Transcript
Speaker: Everybody, welcome to a new episode of Dom and Dahmer. Activate!
Speaker: Cut everything I said, yeah keep that. Yeah, yeah. Welcome, welcome. It's Dom and Dahmer. Dom and Dahmer. We have, I was going to call you DJ Jordan, but... um Die, Jordan, die. Yeah, Die, Jordan, die. An original. On the mix, fresh, hot, ah out the kitchen, right in the beginning.
Speaker: We don't do AI here on the pod. What we do is we ask our friends for fleet free labor. We go, hey, please, can you spend a lot of time mixing a original can yeah for us? Please. I mean, that's, i also, I feel like that's how a good podcast is born. That's You got to get a bestie to. a Great.
Speaker: To mix a little something for the intro and outro. Yeah. our commercial breaks that involve no commercials, but you get that little break in case you need In case we get commercials later and we could go back, backpedal and then just add them in. Cut them in. Yeah. and yeah if Once we start re-releasing, because, you know, that's what all the successful podcasts do. They re-release old episodes. Yeah. We'll put in commercials.
Speaker: Right. We'll re-release dubbing the podcast over animated characters that we get somebody else to do. Wait, love. Yeah. Also, I want to do fake advertisements now. I'm goingnna start doing fake advertisements. yeah You like milk?
Speaker: Do you like milk? Do you like milk? We like milk. Cumberland Farms milk. We have the best cows. You know why? Because we only talk nice to them. We don't say mean things around them. That's why their milk is sweet, delicious, and perfect for your family. And whole.
Speaker: It's whole milk. whole milk. And it comes out of their holes. Yeah. So, yeah. So we're here. It's hot. It's so hot. I don't know what happened, but it seems like the earth turned um on its axis and now it's facing directly onto the sun 24 hours a day. There hasn't been a moment, a respite from this heat.
Speaker: Direct sunlight twenty four seven in l a It's ah it's a phenomenon. It feels like the ozone layer is fully destroyed. We fixed that, right? Like we fixed it. The one over Australia? The one over the North Pole.
Speaker: Oh, there's one over. There's two. There's a hole. It's all over. i think the ozone is all over. Yeah, but the holes. The holes. I thought the holes were over North Pole. If it's only over Australia, that's hilarious. It's because they use all that spray sunscreen. Yeah, that's all it is. It's the Outback. Yeah. All you Australians using that spray sunscreen. You're the reason. Yeah. And hairspray.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. That's that, that song ah by who bestank was written for Australia. The reason. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: reason for all that i do and the reason is you australia yeah um does that mean that anything over tennessee because they use all that hairspray in texas all that hairspray there's like a hole probably yeah and where was hairspray done baltimore bal over baltimore got it there's there's pockets there's holes all over that is That is the headline of your one woman show. Holes all over. Yeah. i do um I do have a fear of holes all over. You have that phobia. That thing with the little holes everywhere. I don't like it. i don't like it at all.
Speaker: I'm sorry. Hey, it's okay. I was going to get you a big platter of holes. I'm glad I went with the flowers. I did. You brought me some beautiful, beautiful flowers. They're like a purple, white. What what kind? Chrysanthians? What are they?
Speaker: Something like that. All right. Well, they' they're a flower. They're very liked the splatter effect. I liked the shade. i think they get that by putting them into colored water. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My cousin sent me a photo. She did that with lilies.
Speaker: She put them in blue water and the lilies started turning blue. my God. Yes. I've seen this on like TikTok. It's very pretty. I was like, man, if I knew how to do this, that'd be a fun thing to do.
Speaker: Okay, first of all, you learn so many things and you know how to do so many things. Dasha recently like rebuilt a table. um And I'm always surprised and you're always like, oh, no, I don't. But I'm like, you you've learned or have taken on so many different types of tasks in your life. because I don't want to pay someone to fix it for me. I have no money. I was like looking into it. I called Ikea like six or seven times to see like if that particular part, they could just give me the part. And they were like, you have to do all this to get that done. And then anyway, it just ended up being like three days of research. And then I went, I think I could figure this out.
Speaker: And then Jordan gave me a suggestion of putting a wheel on the other end to give it more stability. So I ordered it, but it didn't come in time. So I did everything but the wheel and I'm thinking about the wheel. I might still attach it.
Speaker: That will just even further the upgrade yeah and your capabilities. You'll start putting wheels on everything. Oh, my God. um That is what people are doing. They're putting wheels underneath their couches or table so everything is rollable so they could clean under.
Speaker: That's like what all these housewives are doing. They're putting wheels on everything. The housewives are doing it. If you go on Amazon and you look up any wheel that is being sold and you go into the reviews, which kind I love doing that. You go in there.
Speaker: There's people posting photos, stories, accounts, fables about how they are putting wheels and cleaning. And it is a whole thing. Gag it. It's amazing. I'm like, man, when you have all the time in the world, if I had all the time in the world, I'd be putting wheels on everything.
Speaker: I put one on my toilet.
Speaker: um that would be great because then you could just wheel it right in the kitchen yeah i'm like oh man i have to cut these vegetables but i also have to drop a dookie yeah you know what i did um on the toilet this morning yeah i'm proud to say what'd you do on the toilet this morning uh check if i had jury duty that's how long you were on that toilet you were able to log in no you know i well a no i called but but or you called them from the toilet i called them i said louise ah pat patch me patch me over uh-huh and they said we do not need you this morning it seems like you're busy yeah they said oh you're off the case amazing yeah that happened to me last time i wasn't uh no last time i had to go in had to go in in person that was wild and then but they still excused you Yeah, we went into the the room and it was like a bunch of us. And then they were all looking at us.
Speaker: And then the judge gave an amazing speech about what it means to be an American and how what we're doing is a patriotic act. And I was like, damn, should I stay? i couldn't. I had work. But they were really pitching it. They were selling it hard. That judge was great. And then they didn't want me. They like didn't pick me. They were like, ah they get you seem biased. She seems like she's going to tell us that this young man who definitely didn't do it shouldn't be put into prison and that's not what we're here for. Yeah. We're here to unjustly put We're rigging the votes. That's right.
Speaker: And it was a voter fraud case. No, I don't know. it was so They didn't even tell us what the details were of the case. But that didn't fit, I guess. Wild. Yeah. um i You'll appreciate this. Yes.
Speaker: My hope was that, well, not really hope because I wasn't really hoping to have to go in. First of all, God, listen to that. um And secondly. Okay, I hear you. I'll make sure you every time you call this week, they won't need you. Because if they need me on Wednesday, I'm going to be like, are you fucking kidding me? But anyway, if I go. Yes.
Speaker: I want to dress up in like kind of like a matrix outfit where I'm in like full trench. I've got a briefcase with like not really anything in it like chapstick. course props. Props. Lots of props. ah And then in like a hat like a Carmen Sandiego hat. um What's your hope with this outfit?
Speaker: That I'm respected first of all
Speaker: And you would be. I mean, you're wearing a Carmen San Diego hat. That's the most respectable outfit you could put on. Yeah, I just want to go in there, have my, like, shades on, and be like, I'm here to solve the case. Right.
Speaker: um Yeah, they're not going to, they're not, they're going to dismiss you the second you walk in with that. Yeah, they're going to. That's a school shooter. Where do you i need you to take um this mental exam?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: What is your goal? To be respected. In my my ah Matrix Carmen Sandiego gizmo gadget. Gay guy guy gang guy. Go go gay guy. Go gay guy jacket.
Speaker: That is my Halloween costume. Go go gay guy jacket. You got it. Yeah, that's me. I love it. Yeah. I really do love that. I think that's a fun way to 100% make sure they do not pick you for jury duty. I mean, the dress code said business casual, but... They said there was a dress code?
Speaker: Yeah. It's the court system. Okay, listen. I have no respect for that. Let me tell you. oh um No, I didn't know that. I just came in... Panties, breasts out. I mean, panties, breasts out, my regular outfit. You said, i have my leathers.
Speaker: have them, and I want you to see them. Yeah. No, I think I just like, I literally wore like, I'm not kidding, like shorts and a tank top. Like I did not. Is that why they didn't pick me? They fucking sent you home because they were like, you're in a fucking shorts and tank top.
Speaker: If anything, that's like, she has no office. You know what i mean? They think they're picking based off of like, oh, who feels like they have an office to go to? I mean, sometimes.
Speaker: Okay, well. Because they could be like, oh that looks like a doctor. He's wearing spook scrubs. He has to be. He needs to be. In the hospital stat. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if they're doing i think i don't know if they're doing that much. And if they are, you got to be something special. Do you think it's illegal to wear scrubs when you're not a nurse, a doctor or in the health care profession or a beauty person or anyone that wears scrubs for their profession?
Speaker: I would say no, except in a situation like that, maybe. So like if I misleadingly show up to jury duty in scrubs and a little face covering mask and one of those caps that they wear, and by they I do mean doctors, that that wouldn't be good. Yeah. you Actually, you walk in like you were in the middle of a surgery. Gloves on. walk with gloves on, blood splatter across your gown, your dressing gown, and you're like, do I really have to be picked today? I've got three hearts I have to hold.
Speaker: Holding a beating heart. I'm like, do I have to be here? This woman is going to die. I already took 45 minutes of public transit to get here. I took her car down and held it in my hand for 45 minutes, of physically manipulating it in order to keep it beating. Do I have to be here, judge?
Speaker: Yeah. And they're going to say, yeah, because spirit Halloween is down the street. We saw you come out of there with your supplies and putting blood on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good, good idea. So I just like don't want you to have to do jury duty.
Speaker: But I know if you did do it, you would be a great candidate because you would be fair. Girl, I don't think so. I i don't, you know, I'm a Pisces Aries cusp. Say that. They'll definitely not hire you. Yeah, they'll be like, hire me? My $13 whatever hour? Yeah, don't they don't they pay now? Nowadays? Something past that, like, they pay you minimum, I think. But you also have to, like, prove that that you'd already be working or something. Right. They should do it if you're unemployed.
Speaker: Like they should only look at unemployed yes people and constantly be like, oh, we could we could put get you in here so you can make it make some money. That's like a great idea. It's like they could kind of treat it like they do game shows. Right. Like game show audiences. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Like people are just always kind of like signing up, like trying to get in the pool. Mostly people from out of town are just like really want to get involved in the L.A. County. Like we came to L.A. for the week and we got we got prices right on Thursday. We got court on Friday. It's exciting. I won a grill on Monday, but I'm going to get this man into jail on Tuesday. And I love coming here from Florida.
Speaker: You know, they would. And then I could go anywhere else and do it. So I could really um enact justice ah elsewhere. So I could really get my agenda going. um If i I could travel the you know the United States volunteering for ju jury didty do duty. ju jerry did You could do different accents. Oh my gosh.
Speaker: I can't. I can only do two. Really? Yeah. What's the second one? Russian. Oh. Yeah. And the first one? English. English. oh okay like new yorker american girl we know what what's what's just the american accent i just i can't do southern i can't do new york but like because i already kind of sound like i have a new york accent sometimes people tell me that which is interesting i never thought i did but yeah some say i love accents
Speaker: Do them. Yeah? All them. You want me to just start spewing them out? Specifically start with Chinese and go from there. And go around the world. Absolutely. Epcot. Epcot. It did cross my mind about like 45 seconds a minute ago where I was like, I'm about to school her on these accents. And then I was like, I am not about to do accents. You could do like different dialects in America. I think that's fair. Yeah, but...
Speaker: I don't even want to do that. um Well, this was a fun bit. Yeah, this was a great yes and moment. Yeah, pop podcasts really work when someone suggests something and the other person just outright says, absolutely not, not a million years. And you know what? That's what true friendship is.
Speaker: Yeah. yeah um Thank you for having a boundary and setting it. Well, what's funny too is i I've been told in my life that I will like go into accents just kind of like naturally or like kind of just for fun. And I don't even realize it. But um yeah, think. What kind of accents?
Speaker: Just like a British accents a lot or like a Southern accent for sure. Those seem to be like the ones I will gravitate towards. And a comfortable sharing on a public forum. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. Or in general. I mean, they're the easiest. It's funny because then when I when I meet people who can't do a British accent, I think that's funny. I can't do one. Really? When I try doing it, I sound Indian.
Speaker: Oh, And I'm not doing an Indian accent. I'm trying to do British. And people are like, ah whoa, that's offensive. but I'm like, I swear to God I'm trying to do British, but I can only do like Cockney. I can't do like Harry Potter. You know, I can't do that. Yeah. But I could do like a Govna. Like I could do that. And that still sounds crazy. Like I just, I can't actually. oh my god It's bad. It's bad. It's bad. You're like the Smurjeeb accent. Oh, man. Exactly. Like that's not anything that you be trying out.
Speaker: I still got like, you know, that like Portuguese accent in me in a way where if I try to speak Spanish, I feel like I give it Portuguese flair. And even in like high school in Spanish class.
Speaker: Yeah. How do you say my name is in Portuguese? I don't fucking know. Okay. What can you say in Portuguese? Okay. We're trying to make this interactive. um Yeah. Keep this going. Jesus Christ. It's a hard no.
Speaker: No, because I i don't really um know much of it anymore. Like ever since I like left being around my family often, I have like no reason to speak it. So like literally, like there's a point in time when I was like 14, 14,
Speaker: Yeah, where I like went to Portugal, the Azores, and like that was like the peak of like me understanding and speaking Portuguese. What about thank you? Can you say thank you? That's just like obrigado.
Speaker: abregado Yeah. Ooh. Yeah. But like, ah because you're saying my name is, and I'm like, me llamo, but that's yeah Spanish. Is that even Spanish? Me llamo, yeah. Okay. That's Spanish. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. But then when I meet Portuguese people out here, they are normally Brazilian Portuguese, so then it's like a little different in any ways, you know.
Speaker: um Like, ah milk is in Azorian Portuguese is leito. Leite. Yeah. But then... Yeah, you did that great. And then, um but in Brazilian Portuguese, it's like leche. Leite. Yeah.
Speaker: Leite. Ooh. So it's like latte. Yeah. it's It's clearly more derivative of that, you know, like the romance languages. Ooh. Because I think I would say, you know how like people can order like a cafe au lait?
Speaker: They can't. I don't know what that is. What's a cafe au lait? It's basically like half coffee, half milk, like warm milk, I think. I thought it was just like. You're saying I want a coffee and then going like, ole. I want a coffee, ole. I didn't think it was a drink. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Cafe ole is a drink? Yes. I swear. I thought it was just like cafe ole. Like I didn't. Yeah, chat, wake it up. i think, yeah. I mean, that's what i i I was so into ordering those in the Azores because I was, well, I was kind of young. So even though I was being given like wine at like dinner and stuff, I was more so just craving like coffee milk.
Speaker: So you were like, thank you for this wine. Can we just add a little bit of coffee and milk into it? And then I could really that is disgusting. Or is it like a really smart way of getting everything in one and then just not drinking at all? You know me as the beverage goblin. i will drink my wine and then I will have my glass of milk.
Speaker: So why'd you say it when that's clearly mixing it together before you're you're getting in your body? It's OK. I don't see it in the stomach. I don't taste it in the stomach. I see it. i see it going all down. heard you have those glasses. i do. My x-ray vision. Yeah. Yeah. They based the movie off me. It's called Supergirl. Have you heard of it?
Speaker: Really? And I go ding dong and I use my powers to only see into your stomach to see wine and milk mixing together in there. Does she, does Supergirl have a Kryptonium in her?
Speaker: Is that a currency being used on the dark web? Kryptonium? Isn't that the Superman, Superwoman type stuff? Isn't that, is Kryptonite, Kryptonite's thing that makes them sick. Yeah, but is is Kryptonite's like usable form Kryptonium?
Speaker: like Like past tense, like I mined the kryptonite and now it's kryptonium. I don't know. I don't know the genealogical tenses and forms of made up substance from the Superman universe, but we should look that up. That was the original, the substance.
Speaker: Oh, babe. Kryptonite. That's right. And it made her so much older. And horny. And horny. I'll look it up. I'll look it up. Chad, I'll look it up. Let's take a break. Okay. And and ah we'll look it up. And then we're going come back and we're going to hit you with some double games.
Speaker: Girl, have you ever looked down in your pants and you saw a pair of disgusting old not good panties? Yuck! Well, I've got the product for you. It's called a fresh new pair.
Speaker: That's what we're calling a brand new product. It's called fresh new pair. you go to the store you go i like a fresh new pair and whoever you ask they will give it to you and it will cost more depending on who you ask and you'll enjoy yourself otherwise 100 organic cotton uh amazing gusset did you call me high cut bikini style a fresh new pair so that way when you look down your pants it's not fucking disgusting no more a fresh new pair
Speaker: Okay, we you are back. We're back. but And here's the thing. I was right. I said kryptonium. You were like, um is that even like a real thing? And then I was like, I'm ah pretty sure, but now you're gaslighting me, so I don't know. And then you looked it up, and kryptonium comes from the kryptonite.
Speaker: Hi. um hate to Hate to do this to you, but it's kryptium. Okay. Oh, so now we're going back to making fun of accents. But it says... Yeah, we're going back to the to my tried and true, making fun of accents. It's cryptium, which is a fictional ultra hard and durable metal from the DC Comics universe associated with the planet Krypton.
Speaker: KR Atomic number 36. Oh, it's closest in real science. The closest actual substance is Krypton. which is an order older colorless odorless noble gas rather than a solid metallic element.
Speaker: So Krypton is a gas in real life. Okay. Which is crazy. What does it do? And where does it come from? Yeah. What kind of gas is this? I bet it's from like, you you dig around the dirt, you stick your face in it, you got some krypton.
Speaker: Oh. And you just, yeah. I was thinking it was like special like bubbles from the deep or something. Well, it's it is. It's a noble gas. So it's kind it's fancy. know It's a krypton. Oh. Coming to my castle. Yes. You plebs your not noble gases, your oxygen and your carbon dioxide. Oh, those are noble?
Speaker: I don't think so. go Ask me an easier question. Those are Nobel. Nobel. Nobel. Ring, ring. ah Yeah, Nobel Peace Prize was originally Nobel because they used to have a bell. It used to be the bell. piece Exactly. And then they were like, we're not going to do any bells and whistles. Bells are expensive.
Speaker: And now it's going to be Nobel. Yeah. Nobel. And you're getting a Nobel Prize. Yeah. so it's They lost it in World War II. Yeah, they did. They lost a lot. Most importantly, the Nobel. Except the soul and the heart of of the peace and the prize.
Speaker: And isn't peace the prize? Honey, it's ever ever since.
Speaker: Ever since. Ever since. Period. Period. period Okay, wait. I got a special game for you. okay. Okay. This is called, does Dasha really freaking know movies or is she just posing us all the time?
Speaker: know I know was getting attacked today. It's 100 degrees. i'm sweating out my jazz. Okay. What brought this on, friend? um i just thought it was fun. It was an idea I had, and I went with it. Okay. i made sure I remembered lo okay let's do it um so i was gonna time it and then i was like no i won't time it what i'll do is i'll see how many you can get okay and when you start gas now and it's clear that you're struggling um we'll stop and hopefully that doesn't come soon um okay are you ready
Speaker: Okay, but but but but but are you just naming plots to movies? Like, what is happening? Am I ready for what? For my what I'm going to give you is this is from the American Film Institute. Oh, they're a reputable source.
Speaker: And it is, in a hundred years, a hundred movie quotes. Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, that's hard. We're going to start. First, we're going to just see if we get through the top ten.
Speaker: And then if you're cooking, we'll really start gassing it up. This is hard. no girl. This is going to hopefully be easy. Okay? All right. Two.
Speaker: Okay. Jeez. All right. is my me trying to teach my kids how to read. um It's going to be easy. Okay. All right. Let's go.
Speaker: What the fuck's this? Okay. All right. Here we go. Number one. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
Speaker: it like Casablanca? Oh, you're in you're in the right... Oh, Gone with the Wind. Good job. Yes. Can you name the year? 1947. Oh, you were close. Okay. Anyway. um Okay. Number two.
Speaker: I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse. Godfather. Yes. Okay. okay Number three. And I'm also delivering. it I, you know I don't know these movies. That's how Marlon Brando said it. Okay. Well, this one's going to be really He said just like You don't understand. could have had class. I could have been a contender. I could have been somebody instead of a bum, which is what I am. Streetcar named Desire?
Speaker: um No, but you're probably in the right time zone. It's Marlon Brando, I think. Who says it? um What's like a cute place to have a house?
Speaker: East of Eden. I don't know. No, like um think like a landscape, like own a house. Like people love like a house that's like, you know, lakeside, which would also be called.
Speaker: A cabin. What is it? On the waterfront. Oh, bitch, you never saw it. OK, me neither. 1954. OK, this one.
Speaker: um Toto. Do I even have to finish this? Absolutely. Africa. OK, I'm going to finish it. It's Wizard of Oz.
Speaker: Toto Africa. I was like, OK. You don't have to say another word. um All right. um Here's looking at you, kid.
Speaker: Oh, Casablanca. Yeah. OK. But that's a weird way to say it, right? Casablanca? Yeah. I'll get whatever. Blanca, Blanca. You say Blanca. I say Blanca. Tomato. Malagna.
Speaker: Go ahead, make my day.
Speaker: It's like a noir movie.
Speaker: Can I get a hint?
Speaker: Think of like and the the literal words of this movie. The title are like a car crash that comes out of nowhere. Is a...
Speaker: A car crash that comes out of nowhere. Accidental pregnancy. Okay. is it but but is James Dean? Is it James Dean movie? I don't know. Okay, what is it? East of Eden? um Sudden Impact.
Speaker: Never heard of this movie.
Speaker: All right, Mr. de DeMille. I'm ready for my close-up.
Speaker: Fuck me in the ass. I have not seen any of these movies. You've definitely driven on this road. Oh, Sunset Boulevard. Okay. Okay. May the force be with you.
Speaker: Oh, oh, is this gay porn I saw one time? the Star Wars? Yeah. Okay. Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night.
Speaker: A bumpy night. Yeah. Not right. I thought it was I thought it was gonna say right. but Young Frankenstein. No. I don't know. All about Eve. Oh. Never seen it.
Speaker: You talking to me. Taxi driver. Good job. I would have said the Godfather. Fighter. Fighter. um That's Star Wars. All right. So you got through 10. Oh wow. And I got some wrong. Yeah. A lot. I'm surprised actually. haven't seen lot of them.
Speaker: OK, let's move.
Speaker: I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Oh, Apocalypse Now? Yeah. Never seen it. Me neither. But that's good.
Speaker: OK, well. looks One just says Rosebud. Oh, that's Citizen Kane. Yeah. I just watched that for the first time like a month ago.
Speaker: And I went, OK, this is that fucking thing everyone's been talking about for years. Everybody in film school, I somehow avoided watching it.
Speaker: This was trash. No, I mean, I really didn't. I was like, this was boring top to bottom.
Speaker: Wait, what movie are you talking about again? Citizen Kane. Oh, okay. Yeah, it will I mean, it was. But I guess it's just like a part of the first films, right?
Speaker: I mean, it's like supposedly the best movie ever made. That's what they it. Oh, definitely not anymore. not back then my love i was like if if they would have there's a scene where he like uh keeps um wrecking a room where he's just like smashing everything in a room and it's done practically and they just let him go do it i'm like i could watch that for 30 minutes of him just like crashing stuff over and being like keep going bed now kick kick punch i'm like i could watch that for 30 minutes everything else i was like
Speaker: Oh, no. um A young boy is rich and becomes a piece of shit. Oh, cool. A story hasn't been told before ever. That's true. But yeah, that's unentertaining.
Speaker: That's unentertaining. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: So looks like Dasha's not a big old liar, is she? but um i i don't know. I thought I'd be more impressed, but. um Oh my god I'll tell you this.
Speaker: I have not seen Casablanca. okay I have not seen Apocalypse Now. I have not seen the Godfather. i have not seen these movies because I support women and women's rights and women's wrongs. And i you know, I like i like ah what I like. I am what I am. You are who I say you are. And I am a liar.
Speaker: What's that from? It's from my brain. just came out. Oh, oh God. Okay. Yeah, i'd be scared. Be very scared. Girl, sometimes I am. and And you should be. I'm a scary person. People trust me too much.
Speaker: Um... They don't trust you at all, actually. That's giving yourself a lot of credit. um I'm telling you. Says the girl who's like, I show up to the party and I tell them I'm a different sign. Yeah.
Speaker: That's the only thing I lie about at parties. That's the thing. That's oh so so, that is the ultimate scary. I met my neighbors recently ah because the water was out and I was like, let's go check if everyone's water's out. So I knocked on their door and they just, it's like a a new parents, like brand new baby, fresh out the womb baby. And I ended up leaving a couple of kids books for them and gave my number and I was like, hey, have an apartment. This is my name. Just so you'd like know who I am. Like if you have any questions, like feel free to text me if you need something like whatever. And shes she texted me back, and for some reason, she was saying that her partner is very handy.
Speaker: And I was like about to text like, oh, that's so great, because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing about anything. And then i was like, you know what? Let's not like let's not start off lying. Let's not lie. Let's be honest.
Speaker: I'm okay. I could, I could fix stuff out. But if I, if I need it, it's good to know that he probably has tools or something. But I, I felt the urge to like minimize and lie. And be like, oh, please help me. I'm a Scorpio who just has no job or idea how to put up shelves.
Speaker: That's you. I'm a Scorpio. I am a Scorpio, but in like a... can't even, I don't even know for real. I'll let you look at my co-star. I don't let anyone look at my co-star except for everyone who asks.
Speaker: um I don't like whip it out a lot. um I don't know. i saw that night at the Eagle.
Speaker: That's the space to do it, if ever. And it was 99.9% men and me, and I wanted to make sure they knew what a pussy looked like. Because I'm sure they forgot. is what a pussy looks like. I'm sure they forgot. Here you go. Okay.
Speaker: So everyone, here is Dasha's full chart read. Okay. What does ascended mean?
Speaker: Then I went to hell and back, baby. um i wish they just had like a whole thing that just says it. but and Oh, yeah. There we go. So moon, star, or whatever. So sun and. o You're like a piece of garlic.
Speaker: Yeah. says Yeah. It says I'm a piece of garlic. Yeah. Sun in Aquarius. And then my moon is in Taurus. Moon is in Taurus. My ascent is in Leo. Moon is in you, right? And sun is outward? Yes. Moon is rules your emotions, moods, and feelings. Okay. Then my ascendant is the mask I present to people, which is Leo.
Speaker: What the fuck is that? Lies. I do not present as Leo. It says really always a center of attention. No. i present as Leo.
Speaker: No, I guess there's other pieces of of Leo that i'm I'm thinking where you have like kind of like leadership skills and stuff. Oh, that's very nice. Thank you. You know.
Speaker: um i don't but do leos have leadership skills i don't think so i think it says my ascendant is the mask i present it can um it can be seen in my personal style and how i come off to people when i first meet them some say it becomes less relevant as you get older correct it changes every two hours so if it doesn't make sense reconfirm your birth time to be sure I'm sure about my word. Damn, girl. Your ascendant is in Leo, meaning you come across as bright, good-natured, and magnetic. Your energy makes you seem either like a know-it-all or a live wire, but always the center of attention.
Speaker: Okay, I literally think I agree with everything but that last part. That's the biggest part. Everything else is just like saying what a like what ascendant means.
Speaker: No, no, no. Just like the part about you wanting attention. oh
Speaker: I love attention. i live for the applause. My Mercury is in Aquarius. It determines how i communicate, talk, and think. My Venus is in Capricorn, which determines what I love.
Speaker: Your Venus is in camera, meaning your romantic side is someone repressed in the name of responsibility and rationality. This is me snapping my fingers. Sometimes it seems like you don't care about love. You're extremely cautious and appreciate stability. Oh, my God. Stop reading me to filth, CoStar.
Speaker: That's pretty ac. It's in my sixth house, meaning that for you, love is often expressed in service, routine, and bodily health. Ooh. Oh, no.
Speaker: okay Yeah, I need people to be pure and healthy. Or I don't love them. Yeah. Sickly people get the fuck out. I'm not taking care of you. Get the fuck out of oh yeah. Service and routine. That's true.
Speaker: My Mars is in Capricorn. oh the planet of aggression. So that means I assert myself in a way that's responsible and efficient. And I think through...
Speaker: Very intent. And I think things through very intentionally. Highly motivated by ambition. Your reality sometimes seems soulless.
Speaker: OK. It's your sixth house, meaning I put a lot of energy into work, routines and bodily health. CoStar, I think you're getting something wrong. huh.
Speaker: Am I Jupiter's in Virgo? It's my social planet.
Speaker: I grow and find understanding through careful thought, goal setting and hard work. I've got a lot of Aquarius in my shit and a lot of Capricorn and my Plutos and Scorpio.
Speaker: Pluto is a sign up to 30 years, meaning it rules a generation more than a person. who It rules power, intensity, obsession, and control. My Pluto's in Scorpio, meaning my generation's psyche in comparatively is comparatively passionate, intense, serious, private, self-obsessed, and perceptive.
Speaker: It's in my fifth house, meaning you personally are transforming outdated definitions of romance, creativity, and pleasure. Hell yeah. And I say, you don't need them.
Speaker: That's why it's so transformative. I say, you don't need any of this. You just sit at home, sit at home and think about your routines. I say, yeah, come on, Pluto, sit at home and flick your bean.
Speaker: Not even that. Don't even do that. Denial is actually health. I heard that if you don't jerk off, it's actually really good for you as a woman. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. Freud said that. Okay. Yeah. He said, if I like cigarettes, I want to fuck my dad. So,
Speaker: Yeah, it'll probably make you stronger in battle. And I am about to fight.
Speaker: i came here to fight. Get up. but We're scrapping. We're you have a co-star? um Yeah, but I don't really... I haven't looked at it in so long. There was a time and place where I was deep into that. And then I've since looked. I felt like I was in the same cycles, which was like, yeah, Yeah.
Speaker: But I don't need a nap to tell me that. I recognize the patterns and I'm not fixing them. Yeah. is The pattern. Isn't that another one? It is true, though. I did just get a Groupon for a deep teeth cleaning because I'm nervous about my gums.
Speaker: I do care about my health. And I have been on a journey of no sugar. Oh, my God. It's all making sense.
Speaker: my God.
Speaker: For anyone who has gone through a period of not eating processed food or sugar, i feel your pain. i dreamt about eating cheesecake three nights ago. So that's where I'm at. That's when you know. i literally was like, i told Jordan and we were on the couch. I'm like, I want ice cream.
Speaker: And he's like, what? I'm like, I just want ice cream. I just want it. And he goes, okay. And I'm like, I can't have it. But if I could just have it. yeah i like spent like 10 minutes talking about what I would do if I had ice cream.
Speaker: Oh my God. ah I would have been like, girl, someone help. Someone help her. i can't. I can't. Cause once you, once you do it, you're done. Yeah. yeah Once you do it, you're done. i I feel you. Um, I, I don't really do that, but, um, that is tough. Well, you don't have to. That's the thing. Like, I feel like I have to.
Speaker: Well, I just starve myself in other ways, you know. I have to be better of not waiting to eat until, you know, 9 o'clock at night.
Speaker: um Okay, with that, we're going to take another break. um And you guys just sit with that. just Imagine yourself in a garden right after it rains. And be like, mm-hmm.
Speaker: Yeah. Taste it. Yeah. Bye.
Speaker: You know how when you put a ring on your hand, it just kind of goes on one finger? And do you ever look down and think, oh my God, I wish this was on all my fingers at the same time?
Speaker: well ah Ladies, gentlemen, they, them, non-binary folk, I've got the solution for you. It's called brass knuckles. And it's really, it's an amazing thing that we thought up here at ah Handcorp, where we believe that everyone should have what they want. So just look down and imagine your fingers fused together with a metal piece of metal that is both heavy, uncomfortable, and powerful. You could use it in any situations at a party when you just want to show off or at a car wash when you just want to show off. Or generally, if you just want to show off, period, doesn't matter the place or the time.
Speaker: It's an accessory that you will not be upset to have. Just make sure to not bring it to the airport.
Speaker: Just don't be caught without it because honestly, having bare hands with no rings is super embarrassing. So anyway, brass knuckles from the people that brought you foot manacles.
Speaker: That's right. Foot manacles. Say dom and dommer at checkout to save 30% on that. And we're back.
Speaker: know We're so back and we're about to play our game. Yes or no.
Speaker: No. No. Got that ozone in Australia making them speak weird. of My ozone. You say yours first because I've got weird ones and I don't even know. It looks like you have a ton of them. And I was going to check them off so we could use them.
Speaker: Oh, okay, good. That's smart. I went back to the one I used to have because I was like, do um Because did we did I ever ask you yes or no sex outdoors? I think you have, but I'll say it again.
Speaker: okay. I'll say it again for the people in the I'll scream it from the rooftops. scream it from the rooftops. Yeah, what's your take on sex outdoors? I'll do it just not on a beach. Because. Sand the pussy.
Speaker: Sand in the pussy. OK, maybe this is jogging memory. Yeah, because we've we've had to have talked about this at at some point, at some degree. Listen, anything about sex and outside has come up between the two of us at some point. OK. Because we are those kinds of people with each other. We are those kinds of girls. Yeah, we are. um Yeah. And I I've definitely on the beach once or twice and Cancun.
Speaker: No, just here in Santa Monica. In Santa Monica. Yeah. Like 11 p.m. at night. Well, of course, it's the best time to go to the beach Santa And yeah, the sand was an issue.
Speaker: so um But yeah, I think that's like fun to a degree. Yeah. Yeah, it's fun. It's exciting. I wouldn't it's not like the thing I'm josing for it's not my kink but if the person I'm with wants to do it I'm like yeah okay just like make sure that we don't get arrested also like it can't be cold because cold is immediately shutting me down well for you for me it needs to be cold you're like I want it to be very cold it will take me back to Russia I want to be fucked by Bigfoot or the Yeti oh okay I think Yeti's the snow one so the Yeti yeah whichever one yeah
Speaker: Okay. yeah like a like I just want like a rod of ice. That's what I prefer. And that's what the Yeti has? A rod of ice penis? as long From all my extensive of re research I've done on the Yeti, a rod of ice for a penis. And then the Bigfoot just doesn't have a penis because there's no ice in Bigfoot land? No.
Speaker: He just uses his hands. Okay. That are huge. Oh, oh. He's got big hands and big feet. That's why it's called Bigfoot. And you love that. You know, like a man with no penis. In big feet and big big big hands.
Speaker: Who disappears and not a lot of people have seen them. Yeah. yeah Yeah. It's like, you know, when people go like, oh, I have a girlfriend in Canada. I'm like, well, my boyfriend's Bigfoot.
Speaker: my big My boyfriend comes around. i i never really know when. he just appears sometimes. And like i sometimes people send photos. And I'm like, that's not him. I know him. I know what my boyfriend looks like. That's not his haircut. That's not him. I know what he looks like when he skulks about the mountains.
Speaker: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. OK. Wow. I got one for you. Crocs. Crocs. Crocs. Crocs. You know, this is what I'll say about Crocs. Yeah. um I was watching a TikTok of an old, like, Italian man cutting pieces of rug to put at, like, the bottom of the Crocs so that his, like, feet would be more comfortable because he felt like they were, like, spiky, just like the rubber divots in the Crocs, you know?
Speaker: um And i was like, poor guy, like they make crocs with like fur and inside the croc. um And yeah, but how so innovative, very you actually like, oh, I don't want to spend the money on the fur croc. So I'll get a croc.
Speaker: I'll cut a piece of carpet and put it in the croc to make it nice. I know that the and that the intention of what you said was to compliment me, but that was possibly the meanest that you could have said. Because you basically implied that I'm like, she's going to cut up a carpet and put it inside the shoe to avoid getting the proper material. I'll tell you this. I'm never buying a fucking crock in my life. I'm a big old no on a crock. Oh, yeah. Well, I know that about you. i do not like crocks.
Speaker: Yeah. I think I've never put one on. But I just, I'm not, it's not for me. I think there is a parallel universe Dasha that has, likes that's like really into Crocs. That's like only a Croc wearer. Yeah. and And I am either a nurse practitioner or a chef.
Speaker: Those are the only options. Okay. All right. But also like he thinks it's not comfortable. It's like they're made to like literally stand in all day. Yeah, there's something about like those divots that he felt like were like spiky and hurt his feet. But I mean, it was an old man. who was a very old man. So like maybe he had shingles on his feet or something. Yeah. Or maybe he just has like a fake pair of Crocs or something. Because that seems like what divots? They don't have divots inside. Yeah. Like the little like to like ah so that you don't slip out of them when they're wet.
Speaker: I need to look at a crock. OK, anybody listening, send me a crock. I need to look at them. need to examine this. I to know the validity of the story. um Damn. OK, well, Crocs.
Speaker: They're, I. A big old no for me. OK. But for you, it's a yes. No, i don't have any right now. I used to wear them like a lot when I was in, I want to say high school, maybe. I had a pair that i like wore religiously, but not since then. Some of them are cute when they get like fun and weird with them. Like, I like those. um Leaving clothes in the dryer.
Speaker: For a long time? Yeah. what's your What's your take on something like that? If I'm in a public place where there where multiple people are using it, i tend to be like, I'll take my clothes out so that the person could use it.
Speaker: If it's just my right here in the house, like I'll leave it for an hour or two because I feel like the heat dries them more and don't want the heat to escape. And especially when I'm doing bedding,
Speaker: I take that shit out. Somehow, like four pairs of underwear, a shirt, and a sock is like in a weird ball in like a corner. Oh, I hate that. Exactly. And it's sopping wet in that fucking hammock thing. So it's like if I leave it in there, it might actually dry it a little bit. I had a full t-shirt come out yesterday, sopping wet after I dried it for like an hour and 40 minutes because it was just in that little...
Speaker: sack that was made yeah so leave it in there if it's my own thing but take it out if it's a public thing what about you um i this is coming from a place of privilege but i think because in most cases i've had a dryer like in the in unit um i will like leave clothes in the dryer for like long you're saying oh like one or two hours two or three hours I'm saying like overnight next day I've sometimes left clothes in the dryer like left stuff in the dryer go in grab like the like one or two things I need and the rest still in the dryer well when you think of a dryer just an extra closet that makes your clothes warm yeah that makes sense when everyone puts clothes on top of their treadmill that they don't ever use anymore mm-hmm
Speaker: Just like that. That's why I got a walking pad. There's nothing to hang it on. I used to have a treadmill I didn't use. Got rid of it. But my walking pad that's foldable can't put anything on it. Except for my fucking sweet little ass.
Speaker: Yeah. Scootin' and bootin'. Wait. Serious follow-up. Okay. Ooh. oo And I throw up. I'm so burpy. I've had so many burp beverages. Yeah.
Speaker: Citrus rush. Even more interesting than leaving clothes in the dryer, because I know that's riveting, is leaving leaving something in the microwave as like a place of storage.
Speaker: I don't have a microwave. i team didn't have one at the old apartment until like the last like one or two years of living there. And I never left stuff in there. Okay.
Speaker: No. No. I never like leave stuff in the microwave unless I've forgotten about it um But like Trev will leave something in the microwave specifically as like saving this for later type of thing.
Speaker: And like I want to say I like remember maybe my grandmother doing that too sometimes a kid. Save it for later? Yeah, like either... Like either... Let's say... Again, like with my grandmother. Like I cooked you something. It's in the microwave. Like she had put like the plate, covered it, put it in the microwave.
Speaker: And I like never think about that or like doing that really much Yeah, because you have a refrigerator. Yeah, but it's like... It's like if you know it's going to get eaten within two hours, you put it in the microwave so that it's not necessarily getting cold now, but that it's like...
Speaker: I know, but without that... Because then you can also, if if you needed to, like, nuke you could heat it up for, like, you know, 10 seconds. i have gone into the path of...
Speaker: histamine and like things that happen to your food when you just like leave it and it is like they're like two hours is like anything past like you should not have food just sitting there it's like it's like crazy bad or whatever saw the thing about like the rice or pasta or whatever germ yeah so like be be careful with that guy so i say put it in the fridge and then put it in the microwave but i also don't have a microwave i have an air fryer o yeah it's been a big change in my life Yeah, you got to air fry me something one day. I'll do it today.
Speaker: I'll make you something. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was going eat. Oh, my God. OK, well, we'll see where that goes. Yeah, I'll make you some brown rice, some salmon. OK, no, no, no. I don't need all that. OK, what do you want? oh No, no, no, no.
Speaker: I thought you were just going to do something real quick and simple. You want crispy potatoes? I can make you some crispy potatoes. OK, off chat, offside off side, off side. Well, yeah, off off chat. We'll ah offline this. Okay. um Okay, let me get you one. Let me get you.
Speaker: Reading in bars by yourself. Like, you go to a bar by yourself. You bring a book. You just read. Definitely not reading. Well, the question is reading. Yeah. Reading, i will do at a cafe. I'm not doing that out at a bar. Again, the question... Exactly.
Speaker: Yes. There's no point of me... where There's no point where I'm drinking a bar beverage and... Reading.
Speaker: Yeah. Anything. I went to a bar last week. A dude with a man bun sitting at counter reading a book. I couldn't hear my friends talk. It was so loud.
Speaker: We had to scream at each other. i'm Like, how is this person sitting here reading? What was he reading? I think it was like some... It was like, honestly, like the Odyssey. Like, it was like something pretentious. I was gonna say it'd be it'd be like really cool and punk if it was like a classic Moby Dick or something. It would have it would been crazy if it was like...
Speaker: The vagina monologues. I would have loved that. But no, it was, I don't know. I think that they said it was like something like that, but it was like not really. But I, and I kept being like, that's kind of cool. Like what an interesting person. And my friends are like, that's a poser. Like that person's just like doing it for clout. And i'm like, I don't know if I went somewhere and did that, I would not think people think I'm cool.
Speaker: Okay. Read them. To filth. to the to the odyssey i read them to the odyssey yeah i just i wouldn't i wouldn't do that but i do it at a a restaurant okay and really like what do you mean like in a booth like i'll go by myself to a restaurant maybe i'll bring a book okay i've done it at airports and stuff i don't i don't know like well one i'm just like not really reading books often i'll like start to read something i'll i'll definitely bring a book with me on like trips and then usually never get to it unless i'm like okay, I'm, like, sitting in a place for a period of time.
Speaker: um But, it would yeah, for me, it's, like, only – it has to be, like, more of like, a cafe vibe or something like that, a bistro, you know?
Speaker: it It's, like, people aren't screaming. Yeah, I don't want to be at, like, you know, freaking T.J. Fridays or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With a book. I know. It also – it does depend on the book because, like, if I'm reading the book I'm currently reading, i need – I need the absence of sound because i have no idea what I'm actually reading. um how I feel stupid. I've never felt this stupid reading something. And I'm like, I'm i'm a fairly literate person. i i do not understand what's happening. It's been 20 pages. I don't know what's going on. and I'm like really of concerned that I'm going to finish this book not knowing what happened.
Speaker: I'm like, what the fuck is this? damn i mean i have a tough time like phasing out like ah you know like when you have to read and then you have to reread because you know you didn't like yeah retain what you just read i i do that like i'll get my like self in loops i like speed read a lot i remember i think you've brought this up yeah that's crazy i gotta to watch you do it in action can you speak out loud fast too No, I can't. I can i can't even talk normal.
Speaker: i I can't even talk normal. i so I stumble over my words all the time. I stutter. I've learned. I'm a stutterer. Okay. um Oh, God. you should feel bad now, huh? Yeah. Yeah, I feel bad.
Speaker: I mean, stutter when I'm like anxious. I think I stutter. You just stutter like constantly? Why? I'll start pointing it out to you when you do it. You don't have to. I can tell.
Speaker: Actually, don't point it out. That's actually the thing you shouldn't do. Don't we point it out. I'll know. I'm aware. o oh I'm aware. See, i I guess I don't notice it. um OK.
Speaker: should i get I'll give you one more. Guy liner. Oh, I like it. I like it. I do like it. I think it's like, but it depends on how old.
Speaker: oh Listen, seven-year-old man walking around with guyliner? don't know. say say Say what that does to you. I think that because of the skin under the eyes, putting guy liner on at past a certain age, it actually accentuates like um creases and like crow's feet and everything. So it just doesn't look as natural, i think. But if that's your look, like you're emo or whatever, or you're like goth and that's like your whole vibe and everything else matches, then like do it.
Speaker: No matter the age. But i'm saying if you only wear guy liner, which by the way, I hate that it's guy liner, the word guy liner. It's like.
Speaker: I don't know what's the what's the comparable like man tampon, like man pond. Like what why are we like? Why are we put gendering it? I guess. Yeah, because it's not just like, you know, eyeliner, makeup, blah, bla blah, blah. It's guy liner. But are you talking about crow's feet and this and that you're basically like older drag queens chop.
Speaker: No, but they're wearing other makeup. That's i just like if you're wearing other stuff, like if it's your whole look, you know, when you're at the gig, you're not getting that airbrushed effect. I don't know. I think it looks nice.
Speaker: Even the chopped queens look good. I like it. Okay. from far All right. There we have it. it's good And from stage with the right lighting, no one could tell. But from the wrong lighting brick. brick house down boots wow all right that's getting cut too um let's see i got one for you faking orgasms uh no i'm so non-verbal
Speaker: how do i do i follow How do I follow up what I'm hearing, what you thought I said, and what your response was, and I'm wondering if I said the wrong thing? Like, I'm not. OK. Faking or orgasm, you're like, no, absolutely not, because I don't want to make any noise.
Speaker: Well, also, it's I guess it's hard for a guy sometimes to like fake an orgasm. In a condom? In CDS 5. Oh.
Speaker: oh
Speaker: OK, well,
Speaker: um
Speaker: yeah, no. No. Yeah. I'm also a no. Unless it's like comically faking it, like to a point where it's actually funny when you fake it.
Speaker: Then I'm into it. Or if you know that they're faking it, so then you have to match them. Absolutely. And we're both just lying. and then it's fine. Then it's both people are lying and then. Two lies cancel out and then we get the truth. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: That is true. That's what I say. Yeah. No, i've I've noticed I'm like, yeah I'm so quiet. You know, I get that critique. I know that's not that you're silent for everybody. Yeah.
Speaker: I'm a silent killer. Ooh, darling. That's what I could tell people. I don't like, I mean, don't think, don't think I'm very,
Speaker: Verbal? Verbal either. Well, no, I really am not. You're not like, oh, yes, no yes, yes, yes. Because it's never, oh, yes, yes, yes, it yes. It's a no, no. It was, I would say. then it's no no no, no, no, no. It's mostly,
Speaker: don't know. Teeth, teeth, teeth. Yeah, I always go teeth, tc teeth, teeth. See? Stutter. That wasn't really a stutter, though. That's just because that's a tongue twister. Well, I have a thing about I used to have a like a lisp with the sh sound.
Speaker: And I think i I have like a. You're developing it again? No, I think I just had i it comes back when I talk too fast. My tongue gets confused. Oh, my God. I'm not like actively telling it to not do the thing.
Speaker: Damn. Teeth. Teeth. Language. Teeth. It's crazy, y'all. This is the language episode. Yeah, babes. No, I think faking orgasm is like not for... I think you do it um if it's really funny.
Speaker: Otherwise, don't do it. Yeah. Only for comedy. Fake an orgasm for comedy because you could do anything for comedy. you Right. Comedy's candy. Or for the country. or for the Fake an orgasm for the country.
Speaker: If the country depends on your fake orgasm, I say do it. Mm-hmm. Do it soldier. Do it soldier. they Do it well because America's counting on you. That's true. Oh, that's so patriotic of you. It's like, what what did you get this purple boner for?
Speaker: You know, like purple heart. You get a purple boner. Oh, and that sounds terrible. A purple boner. Oh, my God. Yeah, but you served your country. And you orgasmed fakely. So that's why your dick is purple. Do you not love this country?
Speaker: Oh, God, no. um Okay. um With that, happy Labor Day, everybody. Oh, my God. Yeah. Happy Labor Day. Everybody coming back from the burn. Congratulations. I hope you had a fantastic time.
Speaker: I miss you. I'm jealous of you. Yeah. i hope you feel smoky. Oh, I hope you burn that man. I hope you're still sizzling. I hope that meat is still sizzled. God, I wonder what you think we do there.
Speaker: Sometimes I wonder. Oh, i I feel, yeah. You feel like know. Anyway. Okay, have a good Labor Day. Everybody, make sure to hug your significant labors, your significant others who have been laboring and toiling for you. And we're going to work on trying to get Darian something to eat. We're going figure out if he will take a potato. No, no, you won't make me. And it looks like we got an answer. So actually, scratch that. We're just going to.
Speaker: throw food at him. That's right. Okay. Bye everybody. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye Bye.
