Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Rise After You Fall... BIG TIME
17 Plays6 years ago
Nicole Montez has faced some of the most difficult challenges a woman and a mother could ever experience... each time RISING after the fall.
She's determined to build belief in herself and in her children for many reasons... the biggest one is to save her daughter's life!
She empowers other women to know life doesn't end when you're knocked down... it becomes the place where your strength and greatness are born.
She knows it's not easy... and shares from her heart during this raw and real conversation in hopes it helps women feel loved and supported.
Sending Love + Light !!
xo Shari
📌 PS... Links mentioned in the show are no longer available... effective 2024
🤍🤍🤍🤍
Shari and her brilliant guests… go beyond the surface... sharing decades of Organizing, Lifestyle + Business Brilliance... and the reality of living in the REAL WORLD. ✨
Brilliantista ® podcast is like having coffee or tea with your BESTIES… the ones who understand you, cheer you on… and aren't afraid to offer tough love when needed.
Real-life conversations and practical tips on everything from… organizing your home (hello, less clutter, more joy!), lifestyle (developing healthy habits), and business tips (work-life balance)… to navigating life's challenges. We laugh, we cry, we learn... and we embrace imperfection.
Are you ready to create the life you want to live… and elevate your brilliance?✨
Press play… make some new BESTIES… and let's make it happen... together!
🤍🤍🤍🤍
xo Shari Kuster 🤍
BRILLIANTISTA Instagram… https://www.instagram.com/brilliantista/
Show your love 🤍🖤 Follow + Review 🖤🤍
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction of Nicole Montez and her journey
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, Brilliantistas. Welcome. I am Sherri Custer, the host of the Brilliantista podcast. And today we have an episode with the brilliant Nicole Montez. As you can tell on these Brilliantista podcasts, it's all about highlighting and illuminating the brilliance of women.
00:00:20
Speaker
and grabbing those little nuggets that we can take from them and learn from their experiences so that we can become better in illuminating our own brilliance.
00:00:30
Speaker
Our guest today is absolutely a woman to look up to. She's a mother of two girls. She will share a lot about her story because it truly is her story and how she even became a mother as well as what happened shortly after. But she teaches us the lesson of really how to get up, how to get up when you want to fall or you do fall.
Brilliantista podcast's mission
00:00:57
Speaker
Maybe life just happens.
00:00:58
Speaker
you fall and how to create the mindset around pushing through and moving forward in your goals and your dreams, regardless of what life pushes at you. And she's not going to sit here and tell you that she has some superpower of some kind that just allows her to be stronger than everybody else. And she's also pretty vulnerable and pretty raw in sharing the details
00:01:22
Speaker
of what actually did happen to her and the struggles of really getting back up again. Nicole's passion truly is teaching people. It's not about living life without fear, but how to identify how fear is holding you back and how to work on moving forward. She's going to share some great insights. And I would honestly say because we have the ability to edit these, we only give you the good stuff. So let's dive in.
00:01:52
Speaker
You're listening to the Brilliant Tees to podcast where women elevate women who desire success in business and
Nicole Montez on fearlessness and unexpected life changes
00:01:58
Speaker
life. Each week I'll share valuable insights, actionable steps, and powerful interviews with brilliant women who open up to share the wisdom, tips, and strategies behind their success, helping you to elevate your own. I'm your host, Sherri Custer, a stay at home mom who built a seven figure business with zero experience, but the willingness to figure it out.
00:02:23
Speaker
Alrighty, so we're going to jump into today's podcast with one of my favorite people on the planet. Her name is Nicole Montez, also known as Nicole K. Montez on all of her social media channels. You can find her. And the reason I invited Nicole on today's podcast for our brilliant tistas is because she really has one of the most unique stories and
00:02:49
Speaker
her brand, which I really love, really revolves a lot around fearlessness. For those of you who have the wishful thinking that everything will go right in your life and that you dream the dream that all will line out the perfect career,
00:03:09
Speaker
the perfect family, the perfect life. It doesn't always go that way.
Life-changing event: Motherhood and cystic fibrosis
00:03:15
Speaker
And I know as Nicole will dive into her story a little bit, it definitely did not go that way for her. But I also know this. I know as she shares her story, it's made her who she is.
00:03:28
Speaker
And I wanted her to come on today's podcast with me so that we all can see there is so much amazingness that comes from the struggles, from the challenges, and they only make us better. And as Nicole has done with so many women, helping them to step in to that fear to become fearless and to be able to move forward.
00:03:53
Speaker
So welcome Nicole to our Brilliantista podcast. And would you please, what else would you like everyone to know about you? Thank you Sherry. I'm so grateful to be invited and to be here sharing this space with you. And gosh, if I was to pick something that I wanted to share with everyone, it would just be, I am just
00:04:19
Speaker
a woman, just like every woman listening here that has, you know, a list of successes and a list of failures and a list of doubts and a list of confidences and just a mom doing her best. So that's what I would share.
00:04:34
Speaker
Well, I love that about you. And as we just learned at the event that I was just at with Amy Porterfield, you're a big deal. So we were told every one of us is a big deal. And at the same time, we are
Adapting to challenges and building resilience
00:04:49
Speaker
all going through the same things. So thank you so much for sharing with everyone the way you feel about that.
00:04:55
Speaker
You bet. I know you have a beautiful website and you have so much to your story on your website, which I really, really love. But I want to know if you wouldn't mind sharing with everyone and I'll share a little bit about what I know as well. Your journey started off in a certain place. Like I said, when I did the intro, you got a great job, you had a plan, and then something happened. Share with us what happened.
00:05:25
Speaker
I, oh my goodness. And I believe that's what happens to all of us in the midst of a plan we think we might have, especially a plan for our lives in our mid 20s is where I found myself. And at the brink of climbing my corporate career, I had a lot of plans. I was excited. I thrived on thinking I had some sort of control.
00:05:52
Speaker
over what could happen and what would happen in my life. I found myself pregnant. It was six weeks before my wedding, my big wedding that we had spent months planning and it was not only a surprise, it was unwelcomed in
Importance of support systems and inner strength
00:06:13
Speaker
my family that we would do anything less than perfection.
00:06:19
Speaker
I definitely sought a lot of approval in my pregnancy in hopes that people would embrace the order in which I did things. And the only thing, Sherry, that I can share with you today is it didn't go as expected. My life turned upside down when I gave birth to a baby girl who we named Alexandra, who had this bright red hair and bright blue eyes and freckles at birth.
00:06:49
Speaker
We found out two weeks later she was diagnosed with a genetic disease called cystic fibrosis. And today cystic fibrosis is still actually the most lethal disease a child can be born with genetically, still today. And it was devastating for those of you that are moms that are sitting here and
00:07:12
Speaker
Having your baby is the most beautiful moment in our lives when that baby is placed in our arms. But when you get a diagnosis at the same time and you look at this baby may or may not survive my lifetime, it really becomes a tragic situation. And you're left, I always say, on the floor trying to figure out whether you can get up and whether you can go on. And that's the position I was in.
00:07:43
Speaker
when I was 25 years old. Wow. I've, I've heard you share your story and many times and I, I still have goosebumps. So I have all these goosebumps running
Teaching resilience and perseverance
00:07:53
Speaker
down my arms because I I'm a visual person. So I can visualize, I'm kind of putting myself in that space. And obviously for you, very, very, very scary and very unsure. What did you decide to do? What direction did that information send you?
00:08:10
Speaker
Well, the cut and dry answer is amongst a lot of other recommendations from the team of doctors, they recommended that she not go into daycare. And that was my plan. My plan was when I finally came to terms with this pregnancy being unexpected and untimely in my life plan, I was climbing the ladder and I expected to take a short maternity leave and maybe get a nanny or maybe find a,
00:08:38
Speaker
great daycare and return to work. Well, when that recommendation was given, I made the decision to be home. So my entire identity was this corporate woman that shifted to a stay at home mom. And none of that was in the plan. I immediately knew I would need to find something to do to earn income from home, but it wasn't immediate that I made that decision to do it.
00:09:06
Speaker
I first had to get up off the floor, and that is a much deeper part of my story.
Mindset's role in overcoming adversity
00:09:13
Speaker
But I made a decision, and it was an afternoon. Allie was sleeping, taking a nap, and I remember making the decision to lead her in a sense that if I wanted
00:09:29
Speaker
her to have a great life, I was going to have to demonstrate a great life. If I wanted her to fight for her health, I was going to have to fight for mine. And I knew if I became a victim and felt sorry for myself, even though I was in the depths of pain throughout this time, if I became a victim to that, she would become a victim. And the chances of her surviving and living a long life would be a lot slimmer.
00:09:58
Speaker
We were in that victim mode. When I talk about getting yourself off the floor, obviously not every mom has, you know, a child with a disease or special needs, but we all find ourselves in the midst of diagnosis, whether it's our child or our spouse or ourselves, disease, sickness, a divorce, bankruptcy, these identity changes that rock us to our core.
00:10:26
Speaker
that send us on the floor. I'm most passionate about, I'm obsessed actually with it, helping and inspiring women to get off the floor and take charge and control of their lives. And that's what I did. So obviously I'm going to guess it wasn't easy. It was never easy.
00:10:48
Speaker
Yeah. It's still not easy. Simple decision. But I'm glad you said that because sometimes women will hear, you know, Oh, just pick yourself up and keep on going. Or, you know, you have this child who needs you and, and yet you're sitting there like going, yeah, but I need something now too. Who's going to pick me up? Like who's going to hold me? And we're looking at ourselves going, well, it's got to be me. Like I have to pick myself up and it's not so easy.
00:11:13
Speaker
Do you have, was there something that helped you to get enough support or something that helped you to get yourself up off the floor? Yes. Um, a couple of things. I'm a Christian woman and I, my faith, there was a little voice inside of me and you know, to everyone listening, um, to me, it could be intuition. It could be, it could be God. It could be the universe, whatever you, you choose to rely on. But for me, it was a voice telling me, this is,
00:11:43
Speaker
my calling and it was going to be okay. And I know not everybody has that situation. And even if you do, you still doubt it. You still think, prove it. Tell me, how would you mean? How can this possibly be okay? I tried to develop a support system, actually. I love that you asked that, but I was 25. I had a new baby. My entire network of friends, we were fresh out of college. Most weren't married.
00:12:11
Speaker
much less have a baby, much less be dealing with this type of diagnosis. So I really struggled to find a support system and really had to look internal. But there's a point in your life, whether it's, you know, we can go talk to our friends and we can talk to a therapist and we can pray
Daughter's success in dance
00:12:29
Speaker
and we can read books. And I'm a fan of every one of those. A big fan. But there's a point you have to swim. There's a point you have to make a move.
00:12:40
Speaker
And no one can do it for you. No one can pick you up off the floor because you'll fall back down because you're relying on that. There's a moment and it's a pivotal decision you have to make to go through that pain to build the muscle. Only you can make it and it will be hard. It's supposed to be. It's supposed to challenge you. It's supposed to scare you. It's supposed to make your knees can shake as you're getting off the floor.
00:13:11
Speaker
but only you can do it and you have to make that choice. Wow. Okay, so girl, obviously you made that choice and I'm sure it's a choice you have to keep making every single day. How old is Allie now? Well, you called her Alexandra. I've heard you call her Allie. Yes, she goes by Allie. How old is she now?
00:13:30
Speaker
17. She's a senior. Yeah. She just started her senior year in high school. So for 17 years, you have cheerleading yourself. You have championed yourself to help and inspire Ali to champion herself. Do you want to share anything about what you have seen come out of that decision to jump in and get yourself up off the floor? Yes. And, and it is so important because I know there's, you know, Ali isn't,
00:13:57
Speaker
The only time, you know, her diagnosis wasn't the only time, you know, in these 17 years, I found myself on the floor by any means. It is tough. It is tough to lead yourself, much less lead a child or, you know, other women. And it's tough. Believe me, I've had days, I've had a lot of days where
00:14:18
Speaker
you know, we talk about, I get out of bed and I write everything I'm grateful for and I pay. I've had, and I love, and if you're one of those women, I honor you. I have days like that, but I also have days that if I get to carpool on time without a bra, I have like done it. That has been like an achievement of the day. And that is the reality. I think of a lot of our lives, you know, as moms,
00:14:47
Speaker
We have a choice as to how we see things. And I go back to that statement of, for me, when I had thoughts of why, me, why is this happening to me? Why is this happening to her? And I think that was my biggest question sometimes was why, why her? And it still happens. We visit the hospital every couple months and, you know, there's a lot of challenges.
00:15:12
Speaker
But there's something called speaking vibrance and speaking life into a situation. And I did my very best, I failed sometimes still do, but I did my very best to speak the future
Finding joy in passions
00:15:25
Speaker
into Ali and the vision of you can do this. You can live a long life and you have a diagnosis, but you are not your diagnosis. And I also take that message to
00:15:39
Speaker
my girlfriends and to women, you are not what happened to you. It happened to you, but it is not who you are and it doesn't define you, but it is our responsibility to choose what does define us. And the same thing with Ally, she fell in love with dance. She started at age two and at age five, I went to her recital and I just sat back and I looked at Dan and I was like, my goodness,
00:16:06
Speaker
She owns the stage. She just lights up. This is in her soul. And she fell in love with it. And we've nurtured this dance career and she's training right now to be a professional dancer. She loves Broadway, but it's such an incredible story because mind you, they told us she had a 50% chance of surviving childhood and may never be able to have the lung capacity to do sports. So it's really a miraculous situation.
00:16:32
Speaker
And I'm super proud of the fighter she's become, but I'm more proud of the attitude that I've witnessed inside of her. The attitude that says, I still have to work hard for everything I have, despite my diagnosis, despite having to work harder than other people. I still have to do it to live a great life. And I think that's a great message for all of us.
00:16:55
Speaker
Oh my gosh. Okay. So I'm, I am one of those people as we talked about, even before we started this podcast, like I hear every single word you're saying. And I hear in all of, of the words of Allie and what she is and, and you're saying you're, you're, you are, you, you spoke life into her.
00:17:14
Speaker
And you also made that decision to get yourself off the floor. You made that decision that it wasn't going to be easy. You never instilled upon her that it was going to be easy. You knew that this was a life, but it was all worth fighting for like every single step of the way.
00:17:30
Speaker
That's huge, Nicole. Like that's huge and not easy. And you were very clear. You were very clear to say that it's not easy. And I loved how you said, it's like, listen, like right now I'm not even worrying for all ladies. It's, you know, we do our best. We do do our best. And that's, and sometimes we don't do our best. Sometimes it's, you know, it is an effort kind of a day. And you know what?
00:17:53
Speaker
We're just going to, you know, it's like, we're not going to be our best. And hey, it's just who we are. So thank you so much for that. That's, that's huge. It's, we all need that permission that just says, you know, yes, we want to be great at what it is we do. Yes, we want to be inspiring. But hopefully I'm inspiring you to say, it's okay.
00:18:14
Speaker
to eff it up. It's okay to not be perfect. So, but yeah, you've, you've definitely, you've inspired me. Um, I think the very first time I ever met you, I see this beautiful woman and I see
00:18:29
Speaker
this vibrancy coming from her successful, not just a little successful, big time successful, well-respected in her industry and well-respected for who you are as a person. And then there's all these different layers and some people could look at you and think,
00:18:45
Speaker
I could never be you. And yet, who wants to trade?
Embracing personal challenges for growth
00:18:49
Speaker
Who would want to trade? Well, aren't we all working on something? Aren't we all dealing with something? And I know that you pour so much of your soul, like you said. It's what drives you. It's what you're passionate about. It's what you're excited about. You love helping women to see all of who they are. I reference baskets. I always say, we're all a gift basket.
00:19:14
Speaker
And if you've ever gotten one of those pre-made up gift baskets, there's those really cool things. And then there's those things you want to re-gift to somebody else. And then there's those things in there you're like, what the hell is this? Like, what am I supposed to do with this thing? And then you're sitting there like, and then they just shove this thing in here for filler.
00:19:33
Speaker
And it was like such a waste of space. So we're like all these little gift baskets walking around. And we all have those same exact combinations. Like some of the stuff is like, it smells, some of the stuff, it smells good, you know. So that's who we are. And you've helped women to help see like,
00:19:52
Speaker
work on what's good, you know, don't worry about what's bad. So I love that you've taken your experience that kind of woke you up really fast and said, okay, you know, I've got to figure out how to get up and get moving and get going. And, and because yeah, here's this baby, here's this baby and I need to do, and I know that Allie is not sure. She's not. No, we want to make sure we introduce, we want to make sure we introduce your beautiful, both
00:20:19
Speaker
of your beautiful girls. You have two beautiful girls. Tell us what's your other little girl and what she does. And my other little girl is 13, Isabella, we call her Izzy. She's also a dancer, which darn it, I wanted her in something else so I could have the experience of two different sports or something. And she became a dancer, but she just started eighth grade. So I'm a mom of two girls. Love it. It's challenging. I know that you know that, but it's beautiful.
00:20:47
Speaker
I tell myself. How many words do you have in your house? How many signs do we have in our house reminding us?
00:21:03
Speaker
What's a sign that's in your house right now? Like what's something that's up in your house? Some words that you have like either in a frame or decal it on your wall. Like they'll live every day. Like it's your last or, you know, they have these reminders of things like that in my phone. Like in my calendar. But they're all over my wall as well. You know, shine bright. That's in control. You know, all these things. Yes. Even when they're in my phone and I see them every day,
00:21:31
Speaker
I think I become numb to them. Yeah, absolutely. Got to change them up every now and then. Yeah, I have this reminder. So I was reading the book, Judgment Detox.
Vulnerabilities and lessons from writing a book
00:21:44
Speaker
And I am going, you know, I will raise my hand and say, You feel like you're trying to not judge others and very accepting of others. But boy, when you really start to dig into your mental response to everything, we do. Anyway, so Gabby says, Put a reminder in your phone every day.
00:22:01
Speaker
to remind yourself to not judge. And so every day, it used to be at 11, 11, but I always found like that was always either in the middle of a meeting or in the middle of a call. So apparently I do something always right around that time. So either I have an 11 o'clock call and the alarm would go off. So I changed it to 1, 11, and I'm usually having lunch. But that alarm goes off and it says, you know, today I will judge nothing that occurs.
00:22:25
Speaker
Yeah, we have to be reminded obviously on a regular basis. So we're all human. We don't have it all figured out. We're not perfect in any way. I of course love love love to dive deep into people and Sometimes I have the opportunity to to do that and sometimes I don't but it's almost like everybody I meet I'm just trying to to extract get out of them some little juicy tidbit and
00:22:53
Speaker
What would you say if somebody were a fly on your wall in your home is something that when you're doing it, you feel like I'm in my zone. I'm doing what lights me up. Writing. I love to write. I read somewhere the other day that you either know you're a writer or you're not. You either feel it in your soul or you don't.
00:23:21
Speaker
I, for sure, am a writer. I love writing. I love writing about my personal stories, my lessons, lessons I've learned from other women.
Personal growth for success
00:23:33
Speaker
But writing lights me up. I feel on fire.
00:23:39
Speaker
Sometimes that is even journaling. And I notice within myself when I'm not doing that one thing that lights me up, I'm flatter. I don't feel that, you know, that spark, that aliveness. So writing is just, and it's so boring to watch. That would be so boring for someone to be on my wall and watch, but they might be intrigued by how focused I am in that.
00:24:01
Speaker
but writing lights me up. Oh, and on a lighter side, decorating. I love to decorate. That would be fun to watch me do because I'm one of those that has the summer decorating and soon I'll do my fall decorating. I just love to decorate. I love that. And by the way, people would want to see, it's like you hear all the time, write your journal, write your affirmations, write, write, write, write, write.
00:24:24
Speaker
come down with your creative, you know, write down your creative ideas. People are writing books. I had a, I had this title, this name of this book come to me and I thought, okay, I'm going to write that someday. And I was like, no, you're not Sherry. You will not be the person to write it. You'll record it.
00:24:40
Speaker
You'll record it, but you will not be the one that's going to sit there with your little fingers on a computer and type, type, type, type, type. But yeah, to be able to see like, what does that look like? What does it look like? And I know you have written a book. I know you have a book series coming out, or you've already got one book out, but you're working on a series. And okay, so I'm going to just share whether you want to share or not.
00:25:04
Speaker
Like you said, I remember a post that you did, not that you told me this, but I remember a post that you did where it was like, Oh my God, look at my office. Look at my life. Like this is what happens when you put yourself into a little cave and that was like, yeah, see, you can't have the clean everything. You can't have everything perfect when you're going in that zone. So, you know, what was that like? Uh,
00:25:30
Speaker
See, I called you out. Yeah, you so did. Writing my first book was the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. Going into my cave, that was actually kind of fun. By the way, my office still looks like that picture. That's so funny. I need to delete that so no one can see. It was like two years ago I took that picture. You guys are productive that way, even though science says the opposite. I don't believe that, by the way. But writing my first book was the hardest thing.
00:25:58
Speaker
One is if you're talking to people, and this could be talking or writing, if you're talking about things that have affect profoundly affected your heart and your soul, it's vulnerable. And when you put that out there in the world, you're prone to judgment. And you brought up that word earlier.
00:26:16
Speaker
I put everything that I felt honestly in that book, and some of it I wasn't proud of. I had a lot of shame around. Now I realize it was pretty normal how I felt, but I put everything out there knowing I could be judged. That was a very vulnerable time for me. Luckily, a lot of the feedback I got was great, but I could relate that to a lot of things
00:26:37
Speaker
in our lives that we achieve something really great and it could even be our child graduating from high school. Just whatever we're achieving, that's great. And there's going to be a certain amount of people that will rally and say, great job, that was amazing. And there's going to be another handful of people that may not even acknowledge its existence. That was hard for me. I believe it was a great lesson for me, but I expected
00:27:04
Speaker
a lot of applause, not for my own self-esteem, but just because it was such, it was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. And I really had to realize that if someone hasn't written a book, you probably don't know how hard that is. And I learned a lot about people in that experience. Between me and you, if we were just having this conversation privately, I'd tell you, I probably shouldn't have announced I'm doing a book series before I finished book one, because it would have just been book one, but now I'm admitted, so.
00:27:32
Speaker
kind of those things that we do when I say, I'm going to do a podcast. I'm going to do a podcast. I'm going to do a podcast. It's what you have to do. You got to do a podcast podcast with a million episodes. Just don't lock yourself in.
00:27:45
Speaker
Yeah, no, I'm not going to go there. Not even going to go there. Okay. So, but I love that. So doing what you just said, it's like it locked you into doing it, but you did the first one. So you did the first one. You learned so much. Would you take away any of that learning experience that you learned through that process? Yes. I learned that you do things for you. That's what I've learned. I've learned that you can heal yourself through telling your story. I've learned your story matters.
00:28:12
Speaker
And today, the men of women that have reached out to me that it gave them hope from their own child's diagnosis, whether it's cystic fibrosis or not, or a lot of women in transition that have used the same type of things I talked about to help them off the floor. You realize you can impact a lot of people with your story and the story of non perfection inspires. So I did learn a lot.
00:28:36
Speaker
there. I also learned same thing I said earlier that there's no easy way to write a book, you know, especially if it's a personal story, you just have to sit down and write it and have somebody transcribe it, but you have to do the work. You have to swim. And before a muscle gets stronger, it's going to be sore. And so many people avoid the sore when things start hurting or becoming uncomfortable.
00:29:02
Speaker
they think it's wrong or not their right direction.
Embracing authenticity and vulnerability
00:29:05
Speaker
But what we have to realize is you can't get to the other side of that strong muscle built in our lives unless we're willing to go through pain and stiffness in every aspect.
00:29:17
Speaker
Yeah, I like that. So I used the analogy just recently. And I've actually mentally used the analogy a lot. And I use it with my husband. I said, I am the little 2-year-old sometimes kicking and screaming, throwing a little fit on the floor because I'm frustrated that I can't figure it out or I can't get what I want when I want it now, Daddy. And that it's not easy. It's like there's not a instant gratification or there's not an instant figuring it out. And things are difficult.
00:29:44
Speaker
And it's painful. And so just like if I was the parent of the two-year-old, I know that it's best to let that two-year-old do some figuring on their own. I am grateful. I am grateful that nobody comes over and soothes me, even though, boy, do I know that people want to shut me up.
00:30:03
Speaker
and give me whatever I want. And yet, gosh, on the other side, right? On the other side, it's like, oh, do not take that lesson from me. I am so grateful I learned that. Oh my gosh, the same thing with our kids. That's such a good lesson. We'll have to do a podcast on parenting. But boy, is that a good lesson. Do not take the lesson from your kids either. Yeah, don't take the lesson from your kids. But I'm a good fit thrower too, Sherry. We're very alike there. I'm more like a five-year-old, have a fit, like pick up my dolls, maybe
00:30:31
Speaker
uproot the game if I'm losing. Right all over the place. Monopoly, monopoly hotels everywhere, right? I'm going to disrupt the entire game so no one can win.
00:30:46
Speaker
And then I wonder why everybody's mad at me because I am now fine. Oh, which is in itself is actually a lesson. It's like, don't think you have to hold it all in. We have to sit there and keep our hands crossed.
00:31:02
Speaker
hold ourselves together. It's like, no, some, it's venting as part of the process. It's like childbirth, right? For those of us who've delivered babies, they tell you not to scream because that releases the bearing down feeling. But at the same time, it's like, that's why we do need to scream because it lets it out. It lets, you know, outside of childbirth, it allows us to let it out. I remember my mother telling me my oldest is 33. And when I first became a mother, my mother said,
00:31:31
Speaker
Now honey, this very sweet voice, honey, why don't you try to not raise your voice? Why don't you try to parent this way and this way and this way? And I looked at her and I thought, uh, why didn't you like great advice, but how do you live it in the moment? How do you do it in the moment? And, and I failed, I failed miserably on that challenge. I think it was like day number three. I was like, you know,
00:31:57
Speaker
Forget it. It's not going to happen. I would say the older I've gotten, I definitely am not as crazy, but also my kids are much older and I'm actually now an empty nester, so who am I speaking at? Okay, so I want to dig in. I love you.
00:32:15
Speaker
And I was telling Nicole before we started this podcast, the reason, the reason, the reason, if it's ever one reason to make a decision to do something, it was the reason was I have met so many amazing women on my journey. And every single time I have met somebody, whether they intended to or not,
00:32:37
Speaker
I got so much from every one of those relationships. That's what I referred to as my riches. I refer to every single person as a treasure that just made me richer and richer and richer. And the opportunity to bring you on as well as the other ladies on to a podcast to help other people and pour into them
00:32:57
Speaker
That's what this is all about. So the reason. So I, first off, we're not done, but you, my darling, are some of the richness that has made me who I am. So I'm so excited to be able to let other people hear your story as you can keep pouring into them and make them richer too. Thank you. So we're going to get into some other stuff here. I'm going to just throw this one out here. Do you believe in the law of attraction? Oh, good question.
Law of attraction and hard work
00:33:24
Speaker
Really good question ironically one of my all-time favorite mentors actually.
00:33:31
Speaker
Sherry, you know, we did an event together. So we work together quite often now as Lisa Nichols. And Lisa Nichols was one of the original featured speakers, if you will, in The Secret with Bob Proctor and Panfield, which obviously is based on the law of attraction. So I've had a lot of experience with the law of attraction. My answer is twofold. I believe we all have the ability to achieve anything we want in our lives. I believe that wholeheartedly.
00:34:01
Speaker
I believe that we see things first before they manifest in our lives. We visually see it. We see that award we're going to win or we see that marriage we're going to have. We see something visually before we actually have it, which really is a lot of times the definition of law of attraction. I believe there are things we can do to manifest that as far as affirmations and journaling and positive emotions around it.
00:34:26
Speaker
However, I don't believe that I can become one of the world's greatest speakers if I'm not actively working at that every day at the same time as I'm asking for that. So I believe the law of attraction works for you if you work for it, but it doesn't work if you're not working to.
00:34:46
Speaker
I love that. I love that. I love that. I had no idea what you were going to say. So just recently, I was trying to explain to somebody who is very obsessed with pointing out the lucky people in the world. And I'm using quotes. Air quotes are popping in as I say that word. The lucky people in the world. I have to keep doing it every time I say it.
00:35:11
Speaker
And I said, really? How can you see that? How can you see they're lucky? And their thought was, it seems like with little effort, great things happened. And I thought, wow,
00:35:27
Speaker
do we really know it is without very little effort because I have experience after experience after experience after experience in my life and obviously you do too where you were doing in the act and pushing yourself in ways that other people aren't.
00:35:44
Speaker
and you position yourself, you expand on yourself, you get training, you get coaching, you invest in yourself, you get mentorship, you listen to podcasts, you learn, you do, you do, you do, you attend, we're going and going and going. And then guess what? That moment happens, that lucky moment happens, but we didn't sit there as the joke is, um ourselves into that moment.
Building a successful home business
00:36:08
Speaker
Absolutely. 100%. Absolutely. And
00:36:11
Speaker
Yeah. It's interesting. I had a roommate right after college and we've remained good friends today on Facebook, you know, watching each other's families, et cetera. And earlier in my career, when I first started building, I have a successful home business. And when I started building that, um, her and I connected and she said something to me, I'll never forget it. She said, Nicole, I know you're going to be successful because everything you touch turns to gold. Kind of like the Midas touch. And I remember
00:36:39
Speaker
thinking she meant that as a compliment. And I really believe she did, but I was also a little bit offended in some sense because I had to remind myself it turns to gold, meaning, you know, maybe it was successful because I worked really, really hard and I believed in it. And when I couldn't figure it out, I found someone that could help me figure it out. And in my home business, I didn't actually have, you know, typically it's set up where you have a mentor that can help you and never in
00:37:07
Speaker
All of my years building my home business had anybody do one thing as much as a phone call for me. So I really put a lot of effort into that. And a lot of times we don't see that behind the scenes, but I put a lot of effort into my personal growth because I believe that our results and our income follows our personal growth at every level. And that's the stuff people don't see.
00:37:29
Speaker
I appreciated her, I think, what was a compliment. But at the same time, I wanted her to understand and other women to understand, you can do it too. Any of us can do, turn anything into success if we really want it and we're willing to do what it takes. But sometimes I've opted out of things and I've not made them successful because either
00:37:53
Speaker
things changed, my desire changed, my want changed, who I am changed. Those things aren't shown necessarily in the public eye. So we all have a list of failures or ways that we've moved on from a particular goal. And I think that we need to do a better job of talking about those. Anyhow, I wanted to, I've heard those comments quite often with the air quotes, you know, we have to choose not to be offended by those for sure.
00:38:22
Speaker
Absolutely, because we know. And sometimes, I use the example, some people find out maybe what I've done to be successful in different areas, and they decide they don't want to do the work. I'm the same way. I might want to really want to get in shape and run a marathon, but when I really find out I have to run every day or two times a day, I may opt out of the work, but I also have to opt out of the achievement and the goal.
00:38:51
Speaker
And that's okay. I just have to own it. I love that. That's a part that I love that you shared that analogy. So as you were speaking and you said, people aren't willing to do what it takes. And I'm not going to ask you to go through a list of what did it take, but what I want you, if you wouldn't mind sharing, so you have achieved.
00:39:11
Speaker
Success in a home-based business which many many many people have desire so people desire to earn an income working from home which you it wasn't it was definitely out of a need to be able to stay home and raise your daughter and not go in back to work.
00:39:28
Speaker
and you did do things and you changed. I know even from the person that I met several years ago to the person that you are today, you've done things to position yourself for those lucky successes or whatever. You've done things. Share with the audience what are some of the things that you could help people to understand that you did in order to position yourself for success? Yes, good question. I have. I have done.
00:39:58
Speaker
I've put on some live events. I've spoken all over the world. My book became a bestseller. And I don't say that to list any sort of accolades. I could list pages of things I did to make those things happen. I followed people. For example, I did my best to, like Lisa Nichols, I brought up her name. I saw the secret.
00:40:24
Speaker
I was fascinated by the concept, saw her speak on stage maybe a year later. And two years after that came back to the same place to see her speak again. And at that point
Finding passion and direction
00:40:37
Speaker
she offered a retreat and it wasn't the right time for me to go on the retreat. So I came back the following year and it was the last year she ended up offering the retreat. I bought the retreat so I could follow her essentially to learn from her.
00:40:54
Speaker
So a lot of my success, I can look back. It's where I've positioned myself to be around the right people. I went to them. I asked them for their guidance assistance. I put myself out there in a way that I think a lot of people don't, or they wait for that person maybe to contact them or come to their city.
00:41:16
Speaker
The list goes on, but really positioning yourself, putting yourself in the right rooms, introducing yourself to the right people, the people that you aspire to be. And let's, it's easier today. I mean, my goodness, everybody's a direct message away, right? It's crazy the access that we have. So also besides finding the right people that I could work with to mentor me, or I could follow.
00:41:39
Speaker
It would be consistent personal development and growth. I call it doing the work. Some people think that's hard. I ask people to define they're hard. Hard to me is doing the same thing over and over and getting the same result in a relationship, in parenting, in my business. That's hard. Hard to me is not reading and developing and figuring out why do I do what I do? Why do I say that?
00:42:09
Speaker
Where did I develop this pattern that's no longer serving me? I believe it's that inner reflection, and it can come from podcasts and reading, just like you said. But it's also the ability to do that work, to consistently grow yourself. I would say that's probably the number one thing to my success. I still do it today, daily.
00:42:30
Speaker
Okay. So give me a book. What's, what's one of your favorite book? Well, maybe not your favorite. What's a book that you've recently read that you would share and say, Hey girlfriends, I would definitely check out this book. Oh my goodness. I love, um, one of the most recent ones I read was Brené Brown's, um, Braving the Wilderness. I've had it on my shelf. I have all these books. I'm a bookaholic. I share this, but I used to push my books in my baby doll stroller when my friends at like two years old would push their dolls.
00:42:57
Speaker
I just loved books and they made me feel smart and they smell awesome. So I'm a bookaholic. So yes, Brene Brown, I have a plethora of business books. And to be honest, Sherry, I don't always get through a book. I'm like, read a chapter in this book. And then the next night I'll read a chapter in this book, kind of girl surrounding myself with the giants like Brene Brown and John Maxwell. Those are obviously two of my
00:43:27
Speaker
my favorites, but my goodness, I could name several. Yeah, don't want to put you on the spot. So here's the thing. I want everyone to know. So Nicole is choosing. So you obviously have identified the direction that you want to go. One of the biggest challenges that I believe we all have is figuring out what's the direction I want to go. I use the words, what do I want to be when I grow up?
00:43:54
Speaker
And you've chosen, obviously, I know you're very clear, but I also know you're kind of going through a, Where else do I want to go now? kind of a phase. And we can talk about that too. But you had a direction. And I think that when some people, it's, they're not sure.
00:44:11
Speaker
I have my suggestion for people who are unsure, and I would love to hear yours. Mine, just in a nutshell, is get out there and experience. Get out there and experience a couple of different directions. You know, it's like, that's how I define. That's how I figure it out, what I want to go. And along the way, I go, ugh, I don't really like that as much as I thought I would.
00:44:31
Speaker
And then we negotiate and figure out where else we want to go and explore. But what do you do to help you? How did you figure out like this is where I want to go? Cause I know this is standing up in front of a room and speaking to audiences and helping people to move. I always, you know, I use the analogy of moving them off of where they're at to helping them to get to where they want to go. How did you go through that transition to figuring that out that you wanted to do that? Most everything I've done did not just come to me in
Advice on discovering passion
00:45:01
Speaker
the shower where a lot of things come to me. Most of my life goals did not consistently, like you said, put myself in new situations of trying. If I really were to trace this back, Sherry, not going too far, I could trace it to my senior year. In high school, I had a internship in a human resource office, and I learned I loved people. I loved knowing the stories, so therefore,
00:45:30
Speaker
college and majored in business because I was going to be in human resources. Well, that changed. I put myself in different situations and found out I loved recruiting, that I had Ali. And then the home business worked because I previously recruited. If you can see, there's a stepping stone, but I would have never known that if I was already married to one thing I was going to do for the rest of my life and wasn't possible. So I was open. So I would encourage people to stay open minded.
00:45:56
Speaker
put yourself in different situations, but also what lights you up? You know, if kids light you up and you're a teacher right now, or maybe it's working with a nonprofit, maybe it's mentoring, you know, big brother, big sister, maybe it's, um, you know, working with children that also have special needs. My youngest is severely dyslexic. Maybe it's what lights you up, what lights you on fire, because it's not always your job or your home business. My home business tends to be in wellness.
00:46:23
Speaker
which aligned perfectly with Ally. So it really lit me up. It still does. But what lights up? Makeup or helping people be their very best and look their best. Maybe that's something in styling and beauty. Life's short and it's too short not to be doing what lights you up. Even if you have a corporate job nine to five right now and it's not what you love, you can still add in aspects.
00:46:50
Speaker
on the weekends of volunteering or doing something with your children that lights you up. I would say first you have to know yourself enough to know what you love and then put yourself in situations around that, but be open when you're at a mom's group or you're at your husband's banquet.
00:47:08
Speaker
put yourself in situations to where you perk up and you think, I like what that girl's doing or it feels really good or I feel at home here. That's what I'd suggest. So did anyone ever say, Nicole, you are so good at, did anyone ever speak that into you? Say you're so good with people or did you ever hear things like that?
00:47:28
Speaker
I did hear that very thing before. I'm so good at solving problems and reaching goals, but not everything I'm good at lights me up. I think that's a really important distinction. A couple of years ago, when I decided to write my book, become focused a little bit more on the coaching speaking arena, I got backseat in my home business. I was still super present, but I really divided my time. I had two loves at that point.
00:47:57
Speaker
People would say, but you're just so good at this and why you should be doing just this. And it wasn't lighting me up as much as speaking and writing my book. So now I've combined all three and I love them all three together. But sometimes what you're good at is not what lights you up. And I think sometimes we give people career advice. You're so good with this and you're so good at that because it might make sense that they would do that, but something else might light them up a little bit more. So there's a good distinction there.
00:48:26
Speaker
for sure. So I think taking all of that into account is really, really important. It's also sometimes why you see, you know, the valedictorian of my high school class ended up going into art because it lit him up. He still does these metal sculptures today and he's a genius brilliant. You know, everybody thought you should be a scientist and you should, you know, start a company and it didn't light him up. Art lights him up and he's happy as can be.
00:48:55
Speaker
That's awesome. You had, I'm so glad, so glad. I wouldn't even have thought of how to even like bring that information about, but thank you, thank you, thank you so much. There was actually something that I put together when I was working with my team and also in helping people because kind of the way my brain works is I always say, I see people. And then I go not like in the like the sixth sense kind of way, but I always say, I'm not a creeper. I'm not, don't be freaked out.
00:49:23
Speaker
but I would see people and I would see parts of them, but I would tell people, listen, if you're trying to figure out what do you want to be when you grow up? Okay. Number one, what are you good at? So you can just write a nice little list. What are you good at? Number two, what, like you said, lights you up. Like what would you do like constantly? Like you would just do this constantly. Maybe you're, maybe you're terrible at it. Maybe you're like,
00:49:46
Speaker
a beginner, a newbie, but boy, when you do it, you love it. And then go ask, go ask other people like, what would they come to you for? What did they seek you for? They were looking for the one person who could help them in a situation for something. What are they coming to you for? But you're exactly right. It's not always what everybody sees you to be. It's sometimes even a unique combination. And we did this thing where we write these columns
00:50:10
Speaker
And we found some common denominator that was in all three of them. To kind of be very woven with it all. And that's kind of how we were helping people to identify what that thing is.
Vulnerability in leadership
00:50:25
Speaker
So I don't know if that's necessarily always gonna work, because it depends on the advice you're getting and who you're getting it from. But maybe go, like Nicole had recommended before, like who are you surrounding yourself by? And are you finding people
00:50:38
Speaker
who are, who, they're inspiring you. You're saying, gosh, I would, I wish, I wish, I wish. And that's, that's actually really true. In my home business, I loved the aspect of mentoring and coaching and speaking. So I just took that
00:50:53
Speaker
a different direction as well. So you can take what you're good at, you can take the aspects that you're good at and fit them really anywhere if you figure out what those core things are. Okay. So I'm going to ask just maybe one more question and you have been amazing. Thank you. I love, love, love everything. So I'm like right now I'm picturing you and I sitting at Kenjani's and I'm of course drinking tea and you're drinking coffee.
00:51:24
Speaker
Because I know you. I know you've had mentors. I wanted to say something about your success.
00:51:32
Speaker
because you have had success. And a lot of what this podcast is about is about helping people to see women who are seen as successful, kind of get to know them a little bit better. So in your journey in building your home-based business, since you did build a successful business and you are more than welcome to share with people what level of success you had,
00:52:00
Speaker
was there moments in building that business where you felt that there was a transition of a person that you were to the person you became in that business? Was there something that you felt like I need to step into this or I have become this and how did that make you feel? Yes. Um, gosh, a few times, gosh, this could open up a whole nother hour of conversation, but one of the biggest was knowing I had to develop
00:52:30
Speaker
the ability to be more vulnerable with people. This is a deeper one. People realized very early on that people needed to see all sides of you. They needed to know that you were working hard and you were successful, but they also wanted to know you had bad days and you had times where you didn't know if you could do it. And I had to become better at talking about
00:52:58
Speaker
all sides of the story. I grew up where I had a lot of approval for being perfect and having things all together. And I still take that with me today. And it's, I always tell people I'm a recovering perfectionist. I'm perfectly recovering from perfectionism. It's the craziest thing, but I realized
00:53:21
Speaker
people want real and they want to know behind the scenes. So that was a big lesson for me early on in business. When I developed it, I had mentors and I had coaches, also my therapist per se. I really worked hard on letting go of the belief that I can't be vulnerable or people wouldn't want to follow me.
00:53:43
Speaker
So I think I just actually answered that question and what I did to overcome that now that I think about it. So that would be the biggest one, knowing I needed to become more vulnerable. I'm so glad it happened. It's been a big change in my life.
Challenging societal expectations
00:53:56
Speaker
It's been a big change in my relationship with my friends and my children for the most part. But that was one of the bigger ones I could probably name pages.
00:54:04
Speaker
of lessons like that. Okay. So with all of that, so I just want to like just mind blow everybody. We're in the book of the step by step by step by step process of achieving success in life. Does it say let everybody see your MS?
00:54:20
Speaker
Let everybody see that, you know, you don't have it all figured out. Let everybody see like right. That's not in the norm. That's not in the world of, you know, especially if you're building with direct sales, home-based business at work marketing, corporate America, you're building a career where you're trying to help people understand you can do what I do.
00:54:40
Speaker
Where in any of that step-by-step process ever says, okay, make sure step number six is fall apart and let everybody see it. It's nowhere in the manual. It does not exist.
00:55:00
Speaker
Instagramming. So we're Instagramming. So if we're out there, we're creating these perfect little worlds, we're Instagramming. And so if you're not perfect, what does that look like on the Instagram feed? And yet this one thing, and I'm just going to be like, total me because that's what I got to be.
00:55:23
Speaker
I say, as much as we say, we want to see those people who aren't perfect and aren't this and aren't that, look at the feed of somebody who does get majorly, let's just say, life's not great. They're kind of being a little, and it depends on who they are. Like if they're super famous and super whatever,
00:55:47
Speaker
you know, we go like, Oh my God, they fell. Yay. Um, but yet an average person, there's no light, there's a few likes, there's a few things, but there's not engagement, but somebody who's got the rockiness looking pictures and somebody's got it all together, you know, like, like, like, like, like, like, we can't get that like button fast enough. So we have to ask ourselves as people, like, what do we really, really want?
00:56:14
Speaker
What do we really, really want? And are we looking at those people who are opening up in the way in which they're opening up? Are we saying, you're weak, you're not inspiring? Or are we feeling like we're gonna catch it if we get too close? Or, you know, like, what is it that we're afraid of? And yes, I'm a positive-minded person. I try to focus my energy on, you know, how can I find the silver lining in this situation?
00:56:40
Speaker
But I say as society, everybody says we want vulnerability, we want authenticity, we want, want, want, want, want, but the likes say different. The likes say different. So I would love to see us like what we say we want as much as we desire it within ourselves.
Empowerment through authenticity
00:57:03
Speaker
And sometimes
00:57:04
Speaker
you know, along that line, I don't know if people don't like it because they don't really like it or they don't like it because they're scared to like it. Or I, yes, I believe they don't like it because it's threatening and scary and uncomfortable to see somebody willing to say that because most of us have been taught, oh, whoa, you know, we don't, my mom used to say, used to say, we don't air our dirty laundry. My mom used to say,
00:57:34
Speaker
And I grew up like that. So I think it's not the norm. However, it is behind the scenes what we really want and what we seek and what the world today needs more of. And again, we could talk hours on that. We'll have to do this again. And we definitely will.
00:57:49
Speaker
And I can't wait to pour it all. I mean, just more and more and more. It's just there's so much juiciness. I know that every single person has. And I know we just touched on a few things that you have delivered to the world and have poured into me. And I'm just uber thankful that you've given us this time. Okay. So is there something that you, this is your audience, that you want to leave them with? Oh,
00:58:15
Speaker
I believe you're exactly where you are supposed to be right now. Everything is working for your greatest good and you're right where you're supposed to be. And if you're desiring more freedom, a lot of that is going to come from being that brave, fearlessly faithful woman and not being afraid of the pain of building a new muscle and giving it all you got. So that's what I'd leave you with.
Conclusion and connection with Nicole Montez
00:58:43
Speaker
I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. So like I said, if you want to get more riches and feel more juiciness from our beautiful guest, Ms. Nicole Montez, you can follow her on social media anywhere. And it's Nicole K with a K, K like in Kite, Montez. And she posts all the time on Instagram. I want to share this. Nicole is the one who introduced me to Instagram.
00:59:12
Speaker
and I remember my very first post to Instagram was with Nicole and then I dropped the ball and then I really didn't do much after that and just recently jumping back in it's a fun place and I remember that's what you said I'm having so much fun here on Instagram and it is it's a fun place and yes it's a mark a place to market but I think every single person should be out there and like you said
00:59:39
Speaker
We are where we are and don't be afraid. Don't wait for life to be perfect before you ever show up and connect to other women. So you are an angel. You really, really are. And give your daughters a hug. I'm a hugger. I love people and I just know that you've got two little girls that you have wrapped your love around and I'm loving you, hugging you and give them a hug from me. Thank you. Thank you so much for joining me today. I look forward to
01:00:09
Speaker
having that real cup of tea and Kajani's with you, hopefully really, really soon. Oh, likewise, likewise. Thanks Sherry.
01:00:19
Speaker
Thanks for listening to the Brilliantista podcast. If you love the show and have a moment, please let us know by leaving a review or subscribe to the podcast. Truly, this would mean the world to me and my team. And remember, ladies, share this with your friends because that's what friends do. If you want to stay connected, go to brilliantista.com and join our Facebook group.
01:00:39
Speaker
You can also find me on social media at Sherri Custer or Brilliantista on all platforms. Most importantly, I hope you heard something today that inspires you to elevate your brilliance. Bye for now Brilliantista, we'll be back next week.