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137. Claiming Your Swagger and Knowing Your Worth with Jennifer Mrozek Sukalo
133 Plays1 year ago
What does SWAGGER mean to you, and what can we do to claim our own swagger?
Our guest for today is Jennifer Mrozek Sukalo, founder of SWAGGERU and author of the new book, “Claim Your Swagger: Stop Surviving and Start Thriving.”
In our conversation, Jennifer shares how we can truly embrace every part of ourselves and find purpose in life’s challenges. We talk about developing our sense of self-worth, understanding our strengths, the power of authenticity, and so much more.
If you enjoy this episode, please feel free to rate and review the podcast on whatever app you’re listening on, and share with a friend!
CONNECT WITH JENNIFER
Website: https://www.swaggeru.com/
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/swaggeru
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swaggeru_jennifersukalo/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifermrozeksukalo/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/swaggerujennifersukalo
Twitter: https://twitter.com/jennifersukalo
CONNECT WITH THE SHOW
Website: WellnessAndWanderlust.net
Instagram: www.instagram.com/wellnessandwanderlustblog
Facebook: www.facebook.com/wellnessandwanderlustblog
Twitter: www.twitter.com/moses_says
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Transcript
Introduction to Wellness and Wanderlust
00:00:03
Speaker
Welcome to the wellness and wanderlust podcast. We're here to demystify wellness and help you add a little adventure to your life. Tune in for a new episode every week, where we'll hear from incredible guests and talk about ways to be happier and healthier in our new normal. I'm your host, Valerie Moses. Let's get started.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hi, everyone. I am so happy that you're here with me for another fabulous conversation. At Wellness and Wanderlust, we're all about helping you create your best possible life through small but mighty actions. I love being your host and getting to share with this amazing community every single week. So I want to thank you all for being here because this show would not be possible without you.
00:00:43
Speaker
Now I talk about this a lot on the podcast, but one of the best ways to support the shows you love is to leave a rating and review on the podcast app that you're listening on. This helps us reach new listeners and really increase our impact. And I'm always so honored to receive your reviews. They mean the world to me. They mean the world to the podcasters who receive them. And I wanted to share the latest review we received from a listener in the UK. Now this five star review comes from Lorpach and I apologize if I'm mispronouncing your username, but our listener writes,
00:01:12
Speaker
Really enjoy listening to this podcast. Always learn so much. I'm so glad that the show has resonated with you and that you've truly found value in it. So I really want to thank you for leaving
Introducing Jennifer Morozek-Sukalo
00:01:22
Speaker
a review. Shifting gears this week, we're talking about all things swagger. Our guest for today is Jennifer Morozek Succallo.
00:01:29
Speaker
founder of Swagger U and author of the new book, Claim Your Swagger. Stop surviving and start thriving. Her book is fantastic and it's now out wherever books are sold. So make sure you snag your copy. In our conversation, Jennifer shares how we can truly embrace every part of ourselves and find purpose in life's challenges. We talk about developing our sense of self-worth, understanding our strengths, the power of authenticity, and so much more. Now I'm going to let our guests really fill you in. So without further ado, let's dive in to this week's conversation.
00:01:59
Speaker
Jennifer, thank you so much for joining us at Wellness and Wanderlust. Well, thank you for inviting me. I am so excited to be here. I am so excited to have you on this show. I've really enjoyed your book, and I'm so excited for the listeners to get to learn a little more about you and your journey.
00:02:15
Speaker
Why don't you first start out by just introducing yourself to our listeners?
Jennifer's Journey and Expertise
00:02:20
Speaker
Sure. So my name is Jennifer Morozek-Sukalo, and I know that is quite a mouthful. So apologies for anybody else trying to pronounce that, but I would say
00:02:31
Speaker
The way I describe myself is a well-being and transformational expert. And what I mean by that is I help people create transformation in the way that they see themselves, their circumstances, and how they engage with life and the world around them.
00:02:50
Speaker
And to do that requires people to really understand and know who they are, to discover what makes them unique and extraordinary, and to learn how to use that so that they can really be at their best, perform at their best, and live their best life.
00:03:09
Speaker
I love that. I think that there is honestly such a need for that and we are constantly transforming and changing and it's so important for us to be able to see ourselves in a way that is productive for us and is serving us in the best possible way because we can often be our harshest critics and we're not seeing ourselves in a way that is conducive to living our best lives. So I'd love to know how you got into this type of work. I think that's so fascinating.
00:03:38
Speaker
So I've had quite an eclectic journey, I would say. So I have done quite a bit of work in the fitness and wellness industry. So I started there first. And I also spent quite a bit of time working with
00:03:54
Speaker
and coaching cancer survivors. And in that work, I learned a tremendous amount of understanding how people, when they're in the middle of treatment, how they become focused solely on surviving that, but then they get to a point post-treatment and they're a bit lost. They're fundamentally changed by that experience and they
00:04:17
Speaker
really don't know where to go from here because they can't go back to who they were before because they're not that person anymore. So I learned a lot during that experience in my work with cancer survivors. I also spent over about 12 years working as a global leadership consultant and helping to design, develop, and facilitate experiential learning programs
00:04:39
Speaker
for leaders at all levels. So from aspiring leaders all the way up to the C-suite of organizations. And I was fascinated and loved watching how people learn and where the aha moments come from.
00:04:55
Speaker
And I wanted to take all of my experience and then boil it down into something that was attainable and approachable for people and not just have it be for organizations that could afford to pay for my expertise. I wanted to make it readily available to people like you and me. I love that. And I think the work that you're doing is, again, so needed and it's
00:05:20
Speaker
It's great for us to be able to apply in so many areas of our lives and that's really why I've enjoyed your book so much. There are just so many practical applications no matter where you are on your journey.
Defining Swagger and Its Elements
00:05:32
Speaker
You see, you wrote a book called Claim Your Swagger. You're the founder of SwaggerU. Talk to me about Swagger. What does it mean to claim your Swagger in your words?
00:05:41
Speaker
So swagger to me, I've started saying this because I've really found that this is truly the case. So swagger is not just a word, it's a lifestyle. And the swagger, the way I define it is we've all seen that person where let's say you're at a restaurant and you see somebody walk in the room and they just light the room up. There is this energy that's palpable about them. And they have this quiet self assurance and this self confidence
00:06:11
Speaker
and they're really comfortable in their own skin. And if the waiter was walking by, you would be tapping the waiter on the shoulder going, um, excuse me, can I have whatever they're having? Because I want some of that, whatever that is. So swagger is when you really know who
00:06:26
Speaker
you are and are comfortable with who you are and love who you are, recognize how amazing you are and are able to use those things to truly live your best life. And when you embody and you become and embrace that, you have that light. You do light up the room. I had somebody recently
00:06:50
Speaker
Share with me when they first met me they they described that experience that I just said they said I was that person and they were like I need whatever she's having whatever that is and she introduced herself to me and we've become friends and I've engaged with her on some other things and just did a live Instagram session with her but that's what I mean by swagger and so when I started really thinking about more about the word and
00:07:16
Speaker
I broke it down into an acronym because I grew up, one of the things that happened in my life, I had severe test anxiety when I was younger and I used all kinds of techniques to help me get better and kind of cope with
00:07:36
Speaker
my severe test anxiety. And one of them was memorizing things and I used things like acronyms. So I've used acronyms as a tool for a long time. And so swagger doesn't, it's not just the word, it has so much more meaning because when you look at the acronym, it stands for self-worth.
00:07:54
Speaker
appreciation for your strengths and limitations, gratitude for how your life experiences help shape who you are, grounded in your core values, empowered to overcome your self-limiting beliefs, and renewed through a greater focus on your passion and purpose. And when you do the work to uncover and discover those things for yourself, that's when you truly step into and claim your swagger.
00:08:24
Speaker
but it's something that has to be worked on and practiced daily. I live my swagger every single day. It is not a check the box exercise. It has to be continually practiced. First of all, I'm a big fan of an acronym. I definitely, I was, I was all about the flashcards of memorization myself in school. And so I'm always a fan and I just love words too. And so anytime you could take a word that has such a power like swagger and then
00:08:53
Speaker
have such a powerful meaning behind it. I mean, how amazing is that? I mean, it really is what it sounds like. And I think all of these things are superpowers that maybe we embody some of them in our daily lives. Maybe some of them are a lot harder and require a little more practice. How do we get there? How did you get there?
00:09:13
Speaker
It was a long journey and I would say that what was interesting too, I remember speaking with a friend of mine as I was writing the book and she said to me, she said, you know what's been so amazing is to watch your transformation as you're writing the book.
00:09:28
Speaker
So I was still transforming even as I was writing it. So we are a continual and continuous work in progress. It's about progress, not perfection. Now that's coming from a recovering perfectionist, mind you, which I will probably be for.
00:09:45
Speaker
for the rest of my life. No, I've had my own journey, my own struggles. I mean, between divorce and career things and losing loved ones. And I mean, we've all survived our trials and tribulations in life. And it's what we do in those moments where we're at our lowest that we find our strength. And can we figure out how to see the good
00:10:13
Speaker
even in those horrific experiences that we have in our lives that we don't want to repeat, but there's always something to be had, something to be learned from them.
Finding Meaning and Connection in Challenges
00:10:25
Speaker
I can look back on some of my lowest points in my life now and think to myself, I am so grateful that I had that experience. I do not want to repeat it. I would rather not have to even remember it so much, but
00:10:40
Speaker
I know that I am a much stronger, much better person because of it. And that's where you get to these points of, I talk about in the book in the chapter on gratitude, where you look at gratitude as being your gold. So if you think about Kintsugi pottery,
00:10:59
Speaker
and it's the art of putting broken pottery back together and filling the cracks with gold and if we think about gratitude for our experiences the uniqueness of our experiences in our lives even the ones that feel like shatter us.
00:11:17
Speaker
But recognizing that we can put ourselves back together, we can renovate ourselves, if you will, and become even better, even stronger than we were before, and even more beautiful when we fill those cracks with gratitude and use gratitude as our gold. And so I've had my own journey, ups and downs and sideways. And my divorce, I felt like I had a big scarlet letter on my forehead with a big capital letter D that said,
00:11:46
Speaker
divorce, damage, danger, whatever you want to pick, pick one. And it's through the experiences that I had with people after that, that helped me realize it wasn't a bad thing, it was actually a good thing. But it took some other people to help me see that. So it's been a long journey.
00:12:06
Speaker
And I write a lot about the different aspects of my journey and share those with the readers in the book because I think it's important that people see that we've all had our journeys and they may be different and they may look different, but we share some common understanding of pain and loss and
00:12:26
Speaker
and suffering, and that makes us human. Yeah, it does unite us in a lot of ways. That chapter really resonated with me as well. I'm a big fan of Viktor Frankl's work, and I know you referenced that in the book, because somebody who's a Holocaust survivor who lost
00:12:44
Speaker
family and I can't think of many things that would be worse than what he went through and to be able to turn his life into something so purposeful and to be able to find meaning in something so dark and so devastating. I mean how amazing that is and then to be able to help others.
00:13:03
Speaker
I know I've gone through times in my life where at the time, and I still sometimes I wish for my younger self that she didn't have to experience the pain that she went through, but knowing that some of the pain that I did experience led to some of the ways that I give back today, some of the nonprofit work that I do.
00:13:22
Speaker
just the way I show up that it brings me a sense of empathy that I wouldn't have had. And I, like you would never want to experience it again. I hope that I've moved on from that experience forever. We've done it, we've learned, but knowing that there is some meaning to be found from that is so powerful.
00:13:40
Speaker
Well, and I think you've touched on a couple things that I do talk about in the purpose chapter as well. And I think it really helps people when we can focus instead of being focused on ourselves, but be focused on how can I be in service of others.
00:13:59
Speaker
That is where true transformation starts to take shape because it's no longer just about you. It's about what can I take from this? How can I transform even this whole experience into something that can be helpful, useful to somebody else?
00:14:20
Speaker
Because maybe again, what I went through, well, no, maybe life wasn't fair. Maybe I, not necessarily that you deserved for the thing to happen or anything, but at least if I can find some meaning in it and help somebody or maybe their situation will be less difficult or they'll at least feel less alone, but that I can share that, that you can share that. Yeah.
00:14:43
Speaker
You connect with people and you realize you helped them see, one, sometimes they can just learn that, well, somebody else has gotten through it. What can I learn from them that maybe I can apply? And to your point, you're connecting with somebody on a human to human level saying, it's okay, you're not alone. And we've all gone through some things in life. However, yours might look different than mine, but we're still survivors, all of us, of something.
00:15:10
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. And I think again, just finding that purpose and really stepping away from I think we sometimes find ourselves in a victim mentality. I had something happen. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. You know, recently I was given a decision to make. It was kind of a lose-lose situation and I'm still a little bit bitter about
00:15:30
Speaker
I'm still very much in the healing process, but already I've been able to see how these things needed to happen to propel me to the next step and to get me closer to what it is that I want in life. And I think when I can get quiet with that, it's a lot easier to cope with some of the changes that I've been going through. But I do think sometimes it's hard
00:15:51
Speaker
hard to get ourselves out of the fight or flight in those moments or the freeze. And when we're really struggling with it, what are some things we can do to pull ourselves out and start to find that meaning?
Overcoming Self-limiting Beliefs
00:16:02
Speaker
I think one of the biggest things we can do is taking an opportunity to stop and reflect, to
00:16:09
Speaker
start being curious, really engage our curiosity. What am I feeling right now? Why am I feeling this way right now? One of the things that I found fascinating as I was doing some of the research for the book, specifically around self-limiting beliefs, is the notion that they start from a place of protection, which doesn't make any sense, but as you look into it, it does.
00:16:32
Speaker
because they were protecting us from getting hurt or from being hurt by other people or circumstances. And then we get to a place where they no longer serve us in life, but to understand where they started from and that place of protection
00:16:48
Speaker
I think really helps you have a different perspective on the self-limiting beliefs. So I believe that stopping, pausing, taking moments to really think about what's going on. We move in such a fast-paced world today. We're used to instant gratification, instant responses, and we're constantly moving from one thing to the next.
00:17:13
Speaker
And if we just forced ourselves to just stop for a moment and think and say, wow, what's going on with me right now? Why do I feel like everything's happening to me? And in those times when you can start asking questions, the right kind of questions can create profound and immediate mindset shifts.
00:17:33
Speaker
So for example, I know you probably remember this example from the book, you can go into a constant negative spiral where you're just complaining about everything in life and everything's happening to me and it's horrible and life is awful and this whole thing.
00:17:49
Speaker
And I remember being in New York and in Manhattan, and I used to live in Manhattan, so I know how loud it is. But I had gone, since moved away, and come back, and it was super loud. And I was trying to go to sleep because I had to get up and deliver a program to a whole group of leaders the next day. And I was just complaining about the noise. Even with earplugs in, it was super loud. And I finally just stopped myself and asked a question
00:18:14
Speaker
shouldn't I just be grateful that I can hear? And in that one moment, my entire attitude shift, my entire mindset shifted, and I was able to let go of all of that that I was complaining about before. So we have the power to stop our thoughts and redirect them into a more productive path.
00:18:41
Speaker
But in order to do that, you have to recognize when you're going down the wrong path. And that requires an opportunity to stop and reflect and ask some questions. I love that because I think our minds do go off on such crazy tangents sometimes where we lose track sometimes of where we're going. We don't even know how we ended up there. And that negative spiral is almost addictive at times.
00:19:10
Speaker
hard to get out of the farther down the path. Oh, yeah. And I think it really ties to, you talk about the P to the power of three. I think that practice, it's a practice like you can't, it may not come naturally to all of us all the time. And you talk about the patience as well. And like, I hate waiting in lines.
00:19:30
Speaker
And I have to really be conscious of how I am when I'm waiting. But I'd love for you to share a little bit about that pH, the power of three, what exactly it means for the listeners and how these steps can help us with getting more intentional with our thoughts and with the way that we are showing up in the world.
00:19:50
Speaker
I love the word intentionality and P to the power three is a huge theme that you'll see resonate throughout the whole book because to me success requires all three.
Patience and Perseverance for Success
00:20:02
Speaker
It's hard work to create change and it's hard work to shift our thoughts and to create new habits because
00:20:09
Speaker
Our brain actually likes the path of least resistance. It's going to keep going down the path that it's used to. I'm going to give you a really simple, quick example. In the house we lived in before, our kitchen sink had an automatic faucet where all you did was run your hand under it and the water would turn on or off. And our house now that we live in doesn't.
00:20:32
Speaker
And I still to this day will find myself running my hand under the water, even though I know it's not going to turn on. It takes time to reframe and recreate new patterns of behavior. And that's why it takes patience. You're not going to get it right first time out of the gate and you have to keep practicing.
00:20:58
Speaker
and keep at it with perseverance because over time you will create that new pathway and the more worn that new pathway becomes in your brain, the more it will become the way the brain wants to go instead of the old habit. So it takes time.
00:21:17
Speaker
And P to the power of three is just, it's a phrase that came to me when I was writing and I, I just said, yeah, that's, that's it. It takes all three of those things. Success requires patience. It requires continual practice and never giving up. And that's the perseverance because it's going to get hard. I'm not going to lie. There are times that it gets hard and that's the time that people give up. But if you give up, you're never going to win. You're never going to succeed.
00:21:47
Speaker
you have to persevere. So it requires all three of those to actually create transformation and change. I love that. And I think that patience, sometimes that's patience with ourselves too. It's not even just... Yes. And grace. Yeah. Having a little grace with yourself, recognizing that, yeah, this is hard and it's okay. It's okay.
00:22:09
Speaker
to not get it right right away. Yeah, I have needed to hear that. I've been trying to start telling myself that a little bit more. I've gone through some recent changes that weren't really my idea. They weren't what I wanted at the time. And now I found that it's so much easier for me to go through life saying
00:22:30
Speaker
okay, how am I going to respond to this rather than I definitely grieved it for a while, woe is me and it was like for sure and I think I needed to grieve it but after I kind of gave myself a shut off point to it at one point because I realized this is not doing anything for me anymore and instead being patient with myself that I'm going to have a lot of questions. I'm not catching on to this as quickly as I might to other things that come more naturally to me
00:22:56
Speaker
And it's okay. And it's going to take time. But it took me however many years to get to be as good as I was at what I was previously doing. Exactly. Exactly. And I think we forget that we expect so much of ourselves. And when we're in these challenging situations, even if they're not our choice, if we start asking ourselves some different questions, what can I learn from this experience? How can this experience make me even better?
00:23:26
Speaker
Even if it's not what I'm choosing, the challenge and what I gain in this, how can I thrive in this environment even if it's not what I wanted or thought I wanted or chose? How can I thrive?
00:23:41
Speaker
Yeah. And I think there's so much we can learn from those moments, even if it's temporary, just to know that, hey, I now have this experience that may really serve me in that next step. That's right. Absolutely. I will say, your self-worth is a big part of your book as well. And I think that's something it can falter for a lot of us when we're going through those challenging times.
00:24:05
Speaker
when we're practicing and maybe not getting to the point we want to be at just yet. Talk to me about self-worth in general and I guess the importance of really fine tuning that for those difficult times. Well, there's a reason. It's one of the first things we focus on in the book and it's because if we don't have a great relationship with our self-worth, we're going to have issues.
00:24:29
Speaker
period. Like you might as well not even start with the rest of the book because that's such a critical part. And for years, I mean, I went through a time where I didn't like myself very much at all. And I remember a therapist that I was seeing at the time asked me the question, well, I haven't figured out why you hate yourself.
00:24:48
Speaker
I haven't figured out a reason to hate you so why do you so we we can be really really horrible to ourselves and we allow far too many people to impact how we feel about ourselves.
00:25:04
Speaker
and how worthy we deem ourselves of love, of happiness, of success, of anything like that. In the chapter, we talk about really reframing your mindset around your self-worth. And one of the biggest shifts that I encourage people to make is to understand that you're worthy simply because you exist.
00:25:28
Speaker
period. Full stop. That's it. There are no conditions. And it's time to start decoupling our worth from what we do, what we have, how many friends, how many likes,
00:25:43
Speaker
how many followers, whatever it is, it has nothing to do with that. And the power, the power comes when you finally get to that point and you can say, you know what? You don't get to determine what my worth is. Only I get to determine that.
00:26:01
Speaker
And that is powerful. That's when you walk out of the courtroom and no longer are sitting in judgment of the jury and the judge and waiting for others to deem you worthy. You have decided and that's incredibly powerful.
00:26:16
Speaker
you get to take your power back and a time because you have no control over what people think of you. You can control how you treat people. You can control what you are doing, what actions you're taking, and you can control what you think of others, but you can't control the narrative. My background is PR, so I would love to control the narrative.
00:26:41
Speaker
But then it didn't surprise me when I took the assessment in the book and I need to go back and take it again. But taking the assessment in the book, if 50 is the lowest self worth and thinking, well, I'm a little more confident than I was kind of going through it and realizing, wow, I was like a 46, 47, that's pretty
00:27:01
Speaker
tied to what other people think into external validation. Maybe there's some work that can be done there. And I think being open to that and also realizing you're right that it's not just what you're doing and how much you've done. It's just that you exist is enough. Yeah.
00:27:19
Speaker
That's a huge mindset shift, though. Think about it. It requires us to let go of how we've seen ourselves for a really long time and how it's been ingrained in us for a really long time. I mean, we grow up constantly attaching who we are to something.
00:27:39
Speaker
First, it might be our age, then it might be what position we play in sports, might be what school we go to, then it's what job we do, where we live, how many kids we have, who you're married to. I mean, it's constant that we attach it to something instead of, this is me, that's it, this is me.
00:27:58
Speaker
Yeah. Well, and I think when we're going through the really difficult times, that's so important more than ever to have it because it can really knock you off balance when something goes the way that we don't want it to go or maybe you're struggling in a career or toward a goal that you're working on. And I think having that higher self-worth is more important then than any time. But I think we also tend to struggle with it more than ever then too because
00:28:25
Speaker
You're right. We identify ourselves as hi, I'm Valerie. I am a podcast host. I am a blank and I do blank and not really who I am. What are your thoughts when someone is in those difficult moments or any exercises, anything we can do to really start to dig into that self-worth and start to improve the way that we think about ourselves and detach ourselves from the titles and the recognition
00:28:51
Speaker
I think that's where it comes back to that P to the power of three again and practicing some of those and really sometimes it could be things like mantras. A mantra technique is really helpful or you can talk about asking questions, reframing of like affirming questions.
00:29:10
Speaker
So affirmations or a mantra technique using affirmations or affirming questions. So for example, I go through a series of mantras as part of my practice every single morning, and I say them to myself, believing them, not just saying them to say them, but literally believing them until I feel an absolute shift in the energy in my body.
00:29:35
Speaker
So there are also opportunities to do things like affirming questions. Why am I so great at certain things? Why am I always so good at landing on my feet regardless of the situation I find myself in? When you start asking yourself those types of questions, you're telling your brain that you're already good at it and you're already going to get out of whatever you're in.
00:29:58
Speaker
and so you get to determine how you think and when you know that you can create those shifts no matter what state you find yourself in or how low things get you can choose how you think i think that that's such a great
00:30:13
Speaker
great perspective to have. Because again, we just let our brains go where that stream of consciousness, it's just kind of going off and doing what it will. We think our brains control us, but we forget that we actually get to tell that tell our brain what to think and how to think. Yeah. It's like its own living thing up there by itself. And we forget that wait a minute, it's all connected.
00:30:37
Speaker
I struggle with that so much sometimes because I really do sometimes feel like it's a separate entity and it's not. I think it can be really great to do the automatic writing and just let our brains go and see what comes out and look at things that way, but being conscious of it and kind of taking that time to reflect on it. We can't just let our brains run wild. I had someone on the podcast about, I want to say a year and a half ago, who
00:31:06
Speaker
talks about that inner narrator that we have and to fire that narrator and just how unreliable it is. And the information it gives us is so biased and you would never allow it for a research paper or anything like that, but we accept everything as gospel. But it can be so mean, it can be so judgmental and just flat out wrong. Exactly. And we wouldn't allow what our inner dialogue
00:31:34
Speaker
what we say to ourselves, we wouldn't allow anybody to say things like that to the people we care about. Absolutely not. And that's why when I in the chapter on self limiting beliefs, I call that our self limiting beliefs are uninvited guests, and we have to learn to put them on the do not admit list. They're no longer welcome.
00:31:56
Speaker
Yeah, they're they're definitely not on the guest list. And they're not. I mean, it's almost like, like, you have to block them sometimes you have to just you would block a person like that in your phone or on your social media if they were talking to you that way. Completely, completely agree. You would not tolerate that from anybody else. And so we have to, again, starting to become aware of when these this inner narrative shows up, why is it showing up?
00:32:24
Speaker
starting to really engage our curiosity so that we can, the better we understand where these things happen and why. Where did this originate in my life? Did it start way back when, when I had a bad experience with friends or family or whatever it is? Understanding where they come from helps us better manage when they show up, but also what do I do when they show up and how do I choose to not go down that same path?
00:32:53
Speaker
every time that trigger presents itself. Yeah. And I think that awareness really helps us to get to that point. If we're not aware of it, then we are letting it just kind of, again, go down that rabbit hole and go wherever it wants to go. That's right. You have to start recognizing when these things are showing up and what's happening in your life during those times so that you can start to recognize your triggers and what's causing you to go into that rabbit hole, if you will. Yeah.
00:33:23
Speaker
Now, I'd love to know as well on a positive note, our strengths, I think play such an important role in shaping whatever it is that we want to do and how we're living our lives. And I think sometimes it can be really easy to forget what those strengths are or if we're making any kind of pivot in our lives too, just figuring out where am I strong and
00:33:45
Speaker
how can I continue to grow in that respect? And I'd love to know how, because strengths, understanding them, that really is an important part of that swagger. What can we do to uncover our strengths and start to find meaning and purpose
Harnessing Personal Strengths as Superpowers
00:33:59
Speaker
there? That's a great question. And appreciating your strengths and limitations is incredibly important because we're born with what I like to call our greatest hits, our talents.
00:34:09
Speaker
We're all born with certain things that we're naturally good at. And in that chapter, we dive into what Gallup has spent years, decades studying, which is strengths and how people perform better
00:34:27
Speaker
when we focus on what we're naturally good at and complementing that and harnessing that and turning it into strengths and what I even call superpowers over time and managing our limitations. But we've grown up, I mean,
00:34:42
Speaker
If I asked you the question and you got all A's on a report card and one F, where would you naturally draw your attention? Definitely the F. Yeah, because that's where we're conditioned, right? And over time, we have been conditioned to look at shoring up our shortcomings, if you will, our limitations, instead of really focusing on and harnessing our strengths.
00:35:06
Speaker
And when we're able to, one, first discover them, and in the book you'll be given opportunities to better understand them, but also to go and do the assessment with Gallup so you can identify your specific strengths.
00:35:23
Speaker
And they are unique to you. It's very rare that two people have exactly the same strengths in exactly the same combination. So these are things that are unique to you. And then what becomes really exciting is to figure out how do I use these? How do they show up in my daily life? And how do I get even better using them?
00:35:47
Speaker
so that they become stronger. They become, over time, superpowers for me that I can rely on in any kind of situation I find myself in. I think that that's so powerful. And I really do feel empowered when I take that time to reflect on those strengths. I did a similar strengths assessment about a year ago for a leadership program. And
00:36:11
Speaker
their focus was not on where was I the weakest and how do I improve on that to be the best leader I can be, but it was rather where am I getting my energy? Where am I spending my time? How am I enjoying these things? And then what, so which of these things were learned behaviors that I really actually hate and yeah, I'm good at it, but I don't want to be spending all of my time. It kind of sucks the energy out.
00:36:34
Speaker
What are the things that I absolutely love that I'm just not doing and not thinking about? And then what are the things that I hate, I'm not great at, it takes a lot of work and instead kind of shifting your thoughts to, well, maybe this is something that I delegate. Maybe this is something I can outsource. You don't have to be perfect in everything. Yeah. No, no, completely agree.
00:36:56
Speaker
Absolutely agree. And it's much more fun. And in the in that chapter, I go through a similar understanding of you can start to recognize when you're really using your strengths, when you're in flow, when you're finding these moments of brilliance, when the time just goes by, you don't even realize how much time you've been spending on a particular activity. And so those are
00:37:20
Speaker
kind of clues to when you're tapping into and using those things that you're naturally good at. And to your point, we do, Valerie, we actually do get, can get really good at things even if we don't like them. And it is important to pay attention to the energy we have when we're doing certain things because those are clues. When we are doing things that come naturally to us, chances are our energy is quite high during those activities because they're
00:37:48
Speaker
easy, we like them and we like to do things that we're good at and that come naturally and that we don't have to work super hard at. So it's important to understand those and to know how they show up. And the other thing that I think is really critical about that is an overplayed strength can actually work against you.
00:38:11
Speaker
So it's important to really understand your strengths, how they show up, and enlist people to support you in identifying when you're maybe overusing some of your strengths. Yeah, because I think people can be a lot more objective about that when they're people that care, but that are able to look at it from more of a not critical in a negative way, but in a like an from a
00:38:37
Speaker
constructive perspective and something that I really related to in the book too. You identify as an introvert, I do as well and it's something where I host a podcast, I've done public relations and community relations so it's a very outward facing role and that's when I know in certain situations when it's really
00:38:58
Speaker
serving me and really filling my cup and what it isn't because I am someone I, you know, I need that recharge time at home and with my book or with my walks or whatever it is. But being at a conference last year, I remember I was really among my people. We were learning about things that I love and I'd been dreading the day because I knew that it was going to be such a long one. Even though I was excited, I was like, man, I'm going to be exhausted when I get to my room.
00:39:24
Speaker
And I got back, I was calling my family. I'm like, I had the best day. They're like, it's 10 o'clock. Like you should be winding down. And I was so excited. And I'm like, okay, so I must be doing something that I really should be doing. It's the right, like it's actually a place that I feel that I belong and that I'm exercising the strengths that I enjoy and around people with a similar mindset or with complimentary mindset.
00:39:50
Speaker
Because yeah, as an introvert, I mean, I can feel the moment when everything is drained and my social battery is run out. It's like, okay. And I'm sure you can realize that. Yes. Oh, I completely can. Absolutely completely can. I remember coming home from when I would deliver these workshops and I still do.
00:40:10
Speaker
There was one that I had two days in a row a single-day workshop different set of leaders each day and just I got home and I remember my husband looking at me and he didn't even He didn't even talk to me because I couldn't talk like I was I was just completely drained He just handed me a glass of wine and sat me on the couch
00:40:31
Speaker
Because I had nothing left. I was just completely depleted. I couldn't even articulate a word. Nothing could come out of my mouth. I just needed to recharge my batteries. But I think the other thing that's interesting about what you said, Valerie, is that probably another aspect of what was
00:40:50
Speaker
happening when you were at that conference is you were also probably tapping into something you were very passionate about. And when you combine the passions with the strengths, that's when you see those sparks get created. And that's when magic happens.
00:41:06
Speaker
So it's how can you start to really pay attention? And that again goes back to being curious, going back and reflecting on that. What were the things that I loved most about that experience? Why was it the people? Was it the learning? Was it that those kinds of questions and reflections can start to help you really pinpoint what your passions are and how do they connect with the things you're naturally good at in your strengths?
00:41:32
Speaker
Yeah, and I think it really is so empowering, again, because we try to mold ourselves into whatever it is we think we need to have. And I know as an introvert, and maybe you can identify with this too, I feel like so often the leadership traits that we see in corporate America are very, I think they're very male driven. I think that it's a very
00:41:54
Speaker
specific, very dominant, like traditional role that we see. And so it can be a little bit off putting when I think, well, this is a little bit more my personality. This is a little bit more how I relate to people, how I can adjust to situations. And I
00:42:11
Speaker
always thought, well, if I'm not living up to what I need to live up to and not feeling the energy all the time in these situations, then I must be doing something wrong. And kind of learning to accept and even embrace those tendencies that are unique to me, they allow me to do things differently and see things differently than other people do. And it's not a weakness. It's just something that's a little bit different that changes my perspective.
00:42:36
Speaker
And one of the things that I used to share with leaders all the time, it's not about trying to be like somebody else. It's about being the best version of you you can be. That's how you can be your best leader and be the best leader for your people is when you're being genuine and authentic to who you are instead of trying to mimic or be like
00:42:58
Speaker
somebody else. So that's another reason why it's so important to understand who we are and what we need and when and how are we at our best so that we can create those situations and environments in the workplace so that we can be at our best, perform at our best, and then give the best that we have of ourselves
00:43:22
Speaker
to those we're engaging with.
Leading Authentically Through Vulnerability
00:43:24
Speaker
Absolutely. We don't know how our differences are helping other people and making other people feel seen. I serve as a president-elect for Professional Association and will be coming into my presidency in a few months.
00:43:41
Speaker
I've been a little bit nervous. I've been nervous in general because it's coming up very fast. And I did not realize how fast that was going to be. But one of my friends, a good friend of mine is also is the current president of the organization. And he has this very magnetic personality. People love him. He's been amazing. And I was saying to a friend, I don't know how I'm going to live up to him when it when it's time for my role. And she said she applied to be on next year's board. She said, I have
00:44:09
Speaker
no time to be adding anything new to my schedule and I would not have applied if it weren't for you. You make me feel seen, you make me feel a sense of belonging in this organization and you bring your own unique perspective and you make people feel welcomed and like they belong and it's something that I didn't even notice and I just
00:44:31
Speaker
because I've been just showing up as myself and I kept thinking, well, I need to be a little more charismatic or whatever it is that maybe I don't identify as, but realizing that I do have people in my corner that have set like, and it obviously that's not where my worth comes from, but knowing that what I'm doing as my authentic self is resonating and is helping and
00:44:54
Speaker
is doing its own thing that I was not aware of and was not giving any kind of credit to because I thought, well, it needs to look this particular way all the time. Well, what's interesting is it requires a bit of a shift in your mindset. It's not about filling his shoes. It's about filling your shoes to the best of your ability. That is how you perform that role in the best possible way. Absolutely.
00:45:22
Speaker
Yeah, even just when I, I'm very much a list person. And when I sat down and made my list and organized my thoughts and got some of my ideas for the year and everything down on paper, I'm like, okay, I'm starting to feel like I could embody this and be this person. And then when I've talked to people about this is my vision for next year and this is what I want, because I've been kind of leaning into those strengths rather than approaching it the way that maybe somebody else might, I'm feeling more confident kind of moving forward. And I feel like,
00:45:52
Speaker
I mean, people know when you're not being you and that doesn't serve anyone. Oh, completely. No. Leaders create willing followership when you connect on a human to human level. And in order to connect on a human to human level, you have to be willing to demonstrate vulnerability, enough vulnerability that people can see that you're genuine and authentic.
00:46:19
Speaker
And that's not to say that you have to share every deep, dark secret with people, but you have to show them who you are and what you're all about. And then they can make a decision as to whether or not they choose to work with you, follow you, and so forth.
00:46:34
Speaker
But it only happens when you are genuine and authentic and when you're willing to demonstrate a little bit of vulnerability so that people can get to see you and connect with you. Yeah, that was the hardest thing for me for a long time was showing that and realizing that having even just a little bit of that vulnerability sharing some of what I might have struggled with or where I might be
00:47:01
Speaker
in whatever situation. Of course, not offloading every little piece to everybody, but giving a little bit more of myself. It really brings in the right people at that point too, because I'm not going to be right for everybody and nobody is going to be right for everybody. But if I'm putting my authentic self out there, then the wrong people, or at least the people that I am not for, they're under no illusions.
00:47:25
Speaker
And we can kind of wait that out a little bit too. Yeah, completely. I mean, I remember the some of the best feedback that ever got and I do I do share this story in the book as well. I was at a conference for facilitators where we were working on becoming better facilitators. So improving our own skill sets. And I was with some of my peers whom I highly respected. And I got the exact same piece of feedback from three different people.
00:47:52
Speaker
And they all three said, you need to be more vulnerable in front of the room. And I was thinking to myself, this is a recovering perfectionist. So in my mind, I had to have this certain persona when I'm in front of the room, right? I have to be this professional and this consummate professional and be the expert and do all these things. And so I, one, I took that feedback to heart and I decided to do something about it. And the next day I challenged myself to share a story that I had not shared in public with anybody.
00:48:22
Speaker
so I shared the story of my sister's eulogy and giving my sister's eulogy and I Saw because the emotions were quite raw in me at the time I was able to maintain my composure But you could still see them kind of bubbling under the surface And so the entire room I saw tears in their eyes and I knew in that moment. I said wow I just I
00:48:47
Speaker
connected with this room just by being a human being and demonstrating that I am a human being, that I feel that I have emotions, that I'm not just this professional in front of the room. Yeah.
00:49:04
Speaker
Yeah, because people, yes, they might relate to, of course, like what you say and what lessons you're imparting in terms of like where the strategy needs to go or what you're working on, but they identify with people. And it's like if they're working with a coach, if you're going to
00:49:21
Speaker
Like whatever it is, you're often going to the person that their lessons are going to resonate with you the most. Maybe they've been through a similar circumstance or they understand at least, but I think it's going to be the people that you relate to. It's not necessarily going to be, well, this person
00:49:37
Speaker
Well, certainly certifications and all of those things are really important and not to be, you know, taken lightly. That's not where they're going. Like, yes, you might have whatever expertise, but they're coming to you ultimately, oftentimes, for who you are. And yeah, and the connection they've made with you. And when there's a strong connection, that's where you really can create amazing transformation.
00:50:04
Speaker
and you can really help people because they're open to it because they've developed that connection with you. Absolutely. Now I have one more question for you before we dive into the rapid fires. Just when it comes to claiming your swagger, any actionable steps that we can incorporate into our daily lives that you would recommend? So one of the things that I think is really important when you
00:50:28
Speaker
Once you've gone through the work in the book and when you think about creating a daily practice for you, it's focusing on those areas where perhaps you needed the most work or that were maybe the biggest struggle for you or wherever you are in that moment. So it's doing these regular check-ins on how's myself work today? How am I using my strength today?
00:50:52
Speaker
How have I found gratitude today? What am I grateful for today? So really just making a conscious and intentional effort to bring these concepts into your daily life so that they don't just reside in the book, but you actually start living them. I think that that's such great advice because it can be so easy to read a book and think,
00:51:18
Speaker
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense and then I don't really do anything with it. And I think to be able to be conscious enough to see, okay, this might be a situation where this applies or where I am letting others determine how I feel about myself or whatever the case may be, but really, again, bringing in that intention and that consciousness. I love that.
00:51:41
Speaker
It's about living this on a daily basis. And that's the whole point of why there are some specific activities, some daily reinforcements, some little things that are residing in the book. There'll also be some additional ones that will be on Swagger U, which is short for Swagger University, where people can go and get additional support.
00:52:02
Speaker
and activities and daily reinforcements to help them create their own swagger practice and lifestyle. I love that. I'm definitely going to be taking advantage of that myself. I just love the feel. It just gives you that confidence, I think, just even hearing the word. Oh my gosh, yes. We'll definitely have to talk a little bit more too about the resources you offer and how the listeners can connect with you.
00:52:28
Speaker
I do want to ask you those rapid fire questions for them to get to know you a little bit better. Wonderful. My first one, and I know we've gotten into some of these today, but what would you say is your favorite self care practice right now? I think one of my favorite self care practices, which is to me, one of the most powerful, I think tools in our toolkit is gratitude because it can literally change your mindset in an instant.
00:52:54
Speaker
and it doesn't matter what you're faced with or where you are, but really finding that gratitude has such power in transforming your mindset and your outlook. Yeah, I had spoken with
00:53:09
Speaker
a psychologist who was saying that when you're truly practicing gratitude, you don't have this. And I never thought about it this way before, but she was right that you don't have the space, you don't have the ability to be having negative thoughts, at least in that moment. Like you have to be, it is completely shifting that mindset and that does tie into that practice. Exactly. I love that. Now, if you had a one word theme this year, what would that be? I would say,
00:53:37
Speaker
Perseverance. Oh, yeah. Perseverance. So it's part of my P to the power three phrase. But if you're asking me just for one word, I think it's perseverance. And I think it's partly because the journey that I'm on, I am in a massive learning curve and figuring things out as I go. And I just I just refuse to give up. I'm going to make this happen. So perseverance is probably my my word that I would I would choose.
00:54:06
Speaker
I love that. You're forging your own path. You're creating your destiny. I really, really think that that's so powerful and that perseverance, that's what's going to get you there. Exactly. I'm the only one that won't get there. I mean, I will get in my own way if I allow myself, but if I just keep going and keep putting one step forward, I will eventually get there.
00:54:29
Speaker
Yes. Oh, that's a great, great word. And I love the whole P to the power of three, but that might be my favorite of the three. And tell me, what are you most looking forward to right now?
00:54:44
Speaker
Well, I think one of the biggest things I'm looking forward to is the book releases on May 30. So it is just so exciting. I can't believe it's actually here and that it is going to be in people's hands and the early readers and the people what they've said about it so far has just been super powerful and impactful, which is
00:55:06
Speaker
my hope and desire that this can help people tap into and use what they already have to transform themselves and their lives and the world around them. And I think that is just beyond exciting. I think that's beautiful. And I can tell you as an early reader, I really do believe that it's going to change lives.
00:55:25
Speaker
And I want to thank you for writing this book and for putting this out into the world because I think that this work again is so important. And we all have steps we need to take so that we can get to living that best life. And this is going to help us get there for sure. I think there are just so many actionable steps and so many activities we can do to do that for ourselves. Oh, well, thank you so much. You're going to make me cry, Valerie. Stop. In a good way. Those are going to be good tears.
00:55:55
Speaker
Well, I have to ask, I know that this is part one of a planned three-part series. Can you talk to us a little bit about what to expect in the books to come? No, absolutely sure. I'd be happy to. So the first book is Claim Your Swagger. The second book is going to be Develop Your Swagger. And the third book is going to be Live With Swagger. Ooh.
00:56:15
Speaker
So it's building on what you learned in the first book, allowing you to really develop some additional personal strength and resilience and how do you really utilize that swagger in your daily life, really strengthening that swagger lifestyle and practice. So developing your swagger and then living with swagger. So creating that life that you really want to live, learning how to do that and not just learning how to plan it, but how to execute and how to live it.
00:56:44
Speaker
I love that because I'm such a planner and planning is fun. I think at least when you're type A or recovering perfectionist, which I definitely identify with, but we can plan all day. Right. It's not the same thing as doing. You have to actually at some point do.
00:57:07
Speaker
Yes. Oh my gosh. Yes. I really love that. I'm so excited to follow your journey with this with the series. I cannot wait to read them as well. We'll have to have you back on of course. And I'd love for our listeners to connect with you and to order your book. Tell us where they can find you and the best ways to connect with you.
00:57:27
Speaker
So they can find me on Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and LinkedIn. That's easy to find. And then they can also find me at swaggeru.com. And we're finalizing some other aspects of the website right now, but if they go to swaggeru.com, they'll be able to find
00:57:48
Speaker
The swagger quiz, they can kind of see where their swagger is today, how they view themselves and their life circumstances currently. And then a link tree, so my link tree page, linktree forward slash swagger U, that's where they can download the book, or not download, but they can pre-order on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, wherever books are sold right now.
00:58:12
Speaker
but they'll also be able to find additional links to some of my latest media appearances and my latest articles and some things that I've done recently there as well. Wonderful. I'm going to make sure to link all of that in the show notes. I am so excited to keep up with your journey and just to see what, what's coming next for you. And I've just highly recommend the book to anyone listening here today, but I want
00:58:34
Speaker
Thank you for the work that you're doing and for coming on the show and for sharing your energy and your experiences and expertise with us.
00:58:42
Speaker
Valerie, thank you so much. It has been truly an honor to speak with you today and to your listeners. And I just hope that there was some value to what we talked about and that it touched somebody's life today. Thank you all for tuning in this week for our interview with Jennifer. I hope you found as much value in this conversation as I did. Jennifer has so many great tips for really uncovering your self worth, which is something that I truly struggle with. I think many of us do and really helping us to step into our power.
00:59:10
Speaker
And I truly loved reading her book. I love that she has so many different exercises and approaches. She really makes it this very experiential learning type of process. And it helps a lot of different learning styles. So I highly recommend checking out the book. I've linked everything you need in the show notes. So get connected with Jennifer and learn more. As always, if you enjoyed this episode, you know I'm going to say it. Please leave that rating and review on Apple Podcasts to help us keep bringing you amazing guests like Jennifer.
00:59:38
Speaker
If you have a topic you'd like to see in the future, please feel free to drop me a line at wellness and wanderlust blog on Instagram or at Valerie at wellness and wanderlust.net via email. Thank you all again for being a part of this community and for sharing this part of your day with me. I can't wait to see you next time. Take care.