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Pema Chodron: On how to Drop Negative Thoughts
6.6k Plays7 years ago
We’ve been highlighting some of the guests and small riffs that has been most enjoyed by you guys. We wanted to replay them because we just think they’re just that good.
I guess you do too because the downloads have been amazing. Thank you again for all your support, it’s because of everybody out there who has continued to listen that this show can continue on. If I could ask you a quick question, favor, from me to you. If you could hop over to iTunes, leave a review. Every little bit counts, this is free, the only way that this continues is people like you supporting the show.
If you don’t mind, hop over to iTunes, quickly write a little review, it really helps the ratings of the show and gets us out to more people. Thank you again and on with the show.
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Transcript
Introduction and Listener Appreciation
00:00:17
Speaker
Welcome to this week's episode of the Art of Authenticity. Welcome back everyone. We've been doing a best of month. I hope you've been enjoying it. We've been highlighting some of the guests and small riffs that have been most enjoyed by you guys. We wanted to replay them because we just think they're just that good. And I guess you do too because the downloads have been amazing. Thank you again for all your support. It's because of everybody out there who has continued to listen that this show
00:00:45
Speaker
can continue on. If I could ask you a quick question, favor from me to you, if you could hop over to iTunes, leave a review. Every little bit counts. This is free. The only way that this continues is people like you supporting the show. So if you don't mind, hop over to iTunes, quickly write a little review. It really helps the readings of the show and gets us out to more people.
00:01:08
Speaker
So thank you again and on with the
Mindfulness and Authenticity
00:01:11
Speaker
show. Today I did a show about Pema on finding your authentic self and I've just been a little consumed with it mainly because I have a client who asked me if we could read it together as part of his interest in potentially becoming a life coach.
00:01:26
Speaker
But something stuck out and I wanted to share it with you guys because I feel as if every single one of us is in this predicament at least five to 20 or a hundred times in a day. You find yourself on a meditation retreat having noodles for breakfast.
00:01:43
Speaker
Maybe in the beginning it seems funny, but halfway through the breakfast you find yourself, instead of being in a mindful mood of the food, you find yourself talking to yourself about how you'd like to have breakfast and you'd like it to be a different kind of breakfast. And Pema goes into this funny little story, that's her story, about the breakfast and how it's not exactly what you wanted.
00:02:04
Speaker
You don't really want noodles. You would rather have eggs and bacon. You'd rather have your mom's favorite matzo ball soup. And you find yourself really focusing on this and really not enjoying the food that's in front of you, and you start to loop.
Managing Distressing Thoughts
00:02:18
Speaker
Now, she's giving us a funny example, but really it's more common that it's an email that somebody sends you or a text message that seemed short or a way in which a friend talked to you or perhaps your boss or a coworker.
00:02:31
Speaker
Something sticks out in the middle of the day and it just grabs you and it starts to have you loop, right? We've talked to our friends about it. It's in the back of our minds and we run this tape over and over and over. And what is the outcome? The outcome is that we feel terrible, right? We think that by talking about this, it's going to help. But you start to get a sense of resentment.
00:02:58
Speaker
What points out is that if something else happens that's more serious, say you're getting very upset about an email when in fact somebody who you love gets sick or you trip and fall and you hurt yourself, all of a sudden the thing that you were so upset about seems kind of irrelevant.
00:03:17
Speaker
Right? And then if you do see somebody who's fixating on something small when you're dealing with something larger, you notice how that seems rather trivial. All of us have been there, right? It doesn't mean that you're being judgmental. It's just this acknowledgement if you're going through something really big or difficult, how those little things aren't that important.
00:03:38
Speaker
So she's pointing out that every day there's this opportunity to just drop things. But if you tell somebody to drop it in the middle of having that frustrated, irritated moment, it's actually going to bring up more frustration, a sense of pity, a sense of you're not understanding, you don't get the plight that I'm in. So the whole point that Pema brings up is to actually practice starting where you are. That's the name of the book, Start Where You Are.
00:04:08
Speaker
But she says the result of doing the practice, to your surprise, you find that this week you can drop it more than last week. And as the year goes by, you can drop it more than the previous year. And as time goes by, you find that you can spontaneously just drop it more and more and more.
Emotional Growth and Training
00:04:28
Speaker
So the point that I make over and over and in my work is this idea of emotional workouts, emotional obesity, emotional strength, emotional fitness. Why do I always talk about this? I talk about it because I believe that most of us understand that muscles without lifting five pound weights and then 10 pound weights and then 20 pound weights, that's how it works. But when it comes to our emotional life, we don't start with a five pound weight and then build up to the 10 pound weight.
00:04:56
Speaker
And so Pema is suggesting what I'm suggesting, which is start with the small stuff. If you notice that you're really focused on something that's kind of small, try not to repeat it. Try not to tell a friend about it. Try not to circle it in your head. Shift your focus to something else. And often the thing that we can shift our focus to is something that you feel gratitude for.
00:05:21
Speaker
anything, just gratitude that you have on socks that are really warm and you're feeling cozy in them. Anything would help stop this loop. And it's a practice and at first it's difficult. So if you find that you are trying to stop that loop and it doesn't really work, you know, that's okay.
Shifting Focus and Practicing Gratitude
00:05:41
Speaker
try it again and again it's lifting those weights it's doing the reps and so at first the reps hurt what happens to muscles they tear they break down they don't make a muscle for quite a while you're sore at first but after a little period of time not that long you get stronger and stronger and stronger and to her point you can drop it more and more and more
00:06:03
Speaker
So what is it in your life today that's on your mind? I bet everybody out there has at least five things that they are looping on. Some fight that they've had with their spouse, some discussion that they want to have with their boss that they have been avoiding and it's going on in your mind over and over and over.
00:06:23
Speaker
Anything that you're thinking about that is bothering you that you are replaying over and over in your head, see if you can shift the focus. Even if you come back to it 20 minutes later, try shifting the focus. Over time, you can shift your focus quicker. The space between coming back to those thoughts gets longer. And over years, it gets bigger and bigger until these things just don't plague you.
00:06:50
Speaker
your life doesn't become one laundry list of things that you're looping and looping through, causing a level of anxiety and discomfort and unhappiness in your lives. Give it a shot. I hope
Recommended Reading
00:07:03
Speaker
it works. I love Pema. If you haven't checked out the books that she's written, the audio books, Don't Bite the Hook is something I recommend to anybody. Start Where You Are is a great book. She's fantastic. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. And as I said, if you could come over to iTunes,
00:07:20
Speaker
drop in a review, I'd really appreciate it.