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129. Naming, Processing and Embracing Our Emotions with Devon Loftus
125 Plays1 year ago
How can we invite in our emotions without allowing them to overtake us?
On this week's episode, we're diving into all things emotions with a dear friend of the show, Devon Loftus, founder of Moon Cycle Bakery and one of our guests from Episode 49.
In addition to her work with Moon Cycle, Devon is a creative writing teacher, positive psychology practitioner and author of the new book “Dwell: A Journal for Naming, Processing and Embracing Your Emotions,” which will be released on April 18. Her book uses creative journaling prompts to invite readers to welcome all of their emotions without judgment or shame.
In our conversation, Devon shares why it is so important for us to feel our feelings. We talk about the different types of emotions we face and how they might affect us, why personifying our emotions can help us deal with them in healthier ways, how we can channel our anger during moments of injustice, and much more. Plus, Devon updates us on what’s happening at Moon Cycle Bakery, and we walk through one of the journal exercises from her new book.
If you enjoy this episode, please feel free to rate and review the podcast on whatever app you’re listening on, and share with a friend!
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CONNECT WITH DEVON
Website: https://devonloftuswrites.com/
Book: https://devonloftuswrites.com/books
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_devonloftus/
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CONNECT WITH THE SHOW
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Transcript
Introduction to Wellness and Wanderlust Podcast
00:00:03
Speaker
Welcome to the wellness and wanderlust podcast. We're here to demystify wellness and help you add a little adventure to your life. Tune in for a new episode every week, where we'll hear from incredible guests and talk about ways to be happier and healthier in our new normal. I'm your host, Valerie Moses. Let's get started.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hi, everyone. I am so excited to welcome you to the Wellness and Wonderless podcast. I hope this show finds you at the exact moment that you needed to hear it. Our show is all about helping you create your best life one small step at a time. I absolutely love this community, and I'm grateful to each and every one of you for tuning in this week.
Guest Introduction: Devon Loftus and 'Dwell'
00:00:40
Speaker
We have a very special guest that I know you're going to love. This week, we're sitting down with a dear friend of the show, Devon Loftus, the founder of Mooncycle Bakery, and one of our guests from episode 49 of this show. In addition to her work with Mooncycle,
00:00:52
Speaker
Devin is a creative writing teacher, positive psychology practitioner, and author of the new book, Dwell, a journal for naming, processing, and embracing your emotions, which will be released on April 18. Her book uses creative journaling prompts to invite readers to welcome all of their emotions without judgment or shame.
Understanding and Processing Emotions
00:01:09
Speaker
In our conversation, Devin shares why it is so important for us to feel our feelings and how we can deal with the uncomfortable emotions without letting them overtake us. We talk about the different types of emotions we face and how they might affect us.
00:01:22
Speaker
why personifying our emotions can help us deal with them in healthier ways, how we can channel our anger during moments of injustice, and much, much more. Plus, Devon updates us on what's happening at Mooncycle Bakery, and we walk through one of the journal exercises from her new book. I'd like to thank Laird Superfood for sponsoring this episode. If you've been listening to the show for a while, you know that I'm always on the go and looking for quick lifestyle shifts that can make a major impact on my health. That is why I love Laird Superfood products.
00:01:48
Speaker
I'm a big fan of their functional mushroom coffee with chaga and lion's meen. It's a great way to boost my energy for the day while getting a lot more out of my cup. All Laird products are sustainably sourced and thoroughly tested to ensure that you are incorporating the cleanest, finest fuel into your routine. They offer a variety of snacks and supplements full of wholesome plant-based ingredients to keep you charged for wherever life takes you. Are you ready to feel more energized, focused, and supported? Go to LairdSuperFood.com slash Wanderlust and add nourishing plant-based foods
00:02:17
Speaker
to fuel you from sunrise to sunset. Use our promo code wanderlust at checkout to save 15% off your purchase today. All right my friends, now let's dive into this week's conversation. Hey Devin, so good to have you back on the show.
Mooncycle Bakery Updates and Achievements
00:02:30
Speaker
Hi Valerie, it's so, so nice to be here. Thank you. Thank you so much for coming on and the last time we just, you know, we were talking at the top of the show
00:02:39
Speaker
The last time you were on was September of 2021. So for those who were either not tuning in back in the day or they're maybe a little bit newer to your work, why don't you introduce yourself to our listeners and just share a little bit about what you've been up to in the last couple of years? Yeah, absolutely. Gosh, it feels like, I'm sure everyone can relate. It feels like a million lifetimes has happened in the last three years.
00:03:04
Speaker
I am Devin Loftus. I'm the founder of Mooncycle Bakery, which is what I was talking to Valerie about in our last ketchup. And Mooncycle is a food delivery service looking at the menstrual cycle. So we look at the four phases of the menstrual cycle. We look at the hormones and the micronutrients that deplete during those four phases. And then we work with whole ingredients like sweet potatoes and cacao and that good stuff you have
00:03:32
Speaker
Hanging around in your house or the very least, you know in a market close to you And we built treats that would help to replenish some of those micro nutrients with the key focus on basically coming back to your body and Giving yourself what you need and nourishing yourself both physically and emotionally so moon cycles since then has we actually closed down our kitchen and we've been selling our dry goods, so it is taking the
00:04:00
Speaker
The recipes that we used for our treats are fresh treats, like our perishable treats, and we made them into dry mixes so that you can order them and make them at home. And it's been really nice. It's shelf life stable, so it's a lot easier for people. It's a lot easier for us, but you still get all that goodness. And yeah, we've been quiet as I start to promote my second book, but on the moon cycle front, the last thing that happened was we won a Nautilus Book Award.
00:04:28
Speaker
And that was really exciting. It was for it's better books for a better world is what the Nautilus Award is about. And we fell into the category of high level wellness, responsible leadership and positive social change and social justice, which
00:04:42
Speaker
that feels forever important in this space, but certainly as of the last, you know, couple of years. So it's been a wild, beautiful ride. I'm so grateful for it. And now it's time to see what this next book is going to become. Yes. Well, congratulations on the book award. I think like it's so nice to see your work recognize something you're putting your heart and soul into, but then on that level that someone is telling you, Hey, your book is making a difference for people. I mean, how cool is that?
00:05:09
Speaker
Yeah, it honestly for the cookbook, it has been the biggest to me, it's the biggest success because we, you know, you can measure success in all sorts of ways, right? People do, I think it's, we should all define success
Education and Empowerment on Female Body
00:05:21
Speaker
for ourselves. But for me, it's, we still two years later, get
00:05:25
Speaker
messages from people about how it's helped them, whether it's just helped them feel more confident in making choices for themselves, which is massive. Or I've gotten some messages about how it helped them regulate their cycle so they could get pregnant, which is just amazing. Nothing I honestly thought about when writing the book. I just wanted people to feel more like they had more information and they could
00:05:47
Speaker
do what they needed to do with it. So yeah, I agree. I think it's, it's definitely, to me, it's like, it's just, I did it. Like I did everything I came to do was just reach people and help them.
00:05:58
Speaker
That's amazing. And I really do think it's so empowering too, because, you know, we talked about this, you know, on our last episode together about how little we are educated about the female body in school. And so many of my friends, you know, we're in a stage now where, you know, I'm 32. A lot of my friends are trying to get pregnant or they're in that phase. And even for them, a lot of them didn't know that we had four phases in our cycle and that there's more than just ovulating and having your period and just,
00:06:28
Speaker
that there was so much that we didn't know that we're, I think we're in a time where we're finally kind of taking that back a little bit and not having that shame around it. But I think books like yours, it really does serve to educate and just give you that power to make better decisions around your body and to nourish your body in a way. Yeah, absolutely. I could not agree more, especially that shame bit that is
00:06:51
Speaker
It's such a big part of it. Now I'm in somatic therapy and so very tight with the nervous system, so I'm learning so much about that. One thing my therapist taught me was that shame, which is just very funny as we're going to talk about emotions, but shame is a halt on our nervous system. It's literally put there to halt yourself from doing something, but it was used in primal
00:07:19
Speaker
times when you would go out and the example she gave was you would gather fruit for the village or for your tiny family that was trying to survive. And shame was there so that you wouldn't eat the berries and people would starve. It's very primal, right? But now in these days, we don't use shame like that. And so we can really get stuck. And if shame halts the system, then that means you can't move.
00:07:44
Speaker
And when you can't move, you can't give yourself what you need. You can't, you know, you don't feel that confidence or that understanding to make the choice that feels best for you. So yeah, shame is such a sticky thing and it's often used in really twisted ways, I think in modern society. But yeah, I do think battling or really like understanding that shame is important when it comes to giving yourself what you need.
00:08:06
Speaker
Oh, a hundred percent. And I'm, I'm so glad that you, that you brought that up because I, I wasn't super familiar with the somatic therapy, but I love that. Right. It was just the way that she defines it with, you know, that halt because you're so right. When, when you're in shame, like you, you feel stuck. You feel like you can't really make that move. And we have to talk about your
Devon's Journey with Emotions and Writing 'Dwell'
00:08:27
Speaker
book. Of course, the shame is one of those things that every single one of us has dealt with at one point or another. There's.
00:08:34
Speaker
I'm not sure if you ever watched the show Big Mouth, which is a little vulnerable. Oh my God, I love it. Yeah, the Shame Wizard is so awful. I get hyped when I see him. He's horrible. He really, really is. Yeah.
00:08:50
Speaker
There are emotions that we deal with that are just so difficult. And so I would love to know because you talk about emotions, you really personify them in the book that you've just come out with. Why don't you share a little bit about the book and what kind of led from mooncycle bakery and mooncycle cookbook to what feels like a very different, although at the same time related topic. Yeah. Yeah. So my second book coming out in April is called dwell. It's a journal for naming.
00:09:19
Speaker
processing and embracing your emotions. And gosh, what led to it, honestly, I feel like this is a lot of it's a big part of at least at this age of 34. It's a it's a big part of my life's work. It stemmed from I think having a lot of shame for being a very big feeling, a motive child. And in the, you know, growing up in the environment I was in, it wasn't really allowed. It wasn't really understood. You know, I don't think like the people
00:09:48
Speaker
the elders that I grew up with really had their own tools to deal with their own big emotions. So there wasn't a lot of regulating. There certainly wasn't a lot of naming an emotion or talking about it. And so I just felt very alone and often felt very ashamed for feeling the ways I did, which when I got older resulted in a lot of low self-worth. And then that resulted in depression, suicidal ideation, to which point I started going to therapy and really understanding that
00:10:17
Speaker
this is a human experience. We all experience, to your point, these really beautiful, big emotions, but we also experience these really hard, heavy emotions. I just started to really love that about myself. I realized what a superpower that actually is. If we're all feeling this, then there are other people that feel like me, that feel like they can't express themselves or they don't feel like they should, to some extent. It's habit, which I think is what ties
00:10:44
Speaker
The moon cycle is tough with this. Without me really knowing it, I like breaking that taboo of feeling.
00:10:49
Speaker
Yeah. I think it's so, I think especially as women, we're taught to really push it down or else you're hormonal. You're having whatever, having feelings invalidates whatever point you're bringing to the table or whatever thought you have, which is really sad. And I think it's really, I think it's very short-sighted because when we bring our emotions to the table, I mean, of course I can't be in every single meeting crying or whatever, you know, I need to
00:11:17
Speaker
kind of rein it in, but at the same time bringing, you know, especially that emotional intelligence, but bringing that to the table, I think leading with heart and bringing that there, I think that that is something that is finally being recognized a little bit more, but it's often so overlooked and we're taught to kind of push it down and only show the emotions that are socially acceptable and to not talk.
00:11:40
Speaker
Yeah. I talk about that in the book. There is that aspect of it's like a dating app. I can't remember which ways they go because I have been with my partner for a very long time. It's like swiping left for joy or right for grief. We're often taught to push down. I think
00:11:59
Speaker
to your point of, you know, my friend just said at this weekend, she was talking about a boss that she's been butting heads with and something triggered her that this boss did. And she was like, I cried before I cried. And then I went to the meeting and talked with her.
00:12:15
Speaker
And I think that's the thing. It's like there is space for both. We just are often taught there isn't. Not to mention that that's actually how emotions want to live their lives. Like they want to ebb and flow. They are meant to be felt and then they're meant to be released. So I think, yeah, to your point that emotional intelligence bit, it's like, and this is in the book, right? Like it is about naming it and acknowledging it.
00:12:37
Speaker
letting it take up space and then knowing when it's time to let it dissipate because that's where the wellness lives. We don't want to avoid, but we also don't want to ruminate. And it's hard. It is so hard. I can't pretend like just because I wrote this book that I am by any means a pro or it's still a forever long learning experience, I think, that we all do.
00:13:01
Speaker
Yeah, and I am the queen of ruminating I'll be honest and yeah, I've been really happy to see that I think there's a new level of vulnerability that is starting to finally become acceptable at least in close circles I think I'm seeing it more I think there have been times where you go to your friends and everyone still wants to put on that social media face and you don't want to
00:13:24
Speaker
you know, bring in everything that's going on. And I was at a brunch this weekend and one of the girls got there and we asked her, Hey, what have you been up to? How are you? She said, I'm actually not good. And we sat down and talked about it. And I'm sad that things are not going well for her, but we had a very good conversation and there were things I needed to hear, things that I personally am going through where I felt a little less alone.
00:13:47
Speaker
Yeah. And I think it's a group of people that we all know each other through one friend, so we didn't know each other as well before we got there. And I think it really deepened the ties a little bit. And, you know, that level of connection that's there and having someone hold space for it. But then I think also acknowledging it for ourselves. And I've had so many times where when I finally let myself cry, it was maybe five minutes. And then I'm like, OK, and time to, you know, it's not it doesn't overtake you the way you think it will.
00:14:17
Speaker
Yes. Yeah, absolutely. First of all, I love that that I love I think it says so much that you have like places and have created places that people can do that. So kudos to you. I also love that bit about connection because I really do think that was the
00:14:34
Speaker
I think it is the ultimate truth about feelings. It's like the universal language we all speak. It's inclusive in every respect. It doesn't matter really who you are, where you've come from. I mean, it does. It does in certain ways. I would
Universal Language of Emotions
00:14:46
Speaker
say it varies. It's nuanced because it's always nuanced. And there are lots of racial injustice that I'll never fully understand and emotions that I can't fully understand in that respect.
00:14:56
Speaker
But in a very human way, we all have feelings and we can all connect there. And so when we kind of shut them down or out, then we are ultimately cutting the ties that might, I don't know, like bring you healing, bring someone else healing.
00:15:11
Speaker
just make you feel happy connecting with other people, filling your cup. You have no idea to your point what someone's going to share that you needed to hear, like you just said, or what you're going to share that someone's going to say that you've never looked at it that way. And so if you're not in touch with your emotions and certainly not voicing them, then are you really fully
00:15:34
Speaker
living, you know, or like, are you, or you're kind of just like the way I look at it, it's like your, the pulse is kind of, it's a little flatlined sometimes because we can't fully be alive if we're not fully aware of the feelings and what's coming up for us, what they're trying to tell us.
00:15:49
Speaker
Yeah. Well, and I love what you said too about how we can't always understand someone's exact experience. And even the person that I was talking to at the brunch this weekend, we have very different life experiences and what she was going through. The emotions behind it were very similar to what I was going through, but very different experiences. And I think
00:16:08
Speaker
it then gives me empathy when like I can't especially like when it does come to race, I can't understand from a first person perspective of how a certain situation is or would make me feel but I do know the feelings of rejection and feeling not included in whatever situation and feeling
00:16:26
Speaker
even it's just some of the same emotions just in a different context. And I think it gives me more empathy and sometimes more anger for the situation they're going through on their behalf. I get very angry on other people's behalf, like a little too much. I probably could be more productive with it. But I think that we have so many big feelings that we push down. And when it comes to feeling our feelings, I think even sometimes feeling the good feelings, we kind of just move through.
00:16:55
Speaker
But especially the ones that are difficult for us and that we, I mean, I'm tempted to call them negative feelings, but I know they all serve a purpose. But how do we change our perspective around that so that we do welcome them when they come and also not get completely overtaken by them? Yeah, gosh, that is the question. The golden question.
00:17:17
Speaker
Yes, I love that you didn't call it negative. I try not to as well. I agree. I think they all serve a purpose. And when we kind of label them as negative or positive, we already start to judge them and then curiosities turned off and then we can't even look at them as the witness. You know, my therapist says that a lot. Like she it was really awesome. She was explaining how like rage is it's like feeling without a witness, right? Like you kind of you're not witnessing something. You're just so overcome by this emotion. And then it becomes it
00:17:47
Speaker
oftentimes becomes destructive, whereas healthy anger is feeling with a witness. So you can feel angry, but you're still seeing yourself, you're still in your body. And I think when it comes to feeling these really big emotions, whether it is rage or it is grief or it is sorrow, whatever it ends up being, I would say even joy, like joy can be such, it can fill us up and then sometimes we end up chasing it. When it comes to any big emotion that kind of overtakes, I think embodiment is the key. So, you know, if you look at the book I wrote and the steps that I write about in there,
00:18:18
Speaker
Number one is greeting the emotion. And that really means acknowledging that it's there and then giving it a name. So it's like in that moment when you're feeling something before you act on it, you're like, oh, I'm angry or I'm sad or whatever it is, I'm disappointed. And then that next step is sitting with it. And I think that's key. It sounds counterintuitive, right? But I think that's key is not letting it overwhelm you. Like letting it take up space and overwhelm you for
00:18:44
Speaker
like giving it the space it needs to be like, I'm here. I think that is ultimately what, if you don't do that, you can't let it go because you haven't given it the space it needs. You haven't acknowledged it the way it needs to be acknowledged. So a lot of times in therapy, I will sit there and if I, if something comes up, if I bring something up or it comes up, she asks me a question and I go to answer it and I start to tear up or something, she will literally stop and be like, okay, let's just sit. Can we, I always love she asks, can we just sit?
00:19:15
Speaker
here, like let's see your nervous system is responding, so can we just sit in it? So my husband like asked me when we first started, he's like, how is it? I'm like, it's so uncomfortable. Like I have to sit there and cry in front of basically a stranger at that point. But then what I noticed was it would dissipate. When I could cry and not attach a reason, a story, not judge it, it would dissipate. And then once I'm able to do that, I can ask the question. So then I can be like, oh, what was that trigger? Like, what did I hear a voice? Was there a story behind it? Is there a hurt story here?
00:19:44
Speaker
that's causing this reaction, what's not even necessarily needing to know what's that hurt story come from because a lot of, or I shouldn't say a lot of times, but there are times we might not, but just acknowledging like, Oh, that that's, there's a story there. I'm too much, or I don't belong. You know, that there's these stories that really can, we can over identify with, and then we get caught in the emotion because there's a loop.
00:20:05
Speaker
So I think if we can really let ourselves feel it before we try to figure out what it means, before we just try to fix it, that's when it won't be met with this urgency. It'll be met with curiosity. Yeah. I think it's so tempting to try to skip that step and to go straight to the, okay, let's fix it. How can we make this better? And I think.
00:20:24
Speaker
When we do that, we really do ourselves a disservice. And ultimately, if there's a problem to be solved, you're not really solving it. You're just kind of pushing it down and it's just going to come up in a different way at some point. It can be really hard. I love that feeling without a witness piece. I think that that's such a great, I heard someone say recently, and I don't remember where I heard this, but something along the lines of anger being like a mask that sadness wears. I love that.
00:20:51
Speaker
Yeah, I think that investigation piece with that, that we're really sitting down and identifying because I've had so many times where I'm like, I just feel bad. Yeah, yeah. But what do I feel? Am I feeling shame? Am I frustrated? Am I angry? Am I heartbroken? Do I feel rejected? What am I actually feeling? And even same with the positive feelings or with the easier feelings to have.
00:21:20
Speaker
You know, when you're going through some kind of challenge and then you're just like, well, I just feel horrible. And it's like, okay, well, but how? Yes. And I think that's a huge thing, right? Like, so, um, naming is such a big part of the process. You really can't process until you can name it. Or, you know, I, I so often in conversations with people will hear like, well, how do
Conversing and Personifying Emotions
00:21:43
Speaker
you feel? And it'll be like, well, I just think, et cetera, et cetera.
00:21:47
Speaker
and it's like that's valid but how do you feel? It's just it's one word like sad, mad or you know it's a name and I think that we're not often taught how to do that and I love it because I'm seeing that a lot more too like Brené Brown talks about it in Atlas of the Heart which is her a book that I think it came out last year or year before
00:22:08
Speaker
But it's amazing, her usual, she's amazing. But she says, language shows us that naming and experience doesn't give the experience more power. It gives us the power of understanding and meaning. And I think that's the key, right? So it's funny, but it's kind of like moon cycle.
00:22:25
Speaker
If you can give someone the education and tools they need, they have everything inside them. We are so capable. We really don't need to be sold anything. We just need the education so that we understand what it is we need to do, and then we can easily do it.
00:22:41
Speaker
And I think that, and I talk about this in the book too, but naming, it really helps us create the worlds, like our internal landscape. So there's this quote, I got my positive psychology certificate with the flourishing center and they talk about it and they say like words create worlds. So if we want a richer internal world, we need, we need more words to describe them. So yeah, I think it's, naming is a really important part of this all.
00:23:07
Speaker
Absolutely. And that's something I really love with your book that when you get into the different emotions, there are some that I would almost, I would have trouble distinguishing between. And I think you do such a beautiful job of diving a little bit deeper into exactly what those mean for you, what they feel like for you, what they look like for you. And it really does, as a reader, it opens up my mind to think, well, maybe when I'm going through this particular situation, maybe this is the emotion that this
00:23:34
Speaker
And I think that that's very, very helpful because it is sometimes hard to name it, especially if you were like so many of us. And I think a lot of people fall into this trap where you're just kind of trying to bypass it. And so you haven't named it in the past and you're really having to get intentional now. There's so much beauty in that. And I'd love to know, you know, as you're going through this process, so you've named it and you're starting to sit with it.
00:23:59
Speaker
where do we go from here and how do we really start to embrace it or at the very least not let it throw us into the depths of despair that we're never coming back from? Yeah, so first of all, I love your point of like the nuances, right? And I think that's the thing I love most about emotions and this process is this book is really, I mean,
00:24:21
Speaker
With every fiber of my being, I want this to be someone else's book. The way we process things and feel things is so complex and that's what makes it so wonderful. It's like dialects, you know what I mean? We're accents, we're all going to approach things differently.
00:24:39
Speaker
based on our experiences, based on who we are. And I love that. So what my emotion looks like might not be what your emotion looks like. And I think that is the beauty of it and really like why the prompts are so great because they're there to help people do this on their own in their own way. I also think that when it comes to kind of that, where do we move from here, right? So I also really like looking at my therapist taught me this as well.
00:25:01
Speaker
What like that sign before the sign before the sign so she calls it the sneeze and basically her point is so rage was something that I grew up with always always struggled with and basically through like emotional and physical abuse as a child I raged because I thought it was how I survived and I just had a really hard time reading the sign before the sign meaning before you sneeze and and the result is the boogers and like when you're about to like take a deep breath and go at you it's too late
00:25:29
Speaker
You're already about to sneeze. But what was it before that? Was it like a tickle in the nose? Or was it like watery eyes? And what was it before that? Like maybe it was when a dog walked in and I'm allergic to it. So you're starting to see like, okay, once I can name an emotion, now I can start to sit with it in my body. And then I can start to back up a little and be like,
00:25:49
Speaker
okay, what was it before that? And what was it before that? And then from there, you can go into speaking to it. So the next step would be conversing. And the reason I really love this stage of it is because you've named it, you're sitting with it, you're like, I'm fucking exhausted. Like this is heavy, this is hard. To your point, do I like spiral into despair or ruminate? Or do I just avoid and cut it and go? And I think the conversing part is actually really lighthearted. It's like that whimsical approach that has helped me really stay with the emotion instead of either
00:26:19
Speaker
because the exact same way I fight or I flee. So here is where you get curious and you get imaginative, which when we're in feelings, we are not in our logical brain. And you really can't think your way out of an emotion. I wouldn't suggest that. I don't think it's real, to be honest, or at the very least not sustainable.
00:26:40
Speaker
However, when you can kind of distance yourself a little from it, you can start to get into that part of your brain that is more logically thinking. And what I mean by that is you can become curious. You're not judging it.
00:26:53
Speaker
We also here can understand that we step into their world. So how do we not spiral? We remember, I have power here. This is a choice I make. If I don't have capacity right now in this moment, I can come back to this emotion. It doesn't need to be right now, right? There doesn't need to be that urgency. In fact, in the book, there's a little part
00:27:12
Speaker
the prompts called if you need a rain check and it's just to hold yourself accountable but also give yourself that safety so I am not a capacity I'm really mad right now I'm going to say I'm really mad I felt it and I need to just say I'm mad and take a break and I'll come back to it and then when we're ready we can sit down with it we can ask it all the questions are in this
00:27:34
Speaker
in case we can personify it. And this helps us feel our emotions without over-identifying it or make it mean something. So we wanna know more about this emotion as though it was a person, right? Like if it was your neighbor and they were sad, to your point, you're the friend that you had at dinner, you'd stop and you'd be like, well, what's going on? And that's kind of how we wanna approach our feelings too. And then all of a sudden we're curious, we're empathetic, we're compassionate, and we're not spiraling, but we're not fleeing, we're just being, we're just talking to ourselves.
00:28:02
Speaker
Yeah, because I think so often when, I mean, we say this a lot, but we are so much kinder to the people in our lives than we are to ourselves. But when you kind of separate yourself, I love, like Gretchen Rubin talks about the four tendencies and how we respond to outer and inner expectations. And for those of us who are the people pleasers that are only responding to the outer expectations and just trying to people please,
00:28:27
Speaker
she talks about externalizing yourself and considering yourself almost as that outside person that future self and I found it so helpful to kind of separate myself in some way and kind of step back and I love how you take that a step further in the book and they really have these personalities they have
00:28:45
Speaker
There's a physical look to the emotions, the way that you've written about them. Sometimes they go together. Sometimes they don't. But even the way you describe them and something having to do with the nuance piece too is that we approach them differently. But something I learned, I remember in a creative writing class, they said that the more specific sometimes you get, the more often people will actually relate to what you're saying, which I thought was totally
00:29:13
Speaker
I'm like, there's no way because no one is feeling what I feel. And then, you know, I was in the book. I actually I wrote this quote down when you were talking about depression. He had been quietly arriving all along, leaving breadcrumbs along the way, hinting in his insidious manner as the color drain from my face that he would soon make a home inside me. And I found that so powerful because I had never thought because when when I have gone through those episodes, I always think about it in terms of
00:29:41
Speaker
like, well, I'm not going through that because I didn't have that moment that took place that was the moment. It's not, I'm not grieving a death. I'm not whatever it is. And when I really sit back and think about some of those times in my life, you can see the sneeze. And I love that metaphor, but there were signs and there were things that I didn't recognize at the time, but realizing later, oh yeah, I stopped doing
00:30:07
Speaker
that particular thing or I started masking with food or I started making myself really busy or whatever it is that I was doing or that was happening in my life that maybe that I was allowing or that I was internalizing in a certain way. But when it really comes down to it, you realize it's most of the time not going to just sneak up on you. It's like there is something that's leading to it. And I think the specificity in that in the book that really
00:30:33
Speaker
And I think readers will really be able to relate to how some of those emotions kind of manifest themselves and what they might look like. Yeah, yeah, that's such a good point. Yeah, I mean, mental health is it's like an ocean, right? Like we know, but we there's so so much we don't know. And it's
00:30:51
Speaker
ever moving and it's complex and it's hard. Like we, I talk about it a bit in the book too of like, not only do we all experience emotions differently, but mental illness also affects us differently. What depression is for me might not be what it is for you or even like what causes my depression or my depressive episodes might not cause them for you. I think that's such an interesting point. Like, yeah, like we don't, it's almost like we're not giving ourselves the permission to just feel
00:31:21
Speaker
not giving ourselves permission to just be human. We are trying to be like, well, this didn't happen. Why am I so sad? I feel that sometimes. I'm like, why am I so sad? I have such a great life. Today, I'm just so sad. And I can't really place why that is. And I think it's important because you're right. Sometimes we can, and that's wonderful. And then there's going to be times we can't. And I think
00:31:45
Speaker
Again, the more I do somatic work, the more I realize like my, my very human self, like how human of us, right? Like we need to know what it is that caused something. Like we just, we have to know, we don't like the unknown, but there will be some, there will be many times where we just don't know. And I think it's like, how can we still show up for ourselves in our, in our emotions?
00:32:05
Speaker
when we don't know why they're there. How can we still give them, how can we still converse with them? How can we still sit down and listen to them? And even if we ask why are you here and they don't answer it, can we still accept them? Can we still have compassion? And when we do, do we notice that they move through quicker because we didn't try and fight it and we didn't try and make it mean something? It's a dance, for sure.
00:32:26
Speaker
Yeah, it's hard because you go back and forth with like, I think sometimes the bad thing happens, the difficult thing happens, or some kind of injustice. And it's really hard because you have the people that'll say, well, everything happens for a reason, or the people that will really
00:32:44
Speaker
rationalize whatever it is. And sometimes it's like, this just really sucks for whatever reason. And kind of trying to figure out, well, cause sometimes like some of the injustices, like I just get so angry sometimes that I have trouble taking the more enlightened approach and kind of trying to figure out, well, what can I do or whatever it is? And I just get mad. But at the same time, like
00:33:04
Speaker
It's a struggle because when do you, I don't know, when you sit with it and you're trying to figure out how you want to part ways, I think it can be challenging to A, not take a victim mentality. I think that can be really easy to find ourselves in, but B, not accepting the things that are, as far as injustices in the world go, we don't want to accept them either. So where do we find the balance there? Yeah.
00:33:31
Speaker
that victim part. Absolutely. I feel like my tendons like I can definitely become a martyr. When I Yeah, it's easy. And there's a quote, actually, let me see if I can find it that Clarissa Pincola a space from Women Who Run With the Wolves talks about and I love it so much. It's like, it's easily I feel like I bring it up in so many conversations because I think it's really important. But she says dwelling on trauma,
00:33:57
Speaker
and doing so intensely for a period of time is very important to healing.
Healing Trauma and Channeling Emotions
00:34:02
Speaker
But eventually all injury has to be given sutures and be allowed to heal over and discard tissue. Um, so yeah, like we, we absolutely do need to say goodbye and ultimately, you know, the, it's perfect because you're ruling us into the last step in the book, which is saying goodbye with gratitude. I would even say like you could nix the gratitude. Sometimes I like using gratitude when I can, when it's like, when it's accessible, because for me, it's a very grounding.
00:34:28
Speaker
Emotion like even like I'm grateful for whatever came through basically whether it was messy and I handled it messy or whether it was You know, I like regulated really easily and was able to channel it what it doesn't matter Like it ultimately gives me compassion and gives me the permission to be human So that's why I said we've gratitude but that saying goodbye part is always so hard. It's vague Honestly, and ultimately it's like, you know, you could use the term regulate I think that's what it is for me and that's what I get to in the book and
00:34:56
Speaker
I think that I often look, often when it comes to injustice, I often look at Ruth Bader Ginsburg when it comes to, she's like, I can't remember where I read it. Her mom would always tell her that basically like getting angry doesn't solve anything, like using that anger and kind of burning things down around you doesn't solve anything, like you have to channel it.
00:35:15
Speaker
and i just think she's such a good example because she was such a force but she was she was contained like she was so angry i mean obviously right she was she was the bulldog for like the people that were suffering and and the people that really needed someone to show up and be like this isn't right and we're not i'm not gonna stand for this i'm gonna make
00:35:34
Speaker
a change that's going to last, it's going to be my legacy and it's going to affect millions of people. And so obviously she was angry because if she wasn't angry, she wouldn't have done it. I mean, anger is a really healthy emotion to your point. But I think there is something to be said of like, again, feeling that emotion and then knowing when to let it go. And when I say goodbye, what I'm talking about is coming back to your body. So if when we're feeling big emotions, it causes us to kind of move outside our bodies, right?
00:36:04
Speaker
like think about, or inside our bodies. So when I think about shame, I literally hunch my shoulders or anxiety. Like I tighten, everything's tightened. So I'm going inside and not in the way of, I'm not like pruning roses in my internal landscape. I'm like walking back and like pacing inside there. I'm hunched in, or if I'm mad, I'm explosive, I'm out, or I should say if I'm rageful, I'm explosive, I'm out.
00:36:26
Speaker
I think that when we're saying goodbye or trying to regulate, it's really about like coming in and finding the stillness, the quiet. And that doesn't have to look like meditation. It can, it absolutely can. But it can also be movement, literally like shaking things, shaking your limbs out, dancing, going outside. I mean, I find nature to be a big source of helping to regulate, a really great resource. But ultimately what it is, is it's pausing the reaction or the nervous system dysregulation. It's pausing that.
00:36:56
Speaker
so that you're giving yourself time to let all the work you just did, which was feel the emotion.
00:37:02
Speaker
You're letting it seep into your body. You're letting it go. And then the next time you have that emotion, it's going to be different because it's going to be, you know, your hope is, I mean, you might have to meet it like a million more times. I definitely do that, but it's going to be more cathartic. Those neural pathways are going to be different because this time you didn't attach a story to it. You didn't become the victim. You didn't make yourself a martyr. You just let the emotion be. You didn't identify it as though it's doing something to you or make it about you. You just were.
00:37:30
Speaker
Yeah. And I think honestly getting, you know, that stillness and quiet, I mean, that's something that's so hard for us often because I mean, how many times am I out on a walk and I have my headphones in and I'm listening to something and probably scrolling, but certainly something I'm trying to do. And I think that it's so hard to get quiet with ourselves, but I mean, I found, I took a class on betrayal trauma and
00:37:57
Speaker
It was really interesting about just some of the things that you're going through, but he was talking in general about healing from trauma and that some of the moments that we remember and how our bodies store the memory and how we can have it store in a way that affects our bodies a lot less. We're not getting sick from it, but we remember it. We take the lessons from it, but it's not overtaking us every single day and he has a lot of different exercises for that.
00:38:24
Speaker
I just journaled about the experience just a couple of days ago. I finally put it on paper and just letting it out and coming back to it, I don't feel it in the same way that I felt it or with the intensity or whatever. I still fully remember what happened, but I'm noticing it doesn't affect me in the same way. I think that was something where I had to finally get quiet and listen to myself and just let it out in whatever way. I don't think we do that enough for ourselves.
00:38:51
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. We don't. Well, we're such a, we're an urgency culture. So yeah, we just, we want to react, we want to fix, we want to move on, you know, and emotions. I mean, I often think about it with art, right? Like, why do we love art? I mean, art is full of emotions. That's what spurs it. And art slows us down. It makes us stop. It makes us feel. It makes us think. It expands our minds. It expands our
00:39:19
Speaker
Yeah, like it expands our perspectives on things. And so I do think there is something just slowing down. There's so much science to pack up the journaling. Again, it's that bit of like, you're distancing yourself a little,
Journaling and Emotional Validation
00:39:32
Speaker
right? Like you're writing about an experience, but you're not, you're not creating a story about it. You're writing it first person. You're writing what you felt. You're, it's a witness. You're witnessing yourself.
00:39:41
Speaker
And I write about this in the book a little bit, but it's like, that's what I realized when I started doing this was I started giving myself what I was looking for outside of myself, which was validation and compassion. Ultimately that's, that's what we want. And I think ultimately that's what our emotions are trying to get us to. They're there because they're biological responses. We don't have all the control over them, but what we do have control over.
00:40:09
Speaker
is the stories we connect them to and how we choose to go through life. Whether it is connected to those stories or if we want to take a step back and to your point write about it and let it move through. Even if you have to write about it five more times, you're still acknowledging what happened.
00:40:26
Speaker
You're still acknowledging your feelings. So therefore you're acknowledging yourself over and over. And to me, that's so healing. Well, yeah, I think sometimes these difficult moments in our lives, it's going to take a while to really fully process. But at least if we do take that time and not just push it down and well, I got to get over it. It's over. It's done.
00:40:45
Speaker
But, but let ourselves feel it. I love the idea with art too. I know that I sometimes even just music and sometimes just listening to music that gives me just a really sometimes really sad songs, but just different songs that are really have emotion as like tied to it. Even if I'm not feeling that exact emotion in that moment, but I just feel more connected to the whole human experience. I feel more like I feel like a part of this planet. Oh my gosh. 100%.
00:41:12
Speaker
Which I don't know is no no of course not especially when we're moving fast through everything right like yeah it's so hard to feel the interconnectedness and. That's it's funny cuz when I was like you know prepping for this and looking through things and I was breaking down the categories that the emotions live in the book which is.
00:41:29
Speaker
the prickly, full-bodied, groovy, spacious, and transcendent. I was thinking about that. I was like, I think transcendent might be, like, I just love so many of those emotions. I mean, who doesn't? But that, yeah, those kind of emotions that we tap into where we're like, oh, I'm a spirit having a human experience.
00:41:47
Speaker
um you know i am interconnected in so many ways just to things bigger than me to things smaller than me to the person that just passed by and you know smiled at me or didn't like we are all connected in some way and yeah it's like it's even it's even so important to name and greet and sit those emotions because sometimes we might not slow down enough to realize how you know interconnected we are i mean awe is probably one of my favorite emotions ever and also one of my favorite in the book but that's
00:42:15
Speaker
for that reason. And it really I really didn't start meeting that emotion till I was older. And I was in California, and I was surrounded by nature. And I was like, this is this is awe inspiring. So yes, I very much agree. I think it's kind of full circle, but our emotions are just connecting us to life outside of ourselves. Yeah.
00:42:34
Speaker
Yeah, because I definitely, I find just the older I get, the more I realize I feel like I am not of this planet. And I think maybe I felt that way as a kid, kind of, you know, you conform when you are a certain age and then you kind of go back into yourself as you get older and as I'm going through that.
00:42:52
Speaker
Wow and sometimes it's very easy to feel just so disconnected and you see what again like nobody has gone through what I've gone through but the more I open up to my friends and people in my life and you know having people on the show I think has been helpful for this too. We've all gone through something like and it may not be the same experience but we've all had a lot of these emotions and they just
00:43:15
Speaker
may have looked a little bit different, but we've had experiences that we've all felt like we're not of this planet. And I think that's so important for us to getting us back into our bodies. Cause I think also when you're in trauma, especially, but like it's very easy to be so out of body and make the decisions that take us.
00:43:32
Speaker
just really detach us rather than what you're doing in the book, really like detaching the emotion from it and kind of separating the two. But I think a lot of times we just separate ourselves and take ourselves completely out of the equation almost. I'm going to be thinking about that one for a while, actually. I love that. Like you're right. That is a massive difference of I actually asked my therapist last week, like what is
00:43:56
Speaker
You know, when, like, when, when I've had trauma and you're kind of like standing over, looking at yourself, like, what is that?
Protective Mechanisms and Emotional Support
00:44:03
Speaker
Yeah. Like in the nervous system, like what is that? Um, and it was interesting to you saying it's, it's disassociation and it's because your body is literally trying to protect itself from not feeling pain. And you're right in, in coming back to the body, we have to feel that pain. But if we can remember that we are not, we are, we aren't that pain.
00:44:24
Speaker
That's the biggest difference. We are not our experiences. They make us who we are, but we are not them. We are not the pain we feel. We are not anything. We're not even the joy we feel. We are a vessel for these things to exist, and we get to work with them. We're not powerless. Yeah, I think that's a
00:44:44
Speaker
important part because emotions can make us feel that way for sure sometimes. Well and I've had I know I've had a lot of times where I was really resentful over why did I have to go through this thing? Why do I have to feel this way when maybe other people have not had to deal with that same exact situation or whatever it is and kind of recognizing well it happened.
00:45:06
Speaker
And I wish it hadn't, but it shaped me in whatever way that it did. And I don't think it happened for a reason, but I think I can find, like if I can find some meaning or if I can use it in some way, then it's going to move me forward and it's not going to take over my whole life. And there are productive ways, constructive ways that we can use the difficult things that have happened to us and maybe help somebody else. Absolutely.
00:45:34
Speaker
Or just make someone feel less alone, right? I mean, that's, to me, I'm like, you could save someone's life by doing that.
00:45:41
Speaker
Yeah. I also love what you said about the kids, like when you were a kid and that part of, um, I see that with my son, like he doesn't attach stories to why he's feeling a certain way. He's three. He gets mad because I told him he can't have any more cookies, you know, and then he gets like, there are lots of times where he'll be mad and I'll be like, I'm, I know that sucks. Like that's hard. I'm so sorry. You know, and I'll, I'll explain, like you can have cookies tomorrow, but when you wake up, you know, it's like he's literally laying in bed asking for cookies.
00:46:12
Speaker
But- Fair. Yeah, totally fair. I mean, honestly, there aren't many nights where I'm like, sure, you can have a cookie. But on some nights I'm like, no, you just had a cookie, you got a cookie tomorrow, whatever. And he'll get really upset. And I think there was a part of me when I first, I mean, and still there are sometimes, it definitely depends on where I'm at with my capacity and regulation.
00:46:33
Speaker
where I would have gotten really anxious and been like, Oh my God, I have to fix this. I have to like stop him from being upset. I don't know how to do that. And then I really, I could feel that stress in my body. And I was like, what if I just acknowledge that? Like it sucks when you want something that you can't get or that like, isn't good for you. You know, like you can, that's a very real feeling. Disappointment is very real. You might want something. It might not actually be what best serves you, but you know, you shouldn't have it, but you really want it. It's a very real,
00:46:59
Speaker
a feeling that I think everyone feels and I think it starts with kids and so there are so many times I'll be like yeah that's really hard what you're feeling right now and I'm really sorry and he'll he very quickly will cry and be upset but he will be fine because he just wants to be acknowledged he just wants to be acknowledged that not getting a cookie when he wants it sucks and he just wants to not be alone in that
00:47:23
Speaker
Yeah. Well, he's definitely not alone in that. I know I feel it, but I totally agree. I had somebody in my life recently that went through something really, really difficult and different people were kind of approaching the situation in different ways, whether it was advice, whether it was words of affirmation, but the way that everybody approached it was a little bit different.
00:47:47
Speaker
And I had to kind of like, it's certainly valid, but I had to tell some people based on the way that I knew that this person was feeling because they had shared with me, I said, Hey, this is a hard thing. And none of us have the right answers for it. Just tell her that you love her and you're here for her. And that's it. And they're like, well, is that going to help? And I said, has anyone ever said it to you? And it made it worse. It's such a good, such a good question. It's such a good point.
00:48:15
Speaker
Yeah, just to feel seen and just to feel like, hey, this is a terrible situation and I'm so sorry that you're dealing with it. I think there are well-meaning people in our lives too that have almost, not intentionally, but that sort of also trained us to be looking for the silver lining when we're not ready for it.
00:48:37
Speaker
Yeah, to be like I've had so many times where I'm in the depths of despair and people are like, well, things are good, though. You should be grateful. You should. Why do you feel this way? That's you're fine. You don't need to feel this way. And it's like, that's great. But
00:48:53
Speaker
But I do. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Just to show the love, to support, to hold the space. And I think that what you're doing in the book with the personification of the emotions, you're kind of doing that for the emotion itself, too. Yeah. Yeah. That's such a good point. Yeah, absolutely. If our emotion is part of our body, right? It's a response. It's not going anywhere. And acknowledging ourselves
00:49:19
Speaker
and giving compassion to ourselves makes us feel supported, connected, able. It makes me feel like I'm able to do things capable. Then why not do the same for our emotions? That's ultimately why they're there. They're just trying to tell us something. Absolutely. Now with this type of work that you're doing, in the book you have so many different prompts and ways that we can start to address this a little bit. Can you walk us through maybe one of the exercises
00:49:47
Speaker
or something that someone could do today if they are struggling with an emotion right now and they want to walk through some of these steps. Yeah. Okay. So the thing with the goodbye prompts that I really like too is again, we are saying goodbye. And again, with gratitude, if that's accessible, if not, you can toss it out. It's whatever works for you. But the reason I like the gratitude part is we're not only grateful for this emotion, but we're grateful for ourselves.
00:50:12
Speaker
So this part is where we write a thank you letter. And I say something to Kit, my son, often, it's like, you are whole and accepted for everything you are and everything you aren't. And I think that's an important bit of saying
Exercises to Embrace Emotions
00:50:25
Speaker
goodbye. It's like we can't expect ourselves to be everything. That's not how it works. It's not how it should work. That's what makes us all different, wonderful people. We are different in our own ways. We have different strengths, different weaknesses.
00:50:38
Speaker
And the same thing goes for our internal landscape. There are just going to be some emotions that hit us always.
00:50:45
Speaker
and hit hard, and we just feel like we can't quite understand them fully, or we can't quite connect with them as deep as we want, or they might knock us over. Alex L. talks about it in a podcast. She says, there are just some things that we're not going to heal, and we're going to die, and they're not going to be fully healed, and that's OK. That's just part of being a human. So in this part of saying goodbye, I have. It says, I acknowledge us for who we are as fully as I can, always holding the easy, the hard, and everything in between.
00:51:14
Speaker
because I think that that is a big part of it. We really can't say goodbye until we're acknowledging that it doesn't need to be easy. It just needs, we just need to do it. I would say that out of this, out of these prompts, so one of the first prompts is what insights did I uncover that I'd like to thank my emotion for leading me to? We also have what part of my emotion and myself am I able to shed a softer light on? What newfound gratitude do I have for myself
00:51:38
Speaker
and my emotion? What story was I able to reframe about this emotion? And how does this new thought perspective make me feel? I think there's a few more as well. I would say that my go to for someone listening today who's, you know, either this is something new, and they're just curious, or maybe they're veterans in this, and they just want some more tools, is what part of my emotion and myself am I able to shed a softer light on?
00:52:02
Speaker
That question is not often asked. I don't personally ask myself often, like, how can I be kinder to myself? That is something I should ask myself more often. But I don't think that, yeah, I think that in the world we live in where it's like, how can you do better? How can you be better? How can you be more? It's like, how can I just be content with who I am and where I am? Maybe I've been in this emotion a million times before and I never want to come back here, but I'm back again.
00:52:30
Speaker
At the very least, what part of this emotion and myself am I able to have compassion for? Accept. Embrace. Yeah, be kind to. Love a little bit more, even when it's really, really difficult. I think that when we can be soft towards ourselves, that emotion, it just starts to transform a bit. The next time it's not so harsh. It doesn't stay as long. We don't find ourselves reacting to it the way we did.
00:52:52
Speaker
So I think that's a powerful one. Yeah, I love that. I think that that can be really difficult because we're constantly holding ourselves to these ridiculous standards, like completely unreasonable standards that we will never react to difficult things. And we think that we have to have like,
00:53:11
Speaker
the right answer all the time and respond in the way that we think is the quote unquote correct way. And it's not always the case. And I think we put so much blame on ourselves when we don't. And to be able to soften that perspective and think about, Hey, I did the best I could with what I had at that time. And even seeing that, Hey, there, there's, there are some good
00:53:36
Speaker
things that came out of me handling it in this particular way. And I discovered this, whatever the case may be for the individual person, but I think finding, yeah, that softer light, that's, I mean, that's huge. And that contentment piece, I think we think we have to respond with complete and utter joy all the time. And I would love to be feeling that a lot more
00:53:58
Speaker
like, you know, with that intensity. But I think that contentment, that quiet contentment is just as valuable. And I think that that's really sustainable if we're kind of giving ourselves the space to to feel the harder things. Yeah, absolutely. That's a good point. It creates the space for those. Yeah, those those heavier hitting emotions. Absolutely. Well, I think that this work is incredible.
Impact and Pre-order Details of Devon's Book
00:54:21
Speaker
I love the book. I think that the way that you've written it, I think you have a beautiful writing style, first of all. And I think
00:54:28
Speaker
Of course, I think it really gives readers, I think a little bit more of an insight into their own emotions, kind of distinguishing again, some of that nuance or maybe how it shows up differently for them. How does it manifest itself? So I love the work that you're doing. And I think that you take on such a unique perspective with the way that you're bringing creativity to it, because it actually brings a little bit of fun and whimsy to something that is very challenging sometimes. Totally. Yeah. I think, again, I think that like art and
00:54:58
Speaker
Being creative like it's such a an outlet we can tap into for alchemizing pain trauma. Yeah, absolutely
00:55:07
Speaker
Now I do have some rapid fire questions for you. So the first one for you, what is your favorite self care practice right now? Oh, you actually mentioned this before. I think right now my favorite thing to do to feel really embodied is put on music and dance and like, yeah, and headphones preferably, but also even just like my son is really into music as well. And so sometimes I'll just put it on.
00:55:33
Speaker
speaker in the kitchen and we'll go crazy. It's just so healing and fun. It's just so fun, like, you know, talking about tapping into that joy or that contentment. Like, I never walk away from dancing or listening to music and feel worse than before I did it.
00:55:48
Speaker
And honestly, it can even be if I am sad or something and I dance, I at the very least have moved something through. I can still feel sad, but I feel like I've taken care of myself and I'm addressing my body a little bit. So I would say that's my favorite self-care practice right now.
00:56:04
Speaker
I love that. It takes on the art piece to it and you're getting that movement. So you're kind of combining a few different things. And I can say like, yeah, I've been sad sometimes when I've danced. I don't think I've ever been angry after dancing, like certain emotions. Yeah, right. It's very hard to keep feeling that at least to the intensity that you felt it like when you're really moving around like that. I have
00:56:25
Speaker
been a little angry at the gym maybe, but I should say frustrated. That's fair. But dancing, yeah, I feel good. It's fun. It's something that it lightens things. I think it softens things. Yeah, it does. Yeah, it's primal. Yeah. Like emotions want to move through. So I think yeah, moving your body. There's a lot of somatic practices that like you shake out your limbs and do things like that. And I think
00:56:51
Speaker
Yeah, I think there's just a lot of science behind why it works, but I like it too, Jeff, just for the fun aspect of, and like the celebration. I'm like, I get to move my body how lucky I am. Yeah, absolutely. And you get so many, I mean, you can take on so many different emotions depending on the music you're listening to also. And it's just, it's really just up to you. And you feel the full spectrum of the, again, like the human experience. There is something to that. So love that.
00:57:17
Speaker
I don't know if you're a one word theme girl, but if you had a one word theme for the year ahead, what would that be? I feel like one of my one of the things I work on the most is clarifying like, you know, getting really clear and concise. So one word is always very hard for me. But I would say
00:57:33
Speaker
Can I be a phrase? Sure. Absolutely. Okay. I would, I would like not to take myself so seriously for the year ahead. Like I'm a very, um, like I'm a very grounded person. I can, I feel comfortable there. I should say like I can sit in things. I can sit with people and I really love it. Like I really love sitting in. Um, in fact, I got a end of life training certification this year, and I'm going to start volunteering at hospice.
00:58:00
Speaker
for some of this reason. I think I have a strength of being able to sit in discomfort or sadness or fear and kind of be there for others. And then I realized on the flip side of that is that's one part of me that I really love. And then there's this other side of me that is just silly and fun and joyful and loves life. And I feel like in the last
00:58:22
Speaker
few years. I always make time and find spaces for those things and for that part of me but I still feel like I'm coming out of the pandemic and so this year I'm traveling a lot, I'm seeing a lot of friends and I realize like I just want to enjoy life and not take everything so seriously.
00:58:38
Speaker
So yeah, it's basically my phrase is not to take everything so seriously, but it's always about finding that balance. I love that. I think that that's so important. First of all, my one word theme for last year was YOLO, which is basically four words. And for a very similar reason, just kind of, I think we take ourselves so seriously. And you're so right with the pandemic. I mean, it's, I guess, three years in. And I mean, I had COVID a month ago. It's still there.
00:59:06
Speaker
it's not pervasive in the way that it was. We're not seeing it in the same way, but I think it's changed us in a lot of ways and it changed a lot about society. And coming out of that, it's hard to figure out who was I before this and what lit me up before this. What do I want to bring back? And how do I want to move forward? Because there's a lot I don't want to bring back, but a lot that I do and figuring out what that looks like. So I love that that's
00:59:32
Speaker
I think a big focus for you just bringing the joy back and loving life. Yeah.
00:59:38
Speaker
Yeah. You'll know. I feel like such a millennial with that. I love it. I truly love it. I love being a millennial here for it. Oh yeah. The Gen Z is listening to this. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Just have some respect though. You know, I'm just kidding. And so my final question for you, and it sort of ties into this in a sense, but what are you most looking forward to right now? Oh, so much.
01:00:07
Speaker
I feel so lucky, honestly. I'm looking so forward to having a three year old. I love this age. He's talking up a storm. He's singing, which is like the best thing to ever exist in my whole life is watching my child sing. And I just really look forward to the rest of this year with him and you know what that looks like and the adventures will go on as a family. It feels,
01:00:35
Speaker
gosh, there's so many feelings there. And then talk about interconnected, I feel like, yes, very otherworldly. And then I'm also really looking forward to celebrating this book. I mean, I started doing this process for myself over five years ago, and I've basically really been doing it since I was a child. I used to, you know, when things were really hard as a kid, I used to go outside and just make up worlds in my head. So
01:00:59
Speaker
I feel really excited and I'm looking forward to celebrating this book and that child's self inside of me is just freaking out. They're so excited and happy and just really connecting with my people and traveling to see those people and celebrate in person. So I'm looking forward to that as well.
01:01:20
Speaker
That's lovely. You're getting to celebrate something so amazing because you're, I think with this book, you're sharing so much of yourself and something that yeah, has been such a piece of, like such an important piece of your life and to be able to use that to help other people and to help them feel seen and heard and understood in some way. I mean, again, that's, that is such a beautiful thing. I think that listeners are really going to enjoy your book and I think
01:01:49
Speaker
that again, what you're doing with that is so incredible. So we have this episode airing just a few days before the book comes out. So tell us about pre-orders, tell us about where we can find the book and all the good stuff. As always, pre-orders are a love language to authors. They're just so supportive in letting publishers and bookstores and libraries and everything know
01:02:13
Speaker
how many books to get and what people care about ultimately. So pre-orders are always lovely. And then you can pre-order it until April 18th in which you can just order it, which is April 18th is the pub date off my website. If you go to my website, which is devinloftisrights.com,
01:02:33
Speaker
There's a whole page dedicated to the book and on the page there are like, gosh, I don't know, like 10 plus places you can buy it. So everything from Bookshop to Amazon to off the Penguin Random House website. So really whatever floats your boat. Awesome. I love Bookshop. That's like my new- Me too. Yeah. Makes me happy.
01:02:55
Speaker
Yeah. And tell our listeners aside from your website, where can they find you and connect? Where are the best places? Yeah. Yeah. So Instagram, I would say, um, I love Instagram. I hate Instagram. You know, I feel like that's most people these days. Um, but I am on there and I do like being on there at I'm at underscore Devin Loftus. And then I really love sub stack and I know a lot of authors are moving there and I, I really understand why.
01:03:20
Speaker
It feels more like a tight-knit community. And yeah, you can read an author's posts all in one place. You can even, a lot of authors will have, like you can pay $5 a month and get some extra goodies basically. And it's just another really nice way to support authors and people that are really wanting to write and make a living from it. So, Substack, you can just Google letters from home at Substack and you'll find me.
01:03:47
Speaker
Awesome. And I'll link that in the show notes as well so they can find you. And of course, everyone needs to check out mooncycle. I loved my treats and I'm going to have to check out some of the dry goods too, because I am trying to make a little bit at home. And there's always like, even though it had that homemade feeling, it's like such a nice thing, but to be able then to bring it hot out of the oven or whatever it is. Yeah. Yeah. Or make it with people you love. Yeah.
01:04:15
Speaker
Yeah, so that's incredible. But Devon, thank you so much for taking this time for sharing your light with us, for sharing this insight and this really cool way of approaching our emotions and bringing that creativity, that whimsy to it and finding ways that we can really heal. I really want to thank you for the work you're doing and for sharing with us.
01:04:38
Speaker
Of course, of course. Thank you for making the space for me to be able to share it. It's such a gift. I'm really grateful and I really appreciate all you do. You give a lot of people platforms and voices and that's a really special thing. So thank you. This was such a powerful conversation and it was lovely to get to catch up with all of the amazing work that Devon is doing. I have truly enjoyed her book well and I'm so inspired by the way that Devon approaches emotions with love and with creativity
01:05:06
Speaker
I've never thought to personify my emotions in this way, but I'm so excited to incorporate these exercises into my own life. The book goes on sale April 18th, so it may already be out by the time you're listening to this, but if you're tuning into this episode before the 18th, make sure you place a pre-order for the book. Pre-orders are huge for authors, and they make a world of difference, so it's a great way to show your support.
01:05:27
Speaker
I have linked all of Devon's information in the show notes. Make sure you connect with her and check out her other work as well. I want to thank you for being a part of this amazing community, whether this is your very first time listening to the show or you've been a long time listener. If you haven't already, it would mean the world to me if you left a rating and review on your favorite podcast app to let us know what you think.
01:05:46
Speaker
Your reviews help our show to reach more people and I'm truly grateful to you for sharing your thoughts with us. If you have a topic or a question for a future episode, reach out to me on Instagram at wellness and wanderlust blog, or shoot me an email at Valerie, V-A-L-E-R-I-E at wellness and wanderlust.net. Thank you again for tuning in and I can't wait for you to join us next time.