. Yeah, like what time? Like 70s, No, like other you know, political and geopolitical chaos and slavery. Oh no, my, oh no. Not now. I know. Not when that was happening. Not when that was happening. I'll hold both I'm double fisting.
00:31:18
Speaker
I'm double fisting.
00:31:35
Speaker
What I heard is that you were tight as knot. I am very tight. Tight as a sailor's knot. That's why I thought you had a butt plug in there that was loosening you Oh, yeah, no. I, um...
00:31:49
Speaker
Yikes. Okay, well, we are back. We had to switch cameras. Yeah. My SD card was full. You know, tough, tough times with my DSLR, as let's say.
00:32:02
Speaker
That's what they say. They say my DSLR. Hey, my DSLR. oh I don't know what accent that is. Say it again. My DSLR. Yeah, I don't know what that is. Yeah.
00:32:17
Speaker
Anyway, we're back. um Back, back again. Wait, do we have a game? Do we have something we can play? Yeah, we could play. Are you lying to me? Okay. Yeah.
00:32:28
Speaker
Okay. Wait. Do to two truths and a lie? Yeah. Is that what that is? i don't know. Okay. We're going to truths and a lie. Wait, no. Are you lying to me? Okay. Ready?
00:32:40
Speaker
Are you lying to me? And we came with this. We came with this right And how it is is you come up with a lie. Yes. And you come up with, we'll say two truths. That's a good number of truths. Yeah. And we'll see what is, if we can figure out the lie, right?
00:33:04
Speaker
Yeah, and it's just crazy because our name is really good. Like, I don't think anyone's thought of that before. so No one. And it is completely untrademarked. Nope. Oh, God. Is there a trademark? No, no, no. We can't think about that. If we think about this, this whole thing is getting canceled. We can't think that way. Trademark. Oh, honey, she's the trademark. hu Oh, she's the trademark. She's the trademark.
00:33:28
Speaker
Mark. Mark. Trademark. Get out of here. OK. You go first.
Two Truths and a Lie Game
00:33:35
Speaker
Oh, God. hold Hold on. We need to yes convince ourselves.
00:33:42
Speaker
Of what? it's going to be so good at this because I can tell when she's lying. Okay. OK, and I want you to like you can really, honey? Yeah, I can. Oh, OK. Yeah, I can. You have a tell. You start jerking off as soon as you lie. I go. Yeah, OK. OK.
00:33:59
Speaker
I'm looking directly at you. this Hold on. Hold on. Do you not do want me to not look at you? i'll look at you in the camera. so i'm Well, um'm I'm still trying to. Right.
00:34:09
Speaker
What the fuck? By the way, um we will cut around. will cut around. OK. you You take your time. um
00:34:19
Speaker
So I had a hamster named Jaws when I was 10 years old. I prayed this week.
00:34:33
Speaker
And when I started drag, my name was the Fame Monstre. Okay.
00:34:42
Speaker
Praying is true.
00:34:51
Speaker
I think it's the last one. I think it's the drag one isn't true. I think you did have a hamster and I think you did pray. But I don't think your name starting off was the Fae Monstre. Okay, well, you you got it wrong.
00:35:07
Speaker
my I did? Which one was a lie? i didn't pray this week. You fucking bitch. You God-hating woman who doesn't give a shit about your soul or the soul of others. How fucking dare you not pray this week? Oh, my God. You see what happens? God, you you're not a liar, but you're a hater.
00:35:29
Speaker
Yeah. i um I actually called upon the the water a break. Okay. Here we go. Are you ready?
00:35:40
Speaker
Yep.
00:35:56
Speaker
I've never karaoke'd.
00:36:01
Speaker
I have never fingered a man's ass.
00:36:05
Speaker
My eyes are hazel.
00:36:09
Speaker
um Your eyes are hazel.
00:36:14
Speaker
is the Is the lie. No, motherfucker. My eyes are hazel, you piece of shit.
00:36:24
Speaker
vindication vindication yeah you never stare longingly into my eyes no ah well I was like maybe they're like a little different than Hazel um or theyre or the or they were like browner like I just didn't think like maybe you referred to them as Hazel but I was so convinced that and oh yeah no as soon as you open them they're they're definitely Hazel yeah but I was so convinced that you've definitely fingered an ass of a man i have not Oh, okay.
00:36:54
Speaker
Is that on your bucket list? okay i Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And I've never done karaoke and I never will. Have you done anything with the asshole of a man? Have I done anything with an asshole of a man?
00:37:07
Speaker
know that That was shadow of man they originally was as a little man. of man. Asshole of a man. That's why she dances like that. Yeah. Cause she's trying to get away from me. and Get away, get away, get away. Okay. Okay.
00:37:22
Speaker
I, um, wow. Uh, so you have not fingered the asshole of a man. You have karaoke. I definitely, I've never karaoke. Oh, you've never carried a karaoke? never.
00:37:33
Speaker
So that was the truth. Um, Yeah, the lie again was that my eyes were not hazel. Yes, yes, yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Imagine I just started seizing. You're like, you gotta run.
00:37:49
Speaker
Wow. I like that this hat goes like that. Yeah, you want to take it with you for your next... ah I do feel like when we were talking about proportions before we turned the camera on, I do think I have a tiny little head and big ass shoulder. So I think for me, I do need big hats or big hair. And I am, the hair is never going to be big.
00:38:06
Speaker
I am content with that. But I could wear big hats. I guess I just never thought of myself as a hat girly. And I was so tall. So like if I sit down with a hat, people are going to be able to see shit.
00:38:18
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I guess it it can be like a time and place. map no um no yeah Not yet. Not yet, but it's going to be later. I'll tell you. I'm sorry. Oh my God. um I'm loose again.
00:38:32
Speaker
yet. It's not what I heard. It's not what I heard, but I've been seeing. That you're loose? I've been seeing that I'm loose in the mirror of the house, in the bathroom.
00:38:45
Speaker
I'm quiet as a mouse because my hole is loose. Okay, we're back. We're back and we're tied up and we're not showing our pussy to anybody. I'm tied up on you. Every single thing that you say you'll do. I'm tied up on you. I'm wearing um the evil eye because I think some bitch cursed me.
00:39:08
Speaker
Because I think some bitch says something about my skin being nice. And then it fucking, that's what caused me to have hives. We're going to talk about. Are you for real? I for real think that she said, she was like, you have no pores. She says something that was very kind. It was very nice. But I was like, I think she put a thing on me, like a little curse.
00:39:23
Speaker
Who was this woman? Just a girl. She's nice. She's a nice person. She's a very nice person. I don't think she meant to curse me. But my God, she did. Because i wasn't wearing this. I was not wearing this. And all of a sudden, the next week, skin.
00:39:36
Speaker
Fucked.
00:39:39
Speaker
Damn. I believe in that stuff. Yeah, maybe that'll that'll be weapons too. Weapons too. This bitch cursed me with shit skin. Yeah. Everyone's running out of their houses with just hives. They're like, why? Why? i do feel like such a baby because I just can't stop talking about it. It feels like such a, like, you know what i mean? i hate talking about it, but um people are like, why haven't you done anything? Why haven't you gone anywhere? Why haven't I seen you in three and a half weeks? And I'm like, because I look,
00:40:09
Speaker
And itch for hours, unless I'm on medication, and I'd rather not be out in public like that. I want to preserve my dignity. I'm yeah staying inside.
00:40:20
Speaker
I guess when when I went to go see you, I thought you'd look worse, but you didn't, you know? but Hey. Thanks.
00:40:33
Speaker
um But yeah, no, I just, um I'm sure the itchiness and like the medication has like taken a control on a little bit. when you saw me, I i was on meds, so I didn't have the active hives. But I am happy to show you photos that i made my doctors look at.
00:40:51
Speaker
i gave them an album. I was like, and this is my left arm, and this is my right arm, and this is my right thigh, and this is my left thigh. And then I went... Back to arms.
00:41:02
Speaker
Then we went to armpits. Then we went back to arms. Then back to thighs. And I didn't show them crotch. They should be thankful for that. Oh, shout out to my gay doctor. I got a new doctor. Gay as hell. Gay as hell pinned out flag. Rainbow flag on the wristband. Rainbow flag on his little, you know, thing. Listen to everything I had to say.
00:41:23
Speaker
Gave me all the tests. Made me shit in a little tiny cup in a bathroom. Made you piss in like seven cups. Made me dole out my shit. Made me give so much blood, six quarts of blood. I barely walked out of there. But guess what? They figured out what was wrong. Mmm.
00:41:41
Speaker
Hell yeah. Yeah. Leave it to the gays. They'll it done. They'll figure it out. He was the only one that like genuinely listened to my concerns and didn't push me to be like, you know, what he did was like, you should get like and maybe a vaginal ultrasound. And was like, I don't want a vaginal ultrasound. He was like, I understand.
00:41:55
Speaker
I was like, well, why would I need a vaginal ultrasound if I'm getting hives? True. I mean, I guess, are is there any vaginal situation that would give hives?
00:42:09
Speaker
Yeah, but I tested negative for everything. OK. So I'm like, but he's like, well, maybe it's your, he's like, maybe it's a cyst on your ovary. And I'm like, sis. Sis, honey. Sis, on my ovary. Ovary? How about over here? How about over there, bitch? don't you get out and go over there? Yeah.
00:42:26
Speaker
Anyway, two truths and a lie? um Or did we do it already? Sorry. The question was, are you lying to me? Should we do another? you um i feel like that was good, right? OK, Right, community, audience, vote.
00:42:40
Speaker
Yeah, vote.
00:42:43
Speaker
Vote, bitch. Do we keep doing, um are you fucking lying to me, bitch girl? Or do we not? We just keep adding to it. Are you fucking lying to me, bitch girl? Fuck you. Are you actually lying to me, sis? Sis.
00:42:56
Speaker
I am really liking this look. I'm liking your look. I think we look like, we're like Bonnie and Clyde a little bit, you know?
00:43:07
Speaker
I'm like Annie Oakley is wearing the guy who's the guy that she's with. No, she was only one person. Never mind. Was she? Yeah. Annie Oakley's one person. Annie Oakley.
00:43:19
Speaker
I like her. I miss her. I like her.
Closing Remarks and Listener Appreciation
00:43:21
Speaker
She was real nice. Yeah. We were, we were MySpace buddies. Top 10. Yeah. You love a corpse. And on that note, what?
00:43:33
Speaker
um Thank you all for listening and to us. Oh, yes. Wait. Big shout out to my friend Jess, who once again reached out and said that looking forward to our podcast every month is something that makes you happy. So thanks for listening.
00:43:48
Speaker
Thank you. Thank you. Because you're probably also one of the only people uhuh giving us that traction, you know, that real sense of purpose and worth.
00:44:00
Speaker
And I'm, well, you know who, you give me sense of purpose and worth, but. Do I? You do. Oh, good. I mean, when you're not reading me down to filth or telling me I've got dirty, dirty swamp eyes.
00:44:12
Speaker
Yeah. You're going to swamp ass. no. Which you do also, but. um You said you wouldn't tell my friends. You said you wouldn't tell anyone. that Girl, that was the original corpse flower. People were flocking.
00:44:24
Speaker
God, gotta get a sniff of this. My ass? Jesus, the moment I moved to California. Oh, Shrek. Yeah, guess what? You're lining up for two hours to try to get in there. You're trying to bring your boyfriend. lining up all over the garden. You're picking people up from LAX to bring to the biggest attraction, which is what? My ass. My swamp ass. My big, fat swamp ass. God, I wish my ass was fat. I wish my ass was fat.
00:44:50
Speaker
All right. Keep watching. Keep listening. Keep being you. Keep loving. Keep laughing. Keep loving, keep laughing. There's so much room up here.
00:45:03
Speaker
hit my hat. See, you're like a newbie with these things. Me. Yeah. Not so much. yeah I am a newbie about these fucking, I should. ah but with were The hoops? These are just my my everyday hoops. But today I'm not just an everyday girl. No, but you want to be understated.
00:45:23
Speaker
You want to be understated. You want all the focus to be on that cleave. I want to be under an underpass, under the covers, understated. Feel that fantasy. And guess what?
00:45:36
Speaker
Understood. Bye.